Picky Eaters w/ Trevor Wallace!

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - “Picky Eaters w/ Trevor Wallace!” (June 29, 2026)
Host: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley | Guest: Trevor Wallace

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Are You Garbage?" features standup comedian Trevor Wallace, rejoining hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a riotously candid look at eating habits, trashy snack etiquette, special requests at restaurants, awkward gift-giving, questionable purchases, and the subtle class indicators of everything from luggage to breakfast cereal. The trio’s banter is loaded with hilarious memories, real talk on money and status, and ruthless self-examination, all delivered with sharp wit and good-natured ribbing.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Ordering Wings & Restaurant Etiquette (03:03–11:00)

• Drumsticks vs. Flats: Foley shares a story about his cousin Paul insisting on ordering only drumsticks when they got wings, sparking a debate on whether such specific requests are trashy or acceptable these days.
  • “Do you have that power to ask, to just get one or the other? That was the trashiest thing I’ve heard in my life.” – H. Foley (03:54)
  • Trevor says he’s not a “special request” guy: “If there’s cilantro, I go, this is it. These are how my cards are dealt.” (06:08)
• Splitting Bills: The group talks about etiquette when dining out with friends—who pays, and whether asking to split the check is tacky.
  • “Now you’re giving the waitress six credit cards…it just feels like a lot to divvy up. I’d rather just do this. And then, hey, this is my good karma for the week.” – Trevor (08:49)

2. Substitutions, Modifications & Waiter Lingo (09:47–13:43)

• Restaurant substitution policies and the difference between modifications (taking off tomato) vs. true substitutions (side swap).
  • “That shouldn’t be—a modification, not a substitution.” – Kevin (09:58)
  • Trevor considers it trashy when servers adopt the chef’s attitude about refusing substitutions.
• Waiter culture and the futility of dropping “insider” lingo as a former server.
  • “I used to f*** hate that when somebody would be like, ‘well, I’ve worked in the business…’ Well, you’re not working here now, you dumb f*** bitch.” – Foley (13:26)

3. Adult Snack Debates: Doritos, Cheetos, and Hot Fries (13:47–19:29)

• Doritos: Kevin says you should age out of certain snacks: “There should be an age limit to when a respectable adult should be eating Doritos.” (13:47)
  • Trevor disagrees, but draws the line at Doritos Locos Tacos for adults: “You can't have a whole family and have Dorito crust on all five fingers…That’s fourth, eighth grade and below.” (14:40)
• Cheetos & Hot Fries: They reminisce on their childhood snacking habits, admitting Cheetos are a powerful nostalgia trip and hot fries are strictly “outside food.”
  • “Arizona iced tea and hot fries. I mean, $2 deep and you’re just geeked in first period.” – Trevor (18:24)

4. Picky Eaters, Cereal, and Childhood Gifts (38:30–40:32)

• Trevor reminisces about receiving a roll of tape as one of his Hanukkah gifts: “He goes, ‘well, you love tape.’ Like, how did you wrap the gift? With my own gift, you piece of shit.” (38:26)
• The hosts probe if Trevor’s house is garbage by asking if he keeps cereal or bread and butter pickles at home (he does not).
• On memorable childhood gifts, Trevor lists a drum set (“That was probably one of the bigger biggest gifts, I think,” 40:32) and dumbbells (“Trying to think of another good man. That’s a good gift,” 39:56).

5. Cars: Leasing, Luxury, and Used Cleverness (22:38–29:19)

• Trevor describes his recent “dirt bag move” of leasing a used Porsche Taycan: “These electric vehicles, once they're used, their resell is shit…This car already was cheap as shit because it was used. And then on top of that, they go, well, you can lease it.” (25:03)
• The hosts share their own “used car” stories and the subtle difference between projecting class and actually spending money.

6. Gift Regrets & Declined Cards (31:38–37:15)

• Trevor recounts buying a $5,000 purse for a then-girlfriend, only to have his card declined in front of her—bringing up lasting “first big adult gift” anxiety:
  • “She ended up paying for it. And I had to, like, literally, that’s it. I think the Venmo payment was capped out or something.” (33:23)
  • “It took all the love at that time out of it. It took any care.” (33:32)
• Both hosts and Trevor talk about how huge gifts are used to “feed the meter” in relationships.

7. Home Life: Pools, Pickles, and Appliances (41:43–47:01)

• Trevor owns a house with a “pool koozie”—essentially an oversized jacuzzi—cleaned by a pool guy who “does two scoops, gets three leaves out.” (42:07)
• He does not stock bread and butter pickles or cereal, drawing good-natured outrage from Foley and Kevin.
• Trevor admits his pepper grinder is broken and often cooks breakfast with a spoon instead of a spatula (“I flipped scrambled eggs with a spoon…” 47:35).

8. Luggage, Bad Purchases, and Impulse Buys (48:20–51:16)

• Trevor uses an Away bag rather than an ultra-pricey Ramoa, sparking a rant about how expensive luggage brands offer minuscule value.
  • “It’s $2,000 you can’t fit shit in.” – Trevor on Ramoa (48:54)
• Hosts share confessions about buying shoes, sunglasses, and even cologne at clothing stores—regrettable impulse purchases.

9. Tech Struggles: Laptops, Phones, and Using ChatGPT (57:00–59:49)

• Foley claims he’s never owned or used a laptop until recently, startling Trevor, who marvels, “That’s like a rare...untapped algorithm. An unbiased algorithm.” (59:43)
• Brief detour into how (not) to use ChatGPT for discount codes.

10. Bonus Garbage Questions: Social Etiquette (61:08–63:29)

• How to get a server’s attention if their back is turned—ring a bell, interrupt, or just wait awkwardly?
  • Trevor: “I hate confrontation. I’m waiting.” (61:36)
• Deli counter anxiety and butcher intimidation when asked “how much?” by weight.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “These are how my cards are dealt. I gotta play that.” – Trevor, on not making special requests (06:08)
• “I want to see some AJU on his table signing paperwork.” – Trevor, imagining the food an adult should eat at work (15:56)
• “The therapist makes you pay cash moving forward after that.” – Foley, after Trevor’s $5k purse story (37:20)
• “I love tape just as much as the next kid loves tape.” – Trevor (38:34)
• “It’s a manual? This bitch.” – Kevin, reacting to motorized luggage envy (48:59)
• “Put a turtleneck on and shut off.” – Trevor, mocking people who wear neck braces in public (56:05)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Ordering all drumsticks at the bar: 03:03–04:53
• Special requests and “send it back” etiquette: 06:01–07:02
• Splitting bills and the ‘karma’ of paying: 08:01–09:02
• Dorito/Cheetos debate: 13:47–17:17
• Test-driving a used luxury car: 22:38–26:45
• Declined credit card gift-purchase story: 33:23–34:39
• Trevor’s tape-for-Hanukkah memory: 38:26
• Bread & butter pickle ignorance: 45:04–46:22
• Deli counter etiquette: 61:34–63:29

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Takeaway

The episode is a masterclass in comedic storytelling and the courage to confess your “garbage” side, whether it’s eating Doritos after 30, getting rejected by credit cards while buying romantic gifts, or admitting you’ve never owned a laptop in your life. Trevor Wallace holds his own in the face of relentless questioning, delivering both sharp punchlines and surprisingly touching self-awareness—embodying the lovable trashiness that makes “Are You Garbage?” a fan favorite.

Transcript

[A]

Gang Tooties, got a limited 4th of July drop coming at you. We got some nice T shirts. Show up to the barbecue looking fresh, clean, and patriotic.

[B]

Yeah, don't be a bozo. Available at rugarbage.com while supplies last.

[A]

Happy 4th of July. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out together to be classy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[B]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host, Ted Trilley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's down in the basement with the cable guy. Okay, so bad news is there's a funk down there. A little smell. But we got free hbo.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Take nine.

[C]

With commercials.

[A]

What you say with commercials? Got the bad Hulu package.

[C]

I did just buy the bad Hulu package.

[A]

We just talked about it. My mom's got it. She's got. She's got no General Hospital. She's freaking out over there. But that's neither here nor there. Mike Cohes is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of. Are you Garbage? International businessman, and I would assume not too happy with me right now. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan, everybody shout out to you.

[B]

Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are in the middle of the charts. We're climbing right where we want to be. Not showing off, not falling behind. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com re garbage. You join the over 15,000 people over there. How you done?

[A]

Let's go. And, gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. Good friend of the show. Yes, you. You look up killing time. You look up killing it in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of this kid with his perfect hair. He's currently on the Alpha Beta male tour. Give it up for Trevor Wallace, everybody.

[C]

Thanks for having me. Kev Foley. Good to see you guys.

[A]

Hey, pal.

[B]

Good to see you. I want to pass along. We had Rory Scoville here not that long ago. You were with him the day before he was coming here. He was trashing it. Yeah. No, no, no.

[C]

Good, good, good.

[B]

And he you about the show. He was like I was talking to Trevor about it yesterday. Said you're gonna love the show. It's so much fun. Those guys are great, which is always nice to hear.

[C]

Oh, yeah, dude.

[A]

We love you, buddy.

[C]

Big ups to the show. I. I've always loved this, and people who have asked me about. I go, dude, it's so fun. You. You think you're. It's literally a writing session.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Because there's so many bits that come out of it where you, like, unlock so many memories.

[B]

Never thought about.

[C]

Yeah, it's great.

[A]

That's what he said. That's what he said you said. Yeah.

[B]

Thanks for you saying it in a worst way. That's what he said. You said what I said.

[C]

All right, let's get Roy back on.

[A]

I feel like I'm on drugs right now. I don't know why.

[B]

You sound like something in the air.

