Kippy’s in Love with Foley! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Kippy’s in Love with Foley! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Date: March 5, 2026

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Episode Overview

This family episode of "Are You Garbage?" features the beloved dynamic between hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley—no guests, just the “bozos” riffing and fielding fan questions. Spirited banter, Philly nostalgia, fresh (and not-so-fresh) merch talk, and wide-ranging rants abound. The show’s signature “dirtbag audit” theme is in full effect, with hilarious exploration of all things lowbrow—from sleeping habits to Circle K nuggies, wedding seating scams, secret holiday masturbation, and awkward bromance. Packed with blue-collar observations, self-deprecation, wild Philly references, and raunchy camaraderie, this episode is a “trash classic.”

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Key Discussion Points

1. Merch Drop & Podcast Housekeeping

Timestamps: 00:00–03:24; 21:24–22:05

• New merch, elevated quality (“comfort colors” tees, hats, mugs, keychains, etc.).
• Pleas to boost YouTube and Spotify subscriptions and "fight the algorithm.”
• Shoutouts to Patreon supporters and tour audiences.
• Recurring jokes about tech confusion, aging, and merchandising woes.
• [01:03] Foley: “Best shape I ever been in.”
• [01:53] Ryan: “Just go sub on YouTube. Let’s get the numbers up, baby. We’re fighting these big fucking corporations. Goddamn algorithms…”

2. Changing Seasons & Sleeping Habits

Timestamps: 03:24–12:10

• Foley waxes poetic about “real winter, real snow days,” and the nostalgia of season changes.
• The joy and guilt of sleeping in; contrasts to tough, early-riser Philly blue-collar roots.
• Anecdotes about family, strict mothers (Patty’s “Gestapo regime”), and stepdad-teenager face-offs.
• [07:17] Ryan: “A whole family of sleepy heads is a tough look.”
• [09:28] Ryan: “The look I would get as we drove past each other—like a cop and a criminal, two ships in the night.”

3. Sleep Aids for Adults

Timestamps: 11:18–12:13

• Use of rain/storm machines to sleep (“You could pick the storm too… I put Katrina, I do Hurricane Irene.”)

4. Aging, AARP & Retirement Home Hacks

Timestamps: 12:15–14:28

• Gags about ARP (AARP) membership, retirement discounts, and morphing target audience.
• Jokes about Foley “crushing it” in a 55+ community as a celebrity bachelor.
• [13:13] Unidentified guest: “Younger members gain access to most discounts, including travel, hotels, and entertainment.”

5. Philly Roots: Catholic League & Private School Societies

Timestamps: 14:28–19:59

• Philly Catholic League’s social significance, high school sports, and Catholic school status checks for dates.
• Detailed riff on “Maria Goretti” (a saint, not a Philly legend), and school mergers.
• Ritual of scouting extended family’s boyfriends for athletic prowess and alma maters.
• [15:19] Ryan: “They named a school after her? They’re gonna name a school after a whore?”
• [16:04] Foley: “She wouldn’t give it up. She let him kill her.”
• Inside jokes about local celebrity, nostalgia for the Palestra, debates over neighborhood money (Unisys, label factories).

6. Teenage Computer Nostalgia

Timestamps: 26:29–27:25

• Shoutouts to 90s/00s computer culture and games: “Reader Rabbit,” “Doom,” “Speak & Spell.”
• [26:33] Ryan: “That was an early computer game… play was a green rabbit that jumped over letters. I went, this is fucking stupid.”

7. Wedding Seating & Buffet Banter

Timestamps: 27:37–29:44

• Responding to the fan question: Is it garbage to invite 100 people, but only rent 85 seats for a wedding?
• Agree that it’s “trashy but practical,” with discussions about staking claim (placing jacket/butter/roll), hovering by the bar, and the chaos of sit-down dinners versus open dance floors.
• [28:26] Foley: “My butter and roll, huh? That’s the first thing I do… make sure I got my butter and my roll.”

8. “Going Away” Parties That Never Pan Out

Timestamps: 29:44–31:52

• Reflecting on going-away parties for people who never actually leave (in both comedy and regular life).
• Kevin recalls his genuine send-off at the Raven Lounge before moving to NYC, contrasting with countless “failed” goings-away.

9. Spelling Fails & Dirtbag Content

Timestamps: 32:04–33:59

• Spelling struggles with “connoisseur,” “business,” and other words; blame French and general incompetence.
• Riffs on sharing porn passwords back in the day—“an early Netflix login.”
• [33:29] Ryan: “That thing made its own rounds. It was like an early Netflix login.”

10. Tortilla Chip Discourse

Timestamps: 34:09–41:02

• Deep dive into tortilla chip preferences: classic triangle vs. scoops vs. rounds, salt distribution (Chipotle oversalin’), “movie chips,” and the mysterious “xochitl” (fancy) brand.
• Brand- and shape-loyalty battles, with nostalgic references to Gene Shalit and 7-Eleven snacking.
• [35:03] Foley: “There’s too much fucking salt on ’em.”
• [36:22] Kevin: “You’re just trying to show off with your fucking chips. You’re not better than me, okay?”

11. Sampler “Nuggies” and Convenience Store Chaos

Timestamps: 41:18–46:25

• Fan asks: “Is it garbage if the Circle K puts out sampler nuggies at 6am?”
• Heated debate about the wisdom of free samples at convenience stores—sampling as “bait,” attracting “crazies,” comparisons to Wawa.
• Reliving dicey late-night Circle K missions—active altercations, barricaded doors, and sketchy characters.
• [43:55] Ryan: “I walk in, and the people outside were like, ah, that’s just Gary. Not even phased.”

12. Secret Holiday Masturbation

Timestamps: 48:12–55:34

• Fan Q: “Are you garbage if you join to pornography on a major holiday?”
• Extensive, laugh-out-loud exchange about how, when, and where it’s acceptable to indulge when family is around.
• Strategy talk (keep it quiet, don’t do it at mom’s house), shame, and talk about “clearing your head” before meeting Nana.
• [49:24] H. Foley: “It’s always a silent night with the porn.”
• [52:05] Ryan: “You shouldn’t be all fucking charged up talking to Nana.”

13. Faked-Out Bromance & Kippy’s “Crush”

Timestamps: 55:34–59:44

• Banter devolves into “are you attracted to your co-host” riffs, with hilarious fake flirting, innuendo, and “HR nightmare” jokes.
• They call each other freaks, claim to be hitting on each other, and exchange escalating one-liners about being “twisted,” not each other’s type, etc.
• [56:17] Foley: “I don’t know. Hitting on me.”
• [57:37] Ryan: “It makes you hard.”
• [58:03] Foley: “I ain’t gay no more. That’s gonna be the viral clip of you.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [01:53] Kevin Ryan: “Let’s get the numbers up, baby. We’re fighting these big fucking corporations. Goddamn algorithms. I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing.”
• [09:28] Kevin Ryan: “The look I would get as we drove past each other—like a cop and a criminal, two ships in the night.”
• [15:19] Kevin Ryan: “They named a school after her? They’re gonna name a school after a whore?”
• [21:38] Kevin Ryan: “They got Bluetooth gold now. It’s the newest innovation… This ain’t your grandpa’s little blue pill.”
• [28:26] H. Foley: “My butter and roll, huh? That’s the first thing I do, is I get my jacket down, make sure I got my butter and my roll.”
• [33:29] Kevin Ryan: “That thing made its own rounds. It was like an early Netflix login.”
• [35:03] H. Foley: “There’s too much fucking salt on ’em.”
• [43:55] Kevin Ryan: “I walk in, and the people outside were like, ah, that’s just Gary. Not even phased… these Circle K’s play by a different fucking rule.”
• [49:24] H. Foley: “It’s always a silent night with the porn.”
• [52:05] Kevin Ryan: “You shouldn’t be all fucking charged up talking to Nana.”
• [58:03] H. Foley: “I ain’t gay no more. That’s gonna be the viral clip of you.”

