Kumail Nanjiani!

Summary

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Are You Garbage? – Kumail Nanjiani!

Podcast Hosts: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan
Guest: Kumail Nanjiani
Release Date: September 1, 2025

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Brief Overview

In this lively and hilarious episode of "Are You Garbage?", comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan put Kumail Nanjiani through their signature trashy-comedy interrogation to determine if he's “classy” or “garbage.” Kumail, known for his acclaimed stand-up, acting, and screenwriting—including The Big Sick, Silicon Valley, and The Eternals—walks the boys through his childhood in Karachi, his love of movies, early days in the U.S., journey in comedy, and current Hollywood lifestyle. Along the way, the conversation is peppered with insightful and laugh-out-loud moments about family, ambition, American pop culture, and what it means to “make it”—all in the show’s signature, freewheeling, roast-the-guests style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Kumail’s Upbringing in Karachi

• Grew up in a bustling city: Karachi, with over 20 million people, reminded Kumail of New York more than Los Angeles.
  “Karachi is like… over 20 million people. So it’s like New York. So I feel much more at home in a city like New York than a city like Tinseltown.” (05:41)

• Early access to Western media: Hollywood movies and American TV shows (mostly via illegal bootlegs) shaped his cultural knowledge.

  • His first big Hollywood theater experience: Jurassic Park, dubbed in Urdu.
    “That is one big pile of shit. It murdered [in the theater].” (07:05)
  • Most movies he watched were bootlegs, often labeled as Pakistani or Bollywood films to skirt authorities.
    "So you would get movies like that. And I would watch… from the age of probably five to eighteen, I watched a movie every single day." (10:08)

• Horror movie obsession: Thanks to a bootleg VHS haul from an uncle (smuggled in diapers!), which included hundreds of movies.

Family Dynamics & Childhood

• Father: Community doctor charging minimal fees; later became a psychiatrist.
  “He would see everybody, charge everybody the same... everything from ‘I have a cold’ to ‘this kid got hit by a car.’” (13:44)
• Mother: Homemaker.
• Brother: Four years younger, with classic big brother/little brother tensions and bonding over video games and movies.
  “I wasn’t nice to my brother... I remember the first fight where he wouldn’t stay down. And I was like, alright, this might be our last fight.” (16:26)

Pranks and Scares:

• Kumail’s dad, a prankster, would scare Kumail with stories about jinns under the bed and record spooky tapes for him.
  “He’d be like, you know, at night, under your bed, like, jinns... They have, like, a tea party under your bed every night.” (29:44)

Early Encounters with America

• Teen visits: At 14, visited family in Queens, NY. Memorable for access to McDonald's, Toys R Us, and American pop culture.
  “My wife and I went back to Singapore like three years ago and went to that Toys R Us. Ceilings are a lot lower than I remember.” (26:17)

Video Games & “Indoor Kid” Life

• Grew up playing video games (NES/Super Famicom) and watching movies obsessively.
• Hosted "The Indoor Kids" podcast about gaming with his wife, Emily.

Schooling & Sports

• Good but anxiety-ridden cricket player in high school—always “on the edge,” never quite comfortable.
  • Switched to an elite school for the last two years; culture shock and mean rich kids. “Suddenly all my friends were gone. Totally new group. And I made the mistake of having a crush on a girl that one of the cool kids liked...” (22:56)

Transition to America for College

• Moved to Iowa at 18, attended Grinnell College—complete culture shock.
  “I honestly didn’t realize that America had, like, different terrains. You only show us LA and New York in the movies.” (34:27)

• Majored in Computer Science (“one for them”) and Philosophy (“one for me”).

• First real stand-up experience at college open mic; didn't watch stand-up until college years (~1999). Became obsessed via HBO specials.

Comedy Beginnings

• Started in Chicago: Did well early, first bomb came months in at Zanies.
  “I did not have my first bomb until I was like, three months in.” (46:34)

• Part of an insane Chicago comedy class (Hannibal Buress, TJ Miller, Pete Holmes, etc.).

• Moved to NYC for the alt comedy scene.

  • Ran with Mark Normand, Sean Patton, Mike Drucker.
  • Early break: Opened for Zach Galifianakis; toured with Stella (Showalter, Michael Ian Black, David Wain).

Breaking Into TV & Film

• First big writing/acting break on Michael & Michael Have Issues (Comedy Central), then recurring bits on Colbert and Portlandia.
  “I got hired as a writer, and then they were like, ‘Well, we want you to be on camera, too.’ And so I had to audition to play myself… five times.” (59:03)
• Landmark moment: Sketch on Portlandia as a cell phone salesman.
  “I would say for years, up to this day, that one sketch on that one show has basically led to everything else.” (61:36)

Financial Realities & Lifestyle Changes

• Early years: Lived “paycheck to paycheck” in Chicago; money very tight in NYC. Pete Holmes once loaned Kumail and Emily money.
  “If it wasn’t for Pete, we wouldn’t have made it in New York. No kidding.” (64:38)

• Big change after being cast on Franklin & Bash; later, blockbusters and Marvel roles brought real financial comfort.

• Smart about money: No Bitcoin, no investment properties. Keeps it simple out of discomfort and principle.
  “I don’t understand investing. I don’t understand buying a property... I don’t want to.” (77:21)

Hollywood Life: Are You Garbage?

• Home in LA: Pool, hot tub, fire pit, pool house turned into screening room/office with action figures, friends over for cigars, home gym.
  “I've got a pool house that I’ve turned into a screening room and my office. And I got all my action figures in there.” (68:13)

• Luxuries: Got a Lexus through a commercial deal (“Just pick the most expensive everything.”), high-end watch loans for events, a handful of nice suits, but doesn’t own most of his “red carpet” looks.

• Vacations: No kids, so he and Emily vacation internationally every year; splurge for nice hotels.

• Garbage Test Bits:

  • Peeing in the shower or pool? “No. I sit down to pee at my house. I don’t want that splashing around. That’s my home. That’s my castle.” (76:12)
  • His and her sinks and two bathrooms? “Yeah… We don’t fart in front of each other. We keep it spicy.” (76:31)
  • Still play video games. Has “PS, Xbox, Switch. Not a gaming computer.”
  • Favorite ‘American’ pizza chain? Pizza Hut, especially the pan pizza, but also a Domino’s fan. (74:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On moving to America for college:
  “I thought all of America was New York. And I got to Iowa and I was like, what the fuck?” (34:35)

• On his dad’s pranks:
  “He would record, like, ‘We'll come to get you, Kumail.’ Just for me. And he'd hit play, and these sounds would come, and he'd be like, who could that be? The whole family's here.” (30:14)

• On stand-up beginnings:
  “My first time I did stand up, I did 30 minutes... I remember coming off stage being like, I could do Letterman next week, dude.” (45:57)

• On Hollywood perks:
  “They just sent me the website. So I picked the most expensive everything... I was the first guy in North America to have this one specific car.” (69:48)

• On financial security and privilege:
  “There are downsides to being known, but there are a lot of upsides. And not having to, like, worry about money is a huge one of them.” (72:54)

• On his relationship and keeping things fresh:
  “We don’t fart in front of each other. We keep it spicy. There’s like a real separation.” (76:52)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro & Kumail’s career rundown: 00:26 – 02:34
• Kumail talks moving to LA/Broadway play “O Mary”: 03:02 – 05:47
• Life and movie culture in Karachi: 05:41 – 13:18
• Family background and finances growing up: 13:44 – 15:41
• Brotherly relationship and indoor kid life: 16:19 – 18:02
• First movie bootlegs, horror obsession: 09:12 – 10:55
• Travel/vacations as a kid: 24:54 – 26:22
• Video games & toys, childhood in Karachi: 28:33 – 29:34
• Arriving in Iowa & college culture shock: 34:20 – 35:14
• Stand-up, comedy beginnings, and early NYC scene: 45:49 – 56:03
• Financial struggles and Pete Holmes’ support: 62:37 – 64:50
• Hollywood perks, LA lifestyle, home setups: 67:02 – 70:07
• Relationship, bathrooms, and home habits: 76:12 – 76:58
• Investing, real estate, and “the market”: 76:58 – 77:38
• Current projects & Broadway plug: 77:51 – 78:38

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Takeaways

Kumail Nanjiani’s journey—bootleg movies in Karachi, bombing and surviving the NYC open mic circuit, and ending up starring in films and Broadway—offers a funny, heartfelt, and revealing look at the realities of chasing the American dream and “making it” in entertainment. His blend of relatability, candidness about money and success, and genuine appreciation for his journey makes for one of the show’s most engaging and inspiring episodes.

Is he garbage? Even with a few “dirt under the fingernails” stories, his Gentleman's Lexus, plush pool setup, and bidet-beside-the-castle approach suggest Kumail is, for the most part, living like a “classy guy”—but with a clear love for the trashy pop culture that made him.

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Projects Plugged:

• Broadway: “O Mary” (as Abraham, with Jinx Monsoon)
• Hulu comedy special: “Night Thoughts”
• “Fallout” (TV series, S2)
• “Ella McKay” (James L. Brooks film with Woody Harrelson, Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Transcript

[H. Foley]

I got a question for all you bozos and homies out there. Do you think you're Garbage will come find out. The boys are about to hit the road for that back on the block tour. We're starting out there on the left coast, baby.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Brea. Then we got Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philadelphia at the Met, Rochester, Toronto. Guys, get your tickets now. These will sell out. We love you. They'll see you on the road.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh, yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after, you have to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She just got back from the pet store store.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Got a piranha gonna show me later. Pretty sick, huh? Chinese star Mike Coase is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Ru Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him. Give it up for kj Kevin, James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Shout out to you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the charts. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com re garbage. Love that money.

