Losing Your Mind w/ Chris O'Connor!

Summary

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Are You Garbage? Podcast – "Losing Your Mind w/ Chris O’Connor!"

Hosts: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan
Guest: Chris O’Connor
Release Date: April 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian Chris O’Connor, who joins H. Foley and Kevin Ryan to face the classic “Are You Garbage?” litmus test while plunging into relatable adult spirals: tech confusion, hangover cures, absurd tax logic, and the existential search for routines and self-improvement. As always, the hosts riff on everyday trashiness, calling out garbage behaviors and poking fun at each other’s attempts to "better" themselves. The episode is packed with digressions about applesauce pouches, painting (or not painting), the pain of IT upgrades, taking (and failing) at grown-up responsibilities, and the mental gymnastics of writing off drinks as business expenses.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Chris O’Connor: Certified Garbage? Applesauce & iPad Edition

• iPad Antics & Old Man Tech

  • Chris shows up with an iPad and readers (“You showed up here with a pair of readers and an iPad.” – Kevin, [02:57])
  • Discussing the pointless extravagance of iPads for creatives, referencing their limited use and the challenge of “trying to slow it down” by drawing ([05:43]).
  • The hosts roast him for being technologically old yet using baby gear and new gadgets.

• Applesauce as an Adult

  • Chris reveals he’s deep into “GoGo Squeeze” applesauce pouches, sparking ridicule.
  • “You’re eating baby food” – Foley ([04:10])
  • He defends them as a hangover cure and general treat.
  • H. Foley and Kevin debate the “grown-up” ways to eat applesauce: cup with a spoon vs. sucking from a pouch.
  • Memorable moment: “Are you an astronaut? Then that’s fucking baby food.” – Foley ([04:14])

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2. Gadgets, Algorithms & Shame: The Digital Divide

• Generational Tech Struggles
  • Foley and Kevin riff about resisting new tech: Foley barely opened his new laptop ([07:30]).
  • “You know, I don’t do computers. I just don’t know anything about them.” – Foley ([09:37])
• Algorithm Complaints
  • Chris jokes about wanting an “anti-algorithm” to show him the opposite of his YouTube recommendations ([08:15])
• Device Overload Contradiction
  • Chris admits to wanting to “slow down” but has texts on every device except the watch, which he refuses because of “too many alerts” ([22:05]).

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3. Glasses, Contacts & Old-Person Problems

• The Bifocal Battle
  • Chris needs both readers and distance glasses, bemoans the struggle to decide on contacts or committing to two pairs ([12:00–14:20]).
  • Foley and Kevin digress into an infomercial-level explanation of multifocal contacts, confusion and all.

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4. Cleaning Lady Meltdown: Anxiety vs. Adulting ([20:27–28:01])

• Chris recounts an epic battle trying to book a cleaning lady before his parents visited, harangued with endless questions about his apartment — from square footage to baseboards.
  • “She asked me if I had shoe cases. And that bothered you?” ([24:27])
• None of the hosts know their home’s square footage; everyone agrees square feet are a mystery ([25:34–26:07]).
• They compare this to similarly clueless encounters with doctors (“Do the full thing. Run whatever you got to run.” – Chris, [28:20])

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5. Business Expenses and the Absurdity of Being “A Corporation” ([31:02–36:34])

• Dirtbag Logic: Write-Off Everything
  • Gut-busting exploration of what counts as a business expense for comedians:
    • “If I post something on Instagram, is now everything associated with that picture now business?” – Chris ([31:54])
    • “If you share a cigarette with another comedian, isn’t that… business?” ([32:57])
  • The trio spins out on the fantasy of separating their “companies” to avoid personal liability for drunkenness or other questionable life choices.
    • “Anything that happens while I’m drinking or on drugs is blackout… is a subsidiary, blackout industries.” – Chris ([35:03])
    • “You gotta talk to the guy who’s drunk. I’m not that company!” ([35:17])
• Memorable Quote:
  “Why be a person? Can’t I just renounce my person? I’ll just be a corporation.” – Chris ([34:25])

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6. Tech Talk, Upgrades, & Obsolete Cables ([38:41–42:15])

• Lengthy “who’s on first” about Lightning vs. USB-C charger confusion ([38:41–41:17])
• Foley is the holdout with ancient iPhones and outdated chargers; Chris and Kevin roast his refusal to update.
• “Just get a new phone.” – Chris ([40:23])
• Life lesson: The computer is the mothership, the “central node” for your gadgets ([41:43])

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7. Routines, Self-Improvement, and the Myth of “Having It Together”

• Fantasy of Structure
  • Chris daydreams about a disciplined schedule: waking up, working out, becoming a better person ([54:35–54:47]).
  • Realities: He can’t decide whether to cook or just lean into the chaos of creative life (“The business can’t afford to have me down.” – Chris, [54:58])
• Rich People’s Secret: Offloading Anxiety
  • Chris’s observation: “Rich people get up and just send 15 emails or texts stressing out everybody, then in the afternoon, when the hangover wears off, go, ‘Great work.’” ([56:12])
  • “I like to send all my anxieties out, take a nap, wake up and it all be taken care of.” – Foley ([56:43])
• The Nap Debate
  • Whether naps are deserved or self-sabotage; Chris struggles not to fall into self-help rabbit holes ([57:49–58:10]).
  • “I’m on the precipice of getting into some real fucking really gay annoying self-help shit, you know?” – Chris ([57:52])

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8. Sleep Troubles, Existential Dread & Cold Leftovers ([59:09–63:18])

• Disordered Sleep
  • Chris and the hosts discuss insomnia, waking up unsure if they’d slept, using cold spaghetti as a midnight remedy ([59:07–62:24]).
  • “I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, but I won’t know if I was just sleeping or not.” – Chris ([59:26])
• The Gospel of Cold Lasagna
  • Chris doubles down on his cold lasagna theory: “As you’re eating it, you’re heating it. You know what I’m saying?” ([63:19])
  • The hosts are both horrified and intrigued.

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9. Classic Trash Tales: Tech That’s Been Peed On & Bar Giveaways ([46:11–48:43])

• Chris, in college, once drunkenly mistook his Dell laptop for a toilet and peed on it ([46:16])
• Nostalgia for Philly and NY bar deals — nickel night, penny pitchers, and rigged happy hour raffles ([47:06–48:43])
• “Thursday night, you’d be in bed by 9:30, tucked, pissing on your laptop.” – Chris ([49:05])

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10. Tour Plugs & Final Thoughts ([64:34–66:20])

• Chris's tour dates: Alabama, Tempe, Baltimore, Seattle, Portland, etc.
• Listen to Chris on the Stuff Island podcast and watch for the upcoming show Tires ([66:11]).
• “Going everywhere I possibly can.” – Chris ([66:02])

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Notable Quotes (with Speaker & Timestamp)

• “Are you an astronaut? Then that’s fucking baby food.”
  — H. Foley ([04:14])

• “You showed up here with a pair of readers and an iPad.”
  — Kevin Ryan ([02:57])

• “Why be a person? Can’t I just renounce my person? I’ll just be a corporation.”
  — Chris O’Connor ([34:25])

• “Anything that happens while I’m drinking or on drugs is blackout… a subsidiary, blackout industries.”
  — Chris O’Connor ([35:03])

• “As you’re eating it, you’re heating it. You know what I’m saying?”
  — Chris O’Connor ([63:19])

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Memorable Moments & Laugh-Out-Loud Bits

• Chris earnestly arguing that applesauce pouches are a legitimate adult hangover cure and his defense: “No, it’s applesauce!” ([03:57])
• The epic multi-minute breakdown of what constitutes a tax-deductible business expense for comics, spiraling into “If you’re drinking with a comic, is that business?” ([32:57])
• Foley’s analog attitude, refusing to open his new laptop or trust the cloud. (“I’m not putting it out there. I don’t know who’s looking at that.” – [41:32])
• Chris’s incredulous, stream-of-consciousness logic about rich people, anxiety, naps, and why he’ll never have a six-figure routine or mindset ([54:35–58:14])
• Hosts collectively losing track of basic tech terminology—Lightning vs. USB-C, adapters, and naming ancient cords ([38:41–41:32])
• Confessional on blacking out and peeing on electronics, turning anti-technology into a subconscious art form ([46:16])

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Essential Timestamps for Key Segments

• Chris’s “Baby Food” Hangover Cure: [03:21–05:00]
• iPad/Analog Tech Banter: [07:30–10:15]
• Cleaning Lady Anxiety Monologue: [20:27–27:36]
• Business Expense Mayhem: [31:02–36:34]
• Tech Upgrades & Charger Confusion: [38:41–41:32]
• Sleep Disorders & Cold Spaghetti/Lagna Mythos: [59:09–63:18]
• Bar Tales: Philly Penny Pitchers & Raffles: [47:06–48:43]
• Tour Dates & Plugs: [64:34–66:20]

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential AYG romp—Chris O’Connor fits right in with Foley and Ryan’s trashy, deeply relatable art: from iPad shame to baby food hangovers, the struggle to be a responsible adult in a world designed for chaos, and the comic’s eternal hope that maybe—just maybe—everything can be written off as business.

If you want unvarnished, honest, and hilarious takes on modern-day adulting (or failing at it), with side orders of nostalgia and low-stakes crisis, this one is a can't-miss.

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Transcript

[A]

Gang, we're heading down to shore. Atlantic City. Tickets are on sale right now for the Hard Rock Casino in Atlantic City for the Back on the Block tour. Grab the squad. Come out and see us this July. You know you want to.

