Matt McCusker Returns!

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Episode: Matt McCusker Returns!
Date: March 16, 2026
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Matt McCusker

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Episode Overview

This episode welcomes back comedian Matt McCusker—co-host of "Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast" and long-standing friend of the show—for an in-person deep dive into his upbringing and present-day habits. Foley and Ryan, alongside McCusker, dig into trashy Delco roots, stories of family chaos, teenage grifts, rural mischief, and new levels of adulting (with plenty of garbage still in the mix). The tone is fast, irreverent, and loaded with Philly energy, punctuated by great group chemistry and signature “Are You Garbage?” questions.

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Main Themes

• Growing up in a chaotic, trashy but loving Delco/Philly family
• The fine art of teenage grifting and low-level scams
• Blue-collar upbringings and odd jobs
• Family dynamics, wild cousin games, and rural mischief
• How Matt has (and hasn’t) changed since the early days
• The sometimes blurred line between success and old habits

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Episode Highlights & Key Discussion Points

Reintroducing the "Prince of Trash" (00:55–04:40)

• Matt’s history as an early guest over Zoom, now returned in person.
• Foley recalls dropping Matt off at his semi-abandoned West Philly block, highlighting Philly’s unique mix of vacant lots, row homes, and odd neighbors.
• “[After that] your shadow was on the other building, and then you just disappeared…like Batman, but trashy.” — H. Foley (01:45)

Wild Neighborhood Memories (02:10–04:36)

• Matt shares about living on a half-demolished block with just a handful of neighbors, including a mother-daughter sex work duo operating from a Ford Explorer.
• Anecdote about buying a house via handshake for $27k, then selling it as-is (with a tree in the basement) for $55k, then watched it become Section 8.

First Jobs & Teenage Grifting (05:08–10:41)

• First job: Brewster’s Ice Cream on Route 202.
• “If the boss was nice, I wouldn’t steal. If the boss was not nice, I was like, this is my enemy. I’m going to try to destroy your business.” — Matt McCusker (07:05)
• Matt describes clever theft using “free baby cone” register function to pop the cash drawer.
• Also ran grifts at a Concord Mall candy stand, and had family members with legendary Wawa “paid stamp” scams.
• “That’s like a stolen gun. That’s like a gun without a serial number, dude.” — Kevin Ryan (10:32)

Family & Childhood Chaos (12:15–17:22)

• Grew up with 16 cousins on a “compound”; wild games included rolling each other downhill in truck tires, lots of dirt-bike accidents, and gauntlets of older cousins pelting them with balls.
• “They’d just put me in a truck tire and roll me down the septic mountain.” — Matt McCusker (15:38)
• Two cousins hospitalized same day from dirt bike injuries.
• “Did someone—no one died?” “No! That’s what I think about. Like, no, that’s wild.” — Foley & Matt (17:04)

Delinquency in Suburbia (20:36–23:16)

• Cousins would roam new housing developments, mess with model homes (including one cousin defecating in a no-water toilet).
• Caulking bulldozer keyholes shut, smashing caulk onto basement walls, and generally antagonizing construction workers.
• “We used to wait for them [builders] to wrap up and then just bomb down the hill on our bikes, total mayhem.” — Kevin Ryan (22:06)
• Matt reflects on how bad mischief must have been for the laborers.

More Family Lore: Jobs, Trash, and the Law (24:32–35:46)

• Most cousins got summer jobs at Wawa, one infamously wore a tucked-in Metallica T-shirt to his interview (“looks like he’s going to a court hearing”), and sliced himself badly on the meat slicer.
• Local fame: One cousin on the news for bragging, “My dad gets me toys out of the trash all the time.” (29:43)
• Family business in trash hauling led to tales of hospital dumpsters full of “guns with bodies on them.”
• Family members representing themselves in court—one uncle beats a Geico lawyer for a car accident by acting like Cousin Vinny.
• “How do you like losing to a truck driver? Slicked back ginball, college boy!” — Matt’s uncle (35:38)

Adulting, Self-Control, and Domestic Life (41:30–64:48)

• Matt describes owning 3–4 suits (and a tux), thanks to his wife keeping him “quarterbacked” for events (42:10).
• Loves grocery shopping, used to scam at the self-checkout, figured he could claim, “I haven’t been trained to operate this piece of machinery” if caught (44:12, 45:09).
• “All I have to say is, how do you know I know how to use that thing?” — Matt (45:28)
• Cooking at home: Mix of meal prep services, and hiring a cook.
• Bought a house in Austin, started mowing his own lawn, but quickly hired a lawn service instead. (49:24)
• Drinks “like, six liters of Mountain Valley water a day,” splurges on fancy water from Sprouts/Whole Foods.
• Discusses disciplined diet (gluten-free), even when cutting loose: “Even your wheels are off—gluten free pizza.” (54:26)
• Family finances: His wife handles everything, inspired by the idea that samurais never touched money. “I’m like a Chinese citizen. Everything’s tracked, everything’s surveilled. Keeps me honest.” (64:09)

Travel & “Garbage” Habits (51:31–56:47)

• Flies up front for work, brings bags of grilled chicken (with seasoning) in a plastic bag to eat on planes, despite wife’s embarrassment.
• Requests hotel room changes for mold, notices which hotels offer memory foam pillows (pro tip).
• Rides an efficient CRV, but imagines decking it out “like a Jeep…into an amphibious vehicle.” (67:09–68:08)

Notable Quick Hits

• Takes leftovers home, but rarely sends food back unless truly cross-contaminated (61:00)
• If attending a wedding: “Usually it’s a thousand bucks” cash or Venmo—handled by his wife. (62:04)
• Rarely dances at weddings anymore: “Something about getting older…I just feel ridiculous when I dance.” (65:09)
• Karaoke go-to: “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers (65:57)
• Both he and wife prefer CRVs, but she wants a bigger car for carpooling soon.
• Has hauled a mattress on top of his car solo—recently.

Quintessential Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If the boss was nice, I wouldn’t steal. If the boss was not nice, I was like, this is my enemy.” — Matt (07:05)
• “They’d just put me in a truck tire and roll me down the septic mountain.” — Matt (15:38)
• “That’s like a stolen gun…that’s like a gun without a serial number, dude.” — Kevin (10:32)
• “I hadn’t been trained to operate this piece of machinery.” — Matt (45:10, on self-checkout)
• “I’m like a Chinese citizen. Everything’s tracked, everything’s surveilled. Keeps me honest.” — Matt (64:09)
• “I’m gonna deck the CRV out…matte paint, spray floors, amphibious vehicle.” — Matt (67:44)
• “He’s 100% trash, but he’s striving.” — H. Foley (71:52)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:55–04:36 — Reintroducing Matt, West Philly stories, house purchase/sell
• 05:08–10:41 — First jobs, Brewster’s grift, candy stand, Wawa “paid” scam
• 12:15–17:22 — Compound chaos, dangerous cousin games, cousin injuries
• 20:36–23:16 — Suburban mischief, new house developments, caulk/bulldozer pranks
• 24:32–35:46 — More job grifts, fame, court stories
• 41:30–64:48 — Suits, grocery shopping, self-checkout, domestic life, finances
• 51:31–56:47 — Travel habits, airplane chicken, hotel preferences, memory foam pillows
• 62:04 — Wedding gifts and etiquette (“usually a thousand bucks”)
• 65:09 — On dancing at weddings (“less and less”)
• 67:09–68:08 — Current car life, plans to deck out CRV
• 71:00 — Hauling a mattress solo atop his car

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Final Verdict

Matt McCusker: 100% Trash, Philly Edition—But Striving.
Foley and Ryan crown him elite garbage royalty, but also “striving”—having made significant strides in adult life, even as the ghosts of trashy habits and blue-collar improvisation remain strong. The result is a uniquely warm, hilarious, and real portrait of “successful garbage.”

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For Fans & New Listeners

• Perfect episode for those who love stories of wild Philly suburb childhoods, family chaos, blue-collar hustles, and candid talk about how some things never change.
• Full of practical life hacks, trashy wisdom, and lovable lawlessness—a must-listen for fans of both AYG and Matt & Shane’s Secret Podcast.

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“He’s 100% trash, but he’s striving. Got the Mountain Valley. Six of those a day. Six a day. What do you mean? He’s trying!” — H. Foley (71:54)

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Transcript

[A]

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that at the group to be classy. Just a big old piece of trash.

[C]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here in Austin, Texas. And Tootie, unfortunately, we left at the house in Philly, and it's a bit of a problem. Neighbors are calling. There's stuff on the front lawn. There's fireworks going off. It's got to be a whole scene when we get back. She's going to be grinding for about two weeks when we get home.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Mike Co is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of. Are you Garbage? International businessman. Real big shot. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan.

[C]

What up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Make sure you rate you. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available on Spotify and obviously the greatest website of all time. Don't have to tell anybody in this room. Www.patreon.com. you go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.

[A]

Love that money, gang. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest. He's back with us again today. He did one of our earliest episodes over Zoom, one of our oldest friends in comedy Netflix special, the other half of Matt and Shane's secret podcast, also known as the Shaman, and a hell of a hell of a talent on the recorder. Give it up for Mr. Matt McCusker, everybody.

[B]

Man, thank you. Thank you, bro. Appreciate it.

[C]

Thanks for coming, buddy.

[B]

That was great. That was during the pandemic when I did the episode.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was in my basement.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you were dubbed the. You were very early on dubbed the Prince of Trash.

[B]

I appreciate that. And I.

[C]

You know, there's very few people who have yet to, like, really overcome that, like, Delco, suburban Philadelphia area Trash.

[A]

My oldest memory of you, and I don't know why it always sticks out of my head. I think it sticks out of my head because of the way your shadow was on this building. But me and Cotton dropped you off one night at home, and I don't know where the fuck you lived, but you walked through, like, a vacant lot that had, like, a light on it. And as you walked into the darkness, your shadow was on the other building. And then you just disappeared. That was the only time we ever took you home.

[B]

Really remember that Yeah, I was just talking about you guys recently. Just like, when I burned out neighborhood, it was 30. My house on 37th and Melon Street. It was in West Philly, and there was only, like. It was. All the row homes had been demolished, so there was like.

[C]

Sounds like a nice part of.

[B]

There's three standalone row homes sitting on the street.

[C]

I feel it's a very Philly thing where it's like the block will be completely vacant. Like, that doesn't happen in New York where, like, there's just one loan. It's like an old. It's like the only two.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Left in the mouth.

