Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Episode Summary: "Pump & Dump" | Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Release Date: May 29, 2025

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Introduction

In the "Pump & Dump" episode of Are You Garbage?, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley dive into their trademark blend of humor and candid discussions, evaluating everyday actions and habits to determine if they classify as "garbage." This episode features lively banter, personal anecdotes, and listener-submitted questions that highlight the comedic chemistry between the hosts.

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Main Discussions

Restaurant Etiquette: Asking for More Time to Order

The episode kicks off with a spirited debate about the common restaurant practice of requesting an additional minute before placing an order. H. Foley (referred to as A) shares his frustrations with this habit, arguing that it disrupts the dining experience for servers and fellow patrons.

• H. Foley:
  "[03:07] I get a little, you know, I have a strong emotional attachment... When I'm hungry, I'm hungry."

• Kevin Ryan:
  "[03:26] I’ve had to do it with said loved ones. That is my wife, of course."
  "[12:05] You're allowed. I'm not saying it's right, but I'll give you the..."

The hosts exchange humorous takes on how often this happens and the social implications of delaying orders, ultimately agreeing that while occasional leniency is acceptable, habitual requests can be seen as inconsiderate.

Listener Questions: Evaluating Common Habits

1. Saving Shoelaces from Old Shoes

   • Question: "Is it garbage if you save shoelaces from old shoes because you never know when you’re gonna need a replacement set?" ([31:30])

   Discussion:
   Kevin expresses skepticism about the practicality of this habit, likening it to unnecessary clutter, while H. Foley defends the idea by highlighting its potential usefulness.

   • Kevin Ryan:
     "[31:46] Yours do for sure. It's like you're working in a coal mine."

   • H. Foley:
     "[32:15] Have you seen these kids walking around in dirty Air Force Ones? It’s cool again."

2. Driving the Same Vehicle as Your Spouse

   • Question: "Is it garbage if you and your spouse drive two of the same vehicle?" ([26:42])

   Discussion:
   The hosts find humor in the concept, pondering its implications on individuality within a relationship. They jest about the appearance of both partners driving identical cars, equating it to a lack of personality.

   • H. Foley:
     "[27:02] I think my sister just did that. They got like, two of the same cars."

   • Kevin Ryan:
     "[27:21] You guys are young dirtbags. I'm saying."

3. Wall Mounting a Dust Buster Near the Couch

   • Question: "Is it garbage if you wall mount your dust buster near your couch?" ([35:01])

   Discussion:
   H. Foley opens a comedic critique on the practicality and aesthetic of wall-mounted cleaning devices, debating whether this organization trick truly adds value or simply contributes to household clutter.

   • Kevin Ryan:
     "[35:46] The Ryan's, Kelly's and Sullivan's... have never mounted anything that was supposed to be mounted."

   • H. Foley:
     "[36:00] I remember when I figured out you could use it as a blower..."

Personal Anecdotes and Relatable Stories

Throughout the episode, the hosts share personal stories that resonate with listeners, blending humor with relatable experiences:

• Navigating with Physical Maps vs. Digital Tools ([30:05] - [31:30]):
  H. Foley reminisces about the challenges of using printed maps during road trips, highlighting the contrast with today's GPS technology. Kevin humorously recounts his struggles with map navigation and the chaos it brought during family travels.

• Handling Household Chores and Gadgets ([40:17] - [43:57]):
  The conversation shifts to household responsibilities, particularly focusing on vacuuming and managing pet-related messes. Both hosts poke fun at their less-than-stellar skills with cleaning appliances, leading to laughter-filled exchanges about failed attempts to maintain a tidy home.

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Concluding Remarks

In "Pump & Dump," Kevin Ryan and H. Foley effectively blend humor with everyday scenarios, engaging listeners through candid conversations and relatable content. Their playful banter and honest evaluations of common habits not only entertain but also encourage the audience to reflect on their own behaviors—determining, of course, if they are "garbage" or not.

Notable Quotes:

• H. Foley:
  "[03:07] I get a little, you know, I have a strong emotional attachment... When I'm hungry, I'm hungry."

• Kevin Ryan:
  "[31:46] Yours do for sure. It's like you're working in a coal mine."

• H. Foley:
  "[35:46] The Ryan's, Kelly's and Sullivan's... have never mounted anything that was supposed to be mounted."

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This episode offers a humorous yet insightful look into the trivial yet impactful choices people make in their daily lives, all through the comedic lens of Ryan and Foley. Whether debating the merits of wall-mounted dust busters or sharing stories of culinary mishaps, listeners are guaranteed a good laugh and perhaps a moment of self-reflection.

Transcript

[A]

Hachi Machi Gang, that Back on the Block tour is coming to a city near you. So grab the entire squad and come on out and see the boys stand up comedy. And then we play a little Are youe Garbage with the crowd. It's a good, good time.

[B]

Yeah. We got Atlantic City, San Francisco. Second show added. Portland, Seattle, Brea, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester, and Toronto. All tickets [e-mail] do it.

