Naming Your Car! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Episode: Naming Your Car! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Date: May 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

This is a classic "family episode" of Are You Garbage? with hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley—no guest, just the two longtime pals riffing, reminiscing, and digging deep into their personal histories and trashy habits to answer listener-submitted "garbage" questions. The episode’s main theme revolves around the tradition of naming your car and the kind of homegrown, blue-collar Americana that defines the show—think skipping class, eating cheese fries at the Little League field, calling in from a bread truck, and more. In their signature blend of warmth and ball-busting, the boys explore what it really means to be “garbage”—not just as an insult, but as a proud badge of working-class culture and camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Strength of the AYG Community

• Early Chit-chat [03:59-07:51]
  • Kevin and Foley express amazement at how big and diverse their audience has gotten (from “jocks, kids, to high school surfers” to “attractive young ladies headed to work”) and how the “Army of Garbage” isn’t who outsiders might expect.
  • “The community is deeper and stronger than I've ever anticipated...and diverse and multicultural, but with one commonality: We are all garbage.” – Kevin, [07:38]
  • Bit about high school kids cutting class to surf and joining the Patreon (and Foley’s story about chatting with surfing teens on the LIRR).

2. The Hazards and Traditions of Cutting School

• Storytelling Segment [09:03-11:00]
  • Kevin recalls the only time he tried to cut class, crashing his first car after sneezing behind the wheel.
  • “I wrapped my first Lumen around a telephone pole...I sneezed and when I came up, I hadn’t gone all the way back and that pole was staring down the barrel.” – Kevin, [09:53]
  • Foley and Kevin swap stories about faking sick, skipping school for flea markets, and the difference between then and now (parents being lax, “it’s not the 20s, dude!”).

3. Family, Names, and Nostalgia

• Car Naming Discussion [12:12-14:02, 34:04-35:50]
  • Conversation about old-fashioned names like “Marty” and “Henry,” the cyclical nature of baby names, and how Foley has never actually known a “Marty”—except for naming a car “Martin” after the dealership.
  • Stretch reminiscing about car names coming from dealerships (Martin Honda, Murray Dodge), and the distinction between “Martin” (formal) and “Marty” (familiar).
  • “We used to name our cars, and sometimes the name would come from wherever we got it...Murray seemed like a Murray because of its personality.” – Foley, [34:13]

4. Growing Up: Money Woes, Hustles, and the “Garbage” Mindset

• Stories & Attitude [15:04-18:07, 36:24-38:23]
  • Kevin gets animated over the classic working-class dad complaints (“I can’t catch a break!”) and how their only experience of fatherhood is griping about jobs and bills.
  • “Wheeling and dealing” defined as a classic trashy indicator—if someone’s “wheeling and dealing,” they’re just barely keeping things afloat, possibly skimming.
  • “Wheeling and dealing is to say someone is wheeling and dealing...Trashy. Whatever they're doing is trashy. You're operating in the fringes.” – Kevin, [35:50]
  • Foley on how these streetwise lessons keep you “not being a mark,” knowing who’s shifty, who’s skimming.
  • Both agree manual labor or waiting tables is a coming-of-age experience everyone should have.

5. The Trashy Home Workout Renaissance

• Workout Memories [41:54-47:02]
  • Listener question about moms' home workout setups; consensus: the more VHS tapes (Buns of Steel, Tae Bo), the trashier.
  • Vivid descriptions: Step aerobics, leotards in gym class, Billy Blanks’ Tae Bo, Bowflex, P90X, Richard Simmons, and Jack LaLanne.
  • “Taebo sold over 500 million home videos.” – Luke, [45:22]
  • Brief debate on whether any of those fitness stars reached Beatles-level sales.
  • Heartfelt nostalgia for the era of infomercials and how “hot fudge from a mason jar” = old money.

6. Food Garbage: Cheese Fries, Condiments, and Ice Cream

• Snack Bar & Food Bits [49:01-53:05]
  • Is it "garbage" to hit the Little League snack bar if you don’t have a kid playing? Kevin: Would never have occurred to him but respects it. Foley: Strong nostalgia, loves malt vinegar on fries (to Kevin’s horror).
  • Sidebar about store-brand ketchup vs. Hunt’s, and childhood snack experiences (pizza, gummy bears, Magic Shell, hot fudge).
  • “I'm a Hunt’s man.”—Kevin, [51:33]

7. Childhood Memories: Bread Trucks, Pickup Rides, Sunflower Seeds

• [54:00-57:16]

  • Listener asks if it’s garbage to get picked up from school in a bread truck and sit on an old bread box. Foley: “I dig it.” Both recall the thrill of riding in forbidden vehicles—pickups, bread trucks, “being in the middle seat.”

  • “I always loved going and doing stuff the general public couldn't do…” – Kevin, [54:56]

  • Sunflower seeds: eating the shell is “trashy,” but both admit to doing it as kids.

8. Family Fights, Funerals, and Old Beefs

• [57:38-61:39]
  • Question: Ever seen a fight at a funeral? Both recall stories of chaos erupting at family gatherings, quarreling relatives, and never-ending grudges.
  • “Funerals are where you have it out, though.”—Foley, [59:12]
  • Kevin admits he’s “done fighting other people’s beefs,” a nod to evolving past generational Irish-Italian family drama.

9. Cigarette/J Joint Holding Technique Debate

• Smoking Styles [61:43-63:59]
  • Is it “garbage” to hold a cigarette like a joint? “Yes,” but with caveats; it depends if you’re doing it for effect.
  • The boys gently roast intern Luke and pal Tommy for their cool-guy weed-smoking affectations.
  • “Smoking doobies...You two get real girly twirly when you’re together. It’s cute. I respect it.” – Foley, [63:24]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being “garbage”:

  • “We are all garbage, which is nice.” – Foley, [07:46]

• On naming cars after dealerships:

  • “The car’s name was Martin. We used to name our cars and sometimes the name would come from wherever we got it...” – Foley, [34:13]

• On classic “dad” language:

  • “‘I can’t catch a break.’ My dad was the king…I remember saying it at 16 and someone looking at me like, ‘what?’” – Kevin, [15:07]

• On trashy workout tapes:

  • “Taibo sold over 500 million home videos.” – Luke, [45:22]

• On True American Nostalgia:

  • “First time I smelled malt vinegar on fries was at the Little League snack bar.” – Foley, [50:17]

• On not being a mark:

  • “You gotta know…You gotta sell a little weed. Yeah. Know how to move.” – Kevin, [38:01]

• On emotional family history:

  • “Funerals are where you have it out, though.” – Foley, [59:12]

• On what divides “garbage” from classy:

  • “Wheeling and dealing is a little bit of a gray area. Not everybody’s getting the truth.” – Kevin, [36:33]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• AYG Community / Demographics Discussion: [03:59-08:01]
• Cutting School and Car Crash Story: [09:03-11:00]
• Naming Your Car & Dealership Names: [12:12-14:02], [34:04-35:50]
• Working-Class Complaints, Wheeling & Dealing: [15:04-18:07], [36:24-38:23]
• Home Workouts / VHS Fitness: [41:54-47:02]
• Little League Snack Bar / Childhood Food: [49:01-53:05]
• Bread Truck Pick-Ups & Sunflower Seeds: [54:00-57:16]
• Funeral Fights / Family Drama: [57:38-61:39]
• Cigarette/Joint Holding & Weed Smoking Styles: [61:43-63:59]

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Tone & Dynamic

In classic AYG style, the conversation is fast, loose, and self-deprecating—filled with sharp one-liners, ball-busting, and working-class wisdom. The hosts lean into their “garbage” upbringings with pride, using family stories, nostalgia, and playful jabs to create kinship with listeners.

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Who Should Listen

Longtime fans will find quintessential AYG banter and deep-dive nostalgia, while newcomers get a crash course in the show’s themes of family, hustle, trashy behavior, and the strange glory of owning your background—regardless of its messiness.

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Bottom Line:
If you call your car “Martin,” keep smoking sunflower seed shells, or think the snack bar is the best part of Little League, you’re among friends on Are You Garbage?

Transcript

[A]

It's a summertime gang and the boys are coming to your hometown. We're talking about Portland, Maine. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Cleveland, Ohio. Grab the squad. Let's all hang out, play a little ayg. Some stand up comedy. It's gonna be a fun, fun time.

[B]

Yeah. Then the boys are headed to Atlantic City, baby. Down there on the boardwalk. King of the boards returns to South Jersey. Philadelphia, people. Jersey people. Get your tickets to Atlantic City. Also Denver, Colorado. Those tickets are selling very fast. Those will sell out. Get em. We'll be there in July. Love yas. Mean it by.

