Ms. Pat Returns!

Summary

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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: Ms. Pat Returns!
Date: November 13, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Ms. Pat

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Overview

In this riotous reunion, Ms. Pat returns to the "Are You Garbage?" studio to face the infamous test once more. With both candor and comedic ferocity, she discusses her glow-up since last time—plus the realities of wealth, lingering “garbage” habits, her massive dream house, Black Thanksgiving versus white Thanksgiving, and a masterclass in southern thrifty living. Plus, she dispenses wild travel stories, family life chronicles, and unfiltered takes on food, shopping, and everything in between. The boys attempt to finally decide: Is Ms. Pat still "garbage"? Or has she officially become classy?

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ms. Pat’s House: From the Block to the Palace

• Home Upgrades: Ms. Pat details building her new 15,000 sq ft house with 13 bathrooms and 11 bedrooms, acting as her own general contractor and sourcing designs from TikTok “white lady” décor pages.
  • “I just went down white women pages and stole their living room, their bathroom, their kitchen.” – Ms. Pat [07:36]
• Strategic Shopping: She reveals secrets behind HomeGoods runs—knowing when trucks come in, hustling deals, and being “uppity but not Hobby Lobby.”
  • “You have to beat them white bitches to that stove, they will get to that store and buy everything...I already got y’all strategy from coupons.” – Ms. Pat [08:07]

2. Family, Hospitality, and the Art of Saying ‘No’

• Ms. Pat houses four of her niece’s kids, her 25-year-old son in a finished basement (“a movie theater, a kitchen”), plus her daughter in a separate on-property house.
• Visitor Policy: Pool house is off limits; guests are gently but firmly shown the door after a weekend:
  • “You can visit, but you can’t stay.” – Ms. Pat [23:35]
• Dog Life: Her dogs have their own house, cable, and air conditioning.

3. Wealthy but Still "Garbage": Frugal Habits Die Hard

• Thrifty Queen: Still couponing, still buying discounted household items (bought an entire Home Depot’s worth of crushed-box trash bags), and freezing packs of Nathan’s hot dogs when on sale.
  • “If I see something on clearance, I buy the whole shelf.” – Ms. Pat [47:59]
• Stockpiling for the Apocalypse: Whole garage full of deep freezers, food, and supplies—just in case.
  • “I think the apocalypse is coming...so I put this whole shelving thing in my garage...packing it with supplies...so I put three deep freezers in my garage.” – Ms. Pat [52:38]
• Multiple Cars: Nine vehicles including a G-Wagon (tax write-off), Lexus (“cheaper to maintain”), and custom 70s Chevelles.

4. Bougie Water & Secret Recipes

• How to Drink LaCroix Like a Pro:
  • “It’s better when you drink it ghetto. You gotta put a Crystal Light in it...Boy, that'll make your dick hard.” – Ms. Pat [03:24]
• Black Thanksgiving vs. White Thanksgiving:
  • “If you ever go to a Black Thanksgiving, you will cuss white people the fuck out. That cornbread stuffing y’all be eating, that is bullshit. We make chicken dressing...from scratch.” – Ms. Pat [27:44]

5. Life on the Road & Travel Flexes

• Delta Diamond/360 Status:
  • “You know the thing about being 360, when you have a problem, they take care of it.” – Ms. Pat [30:44]
• VIP Airport Lifestyle: Gets driven directly to the plane to avoid crowds—and photo requests:
  • “I don't want to say, look, leave me alone...So I just go VIP.” – Ms. Pat [31:59]
• Plane Etiquette: No shoes off, ever; no bringing food except snacks (“I’m in first class, so if I’m flying far, I’m gonna eat regardless.”) [36:38]

6. Financial Hacks, Credit Card Points, and Side Advice

• AMEX Platinum & Ritz-Carlton Cards: Knows all the credit hacks—bags fly free for her whole party, six Amex cards, even the “mirror face” Platinum.
• Advises hiring “a good gay guy that’s a girl and a boy” for business management:
  • “They gonna save you some money. I said that. I sure did.” – Ms. Pat [44:53]

7. Ms. Pat Fan Celebration

• Annual Fan Party: Throws a three-day, $200-250 per-head bash for fans from around the world—costume parties, food, private comedy—funded by liquor collected from club riders.
  • “I put all of this alcohol in my rider...They get Top. Top Chef alcohol...I have it all set up from a party to a podcast.” – Ms. Pat [64:16]

8. Running Jokes, Candid Confessions, and Verbal Fireworks

• Food and Snacks:
  • Favorite hot dogs: “I eat Nathan’s, but you can get them on sale. So I wait till they on sale at Kroger and I buy the shit out of them.” [47:11]
  • Hates bread and butter pickles: “Don’t nobody eat that. Who eat that? You’ll never catch that in no Black household, baby. That is nasty.” [59:00]
• Plane Nuts:
  • “It is work sucking a fat man penis because it’s so warm down there. And they balls are like...it’s like it’s been in a little...they hot.” – Ms. Pat [34:14]
• On Black Female White Men Pairings:
  • “Black women are getting into white men.” – Ms. Pat [35:37]

9. Final Verdict – Still Garbage?

• After a rollicking parade of habits, shows of both class and “garbage”—Hosts and Ms. Pat duel over her “garbage” status:
  • “With 17 Christmas trees—how are we going to call you garbage?” – Kevin [29:27]
  • “My underwear finally match and I’m garbage?” – Ms. Pat [68:41]

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On hard limits in decorating:

  • “No, I don’t [have ‘Live Laugh Love’ signs]. That’s trailer park. I said uppity white women. I don’t do no Hobby Lobby crap on the wall.” – Ms. Pat [08:12]

• On buying dogs outside Walmart:

  • “I bought a little acidoodle from Walmart.” – Ms. Pat [25:13]

• On her post-poor shopping habits:

  • “If I see something on clearance, I buy the whole shelf.” – Ms. Pat [47:59]

• On fridge organization breakdown in her mansion:

  • “I have two under counter refrigerators. So I have one for the water and the drinks...another one just for my husband’s beer and wine.” – Ms. Pat [16:35]

• On luxury and apocalypse prepping in one breath:

  • “I think the apocalypse is coming...so I put this whole shelving thing in my garage...packing it with food and supplies and bleach and Kotex and tampon in case we got to take off and run through the woods.” – Ms. Pat [52:38]

• On Black Thanksgiving food:

  • “That cornbread stuffing y’all be eating, that is bullshit. We make chicken dressing or either gizzard dressing...from scratch.” – Ms. Pat [27:44][28:14]

• On refusing guests to overstay:

  • “You can visit, but you can’t stay...I have no problem saying you gotta go.” – Ms. Pat [23:35]

• On peak credit card flex:

  • “Bring me my mirror face American Express card!” – Ms. Pat [39:13]

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Timestamps for Key Sections

• Ms. Pat’s Home & Décor: [07:00–12:00]
• Family & Guest Boundaries: [20:00–24:00]
• Home Good/Thrifty Life: [08:00; 47:00–50:00]
• Black Thanksgiving vs. White: [27:40–28:49]
• Travel Tips & VIP Lounge Stories: [30:30–34:00]
• Credit Card Knowledge/Flex: [39:00–44:00]
• Epic Fan Party Discussion: [64:00–68:00]
• Final Garbage Status Duel: [68:19–69:41]

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Tone and Energy

This episode is fast-talking, brutally honest, and packed with laugh-out-loud moments and wild personal anecdotes. Ms. Pat holds nothing back—whether roasting white people’s baking skills, talking about her “ghetto LaCroix,” or describing the heat generated by Foley’s “fat man balls.” Foley and Ryan gamely ride the rollercoaster, peppering Ms. Pat with garbage tests and marveling at her combination of hustler thrift and high-end taste. Despite her mansion and platinum cards, Ms. Pat insists her roots (and “garbage” quirks) keep her grounded—and hilarious.

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Bottom Line

Is Ms. Pat still "garbage"?

• Hosts say: “100% garbage. But I love you.” [68:22]
• Ms. Pat protests: Underwear finally matches, 13 bathrooms—she’s “classy.”
• Verdict: With her mix of mansion life, coupon-crazed stockpiling, and pure authenticity, Ms. Pat is the poster child for high-achieving “Garbage”—and nobody does it funnier.

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Don’t miss:

• Crystal Light tips [03:23]
• HomeGoods white-women strategic infighting [08:07]
• Pool house visitor policies [23:05]
• “Black people make the cornbread stuffing from scratch...” [27:44]
• First-class airport stories [30:44]
• Apocalypse prep tips [52:38]
• "My daughter lives in the podcast house" [20:30]

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Transcript

[Pam]

Donna, it's Pam. Listen, did you get your tickets yet for the Are you Garbage? Show at the Met? Are you Garbage with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley? The two I showed? Yeah, the bald and the fat one? Yeah, them two. Gator at the Met. I know, must be nice. All fancy at the Met. Made it big, you know? But make sure you go on there and get your tickets, because I know they're probably going to sell out quick, you know? And I'm telling you right now, I hope Aunt Totty's there, because guess what? I. I'm going to be having a conversation with her. That bitch owes me $80 from that beef and vera paddy wax. Yeah, so I'll be having a conversation with her for sure. All right, so go online and get your ticket. All right, so long.

[Kevin Ryan]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Check, check, check, check, check. Hey, Ms. Pat.

[Ms. Pat]

I like to be yelled at.

[Stage Foley]

A bit of a freak, miss.

[Kevin Ryan]

You and me both.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, I used to be a freak, right? Now if I get freaky, I get stuck. So it's just shit I can't do no more, you know what I'm saying? To get to this cat, I gotta hold back my stomach like you done open a hood on a car so it ain't too much I can do like I used to do, okay? Back in the day, I would throw that thing. Now I just lay it down and you have to walk into it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Eat easy like a warm bath.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, cuz sometime it been. Been a while.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the GR it to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash.

[Stage Foley]

Trash, trash, trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm your host, Stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She had a long night at the track, okay? And I'm not Talking about the 50 by 50, I'll tell you that right now.

[Stage Foley]

She is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, fair enough. That didn't work. Mike coast is coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of Are you Garbage? Sometimes you got to give up everybody. You know what I'm saying? He is the CEO of Ru Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. I just bombed in front of him. Give it up for kj, Kevin, James Ryan, everybody.

