Live from the Van w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Live from the Van" | Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode Details:

• Title: Live from the Van
• Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
• Release Date: April 21, 2025

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1. Road Trip Beginnings (00:26 – 03:52)

In this lively episode of Are You Garbage?, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley kick off their week by sharing the excitement of their ongoing road trip. Traveling in their beloved "Tooties mobile" — a colorful van they've affectionately named — they set their sights on Cleveland for two highly anticipated shows. Kevin enthusiastically mentions, "We got two sold-out shows. One is about 96% sold out. Like a walk-up" (03:52), highlighting their popularity and the energy surrounding their performances.

2. Introducing the Road Squad (03:53 – 05:23)

The dynamic duo welcomes their road companions, Tom Cassidy and Sam Rubinoff, into the conversation. Tom and Sam bring their own comedic flair, contributing to the banter and setting the stage for the episode's humor. Sam, celebrating Passover, engages in playful exchanges about holiday traditions and dietary habits, with H. Foley teasing, "Can you pick up stuff with your toes? Yes, I can, gang" (00:10).

3. The Gopuff Delivery Fiasco (14:50 – 29:17)

A central story of the episode revolves around H. Foley's late-night Gopuff order mishap. Struggling with insomnia, H. Foley orders snacks to stave off hunger but faces a confusing delivery predicament:

• H. Foley (14:50): Describes waiting obsessively for his salami order, leading to anxiety and sleeplessness.
• Kevin Ryan (16:03): Jokes about the absurdity of the situation, saying, "I ain't never had one of them. And, baby, I gotta tell you, I ain't never going back" (13:10).

The story unfolds with H. Foley recounting endless calls to the hotel front desk, only to discover the delivery was misplaced. The camaraderie and humorous frustration are palpable as the hosts reflect on their own late-night snacking habits and the challenges of managing hunger on the road.

4. Personal Anecdotes and High School Memories (31:04 – 55:39)

The conversation shifts to nostalgic tales from their youth, filled with humorous and exaggerated memories:

• H. Foley (47:31): Shares a wild story about high school days involving a Korean fridge and an unexpected parental encounter, leading to uncontrollable laughter among friends.
• Tom Cassidy (57:14): Relates a creepy experience with a friend's nosebleed, adding a horror-movie twist to the narrative.

These stories not only serve as comedic relief but also highlight the deep bond and shared history among the hosts and their guests.

5. Navigating On-the-Road Challenges (35:01 – 44:21)

The hosts delve into the realities of touring life, discussing the physical and mental toll it takes:

• H. Foley (31:33): Opens up about struggles with maintaining healthy habits on the road, prompting friends to suggest hobbies like sketching or improv classes to find balance.
• Kevin Ryan (43:49): Offers humorous yet sincere advice on managing personal challenges, emphasizing the importance of seeking new interests outside of their comedic pursuits.

This segment underscores the podcast's blend of humor with relatable, real-life issues, providing listeners with both laughs and moments of reflection.

6. Banter and Group Dynamics (54:46 – 60:05)

As the episode progresses, the interplay between the hosts and guests intensifies with rapid-fire jokes and playful insults:

• Kevin Ryan (54:24): Critiques Tom's athletic abilities with sharp wit, saying, "You were just a fat guy waiting for salami at 3 o'clock in the morning" (43:57).
• H. Foley (60:05): Continues the teasing, highlighting the group's enduring camaraderie and ability to joke about each other's quirks.

This lively exchange exemplifies the show's comedic foundation, where humor is derived from genuine relationships and shared experiences.

7. Wrapping Up the Journey (60:05 – End)

As they near Cleveland, the hosts reflect on their journey, emphasizing the comedic and chaotic aspects of touring. The episode concludes with heartfelt goodbyes and a nod to their next destination, leaving listeners eager for future adventures.

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Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan: "We got two sold-out shows. One is about 96% sold out. Like a walk-up." (03:52)
• H. Foley: "I was watching Seinfeld and it was the marine biologist episode where he was talking about all the golf balls he had in the trunk of his car." (07:38)
• Tom Cassidy: "What's it called again? The drug that you're on." (14:35)
• Kevin Ryan: "I'm done with the tracking. You, You. You do you." (14:50)
• H. Foley: "This is why Jesus got out of town, right? They were killing the firstborn or something like that." (09:44)
• Kevin Ryan: "You think we don’t know you? We’ve been on the road together for five years." (34:31)
• H. Foley: "I just threw everything out." (26:04)
• Tom Cassidy: "He's psychotic." (36:24)

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Conclusion:

"Live from the Van" delivers a quintessential Are You Garbage? experience, blending spontaneous humor with heartfelt storytelling. Kevin Ryan and H. Foley, along with their guests Tom Cassidy and Sam Rubinoff, navigate the highs and lows of touring life with unfiltered honesty and relentless comedy. For fans and new listeners alike, this episode offers a perfect mix of laugh-out-loud moments and relatable anecdotes, embodying the show's signature trashy yet entertaining game show vibe.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Gang. The 2025 edition of the are you garbage card game third edition is on sale right [e-mail]. play it with your friends, play with your family and see who is trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we got over 50 questions right here. Was your babysitter a man? Hit me. Ever been run over? How you doing? Yes, I have. Can you pick up stuff with your toes? Yes, I can, gang. [e-mail] and they're shipping in a day or two. Get on board.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh, yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out together to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day, barreling down the Pennsylvania turnpike here in Tooties mobile. Big blue Tootie's back at the house. We left her a rolled up hundred on the kitchen table and I don't think it's gonna be for pizza. Mike Hos is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Ru Garbage. He is an international businessman and he's sitting in the captain's chair. He's got all the remotes. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Let's go.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available on Spotify. And I just checked in those numbies last night. Them things are cooking, baby. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. are you garbage? You go over there, you get all that bonus content.

[H. Foley]

Gang boys are doing a little bit something different today. Little, little taste of the road with us in the back. Two little spoiled brats back there from Route 66 fame. From Route 66 fame. The boys are on the road. You got Mr. Tom Cat Daddy Cassidy.

[Tom Cassidy]

Good to be back, boys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Happy to have you, Tommy, on the open road.

[Tom Cassidy]

Pittsburgh, salt of the earth out here. These people.

[H. Foley]

Hey, you're a true talent, Tommy. And of course, Mr. Sam Rubinoff.

[Sam Rubinoff]

Hey, happy Passover or whatever you celebrate.

[H. Foley]

Comedian, director, actor, stand up comedian, classic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Schlub, all around loser. Hebrew.

[H. Foley]

Is it Passover?

[Sam Rubinoff]

Yeah, man.

[H. Foley]

So what are you doing?

[Sam Rubinoff]

I did a Seder.

[Kevin Ryan]

He dropped that microphone. Allowed to be touching electronics. Are you guys Amish on the weekends?

[H. Foley]

Shouldn't you be shitting Shiva somewhere or something like that?

[Sam Rubinoff]

Yeah, you know, we did the, did the Passover Seder thing and now I'm hanging out with my favorite Catholic people.

[H. Foley]

Is this a big one? Is this a big holiday? Is this a high holiday?

[Sam Rubinoff]

It's not a high holiday, but it's a holiday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Goody's high. Every, every holiday's Passover for her. How you done?

[Sam Rubinoff]

Yeah, no, but it's, it's one that people. I would say it's like Jewish Thanksgiving.

[H. Foley]

Didn't I see you eating bread yesterday?

[Sam Rubinoff]

Yeah, I mean I did, I did the. Yeah, you eat. You eat fucking meat during Lent.

[Kevin Ryan]

I saw you eating a lot yesterday. Don't be judging people for what they were eating.

[H. Foley]

Diesel, you're in the middle of the goddamn road.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we got. Right, we got our boy Ryan D driving great wheel man, he's been a little wonky this trip. I just had to check him as he was. He was cruising through an intersection. But all in all, this is the squad gang. This is the road squad, this is the bus. We are leaving Pittsburgh right now, just pulling out of town, headed to Cleveland for two sold out shows. Really? One when the other one's about 96% sold out. Like a walk up.

