Mojo Brookzz!

Summary

Are You Garbage? – Mojo Brookzz! (May 7, 2026)

Episode Overview

Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are joined by stand-up comedian, actor, and viral sensation Mojo Brookzz to determine if he is “garbage” or "classy" in the playful, roast-filled tradition of the show. Mojo shares stories from his Chicago upbringing, showbiz journey, family, travel, food preferences, and spending habits. The trio riff on fast food, luxury tastes, and what makes someone truly “garbage”—with the signature blend of high energy, hilarious banter, and genuine warmth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mojo’s Chicago Upbringing & Early Hustles

• Mojo grew up on Chicago’s West Side, Humble Park, in a tight-knit family (04:00).
• His mother worked at McDonald’s Corp (Safety Department), granting him and his siblings access to “Hamburger University” and free McDonald’s food:
  • “We used to have chicken patties, the pancakes, all that. I’m McDonald’s out now.” – Mojo (05:46)
• His father started as a hustler before becoming a successful general contractor.
• Mojo’s tour manager is his own brother; security is a longtime friend from Mojo's days promoting parties (04:01).

Notable Quote:

"Before I even needed security, he was there. But at first, he’d show up in flip-flops—now it’s all-black Air Force Ones. That’s when you know it’s serious." – Mojo (05:12)

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2. School, College, and ‘Near-Miss’ with Law Enforcement

• Mojo describes himself as a “lazy” but not badly behaved student (10:28).
• He attended Westwood College for criminal justice—credits didn’t transfer when the school closed, but the loans were cleared (11:46).
• Dreamed of being a cop, lawyer, or judge but got into trouble at 17, which altered his law enforcement ambitions (14:01).
• Viral comedy videos launched his entertainment career just as he was nearly called to join the Chicago police (14:21).

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3. Early Jobs & McDonald’s Drive-Thru Captain

• Mojo’s first jobs: Cashier at Wendy’s and various roles at McDonald’s, where his energy made him “drive-thru captain” (15:12).
• Used his charisma to set sales records for strawberry lemonades, though rewarded with only coupons (16:00).
• Strict about rules: if your card declined, he’d run to the next window and “take the food back.”

Memorable Moment:

"I said, ‘Your card declined, do you have another one?’ And he gave me another card—if it didn’t go through, I said, take that shit to Burger King." – Mojo (17:35)

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4. Fast Food and “Garbage” Tastes

• Extensive McDonald's talk: nostalgia for discontinued items (Mighty Wings!) and subtleties of Filet-O-Fish etiquette (21:44).
• Mojo is critical of how food everywhere “just ain’t the same”—but remains fiercely loyal to McDonald’s.
• KFC/Popeye’s: Mojo and the hosts debate bone-in vs. boneless chicken (22:16).
• On Wendy’s spicy nuggets: “10 out of 10!” (23:16).

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5. Leveling Up: Travel & Luxury

• Vacations as a kid: Disney World by Greyhound bus (“Spent more time on the bus than in Disney!”) and Wisconsin Dells (31:33).
• Now prefers all-inclusives in Jamaica, St. Martin, aiming for private villas in St. Lucia (32:46).
• Travels in first class, enjoys status with premier airlines, and brings his beloved McDonald’s breakfast on board (36:08).
• Prides himself on “VIP” status (41:16).

Notable Exchange:

Foley: “How do you feel about dropping the seat back?”
Mojo: “I drop that back soon as they let me. As soon as you hear the ‘ding!’ — boom.” (38:19)

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6. Money, Spending, & Financial Philosophy

• Mojo bought his dad a BMW X6—fulfilling a childhood promise after years of “test driving” BMWs they couldn’t afford (08:09).
• Claims to manage money well: “When I was living check to check, I’d buy McDonald’s over making the car note. But now it’s nothing I want that I can’t get, and there’s nothing I absolutely have to have I’d break the bank for.” (59:41)
• No wild or impulsive purchases, though admits to recent $8,000 shopping sprees and buying a $700 Louis Vuitton yo-yo (60:28).

Notable Quote:

"Y’all don’t got nothing else. Let me buy the yo-yo. And now I take it everywhere—it relaxes me before shows." (62:28)

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7. Living Situation & “Garbage” Litmus

• Rents a five-bedroom house with a pond and gazebo, no pool (46:12).
• Cars: BMW X6M 2026, BMW 328D, 2023 Jeep Grand Cherokee—plans to buy a new Hummer (46:43).
• Avoids discount stores: “No T.J. Maxx, no Marshalls.” (48:54)

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8. Food Habits & Entertaining at Home

• Eats takeout straight from containers (“feels bougie to plate Raising Cane’s”), but cooks too—lamb chops, tacos, salmon (51:21).
• Sleeps with five pillows but doesn’t use all of them, insists on “heat at 80” in his bedroom (50:00, 50:36).

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9. Social Life, Generosity, and Classiness

• Never splits checks if he’s out with friends; usually picks up the whole tab (57:44).
• Puts considerable thought into monetary gifts for weddings—a godson might get “$5,000–$10,000” if he’s doing well; “Her people? They should be happy I showed up!” (55:18–56:05).
• Honest about not dancing at courthouse weddings or for distant relatives (54:53).

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10. Day-to-Day "Garbage" Test Questions

• Watch that didn’t work? Yes. (45:32)
• Favorite Gatorade: Orange (45:41)
• Fireworks at home: Yes, in the garage (46:04)
• Never owned a butterfly knife or switchblade (45:59)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On fast food desire:
  “We used to go test drive BMWs. No intention of buying one—just dreaming. I used to tell my dad, ‘One day I’ma buy you this car.’” (08:09)
• On traveling:
  “I fly first class, that’s non-negotiable. And I bring my McDonald’s on the plane.” (36:08)
• On money and gifts:
  “If my godson was getting married, I’d probably give him $5–10K—if he was doing well. But my girl’s people? They should be happy I showed up.” (56:19)
• On luxury:
  “A lot of big dudes wear small people’s clothes. So at Louis Vuitton I just bought the yo-yo.” (61:10)

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Segment Timestamps

• [01:11] Mojo Brookzz introduction and opening stories
• [03:45] Childhood, family, and Chicago upbringing
• [05:37] Mom’s career at McDonald’s and “Hamburger University”
• [07:43] Buying dad a BMW and “test driving” as a dream
• [10:16] School days and college for criminal justice
• [14:01] Trouble as a teen and law enforcement aspirations
• [15:12] Drive-Thru Captain stories, fast food hustle
• [21:44] Fast food culture and nostalgia
• [31:29] First vacations: Greyhound to Disney & Wisconsin Dells
• [32:45] Favorite modern vacations & all-inclusives
• [35:06] Suits, wardrobe, designer shopping
• [38:07] Airline travel routines and preferences
• [46:12] Real estate, cars, and “house vs. home” status
• [51:21] Cooking, takeout, and home eating habits
• [54:43] Dancing at weddings and gift-giving logic
• [57:44] Who pays the restaurant bill?
• [59:30] Financial habits, shopping philosophy, the LV yo-yo
• [63:15] Final garbage/classy judgment

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Conclusion: The Garbage/Classy Verdict

Mojo Brookzz is dubbed 100% “classy” by the hosts, impressing them with his thoughtful generosity, loyalty to family, careful handling of new money, and measured approach to luxury and spending. Despite a few “garbage” roots (like Greyhound bus rides and rabid McDonald’s loyalty), the show concludes Mojo is one of their most respectable, big-hearted, and hilarious guests to date.

Closing Note:

“Thank you guys. To all my comedy buddies—if you haven’t been here, come. This isn’t like other podcasts. McDonald’s on me when I’m back.” – Mojo Brookzz (65:08)

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For more: Check out Mojo on tour, and follow Are You Garbage? for more unruly deep-dives with comedy’s best.

Transcript

[A]

Holy moly. New York City and the surrounding areas are youe Garbage and Friends is back. We're gonna be down there at the Comedy Cellar May 18 and June 15. You got two chances to see us, so come on out.

[B]

Yeah. Tickets [e-mail] we got some of our favorite guests coming to play ayg with the crowd. It's a small venue, so get your tickets before they sell out. We'll see you there.

[A]

Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they're grouped to be classy, but they're just a big old piece of trash.

[C]

Trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host, Tay Trolley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's on her way to the grocery store.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So if you didn't get your order in, you're screwed.

[B]

All right?

[A]

I'm not sharing my double stuffed Oreos with you.

[B]

Fair enough.

[A]

Mike coast is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Ru Garbage. He's an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan.

[B]

What up, gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the fucking tree. Charts, baby.

[A]

Yes, we are.

[B]

And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com alreadygarbage. Go over there, get all that bonus content, baby.

[A]

We couldn't be more excited about incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest yesterday for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful stand up comedian and actor. And you might have seen him in you Got A Naughty Christmas Story. You Got Real Love. And he got Tyler Perry's Ms. Governor. He's got 2.2 million Instagram followers. He's killing it on YouTube. He's just about everywhere. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the one, the only, Mojo Brooks. Come on, man, let's go, let's go. How about that?

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

How about that?

[C]

Welcome to Ru Garbage, brother. I'm glad to be here, man. It sound like he was going to bring up a popular stripper.

[A]

Just,

[B]

you know her, you love her.

[C]

Yeah, I thought I was going to have to go.

[A]

Gotta say not to put your business out there. First guest we've ever had came into town, got a rental car. Rental car broke down.

[C]

That's a fact. That's a fact.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

What was it? What car was it?

[C]

So we had a. I think it was a. What kind of episode? Oh, it was a Chevy Tahoe.