[Stage Foley]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. And then the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com rugarbage. You go over there, you get all this bonus content, gang. And last but not least, it's already cut you off. December 13th, Philadelphia Theater. The boys are coming home. Get those tickies now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, sir. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. We're gonna put it through the ringer again.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. You know her, you love her. Season three of Ms. Pat settles it is out right now on bet and bet. We're talking about bigger cases, talking about big surprises. Do yourself a favor, you haven't seen it. The show is absolutely fantastic and she's on a national stand up tour right now. Get [e-mail] give it up for the one, the only, Ms. Pat. Congratulations, season three.

[Ms. Pat]

Thank you, thank you.

[Stage Foley]

Amazing.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't know how we making it, but we making it. There's nothing like a convicted felon who can be a judge. Well, you can be president too, so. Hey, them felons winning right now. We're winning.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's America, baby.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, baby, America. I gotta tell you about this bougie white people. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's the beef with Lacroix?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, but I love Lacroix. But you drinking it wrong. It's better when you drink it ghetto. You gotta put a crystal light in it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Boy, that'll make your dick hard. You gotta put a crystal. I got something in my pocketbook if you need one. That's crazy. I'm telling you, that is some bougie water. When people come out, they're like, you drink this. I say not without blackening it up.

[Stage Foley]

Put a little flavor in there.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Drop a Jolly Rancher in there.

[Ms. Pat]

No, put a crystal light in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like, change your light.

[Stage Foley]

Like the individual pack.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, the individual. The whole thing. Shake it up. It's gonna buzzer, it's gonna hit the back of your throat. Going to start back working.

[Stage Foley]

I need it check back online. Baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was putting a. I put a little liquid IV in there for a little while.

[Ms. Pat]

Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? No, it's not a great sponsor.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm sorry. That, that's good too. But you should thank God for Eddie. But you should ghetto it up a little bit. Now, liquid IV is a safe way. That's a healthy way. If you ever want to get ghetto, just get you a thing of crystal light.

[Stage Foley]

And I'm telling now, did someone show that to you, or did you figure that out on your own?

[Ms. Pat]

I just. They said, this is some. This water. I can't drink it. I don't like water either, but I need water, right? And you know, because I'm fat and we dry out quick, and then I'm black, so we need oil. And so I just started. I said, what can I add? And I dropped a crystal light in, and it changed my life. And I don't know if I told y' all this story, but I can't drink water. Because when I was a little girl, one of the field trips at my inner city school, they took us to the water work and showed us how it was made.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, like the water department?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. And it abused me. They took us to the crap pod where all the turds was floating. And I know I seen my brother Turd out there, so I cannot drink water. And every time I go to think faucet water, I think about that time on that field trip, and I was like, we drank this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

And so they show you all the crap. Then they take you to the other side, give you a cup. Now drink up, Drink up. Did you not show me what you saw me? Yeah. In energy school, you get crappy field trips.

[Kevin Ryan]

If we came to the house right now and you offered us a glass of water, what would it be? Would it be a bottle?

[Stage Foley]

Bottle. Crystal light in it.

[Ms. Pat]

It would be Lacroix. It would be the other one that start with the S. That I can't pronounce it.

[Stage Foley]

Saratoga.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, it would be all of that.

[Stage Foley]

You got all of it?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, it would be all of that.

[Kevin Ryan]

How do you feel about Evian? You like Evian?

[Ms. Pat]

My husband love Evian.

[Stage Foley]

He does?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I could never get the taste.

[Ms. Pat]

I can't get the taste.

[Stage Foley]

I don't like it.

[Ms. Pat]

Like, I like people. Most people don't like the sunny, but I like a little ghetto water.

[Kevin Ryan]

So do I. Yeah. Dasani, what's the other one?

[Stage Foley]

That's coke. Aquafina.

[Ms. Pat]

I take that Sam water into really small bottles if they ice cold.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what?

[Ms. Pat]

Sam. Sam water.

[Stage Foley]

Sam's like Sam's.

[Ms. Pat]

It's the faucet. Yeah, it's the faucet water.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. I mean, so is Awkwafina and Dasani.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you would offer us a bottle?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, I will. Offer you a bottle of water.

[Stage Foley]

That's very nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now.

[Stage Foley]

I'm sorry.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, go ahead.

[Stage Foley]

What? Did we have to take our shoes off upon entering the house? Are you guys shoes off or shoes on? House.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm more. I have a nice house.

[Stage Foley]

We're aware. We're aware. I've seen Instagram. Fucking dog's house is bigger than my house.

[Ms. Pat]

Everybody know about my damn house. Please Don hop the fence cuz we got some lead for you. I didn't build that without having somebody in my house that can be a concealed carrier. I can't shoot you, but I can stand behind the person that will shoot you because I'm a convicted fellow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that. Is the house all done and you moved in and settled and situated.

[Ms. Pat]

It's all.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm all congratulations.

[Stage Foley]

That's awesome.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, but I didn't realize my taxes was going to be that high. I mean I didn't realize the house was that much. I was just building. I had saved some money. I said I'm going do this thing. I didn't think it was about the light bill, the water bill. You ought to see me walking around that 15,000 square foot house cutting out the lights that we pour. Cut the damn lights out. The light bill. I'm just. I'm calling to get on a budget plan all of that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's funny.

[Stage Foley]

Your house is 15,000 square ft.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. And I built.

[Stage Foley]

That's like what Shaq did.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't live far from Shaq. I. I built Ms. Pat and Shaq.

[Stage Foley]

What a neighborhood.

[Ms. Pat]

That's awesome. No, we a little far from each other be the neighborhood. But I. I built it from TikTok.

[Stage Foley]

What do you mean?

[Ms. Pat]

I didn't use a contractor, so I was a general contractor. I hired an architect to draw it and I. I got all the designs off of TikTok. I just went down white women pages and stole their living room, their bathroom, their kitchen.

[Stage Foley]

How many bathrooms? Let me. Can I guess.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

Eight.

[Ms. Pat]

No, it's 13 baths.

[Stage Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Thirteen baths?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

That's a lot of dookie.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like the palace of versailles.

[Ms. Pat]

And it's 11 bedrooms.

[Stage Foley]

Damn.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Does every bedroom have a bathroom? No. I guess the kids do.

[Ms. Pat]

All the kids have their own bathroom.

[Kevin Ryan]

You said you went white ladies TikTok, do you have any live laugh love things floating around?

[Ms. Pat]

No, I don't. That. That's trailer park. I said uppity white women. I don't live little laugh crap in my house. I don't do no hobby lobby crap on the wall. Ain't no crosses hanging home goods. And yeah, now I do home goods, but I ain't. Now that's. That's. Hey, that's the stuff that couldn't sell at the high end, that they bring it over that. But you know, the problem is home good. And those type of stoves. When you live in a white neighborhood, white women do not work, so they stay home, so they shop. You have to know when that truck get in and you have to beat them white bitches to that stove, they will get to that store and buy everything. I hate white women. When it come down to home good, they get the good pots. They know when the truck's coming in. But I know too. Cause baby, I lived in a white neighborhood, so I already got y' all strategy from coupons to learn how to go into these stores and get deals all the way down to bacon. And I always. Let me tell you something about a white woman. Can't nobody out bake a white woman.

[Stage Foley]

Really?

[Ms. Pat]

Black women can cook, but they can't out bake. You know why? White women have all the right utensils. Black women's in there stirring with their spoons and crap. White women got an egg beater that cost 900. We came out and I don't care what y' all say.

[Stage Foley]

Black women, huh? Got the kitchenaid bowl.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, but they got a mixer with it. I mean, it's so smooth, it'll give you diarrhea. Wait, I'm serious.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait. So you're saying certain women know when the delivery is being made the home good?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

All this stuff comes in.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

You make friends. I got them too. They be calling me. They call my sister, tell me, pat this truck on the way, and I get my black ass on up there and I wait till they bring all of that from the mob.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love it.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Will you ever get any of the. Any of the food at home goods? Will you get any of the candies or anything?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, I do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

It'd be good. That popcorn.

[Stage Foley]

It's always popcorn. That popcorn. It's always popcorn.

[Ms. Pat]

Man. I got some lemon heads up there because I was doing a. A pool party and the lemon head matched my color. That thing was banging. That is expensive candy. That then went over to that store. I'm sorry, sir. Those, those, those spaghetti noodles. That is high end Italian olive oil out of the straight of the valley.

[Stage Foley]

It's a half empty, though. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

No, it's not. That's for the people who went in there and drunk out of it. But if you get a whole BO you better start shopping in that stove.

[Stage Foley]

I hate it. My wife loves it. I hate it.

[Ms. Pat]

Because your wife know how to get a deal. And I guarantee you that's what you eating. Yes.

[Stage Foley]

Ain't fucking raw. Stress for less noodles.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ms. Pat, just so you know, the plan was to put you back through the wringer. Because you pushed back on the garbage verdict.

[Stage Foley]

We said you were garbage, and you said bullshit. So we were gonna take another crack at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

So far, you got Crystal Light lemon heads.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, you taking score. Damn. So you think I'm garbage cause I like Crystal Light and lemonade. Excuse you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen. We grew up a Crystal Light family. In my house, it was all Crystal Light. That's all we had.

[Ms. Pat]

You could afford Crystal Light when you was young.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

I had never heard of it until.

[Kevin Ryan]

I became grown Crystal Light.

[Ms. Pat]

That was no Crystal Light back then. That was Kool Aid. That was your ass.

[Stage Foley]

That was different neighborhoods.

[Ms. Pat]

No, Crystal Light ain't been around that long.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. When I was a kid, we had Crystal light. In the 90s, y' all had health care. We did, but through my dad. My dad was in the Navy. So we had Champus was what it was called.

[Ms. Pat]

So how did y' all have crystal? I had never heard of it back then.

[Stage Foley]

Released to the public in 1984.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

What? To the public? Like the government was holding it back? It was invented in 1982.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was an Area 51 since the 60s. What?

[Ms. Pat]

That's like when I discovered Chick fil a in the 90s.

[Stage Foley]

That's early for Chick fil a.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, Chick fil a's been around since the 50s.

[Stage Foley]

I know, but they weren't everywhere.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, they was. You know, the very first Chick fil a, it was in a black neighborhood. It was Greenbrier Mall. But it was white back then.

[Kevin Ryan]

What. What state was this?

[Ms. Pat]

Atlanta. Georgia.

[Stage Foley]

In Atlanta.

[Ms. Pat]

Look, Greenbrier Mall was the first Chick fil a, I think.

[Stage Foley]

Yep.