[A]

Let's go. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are you garbage?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[B]

Garbage.

[A]

I'm your host, Stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We are out back here at Tudies in the new edition. Summertime. Maybe not officially, okay, but it's summertime, all right. You know, I know that.

[C]

Well, why?

[A]

Because the Nair's been brought out, okay? Been all cleaned up.

[B]

On you or her?

[A]

What?

[B]

I don't know. How do you know that it's all been cleaned up?

[A]

She told me, okay? Plus the hair all over the bathroom.

[B]

I don't know what you guys are talking about.

[A]

It looks like Sasquatch got caught in there. Caught in a glue trap in the bathroom.

[B]

And she's out back, huh?

[A]

In that leopard bikini she got 1983.

[B]

I got to be honest with you. It sounds like you got a bit of a thing for Anthony.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I'm painting a picture for the audience.

[B]

Yeah, you think? Slipping out of your seat now?

[A]

I'm not saying she wasn't something back in the day.

[B]

Bounce a quarter off that thing, man.

[A]

You catch her at Limelight back in the 80s.

[B]

I think you like her. What are you talking about? You got a bit of a thing for her.

[A]

Anyway, she's sunbathing outside.

[B]

Great. Topless.

[A]

My coin at you from across the table, as we call it. Family episode, ladies and gentlemen. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He is my best pal in the whole wide world.

[B]

What?

[A]

Bit of an international businessman, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

CEO of. Are you garbage?

[B]

I know, I think cfo. I don't know if I think that my thing by on the documents my title is president.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Think so.

[A]

Wait, really?

[B]

What?

[A]

What am I? Vp?

[B]

I don't think you have a title.

[A]

I don't have a title.

[B]

You're a partner. Partner.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah, you like that, don't you?

[A]

I can only take pictures back to back. Kevin Ryan is here.

[B]

What up, gang? Shout to you as always, Please make sure you rate review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available there. Over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the charts.

[A]

Wait, let me check that. Yes, we are.

[B]

Ooh. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. all you garbage, you go over there, you get all that fricking bonus content. Gang. You might be saying, I don't know what bonus content is. Get over there and fricking find out.

[A]

And you get the camaraderie of 15,000 homies like minded dirt balls just like yourself. You've been looking for a Looking for people like yourself your whole life. You'll find it over there on a Patreon at the are you garbage page.

[B]

I just said this. You were in the bathroom. I was.

[A]

The second time you said that today.

[B]

What?

[A]

Before you were like, you were in the bathroom or something. I wasn't in the bathroom that time. You were talking earlier.

[B]

Now you say I don't even know what we're referencing. What do you mean you said what

[A]

you said last night. You're having a conversation with somebody and you were like. You were in the bathroom.

[B]

I said you might have left or maybe you were in the bathroom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why do you take offense?

[A]

You put me in the bathroom. First of all, I was in the bathroom here.

[B]

Now for how long?

[A]

I'm getting over being sick.

[B]

Okay, so last night you couldn't have been in the bathroom as well. Why? Why? You get. You get real defensive over whether or not. No, I've never heard anybody do that.

[A]

I'm flunking off somewhere. You were getting cotton candy or something. I was probably doing push ups.

[B]

Sounds like a bit of a guilty conscience, if we're being honest with you. I got. Yeah, I don't. You weren't there, right? Who knows what the fuck you were. The best thing is you were probably taking a deuce. That's the best thing I can hope for. Who knows what you do when I'm gonna. I don't have an eye on you, man.

[A]

I'd like to know what you think I do.

[B]

I've honestly. I've had to stop thinking about what I think you do. I've had to. I've had to, you know, what does Trump say? I wish him the best. All right, what is it? I wish him well. Yeah. I wish him well. And then I go watch his drive. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

You know, who knows what in the past. Sure, I understand.

[B]

I don't know what Luke does when I leave here. I have a pretty good picture. You? I'm not sure. Diesel. I know. Mark the shark.

[A]

Diesel. Makes sausages at the house. Luke pulls tubes at the house.

[B]

Ripping bingers. All that aside, though, we said like minded people. I'm very shocked. Let me take a minute to address the army of garbage right here. I said this while you were taking a duke in the bathroom.

[A]

I was not.

[B]

Yes, you were. Why are you denying?

[A]

I made a big mistake. I tried to make my own Manhattan special with the orange flavored Lacroix and coffee. It stinks.

[B]

What's a Manhattan special?

[A]

Like a soda? Coffee. Soda.

[B]

Is that a thing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Very popular.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I've never heard of it among the Italian.

[B]

Ah. Okay.

[A]

This is bad. I feel like I made arsenic.

[B]

One can only hope you like that, wouldn't you? But I was saying while you were in the bathroom or you were doing something. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah. I don't like this. I see a pattern forming.

[B]

Is you in the bathroom a lot?

[A]

No. You're gonna be starting telling that I think Foley was in the bath. You're gonna start making me look like a dunsky in front of people. Oh. Every time something important happens, I'm in the bathroom. 911 in the bathroom.

[B]

JFK in a bathroom.

[A]

I'm missing everything.

[B]

That's like. You're like the Forrest Gump. You miss all, like the huge moments of history because you're in the bed. You walk out.

[A]

Whoo. What happened?

[B]

Yeah, what I missed. Feds are running by and shit like that. It's in black and white.

[A]

Hey, you're out of toilet paper in there. I had a pressing issue. Go ahead. What do you got?

[B]

Address.

[A]

The floor is yours.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Listen up, dirt balls.

[B]

I am shocked. And this is. I mean, also, this is coming out. We had the Ayg and friends a few nights ago.

[A]

How about that?

[B]

Yes, Luke.

[A]

How about that?

[C]

How about that?

[B]

Very nice. How about that?

[A]

Something else I'm.

[B]

And obviously this is a Manhattan. We're in Manhattan. A little more swankier. Little upper echelon. A little bit of cl. I was shocked at the amount of classy people who, I mean, at least appear classy that are fans of the show. I just walk. I Was walking here, parked the car. I'm walking here with Hansi Ponzi. Beautiful girl. Gets walking out of a cool coffee place.

[A]

What'd you say?

[B]

Beautiful girl.

[A]

A beautiful girl.

[B]

I was quoting you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

An attractive young lady.

[B]

An attractive young lady. Younger than, you know, me or you.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Probably Luke's age. Young. Somebody Luke would hang out with. Huh. Walks out dressed. Well. Going to her job or something. Some, you know. Meanwhile, Todd's just pooping. I don't have a fucking. I don't have a poop bag. That's. That's where I'm at.

[A]

You have one sneaker on.

[B]

She puts change in my coffee cup and she goes, huge fan of the pod.

[C]

And I just.

[B]

It's like, nice to see the garbage that. I don't think people are garbage necessarily.

[A]

Felicia start following her.

[B]

Oh, yeah. My friend's in a bathroom.

[A]

Yeah. Folks up in a bathroom making a fool of himself.

[B]

Yeah. No, it's just very. I'm always shocked when you see some people. Obviously people are better than themselves. You don't know what she came from. You don't know what she is really. But it's just. You were mentioning the 15, 000 strong.

[C]

The community.

[B]

The community is deeper and stronger than I've ever anticipated or really thought. And diverse and multicultural, but with one commonality.

[A]

We are all garbage. Which is nice. Yes, this is very nice. It's a very popular program, as you say it is. You know, kids, jocks.

[B]

I don't think kids. I got the demographics.

[A]

Not kids. I mean, kids.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Younger.

[B]

Yeah. What?

[A]

What? I could use the bathroom.

[B]

Okay. But all that being said, if you're

[A]

new to high school. Sorry. There are high school kids that watch this, though. I'm sure I just seen a couple at the bagel shop. Couple of kids that were cutting school, trying to go out to Long beach to go surfing, but they can't because they are. The li. Rr's down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As they go to Coney Island, I'm like, I can't surf out there. I was like, yeah, you're telling me, bro.

[B]

Did you have. What? Okay, what? I don't see you start this shit and say, what? I don't know. I'm sorry. It's not every day you tell me. You're talking to surfing teenagers. You got to get me. You gotta. You gotta let me pry a little bit.

[A]

Wasn't the Beach Boys.

[B]

Well, I mean, I don't bump into surfing teenagers that often. Right.

[A]

They have like, their boards on them and like that okay, there's a couple. There were kids hanging out. There were three. High school gotten class. That's right.

[B]

I respect that.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

You see that in New York and it makes you think. You go, fucker. Where your parents working? Yeah. Badass little kids running around fucking.

[A]

You never cut class, smoking dope.

[B]

I tried one time and I wrapped my car around a telephone pole.