[H. Foley]

Gang, gang. We could be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful stand up comedian, actor, producer and writer. And you might have seen him in, but not limited to he got Ugly Americans, you got life as we know it, the five year Engagement, Bad Milo, Veep, Burning Love, Sex Tape, Franklin and Bash, Broad City, Hot tub, Time Machine 2, the Kroll Show, Inside Amy Schumer, Community, Adventure Time, Brother Nature, of course, the big sick Academy Award nominee. You got Portlandia, 53 episodes of Silicon Valley, Cha Ching. How you doing? The Eternals, Obi Wan Kenobi, Ghostbusters, Frozen Empire, Poker Face, Bob's Burgers. You got the Colbert Report, you got the Tonight Show, Seth Meyer, Smartless Jimmy Kimmel, after midnight. Good morning America. Look out, here we go. And he's got a brand new special coming out in December over there on Hulu. Give it up for Kamal Nanjiani, everybody. Let's go. Look out him. Rolled in here solo like a Jedi, too. We didn't even hear him come in.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, what did you expect?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Some goons, some muscles.

[Kevin Ryan]

He thinks if you've been to la, you roll with a T. He thinks it's like a turage.

[H. Foley]

Somebody doing the hair. I don't know. Somebody holding a protein.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

My life guru was busy today. A lot of that going on.

[H. Foley]

Sure. Ah, man, where do you hold your hat now? Where you live? You. You want. You want. You on the coast? Out in Tinseltown? Are you over here?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm on the coast.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're really trying to. Joe Hollywood.

[H. Foley]

Did I see you at the Grove last week? Am I crazy? No, I'm there every day.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You've just Googled la.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's reading the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You remember. Oh, Beverly Hills. I know that zip code.

[H. Foley]

My producer lives in Ra, I think.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, that's from.

[H. Foley]

No, I'm kidding.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's from karate kit.

[H. Foley]

Karate kit?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that where you know RA from?

[H. Foley]

That's where I know RA from.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They're moving to Resita.

[H. Foley]

And I know Toluca Lake from Pulp Fiction.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, there you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's going to sweep your leg in a couple of minutes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that the one where. Where Harvey Cartel's like, where do you live? And he's like, toluca Lake. He's like, I see your future. It's a cab.

[H. Foley]

It's after they shoot the kid in the back. And he's like, if my partner. We're gonna see if my partner's home in Toluca Lake. If Jimmy isn't home, we're in big trouble.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I see. Okay. I live in la.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's Los Angeles. Hollywood.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Kippy. But I'm here for a couple months doing a play.

[H. Foley]

Whoa, I didn't know that. Broadway.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Broadway. I'd never done a play in my fucking life, and now I'm. This is week four of doing a play.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[H. Foley]

Like the. Like the play's up or you're in rehearsals?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, no, no. We're. We're. We're four weeks into the run.

[H. Foley]

No. Kim, what's the name of the play?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's called Omari.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you're doing oh, Mary? Yeah, I'm doing it. Hello.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Have you guys seen it?

[H. Foley]

No. I know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's huge hit. It's so let's go. Funny. It's so undeniable.

[H. Foley]

What character are you playing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Mary.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, I'm playing her husband.

[H. Foley]

You're playing Abe Lickens. So he does switch that. I forget the gentleman's name.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Conrad, Rick. Amora is gone, and I'm the next. I'm the replacement. Abe.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha. It is the kid that wrote it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Cole is gone, and Jinx Monsoon is playing Mary, and she's phenomenal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man.

[H. Foley]

That thing's gonna be cleaning up for years.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it's awesome. It's one of those big hit.

[H. Foley]

Kid won a Tony for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

A producer all of a sudden, what? That thing's gonna be cleaning up for you?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Kid wanted Tony for it.

[H. Foley]

He did. He won Tony.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Do you know what the Tonys are?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know Antony spent the night.

[H. Foley]

Eliza's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No. Come watch. It's really.

[H. Foley]

That's awesome, man. I didn't know you were doing that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's crazy. Like, I've been doing comedy since 2001, and these last three weeks, I've learned new stuff about comedy that I didn't know. I'm learning new about comedy, and I. Because I thought, you know, you're doing a long time. Like, I kind of know all the moves. I know all the things, and this is like, oh, there's new rules that I'm learning.

[H. Foley]

Damn. It's on Broadway.

[Kevin Ryan]

Constantly challenging himself.

[H. Foley]

Nuts. Give us the backstory. Let's go back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Karachi all. Take it all the way back, baby.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Karachi. Karachi, 1978. Karachi is like, sort of, you know, it's over 20 million people, so it's like New York. So I feel much more at home in a city like New York than a city like Tinseltown. I love New York, and I'm really fucking loving being here right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think it's the dude.

[H. Foley]

Broadway in the fall. I mean, great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Broadway in the Pillar. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

He would have said any season.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

By the way, that's my favorite Robert Redford movie.

[H. Foley]

Broadway in the fall.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Aliston in the spring.

[H. Foley]

It's very sad when Meryl Streep dies in it, though.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hey, spoilers, buddy. Yeah. So. And I grew up there. I was there Till I was 18. Grew up really, really watching a lot of Hollywood movies and TV shows and stuff. So that's sort of where I knew American culture.

[H. Foley]

Did everything get there on time?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Everything got. We didn't get stuff in the theaters. The first movie I remember, big Hollywood movie opening in theaters there, like, officially was Jurassic Park.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's the first one I saw. And I watched Jurassic. Jurassic park in Urdu like it was dubbed into the language I grew up speaking. So I watched it at the theater in Urdu. And I remember the part where he says, that's a. What's he say? Mountain of shit. Is that what he says? That's a big pile.

[H. Foley]

Oh, when they see the poop for the first time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. The Urdu translation for it was so fun. It, like, crushed and still the biggest laugh I've ever heard in a theater. That is one big pile of shit. But. But that's.

[H. Foley]

That's the line.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's one big pile of shit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. It murdered. Yeah. And I grew up, you know, so. So we got stuff. We got. We got vhs, but they were not there. And the first movie that I remember being released officially on VHS was Star Trek Generations. What's the. What's the first of the movies with. What's the first. It's not called gender, but what's the first of the movies with the Next Generation crew called?

[H. Foley]

It's not First Contact, maybe.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, First Contact. I think the second one and First Contact is fucking phenomenal. That's a great movie. This one is not as good.

[H. Foley]

Is it the one with the Borg is the one with Eric Bana in the beginning.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, man. That's like. That's way later.

[H. Foley]

Is it?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's. That's the one with. With, you know, the new people. Yeah, this is with, like, Picard and.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Their first movie had Eric Bana in it.

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think Eric Bana is in the Chris Pine ones. He's the bad guy in the second Chris Pine one or the first one. The first Chris Pine one.

[H. Foley]

No, no, that's not right. It's old because he's young in it. Or maybe he is. Maybe I'm getting Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy's in one of them when he's really young, too. I can't remember which one it is. Luke, you have eyes on that?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Ban is in the reboot. I believe it's Star Trek Generations. That's the first. That was the first movie that was officially released on vhs, and I won it. I. There was, like, a little contest in the newspaper, okay? And I fucking nailed it. And I got the VHS of Star Trek Generations. But what we got was a lot of, like, bootleg movies. And right when the movies came out, we would first get the camcorder print. So I saw a lot of our favorite movies. Old school. I still. I don't know if I've ever seen The Sixth Sense outside of the camcorder park.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I might have only seen it. And it's always, like, probably extra scary. Yeah. Oh, my. I remember the feeling of watching that movie because you really have to, like, lean in because the. You know, the screen doesn't look great. The sound is all echoey. So I'm, like, watching like this. And you also. The other big factor is, what seat did the guy get? You know, sometimes I got there late. It's like, I saw Lethal Weapon 4. The guy was too close to the screen.

[H. Foley]

You're not good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But. But Sixth Sense, he had a nice spot. You know, he framed it up really nice. You see the people in front? I remember at one point, the guy gets up and, like, fixes his hair. You see that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Where were you getting them? Were you buying them?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, you get them at vhs, like a rental shop. So there was this area in Karachi that was just like 40 different rental shops, you know, but you always had to go to the one you knew because it was illegal. So you had to go, like.

[H. Foley]

Be like, the bootlegs were illegal.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The bootlegs were illegal. And they would have the names of other movies on them. They would have the names of Bollywood movies or Pakistani movies on them. And he had, like, a little list. And he would say, okay, Shahensha, that number. That. That's Jurassic park or whatever. So you would get movies like that. And I would watch. I watched a movie every day. I'd go once a week. I'd get seven VHS's. And every single day, from the age of probably five to 18, I watched a movie every single day. And another way I know a lot of movies is why I love horror movies. I had an uncle who was coming from another country in the Middle east, and he had, like, made a deal with a guy to smuggle over 200 VHS.

[H. Foley]

And he got uncle right there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He hid them in diapers. And so he came and he set them all up. And he's like, when the guy comes, you got to give him all these movies. The guy never came. So suddenly one day, I had 200 new movies at the house and a bunch of diapers. A bunch of diapers. Yeah. I didn't need to take any breaks. I just watched movies back to back to back. So that was. And yet a lot of horror movies. I watched a lot of, like, 80s horror movies that way. A lot of action movies. The old gone in 60 seconds, that kind of vibe. Westerns, which my dad loved. So. So, yeah, that's how.

[Kevin Ryan]

And These were all bootlegs or.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, these were all bootlegs. Everything was. All we got was bootlegs until. What year does Generations come out? I'm gonna guess like 95, 96. Somewhere around there.

[Kevin Ryan]

1994.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

94.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So up until then, everything was bootlegs. And then even after that, mostly everything was bootlegs because I believe Paramount was the first company. So it was only Paramount movies at first. Maverick was one of movies to come out officially. You know, the Mel Gibson movies. Maverick.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And James Garner.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Very underrated. That's a great movie.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a great movie.

[H. Foley]

Michelle. Jody Foster. Michelle Pfeiffer was in it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a great movie. Speaking of Michelle Pfeiffer, I went last night, saw Batman Returns in the theater. Yeah, they re released it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I did my play. I went with me, my wife and Michael Urie, he's in the show with me, who's super fucking good. And we saw Batman Returns. First time seeing that in a theater. One of my favorite superhero movies. Never seen it in a theater because we didn't get it there.