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Episode Highlights by Timestamp

| MM:SS | Segment/Topic | |---------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | New merch, platforms, algorithm rants | | 03:34 | Seasonal transitions, sleeping in vs. Philly grit | | 07:07 | Family sleeping habits; blue-collar routines | | 13:13 | AARP discounts, “55+ community” jokes | | 15:19 | Maria Goretti school history, Catholic League culture | | 21:24 | More merch, St. Patty’s “Kiss Me, I’m Trash” tee | | 27:37 | Wedding seat/trash math, buffet claims | | 29:44 | Going away parties that flop | | 32:04 | Spelling fails, 90’s porn password nostalgia | | 34:09 | Tortilla chip debate, “fancy” chips, Philly snacks | | 41:18 | Circle K “nuggies,” convenience store sketchy stories | | 48:12 | “Is it garbage to join to porn on a major holiday?” Extended, hilarious debate | | 55:34 | Bromance, work flirtation/parody of sexual tension |

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Closing Tone & Takeaway

This “family episode” runs the full garbage gauntlet: homegrown Philly anecdotes, roasting each other’s habits, answering wild fan questions, and dissolving (hilariously) into faux-romantic workplace banter. Fans get a masterclass in blue-collar humor, dirtbag nostalgia, and the hosts’ unmatched chemistry.

Bottom line: This episode is an unruly, hilarious ride through everything that makes "Are You Garbage?" a cult hit—relatable embarrassment, sharp self-mockery, old-school friendship, and no topic off limits.

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For more dirtbag discourse (and to snag new merch): areyougarbage.com

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Merch alert, baby. Merch alert. Merch alert. Merch alert. The quality has gone through the roof. As they say, hooking. Gang, do yourself a favor, get over to rugarbage.com. we got hats, we got shirts, got mugs, we got keychains, we got.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We got. We got wall art, we got paintings you can buy. Go check it out. Are you garbage.com? limited supply list. Do it. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh yeah, it's that little show.

[H. Foley]

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ye.

[H. Foley]

They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toady's in a new edition. She's just taking a nice pole class.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Is that what they call them?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pole class? Pole dancing.

[H. Foley]

Pole dancing. She's putting one in the kitchen.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't think she's fishing. Or maybe she is.

[H. Foley]

Either way, she's got the moves, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay?

[H. Foley]

She can do the spider man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I get you going. Yeah, he's doing a spider. You're kissing her. You're in a wet blouse. Kissinger. Huge pert rack.

[H. Foley]

That's what I'm talking about. Hoodie's back. Baby, baby. Mike Coates is coming at you from across the table. As we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. He is the CEO of Ru Garbage International businessman, the brains behind the brand new merch drop that we got going on right now. Give it up for kj. Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What up gang? Shout out to you as always. Thanks for tuning in. We fucking love you. The boots on the ground. We appreciate the support. Yes. Make sure you rate view subscribe over there on itunes. If that even friggin matters anymore. The real turkeys over there on Spotify. Oh yeah.

[H. Foley]

The boys are in the charts.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Boys are in the charts. Got full video available on Spotify. Check. Just go sub. Even if you're you watch go. Even if you listen, go sub on YouTube. Let's get the numbers up, baby. We're fighting these big fucking corporations. Goddamn algorithms. I don't know what the fuck we're doing.

[H. Foley]

How about a vote for a little guy, medium sized guy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, Big guy, Forex. Listen, the times are changing. We don't know what the fuck we're doing. We got Luke, but that guy, I

[H. Foley]

mean he's, you know, he's getting older by the second. This guy's losing his touch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He was a cool young kid that you know. Now I don't know what the we're doing. They're going algorithm. You got flagged. You're getting throttled. Help us.

[H. Foley]

This guy wants us to get a gateway.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Dude. You're getting the dough and all the merch.

[H. Foley]

Brand new merch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Merch drop last week.

[H. Foley]

Top quality.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay? Up to.

[H. Foley]

Up to 4x.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Everything goes up to 4x. And mugs.

[H. Foley]

Keychains.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We got mugs, we got keychains, we got hats.

[H. Foley]

Cool shirts.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Cool shirts. Comfort colors. We're doing comfort colors.

[H. Foley]

Very nice. Yes, but how do we sell what's on the back?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You stand up and show them.

[H. Foley]

Check it out, gang.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Talk about this pole dancing class. Let's see something. Yeah. Oh, hit him bad.

[H. Foley]

Cut that. Because look. That was very old to me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, you are a. Geez.

[H. Foley]

I am a geezer. Best shape I ever been in.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You look great.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let me take a quick.

[H. Foley]

You don't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let me take a quick sip for my.

[H. Foley]

That's a nice mug. Buddy's mug. That's a nice mug. Real ceramic.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We fucking love you. Shout out to the fucking. Check out the patreon. Check out it guys. You know the fucking deal at this point. I gotta be doing this. We've been doing this for six over six years. We love you.

[H. Foley]

We're out there on the road as we speak.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Thanks for coming out. We love you. And we'll see you next week.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Valium. Just pump up the valium just kicked in. How you done?

[H. Foley]

I wanted to say this.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Now that we're kind of on the other side of it, you know, winter's kind of starting to fade away a little bit. Shout out to winter back.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You love a season.

[H. Foley]

I love a season.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Love a season.

[H. Foley]

Dude, we got. I mean, I don't know about everywhere else in the country, but in northeast we got some serious goddamn snow stomped on this year. Real. Like a real winner. Real snow days.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What's wrong?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pinched a nerve.

[H. Foley]

Are you kidding me?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now we're good to push through it.

[H. Foley]

You pussy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It must be these cool new shirts. That's not a. It's not a side effect of the new T shirts, Everybody. These are, ah, finally comfort colors. Something I can lower my shirt.

[H. Foley]

I bought a new are you garbage? T shirt and I got. I got carpal tunnel syndrome.

[Kevin James Ryan]

God damn sciatica acting up.

[H. Foley]

You got Crane and Crane coming after us. Is that the law firm?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Morgan and Morgan.

[H. Foley]

Morgan and Morgan. You don't want those. Guys.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Listen. These shirts are so comfortable. I relax so much and I pinched a nerd. I got too relaxed.

[H. Foley]

Too cool over my pants. I met. Have I mentioned this before?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That I don't like your pants?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. No. I don't like the heated seats in the cars. Have I told you this?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nah. Your swamp is.

[H. Foley]

And when you get out of. You feel like you feel like you do. Dude. In your mood.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tough. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

No good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's certain nice things I'm not. I didn't know my new car's got a heated steering wheel. Hachi.

[H. Foley]

That thing gets hot.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's crazy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know what's going on. Nice stuff isn't for me. I'm not cut out for it. I bought it because of safety.

[H. Foley]

I like. This is what you do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You get in there a roll cage in it. Does it drive a stock car doing the bar. I'm in a dune buggy. Got the baby in the back, Got goggles on.

[H. Foley]

There's no passenger seat.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I bought American.

[H. Foley]

Just a NAS tank. NAS tank.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nas.

[H. Foley]

You bought American? Is it made in America?

[Kevin James Ryan]

We'll be right back. No, but these shirts aren't. I'm not even sure about that. They're printed in America.

[H. Foley]

There you go. What's wrong with you?

[Kevin James Ryan]

So cool.

[H. Foley]

You sure it's not your left arm? You're having a heart attack.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

You sure?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I wish I was. With this line of questioning.

[H. Foley]

I just have my shit checked. I'm straight to hell that man walking over here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But you'll look great in a casket

[H. Foley]

in your brand new.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Brand new comfort colors T shirt.

[H. Foley]

I need that nanotech to start catching up. Where they send the little computers in and they eat away the cholesterol and shit. When's that coming?

[Kevin James Ryan]

They all just got your face on them. Straight to the source. High cholesterol. What do you got for me?

[H. Foley]

I'm just saying, man, that, like, it's. It's nice when you have the seasons like that. Because you know what this has led to. And I don't mean this in like, seasonal depression. No, it's not seasonal.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're talking full bore.

[H. Foley]

This is all my own doing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

And I just.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The. You know, I don't know.

[H. Foley]

I say this in the. In the. In the. In the good version of this. A lot of sleeping. Getting my rest.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know. I mean.

[H. Foley]

Getting my rest.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. All right. This is more of a. This is more of a hard feeling.

[H. Foley]

That's all those Olympic people were talking about.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey. Yeah. When you start doing fucking triple Lindy's, I'll let you. That's all they say you sleep till noon.