[Ms. Pat]

And then the dwarf house was. Was it East Point?

[Kevin Ryan]

Who's the dwarf house?

[Ms. Pat]

The little people go in the house in the little door. You never seen a dwarf house In Chick fil a, it's called a dwarf house. They got a little door for little people.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, what's that got to do with Chick fil A, though?

[Ms. Pat]

So when it's a dwarf house, they sell hamburgers and other stuff. When it's Chick fil a, you just get the chicken sandwich. So the sat down restaurant, breakfast and everything is a dwarf house. So they have a dough and a door for little People to go through. Kids, anybody?

[Kevin Ryan]

No kidding. Wait, so hold on a second. There was a restaurant called Dwarf House.

[Ms. Pat]

That is. That's Chick Fil A. It's called the Dwarf House.

[Stage Foley]

I don't get it. I'm so confused. I understand it now. Yeah, I want to explain it. The Dwarf House menu by Atlanta Pop. That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's amazing.

[Ms. Pat]

That's the Dwarf House. That's the best one to eat at.

[Stage Foley]

Okay. Molded after the founder, Truett, Kathy's first restaurant, the Dwarf House offers sit down counter and drive through service for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

[Ms. Pat]

And they got other things than chicken sandwich.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at that.

[Stage Foley]

So it's more of like a restaurant.

[Ms. Pat]

It's a restaurant. It's got a door. And a door too.

[Kevin Ryan]

A door.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

It's got a small door you can go through. Inside of that door.

[Stage Foley]

Gotcha. That seems.

[Ms. Pat]

I mean, Dwarf House. I'm trying to say it without saying it. I need you to pay attention to this.

[Stage Foley]

I don't know where it all began. There you go. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So they sell hamburgers and all kind of stuff.

[Stage Foley]

Menu highlights. They got hot brown chicken and waffle combo, bacon, sausage, egg, breakfast.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Just a side note, I don't know if I asked you this last time. Are you a Cookout fan? Do you like Cookout? The restaurant?

[Ms. Pat]

No. No. You know what? Them burgers, too thin for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Ms. Pat]

All that bread give you yeast infection. That stuff is too thin for me. I need to fill my meat. I'm black.

[Stage Foley]

I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Ms. Pat]

I bet you don't. I said I'm black.

[Stage Foley]

We'll be right back.

[Kevin Ryan]

After this word from Bluechew. Oh, man, that's too funny.

[Stage Foley]

Ah, yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

We want. We wanted to. We wanted to ask you some newer questions. Congrats on the house.

[Ms. Pat]

Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

In the house, do you have the. The automatic pepper grinder and salt shaker where it grinds it up? Where it does it? Where you press the button?

[Ms. Pat]

No, I don't have that one. I have one that came from some pots, some high end pots I bought you. Just grind it and.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. It's okay.

[Stage Foley]

What a. What do you got? What's in the. I think you told US There was three refrigerators last time.

[Ms. Pat]

I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 refrigerators. What are you doing? And I have living life.

[Stage Foley]

Let her be.

[Ms. Pat]

They all wolf. You know what wolf is?

[Stage Foley]

Wolf?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Wolf is very happy.

[Ms. Pat]

And they sell well. My stoves are wolf. My refrigerator is sub zeros.

[Stage Foley]

Wolf ranges are very, very nice. I believe they're German.

[Ms. Pat]

They are very nice, very expensive.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where are the five refrigerators? One in the kitchen.

[Ms. Pat]

One, one and two in the kitchen.

[Kevin Ryan]

Two in the kitchen that don't even.

[Ms. Pat]

Look like the refrigerator. Then I have one in the pantry that don't look like a refrigerator.

[Kevin Ryan]

One of the pantry?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's in there?

[Stage Foley]

Crazy.

[Ms. Pat]

A pantry is like a whole nother kitchen. It's have a sinking and dishwasher.

[Kevin Ryan]

You say pantry.

[Ms. Pat]

So you remember back in the day, and don't let me scare you when I say this, you remember back in the day when it was slave quarters and the slaves had their own kitchen?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know, I mean, I wasn't there.

[Ms. Pat]

But you've seen those movies like Django and you know when they go in that other kitchen. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's. Those came back in style now. So a lot of people are building those. And look, those little apartment pantries, they don't do those anymore. High end houses going back to the old type of kitchen in a kitchen. So if you open this door, I have a whole nother kitchen.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotcha.

[Ms. Pat]

Damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

When you say pantry to me, that's a door closet.

[Ms. Pat]

There's cereal, it's full of cabinets. It's got a, it's got a dishwasher, it's got the microwave, it has a refrigerator, it has a sink, it has everything. It actually has two dishwashers in mines in the back and I have two dishwashers in the kitchen. You have four dishwashers and I have one downstairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Opening up a hotel?

[Ms. Pat]

No, I just decided, I said I'm gonna do what the hell I want to do.

[Stage Foley]

That's great. Okay, I have a question about the multiple refer the refrigerators in the kitchen area, the pantry and. Or the regular. And you said they're hidden very nice. They look like, they look like the cabinet. They look like the cabinets. Very, very classy. Very, very classy. Well, how do you separate what goes in where is it like drinks in one, food in the other? Is there ketchup in the water? Like how. What is the breakdown when you have.

[Ms. Pat]

A kitchen like that? I have two under counter refrigerators too. So I have one for the water and the drinks and then I have another one just for my husband. Beer and wine. And over here on the other side. So in the back in the refrigerator.

[Stage Foley]

In the pantry, he's making out like a goddamn bandit ass.

[Ms. Pat]

In the kitchen. In the kitchen. I mean, in the refrigerator, in the pantry. That's just like Whatever can't fit in the big refrigerator, so it's like an overflow. Extra milk, extra egg, extra butter, all of that stuff.

[Stage Foley]

How many dozens eggs of. Dozens of. How many eggs are in the house, do you think?

[Ms. Pat]

I usually buy a big box of them. Like I think 48.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no kidding. I didn't know you could get them like that.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, you can get them like that at Sam's.

[Stage Foley]

You're doing the white eggs or the brown eggs?

[Ms. Pat]

I do both. I give the kids the white because they can handle illness better than I can.

[Stage Foley]

Goddamn hormones.

[Ms. Pat]

You know, they need to grow a little boobs. But I'm old. I gotta careful what I eat today. You know, the kids can eat ramen noodles. I eat that shit. I'm gonna die, Kimmy, you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Helix.

[Stage Foley]

Shout out. I slept on one this night last night.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got a Helix.

[Stage Foley]

I'm a Helix man. Everybody knows that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a Helix. Luke's got a Helix. Patty Foley's got a Helix. Gang, do yourself a favor. You want the best night sleep ever, you go Helix. You go Helix. You don't go to the store. You go Helix. You go. You take the quiz, find out how you sleep. Takes two, three minutes. Then they match you with the perfect mattress for you that I promise you are going to get the best night's sleep on that you have ever had. We are a Helix family and you should be too.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Coming in. Coming into a winter season, everybody. You're going to get sick. Everybody's jammed up. You're going to be sick. You don't want to be spending a week in bed laying on some fucking hay bale. You want to be in a Helix, baby. That's how you got to do it. You take the quiz and match it with the perfect matches based on your answers. I'm a Twilight man. We started off at the Queen. We upgraded to the king to it. Award winning. The Helix is the most awarded match tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and wired. Go to helixsleep.com garbage for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com garbage for twenty percent off site wide. Make sure you enter the show name. Are you Garbage? Into the post purchase survey and let them know the boy sent you one more time. Helixleep.com garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do it.

[Stage Foley]

Do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kip. You like Shopify?

[Stage Foley]

I love Shopify.

[Kevin Ryan]

You like Shopify so much that we use Shopify when we sell our merch.

[Stage Foley]

Listen, we use Shopify. You know that, I know that they know that. Everybody knows Ayg is A Shopify company.

[Kevin Ryan]

They got all the gear. Shopify is the best. Shopify, do yourself a favor. You want to run your business right? You get Shopify. We know we got a lot of hustlers out there. You start your own business, you're doing your own thing. You want to use Shopify. Look like one of the pros, like one of the big dogs.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Shopify's point of sale system is unified. Is a unified command center for all your retail business. If you got in store and online, it brings all those operations into one place so you can manage it. It fantastic. Acquiring new customers is very expensive. And Shopify's POS can give you shoppers. Give your shop, keep your shoppers coming back with personalized experience. First party data that gives your marketing, the marketing team the competitive edge. It's information. They're gathering information. They take it so you can. Hey guys, you like this last year? Well, you might like this product too. Bada bing, bada boom. Everybody wins.

[Kevin Ryan]

And as Newman said, when you control information, you control.

[Stage Foley]

Okay. Get all the big stuff for your small business. Right With Shopify. Sign up for $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com garbage go to shopify.com garbage one more time. Shopify.com garbage who's all at the house currently?

[Ms. Pat]

So I have custody of my, my niece, four kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right.

[Ms. Pat]

And then I have a. I have a 25 year old son downstairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right. He's not going, he's not going anywhere. I would not. You have to drag me out of there.

[Ms. Pat]

He has, well, he has a whole, whole basement. It has a full kitchen, a movie theater. And he's just down there with the other, my other.

[Stage Foley]

Can he walk? Can he leave the house?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, he have a back door to walk out to the pool area in the pool house.

[Stage Foley]

That kid's got life by the balls right now.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. So next door I have a podcast house because, you know, I do a little small podcast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Ms. Pat]

And it's two bedroom, three bathrooms and my daughter lives there. Yeah. So she has a full kitchen, wash and dry, your own garage. It's a whole nother house.

[Stage Foley]

Crazy. Yes. I gotta move to Atlanta. I just got a rent controlled two bedroom in Washington Heights. My life sucks.

[Ms. Pat]

No, you gotta come to Atlanta where your money go far. There's a bunch of gay men you might get kissed on. But the discount for the housing bonus.

[Stage Foley]

Foley just booked his ticket.

[Ms. Pat]

You might get your face licked though if you end up in the wrong neighborhood.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh my goodness. Are you gonna do the holidays Will you do Thanksgiving this year at your house?

[Ms. Pat]

I did Thanksgiving at my house last year.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were in there last year? I thought you were still building.

[Ms. Pat]

No, I was. Excuse me. I did Thanksgiving last year and so I. I had nine. Chris. I had nine or ten Christmas trees. Jesus.

[Stage Foley]

One in every bedroom.

