Popping Bottles w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Episode Summary: Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast – "Popping Bottles"

Released on June 19, 2025

"Are You Garbage?" is a comedic exploration hosted by Kevin Ryan and H. Foley, where they humorously assess whether their guests (and occasionally themselves) qualify as "GARBAGE." In the episode titled "Popping Bottles," the hosts delve into a variety of entertaining topics, blending personal anecdotes, listener interactions, and sharp-witted banter. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their discussions, highlighted with notable quotes and corresponding timestamps.

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1. Pronunciation Pains and Language Laughs (00:32 – 10:58)

The episode kicks off with Kevin and H. Foley engaging in a playful debate over the pronunciation of tricky words and brand names. Their humorous attempts to correctly articulate terms like Ozempic, BMW, and Chobani set the tone for the episode's lighthearted nature.

• H. Foley (03:00): "Take that number two."

• Kevin Ryan (07:05): "I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna. Listen, it's not how I think it is."

Their back-and-forth highlights the common struggles with language nuances, leading to laughter and relatable moments for listeners.

2. Vintage Vices: Stories of Rare Finds (10:58 – 33:05)

A significant portion of the episode revolves around the hosts' adventures in collecting and rediscovering vintage alcohol bottles, particularly focusing on H. Foley's stepdad's prized Dom Perignon collection.

• H. Foley (25:00): "I found this bottle of Dom Perrion and we were... taking pictures." ([26:00])

• Kevin Ryan (30:12): "Dude, we're sitting there in a Humvee, camouflage on V, drinking Dom Perrignon." ([28:59])

These anecdotes not only provide comedic relief but also delve into the quirks of family legacies and the humorous side of dealing with old, possibly forgotten items.

3. Listener Questions: Assessing the "Garbage" Status (33:05 – 58:20)

The core of the episode features Kevin and H. Foley addressing listener-submitted questions, evaluating whether certain actions or scenarios qualify as "garbage." Each segment is infused with their signature humor and candid insights.

• Question from Honey Nut Scooter (42:26): "Is it garbage to inherit 400 issues of Playboy from your dead uncle?"

  H. Foley (43:27): "That was a Penthouse. What did they... that was the Penthouse."

• Question from Homie Jr. (44:18): "Is it garbage if your 65-year-old dad got lost at the ballpark he's been going to for 15 plus years?"

  Kevin Ryan (44:33): "That happens all the time with you. Every time. Especially in LA."

These interactions showcase the hosts' ability to blend empathy with humor, providing entertaining yet thoughtful evaluations of everyday predicaments.

4. Personal Mishaps and Family Follies (58:20 – 60:55)

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts share personal stories about their childhood and family experiences, adding depth to their comedic narratives.

• Kevin Ryan (59:10): "I had to stop eating my local pizza place because he worked there and the place had caller ID."

• H. Foley (59:17): "We had to call her fired the next day." ([52:17])

These tales not only elicit laughter but also create a relatable connection with listeners who may have had similar family dynamics or embarrassing childhood moments.

5. Concluding Anecdotes and Wrap-Up (60:50 – 60:55)

As the episode wraps up, Kevin and H. Foley maintain their comedic rapport, leaving listeners with a final humorous note.

• H. Foley (60:50): "We love you to death. Grab some tickets for the Back on the Block tour, and we'll see you next week."

• Kevin Ryan (60:55): "Peace."

Their friendly sign-off reinforces the community feel of the podcast, encouraging ongoing listener engagement.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. On Vintage Alcohol Discoveries:

   • H. Foley (26:00): "I found this bottle of Dom Perrion and we were taking pictures."
   • Kevin Ryan (28:59): "Dude, we're sitting there in a Humvee, camouflage on V, drinking Dom Perrignon."

2. On Pronunciation Struggles:

   • H. Foley (09:08): "Faye. Yogurt."
   • Kevin Ryan (10:02): "BMW. I'm married to a German yabozo."

3. On Family and Personal Stories:

   • Kevin Ryan (59:10): "I had to stop eating my local pizza place because he worked there and the place had caller ID."
   • H. Foley (52:17): "We had to call her fired the next day."

4. On Listener Questions:

   • H. Foley (43:27): "That was a Penthouse. What did they... that was the Penthouse."
   • Kevin Ryan (44:33): "That happens all the time with you. Every time. Especially in LA."

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Conclusion

"Popping Bottles" is a quintessential episode of "Are You Garbage?" blending personal stories, listener interactions, and comedic dialogues. Kevin Ryan and H. Foley expertly navigate through topics ranging from language quirks and vintage alcohol collections to evaluating listener dilemmas, all while maintaining an engaging and humorous atmosphere. Whether sharing embarrassing childhood moments or tackling the "garbage" status of inherited memorabilia, the hosts deliver an entertaining experience that resonates with both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Gang, do you have a garbage question that the boys have to hear? Do you like stand up comedy? You like having a night out with the boys? Having a couple of pops? Come see an RU Garbage Live show.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. We got a second show added in San Francisco, then Portland, Seattle, Brea, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts. Low ticket alert. Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at the Met, Rochester, New York and Toronto. Get your tickets [e-mail] and we'll see you on a road back on the block.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Amen.

[H. Foley]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy. Yeah. Or they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Garbage.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, Stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's over in Pakistan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Seen the sights.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't know she had a passport. She does.

[H. Foley]

Just got it. She hightailed her over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Say she's got a husband on the line. Catfish. Some kid over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Poor bastard never saw it coming.

[H. Foley]

He moving in? Was in a couple of weeks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

My co host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode here at Tudy. It's just the boys, the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He's international businessman and he's wasting away over here. How many pounds are you down?

[Kevin Ryan]

About 22.

[H. Foley]

Maybe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe 20. Big inspiration and getting back into pizza a little bit. Have you What?

[H. Foley]

I'm going back on the needle. I don't know if I told you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Getting back in there, scooping it in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ice cream, rocky road.

[H. Foley]

They should make that stuff like the way Atkins does it.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

There should be like ozempic bars, Ozempic salad dressing. You know, ozempic dark chocolate cookies. Ok. Because that dark chocolate's good for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd say it. Sure. I think it's good for like marathon runners. It's not good for you, dark chocolate or me.

[H. Foley]

No, it's got flavonoids in it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, flavonoids are not your problem. It's well documented, okay? If anything, you got too many flavonoids.

[H. Foley]

If I had to get. I don't need flavonoids.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cut you open right now, they'd all.

[H. Foley]

Fall out of here. I've been trying to shout.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you introduce me?

[H. Foley]

Kevin Ryan. I said it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, what's up, everybody? You didn't hear me say jerk off and whatever. Fred Wurst.

[H. Foley]

Fred Bratwurst.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guys, first of all, thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available on Spotify. Over there, cooking.

[H. Foley]

We're in the goddamn charts over there. I keep saying it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, sir.

[H. Foley]

140 something on all podcasts, United States and the top 50 in the. In comedy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Top 50, dog.

[H. Foley]

Take that number number two.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take that one through 49, number two.

[H. Foley]

In fat podcast.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then the Back on the Block tour. Our fall and winter dates are announced. Shows are selling out. There's low ticket alerts. Don't snooze because you're going to lose. We can't add shows in all these markets. So get a water hockey and if.

[H. Foley]

You'Re in the tri state area, you catch a little preview of that. Or down there in Atlantic City.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lanic City. We're doing one little. Well, July. Yeah, July at the Borgata.

[H. Foley]

Borgata, that's my aunt Colleen was alive. She'd love that. She'd also get free tickets. Sure. Where? At the Borgata.