[H. Foley]

Packed out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Packed out, not sold out. We wanted to give you a little. We typically do these on Patreon, the greatest website of all time. But we wanted to give the bozos a little slice of life, you know what I mean? So here we are. This. And I gotta be honest with you, I am in love with this bus. I might be done flying forever. I might be full blown John Madden. Just wheels on the bus, cruising through this great country of ours.

[H. Foley]

Taking your meals in here and shit like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll be doing everything, dude. Just me and Diesel on the open road. I'll meet you guys in Portland doing.

[H. Foley]

Play by play for the Raiders games.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a bunch of TVs going, by the way.

[H. Foley]

I wanted to bring something up. This is a little bit hard feelings, but I heard you talking yesterday about commission in the. The van for a personal trip.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, that was another thing. I like the van so much. My family's got a trip in Florida and I was, I'm trying to convince my brothers, my brother, my brother in law and my nephews to ride. Like I'm like, let's ride down to Florida. They are adamantly opposed to it.

[H. Foley]

What's the compensation Coming my way?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

I own half of this thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

So. So am I coming?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

So there'll be a monetary compensation?

[Kevin Ryan]

I doubt it.

[H. Foley]

Something sexual.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why not? Just being a good friend of mine, you let me use it. And also, now you're putting our business out there for the irs which I do not appreciate, my friend. That is a business trip. I'm going down there to talk to clients. I'm going to try to secure some funding from some Cubans.

[Tom Cassidy]

And you could take the bus, too. You could take Patty down to Sandals or something. Whatever you guys do, down to hedonism.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wherever you and your family go, get.

[Tom Cassidy]

It on a boat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I will. I want to take the kids on a road trip. These kids don't know road trips. You know what I mean?

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I want to take them on a nice, fun. We'll stop at south of the border.

[H. Foley]

You know, I want to sit in a van with you. What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm the cool uncle.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, right.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

Creep.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I don't know why you're going down that way with it.

[H. Foley]

You know what I was thinking about this morning?

[Kevin Ryan]

What's that?

[Tom Cassidy]

Pancakes.

[Kevin Ryan]

A Western.

[H. Foley]

I did try the waffle at the Hampton Inn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just. That's crazy. But I'll give it to you. I respect it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Pretty good. I couldn't wait to two minutes, though. So it was a little medium rare, to be quite honest with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little runny on the middle.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I couldn't wait.

[Kevin Ryan]

You couldn't wait to two minutes?

[H. Foley]

It was 250. 200. 2 minutes and 50 seconds. You had to wait for it to cook. I don't like them well done, either.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're doing a shot of the batter. Mom.

[Tom Cassidy]

Why is that guy eating waffle milkshakes?

[H. Foley]

Shut up, kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

I was thinking about this this morning. I don't know if you guys are going to be able to relate to this at all because you're younger.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay?

[H. Foley]

All right. So when you think about the span of 20 years. All right. Where I'm going with this is I remember in the 80s being in cars that were probably made in the 60s or even, let's say, the 90s. If I'm. If I'm in a car in 1990 that was made in 1970.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

It felt like they were a hundred years old. They had, like, that smell.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You know that smell? I'm talking about that rusty metallic. Especially the trunk. What made me think of it is when Kramer was talking on a Seinfeld Because I was watching Seinfeld. Because I can't sleep. These pills got me. I can't sleep at all. I didn't fall asleep until like 6:00 last night.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. You had your. You had your medium rare waffle, then went back to bed an hour. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Without a cpap. And that was bad. I had like five heart attacks while I was laying there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, it's a big morning. But I was watching the waffles and heart attacks.

[H. Foley]

But I was watching. I was watching Seinfeld and it was the marine biologist episode where he was talking about all the golf balls he had in the trunk of his car. And as you know, Kramer had an older model car.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

And I was thinking about what the trunk of that car must smell like that. Like gasoline, rusty kind of smell. When you think about it, though, a car made in 2000 or if I'm in a car in.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like the loom. The loom's 20 years old. Yeah, Yeah, I have it. I know exactly what you're talking about. I went out and bought that car.

[H. Foley]

But that wouldn't have that same. That's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but it has smell of that time. It has smell of the car.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Which is. It's weird.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, it doesn't smell like a car from 2025. You. You get in that. You're like, I am in the year 2000. Or what is it, the 95? You're like, I am in.

[Sam Rubinoff]

I'm 30 years old.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'm in 1995.

[H. Foley]

It's weird to think, though. It's not. They get. How come it doesn't seem. How come 2020 to 2000 doesn't seem as far away as 1990 to 1970? Because you're still in Vietnam and the.

[Tom Cassidy]

Passage of time is different.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but you're. How old were you in 1990?

[Sam Rubinoff]

40.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's just retiring from my first job in 1990.

[Tom Cassidy]

He was 14 years old.

[H. Foley]

I was 14. God damn stalker.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why don't you get a room?

[H. Foley]

Get off my dick, Tommy.

[Tom Cassidy]

1976.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, that makes sense. Yeah. So you're 14. Your life experience is different. Every year at 14 is vastly different than every year from 30 to 50.

[H. Foley]

No, but I'm just.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that's what it is.

[H. Foley]

What I'm saying is the technology has evened out. From 1970 to 1990 is a huge jump, but 2000 to 2020 doesn't feel like that Hughes of huge of a jump.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's an insane statement.

[H. Foley]

Is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, there's there was from 2000 to 2025. Dude, compare the Lumina to this thing. This thing has WI fi and a fucking flat screen in it. And do we have a five camera setup going on right now?

[Tom Cassidy]

Smells nice.

[H. Foley]

The Lumina smelled nice until you squash that spider. Which. That's fucking bad juju, by the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just like that's the last thing you need.

[H. Foley]

That's the last.

[Kevin Ryan]

Happy six heart attacks, guys.

[Tom Cassidy]

Hey, juju. He's sitting right next to me. Take it easy.

[H. Foley]

Happy Passover. And is it happy Passover? Yeah, sure. It's sad Passover.

[Sam Rubinoff]

No, it's a good one.

[H. Foley]

Isn't this when you were hiding babies? Yeah, we're.

[Tom Cassidy]

We're paint on the door.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I don't ever met them, but the Jews are rarely happy.

[Sam Rubinoff]

This is a happy one. We're hiding babies.

[Tom Cassidy]

Foley smears, barbecue sauce on his door.

[H. Foley]

This is what. This is why Jesus got out of town, right? They were. They were killing the firstborn or something like that.

[Sam Rubinoff]

No, this had nothing. This is pre Jesus.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, nothing to do. I'll see how to start that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was never even there. I was out of town that weekend. I don't know what these guys. I don't know what these guys are talking about. Yeah, you really started distance himself from the old jc, didn't you there, Sammy?

[H. Foley]

Actually half Italian.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wanted to mention too, yesterday on the ride, we had a nice ride out from New York City to Penn to Pittsburgh. Pennsylvania, by the way. Pennsylvania, beautiful state. I trashed it for being whatever Pennsyl Tucky they call it. Between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. There is some real nice country out there. You get the mountains, you get the green farms. We went through a couple of sun showers. Fucking beautiful.

[H. Foley]

I have bad memories about that drive. The drive from. From. From the east coast to Pittsburgh because I only did it once. My buddy was going to Pitt. We went out there for the Christmas between Christmas and New Year's for a party in the middle of the semesters. And we got a bunch of bad blow and fucking had to drive back all crashed out. I hated it. Yeah, it's like a long six hour drive. And I was crashing out, falling asleep at the wheel. I wasn't driving.

[Tom Cassidy]

Fair enough.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ryan D. Was driving.

[Tom Cassidy]

Meanwhile, he had me and Rubinoff on a puddle jumper. Jesus Christ. It was the day the features died on that one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Rubinoff and Tommy had to fly out because it was a paper airplane. A lot of last minute change. The plans.

[H. Foley]

Obviously we had some things up in the air. We had a couple of things we had to stay in the city for. We had to cancel one of the Pittsburgh shows. Unfortunately, as everybody knows, we had a humdinger there last night. It was fantastic. Working on the makeup dates. Check the website. And yeah, we had to send you two morons out there just in case we were pulling in late so you could do the sound check and all.

