Patreon Episode: The Pickup Artist - Are You Garbage (FULL)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Patreon Episode - "The Pickup Artist" | Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Release Date: June 27, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

---

Introduction

In this special Patreon-exclusive episode of "Are You Garbage?", hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley delve into the infamous early 2000s reality TV show, The Pickup Artist. Known for its controversial take on dating and seduction techniques, the episode serves as a comedic dissection of the show's strategies and their own personal experiences (or lack thereof) in the realm of pickup artistry.

---

Recalling The Pickup Artist

H. Foley kicks off the discussion around the legacy of The Pickup Artist, highlighting its place among the trashiest TV shows of the early 2000s. The hosts reminisce about the show's over-the-top methods and questionable effectiveness.

[03:10] Kevin Ryan: "This was during that heyday, a trash fucking reality TV show."

They critique the host of the show, Mystery (real name Eric Von Markovic), and his wingmen, J Dog and Matador. The duo jokes about the exaggerated personas and gimmicky tactics employed by the show's cast.

[05:53] H. Foley: "The Matador is pretty good."

Analyzing Pickup Techniques

The hosts break down specific strategies showcased in the show, such as "Peacocking" (using flashy attire to attract attention), "Negging" (delivering backhanded compliments to lower the target's self-esteem), and "Flash" (demonstrating high value non-verbally).

[34:16] H. Foley: "That's a dickhead move. You can't be doing that."

They humorously critique these methods, sharing their skepticism about their effectiveness and appropriateness in real-life interactions.

Personal Anecdotes and Failures

Kevin and H. Foley share personal stories of their own failed attempts at pickup artistry, highlighting their lack of success despite attempting some of the show's suggested techniques.

[21:39] Kevin Ryan: "I'm jumping on the grenade for you is what you told me."

They recount a particularly disastrous night at a bar, filled with awkward interactions and missed opportunities, illustrating their point about the futility of the show's strategies.

[17:20] H. Foley: "We were all single guys... We couldn't string together stink."

Mocking the Show's Production Quality

The duo doesn't hold back in mocking the low-budget production quality and the staged nature of the show's interactions. They point out inconsistencies and the obvious pretense in the contestants' attempts to pick up women.

[53:18] Kevin Ryan: "This let me know if it gets crack. But. So then they go in."

Critical Reception and Impact

Throughout the episode, Kevin and H. Foley discuss the cultural impact of The Pickup Artist, questioning its influence on societal norms around dating and gender interactions. They express relief that such strategies are largely seen as outdated and ineffective today.

[46:01] Kevin Ryan: "This was a big joke and this was like before stuff like this was on the Internet 2006."

Concluding Thoughts

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on the longevity and the lessons learned from dissecting The Pickup Artist. They acknowledge the show's place in reality TV history while reaffirming their own commitment to more respectful and genuine interactions.

[61:50] H. Foley: "Jesus Christ. What a fun one, gang. We love you. See you next weekend."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• H. Foley [00:00]: "Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash."

• Kevin Ryan [03:10]: "This was during that heyday, a trash fucking reality TV show."

• H. Foley [34:16]: "That's a dickhead move. You can't be doing that."

• Kevin Ryan [21:39]: "I'm jumping on the grenade for you is what you told me."

• H. Foley [46:01]: "This was a big joke and this was like before stuff like this was on the Internet 2006."

• H. Foley [61:50]: "Jesus Christ. What a fun one, gang. We love you. See you next weekend."

---

Key Takeaways

• Satirical Analysis: The episode serves as a humorous critique of The Pickup Artist, highlighting its flawed methods and the absurdity of its premise.

• Personal Reflections: Through personal anecdotes, the hosts illustrate the ineffectiveness of the show's techniques, reinforcing their skepticism.

• Cultural Commentary: Kevin Ryan and H. Foley use the discussion to comment on the evolution of dating norms and the rejection of manipulative pickup strategies in contemporary society.

---

This episode is a mix of sharp wit and candid admissions, making it an entertaining listen for those curious about the intersections of comedy and the often questionable tactics of reality TV's dating shows.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. Who caught you slipping, didn't I?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nope.

[H. Foley]

It's are you garbage?

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it?

[H. Foley]

God damn it. I lost my place.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, no. Keep it going.

[H. Foley]

Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's not.

[H. Foley]

Little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find something good to be classy. Just a big old piece of trash Garbage. I'm your host. A trully coming at you on a beautiful day here at Ant Hoodies. But I gotta tell you folks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man. The big man, slow hachi Machi gang.

[H. Foley]

God damn it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking Luke's fault. No, no, no.

[H. Foley]

Because I'm mad at it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why?

[H. Foley]

Because I gave his lighter back and act like it was nothing. I had it for like two weeks as Gotham lighter.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you wanted credit. Cause you stole something then returned.

[H. Foley]

I forgot it, but that's something that just goes away. You never see that again. I brought it back to him, then he left it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man, you are a psycho. But you steal something, then you want credit and you're upset that he's not happy that you gave me a couple bucks something.

[H. Foley]

You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Take me out to dinner or something like that.

[H. Foley]

Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out the good to be classy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just a big old piece of truth.

[H. Foley]

Patreon, I'm your host, Hank Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here tooties in a new edition, but I can tell you folks that why is that pinhead?

[Kevin Ryan]

Go to motherfucking homies.

[H. Foley]

To motherfucking homies for a little Bubba bubba bonus episode right here on the old Patreon.

[Kevin Ryan]

You sound like you just got out, but it was actually your voice. What am I here on the old. Sounds like we're having tech issues.

[H. Foley]

I had a tootsie roll in the back of my throat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

My co host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Ru garbage and. And he could be a crude man before he's had his sweet greens. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I call my blunt rolls. My sweet greens.

[H. Foley]

You can't smoke doobie. You couldn't handle it.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

You couldn't roll with me and my crew. First of all, you'd be all up.

[Kevin Ryan]

First of all, you can't handle it. Dude, I've seen you wig out.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, this in la Definition. Load me up with moon rocks in this strange room.

[Kevin Ryan]

This fucking bug outside. What's up, everybody? Here's a goddamn family program we're doing. Talking about your narcotics. What's up, gang? Shout out to you, we fucking love you. The fucking patreons, the homies, the sleeper cells, the shareholders, the members of the board, the goddamn boots on the ground, the schnifters, the side workers. How you doing?

[H. Foley]

How you doing? We're here for a little bonus episode. Today we're gonna be covering.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's see if he knows.

[H. Foley]

Today we're talking about the Pickup Artist, which was a popular show in the early 2000s. If you remember a. We did the trashiest TV shows of the early 2000s. And this one really stuck out with Kevin.

[Kevin Ryan]

What just happened? Blacked out. I came to. You don't remember.

[H. Foley]

Cause he was a fat ass and didn't play sports. I was at fucking lacrosse practice getting it in. This guy was home watching daytime.

[Kevin Ryan]

This came out in 2007.

[H. Foley]

Drinking SlimFast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ain't nothing wrong. I was working on my figure.