[B]

Exactly what it was. There was two people on my side of the street and two people on the other side of the street, and it was just an old lady across from me. There was an active prostitute to my right and. And then her daughter. Eventually. Well, she was old enough too, to enter the. Enter the trade as well, so. Oh, they were like, kind of biz. Yeah, there were. Well, there was like a white Ford Explorer, the box style, parked in that vacant lot, and her. Her daughter, when she moved in, set up shop in the Ford Explorer. So. Lady would be blowing dudes out the back door, and her daughter would be working the Ford Explorer and just be rocking. It was crazy.

[A]

Kind of like a food truck, which.

[B]

My brother had a food truck which we parked right there. Yeah.

[A]

Food truck.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What kind of food truck?

[B]

It was Honest Tom's Taco Shop. So he just had just. He just did, like, breakfast tacos.

[A]

That's the brother that. That's Billy?

[B]

No, it's Tom. Billy's my younger brother. Tom is one of my two older brothers.

[A]

That's what I can ever figure out.

[B]

Yeah, I couldn't.

[A]

Sorry. I couldn't put Billy's face in a taco truck.

[B]

No, he. You know, he's not. That was like my. When I graduated from college, me and my brother bought that house off of an Irish immigrant who. Handshake deal. He goes, guys, I want. I think it was. Gives 27,000 bucks, zero percent interest. You can pay me 500 bucks a month. Once it's. Once it's paid, I'll give you the deed. And we just shook on it.

[A]

And.

[B]

And he was. You know, he did. He did his end of the deal.

[A]

We've always been pretty sharp with that kind of stuff. Like, instead of renting, you bought it.

[C]

Yeah, I know, but that doesn't seem very sharp. I'm just gonna blindly give this guy cash every month. And then.

[A]

It was a gentleman's While it's in the underworld. But sure, yeah.

[C]

He can walk in both south right in the darkness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That wasn't signing contracts. So that was just. That was all we do, a firm handshake.

[A]

And did you guys eventually get the deed and all that stuff?

[B]

Yeah, we got it. We got it.

[A]

Did you guys then sell that place?

[B]

We sold it to two New York investors. There was a tree growing in through the basement. And I was just like. They were like, yeah, we're thinking of this and that. And I was like, yeah, man, for sure. And then they. I was like as is, you know, I was like, I don't know about this stuff. And then they, they bought it for like 55 grand.

[A]

No shits. He made. Made a profit off of it.

[B]

Yep. And then they.

[A]

Kids good with money.

[B]

Then they came in later, we doubled up and then they came in later and just section. The whole thing's all section eight.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

So, yeah, so those New York investors are like perfect.

[C]

Perfect.

[A]

So it was so long ago that we had you on. Obviously you're trash. We're all trash here. There's, there's, there's all murderers in this room. Um, but we

[B]

know that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah, it does make sense. So we wanted to run back through some of the questions that we didn't get to that, that we didn't have yet. Just about the childhood. Then we'll find out how you're living today, obviously, for sure.

[C]

What was the first job? Your first actual job?

[B]

Oh, like working for like a company? Yeah.

[C]

I assume you worked for some.

[B]

Yeah, my dad.

[C]

One of your family members?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the first job I applied for a job, I think it was Brewster's Ice Cream.

[A]

Brewster's.

[B]

Brewster's Ice Cream. I think I'm, I've. I think that was the first one.

[A]

Where's that? Where's Brewsters?

[B]

It was on 202. It was only Route 202. Right near where like Pennsylvania hits Delaware.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So like you know, back it was like the Concord Mall was right there. And if you keep going up from Delaware into Pennsylvania, there was just like right on the side of a two lane highway.

[A]

I think I know what you're talking. Is there a hot dog thing? Hot dog place on the, on the right side.

[C]

That's just North Star.

[B]

No, no, there was. There's a Wawa. And then you keep going and it's just like there's, there's a nail salon called a Nails. Sort of makes me laugh every time a Nails. And then there's Birds and the Bees was like a classic, like, lingerie kind of.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Adult. And then it was just ice cream. Right.

[A]

My mom used to run a lingerie shop called the Butterfly.

[B]

What?

[C]

You seem to be over it, but,

[B]

yeah, that was the first. I had a lot of, like, weird, odd jobs where I would, like, work, but that was the first job application.

[A]

Did you get the gig? Did you get the job?

[B]

I got the job.

[A]

How old are you when you got it?

[B]

I think I was. I was old enough to drive, so I was probably, like, 16.

[A]

Okay. Summer job?

[B]

Yeah, no, it was during the school year.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I would work at night time selling ice cream. Selling ice cream.

[A]

Had to be slow in the winter, dude.

[B]

So this was the very they. The year I worked here. The year I worked there was the first winter there. It was like a gamble. They're like, we're going to stay open all winter.

[C]

It was like, we got Husker on board. It seems like he's got moxie. Can do it. He can do it, dude.

[B]

Global warming is real, man. It was unheard of. And they. And they were like. I remember them like, they took all the employees in. They're like, we're going to do something crazy. They act. Try to act like they're founding Facebook. They're like, we're about to disrupt the ice cream industry.

[A]

We're going to do something nuts, Hot ice cream.

[C]

I think I'm just crazy enough to do it.

[B]

But, yeah, no, I actually. So I never filled out a W9 when I worked at that place because I was just stealing money from the cash register the entire time. Again, the underworld, if you hit. Well, I. My. My thing with teenage jobs was if the boss was nice, I wouldn't steal. If the boss was not nice, I was like, this is my enemy. I'm going to try to destroy your business code. Yeah, I had a code. And they. I mean, dude, it was on them because, like, the way they did it was on their cash register. If there was a baby, you could do free baby cone and hit it and would zero the order out or like it, like, zero out. Like, it wouldn't do anything. But you could pop the drawer by hitting free baby cone. So if anything fell on an even number, no change. Like exactly 20, exactly 10. I would get that 20, hit free baby cone. So it would look like on a camera, it looked like I was ringing it up and the thing would pop out and I would act like I was putting it in, crumple the bill in my hand and then put it in my pocket later.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

I did that.

[C]

That's pretty advanced.

[A]

What are we talking about? You're walking out of there with it's like, 50.

[B]

I had, like, gas money. Yeah. I had. Maybe I might make, like, a hundred and, you know, 100 something a week off of that.

[A]

Yeah, okay, that's pretty. That's a nice little grift. You're not getting greedy.

[B]

I wasn't. It wasn't. I wasn't crazy. And it was. You know, it was like, when the opportunity would strike, I would go, nice. Because I didn't like the manager, right? Because the manager came in. It was actually. She was completely right, but she was

[C]

like, you're stealing from us.

[B]

I got hired. I got hired a day before her. So she came in and started bossing me around. And I was like, yo, technically, I've been here longer than you. I don't have to listen to you. And, yeah, so we were at odds the entire time, so. But, yeah, I don't know why I like that place, but I definitely. I mean, I feel bad now, but I definitely. As a child. And then I finally filled out the W9 and got my paychecks and was

[C]

like, yeah, but you weren't collecting paychecks.

[B]

No, I worked there for, like, a month and a half and didn't collect a paycheck.

[A]

They must have known you were stealing. Hey, do you need that W9 now? I'm cool.

[B]

I remember my mom. My mom brought to my attention. She's like, you got to fill this out. You're not gonna get paid. And I was like, I will. And she was just kind of like, okay, like, mom, I'm getting paid.

[C]

That's like, every dirtbag figures that out early on of, like, how it takes them, like, four days to go to find the what? The angle, the cracks in the wall and go, oh, I got this place dead, though.

[B]

No, I had a candy. I worked at a candy stand in the Concord Mall. Same thing. You had to manually put in the price. I just started taxing everything. Like 50, basically. If it was 10 bucks worth of candy, I rang up 5, pocketed the other half.

[A]

Tariffs got him bad.

[B]

I was bad. I was tariffing hard. So I was. I was a bad employee as a child. And again, it was off the boss, if I. Like the boss. Straight as an arrow if I. The boss gave me an attitude. I was like, all right, man. Well, let's see what's up then.

[A]

I remember Devin. They were doing. They had some card that was. It was like, a gift Card. But you could. You had it to swipe. Like, you were able to give people, like, if it was their birthday, give some. Give them something off. Man, that got through the fucking. The perkaden. Holy shit.

[B]

My. My cousin might have had the all time. So he worked at Wawa, and I won't say which cousin, but one of them worked at Wawa and he got that. You know the hoagie. When you get a hoagie, and it would be a paid stamp. He took the stamp. So he was giving it out to us. We could stamp our own hoagie things. Dude, it was. That was huge. I don't think I paid for lunch one summer, like, the whole summer.

[C]

That would do. When it was. It was. When it was just analog like that. It was like, you gotta sound like, I won't even show you the slip.

[B]

Half the time. They didn't check. Yeah, but the paid stamp, you were bulletproof. You'd be like, here you go, let's get that. Because you would order it, they would make it. You would pay, supposedly. And yeah, just come back and there'd be a sandwich. You'd be like, sweet.

[A]

In the realm of the Philadelphia underworld, that has to be a hot commodity.

[C]

Dude, that's like a stolen gun. That's like a gun without a serial number. Dude, that thing is.

[B]

It's hard to even explain the significance, but it was pretty much like a counterfeit money machine for.

[C]

I'm gonna go home and be like, my friends, Matt, his cousin stole one at one. Like, I would be telling that story that I know a guy who knows a guy who had a paid sticker.

[A]

What was the first concert that you went to?

[B]

First concert I went to was. I think. Oh, it was. It was Red Hot Chili Peppers.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

That's not bad.

[B]

Red Hot Chili Peppers, huh? Very. At the Tweeter Center.

[A]

Who'd you go with?

[B]

Just, like, two of my friends.

[A]

Okay, so you were of age. You were 16.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You had the Brewsters money on you.

[B]

Might have that Brewster's change on me. I forget exactly when that was, but we definitely. That was the first one.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[C]

That's a great one.

[A]

Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yeah, not bad.

[C]

What was the first car?

[B]

First car was. So my dad collected classic cars, like old muscle cars. So the first car I drove is a 72. Lemons.

[A]

No.

[B]

I don't know why he let me. It wasn't even fuel injected. I just sit out in the morning and like, punch the gas to get the. Like to turn over and Then I would go and pick my cousin up and we would head to school together. And I like, crashed into my. My uncle's car, like, early in the morning, so I didn't defrost the windshield. And I was kind of like doing it. Dumb and dumber.

[A]

How long did you see you rolling around in a muscle car?

[B]

Dude, it was so fast.

[A]

That's pretty sick.

[B]

It was pretty awesome. It was an old muscle, and I could like, at a green light, hit the gas and it would just be like, I don't know why he gave it. I don't know why.

[C]

Insane.

[B]

He was like, you can drive this. And I was like, all right. Sick. So I just like, you can drive

[C]

one of the sickest cars ever.