[H. Foley]

You talk to Breca, Huberman, Atacia. The other ones, all Those guys, Ronald McDonald, they all say sleep is key.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

My circadian rhythm.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm on it like a jazz player, baby.

[H. Foley]

Like Keith Moon back there laying it out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, it's kind of funny. Before we started recording, Luke asked us, did you guys have anybody in your family? Like a whole segment of family members?

[H. Foley]

You mean like, like that slept in?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like. Oh, we're going over to the Jenkins, there are a bunch of. Dude, a whole family of sleepy heads is a tough look.

[H. Foley]

I feel like my real tough look. My one set of cousins were, except for my uncle Mike, but I feel like they could snooze a little bit more. There was no real snoozing at our house because of Patty.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Dude, the blue collaredness in my entire family, every uncle all the way down, they're up. They're up earlier on Saturdays.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Than they are on fucking Monday through Friday. 1. They either got side work, got side work, gotta go, gotta go inside work. Or if they have to work Saturday or you gotta go, I'm go in Saturday for a couple hours. They go in early to get off early and also get out of the fucking house. You got the kids and your fucking snot nose wife breaking your balls. Not me personally, but a guy I

[H. Foley]

know there wasn't really a lot of. And when I speak of this time frame in the Foley legacy, it's really. Well from birth until college.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So that's a pretty good chunk.

[H. Foley]

Then the relationship started to change a little bit, you know what I mean? More friendly, all that kind of stuff. But when we were like just locked in under Patty's Gestapo regime, it was, it was, it was, yeah, there wasn't a lot of, you know, sleeping in. No, with, with, without paying for it. You paid for it? Yeah, sleeping in there till 10 o'.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Clock. Yeah, you get that?

[H. Foley]

The pots and pans getting banged around, things getting slammed, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

My stepdad, because he couldn't really tell me what to do. And as you know, I have a little bit of an attitude problem, especially with authority figures. Rest in peace, Buck, we love you. But there was times when, you know what I mean, I'm a fucking jerk off 18 year old, I'm hungover, fat, fat, you know, Saturday morning, whatever, shitty haircut. I used to pass him coming home and he's going to work 5:15am and stuff. Dude, the look I would get as we drove past each other like a cop and a criminal two ships in the night.

[H. Foley]

Would you say, what's up?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, hit him with that.

[H. Foley]

Probably shaking.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's got a fucking. He already had a cup of Wawa and a heater going. So there was a lot of resentment there. And I knew that, you know, Denise did. I mean, what's she gonna do? You know what I mean? At that point? She's a loser. Yeah. Kids a deadbeat. What do you want from me, huh?

[H. Foley]

I mean, what 18 year old kid isn't doing that shit though? I don't know about now.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, you're not, you're not, you're not linked in with the 18 year olds.

[H. Foley]

Nah, I think they sleep in though.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I remember sleeping over my buddy.

[H. Foley]

Your bones are growing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, you got it. I remember sleeping over my buddy Matt's house one time. He was probably eight, seven, something like that. I mean, I woke up, I don't know, seven o'. Clock.

[H. Foley]

That sucks.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This fucking kid might as well slept till noon. I'm.

[H. Foley]

Trying to get a bowl of mini wings.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, dude, I'm fucking. I got. I got bacon, egg and cheese. I got an omelet on the brain. I'm rolling around.

[H. Foley]

You just gotta.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, it sucked.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. My cousin Paul sleeps. Slept in like that, he'd get away with it too. He could sleep in. We weren't allowed to sleep in. It'd be hell to pay. Sure, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, I was. We were very ungoverned. My mom would be working or whatever. We were, I mean, we were, you know, the inmates were running the asylum for, for a good amount of.

[H. Foley]

It's just nice you feel bad about like wasting your life. But snoozing, man, there ain't nothing like sleeping. Just lost in another.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Curled up.

[H. Foley]

Sure, I just shut the whole situation out and imagine my. My apartment is just floating through space. Just floating over. Over New York.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This episode sponsored by Alexa Pro Nobody

[H. Foley]

can get to me, you know what I'm saying?

[Unidentified Guest]

I got you.

[H. Foley]

You know it. You had a little bit of snow or some rain and now you can, you can supplement that with those rain machines.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, like in the movies.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin James Ryan]

They make. You got a rain in your goddamn apartment. You're losing security.

[H. Foley]

The sound sure love that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're like the baby.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I got a nice storm going.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nice pacifier going.

[H. Foley]

You could pick the storm too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I put Katrina, I do Hurricane Irene. I like a deeper cut. A lot of, a lot of people

[H. Foley]

go, Katrina, throw on Hurricane Andrew and Fucking called it day.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Mount St. Helen exploding.

[Kevin James Ryan]

People cry. That's how you sleep. The natural disasters, twisters, and you got Pearl harbor going. One thing I wanted to talk to you. This is. This is.

[H. Foley]

Go ahead, tell me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is like two. Two weeks ago, maybe, at this point.

[H. Foley]

It's a nice looking mug you got over there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Thanks.

[H. Foley]

What are you drinking out of that, by the way?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Green tea. But are you. Great.

[H. Foley]

It tastes like coffee.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's a little muddy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. We still haven't upgraded our fucking shit over there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We. I was Mr.

[H. Foley]

Businessman. You got. I'm getting fucking plastics in me. I'm. I'm an old man, God damn it. You got to start treating me that way.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, by the way, put you in a home.

[H. Foley]

When can I start doing, like, ARP and stuff like that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's that, a new drug you found? Like. Oh, fucking hopped up on ARP. I need a. Let me get a 10 bag of ARP.

[H. Foley]

Little FDIC. What do I got now that I'm 50?

[Unidentified Guest]

You just have to be.

[H. Foley]

Plus 50 to get what?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, what? Fucking. You ain't saving nickel, Dumouche. What the fuck?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I do. And I want a free meal at fucking TGI Fridays.

[Unidentified Guest]

It costs you $16 a year to

[Kevin James Ryan]

be a member of what?

[H. Foley]

What is it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You ain't got it.

[Unidentified Guest]

Aarp.

[H. Foley]

What is that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Old motherfucker. You senile dog.

[Unidentified Guest]

Younger members gain access to most discounts, including travel, hotels, and entertainment.

[H. Foley]

That's sick.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Go see Frankie Val. She's the whole motherfucker.

[H. Foley]

See, that's what I need to do, man, now that I need to start going up. Not you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Just talk about how nice it is to sleep.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So you really got to shift gears.

[H. Foley]

I know. I mean, I need to start. I. I need to start attacking the older generation. Not going.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're a young bull compared to them. You're an old cow to me, but you're a young bull to them.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. A little bit of. A little bit of fame.

[H. Foley]

I get in one of those 55 motor communities.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Why don't you do that? We didn't one Patreon. We look up places for you because you'd be killing it, dog. Be down there signing autographs at the clubhouse. Could do it.

[H. Foley]

Good. Go for it with, like, Vietnam vets and wait.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I looked up the dudes, the couples, you know? Okay. Oh, you're the. You're the bull they're bringing in. You're the stud. Ah, man, that's a jammed up couple. If they're calling you to as the closer. God damn.

[H. Foley]

They're gonna plug in my cpap.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is it cool if I sleep over? I don't wanna. I don't want to assume. Is it cool if I crash here? I'm a little old school. I want to feel like a big. In my family. Philadelphia Athletics are big, right? Go Birds, go.

[H. Foley]

Phil's.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Even on a lower level, we're a real big Philadelphia Catholic League family.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And I guess it was whatever.

[H. Foley]

We're not. You're talking about, like, Newman. Roman Catholic.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Newman Goretti. Arch. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Maria Goretti.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who?

[H. Foley]

Maria Goretti. Who's Goretti?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Isn't that the name of this. Yeah. Newman Goretti. Oh, is the. Is the.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Newman Goretti. I think that's. They combined the schools. It was Newman. And then the girls school was Maria Goretti.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That makes sense. Maria Goretti sounds like a who.

[H. Foley]

It's funny you mentioned that. She was not. She. She wouldn't have.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No shit. They named a school after. They're gonna name a school after all.

[H. Foley]

Whore.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What meds are you on?