[A]

Okay. Respect. We do the same. Same move.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You got the, you got the fellows with you. We travel with the. With the big squad as well.

[C]

Yeah. And they love it. So what happened was my tour manager, he normally gets here the day before a little bit early.

[B]

That's a good tour manager. Our guy. Our guy travels with us and complains the whole.

[C]

And then you gotta wait for him to get the car. I don't want to wait. I just want to be able to get off.

[A]

No.

[C]

And go.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

So good. Yeah. So we got it set up so we could just get off the plane. I could go. So I got off the plane and I get a text from like, yo, I'm not coming to get you because the. The car is not starting. Cuz he had checked into the hotels.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I get there, I already had a key. I can go straight to my room.

[B]

That's big.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Wait in there. And they got id. You got it. They go to WI fi this. The breakfast is six. Shut up. Give me the key.

[A]

Wait, hold on. You already, You've already been to the hotel?

[C]

No, he. He had already been to the hotel.

[A]

Gotcha.

[C]

Checked us in. So when I got there, he could just hand me the key.

[A]

I like this. I like this.

[C]

Yes. It's a nice, like process.

[A]

I understand.

[B]

They don't like giving the key.

[A]

They don't.

[C]

They don't.

[B]

Hey, can we pre check so when we're there we can just pick it?

[C]

They don't like it. Yeah, I don't know what they think you're gonna do.

[B]

It's crazy.

[C]

I don't know. But yeah, so he called me, said the car broke down and so then I had to take an Uber and I had to go eight miles. I had to go eight miles takes an hour. Eight miles. Eight miles took 56 minutes.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[A]

He says he doesn't like the traffic here.

[C]

They got. Because it's like they got all these buildings but not enough roads to get to them. Crazy.

[B]

I'll get out and just. I'll just get out and walk and go. That's it.

[C]

You might as well.

[B]

Yeah, it's brutal.

[C]

You might as well. I saw a pigeon moving fast.

[A]

We're glad you got here safely.

[B]

Yeah, man, Appreciate it.

[A]

No worries at all. Let's go back to the beginning. Give us the origin story of Mojo Brooks. We know you're a Chicago guy.

[B]

Chicago kid. Kid, right.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Big shot town guy. Born and raised on the west side of Chicago.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Humble park area.

[A]

Nice. You know, brothers, sisters.

[C]

Grew up. I grew up with. My tour manager is actually my brother.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually my brother. Yeah. So what.

[B]

Who is. Who's in the squad? Because there's.

[C]

Okay, I think four deep. Is it. No, we 3D. And I normally don't come 3D. I'm. Normally.

[B]

I respect it.

[A]

Yeah, I love it.

[B]

I love. We roll six deep.

[C]

I don't give a. Yeah.

[B]

Everybody goes everywhere.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. So I got. So my brother's my tour manager at the. TJ is my security.

[B]

That's the big guy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've been together for 15 years.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So before I even needed security, you know, he was. You know, he was. He was there.

[A]

Did tj. TJ offer his services to you early?

[C]

You know what, honestly, I was doing. I was a party promoter, so we used to have him and his brother come and do security. Security at the party. So once I moved into, you know, the entertainment space of, you know, being a performer, I'm like, yo, you know, you my security. And he didn't take it serious at first. He used to show up with flip flops on. I'm like, what if something happened? You got on flip flops, you gotta fight. Yeah. You must know, nobody's gonna do nothing to me.

[A]

So, you know, throwing the flip flops like an Iraqi reporter.

[C]

So now he went from that to now he'll put a pair of all black Air Force ones on.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

That's what I know. Yeah. He gonna keep me safe and look

[A]

professional when he came in.

[C]

Yeah. And then my cousin Devin, you know what I'm saying? We. He. He lives in Virginia.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So, you know, anytime I'm on the east coast, he come out very nice.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

That's good. Close circle, I like.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We tight. We tight.

[A]

So go ahead. What'd your mom do? What'd your dad do? Tell us the whole story.

[C]

So my mom. My mom for a long time worked for McDonald's Corporation.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Safety department. Oh, yeah.

[B]

So good job.

[C]

We ate McDonald's for years.

[A]

Wait, hold on. Isn't McDonald's University at. In Chicago.

[C]

Yes. That. She used to work at the campus.

[A]

Get the.

[C]

Out of here. She took us to the Hamburger University where they go in and they train the man. Oh, yeah, we seen all that stuff. Like, all of it. Like, I mean, we used to. My mom used to get to make chicken patties and bring them home at the house. We used to have them at the house. The patties, the tender. The pancakes. Listen to me. I'm. I'm McDonald's out. Like, I. Like, I.

[A]

Huge.

[C]

We didn't hear so much McDonald's over the years. It's like. It's crazy.

[A]

Like, you got the patties. Like, you would get, like, the. The chicken patties at the grocery store. You got them like that.

[C]

Yeah, they in the plastic. And a clear plastic bag she dropped them in. I mean, and they. They actually tasted better at home.

[A]

Yeah. Because you could probably do your own stuff.

[C]

And then we didn't have all those fancy buns. We had regular Wonder Bread.

[A]

That's awesome.

[C]

You know what I'm saying? You my type of guy.

[B]

Talking about McDonald's off the jump, big

[C]

man's in, making it at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't got.

[A]

Your mom's like, a movie star.

[C]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[B]

So.

[C]

So my dad.

[A]

What's grimace really?

[C]

Like? So my dad. My dad was. My dad was a hustler.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

And then, you know, he. He knew he had to kind of provide a life where he would be around his family. So he ended up, you know, starting his own business as a general contractor.

[A]

No kidding.

[C]

Yeah. And he went on to be very successful at that.

[B]

And that's great.

[C]

You know, took care of the family. And I think I'm the first entertainer in our family, so everything is a little different to them, you know?

[B]

Yeah, we. We have. We have a similar. Similar vibe to it. I was like, what the hell are you doing? Until they start seeing some of the checks, and they go, that's working out. Oh, it's working out.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, I bought my dad a car, and there you go. Like, I don't care what I ever said about what you do. You keep going. You keep going. You.

[A]

All that real job.

[C]

I said, yeah, you're good. Fuck it. Don't worry about that.

[A]

What you get for them?

[C]

I bought him a. A 2025 BMW XC.

[A]

Let's go. Let's go.

[C]

Yeah, BMW. He wanted the 745 Li, but they don't make the 745 anymore. So he.

[B]

They don't make it anymore?

[C]

No.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

But they don't make it. That was when we was kids. That was a car he wanted. He's always saying, I want a BMW. I want to BMW. I'm telling you a quick story about that, please. So we used to go and Test drive the BMWs with no intention.

[B]

I picked up on that.

[C]

You talking to this Sal dude.

[A]

You're built for the show, bro.

[C]

You have no intention on buying one. So we would go, he would test drive them, and he'll be asking all these questions like, pops, We've been here 20 times not buying his car. So I remember we was driving home one day, and he was like, man, I'm gonna get that car one day. I'm gonna get it one day. And I took it upon myself, and I was like, pops, I'm gonna buy you the car. And he was like, all right. Remember, you gotta keep your word. So the first opportunity I thought I had to bind with BMW, I was a sophomore in high school.

[B]

What the hell are you doing in sophomore in high school? Florida, 7:45.

[C]

Can I tell y' all what happened?

[A]

Of course you can.

[C]

Let me get there. So y' all remember the show Fear Factor?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. So Fear Factor was coming to the high schools in Chicago, okay. And they were doing, like, a special taping of the students for a chance to win $75,000.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

So when they came to my class, they. They gave us the, you know, the consent form. I went home, I said, pops, I slammed the paper on the desk. I said, I'm going on Fear Factor. I'm gonna win the money. We gonna get the BMW. So I went to school the next day. I was turning my consent form, and they had the rep from Fear Factor come, and they was like, listen, the first challenge, in order to be on the show, not. I turned this in and I'm already on it. You gotta do some shit to get on it. They, like, the first challenge you gotta do is lay in a bathtub full of rats.

[B]

Oh, hell, no.

[C]

So I went back home, and I. My dad, I don't think you're gonna get the car right now.

[B]

No, dude, I got air, bus pass.

[C]

I don't think you gotta wait a couple years. So then once I finally, you know, got into a space where, you know, I'm touring, I'm doing well, I wouldn't have got it.

[B]

I love the confidence.

[A]

Yeah, me too. He had that car. He had that car till the iguanas came out.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought. I thought I was gonna have to go eat a couple ants or something. I did. I done did that on accident a couple times. Anyways, barrettes. That's where I draw the line.

[A]

Rats and snakes.

[C]

Yeah, I can't do the rats at all. I don't even like to watch a snake eat a rat. That's how bad. I can't even do it.

[A]

Scary.

[C]

I can't do it.

[B]

Oh, shit. Okay. Were you a good student?

[C]

Was I a good student? When you say good student, like, did I get good grades?

[B]

I don't know, but that's a good answer, your honor.

[C]

Or did I get in trouble when I was in class?

[B]

A little bit of both.

[C]

You know what? I wasn't a. A misbehaved child, but I was very lazy in school. Yeah. So, you know, my mom used to say you. You got the potential to get straight A's.

[B]

You just got by, though.

[C]

I just got by.

[A]

Did you take the sats or the cats?

[C]

Yeah, I took that. Yeah, I took that, the sat. Was that to go to high school? That's high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You remember what you got?

[C]

Yeah, some like. Like a 36 or something.

[B]

The act. Yeah.

[A]

Act. Yeah.

[C]

Act.