[Kevin Ryan]

That stuff, which was gonna be real Hollywood stuff. If we did get jammed up. We had them out there to start the show if we were gonna be running late, you know what I mean? We run into town, I'm putting my tucks on as I'm, like, running through the door to go up and bomb for 300 people. No. But ended. Everything ended up working out. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. But on the way out, we stopped at a gas station and a little peckish, right? All the Me, new guy Luke and Ryan D. We go in, we take our pee pees, we get a coffee, and then we go. Ah. They see that milling around. Most. You know, it was a gas station. Like, there's a loves. No, no, that was like a Sunoco A plus or something like that.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And they have that, like.

[H. Foley]

I don't like loves.

[Kevin Ryan]

They have that oval refrigerator. You know what I mean? They have like a wah. Well, they have it all. Gas station.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know. You're talking about.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like, open. There's no doors on it. It's stuff to keep, like, a little bit colder.

[H. Foley]

It looks like the thing that they keep cake in at diners, except it doesn't have the doors.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shh. Okay. That was a very specific thing. It's like a car without the doors and a window and a refrigeration. Just start doing a completely different thing. But we see that milling about. You know what I mean? I'm a little peckish at this point. They're looking. We're about four hours into the drive. They're looking, they're looking, they're talking, they're laughing. I go, they got their eye on something. They both grind. I never had it. They both grab those meat, cheese and cracker. Hillshire farm salami packets.

[H. Foley]

Ever had those?

[Kevin Ryan]

I ain't never had one of them. And, baby, I gotta tell you, I ain't never going back. That is a gummy bear. Cheeze it. We were sitting in here, it was like. I mean, that was all freaking, right? It's like 310 calories. Too short of nitrates ain't good for you. Coming out your pores.

[H. Foley]

All right. I Have a confession to make. Oh, so you. What are you looking at, Diesel? Because you were grilling me this morning and I didn't know if you saw this or not when I came.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I'm done with the tracking. You, You. You do you. I'm done with all of it. I'm putting my hands up in the air. Big man can. Big man. I'm done trying.

[H. Foley]

Listen, I'm trying, all right? Yesterday we had our egg bites in the car, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, can I tell you this? Because we were clocking it this morning.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because Diesel went. He had egg bites and then a chicken Caesar wrap and that was it. And I got. Ain't like the big bad.

[H. Foley]

And then I smoked and. But I didn't. I haven't been feeling well. My sleep's been up. All right. On naltroxone. Anti opioid. Not that I'm on the junk. It's to keep me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe you would. You lose a couple pounds, thin out. Let's get this guy on some smack.

[H. Foley]

Get in there and spike up.

[Tom Cassidy]

What's it called again?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Tom Cassidy]

What's it called again?

[H. Foley]

What's what called again?

[Tom Cassidy]

The drug that you're on.

[H. Foley]

Meat and cheese.

[Kevin Ryan]

Genoa. Salami.

[H. Foley]

It's not Genoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, sorry.

[H. Foley]

Genoa. Um. I apologize.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did I. Jesus Christ. Did I offend your family?

[H. Foley]

All right, so here's the deal.

[Kevin Ryan]

I went down to the front desk after everybody went upstairs. I murdered the. I murdered the attendant working the desk.

[Tom Cassidy]

I hate him.

[Kevin Ryan]

I took her keys. I drove to his sheets. I had a cheeseburger with mozzarella sticks on it. I killed the guy behind that counter.

[H. Foley]

I snuck up behind her and put a stapler to the back of her head like it was a gun. Like he didn't Batman begin. Now, we' no had the egg bites. Okay. Then had that wrap, which was delicious. I go with all Luke's. Whatever Luke gets, I get.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but then you do. She do sneaky eats.

[H. Foley]

I didn't do sneaky eats. I tried to do sneaky eats. Let me tell you the fucking story, all right? So you guys had those meat and cheese plates.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean. Yeah. Don't act like. Don't act like it was a charcuterie board.

[H. Foley]

Well, that trick that gets in my head when. When, you know, when I make a. I make a file.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. But do you do. Oh, they ate and I didn't. Then you make it up on the back end. Because that's what I do.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? Like, I didn't. I knew you guys had to Me? Because you have that ready anytime someone comments. Oh, that's a. That's. That's a. I don't know. You know, maybe you shouldn't do the medium rare waffle. You go, you guys had those meat and cheese plates. I didn't have anything.

[H. Foley]

Right. Also, Diesel had the meatballs, which I really wanted at the. At the comedy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really? You didn't make that known. I thought you were gonna fucking hit him.

[H. Foley]

Who the fuck thought an improv in Pittsburgh would be making a homemade meatballs? What the hell are you doing to me? They look delicious. So I'm starving. I can't sleep. I go upstairs, I lay down. I almost pulled the trigger on a Hershey's almond bar. And I didn't. Right, Luke? I didn't. So I go upstairs, I lay down. I'm not feeling well. I fall asleep for like an hour. I don't know what it is. I can't sleep at night now. I'm sleeping all day and I fall asleep for an hour and I wake up and my tummy is a grumbling like it. Like I'm hungry. Like summer camp hungry. Like middle of the night summer camp. Haven't had dinner in a long time. I'm starving.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what that. I mean, you did a good job quite a bit. Like, that's a. That is a deep cut. Only fat guys know I'm hungry.

[H. Foley]

And there's no access to food because I had already taken my contacts and shit out and I was in my skivvies and I wasn't going downstairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you wake up, think you're home. You go downstairs like that. You're in the little snack closet. How you doing? You're slapping your stomach.

[H. Foley]

Hey, don't forget to leave the cat.

[Kevin Ryan]

In your ball sacks hanging out. Your ball sacks hanging out the blown out elastic band.

[H. Foley]

Is that turkey I left in here? Sir, please. There's a Japanese family standing there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're in the break room looking, going through people's Tupperware and shit time.

[H. Foley]

You got work tomorrow, kb. This is Mint Mobile, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Mint Mobile.

[H. Foley]

You know it. You love it. We're talking about Mint Mobile, gang. Why are you spending so much on your. Your phone bill, huh? Why? Tell me why you're doing that when you got Mint Mobile and you could be getting it for $15 a month when you sign up for three months. What are we doing here? Come on. There's no brick and mortar. They're passing the savings right on to you. You get to keep your number do yourself a favor. Get on Mint Mobile.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, say bye bye to overpriced wireless plans, jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you. All plans come with high speed data or data your choice. And unlimited talking text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. I ain't talking 1G 2G. I'm talking 5G network. Take that to the bank. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with your existing contacts. It's easy peasy. My wife's been using it for years. It's fantastic. I've been way before this podcast was even accepted. Bada bing, bada boom. We've been using it. Not only the client, I'm the player president dog. No matter how you say data or data, don't overpay for it. Shop data [e-mail] garbage that's minmobile.com garbage upfront payment for a $45 an up an upfront payment of $45 for a 3 month 5 gigabyte plan is required, which is the equivalent of $15 a month. Obviously new customer offer for the first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. CMIT mobile.com for details.

[H. Foley]

Do it gang. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it is.

[H. Foley]

As you know, Kevin and I have both started taking our mental health journeys, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Psychopath.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well way oh, you're looking at me.

[H. Foley]

With a thousand yard stare. This guy needs double dose university level. Listen gang, we wouldn't have started that journey if it wasn't for better help. If you got something going on, whether it's big in your life, whether it's small in your life, maybe something from the childhood that's unresolved or you're just trying to figure out a couple of things. Now you can do it from the privacy you're on home. Reach out to BetterHelp. I'll match you with a licensed therapist and talk it through. Baby. We can't say enough about talk therapy and we believe it will help you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, mental health is no joking matter. But here at ayg we will make light of it. That's what we do. That's how we handle our business. We're crazy. But all jokes aside, traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save an average at up to 50% per session. Better helps. All done. You pay a fat fee, flat fee for Weekly sessions, saving big on cost and time. Therapy should feel accessible. And that's the hardest part is it doesn't feel accessible. And with BetterHelp it is accessible.

[H. Foley]

Yes it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

So visit. Your well being is worth it. So visit betterhelp.com garbage to get 10% off your first month. That's better. Help H E L P.com garbage do it.

[H. Foley]

So I go on UberEats. I'm looking around, I'm looking around, I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Starving and I want to say thank you for sharing this with the group.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You and your salami back.

[H. Foley]

So I'm looking around on there now I know Luke knows this.