[H. Foley]

Smoking cools.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So obviously I guess it was last week was Fat Quarter. So the week before that we did trashy television shows.

[H. Foley]

And I don't know this program or this gentleman.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't know the program? You don't know the gentleman. It's kind of funny this was on.

[H. Foley]

The list because I never needed any tips on how to pick up broads.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you do. I've watched you strike.

[H. Foley]

Not back in the day, but, I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mean, this wasn't last week. This is fucking 10 years ago.

[H. Foley]

I rolled into the party with my acoustic guitar. You stunked, flicked my hair.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ten years ago, you were no good.

[H. Foley]

10:48. What are you guys thinking all the way through?

[Kevin Ryan]

So if you're not familiar, this is a VH1 program that it hits.

[H. Foley]

You know what VH1 stands for?

[Kevin Ryan]

Very Hot Ones. No Video Houses. No video. Am I right?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have no idea. Luke, see if you can get. What the VH1. First of all, Luke's got four computers over there. What's. God, it's crazy. He's got a chair from the fucking. From the other room in it.

[H. Foley]

Hey, what that's a goddamn kitchen chair doing in here?

[C]

Let me live.

[Kevin Ryan]

But he's gonna be pissed. So this was so the pick. If the show was the pickup art, this was during that fucking heyday, a trash fucking reality TV shows.

[C]

What do you got on Video Hits one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Video hits one.

[H. Foley]

This is what happened was there was a. There was a strike, There was a writer strike. And they started doing a couple of reality shows and they realized, hey, we could do these cheap. And a lot of people like to watch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, it was a human interest. Or just like, here's the craziest guy. This is the pickup artist. This is the fucking whatever gu. So this is the Pickup Artist was American reality TV show which a lot.

[H. Foley]

Of the Homies, a dating themed game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Show that aired on VH1. The show was hosted by pickup artist. Mystery was his name, AKA Eric Von Markovic. I changed my name to Mystery too. Eric with a K. Yikes. And his wings.

[H. Foley]

His uncle's Dracula.

[Kevin Ryan]

His wing dogs. His wings. They call him way. That's how cool boys this was when. This is like the height of entourage, when being cool was cool. Being cool is not cool anymore. Like bad jeans, like crew affliction, crew.

[H. Foley]

Flexing, getting the shit kicked out of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

A lot of accessories, a lot of chains, finger stuff, gloves. I tried a little bit of it. You must have sucked his wingman. J Dog, what's up? J Dog was Justin Marks and the Matador. J, they called James Matador. Was. Was.

[H. Foley]

The Matador is pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Matadors. He's a big jacked Indian dude. Fucking yoked big set of hair on him.

[H. Foley]

That's all right. The Matador.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was. That was. This was the prime time of like, wearing a vest that didn't button. That kind. Like a tiny vest.

[H. Foley]

T shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, T shirt and a tiny leather vest or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Like the. What are those guys called? The band Mumford and Sons. Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. But even this, that, that, that's like folksy and like hipster. This is like. These dudes thought they were like the coolest guys in the world, my friend.

[H. Foley]

And so they look like Brooklyn bartenders.

[Kevin Ryan]

They probably. I mean, that. That's cool then. I mean, that's an old bit you used to do.

[H. Foley]

No, I didn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, looks like someone's off the writers. Drake.

[H. Foley]

Trying to get my bennies.

[Kevin Ryan]

I look. Oh, you're just furiously writing.

[H. Foley]

You get the old. Do you make what that. Porch Strike came and went, by the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Porch strike.

[H. Foley]

The port.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Though they signed a thing. They had to get back to work. A Jiminy Taft or something like that guy. That guy's Living in a six million dollar house. What? He was living in six million dollars house in Jersey. And listen, I come from a pro union family but Kibby had this guy marked for it's also you shut down the ports. The Chinese are gonna have something to say about that. Fucking what are you nuts?

[H. Foley]

You know who runs that? Huh? It ain't the cub scouts.

[Kevin Ryan]

He ain't no band leaders. Yeah, you want to get your permits done? I, I just like, you know. Yeah, there are a lot of people, a lot of money at stake that, that guy. You know. Again, I'm a unit. I come from a union shop myself. I'm not throwing shade. But then hit guy would show up to press conferences or make videos and every time they started could be like oh that people are like Those sunglasses are $1,800 that watch. I. Well that's whatever all the, you know union, the union strikes aside in your writers strike that's going on. So they brought in throughout the show. So the first feeder eight contestants that have previously been unsuccessful in love and religion.

[H. Foley]

He's gonna try to get these guys laid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Throughout the show the contestants are tutored in the art of the pickup as taught by Mystery and his wings. In each episode the men were given challenges that involved picking up women in different situations. Such as a bridge during the day or a night bridge. Like you dude, it's crazy.

[H. Foley]

Like under the bridge or on top of the bridge.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm an under the bridge kind of guy. I'm a throw you in my trunk kind of guy.

[H. Foley]

Get laid under the bridge. Couple of twenties.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they were, they were picked. They were instructed to pick up women at varying levels of difficulties such as the second to last challenge of the first season. Met had to pick up his stripper decided to describe by Mystery as the ultimate challenge.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh. Cuz there he calls them hired guns. I believe strippers and bartenders are paid to like engage with you and flirt and sure, but been down that road.

[H. Foley]

You ever date a stripper?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, one guy, his name was Nick, he worked at the Cave. I used to know a guy named Nick who worked at the Cave.

[H. Foley]

Dancing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he was dancing. He was my. He grew up with my brother and my sister and then good looking dude a tell went and did insomniac at Helium and went to the Cave which was the male dance facility.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And one of the.

[H. Foley]

Look at me acting like I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't say the one up on Delaware.

[H. Foley]

I just sing it to Lollipop Rudy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get fucked up. I Like to dance and do fucked up shit.

[H. Foley]

The lollipop's a great name for a club.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. So that's the show. It was one of those show. It's like, hey, these guys are nerdy virgins for the most part. We're going to throw them in to talk to hot chicks in LA and put them in a mansion.

[H. Foley]

He's got a bit of a Criss angel vibe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Very criss angley, this guy.

[H. Foley]

Do good. Does he get ladies?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I mean, so we have. So we pulled a couple of videos. We pulled a couple of his, you know, short. Excuse me, instructional videos or have you say so Play. This is the play. The. The trailer of the show.

[D]

Eight ordinary men each conquered some of the most difficult challenges of manhood. Puberty, driving, shaving. But with all their masculine successes, there's one thing they haven't been able to figure out.

[Kevin Ryan]

How to close ass women for a long time.

[D]

I don't know what to do when I'm talking to.

[E]

To women.

[D]

For them, it's a puzzle they can't solve.

[H. Foley]

Who's the lightsaber?

[Kevin Ryan]

You need to be coached. Just like I have a boxing trainer. Just like I got taught how to break down. I'm the first.

[H. Foley]

Why? Is it Spanish?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's just subtitled. Got this guy doing healing. That's you, dude. That's holy.