[A]

What I say, Cat.

[C]

They got two, though.

[B]

The East coast takes the SAT and then I guess the Midwest does the act.

[C]

Yeah, all of them are some.

[B]

Anyway, did you. Did you apply to college? Did you go to college?

[C]

I did. So I end up going to this school called Westwood College. You know the colleges that got the commercials?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You want to be in criminal justice? We are hands on. Teach you how to do fingerprints, investigate crimes. And I fell for it and I went there. And you wanted.

[A]

You wanted to be in.

[C]

I want to be a criminal. I got a degree in criminal justice from Westwood College. But the credits. The school end up going out of business. So they. They end up. They were still trying to get the financial aid loans and I'm like. But the school don't exist. So who am I paying?

[B]

Who's getting the money?

[C]

Who getting the money.

[A]

So that.

[C]

Yeah. So anyways, I ended up. I ended up going. I finished, but thank God they cleared up my student loan. So I don't owe. I don't owe anybody.

[A]

That's good. So what did you want to do with that? You wanted to get in law enforcement? You want to be a private investigator?

[C]

I want it to be.

[A]

No, pick it up if you need to. We don't need. We'll cut it off. Take your time, buddy.

[B]

Take your time. I said hello.

[A]

We'll pause it.

[C]

Yeah, pause it.

[A]

Yeah, done. Of course.

[B]

Damn. You got calling you on vacation.

[A]

Very cool handling business us right now. Very cool.

[B]

That's a cool channel.

[C]

Take this thing to the next level.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

All right. Where was it? Where was he at?

[B]

I'm in Spain. I'm in. I'm in Madrid right now.

[A]

For the listeners out there, Mojo just got an incredibly important phone. Yeah. From one of the biggest guys in Hollywood.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

A second first here on the show. From a broken down rent a car to.

[C]

That was wild. It was crazy.

[A]

It was wild.

[C]

You know what? I appreciate you guys allowing me to talk.

[A]

Of course. What are we gonna say?

[B]

No, that's the most famous I've ever been dud. I. I'm gonna call my mom when I get done.

[A]

That was awesome.

[B]

That was wild, dude.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Very cool.

[A]

So criminal justice school, huh?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be a cop. Want to be a cop. Want to be a lawyer. I want to be a judge, man.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, but see, remember judge in Chicago?

[B]

Judge. That'd be pretty good.

[C]

You know what? Now, I want to write a show like that where. But I don't want to be the judge. I want to do, like, a show where, like, I'm the lawyer for all the baby daddies in the world.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

And you gotta come to this court first before we determine if you go to the big court and put your baby daddy on child support. But I wanna represent the good fathers that get put on child support, and they don't. They shouldn't be on there.

[A]

Gotcha.

[C]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but I want to be. I want to be the Lord. I don't want to be the judge. I feel like everybody always is the judge. I don't want to be the judge, but I did want to be like, a. Like, seriously, I was really, like, Wanted to be an FBI agent. I wanted to do all that shit, man. But, you know, as, you know, like, you was talking about my crew, I got in trouble when I was 17 years old.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

For what? Your honor.

[C]

Your honor.

[B]

Well, that happened.

[C]

No, that happened with. But no, honestly, it was real. It wasn't as bad as how it looked. You know what I'm saying? You don't realize how serious shit is till it gets serious.

[A]

Of course.

[C]

So after that, it was kind of like, you know, I got my criminal justice degree, and I almost was a Chicago police officer. But I started going viral right before they called me to come back.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Gotcha.

[C]

And I was like, I'd rather tell jokes than get shot at.

[A]

I'm with you.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Makes sense. What was your first job? What was the first job you ever

[C]

had my first job I ever had. I was a cashier at Wendy's.

[A]

Nice. Well, what'd your mom think about that?

[C]

You got excited.

[A]

Look at what'd your mom think about that? You know what that's like, going against your family.

[C]

Was it. It was Wendy's. It was Wendy's. But I was there maybe about a year, year and a half, and then. But everybody's in my family. My mother has got them a job at McDonald's. Gotcha, everybody.

[A]

So you worked there?

[C]

I'd have where I worked at McDonald's a few different McDonald's.

[B]

Not the restaurant.

[C]

Not the restaurant. I worked at different locations, though.

[A]

He wasn't professor at the university.

[C]

Professor, But I was a drive through captain, though.

[A]

What's a drive through captain?

[C]

Some shit I made up. I was the best. I was the best at working a drive through. I used to hype them up. They used to come up. They used to have these. They started the strawberry lemon, this frozen strawberry lemonade. They used to do this how I got the drive through captain position because how excited I used to be to sell it. So they'll come through the drive through and I'd be like, welcome to McDonald's. Would you like to try our new strawberry lemonade?

[A]

Pretty good.

[C]

And they'll be, ah, I wasn't gonna get one, but now I want one now. And right then and there, I sold the most strawberry lemonades in history. Look this up, man.

[B]

Look it up.

[C]

Look it up.

[B]

That's a printed stat.

[C]

Google it, man. Chat gbt. And I was the strawberry lemonade seller.

[A]

You get a piece of that? You get any commissions that from McDonald's?

[C]

Yeah, they gave me some coupons, bro. I used to have, like. Oh, man, I missed. That's what I missed. My mom used to have, like, free, free Big Mac meals or free value meal. Like, we used to have these cars in our wallet. Like, look at you. You wish you had one.

[B]

I just got lost in his eyes.

[C]

You did. Pause, pause, pause.

[B]

I'm on it.

[C]

But we definitely used to, man, we used to have all type of shit. Free dessert, free apple pies. I mean, when I tell you she was locked in at McDonald's, I mean, even to this day, though, she still got friends that still work for the company or whatever.

[A]

But I love it.

[B]

One of the questions I'd love to ask, because it happened to me many a handful of times in a McDonald's drive through, would anybody not have the money to cover the paint? Would their card get declined?

[C]

Ye.

[B]

And what would you do. You just gotta go. I mean. Cause that's happened to me a handful of times where I'd order and then get to pay. And they'd be like, your car didn't go through. I didn't have enough cash.

[C]

Let me tell you something how serious I was about being a drive through.

[B]

Captain.

[A]

The captain, the captain.

[C]

This is how serious I was. A guy came through one day, swiped his car. I handed it back to him and he drove off. But it got declined. He went to the next window. They was handing him the food before he can get the food in his hand. I had ran to the next window and took the food back. Damn. I said, your car declined. Do you have another card or not? And he had another card. And I took the food and went back and I swiped that card.

[B]

Go through.

[C]

No.

[A]

Get the hell out of my line.

[C]

Take that shit to Burger King.

[B]

This is a McDonald's, sir.

[C]

Take that broke shit to Burger King.

[A]

Kip, you know Fabletics?

[B]

Do I know Fabletics?

[A]

You live pretty much of an active lifestyle.

[B]

I'm moving shaking dog.

[A]

I'm trying to live more of an active lifestyle. We know a lot, homies. And the bozos out there, they live active lifestyles. Yep, the spring is here. You're moving around a bit more. Do yourself a favor. Go over to Fabletics and get yourself straightened out.

[B]

Get laced up.

[A]

Get laced up.

[B]

Listen, they sent me. I actually got it about 48 hours ago. They sent me what can only be considered a cache of clothes.

[A]

I like it, dude.

[B]

I mean the joggers. I'm not a big joggers guy. These joggers, they just fit. You put them on, they're comfy, they look good. They're not. Some. The cuts are. The cuts are. They're not cool guy cuts, but they look good, if that makes sense. You're not trying too hard. You look good. It's clean, the lines are nice. The T shirts, they got T shirts. I got bathing suits. I'm breaking them bad boys out in la. I'll be in the deep end in the Fabletics bathing suits. Everything they got is versatile. You've got pieces you can work out in. You can also wear out the matching sets, lightweight hoodies, joggers, like I said, tees of all kinds. You throw it in the morning and not think about it again. It's honestly made me appreciate that. So this is. They also have a VIP membership. New VIPs can get scrub sets for just $15. When you sign up for VIP with Fabletics, you get 70 to 80% off of everything. How you doing? I'll say that one more time. 70 to 80% off of everything. It's easy to grab a few new pieces without overthinking it. Fantastic quality. Right now. You shop [e-mail] garbage like we said, you get 70, 80% off everything. When you sign up as a new VIP, take the quick style quiz, which I took. Select. Make sure to select Garbage when prompted to unlock this offer. This is a limited time offer, so don't wait again. Fabletics.com garbage 50%. Sorry. 70 to 80% off everything. As a new VIP.

[C]

Do it.

[A]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp gang. The good people at Better Help want you to know that May is mental health awareness month. And no matter what you're going through, BetterHelp can help. Not going through it alone. Remember that. Whether it's something big, something small, you know, Kippy and I, me especially these days. Yeah. Mental health journey. Bumpy, bumpy.

[B]

And you gotta lean on people. You gotta lean, you know. And also there's a thing, you know, a lot of people, we lean on our loved ones around us. Then they become your therapist. It's like, now, go to a.

[A]

They don't know shit. Go to a professional.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

All right. Get yourself straightened out. Listen.

[B]

Yes. Life is a journey. Some days feel good, others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night. And trust me, there's a lot of it. It's easy to feel like heartburn. It's easy to feel like you don't have to figure it out on your own. But truth is, no one has all the answers. And no one should be doing this journey alone. Having someone with you to listen, understand and help support you can make all the difference. Guys. Big proponent, always said of self, of talk therapy. It's fantastic. I've used BetterHelp in the past through my different parts of my mental health journey. Sometimes I need it, sometimes I don't. It is a fantastic service. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support with someone to support you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] garbage. That's BetterHelp. H E L P.com garbage. Do it.