[B]

Yeah. Friday, July 10th, 8pm the boys are gonna be in Atlantic City, baby. We got some stand up, we got some live ayg. This sold out last year, so get your tickets early because if you snooze, you lose. We love you. We'll see you there. See there.

[A]

Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you Garbage? It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they're good to be classy, but they're just a big old piece of trash.

[B]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host, Sage Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She is definitely not on drugs. My coach from right next to me, he is the CEO of Are youe Garbage? He is an international businessman. Let me tell you something right now, you sons of bitches. You know my best power a whole way one. I love him.

[B]

Chris.

[A]

Give it up for kj. Kevin James Ryan.

[B]

What? Okay. Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always, please make sure you rate review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the charts. Top 50, top 50.

[C]

That's very good.

[A]

Spotify hit me with a playlist today. It could have been the prom. It was fantastic.

[C]

Every once in a while they get it right.

[A]

Get real.

[C]

Every once in a while they get it right. A lot of times they don't.

[B]

More than 11. Check out patreon.com half the time they're

[A]

right and half the time they're wrong.

[C]

No, no, it's not happening. You know when you pick a song and you're like, just feed me songs like this. And they just feed you songs like by bands that are close to that. And it's just like, I don't like.

[B]

Yeah, give me the song, not the band.

[C]

Yes. I want this vibe and I want it non stop. I don't want you to non stop, baby.

[A]

Every once in a while. Lately I've been going, alexa, play this and she'll hit me with the. And this isn't on this.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

To get that. Yeah. We talk. I got the full package.

[B]

You would be asking for stuff you don't got.

[C]

I'm kind of down with it, dude. I I'm. I'm. I'm ready for the revolution to have everyone take their off, Spotify off everything and just have to buy. Let's go back.

[A]

We'll be right back.

[C]

I'm kind of into it.

[B]

Shut that up. Top 50. Cut that.

[C]

I saw Joe Derosa buy a cassette the other day, and I went, it's pretty good.

[B]

Okay, well, you and Joe deroska can do whatever the fuck you two want. Joe Danowski, you two can do whatever the fuck you want to do.

[A]

You two go get your cassette tapes and your lunch meat and go have a good time and leave the rest of us.

[C]

You don't have a cassette anywhere in tutties. I'm telling you, open one of those things up. Look at the liner notes. Telling you what?

[A]

I got to fast forward the songs.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Get out of here.

[C]

Slow it down, slow down, slow it

[B]

down, slow it down. Hey, jerk off. You showed up here with an iPad.

[C]

IPad.

[B]

Okay, don't get on your high horse and start talking to me. You showed up with a pair of readers and an iPad.

[A]

Chris O', Connor, ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

Let him Conor in the building and his iPad.

[A]

Thank God your. Your apple juice was missing, which is weird. Why did you show up here with an iPad?

[C]

I have been eating applesauce in the morning. Well, just the goat. Like the go apple sauce. Dude, it's so good. Applesauce is all right, Applesauce. Just. Have you got. Do you have them in the house?

[A]

No, I don't have.

[B]

You got a baby, huh? I like to keep them for company.

[C]

Yeah, the green bag. The green, like, space bag of applesauce.

[A]

Wait, that's what you're eating?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, you're eating baby food like the pout.

[B]

You're eating pouches.

[C]

It's.

[B]

What are you eating? Like the pouches with the little screw top. That's baby food. Yeah, they're pal. That's baby food.

[C]

No, it's applesauce.

[B]

What brand?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Baby love.

[C]

It's green. It's all green. Go, go squeeze.

[A]

No.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's a Go, go, squeeze.

[B]

That's baby food, dude.

[C]

No, it's not.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

I gave some. I gave that. But it was.

[A]

Wait, hold on a second. O', Connor. Are you an astronaut? Are you on the Artemis 2 rocket right now? Then that's fucking baby food.

[C]

With my boys up there and my lady.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Applesauce is so good. And let me tell you something, it cured a hangover once.

[A]

Better.

[C]

Better than a liquid iv.

[B]

Also, Great for colic. You got runny stools?

[C]

Yeah, Measles is going around again. A couple applesauces in there.

[A]

Doing the leg stretches to get.

[C]

You're telling me you don't like an applesauce?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's cold applesauce.

[A]

I love it out of a cup with a spoon.

[C]

Like an adult cup and a spoon.

[A]

Yeah, it comes in a cup.

[C]

That's crazy, dude. When you suck it right out of the bag. Yeah.

[B]

Where are you getting these, though?

[C]

My lady gets them. I think I said I liked them once.

[B]

Did you work at a nursery or something?

[A]

She bring them from school. The hospital she works at.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Now, please, what were we talking about? We were talking about your iPad cassettes.

[B]

Oh, no, we're talking about your iPad. No bag or anything. You rolled in like you were coming.

[C]

Case on it.

[A]

Yeah. That's the way. That's the way old men carry them. I know old men that read them at airports. That's the way they.

[B]

They look down over their glasses. You see what Groups board.

[C]

Dude. Yeah, I got the writing utensil.

[B]

Are you doing. Are you drawing and stuff?

[C]

I've been trying to. Yeah.

[A]

What?

[B]

Really?

[C]

Right now I'm just watching tutorials and checking out brushes.

[A]

About what? Brushes?

[C]

I don't know. I'm just trying to. I'm trying to slow it down.

[A]

Slow what down? Just trying to.

[C]

At all. It all.

[A]

Speed it up.

[C]

No, no. It all needs to slow down.

[A]

I'm gonna get work done. Huh?

[C]

Well, that's it. That's. We're gonna ramp it back up.

[B]

You gotta slow it down first. You don't wanna. You don't. You don't want to hit max speed too quick for too long. You're gonna blow out your engine on that.

[A]

I'm gonna quiet to mine for about six months with a little bit of a still life painting. I'm gonna really attack it.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You say to put an hour together. It was bumming me out.

[C]

It was bumming me out that I was looking. I was. I was staring at the.

[A]

Like the little paint app on the iPad. Yeah.

[C]

And I. And I. I was like, you know, I don't even know how to, like, have fun in this, you know?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So you're learning.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So insecure about painting and drawing.

[B]

You should be. I don't want to be like, you know, bully, whatever. I want to be inclusive. We got to draw the line somewhere. You should be real self conscious about your.

[C]

Whatever happened to play, you know what?

[B]

What?

[A]

Like recess.

[C]

I'm down.

[B]

Bad Somebody put this kid in a pack and play.

[A]

I tell you what, I'll come over every day for an hour. Yeah, I'll take you out, we'll do a little kickball, then get back in the office.

[C]

That'd be nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're shitting on me about applesauce. You want to play kickball, throw a couple pitches?

[B]

I think it's funny. You think he's really leaving that?

[A]

We'll do it over video.

[C]

What are you. What are you doing with your time? You're just looking at.

[B]

That's a great question. That's a great question. Hey, Chris, thanks for bringing that up. More than 11.

[C]

Yeah. What are you. What are you doing with your time?

[A]

Look, you got the.

[C]

You got the analog pen and paper. Get an iPad going.

[A]

No, yeah, I just got a laptop. He did, six months ago. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's different vibes.

[A]

I haven't opened it.

[B]

Yeah, he opened it once and he went down. He was like, yeah, how does it work? I can go to YouTube and I've never seen. He went to YouTube and there's. He had never gone to anything. So it was just a completely brand new computer. Not locked. He had a. It was YouTube. The home screen was blank. It had nothing. Nothing to suggest him because it had no input.

[C]

That's the way it looks looking at a raw YouTube.

[A]

I use YouTube unsigned in most of the time.

[C]

Really? Yeah, I actually kind of like that.

[B]

I don't think he's got an account.

[A]

Yes, I do have an account. I don't have an account. I'm on YouTube.

[C]

Hella income.

[A]

Are you garbage, dude?

[C]

I've been saying this for a while, but you should be able to multiply your algorithm times like negative one. You know, give me the opposite. Give me the opposite of whatever you think I like.

[B]

And who have you been saying this to?

[C]

Smile. Been writing it down in the iPad.

[A]

Couple old Greek guys at Dunkin Donuts.

[B]

Got a couple of cartoons to go

[C]

along with my pain about it. Yeah.

[B]

When did you make the iPad purchase? Because that, you know, you're a, you know, listen, you're a mover and shaker in the industry. You're. You're a self employed, you're a touring comic, you're an actor. Netflix tires the whole artist now art. But I've hung out with a lot of Com. I've never seen anybody break out the iPad.

[C]

I got the iPad a long time ago and then I didn't really use it. And now I'm like, you know what, dude, it's fucking Bullshit. That you bought this and you're not fucking using it. How about you fucking.

[A]

Well, you're not retired. What? Not a retired man or a toll.

[C]

I know, but I want to. I want to be one.

[B]

Playing videos with the volume.

[A]

What would you be doing with.

[C]

I don't know, man.

[A]

Do you have a laptop?

[C]

I heard. What? Yeah, I have a laptop. Yeah, I got it all going. I use a laptop. But then when you're trying to, like, think of stuff like this position is not as good as this. Something about pen. Yes, sure. Much better.

[A]

Your brain.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So far I've written down.

[C]

So if you had a computer open, you'd be a mess.

[B]

It's very true.

[A]

Yeah. You know, I don't do computers. I just don't know.

[C]

The iPad. It's a.

[A]

It's anything about them.

[C]

It's an in between. It could get you into computer. You want to be. You want to use a computer someday?

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

Kippy's a mess right now.

[C]

Why not?

[B]

He's starting to make sense. And I hate the more that he talks about shit that I hate. No, you never made sense. The more that he talks about shit that I disagree with. I go. He kind of gets me there. We're unfortunately very much alike. And I don't like it. It's like everything. Everything you hate staring back at you.