[H. Foley]

That was the first tape I ever bought, was with Batman. That original Batman came out on VHS. It was $99. Right. Scrape.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They would do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't remember that at all.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They would do that in the beginning because they wanted you to rent it. And then after a few months. So it would like. It'd be six months later, it would come out on VHS. It would be like 200 bucks, 100 bucks. Because they just wanted you to rent it first. And then a couple few months after that, it would go down to 20 bucks.

[H. Foley]

I bought it when it's the second it dropped. My mom's like, you're crazy. It's $100. I sat there and stared at it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It.

[H. Foley]

I loved it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The first one.

[H. Foley]

Ah. With Keaton.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

For some reason, that Batman logo is the best Batman logo that's ever happened. Even though they all look similar for some reason. That one. That one's so good.

[H. Foley]

Jack Nicholson, best Joker. Heath Ledger, God rest his soul. Unbelievable. Only behind what's his name, guy that was in the original series.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Jared Leto.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Caesar Romero.

[H. Foley]

Caesar Romero.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Caesar Romero.

[H. Foley]

Imagine if Caesar. If Christopher Nolan got his hands on Caesar Romero. Dude, that guy would have been frightening.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you are in the biz, I think.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think Heath Ledger was pretty damn frightening. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We've had some good jokers, huh?

[H. Foley]

Great jokes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think Mark Hamill's a great.

[H. Foley]

Forget about it. Yeah. Petrifying.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Let's Go back. What your mom and dad do, brothers.

[Kevin Ryan]

And sisters give family dynamic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Dad's a doctor.

[H. Foley]

Your dad was a doctor.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He was a doctor. Mom was a homemaker. But dad worked at a clinic, like one of those clinics in like one of the not nice parts of town.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it would be. So he served that local community and people come in and I think it was five rupees, which would be like, you know, I think here it would be like less than 5 rupees. Really was like pennies here. But to us, I would say it would be the equivalent of like under $10. And anybody could just come in, stand in line. He would see everybody, charge everybody the same. And you know, so it was everything from I have a cold to like this kid got hit by a car, you know, and he would sort of take care of all of that. So we had, you know, we were lucky in that we had a house, we had a car, but we weren't like rich really. Like, I remember as a kid, one of the features always being worrying about having enough money. And they took good care of us. And honestly they gave us a pretty good relationship to money, I think. Feel like, I feel like some people are too stingy with it, some people spend it too much. I feel like we had the right amount of, right importance to money, you know what I mean? Like, I remember times when things were tougher and I remember, I don't really remember times when we weren't really worried about it. So, so, so that was sort of where we were at. And you know, getting stuff was always like a thing. Like renting movies was easy, but like, if I had to buy like, like I remember I wanted to buy a Super Nintendo. And once a week my, my mom and her sister in law, they would go to like play like bingo at a place, okay. And you'd win like cash prizes. And I started going because I was like, I gotta win bingo. Because my parents said, if you can get half the money, we'll give you the other half. And I remember very specifically I was so fucking close once. I was like right there, I was like, I'm gonna get a super Nintendo. Just called a Super Famicom there.

[H. Foley]

Wait, what was it called?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The Famicom. So the nes, the Nintendo in Japan was called Famicom. Family computer Famicom. It looks different. And then the Super Nintendo was called the Super Famicom. And it's like, yeah, family computer and looks different, but it's the same machine. It just looks different. The colors are different, different Colors. But then I remember my uncle was visiting from the US he lived in. He lived in Queens at the time.

[H. Foley]

Not the guy with the diapers and the bootleg.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Different guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your uncles are connected.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Different uncle. He bought me a Super Nintendo, and he flew here with it. That's awesome.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty sick.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Yeah. That was pretty amazing.

[H. Foley]

Are you an only child? Just you?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I've got a brother four years younger than me.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And, yeah. And that's just the two of us. And we feel like. I was feeling like I was a bully to him. I wasn't nice to your brother. And I remember. I still feel bad about this. I kind of, you know, apologized to him. I was like, you know, four years is, like, a little. You're not the same.

[H. Foley]

It's a stretch too long.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

Two's perfect.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. 10 and 6 is a huge difference. 12 and 8 is a huge difference. Like, up at 18. 14 is a big difference. And then I left at 18, you know? And I remember I was mean to him a lot. We'd get into fights. I remember the first fight where he wouldn't stay down. And I was like, all right, this might be our last fight. I remember I banged his head against the wall, and he just got back up. And I was like, all is the end of this phase of our relationship.

[H. Foley]

Watching Lethal Weapon, haven't you?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. And my mom once was like, why are you so mean to him? He idolizes you so much. Look. And I was like, all right. Everything I loved, he loved. Our handwritings were the same. And I was like, oh. And that's when it broke my heart. I was like, he really thinks I'm like. I think there was a time where he thought I was the coolest person in the world. And I was. I just treated him poorly. Banged his head against the wall. Well, we played a lot of video games together, watched a lot of movies. You know, I was really. My wife and I used to have a podcast called the Indoor Kids that was about video games. And that's what I was. I was an indoor kid. Over the summer, people would come back, you know, darker skinned. Cause they'd been out in the sun playing. I'd come back with a lighter skin. Yeah. Cause got 200 movies. I watched movies and played video games constantly.

[H. Foley]

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[Kevin Ryan]

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[H. Foley]

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[H. Foley]

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[H. Foley]

It'll help you out there. Kevin's talking about the best T shirt company in the world and more.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta be talking True Classics.

[H. Foley]

Talking True Classics. The guys at True Classics started with a simple mission to bring premium comfortable clothing to the masses. Because looking and feeling great shouldn't come with the designer price tag.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nope.

[H. Foley]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not everybody's got cash like that.

[H. Foley]

As we've said a million times here on this show, they're the best T shirts you're ever gonna put on. I can't Wait till I fit back into one. Got to get down there. Best T shirts ever. This piece of crap I'm wearing, it sucks. It rubs my neck. It doesn't look good. Doesn't have the sleeves, doesn't have the belly, doesn't have the same quality and feel that True Classics does. So do yourself a favor. Get over to True Classics and get yourself all straightened out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And forget overpriced designer brands. Skip the cheap throwaway stuff, which I fallen victim to, I have to say.

[H. Foley]

Honestly, I'm wearing it now. I've bought crap.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've bought the imitations going. It's just like, it stinks. It comes. It don't wash right. It comes inside out, upside down. One sleeve is longer than the next. It freaking stinks, baby. You can find them at Amazon, Target, Costco. This is how well they're doing. They're at Amazon, Target, Costco, Sam's Clubs, or head to trueclassics.com garbage and try them out.

[H. Foley]

That's where you want to get one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, let them know to boy sent you trueclassics.com garbage. Try them for yourself. Love you.

[H. Foley]

Any sports growing up?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I played cricket, which I still watch.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Obsessively.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. I was like, you know the level of good I was was later in high school, I transferred to a different high school my last two years. It was a fucking nightmare. But I was at the level where if I worked, it was a fucking nightmare.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, why'd you transfer school?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

A worse school. Why'd you transfer?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, it was.

[H. Foley]

Guys, move.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It was a better school. The kids were just meaner to me.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Kids didn't like me.

[H. Foley]

Rich kids.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They were rich kids. No kidding. So I'll explain that. But basically, I was good enough at cricket that if I tried really fucking hard, I could make the team, but then couldn't really hold on to it, which I think is the worst spot to be in. You either want to be someone who's, like, good and is on the team and made it, or you're never going to make the team. I was right in the middle, so it was always stressful and it was so important to me, and I would always fucking choke. I remember I dropped a. I dropped a catch that I got. Really? And I remember when I dropped that catch, kids in, like, younger grades were making fun of me, and I was like, you can't do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's devastating. When that hierarchy changes and you're like, whoa, whoa.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That kid had the confidence of being the younger brother of one of the cool kids who was my contemporary.

[H. Foley]

But still your brother's out there laughing at you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it fucking sucked.

[H. Foley]

Talk about payback.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What happens over there is. So the school I went to had the British system. We were a British colony.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So the up until grade 11, what you guys have. Up until we have 12. You have 12. Up until grade 11 you do. At the end of the 11th grade, you take these standardized tests that everyone in the world who's under the system takes the exact same test. Then after that you get two more years, which is sort of like a pre college. So we have 13 years of schooling. And those two years I got really good grades in grade 11. And then I was like, I want to go to. Because my plan was to come to America. This was the fancy, rich, rich kid school. And I was like, okay, if I go there, they had like counselors that would like help you apply for a facilitate it. Yeah. So that's why I went there and my last two years. So suddenly all my friends were gone. Totally new group. And I made the mistake of having a crush on a girl that like one of the cool kids liked. And it just was. It just never worked.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like Karate Kid, dude.

[H. Foley]

I watched the show them with my cricket skills.

[Kevin Ryan]

I ended up seeing it real quick.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's. That's the thing. I would want to show them with my cricket skills. And I didn't quite. Didn't quite have it.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was dated. They were dated. They were together. When you got a crush on her?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, I had a crush on. They sort of dated, broke up, and then her and I hung out for a very little bit.

[H. Foley]

No kidding. And you know where she's at now? Yeah, of course you do. Let's get the typewriter out. Get something down on paper.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know exactly what.

[H. Foley]

We got a rom com going on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Miss the catch. That's what we'll call it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You are in the best. This kid's good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[H. Foley]

I want George Clooney to play me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Why are you in it? You're in it as the guy who named the movie.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's very meta.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Couple of seconds, couple of points.

[H. Foley]

In the back end. Walk with.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You get the line, you get the line. Now drop the catch. Soon as I drop it, you're in the stands watching.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got a big cigar.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. You play the kid in the younger grade.

[H. Foley]

Were there any vacations growing up? Would you guys go away?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Did you ever come. Did you ever come to America? Did you come to Queens or anything like that?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I did. When I was like 14. I came one.

[H. Foley]

Nice.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. And I with the fam.

[H. Foley]

I with the fam. Right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But we. We did vacations. We did. So Singapore is a. It's a nation state. Have you. You guys haven't been. It's a city state and it's like a recap.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nevermind.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's very technologically advanced.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's what Singapore is.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I fly Singapore Air from time to time.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, what's the capital?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It doesn't have one. It doesn't have one. The whole thing is one.

