Are You Garbage? Patreon Ep: "Finding Foley a Hobby"

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Date: August 29, 2025

Episode Overview

In this raucous Patreon bonus episode, Kevin and Foley take a break from grilling guests about their personal trashiness and turn the spotlight inward—specifically, on H. Foley’s apparent lack of hobbies. What unfolds is a hilarious, free-wheeling brainstorming session about possible pastimes for Foley as he navigates a midlife “slump.” Packed with the show’s signature blend of self-deprecation, inside jokes about trashy behavior, and classic Philly ball-busting, the episode is both a deep-dive into the pursuit of personal joy and an improv showcase in finding the comedy in the mundane.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Foley’s "Summer of Discontent"

• Foley admits he’s in a slump, needing a positive change (06:07):
  • Foley: “You’re the summer of my discontent.”
  • Kevin: “You always need a season. I’m going to take the winter, shut it down.”
  • Foley: “That’s what I need though… some good night’s sleep.”

2. Foley’s Relationship with Leisure & Rest

• Foley and Kevin riff on the concept that Foley’s idea of downtime is watching endless reruns (“Sopranos,” “Seinfeld”) and endlessly postponing self-improvement (07:18–08:00).
  • Foley: “Haven’t watched the Sopranos in months. Seinfeld, different story.”

3. The Great Hobby Brainstorm

Kevin’s List of (Mostly Old-Man) Hobbies (10:07+)

Throughout, they roast each suggestion mercilessly, often sidetracking into stories and tangents.

• Leather Working (10:49–12:00)

  • Kevin: “Leather can be used to create many attractive and durable items…”
  • Foley: “I knew a chick that worked with leather. It’s tough… She was Czech…”
  • Kevin: “What was she, a Native American in the 1700s?”

• Scrapbooking (12:05–12:56)

  • Foley: “My one aunt started doing that. She got cancer right after. That’s the kiss of death. Next thing you know they’re having a beef and beer for you.”

• Dog Sitting/Fostering (12:56–13:41)

  • Foley: “What about fostering? I could foster…”
  • Kevin: “Fills your time, gives you a purpose…”

• Mentoring (Big Brother Program) (13:41–15:44)

  • Comedy ensues as Foley spins the idea of being mentored himself: “I need a mentor!” (14:08)
  • Kevin: “Why don’t you mentor somebody? You need a protégé.”
  • Foley: “I kind of have one… a cousin in the biz.”

• World Records & Penis Puppetry (16:32–18:39)

  • Foley invents a gross-out "talent": “I could take my nuts and cover my dick completely. I call it The Tarp.” (16:59)
  • Kevin: “Anybody ask me my list of hobbies, that wouldn’t be on there.” (18:39)

• Nature Photography & Bird Watching (19:30, 20:53, 34:50, 47:03)

  • Foley expresses real interest multiple times: “I like the cloisters and the bird photography.” (50:37)

• Metal Detecting/Hunting Arrowheads (20:56–22:18)

  • Kevin: “Modern-day trailer metal detector is a perfect tool for you... You can unearth coins, jewelry, lost treasures…”
  • Foley: “I saw a video of 10 grown men looking for arrowheads…” (21:28)

• Cycling ("Trike" idea) (23:03–23:28)

  • Foley [outraged]: “I’m not riding a trike like some fat kid.”

• Art Classes (43:28–44:36)

  • Foley: “Maybe I could take like an art class.”
  • Kevin: “You want to do it? Like to finish it.”
  • Discussion of painting medium (oil vs. watercolor): “I’m a watercolor man. Or acrylic.” (44:25)

• Gardening (28:07–28:15)

  • Foley: “I like gardening. I had strawberries. Raspberries are growing.”

• Music Production (24:53, 25:02–25:15)

  • Foley: “You should let me make… cut a couple demos.”
  • Kevin: “You want to do nine different side projects, like you’re Kev Bacon.”

• Volunteering (children, elderly, or veterans) (46:15–46:44)

  • Foley contemplates giving back: “Maybe went and helped read or something like that to old vets or sit and talk to them.”

• Swimming at the YMCA (47:36–48:18)

  • Kevin: “Find out where there’s a Y in Astoria with a pool. The Y is like 14 bucks for the year. You go jump in a pool once a week…”

• Yard Sales & Collecting (27:01–27:54)

  • Foley: “I do like yard sales. Toys… glass stuff, too, like ashtrays, bookends.”

• Geocaching (49:10–50:29)

  • Foley: “What’s geocaching? Like the Pokemon game?”
  • Kevin: “A small waterproof container with a logbook. You leave it there for other people to find.”

