Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Kippy’s in Love with Foley! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Date: March 5, 2026

Episode Overview

This family episode of "Are You Garbage?" features the beloved dynamic between hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley—no guests, just the “bozos” riffing and fielding fan questions. Spirited banter, Philly nostalgia, fresh (and not-so-fresh) merch talk, and wide-ranging rants abound. The show’s signature “dirtbag audit” theme is in full effect, with hilarious exploration of all things lowbrow—from sleeping habits to Circle K nuggies, wedding seating scams, secret holiday masturbation, and awkward bromance. Packed with blue-collar observations, self-deprecation, wild Philly references, and raunchy camaraderie, this episode is a “trash classic.”

Key Discussion Points

1. Merch Drop & Podcast Housekeeping

Timestamps: 00:00–03:24; 21:24–22:05

• New merch, elevated quality (“comfort colors” tees, hats, mugs, keychains, etc.).
• Pleas to boost YouTube and Spotify subscriptions and "fight the algorithm.”
• Shoutouts to Patreon supporters and tour audiences.
• Recurring jokes about tech confusion, aging, and merchandising woes.
• [01:03] Foley: “Best shape I ever been in.”
• [01:53] Ryan: “Just go sub on YouTube. Let’s get the numbers up, baby. We’re fighting these big fucking corporations. Goddamn algorithms…”

2. Changing Seasons & Sleeping Habits

Timestamps: 03:24–12:10

• Foley waxes poetic about “real winter, real snow days,” and the nostalgia of season changes.
• The joy and guilt of sleeping in; contrasts to tough, early-riser Philly blue-collar roots.
• Anecdotes about family, strict mothers (Patty’s “Gestapo regime”), and stepdad-teenager face-offs.
• [07:17] Ryan: “A whole family of sleepy heads is a tough look.”
• [09:28] Ryan: “The look I would get as we drove past each other—like a cop and a criminal, two ships in the night.”

3. Sleep Aids for Adults

Timestamps: 11:18–12:13

• Use of rain/storm machines to sleep (“You could pick the storm too… I put Katrina, I do Hurricane Irene.”)

4. Aging, AARP & Retirement Home Hacks

Timestamps: 12:15–14:28

• Gags about ARP (AARP) membership, retirement discounts, and morphing target audience.
• Jokes about Foley “crushing it” in a 55+ community as a celebrity bachelor.
• [13:13] Unidentified guest: “Younger members gain access to most discounts, including travel, hotels, and entertainment.”

5. Philly Roots: Catholic League & Private School Societies

Timestamps: 14:28–19:59

• Philly Catholic League’s social significance, high school sports, and Catholic school status checks for dates.
• Detailed riff on “Maria Goretti” (a saint, not a Philly legend), and school mergers.
• Ritual of scouting extended family’s boyfriends for athletic prowess and alma maters.
• [15:19] Ryan: “They named a school after her? They’re gonna name a school after a whore?”
• [16:04] Foley: “She wouldn’t give it up. She let him kill her.”
• Inside jokes about local celebrity, nostalgia for the Palestra, debates over neighborhood money (Unisys, label factories).

6. Teenage Computer Nostalgia

Timestamps: 26:29–27:25

• Shoutouts to 90s/00s computer culture and games: “Reader Rabbit,” “Doom,” “Speak & Spell.”
• [26:33] Ryan: “That was an early computer game… play was a green rabbit that jumped over letters. I went, this is fucking stupid.”

7. Wedding Seating & Buffet Banter

Timestamps: 27:37–29:44

• Responding to the fan question: Is it garbage to invite 100 people, but only rent 85 seats for a wedding?
• Agree that it’s “trashy but practical,” with discussions about staking claim (placing jacket/butter/roll), hovering by the bar, and the chaos of sit-down dinners versus open dance floors.
• [28:26] Foley: “My butter and roll, huh? That’s the first thing I do… make sure I got my butter and my roll.”

8. “Going Away” Parties That Never Pan Out

Timestamps: 29:44–31:52

• Reflecting on going-away parties for people who never actually leave (in both comedy and regular life).
• Kevin recalls his genuine send-off at the Raven Lounge before moving to NYC, contrasting with countless “failed” goings-away.

9. Spelling Fails & Dirtbag Content

Timestamps: 32:04–33:59

• Spelling struggles with “connoisseur,” “business,” and other words; blame French and general incompetence.
• Riffs on sharing porn passwords back in the day—“an early Netflix login.”
• [33:29] Ryan: “That thing made its own rounds. It was like an early Netflix login.”