[Kevin Ryan]

The whole thing is one trick question, hotshot.

[H. Foley]

That's where we get the chips from, the microchips.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So I had an aunt who lived there. And every summer my parents. Cause it was close. Would send us off be like, you know, have your aunt deal with you.

[H. Foley]

You and your brother.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Me and my brother.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sometimes I go on my own. And they had, you know, they had McDonald's there. They had like chain restaurants there, which we didn't have. We didn't get McDonald's until very late in the 90s. And so I love. And I would go to the Toys R Us and just like, walk around the Toys R Us for hours and hours. And my wife and I went back to Singapore like three years ago that went to that Toys R Us.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Ceilings are a lot lower than I.

[H. Foley]

Remember Toys R Us, man.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, it was the best.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing better.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, I remember once being at a Toys R Us and I would buy. You know, I was big into the toys I was big into growing up were started with Star wars, he man Ninja Turtles and the animated Ghostbusters. Those were big with you. The animated Ghostbusters were huge. I watched that show again in the Pandemic. It's. It holds up.

[H. Foley]

You know, it's funny, when you said that Mark Hamill was the. Was the best joker, that made me think he was the scariest. But then you know what I thought of right after that?

[Kevin Ryan]

The.

[H. Foley]

What's it? The boogeyman in the real ghost. Remember how frightening that dude was?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Boogie Man's off, dude.

[H. Foley]

He was frightening.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I can't believe.

[H. Foley]

Ghostbusters cartoon. There was an arc where they had the boogeyman and he was like. He was like a demon. He was like. He had hoofs on his feet and he was frightening. And he could get in your room by this, like, interdimensional gateway through. Through your closet door, Dude. It was. As a little kid, it was like.

[Kevin Ryan]

A real fun watch.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, it was scary as like.

[Kevin Ryan]

You guys are talking to me like I'm from Pakistan, like Ghostbusters. This is what it is.

[H. Foley]

Well, but you don't miss the Animated Series.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I was too young.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You don't. You don't fucking know. Boogeyman.

[H. Foley]

No, no. He was scared.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He was really good.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's it. I'm not.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That cartoon was great. Legitimately scary, great stories. But I remember once I was at the toy service, walking around, and I found this toy. It was like a little monster puppet thing. And I was like, I should buy it. Like, you move its eyes around, it looked so real. And I didn't have the money to buy it. And then for years, I didn't even know what it was until a few years ago, I started to describe it to someone, and they were like, oh, I think that's a Boglin. And I looked it up. Were these toys called Boglins that were, like, very cool monster y puppet things. They sort of look like.

[Kevin Ryan]

You remember. Oh, yeah, I know these. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Those were fucking awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those are great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's around the same time as those. Like. Was it called Mad Balls? What were those?

[H. Foley]

Monster balls?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that what they were called?

[H. Foley]

The eyeball and the squid? They were squishy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They were like. Yeah, they had, like, monsters on them. They were like.

[H. Foley]

I think they were. It was either monster balls or mad balls.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mad Ball.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it was around that. Yeah. That was the best one. I remember, though, it was around that era where, like, you know, we're like, gross things, like Garbage Pail Kids were cool. It was like, a time. Yeah. Where, like, gross kid stuff was.

[H. Foley]

Was cool.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Slime was great.

[H. Foley]

So good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. So my brother and I played cricket. Played cricket with my dad. Played a lot of video games. Played some video games with my dad, who's always obviously better than us. Actually, once, I don't know if this is a good story, but there was a game called Street Surfer, all right. That my dad loved to play, and he was very good at it.

[Kevin Ryan]

What a doctor.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I remember one time I woke up and he was, like, better at. And he had made all these posters in my room that said while I was sleeping, he put them up. Cause, you know, he was so good that I was like, I don't like this game. This game sucks. I don't want to play it anymore.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And he made this poster that said Street Surfer, the king of games. The game of kings.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It made me so angry. I remember screaming and crying and ripping them all up.

[H. Foley]

You get it from all angles. Over there?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Oh, my dad totally. I mean, he would do this thing. The reason I was so scared as a kid, I was terrified of the dark one. I used to watch horror movies all the time, but he'd also tell me stories. He'd be like, you know, at night, under your bed, like gins, which are like genies, but they're scary. Like, they have, like, a tea party under your bed every night. So. And it's.

[H. Foley]

Dad told you this?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. And he was like, don't. Just don't look under there. You'll be fine. But just so you know. And I'm like, under everybody's bed. They're like, no, just your bed.

[H. Foley]

How old are you?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Probably from the age of eight.

[H. Foley]

Dude, that's crazy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He would also do this thing where he, like, gotten this boom box, and he would record. He had, like, a little microphone for it. He'd record, like, will come to get you, Kamel. Just for me. I need to hide it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not your brother. Just specifically you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Not my brother, because my brother wouldn't get scared. So he wasn't a mark. I was a mark. And he would hit play, and then these sounds would come, and he'd be like, who could that be? The whole family's here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's like, oh, my God. Did you hear that? He just said your name.

[H. Foley]

That's messed up. Yeah, it's my kind of doctor. I like it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know what he is now? He's a psychiatrist.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Is he. Are they over there? Are they here?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They're here now.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Kid live in Jersey? Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So when did they move over?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They moved. So I moved at 18, and they moved like, eight years later.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you moved for college?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I moved for college, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you.

[H. Foley]

You wanted to stay. Did you know you wanted to be a comedian? Did you know you wanted to?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, I didn't real. I was very shy, very quiet as a kid. Like, people who know me as a kid are surprised I. I do this. I was very, very quiet. And, you know, like I said, my last year's high school, terrible experience, but I wasn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't bring that back up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, don't bring that up. Actually, she didn't like you. She did for a week.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was a short time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It was a good week. All right.

[H. Foley]

I'll give you that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We held hands a couple times.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Let me have this. Kissed her on the cheek.

[H. Foley]

There you go. What will we.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

You moved over here 18 did you always want to be a comic?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, see, he keeps trying. You've got the computer, but he's got the.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I was typing up. I was looking up street surfer. This isn't really like. It's not like I have Excel spreadsheets here.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

King of Games, Game of Kings. No, it wasn't until college that, you know, people were like, hey, you're funny. I was like, oh, I guess I'm funny. I remember starting to make people laugh and. And I didn't really watch stand up until I was probably like 19 or 20, maybe 19. And I got really obsessed with it. Like, I watched. I would on vacations, spring break, summer break at Gold State. My uncle's in Orlando.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The uncle from Queens had moved to Orlando. Nice outside Orlando.

[Kevin Ryan]

Natural progression.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And so we. I'd watch. I just got obsessed with stand up and watched, you know, all those HBO one night stands, young comedian specials, people special, whatever was on. Because HBO comedy was amazing. They just had stand up back to back to back.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

What year was this?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This would have been. Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you were 19 or 20, it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Would have been like 99, 2,098, somewhere around there. But I was watching stuff from the 80s too, because they would air old stuff. So that's what I watched. Like, you know, all the, all the best people. Like, remember the Dana Gould special I really, really loved. And so that's when I started to get really. Jerry Seinfeld, I'm telling you. For the. Which was his, like, last pitch? I think that was like 99 or somewhere around there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Love the intro to that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a funeral.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So funny, the funeral.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who's. I feel it's like Jay Leno, someone stealing the material.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, Jay Leno's got.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're leaning over to say goodbye and they're like airplane bits or whatever.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think it's Jay Leno where he's like, you know, we're going to do this again. And Jerry Seinfeld's like, no. And he's like, all right, well, I'll do it. He's like, you can't do that. He's like, actually, you know what? I've been doing it for a few years anyway. Great opening. And when I did my special this year, I was like, I want to film an open happening. Because they used to have them.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're fun.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I didn't do it.

[H. Foley]

Just walked right out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Too much money. It's like hundreds of thousands of dollars to film like a little thing. I was like, smart so, yeah, that's when I got really, really obsessed with it. And it was my senior year of college where I was like, all right, I just gotta try this. Like, I felt like I didn't have a choice. I was so quiet and shy, but it was just like, I didn't have a choice. I had to try it. So my. My senior year of college, there was a little coffee shop on campus. We put together a little, like, open mic night, kind of.

[H. Foley]

Which the college is Brinnell. How do you say Brunel College?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Grinnell.

[H. Foley]

Grinnell, yeah. And where's it at?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's in Iowa.

[H. Foley]

Iowa.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Why? Nothing around me.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why that college?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, I honestly didn't realize that America had, like, different terrains. You only show us LA and New York in the movies.

[Kevin Ryan]

All that matters, baby.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So I thought all of America was New York. And I got to Iowa and I was like, what the fuck? I hadn't seen Field of Dreams, so I didn't have a good. I didn't know what to expect. I just wanted to go to one movie.

[Kevin Ryan]

You haven't seen.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I have seen it now, sure. It's. It's like. You know, I'm actually really glad I went to Iowa because I think New York would have been too overwhelming. And in Iowa, they were like, you're from Pakistan. What the fuck? They had questions, you know, they were interested. I just applied to a bunch of liberal arts schools because I didn't know what I wanted to study. And I wanted to try, like, a non city because I'd grown up in, like, such a city. I was like, I want to see what it's like. And I got there and I was like.

[H. Foley]

So it's like traditional college campus, all that kind of stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it's a bubble. You're just there.

[H. Foley]

Nice, you know, Smaller school, I would assume.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, 1400 kids, very small.

[H. Foley]

It's awesome.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Very small.

[H. Foley]

I went to a small school, too. I loved it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Where'd you go?