[A]

You never cut school.

[B]

Never again. Wait, really? I tried in 10th grade. I was 16. We were going to. We were cutting school. We were. We had beers and we're going to get drunk and go to Rice's, the flea market. Shout out Rice's every Tuesday and Saturday. I think you're going to go. You know, we had heaters. You're going to go get like a.

[A]

Oh, your Chinese star needs.

[B]

Yeah. Butterfly knife. Whatever.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Yeah, probably a bowl or something.

[A]

Titty pens.

[B]

Cool. Good. Shit. And I skipped school and I was. I wrapped my. I wrapped my first lumen around a telephone pole in my neighborhood and.

[A]

Were you drunk?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

Icy.

[B]

No.

[A]

Speeding.

[B]

Sneezed.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. I was turning right. I was whipping work. As the kid said, now I'm driving the. But I'm turning. And I sneezed. And when I came up, I hadn't gone all the way back and that pole was staring down the barrel and

[A]

you really wrapped it around it. Or is that just.

[B]

I could know. I could have touched it. Like I. It fucking just crunch right up the middle. That airbag went off. Those old school airbags hitchhiker. Like I let off a fucking bottle rocket in that thing.

[A]

Damn. You never cut school? Cut school all the time.

[B]

I was. I also my. I mean, you know, a little bit of a broken home. My mom would go to work and I would just go, hey. She would be at work a lot when I left, when I was supposed to go to school, I just. I'm not going. I'm sick. I'm not going today. Okay, whatever.

[A]

That's kind of cool.

[B]

Yeah. But the one. Yeah. When I tried to like 12 bowls of cereal later, that and my dad, I'd be like, dad, I'm sick or whatever, you know. But never like I tried at 16 and it ended terribly. I had the Irish Catholic, you know, I was God telling me go to class and I listened to our mighty father.

[A]

You had to come out of the Wuhan lab to get out of going to school with Patty?

[B]

Ah, no, wait. Nobody vicious. Nobody cared.

[A]

Vicious.

[B]

My nieces and nephews are like, oh, like we talk about, like, oh, let's go on Vacation like. Well, the kids have school. I'm like, fucking who? What are we taught with school?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Take them out for like. Yeah, you can't. I always hated shit. Don't fucking matter.

[A]

I always hated those kids.

[B]

It's not the 20s, dude. They're learning on.

[A]

I disagree. I hated those kids. You know who I bet did that?

[B]

Who? Yeah, Luke. Went to fucking a chateau or something.

[C]

Get more experience that way.

[A]

Sure, I get it.

[B]

Yeah. What the fuck? What are they going to read? A fucking dingy textbook? Get fuck out of here. Get out there. Be go to Poconos. And you would great Wolf Lodge.

[A]

And you would be able to collect your studies and get all your work done before you left or whatever.

[C]

Got to learn how to drink around the world somehow.

[B]

Sure. You got. Yeah. That's an experience.

[A]

My parents would. I mean, we were vacation.

[B]

Maybe they should have a little bit. You'll be a little more cultured. Wouldn't be in a bathroom so much.

[A]

There's nothing I can do about it now.

[B]

You go back to school.

[A]

I should go back to school.

[B]

I said that we should enroll you in. I mean, we tried to enroll you in college and you said it was Julia or nothing. I believe is what it was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You guys were supposed to do a creative writing course. Yeah. Okay. We'll move on from that.

[A]

Tiffan a little bit.

[B]

You and most people. But all that's neither here nor there, gang. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hand. As you guys know. When you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And we got 12 tree humdingers around here.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

This is just a good one. This is from Marty. Also great trashy name. Shout out Marty Marty. I always think of Big Marty's Carpet in Philadelphia, which I think you said you didn't know, but Big Marty's carpet was big.

[A]

Yeah, Marty's a good guy. Just Marty in general. You know, Marty, obviously. Marty McFly.

[B]

I don't think I ever knew a Marty.

[A]

Never knew a Marty. My first. My second car was named Martin because I got it from Martin. Honda down there.

[B]

I don't think that's a person.

[A]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

Your car wasn't named. I mean, I said I never knew a Marty and you're. You said my car was. I knew Martin. Yeah.

[A]

Martin.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. It's not the guy I know. I don't. I didn't know him.

[A]

No, I'm saying there's a guy named Marty. Martin that ran the dealership. Not fucking the cars. A person.

[B]

I thought you did I. Spider. Did you name the car Marty?

[A]

No. I thought of Martin. It was formal.

[B]

Mister. That's Mr. Yeah. I never knew a Martin. It's an older name. I feel it was just a little. Sure. You ever know a Henry now?

[A]

Huh? Plenty of Kevin's around.

[B]

Yeah. This place is lousy with Kevin's.

[A]

Like mosquitoes on a hot summer night.

[B]

No. Henry. Henry's coming back now. Henry's a big name. When we were looking for the baby. Henry's a big name.

[A]

I. You know.

[B]

Does that bother you? Or does that make. Does that make you proud?

[A]

It's flattering, I would say. You know.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Appreciate it.

[B]

Flattering? How so? But you go by H. No one knows your name's Henry.

[A]

I know people think it's Herman.

[B]

Could it be? It could be Herman. Holy. I've never seen anything to prove.

[A]

Name one Irishman you know named Herman.

[B]

I don't know one Irishman named H either.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Italian in you.

[A]

No, I get it. Things are cyclical like that.

[B]

Families are always rushing, falling. In America.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Same fucking rats that used to make fun of me in fucking elementary school now calling their kids Henry bitch.

[B]

You should talk that therapist about letting go.

[A]

I was talking to him today.

[B]

I know. He fucking dropped a bomb on me right before we pressed record.

[A]

I just. I thought I said something nice to you.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't win with these guys. Here we go. Do you see the guy who always says I can't win is typically at fault. I can't win with these guys. Never catch a break.

[A]

Sounds like something to step that. I can't win with these kids.

[B]

My dad was the king. I can't catch a break. I remember. I remember saying it at like 16. And someone looking at me like what? I can't catch a fucking break. Pointing at the windshield. I can't catch a fucking break.

[A]

I said. Chili fries.

[B]

I remember. I was getting. I remember one time I screamed it the most. And my buddy was in the car next to me and my. I was. I was getting ready to move to New York. I was selling. I was getting the Montego ready to sell. Classing it up. Vinnie with the skinny was gonna sell that for me. He had a prime piece of real estate. Was gonna park it there, put a for sale sign in. Never happened. But getting ready to sell it as. Because that was like. In my head that was going to be like eight grand.

[A]

Eight grand. You thought you're Going to get at the time, maybe. Huh?

[B]

Six. I take five. Yeah. Negotiating against me. What do you got on you? No, I was trying. That was going to be my big cash windfall.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? Of course I'd still be pretty good.

[A]

You'd be still floating off that.

[B]

Huh? And, man, imagine how quick I would have blown that when I moved it up. New York would have been a cool

[A]

couple of months, though. Oh, the meatballsy. I can see doggy.

[B]

You ain't lying.

[A]

You'd have been taking cabs and everything. Eventually it would. It would have evened itself out.

[B]

Sure. But there was.

[A]

There was no way I was telling my cousin this. I was like, listen, stop. Like, trying to prepare for this. I'm like, if you want to take a step into this, accept the fact that. That you were going to be fucking poor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it is going to fucking suck.

[B]

That's a guy still talking to himself. Even if you get money, you're gonna

[A]

blow as I'm taking money out of

[B]

his wallet that way. You're good, kid. Yeah. You gotta just live in the sense of, like, it's never gonna work out, but you have to believe it's gonna work out at the same time. It's kind of weird. You really gotta be crazy to make it. You really gotta be dumb as rocks and Fuck Young dumb and full of gum. What? But my windshield cracked, like, two days before I was getting ready to polish it up.

[A]

Can't win.

[B]

I went, I can't catch a break. I literally remember. I was like, who are you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was just like, not. You ain't gonna catch a break with that attitude. Putting that out in the universe.

[A]

You ever get caught. You ever get caught with that? Somebody else. What the Are you. What? Catch a break? You fucking. Yeah, you're healthy.

[B]

I just. I've tried to say this. The only thing I know about how to be a dad is to, like, come home and complain about construction work, even doing that. That's all I know. That's like, what?

[A]

That'd be pretty crazy.

[B]

What a dad does is comes home like the electrician. Fucking permits, breaking my ball. Like, you know? That's all I know. What a dad. It comes home and you go, how is work? And they dump all of the job site politics on you. And, you know, and. Or what? GCs aren't paying. Fuck. I submitted my invoice in fucking January. I'm still waiting on January.