[Ms. Pat]

No, all real. No, I don't do real trees because I like to change my colors every year. I don't. I always like to. The thing is, is I grew up very poor and we never had a Christmas tree. So I always love Christmas movie and Christmas. So. Excuse me. So now that I got a little money, I go all out for Christmas. I mean the outdoor my house is. My house has permanent lightings on them. So for every holiday they call jellyfish lighting. They, they.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've heard about this.

[Ms. Pat]

They are the best.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just heard about this.

[Ms. Pat]

So I had them put on my house and my house stay lit up at all time. At night it comes on. It's like security. Like you can change the color at any time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotcha.

[Ms. Pat]

And so I had my front porch done. I had wreaths. All I saw. I had nine Christmas trees. Nine or ten Christmas trees in the pool house. In my daughter house. I had think I had like I had one downstairs, five or six upstairs, me on the main floor and I had two or three upstairs.

[Stage Foley]

That's fucking amazing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean you're doing it so.

[Stage Foley]

Right. It's crazy.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

So are you gonna do Thanksgiving this year?

[Ms. Pat]

No, I'm gonna just do it for my family. I don't wanna, I'm. I don't have enough parties. Everybody don't seen the house.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

You know, and times are tight. I don't got no money to feeding everybody. So I'm just gonna feed immediately family Christmas trees. Last year it's like a hundred people came to my house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. And I had a big pool party for the fourth of July. So I'm kind of done.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, you're showing off the house. Everybody's seen it now. Now we're living.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. You know, and then I'm tired of. Every time I do something I have to change the locks and keep people out of certain part of the house.

[Stage Foley]

Really?

[Pam]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

Have you had anybody overstay their welcome?

[Ms. Pat]

No, I don't let you overstay your welcome. Yeah. Because you know, I have a pool house. So it's. My pool house is really nice. So it's like you got a full kitchen, a full bath, a living room and got a pop out bed. Somebody. Another house. It's another house. Yeah, and people always want to stay in the pool house. And I tell them, you cannot stay there. That is off limit. No good for you. But I do have two guest rooms inside of my house. But I don't do that. I have no problem saying you gotta go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Two of us, huh? Still bus.

[Ms. Pat]

You can visit, but you can't stay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, how long can I get? A weekend?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, if that's what you want to do.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then Monday you gotta get. I'm out.

[Ms. Pat]

I will ask you to leave. No problem. Because you know, I'm busy. I got. You can go and stay with the dogs. The dog got a house. They got cable tv. They got air conditioning. They got a refrigerator.

[Stage Foley]

Oh God.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is there anything in the fridges that like is just you and the misters like anything the kids can't have. Like is there a certain treat or a certain snack that you guys like that you don't want? The kids?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, but my husband have his own refrigerator in his room.

[Stage Foley]

You mentioned you guys are in different rooms.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, right.

[Ms. Pat]

So in the master. My husband sleep there and then I have my own room. And when it's my room over there too. But of course I'm going through menopause. So he has a refrigerator. A whole entertainment thing where he has a refrigerator and a freezer in his room.

[Stage Foley]

They have full size fridge.

[Ms. Pat]

It's like on the count amount. So he can, he can put his beer, his whatever, his medication, whatever he need, he put it in that refrigerator and all his snacks and stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's it, what would, what would be his go to snack? What does he like if he's watching tv?

[Ms. Pat]

Nuts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nuts. He's a nut. He's a nutman.

[Ms. Pat]

All men's a nut, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

But cashews.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, he like cashews. And he also like chips and stuff. He eat a lot of beef jerky because I have a little Oscar poodle. A ocapoodle. What is that little dog called? What is it called?

[Stage Foley]

I don't know, the little curly hair dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

A poodle.

[Ms. Pat]

What? My dog name. Oh, Acidoodle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's Acidoodle.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. So I bought a little acidle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you creating dog breeds down there too?

[Stage Foley]

Put it in the fridge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ms. Pat got some money, so I.

[Ms. Pat]

Bought a little acidoodle from Walmart.

[Stage Foley]

From Walmart?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. These white people sitting outside, they look like white trash. And they were.

[Kevin Ryan]

You bought a dog out in front of Walmart?

[Ms. Pat]

I bought three.

[Stage Foley]

And you're calling.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's three.

[Stage Foley]

You're calling them trash is crazy. They saw you Coming a mile away. This woman's probably pulled up in a big rig.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was it sight unseen or did you have to wait a couple of days to get them?

[Ms. Pat]

No. So my daughter was at Walmart, right? And she's like, mama, this lady out here selling these beautiful dogs. And so I say, facetime. And they was all in a crate. They looked like they were thirsty. And big old fat white lady sitting there looking like she ain't fed these dogs. And I said, well, how much do you know? I pay 800 a dog.

[Stage Foley]

How many did you get?

[Ms. Pat]

Three.

[Stage Foley]

Jesus.

[Ms. Pat]

I bought three Oscar. Whatever they are, that's three more Christmas.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trees now you gotta get this year.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. So I. So now I've had him for over a year. His name is Louie. And I bought my grandson one and I bought my daughter one.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's sweet. I like that. But you got. Why does the dog have beef jerky?

[Ms. Pat]

Because my husband like beef jerky. So they eat it together.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome.

[Stage Foley]

He's sharing the beef jerky and I.

[Ms. Pat]

Keep the dog in the house. I keep him on a pamphlet.

[Stage Foley]

He's got a diaper on.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. At all times.

[Stage Foley]

I've seen that recently.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

That's very white woman behavior.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, I have hardwood flows.

[Stage Foley]

Real hardwood.

[Ms. Pat]

I have real hardwood flows.

[Stage Foley]

I got that laminate. I got that. I got that fake.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I ain't got no fake. So I have to make sure he don't piss on my flow.

[Stage Foley]

I mean.

[Ms. Pat]

Cause I'm black. I would beat his ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got hardwood floors.

[Ms. Pat]

I would take a house.

[Stage Foley]

You would beat these out of real quick.

[Kevin Ryan]

So it's a small affair for Thanksgiving. So what, 10, 15 people?

[Ms. Pat]

Probably my son, family and my family. Maybe a girlfriend here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit me with a quick rundown of the menu. That the turkey?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Are you getting this catered? Are you cooking?

[Ms. Pat]

No, we don't get that cater.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, you also got a dog and Pampers. I don't know what the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tell me you're black.

[Stage Foley]

Get out of here. You're whiter than my mom drinking Beau Grigio.

[Ms. Pat]

And I did live in plainfield, Indiana for 15 years, so I got a little whiteness in me. We're going to probably get a turkey from the Honey Baked Ham store and then the Honey Baked Ham.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

You're like a lottery winner. It's crazy.

[Ms. Pat]

I'mma make the dressings and some yams and some other stuff. Probably fry some fish and we just going to sit out on the back porch and. And it's going to be us.

[Stage Foley]

That's awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love it, man. That's all right.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. You ever been to a black Thanksgiving?

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, my God. My God. If you ever go to a black Thanksgiving, you will cuss white people the fuck out. I'm telling you, that cornbread stuffing y' all be eating, that is bullshit.

[Stage Foley]

What do you do?

[Ms. Pat]

We make chicken dressing.

[Stage Foley]

The fuck is chicken dressing?

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Stage Foley]

They got that at the Dwarf house.

[Ms. Pat]

So y' all use Stove Top, and y' all just season it or put water on it and stuff it in the chicken ass. Black people make the cornbread, and we make all of it from. From scratch. It's called chicken dressing.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

If you know my podcast, one of my co hosts is white, and when I first invited him over, he was like, I can't eat at your house. He was so scared, and I was like, chris, I'm telling you, if you eat this, you won't eat nothing else. And he ate at my house for Thanksgiving. He said, I can't eat my in laws food no more.

[Stage Foley]

You're getting the big man all hot and bothered over all this chicken dressing.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, you gotta. You gotta go to a black stuffing.

[Kevin Ryan]

A turkey with cornbread. Jesus.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. That's what white people do. That shit is horrible. Yes. We make ours from scratch. We make the stuffing from scratch. And it's called chicken dressing. Or either gizzard dressing.

[Kevin Ryan]

You never had gizzard dressing, huh? What's the matter with you? I had gizzards this morning.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, gizzards are fucking good. They not good if you ain't got no back teeth. Cause you gotta constantly keep chewing that can wet your jaw out.

[Stage Foley]

Chewy back teeth is so funny.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, because you got.

[Stage Foley]

You know, you got to get that gristle if you ain't got no back teeth. All right, okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're doing great so far, Ms. Pat. I'll tell you that right now.

[Ms. Pat]

Am I'm winning. You better not call me garbage, okay?

[Kevin Ryan]

You got 17 Christmas trees. How are we going to call you garbage? Garbage.

[Ms. Pat]

I know that's right.

[Stage Foley]

If you go out, you're drinking. You're drinking a can of Coke right now. You. Well, you order. I'm. I'm a big diet Coke guy. When I go out to eat, I'll order a Diet Coke. If you order Coke out, will you order no ice or will you order ice or extra ice? Do you have any?

[Ms. Pat]

No, I order a light ice because you know they gonna cheat me.

[Stage Foley]

I knew that was coming.

[Ms. Pat]

All those documentaries about Canada did a documentary how the United States they cheat. You when you've been to Canada, they don't put ice in a drink.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

They just. They just give you the drink. But America cheats you out of half of the drink. If you pour that drink off that ice, you probably got that much, and you pay for a whole lot of time.

[Stage Foley]

It's free refill.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know where they love to do that? On the airplane. I say, I want the can. Oh. When I'm on the airplane, because they'll just give me that little tiny place to come.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. I actually. You know what? I go to the. I go to the Delta Lounge, and I. I just throw ginger beer in my purse. You know, the ginger beer, it is so good. You can only get it inside of the Delta Lounge. Yeah. You ever been in it? I know y' all been in a Delta.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. I'm diamond.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh. Oh. I'm. I'm platinum.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, I'm platinum. I mean, I'm platinum. You're 360.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's killing it.

[Stage Foley]

I've never seen one.

[Ms. Pat]

She's killing it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm wood.

[Ms. Pat]

You know the thing about being 360, when you have a problem, they take care of it.

[Stage Foley]

Platinum dudes, they do, too. But 360, you get on the plane before the pilot.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, I. I do. I. You can, but I do vip Is.

[Stage Foley]

That where they drive you to the thing?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, I do that every week.