[Kevin Ryan]

How nice. I put it. I put it. I put a nix on it. That was. I was. That was a big contractual beef we had.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean? There's. There's no, no comps.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think they got it. They. They want. They wanted to comp, like most of them. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

I got people on the hook down there.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I already. I made some promise.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we, we have. We have comps.

[H. Foley]

Just so you know. I made some promises.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I've been trying to clean up some city spots I missed. Hey, next time we're in town, I got you come back, meet Kippy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, yeah, you do be doing that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, what's up? This is Gary and I got two.

[H. Foley]

Fans that are coming backstage to meet us.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

At the. At the Borgata.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And you're doing their christening.

[Kevin Ryan]

And they're gonna need a hundred bucks cash walking around while you play the tables.

[H. Foley]

Listen.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I was in the store the other day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Radio Shack.

[H. Foley]

Are they still around?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think so.

[H. Foley]

That's sin.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not really.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thanks. I. I mean, that's why they always.

[H. Foley]

Had the shittiest RC cars. That's where you got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they were. It was more. Yeah. That's where I bought my metal detector. 129 bucks.

[H. Foley]

How'd that work out for you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Never worked. Never worked. Got sanded.

[H. Foley]

You got a piece of gold sitting over here, kid? Huh? All your troubles are solved.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay?

[H. Foley]

It's your wagon. To my imploding star. Anywho, I was in the grocery store and I was looking at some yogurt.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, okay.

[H. Foley]

Popular yogurt brand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

I said, hey, why don't we get this to the bird? She's like, that's not how you pronounce it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah. Been there, my friend.

[H. Foley]

Sure. Our assistant Luke. My little Vanna White over there. You should be wearing a dress.

[C]

Show me yogurt.

[H. Foley]

Oh, how do you pronounce that? Right there. Because you're never gonna get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I'm. I am guessing. I am proper guessing.

[H. Foley]

Which when it comes to yogurt, that's. That.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's where you go, is that the Cadillac? I'm not a yogurt man.

[H. Foley]

I'm a chobani man. I don't think I pronounced that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm a Go Gurt. Chobani.

[H. Foley]

You never got gogurts?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. I don't like the texture and temperature.

[H. Foley]

But that was rich kid shit. That and the string cheese was rich kid shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

We didn't. We didn't mess with both, but they were good frozen.

[H. Foley]

I know you got all that big gogurt household. Really, that.

[C]

Once you learn to throw them in the freezer, game over.

[H. Foley]

Delicious. Did you get that on you? Probably got that on the way to school.

[C]

It was in fashion by the time I was around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Also, you're jealous of a kid 25 years younger than you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got gogurt. What?

[H. Foley]

How do you pronounce that?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna. Listen, it's not how I think it is. I would say phage, like is how my brain. That's how. Like if I'm. I know that's not right. I'm not saying that.

[H. Foley]

What are you getting a haircut uptown?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not my answer.

[H. Foley]

Give me a phage.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I would just. Well, that page is pag.

[H. Foley]

That's European.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm aware. Let me work through my process.

[H. Foley]

Go ahead.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not phage, but that's what so.

[H. Foley]

Phage out. Kippy. That could be a new cool word. Like cap. Phage out. Dog, phage out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

That means move, but move thickly.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what you do. That's 4% thicker than a jar of peanut butter.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Never saw that. That dude is getting arrested. They're in jail. Reading the transcript, and he goes, did you say she was thicker than a bowl of peanut butter? Or somebody went, you've never seen that?

[H. Foley]

But I like every. Like, you never saw that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I'm talking about?

[H. Foley]

Go ahead.

[Kevin Ryan]

Might not be peanut butter, but something like that. F for the audio. It's F. A G, E. That's got to be a soft G. Them Europeans like a soft G. They love a soft G. They love a soft G.

[H. Foley]

I have one, too. That's going to blow your brains.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would say faj.

[H. Foley]

Nope. You ready? Faye. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's Fayee.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't.

[H. Foley]

Fayee.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yogurt. You clean it up if you do. That doesn't feel right. It is.

[C]

I always thought it was Faye.

[H. Foley]

Faye.

[C]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Fucking bring Kanye into this.

[Kevin Ryan]

It might be Faye. Makes more sense.

[H. Foley]

Say it again.

[C]

Faye. Yogurt.

[H. Foley]

Faye. Yogurt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Faye.

[H. Foley]

I think it's Faye.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. No, you said.

[C]

No, you said Fayee.

[Kevin Ryan]

Faye sounds Asian, which I don't think it's that. Is it Greek?

[H. Foley]

The Asians don't fuck with cheese. Really? Do they?

[Kevin Ryan]

I never been there.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? It's never, like, an option on my general sals.

[H. Foley]

It's not right. No cheese in Asia. They got to have something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Such a big continent. I would assume they got. They got a little pecorino or something.

[H. Foley]

There's no cheese at a Chinese restaurant. Or Korean or Filipino or Thai.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why are you looking at me? You got to Google this.

[C]

Oh, I thought I pulled it up for you guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'm. I'm talking.

[H. Foley]

Faye. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Faye. That says F a dash Y. Play it on YouTube. It says how to pronounce how to on the right.

[H. Foley]

I tried to get the checkout girl to settle it, and she made me look an idiot.

[Kevin Ryan]

They don't know.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they do. They're in the business. What, are you running commercials for French TV.

[Kevin Ryan]

Off yogurt? We are looking at how to pronounce.

[H. Foley]

Who's this fucking guy?

[Kevin Ryan]

Faye.

[H. Foley]

Faye. So you're right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

What about BMW? You're never going to get this.

[Kevin Ryan]

For what?

[H. Foley]

What do you mean, for what?

[Kevin Ryan]

How to pronounce it. Yeah, in, like, what it stands for.

[H. Foley]

No. Pronounced BMW.

[Kevin Ryan]

BMW. I'm married to a German yabozo.

[H. Foley]

Whoa. That's an English car.

[Kevin Ryan]

BMW.

[H. Foley]

It's not.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's German. BMW. W is vague.

[H. Foley]

What about the thing where weapons Are stored A cash. Damn, I thought it was cache.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a little bit of cash.

[H. Foley]

That's the same word.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it is.

[H. Foley]

But if I. If I have cachet, do I have cash?

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't. I mean, I. You know, weapons, Cash from video games. That's.

[H. Foley]

Oh, cash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Cache of weapons. A weapon like. Oh, you like. That's what. That's where I learned it.

[H. Foley]

I thought I was really going to get you.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you didn't think I. You of all. I mean, of all people that, you know, I would know BMW. That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

All right, what about Caracco?

[Kevin Ryan]

Caracco.

[H. Foley]

Carucho.

[Kevin Ryan]

How to pronounce Carucho? I would say Carucho.

[H. Foley]

Caruso. Oh, Caruso.

[Kevin Ryan]

Curacao.

[H. Foley]

Curacao?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, the director. Were you talking about the guntry? Oh, that's a country, an island, which I didn't know until my boy went down there one time with some. On like, with some skavots for a weekend. He goes, I'm going to Curacao. Said, what the hell is.

[H. Foley]

I want to go Antigua. Antigua, Antigua. You know what I'm talking about, Luke? You know what I'm talking about.

[Kevin Ryan]

Antigua, you know where I want to take you? Down to Kokomo. We can get there fast and take it slow.

[H. Foley]

I remember when that shit hit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was hard hearing that song. That was all about Bo.

[H. Foley]

That's when Stamo started playing with them.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't like that. That was Uncle Jesse. You don't go double dipping.