[H. Foley]

I had that shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know you did. And those hairy ass arms. That's. That's just.

[H. Foley]

Don't get me.

[Kevin Ryan]

These dumb brothers. Probably about two serial killers in this cast for sure.

[H. Foley]

How did I miss this?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, it was. I thought it. I thought I watched it in high school, but I was watching this in college, late college, looking for tips. He's trying to open up his set. That's what he calls a group at Brawl. It's a set and you got to go open up this.

[H. Foley]

You gotta crack a flock of pigeons.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can open up some skeezers. This guy's nuts, dude.

[H. Foley]

What? So what years was this?

[Kevin Ryan]

This aired in 2007, so probably shot 2005, you know, 2006.

[H. Foley]

A little filmmaker, aren't you?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just. I've had stuff in the can. In my can.

[H. Foley]

Ah, man, I don't remember it at all, Mom.

[Kevin Ryan]

They'll kind of take turns and they will wax my eyebrow to make it so I have two eyebrows.

[E]

Women tend to think I'm gay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does size really matter?

[E]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I am a virgin.

[D]

Until now. Meet the world's most successful pickup artist. A man who goes by only one name.

[E]

Mystery.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pause it. This guy has Dungeons and Dragons written all over. I don't get how this guy's mystery.

[H. Foley]

It's how wacky of a time it was. That guy was closing Ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

That guy was closing so much as he got a television show. Who else did you pass on his whole thing? Now you can play it. Play it.

[D]

Just Mystery born Eric Von Markovic.

[H. Foley]

Because I live with my mom.

[D]

Rejected by hundreds of beautiful women.

[E]

Girls didn't even know I was alive.

[D]

Good looking guy, driven by frustration. What the is that outfit for? Attracting women. Rising to the top of the seduction community. Mystery has been featured in the best selling book the Game and dozens of magazines.

[Kevin Ryan]

Women Dot Weekly.

[E]

A certain number of attraction switches and I know what they they are now.

[D]

Mystery has recruited two former students, J Dog and Matador.

[Kevin Ryan]

J Dog and Matador. Look at those. That was the height of this. That guy's got a shark tooth on his neck.

[H. Foley]

There's no way that guy in the left was closing.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I mean, come on. I don't know though. I mean, you always hear tales of LA being like, you know, you know, it's just like weird. It's like a different world that we're not used to these Hollywood pipes. It's also this guy says he's on a television show. I'm just sure he can start closing ads out in la. True, you know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

It hasn't aired yet, but.

[D]

Faces his biggest challenge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look, dude, hold on, stop pausing. That looks like the AYG tour rolling. Actually, that was up some route. 60. 60.

[H. Foley]

That's a hell of a nice rolly bag you got there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, one guy's got a trash bag.

[H. Foley]

That's Foley bed, Nair brother. So these are the guys that I.

[D]

Think tonight on the season premiere, everybody's got a box arrive and the education begins.

[E]

This is a lot more than just learning how to pick up a woman. It's about learning how to build a life.

[D]

But before they can attain their dream. Oh, they must first be find the courage to face their darkest nightmares.

[E]

You're going to meet women.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lots of women.

[H. Foley]

Another guy kill tonight?

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't even shower.

[H. Foley]

These are all LA broads trying to get famous. Anybody can close in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're already getting jealous.

[H. Foley]

It's there's 50 women in there. Try doing it all coked up in a bar. You're not making any goddamn sense.

[Kevin Ryan]

Try doing it coked up in your apartment with no broads there. Then it's pretty hard.

[H. Foley]

Hey, you girls like sweating?

[Kevin Ryan]

You got any girls got bed sheets? On you. I just ran out.

[C]

These guys look like the German freaks in the big Leowski kind of.

[H. Foley]

They do.

[Kevin Ryan]

They. They have very.

[E]

And it's gone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hold on. Pause. Probably a lesbian.

[H. Foley]

This is set up as this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, dude. This.

[H. Foley]

Send me in there with a bunch of blockers. Hey, Mysterio.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why don't you give me some loose broads, something I can work? Let me get a couple of. Couple of wins under my belt here. Dude, this isn't. I never really had this in the time of the day to get the dig to ask for the phone number. Whereas, like, that's the clothes. You got to get the phone number written down or whatever. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

They're basically. Oh, we're not. It's. They don't. Close. Close.

[Kevin Ryan]

It doesn't turn into a porn. No. Also. But I'm just saying this is that time where it's like, oh, let me get your number. I didn't. You had that. I guess, a little bit. I mean, we always, like, oh, you're on Facebook. Like, if I'm at. If I'm in college or Philly. Like, there was a time to. Where like, technology above. Let me.

[H. Foley]

Has that ever happened? Have you ever had sex with a woman? Have you ever approached a lady? Hi, how are you? I'm Kevin. Okay. And then talk to her and then. Can I get your number? Oh, can I hit you up on, I don't know, whatever you did. Facebook messenger, whatever it was. Or what was it the orange guy talking to me? Yeah. Imessage. What's it called?

[Kevin Ryan]

The messenger.

[H. Foley]

Instant messenger.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Is that. You ever done that? You've never done that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

I mean, I'm not saying you haven't gotten sloppy drunk and made out with some chick.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I. For sure.

[H. Foley]

Some chicken wing joint in the middle of the night. But you weren't picking anybody up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not the broads I was dating. No one could pick him up a couple of hands with me.

[H. Foley]

Well, we picked up a couple of girls that one night. We did that Irish bar down in the Village gmt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Foley stinks.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

We walked into the bar.

[H. Foley]

Were you with two nickels on us?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, we had no. We were like, splitting a beer. I think we ordered. We ordered a Miller. We ordered a Miller Light and two glasses.

[H. Foley]

We're going to split this so them cocktail olives.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, buddy. This is mostly foam, by the way.

[H. Foley]

All right. Remember, we're pilots. What's up, ladies? Oh, my God, this K dog, and.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm the fat Adore. I forgot about that. I was wingman and for you. You were a man. I wouldn't wingman for you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Was I?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Are we in there to look for women?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that's. That's. That's. I don't think that was the exact.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, we're in there having beers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. Do you know what we're talking about? It's called gmt. It's on the corner of Bleecker and Thomps. No, Bleecker.

[H. Foley]

I'll give away our spot. Giving away our fishing hole.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a stocked lake right there.

[H. Foley]

Fucking thin out the copper. They're closed. By the way. Fucking his dickhead. Rolling in with his fucking finance buddies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me? Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[H. Foley]

All of a sudden my dick looks real small. God, man, we weren't those guys. We had no game.

[Kevin Ryan]

You had a Phillies hoodie on. Do you remember that?

[H. Foley]

A Phillies hoodie?

[Kevin Ryan]

I want to say it was Phillies. It was a. A real bad. It was like a giveaway. It was a zipper. It was a zip up hoodie. You wore it all the time. I had my cool express jacket on that I wouldn't take off because I was sweating in there.

[H. Foley]

He had no shirt on underneath. Not that was clean.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got it zipped up. It's March. I got it all the way.