[Kevin Ryan]

You wait. So you get driven to the.

[Ms. Pat]

Hit a plane everywhere, and then you walk outside? Yeah, only because I don't like going through Atlanta Airport. That's where I live at. And it's just too much to get bad. And it's just. It's easy for me because I have a driver that pick me up and take me over to the airport. And it's just easy for me to get VIP to get me. Run me through, dude, drop me on a plane, take me to Delta Lounge, and I'm done. I don't got time then. You know people. Black people are different from white fans. Black people don't give a fuck. What's your dad's like. Give me a picture. Give me a picture. And I don't want to say, look, leave me alone. So I just go up the side of the plane and pull my hat down and I hide because they don't. You know, white people like, hey, how you doing? Black people don't care. They'll snatch on you. I love you. Get your hand off. I'm on a viral video fighting somebody because I didn't want to take a picture, cut my wig on cricket. So, you know, I just say to keep everything down. I'm just gonna go vip.

[Stage Foley]

Smart. Very smart. That's great. Good for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Speaking of the plane, obviously you're up.

[Ms. Pat]

Front all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of course. Do you take your shoes off on the plane?

[Ms. Pat]

I mean.

[Stage Foley]

You'Re allowed to say it. We're not.

[Ms. Pat]

I had to catch myself. That dirty ass carpet. Is you crazy?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm guessing that's enough. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Do you see how many white people had they toes on that floor?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy.

[Stage Foley]

I just flew back from Europe last week and I saw a guy barefoot go to the bathroom and come back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh my God, I'll do that in my socks.

[Ms. Pat]

White? White.

[Stage Foley]

Asian guy.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, yeah, white.

[Kevin Ryan]

Same thing.

[Stage Foley]

He wasn't black, I'll give you that.

[Ms. Pat]

His skin was white. Ain't no way in the hell. Ain't no way in the. Not even a homeless person black would have done that.

[Stage Foley]

Put the slippers on him.

[Kevin Ryan]

If I take my shoes off on say it's like a six hour hour flight or something like that. It's a long flight and I'm getting comfortable. I got my movie going, some snacks, stuff like that. I've had my meal. All right.

[Ms. Pat]

That is hard.

[Stage Foley]

Well, at first, because they give you the slippers. You put the slippers. I'll give you a pair of slippers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't fit in those things.

[Ms. Pat]

Let me tell you who I just flew. I just flew Emirates for the first time. You ever flew Emirates?

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

What were you just on?

[Stage Foley]

I was on Singapore was very nice.

[Ms. Pat]

It was?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Singapore is very.

[Ms. Pat]

I almost got on Singapore. I went to Saudi Arabia, then I went to Dubai. And when I tell you. Emery's first class.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. It's like in an apartment.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, my God. When I tell you they wake you up to take a bath. Ma', am, it's time for your shower. Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you take a shower on the plane?

[Ms. Pat]

No, I was. I had a pan.

[Stage Foley]

I told you I can't take my shoes.

[Ms. Pat]

I had a panty line on. It was gonna make it. Now if I would just bad draw in it, it would. I would have had to take a bath.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, hold on. A panty liner? What do you mean?

[Ms. Pat]

A panty liner catches the. The secretions that fall out of me.

[Stage Foley]

I can't believe you needed that.

[Ms. Pat]

Display every vagina leech. So everything.

[Stage Foley]

You ever see one?

[Ms. Pat]

Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I've seen it in some videos.

[Ms. Pat]

You a big guy? It's easy to have sex with you just kicking your stomach, your dick pop.

[Kevin Ryan]

Out like a Cash register.

[Ms. Pat]

That's easy. Y' all are so warm. You know the hardest thing about giving a fat person head? When you lift they stomach up, they dick is hot, like 99 degrees.

[Stage Foley]

It's like an air fryer down there.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. And your makeup and eyelashes will fall off. It is. It is work sucking a fat man penis because it's so warm down there. You ever did it.

[Stage Foley]

Girl, Let me tell you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy. This patch just obliterated us.

[Stage Foley]

Look over. I got fake eyelashes on all that.

[Ms. Pat]

You got to take your makeup off before you give a fat man head. I'm telling you. That is some work down there. And they. They balls are like. It's this. It's like it's been in a little.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, I'm not on trial here.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm just telling Phil is nuts. I guarantee.

[Stage Foley]

I've seen them. They're not great.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, don't touch them. They hot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they're hot.

[Ms. Pat]

Cause I'm telling. He's thick between the leg. So everything is just right there. Heating up at all times time. And as he walked, they're boiling.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. As he walked, they're boiling.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's not wrong.

[Stage Foley]

She's talking like she's here. If he pull his nuts. Pull his nuts out right now. I bet. I bet you. I bet you're. They're 102 degrees.

[Ms. Pat]

If he teabag a, it'll burn her skin.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, that's never gonna happen.

[Ms. Pat]

He got some money. I know some people.

[Stage Foley]

He does not have money.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, he did.

[Kevin Ryan]

I spent it all.

[Ms. Pat]

You should buy black vagina. I'm telling you. Somebody will fall in love with you. They'll cook for you.

[Stage Foley]

Hey, get your chicken dressing.

[Ms. Pat]

You know what? And white black women are getting into white men.

[Stage Foley]

Are they?

[Ms. Pat]

I don't know.

[Stage Foley]

That's what I read in the monthly reports.

[Kevin Ryan]

I bought it hook, line, and sinker.

[Ms. Pat]

It's not my thing to do, but, hey, I've never been with a white man. No.

[Stage Foley]

How long you been with your husband?

[Ms. Pat]

32 years.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at that.

[Stage Foley]

I met. We've met him. We met him on the cruise.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's the best.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, we sure did.

[Stage Foley]

We did. The Honeymooner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

The Newlywed Game.

[Ms. Pat]

He didn't know about me.

[Stage Foley]

He didn't?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. I was so. I was like, how do you not. These fans know that I like Ice cube. What the is wrong with you? He said. He said. He said. I thought all old women like Denzel. Why? Who the.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, it was your celebrity cross. And yours was. Yeah. She was like, you know, I love Ice cubes.

[Ms. Pat]

I was like, what the hell is wrong with you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Denzel Washington is such a good answer, though. Oh, man. All right. So you don't take your shoes off on a plane?

[Ms. Pat]

Hell no.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you ever bring food on the plane? Were you not just snacks? But you wouldn't bring like a tuna sandwich on the plane?

[Ms. Pat]

No, because I'm in first class, so if I'm flying far, I'm gonna eat regardless.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right.

[Ms. Pat]

And then I go to the Delta line, so no, I don't ever bring food.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, so here's something that has been a little bit of a topic of discussion.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you now not the Delta Lounge? Let's say maybe before you were in the Delta Lounge. Okay. Would you get to the airport a little early to have breakfast before your flight?

[Ms. Pat]

Before the Delta Lounge? I was poor, so I probably ate at the house.

[Stage Foley]

I'm not doing a 35.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I'm not doing no 35 breakfast at those crappy ass airports. No, I would eat at the house, so no.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fair enough.

[Stage Foley]

Now with that Delta 360, can you get anybody in the lounge? Like, you could probably show with 10 people and get in the.

[Ms. Pat]

I could, yeah, I could because I do the VIP package.

[Stage Foley]

So what's that cost you?

[Kevin Ryan]

She's killing it.

[Ms. Pat]

550 each way.

[Kevin Ryan]

550 each way?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, 550 each way.

[Stage Foley]

Good for you. Plus you gotta call. You got a driver to get you there, too. That's 150.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Good for you. You're doing it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love it.

[Ms. Pat]

No, I'm not doing it. Just. It's just convenience.

[Stage Foley]

You don't have to tell us. Yeah, yeah, I'd be doing it too.

[Ms. Pat]

You are doing it. You. You just. You probably just don't want to do it. You could do it. No, I know, but then, you know, I also have. I also have staff. Like, I have two assistants. And you know, they. We dragging luggage.

[Stage Foley]

No. Yeah, we travel with six people, so.

[Ms. Pat]

So you. If you did the vip, and then do you pay for all of that luggage?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we first class, so.

[Ms. Pat]

No. So listen, if you. If you. So if you're first class and you're traveling with six people, everybody traveling with you supposed to get three bags free. Did you know that?

[Stage Foley]

I didn't.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. So anytime you're first class, everybody in your party get three bags free.

[Kevin Ryan]

We've been getting ripped off for four years.

[Stage Foley]

Write this down. Yes, I've been paying extra. I just got over a barrel.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. So you don't have to pay for bags. When you. When you're first class, you platinum. So you get. How many bags do you get free?

[Stage Foley]

I think three.

[Ms. Pat]

So if you get your. So if each of y' all get three, everybody in your party is supposed to get three. So when I go on vacation, it's 18 of us.

[Stage Foley]

All 18 of us coming.

[Ms. Pat]

Eight. All 18 of us get their bags free. That because you're. Because of your status. Do you have an American Express card?

[Stage Foley]

Yes.

[Ms. Pat]

All of that. What the Wait.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got an American Express card?

[Ms. Pat]

I have six of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got six of them?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. Did you get the new one with the mirror face?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Ms. Pat]

Bring me my mirror face. American Express car.

[Stage Foley]

I got the silver. I got the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get me a thermometer.

[Ms. Pat]

It's platinum. It's the platinum. But they came out. They just came out with the mirror face. Oh, they.

[Stage Foley]

So you know you're doing well when you can scream, bring me my mirror. Platinum American Express.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

Very much deserved.

[Ms. Pat]

Obviously, everybody ordered them. But when you got American Express and you got platinum and diamond, you have to.

[Stage Foley]

When you're traveling.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. So you get that. You actually get. Everybody in your party bags are free. Everybody get up to 70 pounds. So when I'm traveling with my.

[Stage Foley]

He's at least 450.

[Kevin Ryan]

And my testicles run hot.

[Stage Foley]

I checking you at the special luggage. Careful of this test.

[Ms. Pat]

You're wasting money.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gang, let's talk about bluechew.

[Stage Foley]

I'm bricked up right now, gang.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's cuffing season. Do the kids still say that?

[Stage Foley]

I don't think so, no.

[Kevin Ryan]

But it's snuggle season. Sure. In bed season, it's making love season. That's what we're talking about. And listen, I'm an older guy. I got a couple of pounds on me. I need a little bit of help in the boudoir. Don't feel bad about it. Just reach out to bluechew, get it delivered discreetly right to your door, and you'll be.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, you'll be hard in no time. We're talking boners on demand, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Boner city.