Hobbies Foley Dismisses Outright:

• Pickleball (“hate it”), Dancing, Whittling, Horseback riding
• Chess in the Park (“too many bugs”)
• Antiquing: “I don’t like the smell.”
• Podcasting: “I like this one.”
• Golf: Foley wants lessons; everyone agrees he’d be terrible.

4. Memorable Tangents & Moments

• Puppetry & "Making the Bed" (16:59–18:39)

  • Foley: “I call it making the bed.”
  • Kevin: “Throwing the Duvet on the fitted sheet.”
  • Foley: “Lay there in bed and stretch it out. Looks like I’m making pizza.”

• Trash-Talking Tequila Sodas (08:06–09:38)

  • Foley: “Tequila & soda sucks. It tastes like loose leaf."
  • “There’s no way [Clooney] was sitting around drinking Casamigo… that sucks.”

• Getting Involved in the Neighborhood (44:39–45:09)

  • Kevin: “You gotta hit the Duncan and hang out with the other old timers.”
  • Foley: “They all speak Greek, though. I only been there once. I don’t know Greek politics.”

• Foley’s "involvement" in the Gulf War (01:43–02:29)

  • Foley tries to recount being the bearer of war news at wrestling practice.
  • Kevin: “You came in like Paul Revere.”

• Running for Office (“Comptroller or something out there in Queens”) (48:18–48:24)

  • Foley: "Run for Congress. AOC did it. Goddamn bartender."

Notable Quotes & Highlights (with Timestamps)

• [06:45] Kevin:
  “You always need a season. I’m going to take the winner. I’m going to shut it down. Not do shit. Fucking lying sack of shit.”

• [10:49] Kevin:
  “Leather can be used to create many attractive and durable items...”

• [16:59] Foley:
  “I could take my nuts and cover my dick completely. I call it the tarp.”

• [18:39] Kevin:
  “Anybody ask me my list of hobbies, that wouldn’t be on there.”

• [27:03] Foley:
  “I do like yard sales. Make me think when I was a kid and Patty would take me... go around looking for stuff.”

• [28:15] Kevin:
  “They’re coming out of your underwear, too. Couple of mushies in there. A couple of dung beetles and a lion’s mane.”

• [34:50] Foley:
  “I wouldn’t mind, you know, nurturing like a baby raccoon back to health. That’d be cute. I could do that.”

• [43:34] Foley:
  “Maybe I could take like an art class…”

Top 3 Hobbies Foley Likes (As Chosen by the End)

1. Bird Photography / Bird Watching at the Cloisters

   • Foley: “I like the cloisters and the bird photography. I think maybe me doing something for somebody else other than me would be good.” (50:37)
   • Kevin suggests a trial run: “One day this week… Pick a nice day, come up to the Cloisters. We’ll take on. Me, you, and Hans, go for a walk, go bird watching.” (51:04)

2. Metal Detecting

   • Foley: “I like the metal detecting thing. What about like to like a battleground or something?” (51:45)
   • Kevin: “You gonna get out on the beach? That means you gotta get up, you gotta put your shoes on.” (53:51)

3. Volunteering / “Big Brother” & Community Activities

   • Foley: “Maybe me doing something for somebody else other than me would be good.” (42:28)
   • Joke motivation for the Big Brother program: “Bored. My friends are making me get off the couch.” (42:50)

Running Gags & Thematic Threads

• Foley’s resistance to almost every suggestion—“That’s never going to happen,” “I’m not doing that,” “I don’t like the smell.”
• Repeated references to Foley’s age: “They’d probably move the goalposts to get you in a 55 and older community.”
• Foley’s self-deprecating, creative body humor (“bat wing,” “the tarp”) and using it as comic “talent.”
• Childhood flashbacks about yard sales and his mother Patty.
• Acknowledgment that Foley needs more social connection outside of comedy and people his own age.

Episode Sentiment & Tone

• Irreverent, affectionate ball-busting with moments of surprisingly sincere camaraderie.
• A mix of blue-collar Philly nostalgia with brutally honest reflections on aging, creative ruts, and male loneliness.
• The pace is rapid-fire, with riffing and interruptions, but beneath the bits, there’s a real attempt to spark new purpose for Foley.

For New Listeners: Why This Episode is Worth a Listen

If you love comedic chemistry, off-the-cuff storytelling, and the ongoing saga of two self-styled "garbage" comics trying to live a little better, this episode is a chaotic but heartfelt look at personal reinvention—filtered through trash jokes, wild tangents, and the relentless laughter that makes “Are You Garbage?” so beloved.

End note:
Foley encourages listeners to send him hobby ideas or to hang out, signing off:
“If you got more suggestions... let me know. Or if you want to hang, I’m looking for friends. Love you. See you next weekend.” (54:32)