[H. Foley]

Went to Widener University. I couldn't tell you how many there are, but it's small. It's a small division three school.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

We were.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We were D3. Our thing with basketball was we had a thing called the system where they just shot threes. All they did was shoot threes. That was the whole system. And the scores would be like 162 to 120 because we didn't play defense. We would give up layups to get shoot threes. And it was. It was like they would do like hockey type stuff. So all five guys Would, like, come out and go. And they didn't play positions. They were all just shooters. And there was a time, if you look up Grinnell College basketball, where it was like, in the news a little bit. And like, I think ESPN2 once showed a game and we really choked and we did not do well. Because if you're not making shots, if you're not making three, that's a bad system. It doesn't work. So, like, you know how Steph Curry do you guys been into basketball? Steph Curry kind of changed the game, right? Like, he made it. So now everybody's shooting threes from half court. Yeah, this was before that. So this was like, before, but we didn't have a Steph Curry on our team, so we weren't winning a lot of games. But it was like a. That thing. It was like there was like, you know, articles written about it for like a year.

[H. Foley]

We had Lionel Mahoney, and he stunk, but he was making an effort.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shot under.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, we had a guy who shot under him.

[H. Foley]

Are you kidding me?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. Iowa, of course. That guy's left over from, like the 20s, man. Okay, what was. So it was like. I mean, that culture shock of Iowa, dorm life, campus. What was like. What was the first thing where you were like, this is what I've seen in movies. This is like, what was the.

[H. Foley]

Was a dorm situation. Who was the roommate? First roommate. What was the posters on the wall?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I still am friends with those three guys. Very different. So it was me and two guys who were nerdy, and then one was, like a hippie kid from New York.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So he was big into, like, Dylan and Grateful Dead kind of stuff. And the other two guys, my Fred, who's one of the roommates I'm still friends with. Very big nerd. So he introduced me to Mystery Science Theater, which I'd never seen.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. And we used to watch, like, X Files together. That was like our. That was like, that's my favorite show of all time is the X Files. When X Files came out in America, in Karachi in Pakistan, they had trailers for it, and in the trailers it said based on true stories. And so I'd watch it and I'd be like, what the fuck is going on in America?

[H. Foley]

You guys need to put the genies under your bed.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Get your shit together. Yeah, gang.

[H. Foley]

The show is sponsored by Liquid IV and it's our absolute favorite. Yeah. One stick, 16 ounces of water hydrates you better than water. I'm going to say it again. One stick, 16 ounces of water hydrates you better than water. I'm going to say the third time one stick, 16 ounces of water hydrates you better than water. Yeah. Do yourself a favor, it's absolutely delicious. Sure if you're at the gym and you're working out. But listen, if you're sicky, wicky, if you got the hangover, Irish flu, do yourself a favor that one stick, 16 ounces of water get you all straightened out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

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[Kumail Nanjiani]

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[Kevin Ryan]

Save up to 50% plus up to.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

An extra $600 on select major appliances.

[Kevin Ryan]

At the Best Buy appliances Labor day sale. Learn more@best buy.com Best Buy Imagine that.

[H. Foley]

You were in an episode of that. Am I mistaken?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was. Yeah. I was in the revival. Honestly I was in a pretty good episode.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I. I don't love my performance in it. I think I psyched myself out. I was too nervous. I over prepared Duchovny and Julian Anderson. I mean I remember my first scene. I'd met them and they were nice, you know. I met them in the trailer. I was doing my first scene. I was with the two of them. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm talking to Mulder and Scully, right?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. It's weird, right?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And that really fucked me up. It's a really good episode. Reese Darby's in it and he's. He's great in it. My favorite writer of the show wrote and directed it. But, you know, I wish I had. I wish I could do it again.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha. Yeah, I respect that. Respect that. Any pets growing up? You guys have any dogs or anything like that? Birds, Fish?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, we had. We had neighborhood cats that I really. My first pet is my. Still my pet. She's. She just turned 17. She's a cat.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Bagel.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bagel.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She is from New York. We had neighborhood cats that I would fall in love with and they would have kittens, and the kittens would always end up dying. And I remember once as a little kid, life in the big city, it was tough, man. Sure, they would say that the dads would eat the cats. That's what they told us. I remember.

[H. Foley]

Who's your dad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Under your bed, Kumail?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We had these kittens and I would play with them and I loved them. And then one day I woke up and they were like, gone. They were all dead.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean they were dead there?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, they found like. You want to know that? They want. Found like heads and pots.

[H. Foley]

Jesus.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I remember and that devastated me and that still, like, that kind of saddened where you're like, it's too big. It's like as big as the universe. I don't know what to do it. I didn't know one little kid could have this much sadness inside him. And my dad bought me the Karate Kid action figure set to make me feel better. And it was Mr. Miyagi and Daniel LaRusso. And they had these little like, planks that you could like, break. Like, you know, they had the thing where you like. Yeah, karate chop action.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I was like, all right. I guess this does.

[Kevin Ryan]

This will do it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It helps. Listen, if that's what it took to get these toys, I guess it was worth it.

[Kevin Ryan]

What. What was the first movie you saw in America in theaters in America?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Uh huh. That's such a good question. I know one of the first ones I remember watching.

[Kevin Ryan]

The first thing I would have done.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

If I was you. I did watch a lot of movies in America. I remember seeing. Okay. The first movie I saw in the theaters in America was Batman, Mask of the Phantasm.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Do you know that one? Yeah. Animated movie. You're so.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This was, you Know, I was waiting.

[Kevin Ryan]

To hit me with Phantasm.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, you like fantasy.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I didn't. That was where I lost. I knew Batman.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. So this was the Animated Series. And they made a movie, and it's phenomenal. And I convinced. When we were visiting when I was 14, I convinced my dad to take me.

[H. Foley]

14. That's all right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. So I watched it there and then one of the first movies I remember after that, watching after I moved here. Was there something About Mary? It was one of the first movies I remember.

[Kevin Ryan]

I vividly remember watching that one.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hardest I've ever laughed in a movie. I remember just, like, not being. It, like, physically hurt to watch Matt Dylan, Home Run. Oh, my God. Is that the best Matt Dylan might be? I mean, he's great comedic.

[H. Foley]

Matt Dylan, for sure.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that was. He was kind of, you know, in the shadows a little bit, then popped up in that and just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I think he's in. He's in singles, right? This movie. Yeah, he's great in singles. Great in singles.

[H. Foley]

Great in Rumble Fish. He's great. And they're not Rumble Fish. He's great in the Outsiders.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I've never seen the Outsiders. I keep meaning to see it.

[H. Foley]

Very sad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I know. I get. I know. That's why I'm putting it off. But. Yeah, I would say. I would say. When Was something about Mary? 97, I think that was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds about right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

One of the first ones. I remember. 98.

[H. Foley]

98.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

97.

[Kevin Ryan]

98.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

98. Okay. Yeah, that was. That was one of the first.

[Kevin Ryan]

What an experience.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But we had a little movie theater in town that we could walk to, and we had one on campus, so I watched a bunch of stuff in that theater. I remember I watched a movie called the Cell. Do you know this movie with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Lopez?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it was kind of in. Vincent d', Onofrio, I think, was in it, too, Right? It was real creepy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

D'. Onofrio.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really? Oh, yeah. Terrifying movie. And I remember being like, this might be. It really blew me away. I fucking love this movie. And I recommended to so many people, and they're like, what is wrong with you? It's like a really. It's a nasty movie.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's out there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What about the first concert that you saw over here?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I would guess it was Bruce Springsteen.

[H. Foley]

Whoa.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Maybe something on campus. You know, I go, whatever folksing are they scraped off college band or something like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably that kind.

[H. Foley]

What was the move after college? Did you start working in, like, a Reg, what was your degree in?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I had a double major, Computer science and philosophy. One for them, one for me, you know, Gotcha.

[H. Foley]

And did you start working in either one of those fields when you got out of college?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Computer science? I started, I moved to Chicago because by then when I was graduating, I was like, not good at computers, but I need it to keep my Visa. Yeah, that's where the stereotype breaks down.

[H. Foley]

Not good at computers.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was agreeing it, I had a degree. I felt like I missed one day and never caught up.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I've had that feeling my whole life.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, that's what happened with computer science. I was like, how does this make sense to people who are obviously stupider than me?

[Kevin Ryan]

I love the complex.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was like, I'm fairly smart. I know smarter than this idiot, and he gets it. I don't get it. So I moved to Chicago because I was like, I want to pursue stand up. I love it too much. And my first two sets, you know, my first time I did stand up, I did 30 minutes. Because it's like with your friends, you don't know. You don't know how it goes.

[Kevin Ryan]

It is one of those things. You don't know what to fear. You don't know how it is. So you're like, oh, yeah, I killed. I did an hour and a half. Cause you don't know that. It's hard.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I did so long. And I remember coming off stage being like, I could do Letterman next week, dude. I did.

[Kevin Ryan]

I said, if I'm not famous in a year, I'm giving up. I told myself after my first time.

[H. Foley]

Are you kidding me?

[Kevin Ryan]

It went so well.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Where did you go?

[Kevin Ryan]

Helium in Philly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Helium and Philly? Yeah. I crushed.

[Kevin Ryan]

I, I, I mean, probably famous.

[H. Foley]

I've known, we both started together.

[Kevin Ryan]

We've known each other, I've told you that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But you, you know how you're doing well.

[Kevin Ryan]

And also in comparison to, like, the other people, I'm like, that was, this is my first time. This guy's been doing it for three years. Give me, give me a six weeks.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I, I, I moved to Chicago.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where's Foley? In Hollywood. Get me LinkedIn.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was like, really lucky because I did not have my first bomb until I was like, three months in or four months.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Zany's in Chicago.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Zany's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Great club, huh?

[H. Foley]

Old Town.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Old Town exist at the time?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, no, Rosemont.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't know. I never went there. But we used to do these, like, little, like, you know, bar Shows and stuff. Weird shows and do well. And I was doing open mics there and I was really doing well. Like, I started, like, I hit the ground running, and my class there was insane.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was nuts.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Kyle Kinane, Matt Brunger, Hannibal Burruss, T.J. miller, Pete Holmes. These are the people that I was going up with, like, in front of no crowds. And I was pretty lucky that I was doing pretty well. And then I had my first bomb. And that's when I was like, oh, my God. This is what it feels like. It's a really horrible feeling. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it stinks.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

When was your first bomb? How far in?

[H. Foley]

Think of my last one was like, two weeks ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't do great last week.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Brutal.

