Kippy Gets New Jeans w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? - "Kippy Gets New Jeans" (Sep 8, 2025) Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest/Producer: Luke (occasional input)

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Episode Overview

In this lighthearted “family episode,” Kevin Ryan and H. Foley dig into classic Are You Garbage? banter—roasting each other’s fashion choices, exploring their trashy upbringings, and answering fan-submitted "garbage" questions. The central throughline is Kevin's attempt at a fashion upgrade: buying new jeans, only to have their style, distress level, and his entire approach to denim dissected mercilessly by Foley and Luke. The show also meanders through suburban liquor store culture, old cable box drama, cleaning habits, paper towel etiquette, lottery dreams, and more—all with their signature blend of self-deprecation, Philly flavor, and dirtbag pride.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kevin’s New Jeans: A Fashion Saga

[02:11–09:29]

• Kevin unveils his boutique "remitted denim salvage" (salvage, not salvaged!) jeans, purchased as part of his weight loss/fashion glow up. Immediate and sustained ridicule ensues.
• Kevin: “I bought a pair of jeans online. Cool jeans. As I'm losing a couple pounds. Shout out, modern medicine.” [02:28]
• Foley grills him on the price, distressing, and fit: "Looking like Swayze?" [03:05]
• The jeans are “15% too distressed,” with questionable fading and pre-made ridiculous crotch area: “I feel Russian or something... like the pocket should be bedazzled a little bit.” [03:52]
• Luke (producer) calls the distress “not in style”; Kevin feels he’s been sent “the bottom of the barrel.”
• The crew riffs on how to “fix” them, including acid washing and pumice stones; tons of “juicy”/unicorn/ass jokes.
• Foley observes: “Kippy, you ain’t got no ass, baby!” [04:16]
• Kevin’s wife—attempting a suburban style upgrade—urges him to try new looks, but Foley and Luke are not having it.
• Final consensus: “They look great though, man. You look good.” [04:21] — but with lots of resignation.
• Kevin: “My poor fashion decisions aside... let me know if you like them. They might stick around.” [09:19]

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2. Liquor Store Parking Lots & Suburban Shame

[10:14–13:33]

• Kevin describes early-morning stroller walks, observing locals lining up—OUTSIDE—to await the opening of a suburban liquor store.
• “What motivates you to stand in line for 10 minutes when you could wait in your car like a goddamn gentleman?” [11:49]
• Foley relates with Philly and NY liquor law nostalgia; they commiserate on the odd cross-section of Americans desperate for their booze at 9am.
• “It’s just the Irish Catholic repressed in me... don’t let anybody know, sweep this under the rug!” [13:20]
• Regional differences in alcohol laws, Quaker-Puritan roots, and American hypocrisy about public drinking are lampooned at length.

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3. Trash Talk: Cleaning, Garbage, and Recycle Game

[22:31–28:13]

• Multiple fan-submitted questions spark relatable dirtbag confessions.
• Discussion: Is it garbage to refer to $220 as “a quarter of a thousand dollars” in a heated fight with Xfinity? [22:32] Both hosts enthusiastically agree—hype it up when fighting corporations!
• Cable equipment returns, DVR drama, and cable company schemes make for rich banter.
• Foley’s mom is notorious for changing private trash collection companies every four months to get free bins.
• Kevin is “jammed up” in the burbs with overflowing recyclables, missed pick-ups, and a garage full of “graveyard cardboard.”
• The hosts diverge in trash habits: Kevin is a stickler for recycling (unless the bin is full), Foley is “real loose with the recycling, truth be told.” [27:57]
• “I’m not a fucking animal. Garage.” [27:19]

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4. Household Chores & Trashy Cleaning Techniques

[29:09–32:53]

• Kevin critiques Foley's table-wiping technique as “more atom bomb than precision sniper... heavy on the spray, no love in it.” [29:10]
• Foley: “What am I, the Karate Kid? I do the fucking grain and I’m done. I’m insulted, to be honest with you.” [30:34]
• Foley defends his childhood scrubbing skills and reminisces about being praised for cleaning the tub.
• Banter extends to placemats, napkin quality (“coffee filter johns”), and the use of paper towels as napkins—acknowledged as “frat house shit.” [33:19]
• “To sit down with paper towels, to have your mom dab her face with bounty... little crude.” [33:41]

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5. Classic AYG: Dish Rags, Trash Bags, and Eating Out of the Trash

[34:55–39:15]

• Is it garbage to hang a dish rag on the oven handle and use it for everything? Overwhelming yes, from all.
• “That’s the oven mitt that’s wiping this, that’s wiping that, that’s a napkin.” [35:58]
• Kevin dreams of an endless supply of clean rags like in a hotel—Foley always steals bar and car wash rags, which Kevin finds gross.
• Contractor bags, shop rags, and Gojo are fondly remembered as “the marks of a real working man.”
• Foley confesses to eating out of the (fresh) trash if his food is mistakenly thrown away—“If it’s in the bag, you grab it out!” [38:42]
• Kevin: “Adjacent to refuse is refuse.” [38:56]

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6. Boners in Class & Adolescent Trauma

[41:00–44:14]

• Fan question: Ever get a boner in front of class?
• Kevin: “If it happened around the 20 minute mark, you’re fine... but if that hits in the last seven minutes, you’re fucked.” [42:11]
• The hosts share horror stories of unwanted erections as teens—various coping techniques, including “tucking into the waistband.”
• Foley: “Man, I’d kill for that now. Young and alive.” [42:52]

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7. Financial Dirtbaggery: Credit, Loans, and the Dream of the Big Score

[45:10–66:59]

• Debates around what dollar amount on a scratch-off justifies quitting or merely calling out from an hourly job.
• “If somebody would have handed me $2,000? I’d be gone.” [47:02]
• Kevin shares a real story of SEPTA workers (Philly transit) winning the Powerball and splitting millions, with one buying a sensible split-level house and keeping his job.
• “I’d be dead. I wouldn’t be able to control myself.” - Foley on his theoretical lottery win [50:08]
• Segues into debt consolidation: Is it garbage to pay expensive loans with cheaper loans? Nope, it’s “just dirtbag business sense.” [64:09]
• Luke, the producer, is outed as the lone non-debt-having, credit-responsible member of the team.
• Kevin: “The Ray Donovan of credit can’t fix this thing. I’m fucked, dude.” [64:39]

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8. Classic Miscellaneous Trash:

• Paper Towels as Napkins: “I’m a paper towel man myself. We don’t have napkins at the house.” [33:29]
• Credit Abuse Confessions: Tall tales of running up their (and friends’) credit cards in early adulthood, often for wild nights, all for the crew.
• “We spent it as a crew!” [67:21]
• Student Loan Ridiculousness: Kevin describes blowing student loan refunds on pizza and plane tickets: “I remember getting, like, $9,000 sent to me, and I was like, you dumb, dude. You dumb.” [59:14]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jean Drama
  • "You don't think I can get a pair of dungarees?" – Kevin, [02:23]
  • "Kippy, you ain't got no ass, baby!" – Foley, [04:16]
• Liquor Store Judgment
  • “Sit in your car like a goddamn lady or gentleman!” – Kevin, [13:10]
• Cleaning Banter
  • "It's more atom bomb rather than precision sniper." – Kevin, [29:24]
  • “I go with the grain.” – Foley, [29:16]
• Credit Score Mayhem
  • “The Ray Donovan of credit can’t fix this thing.” – Kevin, [64:39]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• New Jeans Debacle: [02:11–09:29]
• Liquor Store Behavior: [10:14–13:33]
• Trash Cans & Recycling: [22:31–28:13]
• Cleaning Habits: [29:09–32:53]
• Dish Rags & Trash Bags: [34:55–39:15]
• Classroom Boners: [41:00–44:14]
• Scratch-Offs/Lottery/Financials: [45:10–66:59]

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Tone & Style

Unfiltered, affectionate trash talk between friends; working-class Philly and Jersey references abound, with lots of self-deprecating humor, quick asides, and punchy one-liners. Foley and Kevin play up their “garbage” credentials and roast each other in equal measure, inviting the audience to revel in shared dirtbag nostalgia.

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Summary for Non-Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Are You Garbage? showcase: clothing mishaps, adulthood struggles, outdated suburbs vs. city cool debates, and a sampling of America’s finest “garbage” habits, all seasoned with memories of broke adolescence and familial quirks. Whether you’re hung up on jeans, angling to beat the system at the liquor store, or just wondering if your use of paper towels at dinner is trashy—the boys have got you covered (and will make you laugh about it).

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For more, listen to the full episode or join the Army of Garbage on Patreon.

Transcript

[Kevin Ryan]

Attention, homies and bozos. If you're looking for hot local dirt bags in your area, then you're in luck. We're going to be in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Los Angeles, California, Burlington, Vermont. Don't forget Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Getting real nasty. Rochester, New York, and Toronto.

[H. Foley]

All tickets [e-mail] welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite, favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know it.

[H. Foley]

It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy after just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She had dinner with Chase Utley last night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Wow.

[H. Foley]

Which I didn't believe her, but she's got his wallet. Okay, Mike co is coming at you from across the table. That's a win. Get me on the board. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He's my best pal in the whole world. He's got on brand new jeans.