[B]

It was pretty tight. It was like a tan 72 Le Mans.

[A]

Pretty sick, but also pretty trashy. You ever see the kid that. The muscle car that pulled into the parking lot?

[C]

Yeah, man.

[B]

Dad, I wasn't even a gearhead like that. I was just like, okay, cool, thanks, man.

[C]

Kids that were into cars, like, before they had cars. I'm like, dude, your dad hit you at some point?

[B]

Yeah, the gearheads, it was usually like, gearhead, slash the speaker head. The guys would have the big 12s and 10s in the back, and they would sweat the Le Mans. And I'd always be like, whatever, man, whatever.

[C]

This is just my beater.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I'm gonna go hit Wawa later.

[B]

This is my point A to point B. It is funny though, to like have an ice cream shop and you see like a 16 year old kid roll

[C]

up, pull down a $90,000 car.

[B]

This kid's definitely stealing from here. No.

[C]

W9 haven't collected a paycheck yet.

[A]

Some hot chicken, some 23 year old in a flight attendant costume gets in your car. You pull away. What's up, babe?

[B]

I. I literally pulled up like a meth dealer. Who the is this guy?

[C]

16 year old getting a muscle car pulled up to his ice cream job is crazy. That's crazy work.

[B]

I used to not wash because they were like, you got to wash your. I had a white sweatsuit for Brewsters. Like, you got to wash it every day. And I was like, dude, we're not even like working that hard. I don't need to wash this, but the ice cream would, like, spoil. So I stunk so bad, man. I just had ice cream drops that would just sit there in my car for like a week.

[A]

I was bad with the washing of the uniform as well.

[B]

Yeah, horrible.

[C]

That's my. My favorite and least favorite Kind of waiter is the guy who comes up to your table with, like, four weeks of stains on insurance. What can I get for you? You're like, dude, just go. Just go get a second shirt, bro.

[A]

Hair's all greasy, eyes are bloodshot. What can we get for you?

[B]

Yeah, first. First job, first car.

[C]

Do you remember what you got on your SATs?

[B]

Pretty sharp, Guy. 11:30.

[A]

No.

[C]

Very good.

[B]

Oh, the old SATs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now that's like.

[C]

Well, it's back to that.

[B]

Is it really?

[C]

Went to 2400 and then back. Now it's. They. They've abandoned that. It's back at 1600.

[B]

That's good.

[C]

That.

[B]

That new stuff is crazy. It was, like, completely verbal, and they had the. Yeah, they had the essay portion, which.

[C]

How do you read that?

[A]

Sorry. Is that what they. What happened? There was an essay portion?

[B]

Yeah, they try to, like, equalize it. We're like, well, if you write a nice letter, we'll give you 900 points. But the. My math was, like, abysmal. Like, forest Gump level, like, bad, and put it nicely in the. But my verbal was super high, so my SATs were, like, crazy lopsided.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

But I got the 1130.

[A]

I never would have got.

[B]

Took them once, too.

[C]

Yeah, me too. It was 11:40, and I was, like. It was like, dead on. It was like 6:10, and 5:30 or something like that. It was like.

[B]

Mine were like seven something and like four. It was so bad.

[A]

If I would have had to write out an essay, it would have been brutal. I literally just sped through it. We had a football game that night, and I took acid that night. Oh, I was hurting.

[B]

What'd you get?

[A]

870.

[C]

Talk about Gump, huh?

[B]

Just go after a night of acid all night, I think, in 870. That's if you should explain that if you ever had a job interview, President actually be like, I had a 70 miles on acid all night. I'd be like, damn, that's crazy, bro.

[A]

Gumping's all right. Dude's gumping hard. Crashing the boat into the dock.

[C]

You jump off the boat.

[A]

Holy.

[C]

All right.

[A]

You guys have a slip and slide growing up?

[B]

Yeah. We had to have had one at some point.

[A]

You guys are kind of in the woods a little bit out out in the country.

[C]

Got a compound of.

[B]

Yeah, we had a. Me and all my cousins, my. There were six of us and ten of my cousins. They used to do a thing where they'd put me in giant truck tire and roll me down the septic mountain. So you would just Kind of get in there like a little homunculus. You would just sit in there and they would just kick you down and put up another tire and you'd hit it and ramp off that one. That was the first time I got the wind knocked out of me because I landed upside down and just was like, I thought I was dying. I was like a little. I was like a little boy. I was just like, I thought I was going to die. I was like, I think I broke my neck and I'm dying and that

[A]

can literally kill you. That's crazy.

[C]

Did any of you guys get severely injured in any of your.

[B]

Yeah, two of my cousins went to the hospital on the same day for dirt bike accidents. On the same dirt bike? Really? Yeah.

[C]

How many of them's car or whatever? Like multiple people die in the same.

[B]

No, literally one. One. My one cousin went in the morning because it fell on him and it burned his thigh. And then the. My other cousin later on that day tried to ramp like a. Like a little hill and the break caught his mouth as he was coming down. Just ripped his lip open.

[A]

Jesus.

[C]

I had that with a buddy. He just was like trying like a bar spin on a bike or something and fell the whole handle went through it. Oh, cheek still, like, got a sweet scar now.

[B]

That is kind of sick.

[C]

Yeah, it looks like a Nike swoosh.

[A]

I twisted my kneel across camp once.

[C]

Whoa. Yeah, I was on acid.

[A]

How many cousins were there on the. On the compound?

[B]

Sixteen, including myself.

[A]

Sixteen kids.

[B]

There was 10 kids in my cousin's family and six in my family.

[C]

And no one did someone. No one died?

[B]

No. That's what I think about. I was like, no, that's wild.

[A]

Not all boys, right?

[B]

No, it was like, I would say 60, 40, so.

[A]

But you guys all were around somewhat around the same age. Let's see, within a 10 year age difference.

[B]

Yeah. And we all had corresponding cousins. So, like, my brother Kevin had a cousin Jack who was his age. My brother Tom had Steve his age. I'm Matt. My cousin Pat was my age. And there's a couple oddballs that were like a year or so off.

[A]

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[C]

The fact of fact.

[A]

Kevin, I said I want to talk about factor.

[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Yeah, I fell in love with their shredded chicken Taco Bell, Taco bowl way before they were a sponsor. I found out they're way past that now.

[A]

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[C]

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[B]

Do it.

[A]

Yeah, kid. What do you know about Rocket Money?

[C]

Oh, I know everything about Rocket Money. I love rocket Money.

[A]

Well, let me tell the good people that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find the cancer. Your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Grow your savings. You got some subscription that you don't know about? Bang. Rocket takes care of it. They'll let you know what you're spending, where you're spending it to give you a good, good grasp on where your money's going.

[C]

Yeah. I can show you how you can set budgets and goals. You get personalized insights and regular reports and you receive real time alerts, which I do. I get everything now. All I use rock money. It's like my dashboard. I go there, I go. What's coming up this week? What went out last week? What do we got going on? Oh, shit, I forgot about that. I got a move a little too tree thing over here. Pay for that bill. It's fantastic. It lets you one obviously lets you cancel your. Your Unwanted subscriptions. It can even help you in the app if that's the case. I had that where I signed up for some stupid streaming thing that was like for a fight in Ukraine or something like that. And they were able to bing bap boom being skate off. But on top of that, it tells you. You get the email, hey, you spent this much last week. You spent this much last month. You got these coming up and lets you just let you quarterback when it's

[A]

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[C]

Listen, we all make bad monetary decisions. This with the more information, you can make better decisions. And that's what Rocket Money does for me. That's all I can say. That's what it does for me. So you let my let rock. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com Garbage that's RocketMoney.com Garbage RocketMoney.com Garbage do it away.

[A]

So that was every day in the summer when you were a kid. Everybody was there. That was probably pretty awesome.

[B]

It was so fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they built like a new like. Because we were like. It was kind of rural. We moved out there. And then they built all these new, like neighborhoods and developments. So we would just go through those houses.

[C]

That's one of my favorite things.

[B]

Awesome. Just them up.

[C]

Finding a toll brothers. Yeah.

[B]

Literally exactly what it was like, smashing. We went to the model home. They had like a little realtor lady sitting in there. We're like, you know, we're like like 15. We're like, we like to look at the model. I don't know why. They're like, yeah, come on in. That's crazy. My cousin in the toilet. But they didn't have water.

[A]

Wait, it was an actual woman or a cardboard.

[B]

It was a real. A realtor sat in there, like waiting for open houses.

[C]

Was it an actual woman or cardboard? I felt like, you are gumping hard, dude.

[B]

That's a real lady. They probably could get away with cardboard cutouts now.

[A]

Holy. She let you in?

[B]

Yeah. I don't know why.

[A]

Nuts.

[B]

I don't know why. She was like, yeah, guys, come on in. My cousin in the thing. And he was like, dude, there wasn't any water in the toilet.

[A]

Oh, she had to deal with that poor lady.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Little heathens trying to sell these houses, dude. We would sit there as they were setting windows. There's one kid from our neighborhood that was like the real bad kid. We'd be like, yo, you won't go throw a rock right at that window.

[A]

And they.

[B]

We'd Watch carpenters setting giant, like, bay windows. Yeah. He would just come out of the woods like, ah. Like, holy. He did it.

[C]

He's jumping off like a dirt.

[B]

It was so bad, dude.

[C]

We used to do the same thing. We would wait up on a tree line, right? Because they. They dug all the basements and made a huge mountain of dirt. So we would stand up there on our bikes and, like, look down in the valley and just like, we would wait for him to wrap up for the day and we would just bomb down this hill and up, like, up.

[B]

Well, you had no idea as a kid. You're like, also be so funny. But, like, that must have them up so bad.

[C]

We found a case of caulk and just smashed it all over a basement wall and then just started caulking things to the wall like people's toolbox did it. We were just looking back. It's such an. Dude, we coughed all the keyholes closed to the bulldozers.

[A]

Oh, my God, they caulked everything. That guy coming in, it was so bad.

[B]

It's so funny as a guy doing the bulldozer. Definitely blamed some minority in his head. He was like, these goddamn Puerto Ricans. I saw them earlier.

[C]

Meanwhile, there just white kids.

[A]

These are the kids we saw at Home Depot.

[B]

He saw a Puerto Rican guy like, nine miles away. He's like, I know it was him.

[C]

It's probably that guy.

[B]

Oh, that's so up, dude. The. And the bulldozer. So funny.

[C]

He stole the keys to them one time. Just a good time.

[A]

In days like that where you guys are all together, would like one mom make lunch for everybody, or everybody go home for lunch?

[B]

No, my mom would, like, wake us up at 8am and like, get out.