[Tom Cassidy]

There's two in the morning in Pittsburgh.

[H. Foley]

At this point it's probably like no. You know what time it was?

[Kevin Ryan]

They got to pick that. You got to order from a restaurant in New York. You want food at that time around here that's going to be a long to live.

[H. Foley]

Six hours.

[Kevin Ryan]

So better off going to the airport.

[H. Foley]

It was 12:55 because I got to the room around 11. I fell asleep. I woke up at 12:15. I go on a little outfit called Gopuff. Shout out to them.

[Kevin Ryan]

They'll deliver you beer heaters. They'll go to like a 711 for you.

[H. Foley]

And it also comes in a sealed bag so nobody could do any snooping around. If anybody asked, I was just gonna say it was mouthwash or nyquil cuz I couldn't fall asleep. So I didn't. Wasn't 100% sure what I got. So I'll tell you the exact order, all right? Not that I'm proud of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought you said you didn't do anything.

[H. Foley]

Just listen. I got a. I can't get a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Read on this guy.

[H. Foley]

I got a Lunchable and I got one of those Hillshire. They actually had the Hillshire.

[Kevin Ryan]

The ones most places do.

[H. Foley]

So I got one of those. I got a bag of Cheez Its because there was a bag of Cheez Its in here that got registered in my brain.

[Tom Cassidy]

You're like fat memento.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like Kaiser Soze. Everything you see you eat later on that day.

[H. Foley]

I haven't written on my arm. And I got a great Powerade. Never heard of a great Powerade, but.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got one, okay. It says because you were doing so.

[H. Foley]

Much working out that day, it says 20 minutes. All right, 20 minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

No way.

[H. Foley]

20 minutes it says, do you get.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you know that's not a real 20 minutes.

[H. Foley]

A half an hour. I'll be okay. I had these. That's a 40 piece Listen, I haven't been sleeping. I couldn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I understand.

[H. Foley]

To eat something, to go to this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not judging. I'm just saying, you know, that. That a 20 minute at 1am in Pittsburgh ain't 20 minutes.

[H. Foley]

I didn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

You know, I was thinking positively.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know, I send it out, positive vibes.

[H. Foley]

Pittsburgh could have turned me around, you know, it could have came through for me. Which they didn't. So 20 minutes goes by, nothing. Now, Gopuff is a separate operation from UberEats. Usually on UberEats you can track. You see the guy on the bike.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tracking's real bad on Gopuff.

[H. Foley]

Bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's real bad. It's like a map from like. It's like made in like Ms.

[H. Foley]

Paint.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's real bad.

[H. Foley]

And when they ask you, is it there yet? You know you're screwed. And if it's not there yet, push a button.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, we lost Barry. We don't know where the.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's like, just wait a little longer.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's got your lunchable and he disappeared.

[H. Foley]

So I. I'm sitting there, I'm waiting. 20 minutes goes by, half hour goes by. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. So now I start calling downstairs. I'm like, hey, where the fuck is this salami? I'm like, hey, did a delivery guy come by? And the lady was like, no, they didn't. I'm like, you sure? They're like, no, nobody's. Nobody's even been here. I'm like, all right. So I wait like another 20 minutes. I'm dying. I'm tossing and turning, I'm trying to fall back asleep. Half hour goes by, hour goes by, hour goes by. Fucking hour. I call back down, it's ringing. No one's picking up downstairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

They disappear at like 2, 3am Those people are getting fucked. They're sleeping, they're doing something.

[H. Foley]

So she finally answers and I'm like, hey, you didn't see it in delivery guy. And I assume she knows it's me because they can see on the thing that they're in DEFCON 1 upstairs. Big guy needs something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Key. Yeah, but I think we were all in the wrong rooms. Cause I got keys by. The guy at the front desk gave me keys and I opened the door and Tommy was in there pooping. So we all got. Luke got Sam's got keys to say we were all fucked up.

[H. Foley]

Probably dining like this Jewish guy really wants a salami.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought it was Passover.

[H. Foley]

So nothing. So I wait like two hours and I'm just. I'm just watching Seinfeld, tossing and turning. I can't sleep. I probably called her like four times. And every time she's like, no. No one. No. Are you sure no one has been here.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm dying, baby.

[Tom Cassidy]

Are you sure? Is funny. Like slip their mind.

[H. Foley]

So I end up laying in bed until literally 5:00.

[Kevin Ryan]

Scroll.

[H. Foley]

Doom. Scrolling on Instagram, watching Seinfeld, not being able to sleep, tossing and turning, thinking about taking some sketch classes. That's what I was looking up. Sketching, improv classes. You told me I gotta find a hobby.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did. That's a new game for the homies and bozos out there. Find H. Foley a hobby. Kid needs something to do with his time.

[H. Foley]

Well, I have an idea. What it could be. Salami Hunter.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, you find it. Just shove it up your ass.

[Tom Cassidy]

Give me a suggestion. You're a fat guy waiting for salami at 3 o'clock in the morning.

[H. Foley]

So nothing. So I stay up until 5 and then I finally fall asleep and it's a bad sleep.

[Kevin Ryan]

So your salami.

[H. Foley]

So then I'm like, I know breakfast probably starts at like six down at the. Down at the thing. So, like, if I can ride this out until 6, I can go down, get something, eat, come upstairs, get an hour or two asleep. I fall asleep. I wake up at fucking 9. I call downstairs real quick, I'm like, hey, what time is breakfast? Then she's like 10.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm like, all right, has Gopuff been here?

[H. Foley]

Hop in the shower. Ba ba ba. I go downstairs and that's when I see you. But as I turn the corner, sitting at the. On the desk. On the front desk at a hotel is a Gopuff bag. And I walk over to it immediately and the new girl, who I think was the same girl because her voice sounded real similar, she goes, is this your gopuff? And I'm like, yeah, it is. And she's like, sorry about that. And I'm like, don't worry about it. I grabbed the bag and I turned to go throw it out real quick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just throw.

[H. Foley]

I just threw everything out.

[Kevin Ryan]

This all makes sense to me because I.

[H. Foley]

Then I looked over and I saw fucking this fucking boy scout up. Fucking writing at fucking 9 in the morning. And you made eye contact with me.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you were weird.

[H. Foley]

I wasn't sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

This all makes so much sense, dude.

[H. Foley]

I was.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm like, you came in and then you sat down. I'm like, anybody can't get vibes on the big man. He was real Short with me. When I saw that was like when Donnie Brasco bumped into the guy at the motel during the coke deal. I was like, this guy's vibes are.

[H. Foley]

He's working under salami. Get out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was fun.

[H. Foley]

So I, I just stuffed the whole thing in the thing and then walked over to you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those are good road snacks, though.

[H. Foley]

Well, I don't know. I figured they'd been sitting out all night.

[Tom Cassidy]

So do you think the lady was fucking with you? Think it came?

[H. Foley]

So then you want to talk about the, the Joe Pistone situation? You had your headphones on, you were sitting there. Right. And Rubinoff had not come down yet. So I go over to the fucking omelet station. Little pre made omelets.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not an omelette station. They were pre made microwave omelettes. Omelette.

[H. Foley]

They were delicious.

[Tom Cassidy]

Cheese and eggs. They were good.

[H. Foley]

Oh, right. They were fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

I do like a bed. I do like a bad hotel breakfast. I like a bad egg.

[H. Foley]

And I go over there and I don't know where you are now. And all of a sudden the girl comes walking up and she's real loud and like, literally I'm loading up my plate.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a gopuff for fat ass.

[H. Foley]

She goes, hey, you should, you should call them and cancel that. She's like, my, my. My girl overnight said that, that, that they just left it outside. They left it outside.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ton of bugs, get it?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Which makes me believe that this broad knocked off at some point to go flick the bean or call her boyfriend or something like that. Okay. And the fucking. And the gopuff guy got there and couldn't get in the front, couldn't get in. So we just left it outside.

[Kevin Ryan]

That makes sense because as a gopa, as a delivery driver, you get right there. What do you want? You're not going in an extra 5ft. Drop it off. Make sure it's a good rating.

[Tom Cassidy]

Bad move, though, to put. To leave anything out.

[H. Foley]

Fucking scumbag move.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah, I was never do that.

