Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode Title: Mile High Club w/ Mark Normand
Release Date: March 23, 2026
Hosts: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan
Guest: Mark Normand

Overview

This episode welcomes stand-up comedian Mark Normand for a high-energy, riff-filled conversation on all things "garbage"—those little-life specifics that reveal whether someone’s truly classy or just a loveable dirtbag. The topics, as always, run the gamut from stealing at self-checkout to disastrous road trips, vintage cars, trashy funeral rituals, and getting horny on planes. True to “Are You Garbage?” tradition, the hosts probe Mark's habits and background to determine his true garbage credentials—with plenty of audience-submitted questions thrown in for extra mayhem.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Mark’s Comedy Career Update

• [02:04] Mark just taped his second Netflix special in Boulder—he humorously notes the "crunchy, queefy" nature of the crowd and relief at selling multiple shows.
• [02:16] Talks about the challenge of going “back to clubs” after theaters:

  "You still gotta kill in the club... You gotta keep it white hot." —Mark Normand

What Makes You Feel Classy?

• [03:15] Hosts ask what Mark does that makes him feel rich or classy.

• [03:55] Mark:

  "Sometimes I’ll go to the self checkout and not steal—and I feel like a king, like, what an upstanding citizen I am. I could have taken those raspberries." —Mark Normand

• [04:06] Mark admits to often stealing from self-checkout out of principle:

  "If I’m doing the work, I’m gonna take a little tip." —Mark Normand

Economic Gripes & Everyday Grifting

• Both Mark and the hosts joke about declines in “free” things:
  • [05:03] Mark laments $5 chips at Mexican restaurants, extra charges for ketchup, and nickel-bags at stores.
  • [05:37] Mark:

    "They keep squeezing you... it’s gonna keep going. The whole country's getting fucked."

Mark’s Life Upgrades (and Fails)

• Mark talks about his vintage car breaking down on the turnpike:
  • [06:38]

    "It shut down on me. I had to push it. No power steering. Got it off to the side of the road." —Mark Normand

  • A kind stranger helped him tow it, invited him to dinner with his mom, and Mark later had it fixed for a “million dollars.”

Gritty Brooklyn Living & Shopping Habits

• Mark is a fan of budget grocery stores:
  • [08:47]

    "Oh, I love Aldi. It looked like when they put people after Katrina, it's all messy in there." —Mark Normand

• On home appliances:
  • [09:27] Regrets not upgrading his fridge:

    "I don’t have the cup in the fridge door, you know, the water... I [messed] up."

Family Life—Keeping It Trashy

• Mark’s baby is now walking; he jokes about the kid hiding the remote and almost ruining his marriage:
  • [09:55]

    "Put [it] in his diaper... He took the remote. We can’t find it. Ruining my marriage, dude." —Mark Normand

• Mark and his wife traveled with a newborn to perform gigs (Florida/Bahamas combo).
• Not fans of resort life once a kid is involved:
  • [12:22]

    "With a baby, it ruined it. Like, it's not a vacation anymore." —Mark Normand

Health Insurance: Garbage or Genius?

• Mark reveals he has never had health insurance as an adult:

  • [13:23]

    “I’ve never had it. I still don’t have it.” —Mark Normand

  • Claims the baby “maybe” has insurance.
  • Mark:

    “You know how much money I saved not having it? You just throwing money away every month.”

• Foley and Ryan discuss company-provided insurance, stress tests, and using healthcare as a “report card” enabling further reckless behavior.

Equinox vs. Rec Center vs. Aldi—Class Divide

• Hosts joined Equinox gym to “tighten up,” but:

  • [16:27]

    "Tryna get healthy, man... We both joined Equinox ... Good luck getting out of that one. Tough contract." —Mark Normand

• Comparisons between fancy gyms and the rec center; Mark describes rec center chaos ("old Puerto Rican guy vs. black guy, battling with speakers").

Cash Life—How Much Is in Your Wallet?

• Mark is a big “walking around with cash” guy.
  • [33:54] On-the-spot wallet count: Mark is carrying $900 in cash ("I just got back," "I had a gig... and did a strip club").
  • Says he runs on debit/cash only; avoids credit to keep from overspending.