[A]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garb? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage. Oh, yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy, yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash.

[B]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She's got the allergies acting up on her a little bit.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She's got the chills, she's got the runny nose, a little bit of a high fever, the shake. She's sweating. Bloody nose sounds like the DTs. Yeah, I think that's what it is.

[B]

Chained up to the radiator. Yeah.

[A]

Benninger Lincoln, have fixed that. Mike Hoes is coming at you.

[B]

You got a little too cocky.

[A]

He's the CEO of Are you garbage? He is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for K. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[B]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. And then things ain't doing too shabby then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. you go over there, you sign up now, you get the last four years of bonus content, gang. You sign up this month, you get access to like, I don't know, fucking 500 episodes.

[A]

Talking about the 14,000 strong army of garbage over there on Patreon. Shout out to the motherfucking homie.

[B]

That's what I am talking about. Hit him.

[A]

Speaking of which, yeah, here's what we call a family episode.

[B]

I was talking about the back on a block door, motherfucker.

[A]

The Back on the Block tour.

[B]

The Back on the Block tour.

[A]

Get your Tickets now, gang, for the Back on the Block tour. We'll come to a city near you, grab the squad, come out and see the boys. Big Fall Tour. Big Fall Tour, right? Going out on the road, got the van, we got Diesel, Fucking Reloaded, new material ready to go.

[B]

New material. What the hell?

[A]

Big shows at Boston, at the Wilbur.

[B]

That's about the Philly.

[A]

We're doing the metal.

[B]

Wilbur's about to go.

[A]

Hello. Shout out to the boys up there in Boston and the ladies up there, can't really tell them apart. But still nothing on that. We love you. It's gonna say it's a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. We're circling the wagons this week. Before you get started, I have something to ask. We've dabbled around this and I know, before I say this, I know I'm an, I'm an asshole, okay?

[B]

I would never, I would never ever, ever say that about you. You're my best friend in the world and you've never done any wrong in my eyes. Continue.

[A]

I also know that despite some of the progress I've made over the last couple of weeks and all that kind of stuff, that when I get around food gestation. That the right word?

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

I get a little, you know, I have a strong emotional attachment, all that kind of stuff. When I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Regardless of who it is, whether it's a loved one, a significant other, a co worker, a friend, an acquaintance.

[B]

You have none of those things.

[A]

Somebody said they were close to me.

[B]

Uh huh. Good guy.

[A]

Now I know you've never done this, right?

[B]

You're out to eat, okay?

[A]

You've never. Other than the rare situation, especially if a proper amount of time has elapsed, you've never said. Can we have another minute? Are you guys ready to order? Can we have another minute?

[B]

Wait for me.

[A]

You've never really done that.

[B]

I've done that if it's two seconds. What do you mean? No, I've done that, but it's never been for me. It's the other lollygaggers at the table.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

But I've had to do it with said loved ones. That is my wife, of course.

[A]

Which is why I bring this up.

[B]

You're out to dinner with my wife. At least pick up the bill. Jesus Christ.

[A]

She's out of birth control, by the way.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Good kid. I apologize.

[B]

The mother of my child.

[A]

Yeah, listen, I'm a fat ass, but that's not really Anything to do with it. I understand if they rush you a little bit. You know what I mean? If it's, like, real quick.

[B]

If, like, hey, what do you guys want to drink? Also? Let's get the orders in. That's crazy.

[A]

I mean, I'm usually. Listen, listen, man.

[B]

You know? Listen, I know.

[A]

I usually know what I'm gonna get before I go in there because I've looked at the menu in the car or whatever. Yeah.

[B]

It's also not hard to say everything.

[A]

It also, too. I know. You know, I know where I'm at. You know what I mean?

[B]

Stick and move.

[A]

Yeah, I stick and move a little bit, but there's. There's usually not gonna be really anything on the menu that's gonna, like. Oh, fuck, I didn't know that that was a thing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You know, like, you get one. Right. Maybe.

[B]

Wait, okay, hold on. Let me. You're. You're doing a lot of stammering and stuttering trying to get this out. Let me just try to see if.

[A]

I can Try to dance around.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

Offend anybody.

[B]

I understand. Let me see if I can get every. Let's see if I get the homies and the bozos up to speed. Right. Let me really go over the meeting minutes. We have you and who out to dinner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Okay. You and. Is it a group or an individual?

[A]

It's just us.

[B]

It's a group and an individual out to dinner.

[A]

And the drinks had already been served and been drinking on the table.

[B]

And there's.

[A]

There's a lot. There's a lot of conversation. There's a lot of conversation. There's a lot of.

[B]

Which you love.

[A]

No, there's a lot of misfocused things. And, like, listen, if the bed's made. All right, let's go make breakfast. But the bed's not made.

[B]

So we were at dinner. Wait a minute. Let me get a short.

[A]

She don't know what she wants. And we're talking about, what are we doing next weekend? Or who's coming into town, or. What about this? What about that? Making lighthearted conversations.