[H. Foley]

I was checking the address and then I had anxiety about like, did they bring it up to one of your rooms by accident? And then I'm gonna walk into that in the morning. That you were gonna not say anything and wait till we got on camera and then bang. You were gonna pull out my great Powerade and start hitting me with, well.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thank you for believing. I'm knowing I'm such a good broadcaster. That's what I would have done. I would have done a public trial for sure. Would have hanged you in the public square, big dog throwing you in the rivers. See if you can swim.

[H. Foley]

So that's my story.

[Tom Cassidy]

So you snuck the box of RUNS in at the end.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I know, I know, Tommy. This ain't my first time talking with. Dealing with this.

[Tom Cassidy]

My question is.

[H. Foley]

Sugar, was there anything.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you think. I thought it's just those four items. You're bonkos.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah. What else?

[H. Foley]

What else was there?

[Tom Cassidy]

One more thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably a dozen eggs.

[H. Foley]

There was something else. Of course there was a box of peanut butter and jelly cookies. Because I thought if I got a thing of uncrustables, I would eat the whole box. Because they have whole boxes of Uncrustables on GoPuff. Check it out. GoPuff.com backslash H. Foley.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're doing your own brand deals.

[H. Foley]

But I didn't get none of it. That's what. That's what happened.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I'm. You know, listen, thank you for being honest.

[H. Foley]

That.

[Kevin Ryan]

That shows. That shows growth. I get it. I've been. I've been there as well. I have two ordered. See, with those things, you just kind of gotta get out and front of it because you just got to go. You text the group, hey, guys, I can't sleep. I'm putting in a gopuff order. Anybody need anything? That would have qualmed all I would.

[H. Foley]

Have been taking shit. Right?

[Tom Cassidy]

I don't think so because it's two in the morning too. We're all going to bed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tom Cassidy]

We're not psychotic people.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're also just like. I'm putting a GoPro. I need advice. Something I need might all I need. I need some Preparation H, something. And then. Because then you're up all night torturing yourself. That ain't worth it. And buddy, I've done it. I've ordered. Fuck. I've gone up to the room and ordered a whole bunch of McDonald's before low key. You feel like you're smoking meth and that you. You feel like that motel room painting. You're looking out the door, you're making sure no one's in the. No one's at the drop zone.

[H. Foley]

I've done that a lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

When I'm on the floor by myself, I get into bad things.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe we should. Me and you should start sharing rooms and I can keep you in line a little bit. Not. Not that I'm any fucking Then, you know, maybe we can split a 20 piece or something. Get some nuggets for the room.

[H. Foley]

I was thinking we'd all get separate hotels. So I could be left to my. And then when I was ordering, I'm like, I'm a goddamn grown man.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've had this fight with myself too. I'm like, dude, I'm like. I was like. I've been like, wearing to bump into, like, Luke or somebody in the lab. Like, this motherfucker works for me. He can suck my dick. I don't care.

[H. Foley]

But I did think all the time that I'm. That I'm spending on thinking about this and sneaking around, all my energy's gone to that. Because I'm preparing lies. I'm preparing defenses. I'm preparing. Oh, you know what they're gonna say, what I'm gonna say.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah, because like on the Route 66 story, when you hid the poop, like, do you think that's just something you need in your life to always be hiding something, always be scheming?

[H. Foley]

I don't think it's good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think it's good either. But you are a. You know, every fiber of your being is a bit of a schemer.

[H. Foley]

I've been doing it my whole life.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know it's no good, it ain't good.

[H. Foley]

I want to be free of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, this guy throwing seven different kinds of crazy today. Big man, you're on it. And then you sat at a table at breakfast. I'm sitting there, you said.

[H. Foley]

Because you were sitting there writing. And Reuben off was sitting there, by the way. Next time I'm sitting eating it turned away from me. I look with his cardigan on and.

[Kevin Ryan]

He'S got a notepad.

[H. Foley]

You're sitting cross like it. Like Sigmund Freudstein the North. Analyzing every bite that I had.

[Kevin Ryan]

The North American fat ass.

[H. Foley]

You were making direct eye contact with me as I was eating my omelet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sandwich, my waffle omelette sandwich.

[H. Foley]

I had two omelet waffle sandwiches. You take a one piece of lightly toasted bread, a little bit of butter, a little bit of jelly. You slide one of those little mini omelets in there with a little sausage patty.

[Kevin Ryan]

I saw Tommy had just a untoasted piece of white bread today. It looked like he was in jail. He sat down next to me with an untoasted piece of hotel white bread and was like dabbing up his egg juice.

[H. Foley]

What are you, a betta fish?

[Tom Cassidy]

14 hours of sleep in the past two weeks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Eating like a duck back there. I woke up, I thought about to throw a hand of seed at you.

[H. Foley]

I woke up, he's got a hook in his mouth.

[Tom Cassidy]

I Woke up at 9:56. I put my sneakers on and I just ran down there and got whatever I could. Those the people running that thing? Shut it down at 10, man.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Tom Cassidy]

I was taking sausages out of their hand, so I had to go like a duck.

[H. Foley]

I think they moved the toasters. I don't know why. I just always pictured you sleeping with your shoes on. Dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sleeping in jeans.

[Tom Cassidy]

I will say this, that piece of bread was delicious though.

[H. Foley]

You just had a piece?

[Kevin Ryan]

Look, dude. He looked British. It was so weird. I couldn't get a read. He sat down, I went, all right, man. Maybe fatherhood does this to you. If you don't know, Tommy just had a baby.

[H. Foley]

Tommy's eating eggies in a basket. Congratulations, Tommy. Tommy's a new dad.

[Tom Cassidy]

What a time to be alive.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tommy.

[Tom Cassidy]

Love you, boy. But yeah. So I got an egg. The last sausage you got.

[H. Foley]

Wait, did you get one of those hard boiled eggs?

[Tom Cassidy]

Piece of bread? Nah, there weren't any hard boiled eggs when I got.

[H. Foley]

Those things are disgusting.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah, the hotel ones are.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like.

[H. Foley]

What are they doing putting out hard boiled eggs?

[Tom Cassidy]

I like a hard boiled egg.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't touch them.

[H. Foley]

That's. Those things got to be soaked in salt solution or something. Some kind of preservative.

[Tom Cassidy]

You like a deviled egg? I love a deviled egg.

[H. Foley]

Tommy, come on. What am I, a dude?

[Tom Cassidy]

Deviled eggs on Easter too Little paprika in there. Oh, my goodness.

[Kevin Ryan]

I went to school with him. Patrick.

[Tom Cassidy]

Good kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out. Patty. Prica. Yeah. Wow. That. I mean, what a. What? I didn't know all that happened. You shouldn't be. You get out in front of it next time. Listen. Because we woke up anyway. And being like, there's no way he just had that. So we know. You act like we.

[H. Foley]

You.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think we don't know you? We've been on the road together for five years.

[H. Foley]

I woke up feeling. Or despite the sleep. It feels good to be hungry. It feels good to be empty. But I just. I haven't done it in so long like that where I just couldn't go all the way through. If that makes sense. I couldn't make it through the night. I couldn't sleep. Well.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think there's other issues.

[H. Foley]

I wish I didn't have those fucking the. The omelet sandwiches this morning. And I didn't know you were going to fucking the juice place. I didn't see the text in the group which.

[Kevin Ryan]

Here you go. We got your juice.

[H. Foley]

It's too late now. My stomach's all Full with the egg sandwich. The omelette sandwiches.

[Sam Rubinoff]

Yeah, but you ate.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ate that way before we went to the. Yeah, before we decided the juice.

[Sam Rubinoff]

I left for the juice place after.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also, nobody made you make an omelette waffle sandwich, you lard ass. What are you talking about? You're yelling at us.

[H. Foley]

You.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is what you do. You're now yelling at us that you didn't get a green juice and we had green juices because you made a waffle and omelette sandwich.

[H. Foley]

I'd probably feel a little bit better right now if I didn't have a waffle sandwich.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't.

[H. Foley]

And I waited and got the green juice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, next time, don't eat the waffle and omelette sandwich. It's like talking to a six year old. It's. It's like, hey, little buddy, maybe next time don't swallow the quarter. You know the only reason you put the fork in the outlet and you don't learn. Keep zapping yourself. That's why you can't sleep. You got 220 running.