[C]

Something in the air.

[A]

I wanted to ask you both this question.

[B]

No, that's all the time we have for the day.

[C]

Is it about Cuomo? What are we talking?

[A]

All right, so I forgot to bring this up to you, but maybe, like, a few weeks ago, I was down at home in. In Blue Bell. I was at the Whit Payne Tavern, if you want to know. I'm with my cousin.

[B]

Oh, they let you in? How'd you get a table there?

[C]

Open table.

[A]

Got him on resi. Yeah, Great spot. Great, great local spot.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I'm with my cousin Paul, and he's

[B]

like, let's get worried with Paul. Paul's there.

[C]

He got no Paul.

[B]

I'm a generic guy.

[C]

Paul, Friend of the show.

[B]

Friend of the show. Paul. Okay. You're at a bar with your. With your. With your bozo cousins.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wants to order wings. All right.

[B]

Whoa. What? What? Who wrote this? Homer Simpson?

[A]

Just listen.

[C]

I told my agents I didn't want to do a woke podcast. Can we tone it back a little bit?

[A]

He wants to order wings. And he goes, I'm gonna order all drumsticks. Is that okay? And I'm like, what? And I'm like, I'm gonna want some drumsticks too. And he's like, then we have to get two orders. All drumsticks.

[B]

That's a lot of drumsticks.

[A]

Is that normal?

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

He doesn't like the flats.

[C]

I love flats.

[A]

Well, that's my favorite. But either way, whether it was the flats or not, do you have that power to ask, to just get one or the other? That's was the trashiest thing I've heard in my life.

[B]

I would say this is my take. And then you seem like you have good thoughts on it. I would say 20 years ago, that'd be a wild ask. I think you're allowed to now. And I don't know why. Why? I don't know why you're just a wild.

[A]

That's not how wings work.

[C]

So. Because he was ordering for himself, not for the table. Right?

[A]

It was for us.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We're going to share it at the bar. It's not who's a four. It doesn't matter who's a four. It could be me. You.

[B]

Doesn't matter if I ate all the wings or not. And Paul didn't get any. It's.

[A]

It's. Could you sit there and say to a server or a bartender, we want to order some wings, but I don't want any flats or I don't want any drumsticks. I just want all one thing. What's the kid doing the fryer gonna think he's got to pull them out one by one.

[B]

Yeah, you got to hope someone wants all flats over with all flats after that.

[C]

Well, usually they. I mean on some of the apps you can like pay an upcharge for just drumstick or just flat.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Well, I'm behind the time.

[C]

Big buffalo wild wings. I think you can do that. Big chicken wing is getting after it.

[B]

But shout out to the boys at Tyson.

[C]

Big chicken wing propaganda. But sometimes that's an app thing. Asking the server, server, the server waitress. I don't know, is that weird or not?

[A]

You got to go back. Okay. As a certain. You got to go back and you got to say to the fry guy who's probably not having a great day and probably not too pumped about what

[C]

he's doing, you know, if, if the waiter waitress said, would you want all drums or all flats, then you have an option but to just delegate tasks. I now I'm getting it.

[B]

It seems wild to me. It seems wild.

[C]

And how many was it? Was it like a 10 piece order per person or was it.

[A]

What do we. It would have been 20 wings.

[C]

Okay. That's a lot of counting. It's a lot to assume that a fry cooking count up to 20.

[B]

This guy's got good points. I don't have to tell you.

[C]

I only got 10 hands. What do you want me to do? Count on my toes?

[A]

How much of it? I mean, you're an LA guy. You know what I mean? You do.

[B]

Well, I love what. Yeah, I love your interpretation of him. You literally think he's the coolest guy in the world, which. He's a very cool guy.

[A]

I think the coolest guy ever. And I think he's a billionaire.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Flew on a rocket ship to get here. Well, I was going to ask, are you a special request guy at the restaurant now? No.

[C]

I take what I like. If I say no slanter and this launcher, I go, this is. This is it. These are how my cards are dealt. I got to play that.

[B]

What would.

[A]

It stays humble.

[B]

What would have to. What would have to happen for you to send it back or not send it back, but go like, you know, anything. It would have to be wild.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know if I've ever said anything back. I'm sure I have, but I just. My thought is I never want to delay the group because, you know, they send my shit back now.

[B]

Everybody's waiting for 20 minute delay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of just. But here's the bitch thing. I'll do all out loud, say that I don't like it and hope. Hope other people are like, would you want some of mine?

[B]

I like that move. Pass it across the table.

[A]

You put it on the. You put it on the table.

[C]

You know, if somebody asks again, we're back to that.

[B]

Hey, Trevor, how's your burger?

[C]

Ah, Sam is a little dry. I don't know. This isn't really what I thought of.

[B]

What. And then would you. Well, you even go like, that was great. You want some of mine?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The salmon's a little dry.

[C]

Salmon's a little dry. I knew I should have got what you got.

[B]

Subtle.

[C]

It's a great way to ask for that.

[B]

That's great.

[C]

I knew I should have got what you got. Well, do you want a bite? Nah, you can. And then. Then next thing you know, they're scraping it on a little tea plate for you.

[A]

See, I pictured you with the Grove with other influencers ordering off the menu or something like that.

[C]

No, I don't.

[B]

I don't know if he doesn't even know what anything he just said.

[C]

That was a big. That was for a New York guy. You were hitting the gym.

[A]

I saw it. It was in get shorty.

[C]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Danny DeVito goes and orders that omelette. That's what I assume all you guys

[C]

are doing out there a little bit. There's definitely those dinners. But when people just start ordering a muck, you know, then you can just kind of pick and choose, like a little bit of that, a little bit of this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now I got some Say you're saying, you know, we might have crossed paths at this at some point. If there's. This is a different time too. Say you're out with your friend and everybody's order and stuff. How's that getting chopped up? You jumping on that grenade at all? Yeah. Someone else jumping on it? Is it. What's the. What are the. What are the vibes?

[C]

You know, it depends if I'm drinking or not.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

If I'm. If I'm two cocktails deep, get the platinum card out. Ding, ding. I'm trying to.

[B]

We're talking business.

[C]

Because then it's almost like, no, I got it, I got it, I got it. But if it's.

[B]

It really just depends on the company.

[C]

Yes. Yeah. Because usually because I'll split or I'll just try to offer my. Whatever. But sometimes someone's just like, I got it. I insist, I insist, I insist.

[B]

But I'm also a big. He's.

[A]

I think it was money.

[B]

Yeah. No, I think it gets to a point. I'm the same way. I'm happy to pay for it, but like, if someone else goes, I got it. I got you.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Let me get in. I give you one or two.

[C]

One or two.

[B]

But then it's like. It's like tacky. But give me that check. I said give me the chat. It's like you're make. I feel like you're making it weird sometimes to be like, all right, I'll get you on the next.

[C]

Like most about convenience too.

[B]

If a hundred.

[C]

You know, it's like there's six of us. Somebody's like, well, we can all split a six way now. You're given a waitress six credit cards now.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It just feels like a lot to divvy up. It's like, I'd rather just do this. And then, hey, this is. And this is my good karma for the week.

[A]

And nine out of 10 times, you're the one that she's gonna remember. Trevor. Trevor Cane.

[B]

Yes. We're all flats. This fucking guy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

He do the Buffalo wild wings.

[B]

But to go back on that, I now how many. I mean, we travel as a crew. There's six of us when we go out on the road and stuff like that. And they'll. Every single time or 90% of times ago, how many checks look like losers. Like, they asked for that automatically. Which I think now is just more so. I do think asking for all drumsticks or flats. You're. You're now. It's now more curated to the diner rather than get what we have type thing. That's all I'm trying to say.

[C]

Some places are real sticklers with it on the bottom of seal. Say like two cards max, which I love.

[A]

That I like.

[B]

What are you doing? I like fucking listen. You go out as a group, settle it as the group. Don't bring the waitress.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. What are your thoughts on no substitutions? You go to a place and we don't do substitutions at the bottom of

[B]

the menu and like fudge you.

[C]

I'm paying you, I'm saving you money. I don't want tomato. Take it off.

[B]

That shouldn't be. That should be a modification, not a substitution.

[C]

I'll give you that flag on the play.

[A]

Revolt. But, but, but if it's a nice joint and it's like, it's like a chef, let him do his thing.

[B]

Okay, I listen, I think if you go, hey, if you go, hey, I, you know, hey, instead of the side salad, can I do the lobster bisque? I think that's a big upswing. You know what I mean? But right. I think if you want. Hey, can I do that with. No. Can I do the burger with no tomatoes?

[C]

That for sure just makes me hate the kitchen immediately.

[A]

I got you.

[B]

Yeah. So you fucking telling me what I can do?

[C]

Just don't even know me. Yeah, I just sat down.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

This is what it is.

[B]

Uh huh.

[C]

No, we can't give it. Give a little, take a little, buddy.

[B]

You're preaching the choir. Because I like, I like a lot. Making a lot of modifications.

[C]

Yeah. And they're subtle. It's nothing crazy. It's just like, hey, no arugula on a burger that doesn't belong here. Belongs on the side.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. And I'll go too. I'll go to, hey, no tomato, no whatever.

[A]

That's just taking something off that should be okay.

[C]

Right? But sometimes when you, before you even start, hey, do you guys mind? They go, they cut it off right before you even get to the. Hey, do you guys mind? Boom.

[A]

Sometimes those places, those servers, they have the attitude of the chef. It's like, yeah, you're not. While, I mean, they know that they

[C]

got a deal right now, of course

[A]

they got to deal with the chef. True. But sometimes those guys, we had that somewhere where they hated us most.

[B]

Places we go, no, the guy, they don't like you. They don't like him. Really.