[H. Foley]

He's like the. He's like an honorary fucking beach boy. He's got a lot of cash too. I didn't realize that he's got like 11 million dollar place out there in Hollywood.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, that was 1990s syndicated television. That was the biggest show in America. He's probably making, I mean, net worth. Yeah, he's got tens of millions of dollars. Still looker, too. Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Stamos. All right, I got one more.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Treadmill.

[H. Foley]

Tread. Meal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meals. I like meals.

[H. Foley]

How do you pronounce the stuff that would. Come on. Instead of rice, you get.

[Kevin Ryan]

What to begin with. What do you mean instead of rice you get vegetables?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where. What store?

[H. Foley]

It would be a health food store. A healthy meal instead of rice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couscous.

[H. Foley]

No, I don't fuck with that shit. Actually, I love couscous. The first time I had it was at my buddy Seth's house. His dad was divorced and he was a spiritual guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was gonna say that's an odd divorced dad. Listen, my dad was a divorced dad. Multiple times in his life. He ain't never thrown out a panic.

[H. Foley]

That was the first time I had swordfish.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild. What is this guy? What is he, a swinger? Couscous and swordfish is a crazy divorced dad meal.

[H. Foley]

I remember I went home and told my mom. She almost took me to the hospital to get my stomach bumped.

[Kevin Ryan]

Swordfat. Too much mercury, dude.

[H. Foley]

It tasted like chicken.

[Kevin Ryan]

Swordfish.

[H. Foley]

You never had swordfish?

[Kevin Ryan]

I've had it, but not from a divorced dad. As a kid.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it was a picnic. He had couscous and swordfish.

[Kevin Ryan]

Had a picnic. That's not a picnic. That is. That might. You might as well be fucking the Stanley Tucci program.

[H. Foley]

Why don't you get off Italy's dick?

[Kevin Ryan]

Quinoa.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's. I mean, dude, come on. We live in New York for a decade.

[H. Foley]

You're saying it wrong. It's quinoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Quinoa. Okay.

[H. Foley]

No, there's an N in there. Quinoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Quinoa. Okay.

[H. Foley]

Well, this is.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's. No, it's quinoa.

[H. Foley]

That's not how I have it.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's got it.

[H. Foley]

He don't know what he's doing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Quinoa. Yeah, quinoa. The hell do you know, you stupid robot? Let me see your tits, robot. Jugs. Show them. Now dump them out for the boys.

[H. Foley]

I don't like those. AI ladies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, this is the glass one.

[C]

Can you pronounce this one?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's H, U, A W, E, I. There's a good. This is a documentary. What is this, an auto glass manufacturer?

[C]

No, it's a Chinese tech company.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was way off.

[H. Foley]

Got some money in it, don't you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Either way, I'm good. I'm not. I'm not gonna dis. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna disrespect our overlords.

[H. Foley]

Guys trying to shut down the grid over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you're fucking crazy.

[H. Foley]

This is.

[Kevin Ryan]

They own something big, right?

[C]

Yeah, they're huge.

[Kevin Ryan]

We should know. I mean, as big as they are.

[H. Foley]

Safe flight.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Safe flight, you know, that's international. And the jingle's the same in Germany. I heard that when I was taking a shit one day he got Safe Flight repair over here.

[H. Foley]

I don't understand that at all.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

That there's enough people getting their windshield broken that you need an on site company. That's international. That's crazy. That's a lot of broken fucking windows.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've had a couple broken windows.

[H. Foley]

Little crack.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but that's what they Fix the.

[H. Foley]

Crack, you let it go till it starts running in the winter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but then it doesn't pass inspection.

[H. Foley]

My dad made it sound like that would shatter in all of our eyes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Spider man.

[H. Foley]

Hawaii.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hawaii. I have no idea. I don't even know how to start.

[H. Foley]

Huawei. Huawei.

[Kevin Ryan]

But the Asian language is completely different than what I know. Yeah, that's like.

[H. Foley]

I could maybe figure out, like. Actually, I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that a S, U S?

[C]

Yeah, it's a popular computer brand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Asus. What country? Country of origin?

[C]

A Sus, I believe America.

[H. Foley]

A Sus.

[C]

Asus.

[H. Foley]

Asus. Asus is pretty.

[C]

Asus.

[H. Foley]

Look at. Look at Audie. It's Odie.

[C]

Od.

[H. Foley]

Od.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shit is od, son. Shit is od. Yeah, a lot of the.

[H. Foley]

Burberry.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, the fucking. I know some of the luxury brands just from rap songs.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't realize. Christian Louboutin and Louis Vuitton. That's right.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

There's Louboutin. Louboutin and Louis Vuitton.

[H. Foley]

Louis Vuitton.

[Kevin Ryan]

But isn't that insane? There's two high end things. Louboutin. If I was Louis, who came first?

[C]

One of them, Louis Vuitton, I would.

[Kevin Ryan]

Assume that'd be like. If I was like. I'm going by Hmoly now. I'd be.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Son of a bitch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Sam. Bagging rat bastard.

[H. Foley]

Louis Vuitton's a person. He was a designer. Him and Isse Laurent.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, which.

[H. Foley]

You wouldn't know how to say that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I learned when I was in there. I bought my wife a purse when I was in Hawaii.

[H. Foley]

You did?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Remember I walked down, I went in with Ryan drunk.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Asked for the cheapest thing they had.

[H. Foley]

What do the keychains look like?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

All right. We're stupid in multiple languages. As Mr. Paul Rudd said, Christian Louboutin.

[C]

Didn'T start till 1992.

[Kevin Ryan]

That seems like a bit of a ripoff.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Who's that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Also, if you've never seen Russell Petersbit on how Indian guys pronounce Louis Vuitton, I'm about to have Luke patch it in right now. It's if they go, lose is loose. Okay. Loses. Lose. He's so good. Shout out to that Russell Peters.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I love him. Let's talk about Harry's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Harry.

[H. Foley]

Let's talk about Harry. You want to hear a funny joke?

[Kevin Ryan]

What's that?

[H. Foley]

What they're charging for razors at these other spots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bozos.

[H. Foley]

Well, I got a lot of nerve when you go to Harry's you get them on the cheap gang. And right now you can get ten dollars trial set for just six bucks. At Harry's.com Ayg an exclusive offer for our good listener.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. They got German engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharp longer. Customize customizable delivery options for scheduled refills as low as $2. Half of what you're paying. For the other big brands you can get a $5. You get, you get. I'm sorry. You get a five blade razor weighted handle, foaming shave gel and travel cover for just six bucks.

[H. Foley]

That's awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's insane. At Harrys.com Ayg they got other self care products that meet the same quality standards as their rager razors. They got richly lathering skin softening body wash, incense like redwood, wildlands and stone. I'm a stone man myself. Extra strength, high quality, amazing smelling deodorant for just five bucks. Plus hair and other grooming products that fit for your. That fit fit your unique look and needs, baby. And here's the turkey. As the big man has once said, get the shaving products that always deliver. Get Harry's. Normally their trial set is ten dollars but for right now you can get it for six bucks at Harrys.comAYG that's our exclusive link. One more time. Harry's.comAYG six hour trial set do it.

[H. Foley]

Kibby. Let's talk about Brunt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh Brunt, Brunt, Brunt.

[H. Foley]

Listen, we got a lot of hard working guys out there, a lot of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Blue collar fellas, lot of big boys too.

[H. Foley]

You know what I'm saying? The comfort of Brunt is unbelievable. The durability of Brunt is unbelievable. A lot of times you think you got to sacrifice comfortability for style, for look for durability. You don't get Brunt. You get everything all mixed into one beautiful package. It's the best shoes you're ever going to put on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Brunt's best selling Marin work boot are not only built for the toughest job sites, they're built completely waterproof. Whether it's rain, mud, standing water, your feet stay dry, baby. And if you ever been on a job site, you know that means a lot. If you're out there sludging around in the mud and the dirt and the snow and it's sand. Your feet, you lose your feet, you're done with everything else.