[A]

And that would be it.

[B]

Yeah, we. We would, like, walk along the side of 202. So we were just like, literally walk.

[A]

16 of you.

[B]

We would just walk. Well, we, like, broke up. My older brothers were just kind of like, you like. I would go out and try to find my cousin my age, because all the older brothers or cousins, if they saw you, they would just beat your ass.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

So, like, you were kind of like, looking around like, who's out here? They would just. They would play games with us where they'd be like, all right. Me and my cousin Matt and Pat, they're like, you guys. It was kind of like, you know, run the bases where you're like this, you run. They would play that. But all our older cousins just stand there with a gauntlet of like, footballs, basketballs, tennis, Balls and just peg us with while we ran back.

[C]

Dude, it was wild. What somebody four years older than you could convince you to do it isn't.

[B]

It was crazy.

[A]

And why they wanted to hurt you so bad?

[B]

No, dude, they used to play capture, like you know, kick the can. But it was like they would walk around with wiffle ball bats and if they found you, they would beat the out of you for wiffle ball bat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we would avoid them a lot. So it was like me and my cousin would kind of find our friends and we were just like hoof it up and down 202 and it's like going to like local businesses and like taking shits. We would ride bikes in the dick sports goods as fast as we could all around. It was fun.

[C]

Like this. The bikes that were in there, you

[B]

get them and just fly down the aisle as fast as you could.

[C]

Dude, I just met. I just picture all like the. The local proprietors seeing the McCuskers rolling into town and like boarding up the

[A]

windows, closing the storm doors, coming through.

[B]

It was. We would try to get jobs too. Like I was walking to an office building like, we have a job. And they'd be like, out of here. No, you can't have a job.

[C]

What do you guys do here? You hiring?

[A]

You got dirt on your face.

[B]

That was the thing. We would roam 202 and try to get jobs.

[C]

That's great.

[B]

Two of my cousins got in at Wawa that was like, damn, that's crazy. My cousin sliced himself on the meat slicer and they had a thing like accident free for like you know, 9,000 days. And he like severely cut his hand and just shot blood everywhere.

[A]

Scrap that.

[B]

I've talked to us before, but like. But he was an older cousin of ours and when he got this, he was like headed to Wawa to apply for a job and he had, he's like dressed in his finest. So he had a tucked in Metallica T shirt. We had a bucket of water and we threw water all over him when he was going in. As he was heading out, he had like a Ride to Lightning T shirt.

[C]

Dude, tucking in a Ride to Lightning T shirt. His fucking top tier insanity. What the man? I got an interview. It looks like he's going to a court hearing.

[B]

He picked up a metal baseball bat and threw it. He tried to like hit us with it. We're ducking to be like, holy. I forgot. That makes me laugh every time I think about it. Yeah, the decision.

[C]

I'm like, well, you know, I don't want to.

[B]

I don't want to appear.

[C]

I don't want to seem like I'm too overqualified for the job.

[A]

I don't want to appear desperate by these trips.

[B]

Big brown.

[A]

I want to know that I like to party.

[C]

If I show up in a suit, they're gonna think I'm not gonna hire me.

[B]

That was just his best. He was like, I love Metallica. It's my favorite shirt. I'm gonna duck it.

[C]

They rock, dude.

[B]

Go land the job.

[C]

From Whom the Bell Tolls.

[A]

He's yelling at the guy. Interview him because the shirt's inappropriate. Metallica. What are you talking about? This is very appropriate.

[B]

Yeah, I was. That was so fun. I always say, like, that growing up was genuinely. So far.

[A]

It was a good time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's sick.

[B]

Yeah, it was pretty like it.

[C]

Anybody. These are just someone got to check off the bot. Anybody in your family into taxidermy?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay. Pretty good. Anyone in your family ever sink a boat?

[B]

I'd have to. I don't know. I don't think so. They were big boaters. They did love boats.

[C]

Very nice.

[B]

I don't. I don't know any nice boats or,

[C]

like, you know, what world.

[B]

They had a Grady White for a while.

[C]

Very nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where'd you guys run it out of?

[B]

I think right out of, like, what was it? Not 10? Right around, like, the Wood Ridley Marina, wherever that was. Ok. So they would go there. No, one of my. So early. Early on, like, before my dad was born, like, his mom or grandmother dropped the baby in the school. I swear to God. Dead. What? What? Yeah. Oh, drown, like, fell off the boat that, like, died. So I don't have. I don't have any boat sinkings, but McCusker is the bottom of the zone. But Custer is down in Davy Joe's locker down in the. It was like the 50s, or not even the 50s. Would have been like the 30s or 40s. There's a McCusker baby down there in this Google.

[C]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't know him, but, yeah, it was crazy. I know. I heard about that growing up. No, I didn't hear about those adult. I was like, what the.

[A]

Who told you?

[B]

I. I feel like either. Like, one of my aunts told me maybe. I think they were like, oh, yeah, because you got real into, like, the genealogy stuff and like, she was, you know, big on one. Someone from everyone's family gets big in Ancestry.com. yeah.

[A]

That's when they tell you that, like, like, you know, it like, you know, oh, that's when that. When Baby Mary died. You're like, wait, what Baby Mary?

[B]

What the you talking about? But I found that out later. I was like, damn, that's up.

[A]

Damn, that's real up.

[C]

In the skook, there's always two sections of the. Someone will get into it and be like, oh, we want to test. And then like, the old guard is like, does not take well to the findings.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Like. And they were like, oh, we're 100% Irish. And it came back. There's like some French Canadian mother like, no, there's not. Yeah, like, they're like, okay, well, Thanksgiving is now ruined. Old school.

[A]

People know not to with that stuff. No, let sleeping dogs lie.

[B]

It can. It can mess up your whole thing. Yeah, my. My dad and his brothers were messing with one of their brothers and they told him they got it done. They were telling them they're Jewish. And he was like, I don't got that in me.

[C]

Maybe you three, but not me.

[A]

I don't got that in me. I got tested. That's.

[B]

He was acting like he was like, chicken. He's like, I don't have that. I don't have that.

[A]

Starts handing out money. Yeah, see, I'm cool. Anybody on the local news at all?

[B]

Yeah, so my. They did an article. My dad was in some article for tearing down. He threw down a building near where I was living in Mantra in West Philly. And my. So they all had, you know, we talked about before. They all had trash company.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

My little cousin got on the news one time, like early 90s. He was like a little kid, and it was around Christmas time, and they were like, dude, I'm a Cusker.

[C]

On the news.

[B]

Yeah, it was one of my mom's side. And they were like. They're like, what. What is something that, you know? Like, what is something that you like that your parents do around Christmas time? And he was like, my dad gets me toys out of the trash all the time. Because they would. They would go to like, take Best Buy. Like, they just throw away merchandise. It was actually. You weren't allowed to do it, but you could go through like, Radio Shacks trash back then and just take like, all kinds of cool. And he was like, I love. My dad gets me toys out of the trash. And everyone's like, oh, Jesus Christ.

[A]

Oh, hey, thanks, kid. We'll be right back.

[B]

That was a big joke. Everyone was laughing at my family. Like, one cousin got on the news and said that it. That's not A good look.

[A]

We're here with local little dirt ball. Is it? You're not. It's supposed to be illegal to take stuff out of those dumpsters, right?

[B]

But they were. They had a dumpster company, so they would be like, oh, we're gonna get Best Buys trash. So they would kind of be like, let's go. Yeah, pick up Best Buy and kind of. They would just rifle through it.

[A]

I never quit under, like, food and like that. I get. But why they throw out some like

[B]

that, I have no idea. Plus hospital trash. Hospital trash. Apparently, like, dudes will if they're going in, because their trash yard was in Chester. So, like, a guy would get, like, shot, but then he would dump his guns. And in the trash, though, they would get the dumpsters from the hospital. There'd be guns and all kinds.

[C]

That makes sense.

[B]

Yeah. So they'll get like, the hospital trash was good trash. Get some guns out of the trash.

[C]

Some guns with bodies on the trash.

[B]

Like. Yeah, shaved down guns. So, yeah, there was a lot of good trash floating around.

[C]

That's crazy. That makes sense. Sense.

[A]

Yeah. Damn. Oh, what was the pet situation growing up?

[B]

German shepherd one. Yeah. We always had one German shepherd at all times.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Gotta protect the compound.

[B]

Yeah. Going back as far as I can

[A]

remember, was he on. Were they off leashes? Like, allowed to roam around the whole property?

[B]

Our first art, when I was, like, really little and we lived in Havertown, we had, like, a pure, almost outside dog that, like, his name was Sharky. And if she would hop, if, like, she got off the leash, she was just tethered all day long. It's like a pole.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

And if she got off the leash, she would hop the fence and bite somebody.

[A]

No.

[B]

So she bit. Bit of mailman. She bit a jogger. She was biting. She was biting people.

[C]

Outdoor dog on a rope. And you're like, yeah, that's Sharky. Just don't get, like, throwing food at it and like that.

[A]

Did it have a dog? You have a dog house in the back where she was connected to.

[B]

I don't remember. Honestly. I left there when I was, like, five. But then all the. Once we moved, all of our other dogs would kind of just get the roam around.

[A]

But they stayed in the house.

[B]

No, they'll go outside. They. They would go. They would, like, go inside, outside.

[A]

Yeah. But they slept in the house at night.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure, for sure.

[A]

Because I remember our first dog. We had a. Had a. He had a dog house in the back. He was an outside Dog slayed outside. I just feel like you don't. You don't ever see that.

[B]

No, No. I feel like Sharkey probably came in sometimes. She had puppies eventually. I do remember that.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Yeah, it was cool.

[A]

She got out of the yard at least once, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She bit somebody good.

[C]

Who was the most famous person you met as a kid?

[A]

Could.

[C]

It could be like a local.

[B]

Oh, dude, it was. Who's the shortstop for the Phillies back in, like, the.

[A]

Jimmy Rollins.

[B]

No, it was like.

[C]

It would have been like 24.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Jimmy Rollins.

[B]

It was like. Like not. Not something stocked it. It was like something stalker. I met him at a grocery store and he was signing autographs and I was like, holy. I forget his name.

[A]

I can't think of who it is.

[C]

That was back then, too. Like, there would just be, like, the shortstop to the Phillies at a Genardi.

[B]

Yeah, that's literally. I met him at a Genardis.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It was the shortstop at Phillies at a Genardi's. And he would. My mom's like, you can get his autograph. And I was like, oh, my God. So sick.

[A]

Yeah. Randomly on a Saturday, just sign an autograph.

[B]

Yeah. Like Kevin Stalker or something.

[A]

Next to the deli meat, trying to make a couple of bucks. Was that your grocery store? Genardi's growing Artis.