[A]

What are your thoughts on Burger King?

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

What do you think?

[C]

What I think about it right now?

[A]

Yeah, right. Oh, see, I like where your head's at.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

What do I think about it right now? Man, we are on the same page.

[C]

You see what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah. I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying.

[C]

You know, I don't know if it's the same as it used to be. But you know what? I can honestly say that about a lot of food now.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

None of this shit is the same. I don't know what the fuck they give.

[A]

I got to be honest with you though. It might just be the one by me, where I live. The Mickey. The Mickey D's, they're still banging it.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What do you like from McDonald's? Everything.

[B]

I don't have enough time, bro.

[C]

He like. They don't even got the shit I like on the menu no more. He go there, make his own shit.

[A]

Listen, I'm here.

[C]

Big Mac, big and tasty.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. The mcdlt I used to like back in the day. No.

[C]

Did you ever try the Mighty Wing? No, I never. Oh, my God.

[A]

Get out of here, bro.

[C]

They used to have chicken wings. They used to be called the Mighty Wings, bro. Let me tell you. When I worked at McDonald's, really, I used to put them bitches in my pocket.

[B]

I don't remember that.

[C]

And go. Remember that? The Mighty Wings.

[A]

They might have only been doing that in Chicago. It could have been a test market.

[C]

No, they. It was other places. They really, man. Look it up.

[B]

Mighty Wings.

[C]

And they had a little bit of spice to them.

[A]

I couldn't do that.

[C]

I would have.

[A]

I would have trouble with bone in chicken at a fast food place, bro.

[B]

No, but kfc, I can't.

[A]

I don't fuck with that either.

[C]

You don't fuck with kfc?

[A]

I fuck with kfc. Heavy. But I don't get the chicken with the bone in it anymore.

[C]

Why?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

What do you get?

[A]

I get the little snack. The little snackers.

[C]

You rather get the boneless chicken? Yeah. That's the shit you can't trust.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what it is. It's about the bone in the chicken. It freaks me out. I don't know why.

[C]

The bone and the chicken.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You rather just eat boneless meat?

[A]

Same thing with Popeyes. Popeyes. I get the chicken sandwich.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And I'm big on the mashed potatoes.

[C]

Now that's a badass ass sandwich, though. At Popeyes. The spicy one, Forget it. And they would sleep on it. I think I was the first one knew about it.

[A]

That was.

[B]

This guy's been at the Blew up very quickly.

[C]

I swear to God. Before it blew up like that. I had. Had tried that chicken sandwich a month before. And I Was calling people like, yo, that chicken sandwich. Because my favorite spicy chicken sandwich used to be at Wendy's. Yeah, it ain't the same no more. No, it ain't even no meat. It's just crust now.

[A]

Tell you what, Wendy's. Spicy wings or spicy nuggets.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's.

[C]

They hit 10 out of 10.

[A]

10 out of 10.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But I'm a Mickey D's guy, and that's not. That's.

[C]

Yeah, no, I, I, you know, I could still. I. I've ate so much of it, I could probably still do a filet o fish. No cheese, though. No cheese.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, no cheese.

[A]

I like. I like. I like it with the tartar, and I throw a pickle on there.

[C]

Easy. Tartar, though, they go crazy sometimes. They just slap the shit coming out. You see what I'm saying? Wild. It's all down your hand.

[A]

It's wild.

[C]

I can't have it like that.

[B]

Pausing as long as I've ever played. Pause.

[C]

Dude, we need to count the pauses on this. On this episode.

[B]

I'm speaking of food that. We're in it a little bit. What's the palate like now that you're experiencing some of the finer things? Are you going out to nicer restaurants?

[C]

Yeah, but I've been doing that, though, but.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. Not when I was eating McDonald's. I was definitely broke.

[B]

But, like, you're in New York for a couple of days.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you have anything lined up or. I know you want to do?

[C]

I was gonna ask you guys to send me a couple restaurants, you know, that you can do. But he gonna take me to the Mickey D's by his house under the.

[B]

Under the L, dude.

[C]

To show me how good the one by his house is.

[A]

The apple pies are better here. Right.

[C]

But while I'm in New York, though, I have, like, you know, I've been here a few times. I haven't really, you know, got an opportunity to really, like, really explore the city, you know? Of course, I've been in Times Square. Last year, I performed Times Square at Town Hall.

[B]

We did Town Hall. Very great venues.

[C]

Love it.

[B]

We did one.

[A]

We did one.

[B]

No need to rub it in.

[C]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[B]

Things are still going very well over here.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, y'. All. But one is one. One is better than none. I did two shows one night.

[B]

Yeah, this guy's awesome. Somebody who just gets the show right away. Anybody else would have been like, yeah, you're just doubling down.

[C]

On it.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

But no, I wanna. You know, I wanna go see. I wanna go see that woman in the water.

[A]

What woman in the water?

[B]

In the water.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[C]

You know, the one.

[B]

Oh, Statue of Liberty.

[A]

Oh, statue.

[B]

I'm like, what the.

[C]

I want to go see that bad.

[B]

I thought it was a play or something.

[A]

Little Mermaid.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Y' all thought I knew about that lady out here.

[A]

You want to go see the Statue of Liberty?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

It's easy. Hop on the boat. It'll zoom right by. It's good.

[C]

Right by.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They don't take you to it, you can go.

[B]

Yeah, but it's also. You can just.

[A]

Well, if you want. If you want to do it. If you want to do it for free, you take the Staten island ferry, which is free, from down there to Staten island and back. You go right by it. Yeah. But if you want to go over there and do the tour and all

[C]

that, because they walk you up, right?

[A]

I. They. I don't know what the deal is now.

[C]

They don't got no elevator anymore. I don't know.

[A]

And it might be. It's a little hit and miss these days with. With the construction or whatever they have going on in there.

[C]

They fixing it up.

[A]

They're always doing something to that.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, something. You know, they always need some maidens. Always, Always.

[A]

Luke, do you know

[B]

going up is only going to cost you 25 to 27 bucks?

[C]

See what I'm saying?

[B]

Got that.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Do you got. Is it an elevator or is it stairs?

[A]

I don't think there's an elevator.

[C]

It's got to be an elevator.

[A]

How could that. It was, like, built in, like, the 1700s.

[C]

It wasn't built in 1700, though, because they brought her. Because she was with another man, and they brought her.

[B]

He's a French dude, I heard.

[C]

Yeah, she was with him and she left him.

[B]

There is an elevator to the pedestal.

[C]

There you go. Okay, I could do that. I ain't taking no stairs.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All right, well, maybe I'll go do that tomorrow.

[B]

There you go. That's a good time.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

What was your first concert?

[C]

My first concert. So it's a concert. It's an annual concert they do in Chicago every year called the Big Jam. And it was this. Oh, this is a good story.

[A]

I like this.

[C]

So the lineup had Lil Bow Wow. Beyonce was the headliner.

[A]

What year is this?

[C]

This is 2004.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Put on by the radio station.

[C]

Yes, by WGCI.

[A]

I like this.

[C]

And y' all will not believe. So this was my mom, got the tickets through McDonald's corporation.

[A]

Here we go.

[C]

McDonald's had their own skybox in the United Center. So we used to go to the Black House, the Bulls game and concerts. They had here that. We sit in the skybox. You will not believe. We sitting in this skybox. You will not believe. Who's in a skybox right next to us, Jay Z. R. Kelly. Whoa. R. Kelly. So it was a point in the show, it got real dark, right? And then you just started hearing him singing. Yeah. And I just heard all the ladies like, hold on, where my daughter? Where my daughter? So, so, so. But he was.

[B]

Took me a second.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. He was right next. But he was right next to us. And he was singing from the skybox. Oh, singing from there from the skybox. Yeah, right. He was in the skybox right next to him. And that was the first time that I had ever seen him. And I ended up meeting him like, like years, years down. I met him like a few months before they end up coming to get them. Yeah, no, I met him.

[B]

That's a great first concert.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was star studded.

[A]

That's a good first concept.

[B]

What was your first car?

[C]

My first car, I had a 1999 Chevy Malibu.

[B]

Okay, what year are we talking? 2000.

[C]

I got it. Oh, hell no. I got that. I got that in like 08. Okay, I got an 08 and it ain't. But you know what? That car gave me about two, three good years before it said fuck it. Yeah, yeah, it gave me about two, three years. The Malibu. I missed the boo. Devin, you remember the boo. He remember. We was out there in the Malibu. That's all right.

[B]

What color was it?

[C]

It was silver. I had the tinted windows on there. I put a TV radio in there and I had some sounds in there. Had two 12s in the back. 2:12 slamming coming through the hood.

[B]

That's. Everything's rad. The mirro and are rattling off. Was it the screen that popped like.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You remember that?

[B]

Do I? I wanted one so bad.

[C]

So bad.

[B]

My boy had one in a pickup truck.

[C]

And we were like, what the, man? And then I used to try to hook it up myself because I didn't have no money, had nobody to do it. So my only would do, like, certain things. It would only come out, but you couldn't pick the song. You had to play whatever came on. Whatever it was on. Yeah, whatever was on. But it looked good when the Girls got in the car, like, oh, you

[A]

got it, screen dude.

[B]

That and TVs in the headrest. In the early 2000s.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's all they rapped about. Spinning rims, lamborghini doors and TVs.

[C]

TVs.

[B]

You want it in your car?

[C]

In your car.