[C]

Same quiet ra since I've turned 50.

[A]

Any of that, like, you know, future stuff or, like, what I thought I was gonna do an iPad.

[C]

It's the past now.

[B]

That's true. That's like a cassette.

[A]

I'm never gonna learn to type. I'm never gonna do this. I'm never gonna do that.

[C]

Why not?

[A]

And I'm not gonna be a computer guy. It's not gonna be in five. You're not gonna see me, like, doing

[C]

my dude, get busy living or get busy dying.

[A]

I'm living.

[C]

It's.

[A]

I'm living.

[C]

No, you got it.

[A]

I just know. Listen. I just know what. I'm not gonna try to do all the shit that I thought you do.

[C]

What are you gonna try to do then?

[B]

It's a good point. I'd love to hear this list of stuff you all II you're telling us what you're not focusing on.

[A]

You're focusing on score chicks.

[C]

Dude, that'll come. Dude, that'll.

[B]

That'll come with the iPad. You know what I mean? Wait till you get an iPad, you know, backpack. These broads are gonna be all over you. Be fighting them off with a stick.

[A]

You Gotta learn to paint, man.

[C]

Dude, I'm telling you, man. I'm telling you, you learned to use.

[A]

What are you telling us?

[C]

I'm saying that it's like the.

[B]

Not really sure.

[C]

You know what I mean? It's like, I feel like when a coach. When a coach is talking to a player and it's like. It's about the fundamentals. You got to get this stuff down. The points are going to come.

[A]

I'm working on it.

[C]

The chicks will come if you just start doing the right things.

[B]

They love dudes in tech. Yeah. And an iPad's the first step to that.

[A]

I'm just saying I'm not gonna, like, learn a language or whatever. Like, we're past all that, are we? I think so.

[B]

Also. Who's asking you to learn a language? What are you talking about?

[C]

Get Duolingo.

[A]

This Vietnamese bro

[B]

wants me to talk to her son.

[C]

No, dude, you got to come up with something. You got to do something.

[A]

All right? Yeah.

[C]

What do you. I feel like you could paint.

[A]

I could paint? Yeah. I want to paint. Hit that all over my house, all in my hand.

[C]

Not on the iPad. It's.

[B]

There we go. What do you got stock in these?

[C]

I'm just.

[B]

For three easy payments in 99.

[C]

Just trying to defend myself. Sure.

[B]

I get. Listen, you're making some solid points. I. We were both just shocked. We had never really.

[C]

I know it's a bad look. I walked in there with it. I had. I had reading glasses with them. With the iPad.

[A]

Are you on reading glasses?

[C]

I'm on reading glasses, dude.

[A]

They're like, proper, like. Like CVS readers.

[C]

I'm in fucking purgatory, dude.

[B]

I got.

[C]

Need reading glasses and I need distance glasses, and it's. Fucking hell.

[A]

Okay, hold on. Yeah.

[C]

It's dark, man.

[A]

Do you wear contacts?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

No, I'm just switching between. Dude, you should see me on the iPad watching, like, the basketball games recently.

[B]

He's got a.30ft away.

[C]

It's nuts.

[A]

Are you opposed to contacts?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Now, it's just. It's like a whole purchase decision. I can't.

[A]

Listen, you know, I'm gonna give you two options. These are the only options.

[B]

You got hard way and easy.

[A]

You can't be. You can't be going back and forth with the glasses then. You're my mom with two pairs of glasses on your head.

[C]

I think I might be there. I might be that guy.

[A]

You don't got to do it. They're gonna do it. You can get contacts.

[C]

Do you have contacts?

[A]

I have contacts. In right now. Oh. All right. You can get multifocal contacts where they have the long distance and the reader underneath or reader underneath.

[B]

Yeah, you just do this and it switches. Now I can see through your pants.

[A]

Multifocal, Chris. Multi.

[C]

How does that possibly work?

[A]

Science.

[B]

This is like a bad fucking infomercial. Please tell me how that would even.

[A]

No, it's all science. Sorry. It's all science. All right. It works.

[B]

You look at me on Fumble with a bunch of glasses.

[A]

He has six pairs of glasses on his head.

[B]

It's in black and white. I can't see anything.

[A]

You could do that or just get what I would recommend because the multifocals kind of stink. They get blurry. You know what I mean? Because they get. They get blurry when you look up and stuff like that. The multifocal.

[B]

How do you. Do you look above the.

[C]

What the fuck is happening? Is the. Is the. Is the lane staying still?

[A]

I wore them. It's just I. I knew that when I looked straight, I could see far away and when I looked at my phone, I could see that.

[B]

So I guess if. That way. And then like halfway down, it's closer. So you'd be like.

[C]

Yeah, but it's just.

[B]

I don't know, duh at all.

[A]

No, it's duh.

[C]

No, it's not duh.

[A]

I wouldn't say.

[C]

It stays still. What do you mean? You look down.

[A]

Look down?

[B]

Yeah. Your eyes shift down.

[C]

Yeah, but the lens sits on your.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's a good point.

[C]

It moves with your eye.

[A]

Here's the eyeball. All right.

[C]

I can't wait to see this.

[A]

This is the contact. Contact.

[B]

The contact stays.

[C]

You started with the contact?

[B]

Yeah, we get. We get the top half of the contact. The bottom half of the.

[C]

How does the eye move within the contact?

[B]

That's.

[A]

The eye doesn't move. The contact moves. I don't know.

[B]

Luke, can you get some information on that? Because I thought it stayed on the. And then I thought. I have no idea. I just assumed the whole contact move with your eyeball.

[C]

Oh, it does.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

That's one option.

[B]

Which sucks.

[A]

Which we haven't figured out because they get it. It's not a It I would get. It's all fucked up.

[B]

You can't see any vertigo.

[A]

It gets blurry a little bit. It sucks. What I'm recommending to you, what I'm doing now. Get along.

[C]

Yeah. And then readers to combat it.

[A]

Because let me tell you something about these readers. Real nice.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They're dirty.

[C]

Yeah, it looks good.

[A]

I'm gonna take my headphones off for a second. Watch this. You're doing this. You got that going. Then you're doing this. And you have this. All right.

[B]

I like how your option is take the glasses off. And it's pretty good.

[A]

It's you get to work with them and then, you know, sometimes you pop them on.

[B]

Oh, for drone dramatic effect. Who is this guy wearing? An old Jewish woman's glasses.

[A]

You sitting. Instead of having an iPad and six pairs of glasses, you sitting with your legs crossed. A distinguished pair of readers.

[B]

Like a portfolio. With a nice leather bound portfolio and

[A]

a nice legal pad inside. Just jotting down.

[C]

IPad is the LEO. No, it's not. It is. And you can paint.

[B]

Yeah, it's true.

[C]

It's nice.

[B]

I do have a leather bound portfolio that I use really well. Yeah, As I write on CVS for jokes and stuff. I got a new one.

[C]

Do you write them in a book?

[B]

I know a legal pad. But then the legal pad goes in and out of your bags and all it gets all up. So I need a leather bound.

[C]

You need an iPad.

[B]

No, I don't.

[C]

Yes, you do. You write. You can write it now.

[B]

No, you cannot.

[C]

I swear.

[B]

I know you can write a demo. We'll do a demo. He's in a booth.

[A]

Hey, wait. Sir.

[B]

What are you currently painting with, Sir? Oh, nothing. You're not painting. That's crazy. Why don't you step into my booth and I'll show you.

[A]

You guys like applesauce by any chance?

[B]

Help yourself. It's just a bowl on ice.

[A]

Yeah, and just to go back to that. The pouch. No way. The Mott's cups or whatever I'm in.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

The cup sucks bags.

[A]

The way it gets colder in the. In the cup. You know, it got really cold.

[B]

Yeah, no, those. Those. Those bags. You can heat up the bag with just hot water. Yeah, put. I bets how we warm it up for a little kipirinho youo just throw it on some hot water bag heats it up.

[A]

How do I heat my applesauce?

[B]

I'm saying it to be the same thing. It's the. The. The packaging is better than the plastic packaging for heat and refrigeration.

[A]

The best thing for the cold, for applesauce is the glass. Glass jar. I don't know if they still make that.

[B]

The old school.

[C]

That seems dangerous. I can't have glass around kids.

[A]

You don't have kids. Oh, you. You meant.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What if I knock it over and I get Yoda?

[B]

I told You.

[C]

I'm using these as a hangover cure. I can't be fucking with glass. It's reckless.

[A]

Kevin. Talking about Rocket Money. Let's talk about Rocket Money. Let's talk about saving money. Okay. About $888 million in canceled subscriptions.

[B]

It's a lot of turkey.

[A]

Rocket Money will list the subscriptions that you have and you can find the ones that you want to cancel. And they'll do it for you right there. Bang. Canceled. No more monthly payments. $888 million. That's a lot of chicken.

[B]

Yeah. Listen, I would even say me using Rocket Money has done even more than that. Is help me realize my. They got a lot of tools over there. Rocket Money use the dashboard. It helps me realize my spending, my budgeting, my savings. I've been able to go like, okay, listen. They send an email. Hey, you got. These are about to hit this week. You're saving. Your spending last week was more than.

[A]

Hey, slow down on the Sizzlings, will you?

[B]

It was this much more, this much less. I've used it. I told you I was. I found myself subscribed to some weird Eastern European fighting service.

[A]

You like the weird stuff?

[B]

That wasn't that weird. But Rocket Money can help you cancel. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscription, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com garbage one more time. That's RocketMoney.com garbage RocketMoney.com garbage do we do it, gang?

[A]

Kevin's talking about Helix.

[B]

Helix. Helix Gang.