[A]

Not a little glass of scotch or something?

[B]

Nah. Michelob Coors Light. Yeah. They were both of both my parental. They were beer drinkers.

[A]

Kevin's talking about Hexclad.

[B]

Shout out to Hexclad.

[A]

You don't know Hexclad, do you? Best, best, best pans in the world.

[C]

Ooh.

[B]

I was. I got. I bought Hexclad before they were a sponsor. That's how much I like Hexclad.

[A]

State of the art technology, am I right?

[B]

I believe so.

[A]

You know what makes me think of what's that? It's springtime going into the summer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot of people, they change the storm windows, they put the screens in, they clean out the closets, they clean out this, they clean up that. You know what? You don't do enough. Get rid of the old pans. Get rid of those old Teflon. Bad for you. Scratched up pans. And get yourself a set of Hexclads. Get fresh, get ready. You feel good cooking with them. Do yourself a favor. We don't lie. Hexclad, baby.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This is a great thing. Pan makes cooking harder instead of easier. So many pans I had before I got Hexclad, I would just go, all the eggs are sticking this, the that. It's messy. It makes cleaning up. Dude, you couldn't get super glue to stick to this stuff. Saying that jokingly, obviously. They have over 1 million customers and over 50,000 five star reviews. The secret is out, baby. There's a reason Gordon Ramsay uses Hexclad at home and in his restaurants. They are. And he's the toughest critic on the planet. Uh, don't go through another spring using the same busted ass pans you should have thrown out years ago. I added ass for a limited time only. Our listeners get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to hexclad.com garbage support the show and check out hexclad.com hexcla d.com forward slash garbage. Make sure to let them know the boy sent you. Spring clean your kitchen a smart way with Hexclad.

[A]

Do it, Kip. I want to talk about Shopify.

[B]

Shopify. Shopify.

[A]

Now, you know I don't handle much of the business end of stuff.

[B]

What?

[A]

But I gotta tell you, I love that Shopify. It's. I understand it. It's easy for me, gang. You want to accelerate your efficiency. Do yourself favorite Shopify. Whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones, Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. I mean, even a foley could do it.

[B]

Yeah. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US which is crazy. From household names. From household names. Like, are you garbage.com youm go over there. We're a gosh darn Shopify, baby. We're not only the sponsors, we're the player president. Or what's the clientele too. Yeah, use it. We've been using it since before they were a sponsor. It's time to turn those what ifs into Cha Ching with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com garbage just go to shopify.com garbage I'm gonna say one more time, get a pen. Get a pencil. Shopify.com garbage do it.

[A]

Do it. I got your briefcase. Would you use it?

[B]

No, I kind of have one. Luke kind of made fun of it, so I didn't really.

[A]

Have I ever seen it? Is that like your attache?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What?

[A]

I've never seen this.

[B]

I used it once. I took it to Soul Joel's and Luke was like, yeah.

[A]

I arrived separately.

[B]

It's old. I recall.

[A]

What does it look like it's just like a satch.

[B]

It's like a. Like a. Like a. Like a laptop bag. Remember? Like the old. Like, it's like an over the shoulder lap.

[A]

It's a Postman with Kevin Costner.

[B]

He had a laptop.

[A]

Nobody had a satchel.

[B]

He's not a satchel. Like, well, you would put a. Imagine like a laptop, I guess, off the briefcase.

[A]

Like my army band, My army bag that I used to have, huh? Like that.

[B]

No, it's like a.

[A]

Get my grenades in there. I'm talking like an old school. Like a briefcase.

[B]

I don't want to carry a briefcase. I don't want to have to carry a bag.

[A]

Throw it down, loosen your tie, Give the wife a kiss. Smack on the butt, huh? Smell the beans, huh?

[B]

Is that what you think life is? That's crazy.

[A]

Happy people do.

[B]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, it's. I do have a little bit of a version of that. I come home from the old fucking content factory here. Fight fucking traffic, breaking my balls. I get in, she's like, can you stop and get diapers? I said, I just bought diapers.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You get that, what, on the way

[B]

home, can I stop and get diapers? I said, yeah, it doesn't bother me. Would that bother you? I think it. See, there's a thing.

[A]

No, not my. Not diapers.

[B]

I mean, your first reaction seemed like it Bothered?

[A]

What the she been doing all day?

[B]

Oh, that's crazy. You are such a piece of dude. It's crazy. It's wild.

[A]

I don't need diapers.

[B]

There's also a thing. You want to help?

[A]

No, I understand.

[B]

I don't think you do. I think you understand that I'm talking to you. I don't think you're fucking. Yeah.

[A]

Now diapers, of course.

[B]

Yeah. But I'm happy if I. If I get out of the car, I go, hey, do you. I'm, you know, do we need anything?

[A]

I've gotten hit with like, can you grab laundry detergent or something? What?

[B]

You are.

[A]

Yeah. I'm the problem for sure.

[B]

You're not disillusioned? Yeah. That's something you do, right? You got to give me a little back, obviously. Yeah, right. I mean, somebody goes, hey, can you stop it? There's.

[A]

What if he was like, nah, that dog. No. You know what?

[C]

I'll get fabric softener. I got you.

[A]

Why? It's all parapins or whatever they're called.

[B]

Is that the stuff that goes in. What's the liquid? Fabric softener.

[A]

I don't with that.

[C]

I mean, there's liquid fat. Most. I only know it as.

[B]

That goes in the washer.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, that goes in the washer.

[A]

Dryer sheets.

[C]

No, that's in the dryer.

[A]

That's fabric softener.

[C]

No, it's not anti wrinkle technically, but.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

I think it's called fabric soft.

[C]

Fabric. Yeah.

[A]

What's. Fabrics?

[B]

The dryer sheets.

[A]

Yeah, that's a fabric softener.

[B]

I think you can do either one.

[A]

I don't fuck with that shit. In the, in the, in the washing machine.

[B]

Looks like milk wool light or whatever the. That show. Whatever.

[A]

It's a gentle cleanser for your unmentionables, your panties, your night negligence.

[B]

Okay, I got you. All right.

[A]

Hot chicks will put it in the. They soak it in their bathroom sink.

[C]

The dryer sheets are fabric soft.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I never knew like cotton that was. No. What's the one with the snuggly bear Cotton out, right? No, that's toilet paper.

[A]

Snuggles.

[B]

Snug. Yeah. But that wasn't the name, was it? Snuggles? Yeah, that was the guy's name.

[C]

No, no. Fat from softener.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's fat.

[A]

Was it Snuggles?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never had that. No, I don't use dry.

[A]

Never had Mr. Bubbles either. You ever get Mr.

[B]

Bubbles?

[A]

The bubble bath?

[B]

Maybe like we would like soap, you know, put some dial in there, you gotta fucking really wish your hand around.

[A]

We never got that. We never got magic shell. I always wanted magic shell.

[B]

I don't know what that is.

[C]

We had magic show.

[B]

Oh, is that the thing that hardens now? You'd have to fucking. I don't know what you'd have to do for Denise to shell over the extra five nights.

[A]

That shit blew my fucking mind. Or hot fudge. Never got hot fudge. Get Hershey syrup, which I appreciate, but,

[C]

you know, my nana had a hot fudge recipe.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. Kind of strange. Yeah. My mom would put it in the mason jars and we'd always have it on deck.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

You got to be from old money for shit like that.

[B]

Dude, Mason jar. I didn't know what a. I didn't know what a mason jar was for. Like, the longest.

[A]

That was for Bloody Mary's.

[B]

I didn't know what. I didn't know. We didn't know what the fuck.

[A]

No shit. I love hot fudge.

[C]

I love my nana's recipe.

[B]

Can we get. So does your mom make it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I'll bring some home.

[B]

Hit me up. Mrs. Demps.

[A]

Pretty good.

[B]

What did your friends call your mom growing up?

[C]

Mrs. Dempsey. Yeah, so I hated the friend who pushed like. Like, you can use their first name.

[B]

We've never. I don't have anybody.

[C]

I still even like my girlfriend's parents. They're like, call me by my first name. I'm like, no, Mr. Or Mrs. Yeah, I don't.

[B]

I don't call my in laws.

[A]

Yeah, good kid. You don't call your in laws, what,

[B]

by their first name.

[A]

What do you say? Mr. And Mrs. Whatever.

[B]

I don't know what I say.

[A]

Don't you call them grandma and Grandpa or something now?

[C]

Yeah, or mom and dad. That's psycho shit.

[B]

Hey, mom, dad, you know what else I don't like? I don't. You don't do. But like, I feel like I'd be with, like, my uncle and he would bump into a friend of his from the neighborhood or something, and they'd be like, yeah, well, you know, we put pop in a home. Like they refer. Like, not. We had to put my dad in it. Like, they just refer to that. There's no. No assignment of. What's that?