[A]

We're the dickhead.

[B]

You think, you think they.

[A]

I'm your guy.

[B]

Also, he was a waiter for a lot. He was A. You were a career waiter until this show took off.

[A]

They're referring to an incident at Marvin in Los Angeles. That's what they're referring to, I believe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

So as a previous waiter. Do you know lingo to kind of like, get your, like, your stripes in? Because I got a buddy. I got a in and out. I got a buddy that used to work there, and we'd go there running

[B]

with a cool crew.

[C]

Cool crew. But he would wait until after ordering, then he'd be like, so what level are you and the guy. Yo. Used to work? And then he would feel like, you know, it's like, now it's not customer, customer. It's like, whoa. Oh, we're chill. Like that.

[B]

There's, like, this connection, a bond.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So would you drop anything, or are you the guy that's, like, cleaning up plates for the waiter waitresses you got.

[A]

You mean, like, trying to talk jive to a black guy or something like that? Like, I would know that. Like, I got the. Let me handle this. I got. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

When you go to a Reebok and you say, hey, you play 2K, right? I'm saying, like, is there anything you're saying when ordering? Like, hey, I know it's probably a small kitchen.

[B]

You're probably six this already, so do me a favor.

[A]

Before you fire the entrees, can we start out with the amuse bouche?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And make sure that you mise en place everything.

[C]

Yeah, but are you saying any buzzwords? Let him know, like, hey, I was once on your side. He tries, oh, really?

[B]

And outside in, you can defend yourself. Outside in, he goes heavy too quick of like. You don't want to put him out at all. You don't want him doing extra work. So you go, I don't need that. And it's like.

[A]

And they hate me for that.

[B]

He throws a lot of stuff at them as they're, like, trying to. They'll, like, take a. You know, be like, oh, hey, here's your water. I don't grab. I got. We're okay. I wonder. Hey, these. We got the forks. We got the night. You can take it. The guy's like, I was just gonna ask if you needed refill. It's like. It's a lot. And then they get weird about it.

[A]

I did it one time with a bottle of wine. Okay. The. The guy came over to port, and I was like, nah, it's okay. I'll do it. And he was like, what the fuck? Yeah, I worked.

[C]

Put your own napkin on right now he's dead.

[A]

I sit him down. I'm crumbing the tea.

[B]

You taste it?

[A]

No. I could tell you as a server, I used to fucking hate that when somebody would be like, well, I've worked in the business.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

Well, you're not working here now, you dumb fucking bitch. I said no tomato.

[C]

You got fired for a reason. Okay, hand over the breadsticks.

[B]

Okay, sorry.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say I want to check in with. I want to check in with the kids, see what's going on.

[B]

On a similar, on a similar thing. We have a recent debate which I caught a lot of, a lot of flack for. I said, strap in. We are getting controversial. I said, and maybe this came off wrong. And I defended it with an occupation. I said there should be an age limit to when a respectable adult should be eating Doritos. Respectable. I have to say, I don't like them and I don't love them.

[C]

Okay, but if. Right, I gotta hear what age you top people out.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

Before you ask that, I need to know what kind of guy I'm dealing with right now. As you sit here, how do you feel about the Cool Ranch Dorito?

[C]

Oh, I had him two days ago.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I don't need anything. This guy's a comedian.

[A]

He's in.

[B]

That's okay. He's in.

[C]

You know where I'll get on board with that is a Doritos Locos taco from Taco Bell. You must be 14 or younger than that.

[B]

That's a lot going on.

[C]

Yes, that's a lot going on. You can't have a whole family and have Dorito crust on all five fingers. Being like, well, I don't know, do you want to go to SeaWorld or not? And then you're hitting. That's got an A.

[B]

That's a messy hug.

[C]

Yeah. The one bag you can kind of, that's, that's a two finger cleanup. But when you're doing the whole, the whole taco, that's fourth, eighth grade and below.

[A]

You can't be signing people's report cards if you got fucking.

[B]

Yeah, well, that there's my thing. Would you look at it differently? Say you were, you know, you were, you got arrested and you went to meet with your lawyer and he's sitting there with a bag of a fucking spicy nacho and he's like, don't worry, I got you covered. You're going to go. I don't fucking know about.

[C]

It's a privacy thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You can only eat Them at home or at an airport. Other than that.

[B]

Okay, a little airport is very.

[A]

But you would lose rules at an airport.

[C]

None.

[B]

Well, there are if you're a pilot. I don't want you eating it.

[A]

I know right now if I got

[B]

on a guy was dumping up like the crumbs. The crumbs of Cool Ranch Doritos in his mouth, I'd get the fuck off

[C]

the kind of wondering what's an okay thing for your lawyer to eat something

[B]

from a place with no substitution.

[A]

A ham and cheese sandwich with no lettuce and tomato. Yeah, that is wife packed.

[C]

Yeah, there you go.

[A]

Or at like a fucking five star joint where the server knows him, he walks over, he hands him the hundred dollar bill and everything is taken.

[C]

I want to see some AJU on his table signing paperwork.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[C]

So what age I don't want to

[A]

see meeting fucking nerds rope. While we're talking about.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I'm on trial for murder here.

[C]

Yeah. I'm going to hang myself with that nerd's rope.

[B]

I would say into your 30s. It gets questionable based upon. Yeah, I mean, I love them. They're delicious. It is a more of a immature. Immature snack.

[C]

There's got to be football on somewhere, something.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

A road trip on the horizon.

[B]

That's very good.

[A]

Camping. I mean, first of all, I completely push back on this.

[B]

I love them.

[A]

Doritos can be enjoyed by anybody of any age or weight.

[B]

Okay, so you're taking this as a personal attack.

[A]

That's what I think.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know, I just. That was, that was my. I don't know, man. It's just like not. I don't know anybody very respectable. Doing it as a guy who eats

[A]

them a lot myself, I think maybe the size of the bag sometimes plays in if you're eating. If you're 45 and you're eating a little lunch bag, that's kind of. You know what I'm talking about?

[B]

Tough.

[A]

Look, you got a bag of Teddy Graham somewhere.

[C]

It's a big chip too. So you really gotta widen up for, you know, you're. You're on a phone call, you gotta hit mute and then you gotta. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. But you know, I'll go a bag of Cheetos every once in a while.

[B]

That's crazy to me.

[C]

Really.

[B]

I mean, I like the cheetah.

[C]

I'm just saying Cheetos is a sneak hitter, dude. They loved him as a kid. Loved hot Cheetos as a kid. Didn't eat them for Like a decade. Then had some with a sandwich recently.

[A]

I was like, so good.

[C]

Maybe the best thing that's ever been invented. This Chester guy's on to something.

[A]

He is. You know what turned me back on the Cheetos? When I saw W with Josh Brolin. When he played George W. Bush. That's what he had. He had a Dr. Pepper, a sandwich, and he had Cheetos. The president's eating Cheetos.

[C]

That was the takeaway from the movie.

[B]

That whole movie.

[A]

All right.

[B]

These are presidential.

[C]

I got to try some of these things.

[B]

Well, we were talking about hot fries, too, very recently, which they didn't. I mean, they.

[C]

They have to be enjoyed outside. I don't know what that is. You got to eat hot fries outside.

[B]

I don't think they're wrong.

[A]

I think if you touch them, trash. Interesting. I'm surprised.

[B]

I mean, it's not classy.

[A]

No.

[C]

Oh, I don't eat them. Let's be honest.

[B]

Bad.

[A]

They're whack. Who had that? Guy was a creep.

[C]

We had to.

[B]

Fucking couldn't see his eyes.

[A]

I know. He was all smoked up.

[C]

I don't hate him. I don't. But we had a vending machine in high school that sold him for a dollar. And we'd be eating them at 8 in the morning.

[B]

Yeah, 8 in the morning.

[C]

Arizona iced tea and hot fries. I mean, $2 deep. And you're just geeked in first period.

[B]

You're snoozing, dude.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I mean, just a crazy diet.

[B]

That's crazy. I did. I. It took me so long. I was so fat and was chugging the iced teas. Those Arizona iced teas every morning, eating Dunkin Donuts and one of those in my car every morning and not realizing why I was so fat. I'm like a dice tea and a bagel. No, I was doing a breakfast sandwich with the little hash browns.

[A]

Great. You like those hash browns? Those are great.

[C]

I just had some recently.

[B]

They're so good, you know?

[A]

You know, it's another sleeper for you kids out there. The hash browns at Burger King in the morning are fire.

[C]

I haven't been to a BK lounge in a minute.

[A]

A BK gets busy after 11.

[B]

I know the doorman.

[C]

They're. There is one kind of near where I live. And they got a big flex. They got a.

[A]

That char.

[C]

Yeah, there you go. That char ain't bad.

[A]

You gotta go back.

[C]

It's in. But you know what really me up mentally is when you realize all grill marks on chicken in fast food is like painted On.

[B]

It's fake.

[C]

It's a literally a henna tattoo. And we're over here pretending like it's fresh off the grill. But Burger King's got a little char flavor to it. And I'm like, is that like a spray?

[A]

Is that real charing broil?

[B]

I smell that.

[A]

That's flame broil.

[B]

You smell that?

[C]

I like that.

[B]

Smell that. Probably from your house you could smell.

[C]

It's good. Yeah, it's got a nice lingering.

[A]

We were talking about this with Tim Dillon. We have to bring Burger King back for the. For the country to heal.

[C]

Yeah. What was their last big hit? Chicken fries.

[A]

That was you guys. But.

[C]

But they.

[B]

Oh, they changed them again. They were when they first hit as like an exclusive menu item, limited time only.

[C]

Well, they took them away. Then they brought them back and it's the same.