[A]

I'll shoot you straight. I used to sleep on a Helix. Now I sleep on the couch. And let me tell you something, boy, do I miss my Helix.

[B]

My life was better on a Helix.

[A]

Yes, it was. It was much better with a Helix. Helix mattress. You go over there, you take the quiz, you do the sleep heavy, sleep

[B]

light, sleep neat, hot cold, the whole nine yards tall, short.

[A]

Take the quiz. They match up with the perfect mattress for you that you're going to love for the rest of your life.

[B]

Yep. Helix has over 20 mattress models, so you can find the perfect model for you. I'm a Twilight man. That's just me and my wiz life. We've been on it for about five, four or five years now. Best sleep of my life. And I gotta be honest with you, I do a lot of travel, sleep in a lot of bad hotels, a lot of bad beds. My back always goes. I got A bad back. My back goes. I'm in and out of these bad beds. Listen, when I'm in a Helix, you need a Helix. When I'm in a Helix and I'm getting my good night's sleep in a Helix, my back is a. Okay. All these discount mattresses. Get out of here with that. Ruin me up. It's improved my sleep. It's been an upgrade for my old one. Listen, if you're sleeping on your mattress, that is, like, you got off the side of the road, you gotta step it up. And right now, go to helixleep.com garbage for 20% off site wide. That's helixleep.com for 20% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show's name at checkout so they know that we sent you helixleep.com garbage day. One of the few things that we did want to get into, which I

[A]

think it's a perfect time to, since we've now pretty much showing everybody that you're crazy.

[B]

You're a man of. You know, I don't want to. You know. You know how to hold a grudge. You get your feathers ruffled.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You kind of lit up. You're like, I like where this is going.

[A]

Vengeance.

[B]

I had seen a clip recently of you upset at a phone call with a cleaning lady.

[C]

Yeah, dude, she was asking, I guess

[B]

you were calling to have your house or apartment cleaned or whatever. Yeah. And she was taking you through. Dude.

[C]

Yeah, it was. It was. It was the. It was a situation where, like, our house was a fucking wreck. My parents were coming down to visit. My lady was like, I can't do it. You can't do it because we're still working on the show. And it was just like, get some cleaning people just come in here and just fucking take care of this so it's not fucking embarrassing when your parents get here. I was like, done call this lady? Yeah. First I texted them to be like, hey, I need it.

[B]

Where did you get this number?

[C]

I got offline. They were like, the highest rated cleaning thing in the. Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I texted him, hey, hey, it's me.

[B]

My parents are coming to town.

[C]

And they fucking, like, they called me and I was like, this is crazy.

[A]

What do. They called you back?

[B]

I have a secondary.

[C]

Yeah, we could take care of it via text. Here's the house. Here's the address. What times do you have available?

[B]

You weren't texting a cell phone, though.

[C]

I was texting whatever number they gave me to text.

[A]

Yeah, probably like an.

[B]

That's just like. That's just like an inbound that just goes to a computer. Then they call you.

[C]

Perfect.

[A]

You know what? They were probably on an iPad now.

[B]

Do you have your text set up on your iPad?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, I got my text. My texts are coming from everywhere.

[B]

You got them on the wrist?

[A]

You got them on the phone?

[C]

No, the wrist, I deny.

[A]

Huh?

[C]

I don't need the alerts.

[A]

For a guy trying to slow down. Yeah, you're really connecting a lot of devices.

[C]

Yeah, I got the web. Yeah, yeah. I'm just.

[A]

You have a laptop, an iPad, and the watch.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What's next? The implant?

[C]

I don't know. My. I got another one of those wristbands that's like the whoop or whatever. I haven't. I haven't set it up yet, but it's for even more detailed.

[B]

Like, man, wait till that thing gets a hold of you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, relax.

[A]

Oh, that's detailed.

[C]

No, I did that thing where I, like. I feel like I'm gonna die, but I don't want to go to the doctor. So I was like, let me just gather as much information as possible before I go to a doctor's office and have to deal with all that shit

[A]

so the scientists have something to explain to my family when I'm gone.

[B]

The attitude you would have sitting down at the doctor, being like, well, this is what my whoop said. What do you think? Here's all my data points. Can you interpret this for me? It's.

[C]

It's fully.

[B]

Just gonna be like, what, Sarah, you don't have insurance,

[C]

dude, it is. It is fully. I just went on one. I went on one run, and my heart rate was pretty good. And I was like, all right, I'm fine.

[B]

You're back. Yeah, most of that is. A lot of it's meant, like, you're, like, stressed and whatever, and it just. It all starts compounding on you 100%,

[C]

and you just like, you know, I don't know. We've lived such shitty, pathetic lives that you're like, there's gotta be. You gotta go. There's somewhere I'm dying. Somewhere inside of me, there's death. You know what I mean? On a cellular level, just somewhere. It's like a Portrait of Dorian Gray kind of situation. You know what I mean?

[A]

No. What does Dorian Grant to do with it?

[C]

You know, the portrait of Dorian Gray?

[A]

What do you think there's a painting somewhere of you getting younger?

[C]

Yeah, no, there's. Paint the portrait of me. That's getting older and I'm gonna look at it and then die, you know?

[A]

He goes, I think.

[C]

I think so. That's how I'm.

[A]

I thought as long as he was never in the same room with it, he was okay.

[C]

Yeah, I think it was just like up in the attic somewhere. But all the bad things he was doing was accruing on the painting. You know what I mean?

[A]

I respect it.

[B]

No, I never thought that.

[C]

Anyway, you asked me about grudges.

[B]

There I am, fight with a painting inside myself. No. Yeah. No.

[C]

And then lady Kevin, she was on the phone with me for so long. 20 minutes.

[B]

We're putting you through the rigmarole.

[A]

Yeah. Just like, what kind of house do you have? How big is it? Yeah.

[C]

But then super detailed. Like. Like, what do the rooms look like? How much furniture is in them? Like, then down to the baseboards. And like, again, she asked me if I had shoe cases. Mm, sure.

[B]

And that bothered you?

[C]

What is that?

[A]

That is her going over what kind of equipment, what kind of man hours, what kind of. How many employees are gonna have to bring to clean the house. Pertinent information, as you would say.

[C]

It's a house, they're all different.

[B]

It's just turning real.

[C]

It's that. Fuck.

[A]

I got the cleaning lady calling me. Yeah.

[C]

It's like, how big? It's like, Are there dishes? Yes.

[A]

Well, that one I'll give you. Yeah, but everything else.

[C]

How many dishes? I don't know.

[A]

I mean, she could get there. It could be the studio apartment or it could be a seven room mansion.

[C]

I know, but that's one question. That's one question. How big is the house?

[A]

Do you live in a mansion?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like. No.

[B]

Is it a studio?

[C]

Yeah. So it's like, what? Yeah.

[A]

No.

[C]

Here's the square footage. What's the price?

[A]

You don't know the square footage of your house?

[C]

I have no idea how to even guess. That was the first question.

[A]

Oh, she asked you that. What's the square footage?

[C]

And I was like, I work off

[B]

meters, thanks for asking. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You got 10 by 10 times 10.

[B]

Is that how you do it?

[A]

I don't understand square feet at all.

[B]

Would be 100 square feet.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't understand that at all. Yeah. Does it go up?

[C]

That's. I don't.

[B]

It's just. It's just a footprint.

[C]

A footprint. But then each floor, do you double it? I don't know.

[B]

I would assume so.

[C]

Triple it. I don't know what it is. It's like I have no idea. It's.

[A]

Nor.

[C]

It's. I was like, it's like a row home kind of thing.

[B]

Also, she's probably telling her version of the story of like, I was talking to this guy who didn't even know what kind of house he lived in.

[C]

But it's also, like, the level of detail. It's like. She's like, are the baseboards. How clean are they? Do they, like, what kind of clean? It's like, I don't know, man. Bring the gear.

[B]

I do.

[C]

Bring the gears. Like, is your shower. Like, does it have a glass thing on it? It's like, yeah, you know, why even ask? Bring the glass stuff. You know, there's windows. I assume if you're doing windows, it can translate to the shower.

[A]

Now you need that lime away stuff.

[B]

Clr.

[A]

Yeah. You got to have a permit to carry that.

[C]

What the fuck? I mean, I don't know. Have you guys ever gotten a cleaning lady?

[B]

I've done that one time.

[C]

How many fucking questions did you get?

[B]

There was. I did it online and they called, and it was very. Well, that's why I wanted to sympathize with you. It was very similar. Of, like, they were like, oh, we'll send you a link with a questionnaire. And I was like, okay. Because we had some construction done. We needed, like, an end of the whatever, you know, get up all the dust and.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I gave up midway through this. I'm like, I don't know how to answer this. It was very, very detailed.

[C]

It's fucking ridiculous, dude. I mean, if I don't even. Cleaning up a construction site. If you told construction guys, you're just like, yeah, I need, like, the. Or landscapers. Like, yeah, we just had a bunch of construction done. I need, like, the yard. I need, like, grass and stuff put down. They would just go like, how big is it? They wouldn't be like, how muddy is it?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

How many weeds are there?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well, that's. I have a landscaper. And he goes, you know, I go, hey, you. He goes, you want to do a spring cleanup? I go, yeah. He goes, no problem. Fall cleanup, Boom. No problem.

[A]

Yeah. I don't seen the place. What? Senior place.

[B]

I know, but he hasn't seen it. That's. He hasn't seen it. He's not out there.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This guy's running point.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

I.

[C]

Like, it's the same problem I have with the doctor. The last time I went to the Doctor. I was like.

[B]

I knew. I was like, let's just ask him about one. I'll have a list of 20. What about the doctor?