[B]

Yeah. Respect it charities. Was it? Yeah. I remember they gave my mom a copy of the Titanic for free because she spent so much money in groceries there.

[A]

No shit.

[B]

So we got the double disc to the Titanic. My older brothers knew there was boobs in it, so we got to watch that.

[A]

That was nice. Huge growing boy. She probably spent a couple of bucks each.

[B]

She was. They remember. They're like, Here you go, Mrs. McCarthy. We'd like to give you.

[A]

What were you guys as far as lunch meat? Would you guys do turkey? Turkey Roast beef?

[B]

It was turkey and cheese. Pretty much.

[A]

Turkey and cheese.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Respectable.

[B]

Not bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I didn't. Dude. Baloney. I still think my cousins eat baloney. I still to this day, think baloney is disgusting. Really?

[C]

I don't think. But I will with pork roll, which

[B]

is like pork rolls.

[C]

Relatively the same thing.

[B]

Yeah, I think so. But I Some. For some reason, pork roll is acceptable. I blow. The sound of it was always like,

[A]

look, I love it. Are you a scrapple man?

[B]

I don't like it. No. I remember, like, eating it and thinking it tasted like nothing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Not a Scrabble guy. I didn't. I never liked it. I've I would eat it and be like, compared to sausage bacon.

[C]

Yeah. No, I agree with.

[B]

That's crap.

[A]

I'll give you that. Hurt breaks my heart.

[C]

I'm not gonna have you back on the show, but I appreciate it.

[A]

I'm not gonna say you just hurt my feelings.

[B]

What even is scrapple?

[A]

It's all this.

[B]

It's like just like body product. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. It's like all this and they put like, cornmeal or something.

[B]

Yeah. I remember eating it and being like, not impressed. Being like, this is.

[C]

I will say Tommy Pope made us some. That was like, kick your dick in.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But he like, cracked an egg on top of it. Yeah, he. Tommy Pope ified. He was drunk and yelled at us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is where the love comes from.

[C]

Anyone in your family ever represent themselves in court?

[B]

Yeah, actually, I figured my uncle did. He.

[C]

Was it a big case?

[A]

Small.

[C]

You don't have to get into it.

[B]

It was small. It was. Oh, this is making me laugh so hard. He got so. He was like out of school, picking somebody up. A guy backed in, hit him. And then the guy. It was something where like, I think my dad and uncles or somebody knew, like a local judge in that area. So like, they had all, like, talked about it and like. So my uncle was like, you know, thinking like he was my cousin Vinnie. Like, it was already kind of decided, like, bro, this guy hit him, you know, kind of look out for him and. And he went repped himself in court and he beat the guy. He beat the like, Geico lawyer with a guy who had hit him like

[C]

that, the insurance company.

[B]

But he was the guy who fault who backed down, hit him. There was, I think it was like an open shut thing. But he really was like, I did that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then he started. He like afterwards went out and started talking to the geico lawyer and he was like, how do you like losing to a truck driver? A little slick back gin ball.

[A]

College boy.

[B]

College boy called a lawyer. Slicked back gin ball.

[A]

It's so funny.

[B]

How do you like losing to a truck driver?

[A]

Getting balls.

[B]

Great ball.

[A]

So slicked back.

[B]

So he won. And then just like talk to him

[A]

outside his tires about that, huh?

[B]

Grease monkey's probably like, whatever, man.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

So, yeah, he. That was like his big. That was his big victory.

[C]

That's pretty.

[B]

Pretty great.

[C]

My brother did it. He got caught drinking down the shore. And the cop, like an open container walking to the bar. He was in a solo cup. And he's like. The cop rolled up on him, was like, what's in that cup? And he just, like, threw it, like, you know, just dumped it out. Nothing. And he's like, there was vodka in there. You can't prove anything.

[B]

No. Yeah.

[C]

Impossible. He's like, dude, just, you know, give him a citation for like 150 bucks or something.

[B]

What?

[C]

My brother's like that, dude, I'll see you in court. He walked up, he started like he was acting like he was Jack, but he got a little confidence.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, he proved a point. And the judge was like, okay, good point. And he started feeling himself. He was like, walking back, like, rubbing his hand on the. On like the. On the prosecutor's desk

[A]

doing the pause.

[B]

Is that like the O.J.

[A]

trial?

[C]

And then finally the judges are just like, dude, just give them. Just pay 50 bucks and like, let's

[A]

get the money out of here.

[B]

We're not gonna do this.

[C]

We're not doing this for three hours. Dude, just pay 50 bucks.

[A]

Catching that one win from the. From the judge and all of a sudden.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He was ready for like a three week legal battle.

[C]

He was like, dude, he was calling recesses and it was.

[B]

I have a cousin who also has a personal policy to fight every speeding ticket he gets. And I like that he fights him in court himself.

[C]

And he did at. At some. There is like a set of things that you can go like, yeah, check these. Like, go over this checklist. And a lot of times they're like, ah, you're right, this wasn't done.

[B]

Or this. Yeah, he's. He's pretty good about that stuff. So he. He. That's. I forgot about him. He also goes and fights all his own.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If you want to wait it out, get the. Get the thing, get the summons and then go take they. Yeah.

[B]

If the cop doesn't show up, I

[C]

think usually they wipe it a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If the cop does show up, he's a. Yeah. But they seldom do.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Also, it sounds like he's getting a lot of speeding tickets.

[B]

Well, it's also, it's overtime for the cops, so they'll. A lot of them will kind of come because they get overtime for going to court.

[A]

And they get money too.

[B]

Chill. Yeah. They don't have to be outside chasing people. So.

[A]

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[C]

Chubby. Chubby Chubbies.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

No, talking about chubbies. Absolutely fantastic. The kids love Chubby's. Everybody loves Chubby Chubbies. You always hear people say, oh, my go to shorts are always chubby's Chubby's original shorts. Always my go to Chubbies are my go to. Talking about Chubby's classic line swim trunks on vacation. Perfect. Gotta be doing Chubby's. What are we doing here?

[C]

Yeah, listen. This is one of those things that really separates, you know, the dirtbags from the gentlemen.

[A]

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[C]

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[B]

All right.

[C]

All right, let's transfer to now a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

How many suits do you own, dude,

[B]

My suits have increased because I saw you.

[C]

What, the ESPYs?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where'd you get that good?

[B]

I have no idea. My wife does all that.

[A]

Did you pick it up fresh for that or is the one that you had?

[B]

Honestly, my. I, My, my. All my suit stuff because I have a tuxedo now too, so I also, I lose them. Like, I, if I have a tuxedo. I had one tuxedo and all those little cufflinks I just like through. They started falling out. So I was like, threw them out by the end of the night. It. So I, I think I have like three or four. That's great. And a tuxedo.

[C]

Very.

[A]

It's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah. So. And I don't know. I, my. Every time we have like a wedding or a suit thing, my wife is like, have you tried on your suit like a month before? And I'm like, no. And then I tried on. I'm always like, either too big for it or it's like somehow short or something. So she kind of like quarterbacks a suit.

[A]

No, she'll take care of it.

[B]

It. Yeah, she figures it out.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

And then. Or have to like, go with her one day, usually like two days before she's like, we're going to Nordstrom's now. You must man.

[C]

That's my. I have to go.

[A]

Like she's dragging it like she's your mom. Yeah. Complaining, literally.

[B]

So yeah, she would know more than me, but I don't. I have a couple. I would say. I would say at least four respectable.

[C]

Do you know how to tie a tie?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. I went to an all boys high school, so we had to tie the tie sense.

[C]

You sneak snacks into the movie theater?

[B]

I used to a lot. Now I really don't. I'll just watch. But I. That was my. That was my big thing, hitting the Rite Aid. Then go to the movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What snacks do you do? I know you keep it really tight with what you eat.

[B]

Yeah, keep it. I. I mean, I don't really eat. I don't really eat a lot of snacks anymore. Honestly. If anything, I'll eat like a little bit of dark chocolate.

[C]

That's like a machine man kind of dark. Child. You have a brand of the dark chocolate you like?

[B]

Yeah. What is it called? Like Human. I always forget the name of it. Oh, Human. You know what I'm talking about.

[A]

Oh really?

[C]

Or something like that?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That shit's expensive.

[B]

O.

[C]

The brown cardboard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep. Look at you. Yep. Yep.

[A]

Where you guys shopping?

[C]

Whole Foods.

[B]

Whole Foods? Yeah, Whole Foods. We go to Whole Foods and Sprouts. I like Sprout. We. I go to Sprouts a lot, but I like Whole Foods.

[A]

It's. Sprouts is closer and are you doing. You'll do the shopping sometimes for the week.

[B]

I love going to the grocery store. So it's like I don't. I don't do it all the time, but I. I really enjoy food shopping.

[C]

Are you stealing anything?

[B]

No, I've completely retired. Yeah, the self checkouts came out and I went like ham on those things when they first came out. Like, didn't pay for meat for a while.

[C]

How you have like sections where like, I'm not paying for meat.

[B]

Well, it's easy. It's the most. That's bang expensive. Yeah, it's bang for buck. And then it just got to the point where like the pa. The podcast was like doing well too. And I just for some reason was like, I have to steal from these stuff. Checkouts. Allegedly. I'm obviously kidding.

[C]

But like this is all for comedy purposes.

[B]

It's all for comedy. But yeah, I got to this point one day where I was like, dude, this is such a. Like, like the stress with of it and the adrenaline. You Know. And it might or may not got kind of stopped and almost caught at a Walmart. So I was like, yeah. I was like, hang it up.

[C]

Yeah, that's the. My biggest fear is getting caught.

[B]

Oh, I did.

[C]

I.

[A]

You got caught? Caught.

[B]

I mean, I had a giant. I had like five bags. My receipt was like that big.

[C]

And I, I just checked on the walk out.

[B]

Dude. The thing at Walmart was like, the person checking those receipts is so mentally checked out. Because I kind of clocked that early on. I was like, like, they're not looking for this. So. And I just got greedier and greedier. I would do like full duvet, like bed spread. And the one day there's this lady there the one time who just was like, hold on. And I was like, whoa. Really? But then luckily with those things is like. And I would argue this in court. It's like, I haven't been trained to operate this piece of machinery.

[C]

So it's like never thought of that.

[B]

Oh, that was, that was my fallback. I was like, you're assuming I know how to work this.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

You're not paying me. I don't know. I wasn't trained, I wasn't briefed. Like, I made a mistake.

[C]

That's fucking.

[B]

That's. That was what I had going.

[A]

Damn, that's really good of like.

[C]

I, I didn't. Does it beep? Does it not beep? I'm. I'm trying to do the job.