[Stage Foley]

Guys, this isn't just about performance. It's about Legacy, AKA Third Legacy. Give her group chat something to talk about, which, listen, everybody could use from time to time, let them know when you lay it down and how things get up when it goes down. Nothing makes you more of a legend than a little Bluetooth. Discover your options at Bluetooth. And right now, we got a deal for our listeners. As always, you get your first month for free of Bluechew. Just use the promo code Garbage at checkout. Pay five bucks for shipping. That's it. Five bucks for shipping. Cover the shipping. Join Bluechew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to bluechew.com for details and safety info. And big thanks to Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kid. Let's talk about Chubby.

[Stage Foley]

Shout out to Chubby's gang.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fellas, you want to look sharp this holiday season. When you're meeting the family, you've got to check out our friends over there at Chubby's. From family dinners to holiday parties, Chubby's has you covered so you can focus on being yourself and letting the good vibes roll. This stuff is so comfy that it should come with a warning label as temperatures start to drop and the weather gets grim. They got flannels, pullovers, quarter zips to keep you warm, stylish, ready for anything from freezing your tail off at a football game to crushing donuts and a pumpkin patch and holding cord by a bonfire. Chubby's has you covered.

[Stage Foley]

I still got the thing they sent last year. It's a blue flannel. It looks fantastic. I'm already. I already got it set. I'm wearing it on Christmas. It's awesome. Listen, they got. They got stuff. You wearing them in the. At the beach. That's how they started the bathing suits, and then they took over that market. They're like, no, you know what? We're taking over the winner. They got outerwear. They got the quarter zips, they got the sweatshirts, fulls, everything you got, everything you need, they got you covered. This season, for a limited time, Chubby's has given our listeners 20% off your purchase at Chubby's with the promo code GARF garbage at checkout. But if it. If it's Black Friday, skip the code and take advantage of even the bigger markdowns during the exclusive Black Friday sale. You don't even need the code. Just go to Chubbyshorts.com and make sure to support our show and tell them the boy sent you. Do it. Please.

[Ms. Pat]

Give it to me. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Stage Foley]

Hide it for a hide. Oh, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, you can't see the number. I won't turn it around. I won't turn it around.

[Stage Foley]

What the. That's like from Men in Black.

[Ms. Pat]

This the new platinum, and it's free. All you got to do is just call American Spray, say, I want the new Miracle. It's the same number. Don't nothing change and just. It's just the hottest to have when you Pop out.

[Stage Foley]

That's pretty good. She puts it in her titty, pulls out. He pulls his out of his nuts.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mine's a TD bank card.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. So do you use all the points. I mean, all the free stuff that you get with American Express?

[Stage Foley]

I think so. Well, they like. They. I know. I. I was just looking at it. I gotta get better at this stuff. We got a guy. I mean, we have a business manager now that I don't think he's doing that. But they get deducts like the clear and the all ts.

[Ms. Pat]

But you get so much.

[Stage Foley]

You do get a lot of stuff.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, you get so much. Oh, my God. You got to get a woman on this. Men don't know. I'm saying you got to get a female. Just find out what's.

[Stage Foley]

I know. We're a team full of guys, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

We stink.

[Stage Foley]

And I wanted to. I wanted to hire a lady, but.

[Ms. Pat]

Your wife said, hell the. No.

[Stage Foley]

No, she doesn't. She suggested it, but.

[Ms. Pat]

Yo, white women have to be careful. This is what I noticed. When white women have successful husband and Bert. Christ. Your wife do it good. She don't put no around her husband. And I don't blame.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Ms. Pat]

And Leanne do not play that. But the problem that your white. Most white women do is y' all go out and let your husband hire people with better titties. No, your titties are up too far. Come back when they're sagging, and then I give you a job.

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

So if there was a nanny to be hired, you wouldn't go with the young.

[Ms. Pat]

Young as you know. I sure would. I mean, and let's be honest. Men will anything. Look what Arnold Schwarzenegger this made. And she look like one of y'.

[Stage Foley]

All.

[Ms. Pat]

Her testicles are huge, so you really can't stop it. But I'm. I'm definitely not gonna just bring it in the house.

[Stage Foley]

No, I. Hey, it makes. It makes sense.

[Ms. Pat]

I just.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't. I didn't think it would be a good work environment. You know what I mean? We're. I don't. You can't bring a lady into this. You're a comic, so you get it. But, like. Like, I can't bring a. A girl who graduated from.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, you need to hire you a good gay guy that's a girl and a boy.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got a guy from Cornell that works here.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Get you a good gay guy who's into travel. Traveling. And they. They. They. They look like boys, but they react like women, and they gonna save you some money. I said that. I sure did.

[Stage Foley]

Your show just got canceled.

[Ms. Pat]

Whose show? My daughter is gay as hell. I am all for you, E. Eating what you choose to eat. Hey, eat it till you get to heaven or hell. Hey, my daughter been eating it since she came out of me. I don't think I said that right. My daughter get more than both of y'.

[Stage Foley]

All. Take my word.

[Ms. Pat]

She got dildos and every. She do not discriminate.

[Kevin Ryan]

We keep getting trashed here.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. What the.

[Ms. Pat]

My daughter has made Amazon a lot of money, honey.

[Kevin Ryan]

Will you take leftovers from a restaurant, Ms. Pat?

[Ms. Pat]

All the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

I take my food home.

[Stage Foley]

Do you have a favorite frozen pizza in the house?

[Ms. Pat]

No, sir, I do. I do not have that. Some things I cannot eat anymore.

[Stage Foley]

Really?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. I can't. I can't eat, like sardines in a can. I can't eat polished meat. You probably don't know what the hell.

[Stage Foley]

What's that Polish meat?

[Ms. Pat]

Potted meat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Potted meat.

[Ms. Pat]

Potted meat.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, like Vienna sausages.

[Ms. Pat]

No, it's like if you smash the Vienna sauce.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I know what you're talking.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. So it's really good, but it's, you know. And what's that other meat sauce meat. You know what that is?

[Kevin Ryan]

What about Spam? Will you have Spam?

[Ms. Pat]

No, I won't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you used to have it?

[Ms. Pat]

Hell, yeah. I love it. And soft's meat is really good, too.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

But when you learn it's all. Everything left over from the dick, the neck, the eyeballs of the pig, just grind it up and into this little block thing. But it's really good with saltine crackers.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, it's really fucking good. But I can't eat that cracker.

[Stage Foley]

I don't have to take your word for word on it.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, next time I come, tell me to bring you some sauce meat. And we can try the post struggle black people food. And then y' all bring the post struggle white people food.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

And we bring this country together.

[Stage Foley]

There we go.

[Ms. Pat]

To see what the fuck? You know, how we overcame ramen noodles.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hot dogs chopped up in beans. That would be one Beanie Weenies. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

You know what? I don't even eat like. And I'm not bougie, but I won't eat, like, off brand hot dog. I can't eat off brand food.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's. What's. What's the brand name? Hot Dog Parks.

[Ms. Pat]

Those are okay, hot dog, but I eat Nathan's.

[Stage Foley]

God damn. I like it.

[Ms. Pat]

But you can get them on sale So I wait till they on sale at Kroger and I buy the out of.

[Stage Foley]

Or you freeze them?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I freeze. Freeze them. You gotta know when the body is uppity. You know, I'm not just gonna go in there and give you 25 a pack when you running the sale. Give me a whole shelf. I walked into Home Depot the other day. They had these boxes of trash bag that got smashed. I bought the whole shelf. There was 23 bag that was marked down to 10. I bought the whole palette.

[Stage Foley]

Are they. Were they like the. Are they kitchen trash bags or like kitchen trash bags?

[Ms. Pat]

They had got some dumped on them that had been outside and crushed the boxes. I didn't care. I called up all my friends, said, come give me these $10 and come get these trash baby bags. You sold them back to my friends? I don't need all of them. I ain't gonna hoard a.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I buy. If I see something on clearance, I buy the whole shelf.

[Kevin Ryan]

You like going shopping? You like taking a day and going out?

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I love shopping.

[Kevin Ryan]

How many people are involved in that operation, would you say when you. When you do something like that?

[Ms. Pat]

If I'm looking for a certain thing, you know what's great about my fans, I call them the crack babies. So if I'm looking for something, I can go in my face group, they call Ms. Pat Crack Babies. And I can send out a crack baby signal. And I say, hey, hey, can you go to your local home goods or Home Depot and see if you can find this item? And then they'll shoot, I'm on my way, Ms. Pat. And. And they'll mail me. They'll mail me the stuff. They will mail me the stuff that I'm looking for all the time. If I'm looking for something on sale, fabric, whatever, I mean, there's been time. I met people in Chicago when I lived in Indiana because I bought something off of Facebook Marketplace.

[Stage Foley]

You're still doing. Jesus Christ.

[Ms. Pat]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about walking on both worlds.

[Stage Foley]

I know you're nuts. Now. You find this pallet of trash bags. Can you handle that on your own? Or do you call someone, say, hey, meet me at the Home Depot.

[Ms. Pat]

I called my son, said, bring the truck.

[Stage Foley]

I gotta say, bring the truck.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, I shop therapy. Yes. I mean, I look for sales. I do crazy coupons. I cut coupons.

[Stage Foley]

Really?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you go big. When you go, you go big as far as you're gonna get a lot of one item to have it.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Save money.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. All the time you ought to see. I get a package to my door every single day to the point where the UPS man was like, damn, thank you for keeping me employed. FedEx, Amazon, all of those.

[Stage Foley]

Huh.

[Ms. Pat]

I shop a lot.

[Stage Foley]

What's that, that truck you said you call your son? Bring the truck. What is that truck?

[Ms. Pat]

What is his. The truck? 2025. Drive town and country. My husband truck.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Very nice.

[Stage Foley]

2025. Very nice.

[Ms. Pat]

Somebody wrecked his other car so we, we.

[Stage Foley]

He upgraded them.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, it was. I, he had a 2023 something. Okay. When he retired. So somebody got into a rig and then we. I just bought him in Town and Country.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh yeah, I love it.

[Stage Foley]

Very nice.

[Ms. Pat]

What do you drive?

[Stage Foley]

Pre owned, not certified, but a pre owned Mercedes. Small. The little suv.

[Ms. Pat]

I drive one too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you?

[Ms. Pat]

Not that one.

[Stage Foley]

Well, what one do you got? You probably, I mean you got one that's probably like a spaceship.