[Kevin Ryan]

We'll get into it.

[H. Foley]

Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Evan Jeans Ryan.

[H. Foley]

What's it called?

[Kevin Ryan]

Remitted denim salvage. Let me get the business out of the way. Then we'll get in to Kippy Jean Hippie cool jeans. What's up, king? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you rate. View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. On the charts, climbing the charts in, in general in all podcasts on comedy.

[H. Foley]

Number four on the charts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why not on cooking Podcast, Kids are cooking. And then obviously the greatest website of all time. Www.patreon.com. are you garbage? But folks, don't take our word for it. Take the Fifth. Take the word of the 15,000 paid subscribers over there. We're moving numbers. Kids are moving units.

[H. Foley]

Army of garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I'd like to make a public statement regarding the jeans. This wasn't supposed to be public. They were, you know, nobody can see them.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna show the folks.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm gonna show the folks for sure.

[H. Foley]

If you can stand up.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't think I can get a pair of dungarees? When I used to, when I met you used to wear jeans all the time. I bought a pair of Jeans online. Cool jeans. As I'm losing a couple pounds. Shout out. Modern medicine.

[H. Foley]

Two pair. You bought?

[Kevin Ryan]

I bought a cup. I bought three pair.

[H. Foley]

Expensive.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, expensive. I try to be cool. I try to buy because I blow out. I buy. I buy H M jeans or pants. I buy Gap and I blow out of them because I wear them every day for four months. And then there's a hole in them in the. In the grundle because that's.

[H. Foley]

They're stretchy.

[Kevin Ryan]

These are. Yeah. So they're nice. And I bought a lighter pair of denim. You know what I mean? And. Okay, where's that camera? What am I going to be in this one over here? Am I going to be in my.

[H. Foley]

Looking like Swayze?

[Kevin Ryan]

So they're a little lighter, you know, I'm a married man. I'm typically dry. I dress like Marilyn Manson. Most days I'm in all black. I got black pants on, black nail polish, all nine yards. My wife was like, try something lighter. So I tried a pair. You know what I mean? Try a little lighter denim. But they came a little pre stressed.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And sliding into third a couple of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Times around the crotch area. There's. I'll just show you. I think it's 15% too distressed and I'm trying to even it out. Couple washes. Hopefully it'll smooth this thing out. I don't know. Martinizing, drop a comment, put it. Can we put a poll up or something?

[H. Foley]

Let's see them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Whoa.

[H. Foley]

Randy wrinkles, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

I feel like this area here is.

[H. Foley]

A little long bus ride, huh, big guy?

[Kevin Ryan]

I feel Russian or something. I feel. I feel Eastern European. I feel. Do you ever see the guys who are like, they wear jeans like this, but they're doing like roofing at Home Depot. They're like picking up supplies in designer jeans.

[H. Foley]

They've been squatting all day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I feel like. I feel like the pocket should be bedazzled a little bit.

[H. Foley]

You think?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't want them to be, but.

[H. Foley]

That'S a little juicy on there. Something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like a unicorn.

[H. Foley]

Turn around, let me see it. Kippy, you ain't got no ass, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never had an ass, man.

[H. Foley]

Those pockets are huge. They look great though, man. You look good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I.

[H. Foley]

A little long, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're a little long. Yeah. I got to get them hemmed up.

[H. Foley]

You get them hemmed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotta get them hemmed.

[H. Foley]

Hemmed. Get impressed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably. I don't know if they press them. Listen, I don't know. I gotta figure this out. This is a. I'm taking new swings here, Luke.

[H. Foley]

Are they in style right now? No.

[Luke]

Not with the distressing, no.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't realize it was going to be that level. I think I got a bad batch. I think they sent me the bottom of the barrel, you know what I mean? I think they were like. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. He's clearly trying to be cool. And he's not cool.

[H. Foley]

I thought they were supposed to be dark. That was the whole point of. What is it? What do you say? Distressed?

[Kevin Ryan]

Distressed.

[H. Foley]

That's the. No, salvaged.

[Kevin Ryan]

Salvage.

[H. Foley]

Salvage, yeah. Not salvaged, no. What's salvaged?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. It's a type of denim. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

I thought it was like, taken from somewhere else.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no, that's not what it is.

[H. Foley]

It's Japanese, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it's Japanese style. Or is it America? These are tariff free jeans. FYI.

[H. Foley]

Bobby Lee wears them. He wears. He wears expensive jeans.

[Kevin Ryan]

I bought a pair years ago that I then passed on to you after I lost the weight. Remember those things?

[H. Foley]

Man, those things had zero give. When I started putting on weight, I tried to hang on to them as long as I could, but I need.

[Kevin Ryan]

A. I need a thick, I need a. I need a heavy. I'm a big guy. I'm getting in. I'm. I'm sitting a lot. I'm farting, I'm stretching. I ripped a crotch goes on all my jeans. So I was like, let me invest in jeans. And then also those other ones don't hold. You look like a vagabond. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

After a couple. After like two weeks, I wear the shoes, like sweatpants. Them in shoes I wear this shit out of and I blow them out and I look. I look stupid.

[H. Foley]

I got like two weeks on sneakers and they're leaning.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's bad.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I washed a pair of sneakers for the first time this week.

[H. Foley]

Is that right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Look at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

They shrunk. I swear to God. My toes. I was. I was gonna wear them today. My feet started hurting before I left the house.

[H. Foley]

Walking around like Hanks and Castaway.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't get the stains out. It brightened them up. I don't wear white sneakers, but these were like, you know, I bought them for the summertime. Ruined them immediately.

[H. Foley]

You're really going for it, aren't you?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You. I don't know. Little style. You're behind nobody. The kids don't Wear jeans on the Lower east side anymore. Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait. First of all, if you think I'm trying to be a kid on the Lower east side, we're all not on the same page here. I'm trying to be a guy with jeans that don't get holes in them after three weeks. That's the guy I'm trying to be. And I'm failing at that pretty miserably. I'm taking swings.

[H. Foley]

Things are brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, the other ones are good. The other ones are.

[H. Foley]

You wore them the other day, didn't you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I have, like, two. I have a dark pair. I have a black pair, and then, like, a regular, like, dark denim jean pair that's, you know, regular, like, blue jeans. These are a little, you know, Bon Jovi ish.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they are.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which might be my thing.

[H. Foley]

Could be.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm closing it on 40. I'm married. I'm the king of the burbs. I could be at the local watering hole in my cool. In the suburbs. This is cool. I'm a cool guy. Not New York suburbs. Cool guy. New York, Loserville. Okay?

[H. Foley]

Look at this guy in his Sally jeans coming in.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got my shirt tucked in to show off my ass.

[H. Foley]

I wish that would come back. Even though it's bad for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Tucking the shirt in. Tuck it in a button down.

[Luke]

It's kind of bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's back. Is it back for cool dudes in shape? It's kind of always. It's never really gone away.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, if you're. If you got the body, you can do it. People go, yeah, guys, just. It's.

[H. Foley]

I don't got the body.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

No. But it used to be nice when I tuck in my shirt. Felt good, even a T shirt. Tuck in a T shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never did. I remember one time my brother was buying us heaters. We were underage, and we were jammed up, and I called him, I said, I need a pack of heaters. You got to come through. You know, Boys need them. We had, like, a hand. We got. We had, like, a six pack or something we stole from somebody trying to look older. And he showed up with his shirt tucked in, and all my boys were like, what the fuck is. Because we were like. We were fucking skater rats.

[H. Foley]

A basketball jersey.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, he was, like, coming from. I don't know what the fuck he was doing at the time, but, like, he was like. I think he was, like, driving a truck for, like, my dad or something like that. So he had, like, you know, a fucking supply house T shirt on tucked into a Pair of dungarees. You know, not acid wash. Not cool. Jeans like this. We'll see if they stand the test of time. If you're out there and you got some tips on how to fucking make these look normal, hit me up because I can't return them now. I don't.

[H. Foley]

A rocker or something like that and rub it on.

[Kevin Ryan]

I took the tags out, which I shouldn't have done.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jammed up.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I don't know. Rubber rock on them or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think. I think that'll just make them more distressed.

[H. Foley]

Why don't you acid wash them?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I got to take the dark parts and make them a little lighter so the contrast isn't as bad.

[H. Foley]

Some pumice is what you need.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Rub some lava rock on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something like that. We'll figure it out.

[H. Foley]

Grind them out. Put a rip in them too, at the knee. Then you can draw on your knee.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh? I did that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Smiley face or something.

[H. Foley]

Cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Show them what's good.

[H. Foley]

Rips in the ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. Whatever. My. My poor fashion decisions aside, you know, Also, let me know if you. If you like them. They might stick around. I might get a matching jacket.

[H. Foley]

They look great on you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thanks, bud.

[H. Foley]

They're a lot looser than I thought they were going to be.

[Kevin Ryan]

My wife was like, let me know what the boys. She's like, you're. They're a little out of your wheelhouse. You're going into the fucking lion's den. Let me know what they say. Luke immediately said, no. Ryan was on the fence and big man said, hey, I look good.