[B]

They were crisp. It was like a mozzarella. It was good. They've fallen off.

[A]

Kevin, talking about Shopify. Shopify. Now, we've talked about Shopify a lot here over at Are you garbage? We're obviously a Shopify family cha. 100%. Shopify has made our business easier.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And if you're starting a new business, which is incredibly hard, don't think you have a lot of things going on, not to mention just the courage to do it. Is it going to work out? Is it going to be this? Is it going to be that? Am I going to surround myself with the right tools to build the business? Well, here's an easy fix for you. Shopify is the right tool to help build your business.

[B]

Yes. Shopify is the commerce platinum platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all E commerce in the US of A. From household names like Are you garbage? The brand's just getting started out. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. If you ever purchased anything from Ru Garbage, it's been through a Shopify website. I didn't even know what Shopify was. Started talking to web guy because you just need a Shopify website because you can do it in two seconds. Bing, bang, boom, beep, boop, bop. Obviously I'm speaking hyperbole. Took a little longer, but boop boop, boop. Easy peasy. We can do it. You can do it, dog. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert. With world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. A one stop shop, dog. It's time to turn those what ifs into Cha Ching with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comgarbage go to shopify.comgarbage one more time. That shopify.comgarbage.

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

biggest expenses, either rent or mortgage without

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Become a BILT member today at joinbuilt.com mission that's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com mission

[A]

I want to know, are you still in the same spot? What's going on?

[C]

Where was I last time we talked? House.

[B]

Some flop house, I forget, to be honest.

[C]

I think.

[B]

Have you moved recently?

[C]

No, haven't moved. Haven't moved.

[A]

Did you buy?

[C]

I got a real dirt bag move. You guys might like.

[B]

Hit me.

[C]

Got rid of the Tesla, right? Had a Model 3, you know, okay. And I go, okay. You know, it just wasn't. Whatever lease was coming up to an end. I go, I want something, and I want something nice.

[B]

Right. Okay. Can we. Can we, can we. Okay.

[C]

Go ahead now.

[B]

I was gonna say, can we guess a little bit?

[A]

Yeah, let's think of it. I'm gonna write it down because I think I know where Kevin takes at.

[C]

I don't even. You guys will love this. This is the dirtiest of dirt.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Okay. Is it a luxury?

[C]

It's a luxury car.

[B]

It's a luxury model.

[A]

Would it be in the SUV category?

[C]

It's not.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

I was gonna say G Wagon.

[A]

Me too.

[C]

Nah, I can't do that. Bombing at the laugh factor and hopping in the G wagon.

[B]

All the TV screens are playing in the headrest.

[A]

I just tried to high five you, by the way.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[C]

We can edit that in.

[B]

Get the high five it, huh? Okay. Cadillac?

[A]

No. Ferrari.

[C]

No. No, no, no. I did.

[A]

Could you, though, if you wanted to.

[C]

A Ferrari?

[A]

Yeah, probably least one.

[C]

I mean, I don't think, but I wouldn't be comfortable. Sure. Money wise, I would, but it could.

[A]

Very good.

[C]

I'll give you a clue. I stayed in the. The EV realm.

[B]

The electric Rivian.

[A]

Rivian.

[C]

Rivian. No. Those are nice, though.

[B]

Cybertruck.

[C]

No. God, no. God, no. God, no.

[A]

One of those new Broncos. No. All right.

[C]

Those are good.

[B]

A Prius?

[C]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Razor Scooter?

[C]

Lime. Lime scooter.

[B]

I gotta charge it up.

[C]

I got a hopped up city bike.

[B]

Huh. I don't know.

[A]

Are we gonna know German?

[C]

It's a German car.

[A]

BMW?

[C]

No, no, no.

[A]

Mercedes?

[C]

No.

[A]

Well, that's all a German. A Volkswagen.

[C]

I hope they're German.

[A]

Maybe Ford.

[B]

What is it?

[C]

Porsche? What?

[A]

That's Italian.

[C]

Is it?

[B]

I don't know, is it German? Porsche?

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, because when I said it was German, it was a split second after I was like, is it?

[B]

I. Dude, I do that stuff all the time where you're like, wait, oh yeah.

[C]

So I got a Taycan, which is the electric one.

[B]

Taycan. That's a whack ass name.

[A]

A Taycan.

[B]

Wait, how do you spell that?

[C]

T A Y, C A N. Oh, like the spelled Taycan.

[B]

Taycan.

[C]

It's one of those dual tomato tomato cars.

[B]

Cross Turismo or Turbo.

[C]

S. Just standard.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

It's a sexy car, but this is

[B]

where it gets very, very nice.

[C]

This is where it gets very. Are you garbage y?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

It's used and I got a lease on it.

[B]

Ouch.

[C]

Because here's the life hack. These electric vehicles, once they're used, their resell is shit because everybody goes, well, I don't want to buy this thing because in two years the range is going to be better and it's going

[B]

to show like an iPhone.

[C]

Yeah. Because it's still so new in the process, they're only going to get better. So this car already was cheap as shit because it was used. And then on top of that they go, well, you can lease it. And then on top of that, the guy working there ended up being like a homie, like a fan. So I mean, I'm paying like Tesla prices for this car and.

[B]

Yeah, but I just got a plug. Tri County Porsche. Shout out. Gary, shout out.

[C]

Woodland Hills Porsche. But yeah, see, so it was like $115,000 car, but new, right? Brand new.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But the resale I think cut to like 60 or something.

[B]

Yeah, I'm looking at one now, the 66,

[C]

you know, and if you can't. I don't. I don't think they ever really do leases on used cars, which was mind blowing to me. That's how shitty the market is. We just want this off.

[A]

It may or may not have been in the fires, so.

[C]

Yes, exactly. So no shit.

[B]

So I'm paying a Porsche for 60 grand. That's like what a fucking what a Jeep goes for.

[C]

Yeah, but I'm Yeah, exactly. So I'm leasing it for. It's like a two year lease. So I'm. I'll probably end up going back to some more practical like a Tesla or.

[B]

Does it feel cool? Dry? You feel cool, Feels great.

[C]

But the funny part is like, it. It looks like it's like some crazy expensive car. So I pull into the Comedy Store and all the door guys there, all the other comics like, Jesus Christ, man, how much money you making on the road? I'm like, it's used, it's used. It's a lease, It's a lease. I'm not paying. I'm only paying a hundred dollars more than it was for my Tesla 3.

[B]

Yeah, you got the fucking bill.

[C]

You almost feel bad.

[B]

No, I get that because you're throwing

[A]

up crumpled twenties at him.

[B]

I get that because I did that. I bought a. I had a Kia and then it got stolen. The Kia boys got me and first new car I ever owned, they fucking got me.

[C]

Is it really that easy to hotwire?

[B]

It's crazy.

[C]

You can hire like a usb.

[B]

Yeah, no, mine just is a screwdriver. The certain ones would just. Yeah, it's a usb. Or they pop the ignition out with a screwdriver and then literally just the screwdriver just turn. It's like turning.

[C]

You're lying. I swear to God.

[B]

I had to start it to get it from after I. We found it. I had to start it myself with a pair of pliers. Literally. Takes a second wild. But I then got a used, not certified pre owned. I got a. You. I got. When I went to Carvana where like, you don't get to see it. You just roll the dice with it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And they drop it off. It's. It's a real tacky. They drop it off doordash the car. Yeah,

[A]

dude.

[B]

They drop it off in a huge Carvana truck.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And like there's sirens and they. It's like, dude.

[C]

And they drop it off in front bottle service.

[B]

I know. They dropped it off in front of my building. It was very, very embarrassing.

[C]

Would you get though.

[B]

I got a used Mercedes GLB to the lowest SUV you can get.

[A]

What, what mixers package did you get? Cranberry juice, grapefruit juice.

[B]

I did soda. We're doing ramen.

[C]

I'm a big used car guy.

[B]

Well, this is. This was my thought. So it's like I. Dude, it was. I think because he got a new Jeep around the same time and it was like the same price, it's the same payment. I got it like, it's like two or two and a half maybe years old. Someone leased it for two years or something, and I took it. It's like, I'm only going to fudge it up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I've never had a nice car. This. I'm cool with this.

[C]

Yeah. I wasn't like leasing a new car because it's just. It's too new.

[B]

I don't think.

[C]

New shoes. You're like, I can maybe wear these today.

[B]

I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't. I don't need something that nice.

[C]

No, not at all. Especially parking in Los Angeles and driving around the city. And I just. I didn't know you could get Lisa a used car. So the paint, I've never heard that. Yeah, I think they're really trying to get them off the lot because I went to an Audi dealership to look at some of their electronic cars. I was like, can I lease this used one? He's like, what the hell are you talking about, kid? I was like, oh, this Porsche is trying to get rid of them. They're like, because the sell. The resale.

[A]

Just what are you talking about, kid?

[C]

I mean, it's usually like half the price of, like, what? All these EV is about half. It's like there was a Porsche I was looking at, and it was literally a quarter of a million dollars. And I go, what is this going for now? He's like, it's like 100k. I'm like, you know, that's such a good deal. But, like, that should be a huge red flag that it's half the price.

[A]

Wait, that car was.

[C]

No, separate.

[B]

Another.

[C]

There was one I looked at, and

[A]

it was like 150 grand.

[C]

It was fully decked out. It was like the turbo S or whatever, and every package possible. It was. It was a. Like a. Like a. Like a. A rocket. It was unreal. And then it ended up selling, but it was two. It was 215, and I think it was going for 112.

[A]

Now, let me ask you this. Shoot a straight. You go in there, guys, like, this is 250. Are you. Do you go, what the fuck? Or do you go, okay, knowingly you're not.