[A]

Yeah, but married. If you're married to somebody for like 45 years, you know, I don't know.

[B]

Still, the in laws, they call my. My. My brother in law for the longest time, didn't know what to call my mom up until, like, very Recent.

[A]

Hey, chief.

[B]

So he would wait until, like, to make eye contact with her. He's like, denise didn't feel right. Mom doesn't feel right.

[A]

No.

[B]

So they call her Niecy Mom.

[A]

Niecy Mom? Yeah, My wife's mom. I called her Mama her name.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

But that was like more like a cutie kind of thing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But never growing up.

[B]

No, no. Even like now, like Pat's dad. I don't call any. It's like, call Mr. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. And Mrs. Whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nobody kids now.

[A]

They don't do that. Hi, Belinda.

[B]

That's fucking nuts.

[A]

The shit out of you.

[B]

I. I was telling you, these kids are drinking at a very young age now. And it's like very think. I know it is.

[A]

Most of them are all bitched up.

[B]

It's very. And it's very like, it's European almost. The parents are like, okay, I'll get you a six pack of White Claw or what? And it's like they also all talked

[A]

about too much shit in front of their kids.

[B]

Well, it's like, think about. It's like. It's a way significantly different generation of people. It's like us. You know what I mean? Like, think about, like, when fucking little Kip Reno grows up, even at like 7, he's going to be able to see hundreds of hours of content of me being a dickhead. You know, if you let him, they'll find it. My nieces and nephews find it.

[A]

They do.

[B]

Yeah. They start asking questions, you know, how much does he weigh? Where is. Where are his teeth?

[A]

Nuh. Brats.

[B]

See you next time. No, the One did say he does always play a fat guy and stuff. The One has seen you in a couple of things. I think he was watching Manifest or Gotham.

[A]

Are you with me?

[B]

No, I swear to God. It's always nice.

[A]

I'm fat. Of course. Don't play a fat guy. Gain and lose weight for a day player role.

[B]

That's not how show business works. How you get back to school all right, Stop watching his old ass TV shows. He got Netflix or something.

[A]

He has six months in a trainer to get ready for that kind of stuff. I could do that the next Iron Man.

[B]

No, but they're drinking at a young eight, like. And they're like, oh, yeah, hey, can. You know, we're going so, like, drop me a fucking wild shit. I'm seeing this from my periphs, you know, my peripheral. Drop me where we, like, hey, drop me off in the woods. And the, like, parents will drop Their kids off with, like, six packs and shit.

[A]

Like, heard that too.

[B]

Which, like, does not fly. Did not fly. When we were. And my. I was talking to my brother about. My brother's like, now you got a fucking sneak. There has to be some sort of fuck. I don't. He's like, I don't. Like, I don't care if you're drinking, but, like, you're not gonna fucking. You still have to fucking try and hide it from me. And if I. If I catch you, I'm going to be upset. But, like, you're not just fucking your brother.

[A]

Your brother seems like the kind of guy that would be pretty hard to sneak that by. I mean, how does he not know every.

[B]

That's what I do. I always thought I'd be such a good cop. I'd be like. I'd be. Fuck. I'd be sniping ever. I've broken every law in the book,

[A]

but that would be your specialty. Underage kids.

[B]

Just anything.

[A]

I also don't know guys doing over there.

[B]

Dude, we'll be at like, the fucking pub. And they'll be. It'll be fucking 2am Last call. There'll be 25 cars out front. I'm like, how are the cops just not pulling.

[A]

I never got that either. I never.

[B]

I go, what do you think? They're all in there in front of Wings. It's two A kitchen closed at midnight. Dick. What do we do? I just don't understand. I don't care.

[A]

Pull out of a bar and there's the one cop across the street.

[B]

All the duty.

[A]

Talk about nervous purvis.

[B]

I would, dude. I let so many people go ahead of me. Hey, send them to the Gopher. Dude. Get out of here.

[A]

Yeah. One pulls that this way.

[B]

Yeah. You're going left behind. I call in a tip on them, too. Hey, Stevie. And the Buicks. If I had two, three spritzers. No. Yeah. I didn't. That was never. I never understood. I thought I'd be. That's why I thought I'd be such a good cop. Lil Kiprino's gonna have to get up pretty early in the morning to try to fool me. I guess you just stopped caring at some point. I don't know.

[C]

Yeah, it's too much. They're creating, like, a generation of marks. It was kind of changing with my generation, but now it's like the parents are buying the fake IDs for kids. They're taking the picture. It's like, really? Yeah, it's crazy.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

I had Denise Take my picture for my fake. I was 20. I was in cop. Oh. We were a very big.

[A]

You know what you were doing?

[B]

I told her Vinnie.

[A]

I told her Vinnie wasn't for a dating website.

[B]

I told her Vinnie was making an end of the school year PowerPoint in front of a white back. She knew my. My sister's like, this is for a fake idea. We were a very big get to college. If you could get to college. It was all like, you could start drinking at a family party or whatever. You know what I mean? That was. That was what it was.

[A]

The laws were looser when we were kids. When we were kids, you know, if you got caught at a party, underage drinking, unless the cop was a real fucking dickhead or, you know, there was fucking, I don't know, weed or something like that there or something harder, you know, they give you a misdemeanor. And then it got like, things got real strict like maybe like around your grades or whatever. And now if the parents are. Loosen up again, isn't that a good thing? What do you mean? They're making marks. They don't have to work for it.

[C]

Yeah, like no one understands like how to buy weed anymore. No one. It's like, oh, I could steal my parents edibles. Like.

[B]

Yeah, it's like everything. They're going to the white claws for

[C]

you so you don't get in trouble at the liquor store, figuring it out on your own.

[B]

But there. Then there's going to be a correction

[C]

of that because then, I mean, the next generation screwed.

[A]

Why?

[C]

I mean, the parents never had to

[B]

learn how to sneak around anything be buying their kids. H. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[A]

I think we're going to need that in future generations.

[B]

Oh, that's what we're going to need.

[A]

Yeah. Now I need operators getting guerrilla tactics at a certain point, I believe.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I don't think it's a kid having their mom buy white claws for him. That kid ain't a operator. I go pansy as slap that kid around.

[A]

No. Yeah, but we'd be more on that speed. What operators?

[C]

Yeah, we're gonna have a geriatric delta force which is all old operators.

[A]

I'm gonna rat you out to the Chinese.

[B]

But go for it. Take his own. I'm a goddamn patriot. Give him my address. The Kanzi Ponzi on him. Bullish. We gotta get a new family episode on our hands. All this fucking beat.

[A]

You're in the middle of a question.

[B]

Was I?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't even think I got There you did. No, we got to Marty and then we fucking Marty. Hey, I never got to the Marty. Shot the big Marty's carpet.

[A]

Thank you. Thanks. Shout out to Martin my Honda Accord.

[B]

Wait, is the. I don't know.

[A]

What do you want from me?

[B]

Is the car's name Martin?

[A]

The car's name was Martin.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We used to name our cars and sometimes the name would come from wherever we got it. Like Martin Ford Gotcha. And if it had the. Had the thing on it, I'd be like, oh, Martin gotcha cool. Or Murray, Murray. Murray Ford.

[B]

Murray Dodge.

[A]

Murray Dodge. Yeah, I had a Dodge Dodge 600 Turbo. It whistled when he drove in the front went up. It's weird.

[B]

Sounds like a speedboat. 600 Turbo. I, I put the bow of the boat down here.

[A]

It was you get on the highway Turbo. It was a sedan too. It was a two door sedan.

[B]

What? No, it wasn't.

[A]

Isn't that an oxymoron?

[B]

Yeah, because I thought a two door was a coupe.

[A]

No, no, it was like a. It was one. It was like a. Look like a, was a, like a box car. Like it looked like a Cadillac. I don't think it was a two door. It did.

[B]

Like a Chrysler 300. Looked like a Bentley.

[A]

Google it. Dodge 600 Turbo. It's a real term 1986. What?

[C]

That two door sedan is a two door passenger car built on the same chassis, chassis and interior proportions as a four door.

[A]

And I was reaching on that.

[B]

Oh, I gotcha.

[A]

Can I see it?

[B]

Yeah, I gotcha.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's Murray, I think.

[B]

Stinks.

[A]

Oh, it was rough. Bought it for like 600 bucks. Mr. O'. Donnell. It was his dad's car.

[B]

Why you name it Mr. O' Donnell then could have called a buddy Mr. O'. Donnell.