[H. Foley]

You look good, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what to believe.

[H. Foley]

I mean, what am I gonna do on you? You lost weight, you got new jeans. What the am I gonna say?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I figured. You figure out something to say. It never. It's never stopped you before. Yeah. Like all of a sudden, I got something I wanna. I wanna bring up. I had seen the other day, eyes out there in a burbs. And I want to say it might have been about. It's probably a Saturday morning, Sunday morning, something like that.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I was. I was. I was pushing the little boy around, trying to get a kid for a walk. Trying to get him to probably go down for a nap or something. This is last week, I want to say.

[H. Foley]

Got him in the stroller.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got him in a stroller. Got the headphones in, pushing him around. He's probably already sleeping at this point. Now you just got to keep moving, you know? What? I mean, get my steps in. Try, you know, whatever.

[H. Foley]

Sure. Get the jeans on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Didn't have the jeans on. I was thinking about buying them though, that I had them on the brain and my. The liquor store. Let's say this is probably about 9:00'. Clock.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

In the morning.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And the liquor stores closed. This is probably 8:50. Call it.

[H. Foley]

They open at 9, I'm guessing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't make it up to I don't know what time the liquor store opens up. Whatever. I was there right before it opened.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Early enough in a weekend morning. Yeah. Liquor stores open at fucking 9am I.

[H. Foley]

Thought it was illegal to sell booze after. Before noon on the weekends.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's in Pennsylvania, dog. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's them fucking goddamn Quakers. Whatever this was, call it 10, 15 minutes before the opening of the domicile that sells beer and alcohol.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I'm walking around the parking lot because that's like what I'm just like making not. It looks like I'm waiting, But at about 10 minutes, everybody starts getting out of their car and getting in line, waiting for the liquor store booze. Listen, I'm okay with that. I like a cocktail just as much as your guy. But here's my thing. What I would have done and which some people did. Do you wait in your car like a gentleman.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the keep up appearances a little bit that you're not a fucking degenerate dirt bag.

[H. Foley]

Concert.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, right? And it's like I could see if there was 500 people waiting, but there's about eight different groups. Like there was two golfers I pegged is going golf and they were grabbing whatever six pack or whatever.

[H. Foley]

I'll give you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll give you that Totally makes sense. They grab it the night before, but it is what it is. I'll give you that. But then there was like. Then there was like sketchier people getting the fix.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Get buying a cheap bottle of vodka.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bottle of rum, ripping the fucking plastic top off, dumping it in a fucking Wawa iced tea.

[H. Foley]

Big party today.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, no plans. And then there was just like regular looking people that weren't like, I'm going to an event or they have like a fucking Eagles jersey on or something.

[H. Foley]

Could have been getting ready for a party or something later that day.

[Kevin Ryan]

But why wait in line like what, what, like what is. What is motivates you to get out, stand in line for 10 minutes when there's also only the one thing I did think was now that I'm bringing this up is lottery tickets because I know they have a thing with the scratchers to get like the certain point in the role. That's all I can do. There's like regular ass looking women, like moms, all, you know, the 35 and also 60, like normal. I'm like, fuck you waiting out for fucking for your hooch. That's crazy. Sit in a car like a goddamn lady or gentleman.

[H. Foley]

You have bottles and James, I think.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'S just like the Irish Catholic repres in me. It's like, don't let anybody know. You know, sweep this under the rug. Just sit in your car, drink your coffee. When it opens up, oh, is that open?

[H. Foley]

Like anybody ask, you're on steak out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, like you were just, wow, I'll pop in here.

[H. Foley]

Sounds like a real nice town you live in. I'll tell you that right now. You walking around the parking lot in circles. May or may not have a baby in there. You got a cat in there, I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got heaters going, creep.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I'm with you on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was just odd. I'd never seen that behavior in all my booze bag days, all my early mornings. I never seen like, dude, it was like the cast of characters. It was like a such a cross section of America. It was fucking wild.

[H. Foley]

Do you ever. The reason I brought up the thing about the no booze before 11 is back in the day, if I was on the wrong side of something and maybe it was a Saturday or a Sunday early, I'd go down to the bodega and a couple of beers, you know what I mean? And if they don't sell, you know how to sell booze before noon. So they kind of give you the run around a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was just on Sundays though, something like that. I mean, I feel most, you know.

[H. Foley]

If you know him, yeah, they'll play ball. But it was always got to be quick and shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, get your fix. That was also, I mean that was also so new to me when I don't know the New York. I mean, because Pennsylvania is so stringent on where you can buy alcohol, liquor, beer and the quantities the six pack versus the 12 packs versus the fucking 24 packs on Sundays. Liquors. I mean, I think a lot of it's now that has got lax over the past 10, 15 years. Up a little bit. Yeah.

[Luke]

Sunday is 10am to 10pm you're allowed.

[H. Foley]

To New York for liquor, for liquor.

[Luke]

But then bodegas sell beer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I think you hit a, you hit a bodega in Astoria or Washington Heights on a. It could be. Oh yeah. It don't matter what time of day that is.

[H. Foley]

I remember North Carolina was real strict about it down there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Puritanic. It's the. Those goddamn Quakers and puritans. You know what I mean? They're fucking. The church and state get all intertwined.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck did you leave Europe for if you're going to come over here and fucking be all stiff. Have a good time with to put that shit away.

[Kevin Ryan]

Europeans drink all the time too.

[H. Foley]

You think are they doing jamming everybody up with that?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm with it.

[H. Foley]

Let's have a fucking good time.

[Kevin Ryan]

But all that's neither here nor there, gang. We got a gosh darn family EP on our hands, as you know. Or if you don't know. If you're new to the program, just.

[H. Foley]

The boys, the bozos and the homies.

[Kevin Ryan]

As the big said it. And when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air, baby.

[H. Foley]

How about new guy Luke at the corner office over here?

[Kevin Ryan]

I apologize.

[H. Foley]

Our fashion consultant over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, no. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Would you go to the club with him dressed like that?

[Luke]

100%.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I'm paying for it. What the fuck you talking about?

[Luke]

Eip baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's my uncle Kevin just hit the lottery.

[Luke]

Another round of absolute for my boys.

[Kevin Ryan]

More absolute. Pepper, please.

[H. Foley]

Chugging an aperol spritz.

[Kevin Ryan]

You guys got cans of Coors Light in here?

[H. Foley]

We've. America has ruined the aperol spritz, by the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

I mean everybody's pounding them, making them all fucked up. The Italians, they sit there after work, they have one smoke a couple heaters, have a little prosciutto, go home, make a little bruto Bruschetta.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bruschetta.

[H. Foley]

That's what my mom called it. For the long bruschetta. That bruschetta is really good.

[Kevin Ryan]

We'd get like the frozen. So my. I mean, wow.

[H. Foley]

Like heathens.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know if it's just the Philadelphia area that this. The. The. The. The suburbs of Philadelphia, but that hit in the late 90s. Bruschetta was on every appetizer. It was everywhere. My. We'll make a little brushette.

[H. Foley]

Salsa and white bread. Nobody gave a that. And the garlic knots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Garlic knots. Was. Was. We never know.

[H. Foley]

My dad was a heavy bread guy at the Italian restaurant. You were looking at like two, three baskets.

[Kevin Ryan]

For sure. This episode is sponsored by Better Help Gang. You gotta stop bouncing your problems off the People around you, they're sick of it. They're tired of it. They're over it. They don't want to hear that your job sucks and you can't make a change, that your wife's breaking your balls, that your boyfriend's doing this. All jokes aside, guys, we all have people in our lives that we go to with our problems. Whether it's in the group chat, whether it's your brother, your bartender, your neighbor, whatever. But they're not always professionals. And sometimes you're throwing problems at them that they cannot handle. They are not qualified. Also, it's like you're giving them your problems. Their life's in shambles. Their home life ain't great. They're yelling at the kids, they're screaming at their husband, their wives, the whole nine yards. I got my buddies, Ryan D. Shout out Ryan D. I go to him with my, with my softball problem. Sometimes I throw a bigger one at him. He goes, buddy, this is above my pay grade. You got to talk to a professional. And that's what BetterHelp is good for. Everybody's done it. Everybody's good. Everybody's trauma dumped on somebody that wasn't capable of handling it. But with BetterHelp, you get quality qualified therapists. They they act according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US therapist commitment match. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. I've said this before. You do a quick A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences and they like they they pair you with a licensed therapist. It's an easy way to get into the therapy world. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with better help. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com garbage that's betterhelp h e l p dot com garbage one more time. Betterhelp h e l p dot com Garbage do it. Hey, gang, let's talk about Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. It also shows you all of your expenses in one place, including your subscriptions. You forgot about which it got me. I've said it before. I was signed up for some weird fight subscription thing that I signed up one time is like in Eastern Europe or something. I signed up, didn't know I was signed and they were whacking me out every month for like 64, 99. Rocket money. Boop boop, boop. Pulled it up on a screen, says, what the heck is this? I said, I don't know. They said, we'll cancel it. I said, go for it. The dashboard they have, if you use all their apps, features you sign up. Yeah, I have my PayPal linked. I have my credit card linked. I have my debit, my bank account linked. It shows you all of your expenses, including one place, your bill due dates, the paydays. It's easy to digest it in a, in a, in a small packaged way. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of 5. Jesus Christ. $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with the members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com garbage today. That's RocketMoney.com garbage one more time. Get a pen, get a pencil. RocketMoney.com garbage it's news to me. I mean, it's just also so funny growing up that like now it's like so. Everything's so anti bread, so anti carb that like I would eat to the point of like full of like pain as a guy. The bread, the amount of bread and butter I crushed, the best. And then eat like half of my whatever I ordered and then finish up on bread again. Have a little, have a little bread kicker.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I don't mind the crackers that they do little thin things, you know I'm talking about. Yeah, I'll do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

It scratches the itch and you don't feel as, as, as fat. Piece of shit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? You're like, ah, it's all like. It was a paper thin cracker.