[H. Foley]

I remember doing that as a kid. Not being able to control myself. I knew that I was gonna shock myself and I would just do it anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that was. That was a big day when you learned how to lick the bat. The nine volt man. I remember sitting on the couch for about two hours, just zapping myself, wailing away on my wiener at the same time. That's why I like it. Weird gang stuff, huh?

[Sam Rubinoff]

Wait, what do you do? You lick a battery.

[Kevin Ryan]

You lick a battery and then shove your finger up your ass.

[H. Foley]

Shock collar in a dead man's hand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Okay, well, you know. Yeah, that's great. Let's just try to do better today.

[Tom Cassidy]

He's psychotic.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you talking about? Let's just try to do better today.

[H. Foley]

You know, I am psychotic.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, I'm well aware I'm losing it. I'm not sure if these pills are working either. I'm. I'm hoping it's like things get better before things get worse. Before they get better. Because right now you are in a free, fallen, red, dark place.

[H. Foley]

In a dark place. And it's all salami.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're like one of those fish that live in the dark with that big mouth.

[H. Foley]

What a little angler fish that has a little order.

[Kevin Ryan]

Order an Uber eats in the middle of the night.

[H. Foley]

There's a little Christmas light right in front of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you do. Can you deliver us to 10,000 fathoms under the sea? 2,000.

[Tom Cassidy]

The real.

[H. Foley]

Right by the Mariana Trench.

[Tom Cassidy]

The real villain.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just leave it by the coral.

[Tom Cassidy]

The real villain in this story is the front desk attendant.

[H. Foley]

Because it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

You tried to get a fat ass and she ruined it.

[H. Foley]

Yes, it is.

[Tom Cassidy]

Because after this second or third time that your fat ass called her, she should have checked outside like she knew.

[H. Foley]

She probably wasn't around. Yeah, she was probably in the break room sleeping or taking a dump or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which, by the way, the men and the women in Pittsburgh. That is a big city.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Those are big body boys and girls walking around Pittsburgh.

[H. Foley]

It's like a hillbilly aluminum in the water.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a hillbilly Philadelphia.

[Tom Cassidy]

A bunch of Richard Jewels walking around.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know who that is.

[Tom Cassidy]

You just had him on your podcast.

[H. Foley]

The actor who portrayed Richard Jewel, Paul Walter Hauser. Shout out to him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

Got a new movie out right now. Luckiest man in America. Great film in theaters. Check it out.

[Tom Cassidy]

Same snuck in last week.

[H. Foley]

You snuck in?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was Passover.

[H. Foley]

I had to.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't pay for.

[H. Foley]

Did you sneak into the movie? Sam, you can't. As a. As a director. You can't be kicking out of the Director's guild.

[Sam Rubinoff]

No, I always buy. You got to support the theaters. Ifc, baby. Anyway.

[H. Foley]

Okay. Yeah, I'll give it to you.

[Sam Rubinoff]

So I don't think improv classes are gonna help you.

[Kevin Ryan]

You need something a little heavier, I want a call back. Hey, buddy, I don't think the yes end bit's gonna solve. You gotta go full Meisner, whatever thing you got. Yeah, why don't you. You.

[H. Foley]

You. You're.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're an actor, right? You're an actor.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why don't you just of a guy who's not a crazy fucking big guy, build a. Trying to clean it up.

[H. Foley]

Build a project around it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, just say, hey, how.

[H. Foley]

Listen, can I get some points on the back end?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I'll.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll pay you every week starting now.

[H. Foley]

Listen, I got it. I'm turning over a new leaf.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hopefully there's go Puff under there.

[H. Foley]

There's one of my favorites. Pretty litter, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pretty litter.

[H. Foley]

And it's not just my favorite, it's my kitty cat's favorite. This is for all you kitty cat fans out there. All you kitty mommies and daddies out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yikes.

[H. Foley]

Not dumb dogs. Talking about nice, smart kitty cats. Beautiful little angels on this earth, all right? And if they got some stinky doo doo's and some pee pees, do yourself a favor. Get over to Pretty Litter because it smells better than anything else on the market. And it also lets you know if there's something going on with the cat. It's got a urinary tract infection. Pretty Litter lets you know it's the crystals. Baby crystals last up to a month. They're lightweight. You're not lugging some big thing up there. It smells great. It's less messy. It doesn't get everywhere. Telling you right now it's the only kitty litter that my cat will take a deuce in.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll join them from time to time if you need me. How you doing? Pretty Litter helps keep your house smelling fresh and clean. Try it. You're gonna love it. Go to PrettyLittleitter.com garbage to save 20% off your first order and get a free cat toy. That's for the big man. That's PrettyLittleitter.com garbage. Save 20% off your first order and get a free cat toy. Prettylittleitter.com Garbage terms and conditions apply. See the cipher. The tails. Dead.

[H. Foley]

Kevin. Talk about that Lucy Good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Lucy.

[H. Foley]

Love Lucy. Love the brilliant auto Lucy products over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

They sent them all to us. They're nice folks over there, Lucy. I'm telling you. They keep the boys flush.

[H. Foley]

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[Kevin Ryan]

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[H. Foley]

Back to the show. Back to the show.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. All right.

[Tom Cassidy]

From Here to Eternity.

[H. Foley]

So you were talking about it. You Were saying that he had neat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, well, you.

[H. Foley]

So that's why you ask. Well, that's why Diesel asked me. He's looking at me.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, he started it. He came up to me. I said, hey, buddy, listen, you fat, do me a favor.

[H. Foley]

You had three dinners last night. You had two bowls when we got our wraps. And then you had a Chinese chicken salad. Their words, not mine. And a thing of meatballs.

[Sam Rubinoff]

It's Asian chicken salad.

[H. Foley]

And then you. And then you're judging. Then. Then you're.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're.

[H. Foley]

You're kicking up dust for me. You're muck raking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I'd make this.

[H. Foley]

Try to stir trouble up, trying to take the heat off you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would make the same argument if I was the big man right now. I'd be also doing a little face throwing. And it's not fair that he's not Mike, But I also would do that as well so he can't defend himself. Continue the trashing, my friend.

[H. Foley]

Why didn't you say, hey, Foley did a great job yesterday. He only had that because. Not. Not. This doesn't make sense.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was suspicious.

[H. Foley]

Well, you should. As a fellow fat ass, you should know this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, that's why we know it's suspicious, because the three, we are fat asses.

[H. Foley]

Let's just mind your own goddamn business. Worry about me. Work on your skit sketches or whatever you were doing to sport it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, whatever you say. Fucking second City. Shut up.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to second City.

[Kevin Ryan]

What could be a hobby for you? Bird watching. You like bird watching?

[H. Foley]

Maybe.

[Sam Rubinoff]

What about getting back dudes?

[H. Foley]

I'm already doing that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, why don't you start make. Why don't you make a record or something?

[Sam Rubinoff]

Singing lessons.

[Tom Cassidy]

Is there a bike?

[H. Foley]

Singing lessons. What the is this?

[Kevin Ryan]

They got food? There ain't no cured meats at the choir. You only join a choir.

[H. Foley]

I know how to sing. Well, I don't need singing lessons, Sam.

[Sam Rubinoff]

Yeah, you need to get on training.

[H. Foley]

Throw into disguise. Bang.

[Kevin Ryan]

Luke hit me.

[Tom Cassidy]

Retreating like a 1940s actress on, like, a movie deal. Yeah, you know how they used to, like, have acting lessons and singing lessons and dancing lessons?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it'd be great if you did something innate. Maybe, you know, I don't know.

[Tom Cassidy]

Shouldn't it be something involving exercising? Like, can we make a bike that would fit you? Like, could you get a bike?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just a car.

[H. Foley]

You're in it. Yeah, and you're just being hurtful.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me? Tom, I'm not trying to be helpful.

[H. Foley]

No, Tom is.

[Tom Cassidy]

I'm talking about A hobby that would make you less fat. Kill two birds with one stone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, like bicycling, exercise aside, I think you need some. I think you need a place to put your. You know, we have. We work a lot, we do a lot of comedy, we do a lot of touring, we do a lot of spots in the city, a lot of podcasts. That is our life. I think you need something else to put your focus on sometimes. That's all I'm saying. I also try to. I struggle with it. I try to find stuff to do.