[C]

I do the same thing I do at a mall. I look at it go, oh, yeah, let me talk to my girlfriend. Let me run it past the lady. You always. You blame it on somebody else.

[B]

Is that your move?

[A]

Let me talk to my girlfriend, see what she wants to do.

[C]

I like that I divert to anybody and everybody. Okay, yeah, well, I get another Appointment today, looking at some other ones. So I'll come back.

[B]

I have another appointment, looking at some other one. I got a lot of business to duck today. I don't know if I can pencil

[A]

you in, but inside, I'm a silent

[C]

response inside and go, what the.

[B]

Yeah, I do that.

[C]

I don't wear luxury clothes or any of that because, because, you know, you look at the sticker and there's a T shirt at Louie or something like 700, just so I can get sweet baby rays on it an hour later. For me, I can't do luxury clothes.

[B]

Flats. Yeah, that's funny, man. I've gone into. And it's so funny because my wife doesn't even want it. But like, I'm such, I'm such a, just an idiot and like, bad with money that I'm like, oh, she'll want an expensive purse. It's Christmas.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. I'm not good at giving gifts. This is what you see in the, you know, a movie. This is what I'll do. Right. And I went in and I didn't even buy her that expensive. I bought a, like, you know, but like I was in there and I was like, I was a little drunk.

[A]

You're wearing a wet bathing suit.

[B]

I was all boozed up in a wet painting suit.

[C]

Oh, really? Where was this?

[B]

It was in Hawaii. In Hawaii.

[C]

Okay. But, but that's a place where you can get a write off their tax a little cheaper.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So mentally you're like, this is a good deal.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I gotta buy here versus New York.

[B]

Uh huh.

[C]

And like, I'm so good at jazzing myself up like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They just knew I bought it in Puerto Rico. Yeah, I was, it was very, just so out. And I'm like, oh, you like turn a thing. I like, looked at one. I'm like, Ah, 700 bucks. Not bad at Christmas, you know, I mean, pretty good year. Take care of this broad. And then like, then the one next to, that's like 17,000. You're like, all right, I think I've seen everything I need to see today. Yeah, I rushed my case.

[C]

I don't know if I told the story on here. It feels like a great story to tell on here based on that. And I, I'm sorry if I said it before, but I, I, I was dating a girl for like three years and I ended up buying her a purse. This was like early 20s and it was, it was like way, way out of my comfort zone. And I, I just was like to Your point? I was like, let me just, let me do it.

[B]

You think that's what you're supposed to do?

[C]

I just, I fought it for so long. And then to you, I go, whatever. I could do this, show this, but you know, like, it'll all come back. Whatever.

[B]

Get you back. Like, you're a rapper, right?

[A]

Just a four digit number or a five digit number?

[C]

Four.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But I was like 25 maybe. Like, I was just starting to get some traction in comedy. And I mean. I mean, the crazy part is we were a year into dating. This is great. And it was kind of like, it wasn't my idea. It was kind of like, wow, Christmas is coming up. Wouldn't it be crazy if this was the. You know, it was like very.

[B]

Like, they're trying to get a lease on a used one.

[C]

We got this on temu. So I. I go.

[A]

A bunch of squirrels in it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I just said, whatever. Fuck. Okay, fine, fine. Like, it was kind of just, if I do this, everybody will be happy. Because in my head, I'm logical. I'm like, well, you've said this past month, you need a new blow dryer. You need this, you need. You're tired of your keys getting locked. Like, there's just so many things that would be like, these are the logical gifts. But this was just like the one thing she really wanted. Like, whatever, fine. Fuck it. I go to pay with her next to me because we. She picked it out with when she was with me. Card declines. I'm on the phone with Chase Bank. I'm on the phone with Chase Bank. Like, yes, I made this purchase. It's still. They go, you can try again. I try again. Doesn't work. She goes, you can just put it on my card. And I'm like, yeah, but then you get the points. Yeah. She ended up paying for it. And I had to, like, literally, that's it. I think the Venmo payment was capped out or something.

[B]

You had to do like three.

[C]

I had to have my business manager be like, hey, wire my girlfriend at the time. 5K, babe.

[B]

What's your routing number?

[C]

That's a tough look, you know, it just took all the love at that time out of it. It took any care. And like, yeah, no girl wants to deal with that.

[B]

It takes you doing it. Yes. All of it's gone.

[C]

Girl wants to wake up. It's under the tree.

[A]

There it is.

[C]

No, nobody wants to see her guy. Be like, yeah. Trevor Wallace, December 30, 1992.

[B]

I authorize these charges.

[C]

Exactly. So. So that was. That was. Man, that was tough. That was brutal.

[B]

I had a buddy, we moved. I moved to New York. My first day here. He. He took me out. He lived here. He's like, you know, I'll go out, we'll get drinks. So it's me. It's like three or four of us. He orders. And this bartender was the hottest woman I've ever seen in my. Like, literally the hottest woman I've ever seen in my life. And I'm like, new York is the greatest city in the world. This is crazy. And he is out of a movie. I'm like, this is so cool. And he's. He orders around a drink, slides hers card. It gets declined and it comes back and she's like, this way. It was declined. He's like, it all. It happens all the time. You know what I mean? Like, run this one. And she comes back, she's like, that. That was also declined. And we're like, dude, what the fuck? He goes, I knew the second one wasn't gonna work, but I had to go down swinging. He's like, I had. Like, maybe for some reason it did go through and I saved face.

[C]

Before I pick up a shift, I gotta at least try the Citibank card.

[B]

He's like, it wasn't gonna. I got denied the first time. She's not interested.

[C]

Yeah. It still has a sticker on it. You call to activate.

[B]

It's a gift card with the purse.

[A]

You can't go back to the apartment and try to make a move after that either.

[C]

Oh, man. You know, I'm trying to think how the day played out.

[B]

It was not great, if I had to guess.

[C]

No, no. In that, to me, like, I. That was a crazy purchase overall. I mean, like, that was like 5k in a year of dating. And that's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, my wife got a $700 person. We've been married fucking seven years.

[C]

I think I was just younger and I think I was just young and dumb.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Young and dumb. And I also was like, this will satisfy that, you know, I just. I felt like I was almost like. And this is not a great way to put it at all, but I felt like I was like, feeding the meter.

[A]

I'm like, sure.

[C]

This will get me to. This will buy me six months of like. Trevor's not a bad guy. Trevor's of a good boyfriend. You know, this. There's. Okay, sure.

[B]

Of course.

[C]

Yeah. He's pushing the ball down for like. Okay. He's a good boy.

[B]

He's interested. He's committed this much. He's done this, he cares in the,

[C]

in the worst way possible. I was like, this will, this will make this problem. Yes. This will solve this problem right now. Instead of like the logical things that I was like, oh, well, like, what about somebody, what about something homemade or something that's like from the heart? And then I just was like, the car declined. I'm sweating. That sucks.

[A]

How much longer did you guys make it after that?

[C]

Two years. We did it for three years.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

She's a great woman, but I think at that time I was just so,

[B]

like you say after a divorce, she's a great woman. It's just at that time I was a great woman.

[A]

We're still real good friends, but, you

[C]

know, it's like this was my first, like serious girlfriend and I had only like, maybe got like gifts for somebody I was like starting to see or

[B]

whenever that pot committed to be like, okay, now I got to get you a grown up gift.

[C]

Absolutely. And I was like, it like in my head I was like, anything over 250 is an insanely expensive gift. Like, if somebody gave me 250 gift card, I'm like, what do I owe you? Drop the trousers. You know, so five grand to me was just like, you know, I'm doing math and I had them like, like, dude, that's like. I think my apartment at the time was like two grand a month. I'm like, dude, that's like two months.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[C]

And you know, you start running these numbers in your head, but then you're, you're comparing, I guess, love versus like a dollar amount and then you're putting a number on it. And I wasn't happy that it was not a great.

[B]

You're reliving that day. A lot of math going on.

[C]

I remember even telling that to a therapist. Years later, he goes 5k for a year.

[B]

Dating.

[A]

Talk about therapy.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[B]

He's still talking about, oh my God. Yeah.

[C]

No, literally still talking about, this is probably five, four to five years ago.

[B]

I don't know what my wife would have to. My wife just had a kid and I don't know what she would have to do to get a five thousand dollar gift.

[A]

Yeah, the therapist makes you pay cash moving forward after that. Not getting me on that.

[C]

Yeah, it was. You live and you learn.

[A]

And my parents, when I was a kid, if something like that ever did come up, like the year we got a Sega or something like that, this is your Christmas present and your Birthday present, right?

[B]

Always combined.

[C]

Yeah. I'm a December 30th baby, so I get. I get thrown in every. Get everything. So it's like, here's your. Here's your holiday. Here's your birthday.

[B]

Don't talk to me for a year.

[A]

Would you get fucked? Would it be.

[B]

Or would it be over? Were they overcompensate? Like, here's a great week, you know?

[C]

So I was raised Jewish, so we would do Hanukkah, and sometimes it would

[B]

just give you 10 nights, at least. Yeah. Bonus. Two nights.

[A]

Hanukkah's not a big money maker, right, for you guys as far as far as the presence.

[C]

Nah, it's kind of. I think about it, it's like a restaurant. There's like, one big meal and a bunch of appetizers and a dessert. So it's like, you know, you might get some real big Night one, but night two, like, one year. This is great. One year, I got a roll of. One night out of the eight nights, I got a roll of tape from my dad. He goes, well, you love tape. Like, how did you wrap the gift? With my own gift, you piece of shit.

[B]

You love tape.

[A]

Scotch tape.

[C]

Scotch tape.