[H. Foley]

I was a big breadstick guy when I was a kid too. My mom would put him out for dinner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put breadsticks out.

[H. Foley]

Breadsticks and butter. Yeah, I'd fucking drown him in that.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was great, huh?

[H. Foley]

Little sesame on it was all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, like the, like the pretzel rod breadsticks. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. What'd you think I meant?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, my. Now that you're saying that my, my aunt, my stepmom started doing like microwaved frozen. I don't know if they were like Pepperidge Farm or like kind of like Texas toast, but.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I know exactly.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were hers. We didn't. We were all like microwaving bread. We didn't I was like, we. It was tough to wrap our head around. She would.

[H. Foley]

What the are they called? I think they are breadsticks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like they were like bad Olive Garden microwave frozen breadsticks. Yeah, but they weren't. I don't know if they were name brand or what.

[H. Foley]

Pepperidge Farm sounds about right. They did everything back in the day. Remember that cake they would do in the freezer? The chocolate and vanilla cake?

[Kevin Ryan]

Heparid farm cake.

[H. Foley]

Oh, fantastic. Let that fucking thaw out a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Good night.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were never big on desserts.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, it's always ice cream. Yeah, we got ice cream. You know, there's always. There's always Breyers cooking in the winter or in the summer. We'd hit Rita's or whatever, but it was never. We never had like cakes laying around or anything. Unless it was a birthday party.

[H. Foley]

Somebody got it in a can.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one is from Thaddeus. $10, homie. Never have one read. Is it garbage? While battling Xfinity on the phone to refer to the $220 they owe you as a quarter of a thousand dollars. Also, I said they out of my family's mouth and refer to my fiance and our kitty cat as my family love yous. Listen, if you're in a heated battle with a big corporation, you got to church it up. I inflate everything all the time.

[H. Foley]

I'll walk right now. Go over to Verizon right now. How do they owe you money? How does that happen?

[Kevin Ryan]

They over bill you something, you cancel something, you know, that they. What do you mean? How's that happen?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they could never gotten money back from anybody like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

They might not give you the money back, but they'll, you know, they might bill you for services you haven't rendered yet. They double bid something. I canceled that at that old. Like if you're moving or something, you know, or the. Are you returning the boxes? I don't think you still return the boxes.

[H. Foley]

Dude, I never did that shit. I thought I was going to be put in jail for not doing that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That remotes, you'd be like, you got to return those. Those. Those on Demand remote when they hit like two grand.

[H. Foley]

Those things. Fuck that. Yeah, I noticed when I was home at Patty's, my mom goes a DVR.

[Kevin Ryan]

Box that has the DVR my mom gotta return. That was still like until recently banging a DVR box.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like, yeah, well, these old. These broads, you know, she with TiVo. Well, she's. I Mean, she's also like the one where she also wages war with you know who. I don't know who, who she has Comcast or I don't know who the. Who the hell she's got. But they, it took my brother and she was like, well, you know, they're billing me 480amonth. And my brother in law was like, what the fuck did you say? She's like, yeah, you know, you know, it's so expensive. He's like, give me, give me your bill. They were just whacking her, you know, dumb broad fee, old bat, can't read fee.

[H. Foley]

All that kind of YouTube TV blows my mom's mind. Blows her mind.

[Kevin Ryan]

I, I gotta be honest with you. I was thinking about that this morning. The, the fat. They've really figured it out because the home tab on YouTube TV is just the shit you watch and it just pauses it, it's just like. It's just got a running backlog right there. And you're going, yeah. Why wasn't this. This is perfect. Yeah, I want to see every Law and order you got going on in all these channels. Hit me.

[H. Foley]

Cable, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's great.

[H. Foley]

I was gonna say, my mom, she gets different garbage cans about every four or five months. She switches companies. They're red right now. They used to be blue. What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't like, she can hire her own company to come private.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And she literally.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think my mom has that.

[H. Foley]

I don't know what I think she takes like the free trial and then.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dips, which I respect. Get the free can, buddy.

[H. Foley]

Always. They're always changing like every four months different company. She's going to war with them. Bitching about this, bitching about that. Insanity. Yeah, yeah, that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta get my trash can game in the burbs. I gotta get in, I gotta get a second recyclable can.

[H. Foley]

They don't give it to you when you say when you sign up?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't sign up. It's just that was. Came with the house.

[H. Foley]

But they don't give you the big green one or whatever wheels.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just said I need a second one. I have the big blue one. I got that. Uh huh. I overflow that.

[H. Foley]

Damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Moving a lot of fucking plastic down there, dude. Well, you know the Germans. You don't. She only drinks bottled water. Fancy bottled water. This broad, the Gerrish Diners. That's how you gotta keep her, the glass bottles. Yeah. Then I'm a Poland Springs or Deer park guy. Whichever's not on the second, you know, whatever's easy enough to grab.

[H. Foley]

You got to hump that down to the. To the. To the curb.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Sundays, what's your day?

[Kevin Ryan]

Depends. I don't know. We miss them a lot. That's another thing. Well, we don't have enough to the point or like I'm working late or whatever. And it's like I will just get it tomorrow because we're not causing that much trash necessarily. So I'm like, we'll just get it. It's two days a week. I don't know. No recyclables is only one. If you miss that, you're fucked. I'm jammed up. I'm all. I'm. I took the trash out this morning. I had to lay the bag next to the can.

[H. Foley]

They don't like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then they. The recycled. They don't like that. When I'll just use a regular black trash can as like the recycle like a run. Like a run on an addition, an appendix or whatever appendage of. And I put the recyclable and that over to the left and create some space and go, hey, these two were trash. Clearly these two are recyclables. Clearly. They don't take.

[H. Foley]

They don't touch it, they don't fuck.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like. It's like the union. Like that ain't my job. I can't touch that. I ain't seen nothing.

[H. Foley]

You keep the cans outside or you got them in the garage or whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not a fucking animal.

[H. Foley]

Garage.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have a very shameful. You know, nobody sees my wife leaves the friggin garage open. Which ain't in great condition. There is a graveyard of cardboard boxes in there. I'll get her to send a p. It's bad. It's whatever you're thinking. It's worse.

[H. Foley]

Those are a pain in the ass. You got to put the twine on them and fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. And I already mentioned the recyclable space is very premium. I don't have time to be breaking down all these boxes. I'm a busy guy. I got Law and order on YouTube, TV.

[H. Foley]

Fuck that shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's bad.

[H. Foley]

I'm real loose with the recycling, truth be told. Mix it up a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was thinking I'm real strict. I'm not real strict. I'm like we were so I recycle a lot. Unless the recyclables full and the trash isn't. Then that plastic bottles going into frickin trash.

[H. Foley]

I didn't know it was in there. I'm sorry.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I'll just go. I recycled. I recycled 10 the 11 skin thrown in the trash. I'm not taking the trash out right now.

[H. Foley]

I know people that fucking clean the bottles and shit out and put them in the recycling.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had another question for you. It feels. This is. This is the new AYG question. You say, you got this. You got a bottle of Deer park whatever. You know, America's Choice, whatever. You're banging.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lids on it. It's about 75% drink. You're not going to finish. It's a floater. Do you dump that out or that just goes right in. It feels. It feels.

[H. Foley]

Could be open.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't give a shit. I know. But in the 90s, it was like, dump it out, clean it. It was like all that shit. So that's like instilled in me.

[H. Foley]

Fuck that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I knew that's a. You move that, dude.

[H. Foley]

Cigarette butts in it. Whatever. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're kitty litter. I have. You have that and you have a very specific way you wipe surfaces down. That's just like no good. No, I'm not saying it's not good.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're taking offense.

[H. Foley]

Like when I do the table.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'm not saying it's. It's not a bad job. It's just a very.

[H. Foley]

I go with the grain.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

Do the grain.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying that. It's all. It's just very.

[H. Foley]

I love doing the coffee table.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's more atom bomb rather than precision sniper. A little bit. It's. It's heavy on the spray.

[H. Foley]

Heavy on the spray.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're not really looking. It's like it's getting your coffee. Yeah. You're like. It's like a street sweeper, dude. You're like in Chicago blighting up the block.

[H. Foley]

I use glass cleaner for everything.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what's good? Them Windex wipes. They got Windex wipes. They're a little softer on everything. And you could put them on anything.