[B]

That's the big thing. I want to go back. I want to buy a 2005 Escalade. So.

[C]

Ain't nothing wrong with that. I want to put some ribs on it. Put the TVs on, the listeners know,

[B]

and they send them to me like, this one's only four grand, this one's eight grand. Maybe two shows at town hall. I.

[C]

Two shows at town hall. You'd definitely be able to do it.

[A]

Any weird pets growing up? Any. Any frogs? Any snakes, turtles?

[C]

Nah, we black. As far as we going as a dog. We had a shih tzu.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Shih tzu. Okay.

[C]

He died.

[A]

What happened?

[C]

He had cushions disease and he had diabetes.

[A]

Oh, your dog had diabetes?

[C]

Yeah, my grandfather was feeding them Oreos.

[B]

See, you're gonna get that sugar. You better knock that off, big dog. You can get cushions disease. What?

[C]

Bro, he couldn't walk, he couldn't see. He was blind. It was fucked up. It was sad to see him go.

[B]

Yeah, it's tough when. It's tough when they get old like that.

[A]

I've never heard of a dog having diabetes fast, man.

[C]

Fuck that. Diabetes and cushions disease at the same time. That's like having gonorrhea and chlamydia both, and you don't know which one fucking you up the worst. Shit, it's crazy, man.

[B]

How old. How old were you when you got your passport?

[C]

That one. That was not too long ago. Maybe. Maybe I got my passport maybe about five years ago.

[B]

Cool.

[C]

Yeah. Around the pandemic. Yeah, about five years.

[B]

Traveling for work.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm on the same page. I didn't get mine until I was.

[C]

Because I didn't have a need to go.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I didn't have enough money to go out the country. Passport for.

[A]

What's the first time you're on an airplane?

[C]

My mom said when I was a little boy.

[A]

Little boy, okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What are the vacations like growing up?

[C]

Vacations? Man, they took us to Disney when we were kids.

[A]

No kidding?

[C]

Yeah. On the Greyhound.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

We spent more time on the bus than we did.

[B]

That's a long ride.

[C]

Long ass ride, bro.

[B]

That's gotta be like, wait, this is.

[A]

This is your mom, your dad?

[C]

My mom, my dad, my brother and My little sister and you and me.

[A]

Holy God. Love your parents.

[C]

We. Boy, that must have been. And I took my daughter a couple years ago and on the bus. Hell no.

[B]

What?

[C]

The first class baby.

[B]

Probably had some we don't even know about.

[C]

I told my parents we don't do that. Broke no more over here. Nah, but look at that.

[A]

Look at that.

[C]

No, but I mean, I'll never forget that.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

I will never forget the first time that we went and how we got there. Because I think, honestly, as a family, when we talk about it now, we talk more about the bus ride, of course. So. Yeah, no Disney. Our favorite vacation spot used to be Wisconsin. Dale's.

[B]

The Dells are big out there.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We used to go to the Dale's almost every summer.

[B]

That's good. It's a good vacation.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just have a good time in the Deals family reunion stuff. But, yeah, not bad.

[A]

Pretty classy.

[B]

What. What's a vacation look like now for you?

[C]

Jamaica.

[A]

You know you like Jamaica?

[C]

I like Jamaica.

[A]

All inclusive or you get a house?

[C]

No, no, no. I've been doing an all inclusive thing, but I'm about to step it up now and start getting, like, villas, like private, you know, private stuff.

[A]

With you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And same. I went to St Martin at the top of the year.

[B]

That's rich, guys.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This year I'm gonna go to St. Lucia.

[A]

St. Lucia's real nice.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I heard.

[A]

Don't go during hurricane season. Soprano.

[C]

October.

[A]

Jamie up.

[C]

September. October.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna go.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I was gonna go, but see, what

[C]

had happened was they don't got that same McDonald's out there that they got by his house. He said that I can't go that many days without it.

[A]

They wouldn't deliver that far, man. What do you mean, too.

[C]

Yeah, but those are the type of vacations that I'm. That I'm into now. I mean, but I. Like I said I took my daughter to Disney and stuff like that. Like, we went to the mall. America. I treated that like a vacation for

[B]

her, so that's cool.

[C]

Yeah, you know, I'm doing a lot of different things. Like, I'm gonna try to take to St. Lucia. Normally, what I try to do in between my touring is like. Like I'm on the arena tour right now with Mike Epps.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So when I get off of that and go into my full headline theater and arena tour myself, I like to take, like, maybe a few days just to go out the country. Put the phones down and just kind of, you know, and then you. You. You out there, you end up writing, you know, writing material.

[B]

Yeah. You gotta live a life worth commenting on.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

I wrote.

[C]

I wrote one of my best jokes in Jamaica about something that happened while I was there.

[B]

Yeah, it's great.

[C]

So, yeah.

[A]

Sharp. I like it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Very classy.

[B]

How many suits do you own?

[C]

How many suits do I own? Man, I used to own a lot of suits. I used to wear suits to my show on stage. Yes, man. Right now I probably got one suit.

[B]

One suit.

[C]

I probably got one suit.

[B]

Designer.

[C]

It is designer. Louis Vuitton.

[A]

What?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That might be the best answer we've gotten so far, right? What's that set you back?

[A]

I think I spent 1200.

[C]

About three grand.

[B]

There you go. Very nice. Very nice, Very nice.

[C]

He's writing it down. They have to rob me after this, y'. All.

[A]

You're pulling. I'm keeping track. You're pulling yourself out of the Greyhound bus.

[B]

You spelled Louis Vuitton wrong, too, by the way. There's no way that's right.

[A]

I spelled it Voltron.

[B]

I don't even need the look. It's wrong.

[A]

That's for my own personal. I'm gonna turn this in, like, getting graded on.

[C]

I'm not turning this in.

[B]

Show your work.

[A]

Work.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Very nice. Can you tie a tie?

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

So do you do a tie on stage or do open like.

[C]

No, I don't wear suits on stage anymore. But if I need to tie a tie like my mama do it. My daddy do it.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

My security. Tj, he'll do it.

[A]

He tied the leg, you know, set a tie. Tie.

[C]

Hell yeah. Bow tie type of guy.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

And I tell him, you too big for that. It.

[B]

But if he wears a bow tie,

[A]

I bet you it does.

[B]

Yeah, it kind of does. Because it's like, he's so big, but this is, like, not that threatening.

[C]

And I feel like long tie for a big guy. Gives principal.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Him and a bow tie. That would.

[C]

That would. He does it. He does it all the time.

[A]

I'd be checked by that. I'd be like, yeah, yeah. Big guy in a bow tie.

[C]

Yeah. Nah, he's serious about.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You need your security to be serious about you do.

[A]

I think he's playing PlayStation right now.

[C]

He might be.

[A]

Let's talk about travel.

[C]

Let's talk about it.

[A]

You like flying up front?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Excellent.

[C]

First class type of guy.

[A]

Very nice. Do you take your shoes off on A plane?

[C]

No.

[A]

Will you bring food on a plane sometimes? What are we talking about?

[C]

McDonald's.

[B]

You're bringing me. Are you on the plane?

[C]

You know what? Listen, hear me out. No, hear me out sometimes in the morning, because I do still enjoy McDonald's breakfast. So sometimes if I'm going through the airport and I'm like, oh, there's gonna be like, if I gotta fly to LA from Chicago, that's a four hour flight. Let me give me some breakfast. Because sometimes the food that they give you in first class isn't always that for sure, but they do got some good though, for sure. Like, American Airlines got this short beef rib.

[B]

The burger on Delta. Delta throws out it.

[C]

We're Delta, the Shake Shack.

[A]

No, it's trash. They used to do their own burger for a while.

[B]

Oh, they switched.

[A]

Yeah, they switched.

[C]

They got. They. Yeah, they. They collab with Shake Shack.

[B]

I didn't know that. It used to be their own burger. It was wild, fantastic.

[C]

United Airlines got like a grilled chicken over rice. That's. That's pretty good. It's a couple things that they got as good, but if they don't, like, sometimes I like. You can see the menu before you get on fire. And I'm like, I ain't gonna eat none of that. Give me something.

[A]

Let me ask you this, because this has kind of been a hot button issue with some of the. Some of our comic friends on the show.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

When we travel, we like to get to the airport not early, but we very on time so that us as a squad can sit down and have a meal together. Have breakfast together. Usually. Fine. In the morning.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So we'll have breakfast at one of the places in the morning.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

How do you feel about that?

[C]

Yeah, you're. I get to the gate when it's time to board.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I get to the airport when it's time to. Boy.

[A]

Yeah, but you bring a filet of fish on the goddamn plane.

[C]

Yeah, but then you can sit on a plane, you can eat. At least. I'm on my way. This is about sitting in the airport where it's like, bro, it's just, you know, the last time I was sitting in the airport, Kobe happened. I stopped that. Once people start getting sick, I go right, like, drop me off 15 minutes before the flight board. That's enough time for me to get to security with all the TSA pre check and all that.

[A]

You're pre check, you're clear, you're all that stuff.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You get right to the gate. Now it's Time to go.

[A]

How do you feel? How do you feel about dropping the seat back?

[C]

How do I feel about it? Yeah, I dropped that back soon as they tell me, I can.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You know what I'm saying? As soon as you know. As soon as I hear that, boom.

[B]

Yeah, you're down.

[C]

We reach 10,000ft.

[A]

I know.

[C]

Pop right back.

[B]

You a window or an aisle guy?

[C]

Window. Keep doing more comfortable.

[A]

Keep the window up. You like to look at what's going on down there?