10. Tortilla Chip Discourse

Timestamps: 34:09–41:02

• Deep dive into tortilla chip preferences: classic triangle vs. scoops vs. rounds, salt distribution (Chipotle oversalin’), “movie chips,” and the mysterious “xochitl” (fancy) brand.
• Brand- and shape-loyalty battles, with nostalgic references to Gene Shalit and 7-Eleven snacking.
• [35:03] Foley: “There’s too much fucking salt on ’em.”
• [36:22] Kevin: “You’re just trying to show off with your fucking chips. You’re not better than me, okay?”

11. Sampler “Nuggies” and Convenience Store Chaos

Timestamps: 41:18–46:25

• Fan asks: “Is it garbage if the Circle K puts out sampler nuggies at 6am?”
• Heated debate about the wisdom of free samples at convenience stores—sampling as “bait,” attracting “crazies,” comparisons to Wawa.
• Reliving dicey late-night Circle K missions—active altercations, barricaded doors, and sketchy characters.
• [43:55] Ryan: “I walk in, and the people outside were like, ah, that’s just Gary. Not even phased.”

12. Secret Holiday Masturbation

Timestamps: 48:12–55:34

• Fan Q: “Are you garbage if you join to pornography on a major holiday?”
• Extensive, laugh-out-loud exchange about how, when, and where it’s acceptable to indulge when family is around.
• Strategy talk (keep it quiet, don’t do it at mom’s house), shame, and talk about “clearing your head” before meeting Nana.
• [49:24] H. Foley: “It’s always a silent night with the porn.”
• [52:05] Ryan: “You shouldn’t be all fucking charged up talking to Nana.”

13. Faked-Out Bromance & Kippy’s “Crush”

Timestamps: 55:34–59:44

• Banter devolves into “are you attracted to your co-host” riffs, with hilarious fake flirting, innuendo, and “HR nightmare” jokes.
• They call each other freaks, claim to be hitting on each other, and exchange escalating one-liners about being “twisted,” not each other’s type, etc.
• [56:17] Foley: “I don’t know. Hitting on me.”
• [57:37] Ryan: “It makes you hard.”
• [58:03] Foley: “I ain’t gay no more. That’s gonna be the viral clip of you.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [01:53] Kevin Ryan: “Let’s get the numbers up, baby. We’re fighting these big fucking corporations. Goddamn algorithms. I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing.”
• [09:28] Kevin Ryan: “The look I would get as we drove past each other—like a cop and a criminal, two ships in the night.”
• [15:19] Kevin Ryan: “They named a school after her? They’re gonna name a school after a whore?”
• [21:38] Kevin Ryan: “They got Bluetooth gold now. It’s the newest innovation… This ain’t your grandpa’s little blue pill.”
• [28:26] H. Foley: “My butter and roll, huh? That’s the first thing I do, is I get my jacket down, make sure I got my butter and my roll.”
• [33:29] Kevin Ryan: “That thing made its own rounds. It was like an early Netflix login.”
• [35:03] H. Foley: “There’s too much fucking salt on ’em.”
• [43:55] Kevin Ryan: “I walk in, and the people outside were like, ah, that’s just Gary. Not even phased… these Circle K’s play by a different fucking rule.”
• [49:24] H. Foley: “It’s always a silent night with the porn.”
• [52:05] Kevin Ryan: “You shouldn’t be all fucking charged up talking to Nana.”
• [58:03] H. Foley: “I ain’t gay no more. That’s gonna be the viral clip of you.”

Episode Highlights by Timestamp

| MM:SS | Segment/Topic | |---------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | New merch, platforms, algorithm rants | | 03:34 | Seasonal transitions, sleeping in vs. Philly grit | | 07:07 | Family sleeping habits; blue-collar routines | | 13:13 | AARP discounts, “55+ community” jokes | | 15:19 | Maria Goretti school history, Catholic League culture | | 21:24 | More merch, St. Patty’s “Kiss Me, I’m Trash” tee | | 27:37 | Wedding seat/trash math, buffet claims | | 29:44 | Going away parties that flop | | 32:04 | Spelling fails, 90’s porn password nostalgia | | 34:09 | Tortilla chip debate, “fancy” chips, Philly snacks | | 41:18 | Circle K “nuggies,” convenience store sketchy stories | | 48:12 | “Is it garbage to join to porn on a major holiday?” Extended, hilarious debate | | 55:34 | Bromance, work flirtation/parody of sexual tension |

Closing Tone & Takeaway

This “family episode” runs the full garbage gauntlet: homegrown Philly anecdotes, roasting each other’s habits, answering wild fan questions, and dissolving (hilariously) into faux-romantic workplace banter. Fans get a masterclass in blue-collar humor, dirtbag nostalgia, and the hosts’ unmatched chemistry.

Bottom line: This episode is an unruly, hilarious ride through everything that makes "Are You Garbage?" a cult hit—relatable embarrassment, sharp self-mockery, old-school friendship, and no topic off limits.

For more dirtbag discourse (and to snag new merch): areyougarbage.com