[B]

All I have to say is how do you know I know how to. I don't know how to use that thing.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

And you did. Haven't technically left the store. If they stop you. So you haven't stolen anything. So you just go. And I just went like, wait, what? And lady was like. And she went through line. This wasn't on. This wasn't on. I was just one went, what the hell?

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

And then we rang it all up

[C]

and I was like, this is freaking me out right now, guys. I'm real scared right now.

[B]

So that was always in my head. I was like, they, they can't legally assume that you know how to operate their equipment and basically do a job.

[C]

That's nuts.

[A]

Wow. That's really.

[C]

I don't know if I can continue the pot that just. I didn't take a nap. That just changed my perspective on life.

[A]

Wow. You'd see in there in your tuxedo and cord making this.

[B]

No cufflinks.

[A]

Your honor, I was not trained on the. This equipment. I don't work for the Walmart corporation, nor does every American out there working hard to feed their family. Mr. McCusty, you're absolutely right. Case dismissed. And I'm nominating you for mayor.

[B]

But that was, I just got to a point where I'm like, why am I, this is ridiculous. And then I had to like, no more ever, ever.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

I go on the thing of like, I want to do it and then I'm afraid if I get caught. How embarrassing. Also just being like a quasi public figure. But then I, but then I go, it's so on brand. If I get arrested at Acme for stealing pork roll, like, it would only help the podcast.

[B]

Yeah. And I, there's, there's also like a weird social game about it where it's kind of like how much are people paying attention? You almost feel like it was like a game too where you're kind of like, are people really looking? And like how much it was, it was just kind of fun. It was like a weird.

[A]

Some of our boys that do very well, they do it just for like to like get back at the, you know, they don't.

[C]

Yeah, he's very public about stealing from every Hudson News.

[B]

Well, the problem is, yeah, those things are like insane. You can literally take anything.

[C]

The airport, it's like steal a plane, who cares?

[B]

There's times at the airport where I've done it just out of convenience to where it's not working and they're no. And I'm like, you know what, man, I'm not waiting. This is ridiculous. But the, the problem is is what I've heard is now with the camera, they can track you over time with the facial recognition. What Wait till you tally up over a thousand dollars in the theft larceny

[A]

at the airport or anywhere.

[B]

Not anywhere. That's I've heard. I don't know, you know anyone that's happened to.

[A]

But I've heard in the long game,

[B]

I've heard that's what they do to people now where they just track you and then once you hit that thousand dollar mark, they go, all right, here's a felony.

[A]

Huh. So if you don't have the item

[B]

on you, but you're on camera, I

[A]

guess sounds like a case for Matt McCutney.

[B]

Does I know, I, I, I think you could argue that for sure.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

That's what I've heard talking about, I

[A]

don't know your computer. I don't know your computers work.

[C]

That's AI.

[B]

Yeah. I wasn't even here that day. Sure. That is a deep fake.

[A]

What do you, what's what's being cooked at the house? Who's doing the cooking, you or the Mrs. We go.

[B]

We go back and forth.

[A]

Go back.

[B]

And we had a thing where we were getting meals for a while.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. So we had. When we had someone come, they'll cook meals sometimes, so.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We're high on the hog right now.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I've done that to try to get something.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

And I like to cook, but it is nice to have not have to do it every single day. So that was the one. That was the I'm a big, big get my time back kind of guy with money purchases.

[A]

So did you guys buy a house down here or you just.

[C]

Right.

[B]

We bought a house.

[A]

We bought a house. Who's cutting the grass?

[B]

I had the whole mower set up for a while and then I did it like twice and called along what

[C]

kind of ride you had.

[B]

Right. It wasn't. It's. It's such a small lawn. It was a Ryobi push mower. I did it twice. Plug in battery, battery, battery. I push battery. I had weed whacker. I have a whole battery powered Ryobi set. Yeah. It's lower pole saw. I. I have the whole saw. Yeah. I don't know why I forget what I even had. I think I had it in Philly, actually, because our neighbors trees were coming over to our thing and I would stand over and man, drop their branches off. So. And I just wanted to use it,

[A]

throw it in there. It was always beef. No, then you got to. Then you got.

[B]

So we have a lot. Yeah. Long guy. We don't. We don't. I don't do any. Yeah, no. Our. Our backyard's too small. But if we got a house, I would probably. I would get a pool for sure. Especially here. You can use it like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Seven, eight months out of the year.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You showed up with your fancy. Your hoity toity water, which I respect. We went to your house and we asked for water. Is that you had. Is that from home or did you stop and get that?

[B]

I have these at my house. I get cases off of Ubereats. So I get cases of this from sprouts I offer. When people, People seem almost like. Oh, they get like flustered almost sometimes. Or they're like, I don't, I don't.

[A]

It's a big obligation. You gotta drink that.

[B]

True, true. So that's what. Now I've started to like fill people up a glass from the fridge because this is. It's. I Don't know. Maybe it represents too much or it is a big obligation. A liter?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I drink, like, six of these a day.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. I crush water.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[C]

My bad, dude. Yeah.

[A]

Sorry, bro. I feel bad. I got a Gatorade.

[B]

Oh, hey, man. Do your thing.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

That's great.

[A]

I didn't know you roll like that. Sorry about that.

[B]

So, I don't know. I was bragging about how much water I drink. I just. I do love drinking water, though. I drink all day.

[A]

What's a McCusker family vacation look like?

[B]

So we'll. We'll either. So in spring break, we're actually going back to Philly. So we either will, like, visit family.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Or if I have a say, it's. We'll go to the beach somewhere. So, like, we went to Mexico. We'll go. We went to Mexico. Was nice. I might. I might buy some trips now while they're cheap.

[C]

Oh, because.

[B]

Buy some port of a. Yeah, just get them for, like, 20, 27 now. Just book up,

[C]

buy low, sell high dog. Let's go.

[A]

Hope the smoke's cleared by then.

[B]

If not, I'll just go myself.

[A]

But the kids standing around a burning tire. Pretty good, huh? Get your s' mores out.

[B]

But, yeah, I'll. I push for the beach, pretty much. That's like, my favorite thing to do. Okay, so we'll do, like, where do we go? We did a house. I did a show at Atlantic City last summer. Summer. And I just, like, took the money and got a house in Brigantine for, like, a week.

[C]

That's nice.

[B]

It was really. It was awesome. Yeah.

[A]

When you fly. Get into this. You flying up front, I assume. When you fly for work, obviously.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Take your shoes off on the plane.

[B]

No, no, no. I don't know. I mean, I have anything against it. I just don't. I don't understand, like, why.

[A]

Well, you bring food on the plane with you.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

What are we talking about?

[B]

I did it this weekend. I'll bring, like, grilled chicken in a plastic bag. Like, Kevin, just munch that out.

[C]

That's pretty crazy.

[A]

Grilled chicken, plastic bag. There's going to be an initial pop of odor when that comes out of that bag.

[B]

Heavily seasoned, too.

[C]

Yeah, I'm talking Montreal chicken seasoning.

[A]

Really? Yeah. You'll pop that out?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Are you eating? Just hang, like.

[B]

I'll just pick it out. Pick the pieces out and eat them.

[C]

And talking breast or a little chicken bat? Like, the breasts.

[B]

It'll be like chicken breasts or thighs and I'll just. I'll bring a big bag of doing chicken thighs. Thighs as much. Well, the boneless, skinless.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So yeah, not skin in and bone would be crazy.

[C]

That's diabolical, dude.

[B]

But I just opened the bags. The food sucks on the plane.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I argue with my wife about all the time. She's like, well, I'm gonna order something. I'm like, it sucks. Gives you a stomachache every time. And then I'll bring out my plastic bag of chicken. She's like, you are a piece of. Yeah, she gets. She gets, like, deeply embarrassed.

[A]

I love chicken thighs are probably my favorite. But only with the bone on. I can't do the.

[B]

Without boneless, skinless.

[A]

No, that's too weird.

[B]

Yeah, I. I hear you. The bone. The skin and bone are delicious. But a boneless, skinless, man, they cook in two seconds. They're so eas. Cook. They're delicious.

[C]

You're doing on a pan air fryer, oven. What are you doing?

[B]

Everything. I'll grill them. Oven, air fryer. You can do whatever.

[C]

You're really selling us on consuming water and boneless, skinless chicken. Dude, you said it and forget it.

[A]

It's right up to the two minutes no bone. You can eat it on an airplane. That's how easy it is.

[B]

Yeah, I do. Bag of chicken on the airplane.

[C]

That's pretty nuts.

[A]

You drop. I'm sorry.

[C]

I've said this with Stavi. I find it insane to have your food x rayed be. And then eat it. Like, just eat it before you get. Get.

[B]

No, I bring like enough for like a day and a half. So I. I pack. I like refrigerate it and throw like the refrigerator thing. Put on a plastic bag, put it on my suitcase and it's just like, it travels on there. And then I just kind of wait.

[C]

Is it in a refrigerated bag or.

[B]

No, no, it's in a plastic bag with an ice pack and then in

[C]

your school bag or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, it's like above my suitcase.

[C]

Gotcha.

[B]

And then I'll just bring that on the plane, throw it in the hotel once I get there and try to have at least. Because I only go away for two days.

[C]

Bring an ice pack on a plane?

[B]

Yeah, I brought one. I brought one. This. I brought two too. This week it was frozen, so I don't think it registered as liquid.

[A]

So that's what treats.

[B]

It was a. It was just a problem.

[C]

You got a liquid ass.

[B]

It was solid state, so I could argue the solid state.

[A]

They try to get me with it. Argue with it in court. Your honor need to explain solids to you. So this isn't just for the plane. This is because you have a specific diet.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah. I don't. I don't like, when I'm traveling, I try to like, not eat out the whole time. Time. Especially if I start ordering off Ubereats. It's just the wheels come off so fast. It's hard.

[A]

It would be something like that. What would be. What would be cutting loose for you?

[B]

For me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just pizza. Honestly.

[A]

Pizza.

[B]

Gluten free, obviously, but yeah, gluten free pizza.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn. Even your wheels are. Even when your wheels are off.

[C]

We're trying to get him on gluten free.

[B]

That's just burgers. I do burgers and pizza when I'm flying. It's just burgers and pizza. Pretty much.

[A]

No Bunny.

[B]

A lot of places now have like a bun, but I'll let. If I have to. I mean, if I. If the places that are like, you can have a lettuce wrap, I'm like, dude, I'm just gonna go somewhere else.

[A]

Like, you don't dig the lettuce wrap?

[B]

Not really. Like, I've eaten them before, but it's

[A]

like, I'd rather a gluten free bun.