[A]

Murray seemed like a Murray as his personality.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. But no, I never called Martin Marty. It was always Martin Gotcha. We're never that close. So. Yeah, I never knew a Marty.

[B]

Okay, okay, fair enough. This one's from Marty. Ironically enough, have you ever referred to someone's actions as wheeling and dealing? That is a no. 1 that is wheeling and dealing is to say someone is wheeling and dealing. Trashy. Whatever they're doing is trashy. You're operating in the fringes. If someone's wheeling and dealing. Yeah, you know what I mean? No one calls like an accountant. Ah, that guy's wheeling. And if they are, it's. He's skimming.

[A]

He's, you know, he's a fucking wheeler and dealer.

[B]

That's One that's one step away from Robin Peter to pay Paul.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Hey, he's wheeling. Wheeling and dealing is a little bit of a gray area.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Not everybody's getting the truth. Yeah, that's a great one. Wheeling and dealing.

[A]

You remember the first time that you heard your, like, you heard your. Your dad call out another adult for being like, a little shifty?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I do. It's just like, hey, that guy, he's a little, you know, he's. He's a wheeler and dealer.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I was full of that guy. They're a wheeling dealer.

[B]

I remember early on, someone got accused of stealing money. My dad accused the guy of stealing money from the cyo. That guy's got. He did not do his face. He just didn't trust him, I guess. Who the fuck wants to run a cyo? Taking the cash. Where's the fuck? Oh, that guy's like, he always needs cash. Is fucking. He's always like, oh, we need another $30 for the tournament, another $20 for the uniform. My dad's a dirt bag. He starts doing the math and probably how he would operate. Like I'd be skimming. Like, that guy's got coffee cans buried in his backyard with cash. I remember we drive by his house. I remember being like, really? Wow. Good for him. Yeah.

[A]

Six kids on the team.

[B]

Yeah. Now, I don't know if that's the truth, but it was, you know, that was. That was the allegation. That was. That was grown up talk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I remember it was just me and my dad in the car. And I want to be like, why do you think I need this information at this age? You know what I mean? Like, I was like, young to make you crazy. Yeah. But I do have to say that helped my now I know escape. You know what I mean? I think it goes back to fucking

[A]

not being a mark.

[B]

Not being a mark. You gotta know. You gotta learn how. You gotta sell a little weed. Yeah. Fucking. You know something. Fucking know how to move.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah. On to something with that.

[A]

Everybody should wait tables.

[B]

I agree with that. And should do some sort of manual labor. They gonna dare. Everybody got to do something. You know what I mean? One summer, you got to fucking dig a ditch. You got to learn something.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And get up early.

[A]

Kibby, can I tell you something?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love Chubby's.

[B]

Chubby, Chubby's. Chubby's.

[A]

I love Chubby's. Who don't you know? Can I say this?

[B]

Hit me.

[A]

Chubby's been a sponsor For a little bit while ago, Chubby sent me some stuff I couldn't fit into yet. Yeah, I can now fit into them. Buddy, you're looking at an H Foley. Chubby Summer. Let's go.

[B]

So it's summer 2026, chubby season styling.

[A]

I man the comfort, the fit, the feel, the qu. I sound like I'm doing an ad for them. The quality is unbelievable. Shout out to Chubby's.

[B]

Yes. Not only that, they got their original shorts, which I like rocking, baby. They got a better fit. They got extra pockets and that worn in from the feel the moment you throw them on. Not like that was my. That's my problem with shorts. I buy them and, you know, I feel like my dad. A brand new set of Bermudas or whatever. You're like, what are you feeling? Everything's starched. Not with Chubby's. They come in nice, clean, cozy. You're on a golf course, you're out on the dock, you're doing, you're fishing, you're hitting no shower, happy hour, whatever you got, Chubby's got you covered. Whether you're getting dressed for your workday, a workout, or summer vacations. Like I just said, Chubby's has you covered, dog. For a limited time, Chubby's is giving our viewers 20% off your order with the code garbage@chubby shorts.com. that's code garbage. Chubby Shorts.com support the show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with chubbies.

[A]

That was awesome.

[B]

I really hit that.

[A]

Yeah. Stand out with chubbies, kiddos.

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[B]

This one's from Chris. $20, homie. What was your mom's home workout setup? I'd say the more home workout videotapes you had the trashier buns of steel and eight, name a few. Denise was big on the step aerobics.

[A]

Step aerobics.

[B]

We had the step that was. I mean, that might have.

[A]

Step.

[B]

We hear.

[A]

Oh, like that little thing.

[B]

It was like the box looked like

[A]

a squatty potty kind of a bigger.

[B]

It was probably like 3ft long. It had like 2 stackable, like you can make it low or high. It had like rubber on the top and you would do like. We had to do it in element. It was big in the 80s. That was all like the Jazzer size. And we had to do it in gym class. That was like. We had all. We all had our own thing and we were, you know, left and right.

[A]

She had a little leotard on.

[B]

No, but our teacher did really shout out to Mr. Jenkins. No, shout out. Her name was Ms. Zumble.

[A]

Talk about an Amazon package.

[B]

She was like a gymnast. And she showed up and I think she. I. My mom used to take her classes like outside of school, obviously. My mom wasn't showing up at gym class hitting them. And she. I remember her. She was. That was like. What the heck is even this? That was something else. I remember. I remember being like. We were in like seventh, eighth grade. You cannot wear this in school. If the kids can wear it, you shouldn't be able to wear it.

[A]

You pull her aside.

[B]

Ethically, you. I gotta eat lunch after this. With a heart on. What are you talking about? Yeah, you got 35 kids in a locker room all hiding a stiffy. What are you doing to us? Lady.

[A]

Doors on the stalls in the bathroom. You drive me nuts.

[B]

That. They were huge back and they were so. Dude, that Taibo, that's where our family drew the line.

[A]

I thought that was karate. I thought he.

[B]

It kind of is. Billy Blanks, he could fight. Oh, I don't know. I probably whipped my ass. I know that much. All that fucking. All that cardio he's doing. He fucking take me into deep water fucking ends me. See how many. See how much money they make. Dude. Dude, Taibo was at the height of fucking. That was VHS and DVD sales. Infomercials. That was moving hard copy units. That was probably nine, ten dollars a clipping made. Yeah, that was. That's like record sales. That was like metallic. Metallica, you know, Anthony was doing. It was doing numby. Yeah, he probably sold. What do you got there, Lucas? It's the Bow Flex.

[C]

Let me get the Bow Flex. I got Tybo right now.

[B]

Yeah, Taibo. That's what we're looking for. I think that.

[C]

That's Bowflex.

[A]

Oh, the. Chuck Norris moved too.

[B]

That was the total gym. Right?

[A]

He had before that.

[B]

Remember the skis?

[A]

Yeah. Cross Nordic track.

[B]

Nordic Track. I remember my buddy having somebody. My aunt. I don't even remember. I honestly have no idea who had a wooden version of that. And I remember being like, what is this the fucking. Who are you? Jack Klompus with this Jack Clumpus. You know who Jack Clump is?

[A]

Jack Klumpus.

[C]

Bowflex in its peak was making 860 million a year.

[B]

What was. How many. How many videos of Taiba did they sell?

[A]

860 million a year.

[B]

Dude, that money, that's like 1995 money. That's like a bajillion.

[C]

That was act. They had a resurgence during the pandemic.

[B]

Who did?

[C]

Bowflex.

[B]

No shit.

[C]

Taibo sold over 500 million home videos.

[B]

That's insuit. Even if he made a dollar per video. That's crazy.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

That's crazy money. 500 million videos is fucking insane.

[A]

Blows everybody away.

[B]

That's like Beatles. I mean, how many records have the Beatles sold? That's like Beatles.

[A]

I bet that's more than the Beatles. No way.

[B]

The Beatles. Well, now it's like, with streams and stuff, it's. It's wildly.

[A]

Forget about the streams.

[B]

Fucking hard copies.

[C]

We were a big P90X family.

[B]

P90X.

[A]

Isn't that the powder that fucked you up before you worked out?

[C]

That was Tony Horton's videos.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Power 90X.

[B]

P90X.

[A]

Who did that?

[B]

That was like family dude.

[C]

Me and my boys in, like, middle school would be ripping the videos.

[B]

That dude that used to say fucking

[A]

throat chopping each other.

[B]

That was like, if you can do it for two weeks, you'll be hurt. That guy. I remember that guy's abs.

[A]

Oh, I know that guy. Yeah. And the rest of them. Look. He looked like Captain Planet a little bit.

[B]

Yeah. I forgot about that. P90X was huge, brutal. I remember. I remember my. My buddy's dad.