[H. Foley]

I was usually at the lunch truck.

[Kevin Ryan]

From oily workshop floors to muddy farm fields and everywhere in between, the Marin 6 inch soft toe is built for workers across a variety of trades. Brunt knows they have the best boots on the planet, so they'll let you try any of their products on the job, risk free. All Brunt boots carry the names of real workers in the trade who test and inspire them. Right now, Brunt didn't just make adorable work boot. They reinvented comfort and the hardest workers out there. For a limited time, our listeners get $10 off at Brunt by using code garbage at checkout. Just head to Brunt Wear Brunt. I'm sorry. Head to bruntworkwear.com and use the code garbage and you're all set. Even better, Brunt lets you try. Brunt didn't just make a durable work boot. They reinvented comfort for the hardest workers out there. For a limited time, our listeners get $10 off Brunt by using code garbage at checkout. Just head to bruntworkware.com and use the code garbage and you're all set. Even better, the good folks at Brunt let you try all their products on the job risk free. After you purchase, they will ask you how you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boy sent you. Thanks.

[H. Foley]

But gang, that's either here nor there. Our stupidity aside, we're here for a little.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, let's get to the educational part of the program.

[H. Foley]

Today's episode is brought to you by. Wowee. Glassware.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow. Weasel. Shout out to the fucking bacon. Cheddar cheese dog.

[H. Foley]

Do you guys have any Baccarat crystal at your house?

[Kevin Ryan]

Baccarat Baccarok. No, we are Waterford. You get water.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

You get. I think. I think my mom got Waterford crystal when they got met when she got married to my dad.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

They might as well bury that in the backyard because that was like. They might as well put that in Fort Knox.

[H. Foley]

Probably all got shattered.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the Waterford crystal. And the way they. The way she says Waterford. Waterford. Our shoulders, the Waterford crystals.

[H. Foley]

It's funny because I remember when we were, I think, at our poorest.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think you guys are killing it now, but sure.

[H. Foley]

But when I was a kid in Wilkes Barre, we had like a whole separate. Like we had a china cabinet with. With nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, that's what people did back then. That meant that was like still somebody was coming over.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, we had a dining room.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get the good china.

[H. Foley]

We were in a dining room since 1984 was the last time we had a dining room.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bunch of couch eaters. Company over.

[H. Foley]

Do you know the test to see if it's real crystal. This is a real dirt bag move. You bite it.

[Kevin Ryan]

How the fuck. But I know that you take to.

[H. Foley]

Know if it's crystal or glass. You put the glass on the table. All right. You have some water in there. Wine, beer, Schlitz.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm listening.

[H. Foley]

The bites. A couple maraschito cherries.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Then you wet your finger.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does it make the noise or something?

[H. Foley]

If it makes a harmonic, that means it's real crystal.

[Kevin Ryan]

That happens a lot. You do that a lot where you're dining?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Just to test to see if it's real crystal. Chipotle doesn't use it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those are paper. I've come to. I thought they were glazed.

[H. Foley]

Just a moan to the lady in the back asking me. Asking for an extra portion of that honey barbecue chicken.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I got a. I think I got. I got a piece of. We got a piece of crystal or. They were crystal champagne glasses. Like two champagne flutes. And my mom got us for. That was my. That was my wedding presentation. You know which like we got married and two weeks later the pandemic hit and I was hard up. I was. You know, it was before the. It was, you know, before the rise and.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

The rise of Ayg and man. If you didn't think the first thing I looked upon was that fucking. Those two crystal things. Type that in. Whatever. The brand wasn't Waterford. She didn't spring for the water. This was like Target level.

[H. Foley]

There's another name that I'm. I can't remember. That's crystal too.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I looked and I was. I could get like $22 for. Really to the point where I was like split that with Szarkovsky. Szarkovsky's big. They do like the duck or something. They got like a swan.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they had that like that was. What's it called?

[Kevin Ryan]

Earl's Dry Cleaner.

[H. Foley]

No. Where does. Where do you go?

[Kevin Ryan]

Earl's.

[H. Foley]

No, he went to. He went to Jared.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, he goes. Jared. That's like mall at this point. Sworkovsky. That's. I mean that's where I don't sit. I mean not like I'm going to Bloomies and checking that out that. You see that at the Asheville.

[H. Foley]

Would you ever buy jewelry at the mall? Those are all rip offs. Right. Because I remember I was trying to buy some earrings for the broad and this guy was trying to sell me two different kind of earrings for. Marked off and one was cracked. He's like, yeah, we just put a couple of diamonds.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was It. A kiosk?

[H. Foley]

No, it was one of the corner johns that the kids are always robbing. The smashing grabs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I mean, there's like a Zales. The jazz, like the big chains are in that. Which I would assume that's fine. I don't think they're ripping. I don't think they're. You know, I mean, you can't be going to like the kiosk. Those guys are.

[H. Foley]

Shifty. Yeah, but that, that. When you said you got champagne glasses for your wedding. I probably shouldn't be saying this, but somebody gave us magine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not gonna make the joke. Where'd you think I was gonna say?

[H. Foley]

I don't know, matching butt plugs or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dildos.

[H. Foley]

Something rude.

[Kevin Ryan]

He got both of them going.

[H. Foley]

Hey, somebody gave us a bottle of Don Dom Perignon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoa.

[H. Foley]

Well, here's the thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Apple cider.

[H. Foley]

The bird went away at some point and I got into it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you fucking kidding me? What year is it? Old or new?

[H. Foley]

2021, but I had to order another one.

[Kevin Ryan]

How much is that? You're. I mean, what are you. What are you coming off a bender? You're doing. You're. You're.

[H. Foley]

You're.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're popping a bottle of champagne. That's insane. That's like drinking, cooking wine, dude. You're. You're nuts.

[H. Foley]

All fucked up on.

[Kevin Ryan]

So, like, you. You don't have like Uber Eats will deliver. You be. Uber Eats delivered a bottle of dom Perrion for $350. I mean, you are a fucking dirtbag.

[H. Foley]

I had to make sure it was the same year, kept the same box. I was real smooth with it. Well, now she knows.

[Kevin Ryan]

My. My stepdad, this is My stepdad had a bottle of Dom perrion from like 1980 something.

[H. Foley]

Get a number on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

He bought it when he was driving race cars when he was, you know, they were like. He had his own independent amateur, you know, weekend car driver. There's his helmet. And he bought that when they were gonna win a race. And then they never won a race.

[H. Foley]

You still open.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what.

[H. Foley]

That's when you need it.

[Kevin Ryan]

So me and Vinnie with the skinny found it.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we were taking pictures. This is when Dom Perry. I mean, like, it was in every rap song. This. I didn't. That was. Might have well been kryptonite. You know what I mean? We ain't never seen nothing like that. And we were looking through my. My parents. So this is a really good time for us to steal liquor from my house. My, my mom would only drink wine, right? That's all she drank. Nisi wine, Sutter home to Pink, Sutter Home that then switched to Cavett. Now she does cat, she does the Pinot Grigio.

[H. Foley]

Cat only comes in the Magnums.

[Kevin Ryan]

The big boy. You know, I'm assuming, I'm not a wine guy, but when you can buy it chilled at the store. No, that doesn't mean it's bad. I don't think it means it's good.

[H. Foley]

No, it does.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean it's not good wine.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cavett.