[H. Foley]

Quite the opposite. She's a saint.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I got. It's a Catholic.

[H. Foley]

And she held out. Look up the story of Maria Goretti,

[Unidentified Guest]

one of the youngest saints to be canonized. Italian virgin martyr.

[H. Foley]

Yes. She wouldn't give it up. She let him kill him. Kill her.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Okay. I mean, you act like I was really. Yeah, I got you. She's. There's a school name there.

[H. Foley]

I was just telling you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

As a fun fact.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got to be honest. We got different definitions of the virgin martyr. Yeah. Right.

[Unidentified Guest]

She died getting stabbed 14 times.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Finally. So a little highlight.

[H. Foley]

She got cantonized.

[Unidentified Guest]

Canonized.

[H. Foley]

Canonized.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's where they shove her in a cannon fire.

[H. Foley]

Goddamn NFL hall of Fame.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Canonized.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you like that, huh, Dickhead? I know what I'm doing. We weren't really in on that, but I gotcha.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But it was recently. I have a lot of notable family members in the north. C.A. lake, hall of Fame.

[H. Foley]

Tom Cassidy, graduate of Archbishop Carroll. Tommy C. I was gonna say so

[Kevin James Ryan]

probably get his demonetized Biggest Blank Award.

[Unidentified Guest]

Or hall of Lame.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, man.

[Unidentified Guest]

Come on. That was okay. That was okay. Hall of Fame.

[H. Foley]

Hall of Fame.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now I get it.

[H. Foley]

Tell Tommy you said that and slapped the. At you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But the. It was the. I didn't. I didn't put two and two together. What. It was. And I just. My. My Instagram feed was filled with the. So they do the. It's at the Palestra. Real big. The. The.

[H. Foley]

Where is that? It's over. Pen.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No. Where is the Palestra? I don't even know. We never know. Yeah, the plasters pen.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Maybe Penn and Drexel or just Pan. I don't know. I guess it was one of those

[H. Foley]

real Philly dirt bags. And I mean, Avery to Palestra.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The walls are rocking down here at the Palestri. What is it?

[H. Foley]

The Catholic League.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Catholic League basketball championship, dude. I mean, it was the. I just. It was like. It was like a hug. It was like hugging all my uncles at the. Seeing all the stories.

[H. Foley]

Did you go?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No? What am I scouting? Did I go? I got to do.

[H. Foley]

What did you just see?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, it was just. It was like. I. I didn't know what it was I saw. Oh, my God. What is that? What is that? And then as I start seeing, like, all my cousin, everybody. I mean, that's like the. You gotta take it to that. That's.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you gotta go to that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's the.

[H. Foley]

Who should go to that next.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let's go next year.

[H. Foley]

Get in on that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Probably. Probably sign a couple basketballs or something. Get dunked on, posterized. I like the Catholic who won this year. See if you can see the Pl. The PCL champs. Because we were. A lot of my family went to North Catholic. My dad went to Roman Catholic. But then I think North Catholics. North. North is closed at this point.

[Unidentified Guest]

Father Judge repeated defeating Archbishop Archbishop.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? Wood.

[Unidentified Guest]

Wood.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Big kids went where I was from. They get kicked out of Council Rock, they end up there.

[H. Foley]

Where'd Roan go? Did he go somewhere down there? I feel like Roan would be like

[Kevin James Ryan]

a Catholic school, I think. Yeah, Roan went to. Roan was a Catholic school kid. Philip. Philly Catholic school. That. I mean, that was big. That's still, like. He's a judge kid. If you. If, like, one of the cousins. One of the girl cousins brings a boyfriend around, right away, it's, where do you go to high school? Where'd your parents go to high school? And is he a good soccer player? That's, like, right away, what positioning. I seen him. Kid ain't got it. That's it. It's like a fucking scouting report.

[H. Foley]

We had no connections. I was all burbs. Yeah, true burbs, baby.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There you go.

[H. Foley]

I like a stock spout cake every once in a while. Go down to Philly, go to fucking Ralph's or Mary's, get some pizza.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

You know what I mean?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No one's questioning. No one said you're not in jail. No one's checking your paperwork. Dude.

[Unidentified Guest]

Roan attended St. Joe's Prep.

[H. Foley]

Ooh, very nice.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Very nice.

[H. Foley]

The prep or the. What's that called? The private school league? Interact.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is that what Interact is?

[H. Foley]

I believe so.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I would be hearing that. My aunt worked at the prep for a long time as administrative to get my. To get the kids through. That was. That's a big dirtbag private school hack.

[H. Foley]

K. What's talking about bluechew, Blue chew. Now you know what I'm talking about when I say bluechew, don't you?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not me personally, but a guy a good. A very good, close, personal friend of mine says it's put her through the headboard.

[H. Foley]

Let's just say if Kippy was pasta, he wouldn't be exactly al dente, if you know what I mean. A little bit of an overcooked penne, if you know what I'm saying.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Someone. Some would say a rigatoni, little choeder and gang, listen. Of course. Screwed you on. When you get older and overweight.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's. It's not all dunking basketballs and, you know, throwing footballs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sometimes you got to shoot underhand if you catch my drip.

[H. Foley]

So you need a little help in the boudoir. We all do. You get a little blue chew. You get yourself straightened out. You're happy. She's happy. How you doing?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, they got Bluetooth gold now. It's the newest innovation from the number one chewable Ed brand. You know you love it. This ain't your grandpa's little brew pill. It's the four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. They got two ingredients for blood flow. They keep that thing pumping. Plus, mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and your body. Make life easier by getting harder. And discover all your [e-mail] right now. They got a special deal for AYG listeners. You get 10% off your first month of bluechew gold with the code garbage. That's promo code garbage. You know it. Visit bluetooth.com for more details, important safety information. We thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast.

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Gang.

[H. Foley]

We got a brand new merch alert and we've kicked it up a notch, baby. Hippie, show them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We got hats. Boom.

[H. Foley]

Hit him with the ayg hat quality.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We got a classic Bernie's dad hat.

[H. Foley]

We got comfort colors, tees, upgraded the

[Kevin James Ryan]

tees, heavyweight tees for heavy white boys. We got Uncle Henry's menswear. We got Kippy's racing T shirt, hippies racing tees. We got the Bass Pro Shop knockoff. No big deal. How you done?

[H. Foley]

We got the Palm breakfast spot. Ooh, look at that. And then send backs gang.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then get it for St Patty's Day Limited run kiss me, I'm trash. Sure, give it to it. Give it to a classy broad near you that's realize you are you garbage.com

[H. Foley]

are you garbage is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations.

[H. Foley]

There is a lot of coin down here in Philly. On the low in that like private school sector.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't get any.

[H. Foley]

I never Chestnut.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Never knew where a lot of old money. I never knew money down there. Sure.

[H. Foley]

Unisys. United Healthcare, unicef, Unisys.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Maybe if UNICEF opened a podcast.

[H. Foley]

You don't know Unisys is. No, you don't know Unisys.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know what you're saying.

[H. Foley]

Computer company, Unisys, okay. It was huge in down that area. Did a big operation down there for years.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Am I on the board of commerce? What are you doing here?

[H. Foley]

My can't work there. I don't know. 80s 90s, early 2000s. Unisys. I bet you a lot of people know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are you getting a check this week from them Unisys? They're going. What the. He's saying it wrong. No, I'm not in the playback Google, Unison.

[Unidentified Guest]

I believe you got me Googling a lot. You want the interact schools?

[H. Foley]

All right, we'll start there. Nah, that. I got money on the table.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All of this. We got a goddamn family episode on.

[H. Foley]

I want to know Unisys, though.

[Unidentified Guest]

How do you spell that?

[H. Foley]

U N, I S Y S. Unisys. I can't believe you don't know Unisys. There used to be Sperry back in the day.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The shoes. Sperry. Bouch. I remember. I learned about those in college. I said, I got my Sperry.

[H. Foley]

I might do Docksiders this summer. Docksiders?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is that a new cocktail or something? I'm all fucked up on Docksiders dog.

[H. Foley]

Docksiders and shooters, Doc. Ciders and land sharks.

[Unidentified Guest]

What do you got? I just got the. Global IT Services.

[H. Foley]

Yes, that's it.