[H. Foley]

Do you not have a shirt on under there? Oh, you like that? You buy me a beer?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, you buy me and my buddy some beers, a couple of chicken wings.

[H. Foley]

You guys want to split some hot sticks? What do you want to do?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Foley, we were there. It was me, him, and another associate of ours. I think Luke died.

[H. Foley]

We were all single guys. Young single guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Did you say young?

[H. Foley]

Well, whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were 42 at the time.

[H. Foley]

No, I was probably. You were 37, 38.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you were older than 30. Because I moved. Yeah, maybe. Okay. Yeah, maybe 38. That makes sense.

[H. Foley]

A young 38, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

And I was a little svelte back then.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was just looking at old pictures. I was the fat one, which is crazy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I was maybe 250.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy. And I was the fat one. You were 250, pork chop.

[H. Foley]

Fuck this up for me, fat ass?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, he came over and he's talking to three girl. Two or three girls. You opened up a set.

[H. Foley]

You did.

[Kevin Ryan]

You walked over. You've opened up.

[H. Foley]

I could be a charmer. I could.

[Kevin Ryan]

You opened up a set and then, you know, it wasn't my kind of clientele or so. Not that I was wieners. You guys Talking or not. Not that. It was. It was my scene, baby. Whatever. Not that I'm a catch, but, you know. No, I. These, you know, these were a couple of rough.

[H. Foley]

Whatever. No, they weren't. They're nice ladies.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying anything. They were nice ladies. But you. Yeah. You came over. Were you leaving me fucking stranded over there? I'm jumping on the grenade for you is what you told me. I was like, well, nobody asked you to. And you went up and started talking to that one, so don't act like you're doing anybody a favor.

[H. Foley]

I'm the grenade.

[Kevin Ryan]

You found the easy one.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God. Quite a tasty relationship with that young.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lady you did for quite some time. Yeah, I remember he would tell me. He would tell me tales of his late night. Late night deli sessions, smooching sessions.

[H. Foley]

Young kid, you don't know nothing about that.

[C]

I think I just had an asthma attack.

[H. Foley]

So taking the bus home from Uptown. Uptown.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brutal.

[H. Foley]

To queens.

[Kevin Ryan]

Taking that Q27 or whatever. Going through it. If you're going. You're going through. You're going through toll booths in a bus. You're jammed up. Yeah, that was. That was probably the only time we were out mingling.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then, like, throughout, we each had our own.

[H. Foley]

Liaison.

[Kevin Ryan]

Liaisons, you know. Sure. But that was. Yeah, that was a couple of real winners. Yeah, man. We couldn't string together stink. I remember I had one pretty good hooded sweater from they're so pretty good. It was. All right, hold on.

[H. Foley]

A hooded sweater?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was like a knit. What? But with a hood. Remember?

[C]

Hoods were real big with, like, the Infinity Hood.

[H. Foley]

Joe Angela, whatever his name is. Guy that used to be married to what's her name from Shannon Elizabeth. Now from the fuck Modern Family. Sofia Vergara. Joe Mangigelli, whatever his name is. Go looking, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I said. I went on it. I went on a Tinder date one time with this girl at night. Did I ever tell you this story.

[H. Foley]

Where you got jammed up in the Kentucky Derby or something like that you had no money at Minetta Tavern?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that. I pulled that bro off the street.

[H. Foley]

I've heard that strikeout story plenty of times.

[Kevin Ryan]

You witnessed it? That and. No, I went on a date and it was. She had something and I had something. It was just like, oh, we're not gonna be able to see each other for, like, another couple of weeks. She's like, unless you want to do, like, brunch in the morning or something like that.

[H. Foley]

Good.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I was like, all right. But I had no cool clothes that.

[H. Foley]

Went to a slice now, so I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wore the same outfit. I tried to change it up a little bit.

[H. Foley]

Wait, did you guys. Did you stay at her place?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I left and I went back and met her the next day.

[C]

You put the hood on different guy.

[H. Foley]

You wear it backwards. I thought you think it was funny. Sunglasses man. Wait a minute.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you with the brunch and I got meatballs. I told you this. I told you this for sure. You guys stick.

[H. Foley]

Dude, you like breadcrumb breath.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, put parmesan right in the mix.

[H. Foley]

What's this? Truffle oil. So what do you say we get out of here?

[Kevin Ryan]

She got like, Yang's Benedict or something, and I gotta. I got the meatballs. It was on the menu. I don't like getting judged for stuff that's on the menu. I didn't put it. Don't put it on there if you don't want anybody to eat.

[H. Foley]

Oh, it's a turkey dinner. Please. Now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that Thanksgiving? Does that come on? A sandwich? Is that a possum?

[H. Foley]

The lady will have the avocado toast.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I did the meatballs in a cup of coffee. Oh, my God. Wait, no, but, Luke, you have to understand.

[C]

Just bring me a bunch of bread.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was doing no carbs at the time that this was. I mean, obviously we're getting any more videos. This was a time when we were learning how to be adults at the same time.

[C]

Which is so funny, too. He was 38.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. No, but we were figuring it out. We were. We had succumbed to being super broke and, like, trying to, like, not be bozos within that for the first time in our life, trying to live a.

[H. Foley]

Little bit of a life. Trying to close some ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trying to. Trying to see some a.

[H. Foley]

Get back on the horse. I just have my heart broken.

[Kevin Ryan]

But, yeah, it was a very. I never lived in Manhattan and, like, gone on a brunch date. I didn't know what that was. I. Brunch for me, was getting blackout drunk with Phil X. And he would pay for it.

[H. Foley]

I think it's strange that you were out with a girl.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Got nothing, went home.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I got a kiss on the subway.

[H. Foley]

Ooh, look at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just a homeless guy, but a kiss.

[H. Foley]

On the subway on the forehead. You pay for brunch.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I don't remember. Probably if I had to know me. Yeah, probably.

[H. Foley]

Did you ever see this lady again?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not after that, no. I think it was the meatballs.

[C]

I only got the meatballs.

[Kevin Ryan]

They bring over the bill.

[H. Foley]

Like, these coffees are free refills.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm freaking out.

[H. Foley]

Wait a minute.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't.

[H. Foley]

You go to brunch with. You go to brunch with a lady. If you go out with her and things develop. No, it wasn't the night. Then you take her to brunch.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think this was decided.

[H. Foley]

Or the otb.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think this was decided later that night, like, when we had got home or something. She's like, hey, I'd love to see you again, or whatever it was. She was, like, studying to be a doctor or something. Or like, something where she had, like, LSAT or, like, something.

[H. Foley]

Back me up on this. You go to brunch after sex, right?

[C]

We've all looked bad after chasing some heart.

[Kevin Ryan]

Buddy, I'm not. I'm not over here bragging, saying, it was cool. I told you I got the meatballs. I don't think it was cool by any means.

[H. Foley]

How were the meatballs?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's because she was a very, very pretty Indian girl.

[H. Foley]

What's that gotta do with the meatballs?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[C]

Explains the turmeric.