[H. Foley]

No, Cavett's bad wine.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

But there's, there's other wines that you can get at the store chilled. Like you get Santa Margarita, Pinot Grigio, which is about 20, $30 a bottle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I don't know anything. I just know when I'm walking into like a nice place and 99% of the inventory's not cold. And I'm going over to the one thing. They get it cold. They got it cold in the bag next to the frozen bur in a walk in. But. So there was a bunch of stuff left over from when my dad left, right? Or just like stuff. They had pants, dusty ass. Like bottles of sham board and you know that kind like stuff that you would take the paint off the car. Like you, you don't even make it anymore. A lot of Beefeater just like from the 80s beef eater.

[H. Foley]

You.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we, we, we fucking. So there was all that stuff that no one could touch. You weren't. I mean that way you would end up in the hospital if you drank that as a 15 year old. So we didn't touch that. Then some stuff would accumulate as we had a party. A bottle of kettle would be left over. My stepdad was just drinking beers at that point. He couldn't touch them. He had a fucking hard count on his. So. But then he moved in and he moved all his stuff. Like his just liquor cabinet all. Also like there was no way to track what was there and what wasn't. Sure it was the combining of two.

[H. Foley]

Homes lost in the shuffle. Me and Vinny with this pull out in Afghanistan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we're sitting there in a Humvee, camouflage on V, drinking down Perry. We would be up there like what could you touch? And I found this bottle of Dom Perry and we were fucking.

[H. Foley]

You're taking pictures on what year was it?

[Kevin Ryan]

80. So it's probably still there if it's 82.

[H. Foley]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Did you drink it.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, no, no.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you fucking pussy.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Okay. Have you ever met my stepdad? He didn't really like me to begin with, let alone drinking. The only thing that was standing between him and a NASCAR victory.

[H. Foley]

He fell back up with Dr. Pepper. Probably went banned. Supposed to keep it on its side.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's old as shit. You should have drank that when you bought it.

[C]

1982, 82 and 85. Are the big years real? Yeah. So if you had a bottle from.

[H. Foley]

Those two that's still there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What's. How much you look at?

[H. Foley]

Hold on.

[C]

1982 is 500. 650.

[H. Foley]

Whoa.

[C]

The 85 is about a thousand.

[H. Foley]

Damn.

[C]

Now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Should I call Denise?

[H. Foley]

Let's see if it's still there. Yeah. Tell to crack it open.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let me see. All right, let's see.

[H. Foley]

Turn. Knock that. I might be still beating her. I don't know. Ever say Waterford crystal, too?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm at Mary Polis. Can I call you back?

[H. Foley]

Where's she at?

[Kevin Ryan]

She always answers the phone, like, hunched over. Let me call you right back.

[H. Foley]

She's somewhere.

[Kevin Ryan]

The hell you doing? Hello? Hey. Hey. How are. Good. You're. You're. We're recording the show. I have a question real quick.

[H. Foley]

Hey, Denise. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Henry says hello.

[H. Foley]

Hi.

[D]

Hi, Henry.

[H. Foley]

How are you?

[D]

Good. How are you?

[H. Foley]

I'm good, thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's down £20. I'm lying. He's not. What's the name of the crystal that you have?

[D]

Waterford.

[Kevin Ryan]

Waterford. Okay. Do you still have it?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

How much? Well, you got that in a safe deposit pot. How much do you think that's cost?

[D]

Nobody wants it.

[C]

You can't give it.

[H. Foley]

That's not true.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take it. And then. Do you know if Joe's bottle of Dom Perrion is still at the house?

[D]

It is. I was going to just throw it away.

[H. Foley]

What are you nuts?

[Kevin Ryan]

You crazy goat. We'll. We'll bring it up here. I'll put it on set.

[D]

Wait, I got two. But it's so old and dusty.

[H. Foley]

That's all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good drinking. Not like that swill you drink.

[H. Foley]

Denise, do you know what years are on it?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's in the 80s.

[H. Foley]

If it's an 85, we're rich.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because me and. Me and Vinnie were gonna drink it one night. I don't think he would appreciate that.

[D]

1980.

[Kevin Ryan]

1980.

[H. Foley]

What do you got in an 80?

[Kevin Ryan]

Then? Where'd the other bottle come from?

[H. Foley]

500.

[Kevin Ryan]

You said there was two bottles.

[D]

Oh, well, maybe the other one isn't done. There's this one?

[Kevin Ryan]

What, are you working at the 40. 40 quads? Moms, listen, I.

[D]

Maybe I thought it was. And it's not.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not. Yeah, 1980.

[H. Foley]

I don't hear police sirens. Where the hell are you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Where are you? At home. What, are the cops knocking on the door?

[D]

The other one is. Oh, I know. I'm in the garage. It's a product of Spain. The other one.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dump that out. We ain't touching it. Don Quixote.

[H. Foley]

Denise. That Don Paranyans. 500 bucks. Hang on to that.

[D]

Oh, my God. I'm cleaning out the closet because I'm getting ready to move. And I just didn't know how to pop the cork to empty it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're gonna empty it. Don't empty. That's good. Douche. I'm gonna let. Save it. I'm gonna take it.

[D]

Well, then come get it, because I have all this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, here we go. Here we go. I got so much. I gotta get through. Listen, we'll pop it when we hit a million YouTube subscribers. How about that?

[H. Foley]

You can come up 20, 45, 88.

[D]

Proof of something that has a pair in it. The glass bottle with a pair.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a lot of wacky they got down there.

[H. Foley]

It's like, you got any aftershock.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like Cancun, the way they party. All right, all right, I gotta go. I love you. I'll call you when I call you on my way home. I love you. Bye. We gotta get it up on set. That's great.

[H. Foley]

We had a similar thing with my dad. My dad had some special bottle of Captain Morgan's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, it's crazy.

[H. Foley]

It was like Captain Morgan spiced, vintage, legendary. Something that we drank. He was so mad. Dude, we went to a Captain Morgan's phase for like two weeks.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had. So my brother went to that private school, right? And he was friends with the other.

[H. Foley]

Bottle of Dom Perignon needed for tuition.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was friends with this Korean kid, right? Great, great kid. Still friends. Shout out. Shout out. Jin. And they. His parents came over my parents house for dinner, which was like a meeting of holy. I left the house, I was like, I cannot. I will throw up just out of anxiety watching my mom and stepdad hang out with a Korean couple.

[H. Foley]

You ever seen Vietnam? Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? So they start getting. So he brought a bottle of soju.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

So they get all fucked up. But he gave him a. But he left a bottle like, you know, as like a gift to my stepdad and anybody that even stepped on our property. My stepdad Go. Got that from my Korean buddy, Soju. Straight from there. Like, he's talking. It was from the liquor store. He's talking like. It's like. It was like, hand. Like they brought it over here on a cargo ship.

[H. Foley]

Got it in the Far East. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I was spending my time over there. So funny, dude.

[H. Foley]

The first time I had soju was at a Korean barbecue place. And it was like soju and fucking. What are those little white things? Fuck. What are they called?

[Kevin Ryan]

Vicodin?

[H. Foley]

No, Luke. The little fruits.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pears.

[H. Foley]

No, they look like berries. Lychee.

[Kevin Ryan]

With lychee. I think.

[H. Foley]

Whatever it was, I had a headache for two weeks that she had fucking erected me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dong swelled up.

[C]

Was the Captain Morgan either. The Jamaican rum.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[C]

That's 300 bucks a bottle.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[C]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Now I know I was.

[Kevin Ryan]

So.

[H. Foley]

That. Could they have it in the 80s?

[C]

Yeah. 1980 Jamaican bottle.

[H. Foley]

Wow. So it would have been maybe like 90, 91. That. That we got into that. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

You drinking?