[C]

I went in there. It was like. I don't know. I was like about to lose my health insurance. And I was like, do the full thing.

[B]

Run it.

[C]

And he was like, what is that? It's like, you tell me what it is.

[B]

Like. Hey, guys. I don't have a white coat on.

[A]

Here's my credit card. Do the full thing.

[C]

I want you to be as close to certain as possible that I'm not dying in the next 10 years.

[B]

25.

[C]

Run whatever you got to run to be.

[A]

So that would be that. See, Sometimes those guys. They.

[C]

And they go. You want us to, like take your blood? Yes. I'll piss in something. I'll jizz in a thing. I'll shit in something. Whatever the fuck you need.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Put a camera up my ass.

[A]

General practitioner.

[C]

Look at it all.

[A]

Put.

[C]

Look in my ears.

[B]

Pediatrician. Anything. You got the applesauce.

[A]

Because they do push back on that.

[B]

Yeah. This is a bigger thing. What I've heard people complain about. They're regulated to not use the health care system.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

They're. They're incentivized to not prescribe. To not do all these tests or something.

[A]

Who said that? Why?

[B]

Because they make the money from the insurance companies or something like that.

[C]

They don't get it.

[B]

Neither do I.

[A]

But if they made.

[C]

Man.

[B]

I really painted myself into a corner without backup. But that is true.

[A]

If they made money.

[B]

That's why. What is it? What is it? The primary care physician. Whoever you have to go to to get the referrals.

[A]

I don't need referrals.

[B]

Okay. Whatever. There's different types of.

[A]

How do you.

[C]

How do you not need a referral?

[B]

We have good insurance.

[C]

Oh. Okay.

[B]

Which we provide for our MINE employees.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Looking for a job. But isn't it. They're like. They're the ones who determine what level of health care you can get. You have to go. The idea is you have to go through somebody.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes. And they want a history in order to get set. Test.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's why you got to lie to them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got to go in there and fake symptoms if you want something done.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

Push for it. You say of chest pains.

[B]

Yeah. But people have tried that. And then they. They realize they're lying. And then he said if you go to the ER and you tell me you have chest pains, you get seen. Right. Away.

[A]

But then people, okay, they don't know how to do it right.

[C]

What's this scumbag move of getting health care? I don't even know how to do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Isn't that what.

[B]

You go in, you give them a fake Social Security number.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Say you're Gary Jenkins.

[A]

If you feel like you want to get a test done because you don't want to worry about it, you push together.

[C]

But I don't know what the test is. I want them. It's like you come up with the tests.

[A]

Think about this.

[C]

If I die.

[A]

A full blood panel.

[B]

What?

[A]

You wanted a full blood plant, a

[C]

full blood panel, whatever it is. What's that mean? I don't know what.

[A]

They check everything.

[C]

They don't seem to even know what that is. The last time I talked to them,

[A]

cholesterol, all that stuff.

[C]

Everything.

[B]

First of all, no one knows what we're talking about. You're like, all that stuff. You lost confidence in cholesterol for a second.

[A]

I feel like we were both drunk.

[C]

Do you guys have individual companies, too, for yourselves?

[A]

What?

[B]

That's a private. No, we don't.

[C]

Yeah, I just set one up, and now I don't. I don't know what's what.

[B]

My brother was like, send me an invoice.

[C]

Yeah, My brother was like, remember, Like, I got, like, a credit card for it. And then my brother was like, this is only for business expenses. And I was like, how you tell

[B]

that to fucking Uber eats Stevie over.

[C]

Well, that's. All of a sudden, I go like, well, the business is just me.

[A]

I'm the business.

[C]

So what? I don't even know what.

[B]

I'm hungry.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

In order to keep this business, I

[B]

need to eat something. We need to be drunk.

[C]

We need to be fed.

[B]

Listen.

[A]

Because if I'm sober and I don't have applesauce, I don't know. Somebody can't survive.

[C]

I can't do my job.

[B]

I don't know about tax law that well, but I believe if you go get fucked up and then talk about

[C]

it on a podcast, is that not.

[B]

That's a business meeting as far as.

[C]

Is it production?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like if I post something on Instagram, is now everything associated with that picture now business?

[B]

This is real dirt bag logic now. Yeah.

[C]

I mean, how is it not.

[A]

Is that a picture of you buried into a set of titties over at

[B]

Hooters Motorboat and thrown out of a

[A]

twin pen content your office, your honor.

[C]

I don't know. Yeah, I don't Get. I truly don't understand what is. What is now a business expense and what isn't.

[B]

We have somebody that just handles.

[A]

What's the limit on that credit card?

[C]

Well, I. You know, and luckily, I only hang out with other people that are considered business associates.

[B]

Ah. Good day, sir. Good day, Mr. Gillispie.

[A]

I learned I like you.

[C]

Know what I mean?

[A]

These guys are wearing suits. Back in the day. We're still not busy.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Those mad men were getting fucked up during the day, writing that shit off. Tell me I can't get a pack of heaters.

[A]

There's no way they were paying for that shit back then. That was going on the company house account. Yeah.

[C]

If you. If you share. If you share a cigarette with another comedian, that's there.

[A]

What?

[C]

If you share a cigarette with another comedian. Isn't that. That's business, isn't it?

[B]

It's my business.

[C]

We're on a business trip.

[B]

Yeah, listen, if I'm on a trip. If I'm.

[A]

It's the whole point of the business.

[C]

You take an Uber to a comedy club, that's a business trip.

[A]

That's a goddamn right that's a business trip.

[B]

I ain't going for pleasure. Cause I'm bombing. Nobody enjoyed what I did up there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That was all work.

[A]

And you're allowed to go there and have a cocktail. Buy a free. Get an associate of cocktail.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're talking business. Maybe trying to. Like, that's a goddamn deal.

[C]

Yeah. It's like the comedy club is a conference center. Yes. For business, is it not?

[B]

Yes, it is.

[C]

In front of a jury. How is that not a business meeting?

[A]

They're all rolling their eyes at you. You're in a big meeting.

[B]

They're looking at each other. I don't think he's that funny. He hasn't said one funny thing yet.

[A]

Angry little guy.

[B]

Business isn't doing so well.

[A]

This guy. You're gonna be this guy again about the apple sauce. Jesus Christ, man.

[B]

Excuse me. Takes a pound. Takes it. Takes a hit of the pouch.

[A]

Still ice cold.

[B]

I pulled it out of my refrigerator three hours ago.

[C]

Gonna get a go go real quick.

[A]

Go, go, man. The other thing we wanted to discuss.

[C]

And then you start going.

[B]

I know. He's just.

[C]

I. Why be a person? Can't I just be a corporate. Like, can I just renounce my person? I'll just be a corporation.

[B]

Well, isn't that the whole idea behind corporations? That corporations can't be like, they're people? They're people, but, like, there's no Liability to them, essentially.

[C]

Exactly. So what am I getting? What am I getting about what? What's the benefit of being a person?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Vote right here.

[B]

Yeah. Enron all over.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I should have subsidiaries underneath me that are.

[A]

Yeah. I want to be a corporation.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That are like divide. You know, If I'm drinking, that should be a totally different company.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Anything that happens while I'm drinking or on drugs is blackout.

[B]

Chris.

[C]

Is a subsidiary blackout industry. That can only be. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So if the cops come, you're gonna have to talk to the guy in the blackout department.

[C]

You got to talk to a guy who's drunk. I'm not drinking. I'm not that company.

[B]

And he declared bankruptcy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's like if I never drink again, I'm no longer responsible for those. You know what I mean? You can never find. That company only exists on paper.

[B]

It's based out of Delaware Limited liability Corporation.

[A]

In bed with Dupont.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Connor, I am 100% with you. I want to be a company.

[B]

Where did you base your company? Out of.

[C]

Of Texas. Yeah.

[B]

Pretty good.

[A]

Pretty good. What kind of work do you do? Import export. That's what I'm saying.

[C]

That's what I'm saying. What. What kind of work? Don't I do?

[B]

You know what I mean? If you ask me, I'm always working. Could use a vacation.

[A]

Your honor, I'm a bit of a jack of all trades. Yeah.

[C]

You don't know what's a business focused activity?

[A]

Who could really say? Yeah.

[C]

Given the business I'm in, would you

[A]

say that you're open to a lot of different opportunities? Yeah.

[B]

You're open to maximizing your profits?

[A]

Oh, Connor. Do you want to work hard and play hard too? Crazy. Should we just do that? Should we just work hard and play hard?

[B]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[C]

If I take my girl out to dinner and then use that as a bit, is that not a business dinner?

[A]

I would say it is. I would say it is.

[C]

You know, if that's the case, I

[A]

got a little money.

[B]

If that's the case, Kippy owes me a check.

[A]

I've been doing a half hour.

[B]

See, these are questions I've asked myself as well.

[C]

If I try the bit and then I decide it's no good, isn't that

[A]

just, you know, it's the way it goes.

[C]

That's R and D research.

[B]

That's why. That's what I'm. That's what I say. We're developing product.

[C]

Yeah. If I. Right. So if it's all I have to do is record me attempting to talk about something that happened in my phone. Or right in my iPad.

[B]

Right in my iPad, your honor.

[C]

And it'll be evident.

[B]

You flip open charger by any chance?

[A]

I need the old one.

[B]

I got the block. I just need the cord.

[C]

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[A]

Where is Daredevil A minor. Don't miss the return of Marvel Television's Daredevil Born Again. So what's next?

[C]

I feel liberated. We're gonna take this city back over

[A]

medicated in an all new season. Now streaming only on Disney plus.

[C]

They're hunting us. It's time we started hunting them. I can work with that.