[Unidentified Guest]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Global IT Services.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Unidentified Guest]

And Solutions Company.

[H. Foley]

What's it say?

[Kevin James Ryan]

About what?

[Unidentified Guest]

Founded in 1986. Based in Bluebell, Pennsylvania. Specializing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No one said.

[H. Foley]

See what I'm saying? A lot of cash down here. Sure, I missed out on it, but still.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Remember you took me to that label company?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, a lot of money.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He walked me into this company, like

[H. Foley]

Dave, he's like, you've never been around that kind of cash before.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The guy was rich. It was a factory.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. That made all the labels for Tylenol on the east coast and Japan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's how washed you are. When you start saying specific areas makes all the fucking.

[H. Foley]

That's the biggest gig you'd ever done.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You stiffed me on that stiff. Shit. Yeah, you did.

[H. Foley]

That. All worked out, didn't it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? Look at us. You stiffened me.

[H. Foley]

I had to screw you back then so we could get here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So I knew you had the moxie in it. That was fucked up.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about? I didn't stiff you. You got your money. I took you to fucking breakfast too, didn't I?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Took that out of the pay. No, I'm joking. But the story behind it is Foley got a private gig.

[H. Foley]

Private.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not that. I mean, it was a Christmas party. It was a factory.

[H. Foley]

The guy used to weigh tables for. He liked me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know. He probably didn't know you that well.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So you needed an opener. Someone to go up and fall on the sword.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And that patsy.

[H. Foley]

If you a sucker, fall, guys. Dumb, dumb, strong.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I go up. I bomb. I'm in. I'm in a bad jacket and dirty khakis, dude. Everybody was. And he bumped the pay significantly. And my pay did not get bumped proportionately to the overall, which I understand you're. This your collar.

[H. Foley]

That was it. That was moving to New York.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was the last gig. That was the last chopper out of now for you.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man. Was it. Ever

[Kevin James Ryan]

use that 400 again now. Couldn't you

[H. Foley]

be back there this Christmas?

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, let's see here. We got a guys Storm family episode.

[H. Foley]

Your Philly Talk. It's a national broadcast.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're talking about Philly looking up defunct computer sales.

[H. Foley]

They're not defunct.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Can you look up Reader Rabbit?

[H. Foley]

Who's Reader Rabbit?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was an early computer game. My dad came home speaking spells with a computer to be like, get a load and play. Was a green rabbit that, like jumped over letters. And I went, this is fucking stupid.

[H. Foley]

You're supposed to get Doom.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, that's good. I would pee a little bit turning those corners. That big werewolf motherfucker get you. Yikes. There was still a lack of knowledge of the computer at that age, at that time and my age, at that point where I was in college, you felt like you were going to another world. I'm like, dude, the lights are off. My mom's upstairs. I'm in the basement. There's creepy crawler spiders and. And in here, typing in, like, up, down, over. Trying to be one of the cool kids. Got called lacking. Yeah, I played stains in my undies.

[H. Foley]

Skid marks. All right, let's go shug them. Show to do here. It all about moving merch, which is available at. Are you garbage dot com?

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Casey. First time. Big first time, homie. Big fan. Is a garbage to invite 100 people to your wedding, but only rent 85 chairs. I'm jammed up here, boys. God damn. You better hope you got a good dj.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Keeping everybody up and vibing.

[H. Foley]

Now, I assume that means it's buffet style.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And is that an announcement you make, like, hey, we gotta.

[H. Foley]

You know, I think you'd be all right. Nobody actually sits down at once.

[Kevin James Ryan]

15, I think you claim your seat. I would tell my boys, yeah, you ain't got a seat. Hover by the bar. Yeah, hover by the side.

[H. Foley]

There's definitely a cocktail table or two.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. You know, but when you get there, you grab your seat, your girl sits down. We're over here. You throw your jacket. I mean, my jacket stays on. I gotta cover.

[H. Foley]

I do. I claim my role.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's your role?

[H. Foley]

My butter and roll, huh? On the table. That's the first thing I do, is I get my jacket down, make sure I got my fucking butter and my roll.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure.

[Unidentified Guest]

That's home base.

[H. Foley]

That's home base. That's big. And my little. My little shooter glass of champagne.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. So when you get there, you want to be fucking. You want to at least stake your claim whether you sit down or not. If you're cutting up the dance floor, if you're fucking, you know, huffing balloons in the parking lot, sure you want. You at least need a fucking, you know, lighthouse to go to. Yeah, that's a tough look, but I respect it. I list. Tell your boys or the people you're closest with. Yo, just chill. Don't give me a gift. I ain't got no fucking. You don't gotta see. Just. Just fucking hover. Get the Dance floor, going early. Be. You know, start working at people right there.

[H. Foley]

Dance away everyone else.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I always hated that the like the full break on the fucking. On the wedding.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Of like, oh, we're dancing, then we're as well.

[H. Foley]

Please tell me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Just that it's like you got to. I don't know. I hate the formal sit down at a wedding. It's like, sucks. I hate the speeches, everything about it. We're vibing, we're partying, and this guy wants to start fucking giving a PowerPoint presentation. I got shit to do.

[H. Foley]

Hey, I'm with you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm trying to close some ass out here.

[H. Foley]

Preaching to the choir. Wedding stink.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, all right, all right. Let's see here. This one's from Annoyed the void. Great. Name $10, homie. Never had one read. Ever attend a going away party for someone and then whatever they were going away for fell through, so they just never left. My cousin had one because he's enlisted in the army. Long story short, he's a plumber now. Damn, that's tough, man.

[H. Foley]

Plenty of those on the comedy scene.

[Kevin James Ryan]

A lot of those in our. In our days of Philadelphia.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Which we never did any of that shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I had one.

[H. Foley]

Not did.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No. I mean it wasn't like a going away party. There wasn't balloons or nothing. You were in New York already? Yeah, I was manning the ship down there. No, it was my. We ran the Raven Lounge.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was running the Raven Lounge. I had been abandoned by my best friend. Well, you run the last 50 bucks.

[H. Foley]

Were you running?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Left me with an empty bank account.

[H. Foley]

Were you running the Raven like when you left?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think up until like the last couple of weeks.

[Unidentified Guest]

Like.

[H. Foley]

No kidding?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. So that was. It was my last one. I'm making this on. My last one was when I moved. My Last one was June 1st and I was moving like the next week.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So Karen, the longtime bartender there, Shout out to Karen. Shout out to Karen. Hosted. It was bartender for the, you know, the. However many years that show was ran. She posted as Kevin Ryan's last night. So it became like a little bit of, ah, a little bit of a going away party. But yeah, people would go, I'm moving here, I'm moving there. Big party, big party there. Big party here. Oh, it's so and so's last thing. And then two weeks, three weeks later they show up. Can I put my name on the list? I went.

[H. Foley]

Not so easy in the big city, is it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'd have to quit. I wouldn't have I'd move to another, smaller scene.

[H. Foley]

Grown men crying on the subway.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Start hitting Baltimore or something. See what to see what to see what the mics are like in Pittsburgh.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. There at Scooji's.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Shout out. Scooji, which someone said. We. We did a. We have a big custom Monopoly bar. Someone said it's. It's a shame.

[H. Foley]

We have Scoochies on there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Scoochies didn't make the Monopoly, but we had the Raven. We had this, we had that. We had all. All these things that are parts of our lives.

[H. Foley]

Scoochy's too classy of an operation.

[Kevin James Ryan]

My family goes there all the time now. All the time.

[H. Foley]

Get the tour. Italy out there is what you do. And the peanut butter pie, which is delicious. Sure. Shout out to Scooji.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Shoot it. All right. Let's see here. This one's from all the toast. Ever Google a word spelling because you were so off Bas. Autocorrect. Autocorrect. Couldn't figure it out. All the time I was trying to spell connoisseur. Tough one.

[H. Foley]

Brutal.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Real different language though, I'll give you that. That's a French fucking word. You shouldn't know that. I'm a connoisseur about which companies have the best tortilla chip salt distribution. Which dirt bag use dirt bag. Expert area of expertise.

[H. Foley]

Decision gets me all the time.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Restaurant. I mean, it's the old Patrice bit. I'll never get restaurant. I will never get it.