[H. Foley]

I like the hard spray. The old school hard spray that foams up on the. On the mirror. I use that on everything. Wood doesn't matter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

The cat.

[Kevin Ryan]

So light. That's what I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking Windex on everything.

[H. Foley]

Those wipes have ruined me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

The Lysol wipes, the six of those things. Done.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just saw.

[H. Foley]

You don't like my wiping, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I'm saying I don't like it, it's just a very. I caught myself doing it the other night. I was real diesel.

[H. Foley]

Give me the Windex.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's late. It's. If I'm going to push back, it's laziness a little bit. It's.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not. Luke shaking his head yes. It's not. It's more. And then it's just like. It's a big bunch of. There's no, there's no, there's no love in it. It's your.

[H. Foley]

You know, what am I, the Karate Kid? I do the fucking grain and I'm done. That's. Man, I'm insulted. Be honest with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was kind of the point. You ever see me kind of the point of the show?

[H. Foley]

You ever see me clean a bathroom?

[Kevin Ryan]

I've asked you to clean the bathroom a lot of times. Wait, I should say. There's been active poop and pee on the floor that we've asked you to clean up and you have.

[H. Foley]

Not active. Not active.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean not active?

[H. Foley]

It's out of service.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's on retirement. We said, hey, there's poop and or pee on the floor. You got to take care of that. Then you would just sit down and not take care of it for upwards of an hour or two.

[H. Foley]

I'll give you that. But when I do it, that was my job as a kid. I cleaned the tub. My mom used to rave about it. I do it so good. Get the scrubbing in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're looking for a win, aren't you? My mom used to pat me on the back because I used to scrub the tub 43 years ago. Kid needs bug. Man needs a W. I'll give it to you.

[H. Foley]

I'm a good wiper.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you're not. You don't wipe your ass well. You don't do nothing well, it's well documented. Pull down your underwear. Let me see right now.

[H. Foley]

It's kind of the shower.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're acid wadded underwear and they're like my jeans. Man, we stink.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you gonna do?

[H. Foley]

What are you gonna do?

[Kevin Ryan]

We're trying our best. What do you want from two fucking dirt bags?

[H. Foley]

You gotta just know. You gotta get some pledge in here. You want, you want it done Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, I, I, I, I, I made an executive order to Ryan D without bouncing it off the team. I'm done. I'm done going to you guys.

[H. Foley]

Murphy's Oil.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you don't know what's happened. No one knows what's happening. Brasso Luke's busy. He doesn't necessarily care about the things he doesn't care about, which I get. You know, Luke's got a lot on his plate. Not taking another. You know, there's some stuff that Luke's going. It's not. It's not a. Luke's realm. Luke's realm is now very specific and very busy. Right. You out the lunch a little bit.

[H. Foley]

What are you getting at, pinhead?

[Kevin Ryan]

I had D order leather placemats for here that blend in with the table. It'll help on the mic noise, it'll help on the scratch in your watch, the whole nine yards. It'll mute it a little bit. Clays.

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Leather placemats.

[H. Foley]

Can we get everything.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'd be in a place where you own leather placemats.

[H. Foley]

Can we get them for the kitchen? In the kitchen, too?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Little things like that. You know what I mean? Sitting nice and maybe a little.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, and the table.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Having a nice, nice dinner. Little salt and pepper shaker over there, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not bad.

[H. Foley]

And the little wicker holders for the. No Happy Night. Make it a home. Make it a home.

[Kevin Ryan]

What kind of napkins does Patty Bang with at the house? Them whack ass ones. Yeah, yeah, the coffee filter johns.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why do I. Well, how is that not upgraded?

[H. Foley]

We use paper towels most of the time at dinner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's.

[H. Foley]

She's big on rags.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's savage shit.

[H. Foley]

That's like paper towels.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's frat house shit. That's what you're using. Lysol wipes. Everybody gets one.

[H. Foley]

Get dude wipes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now listen, I'm a. I'm a paper towel man myself. We don't have napkins at the house.

[H. Foley]

What are you using? What? Would you grow up with the whack ass linen napkins?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, the whack ass napkins that we still use. But I mean, to sit down with paper towels, to have your mom dab her face with bounty. Bring a roll. He's a little crude.

[H. Foley]

Just bring a roll over, bang it out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no, I. Listen, I'm right there with you.

[H. Foley]

I don't like this slander.

[Kevin Ryan]

What slander?

[H. Foley]

My wife and slander.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just saying.

[H. Foley]

I'd give a grain. Go to green.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but it's. It's. It's. It's just. There's not a lot of love in it. That's all I'm saying. All right. I think that's a fair statement, Luke.

[Luke]

I think he should expect that statement.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What the. What are you watching me clean up?

[Kevin Ryan]

Come on.

[Luke]

Yeah, I mean, I saw there was. You discarded the paper towel. A bunch of it. In the toilet yesterday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[H. Foley]

What am I. It's got pee all over it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not gonna have the rot Rotoru follow you around.

[H. Foley]

I'll be long gone by that. You kidding me? That's the next guy's problem. Fuck that.

[Luke]

A bunch of stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great.

[Luke]

Eating, I wouldn't say is really top of your list.

[H. Foley]

What do I do? Great.

[Kevin Ryan]

More at 11.

[H. Foley]

I can eat a sandwich pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's. Guys, we got a family episode on our hands.

[H. Foley]

Screwing around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, this perfect, man. Sometimes the show just links up and the boys are cooking today. This one's from your bald cousin Vinnie. Shout out to you. Never have one red $10 home slice. Are you trash if your family hung a dish rag. I'm gonna push back. I don't think this is. I think this is probably most common. This is just common behavior, I feel. Are you trash if your family hung a dish rag on the stove handle that was used for everything? I'm talking countertops, drying off dishes, wiping up spills, possibly someone's shit or even their masked shirt or their mouth. Yes. Have I been trash my whole life? I. We still do that at my house.

[H. Foley]

It'd be a Christmas one, too. Any time of the year, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

We. I just.

[H. Foley]

Anytime.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just had to get rid of the Christmas one in, like, August. I'm like, babe, what? This is.

[H. Foley]

They're great.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was new. And when they're not. When they're new and not washed, they got no absorption.

[H. Foley]

Suck.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like. It's like using wrapping paper.

[H. Foley]

Brutal. They get greasy, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

They get so grody. And, like, you dry. It's.

[H. Foley]

That's the oven mitt that's wiping this, that's wiping that. That's a napkin.

[Kevin Ryan]

If in a perfect world for my ocd, I'd have a stack that someone else washed, not me, that I like, like a hotel, there's just a stack of them every day. I don't have to clean them. I don't. Because they get grody. They get sauce on them. They smell, they get moldy.

[H. Foley]

You know what's great?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I used to work in restaurants. I would always bring home bar rags. Clean bar.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's. I'm saying if somebody did the best. If someone did the laundry and was just like, here's five, Here's a new one every day. That's what you really. If you're really banging, that's what you.

[H. Foley]

Really need to Bourdain used.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

I always had clean him and Eric. What's his name? Roper. What's his boy's name? The French guy. That dude's tight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, nice. Yeah, there's something.

[H. Foley]

I also always steal a rag from the car wash, too. Yeah, always.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were. I never do that. That's gross to me. She's used on everybody else's.

[H. Foley]

It's like, get a new one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where from the lie. Yeah, from. You know, they just have, like, brand.

[H. Foley]

New rags from the locker when it's coming out of the dryer. I go over there, take one, because they're not new.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's used.

[H. Foley]

They're washed.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's gross. That's wiping every dude that's going through people's muggers. Mean, think about what. That's wiping them. Well, think about what's in your car at the moment. Think about every person's car that gets wiped on. Unless, dad, they're not like, fucking. They ain't running through that in a hippocycle. Them things then. Things are a good roadie.

[H. Foley]

Gross.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. We were big on growing up. My dad would always have the box of the husky trash bags, which I loved, buddy. The contractor husky contractor trash bags. And then the blue shop rags.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

And the gojo. Then the orange fucking gojo.

[H. Foley]

Smells. Smells so good.

[Kevin Ryan]

That. That was like a. That was a good. That was the mark of, like, a grueling day. That smell on your hand. Eating like a chicken finger or something at the bar afterward after work. Who. That was you. You earned your. You earned your keep that day.

[H. Foley]

Global Turtle Wax on there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I live to fight another day.

[H. Foley]

Those contractor bags, everything should just be them.

[Kevin Ryan]

I couldn't agree more. They're the fuck trash. Best trash. Kitchen trash bags should be smaller versions of them. Suck, great. I'm. What sucks?

[H. Foley]

The kitchen bags.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kitchen bags. They've come a very long way.

[H. Foley]

I don't like the smell either, because if some by chance somebody throws out my leftovers or something like that and I got to go in there and get them, then it has like, that, you know what Baby powder smell.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you just openly admit to eating out of the trash?

[H. Foley]

If it's like, you know, a couple minutes. Hey, what are you doing? I'm still eating that. I gotta go in there and grab it. It's in the bag. You grab it out. No, that's not trash. It's like, I'm doing it the next day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Adjacent to refuse is refuse.