[C]

It depends on if the person next to me trying to look out my window.

[B]

You don't like that?

[C]

Don't look out my window. Wait.

[A]

What?

[B]

Wouldn't like me.

[C]

I like, pick this seat.

[B]

I like the window.

[C]

This is my window. And if I see you lean over me looking out, I' ma shut that. No, look out that side of the plane.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. What you looking at?

[A]

You're up there together. It's a special thing.

[C]

No, it's not. That's my window. If I decide I want to lean my head on my window, I can lean my head on my window. But why are you leaning over me to look? What the are you looking for?

[B]

He's looking at your filet o fish.

[C]

I'd rather you look at that than out my window.

[A]

I sometimes sit there and look at that like a kid on a bus.

[C]

Out the window.

[A]

Oh, I love it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, it's clear.

[C]

I don't. You know, some days I sleep, it's something like now it's like automatic. It's like my body knows when I'm on the plane, and it's like, it's time to go sleep.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Unless. Unless. Unless you got a.

[B]

On a plane.

[C]

Hell, yeah. I just did the other day. Hell, yeah. And I'm gonna tell you something. I think. I think they should put a little bit of water in there. In the toilet.

[A]

Sure, bro.

[C]

Cause the shit, it gets all.

[B]

It's bad, bro.

[C]

And I had to flush that bitch eight times the other day.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I'm saying? Because if somebody would have came in behind me, they would have been like, bro, who did this?

[A]

That water's a huge. That water's a huge barrier.

[C]

Yeah. And then it's like, if you not shitting out a turd, if it's just shit. Cause it's different to have a turd.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

This. Because this looks like dog. That's what it looked like. Like it was dog. It was dog. And I'm like, bro. They're gonna be like, what the. Did he just doing Here, the turd is different. You know what I'm saying? The turret is respectable. Like, it's human.

[B]

It's bad.

[C]

It's bad. And the flight attendant was cute. I was embarrassed.

[A]

I got you.

[C]

Because, you know, if you in there. If you in there longer than three minutes, they know.

[A]

Yeah, they know what's up.

[C]

He.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

Then you open the door and just

[B]

a whiff, kind of try to close it real quick. Try to close. There's always some old lady waiting right there.

[C]

Move bad.

[A]

They are always standing right. He's the one in the back.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. You.

[B]

I didn't see you up here in the. In the 10 seats.

[A]

Everybody's always sitting.

[C]

I'm like that, too, though. I don't play that. If you sit in the back, don't try to put your bags. Yeah, I hate that.

[B]

But see that, if you show, if you're there early and you get it, you don't got to worry about that.

[C]

Don't.

[B]

You're running. You're running. Get. You're getting on last minute. That's why.

[C]

No, no, no. I get. I walk right to the front of

[A]

the line, but you get. You get there as they're calling Zone one.

[C]

Hell, yeah. First class. Now, sometimes I might. They'd be on Zone three or four, but you just skip. You just walk to the front.

[B]

But people. Yeah, but people.

[C]

Vip. I tell them. I walk past. They get to looking at me. I'm VIP.

[A]

Yeah, you got your McDonald's back in your hand.

[C]

I'm status. Hell, yeah. With United, I'm. I'm Premier. 1K.

[A]

Premiere.

[C]

1K is big.

[B]

Huge.

[C]

Yeah. I'm the real deal with United. And American. I forgot what I am with American, but Delta, I'm some medallion. I got a medallion with Delta.

[B]

I'm diamond.

[C]

You diamond? What's after diamond? Silver.

[B]

No, below a diamond. Platinum, gold. Silver, I guess.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I ain't all the way up there yet. I'm. See, I think I. I'm still tough in Chicago. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I got knocked back down to silver.

[B]

He stinks.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

We fly the same place.

[C]

I don't know. You're not flying first class?

[B]

No. He does.

[A]

Oh, yeah. We're up front for business. We're up front. Yeah, of course.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

That's good for business. You fly a lot for pleasure. What the.

[C]

Who's flying for pleasure?

[B]

You don't. You don't go nowhere for business.

[C]

For business. Yeah, I'm definitely flying business.

[B]

Oh. When you go to St. Lucia, what do you fly.

[A]

Take a private jet.

[C]

Pop your shit, man.

[A]

Kip, this is Pesty, which I know you're familiar with.

[C]

Mm.

[A]

All right. The bug man don't like Pesty.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay, cuz. The bug man likes the bug, likes the bugs.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I don't like most bugs.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

I did it as Pesty don't like all bugs. So do yourself a favor. Get Pesty, get your house straightened out. Get your house ready for the spring, get your house ready for the summer so you don't got critters and all that stuff running around.

[B]

Yes, listen, the. I was. My wife got on Pesty before they were a sponsor, which I gotta give credit to my wife. My wife gets in a lot of brands before they're sponsored. I don't know. What's you got? She must be in a back end or something. No, but for real, Pesty gets rid of over 100 types of bugs from spiders to ants, roaches, scorpions, list. You got scorpions, you got bigger problems. You know what I mean? Pesty is kid and pet friendly. That's why my wife liked it. We got the dog, now we got the baby. It's easy peasy. They send it to you based on whatever you got going on where you live. Bada bing, bada boom. You feel like a little chemist real quick. You dump this in, you fill it with water. You shake it up. Give a little bag, got a little sprayer. I use the same sprayer I used last year. I just did this like two, three weeks ago. Boom. You go walk around the house. It takes minutes. Minutes. It knocks it out. You save hundreds of dollars. Plus Pesi offers 100% bug free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you'll get a full refund. The kit includes a sprayer, a mixing bag, pesticide gloves and instructions you can complete in less than 10 minutes. There you go. Less than 10 minutes. You got the whole house. Makes me feel. I feel. I feel like a real man when I'm doing that. I'm protecting my family. Bugs keep the bugs away with pesty. Go to pesti.comayg for an extra 10% off your order. That's pesti P E S T I E.com Ayg for an extra 10% off.

[A]

Good KB. Let's talk about 1-800-flowers.

[B]

1,800-flowers.

[A]

Did you know the flowers are the number one gift to give for Mother's Day. But it can be hard to know which ones will show mom how much you really mean to ya. For over 50 years, 1-800-Flowers has been helping people send beautiful bouquets to mom that she's gonna love. That's gonna express your gratitude to her for everything that she does.

[B]

And your mother deserves that, Henry, for putting up with your stupid ass for so long.

[A]

Yes, she does, the dumb broad.

[B]

And right now, when you order one dozen roses from 1-800-flowers, they'll double your bouquet for two dozen for free. That's twice the flowers for mom, who gave you everything. For more than 50 years, 100 Flowers has perfected the details that matter the most. Every bouquet is picked at peak freshness, packaged carefully, and backed by the freshness guarantee. 1-800-Flowers knows that many of us procrastinate. And they'll even be saving up their customers with same day delivery service for years. Even if May 9th snuck up on you, they can still make May 10th count.

[A]

Baby, there you go.

[B]

I've used 1, 800 flowers for a couple of times in the past year. They're the best. It's like a set it and forget it. You call them up, they do it at it. Then your mom calls you, oh, my God. You're the best son in the world. I'm leaving you everything. How you done? Mother's day is Sunday, May 10, and bouquets are selling off fast. Trust me. Don't wait to claim your double roses offer before they're gone. Visit 1-800-FLowers-comm/garbage. That's 1-800-FLowers:comm/garbage, 1-800-FLowers.com garbage do it, huh? Okay. Have you ever worn a watch that didn't work?

[C]

Work. Yes.

[B]

Respect the honesty.

[A]

Do you have a favorite flavor of Gatorade?

[C]

I like the orange one.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Set the flavor. It's good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Orange.

[C]

That's cool. What's the orange flavor?

[B]

It's orange.

[A]

Orange.

[C]

Okay. Well, I said yeah, it's.

[B]

Orange is the tricky one.

[A]

Okay? We got defensive. I was giving you credit for it. Most people say the color, but orange happens to be the color and the flavor.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you ever, ever owned a butterfly knife or a switchblade?

[C]

Need a butterfly? No. No. Okay.

[A]

Any fireworks in your house right now?

[C]

In a garage.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Yeah, I got some that I ain't pop off.

[A]

What is the house like? You got the house.

[C]

I got a house.

[A]

You got the house?

[C]

Nice house.

[A]

Nice. Bought it. Rent it.

[C]

Rented.

[A]

Rent. Renting a house.

[C]

Five bedroom house.

[A]

Five bedroom. You got a pool back there?

[C]

Not a pool, nope. Got like a nice little gazebo in the back.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Very nice.

[C]

Got a little Pond back there. You can see the water.

[A]

You got a little pond.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Very nice, very nice. You could fish in there and everything.

[A]

No kidding.

[C]

Oh, yeah, very nice. You got to put them back.

[B]

Back.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

I'll be taking my fish.

[C]

I'll be trying to go make a filet o fish at the house with a fish. They'll lock your ass up. Well, yeah, I got a nice house.

[B]

That's great. What's, what's the day to day car situation?

[A]

You got.

[C]

I got a BMW X6 as well.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

BMW X6M 2026.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Midnight Blue.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I also have a, a 2023 Jeep Grand Cherokee.

[A]

Very nice.

[B]

The day today.

[C]

Yeah, no, I've been driving the out that BMW and three. I got a BMW 328D. It's a diesel.

[B]

What year is that?

[C]

That's a 2015. No, yeah, yeah, Diesel. I want to go get a Hummer.

[B]

Like that's like. Because they don't, they don't really sell those here, do they?