[H. Foley]

Business to business is mine.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's crazy. We're all. The three of us are business partners.

[Unidentified Guest]

The S and the I get bu.

[H. Foley]

I s. Right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And you wonder why we can't get to the next level.

[H. Foley]

Hey, I've been using the computer a lot more. I've been using the computer more than I have ever have lately. Let's say that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Would you got a pornhub password or something?

[H. Foley]

And the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Which as a real dirtbag thing back in the day. I don't know if you would do that. What are your boys. When was it? Bang Bros. Brazzers. Brazers. We had a kid who was in

[H. Foley]

like Razors is Free.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was in like Internet marketing. And he would lace us. He would post on our wall. Real shady. On your birthday. A new password. A new username and password.

[H. Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

At every. That thing made its own rounds. I was like an early Netflix login dude. That was on every device.

[H. Foley]

No, I never did that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, more at seven. I can't get a read on you today. No, I did not do that.

[H. Foley]

Nice. I stick with the free stuff.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

You know, I got you. Unless you heard differently.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Unless you have my credit card transactions Wednesday too.

[H. Foley]

I can't spell. That gets me jammed up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You can spell anal, though.

[H. Foley]

You got. Damn right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I. To live in his connoisseur world for a minute. I would. What My favorite. I'm the old. I'm a scoops guy.

[H. Foley]

You're talking about tortilla chips.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I don't think there's anything better.

[H. Foley]

I'll tell you who.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Than scoops. I love an old G. Big triangle. But you don't get the distribution triangle. Like the big triangle. John.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know this most standard cartoon tortilla chip. I don't know where. What? I lost you on it.

[H. Foley]

You mean the real big ones?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, the big triangle.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they're too flimsy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I just said that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they're too flimsy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are you on a podcast?

[H. Foley]

And they break apart.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What works the best is the round one. Little round bangers.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're. That's like a. That's a flat scoop, which I get. I like those, too.

[H. Foley]

I like those.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know. Sorry.

[H. Foley]

Now, I was gonna say, you know who fuck. You know, fucks their chips up is fucking Chipotle.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're a little thin. Little bitches.

[H. Foley]

No, there's just. There's too much fucking salt on them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Doing that's not a problem to me. You know what ones are good? Which I assume it's just real trashy, like RMR food. Whatever. The yellow circles. Yeah, Those things, man. You could stand on them. You put chili on them. You could put cheese on them.

[H. Foley]

Heavy bike, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Those. And they're all part. They all look the same.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They don't come out like there's a machine just pressing them things. They're the ones I think you get at seven. They're the 711 chips. Yeah, they're the movie chips. If you get notches in a movie

[H. Foley]

or a ball game, Tostitos makes them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they do. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No shit.

[H. Foley]

With the original tortilla. Because Gene Shallet used to do the commercials for them. You know Gene Charlotte is. No, I'm sure he was an old movie reviewer. He had a handlebar black handlebar mustache. He was real crazy. Real hair.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I never knew what he did.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fucking whack it off my screen there, guy. Oh, thick and Hardy now. That can't be that. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

They were the originals.

[Unidentified Guest]

The ones that suck. I might get pushback. The exo chittle or something. The Fancy bag.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fancy bag.

[Unidentified Guest]

The fancy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How do you pronounce that? A cheese or a town? It's not percent. It's. It's exo. Chittle. That's how the dirt bag would say.

[H. Foley]

Are they in a brown paper bag?

[Unidentified Guest]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, fuck that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And like that. Do remember you'd go over. I think it was Flips. Like, I'd go to, like, Flip's house when I'd be in Philly and that would be on top of the fridge. And I'm like, you're just trying to show off with your fucking chips. You're not better than me. Okay, first of all, you're not better than me.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Second of all, shout out to Newman Goretti for coming in seconds. No. Yeah. You're just like that. I don't. I. I don't have the confidence to buy those. I don't know who thinks least that's okay to buy. You get the tostitas. There's a reason we don't know how to pronounce that name.

[H. Foley]

Little hint of lime ain't too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's another. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it is.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Man, I gotta be honest with you. They're really honing in on the hint of lime.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And I'm not saying it because they're a sponsor. That garage beer is perfectly good. Perfectly dabbed with a lime. Perfectly.

[H. Foley]

I like a little hint of lime, you know, Hint. The lime ain't bad in Coca Cola.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Not bad.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They got it. I'm with it. There's a. There's a cheese like that, too. That's that same name.

[Unidentified Guest]

Oaka or something.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Guest]

I just had to buy some. That's why.

[H. Foley]

A Walker cheese.

[Unidentified Guest]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

See if you can get the name, the pronunciation of that. Of those chips that Ex Chottles, Ex Machinas, as I call them, which I don't know if you see Netflix.

[H. Foley]

I seen that with Oscar Isaac in the Chick. She's a Robot. Wasn't a.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ruined the movie. Spoiler alert.

[H. Foley]

Wasn't a sex.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, Gene Shallot. You just ruined the fucking movie. Okay, let's see here. Oh, my God. What?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Unidentified Guest]

Sauchel.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, it's definitely not X. Let me see.

[Unidentified Guest]

S, O, W, C, H, E, E, L is the phonetic.

[H. Foley]

Let me see it. I'll show you how to spell it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We know how to spell it.

[H. Foley]

Or I'll know how to tell you how to pronounce it. Let me see it. Show me. Show you idiots. What do we got, squirrels out there? What the hell's going on here? I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That? Yeah. No. Bozo. So chill. So chill.

[Unidentified Guest]

So chill. It's kind of so chill.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Manny's chips are so chill.

[H. Foley]

Sounds Japanese.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Flip, Adam. So chill.

[H. Foley]

I don't remember those.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What, you've never seen them?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That bag?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Not my style.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know if it's 21 or. Ever see 21 Jump Street? The movie? No. Okay, well, he takes a drug and there's like seven phases. It makes you like, really silly, really happy, angry, irate. And I feel like. I feel like that's this episode.

[H. Foley]

I don't care for that. Channing Tatum.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Why?

[H. Foley]

So I don't know. Just don't like him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh. That's an odd take for you. Good looking guy. Bounce a quarter off that thing.

[H. Foley]

Nah, I like Seth or Jonah Hill. Talented actor.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. You don't like him as a personality? You don't like his acting?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Not big on Channing Tatum or the guy that plays peacemaker. How about that?

[Unidentified Guest]

Oh, John Cena.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

They're very similar to me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who likes John Cena? That's crazy. That's crazy to me. Okay.

[H. Foley]

That I don't like John Cena.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, that you think they're like each other.

[H. Foley]

They are like, look. Exactly. They can play brothers in a movie. Which I have an idea for them if they give me a call back.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's why you don't like them.

[H. Foley]

Of course I like Channing Tatum. Heard that movie's really good with him in the Stuck Upstairs in the roof.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, yeah?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Heard it's very different from what the marketing is.

[Unidentified Guest]

Roofman.

[H. Foley]

Roofman. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That seems pretty. Pretty straight. Pretty straightforward marketing.

[H. Foley]

You don't know how to market. I'm leaving, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Bug man is Squirrel man today. He's squirrely. And I. Hey, buddy, I'm here for it. I am here for it, okay?

[H. Foley]

I'm here for it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let's get some of them chips. Fucking relax. Just fucking. Everybody just take a minute and relax in our comfort colored T shirts.

[H. Foley]

Comfort colored T shirts.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh. I think some of this dye is going to my brain also.

[H. Foley]

Final starts running on my eyes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're crying blood. Crying blue. That happened.

[H. Foley]

Is this blue or black? My. Mine's blue.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's black, man.

[H. Foley]

Is it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, my God. We got no fight about this shirt. We did. Oh my God. Who won?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, because you don't know what the hell you're doing. You don't know what step in here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You don't know what color it is.

[H. Foley]

You don't know how to move merch. I do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh? Scandal, scandals and animals. Huh? All right, next question. What's your favorite type of tortilla chip? No. All right. This one's from Corporal Garbage, just sworn into the army officially. My man.

[H. Foley]

Thank you, buddy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Thank you for your service.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to the squad.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ready to earn. Is it garbage if the Circle K puts out Sampler Nuggies at 6am? They put them out at 6am he has them. What?