[A]

I was a Richard Simmons man. Sure.

[B]

Goddamn gentleman, huh? Who's coming out with that, right? Isn't.

[A]

Didn't have an ounce of definition on him. He was the best. His morning show was great.

[B]

Who was the old guy? I remember watching that. Jack something.

[A]

Jack lalanne.

[B]

Jack lalanne.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I remember.

[A]

Beat your ass.

[B]

I know. I remember him pulling like 3 cadillacs with his dick or something. And they were like, look at him. He was always doing stunts on the today's show. Yeah, he was. They'd be like, Jack Lalanne towing 50 boats with his mouth. And you're like, what, Brian?

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

Buddy retired.

[A]

He was the first guy. He was really the first guy to start with the juicing and shit. He pound like a fucking celery juice or something.

[B]

Isn't it crazy? We didn't know that it would just. I mean. Well, we didn't.

[A]

No.

[B]

I mean, my family were sherbert. I do that. I hit you with a strawberry now and then. If the chocolate and vanilla and the Neapolitan were out, I'd do a strawberry. Strawberry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I hated strawberry.

[A]

I know. Now I like it. Isn't that crazy? I hated strawberry ice cream as a kid. Why did we like it?

[B]

Not that crazy, if I'm being honest with you. I've seen. I've seen you do a lot crazier than, like, ice cream. That's wild, huh? I didn't like beer when I was three either. Like the stuff now. Yeah.

[A]

I hated mayo when I was a Kid. But until I was at my cousin's house in the middle of the night at my first mayo, ham and cheese.

[B]

In the middle of the night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That is the fattest story you've ever told.

[A]

It was tagged.

[B]

They set an alarm and wake up.

[A]

No, we got up to sneak upstairs and have.

[B]

And make Sammy as a couple of rock stars. Why don't we go upstairs?

[A]

It was ham, mayo on wheat bread. And these were against everything. It's wheat bread or mayo. Ham. Yeah.

[B]

That was the time for you. Because if that was noon, you probably wouldn't be eating it. No, but in the middle of the night. Snack and you'll take whatever you're fed. Oh, fuck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hungy was so gross then. You like it the next time? Sure. How many albums did the Beal sell? I thought you looked it up. Don't worry about it. 500 million is crazy.

[B]

Yeah, that's. I mean, that's wild. See if you can get his net worth. Billy Blanks.

[A]

Would you have to sit and watch your mom work out in front of the tv? That always bugged me out.

[B]

I mean, I would see her and then, like, my sister also did it as well. Maybe they did it together. Like, I. It wasn't like, sit down and watch me. Like, if she was doing that. Because that was like an hour or whatever. And that might as well been when I was like six and hours.

[A]

Like three years.

[B]

Like, I'm going to Dad's. I'll see you later. Start walking or whatever.

[C]

This net worth has got to be wrong. It says 20 to 30 million. No chance.

[B]

Screw. Yeah, he might have. It's like, sold it early. Yeah. Like, sold the rights for. You know. Hey, we'll give you $5 million right now. And he did it.

[A]

Could be a. Could be a Ronco company.

[C]

Beatles estimated over 600 million units.

[B]

So, yeah, Billy Blanks and the Beatles. Same, same.

[A]

Pretty good. Some of those are downloads.

[B]

Yeah. All right. Let's see here. This great question. This one's from Phil A. Are you garbage if you hit the Little League field for the snack bar? My kid doesn't have a game. I just want cheese fries, a hot dog and scrap some water. I say done. I respect it. I. That goes. I would. I would also never. I can picture the one. I grew up driving by it. It would never occur to me to pull in and get something. Never occur to me. I. I'm. That's a great idea. I get. It's kitschy. It's fun. Just my brain doesn't work like that.

[A]

Yeah. I have a very strong nostalgic attachment to the little league field in northeastern Pennsylvania. North end or not? North. North. North end. Wilkes Barrel.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Sorry. Which. The last time I was up there, it seemed all run down. But they had the two level booth with the announcers up top. They had the snack bar on the outside. Good bleachers. They had the fence with the sponsorship and all that stuff. Solid gummy bears. Pizza, hot dogs, french fries with. The first time I smelled malt vinegar and malt vinegar they had like that.

[B]

It's not for me.

[A]

You don't like malt vinegar on your french fries? Sometimes

[B]

I would be very upset if someone did that to me and didn't tell me. You can't just go doing that.

[A]

You don't do it. It's there for you if you want it.

[B]

No.

[A]

You don't like that.

[B]

I don't think I've ever seen it. I don't know what it is, Luke.

[C]

I mean, in Europe, I've seen it.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

You don't do it?

[B]

Nah.

[A]

So it is then.

[B]

That's commie shit, dude.

[A]

That's. No, it's not. That's fucking British.

[B]

They might as well be fucking commies to me.

[A]

No, the Irish.

[B]

Didn't. We fight for our freedom.

[C]

Ain't American.

[A]

It's good.

[B]

It ain't America.

[A]

It's like fish and chips with a malt vinegar. It's delicious. Gives a little added zing. Do ketchup, too?

[B]

No, but cheese whiz and only Cheez whiz. I love me some cheese whiz.

[A]

Store brand ketchup.

[B]

I'm a huntsman.

[A]

Whoa. And I hunt. Family was hanging on by a thin thread. Yeah. So I'm all about that. I love that.

[B]

Yeah. I just like. I think it's awesome. I just like. I have like a barrier in my head of like. I can't get that my kid's not playing, you know, I.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like getting snacks at the movies when you're not at the movies.

[B]

Yeah. I just think. Well, I would never just say yeah,

[A]

but I respect it. There's a game going on, but.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm taking an inning or two.

[B]

Sure, but you're a nostalgic guy. Like, obviously it's not. And you're. It's not great food. It's good. Yeah. This is where I lost you.

[A]

I feel. You didn't lose me.

[B]

I like. It's not like if you want a hot dog and you're in a car, you can get a better version of a hot dog. Not to say it's not fantastic in the combination of everything together. To me it's like the experience. You know what I mean? It's like going to a ball game and getting the Cracker Jacks or whatever. It's like. It's the location. If you just pull up, eat it and then eat it in your car like a psychopath and then get out of there. So it's like it for me. It's got to be the game. It's got the guy. I've been going to get movies next. It's got to be the movies. You know.

[A]

First time I've read Gummy bears was it was there.

[B]

Yeah. I always like. I always blew me away. Gummy Bears.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, wow, what is this? I knew something was happening. Sure. Things were changing. Then nerds came out. It was a very interesting time.

[B]

Yes. Wacky, wacky wild time.

[A]

Be around when you were born. Weird.

[B]

Gummy Bears came out when I. I was.

[A]

No, when I first came across my red. Probably like 1983. 1984. So a couple years before you were born.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

But I'm not that much. We're not that far apart, buddy.

[B]

You were born in 1980.

[A]

You were born in 1986. I was 10 years old.

[B]

Yeah. I mean for sure.

[A]

Like I was driving.

[B]

Time's a wax.

[A]

Having sex.

[B]

But the Uncle Steve shout out to Marty. Yeah, but I mean. Yeah. I don't know. 40 and 50 is a jump still. And that's like the closest we've ever been, you know. 26 and 36 is a jump.

[A]

26.

[B]

26 year old. Hanging out with a 36 year old. You might as well be 382. That's crazy.

[A]

Weird.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I would say maturity level. You're younger than me. And not that I'm mature.

[A]

You think so? You think I'm less mature than you?

[B]

I think so. Are you? Do you have evidence to.

[A]

I believe that's because you're ugly.

[B]

Nana Nana boo Boo. You can't. I'm rubber your glue. All right, whatever. All right, let's see. This one's from I lost the game. Is it garbage to have your dad pick you up from kindergarten in his bread truck every day? There was no passenger seat, so I sat on an old bread box.

[A]

I dig it.

[B]

That's great. That would have made me feel so I would have been slightly embarrassed.

[A]

Smell of the bread. Who doesn't love the bread guy?

[B]

But also, if it was one of those Trucks that didn't have the doors. Like a fucking ups, Like a chip truck or whatever. Like a delivery truck. That was the coolest thing to me. Riding around, fucking foot hanging out. Mm. Wind in your hair.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As a kid, I was saying this to somebody. I always loved going and doing stuff that the general public couldn't do.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So to get in that truck, I'd look at everybody else, be like, look, check out. I'd be like, proud. I'd be like, you guys are all getting your fucking shitty ass minivans. Whatever. I gotta go to work. I'm working.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I gotta. They need me. They're calling me in.

[A]

That's like when you would ride in the middle of a. When you'd ride in a. In a pickup truck. Awesome.