[C]

I bought it here.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know, but they don't really sell diesel cars. You want to get a Hummer, you

[C]

say, I want to get a Hummer now.

[B]

The old school.

[C]

The new one. Yeah, the new one bad.

[A]

Really?

[B]

They're pretty cool looking.

[C]

Yeah, I haven't seen it.

[B]

This guy's a dirt bag.

[A]

I love it. Hummer.

[B]

Anybody that gets a Hummer is new money trash. Trash. Dude, it's crazy. I love it. I love. That's what that's like lottery winnership. I'm gonna give me a Hummer.

[C]

I wanna, I've been seeing them and I want to buy another car because I bought the BMW last year. But I want to add. I wanna. I probably get rid of one of my cars and get the Hummer.

[A]

Get a Hummer. You start thinking Carmen Electra.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need something. I need, I need. I don't know. I used to have a Jeep wrangler. Yeah, I had some like 30 inch rims on it.

[A]

I'm a big Jeep guy. Jeep Cherokee, Limited.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the Limited.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Wait, do I got to tj, do I got the Limited or Unlimited? I got the Summit. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Summit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know that one.

[C]

Yeah, it's better than yours. All right.

[A]

I don't think it is. That sounds like one of those little ones that they did.

[C]

You got the massage. I got three rows.

[B]

Oh, you don't have that. Yours is like a matchbox.

[C]

Say that you got massaging chairs. No, Yeah, I got all those, man.

[A]

Mojo's coming here killing me.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Only did one show at Town Hall. Are you a loser? This guy stomp with Mojo.

[A]

I'm doing a beacon bragging about St. Lucia.

[B]

Never been there.

[A]

I was looking about going there. I think we went to Antigua instead.

[B]

I know you don't wear any lights.

[A]

Antigua's nice.

[B]

It looks real classy. Okay. Have you been to a T.J. maxx or Marshalls in the last 30 days?

[C]

No.

[B]

No, no, no. Okay. He got upset at that one.

[A]

What's the bed at the, at the house? King size?

[C]

Queen king? California king?

[A]

California king. How do you sleep? Do you sleep on your back? Your side?

[C]

Pause, pause.

[B]

Stop it, stop it.

[C]

I think that's too gay to answer, cuz why do you want to know what position I'm in when I'm sleeping?

[A]

To see if you sleep like a.

[C]

These questions are getting a little personal. They trying to find me. They want to know what kind of car. How big's the house?

[A]

Five.

[C]

Me, you know, how you sleeping at night? Are you on your back? How easy is it going to be for us to get it? Hell no.

[A]

Find out the fireworks defense systems.

[C]

I don't know, though. I, I, I don't know. I, I can't. I. Different way, I'll give you that.

[A]

Okay. I'll take it easy on you. How many pillows do you use? One.

[B]

Dude. Come on. Dude. Crazy.

[A]

I guess we'll skip the shower st. I guess on my loofah question.

[C]

I got five. I got five pillows on my bed.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

I don't use all five, though.

[A]

All right.

[C]

That's as much as I can tell you.

[B]

Be able to confirm nor deny.

[A]

Do you fall asleep with the TV on?

[C]

Some nights.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Some nights.

[A]

Do you feel like a cold in there?

[C]

Do I like a cold in there? What's up, man?

[B]

You don't want to talk to you.

[C]

What's up with you, man? Do you like it cold in there? What the. I never made it came before and because you.

[B]

Except you, dude.

[C]

Because you, because you a bigger guy asking do I like it cold? Cuz you like it cold? Yeah, I know you do. Yeah. No, I got the heat on 80 in my.

[B]

Don't come over.

[C]

Come if you want to. You have a heat stroke with me.

[B]

Oh, that's so funny.

[C]

Dude.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

God damn. Very funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, God damn.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

If you guys. When you have dinner at the house, okay. You guys have it at the, you sit at the table or do you sit at like, The. On the couch,

[C]

I think. I think I. I eat about everywhere in my room.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

At the table.

[A]

Eat in your room?

[C]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

By yourself?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Sometimes you just go in there and eat?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You were. Do you take out a lot? You cooking?

[C]

I cook sometimes.

[B]

What do you cook? You come over. You're gonna. You're really gonna. You're cooking for. You know, having a couple people over.

[C]

I might do some lamb chops.

[A]

Really?

[C]

We do tacos, salmon. I cook a lot of different things.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If you get takeout at the house, will you plate it or will you eat it out of the containers?

[C]

Eat it. Whatever they put. Brought it to me.

[A]

Okay. Whatever they brought it.

[C]

I feel like taking raising canes out of the box. It's some bougie. I might as well make some chicken tenders at the house if I was gonna do that. I agree.

[B]

You're not wrong on that one.

[C]

Hold on. Wait. Can I take this? Y' all just got it?

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[B]

The.

[A]

Take it. We'll pause it.

[C]

Really?

[A]

And we're back.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Back tax message from another one of the biggest dudes. That's crazy in show business.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

And we're not lying.

[B]

Wild.

[A]

You get the Hummer?

[C]

Yeah, I'm getting it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If not, that guy will buy you.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. I hope so.

[B]

He's got it. I'm asking, when was the last time you did karaoke?

[C]

The night that my daughter was conceived.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yes. I'm not singing no more.

[B]

Do you remember what the song you were singing was?

[C]

It was my girl, the Temptations.

[B]

And you had a daughter.

[C]

And I had a daughter.

[B]

That's pretty.

[C]

I made a daughter that night.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a nice story.

[C]

And it was the first night I ever drunk beer.

[B]

Really?

[C]

I don't drink beer no more.

[A]

No. What kind of beer was it? You remember?

[C]

No. They brought it in the jug pitcher for. All I know is I don't know.

[B]

Damn. What do you drink at all? Or that was this.

[C]

I drink. I occasionally.

[B]

Occasionally.

[C]

I eat it. I eat edibles now.

[A]

Gotcha.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Respect it.

[C]

I with it.

[B]

You're doing crazy levels. Edibles or just something small?

[C]

What's crazy levels?

[B]

I don't know. What do you do

[A]

you got kids? 20, 30 milligrams.

[C]

20.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Might go on stage off 20.

[A]

No, you're on stage with a 20, bro.

[C]

You guys think, though, the type that I eat, though, because, you know, it's different kinds. So I'm a sativa guy. That's one. And then they have different edibles that kind of like, focus on. You know, it makes you focus. It helps you tap in with your creative side.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So sometimes, you know, when I really want to write, because most times I write on the stage.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

When I really want to write, I'll eat one and I'll go up there and cook.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Damn good.

[C]

He's gonna try it. He gonna try that. 20 gonna kick in. I can't go out there.

[B]

Freaks out, dude.

[A]

I can't go out there right now. What are you talking about? Taking all the time.

[C]

Yeah. Not 10, 20. 10, 20 is it? But, you know, some nights, you know, I might. I might do 50 if I want to chill and have a good time. It ain't that bad. I won't go no higher than 50. Yeah, bro, I used to get some back, bro. A couple years ago, this dude used to. Bro, they was 25 milligrams, and them used to hit hard. Like, they used to hit so hard I had to stop eating them because I would still be high the next day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or the residual with it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm not good with that. Yeah, I'm not good with drugs.

[B]

That's an understatement.

[A]

What about a wedding? Will you dance at a wedding?

[C]

Yeah, I would dance at a wedding.

[A]

Dance at a wedding?

[C]

At whose wedding?

[A]

I don't know. You tell me.

[C]

Like, if I got married, I would dance in my way, of course.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Your brother gets married, you dancing at the wedding.

[C]

My brother is married.

[B]

Did you dance at. Did you dance at the wedding?

[C]

He got married at the courthouse, so they wasn't allowing no dancing.

[A]

Hey, knock that off.

[C]

Yeah, I tried to do the cha cha slide, and they. They put us out.

[A]

Let me ask you this. You go to a. A family member's kids wedding, so it's

[B]

like, you know, cousin or something.

[A]

Cousin or something like that. Younger in your family. What are you doing in the envelope? What are you dropping?

[B]

What's the gift?

[A]

What's the gift?

[C]

It's a family members. Who's the family member?

[A]

Who's the family member?

[C]

Yeah, you tell me.

[A]

A cousin's kid.

[C]

A cut. One of my cousin's kids. Yes.

[A]

Somewhat close.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

One of your good friends, kid. Or if one of your good friends is, you know, a little bit younger, they're getting married.

[C]

One of my good friends.

[A]

It's not a stranger.

[C]

How close are we?

[B]

I like this.

[C]

I just gotta know for context. I don't want to lose. We're close.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And they're getting married.

[B]

Give me your. Give me your close. And then give me what the guy who's not that close.

[C]

Okay, Close.

[A]

Like if your girl was like, hey, we got to go to this wedding.

[C]

If my girl was like, we gotta go to this wedding. Is. Is her people's.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

What's in there? What do they get?

[C]

Getting. Oh, them. Her people.

[B]

That's her problem.

[A]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[C]

What the am I giving them some money for? They should be happy I showed up. What the.

[B]

He's out there signing autographs

[C]

now. Okay. Bam. I got a godson. Right?

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

If my godson was to go and get married, you know what I'm saying? And he was doing well for himself, to start him off, I would probably give him anywhere between 5 to 10,000. Yeah. What?

[B]

Yeah, I'm with that. Your girl's friend's family.

[C]

Yeah, but if my girl, like, if it was her people, like, why am I. That don't even make sense.

[A]

You're not going to throw 500 for what?

[B]

Dude, the way he's answering that is like it's a such a staunch no. It's like, dude, I don't even give

[A]

him because he's got 5, 10, 10 GS on the other side now.