[B]

This should be tons of fun.

[A]

Marvel Television's Daredevil Born Again. Now streaming only on Disney plus. Can I ask you this? Since we stopped here saying the old one and the new one has been getting very convoluted with these Uber drivers. What is, what is my charger called?

[B]

A Lightning port. Yeah. USB C. No, no, he's Lightning.

[A]

They all have that. They're both USBC.

[B]

He's got the 4s still.

[C]

What the is that?

[A]

I don't know what I have, but I, I. Why I need a lightning. That's what I say. What is.

[C]

I just got in a fight with my dad about this because he was trying to. He had, he had a phone from. He had like iPhone 7 or 6 or something like that. And he was trying to add McCuzzins to a group chat. And he was.

[B]

Who's. Who's that? Steve McCuzzin.

[A]

That's a Ford for the Cleveland Dad Evolution.

[C]

No. And he's like, you can't, you can't add Android. You can't add Android to the group chat. And I was like, I think it's because your phone's super old. And he's like, that's not what it is. It's just the way it works. And it's like. Then I immediately added the cousins and it's just like, dude, it's because your phone is million years old and he's gaff.

[A]

Fuck off.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Give me a Lightning. Yeah,

[C]

it's just.

[A]

What is the new one called?

[C]

Usbc. Yeah.

[A]

USB C. Isn't the USB C the other end?

[B]

The little Tiny pink usb. No, no. Yes. The smaller end on the Lightning one is usually usb.

[C]

C. Yeah.

[B]

Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Which is insane.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Because you're updating the wrong end of your cord.

[A]

Which one?

[C]

When you started using the Lightning, the other end of the cord had a different. Was the original usb? Yeah.

[A]

I mean the big one.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well, I get.

[C]

You watched the other end evolve.

[B]

Who are you upset at?

[A]

Him. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Why what I do?

[C]

Just get a new phone.

[B]

That's. Dude, we've been saying that he's the only guy. What team? And he goes, I need a. His phone's always there. He goes, I need the old one. And then like Luke's got to dig through like a barrel of Dude.

[C]

Fucking nightmare for him. Dude.

[B]

It's just. For him, he's the dude. Two years ago, he's like, I'm finally completely up. I'm completely. My whole system is usbc.

[C]

Yes. Which is.

[B]

I mean, this guy came in. Brother, I'm not even joking around. This guy came in with the quarter. With the. With the quarter inch headphones the other day. Like the round plug plugged into one of. What are they got dongle or. What are those things? Oh, my mom would do.

[A]

It's an adapter

[B]

Steve Jobs gave it to.

[C]

Listen, that's because you. We both have buckets full of useless cables.

[A]

I use. We used to have that. The cable boxes. They'd give you so much of that.

[C]

Why don't you update? We didn't get it. Why don't you update to the new.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. I just.

[B]

Dude, he doesn't have time to learn a language.

[C]

Takes seconds.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but then you got to like re. Put some stuff.

[C]

No, you really don't.

[A]

It's just all the apps show up.

[C]

Yes. It migrates over you.

[A]

My cloud's not backed up. I'm out of space.

[C]

Oh, Jesus.

[A]

I'm not putting it out there. I don't know who's looking at that.

[C]

See, this is why. This is also why you need the computer, because you need a home base.

[A]

For what?

[C]

For everything.

[A]

For the information.

[C]

Because the phone can.

[B]

The information.

[C]

No, the laptop serves as a central node for all of your other pieces of technology.

[B]

A mothership.

[C]

So what you're telling me is so you can lose your phone and back it up from your computer?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Never.

[B]

All of us nuts.

[C]

Dude, you're like a conquistador. Dude, you're out in the Amazon. Listen, if Conquista door. I don't Know why I said that? Crazy.

[B]

My cousins.

[A]

If the Alphabet boys rolled in here right now, all I got to do is destroy the phone. I'm not destroying the phone. Then the computer.

[B]

You think if you throw the phone off the side of the building that they're not going to know what you're talking about?

[C]

If the Alphabet boys come in here, I promise they're here to help. Whatever's going through. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Hey, Ben. Where. Where am I at?

[A]

Come on, Henry. You're taking a place nice and warm. Do I need my phone? No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

I got that dog catcher. Net.

[C]

Tinfoil capes.

[A]

Fair enough. And I do have the laptop now. I could do all that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And get modernized. That's what my company, he needs.

[B]

Step into the 21st century.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Innovation.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Synergy.

[A]

Synergy.

[B]

Nodes.

[A]

Vertical integration. Horizontal relaxation. Which is where I'll be going right after this.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Home to relax. So I can clear my minds for better ideas.

[B]

Well, yours would be H. Foley, Inc. Yeah. Okay. Thanks for rolling with that.

[C]

Do you ever write something down and lose it?

[B]

Yeah, all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Unacceptable.

[A]

Very true. Most of stuff I write down is gibberish.

[C]

It's just unacceptable like that. In this day and age. In this day and age, to lose a piece of information is just.

[B]

Well, that's never gonna happen with your handy iPad.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Here's what's right.

[A]

Here's how I feel about that.

[C]

I got that. I got whatever I put into that iPad spread across three or four other devices as soon as I modify.

[B]

So that hand turkey on the way here will live forever.

[A]

I respect that. But the way I look at the artistic process, that's.

[C]

So shut the fuck up and not

[B]

write new jokes for 13 years.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. I have written jokes, but I lose those pieces of paper, and I think that's the universe telling me, hey, maybe those ideas weren't good enough. I think you're supposed to lose some of that stuff. Didn't somebody lose a whole book and have to rewrite it? Like Hemingway or somebody. TSA threw it out.

[B]

So this is pornography?

[A]

It was something like that.

[C]

Dude, It's.

[B]

I mean, they still got da Vinci's doodlings.

[A]

I'm not saying that. I'm saying there was some artists who wrote a whole book, lost it, cranked out another one, won a Pulitzer. Surprise.

[B]

A Pulitzer. Boom. You got it.

[A]

Somebody there, they commented, too. It's not. I thought it was. Prima donna. I'm acting like a prima donna.

[B]

Me, too. Prima donna.

[A]

It's Prima donna.

[C]

Although it's one not before Madonna.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[C]

It's the prima. It's the prima instead of the prima donna.

[A]

So I like segundo.

[C]

I said pre. I thought it was prima donna, too, until you just said some veal porn.

[B]

For a very long time, I. And I still pronounce it this way. And I say it. I've been called out a couple of times. I say laptop. Yeah. Because in my head it was scientists on a lab.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's who's using computers.

[C]

Yes. Because at the time, it was like fucking cutting edge technology.

[B]

Yeah. It's a laptop.

[C]

This is fresh out of the lab, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now we got six gen fighters out there.

[C]

And it's like, I never saw someone working on their laptop on their lap. It's too big.

[B]

No, I still have to.

[A]

No, I just saw Ryan.

[B]

I had one. I. My first moved to New York. My laptop, me and my buddy.

[A]

Those weren't laptops.

[B]

We smoked in my apartment. They were mobile. Lack of units.

[A]

That was on a laptop.

[B]

But we smoked in this apartment for, like, three, four years. And they get. Because, dude, my thing would be humming because it was. The intake was taken in, so it was like an old Toshiba. I took it in to get fixed. The guy's like, what the. Did you get this in a fire?

[C]

Computer's got smoker's lungs.

[B]

It was all tar, and on the

[C]

inside it's like a bong. You gotta clean it with isopropyl alcohol.

[A]

Hey, man, this laptop is a bad cough. How do we.

[C]

Dude, I remember I had a. I had a Dale in college that I pissed on.

[A]

A what? You said a Dale.

[C]

A Dell.

[A]

Oh, you sound like it's a Dell.

[B]

And also you're skipping by that he pissed on.

[A]

Why'd you pee on it?

[B]

I thought it was the toilet.

[C]

I was drinking. I thought it was a toilet and I thought it was a toilet. I used to piss on electronics when I blacked out or something that made me think they were toilets.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Well, anything stationary, that's subconscious. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Piss on an Xbox.

[B]

I don't think it's conscious.

[A]

That's something in a subconscious. Subconscious not liking technology. Wanting to pull back and relax and paint more. Even then.

[C]

Yeah. It was like a luddish thing.

[B]

He was blacked out after Nickel Beard.

[A]

I guess that could have been.

[C]

Yeah. Dude, Rosie's penny pitchers back in the day.

[B]

I'm down at Cavanaughs on Wednesday. It's 50 Cent. You call? It's all night long. Dude, that Was a cabanas by the Kavanaughs. Kavanaughs was. Shut your brain off, dude. It was five dollar cover. 50 cent drink or quarter drinks? 50 cent mixed drinks.

[C]

Oh, dude, that's crazy.

[B]

You go in with five bucks and we would black. I just black out on a Wednesday.

[A]

It.

[C]

Dude, I do. We were talking the other. I was talking with my buddies the other day and they were remembering one of my Drexel.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

One of my buddies rigged the Kavanaughs raffle to win the, like the happy hours. The cooler that could drive.

[B]

Was he the mayor? Jesus. Was he the Thanksgiving Day parade?

[A]

How did you. How did you rig the raffle?

[C]

You just got to drink there every day for a couple hours.

[A]

Well, that's not rigging it.

[C]

Yes, it is now.

[A]

That's drinking every day.

[C]

But then you talk to the people who run the raffle and you rig it.

[A]

Oh, I gotcha. Okay. Let me win. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, I mean, like, I don't think it's just like a fucking price.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like there was just some guy being like, yeah, give me 20 bucks and you can win it.

[A]

Okay. I thought there was some type of tampering with mechanical equipment they had to do.