[B]

Yeah. Or just give me the patty. Like, don't wrap it in lettuce and act like you're doing me.

[A]

My favorite.

[B]

Call it a. A lettuce bun. It's like, man, get the out of here. Give me the patty.

[A]

It's pretty good.

[C]

You open your eyes underwater in the pool? Pool.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You have to. Yeah, big time.

[A]

Will you put the seat back on the plane? Put the seat back on the plane.

[B]

I. I don't really recline that much on a plane.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm on my laptop the whole time.

[C]

What if someone comes back on you?

[B]

Fair. I don't get bent out of shape about it.

[C]

I'm the same way.

[B]

Yeah. It's kind of like. It's. That's your right to do that. If I want to lay back, I'll lay back. But if someone puts her seat back, I don't care. I literally sit on airplanes on my laptop the entire time. Time. And just. It's like my little work time.

[A]

You ever asked for the hotel room to be switched?

[B]

Yeah. Smell mold, I'm out.

[A]

Really?

[B]

If you smell mold, it's moldy. I'm. I'll go and be like, last weekend it was mildewy and I just dealt with it. But usually I'll be like, dude, if it's, like, really bad, you, like, feel

[C]

the, the barometric pressure.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

When you walk.

[B]

I was in one recently, and it was like, oh. And I was like. And they were like, the whole floor smelled like mold. And they were like, really? It's like, dude, come on, man. You know, they're like, we had no idea. It's like, okay, you know what? You did swap it up. Oh, yeah.

[C]

All right. Do you have a preference on what hotel you're at or do you just take, like, wherever you get booked?

[A]

I.

[B]

It's funny.

[C]

It's because you travel.

[B]

So. Yeah. I just talked to my wife recently because we were doing Bonvoys, just like regular Marriott convoy. They were nice, but I caught a couple rough ones in a row and I told her I was like, bump it up a little bit, man. It was. Yeah. It's the pillows, dude. When you get in there and it's a paper thin pillow, it's like, hate that. That bothers the out of me. And it's a 50. 50. If you have a nicer hotel, usually the pillows are good and you can request memory foam. People don't know this at hotel. You can be like, can I have a memory foam pillow? They keep them there.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Most times they'll be, yeah, here you go. They'll keep the. Some of the good pillows.

[C]

Much like, if you're a cop, you got to tell me, like, knowing that, like, it's actually your legal right to have memory foam if you want memory.

[B]

Sometimes they'll ask and they're like, what the Are you talking? No, we don't have a memory foam. Some of them have memory foam pillows. You can ask.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Or just even like a better, more stuffed pillow.

[A]

I assume you only do the breakfast at a hotel in the morning, right?

[B]

No, I'll do it every now and again, but I always regret it every time I do it.

[A]

I'm like, powdered eggs, all that.

[B]

Yeah, I'll do it if I'm in. If I'm in a pinch, I'll eat it. And I, I. Every time I'm like, yeah, it never sits well. No, never.

[C]

What's on the rider? Anything?

[B]

Water.

[C]

That's it.

[B]

Valleys, Mountain. I just get water. So I have like, you know. Yeah, it's just water, which is sweet because then like, when I go to theater, sometimes they'll be like, like, well, here's your catering budget since you didn't spend it. And they'll give me, like 400 bucks in cash. Give me Cash. I'm like, yeah.

[C]

It's like that happened to us the first time in a. Because we don't really have anything. They have like, you know, like a bottle of Jameson that we didn't like. It was stuff that like the management or somebody put on. And I'm like, yeah, I don't need. We're doing three one nighters. I don't need a bottle of Jameson every night. Like, this is crazy. But then like the first time they handed us back, they're like, oh, here's like 380 bucks. And we were like. I'm like, should this have been happening everywhere for the past three years?

[B]

There's no rhyme or reason. Every now and again they're just like, here's, there's four or five hundred. And you're like, okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I think a lot of that gets pocketed, honestly.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Yeah. So yeah, I've been asking lately. I go, do they have like a kid or anything? Just, just see if I can smoke somebody out.

[A]

They go and they go and get you like a bunch of gas station sandwiches and come back and it's like, yeah, it was 600 bucks.

[B]

Oh it's. Dude. And the advertising fee. Oh yeah, it advertises like, get the out of here. Spend $6,000 on advertising.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the, what's the soap in the bathroom that you use? And I imagine like a Dr. Bromer's kind of guy.

[B]

I do like Dr. Bronner's. I don't have it right now, but I do like Dr. Brown. I had my own concoction where I had sea salt and I threw it in with Dr. Bronner. So it was like a kind of a brine that I was using there for a while. It's kind of nice shrimp. I started breaking out on my stomach for some reason.

[C]

And sea salt helps.

[B]

I try to cure. I tried. I would, I would just cover myself in salt.

[C]

He's marinating myself like the chicken.

[A]

And it would work.

[B]

Work. I. I thought it did. Then it came back. My, my wife uses Dove. So I like use her soap a lot. And then I'll go and get a. I'll get like Dr. Bronner's. Then I'll run out right now in between soaps. So I'm like kind of pilfering her. So.

[A]

Deodorant? No, no deodorant.

[B]

Never wear it.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. If it's in the summertime and I'm really stinking, I gotta go to like a wedding. I might, but I wear it like, cologne. I'll, like, wear it if I'm, like, really going somewhere nice.

[A]

I never wear deodorant, but you like a cologne.

[C]

No, I said, he wears it like I wear deodorant. Like, big events, weddings.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

Yeah, weddings, job interviews. I'll just. I rock until, like. If my wife's like, dude, you stink. I'll be like, all right. But if I don't really smell that much.

[C]

I mean, it's that. Yeah, I guess if no one's saying

[A]

it's an issue, you know, probably let us. To do with your diet that you eat so clean.

[B]

Could be. No, it really could be because I can. If I'm out sweating all day and, like, doing stuff, I can stink. But, like, I typically don't really smell if I'm just buzzing around. I don't really smell like that.

[A]

Pretty good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who's cutting the hair?

[B]

I go to a place right near my house.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Barber.

[B]

Yeah, I. I prefer to have a lady cut my hair. I'm used to.

[A]

With. With the. What? What's it without the tip?

[B]

40 bucks.

[A]

What do you tip?

[B]

40 bucks? I do. I do the 50 or 100 tip.

[C]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

I just set my game up.

[B]

Yeah, I do the 40. Yeah.

[C]

I do it even. 20. I do a 20$. I make sure I have.

[B]

That's fair.

[C]

I make sure I have $20 to give whatever it is. Yeah, 30, 40, whatever. And then.

[B]

Well, it's also my policy is, like, girls who cut my hair get way more. Guys get probably, like a dub.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

Yeah, why not? Gotta close out that pay gap. I'm doing my part.

[A]

There you go, baby girl.

[C]

That's all right.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Just that. That's the policy. No, I get waiters, male waiters. You get it. I'll tip you for sure, but not like. Not like a sweet lady.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

That's like. There's, like, a hot lady tax. I feel like that needs to be paid.

[A]

I'll give you. I'll give it to you. You.

[B]

You know I like it. Just pay him a little extra, man.

[C]

You're really changing my. My worldview over here, dude.

[A]

Shaman.

[C]

I know. Just open my third eye. No.

[A]

Are you taking leftovers home from a restaurant?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I'll take them back pretty good.

[A]

Will you send something back at a restaurant?

[B]

No, I try not to. If it's, like. Yeah, I really won't. If. If something's, like, undercooked, I'll be like, hey, you just can you cook this a little more. But I wouldn't like, send something back and be like, can you just redo this whole thing? Unless I. There's been places where I go to breakfast and I'm like, I don't want toast because I, you know, it's not gonna like kill me if I take it off the plate and eat it. But like, if they like, my breakfast is just smothered in like toast and breadcrumbs. I'm always like, yo, man, can you just get me another one? So, yeah, to answer your question, sometimes I will, but it has to be a pretty egregious mistake.

[C]

I get that. We talked about weddings. If you go to a wet. Say you're going to a wedding, right. So you're coming to our wedding, but, you know, not. We're not marrying.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

But you're going to his wedding.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Were would you come?

[B]

I would.

[A]

Just to see us kiss once.

[C]

I think it's a bit. Dude, I don't think they're really going

[B]

to go live stream the whole thing.

[C]

This is all just for content. We don't really love each other. What is the gift going to be? How much cash are you going to get? What do you give at a wedding?

[B]

Again, my wife does that, but usually it's a thousand bucks.

[C]

Good. That's a good solid.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Like if one of your cousin's kids got married.

[B]

Thousand bucks. Thousand, yeah.

[A]

Damn. Cash check. What do you think?

[B]

Sometimes if we. If we're on the ball, we can get cash out for sure. If a lot of times you just find them, be like, yeah, let me Venmo. You just demo them.

[C]

That's trashy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Can I get you. Yeah, hit me with your cash app, dude.

[A]

Venmo, request me a th000 bucks so I know it's you.

[C]

You put it on them because I'm

[A]

not double sending it. But your wife handles all that stuff. Yeah, I like that.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, she does. Literally. I have no idea. She could like completely pack up and leave and I would have no idea. I don't know any of the passwords.

[A]

No shit.

[B]

I don't know any of that stuff.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

I don't deal with a single financial. And apparently I didn't know I was a rarity. A lot of. A lot of men tend to use. Have the finances.

[A]

When did you guys come. When did you come to them? Like when you come to that agreement, like when you guys were dating and you're like, listen, I don't want It.

[B]

We were dating. I was always a big cash guy. So I like, I never like, had, you know, so she was not. And then she had all of her bills organized perfectly. So I would just be like, here, I'll just give you money to pay every. Pay all the bills.

[C]

Ah, right.

[B]

So we just. And we just stuck with that.

[A]

So I like that.

[B]

Yeah. And our first house was in her name, so that from the get go, it's been all. Just kind of.

[A]

There's something attractive and comforting about that. When a woman can handle all that stuff, it's awesome.

[B]

I heard also a long time ago that the samurais what used to do that were like, samurais didn't touch money in the household or even think about it. So I'm. I'm kind of. I'm in.

[C]

That's how you're.

[B]

I heard that when I was little and I still do.

[A]

You're out there with the. The ryobi saw. Spit it in the backyard.

[B]

But yeah, apparently everyone I talk to, they're like, that's insane.

[A]

But I like it.

[B]

Well, the funny thing is too, is like I. I'm also now though, like, I have. How do I say this? All of my accounts are monitored to a T. So it's like, I can't. If I were to like. If I say I went to a strip club, I'd be busted instantly. So in a way, it's good for me.

[A]

Oh, by her.