[H. Foley]

It was two couples. It was an old couple and this younger couple.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not on you, though.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But there were four people.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're not good, but there's four people.

[H. Foley]

And 10 comics in the back of the room.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wait, where was this?

[H. Foley]

Bedford Falls on the Upper east side.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Why are you doing shows with four people in the audience?

[H. Foley]

I was working on material.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got a big.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You gotta. You got a big show.

[H. Foley]

We got a tour and all that stuff. We're doing city spots. I gotta get stuff ready for the tour.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So you don't try.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like how he's like, you're famous. What are you doing a show for four people?

[H. Foley]

Why are you doing work? What do you mean? You gotta stay in the trenches. You gotta be with the people. Yeah, take it to the face. I was working on marriage materials. Bomb.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, was it possible to not bomb in that room?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Did anybody else not bomb?

[Kevin Ryan]

Everybody.

[H. Foley]

Everybody bombed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everyone killed. I was there.

[H. Foley]

Guys are getting deals and all that stuff. I'm up there. Tyke.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a holding deal. Baffled.

[H. Foley]

That you still keep our. We still keep our. Our feet on the street.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, me too, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's doing Omar.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, but I'm not doing.

[H. Foley]

Hey, what do you mean? You're on Broadway?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, yeah. Okay. You're doing city spots, too. I'm not. I'm not going to fucking open my. Though, man.

[H. Foley]

It's not an open mic.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would say there'd be more people at an open mic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I've been doing stand up 24 years. I feel like I've earned the fucking right to not go to open mics.

[H. Foley]

Of course. Not an open mic. Yeah, it's. It's the end of the summer. People are away. It was a light night.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There's a Book. Show that book. Ten people and four. Four audience members.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sad thing is, he was supposed to move the tickets.

[H. Foley]

No, it wasn't. That's a different show. That was a gutterball. And I moved about 25 tickets, so we had a good night.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Gutterball.

[H. Foley]

Gutter something. Someplace in Brooklyn.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Gutter.

[H. Foley]

The Gutter. They're gonna be at the Met in Philly in December. Come out and see us.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got that marriage material. It worked for four people, and it worked for 3,000.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, I did work for four people.

[H. Foley]

It did not.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, I would say you could try new stuff out at, like, you know, you guys go up where. You go up in the city.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cellar.

[H. Foley]

Cellar Comedy club.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Couldn't you try new stuff at the Cellar?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, not like. Not like. Yeah, you can't, like, open mic it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, but you. You get 15 minutes. You do bits there. Five new minutes, you do like four minutes, then you sneak in the new stuff. Then you end with old stuff. That would work. That's how much.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's new stuff? A real hard time.

[H. Foley]

He's telling us how to work and do stuff. It's like, hey, do the tried and true stuff. Then you sneak this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stop being a podcast about him. He's like, wait, you two are doing this? What's going on with this?

[H. Foley]

You guys are comedians?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we still. We keep. We keep, you know, some smaller rooms to, like, really?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, read off the phone kind of work.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Throw at the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Okay.

[H. Foley]

It's a great show.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're working comedians. Okay.

[H. Foley]

It's a good show. It's the summer. People are away. They got the Hamptons and all that. People are down ashore.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They're not going to Bedford Falls.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're not up on the Upper east side.

[H. Foley]

Great bar.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. Fuel.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Let's get back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's get back to you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really came in and he changed.

[H. Foley]

Not our poor comedy, which is very.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hard to do, by the way. My. My first bomb was the second or third. I didn't know. It was hard.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Again, a second or third time.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I want. So the first time went well. Second time I went to a show that he was running.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And you guys were friends.

[Kevin Ryan]

We weren't friends. I didn't know. And I did pretty well the first time I went. And then he. The second time they needed someone. One of the better comics hadn't showed up, and they were like. He's like, this kid. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

This kid's not famous in a year.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

That's what I Said, everybody's quit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is this.

[Kevin Ryan]

If this kid's not at Bedford Falls in 14 years, I don't know what to tell you, but he goes, I need a good one out of you. And I had. Didn't know how it worked, so I wrote. Wrote like six new minutes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You wrote six new minutes?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I did not know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Dumb.

[Kevin Ryan]

I again, I thought I was Jerry.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I went up there with six, and he's like, you know, I had to close out the show. And he's like, oh, my God. Whatever the whatever. And he's like, come on, go up there. You got this kid. And I. I went up.

[H. Foley]

I ran it like a Division 3 football.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I remember to shoot threes.

[Kevin Ryan]

30. I was under, dude. I was underhanded. Threes and missing. And I remember the look when he walked out of the room. He's just like, well, that was a bad. I was like, oh, man. And I didn't go back for, like, maybe a year.

[H. Foley]

Of course, I banned them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never work in this open mic. He got blacklisted. One year. That was good stuff. All right, first, what was your first car?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Kia Spectra.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not a bad first car.

[H. Foley]

Wait, a Kia Spectra?

[Kevin Ryan]

That was here?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was here? Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I mean, how long ago was this?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I didn't have a car. I mean, until I moved to. You know, my first car was only, like 15 years ago, so I didn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

When you moved to LA?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

When I moved to LA, you got to get a car. Because I hate driving. I still hate driving.

[H. Foley]

Was it Chicago to la? Is that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was that the Chicago to New York?

[H. Foley]

Chicago to New York.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Came here for a couple of years.

[H. Foley]

What are we doing? Are we. Have things started popping off yet?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, but I was more in the altar. So there was a show called. You guys know Eugene Mirman?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, of course.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Him and Bobby Tisdale used to run a show called Invite Them Up. That in the. When I moved here would have been, you know, 2007. I was here 2007-2010. That show was at a bar called Rafifi that's gone now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Famous.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It would fit like 60 people. And that was like the center of the old scene. Doing that show was like a TV credit, you know? So in 2006, right before I moved, I'd opened for Zach Galifianakis in Chicago that he just did a pop up list show.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And he was. He took me on tour then. So then I opened for Zach. Bunch of shows. This is before the Hangover, so his crowd was a lot of, like, Comedians of Comedy, like comedy nerds.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great document. Great, great, great. Fell in love with it. We so much so we shot our own version of it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Comedians of Comedy is phenomenal.

[H. Foley]

So I'm at the Cabin. You remember. You remember the show the Cabin? Of course.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

My best set to this day was that Cabin.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember us getting the confidence because we were more close.

[H. Foley]

So we showed up in 2013 when all that stuff was going on and we were so far.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was it like Sean Patton was love Sean.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Sean was the king of cabin.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, King of cabin. Right.

[H. Foley]

Forget that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Patton ran that well. When I moved to New York, my crew was Mark Norman, Sean Patton, comedy Sean Patton. That whole, like, New Orleans crew was the crew that I ran with that I did all my old open mics.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Mike Drucker. Do you know Mike Drucker? Yeah. A really funny guy who, like, it's still a very funny stand up, but, like, writes for a lot of stuff.

[H. Foley]

So you did the Creek and all that kind of stuff?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I did the Creek my first day in New York. I moved. Me and my wife, we were secretly married. Nobody knew yet.

[H. Foley]

Really.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Too long a story. It's not a long story. Anyway, we moved and, you know. You guys know Mike Burns?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay. He was a Chicago guy who then was in New York for a second, then moved to la. Anyway, moved with our big truck, moved everything into our apartment, and I was like, hey, honey, thanks for moving to New York with me. Can I go to a spot? And I went to that night. The day I moved, I went to Creek in the Cave and John F. O' Donnell used to run a show called Kingdom of Heaven. We'd put all your names in a buck and they'd pull some out and it was like an open mic, but it was a show. Like there was an audience.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And they'd, you know, they'd pull names out of a hat.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I think it was always rigged.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It was a little rigged. Yeah. And I think, you know, these guys recommended me, so I went up and. Yeah, I did Creek in the Cave a lot that. But I did Creek in the Cave my first day in New York.

[H. Foley]

That's awesome. Shout out to Rebecca.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Shout out to Rebecca. Yeah, they were in Austin now, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's a great club in Austin.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I haven't seen. How big is it now?

[Kevin Ryan]

The pop up there when we were there, like 250 maybe. Oh, big. Yeah, it's like a bigger, decent. Great. Yeah, no, it's a great, great room. Great hang.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So I was doing Creek in the Cave. I wasn't doing club. I would do Gotham every now and then. But I was doing a lot of open mics with Norman and Patton and that whole crew. A lot of open mics. And then I remember there was an open mic at Parkside Lounge on Saturdays.

[H. Foley]

Holy shit. That was still going on when we.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Got there at like 4:30, like an early show.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had an early mic.

[H. Foley]

I remember seeing Norman there and be like, this guy's famous.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I love an early mic. Oh. Because then you have your Saturday night. You're like, I did the thing. I did the spot check the box.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Did a shorter lady with short hair run it back then? No, that's. Who took it over. She's an ex cop. I can't remember her name. I saw her not that long ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

I saw her not that long ago. She was hosting a show.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I just walked by a bar. I forgot what it's called. I was like, oh, my God. I used to do an open mic here. And it was run by a comedian named Poppy Kramer, who's since passed away. She died young, like in her 40s, but she used to run this show. It was like upstairs at this bar, Lower east side. It's called Delancey. No, it's not called that. I. I forget. But I'm walking by it. I was like, oh, my God, this place. But so I did invite them up early on. It was a hard show to get into, but because Emily and I just went to watch and Zach Galifianakis was there and he recommended me. So a month after I moved here, I did that show and that went great for me. And, you know, that's where you're seeing, like. You know, I saw like, the first night that I saw, like, Gaffigan go up and Aziz and all these, like, people I'd known for, like, tv. I was like, holy shit, they're doing this show. This fucking show. Yeah. Eugene Merman, you know, big fan of his. And then once that happened, then I was sort of in. So I started doing all the cool shows. The cool. All shows. Like Union Hall. That kind of whiplash. Whiplash, yeah. Jeremy Levenbach, great guy. Whiplash. I did. I. You know, it was Crash Test before that, which was a show that Paul Sheer and Rob Hubel used to run. Then I used to do Pete Holmes, used to run this late night open mic.