[H. Foley]

No. Come on. If, like. All right, say we had lunch right now and I had a half a chicken Caesar wrap. I went to the bathroom or something like that. I come back a half hour later. Hey, where's half hour now? Where's my chicken Caesar? I threw it out, but it's in the bag. You don't grab that out of there.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Also, okay, this story's a little. Suspect no. 1 in your life. You know, first of all, I've never seen you get up and walk away from it. From a man. Listen, these aren't fat jokes. These are just behavioral things I've picked up over 15 years of our close friendship. Fair enough. Am I an expert witness on the subject?

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never seen you walk away from mid meal and not wrap it up and put. And then make a scene that you're walking away from the police tape around it. I only had half of this. Only had a quarter of that. You really fucking make it known at the house.

[H. Foley]

I order a lot. Used to.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. All right. Was I at the dinner? Can you give me that?

[H. Foley]

I'm a good wiper.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one. All right. This is from Sam Whiskey. Never been aired out in public. And I know I say it the wrong way. Do you pronounce it second or second?

[H. Foley]

Like the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like second with od. Second or second?

[H. Foley]

Is this the time? Like a second or I came in second.

[Kevin Ryan]

The same word, right? Or am I?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but used differently. I came in second. It's a second. The time I say second.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's quick if I gotta get there.

[H. Foley]

If I came in second in the race, I say second.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. A second. I'll be back in a second. I didn't come in second. I came in second.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm. You know, I. I see the delineation. I'm there with you.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Second. Second.

[H. Foley]

Second. Second. You came in second.

[Kevin Ryan]

15 seconds.

[H. Foley]

15 seconds. Yeah, that's the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I came in second.

[H. Foley]

You came in second in the race?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Loser.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Ain't first or last, baby, that's probably I. When I said that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Second. A second.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I didn't expect that at all. I thought it was going to be. I didn't realize. I see. I can see the. I can understand the mental is second versus second, sure. But I'm second. Second.

[H. Foley]

Second. About third. Never happened. Kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

A winner. All right, let's see here. This one. I mean, this is. This is from Chewbacca. Silverstein. Great name. Don't fully understand it, but great name. $10, homie. Never had one. Read. Ever get a boner in front of class in 8th grade when hormones didn't play by the rules and I had to give a presentation and got a random chubby about a paragraph in. Luckily, the presentation was on poster board so I could cover it up until the teacher kept telling me to hold it up higher so everybody could see. Trust me, everybody saw. Freak. That's fucked up.

[H. Foley]

Not in front of class, but in class for sure. Like Rock Stiffy. Can't get up for a couple of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Minutes and then you're looking if it. Listen, I think classes in high school around that. Whatever, like 9th, 8th, 9th, 7th grade, whatever that would be, were about 55 minutes or something. I think a class was. If it happened around the 20 minute mark, you're fine because you go, this will die down on its own. No need to panic. But if that hits in the last seven minutes, you can. Oh, man. There's nothing to do. There's. There's. There's. You got to start thinking about baseball.

[H. Foley]

Start reading or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

There was always that weird feeling when that subsided. It felt like your blood pressure went down.

[Kevin Ryan]

It did. I mean, it's like the blood goes back to your head pumping.

[H. Foley]

Man, I kill for that now. Young and alive.

[Kevin Ryan]

Somebody else commented on that. On that question. I got a rod at a kayaking class when I was a kid and we all just had to pretend it wasn't happening. I think about it and still get rfid. That's great. Yeah, that's a. I mean, listen, it is what it is, but when it comes to that.

[H. Foley]

But kayaking class, I.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like, I want to go back. I wish I could go back to that. Petrified me. I mean, I was petrified up until about 37. What am I now? 38? 39. Crazy. I'm 39.

[H. Foley]

Happy birthday, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thanks, everybody.

[H. Foley]

Forget my birthday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Worst summer ever.

[H. Foley]

Worst summer.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I just go back and be like, man, not. I wish you could just be like, none of this matters. Even if you have a boner and everybody sees it in the gr. It's gonna suck for a year. That might be your name. You might be fucking, you know, Sniffy Kippy for whatever. But tough look, is it let the girls know you're out here swinging.

[H. Foley]

I'd get him at work.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I've gotten them at work. Yeah, I was working like 15 or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Got one right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Somebody get me my Lysol wiped and some poster board.

[H. Foley]

That's brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I remember I would get them. I guess I was probably 16. Yeah. And I'd get them. I'd be. I'd be a cashier at Acme and I would. It would pop one. I mean, you can't control it at that point. And you'd have to like paper plate. You get one of them hot milfs coming in.

[H. Foley]

He starts crotching that a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm on my knees, can't.

[H. Foley]

Would you get shorter?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hurt my back.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that sucks. When you're hunched over trying to play it off. Got a slip disc.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think a cousin of mine told me, he's like, you tuck up into the waistband that and you especially. Because hoodies were big in high school when I was a kid. So I was like. You were. Once you learn that, you're like, I can. I just got to make the talk without anybody seeing that little flip. Yeah, that you'd be all right walking.

[H. Foley]

Around with a loaded gun.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is a great name. This one's from Hot Dog. Jesus. That's awesome. Ever calling to work because you won money on a scratch off? No, I've never won enough money on a scratch off to tell anybody to go fuck themselves. But I do respect the short sightedness of this of like, hey, what's that?

[H. Foley]

Gotta be a couple hundred that day.

[Kevin Ryan]

It depends what the job is. That's a job. That's not a career. I presume that's like you're working at the Acme, you know, that's like an hourly wage kind of something where you can easily take your skill and go to another version of that. If you're working at Pep Boys, you can say, I don't care if you fire me, I'm going to Midas type thing.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, just hit the number.

[Kevin Ryan]

Would have.

[H. Foley]

To be 2, 300.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's got to be more than that. Thousand.

[H. Foley]

No, two, three hundred.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's more than that.

[H. Foley]

Wait, he's calling out for the day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but I'm saying, like, it would have to be because in my head I'm calling out and being like, oh, I'm gonna go like, do something I can't do at the moment.

[H. Foley]

Sure, 200.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but 200 is only gonna get you up. I can get up with what? With 60, 40 bucks and get up. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Not that good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just saying, like, there's no 2, 300 doesn't provide you with a crazy enough experience to be like, sure, I need today to be Friday type thing.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Depends at what point in my life.

[H. Foley]

If I got $1,500, I would quit.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. I'M out. There's no to me. There's no like, oh, I benefit from calling out other than going and getting fucked up. But I can do that with whatever. I was never rarely. 20 bucks you go get two hurricanes for 5 bucks, you get fucked up. Fucking. You have a boner all week.

[H. Foley]

When I was working or landscaping or working in a restaurant, if somebody would have handed me $2,000.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying, I would never. Later it'd be. I'd be closer to quitting than calling out at 1200 bucks. Retiring, especially if I was already thinking about it. If I had already gotten talked to or something, I'd be like, yeah, fucking.

[H. Foley]

Okay, tough guy, already had your staff meal. I'm out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's my D. I only know my.

[H. Foley]

Brother hit the pick four once or twice. That's the only person I ever know that won the lottery.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I've said I had a buddy of mine in college yet big. Yeah. He hit with SEPTA on. Hit the Powerball with like a group of people from septa. He worked at septa. And that's so true. If you can look that up is in the paper, it was probably like 2000. In the 2000, how much did they win? 11. I think they each walked with like three or four million dollars.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they hit like a mega jackpot.

[H. Foley]

Did he keep working there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

48 SEPTA workers win $172 million.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? I think you probably got $2 million that, you know, if that shakes out.

[Luke]

2012.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. 2012. Yeah. How crazy is that back? He's like, I'm going to work on Monday.

[H. Foley]

There wouldn't even be a good buy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think he bought a very. I mean, he did the right thing. That's not insane. I mean, maybe it was even a million dollars or something after taxes said.

[H. Foley]

100 and something million 48 people do the math on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

148. You figure you get about half, you get about 55, 60%.

[H. Foley]

Okay, so what was the jackpot?

[Kevin Ryan]

178.

[Luke]

100 say.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, 178 million. So let's say you get 100 million.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have to put a pin in this amazing Googling. That was insane. I gave you a vague year, a word septa that you don't know. And he hit it.

[Luke]

I'm back, baby. You're coming out with like about 1.8 mil.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

After taxes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Luke]

I just divided the total in half and then just 548.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. I think that was.

[H. Foley]

I. I remember that's after taxes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You got a million?

[Kevin Ryan]

Come on. Eight. Yeah. Two million.

[H. Foley]

Two million, yeah. I'm gone.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. I think he had just got married and just had. He had like a baby.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I'm leaving that. I'm out.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll be a nag's head if you need me.

[H. Foley]

You go to Myrtle beach like a scumbag now. You move down to fucking Costa Rica or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You look king now. He did the right thing. He bought a house. Like a very sensible, like, you know, split level house probably. I don't know if he paid cash or. But, you know, I don't know. The money was probably made cheap back then.

[Luke]

Keep the Benny's rolling too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. He's got a septa. I mean, he had a good pent.

[H. Foley]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those are good pensions. He worked in the office. Like, he was like, not in accounting.

