Are You Garbage? – "No Knock Warrant" w/ Paul Virzi

Date: October 16, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Paul Virzi

Episode Overview

In this lively and laugh-packed episode, beloved recurring guest Paul Virzi returns to Are You Garbage? to catch up with H. Foley and Kevin Ryan, dig into life updates, and—of course—submit himself to the show's unique mix of trashy comedy interrogation and relatable stories. The three comedians trade tales about home mishaps, Halloween misadventures, childhood candy habits, and the etiquette of looking in medicine cabinets. Paul plugs his new podcast, shares some of his weirdest travel experiences, and the group debates what it means to be “garbage”—philosophically and practically.

Main Themes & Purpose

• Testing Garbage-ness: As always, the episode revolves around determining whether Paul Virzi is “garbage”—with hilarious, often revealing personal stories, confessions, and hypotheticals.
• Relatable Home Life: The trio explores the subtle and not-so-subtle markers of classy vs. garbage living: kitchen appliances, home renovations, and Halloween candy etiquette.
• Travel Nightmares & Safety: Wild stories from hotels and the perils of knocking on strange doors late at night.
• Embracing the Season: Halloween traditions; decorating, candy, and how much is too much.
• Comedy Community: Paul celebrates the support from the “Garbage Army” and talks about his new projects.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up and Pre-Show Chaos

• The episode opens with the guys joking about their pre-show routine, running late, sharing stories of anxiety and the comforts (and mistakes) of Starbucks orders.
• Notable quote:
  • “You can’t ask for cream. You got to go black. You just can’t ask for cream. You ask for a drop of cream, you’re getting a vanilla milkshake every fucking time.” – Paul Virzi [04:23]

2. Paul’s New Podcast and the “Garbage Army”

• Paul details his new show, “Paul's Best Podcast,” which focuses on guests’ personal “bests” (e.g., best TV episode with Pete Davidson, best live sports event with Dan Soder).
• He shares gratitude for Are You Garbage fans:
  • “Your fans, the love they show me, they're the best. The other podcasts are dopey. That's why I show up early, sit on a couch, help you with your anxiety.” – Paul Virzi [06:44]

3. International Crime, Tans, and Candies

• The crew jokes about how police in other countries handle crime “more efficiently,” segueing into Foley’s Greece vacation and the differences in “Greek tan” vs. Jersey Shore tan.
• Halloween comes up: Paul’s kids are aging out of trick-or-treating, but he’s the “big candy guy” on the block.
  • “I would say each kid probably gets 8 to 10. I go like this. Gummies, chocolate, Twix, Snickers—the little ones. Boom, boom...” – Paul Virzi [12:24]
• A passionate discussion follows about favorite gummies, differences between German and American Haribo, and the right way to eat gummies.
  • “You leave them out, open, they’ll be a lot hard after a day... you get a little more chew to it.” – Paul Virzi [14:39]

4. Home Improvements and Contractor Nightmares

• The hosts and Paul swap stories of dealing with contractors—being sent to Lowe’s for grout and negotiating cash discounts.
  • “Here's what I want. I want the best materials and I want you to fucking get them.” – Paul Virzi [21:47]
• Paul describes the irritation of having workers linger in his house:
  • “I can't have him in the house this long. They're taking long. They're talking. I heard them talking...” [23:16]
• Everyone agrees: try to keep the minimal amount of appliances out, and be wary of “side job” contractors who disappear for months.

5. Big City Living: Apartment & Safety Etiquette

• Foley raises the classic urban scenario: walking by and seeing a neighbor’s keys left in their door late at night—should you knock? Paul is firm:
  • “Midnight, I’m not getting involved... I’m not a statistic in this.” [29:23]
• They discuss security vulnerabilities in apartments and hotels—how easily staff or locksmiths can enter ("Scary how quick they get in your house." – Kevin Ryan [32:30]).

6. Hotel & Travel HORROR Stories

• Foley tells a story about finding a sleepwalking kid at his hotel door; Paul one-ups with his own terrifying late-night hotel encounter with a deranged, shirtless man pounding on his door:
  • “If that dude got in the room, I don’t know what would’ve happened. Seriously.” – Paul Virzi [43:59]
• The guys recount similar horror-movie moments from their own lives—creepy strangers, ominous knocks, and close calls.

7. Garbage or Classy: Kitchen Appliances and Home Setups

• The group checks which kitchen gadgets Paul keeps out (block knives: yes; air fryer and blender: stored away).
  • “Air fryer is nuts. My air fryer is bigger than a sneaker box. I can’t have that out.” – Paul Virzi [51:43]
• Tidy homes, seasonal décor, and the etiquette of “display towels” are debated.
  • “As soon as it’s October 1, the house is Halloween. She runs a tight ship.” – Paul Virzi [54:50]

8. Peeking in Medicine Cabinets: Yes or No?

• Foley confesses to peeking in medicine cabinets and showers “for coziness,” which causes moral outrage:
  • “Dude, take a peek in a medicine cabinet? I feel like I’m robbing a joint.” – Paul Virzi [58:02]
  • “You always do a lot of this intimate stuff under the guise of coziness. You’re a grown man who uses cozy too much.” – Kevin Ryan [59:03]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Philly pride & tour:
  • "Metropolitan Theater. Come see us. Get the homies, get the bozos, get your mom, get aunt Tooty..." – Kevin Ryan [00:13]
• On surviving home renovations:
  • “There was a different guy going in a different truck and a different guy walking in my house for two weeks.” – Paul Virzi [28:10]
• On trusting neighbors in New York:
  • “There better be a detective in there because it ain’t gonna be me.” – Paul Virzi [29:53]
• On home décor chaos:
  • “I woke up and I'm in a Halloween world.” – Paul Virzi [55:19]
• Summing it up:
  • “We got two towels hanging off the oven—the nice ones.” – Paul Virzi [54:36]
  • "If they're the ones that got stitching and embroidery, you don't touch." – Paul Virzi [56:54]
• On medicine cabinet morality:
  • “That is a level of respect you should be like…” – Kevin Ryan [58:09]

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening shout-outs, guest intro: [00:22]–[02:19]
• Starbucks/coffee order complaints: [04:12]–[05:46]
• Garbage Army and Paul's podcast: [06:44]–[08:05]
• Halloween candy policies: [12:00]–[14:15]
• Debating home renovations & contractors: [19:48]–[23:47]
• Apartment keys/neighbor etiquette: [28:36]–[30:39]
• Strange hotel encounters: [39:21]–[43:59]
• Kitchen appliances/classy vs. garbage: [50:36]–[52:09]
• Medicine cabinet debate: [57:23]–[59:14]

Tone and Style

• Conversational, raw, and full of Philly/New York bravado.
• Mix of playful insults, personal confessions, and big laughs.
• The trio bounces effortlessly between practical advice and absurdity, always with a sentimental undertone about family and home.

Conclusion

Paul Virzi’s guest spot on Are You Garbage? delivers exactly what you’d hope: hysterical, relatable stories about life, family, and adulthood’s trashy rituals—plus a healthy dose of paranoia about who’s at your door after midnight. The chemistry between Paul, H. Foley, and Kevin Ryan is unmatched, each drawing out new levels of honesty (and shame) from the others. Whether you're listening for the comedy, the homeownership tips, or the low-key philosophy about what makes someone “garbage,” this episode’s a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

End of Summary