[A]

Did you love tape that much?

[C]

I mean, I love tape, but, like.

[B]

Wait, what do you mean, you love tape?

[A]

I think you should be talking about that in therapy.

[B]

He's like, I love tape just as much as the next kid loves tape.

[A]

Making the fingernails and stuff.

[C]

I don't even know. I couldn't tell you. I was just a crafty kid. I would just, like, make shit.

[B]

Make it. Tape it up.

[C]

Lick the glue a little bit. Try to get fired up. Reverse whip it or something.

[B]

Try to get a buzz going.

[C]

Yeah, but I think that that was probably, you know, they. They. They had six out of eight gifts, six nights, and then they're like, fuck it. What do we. What is this kid?

[B]

Like, give him one of the batteries.

[C]

It was a crispy roll of tape, I will say. But, like, you know, it's funny because you're. You're ordering, or you don't know what you're opening each night. So it's like, I open that, and my sister gets a Claire's gift card for a hundred bucks. I'm like, tape, dude.

[A]

If I got.

[C]

Tape was pretty. Pretty garbage.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

But.

[C]

But it makes for a good. It's like, I remember that gift over anything else I got that year.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Tape. Yeah. It's a traumatic memory. Of course you're gonna hang like that.

[C]

I think I'M trying to hang myself with it later. What was the biggest double sided.

[A]

What was the biggest present you ever got as a kid? Do you remember that?

[C]

Oh, that's a good question.

[A]

Like a PS something or.

[C]

I was in a big video game family. I wish I got a hand me down Xbox growing up. That was tough.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

Not even 360, just the regular Xbox.

[A]

There's a Porto in it.

[C]

There was San Andreas, Grand Theft Auto, which was pretty beast. Best biggest gift I got. I got a one year. My dad got me some dumbbells.

[A]

That was pretty cool.

[B]

No shit.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, it was pretty cool. I think. Yeah. I was 13 and it was like from big five and you could like spin the sides off and put more weights on it. Trying to think of another good man.

[B]

That's a good gift.

[A]

He figured he's playing with all the tape. He's probably taking heat at school, got another fight.

[C]

Yeah, I think he had a drum set one year.

[A]

That's all right.

[B]

A lot of like a real drum set or more like a toy.

[C]

It was pretty solid. My dad was a drummer growing up, so he was. So he kind of was in the now and so I think it was a little. Also a little bit of a gift for him to be like, you know, these are. These are DWs, kid. These are good.

[B]

Shout out to DW. Yeah, no, that's the one brand I know.

[C]

Yeah, that was. That was probably one of the bigger biggest gifts, I think.

[B]

That's not bad.

[A]

I want to hit you with a couple of the newer questions that we have, so please spend a minute. Are you in an apartment now? You got the house?

[C]

Got the house.

[A]

You got the house. You own this house?

[C]

I do.

[A]

You do. Okay. What's the leasing?

[B]

It's pretty 35 year lease.

[A]

It's all ev.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is there any cereal in the home? Boxes of cereal?

[C]

No, I don't believe so.

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[B]

No.

[A]

You don't have any cereal at your house?

[B]

That's.

[C]

I love cereal though.

[B]

Yeah. People aren't banging cereal like that. Like the life you're living.

[C]

These tariffs.

[B]

God damn cereal import tax.

[A]

I was gonna ask you is the cereal on top of the fridge? But I guess it ain't.

[C]

The fridge is like it's in some wooden panels, so it's like hidden.

[A]

Oh, is it?

[B]

You got a couple of bucks.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Not bid. Not big.

[A]

Well, well, well. Mr. Pre owned Porsche.

[C]

Look at you.

[A]

Is there a pool? Did you have this house when we were here?

[C]

I think so. Because I think I remember talking that like the backyard has like. It's like a pool koozie. I remember, I remember that it's like the size of maybe two of these tables.

[B]

They call that like a lap pool

[A]

kind of or something.

[B]

You couldn't lunge now.

[C]

It's essentially the size of like two cold plunges.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like in the summer, if you don't heat it or you don't touch it, it feels like a pool. But it is a jacuzzi mainly.

[B]

How often you in that?

[C]

Never once every three months.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You'd have a pool guy for something like that or not.

[C]

You do. Funny enough, it comes over with the rake. He does two scoops, gets three leaves out.

[B]

Like you call this a pool?

[C]

Throws a. Throws like a little. A little tide pod in there and we're good to go. Yeah. It's pretty funny that. That's one of his stops.

[A]

Kept me tell you about Chime Chime. Now I'm not really telling you about Chime. You know about Chime, huh? Chime is something that the both of us could have used when we were younger. I'll tell you that right now.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And if you don't know, gang, Chime is changing the way people bank. They offer the most rewarding fee free banking. This is fee free banking built for you. It's not like traditional banks where they charge overdraft fees and monthly fees and all that junk. We're talking about thousands of fee free ATMs. Why give your money away for nothing?

[B]

You're trying to. You know, they've created a world. We have to pay to get our own money.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

They hold it hostage.

[A]

Chime is built for the salt of the earth people. Not those 1 percenters out there. Gang. Let's go.

[B]

Yes. Chime members can benefit from up to $1,150 in annual rewards. And fee free direct deposit unlocks the most rewarding way to bank at chime. It's rated five stars by USA Today for customer service. Real humans 24. 7.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Like the big man said, my younger self would have loved this. Constantly getting jammed up with overdraft fees, direct deposit this that. You can even get up to 500 of your pay. When you say with my pay.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

What are we doing? Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. Head to chime.comgarbage. that's chime.comgarbage. it only takes a few minutes to sign up chime.comgarbage do it Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services for MyPay and Chime Card provided by Chimes Bank Partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges, stated annual percentage yield and cash back for Chime prime only. No minimum balance required. Checking account ranking based on the J.D. power Survey published October 20, 2025. For more information on APY rates, MyPay, Spot Me and travel perks, go to Chime.com disclosures

[C]

Pros Save more on what you need to get the job done right Right now at Lowe's, get 15% off select custom entry and interior doors. Plus save $80 on the DeWalt 20 volt max 2 tool combo kit. Now just $169. And at the Lowes Pro desk, bring us your materials list and get a quote in minutes. Handwritten, a photo or even a sticky note is all you need. Keep your jobs moving faster and on budget at Lowe's. Valid through 78 while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

[B]

Uh huh. Okay. You gonna decorate the house for Christmas? Get cute with it. I guess you're Jewish.

[C]

I'm an idiot, but I do like some holiday cheer.

[B]

There you go.

[C]

I got some homegoods stuff from last year. I can throw up on the mantle.

[A]

Do you throw a menorah up and do the lights?

[C]

I got a menorah somewhere. My parents live like 40 minutes from me so I usually if I they decorate and I'll go to their house for that.

[B]

Get your holiday cheer in there.

[C]

Ye yeah.

[A]

How do you feel about the bread and butter pickle

[C]

comma Was there a comma after bread and butter?

[A]

No bread and butter. How do you feel about the bread and butter pickle? What?

[C]

What is pick Like a physical like

[B]

a pickle kind of pickle. You've missed on this question quite a few times.

[A]

You got no cereal. You got no bread and butter pickles. What I doing?

[B]

What am I going to eat if I come over?

[C]

Are you saying like how do you

[A]

is is do you like bread and butter pickles? You don't know bread and butter?

[C]

You keep saying it. I mean is it bread with butter and then a pickle or like a

[B]

bread and butter pickle?

[C]

What is this?

[A]

You're not bread and butter pickles. This is nuts. This ain't on me.

[C]

No, I don't.

[B]

Yeah. A type of sweet and tangy pickle made with a vinegar based brine that includes significant amount of sugar and a specific blend of spices.

[C]

Nah, I'm not familiar with this. I Like a dill. Just a straight up.

[B]

You're a dill man.

[C]

I like dill.

[B]

Not one of your new age weirdos.

[C]

I don't like those sweet pickles or any of that. What's that one called?

[A]

Bread and butter.

[C]

Is that it? I'm not a fan.

[B]

I don't, you know.

[C]

Not a fan.

[B]

Not welcome in my home.

[C]

Yeah, I'm a kosher. Spears guy.

[A]

Could have. Yes, handed me on that.

[C]

Wallace. I didn't know what you were talking about. Is this. Is this a term everybody should know? Bread and butter pickle.

[B]

I gotta be honest, I didn't hear it until he started asking it.

[A]

That's. Yeah, but you were a weird kid.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

I think I've heard of a butter pickle or something. It's like a sweeter.

[A]

I'm gonna fucking lose it.

[B]

That's bread and butter.

[A]

Luke. Back me up.

[B]

B and G. B, G Pickles. Oh, sweeter this bullshit. Not my favorite. Have you ever posed for a picture with a cigar?

[C]

Oh, of course. It's like college didn't exist. Was there anything better than that? 22. I literally have a photo that I just saw in Snapchat members recently. It's me in the Vegas strip smoking a cigar with Mickey and Minnie Mouse. And I don't remember paying them, so. I was 22. I was wearing fraternity letters on smoking a heater in front of Mickey and Minnie. They were probably also smoking, if we're being honest. It's a Vegas strip.

[B]

Sure. Do you put your hand on a wall when you're at the urinal? Are you like a no touch and anything kind of guy when you're there?

[C]

I have before. If it's like. If it.

[A]

If.

[C]

If it felt like I was overfilled.

[B]

Okay. If you're really letting go.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Not that age yet. Do you have an automatic pepper grinder at the house?

[C]

Nah. That's crazy. My pepper grinder is actually broken and it seldomly. I'll twist it and then it'll all fall out.

[A]

I never knew how to use them when I was a kid. That might as well have been fucking ancient technology.