[H. Foley]

Or, you know, he's like, why I'm a scumbag.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no, for sure. That's. I mean, I'm at that age. I mean, he's 2000. He's what?

[H. Foley]

How old was he?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was still in. I had just grade. Might have been 23. Yeah. He was a year or two older than me.

[H. Foley]

I'd be dead.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was probably 21.

[H. Foley]

I'd be dead. I wouldn't be able to control myself.

[Luke]

That's very smart.

[H. Foley]

Get that in cash.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean? Like actual notes?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I like to know.

[Kevin Ryan]

They would send it to your bank, I presume.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think they're handing you a duffel bag fully. I don't think fucking Powerballs hand you a duffel bag.

[H. Foley]

So it would. They would like, wire it to my checking account.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And then you'd have to arrange the bank to get that cash. I would take a while to get a million dollars or $1.8 million.

[H. Foley]

I got my ATM card. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoa.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I'd be dead.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

For sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm. I'm aware. I'm not pushing back on that at all, man.

[H. Foley]

Good for him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. He did the right thing. And he is just like, I'm, you know, I'm still gonna be a dollar beer night on the weekend or whatever. Like, just smart. He's probably. That guy hasn't worried about money a day since that happened. He goes, my house is either paid off or I got a good enough mortgage. Like my monthly payments, probably a few hundred dollars, however he structured it.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or maybe he paid completely outright. Sure. AP got that in 2012. He's probably turned around and Fucking that. The value of that house is probably double now at this point. He's fucking chilling. His kids taken care of. He don't have to worry. He can go on nice vacation every. That's. That's how you do it. I don't have that in me at 23.

[H. Foley]

No. 23. No chance. No shot. I'd have broke Patty off a little something and fucking disappeared. And they'd be looking for me, gone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, still time.

[H. Foley]

That's nuts. Thousand dollar bills.

[Luke]

You'll get it in 90 days to a year.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Luke]

Because that. That's just how they pay out.

[Kevin Ryan]

They gotta make sure it's all 90.

[H. Foley]

Days to a year.

[Luke]

That's what they're given, man.

[H. Foley]

The loan. I would just be taken out.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'd be like, who is it? Buscemi and Armageddon. Who takes all the money out because he doesn't think he's coming back?

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah, dude, what the fuck? A year. Oh, my God, you do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Would die within that year out of just pure frustration. You will. I know you.

[H. Foley]

I gotta.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get mad now.

[H. Foley]

I gotta wait a year. I'll give you till Thursday. The fucking weekend's coming.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, you could hit JG Wentworth.

[H. Foley]

What do you get? 60%.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably less cool as my D. Losers.

[H. Foley]

That's brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That always gave me anxiety whenever the company, like, I'd be at work or somebody, like, I'm going to buy tick, I go, get me one, get me in. Because if you hit and I got to come work. Oh, at the law firm, you know.

[H. Foley]

Pushing down in Florida, fishing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I ever tell you my buddies hit? This was in college too. I think they were gambling. They were in the poker. They were. They were playing poker and one of the casinos. We were probably just 21. It's probably like senior year, high school or college or whatever. And they were down there. And there's a thing called a bad beat jackpot, which I don't know if they still do it, but, like, if two crazy hands lose against each other, there's like a running jackpot. It's to get people there to play.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, how. Like the slot machines have these rolling.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

So do you have Bad beat jackpot? Yeah. Read what it is. Exactly. It's like if you have like a certain hands qualify, it's like if four of a kind loses to another four of a kind, that's considered a bad beat. That would qualify for the bad beat jackpot.

[H. Foley]

So the money stays there.

[Luke]

Yeah, I'm kind of a prize that is paid when a Sufficiently strong hand is shown down and loses to an even stronger hand held by another player.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So like, the idea is that you have a fucking straight flush and someone else has a better straight flush. That's like insane. The chances of it happening are like jackpot winning worthy.

[H. Foley]

Wouldn't the guy with the better straight flush win the hand?

[Kevin Ryan]

He does, but as a consolation, it's like, hey, play here. Because if you get a bad beat, you'll win. It was like. It's like a roll. It's like a lottery.

[H. Foley]

Could be more than the hand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, it's hundreds that they want, they want. They hit for like. So I think if so you're in the hand, you get half. It might be different.

[H. Foley]

The guy at one got to get a little something too, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. I think he went. So I. I forget. Hold on. Let me get. Stop asking questions. Let me get out what I think it is, if I remember correctly.

[H. Foley]

Can I have it now?

[Kevin Ryan]

If you're at the table, you get a chunk of it. Even if you're at the table, if you, if you lose the hand. This is what I think it is. If you lose the hand, I'm making this up. You get 50% of the jackpot, which was like $150,000. Then if you're at the table, you get that. That other 50% is like broken up. So the. Everybody gets 15 grand.

[H. Foley]

You gotta be playing. I can't just be sitting there having a drink, running my mouth. Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're not allowed to sit at a poker table if you're not playing. Yeah, it's me. Hit me up. So what, so what do you have there?

[Luke]

Seems like all the tables share in the bad beach.

[Kevin Ryan]

All the tables? Yeah.

[Luke]

I think it's dependent on the casino.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Whatever they hit. The one kid was in there. The one kid lost the hand. So he got the fucking lion's share of this roving jackpot.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

His other boy was at the tables that were playing together. He got broken off. I'm making up 11 grand, 18 grand, something like that. So they. Now they've just come across, like $80,000 when they were playing. Like, they each put up 200 bucks or something like that.

[H. Foley]

I'd be dead.

[Kevin Ryan]

They called their boys, they were like, get down to Atlantic City. They all bought plane tickets from Atlantic City to Florida to, like, Miami. They flew to Miami. They, like, bought clothes. They were like, let's just fucking go. And they were like, fuck it out. I remember being like, damn, that's public.

[H. Foley]

That's how you do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm. I mean, yeah.

[H. Foley]

And Monday you're fucked.

[Kevin Ryan]

But they were rich kids from those. Those were kids. I was a kid. The first iPhone I ever saw. I think he was part of it.

[H. Foley]

1997.

[Kevin Ryan]

His name was Gary Jobs.

[Luke]

All right, I got the payout for Mohegan. 40% of the bad Beat jackpot will go to the Bad Beat.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm close on it.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Luke]

20% of the bad Beat jackpot will be awarded to the winner of the hand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Luke]

And then 40% divided among the table.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So if you're just at the table, you wet your beak. See what a Bad Beat jackpot. I mean, I think this was like a hundred and something.

[Luke]

Yeah. I saw an. Another one on Reddit. Was like 400 grand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. It's crazy. It's like cuz it's so hard for. Cuz only certain hands qualified. It's so hard for one for that to happen.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That. When it. So it's like if it doesn't hit, we put a dollar. It's. I don't know, you know, it just keeps going up pretty sweet. And then a bunch. A bunch of people flock there to. The idea is a bunch of people flocked there to play, to hit the baby check.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Go down to Miami. That's how you do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I've ever been like. I remember being like, man, I wouldn't even know how to buy a plane ticket the day. That same day. I wouldn't. At that time. I wouldn't know. I remember bus and tables at the pizza place I booked the first time I really flew as an adult. Where I bought the plane ticket was I flew to Dublin to meet Pat and Googe. And it was a banner ad. Fly to Dublin for $450. And I had just gotten back standing up. I had sold my books at Temple, like at the end of the semester. And I had. I think I got like 360 bucks back. I'm like, I can figure out this other 90 business. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Talk about a bad beat.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I bought that plane that I thought I was in. Catch me if you did some business. I was like. I remember walking into Flip's room being like, oh, if you need me, I'm gonna be doing nine layovers to get to Dublin.

[H. Foley]

Need a chemistry book by any chance?

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't know I landed in Dublin and left the airport. No, I landed in Heathrow and didn't know what to do and I left security.

[H. Foley]

Did you not know you were in England? Not.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did I didn't know. I didn't know how to try. I didn't know. I never. I didn't know what I was doing.

[H. Foley]

I thought it was.

[Kevin Ryan]

I left security and then I was like, I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be out here. Hello. Caught a heater to get my bearings and then had to go back through security. And the guy was like. I, like, didn't get stamped. Something happened.

[H. Foley]

Hey, chief, where's the Guinness around here? For Ireland? There's a lot of Brits around here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Oh, it must be Northern Ireland. Yeah. Just like, I didn't know anything. I'd get so nervous at, like, what to show ID where I was.

[H. Foley]

Who bought those books? Not you, I assume. Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Loans. Loans. I'd get my loans. They'd give you, like, you know, the labor, the government, I guess. Sallie Mae. Dumb.

[H. Foley]

The government.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a government subsidy or something, right? Yeah, or some sort of. It ain't private. I know that much.

[H. Foley]

FBI bought these babies?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You would. They would give you that. You could get, like, fronted the money or they would send me all the money because I had to pay for housing. I always took out more money than I needed.

[H. Foley]

Me, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Always. How you doing? Yeah, I remember getting, like, $9,000 sent to me, and I was like, you dumb, dude. You dumb.

[H. Foley]

How much was housing?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's probably. I probably needed it all for housing, but not up front.