[H. Foley]

So I was. That's why I was looking up maybe taking us. Taking a sketch class. I would say something doing a scene study. I would say would be getting around like minded people, actual artists.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, we both tried to eat salami yesterday. We are like minded people, big guy. Fair enough. I know I say something outside of the arts.

[Tom Cassidy]

Get outside.

[Sam Rubinoff]

Outside of performance.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, yeah. No, no act. That's.

[Sam Rubinoff]

That's like painting or photography.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, sipping pain. Zip it. If I want to go hang out with a bunch of drunk whores, I'll go to the village on the weekend.

[H. Foley]

Sipping paint.

[Sam Rubinoff]

Horticulture. I don't know.

[Tom Cassidy]

Do you like birds?

[Kevin Ryan]

I like sucking them.

[H. Foley]

I have a wife, remember?

[Tom Cassidy]

We played 10, we got those tennis passes last summer.

[H. Foley]

We went twice the whole time and I tried to get a volley going and every time. This is what a dirt bag he is. He can't control himself. He has to spike it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talking From GoPuff at 2am he has.

[H. Foley]

To spike the ball really hard.

[Tom Cassidy]

That's not true. We're both really bad at.

[H. Foley]

No, Tommy, the truth is we're both really. You are the most unathletic human being I've met. Crutches that were more athletic than you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I just watched you try to golf a month ago. That was the saddest thing I've ever seen. And you do.

[H. Foley]

That's a leisure sport. Put the pads on, cue ball. Tommy, it's not even about that.

[Kevin Ryan]

He just made it about that week.

[H. Foley]

We go out to the tennis courts. The time he brought it up and I'm like. Just hit the ball back and forth really nice and he's spiking it like my stepson. Yes, I could.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's in the back. You fat piece of dude.

[H. Foley]

He's beaming you.

[Tom Cassidy]

That's not true.

[Kevin Ryan]

Growing up, our one buddy, his dad was this big, fat, like just huge tall guy, right? Big tall. He must have been like 6, 6, 350. Just a big, big man. And his his dad came in. He was one of the kids that would just tell his dad to shut the up.

[H. Foley]

It's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Badass. Badass kid. Group of kids. And his dad came out. He's like, you. We were. We were at. We were across the street. And he came out. He's like, you go upstairs, you clean your room. You don't talk back to your mom. He's screaming at a face is turning red, and the kid's like not moving. It just does not give a. And he's got a tennis ball with his hand. And the dad turns, like, really gave him a ration of turns around. If kid goes, watch this. And pegs them right square in the back. He goes, dude, he made like the cartoon tennis ball sound.

[H. Foley]

His.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like he got shot, dude. His arms went up. He screamed right after. Trying to be like the toughest guy in the world.

[Tom Cassidy]

Did he hit him after?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, he never did. That kid ain't doing great.

[Tom Cassidy]

That's why that kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I don't know if I ever told you this, but my gopuff last night, my one. My one Korean buddy in. In high school, all right, his parents worked all the time, so they were never around. They both worked. Crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Busting their ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

They, as Korean immigrants tend to do.

[H. Foley]

They were. They were first generation. They had just gotten here, I think import exporting they were doing. So we never really saw it.

[Kevin Ryan]

We never really made north or South.

[H. Foley]

I believe south or maybe north to get the hell out of there, I don't know. But made a nice slice for himself. Did very well. Nice house, all that stuff. So they were never really around, so we never really made a connection with them. And they didn't speak any English, so we. They. And they had two refrigerators. They had a regular refrigerator and they had a Korean refrigerator with all the good stuff in it in the. In the. In the kitchen. So this is senior year in high school. There's like a snowstorm or something like that. We all take acid. It's like a Wednesday night, and we're over at. We're over at his house. His parents are upstairs sleeping and we're downstairs. So we decide to open up the Korean fridge. Yes. And we start dying laugh.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. I mean, dude, a high school kid, a fucked up high school kid opened up a Korean refrigerator. I would laugh. Now the craziest.

[H. Foley]

Like, if I looked at it now, I might be able to identify some stuff like a little cow bee or something like that. But it was all like. It was like whole Fish, like in bags and all that kind of stuff.

[Tom Cassidy]

Duck hanging.

[H. Foley]

All kinds of crazy Korean stuff, right? And we're. We're literally. We're passing it around. We're standing in the kitchen dying, fucking laughing. And all of a sudden we turn and the light goes on, and it's his dad and his little baby sister standing there. She's, like, rubbing her eyes. And he's standing there in, like, the 1950 pajamas, you know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

The candle and everything. Bayonet.

[H. Foley]

And he just goes. He just. In broken English, he goes, go home, please. You guys gotta get out of here. And we all turn and we look at him, and I was holding, like, a bag of octopus. And when he said, it sucks on your face. And when he said that, I threw it to my one buddy, and we all started dying laughing in this guy's face.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would have kicked your ass, dude. Your Korean boy got beat the. Up after you got.

[H. Foley]

He got the shoe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Definitely got all the beatings. He. What they wanted to give you guys.

[H. Foley]

I mean, we just laughed in this guy's face for about a minute and a half and then just walked out the garage door.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a tough one, dude.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah, I.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had. I. I've said this before, but we had a. My brother's school had a. A kid from Iceland in Donnie. And he, like, stayed with different families for like, a week or so at a time.

[H. Foley]

That's a narc in my school.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's 32, got a mustache in 10th grade.

[H. Foley]

I never understood that, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? It was like a soccer program because they were on a pretty good soccer team. So it was like, he comes over.

[H. Foley]

I don't really know, but the whole foreign exchange. Did we do that the other way?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Oh, high school kids. I don't know. I'm sure College.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, we had a couple foreign.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who the fuck wants to go to Iceland for high school?

[H. Foley]

That's something I can see Tommy doing. Just to get a hot meal in him and a warm bed. Stop getting cigarettes put out on them for a couple of weeks.

[Kevin Ryan]

All the classes are in saunas or whatever. Sauna. I. And did this. So he got passed around from, like, family to family for like, a week or so at a time. And we got him from this, like, Northeast Philly families. The. The one that's the mom.

[Tom Cassidy]

Where's he from again? I'm sorry.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was from Iceland.

[Tom Cassidy]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Do you know where that is, Tom?

[Tom Cassidy]

Excuse me.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's where they make snow cones.

[H. Foley]

It's in the back of the Wawa.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's the walk in. That's where they keep the milk. So, like, I remember she was dropping them. So the mom came, drove to my mom's house, was dropping him off with his stuff, and he, you know.

[H. Foley]

Now you got a bunch of Staying at your house.

[Kevin Ryan]

He stayed at our house for a couple of days. Two or three days. I told you this. They got him all up on weed and booze and he puked all over my sister's bed. I told you this. He woke me up in the middle at like 6am he's like, I had an accident. And I thought. I thought he peed. So I'm like, all right, man. It's okay.

[H. Foley]

How old were you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I was. If they're. If they're 16, 17. I'm 11.

[H. Foley]

Why do you wake your brother up?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think he up. They were up drinking and smoking all night. Let the kids sleep it off. You know what I mean? Also, you know my brother. Do you want to wake me up or him up? If you've had an ex.

[H. Foley]

Your sister sleeping in the bed?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Oh, where was she in college? Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

So we had a spare room, so we're gonna move him in. And it was a pink room. Everything was pink. The comforter was pink. He puked all over the room. Dude.

[H. Foley]

Did the peace find out?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So then we go, I shower. I go, just shower. We'll figure this out. And then he gets in the shower and doesn't put the shit, but doesn't put the shower curtain on the inside of the tub.

[H. Foley]

That'll get you.

[Kevin Ryan]

So he's in there for like 20 minutes probably, you know, fucking cleaning the puke out of his hair, destroying your house.

[H. Foley]

And dude probably wailing on his herring in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Giving the old sea bass slap.

[H. Foley]

Doing a little pickling.

[Kevin Ryan]

He. Dude. So it starts leaking. And my mom.

[H. Foley]

I was feeling in my. He's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Remember Big J?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was doing crowd work with two people from Norway.

[H. Foley]

And he went.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was.

[H. Foley]

She was suking our dudes.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was. And then Duke and Coombe.