[B]

It keeps me. Keeps me high, keeps me honest, keeps me comply. It's literally like I'm. I'm like a Chinese citizen, dude. I'm like. I'm like, everything's tracked, everything's surveilled. So it's good. I need that. So I'm like, I'm happy about that.

[A]

I'm with you. Have you had to explain anything in the last couple of months?

[B]

Not at all. So, yeah, everything's. Everything's good.

[A]

Rock solid. Yeah.

[B]

Catering cash. I have to give it. That stuff burns a hole in my pocket.

[A]

The what?

[B]

Lonely on the road with 800 bucks. You go, I wonder what I could do with this.

[C]

Burning a hole, baby.

[B]

Yeah, that's. I. I just. I'm like, here. Yeah, I can't have this either. Take this.

[A]

No kidding. Wow.

[C]

Damn.

[A]

That's a good little look at you. Govern yourself because, you know, you can't trust yourself.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I'm such a weasel that I would keep that 800 hundred, but you know.

[B]

Oh yeah. I mean, you know, it was cool when I had it and I was just like, I gave it I'm gonna just give this back or like, you know, take my kids out and get some stuff for them.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

I don't need cash. It's like, what do I need this for? This is not. Nothing's gonna good come out of this.

[A]

Sure. Will you dance at a wedding?

[B]

Sometimes. It all depends. Sometimes less and less. I used to like, I used to dance like non stop at weddings and now I don't know. Something about getting older. I just feel ridiculous when I dance.

[C]

It's like silly sometimes. Just like this is like, this is so unnatural.

[B]

I feel crazy. And my wife loves to dance. That's a big, you know, so that's a. We got to balance that out somehow.

[A]

So dancing with like, when you're dancing with a couple, that's one thing. But man, I just sit in the corner with a cup of coffee with the uncles, just watching everybody hang out.

[B]

I've also tried to go to a wedding and like, you know, I'll be like dancing with my wife and she'll like walk off or something and I'm like, I'm just gonna dance by myself. I'll make like 30 seconds. I'm like, man, I'm getting the out

[C]

of this crazy thing. I'm like, everyone's looking at me. This is weird. Yeah, I gotta get the out of here. Dude.

[A]

Look like a weirdo.

[B]

No, I can't do it anymore.

[C]

Do you have a go to karaoke song?

[B]

Yeah, I'll go. Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers. Yeah.

[A]

Respectable.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Are you doing karaoke a lot? Enough.

[B]

No, if it comes up, it's like a 50 50. But if I do it, I'll. I'll really go all out. Kind of send it. So. Yeah, I actually like to sing.

[C]

Are you solid, do you think?

[B]

I'm pretty good. I can rip Unchained melodies. Quality, you know, it's pretty.

[A]

Plays the guitar good too.

[C]

I know. Guitar and shred.

[B]

Thank you, guys. Well, yeah, but no, I. I don't, I don't mind. It is a weird thing to do, but I kind of enjoy it.

[A]

How do you feel? And I'm taking this from like the, the karaoke Japanese kind of thing. A sensei community tape. A community table at a restaurant where you don't have really of your own table. It's like, like almost like, like Benihana. What's it called?

[C]

Hibachi.

[B]

I know you're talking about like you're

[C]

eating with other people.

[A]

Yeah. How do you feel about that?

[B]

I like that. Actually. I like going really there's like a couple different groups and everyone kind of, you know, opens up.

[A]

Okay, interesting.

[B]

I don't mind that at all, actually. Depends who it is though. You know, usually worst comes to worst, you just like don't talk to the people. I've happened before, but usually it can be kind of fun.

[C]

Okay, what's the day to day cars, what you pulled up in today?

[B]

CRV.

[C]

Yeah, CRV.

[B]

We both, me and my wife both have CRVs.

[A]

I respect it.

[B]

Bottom right, Right before. Before slash. During the pandemic.

[C]

So though, what's the plan? Just going to ride that out? To put 200,000 miles on it or whatever?

[A]

Yeah. Bought them, Released them, huh? Bought them or leased them?

[B]

Bought.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah, we bought them. We got the. The. Her interest rate on hers was. We got it like, you know, we walked into a Honda dealership, people had masks on, the doors were open. It's like middle of the pandemic, she got hers for like. We got it for like nothing. And then once all that microchip stuff happened, I went to go buy a car. I was like, yo, run that deal back. And they're like, get the out of here. I got cooked on mine.

[A]

But.

[B]

But yeah, she wants a bigger car because now she wants to be able to like carpool her, like our kids, friends and all that stuff. So she might get a bigger car like next year or so. But I'm gonna keep rocking. I keep telling her I'm gonna deck the CRV out and make it basically into a jeep. I'm like, get the. I'm gonna do like. I told her I'm gonna do a ton of work to it. She was like that, please, that's crazy. Don't do that. Like matte paint it. Do you like those spray the spray floors and like make it a completely like almost like amphibious vehicle.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Intake on it, take the doors off,

[A]

get the Cobra symbol on the back of it.

[B]

But I don't know, I'll probably get a different car eventually. Like, I think I would get a pickup truck, honestly.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Yeah, I just, I just drove Texas. Yeah, I just rented the Dodge Rebel to drive from. Did you ever drive the Dodge Rebel? No, dude. My. I was like telling my brothers he loves trucks. I'm like, I just got the Rebel. He's like, oh, dude, that's like the kids on the weekend mobile. It's like a sporty Dodge that like looks has like Rebel written all.

[C]

Where were you driving too?

[B]

I had to drive from Cincinnati to Cleveland because pickup truck for that.

[A]

It Says Rebel on the side of the car.

[B]

Rebel. So gaudy. But, dude, it flies. I was going, like, 100. The whole. Just zoomed up the whole way. It was awesome.

[A]

That's awesome.

[C]

I mean, you know, I got a couple. Little more. Well, you swim at a hotel pool if you're at the hotel.

[B]

I'll swim in a hotel pool.

[C]

Okay. Respect that. Are you.

[A]

Do you mind if you're swimming not in a bathing suit, Pair of basketball shorts. Cool.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

We.

[C]

If you're at the gas station, we'll use the squeegee to clean anything at, like, the rest of the car.

[B]

I'll do, I'll do. No, I'll do the wind. You mean, like, the windshield or, like,

[C]

hit tires or like, maybe if.

[B]

No, I, I've never done that. Never thought about that. But I, I, I do like doing a little windshield.

[C]

Yeah, it's fun. Feels like you work there a little bit.

[B]

It feels like you're a crackhead.

[C]

Hey, guys. Doing?

[A]

How are your skills with the windshield? Pretty good.

[B]

Not good, honestly. I wish they were better. I. I do it, and then my wife complains about the streaks, and I get really resentful, and I'm like, I try to do something nice for you.

[C]

Yeah, it's better than it was. Does.

[B]

That's what I try to say. Yeah. So that's actually a touchy subject.

[A]

All that does is.

[C]

Can we cut that, actually?

[B]

I don't want this in there, guys. It's been nice.

[A]

All that does is just show you how bad you need your car washed.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

It shows you that difference.

[B]

Dude, this thing's great. Yeah. I suck at that. When I do it, I'm like, man. Because I want to get, like, you know, the guy on the street corners, like, real quick.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I love? I love those videos of the guy cleaning the windows. I can watch that for years.

[A]

They have competitions for this that.

[B]

Do they really?

[C]

Yeah, I like convention centers.

[B]

I used to work for a builder, and I. They would give me, like, a squirt bottle with water and vinegar, and I would clean all the, like, the. The drywall, dust off the houses before they're going to get sold. And I would sit there all day long with just, like, newspaper and, like, vinegar solution. It was most gratifying thing.

[C]

Well, they say, like, one of the hacks for windows is newspaper.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It doesn't leave streaks or, like, the fibers that. Like a paper towel.

[B]

No, he would do. Yeah, he would do, like, new. He'd give me a newspaper, like, A vinegar solution. I would just wash it. Every single window in the house. It was awesome.

[A]

It's funny, the last restaurant that I worked at, that's how we cleaned the tables, was a vinegar solution. Yeah, they were big on that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, I got one more. Have you ever moved a mattress on top of your car?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Have you answered that way? Come on.

[B]

For sure I've done one. No rope hand on it.

[A]

Yeah, not by yourself.

[B]

By myself is in Philly. So I drove really slow and I just had the hazards on my. My arm was burnt, burning.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What size mattress?

[B]

I think it was like a full maybe.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, any mattress.

[B]

Yeah, that'll kill you. Yeah, I just kept it on there.

[C]

What was the car?

[B]

My crv.

[C]

Oh, that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, toss it on there.

[C]

Oh, this is like.

[A]

This is pretty recent. Holy.

[C]

I thought this was like when you were living in that 27, 000 handshake house. This is. You were Matt McCusker of Pod Comedy Podcast Royalty. And you're.

[A]

I mean, here's the thing.

[B]

It might have been my head of civic, maybe it was then, but I definitely. At one point, I think. I think it was my crv. I remember being a little higher up and just kind of holding that thing. I remember it would start you surprisingly like, dude, at like 20 miles an hour. That thing starts flapping. Yeah.

[C]

That's why you see, like, that's why you see them on the side of the highways, because people don't realize you hit 45 and then.

[B]

Yeah, it was. It was scary.

[A]

Here's the thing. He's 100% trash.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But he's striving. Got the mountain valley. Six of those a day. Six of those a day. What do you mean? He tried. He's not. He's not. He's not stealing. He gives the money to his wife, so he's not tempted to do anything, you know. Gluten free pizza.

[B]

Hey, yeah. Cauliflower crust.

[A]

How about that? Yeah, yeah, Pretty good.

[C]

Uhhuh. I think you just want to borrow money off him or something and you're really. You're really trying to chum up to him.

[B]

I think there's some truth in what you're saying.

[C]

No, of course. I think your deadly strive. Yes, of course.

[A]

The murdered out. The murdered out CRV. Sure. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Matt McCusker, our good pal. 100% trash.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

What do you got coming up? You want anybody to know?

[B]

Yeah. Let me see. This week, you know what's going to be big? The celebrity theater in Phoenix, Arizona. That's.

[C]

That's, like, the famous one. Very cool.

[B]

Yeah, so that's the big one. I'm trying to sell some tickets for that.

[A]

Fantastic.

[C]

Go check it out, baby.

[A]

Buddy, we love you. Check out Matt and Shane secret podcast, which I'm sure you already do. Yeah. Thanks for coming to see.

[B]

Thanks for having me, guys.

[A]

We love you, buddy. Kippy, what do you got for him?

[C]

Guys, we're all over the road. Tickets available@r garbage.com.

[B]

yep.

[A]

We'll see you next week.

[B]

Thank you, guys.