[H. Foley]

That's so crazy, you guys running shows at ucb.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I forget what it was called, but it started at midnight, and we would go Sign up and do that. So I was doing. That was, like, my circuit. I was doing, like, ucb, the old shows. I didn't really start doing the Cellar until I moved away. Now when I visit, I don't have time now because I'm doing eight performances a week on. On this show, but Broadway. But otherwise, whenever I'm here working or something, I always go up at the seller.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

When did things start popping off? When did the. The big pop off happen?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So I started when I started touring with Eugene Merman and opening for him, and then I started touring with Showalter. Michael Showalter, who directed the Big Sick and was in, you know, the State, which was a great sketch. Him, David Wayne, and Michael Ian Black had a tour called Stella, where the three of them would do. Have you. Do you guys know this? The three of them sound familiar? Yeah, it's very funny. Very, like, surreal and bizarre. Okay, so. And Eugene and Showalter used to run a show, that show at Union Hall. So Mike seen me there, and then he called me once. He was like, hey, I'm Michael Showalter. I'm a comedian. I'm like, yeah, man, I know who the fuck you are. And he goes, we're doing a tour. You want to open for us? So sick. So then I toured with Stella.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter got a show on Comedy Central, and I submitted a packet, and I got hired as a writer. So I would say that was my first, like, real job in the biz. I got hired as a writer, and then they were like, well, we want you to be on camera, too. And so I had to audition to play myself. They wrote me a part. I had to audition to play myself five times. I did five auditions for Comedy Central, got the part. I remember.

[H. Foley]

We don't believe it. I'm playing me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I remember going to another floor of the office building, and there were all these brown dudes auditioning, all slightly more handsome than me, with, like, sides that said Kumail on them, reading lines that I had written for myself to say.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brutal.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Five auditions.

[H. Foley]

You know, I know the writer of this thing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I wouldn't say it like that. Try and tank them.

[H. Foley]

You guys are all doing Australian accents, right?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Throw everybody off.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So that's. So that's when. Yeah, I think you should toss it in the N word every now and then. That's gonna help you stand out from the crowd. Yeah. Get a swastika tattoo on your face. And so that was my first time acting On a show. So that was my first, like, TV thing. I had a little part on that show we did one season. It was really fun. And I was like, oh, this is gonna be my. My job now for a long time. And that show ended up getting canceled. And right around then in New York, I started doing this recurring bid on Colbert because they had this really funny thing. Do you remember when, years ago, Obama was like, I'm gonna close Guantanamo Bay. And he was gonna close all the overseas prisons, which I guess he never did. Anyway, this joke was that under Colbert's desk was one of those prisons. And I was the only like, prisoner under there.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But I've become Stockholm syndrome. So he likes the prison closes, he gets me out. But I keep showing up to be like, hey, how's it going? You know, like, I'm pretending to be the food delivery guy. So that was a recurring bit I did on Colbert. The director of Colbert of that show. I don't know how much details you want. Ran into me on the subway stop. She's like, hey, what are you doing these days? I'm like, nothing. And she had me come and do a show called Portlandia that Fred Armisen and Cory Brownstein. And I was doing Bumbershoot, which is a festival. And so from there I drove to Portland. I shot this thing where it's me, like pretending to sell. I'm a cell phone salesman. And I would say for years, up to this day, that one sketch on that one show has basically led to everything else.

[H. Foley]

Everything else.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That one sketch on that one show.

[H. Foley]

When you got here in. When you got here for college, what was the financial situation? I assume somewhat light, right?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah. I mean, money wise.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, I didn't really have. I got a job that made. I made like 40 grand a year living in Chicago.

[H. Foley]

Okay, so this is after school.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is after school.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha. Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. It's really like paycheck to paycheck, you know, but enough to like, you know, almost like 22, 23.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. And so. And the situation was like that money wise all the way. Until. Until I got that writing job on Michael and Michael, which I made like WGA scale. But suddenly I was like, oh, now I can afford to live here. But until then, money was always tight. I saved up for. Because the plan was always from Chicago to move to New York to pursue stand up. Six years. I saved like 20 grand over six years. My wife and I moved, blew through it in two months.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just, you know, I'm in summertime on Broadway.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, you know, hanging out with Norman and Patton and all those guys. We were out till 4am every night. Suddenly we like, oh, my God. Yeah, we're fucking rich. Glitch blew through it. Actually. Pete. Pete Holmes had lived across the street from us and still really good friends with him. He had like a real good naca, you know. Did you guys ever do naca?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was kind of slightly phasing out by the time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is NACA done? It doesn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I mean, I'm sure it does, but like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So now we missed all.

[H. Foley]

Anything that you. We missed all that stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So NACA was this thing. People who don't know. There was like a conference that would happen, regional conference, where kids from all these colleges would come and comedians and magicians and people would go up and based on how well they did, they'd like book you. So I remember I scraped together 700 bucks. Cause that was the fee. I went. The show started at 9am My spot was at 8:57am I was the first up. I remember going up and kids were walking in with pastries. Cause you know, nobody's there. I fucking bombed. I remember a couple guys after me was a magician he killed. And I have genuinely hated magicians. And afterwards they have this thing called the marketplace, where you sort of stand.

[H. Foley]

There, you're trying to sell yourself a little bit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Booth. And people would come and nobody. Everyone's avoiding eye contact. I got one gig out of it. So Grinnell College. Grinnell College, they booked me. But Pete had a real good one. So he had a year where he was just like. He did, I think, like. Like 150 colleges.

[Kevin Ryan]

Always that somebody. Every year, a friend of ours or whoever be like, I went And I booked 90 colleges. Yeah, seven. 20 of them are in North Dakota. 20 of them are in South Dakota. Totally 20 of them. And you just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's all regional.

[Kevin Ryan]

They would leave for like what seemed like months.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I think the going rate at that time, you'd make like 1500 a show, 1600 a show, something like that. So Pete suddenly had a bunch of money, so he loaned us money.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, he loaned us money.

[H. Foley]

Pete Holmes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Good guy, Pete Holmes.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to Pete.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Shout out to Pete. If it wasn't for Pete, we wouldn't have made it in New York. No kidding. And never asked for it back. Of course. We paid him back as soon as we could.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's clear the air then.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But so wonderful of him to lend us money and never ask for it back. He's like, I just have it sitting around. It might as well do something useful.

[Kevin Ryan]

No kidding.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And really, really tough. And then my wife got a job working as a sort of assistant at a therapy place. And. And she made. You know, it was like she was making, like, 30 grand. It was, like, real. Our time in New York was really, really stressful because we couldn't afford to be here.

[Kevin Ryan]

It is for everybody.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it was like 10 years. It was really tough on our relationship, too. Like, it wasn't. We weren't like, we were in it together. It was, like, very stressful. And it wasn't until. And then Michael and Michael, you know, suddenly we could afford rent and food. And then right after that show got canceled, I was like, oh, I really like acting. Turns out. And so I went to LA and did the whole pilot season thing. Ended up getting on a show on TNT called Franklin and Bash, which you read.

[H. Foley]

How many episodes? You did, like, 50 episodes of that or something? 35.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They did four seasons and I did three of them. And so now we're cooking.

[H. Foley]

Now we're making. Now make it look cash.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Now we're making cash. That's when I was like, okay, now I've got money.

[Kevin Ryan]

When, like, that influx of cash. Was there any stupid purchase? Maybe not even, like. Not like I'm, you know, not talking. You know, you bought. I. I like anything small where you look back and, like, I shouldn't even die.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'll tell you what it was. Talk to us right when I'd gotten the writing job, and Michael and Michael have issues. I remember being like, all right, this is the first time I have money. Don't do anything stupid. You can't spend money on anything stupid. And Emily and I were at Best Buy at the time. They had this Street Fighter gamepad. Like, it had, like, ryu on it. And I already had a gamepad, but I was like, I don't really want that one in my life. It's like, please get it. And so that was the. I remember buying it and feeling like such a luxury, you know. You know, each. I've been a gamer my whole life, but all through Chicago and New York, you know, I'd only let myself buy a game if I did. Like, I was like, oh, I got a big show. I'm gonna make, you know, 700 bucks doing this show. I'll treat myself.

[H. Foley]

Are you playing games now?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I still play.

[H. Foley]

What do you have? Do you have a PlayStation? You have a. One of those gaming computers?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't have a gaming computer. I have a PlayStation, Xbox and Switch.

[H. Foley]

Okay. And you're playing them at home, sitting on the couch.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't have an assistant playing them for you or anything?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Like.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the hell is that?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Playing the video games.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. I'm like, Elon, I get a guy to play for me.

[H. Foley]

A guy playing right now?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm killing right now. Mortal Kombat. I'm ripping people's spines out right now.

[H. Foley]

And now, financially, we know you're doing pretty well. What's the spot like out in la? We got a pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, this is. You don't need. This is what people tune in. I swear to God I do. Is that one of those saltwater pools?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you have a beach entry like you walk in, or is it stairs?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Stairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sorry.

[H. Foley]

You got a hot tub?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I got a hot tub attached.

[H. Foley]

Is it connected? It.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's connected.

[H. Foley]

Little fountain going in from the hot tub into the pool.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's just sort of. Yeah, a little bit of overflow.

[Kevin Ryan]

No flames or anything.

[H. Foley]

What's the outside setup situation? Is there an island out there? Is there. Is there?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nice. Yes, we just got it redone.

[H. Foley]

Is there an ice machine out there?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

A what?

[H. Foley]

Is there an ice machine out there? You have an ice machine out there?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't have an ice machine out there.

[H. Foley]

You got a fridge out there?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, not outside.

[H. Foley]

Really.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No. I've got a pool house that I've turned into a screening room in my office.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I got all my action figures in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a cool LA thing, the pool house. And then you're like, that's my office.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's my spot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Big projector.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would do that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I got.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

People really want to know this stuff.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Swear to God. This is genuinely what they do.