[C]

Yeah. It's like the kitchen's nice, but my appliance is crazy. The amount of times I flipped scrambled eggs with a spoon is unheard of.

[B]

That's wild.

[C]

But, you know, where am I?

[B]

You're ruining that pan.

[A]

Are you cooking? Absolutely.

[B]

You're eating all that Teflon?

[C]

Yeah, I cook a lot of breakfast. The rest of the day is kind of mist, miscellaneous.

[A]

Okay. Are you at the House most of the day.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

When you're not on tour. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I work from home.

[A]

You're working from home?

[C]

I'm doing a lot of that.

[A]

What are you doing? Getting an Ubereats.

[C]

Ubereats or. Yeah, yeah. Because I got a few like people that come over, so. So, yeah, it's like I always feel like an if I'm like, I'm gonna go upstairs and cook and then they're all just starving, snacking on Slim Jims and a couple chomps.

[A]

You straighten everybody out for lunch.

[C]

Buy me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Try to keep him happy.

[A]

Good guy.

[B]

What kind of luggage you're rocking with?

[C]

Away bag.

[B]

Okay. Not bad.

[C]

I'm not one of those Ramoa insane people. Are you a Ramoa guy?

[B]

I don't even know what that is.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Away is like kind of what you have is. It's just one of those.

[C]

A card show.

[A]

Yeah, but is it a.

[B]

What's a brand? Away bag. Away.

[A]

You know that. You don't know. Bread and butter, pickles. It's nuts.

[B]

What are you saying? Aroma remoa.

[C]

Have you heard of this?

[B]

Yeah, my girl's got one.

[C]

Oh. It's insane. It's like a two thousand dollar suitcase. And it's silver. You've probably seen them at airport, like, time warranty.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[C]

So it's $2,000 you can't fit shit in.

[B]

Whoa. It's kind of. That's.

[A]

I mean, one of the motorized ones that you can ride now. Those are cool.

[C]

You got a manual?

[A]

This bitch.

[B]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[C]

So you've probably seen those at the end.

[B]

That's like 007 type.

[C]

It's one of those things that if you don't know what it is, you're just like, oh, it's a normal suitcase.

[B]

Yeah, I just. I never assumed they were like expense. I never assumed that was anything.

[C]

They got a phone case on there. It's $180, $190 for a ramoa. And it's not even mag safe. What are we doing?

[B]

What are we doing here?

[C]

I can't charge this bitch.

[B]

The wheels stink on the bag. Yeah. Because I always got to carry my girls and it's like the wheels stink. Yeah.

[C]

Like smell or. They're just not.

[B]

No, they're just no good at the mobility.

[C]

You got to put it up there and you go. That's a man with a closeted foot fetish if you ask me.

[A]

I went to buy a suitcase at TJ Maxx and we opened it up to look in it and it smelled like fish on the inside, so I paid extra.

[B]

You got any pickles laying around back there? We were, we were put on two. I didn't do it, but someone on the team went out. A Briggs and Riley.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Oh, what are we cooking with here?

[B]

Ali Siddiq put us onto these. Lifetime warranty, apparently. Very good. 729 bucks for the 22 inch carry. I mean, that's. That's too expensive to me. To me, it's like what you get for whatever. What's a Samson? I call it 199, whatever. You know what I mean? It's like, well, you're not gonna give me 500 of value in a.

[C]

Where I always mess up is I buy the cheaper version and then try it for a little bit and then it's. And then I end up buying the expensive one now. So I end up losing money in the end because I could have just got the expensive one from the get go.

[B]

I go middle of the road with that kind of excuse. Give me something to last two, three years. As much as we travel. Yeah, I'll get out. I'll spend 200 bucks. Another two or three years.

[C]

But I had one. I just got like one of these like dupes from the away bagger. Or one of any of these on Amazon. Like a wheel, like shattered off. I'm lugging around selling out shows with three wheels.

[B]

Well, it also is one of those things where it's like you don't think about it until you're using it. You're like, well, I'm already at the airport. Then you're one of the guys buying luggage at the airport. Like a goddamn terrorist. You know what I mean?

[A]

I've always been to get the cheaper one.

[B]

And your whole life is. Is you've never made the right decision.

[A]

He makes fun of me. I buy crazy. I buy shoes and sneakers, sometimes clothing stores.

[B]

And he'll go to an H and M and be like, let me get the pair of shoes. I'm like, they're $12, not H and M. They're like rubber.

[C]

You have these at a 12. They're like, we have every size. Nobody's buying these. We got halves, we got quarters, we

[B]

make them in the back. It's a mold.

[A]

I also always get sucked into buying a pair of sunglasses at a clothing store. You know, they have them like up at the Heavens and Impulse.

[C]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah, I think they look cool. And cologne, I bought cologne from the Big and Tall store.

[B]

Tastes like bacon, bread and butter, pickles.

[C]

Just spraying it down with Pam on there.

[A]

Will you listen to a radio in the shower or do you have a radio in the shower or a music device in the shower?

[C]

Not really. I like the shower for the. The. I like, give some good shower thoughts. I like quiet.

[B]

Okay, not too bad.

[C]

But, you know, every once in a while, bring a Bluetooth in there. Like, I'm back in college and sure.

[B]

I'm just never in there long enough. I like, put it on. I get like a half a song. I'm like, hey, I'm just standing in here. So. To listen to music.

[A]

I've started to. With my new routine. I bring. I bring the. The Alexa in there, and I get that going. I floss, I take my time, do my little routine, do my toner, moisturizer, all that.

[C]

The guys I bring on the road with me, both openers I use, they play off the iPhone. IPhone. Showers, you can't even hear it.

[B]

Doesn't work.

[C]

It's louder for us than it is for them.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, I agree with that.

[A]

Those speakers in the. They've gotten better, but they used to be so bad, you used to have to put it in a glass to get the echo.

[C]

Yeah. I once had an Uber driver driving with a phone and a cup playing the music.

[B]

Crazy, dude, that's wild. Yeah, let me get that all.

[C]

It was probably a lift. The more I think about it,

[B]

how

[A]

do you feel about chips on a sandwich?

[C]

I like it, but homemade. It's like if a restaurant tried to do it, I'd be like, yeah, you can't infringe on this.

[A]

Do you know, I appreciate that they'll

[B]

do that at a New York City bodega.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You'll go, hey, let me get the chopped cheese and hand them a bag of Doritos. And they'll do that. Which I didn't. I didn't realize until later on in my New York City tenure that they would do that for you. But I do have a couple of Patreon questions to get to, please, guys, as you know, when you join the old Patreon. We'll get to your garbage question. This one's from Lance 14, Canadian dirt bag here. Is it garbage to go to a bowling alley in a walking boot when you have a broken foot? You can't get a shoe on that. It'll be slipping all over.

[C]

Put some grip tape on the bottom.

[B]

Like, I'm a big proponent of any kind of obscure medical device. If you're in one of them, you gotta live a bit of a more limited Life. You don't get to go bowling till after it comes off. Is that. Is that a fair assessment?

[A]

If you're on the injured list, you're on the injured list. What are you doing?

[B]

You know, I go hang out, be a glue guy. Hang out, have some beers. Yeah, I'll keep score. Whatever.

[C]

They also got that contraption for kids where it's like, just like the roll cage. Just give him that.

[B]

It's not bad.

[C]

He can bowl from his seat back there. Put it on. Or you have a friend be like, oh, I'll bowl for you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with that.

[C]

But you don't want two broken legs leaving out of that. That's even worse.

[A]

Those things are slippery, though. I'm bad in those bowling shoes.

[B]

They're giving more and more people those boots. You see the boots and then. Or them scooters.

[C]

This scooter boot combo is crazy.

[B]

That's. Dude, back in the day, you saw someone on the scooter. They survived the war. Now it's like you turn your ankle and they're getting. Giving them.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

I don't even like asking what happened, because if they say it's not broken, I'm immediately like, that's stolen valor.

[B]

I know what he's doing.

[C]

They're like, well, I tore a ligament in my left toe. Shut the up.

[B]

They put the. I. I would tell a doctor, like, just give me a. Give me. I'd rather a cane.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Than walking. Zoom in. Zipping up on this thing.

[C]

The scooter's tough.

[B]

It's such a bad look.

[A]

Were you ever on crutches as a kid?

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I want it to be, though.

[A]

Yeah, it was.

[B]

Attention, dude.

[A]

Guys. That would milk it off and do it good. They look. I couldn't use them.

[C]

The football players are really good at it.

[B]

You could get a good lean.

[C]

Yeah, because. Well, they would position it. Or the tripod or where the tripod. Jesus Christ. I'm an influencer.

[B]

Talk about a creator brain.

[C]

Yeah, the triceps are kind of cranking. Or they got the jersey and it's a cut up here. I mean, you're injured on game day, still rocking the jersey.

[B]

Got the jacket on or something.

[C]

Yeah, that's a modern day coming home from war for any chick in your. In your sophomore class right now.

[B]

Sure. For sure.

[A]

I could never do them good like that, though.

[B]

I always look at 5.

[A]

Idiot. I didn't know how to get the rhythm in them.

[C]

In the crutches.

[A]

On the crutches. Yeah.

[B]

You'd be A one of the wheelie guys for sure.

[C]

Dude,

[B]

that reminds me. I once saw a guy down the shore in Keenan's Irish Pub wearing a neck brace at the bar. And I was like, dude, go home. You don't belong here. Dude, you don't belong here.

[C]

It's. It's a startling thing.

[B]

What the.

[C]

I would rather you have the dog cone on your head than a neck. Neck brace. The neck. It's just, it's. There was a guy in front row in Jacksonville, if that says anything. By the time one of my favorite shows ever. But the guy in the front row

[B]

with a neck brace, he's probably the mayor. Dude.