[H. Foley]

It's Monday's problem.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember my mom going, give me that money. Give me that money.

[H. Foley]

What money, dude?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was ducking her calls. You. Then you have to come to North Philly and get me nine grand. Oh, dude, it's crazy.

[H. Foley]

Who wants chicken fingers?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[H. Foley]

Everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're doing everything.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couldn't tell me.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then ruined my credit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you. Our business manager is like, okay, I got a guy. I got a fixer. He can fix anybody's credit. And he got back to me. He's like, can't do it. Can't do it. He goes, you have judgments, you have defaults. You like. You just can't do it.

[H. Foley]

You still have that history book. I always got the shitty books. I don't think I ever got new books.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would always try to not buy the books because that way you got a little extra cash. Then if you go. Or, like, you split it with a buddy. But then when I was in, they started putting a CD in. You needed the cd.

[H. Foley]

Who was it? Kid Rock?

[Kevin Ryan]

PA with the bar.

[H. Foley]

I never understood that shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, no CD rom. Like, that was like the supplemental workshop work pages or whatever. You needed to put the CD in your computer and then like complete stuff on that. So that's how they fucking got so you couldn't even buy the used one because you needed the fucking cd. And I remember my fucking E Comm professor. It was his book, and he had a new one every year. And I went, you fucking slimy motherfucker. You slime.

[H. Foley]

How you allowed to do that? In the conflict of interest, you're selling your own book to your students.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rat motherfucker.

[H. Foley]

Fucking bullshit. Thank God I missed all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was a piece of shit. I remember he'd always like, brag, I'm on msnbc. I'm on Fox News. I'm like, you're playing both sides. You have a little fucking backbone, will you.

[H. Foley]

MSNBC. Hey, C span, zip it. I got nine GS on me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember he was. Dude, he was talking about the Fed lowering rates. And I'm like, I don't even. I can't start to comprehend what the fuck you're talking about. I still don't get it. I get it a little bit more, but he's like. And Ben Bernanke, was that a guy who. He kept going, well, that's Ben Bernanke's problem. I'm going, is he in this class? Who's been. Bernanke.

[Luke]

He was the guy. He was the head of the Fed.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was mentioning him like he was like the closer for the Phillies. I'm like, I never fucking heard of this guy. This guy ain't never bought me a beer.

[H. Foley]

Ryan Howard, dickhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

Vi.

[H. Foley]

Sikahema. Shut up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm talking. Ron Jaworski, Local Heroes.

[H. Foley]

Who's that? We always heard Henry Kissinger or something like that. He used to yap about.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, Kissinger, I think Greenspan was another guy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. That's all I heard.

[Kevin Ryan]

Green Span, that. I thought he was like the president of C span. They were banging at this. They had a lot of spans going on.

[H. Foley]

Ran Nickelodeon.

[Luke]

Alan Greenspan was the 13th chairman of the Fed. And then Ben Bernanke the 14th, who was the 15th.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who's the head of the Fed now? Would I know their name? Are they probably flying?

[Luke]

Powell, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Cole. Colin Powell?

[Luke]

No. Jerome Powell.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never heard of that. I've never heard of that guy. Sounds like a jazz singer.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. He's got cash, huh? You got to know he controls all the cash. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. If I wouldn't want that job. That's how you get clipped, man. These people get skimming. Oh, yeah. Skimming the skin.

[H. Foley]

And nothing there. It's all change.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fractional reserves. Yeah. Jesus Christ. All right, let's see here. We got a time for a couple more here. This, this is. This is. Welcome to the, you know, finance corner here. This one's from Cleveland. Steamer 10. Petty criminal. Never have one red. Love that. Is it garbage to take out a loan with a lower interest rate to pay off one with a higher interest rate? I'm drowning here. But that's all right. Cause I'm a strong swimmer. Respect it. Isn't that what consolidating your debt is, Right? You get like a lower rate. I think that's smart.

[H. Foley]

But I think a consolidation loan, you don't actually get the money. I think they pay the stuff off for you. He's handling it right? Get a little cash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. A little bit of walking around money.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

But that seems smart to me. Pay off expensive money with cheap money.

[Luke]

Of course, you're right. It's a debt consolidation.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

In a dirtbag way.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I think that's what it is. That like, that's smart. That's smart business to me.

[H. Foley]

You ever take a loan, Luke?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. I'm taking some money off the street.

[H. Foley]

That crazy?

[Kevin Ryan]

You've never owned. You've never owed anyone money? School. Your school was paid for.

[Luke]

Yep.

[Kevin Ryan]

Motherfucker. You don't have a car loan?

[Luke]

Nope.

[H. Foley]

Never took a personal loan out?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nope. Good for you. How's your credit? Really good.

[H. Foley]

How's yours?

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. The fucking Ray Donovan of credit. Can't fix this thing. I'm fucked, dude.

[H. Foley]

Hey, Ray.

[Kevin Ryan]

I took a dick pic called David.

[H. Foley]

Blaine over here trying to figure something out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Try to make some of these judgments disappear.

[H. Foley]

Never taken a loan.

[Luke]

Always been backed by the Dempsey Group.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That's pretty good.

[H. Foley]

I wonder what my Max had, a credit card or anything like that.

[Luke]

I've always. My dad just was like, put that fear of God into me early where he's like, never do that. I'll give you money.

[Kevin Ryan]

A buddy of mine who, like their family didn't have, like. They were like real fucking, you know, not paycheck to pay, but like modest income. You know what I mean? They were so good with money that, like, he goes, his dad, he turned 16. You know, it's when we all got like, real beater. I got the Lumina. Everybody had like beater cars, like my crew all had. We weren't like, you know, the. The. The hoity toity kids.

[H. Foley]

You weren't Making payments?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we might. We just got. They bought me an eleven hundred dollar car. And they're like, this is what it is. Which I was grateful for. Shout out to the loom. Still own one, still current owner. But he goes, my dad got me a credit card in my name. And I remember being like, what the fuck? And he goes, I put my gas on it and he pays it off to start building my credit.

[H. Foley]

I knew kids that had that.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I'm like, that sounds like the fucking most Ben Bernanke shit I've ever heard in my life. Dude. I wanted to use another word, but I got damn family.

[H. Foley]

You're that Jimmy Powell?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I'm like, I knew kids that had that.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I want to. I remember going, they just took my dad's Navigator out of the fucking driveway. The repo guy did.

[H. Foley]

My problem was a couple of my boys had that situation. But once we found that out they were dirtbags enough where we started exploiting that to the point where they got yanked. The car got yanked?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Well, this was just like. Just gas or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pat had one for a very short time freshman year, for emergencies. Went like, you know, when he went to college.

[H. Foley]

I got two words. Cash advance.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I got two words. Kavanal's roof deck. We were in there. That might as well. I'm sorry, Mr. Stutsky. You listen to the program. You know, I might. I was spending the Stutsky's credit card more.

[H. Foley]

Everything.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, your son would get blackout drunk, I'd have to take care of him. I was tight on cash that night. The fucking passport forms hadn't hit yet. That's how we got home. I need a taxi at a little 7:11. Maybe a little Pizza Hut. A Wild. Wild.

[H. Foley]

You say you're signing the bill?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, that was just to get. I mean, you know, they're like, he's gotta go. I'm like, well, I wasn't ready to close my tab out.

[H. Foley]

Shipping and handling, huh? I gotta take the bus. Like an asshole.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he got that yanked. We. I mean, we were so bad with. I have no. Everyone in my crew. Horrible. Was like, get it, spend it. But the one thing I do respect is we spent it as a crew. Sure, if you had 40 bucks. Your boy had 20. We were very like, of course. Hey, just whatever you got. 20 bucks, go get a case of. Fucking A. $14 case of beer. We'll figure this out.

[H. Foley]

Someone's gonna take the heat on Monday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, someone's got heaters. I. Hey, I gotta. I just got a fresh pack. I got you through the night, whatever the fuck it was. Yeah, let me get you. I got the gear. Whatever, man. How it is, baby. Could have had that million, I could have been clean. Only if I worked it separately.

[H. Foley]

You know how far that would go with Kavanaughs?

[Kevin Ryan]

What I asked Mr. Stutsky.

[H. Foley]

A million?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, Kavanaughs also had 50 cent drinks, I think. Think of how many Wednesday nights could.

[H. Foley]

Have got for that.

[Kevin Ryan]

For a million bucks up, that's 2 million drinks.

[H. Foley]

It's 2 million drinks, no tip.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe that bartender. Let me get 2 million rum and cookies. Here's $1 million. All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[H. Foley]

We love you to death.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Back on the road. Come see the boys. West coast run. Kicking it off. Portland, Seattle, San Fran, and then down there to La La Land.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brea Brea. I think it's on the outskirts.

[H. Foley]

That's where we belong.

[Kevin Ryan]

We are. Listen, we're a fucking Outskirts crew, baby. We ain't Hollywood. We're the outskirts. We're the wrong side of the track.

[H. Foley]

Seeing Resita.

[Kevin Ryan]

Seeing San Bernardino.

[H. Foley]

Gang, we love you. See you next week.