[H. Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't even know what the Circle K nuggies are. Look, we don't have Circle K's by

[H. Foley]

us, Circle K is like a 7 11.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know what they are. I'm just saying they're putting out samples. Why isn't everybody doing that?

[H. Foley]

I feel like Wawa should be doing that. That's a mistake. That's how you get rats.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What are you talking about?

[H. Foley]

That's like duh.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's.

[H. Foley]

No, that's like putting old bread outside.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They look like these. Dude, it looks like popcorn chicken.

[H. Foley]

You don't need a sample of Circle K nuggets.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes, I do. To move.

[H. Foley]

To move merchandise.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You don't want to know what's real trashy.

[H. Foley]

Probably all homeless people.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They call them nuggies.

[H. Foley]

Really.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Circle K offers a variety of hot grab and go food items that often include chicken bites or chicken nuggies as they're part in some locations. Crispy, crunchy chicken, huh?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. The idea of convenience stores doing free samples seems dangerous.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let's elevate. What do you mean? That's the world we want to be living in.

[H. Foley]

I don't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're on the road, dude. How much are we on the road? We walk in, everybody could use a little bite. Or maybe you're off schedule of lunch and dinner and you go, I could use a little just.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but we're high end clientele in those joints. That's not what you're going to be attracting. You begin homeless people to crazies all coming.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, but they don't walk on a lot. They're gonna buy. You hit them with a couple of nuggies. Also when it.

[H. Foley]

You think they're just gonna leave when

[Kevin James Ryan]

the crazy guy comes in you. Oh my God.

[H. Foley]

Do you want to be sharing a communal plate with what? Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean we're not like.

[H. Foley]

I'm not with the booger man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're not. You got. They got fucking Jones in them.

[H. Foley]

Okay, Kevin, let's play it your way. We'll do it. We'll go. Okay, Circle K, we'll stop.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The last Circle K I was in.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I don't remember ever having a good experience.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I forget where I was. I went to get heaters, so it's probably like, it was, you know, I went to get us heaters because that's. If you're. You're not the guy who goes on the mission when we're both out of heaters. Me, that's in anybody but you job. And you know it. I don't know. I'm running late. Hey. You start throwing groups out. Excuses out in the group. Text to. Nah, my ankle. Or I got.

[H. Foley]

Well, if it's the wee hours of the evening, you're running a risk of me just disappearing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Very true. Catch a flight back home, end up in Reno.

[H. Foley]

All right. You want to send me. Okay. On a night mission in a strange city with the who's who hanging out in front of the Circle K with free nuggie bites.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I remember walk through this Circle K. There was, like, multiple active altercations. Walking and I walk. And the. They're, like, holding the door shut or they got. There's a crazy guy barricading the door from the outside. This is how you know you got a heater problem. And I'm like, what's going on here?

[H. Foley]

I'm just getting smokes right this way.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He let me in. And I walk in. And the people outside were like, ah, that's just Gary, you know, like, not even phased. I'm like, there's a crazy guy barricade in the door. And then, like, he comes in and he spit. It was just like a melee where I'm like, dude, these circles. Spitting, dude. It was just like. It was literal chaotic. Was chaotic. And I'm just like, man. And they were so unfazed. Like, these Circle K's play by a different fucking rule. Different rules. Remember we stopped that. We stopped at one in the blizzard on the way home from somewhere. Remember that? We want. We had. We all had, like, breakfast there. And we had, like, wings. And we got. From Breck. It was bad, man. What blizzard we drove home from. I believe it was a Circle K from, like, Syracuse to Albany or something like that.

[H. Foley]

Or not that long ago, Syracuse to

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pittsburgh, I think we were driving. We got caught. We were driving home from somewhere up that way. We got stuck in a. I drove. It was during the. During the snow. And I kept saying, I got seven souls on board. And he didn't like it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I remember now. You were driving. Diesel was driving.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I Was driving.

[H. Foley]

I remember Diesel driving recently in the snow got us home, Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't remember that. Maybe you remember doing a solo mission. It was one of those dreams where you're flying over New York City.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. What are you talking about?

[Unidentified Guest]

But Kippy wasn't with us.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Where the hell was I?

[Unidentified Guest]

It was like after the Met show or something. I think that makes sense.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah. It was the next day after the Met show.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I stayed in Philadelphia.

[H. Foley]

You turned tail and ran.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I had to see my family.

[H. Foley]

Get your Christmas presents, whatever you're doing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I didn't do Christmas presents this year. We don't do them. I don't do well with them. But I'm on board with that. While they do it at the mall, right? Dabble. I mean, dude, we're weary travelers coming in. I don't know. You're far. And I don't know how your system works. I don't know what your nuggies are. I don't know what fresh hot bites you offer and how good they are. If I could dabble, I'm okay with that.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm not saying keep them out front by the ashtray. You know what I mean? But, like, if I hit. Like if you're. If you're getting a slice of cheese at a deli, have them. Here you go. To have. Toss me a nugget.

[H. Foley]

Try it out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

My beak. Let me try it out.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's all I'm saying. Can't believe I never. I can't believe I. We found a situation where you would be against free sampies.

[H. Foley]

I mean, I think I made my point.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're not wrong. You would. You know. You're not wrong. I think it would be a little chaotic at first. Let me learn the system.

[H. Foley]

Because I'm usually. I'm usually on edge when I go into a convenience store. Especially at night. You know what I mean? Waiting for some action to pop off. I feel like that just, you know, that's putting out bait.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're not wrong. I mean, I don't. You're not doing it at 2:00am Maybe you are. This is early morning.

[H. Foley]

Okay?

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is it. This is for lunch crowd. You're trying to attract the reputable customer. You're not doing it. 2:00am where you got to order through the little. Smashing them. Smashing nuggets through the window.

[H. Foley]

You dip that in a little honey mustard, please.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hand up through the bank teller machine.

[H. Foley]

What do I do to toothpick?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's the thing. I feel like a lot of bodegas got Rid of what? The glass. Anymore. Back when we were. When we, you know, in. My neighbor and, you know. Philly. Philly. Philly, for sure. You had the. In the right, then the left, you know, it was the. The Tetris piece again. So you couldn't fucking. You couldn't get them.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now they're. I. Now I feel like they're open season. Some of the vape shops where I think are selling weed, they got the thing up, but that's probably to buy them a couple of minutes when the fucking Alphabet boys come in. Yeah, they're always real. They're always real. Real fucking. They eye up when you ask for heaters. Oh, no. Then they press a button, the. The flap open.

[H. Foley]

I've had that a couple of times where they thought I was a copper. Now I don't know. Cigarettes. Never heard of them. You know, you're selling heaters. You got zins and like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You got whatchamacallit, bars. You tell me you don't got fucking heaters back there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, I. Hey, I. I concur. All right, let's see here. This one's from Jacob R. Hey, new Patreon member. First question. Little risque. Little risque. All right. Are you garbage if you join to pornography on a major holiday? I'm talking Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.

[H. Foley]

Now, take care of your business.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I guess my question is, where do you find the time? In my. In my experience, it's like a Christmas holiday season, jammed up, multiple family parties. That's all I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

I can see that. You go to bed Christmas Eve, slap it. That's why you wake up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The porn, though, that's got to be a silent night, if you catch my drift.

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This one says the porn.

[H. Foley]

Porn, it's always a silent night.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, he's asking the porn.

[H. Foley]

It's always a silent night with the porn.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was. I get. You're saying no noise. I was.

[H. Foley]

No volume.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I was saying more. No. Oh, no, you don't do any volume.

[H. Foley]

Not. Not if I have to. Not if I can't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, you Seal Team six. This guy's. This guy's. This guy's jerking all. He's about to take Bin Laden's palace

[H. Foley]

if I don't have any headphones. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How nervous are you acting? I will never connect to a Bluetooth speaker ever in my life. Ever in my life. My wife's, like, connected to the Bluetooth. Yeah, you shit. Catch me. Catch me in 24 hours. Still fucking connected. I got my in laws down at the table making schnitzel. No, thank you.

[H. Foley]

Dirty little boy, ain't you?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I'm usually. No volume because for some reason in my brain, I feel like that. No, that volume travels further.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's different noise. Yeah, for sure, for sure.