[B]

When I hear at Kavanaughs, the place with fucking nickel drinks. You thought. You thought they had a huge. I thought they were also their secondary industry.

[A]

I thought there was a. I thought there was giveaways. I thought there was a wheel or something that was involved. How you gonna fake that?

[B]

What a wheel?

[C]

I just bit the mic.

[A]

That's the worst. That's the worst.

[C]

A.

[A]

The one other thing.

[C]

Rosie's.

[B]

Where was Rosie's? I don't know if I ever did Rosie.

[C]

It was on 23rd and Walnut. And they had five to seven was penny pitchers.

[B]

Was that where six used to run that show? That was the Roosevelt or something?

[A]

Yes, the Roosevelt.

[B]

Yeah. That was also like penny pitchers or something.

[C]

Yeah, penny pitchers. Five to seven, then drinkers. Seven to nine.

[A]

Was drinkers Noche. Near Noche downstairs.

[C]

Yeah. Yes, drinkers was.

[A]

There's Philly. Philly spots for you folks at least.

[C]

Was. Only in New York was $5 pitchers. I think from seven to nine.

[B]

That sounds about right.

[C]

That's a back to back, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Thursday night you'd be in bed by 9:30, tucked, tucked, pissing on your lap

[B]

just in time to wake up and pee on your VCR and ruin your Sopranos DVDs.

[A]

You'd be in bed by nine, throwing up by.

[C]

Never tell you that story.

[B]

That I.

[C]

In West Philly, my whole fucking house got robbed. They stole literally everything. I had like four or five hundred DVDs that I just. I would go to Walmart and just buy all the bargain bin DVDs and they stole literally every single DVD from an entire rack except the Seinfeld box set.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

They robbed the entire. The tv, laptops, every piece of electronics in the whole thing. Every dvd.

[A]

It was detectives on the case probably could have used that information or something like that.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Yeah, it narrows it down.

[B]

That wasn't a Jewish guy.

[C]

Also, what. What a hilarious prank to play.

[B]

That's very funny. I wonder if they were talking like, we're going to leave one. Just to make him think about it for the rest of his life.

[C]

Just be like that show in the middle of crime.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

You had something else I thought you said you wanted to get into.

[A]

Yes, we wanted to ask him about his day to day.

[C]

Ah, yes, my day to day.

[B]

Yeah. What's your.

[A]

I'm scared for a second.

[C]

What? Just trying to put some days together here.

[A]

A couple of things together.

[B]

Well, you're, you're. You're moving back from the. You're on the east coast for. For filming and everything. And you're moving back to Austin tomorrow.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

What. When you settle back down in Austin, what is that day to day looking like in the house? You're waking up, you're working out, you're cooking.

[C]

Yeah, I think I'm going to start.

[B]

I know you guys down there like an alcoholic beverage from time to time.

[C]

Yeah, dude. Yeah. I don't know. We're gonna see. I'm gonna try.

[A]

That sounds like something I would say.

[B]

My buddy moved down there, I don't know, maybe a year ago, and it was just like, text me like, I saw o' Connor at o' Shanagan's or whatever. Yeah, you guys are just. Every time like. Well, you guys seem to be. Both of you. Hey. He's also trying to say, like, you have a drinking problem. Like. Well, you seem to see him three times a week. I love that as well.

[A]

He's got to slow it down a little bit, huh?

[C]

Dude? Yeah, I was boozing a lot, but I'm going to try not to. I'm going to. I want to.

[B]

You drink last night?

[C]

No, I haven't drank in a week.

[A]

It was Easter. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I'm going to get back to Texas with a head of steam. Just crash right.

[B]

Cut the brake line, dog.

[A]

You mean a low tolerance.

[C]

Dude, I fucked up. I don't know. I don't know how. Like, I don't know how to not. I don't know how to not drink. I don't know. I like the moment. I'm like, no, I'm not drinking at night. And someone's like, ah. I'm like, all right. It just. Let's get up. I don't know how to get past that moment. You know what I mean?

[A]

Know it very well, my friend, because

[C]

I have no reason not to.

[A]

You have to get up in the morning. No, you don't have to get up in the morning.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, I thought I said you have to get up in the morning. I was like, yeah.

[B]

Or afternoon. I would. The. The baby.

[C]

What's your schedule? You're in the baby.

[B]

Well, the baby wasn't sleeping, so I wasn't drive. Dude, I fucking, like, Seven months. Like, not boozing at all.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Feeling great. Like, feeling, you know, physically better.

[A]

Seven months. You didn't drink?

[B]

I mean, not like I. Normal. Like, on the road, I would, but just because. Yeah. I mean. Yeah, not not drinking, but, like, not drinking like I do.

[C]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

That was. You know, the nights you'd be getting up, like, fucking four or five times. It's just brutal. You can't. And then even if I would.

[C]

You're so stressed, dude. You fucking. You. Yeah, you would.

[B]

Like, I'd like to wake up, or I have to do the morning, and you're like, oh, this. You're hungover, and you're like, this just sucks.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But he started sleeping through the night, and I immediately became an alcoholic again. Like, I. Like, just right back. I drank, like, four days last week.

[C]

Isn't that.

[B]

What a good feeling? It feels pretty good. I was literally, like, drunk at the Cellar. I'm like, this is who I am. This is who I believe.

[A]

But also, too. You went through that stuff. You went through that stuff. Just you on top of a building, standing over.

[B]

Don't do it, man.

[A]

That. That wraparound shot Christopher Nolan does with the S music.

[B]

I'm like, I'm. I'm like. I'm gagging a bit.

[A]

I'm not the hero you want, but the hero you need. Oh, yeah.

[B]

So I. That getting back into that. I've been drinking more than I. Than I was previously allowed, like, you know, had the time to. And I gotta be honest, it really is. It's good. It's just such a. Such a dirt. It's just such a part of my life, my family's life.

[C]

Oh, dude, it's it's also just like watching a movie like that, that with. I'm sure when the kid goes to bed.

[B]

I don't drink at the house, though. I never have. Never been that guy.

[C]

Oh, really?

[B]

No.

[A]

A little bit.

[C]

Oh, it's nice.

[A]

You've been that kind. A little bit. It's nice for a cocktail at the house. Had a beer at the house. You got up at the house.

[B]

If, like, someone's over but you're out,

[C]

you're out boozing and feeling pretty good about. That's nice.

[B]

Feeling great about it.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You guys want to get out of here? I don't know what the fuck we keep talking about.

[A]

Not me.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Even sharp, focused. Synergy Vertical Integration.

[B]

H Foley, Inc. Is looking for investors.

[A]

If anybody's out there, I would take a pitch, make buttons keep popping open that won't be in the pitch.

[C]

Pitch your shirt his.

[A]

Day to day.

[C]

Day to day. I don't know. I fantasize about being on, like, a tight schedule. You know what I mean? You know, waking up, waking up, doing this, doing that, doing, like, actually growing, you know, as a person.

[B]

But are you doing breakfast at the house?

[C]

I'm gonna try to try to start cooking meals.

[B]

You know, this is a guy who heard stuff.

[A]

This is what I'm.

[B]

Let's try to start cooking meals.

[A]

This is what I'm saying.

[C]

But then I start going, like, the business can't afford to have me down.

[A]

No, it's a free yourself up.

[C]

Yeah, we got to.

[B]

Elon Musk is going to the grocery store and doing his own cooking.

[A]

No great ideas.

[B]

I can't be bogged down.

[C]

It's true. Yeah, It's.

[B]

You got to be out there thinking, creating.

[C]

Dude. I had some. Some guy once in a reel or something that I saw was like, being real, credible.

[B]

Somebody somewhere once said something that I. That makes me feel good.

[C]

He was like, yeah, it's like having, like. He was like. Rich people get the time travel because they don't cook and they don't have to, like, do all this shit. All this shit gets done for them, you know?

[B]

They also get a guy who's saying, I get three days. There's that guy. He's like, six to. Six to noon is day one, noon to six, day two or whatever. That guy's awesome. That's the kind of guy you need a phone.

[C]

Every time I hear someone say he does more before 10am than most people get done, I was like, let me see. Let me see the fucking schedule.

[B]

They do.

[A]

They get up early. Rich people, they get a real early in the morning.

[C]

You know what I find rich people do?

[A]

What?

[C]

Rich people are powerful people. They get up and they dump all of their anxieties on the underlings.

[B]

Are you powerful? Is there something you need to tell me?

[A]

When's this? What? They're at the house.

[C]

Yeah. It's a trait I've noticed in extremely rich people is. And I've seen this in a couple different places where they'll still like live a normal. They'll still drink and do all that stuff, but they'll wake up and just send like 15 emails or texts. That's just stressing that everybody. And then afternoon when the hangover. Hangover wears off, that they check in and they go, great work people. You did a good job.

[A]

Take care.

[C]

All this like they're. They look like they're doing business. Fuck.

[A]

I like that.

[C]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

I like to send all my anxieties out, take a nap, wake up and it all be taken care. That's pretty sweet.

[B]

Oh my God. I think I'm dying. I want to take a nap. Check that out. Out for me, huh? Okay.

[C]

Also really stumped you guys on that one. Well, it's basically how he lives. Yeah.

[B]

No, he's like, that's. I was. No, it was. Yeah, he stumped me. I'm like. Don't you kind of just text? Isn't that kind of what every interaction you have is?

[A]

I didn't have a nap today.

[C]

It's a brilliant strategy.

[B]

Face till early.

[A]

Very true.

[C]

I aspire to get to stop napping too.

[A]

That's dumb.

[C]

I know.

[A]

But not nap.

[B]

No, I get a nap. This is the thing we were. This is. This is the thing we were talking about the other day.