[Ms. Pat]

No, I have, I have a G wagon.

[Stage Foley]

Nice. That's a tax write off. This broad's good. He's over 6, 000 pounds.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. You should buy one or something.

[Stage Foley]

I don't have G wagon money. That's crazy.

[Ms. Pat]

You can buy anything.

[Stage Foley]

I got the GLB200. Yeah, but smallest.

[Ms. Pat]

But why not get it as a tax write off? That's why I bought it. And you know what?

[Stage Foley]

I gotta ride around like I'm 50 cent or something like that.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't ride around in it. Well, you know, I was riding around in it and, and I bought it for a tax write off and I was riding around. That's.

[Stage Foley]

That's tick tock accounting.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, well, it did work because I called my accountant, they said, yeah, you can write it off, but I put brakes on it for the first time. 9, $800. I parked that. It's not for me. I parked it. It's just a, it's an ornamen for the garage. 9, 800 of what I paid at the dealership for brakes. And so they have this guy on Facebook in Atlanta called the brake guy. So he said, well, I put, I put the brakes on your G wagon, but it's gonna, it's gonna be making that squealing noise because I don't have the computer to reset the.

[Stage Foley]

The.

[Ms. Pat]

I said, dude, I can't do this in no G way. So I put the brakes on.

[Stage Foley]

You can't turn it into a hoop.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I just parked it and I bought a Lexus. That's the best thing.

[Stage Foley]

What Lexus you got?

[Ms. Pat]

I have the big one, the 2025.

[Stage Foley]

She just walks and give me the big one.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

I got kids.

[Stage Foley]

That's great.

[Ms. Pat]

It's cheaper to maintain. It's the best car I ever had. Yes.

[Stage Foley]

How many cars would you say you have total?

[Ms. Pat]

Probably nine.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, like old school car. I do.

[Ms. Pat]

I just redid my husband. Old school. Did you see it?

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. What'd you get them?

[Ms. Pat]

We have a 70 and a 72 Chevy Chevelle. So I did his 70 Chevelle over. My 72 is being done now. His is almost done.

[Stage Foley]

That's awesome.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. I did it custom, by the way, if anybody want to do in the business or comedian, you want yours done. Carlos Miller from 85 South. You know who that is?

[Stage Foley]

I know of them.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, he. He redo them.

[Stage Foley]

He does it.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, my God. He hooked my car the hell up. It's beautiful. It is beautiful.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or if you need contractor back bags, cheap. 10 bucks.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

You still got it. We still have a surplus of them.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, I do. I. So, you know, I think the apocalypse is coming with the government and everybody acting crazy right now. So I put this whole shelving thing in my garage. Both of my garages. I have a full car garage. And I just been packing it with food and supplies and bleach and Kotex and tampon in case we got to take off and run through the woods. Because I think they're gonna handmaids tell us. Okay. So I'm trying to get ready, so I put three deep freezers in my garage. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a lot of hot dogs. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So, you know, in case some pop off if we have to stay in the house. I got enough food in case we gotta run. We got enough panty liners and Kotex.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll be dead in 15 minutes if something happens. I got nothing.

[Ms. Pat]

You're gonna be all right. Yeah. So you. Your wife haven't started getting ready for the apocalypse?

[Stage Foley]

No. Oh, no, we don't. I. We ran out of toilet paper this morning. If I'm being honest with you, I had to go buy some angel salt at the store.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that stuff will get you. That's like a. That's like a sleeping bag. Those things are thick.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay. Y' all must not be in the black chat group.

[Stage Foley]

I tried. It won't approve me.

[Ms. Pat]

We ready to take off.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why is word coming down that. That things are getting dicey?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, you're not paying attention to the point. We thinking about painting ourself white. I need vilgarago. What is that? When black people.

[Stage Foley]

I. I graduated with.

[Kevin Ryan]

That sounds Like Dracula's cousin.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. I need Vigoro so I can stay here. That's what I need to tell black people. We need to get Vigoro. That'll keep us here. You won't be able to tell we black cuz you know when they. When black folks turn that we'd be your color. Pink.

[Stage Foley]

Is that what I am on pink?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Last time you told me, last time you were here, you told me my eyes were gray.

[Ms. Pat]

Your eyes are wet.

[Stage Foley]

Gray. Because I asked you. It went crazy viral. I asked you if you open your eyes underwater and you said damn, white people sure is nosy.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh yeah. Who open their eyes up on the water.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ms. Pat, will you dance at a wedding?

[Ms. Pat]

Will I dance at a wedding? You know, my gay daughter's getting married.

[Kevin Ryan]

Congratulations.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, yeah, she's getting married too. Her girlfriend look like Lebron James. So? So I might be dancing that away. A lesbian wedding is kind of weird to plan because I'm planning a lesbian wedding. And you know, it's two girls, a lot of dildos. Yeah. You know, I was talking to my, my, my daughter in law daddy, he want her to walk down the aisle. Excuse my French. And I'm like, she can't walk down the aisle. She a. So she gotta wait up at the top. You can bleep there. Cause I don't wanna fuck with your sponsor. She gotta wait up at the top like a real man.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, so she's the. In the traditional sense. She's going to be the groom waiting. You're going, my daughter's the girl. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So her butt the. The. Your girl. Your daughter's girlfriend's father wants to walk her down the aisle. Yeah, but you're going, no, she the boy. Not when she's built like LeBron.

[Ms. Pat]

Like she can't walk on down the house. She's the dude. So my daughter is the girl. She looked just like me. So she gotta wear the dress and she gotta wear the pants.

[Stage Foley]

Can't they both be, I don't know, the cuffs? Can they both be in dresses? No.

[Ms. Pat]

She look more manly than you. I'm telling you. She need to take the tuck. She need to take the tugs. If you put her in a dress, it's gonna be like woof on you. Who did that movie?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not who function.

[Stage Foley]

Too long too.

[Ms. Pat]

Won'T fool what Wesley snipe did. That's what you're gonna be looking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Patrick Swayze.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. That's what it gonna look like if she put on the dress. You don't want that. You don't want that. I'm saying she's a real man.

[Stage Foley]

Where is the wedding? You're gonna have it at the house.

[Ms. Pat]

No, I'm not writing out them games in my house, man. No, I don't know what they throw. I don't know what they throw. Rising dicks or vaginas. No, no, no, no, no.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you about having to change the locks in the. She had people pool party.

[Ms. Pat]

No, we not having a wedding. No, we're going to go to church. We're going to do it at a church out of a pool hall or something. But it sound like a pool. I don't know what gay people get mad at the beach.

[Stage Foley]

Basketball court.

[Ms. Pat]

A basketball court. I don't know. But I don't. I don't even know what the food gonna be. Tuna fish, hot dogs. My daughter's so gay, she won't even eat a hot dog now. And she been gay all her life. And I'm thankful for her not dipping and dabbing. She just straight the whole.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, yeah, that's good.

[Ms. Pat]

She's been eating it forever.

[Stage Foley]

She knew what she wanted. Now is that. Now is that something you're gonna help foot the bill on?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I'm gonna see if it's a write off live stream it or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta do it in the G wagon.

[Ms. Pat]

No, I'm gonna try to write it off, you know, because it's. It's a minority thing.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm just. I'm assuming.

[Stage Foley]

I don't think that's right.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm trying to get him to push it back.

[Stage Foley]

If so, I'm gonna make Luke gay and have a wedding this weekend. Well, we're coming up on the end of the year.

[Ms. Pat]

Think about it. If we get DEI back, we can write it off. So we gonna have to wait.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh my God. How do you feel about chips on a sandwich? Like potato chips on a sandwich. Do you go for that?

[Stage Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

You do that. Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

I do fried bologna sometime. I get that.

[Stage Foley]

Very nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you'll have a fried bologna still?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Sometimes I get that urgent when I'm little, you know, I want to toast that struggle.

[Kevin Ryan]

When you cook the bologna, do you snip it, dip it?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, you have to. So it'll rise in a hump in the back and it'll drop in the middle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

Then you pull mustard right there in the middle. Put some cheese on it, some chips.

[Kevin Ryan]

You put mustard on it. While it's in the skillet?

[Ms. Pat]

No, after it come out on your bread and Then you'll.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'll throw some chips on that.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. And if you want to be fancy now, you throw some onions, some grilled onions on it. Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Not too bad.

[Stage Foley]

How do you feel about the dorito?

[Ms. Pat]

I don't like the doritos. They too hard for. I don't got no back teeth, so I don't really. It take a lot to chew them for me.

[Stage Foley]

Fair enough.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love it.

[Stage Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

How do you feel about the bread and butter pickle?

[Ms. Pat]

Okay, don't nobody eat that. Who eat that? You'll never catch that in no black household, baby. A bread and butter pickle. That is nasty.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that's where we're drawing the line.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. We don't eat that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That.

[Stage Foley]

Have you ever been to a vineyard?

[Ms. Pat]

What is that like, like where they make.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, where they make wine at all?

[Ms. Pat]

No, no. We got looker stones in our community. We going to a venue for when you got an Asian owning all the looker sts in the black community. Don't play like you don't know what's in my community. I'm going to venue.

[Stage Foley]

With all due respect, you live in a 15,000 foot house. I don't think you're in the community.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't. I'm not in the community, but I remember the community. And no, I ain't been no vineyard.

[Stage Foley]

Okay. I've never been either.

[Ms. Pat]

I know somebody named Virginia, but I ain't been no vineyard. What the hell I'm going out there for?

[Stage Foley]

How do you pronounce the product that Crayola makes?

[Ms. Pat]

Crayola?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Like, what does Crayola make?

[Ms. Pat]

What do you mean? What do Crayola make? Crayons.

[Stage Foley]

Crayons.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crayons. Okay.

[Stage Foley]

Correct. We pronounce it incorrectly, both of us.

[Ms. Pat]

What do you say?

[Stage Foley]

I say crown.

[Kevin Ryan]

I say crayons. Crayola. Crayons.

[Stage Foley]

Crayola Crayons.

[Kevin Ryan]

Between that and the bread and butter pickles, I'm not getting the invite to the wedding.

[Ms. Pat]

No, you're not. Alrighty. Crayons.

[Stage Foley]

What? Do you have a hotel you like to stay at?

[Ms. Pat]

Ah, yes. I love when I go to la. I love to stay at the. What's the name of it? The London. Oh, any of you ever been to the London?

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

We're a fucking and a Hyatt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Kind of crew.