[H. Foley]

Me and Johnny Mitt's little brother, we got. In that case.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have a taste for the fine stuff, huh, big guy? I mean, you're the only guy go. Between that and turpentine switching back and forth.

[H. Foley]

That and Canadian Club vo. I couldn't go near it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, my parents went. So my parents went to New Hope or something like that for the day. I thought they were gonna be gone forever. And we got all fucked up on a Sunday. And, man, my brother came home and I was thrown up in the sink and he just started punching me in the stomach.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your dad or your brother?

[H. Foley]

My brother. Because I was all fucked up and I throw. Ah, man. Can't go near that. You ever been violently ill and getting fucking beat up at the same time?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck are you doing? Fucking right in my kidneys, hitting me. Good times.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're ruining my buzz, man.

[H. Foley]

Hey, why don't you. Why don't you make yourself useful?

[Kevin Ryan]

Start cutting some limes when you have a drink. Take the edge off. You're wound a little too tight.

[H. Foley]

So mad. I don't know why. Fuck. His problem was plenty for everybody. Puff pastries in the oven too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Past hors d' oeuvres? In a minute. You fucking hold your britches.

[H. Foley]

Fucking chicks here, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your panties in a bunch. I'm trying to entertain over here. All right, let's get. Let's get to some goddamn questions. I don't even know how we got down that frigging road right there. Warford Waterford. All right, this. This is Pretty funny. This is from. This is from Paper Plastic. You ever hosted an event and the first thing you hit the crowd with is a Good morning, Vietnam. Thinking it's gonna kill, dude. That's why you're at, like, a fundraiser for the elementary school. Good morning, Vietnam. Damn.

[H. Foley]

All righty, then.

[Kevin Ryan]

I respect this. Swing that. Do not go in there.

[H. Foley]

That's all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all right. Good morning. How to alienate everybody.

[H. Foley]

Somebody's awake. Kippy. It's Chubby season.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, Chubby.

[H. Foley]

Chubby gang. Look fresh, look fly. Out there this summer with Chubbies, one of the best clothing brands out there. I mean, what are we doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

You ain't lying talking about comfort.

[H. Foley]

You're talking about style. You're talking about price. You can't beat Chubbies. And I tell you what, all the kids love it, too. The college kids are bigger than the Chubbies.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ain't lying. The good folks over at Chubby's just re upped us on some. On some hot gear. New guy Luke was waiting by the front door like a puppy dog waiting for the mailman. He started, this is my size. This is your size. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Take it easy on the Chubby hat.

[Kevin Ryan]

He gets all over. Guys, it's fantastic. And I got to tell you, with Summer, come up with summer. We're here, we're coming up, we're in it. And I listen. I'm gonna be down there in Wildwood in my Chubbies. I got the short shorts for. For going out at night. And I got. I got the. I got the swim trunks for on a day when I'm swimming with my shirt on. How you doing? It's comfy casual. They got it all. So don't wait for a very limited time. Shop Chubby's biggest sale of the year for $45 shorts and up to $65 off select gear. Hit up chubby shorts.com and grab your favorite before they're gone. And let me tell you, they're going to move quick. If you miss a sale, don't sweat it. Use the exclusive code garbage for 20% off. Support the show. Let them know we sent you and when the survey asks and get ready to turn some heads with Chubby. Summer's here. Dress. Dress like it in Chubbies. Do it. All right. This one. Some peaches. When you watch a movie and there is an underwater swimming scene, are you holding your breath to see if it's unbelievable? I. I mean, I definitely go into that right away, but I don't. I got about nine seconds. That's All I got.

[H. Foley]

I don't like it. Drowning is one of my biggest fears. That and catching on fire.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those are two pretty big fears.

[H. Foley]

I just found out yesterday. Thresher sharks don't bite.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Because they. They saw one up in Nantucket. It was like an eight foot thresher shark. That's a long tail. They don't bite, though. The two most aggressive sharks are great whites and tigers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Which I have a kinship with the tiger shark because of Hawaii.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, obviously.

[H. Foley]

I feel like someday I'll have to battle a tiger shark.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, with that attitude, I think, you know. Yeah. You send that out in the universe.

[H. Foley]

As long as I'm in clear water and I can get down, I think I'm. I'd be able to control them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably shit yourself. You'd kill them. That's what I would do. Just shit in the water. I can fog it up. Evil playing field, buddy.

[H. Foley]

Captain Morgan, by any chance? I love the tiger shark, though. The way it looks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tiger.

[H. Foley]

That's my shark. Yeah, it's pretty sweet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Very aggressive.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's your shark?

[H. Foley]

That's my shark.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're 50 and you're going, that's my shark.

[H. Foley]

Tiger shark's my shark.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Just checking. Feel like priorities.

[H. Foley]

If I. If I could be face to face with a tiger shark and survive, I feel like that I'd be. That I'm being accepted into the universe in some way. I see that going down at some point when I'm over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm. I don't think that's gonna happen at the fucking Chili's island bar that you hang out. Dukes. Yeah, Dukes, by the way.

[H. Foley]

You know Dukes?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Why yelling at me? I think I picked up the tab at Dukes.

[H. Foley]

No, maybe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably the mahi mohi. You had your underwear on your head after a couple of beers. What are you talking about? Fighting a tiger shark.

[H. Foley]

I think I could, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I think you think you can do a lot of things is what I think. That you think.

[H. Foley]

I don't think I could fight it and win.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you're not crazy.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

But I think I could look it in the eye and put my hand on its nozzle and move it away. Nozzle, Nas. Nose. His chin. Fucking stick up. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's from Honey Nut Scooter. Is it garbage to inherit 400 issues of Playboy from your dead uncle? I've got every issue from 1980 to 2007, all in pristine condition. He kept them in a climate controlled storage unit until he died in 20 2007. The man stays subscribed until the very end. He always thought they'd be worth something one day. Turns out not so much. Hit me up if you want the Jerry Seinfeld October 93 issue. That's a pretty good one.

[H. Foley]

You know, it's probably. Did you guys sound like I'm lying?

[Kevin Ryan]

Put that on the set.

[H. Foley]

A Playboy?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, why not?

[H. Foley]

My parents would be mad.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got porn up there? Nuh, somebody gave me porn. I got porn up there.

[H. Foley]

Ixnay on the orange Super Bowl 72. Sure. Talking about. I bet you the articles are good in those. They'd be fun to read.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, an old school.

[H. Foley]

That was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean that was the Penthouse. What did they. That was the Penthouse. The write in. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

No, I mean like Playboy did like actual articles. Like they do like. Like a thing on Burt Reynolds or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, did they ever have a hard.

[H. Foley]

On as good literature back then. They'd be fun to sit and read. We should get some mags for the bathroom.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Why? Right, shouldn't we?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, dude, listen. You have grot those bathrooms enough already. I am not touching anything here. You spend too much time in there. I don't know what you're doing.

[H. Foley]

I'd be reading. Nice, good.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like a goddamn slip and slide.

[H. Foley]

I'd be reading articles from the 70s. Like a good op ed piece on Buddy Hackett.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you got that on your phone? I'm sure you can subscribe to Playboy.

[H. Foley]

It's not the same.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hear you in there listening to your AI voice videos. Okay. About the tiger shark and their nozzles. All right, this one. $10 Homie Jr. $10 Homie. Never had one red. Is it garbage if your 65 year old dad got lost at the ballpark he's been going to for 15 plus years. He was on the sauce and took a walk to the smoking section to hit his e cig. He bummed a couple hits off a funky sig that a fellow patron of the smoking section had and couldn't find his way back to our seats. My brother ended up finding him on the opposite end of the ballpark, top deck, sitting on the stairs.