[H. Foley]

Like you can hear it down the hallway. Because sometimes I'm walking down my hallway and I can hear people watching porn or having sex.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I don't know which one.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Goddamn door's too sick, if you catch my drift. Help a brother out. Ah. Just knocking on the door, looking for a little sugar.

[H. Foley]

Who's out here fucking now? You could tell. You could tell it's porno. That's a bad look. Kid next door to me, man, he's in there wailing on himself all the time.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's saying the same thing.

[H. Foley]

It's like he's got. No. He can't hear shit on my end. It's quiet as a mouse pissing on cotton. You never heard that? I did.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's weird to fucking.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I always keep. I keep the volume off.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh.

[Unidentified Guest]

I'll get texts from people and I think they're texting me, telling me, like, I went live on Instagram or something. And I get so scared. Like, the group chat's popping off and I'm like, you're.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're on AYG live broadcast, and it's just you fucking wailing on yourself.

[H. Foley]

Just your face.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Whatever it is.

[Unidentified Guest]

Or like, I tweeted a link or something.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I always.

[H. Foley]

I always forget that there's a camera point.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You got it going right now.

[H. Foley]

I always think that there's a camera pointing in your face when you're doing it. Yeah, but they don't know what you're looking at.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, if. I think if they can hack the camera, they can get your browser history.

[H. Foley]

No, but I'm just saying, in that moment, they don't know what you're looking at.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're gonna make this face watching a tennis match. It's a nail biter. But I do. I mean, there is something weird. Speaking personally, there's something weird to taking care of business on a big holiday like that.

[H. Foley]

You enjoy yourself on a holiday. You want to go in fresh, too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I like to go in.

[H. Foley]

You don't want to be all. You don't want to be. You don't have your thoughts in dirty places. When you're out with family, I would

[Kevin James Ryan]

argue that, like, you're the. You shouldn't be all fucking charged up talking to Nana.

[H. Foley]

Got to get rid of that stuff get the demons out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

You know what I'm saying? So you can. So you can think clearly.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think. Okay. I would say your environment should check you to think. At least in my experience. If I'm sitting there carving a turkey, I'm not, you know, I'm not rock hard.

[H. Foley]

Of course you jerked off before.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, I get.

[H. Foley]

I get what he's saying.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, he's asking, is it garbage? So I'm saying, yeah, like, I think he even knows. Listen, it's impure. It does. There's something. I'm not saying don't do it or whatever. I'm just saying there is something a little naughty. Yeah. Extra naughty, sure. But so to me, it's also like. I guess there's like a time period of when I'm seeing people to when I saw people. Like, I don't want to fucking be wailing on myself to go, like, slapping high five with, like.

[H. Foley]

Oh, no kidding.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I like. I mean.

[H. Foley]

Oh, wow.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I like a little bit. I think that's.

[H. Foley]

We've all been in close contact immediately after.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, we can hear in the hallway performance. Sure. We're traveling together on the road, and we're business associates.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's different if I'm like, you know, around family members. I can wait 24 hours. That's what I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

Until when it's not Christmas Day.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Save it up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Boxing Day. Big Boxing Day guy. But, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Save it up. I'm a Black Friday kind of guy. This one's just funny. Pinto, are you garbage? If your mom comes to visit you for a week and asks why you constantly have two fat guys talking shit on the television, I assume that's about us. He says, I turned on the Rob Lowe episode and changed her attitude. How you doing?

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Rob Lowe would. Still putting up numbers for the little guy. Shout out to him for the fat idiot. Yeah, that. The Rob Lowe one is the. That's the one that non podcast people understand the most.

[H. Foley]

Kids. A looker worker, too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure does.

[H. Foley]

Well, better than you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He ain't jerking off on Easter. I know that much.

[H. Foley]

You don't need to.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You don't know what he needs, Drew.

[H. Foley]

You don't know what I need.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I do.

[H. Foley]

No, you don't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pretty vocal about it in the group chat.

[H. Foley]

Loving family.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sending your links by accident now. What would Patty say if she knew you were wailing on yourself before you're over there eating her cutlets? Maybe that's what gets you.

[H. Foley]

No I don't do it at her house. Are you crazy? No. It's. It's that all shut down down there.

[Unidentified Guest]

No.

[H. Foley]

Way too weird. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Way too weird.

[H. Foley]

No. Two. Two. Catholic. Repressed. Yeah. Too weird. Who that. I can't do it in that environment.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You do it on Christmas day in my house.

[H. Foley]

My place.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's a slow Christmas. Thought there'd be more foot traffic.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I was not in the. In the literal sense. You know. In a vacuum. Yes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I get it.

[H. Foley]

I get jerking off.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Put it in a vacuum. Officer Doofy.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to Electrolux.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He got the Roomba on you.

[H. Foley]

I knew what.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He was chasing it around. Okay.

[H. Foley]

No. Nowhere near down there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. Fair enough.

[H. Foley]

My mother listens to the program too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Family episodes too?

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She only does big guess. What's up? Patty.

[H. Foley]

Shut up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You're telling her I'm whacking off?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No. You did.

[H. Foley]

I'll get in trouble. Get grounded. Shove me over a confession.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You are a twisted kind of guy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh? Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That's right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Your little altar boy uniform.

[H. Foley]

Shut up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You get so weird. Freak.

[H. Foley]

Saying that. Weird to me. I tell my mom on you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You spank me too? Yeah.

[H. Foley]

God. You make me sick.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Creep.

[H. Foley]

I'll turn you in.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Turn you out and turn you in.

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Hitting on me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Freak. Which should be illegal.

[H. Foley]

Making me uncomfortable. My workplace. I go to HR about. You take this whole company.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's your company.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And you dank it. Put me behind bars. That what you do? A couple sexual passes at you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. That's right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We were. I was. I was just. I was just offering. I wasn't. I didn't do any. There was no weird position of power. Do you like this? That's.

[H. Foley]

You can't do that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Can't say that shit to who?

[H. Foley]

To me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're not an employee.

[H. Foley]

Right? I'm a man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Just two fat guys looking for love in all the wrong places. The bottom of a bottle. I've been there. All right. Let's see here.

[H. Foley]

It feels funny.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh. I take a look at it. Ew.

[H. Foley]

Stop it. You grossing me out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Man. You're fucking asking for creep out of here.

[H. Foley]

Let's get some chicks in here. Too. Loosen this up a little bit. Sausage fest in here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fucking creep.

[H. Foley]

Get out of here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Man.

[H. Foley]

Stop hitting on me. Dude.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Jesus.

[H. Foley]

Right?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I can't even look at him.

[H. Foley]

He's making me sick.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It makes you hard.

[H. Foley]

Gross. Ew. No. Not attracted.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. Slipping out of your seat.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You wish. Never look at me. No.

[H. Foley]

I'm not looking at you, man. You're a fucking freak. Talking about my mom and altar boys. Weird shit. Fucking gross. I don't do that shit no more.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Freak. I ain't gay no more. That's gonna be the viral clip of you. I ain't gay no more.

[H. Foley]

Out of here. Not my type, okay? Just friends. Get it through your bald head, okay? You don't do it for me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Beat it.

[H. Foley]

Stop saying weird shit to me at work.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, next question is from Gary. Do you find your co host attractive? Did it move at all?

[H. Foley]

What's up with this dude? This guy's thirsty. You need to get some.

[Unidentified Guest]

My mom said I can't hang out with you guys anymore.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Me?

[H. Foley]

What are you talking. I want to go with you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I bet you do.

[H. Foley]

Don't leave me here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You want to go all the way with them, don't you?

[H. Foley]

Don't leave me here with this dude.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Take him out to make out point or something.

[H. Foley]

Kippy Dahmer over here. This guy wants to put me in his soup.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Look over.

[H. Foley]

You're making out with the night. Come on, Grandma. Don't look at my room.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, gang, I think me and you have to have some conversations off air.

[H. Foley]

About what? You know about what. Shut up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Serious.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about? He's freaking out about your weird. What's it called?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? Huh? Proclivity. We gotta wrap it. Luke, turn these lights off.

[H. Foley]

Gang, check out the new merch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And cut the last five minutes.

[H. Foley]

Keep an eye out for Kevin creeping around. We love you. We'll see you next week.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Peace.