[H. Foley]

We didn't even know him then.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. This is. We had just moved to New York and he was doing Stand Up New.

[H. Foley]

York on the Upper west side.

[Kevin Ryan]

These two chicks were sukid or dudes. Shout out. Jason Okerson, new special.

[H. Foley]

Out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, funny, hands down, my funniest guy. I mean, the funniest guy.

[Tom Cassidy]

Did you guys have nosebleeds growing up?

[H. Foley]

What the fuck?

[Tom Cassidy]

Did you nosebleed when you were growing up?

[H. Foley]

Brian, pull the van over, will you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, phenomenon. Zip it, will you? No powder. I think powder.

[H. Foley]

Powdered donuts over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Green Mile, Mouthful of bees.

[Tom Cassidy]

Because I slept in my butt.

[H. Foley]

Aunt Genie. Dog tired now. We didn't have nosebleeds. We got ladies in high school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Busy getting out of this.

[H. Foley]

Christ, you limp noodle.

[Tom Cassidy]

I had nosebleeds sometimes.

[H. Foley]

Probably from playing the clarinet or whatever you were doing. Are you kidding me?

[Tom Cassidy]

My nose.

[Kevin Ryan]

From the radon leaking. That dump you grew up in.

[Tom Cassidy]

Up until, like, I graduated high school.

[H. Foley]

Carbon monoxide. Your eyeballs were dry.

[Tom Cassidy]

Because it was up until I graduated high school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because he's got black long in fourth.

[H. Foley]

Grade, they got to keep a canary in his room.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's got. He's got toilet paper in his nose.

[Tom Cassidy]

I used to sleepwalk a lot, too.

[H. Foley]

Sound like a fun guy. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the fuck? You're making fun of this fat idiot.

[H. Foley]

Sleepwalking with a nosebleed. Hey, Rosemary's Baby. Shut up.

[Kevin Ryan]

But hold on. So this mom came over. This mom came over to drop Donnie off. He's. And she goes, my mom, My first of all, none of these people, all from Philadelphia, have ever met a guy from Iceland.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, I mean, let alone a teenager figuring this out, he might as.

[H. Foley]

Well be from fucking Saturn.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's North Philly. This Northeast Philly. Like, stereotypical Northeast Philly kid. My mom goes, anything I need to know about Donnie? She goes, he eats some weird feet.

[H. Foley]

He's like alf.

[Kevin Ryan]

Eating a lot of tuna fish.

[Tom Cassidy]

Eat the cat, Eats the cat.

[H. Foley]

He eats a lot of weird food.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like what? She says, I don't know. He had some wrapped up in tin foil. I think he was a gateshead. He thought he was traveling with a.

[Tom Cassidy]

Goat'S head wrapped in tinfoil.

[Kevin Ryan]

He flew. She thinks he got on a commercial flight with a goat's head. I don't know. I think it was a goat's head.

[H. Foley]

Tommy, why'd you have nosebleeds?

[Tom Cassidy]

What do you mean, why?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that's a medical question. That's not.

[H. Foley]

Like he told me he had nosebleeds for most of your young adult life.

[Tom Cassidy]

Well, I mentioned it because we were talking about sleepover things. So I slept at my buddy Matt Parish's house one night and I woke up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, he wants this out there?

[Tom Cassidy]

And I woke up in the middle of the night and the pillow was covered in blood. And it was his pillow.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the beginning of a horror movie, Tommy.

[H. Foley]

It's probably him trying to smother you.

[Tom Cassidy]

So I went out.

[Kevin Ryan]

So there I am, levitating.

[H. Foley]

Matt wakes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Up, looks over, Tommy's floating, laying down. You want to me.

[Tom Cassidy]

So I took the pillow out to my blazer and hit it.

[H. Foley]

Wait, what? Your Blazer?

[Tom Cassidy]

My Chevy Blazer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, you were driving it? Yeah. I thought you were like, nine years old.

[Tom Cassidy]

I was like, 17.

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy. Why'd you. Why? You should have just drove away. Why did you.

[Tom Cassidy]

So then I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Would you just go back in for breakfast? But then I felt, you know, I could get a couple more hours.

[Tom Cassidy]

Somehow they found out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No.

[Tom Cassidy]

And then his mom was like, no, it's okay. Chief bleeds on the pillows all the time. That was his older brother, Chief. You also had nosebleeds.

[H. Foley]

He had an older brother named Chief Matt.

[Tom Cassidy]

Matt's brother did. I guess that was his nickname, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. He knows your part of town, but. Yeah.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't know. Me and my nose bite a lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. I get them in. I get them in that. In that New York. I get them seasonally. Probably one or two a year, maybe. Plus I do a lot of digging up there at certain times of. Certain times of the year.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Catch a bad bag every once in a while.

[Kevin Ryan]

They dry out in the New York City apartments. And when I first moved to New York, I was sleeping on my buddy's floor, and I. This is when I was, like, real fat, too. I woke up, I had a nosebleed. Typically, if I get them at night in the. In the winter with that heat, you wake up kind of right away, you feel it dripping. I didn't wake up the one time, dude. Yeah, I. I woke up, my face and hair were covered. I look like Pesci at the end of Casino when they throw him in the cornfield. Dude. I was.

[H. Foley]

I got.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I didn't really know. Like, I thought, like, oh, my God. And, dude, I turned the light on in the bathroom. Bathroom. Bloody Mary.

[H. Foley]

I never understood it. It was always a weird kid that got a nosebleed.

[Tom Cassidy]

Your head back real quick also.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tom Cassidy]

You'll just be talking to a chick and your nose will start bleeding.

[H. Foley]

What the.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy, dude.

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah. I don't know. It just stopped eventually, you know, I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thought, that shouldn't be happening. Maybe that's why you're so stupid.

[Tom Cassidy]

Hey, stick to the camera.

[Kevin Ryan]

Getting the zingers in.

[Tom Cassidy]

It's gonna do voiceover later, but, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I haven't laughed like that in a while. I was good.

[Tom Cassidy]

But you never got a bloody nose. Like, your nose never started bleeding?

[H. Foley]

No. What.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[Tom Cassidy]

That's not crazy of a question.

[H. Foley]

That's weird. Kid never got anything like that, Jeff.

[Tom Cassidy]

Oh, you know, it's a funny look.

[H. Foley]

Poison ivy a lot.

[Tom Cassidy]

You know what I used to do.

[H. Foley]

Because I got warts, jockets, feet.

[Tom Cassidy]

You know, it's a tough look when your nose is bleeding, too. You put a little bit of tissue in your nose.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, this isn't. This isn't loser hour, Tommy. There's fucking chicks that listen to this.

[Tom Cassidy]

Thing when you just got the. You got a little tampon in your nose.

[H. Foley]

You know when you're 16 and your testicle still hasn't dropped and all the kids are making fun of you in gym class, calling you one ball nosebleeder.

[Tom Cassidy]

We only had gym in 9th grade.

[H. Foley]

You only had gym in 9th grade?

[Tom Cassidy]

I believe Archbishop John Carroll, they knock it out in ninth grade.

[H. Foley]

Wait, wait, you didn't have.

[Kevin Ryan]

All your gym class was in ninth grade?

[Tom Cassidy]

Yeah. In high school. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you didn't have gym in 11th grade?

[Tom Cassidy]

I didn't have it in 10th. 11th or 12th.

[Sam Rubinoff]

Is this why you're bad at tennis?

[Kevin Ryan]

Were you in all normal classes, Tommy, or did some of your classes have two teachers?

[Tom Cassidy]

No, I was in all normal classes and I did poorly.

[H. Foley]

Wanted to hold his head back for.

[Tom Cassidy]

The nosebleeds, but no. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. They. Yeah, they only had gym in ninth grade at Archbishop Carroll. Yeah, it's a good school, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

And Tommy, what'd you get on the SATs?

[Tom Cassidy]

11:40.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not too shabby.

[Tom Cassidy]

11:30. I juice the numbers a little. 11:30.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trying, baby.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but I think we gotta wrap it up, baby. We're about an hour outside of Cleveland. Little Kipparino's got to take it. Dinky. Dinky.

[H. Foley]

Tommy got his period. In his nose. Yeah, yeah, gang, we love you. See you back at Tuddy's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.