[A]

Listen, I've heard you gotta earn it

[B]

to me, you gotta. I come from a. You gotta earn a nap.

[A]

But if you're tired, you're not gonna be able to. To. To do anything.

[B]

I would say if you got up and did stuff, you wouldn't be as sluggish. Around 2:30.

[A]

That's got nothing.

[B]

If you got up and got the juices going.

[A]

My juices are going.

[B]

Baby did push to the fucking sugar coma.

[A]

I'm a sugar coma.

[C]

I think.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sugar coma, vegetable coma.

[C]

I'm on a dangerous. I'm on the. I'm on the precipice of getting into some real fucking really gay annoying self help shit, you know?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What are you thinking?

[C]

You know what I'm saying? Just like buying into all that stuff where it's like if you start, if you nap, then your body's gonna prepare for a nap.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And expect a nap.

[B]

I mean, I don't think that's selling help.

[C]

I think it. Yeah, I know. I just don't like saying stuff like that out loud. You know what I mean?

[B]

What you got to do is make your day into three days. Let me tell you how you do it.

[A]

And I think if your body's telling

[B]

you we're here at Kippy Industries, I'm. Now, I'm not manipulating time.

[A]

Listen, if your body's telling you it's tired, you need to.

[C]

That is a clever way to defend a nap. To be like, I'm done with day one.

[B]

Let me get two hours and start day two.

[C]

I turn every Kramer.

[A]

Tried that on Seinfeld. Did up in the river.

[B]

You should know. Yeah. You know who wouldn't know? The guy who robbed your house.

[A]

I think if your body's telling you you need to sleep, you take a nap. I don't nap. I never nap personally. Never? Not never, but when's the last time you saw me take a nap? Don't bring up Austin.

[B]

Tampa.

[A]

Yeah. We were performing.

[C]

Is that an anxiety?

[B]

That was the last time I saw you during the day, not in the office. You were napping.

[A]

I was still in the process of re. Regulating my circadian rhythm.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[C]

My rhythm's been fucking.

[A]

Which got a little out of whack a few a few weeks ago.

[C]

Yeah, my sleep's been nuts, dude. I've been doing that thing where like, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and not know whether I was just sleeping or I've been awake the whole time.

[A]

I don't know what that means. Let's back that up. Say that again. I like, you had issues.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'll wake up in the middle of the night, I think, but then I won't be able to tell, like whether I was just sleeping or not or whether I just.

[A]

Or up all night. I kind of know what you mean.

[C]

Lying in bed.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Like, I didn't really dream. I had like a bunch of. I was like thinking. And then it got sloppy and now I'm back to yes.

[A]

I know exactly what you're talking about. That is. So was I asleep?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

That's what you're saying.

[C]

Cuz you're. The first thing you do is you go, oh, fuck. What the fuck time is it? And you're like, it's three. And it's like, but did I sleep? I think that with the Lights on?

[A]

No.

[C]

No.

[B]

And you're. And your shoes and jeans on. What the heck? My laptop was wet. Was I at the mall?

[A]

Were you drinking that night?

[C]

No. No. I think that's the problem.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

A couple of. Couple of brown cocktails to shut the machine down. I have that too though. I. With the, with my sleepy and wong. It's like I don't think I've ever slept through the night. I don't think ever. What?

[A]

No dude, I have been.

[C]

I have. But it's a rare. It's like. It's like shooting the moon.

[B]

The one, the one time. I remember when I first started taking cbd. I don't know if it was like cbd.

[A]

Taking that cbd.

[B]

They're taking the cbd.

[A]

They're all jacked up on cbd. There's too many.

[B]

I thought I pushed it. You still. Everybody gave me the courtesy left. Thank you. I don't know if it was like psychosomatic or water. I was just so anxious that that did take a little bit of the edge off and I was able to be like whoa. But that was the first time I started sleeping through the night and I kind of want to go back. I kind of want to start doing taken again.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But my sleep is like dude, I'm like an old fucking detective.

[A]

When you say sleeping through the night, what do you mean? You're waking up.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

And you're waking up for extended periods of time.

[B]

Some.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like 10 minutes.

[B]

10 minutes. Sometimes an hour.

[A]

Yeah. Do you like go back on your phone? Is he up that long?

[B]

If I know I'm gonna be up, I go, I just gotta do this just. Cuz I'm laying here and it's not. I'm not going down.

[C]

Run through the checklist.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

Try to jack off.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

See if that does it, you know. You know, stir the tanks.

[B]

There's been times where like I'm laying there, be like I'm not gonna go

[A]

downstairs, start the car,

[B]

get a cup of coffee.

[C]

I did that. I did that the other night. Yeah.

[A]

What? Start the car.

[C]

Yeah, I went down. I couldn't sleep. This is two nights ago. I couldn't sleep. I like I woke up, same thing. Couldn't tell whether I was actually slept or not. But I was wide awake. Went down, just pounded a bunch of spaghetti. Oh that'll do that and then that'll do right down.

[A]

Spaghetti that was already made cold in the fridge.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. It didn't heat it up.

[B]

There's a certain like like, great. It feels like medicinal because you're like, you know, you're like. And then it just click.

[C]

Cold lasagna.

[A]

We've you told us this the first episode. We have been fascinated with it ever since. And cold spaghetti.

[B]

But don't you leave it in the oven or something?

[A]

The lasagna?

[B]

Lasagna in the oven. Don't you do something like that?

[C]

I leave it in the fridge.

[A]

No, but your mom, when your mom makes it, she leaves it in the oven like overnight or something, right? There was something about the oven.

[C]

Yes. You make it the night before and then let it sit to congeal.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Does that with cake too.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Whole family.

[A]

Weird. But I had the cold.

[C]

You got a system.

[A]

I had the cold lasagna maybe five weeks ago. My sister in law who makes a banging lasagna had brought some over for my mom and it was in the fridge and it was cold and I was like, yeah, it's time to prove o' Connor's theory. And I concur.

[C]

Delicious. So good. Yeah, you heat it up, you know.

[B]

Well, that's.

[C]

As you're eating it, you're heating it. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Oh, that's a weird way to put it. Oh my God, that's so strange.

[A]

Dude, it's your stomach is the micro.

[B]

We gotta wrap it up. This guy's. I'm never gonna look at you the same, dude. I'm never gonna be able to eat again.

[A]

Thinking I'll be like, you're eating it up. That's.

[C]

I always fought people because they were like, don't drink cold water. You know, and it's like it's getting heated by the time it gets into the.

[B]

What do you mean you always fought people on that?

[C]

Because I liked when I like we playing sports and stuff like that. They would be like, you gotta have room temperature.

[A]

Get the fuck out of here. I'm drinking warm temperature Gatorade in the middle of a goddamn game. Fuck you.

[C]

You gotta have ice cold.

[A]

Ice cold.

[C]

And I'll heat it up. There's no way. When it gets to my stomach, it's still cold.

[B]

I'm 98.6. And sometimes I run hot.

[A]

That water's got to be at least 45, 46 degrees.

[C]

Body temps 100.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Sending it down like a heat tube. I was like, it's the same principle as an ice luge, just in reverse. Yeah, you pour like warm vodka down an ice luge.

[A]

Very good.

[C]

It's cold by the time it gets to the bottom, isn't that happening with the cold water into my stomach.

[B]

I don't hate it again, Coach.

[A]

You know what I'm talking about. That's pretty good. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Chris O'. Connor. Crazy Chris.

[B]

OK. OK. Plug away, buddy. Do you have any. Do you have any dates coming up?

[C]

You want to plug? Go to the worst website of all time, achrisoconnor.com Everyone hates that. It's a C H R I S O C O N N O R. Everyone hates it. Never said it once to someone, had them go, that's clever.

[B]

Why you change it?

[A]

That sounds like a Chris o'. Connor. Yeah, like you're a.

[C]

Cause everyone was doing like. Like, you know, they're like Gmail accounts and would be like, Chris O', Connor, 75 or something like that. So I was like, no, I'm just a. Like I'm one of many.

[A]

Just another Chris. I remember.

[B]

I remember having this conversation with him at the Raven Lounge. I know, over, like the Pac man machine. And it's. I swear to God, like right in the. The first part of the back bar, like downstairs.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

And he's going like, well, you were

[A]

gonna start the email.

[C]

Well, I just.

[B]

He just did it.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

He's like, yeah, I'm just a Chris o'. Connor. I was like, yeah, whatever, dude. Are you a microwave? Because you're freaking me out.

[A]

That's how long we've been boys.

[C]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, still stinks, but yeah.

[C]

I'm going on tour. I'm going to as many places as I possibly can. Gonna be in Alabama. When does this come out?

[B]

Probably the week. Next week.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, this weekend. And then I'm going to Tempe, Arizona.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Going to Baltimore. Going very nice in Seattle. Portland.

[B]

He's working, baby. Working the road.

[A]

Really hitting the road.

[C]

I'm going.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Everywhere I possibly can.

[A]

I like that.

[C]

So keep a lookout for that. Please come. It'll be fun.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

You love it. Yeah. Listen to Stuff Island.

[C]

Yeah, Stuff Island.

[A]

Watch out for tires.

[C]

Yeah, tires. Coming out sometime in the assume late summer, early fall.

[A]

Very nice.

[C]

Depending on how quickly they can turn that thing around.

[A]

Love it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Kibby, what do you got for them?

[B]

Guys? We're on the road right now. Get your tickets to the Netflix's joke festival out there. We're at there.

[C]

Be at that too. May 7, I'm going to be the Hollywood Improv.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

May 7, go see him. And then May 9, come see the boys. We love you. And we'll see you out there.

[A]

Love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.