[H. Foley]

Dead cats and Karachi is what we're just. We're living for, baby. You made it out. You're here. You're killing it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I got a. I got a nice. Like, really nice setup. Like, I got a bunch of friends who like, like, like smoking cigars. So I got like a nice cigar set up out there. Like a bunch of couches, a fire pit in the middle. I've got a gym in the house, which is pretty amazing.

[H. Foley]

What's in the kitchen? You got Sub Z Viking. What are we doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Stainless steel appliance.

[H. Foley]

Gentlemen.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't actually know what the. Those are. Like, the fancy ones?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sub Z and Sub Zero.

[H. Foley]

You don't got a whirlpool in there. Like a bozo, I would assume, right?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ten more, guy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't. Honestly, I. The only. You know, I don't really care about, like, I don't, you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I've got, like. I've got a Lexus. I don't really know about cars. I don't care about cars.

[H. Foley]

I have a Ferrari. I don't know if that's.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, no, no, no. But it was just very.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I have a Lexus because I did a commercial for Lexus and they gave me a Lexus, my man.

[H. Foley]

That's how they do it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, you can ask for it.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And they'll say yes.

[H. Foley]

Is that instead of the check or the check and the Lexus?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, the offer comes in there like. Like, you negotiate and you're like, all right, you're gonna make this much money. And I'm like, well, can they throw in a car?

[Kevin Ryan]

They got them laying around.

[H. Foley]

They throw in a car.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So then they did this in 92, but still, they're like, they'll throw in a car. And they were like, what car do you want? And they just sent me the website. So I just picked the most expensive all the things, not knowing. I know nothing about cars to this day, just the most expensive everything. And they were like, hey, great choice.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And then ship it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That car. Then they were like, hey, so this happened in the pandemic, you know, And I was like, actually, can I hold it off? You know, because they give it to you for three years. It's a lease. So as it was ending, they were like, if you wait another four months, there's a new model coming out that's going to be amazing. And so I was the first guy in North America to have this one specific car, this new model. Let's go. And they were like, I had six months before anybody else had that car. Now, the good thing about that car, it's a beautiful car. It's a luxury car car. It's not a car that looks like a car that people are gonna steal. You know, like, LA's got a lot of, like, I call them grand theft auto cars. You know, like, you see that car, you're still in that car to get.

[H. Foley]

You at the gas station or something.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, this looks like a regular sedan.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, the Lexus is the gentleman. If they're not. They're not flashy. Gentlemen's move. I respect it. How many suits do you think you own? You probably get a lot for, you know, you get dressed A lot like that. Awards and stuff like that. What do you think the number's at?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think I probably have, because, you know, you get those suits, but they take them back every now and then. You can ask to keep them. I just threw out a bunch of suits because I got. They don't fit me anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

You could wear a suit, by the way. You can wear that hell out of a suit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, thank you. I like wearing suits. I've got probably eight or nine suits.

[H. Foley]

Tie it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I get. Tie, tie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got a Lexi.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, write that down.

[H. Foley]

Just make a little more.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I, I, I, I. But most of the suits that you see me wearing at things are not my suits. Every now and then I ask to keep. Like, if I get a really nice tuxedo, I'm like, oh, can I keep this? And if you ask, like, you know, most of the clothes, if you ask, like, not too often, they'll let you keep them. But the craziest thing, they gave me a Vacheron watch. Do you guys know watches?

[H. Foley]

Not really.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay. They gave me.

[Kevin Ryan]

You dropped. If you would have dropped the brain, he would have known. He would have been like, I'm a huge watch.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Look this up.

[Kevin Ryan]

How do you spell it?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

V, A, C, H, E, R, O, N. And I know Rolex and then space and then type in Tourbillon. T, O, U, R, B, I, L, L, O, N. So they gave me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, what the heck?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Just to wear for an event. Like, they were like, this is the watch. And I looked at it and I was like, I think this is very expensive. But the one I. That one I looked up was a $200,000 watch.

[H. Foley]

Did you have to give it back?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would have stole that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They know where that's going. They keep track of it. It comes with a sign in sheet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who gives you that?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That company, Hollywood.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The mayor shows up. Karen Bass.

[Kevin Ryan]

He got a big key.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. All right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, yeah. So listen, this is how I. I feel. Pretty. You know, there are downsides to being known, but there are a lot of upsides. And not. Not having to, like, worry about money is a huge one of them. You know, for years I was like, I'll never do anything for money. Then I did some stuff for money, and then now I'm like, I won't do anything for money again. Because now I don't care. Like, you know, doing Broadway doesn't play pain, nothing. Like movies and tv, like, nothing. But I'm like, I want to do this. I feel like I'm like, I've got enough set up that I'm like, I don't need to worry about this. My wife and I, we're not. We don't. We don't have kids. We don't have those excuses. We don't spend a lot of money. We have, like, pretty normal life.

[H. Foley]

What was the last vacation you two went on?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We try and go on a vacation every year out of the country, but.

[H. Foley]

We'Re doing it up. We're doing it nice. Four Seasons, the Ritz. You gotta do a big gentleman.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

No kids. You got some cash, you got to spend it on. On vacation.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, that's where we spend it.

[H. Foley]

You're flying up front.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got to what?

[H. Foley]

I'm just saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Delta Comfort.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, Delta Comfort plus middle seat.

[H. Foley]

What's your credit score like?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, so that's where we spend money. This year we had to cancel vacation because of work. And, you know, like, this year, I work in. Not had to. I was lucky working in London. So that. But that doesn't really count our last trip that we did. I'm trying to think where we went last year. Oh, we went to Indonesia and Singapore.

[H. Foley]

Back to that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Toys R Us. I mean, listen, I'm. You know, I got all. I think I need. I have one question. Just pure American culture. Pizza Hut or domestic Domino's? And why. If you had. Obviously, you're keeping it tight. You're in good shape throughout your life.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

For me, Pizza Hut, when you got that, like, you know, on the pan where it's like. It's almost like the crust is fried.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's like buttery.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it's like buttery and crispy. I think I. I love. I actually love both Domino's and Pizza Hut, but I think Pizza Hut just. Cause it was also the first. Like, Grinnell had a Pizza Hut go all the time. Eat the Pizza Hut buffet, you know, is that still going on?

[Kevin Ryan]

They're bringing. They're bringing it. They're bringing it back.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was. You know, what's really good pizza here? Well, you guys tell me what's good pizza here, because my wife and I want to go, but we want to go to, like, a nice.

[H. Foley]

Sit down.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I want to go and sit down.

[H. Foley]

And have John's on. John's on Bleecker. Go to John's on Bleecker.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a nice.

[H. Foley]

You want the best. You can't sit down there, but you want the best pizza in New York City right now. Chrissy's Pizza in Greenpoint. Really the best pizza In New York City.

[Kevin Ryan]

We'll get. If you want, we'll get you, He's a buddy of ours. We'll get, we'll get you set up over here.

[H. Foley]

Honestly, the best. Started making him during the pandemic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[H. Foley]

Killing it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crazy good.

[H. Foley]

Had a pop up over at Superiority Burger. Opened up a brick and mortar. Plays out in Green Point. Lines around the block.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sells out really, really good. Like takeaway pies. I'm big fan of Ruby Rosa down in the Lower east side.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay. I can get there, I can get there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, listen. Got a little bit of dirt under the finger. He's a classy guy.

[H. Foley]

I mean, he's all classy guy. Are you peeing in the shower?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No. Brush your teeth in there every now and then? I don't pee in the pool.

[H. Foley]

You don't pee in the pool?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't pee in the pool. I don't pee outside. Here's one. Get this.

[H. Foley]

Don't pee in the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

I use the toilet.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I sit down to pee at my house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't stand up to pee. I don't want that splashing around. That's my home. That's my castle. I'm not too proud to sit down and pee. Gentlemen, I'm seeing a lot of.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, listen, I gotta be honest with you.

[H. Foley]

You got his and her sinks at the house.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

This guy's class.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, of course he does.

[H. Foley]

Hollywood out there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Here's the thing. Whenever we like, we try and do like here in my apartment, even with hotel room, we try and do two bathrooms. We try and keep it separate. We don't, we don't fart in front of each other.

[H. Foley]

We don't keep it spicy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, we keep it spicy. There's like a real separation.

[H. Foley]

Do you have a place here and a place up there? Just a house and just a house in la.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Just a house in la where you.

[H. Foley]

Just said like, any investment properties, anything like that?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No.

[H. Foley]

Well, Bitcoin?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, I don't do the market. I don't, I don't understand that stuff. I feel like I shouldn't have money that I don't think I've earned. And again, you know, I've done some things where I'm like, I just, I.

[H. Foley]

Just comfortable with this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It scares me too much.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't understand, I don't understand investing. I don't understand buying a property. I just, I'm like, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, I don't understand it. And I don't. I don't want to.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, I'm right there with.

[H. Foley]

I don't understand you. Buy low, sell high.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is too complicated.

[H. Foley]

Listen, we'll talk after. I'll get you with my guy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You got so many hookups. Chrissy's Pizza. You got this guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get you a slice of pizza and someone to lose your money if you want.

[H. Foley]

Gang, he's on Broadway right now. Oh, Mary got a special coming out in December with Hulu.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

You got a bunch of projects coming up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it's called Night Thoughts. I'm in the next season of Fallout, which is a show also coming out in December. Have you seen that show?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So good.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Got this. I got a couple episodes in there. I've got a movie coming out called Ella McKay, which is a James L. Brooks movie with Woody Harrelson, Jimmy Lee Curtis. It's a great. It's a great cast.

[H. Foley]

Killing it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And, yeah, she's doing O Mary now for another month and a half.

[H. Foley]

Buddy, we love it. We couldn't be more happy for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Such a fun time.

[H. Foley]

You're one of the absolute best. We love you. Thank you so much. Much for coming.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, thanks for having me, guys.

[H. Foley]

Kippy, what do you got for them?

[Kevin Ryan]

Guys? The fall tour starts up in September in Portland, San Francisco, Seattle and la. Get your tickets. Those shows will sell out. We love you and we'll see you out there, Camille.

[H. Foley]

We love you, buddy. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Peace.

[H. Foley]

Peace.