[H. Foley]

Dude, we've talked about this before.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gave up.

[H. Foley]

We've talked about this before. But there is nothing better than getting an older dude who's got a couple in him fucking on some moon rocks that he's. That he thinks he's smoking like he's at Kent State or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Taking heavy bike hits.

[C]

I do that with you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That happens all the time with you. Every time. Especially in la. And you, Ted, and I'll literally go, hey, man, be careful now.

[H. Foley]

You go, I got it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You start coughing like a maniac, and then freak out ensues.

[H. Foley]

Hey, good pickings at a wedding.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's puking, turns green.

[H. Foley]

Fucking ant screaming at you. What's in that? Is that pcp?

[Kevin Ryan]

Now they're probably all on it now. A lot of them are doing the Eddies and stuff.

[H. Foley]

A lot of them, they can't hang with that shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, more than. More than they could in the 80s.

[H. Foley]

True.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? They're a little more savvy.

[H. Foley]

I wonder if all the drugs are stronger now. I'd imagine the white stuff is probably not as good as it was back then. Coming in straight down Miami.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I think it's a. Probably a supply and demand issue if I had that guess. Economics.

[H. Foley]

I'll do some research.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right. That's what we need. That tiger shark soon enough. All right, let's see here. This is fully erect. $10, homie. Had two or three red. Ever put on. Ever put wet swim trums have ever put wet swim trunks back on?

[H. Foley]

Nightmare. Nightmare.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm always a couple beers deep when I have to do that nightmare, and it sucks. My wiener gets all tight. Nightmare band. Because you're kind of cold already. It's just never good. You got to get in that water real quick and loosen everything back up.

[H. Foley]

Also, having to use the bathroom when you're swimming is awful. Yeah, that's a nightmare. You might as well go home.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't disagree.

[H. Foley]

Nightmare, dude. Nightmare. You're getting back in the pool. Talk about tiger shark. Ain't no fighting that.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This was from Dr. Peter Venkman. $10 investor. Ever had one? Red is Ghostbuster. Is it garbage to wake up a few times a night and rip heaters? I'm jammed up over here. Every time I stare in the night, I have to smoke one before I go back to bed. That's.

[H. Foley]

That's up your sleep pattern.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think there's bigger. There's bigger things up your sleep.

[H. Foley]

Nicotine withdrawals waking you up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know that you. You're fighting bigger demons.

[H. Foley]

You know, it likes a heater in the middle of the night, Patty. Oh, really? Yeah. If something's stirring or she. If I'm home and she comes down, what are you doing in the fridge? She'll come down like a bear.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got all the food wrapped up in a bear bag hanging from the. Hanging. Hanging from the railing.

[H. Foley]

Keeps figuring out how to open the lock. Yeah. She come down, have a heater, but.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'S like, normal waking hours.

[H. Foley]

No, this is like. I'm saying if you're eating in the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Middle of the night, that's what. That's. That's what I'm deducing.

[H. Foley]

If she's. If, you know, the dogs start barking or something like that, she comes down, she's having a heater.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you're up.

[H. Foley]

I'm up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll hit me up.

[H. Foley]

Which I haven't done in so long, to be honest with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I haven't been down there like that. I haven't, like, stayed over like that and hung out with her.

[Kevin Ryan]

You should do that.

[H. Foley]

I. I know. There's just something different about it now. I don't know what it is. Like the fact that I'm almost 50. I feel weird sleeping in my old bed. I try to get her up here, get a hotel or something like that. She don't want. She got the dogs. You don't want to leave. Come up here, get something to eat, hang out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

What are you gonna do?

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe you go down there, your elderly mom with two dogs, help her out.

[H. Foley]

I do help her out.

[Kevin Ryan]

I knew you were gonna yell at me. Exactly.

[H. Foley]

Though I do do that, paying the mortgage.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you're not. No, I'm not. I don't even think you're paying your rent.

[H. Foley]

Hey.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. Yeah, okay. All right. Let's see here.

[H. Foley]

What if he's having those heaters in bed?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that's what I wanted to say. I grew up with heavy smokers.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mom not so much. At a point, going through the divorce, she met Joe. He was smoking. She was Cool girls.

[H. Foley]

Really.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I called her. A couple parties. Cool girl. Marble light, smoking. She was a. Yeah, she's tight girl. But in her mid-30s. It's. I see pictures. I'm like. You were a. Talk about the niece, the piece hot broad. She's doing aerobics and stuff. Yeah. She'd be catching the heaters.

[H. Foley]

That die master was no joke.

[Kevin Ryan]

I used to try that too. Couldn't get it. My legs were never. My legs weren't with your hands. I would snap back at you.

[H. Foley]

Did you ever have one of those things? Those things, they were big in the 80s.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. From Goonies.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

My dad was always. Just get a racquetball. A racquetball will do it.

[H. Foley]

That's true.

[Kevin Ryan]

In jail, I think that's where he learned it.

[H. Foley]

They.

[Kevin Ryan]

My buddy's mom, we slept over his house religiously. She'd Wait. She would wake up and we would track her because that was the house where we could do whatever. Not. They didn't know we were doing whatever. But we. We knew the. The. We knew the. You know, if we were inmates, we knew the. The motions of the guards. Yeah. So we knew all that stuff. We could sneak out, have our heaters, steal some beers. Sneak beers in, whatever. You know, download porn, whatever. Whatever the hell we were doing. And she would come down, man, just sit at the table. It'd be two, three, four. Four in the morning. Just cranking them inside at the kitchen table, just. And you would. All the lights would be. She wouldn't turn the lights on. And she was a tiny little girl. What the. Dude. So we'd be. I'd be like. I'd wake sometimes if I was just peeing. I'd wake up to take a piss, and you just see the cherry light up. Jesus. Like a sniper's about to get looking for something.

[H. Foley]

Tubby.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm hard going through the pantry. Yeah. Up just like. I mean, my mom, my dad, never. My stepdad, never. My stepmom, never. But that woman would get up. Hondos marble. Like, hundos. Jesus.

[H. Foley]

Down here for 45 minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cramping my style. Here, this one's From Foley Torque. $10 consigliere. Is it garbage if your elementary school didn't have a cafeteria? So you just ate lunch in the classroom. Pretty tough to listen to some old bad teach algebra when it smells like salami and chocolate milk.

[H. Foley]

We had snack time. Fourth, fourth, fifth grade. I think fourth grade was the last time we had snack time.

[Kevin Ryan]

That sounds about third or fourth was for us, maybe fourth. We had it.

[H. Foley]

What was that all about?

[Kevin Ryan]

Need your brain food?

[H. Foley]

Think so.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I think you probably just broke it. Yeah. Give you a little something. Break it up.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let the teacher fucking lean out the window, catch a heater.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

There is Nothing.

[H. Foley]

I remember Ms. Cooper called me out.

[Kevin Ryan]

For something one time, eating other people's snacks. What were you doing?

[H. Foley]

I was eating for a while. Hostess had these pies, and they were. They look like an emp. A big empanada. And it was vanilla pudding in the middle and chocolate on the outside. And I broke one of those out at snack time. And I remember her in front of everybody, she's like, ooh, that's not a snack.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a lunch.

[H. Foley]

That's what she said to me, bitch. I had her fired the next day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shit my pants and.

[C]

Could teachers smoke in the classroom?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. I think probably when you were A kid in the break room room. They could. The teacher's lounge.