[H. Foley]

Did you kiss? Did you. Did you kiss after brunch?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think so. I think that was like. I think if. I genuinely think it was her being like, let me give this guy one more shot.

[H. Foley]

Meatballs and coffee. And then.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meatballs and coffee. And she was like, no, thanks.

[H. Foley]

Why don't you just get some eggs, man?

[Kevin Ryan]

Buddy, I don't know. I had never been on a brunch. I had never been on a date. Like, a date date.

[H. Foley]

Well, you know, it's not a union dinner, right? You do that much.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm in a beef and beer. Yeah.

[C]

Got marinara all over your cool hoodie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn.

[H. Foley]

Can I get a side of horses?

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta wear this at a show tonight.

[H. Foley]

Can I get a side of horseradish, please?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I was going down for, like, Phillies funniest or something like that. I go back down to Philly for something at Helium. Big competition.

[C]

How'd you get down there? Trainer Bus.

[H. Foley]

That bus?

[Kevin Ryan]

Train, dude. The train didn't hit until. Well, I had a solid day job. That was the train. But all that. We're not here for. We're not here for my shortcomings, okay, Mr. GMT over here. All right? So just finish. Finish this out.

[D]

And failure comes with a prize. Each week, Mystery will choose to send one struggling student until only one remains.

[E]

Who you are today dies here.

[D]

Can Mystery Destination Social Misfits into nightclub Casanovas Is there a future master among them?

[E]

So you think this game is tough, don't you?

[D]

Find out on the pickup artist.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pretty good sizzle for the show. I'm hooked. You got this wacky guy coming in and his whole thing is like, wear wacky stuff. So.

[H. Foley]

So you stick out.

[Kevin Ryan]

So they go, where's all that stupid shit? That's a cool hat. Yeah, well, you know, the hat or whatever. Like put the hat on the girl. Then you're opening the set. You know what I mean? You gotta open the set. That's not bad, right? He dressed up as the knight. Good morrow.

[H. Foley]

Hey, what's up?

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta take a piss. I'll be back in an hour.

[H. Foley]

Throwing it out. I'm all rusty.

[C]

You can't get back in. You're stuck outside.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, all right. So this is. We have a couple lessons here from maybe me and you can. I think rule number one, no ground. No ground beef at lunch.

[E]

Have you guys ever developed a crush on your favorite waitress at a restaurant? Because these working beauties are what we like to refer to as hired guns. Women who are hired for their beauty. So here are some tips and tricks and tactics and cognitive tools for.

[Kevin Ryan]

But if you pause him. Pause. He's got them dressed like him now. He's got them dressed cool for like cool LA 2006.

[H. Foley]

Are they.

[C]

They look like extras on Entourage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Like, you got the trucker hat. He's got a necklace. Now the other guy's got like a bandana on.

[C]

This is like his Johnny Drama kind of look.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he's mystery them up.

[E]

A hired gun. If she's working, you should be doing something. Either you are.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a good looking guy. That's.

[C]

I mean, like someone shows up in a cowboy hat and he freaks out.

[Kevin Ryan]

There can only be one mystery.

[H. Foley]

This guy's got the thousand yard stare. Go back to that guy. What do you mean? Good looking guy?

[E]

You should be doing something. Either.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, Paul, he's not like, when.

[H. Foley]

Do we put them in the cooler?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just saying he could get laid if it wasn't his personality.

[C]

That guy's getting laid.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's not ugly.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

If he's at the bar with a group of his buddies and his buddy starts it, he could jump on a grenade or two.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

He could end up all the way up, down.

[E]

Observed or the observing. And we all want to be the observed. And that's where flash game comes into play.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got flash. Now the term. You got to have flash. A reason for him to look at.

[H. Foley]

You keep this going.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is not bad. You got to be observed. You got to be the. Hold on. What is it? There's an observer and observe. You want to be observed? Had the broad staring at you?

[H. Foley]

Sure. How do you do your peeking, though?

[E]

Now, the term flash game actually comes from people who take a photograph of you and then others turn to see what's going on. Now if you are just there going, then you're actually going to lower your social value for the rest of the room because you're flashing negative value. Imagine if you had women with you and you were smiling and laughing and you were taking pictures and you were saying, all right, hands off, hands off. Women, women, please. That sort of behavior within that flash moment.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hold. Pause it.

[H. Foley]

What do you want the chicks to do?

[Kevin Ryan]

That, though I don't think the matador fully buys into this. If you. He's not making eyes looking down, I think trying not to laugh. He's not really. He hasn't looked up once.

[E]

Show pre approval and pre selection from women to all the other women in the room. And that bartender needs to know that you are pre selected. Right. Make sure you have specific routines.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, Jones, have a good sense of humor.

[E]

Systematically demonstrated. Demonstrated with the material that you have accrued over however many, you know, months you've been in the game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, the one guy, the creepo looks like he's sleeping on the right. He's out the lunch.

[C]

The one guy in the middle, slackjaw, just, like staring.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. That would be me, though.

[H. Foley]

He looks like Spider Man's boy.

[E]

And over the shoulder, you begin in a three. So what do you got going for.

[Kevin Ryan]

You more than your looks?

[E]

And that's how you initiate the chat.

[H. Foley]

Wait, go back. What do you say?

[Kevin Ryan]

What a three. You look over here taking notes.

[H. Foley]

I just want to see what he says.

[Kevin Ryan]

A3 is a code of his game.

[E]

And over the shoulder, you begin in a three. So what do you got going for.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your more than your looks?

[H. Foley]

Is that a line he hits you with?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a neg. A neg is.

[H. Foley]

So what do you got going for you other than your look?

[Kevin Ryan]

A neg is like a negative. Here I have a definition of it. It's like. Like his definition opening. You got a peacock using flashy and attention. Grabbing. Grabbing.

[H. Foley]

So you got to have other guys working with you because you got to have somebody to take the picture.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, in this, I think that.

[H. Foley]

Was an example saying that, like, if the three of us went into a bar, I would be there chilling and like, you Would be like, hey, can I get a picture with you?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know, I don't like this thing that you're setting.

[H. Foley]

And Luke would take the picture and I'd be like, yeah, what's up? And then I'd be like, get off.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, people like you push me. I'm sorry, buddy. Go get me some beers.

[H. Foley]

Hey, man, sorry about this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I can close with the bartender.

[H. Foley]

Hey, somebody beat your ass?

[Kevin Ryan]

So you're peacocking. Using flashy and attention grabbing clothes and features to attract people to see you. Those are the three second rule. You gotta approach abroad or a set within three seconds of seeing someone you like or you're gonna talk yourself out of it and lose your chance. A neg is a backhanded compliment or a light insult to lower your target self esteem and show that you're not impressed.

[H. Foley]

That's a dickhead move. You can't be doing that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, fatty, whatever you say, fatty. Does it curtain match your dreams?

[H. Foley]

I'm all over you.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're trolling your hair. He said we get out of here and get some meatballs.