[B]

You did say if he's doing well, like, if the kids will like show in. Like he's.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And you're like, I want to help out. Like this. This kid's. This kid's really working. He's learning, whatever it is.

[A]

What if he's not?

[B]

What if he's not. You throttle that back to be like, I'm not letting you. I'm not giving you this to go blow or whatever.

[C]

Yeah. Well, first of all, why are you getting married?

[A]

Damn. Wow, that's very, very sharp.

[C]

Yeah. Why are you getting.

[B]

I didn't think of that.

[C]

Whoa. Why are you getting.

[B]

You don't have your.

[C]

Together, you're going to ruin it.

[B]

This.

[A]

This.

[C]

You going to her life up. Nah, bro, you ain't going to my money up with her. Do that to her. I'mma keep my money.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Wow. What a smart, very, very well thought

[B]

through, deeper level answer.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

That's brilliant.

[A]

Any splitting of the checks at a restaurant?

[C]

No.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

I assume you go out with most people. You. You're rather than, I assume, the people that called you.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

In your day to day life, you're picking up most checks.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm picking them up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most. Most of the Most of the time, maybe, like, my agents. My agent take me out.

[B]

They get that.

[C]

They. They'll take.

[A]

And if you went out with either one of the people that contacted you, you're not reaching for the check on that, are you?

[C]

Maybe out of respect, I would. I would offer, but knowing both of those guys, they not gonna let me do it.

[B]

I would argue with those two dudes. Dudes, that check doesn't even come to the table.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that's.

[B]

They're not like, oh, hey, Mr. So and so.

[C]

Yeah, here's the chat.

[B]

Give me a dig into your pocket.

[A]

Here's my Capital One card.

[C]

Yeah, no, I couldn't. Like, I couldn't. Maybe.

[A]

Maybe that's something they might get mad at.

[C]

Yeah, Maybe they let me buy them a drink, maybe having a drink. I got the drinks.

[B]

But yeah, just something out of a

[A]

gesture, whatever it is, they would laugh.

[C]

I mean. Yeah. I mean, they just so much. They just. So rich. Are we talking about.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Oh, yeah. You bought me a beer. Yeah. Thank you. My guy, like, what the. I mean, I would go around telling everybody, man, yeah, I bought Tyler Perry beer.

[A]

Let me ask you this. When you first started getting, you know, a few big checks, was there anything that you. Was there any silly purchase, you know, like a Jet Ski or anything crazy like that?

[B]

It didn't even have to be that big of a check, but just, like, you spent most of the check on something, something that you shouldn't have.

[A]

Because if you would have won the 75, 000.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You would have bought your dad a car.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It wouldn't have been a BMW. No. I'd have got him a Ford Focus or something. Yeah, I just. I gotta check. No, I don't think I ever, like, got a big lump sum of money and made a purchase that was like, I'm just doing something.

[A]

Have you always been pretty smart with the. With the. With. With your finances? To a degree.

[C]

When I started getting a lot of money, yeah. Like. But when I was, you know, check to check.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

If it was either the car note or some McDonald's I was paying, I was getting a McDonald's. Yeah. But now it's like, I make so much money that it's easier to manage it because it's like, bro, it's nothing, you know, It's. It's nothing that I. That there's nothing that I want that I can't get. And it's nothing that I, like, absolutely have to have. Where I got to go break the bank.

[B]

There's nothing you're doing in a week where you're like, what the heck?

[C]

Yeah, I'm not. I'm not about to go spend 100 grand in a week. You know what I'm saying? I might go to the store. Go shop. Like, I went shopping yesterday. I spent like 8, 000 on clothes.

[B]

What's that look like? Do you like what store? What? Where?

[C]

Where are you, Amiri? I went to the Mary. I got this yesterday. These jeans in this hoodie, a couple different outfits. Micah Mary, he got his own clothing brand.

[A]

You don't know him, the comic.

[C]

He's white.

[A]

Oh, Mike Amiri.

[C]

I think he's white.

[B]

Cool guy. Lukewood. Yeah. Mary Jeans.

[C]

Is he white?

[B]

I don't know. Know.

[C]

Find out. Yeah, I feel like. Yeah, I like that too. I just realized what his job was, so. I saw you do it.

[A]

Look it up.

[B]

He is white.

[C]

He is white. Handsome white guy. Yeah, I didn't say that. He took it too far. Pause, pause, pause. But yeah. No. Michael. Mary. Louis Vuitton. I got a Louis Vuitton. Yo, yo.

[A]

Louis Vuitton.

[C]

Yo, yo. Yeah, I wish I'd have brought it with me because I knew you guys were probably like, what are we, idiots? Like, I gotta show it to you.

[B]

What's that say?

[C]

Yo, yo, yo, man. Are you Louis Vuitton? Yo, yo. Is that costed me?

[A]

Why did you buy that?

[C]

Okay, you want to know the truth?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, there, he's got it. Your boy's got it. Damn, that's a good security guard.

[C]

Let me see it. That's the Louis Vuitton. Yo.

[B]

He's got a Glock and a Louis Vuitton. Look at that in the cross body.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Whoa, that's heavy as.

[C]

Yeah, it's a real deal.

[B]

You said you didn't make any stupid purchase.

[C]

I just bought that though.

[A]

Huh?

[C]

I just bought that. It was 700 bucks.

[B]

That's less.

[A]

That ain't bad.

[C]

See that?

[B]

That's less than I expected.

[A]

Did they have that at the counter? Like an impulse buy, bro.

[C]

It was like, I don't know. So I went and I noticed that a lot of big dudes wear small people's clothes. So we was at Louis Vuitton and they didn't have my sizes or anything. Like, they'll have my size in the pants. But the top, somebody bought it.

[B]

Somebody bought.

[C]

Okay, so you know somebody.

[B]

Damn. Well, it doesn't zip.

[C]

Don't even zip, you know what I'm saying? Pisses me off. He said that's my move.

[B]

That's how I kn. I walk around and say I'm a medium.

[C]

I was so frustrated, and I was like, man, I don't got nothing. I was like, I need something to wear the show tonight. And I looked in the case, and I saw this, and I was like, what is that? And the guy was like, it's a yo yo. I said, let me see it. And he gave it to me, and, like, you know, kind of started, you know, yo yoing it. And I was like, how much is it? And he was like, 700 bucks. I said, fuck it. Y' all don't got nothing else. Let me buy the yo yo. And then I instantly started, you know, using a yo yo. And even, like, before I go on stage and like, that do it. It, like, kind of, ah, relaxes. It relaxes me.

[B]

I was like a different part of your brain.

[C]

Yeah. So now I take my yo yo everywhere. I found something.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. So somebody said I might be on the spectrum because of this? No, I think so.

[A]

No, I think that's good.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

You brought that. From what the hell are you doing with the yoyo to very smart, very helpful creative process.

[C]

It does. Yeah, it does.

[B]

I mean, you know.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

this is. This is a very unique. Cake's got a Louis Vuitton yo yo on his. In his hand.

[C]

I do.

[A]

I mean, I don't really see. You know, the only thing I really heard was the Greyhound bus and what the.

[B]

Man.

[A]

Humble beginnings.

[B]

You're blinded by the McDonald's. The golden arches, though.

[A]

A little bit. A little.

[B]

I mean, he's clean. Classy.

[A]

Yeah, he's classy.

[B]

All classes. Classy. What can I say?

[C]

Thank you, guys.

[B]

Thanks for coming in.

[A]

100%. Mojo Brooks, ladies and gentlemen.

[C]

100% class. Classy.

[A]

Look at that.

[C]

Classy.

[A]

One of the very few. What's the Hummer, though?

[B]

Yeah, he is new. Mice new. A little bit. There's trash there.

[C]

I mean, here's the thing with the Hummer. I just like. I just like the new style. I like the way it looks. I. I'm not 100% going. I don't know if I'm gonna get there. I know I want to buy another car. Yeah. I'm even looking at some Lamborghinis.

[A]

He's sharp with money, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He didn't really have anything that didn't have a strong explanation to it, I'll give you that. Yeah.

[B]

It wasn't just because, like, this is.

[C]

And I had to think about, like, everything that I buy. I'm thinking, like, of everything. Like, all the major purchases that I've made. It was things that, you know, like, I needed, or things are like, hey, I deserve this.

[A]

And what are we talking about? What really makes them classy is the. The. The money for the wedding explanation. Yeah, that's Mojo Brooks 100 CL.

[C]

Come on. Thank you.

[B]

I love to see it.

[A]

He's on tour right now.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Please go check him out. One of the funniest guys out there doing it. Anything else you want the folks out there to know?

[C]

You know what? I want y' all to know that this is an absolutely great podcast.

[B]

Oh, thank you, man. Appreciate it.

[C]

And to all of my comedy buddies out there, if you. If you. If you haven't been, come.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

This is so much like, you know, it's not like your traditional no, you know, questions.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I'm saying? And now you gotta fake like you about to cry.

[B]

Like, what motivates you?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I had. I want to know if you had an amazing time. Yeah, I had an amazing time. So. Yeah, y' all, give it up to them. Let's clap it up. These are some classy guys. You know, McDonald's on me when I come. Come back.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It mojo Brooks, ladies and gentlemen.

[C]

Thank you, guys.

[A]

K, what do you got for them guys?

[B]

We're all over the road right now. Tickets are on sale. Get them while they last. We love you.

[A]

Yeah, we love Mojo. We love you, brother.

[C]

I love you. Coming in. Yes, for sure.

[A]

We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.