[Ms. Pat]

Y' all are high, cuz you want to be a h. But the.

[Kevin Ryan]

The too many people bringing 18 people on vacation.

[Stage Foley]

Not to the London.

[Ms. Pat]

Not to the London. No. But I usually go there too, when I'm doing Promotion. But I'm going there next week because I'm promoting the show. But I. It's really nice. So I. I do have a thing with hotels. If you don't. If you don't put me in the. What I want, then I go buy my own.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, we were mentioning that because when you.

[Ms. Pat]

Sometimes when you go to the Hide or the Hilton, like if I stay in one of those, I would say housekeeper, come take these sheets. Because I don't know if y' all notice if the sheets are not staying, they don't have to change them. So you on top of somebody else from the night before. Yes, that. That top cover is the nastiest.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, the top thing is. Yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

And if. If the person didn't make a mess, they don't have to change it as long as it look clean. You never seen no hotel things. So when I go to a hired or Hilton, I say take the whole bed, the pillows, everything, and give me fresh linen.

[Stage Foley]

Damn.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. And they get mad sometime, but I don't care. Now if I don't do that at the London, that might. I love the Rich Carlton. When I'm on vacation, it's really nice. But you also know your American Express can get you.

[Kevin Ryan]

We.

[Stage Foley]

We've stayed at the. The. We were in Austin. Was it the Ritz? We stayed on point. We won't only ever do it on point.

[Ms. Pat]

You know, if you got any Chase card, because I be. I'm credit card stupid.

[Stage Foley]

We're only.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, you do.

[Stage Foley]

I have the Amex.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay. That's all you got? Damn it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have a Chase card, a debit card, don't you?

[Ms. Pat]

So if you had a chase. Yeah, if you had a chase.

[Stage Foley]

I don't think there's any money in there.

[Ms. Pat]

If you had a Chase card, you can change your Chase card over to a Rich Carlton card, which nobody ever has because they don't give them out anymore for. You have to request it and you have to have a certain amount of credit limit for them to give you one. So I have a risk carton card.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ms. Pat knows everything.

[Ms. Pat]

I'll be researching. She knows all you gotta do is go on tick tock. And you know everything too.

[Stage Foley]

It's true.

[Ms. Pat]

I didn't even. And nobody. Rich Carlton. Don't advertise this car. They stopped.

[Stage Foley]

Sounds like a guy. Rich Carlton.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. You see it? It's a Rich Carlton.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. You see the ten thousand dollar credit line?

[Ms. Pat]

At least I'm out.

[Stage Foley]

Out?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ten grand?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Where am I gonna get ten grand?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, but that's what your credit limit needs to be to get the Rich Carlton card. But I had a card that. It was a Sears card and I had for years, and I just changed it over to the Rich Carlton card. It's just status.

[Stage Foley]

I love it. I got one. I mean, what's on. You know, you're. You're doing quite well.

[Kevin Ryan]

Very well.

[Stage Foley]

Okay, what's on the rider?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that's a good question. Oh, what do you like in the.

[Stage Foley]

What do you like in the green room?

[Ms. Pat]

So I like. I asked for. What's that blue and white bottle look.

[Stage Foley]

The big tall, fancy.

[Ms. Pat]

So let me tell you why I do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that thing?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. So that. What's in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Booze?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

Behind the bar. What do you think it was? Perfume?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what it was.

[Ms. Pat]

So I thought it was somebody's ashes. That is in my rider. Because every year I give my fans a party call. Ms. Pat Fan Celebration. So I invite fans from all over the world. They pay a certain amount, like 2, 250, and they buy a ticket and it's a three day event with just me. I have it all set up from a party to a podcast. This year they got to watch the first episode of the Ms. Pat Show. And I had a breakfast with them and I did a comedy show all for 250. I set up the hotel form a block.

[Stage Foley]

Who does that?

[Ms. Pat]

I do it every year. So I put all of this alcohol in my rider. So they get Top. Top Chef alcohol.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you have it at the end of the year?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. So this year I had 50 bottles of Azure.

[Stage Foley]

So you don't drink, you don't open it.

[Ms. Pat]

I shouldn't tell that secret. The clubs are gonna be like, no.

[Stage Foley]

Now they gotta pay.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't do it. You can't do nothing.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, so I Hennessy everything. Top Chef is. I. I get it the whole year and I just take my fans and. And they party the whole week.

[Stage Foley]

What do you do it Atlanta.

[Ms. Pat]

I do it in Atlanta. We just had it like a week ago.

[Stage Foley]

We were talking about, I want to do something like that in Philly. Yeah, I just. It's too much to try to figure out.

[Ms. Pat]

No, it's not. I planned it out for a year and I do. This year I sold. It was a costume party and I. I pick a theme. So it was me taking them to the Oscars and if I had hired a. Hired a planner, and it made it look like they was going to the Oscars and they all dressed up in different costumes and what was the theme?

[Stage Foley]

Jazz?

[Ms. Pat]

It was movies because we.

[Pam]

It was.

[Ms. Pat]

We went to the office. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

By the way, Jazz hasn't missed one. She's just spot on.

[Stage Foley]

She's 100ft away.

[Ms. Pat]

So it was movies. You had to get a character. I came as Coretta deville. And so it was beautiful. It was correct. I up her name.

[Stage Foley]

He up a lot of names that we didn't call you on, if I'm being honest. It's Ritz Carlton. You're the only person with a Ritz Carlton card who calls it the. Who calls him Rich Carlton.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, you said Greta De Vil.

[Ms. Pat]

Coretta deville. Coretta.

[Kevin Ryan]

Coretta.

[Ms. Pat]

Whatever. You know what I'm trying to say?

[Kevin Ryan]

Of course.

[Ms. Pat]

So I do it every year for my fans. This is the third year that I.

[Stage Foley]

We were talking. I would love to do something like that.

[Ms. Pat]

And you know what they show. You know, a lot of times, and I look at fans like this. We, you know, we do give them a service, which is comedy, and we take from them. And it's my way of saying, come hang out with us for a weekend. And they will come. They will come. Because. Because a lot of people don't have time to do that. But I take out one week a year, which is in October, and I do it with my fans.

[Stage Foley]

That's awesome.

[Ms. Pat]

And every year I be wanting to start. They'd be like, please keep going. The first year I had, it was over 600 people. This year was a little over 300. And it's mainly because of the economy.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Because people come from Australia, Canada, Europe, Everywhere. Everywhere.

[Stage Foley]

That's nuts.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not the best.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. And, you know, I take all the money that I get from them and I put it in the party. I don't make any money.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. It just goes bad.

[Ms. Pat]

I hire a designer and it's top notch food. I hire a caterer. It's top notch look of bartenders. You just feel like. You feel. I want them to feel like a celebrity.

[Stage Foley]

That's awesome. I was. Because we were. I was talking about it because, you know, some of the venues. As the venues get bigger. You can't do meet and greets anymore.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

Because they're just too big and the venue just, you know, can't facilitate it. So I feel like, because we always do meet and greets. We always did meet and greets. And it was a cool way to interact with everybody and stuff like that.

[Ms. Pat]

One big party, they would love it. They would love it. You get your designer and you let her handle. You get You a venue, and then you just, you know, charge them a fee. Which I charge is a weekend thing. I charged $200 last year. And I had the guy who do the Michael Jackson play here in New York, who won the Tony.

[Stage Foley]

I can't afford him.

[Ms. Pat]

What the fuck? No, but he did. He was a friend. So I brought him in. You'd be surprised. I brought him in and he did a fabulous job. So every year I give him an entertainer along with that. So where are you gonna get all of that at for 200 or 250?

[Stage Foley]

We're doing it now.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're coming this year. I'm coming to miss. I'm going to Miss Pat.

[Ms. Pat]

You gotta do it. They, they. You know what? They were forever thank you for such a cool idea. And they never keep supporting you. And nobody does it. And it's Miss Pat fan celebration. And they love it. And then this year, I got BET plus allowed me to show them the. To the first episode of the Ms. Pat Show. Cause we running a little over a year from coming out. Cause all of this Paramount stuff. So they was like, you can show it to your fans. And boy, they lost it.

[Stage Foley]

That's awesome.

[Ms. Pat]

They lost it. And they lost it.

[Stage Foley]

The best.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's the best.

[Ms. Pat]

I love my fans.

[Stage Foley]

I'm gonna say this and maybe get slapped, but you're 100% garbage. But I love you.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm gonna go against you.

[Ms. Pat]

I got a G wagon.

[Kevin Ryan]

We did this last time.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my God. How are you saying this? Lady's not class.

[Ms. Pat]

My underwear finally matched and I'm garbage. Last time I was in here, my set didn't match. I care. Now, you know when you black, your parents always say, keep your drawers clean in case you get kidnapped or you get hit by a car. You don't want nobody to take you to the hospital with no dirty ass drawers. Y' all never heard of that as a kid?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, somebody's ever been about that. Did he have clean underwear on? I can't remember who.

[Ms. Pat]

It was you. I always say keep your draws clean in case you get in a car accident.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ladies and gentlemen, one of the absolute best. One of the funniest people on The Planet. Season three, Ms. Pat settles it on BET and BET Plus. And she's also on her national tour. Ms.Pat comedy.com for tickets. Ms. Pat, we love you so much.

[Ms. Pat]

I can't thank y' all enough.

[Stage Foley]

Thank you so much.

[Kevin Ryan]

We love you so much.

[Ms. Pat]

I gotta tell you this. I love coming here. Let me tell you why it's a love little. A little knockoff stove next door to you. So I go shopping for my child. This how I remember the podcast. Like, oh, I gotta go do. Oh, you garbage. Cause they got my little stove next door I bought two bags of today.

[Kevin Ryan]

That guy probably didn't know what hit him. He's probably down there scratching his ass.

[Ms. Pat]

I go every time I come on, I'm like, I be telling pal, get me over there. I gotta go shopping.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're welcome anytime. We love you so much, and congratulations.

[Ms. Pat]

Come on to the black Thanksgiving and get you some chicken.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm in Kippy.

[Stage Foley]

What do you got for him, guys? Philadelphia, get your tickets. And Atlanta, we're at the Buckhead Theater. And then Philadelphia, we're at the Met. All tickets available.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, gang. Season three. Ms. Pat settles it on BET. And BET Plus. Do yourself a favor, check it out. Ms. Pat again, we love you. Thank you, gang. We love you. We'll see you next week.