[H. Foley]

I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

A canned opener. The pickup artist of the days relied heavily on canned openers and opinion openers. Example, asking about weird stuff. A false. You think this is cancerous?

[H. Foley]

Hey, you like salamanders? Yeah. You can slice them in half and.

[Kevin Ryan]

The tail still moves.

[H. Foley]

Anyway, I'm J Dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is my friend the elephant. Also, you give him a false time constraint. Say that you can only stay for a bit to avoid coming off as clingy or like you're going to hound them. So. Hey, I got to get back to my friends in a minute. I just wanted to see your tits for a second and then get out of there. Hold on. This one's pretty good. Body rocking. You bob back and forth to give people the idea that you might be getting ready to leave soon. Just fucking tying your shoes real tight.

[H. Foley]

Shaking your keys. What fucking? You run from a murderer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man.

[H. Foley]

That's something I haven't done in a long time. This time I usually see the guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

That have them too tight. They're like touching. You're like, buddy, what are you doing?

[H. Foley]

Hey, Prefontaine, zip it. What? You know, Prefontaine is right. You never saw that movie. Jared Leto. He was a runner. Cross country runner. Great one. Got killed in a car accident.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great, great poll then though, I didn't know it. But great reference. Seriously. Cross country run. I couldn't name it.

[H. Foley]

I just seen a movie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who are you? Benedict Humber? Patch? No, it's Roger Clementine. Who's the guy that broke the Four Minute Mile? Roger Pedacter. No, that's from Door.

[H. Foley]

Jimmy Neutron.

[Kevin Ryan]

Roger. Wait, don't. Is it R.B.

[C]

Yeah, it is. R.B.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bannister?

[C]

Yep.

[H. Foley]

Roger Productor.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's why he killed Roger productor. He found Mr. Winky. Talk about opening up his name. God, I'm crying, dude.

[H. Foley]

All right, let's go. A3, bartender.

[E]

Holy waitress. It's game is game. But you want to systematically demonstrate those DHV spikes as opposed to say them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because you have no time to say them.

[E]

But you can get the spike to her or flash her from a distance. If I'm speaking with girls, I'm looking over the shoulder. She's working. Okay. I'm telling a couple humorous anecdotes. Getting response from these girls. They're about to laugh. I'm looking. Not yet. Okay, I'll just add a little timing here to it. And she's turning and they start laughing. And then I say, all right, all right. Hands off, hands off.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did she see it?

[E]

Perfect.

[H. Foley]

Was he. Hands off. Who's he talking to?

[Kevin Ryan]

The Matador.

[H. Foley]

So he's got a key.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Matador's feeling them up. Hey, buddy, grab my dick real quick. Show her how big it is. That's one huge cock.

[H. Foley]

But this is all a con. There's a bunch of. Do you put your three card Monty.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you put your best foot forward when you're talking abroad? I don't go, hey, I'm Henry.

[H. Foley]

Like I said something funny. I don't do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You did it to me.

[H. Foley]

When?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I'm sure you have at some point. Hey, really laugh this in, will you? Go ahead, give me your credit card. Let me. Let me order these.

[E]

Now, when you're with a girl that you've just met, at any public gathering, it could be.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at the.

[E]

Truly build enough comfort.

[Kevin Ryan]

And when this happens, this guy's now got blonde highlights.

[H. Foley]

Wait, is that. Who's that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Same guy.

[H. Foley]

No, it's not.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he's ran him too.

[H. Foley]

Wait, that's the same fat kid that was sitting there with his mouth open. And the trucker hat.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, his mouth's still open, but he's got a fucking.

[H. Foley]

No, it's not.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not closed.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now he's got a shark tooth necklace. A big one.

[H. Foley]

No, he's got. That's a. That's a Moanu necklace.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, here we go. Back to the island you go.

[H. Foley]

It's a fucking Disney movie. It's the thing that the rock carries around. He beats the island lady with it. You ever see the movie?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

It's good.

[Kevin Ryan]

But he's got frosted tips in the. Just the front.

[E]

Make your move. Let's talk about the actual getting of the phone number, because there you are. You're in field now. You're thinking to yourself, okay, I'm now phase shifting. I'm going from my C1 comfort building. I'm now moving forward into my time bridge. I need to exchange numbers here. But rather than, hey, take my card. Card's not enough. Don't give a card.

[H. Foley]

What are you, a vacuum salesman?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. This is pre. This is 2006.

[H. Foley]

There's no cell phones.

[Kevin Ryan]

2005, there's cell phones. Yeah. But not like. I don't think. I think at that point, I'm guessing it was still like, hey, put your number. That was like, now that's like, oh, let me get your number.

[C]

But I feel like if you had a card, you had money also that showed. Like, if you had a business card.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. But here you didn't.

[H. Foley]

Because every comic I knew in Philly had a business card.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember moving up here and getting them. I got the little square, the little rectangle ones. Man, I thought I was fucking doing it. I think I probably still have, like, 500 of them.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember being like, these are $149 well spent. Emptied out my bank account for it.

[H. Foley]

It's center city comedy business cards.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[C]

You guys should try to find your. All your old promotional material.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sure I have. I remember not wanting to throw them out, like, well, after they were needed because I'm like, this was money I spent on these. You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't want to throw away $119 business cards. That was what it a. Do you have a car? Do you have a card? I remember Chris Cotton, God bless him, gave our boy flip a card. It was. Yeah, I guess he had two cards, like, one with new information or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Was it written on it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Didn't he stapled. He stapled two together. So it was like you could flip it both ways. It was like, chris, God, don't use the number on the front. Use. Use the number on the back. Goes directly to me.

[H. Foley]

It's Foley.

[E]

Give her a pad of paper and a pencil and say to her, are you creative? Show me how creative you are. Now, keep in mind, I have to leave.

[Kevin Ryan]

So she writes down her phone number.

[E]

When you say that, well, you presume so.

[Kevin Ryan]

That don't work. Wait, so she's going to write down her phone number when you do that?

[H. Foley]

Hey man, not for nothing. What's with the glasses?

[Kevin Ryan]

You seem a little. These ideas seem a little half cocked. Is your mom gonna pick you up?

[E]

Are we getting lunch down, you'll say. Wow, you're not very creative, are you? Here, let's do this one last time. Hint. Dash, dash, dash, dash, dash, dash, dash. I'm leaving now. Perhaps write something creative.

[H. Foley]

That's so money.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's so money. That's so money. All right, well, let's see the one now.

[H. Foley]

High value body language.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we did this.

[C]

No, we didn't do this one yet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[E]

I'd like to move forward now to discuss microcalibration. The way a man and a woman exchange information is not just based on verbal exchange. There's also a sub communication happening between the two. Non verbally through body language. What can I do? In order for her to feel she has either done something right and will be rewarded with it without my saying a word or she has done something wrong and she should be briefly penalized. Okay. That's not to get angry at her or say anything even. But that's why a roll off is absolutely acceptable. Women do it to men all the time. Now your body language is going to.