[B]

Great. My stepdad's Ford Ranger. He shifted and, you know, you'd have a beer, a coffee.

[A]

Smells like gas for some reason. Yeah. It was awesome.

[B]

Dude, that I remember being. You got a CB radio. We'd be driving down the shore, CB radio. Danny on my right, him on my left. I was fat as To a fat little kid. I remember being like, put Danny in the middle. I'm getting elbowed this whole time. Huge thing of sunflower seeds right between my legs, like in the. The little, like, console or whatever. Like, you know, cb. And Danny on a CB radio. I'm just mulching. We're all three of us, mulchings. It was the. The most bonding we've ever had. And me and Danny are just around on the CB radio.

[A]

Where were you spitting your sunflower seed shells? You have a cup?

[B]

Probably a cup. I've. I'll eat the shell. I'm a shell guy. I'll eat the shells.

[A]

What?

[C]

Yeah, I used to eat the shells.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Very young kid, but.

[A]

What are you, a crow?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Eat the shells.

[B]

Yeah, I like them. That's what a flavor is, baby.

[C]

No, it's. It's worse.

[B]

Luke's playing hardball today.

[A]

Wow. I remember a time in high school where I was constantly eating sunflower seeds. We were just walking around, I think

[B]

in high school speaking, that's like something, you know, that's like trying. You're trying to have an identity.

[A]

You're, like, dipping.

[B]

Yeah, I'm the fucking. So I just always got them. Same thing with, like, smoking. That's why you smoke at a young age. You're looking for.

[A]

It was a big lacrosse thing too. Yeah.

[B]

You're trying. You're like, oh, this is a lacrosseing. This is what lacrosse players do. I'm part of the team. It's like same thing with like baseball players and the chew and the gum and the seeds. It's like part of the. It's part of it. I love that you're looking. You're trying to be somebody.

[A]

I love that. What just the. What they got in the dugout. I'm fascinated by on the sidelines. The different kinds of Gatorade.

[B]

A lot of time there. You should know.

[A]

Yeah. The different guy. Even. Even Division 3, the different kinds of Gatorade that we had. It was all ice cold.

[B]

All the.

[A]

That we had. So awesome. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You still got some years eligibility left. We were talking.

[A]

You go back. It's true.

[B]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Uncle Cousin. Ten dollar Kentucky gentleman. Never have one red. Shout out to you good sir.

[A]

Shout out to him.

[B]

Fine Southern gentleman. Ever seen a fight at a funeral? A group of my cousins beat up another cousin who was the dad of the deceased. Jesus, that's fucked up.

[A]

He must have been a real piece of shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You got. I mean that guy.

[A]

You fucking show up now after he's gone yapping, where the fuck were you? Wow.

[B]

That's. Yeah, I. Listen, tensions are high. Yeah. People are drinking, emotions are up and down. You know what I mean? I remember the first time.

[A]

Funerals suck.

[B]

Yeah. They're not great. I remember learning the first time the family takes like Xanax, like the. In the process, in the line. So they're not just bawling their eyes out all day.

[A]

Who gives them that? Nobody gave me that.

[B]

For what?

[A]

My dad.

[B]

Oh yeah. I mean, you know, something maybe a little more tragic than a 73 year old man passing God. Not saying it's not.

[A]

I understand what you're saying. Yeah.

[B]

Just something. You know. What? You know, I attended a lot of drug overdoses.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Stuff like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

25 gone too soon.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Kind of thing. You know what I mean?

[A]

They had a. Something. The mother. What's it called?

[B]

What?

[A]

Sedate the mother.

[B]

Yeah, just that of like I. You know, you're also too. You're standing next to the body all day. I get you. I do a little nip or something. You know what I mean?

[A]

You just driving by.

[B]

Yeah. That's a tough. I mean, I get that. That's tough. You know, funerals are.

[A]

That's where you have it out though.

[B]

Yeah. That's always a big thing. You'll never be at my funeral. You know who would say that? Some family members.

[A]

Really.

[B]

You're never gonna be at his Funeral. I'll see you. Yeah, I'll see your funeral.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Come from a dicey family.

[A]

See? It's your funeral, huh?

[B]

Yeah, there's. Yeah, I mean, we're just dirt bags. There's just, like, lines of delineation, you know, of who so and so. Talk, don't talk. I mean, there's a whole section of my family I don't talk to. Yeah. See them. See them from time to time, bump into them. They ignore you. Now, some of them are obviously very sweet. Some also, you know, it's beefs that I don't even know, you know? And I'm done fighting other people's. I got to a certain age dealing with all that, where I'm like, I'm done fighting other people's beefs. You want to be mad? You can be, man. I ain't got time for all that. Miss me with all that.

[A]

I mean, usually pretty good at squashing that when I'm not involved.

[B]

What?

[A]

I never could any, like, beef like that, like, where it's like, what are you doing? You don't. You two aren't talking. What the is that about, you dumb broad.

[B]

Give me a fresh one.

[C]

No. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. I mean, I'm saying other people, like, so and so.

[A]

You're not getting involved in it, getting

[B]

dragged into someone else.

[A]

You'll say hi to both parties.

[B]

I don't give a. Or I won't say hi to anybody.

[A]

I don't care, buddy.

[B]

I don't say hi to nobody. You said dead to me.

[A]

Let's see it.

[B]

I said. I said that once. I answered his funeral. I'm done. I've said that before.

[A]

You have?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who are you? Leo.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I need some money.

[B]

I was cranking a heater. I remember 34th and Broadway in Astoria. I was on the phone with Danny or somebody. I said, I'm done. Said what? I said, can I have 40 bucks to get over?

[A]

I need a train pick.

[B]

I gotta catch the Chinatown. I used to. Hey, be like, yeah, I'll get you. You know, I used to ask for money for something, inflate the price, and then take the Chinatown, the mega bus or something. Yeah. You know, hey, it cost me 50 bucks to get home, buy the $10 ticket. I got 40 bucks walking around money. I always spend it so stupidly. Oh, yeah, you get, like, Sabaros or something. A pack of heaters and Sabar's would be blown. Eating a pen station. Two sizes of pizza at Penn Station for.

[A]

For 18 on your way To a catered lunch.

[B]

Such a idiot. This one's from shells 10. $10 make you holler, homie. Here. First time, never had one red. Is it garbage to hold a Sig like a joint when you smoke?

[A]

Yes. Oh, wait, hold on. You mean like this? No. Jimmy Conway style. No, that's not. That's classy. What would you say? Not at all.

[B]

I wouldn't say. I don't think. If you're going. Would you say I don't think. I'm not saying. It's not badass. Yeah, it's not classy.

[A]

But that's. That's what you're talking about again.

[B]

That's a choice to me as so. I mean, we've smoked a very long. No one's like natural smoking is a choice.

[A]

Choice, sure. To look cool.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. And that's also a choice. Like naturally you smoke, you know, I prefer like this.

[A]

So I died and look down the tower.

[B]

Hits his joints. Dude, this is. This is Luke. I catch. I catch. I was out. We were out in LA called New Cool. Cool guy Luke. He looks at it.

[A]

Him and Tommy really feel when they're together.

[B]

And then they. Yeah, they both stand. They don't sit, they stand. Luke's got his hand on his ball, right? He's claiming he's sick all week. Meanwhile, he's high as a kite, right? He's getting back home smoking legal Louisiana Luke. And then Tommy. Tommy, you all a dirt. A dirt. A pure dirt bag. Smoking a joint or a blunt always has a half a bottle of water in their hand, always. And they're holding it, right? They're holding it by the top, you know what I mean? Like that. And do Tommy's like saying a Nas lyric or they're freestyling.

[C]

You never know when you're gonna need it, but you're gonna need it. That water.

[B]

I got caught, man.

[A]

You two like. You two, like dance around each other. You're both like, giggling and doing like stupid. You two get real girly twirly when you're together. Smoking doobies.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's cute. I respect it.

[B]

Smoking the. There's a. There is a cool way to smoke a joint, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Cool guy look. Yeah.

[A]

Talking about ideas.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's the problem with the industry, though. I heard Iceman's not even that good, man.

[A]

You and Tommy.

[C]

Don't say that.

[B]

Don't you say that. All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[A]

What a fun one.

[B]

Yes, sir, gang.

[A]

We love you to death. Come see us in the road.

[B]

Yeah, we all over the road. We got tickets.

[A]

Portland, Maine, you got Portland.

[B]

Might be sold out.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Pittsburgh, selling out. Cleveland. Listen, the boys are moving. Tickies. Get them and come see us.

[A]

Come see the boys. We love you. We'll see you next week.

[B]

Peace.