Break-ins and Childhood Trauma

• Mark tells story of his NYC apartment being robbed—robber made off only with his “cool guy drawer” of mushrooms, cash, weed, and a handgun, skipping all electronics.
• Mark shares stories of frequent childhood home break-ins, including one where he unknowingly talked to the burglar.

Patron Garbage Questions—Highlights

• Health insurance

• Inheritance: Mark inherited a single share of Cleco stock (~$18, maybe worth more if split).

• Sick days: Approved of using all sick days after two weeks notice.

• Least valuable inheritance: One guest inherited a Beanie Baby, and Mark shared the Cleco story.

• Garbage funerals & will discussions: Mark has no will; jokes about cremation & being put in a Crown Royal bag:

  "Cremate is nice, ‘cause there’s no hassle…Dad had to bury Mom…$13,000 coffin...so we put them in a, you know, in an old royal bag." —Mark Normand ([26:02])

• Trashy funerals:

  • Kevin proposes an Irish wake with his body on a pool table and quarters on his eyes:

    "Put me in a walk-in... I'm holding beers for everybody." —Kevin Ryan ([27:00])

Sex, Planes, and the Mile High Club

• Discussion on getting horny on planes—Mark and Kevin agree:

  • [48:10]

    "I got a boner immediately on a plane. I don’t know what that is." —Mark Normand

  • Speculation: Pressurized cabins make emotions more intense.

• Mark admits to jerking off once on a plane for emergency reasons.

  "I did the jerk off once because Fitzsimmons does it every fight." —Mark Normand

Bedwetting, Embarrassment, and Trauma

• Several hosts and Mark discuss their childhood bedwetting and emotional trauma stories, and the humiliations of sleepovers, bedwetting alarms, and plastic sheets.
• Mark recalls a British “cunt” (his friend’s mom) reacting with fury after he wet the bed at a sleepover:

  "She was a British cunt... had to clean it. Single mom." —Mark Normand

Porn Habits and the Allure of Classic Trash

• Talk shifts to generational differences on porn access, trashy favorites (“stuck porn,” MILFs, step-family porn)—Mark waxes nostalgic for Playboy and old 70s porn with storylines, and loves “minivan hot” moms ("rhinestone jeans, Bob Seger, lipstick on the teeth").

Growing Up Garbage—Houses, CPS, Pickup Trucks

• Discussion about whose houses weren’t allowed as kids—Kevin’s was a no-go due to being allowed to ride in the back of pickup trucks; Mark reveals his own brush with Child Protective Services (CPS)—banisterless stairs and teacher suspicions of abuse from bruises due to skateboarding.

Memorable Quotes

• "The whole country's getting fucked." —Mark Normand ([05:39])
• "Sometimes I'll go to the self checkout and not steal, and I feel like a king." —Mark Normand ([03:55])
• "I tried to sign up (for insurance) once and it was...confusing, so I gave up." —Mark Normand ([22:46])
• "I had a drawer with mushrooms, weed, a little handgun, a bunch of cash...the guy robbed my cool guy drawer and left the rest." —Mark Normand ([36:35])

Notable Moments & Timestamps

• Mark’s Netflix Special & Boulder Experience: [02:05]
• Self-Checkout Stealing: Principle or Poverty?: [03:45]–[04:30]
• Bread Baskets, Ketchup Charges & The Squeeze: [05:03]
• Vintage Car Trouble & Random Kindness: [06:37]–[07:47]
• Mark’s Wallet Cash Reveal: [33:54]–[34:48]
• Discussion of Bedwetting Trauma: [52:03]–[56:49]
• Horniness on Planes & The "Mile High Club": [48:03]–[51:04]
• CPS Called on Mark’s Mom: [74:49]

Conclusion

Mark Normand proves himself both classic and unmistakably garbage—a veteran at finding the line between dirtbag-y pragmatism, working-class nostalgia, and true artistic success. Whether it's skirting self-checkout, sleeping on cash, or sharing humiliating childhood moments, the episode’s fast banter and honesty are more than worth the listen—with Mark’s quick wit leaving the hosts and audience in stitches.