[Kevin Ryan]

Be that man, dude, I've been that bad guy in that, in that polo shirt. I have been that dude being like, fuck, I should have worn undershirt.

[H. Foley]

Ah, that is just going to be.

[E]

That of a high valued male. You're going to be non reactive. The person who moves more is more reactive and therefore has lower value. You can still be playful, you can still have energy, right? Equal or a little bit greater. And then you're going to, when you go sit down, you're going to want to forcefully slow down. Look at Joe W's body posture right beside Pradeep here.

[C]

He said he did this last night.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was by choice. You feel that?

[E]

I mean that is an example of. But that's an example of what I think is great body language to a woman who deserves that. Or perhaps wait, hold on.

[H. Foley]

The guy with the legs crossed was the chick and the other dude, that was. No, the body language is leaning in and putting his head on her shoulder.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think he was joking. He was making fun of Pradeep.

[C]

I think he was also doing that last night.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're recapping, they're recapping that. The guy, he was sitting. Yeah, that was good. Comfortable Like I'm a man body language. That's what I took from it.

[H. Foley]

What about the fat guy with the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shorts and the thong sandals on?

[C]

I think he's actually saying you should only be giving that body language to women who deserve it. So I don't think any woman at the bar yet deserve it.

[E]

And earned your interest by being all into her. Instead. You can lean back and you can talk from here. And that's very subtle. You feel a pull away.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, I feel that he's less engaged and I'm gonna want to chase that.

[E]

And if that happens, then I. Dude.

[C]

He'S got a stuffed animal on his shirt behavior.

[H. Foley]

That guy lost every role to Seth Creed. It is fun, isn't it?

[E]

It's a new level. It's a new level of game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Game body language, fatty. You got a lot of it. You're going, more bread. Can't get more bread over. Ah, man, this guy, it's. He's got.

[H. Foley]

How many seasons did this get?

[Kevin Ryan]

Two seasons.

[H. Foley]

You watched every one, didn't you? Did you ever.

[Kevin Ryan]

I applied to be on the second one.

[H. Foley]

It wouldn't take you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

We use any of these tactics?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, this was like a big joke and this was like before stuff like this was on the Internet 2006, you know what I mean? Like all of this clips and stuff weren't being posted anywhere. So like you would see it and we. This was like a joke. I was like, did you see the fucking. He's got the hat, he's got the.

[H. Foley]

Stutzkey wasn't using his crap.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, nobody was.

[H. Foley]

Good looking kid. You, on the other hand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chapter 5.

[H. Foley]

Meatballs feel like that pitcher in a major league. You got different kinds of Vaseline and stuff all over your body. You need the trick balls because you got no heat.

[Kevin Ryan]

A long way to get there. The writer's on strike again. But he's like. The goal of the C2, build an emotional and physical connection. The goal of this phase is to double down on the emotional connection and start getting more physical by touching her more, you want her to start being comfortable with your touches. Calibrate your touches. If she likes it, touch more. If she pulls back, stop and talk more before going for a touch again. What that. What does.

[H. Foley]

Before you go back in.

[Kevin Ryan]

The evolution phase shift routine. Tell a story of how animals start having sex and kiss her. As you tell her, the story starts starting from the forearm to the neck till you reach her lips. What? That's fucking crazy. Don't do that out there.

[H. Foley]

You know sheep do It. Stand it up. You ever see three goats go at it? Yeah, what the fuck?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Tell us.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's how you assume, like, you're not at a bar. You're like, more. You've already have made a connection where you're like, that wouldn't be crazy.

[H. Foley]

I've already had your meatballs. I said, you've already had your meatball. Hold on, let me ask you this. After that meatball and coffee.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you this. I had to.

[H. Foley]

After the meatballs and coffee. What if she was like, hey, do you want to go back to my place?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I gotta take a nap.

[H. Foley]

In a wicked dump.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are your roommates home? Good, because I'm gonna blow this place.

[H. Foley]

What they put in this coffee?

[Kevin Ryan]

Ground beef and coffee is crazy.

[H. Foley]

Dude, I'm trying not to piss my pants. Got cables.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's the WI FI in this dome. I think I took a bag with me because I was going straight to Philly. You double up on these. Like, I think I was going right to Philly. That next.

[C]

You got your roller next to you on the table. You got your roller next to you at the table.

[H. Foley]

On a Sunday, you guys have a goat check.

[Kevin Ryan]

I tag my luggage and leave it with you.

[H. Foley]

Seeing people with roller bags in the city and, you know they're not traveling is.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was traveling.

[H. Foley]

So what if she would have been like, hey, you want to get back to my place? Would you have been able to.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would have quit comedy or whatever gig I had to go to.

[H. Foley]

But you could have performed with the belly full of meatballs and coffee.

[Kevin Ryan]

And, I mean, this was at, I don't know, 11 or noon or something. The show wasn't till, I don't know, seven o' clock.

[H. Foley]

I gotta get some gum.

[Kevin Ryan]

For being honest, I was probably doing seven minutes. Yeah, I could have. You know what I mean? I could have wandered.

[H. Foley]

I could have stopped on the show.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what show it was, but I feel like I. I remember having to get there.

[H. Foley]

No, my point is. Oh, that's part of the thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I gave her a false time. Showed up with luggage. Hey, at least I got a flight to catch.

[H. Foley]

I gotta get the. You want to suck my dick in there? Hey, dumbass, does the air train run by here?

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta get the jfk.

[H. Foley]

Just take all of them. Hey, how are you, dumb bitch, huh? I'm a real important guy. All my friends think I'm funny. And I gotta be out here in 10 minutes. Why don't you write your number down.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I won't call You. After you suck my dick in the closet.

[H. Foley]

You ever seen a camel jerk off? Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

You want to.

[H. Foley]

You got a fake airline ticket stuck in your thumb. You got a fake airline tickets? It's from the Concorde. That's still flying. Yeah, if you're cool enough.

[Kevin Ryan]

I keep dropping my passport.

[H. Foley]

You guys have Lunchables here? No. Okay, I'll have the meatballs. This Chris angel knows tricks and shit. Like that guy's selling out in Vegas.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy's closing ass all over the place. I'd rather be this guy than Chris.

[H. Foley]

He's not closing ass. What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait.

[H. Foley]

That shit doesn't work. Some of it's rude, frankly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, of course. Jesus Christ, dude, I'm dying. All right, so this is. So we have one more video left. Or two.

[C]

Now we got this last.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[C]

Mystery and Matador hard at work.

[Kevin Ryan]

So this is. This is Mystery and the Matador. I think this might be from season two. I don't know, but this is them. They're going. The guy, the. I think that. I think. I remember this episode. I think the boys roll in and try. He goes, go open up sets or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Who?

[Kevin Ryan]

Matador sends the. Or the dog.

[H. Foley]

And Matador.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, fucking Mystery sends the contestants in. See what you can do. And they're like. They come out now. These fucking. He's broad. All have sticks up there. Need a good. I'll tell you that. They're all.