[C]

It's just so startling.

[B]

It's. It's a lot because a little off

[C]

putting as well, if we're gonna be honest.

[A]

Yeah. And the, the newer ones that have the plastic that looks like. Yeah, it looks like the base of Darth Vader's.

[C]

Put a turtleneck on and shut off.

[B]

Cover that thing.

[C]

Yeah, just get a turtleneck and put something like metal underneath it so we don't have to see it.

[B]

Oh, damn, dude, that's great. All right, listen, this one's great. It's from Mid Atlantic dirt bag 10 boner here. Is it garbage? If you use Chat GPT to look up discount codes that. Does that work? Yeah, it's got it right. Give me the most. Give me the most benefit, you know, if that's what you ask. Give me the most. The biggest discount code brains are going to be getting slammed left and right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is there anything you use chat GBT for?

[C]

My chat GPT is fried. It's. I, I think the long you have it, the worse the you use it for. Sure.

[B]

I don't disagree with that.

[C]

When I first got it, I was like, help me make a diet based with iron efficient stuff. Now I'm like, why is it called a sperm whale? Like it's never.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It just turns into Google.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

I've never used it for anything beneficial at all.

[A]

I wouldn't know how to get on it. I honestly wouldn't. It's not the Matrix, it's a website.

[C]

Website and app.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta pay for it.

[B]

No, there.

[C]

It's all free, but you can get like an upgraded version which I don't know what that does.

[A]

Can it do pictures? Is that what it does? It makes, it doesn't make people.

[C]

You can do it. You can do both. Yeah, you can do both. But I could be like, where's the best bread and butter pickle in New York. And it would say, here you go.

[A]

Do that. Press bread and butter.

[C]

But there's. There used to be so many websites that could do that. I forget what it's called. There was an app they did. But there's.

[B]

There was like. Honey was one. There was like some browse. They were like. They sponsored pods for a while. And like, it did work, but you would always have to like, download it as, like a plugin.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

There was like a website that everybody used to use back in the day. Like the same way we'd watch movies in college or website. There was like a website that everybody would use. Like you get like hidden codes or something.

[B]

No shit.

[C]

Camera. What it's called.

[B]

That was more. That was.

[A]

I think I remember what you're talking. Right.

[C]

There was. There was a website that did that. That.

[A]

Yeah. Give you the promo codes.

[B]

My computer just died. We have time for one more. Anyway, let's do it. Let me just pull it up on my. On me phone. There's something wrong with this computer, too. This was fully charged. About an hour.

[A]

Well, that's yours now.

[B]

Dude, I. I've been.

[A]

I just got.

[B]

I've destroyed like, four computers.

[A]

Brand new. I never had a laptop in my life.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's crazy.

[C]

I had it.

[B]

It owns a production company. It's crazy.

[A]

I never had one.

[C]

And what would you do? How would you.

[A]

Where anything to get my bread and butter pickles.

[C]

But you had a PC at home or something? No Mac at home.

[A]

Years ago. But I didn't do anything.

[C]

How did you ever use the Internet on my phone?

[B]

It's crazy. It's crazy.

[C]

Zoom meetings phone.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[C]

Looking at notes.

[A]

Well, we do zoom meetings here, but

[B]

there's been zoom meetings where it's like, let's just do this from home. And we call in and he's the only guy on his phone.

[A]

Is that bad?

[B]

He's in the wrong shape.

[C]

Anytime somebody's on a phone in a zoom meeting, I go, I don't need your opinion.

[B]

Yes, thank you.

[A]

What do you mean? I'm. I'm the creator.

[C]

When somebody joins in, their correct talent can do that. But like. But if there's an executive or somebody on there or they're, like, walking, I go, you couldn't have.

[B]

You ain't got five minutes.

[C]

Turn your camera off.

[A]

Oh, I'm walking around all the time.

[B]

Yeah, he's in the shower. The one thing why we lost the deal.

[A]

I'll get up and go from my bedroom to the kitchen to get a coffee or something.

[C]

You're always on the phone. Never a laptop ever.

[B]

He's never had laptop.

[A]

Laptop. I guess that's probably crazy to you, dude.

[B]

He. He got a laptop, and I needed to use it the other day because this is broken over there. I went on and I went to look on something to YouTube, and it was. I'm not even around. It was blank because there was nothing to even recommend because he's never put a word in it. It was complete. It was said. What do you enjoy? And there was not one video up. Like, for you.

[C]

That's. Dude, you could probably sell that. That's like a rare. Like an untapped algorithm. An unbiased algorithm.

[A]

Oh, wow. Am I gonna have that? Am I kind of starting fresh with this thing? Yeah.

[C]

What was the first thing you did when you got the laptop open?

[B]

First of all, to get it open, it took him about 10 tries.

[A]

They have a. They have a weird. They have a weird code. It's like swiping the keys. And I could. My X wasn't working. Or my Z.

[B]

It's my password from fifth grade. Yeah. It's literally just the bottom letters.

[C]

Yeah. All I've done is MacBook PC.

[A]

A MacBook.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

I don't know. I don't. I'm not an animal.

[C]

A PC he's never had. What would you Not. That's crazy.

[A]

Oh, like in the. Yeah. Never.

[C]

What would you do on flights? Just watch everything on a phone.

[B]

He's a big phone guy, though. Yeah. He's this. You know, he's this.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know, he's gonna be in a bad mood if you. If you're. And he's. He's looking like this. He's. He's. He's watching some videos he shouldn't be watching. And he's getting charged up.

[A]

I do that at the house now. Instead of sitting down and watching tv, I'll sit. I'll go into the kitchen. If I'm eating. Eating something, I'll go into the kitchen where the cutting board is. I'll open the spice drawer. I'll put my phone up, like eye level, and I'll eat standing up. Watch Seinfeld come hang out, drive the car.

[C]

Spice rack on the way. We can get two popped up pretty soon.

[A]

I get you bread and butter, pickles. I think you'd like them, to be honest.

[B]

All right, let's see. We got time for one more here. This one. This goes back to the etiquette. This is a 10. This is from Paul. $10 investor. If you're at A service counter, deli, coffee shop, wherever. And the person has their back to you. What is the etiquette on getting their attention? Do you say something if there's a bell? Do you ring the bell? Do you try to make some sort of noise? Or do you just wait for them to finally notice you? And. Or what's the time period? You wait.

[C]

See, I. I hate confrontation.

[B]

I.

[A]

Me too.

[C]

I'm waiting.

[B]

You're just gonna hate. You're gonna.

[A]

You're gonna wait. Yeah, if he's right.

[C]

But what is he doing? Is he making a sub or he's

[A]

on the phone or rapping fish? I don't know.

[C]

You know, I. I might fake a phone call you.

[B]

I would make some noise.

[C]

Hello?

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, yeah. No, take your time. What do you guys think?

[B]

That's pretty good, I'll give you that. I'll do something like that. Man. Long day. It's cold outside. Hit him with something like that.

[C]

Yeah. Ringing the bell seems crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Especially if they're right. Now that you say that, it's like I'd be scared.

[C]

I just feel like you'd like. It puts their body in like a shock. It's like every. They're traumatized by that bell every time they hear it. It corre.

[B]

Work and needing to work and like in an urgent manner.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Not like a chill vibes if you get there.

[A]

Maybe he's in the back and you don't see anybody.

[C]

The back is fine.

[A]

You hit the bell. But first of all, we thought we're talking about this with Stavi Deli. Guys scared the shit out of me. Yeah, they seem like they'll knock you the out.

[C]

I always hate when they ask me about metrics.

[A]

Metrics?

[C]

Well, they'll be like, how much do you want of this? I'm like a quarter pound. I don't know anything about it.

[B]

What's enough for me? What's enough for a guy like me? What would I want? If you were me, what would you get?

[C]

I was at a butcher in Dallas one time.

[B]

Or the hell. It's like a country song. I was at a butcher in Dallas one time. You should have seen her.

[C]

But these guys scare the shit out of me. Oh yeah, dude, this guy's got a slab of brisket the size of a US map. And I'm like. And I go, what does a quarter pound look like? He goes, I don't know, man. A quarter pound. I'm like, how the.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't do this for a living, bud.

[C]

Like, here's how dumb I am. He could have done anything with his hands and I would have been sold. Like, just. It doesn't have to be proportionate, but when a waiter does the size. How big is a pizza? Ah, it's about this big. I don't fact check it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't check their work later. Just give me any sort.

[B]

Give me something.

[C]

I could have been like, what's a quarter pound of brisket? And he's like, ah, it's about like this thing.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But for him to say, I don't know, quarter pound.

[B]

I'll do a half.

[A]

Great dick move.

[C]

It is. But I got. I got a half pound after that just to one up. So maybe it's an upsell tactic. You let me get a half pound,

[A]

then give me a half pound and I break. Brand new Porsche over there. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Trevor Wallace. One of the absolute best in the business.

[C]

Thank you for having me. One of my favorite podcasts to do. Always so much fun.

[B]

Thank you, bro.

[A]

Alpha Beta Mail Tour. Get your tickets@trevor wallace.com.

[C]

coming to a city near you.

[A]

Coming to a city near you. This guy's an absolute pro. Kills it on the Internet, buddy. We love you so much.

[C]

Thank you so much for coming in. Thank you so much.

[B]

Ky, what do you got for guys? We're on the road as well. Philly. Get those tickets to the Met. The boys are coming home. Tickets available for the met. Are you garbage.com?

[A]

love you, Trevor. We love you, buddy. Gang you. We'll see you next week. Peace.