[H. Foley]

Everybody gather around and have your asbestos. No, in the lounge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Teachers lounge. That was a. I don't remember that. But I remember people like your. Like people older than me going. You would walk by and you could smell it.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah. Our teachers were. Our teachers ate in middle school. Was off the cafeteria. So, like, when you walked up to the line of the cafeteria, to the right was their room. And I remember getting up. You'd walk by me. Like, God, dude. It was like. It was like a bar in there. People just sitting in there. It was always fascinating to look in there and see him in there getting loose.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd always remember. It'd be like, weird seeing, like, Mr. Jenkins talking to Mrs. Roman or whatever. Like, what the. Those two know each other. God damn. I better. I better fly straight.

[H. Foley]

How long has this been going on tour? And you got husband and kids at home.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ain't cahoots talking shit. Setting me up.

[H. Foley]

His ass really smells. That's a tough look, man. Eating. Eating lunch and dude not being able to go anywhere. You get to walk down to the cafeteria. The. And all that stuff stuck in class. Yeah, that. I would have lost it. I need my cafeteria.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cafeterias. I get nauseous thinking about it. And it was the. It was. The gym was in the same one. Man. The dishwasher. You would eat right now. You know how that commercial dishwasher just starts. It's sitting green beans. It's all mushed off at the bottom.

[H. Foley]

What the hell kind of operation wasn't that in the back? Would you have an open kitchen plan?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was emerald gossip.

[H. Foley]

Thomas Keller. Whatever his name is. What that is name. Thomas Keller.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guy Fieri. Talk about rolling into flavor town. Beer can.

[H. Foley]

Chicken for lunch.

[C]

Thomas Keller.

[H. Foley]

Thomas Keller. Famous chef and restaurateur. Yes. I believe he owned that vegan place that was across street from New York Comedy club on fourth Street.

[Kevin Ryan]

The place closed eight years ago.

[H. Foley]

That place that I couldn't believe was vegan. When I called the restaurant. I can't believe it. I can't. Lobster ravioli. The. You putting in there. I've said this before. You're gonna say that it's fat. That. Yeah, that's. That I'm fat. But two things I've been very lucky with in my life. The coaches that I've had, like, extremely lucky. All my coaches were always awesome and fucking your best friend. Cafeteria. I've never had a. I never missed St. Nicholas, St. Mary's and Wilkes Barre. Was fucking. Probably the best.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but listen, I'm lagging. You do this with every restaurant. We go, I was the best meal. And you throw your napkin down. How many times has he had his best. I know. I said. And you go, I know. I say this every time. You're emotionally connecting the two. It was saying they were. I'm not saying they weren't good.

[H. Foley]

St. Nicholas, St. Mary's they had a macaroni and cheese and stewed tomatoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're connecting that to your mother's love.

[H. Foley]

Which I never received. That's not true.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I will have in macaroni that.

[H. Foley]

The ones at Wissahicken were always good home runs. And Widener was fucking unbelievable. It was like a diner. It was so good. It was perfect size.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I got.

[H. Foley]

You had everything. I always got lucky with that. Even at lacrosse.

[Kevin Ryan]

Luckiest man I've ever. Luckiest man I've ever met.

[H. Foley]

I got that going.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good eggs and solid grilled cheeses.

[H. Foley]

I assume yours up in Connecticut was probably nice.

[C]

It was amazing.

[H. Foley]

I mean.

[C]

Yeah, they're all new schools, so it's crazy.

[H. Foley]

Fight. You had new schools too?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they were fine. I had one new school. The other schools I went to were from the 40s and black and white. When you walk in there, they were old as. They stunk. Hella bad that I'd be doing gym class to be making sloppy joes or something. I think there were inmates working in there too. They're all work release program or something. It was that shit stunk. They had. I. Yeah. Not that I. I get that you love it. It was. Wasn't good. I remember they had a slushy machine for a little while.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

And get a little banger Margarita frozen his for salt on the rim. Trying to tie a load on before I go back to Mr. Bennett.

[H. Foley]

Put a little rock candy on the rim of that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Hold on a second. Fuck. That made me think of something. Oh, the sloppy joe is. Is. Is a lost you fan. I love camp.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Fine. Yeah. I don't get them. I don't know what you mean. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

We called them wimpies in Wilkes Barre. Mary Catherine would make them bangers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. They're great. Yeah. I haven't had one in a very long time. They're not really around.

[H. Foley]

They've gone out of fashion.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

It'd be nice if they came back.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we're doing all right. I'm not saying, you know, I don't think. I don't think it'd be great if they were introduced back into your life at the moment.

[H. Foley]

I know. I find.

[Kevin Ryan]

Enough.

[H. Foley]

Listen, I understand that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So I'm leaning on the. I'm leaning on the edge of.

[H. Foley]

But I wonder. I wonder if. I wonder if. Because we got a lot of people that have families and stuff like that. I wonder if anybody still make it.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's running for Congress. I want to talk to my consensual. These homemakers.

[H. Foley]

I just want to know if anybody out there is still making sloppy jokes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sure people are.

[H. Foley]

Bandwich.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

So yeah, I mean I was doing them as my parents were doing them.

[H. Foley]

That's a quick, easy meal. Feeds the whole family.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[C]

Gotta do them in hot dog buns though. I don't like when they probably hold it together.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean? I've never done that. But that makes sense. That was one thing. I never liked a mess. I was like, I'm fucking good.

[H. Foley]

You clean it up your fork.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like I'm digging in the mud.

[H. Foley]

Use your chips. Use your chips to scoop that up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotcha. Okay.

[H. Foley]

Let me know. Sound off in the. If not, I'll bring them back this.

[Kevin Ryan]

November with your help.

[H. Foley]

Run for governor.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is for mathematician 1738. Not a question. But in high school, I got in a car accident with the town bill head. I had to stop eating my local pizza place because he worked there and the place had caller id. I was scared he'd see my last name and mess with my pizza. Three years later they sued me because of the crash caused them emotional distress. They settled my insurance company and my car insurance is still through the roof. Man. If that's not pill head behavior, I don't know what is.

[H. Foley]

That means he ran out of cash.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd be more devastated about losing my go to pizza place than I was.

[H. Foley]

Worried he'd with my pizza.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would too. That's.

[H. Foley]

Oh yeah, you're done.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd be wearing like a fake beard in there. Going to pick it up and stuff.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. That is from a pay phone. That is so, so well written.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was great. What a story.

[H. Foley]

Three years later he sued me. There's no statue of limitations on that statue.

[Kevin Ryan]

I guess if you. I don't know, I mean I. You know those. I think they just want to settle too. Like they don't want to go to. They go, ah, just fucking that guy. Pill head. Listen, I don't know this pill head, but I've known a lot and still know a lot of currently using pill heads. You cut them a check for 1800 or something?

[H. Foley]

It's like, yeah, look the other way. 20% they'll give you.

[Kevin Ryan]

They give you an arm, sure. God damn. We got time for one or two more here. This is from Tommy. Two spoons. My family has a running record of how many times I've choked on mozzarella sticks. The first time happened when I was 7 and my mom had to pull it out of my throat. I still finished it, of course. Since then, I've choked nine times on a MOT stick. I'm 35, and I eat like someone's trying to take them away. Can't stop.

[H. Foley]

Won't stop, brother. Who been there, man? You take a bite of a mozzarella stick and you hit it with a scream of cold coke. That shit. Fucking that. That heart coagulates. It's like salt on a slug.

[Kevin Ryan]

You add stuff. Yeah, man, I get that even. Keep it a dude. What a dirtbag family, too. See them sitting around Thanksgiving. Is it eight or nine times for you? Tommy, two spoons. Nine times. Pop pop. You're just like your father. He couldn't chew either.

[H. Foley]

Choking out of my.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got to wrap it up, gang gag.

[H. Foley]

We love you to death. Grab some tickets for the Back on the Block tour, and we'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.