[H. Foley]

You haven't been set dead, dog. Set's dead.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's it. I'm calling it a night. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go hit metals.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna grab a short stack, get back to my place and wagon These pigeons.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing about a softball team in there.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna hit pigtots and roll back to the mansion.

[Kevin Ryan]

This let me know if it gets crack. But. So then they go in. So then Mystery and Mad Dog Or Madder.

[H. Foley]

This gotta be. All right, let's see this.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Matador go in.

[H. Foley]

This has got to be all set up.

[E]

Take a look at Matador and I showing the boys how it's done.

[H. Foley]

Mystery and Matador went into the club.

[Kevin Ryan]

To show us how. Look at the.

[H. Foley]

Started.

[Kevin Ryan]

Started from the beginning, actually.

[H. Foley]

Me with Run dmc.

[E]

Take a look at Matador and I showing the boys how it's done.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mystery and Matador went into the club.

[H. Foley]

To show us how. Yeah. God, your aunt's glasses.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That guy stinks, dude.

[H. Foley]

And just a regular T shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

So we consulted my Aunt Trish.

[H. Foley]

This is done. And we got to watch it on surveillance camera. That squad, how it's done. That squad, Mystery and Matador.

[Kevin Ryan]

When it's to the club to show.

[H. Foley]

Us how this is done and we. That's a homeless guy, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

The kid in the middle with the V. With the v neck and the huge forehead.

[H. Foley]

Man. David. David Copperfield. Are you kidding me? Holy shit, man. Oh, that's a tough crew.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pleasure. Hello.

[H. Foley]

Hello.

[E]

Who are you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Right off the bat, like Mr. He was talking. Look at him. Dude, the pot. This is pop collar time, too. Matador was talking to another girl. I mean, before they even got in the club.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they're actors, you idiot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Conversations with these people.

[E]

You're huggable. I need to hug you. I don't know why.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is. Listen, I don't condone. This was a different time. You'd pulled out to town square and shot him.

[C]

Even though. Where's my hug? Guys made fun of now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where's the. My hug guy is the thing. I need my huggies going for a hug.

[H. Foley]

You give him that. You do that.

[E]

For God's sakes, man. Take this woman from me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, hell. I'll give you 200 bucks to get rid of her formation. They were just pulling from here left, right. I mean, it was flowing.

[H. Foley]

And.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy, he looks like a Jim Carrey character.

[C]

I mean, it was flowing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at him. That looks like something from Nathan for you. This guy, the Gap tooth, that helmet of a head. Here's the amazing thing is Mystery talks about stuff that I would never think would work. I mean, he was talking about Google Earth. If I talked about Google Earth, nobody would get within 100ft of me.

[E]

Have you ever heard of a program. It's a free program you can get on the Internet called Google Earth.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Fuck, I wish we. Loser.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ever heard of pornhub? To where I watch my videos.

[H. Foley]

Those that come on, those girls wouldn't be buying that. It's all set up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at the Matador rolled in now he's got long. This is season two. He's got long hair. What he does.

[E]

Well, I'm ready to lock in. Even though I'm talking to everyone else. I have a full assessment right now of every single set. Surrounded by love today.

[H. Foley]

Oh, this guy.

[E]

I'm going to come over and hug you.

[H. Foley]

Matador's got some muscles at least.

[E]

Because you need it. I'll come down further. Maybe I need it too. Don't pity Patty. Hug tight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look what I found. This is Kimberly. Hello.

[H. Foley]

Hello. This is Michelle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are they cool? Cool enough. Get the Cool enough? Are they cool? Cool enough? Are they cool enough for my three foot fairy hat I'm currently wearing? Are they gonna dig my vibes?

[H. Foley]

You girls like World War I goggles? Get out of here. This is all set up, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

I would assume so, yeah. He's fucking mad at. Doors closing, Ace.

[H. Foley]

She's a hooker. Maybe he is.

[E]

I want to fight you.

[Kevin Ryan]

So weird. I want to fight you. Hello?

[E]

I'm here. You dress her up.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't take her anywhere.

[E]

You're a friend and I like each other. Are you alright with that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I'm great.

[E]

I mean, don't get me wrong, she may, you know, talk her ear off and turn me off, but I've eaten girls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pause it. It's like bad dad joke. Like, it's like, oh, you know. Ah, look at her. You can dress her up, but you can't. Hello, we're talking here. It's like we're just jealous. Fucking pussy stealing all the hot trim. Cut to me and you at the other side of the bar. Come on, man, there's plenty of dudes here.

[C]

Google Earth is pretty cool.

[H. Foley]

Hey, we're waiting on potato skids over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know my dad's on Google Earth. He's cutting the grass in his underwear. Only one.

[E]

Don't be greedy. I already figured out why you and I are never gonna get along. Oh my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now you know what it is.

[E]

We're too similar.

[H. Foley]

Hello. Hello.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who am I working with? I'm bad with names. What was your first name again?

[E]

Let's imagine we're brand new to each other. I don't know who the hell you are. Friends of ours have condemned us to have to.

[H. Foley]

Where's J Dog?

[Kevin Ryan]

J Dog's got fucking that J Dog got replaced in the second season for some broad like woman's perspective.

[H. Foley]

Really.

[Kevin Ryan]

J Dog probably wasn't closing enough. Poon.

[H. Foley]

Was she hitting on chicks too?

[Kevin Ryan]

That'd be into.

[E]

We gotta go to 711 and get some eggnog. All right.

[H. Foley]

Can I get a. Can I get a plushie?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[E]

I love you.

[H. Foley]

What? A Slurpee.

[E]

I have what you call liquid happiness in my belly.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I saw Mystery and Matador, it did give me a lot more motivation. But at the same time it realized how far I have to come.

[E]

See, I just. I cannot wait to learn what they have to teach because.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. Pause it.

[H. Foley]

If.

[Kevin Ryan]

If some dude. If I was at not even like my girl or anybody. Like, if I was at a gr. Like a group of my friends and that guy ran up and started talking to one of the girls in the group, even if it's like my buddy's cousin or something, I'd be like, can I talk to you for a second? If you ever come over here and ask her if we. Let's roleplay where we have to go to a 7 11. I'll slap the shit out of you, you fucking creepo. Now, why don't you go buy me a round of drinks? As an act of apology.

[C]

These are the closing remarks from the boys. Watching Matador Mystery tear it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's that? These.

[C]

These are the closing remarks now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, in these next eight weeks, sign me up. I mean, all time, show all time. That guy is a great American. He's actually. He's Canadian from Toronto.

[C]

I learned a lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that's.

[H. Foley]

How to catch a case.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. How to get thrown out of a bar real quick. Yeah. I mean, that's. That shit's insane that I. It's ins.

[H. Foley]

It's got a mic pack on. That's the only reason that worked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, look at you getting jealous. It's crazier now looking back on it than it was watching it, then watching it. Then you're like, this is the corniest I've ever seen. Take a note. But I mean, now it's cringeworthy. Yeah, but we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[H. Foley]

Jesus Christ. What a fun one, gang. We love you. See you next weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.

[H. Foley]

Peace.