[B]

What's this got to do with the price of tea in China?

[A]

Figure the fuck. Listen, we gotta make a move in the next 25 seconds here, okay?

[B]

So the waiter or the server comes over and you say, hey, can I get another minute? Or they say, hey, can I get another minute?

[A]

Yeah, I thought, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And they say, hey, can I get another minute? Then they leave.

[A]

I get. You know. Yeah, yeah, I think we're all set. What are you Thinking, babe.

[B]

You'Re saying this to your coworker.

[A]

My coworker.

[B]

What's up, hot stuff?

[A]

Lenny. His name's Lenny. Lunch together. Yeah, we need another minute.

[B]

I need another minute.

[A]

And in the back of my head, I'm like, another. I gotta wait another minute, Another minute. What the fuck could you possibly not know or need more information on? So I sit there, burger. And we weren't exactly in the fucking hot section either, so we had the fucking. Yeah, she was. She's not training anybody, this server, I'll tell you that. So it was like 15 minutes and then more conversation. And I had to, like, get. I had to get. I had to get this person back on track of like, hey, do you know?

[B]

And you even think it's between two things.

[A]

And then I get hit with the, yeah, call her over. Call her over. Close your fucking menu and put it on the edge of the fucking table like a goddamn gentleman.

[B]

Lenny.

[A]

Lenny, who I love and would not want to be without in any situation and love going out to eat with Lenny. He's a good kid. But that, I feel, is an egregious.

[B]

Listen, you get trashy. You get one. I'll give you one. Because a lot of times they circle back a little quick and maybe it's, hey, it's you and Lenny's anniversary of the day he started working.

[A]

I'm doing that on the anniversary.

[B]

Come on. Maybe it's a special day in you and Lenny's relationship.

[A]

It was not.

[B]

Situation.

[A]

It was.

[B]

It was a regular early D. Listen, I get it. I'm just saying, if there is a certain.

[A]

It was hibachi. So it's like, what the fuck?

[B]

The grill's going, hey, Lenny, get a clove. It's either the chicken, a shrimp, or the steak. It wasn't hibachi. You didn't do hibachi?

[A]

No, it was. Well, okay, so it's. It was. It was. We went to get sushi. You know what I mean? And it's a hibashi sushi. Sushi place that she picked out. I'll just tell you. Yeah. And we get in there, it's a Saturday afternoon on the Upper west side, and fucking. There is a birthday party for 7,012 year olds in there. And they're banging.

[B]

Really moving with the New York movers in Jake.

[A]

They're banging on the fucking table. They're singing Happy Birthday. They're hitting the gong. Like, isn't that racist? First of all, what are we doing here? They're screaming. The guys doing the flips. And we're in the fucking back section. They have, like, a little section.

[B]

I guess you're out by the green strap. What did you expect? Dude? You did an Upper west side hibachi, right?

[A]

I didn't make this.

[B]

You might as well want the TGI Fridays in Times Square.

[A]

I'm aware of that. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, these. These kids might as well be banging that gong right next to me going, fatty, fatty, fatty. Like, just. I was so annoyed.

[B]

They better. I gave him 20 bucks each.

[A]

Give me another minute.

[B]

Yeah, that's the.

[A]

Listen, listen. First of all, that situation in particular is just a conversation starter. You know what I mean?

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

I'm just using as an example. Doesn't really pertain to my personal life there.

[B]

No, of course.

[A]

At 2, 4.

[B]

Yeah. This is a fictional program.

[A]

No, I'm not saying that. It happened. I tell you it happened.

[B]

We know it happened. I'll give you my two cents. You get one. Like I said, if you sit down, you guys get off on a topic. You're. Blah, blah, blah. If you're talking, you go, shit, we got. We got sidetracked. We didn't really. The drink, Scott.

[A]

That has never happened.

[B]

You're a once.

[A]

And as a waiter, I used to remember that happening all the time. I go over. Oh, I'm sorry. We didn't even look yet. You didn't look yet. Oh, we were talking. That's a deed. That's what people would say. Like, you know when it's like, three.

[B]

Yeah. When they're out having fun.

[A]

It's turn and burn, lady.

[B]

Hey, buddy, you're working. I'm pretty sure you're on Percocet. Okay? You've lost all track of time.

[A]

This is turn and burn.

[B]

You're sitting there like McConaughey. Time is a flat circle.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's disrespectful to the server.

[B]

I know. But also, listen, at this, I got to push back a little bit. I understand where you're coming from, but at the same time, that's. They're there to. How. You're there to have a good time.

[A]

Yeah, but you're hoity toity now. You're nouveau riche.

[B]

No, you're.

[A]

You have.

[B]

We make the same amount of money.

[A]

You have friends. You. You have couples that are friends, and you go out with them and stuff like that, and you lose doing your thing.

[B]

Lenny doesn't want to hang out with me. No. So here's the thing. You're allowed. I'm not Saying it's right, but I'll give you the. Ah. Yeah. Sorry we got sidetracked and Whatever. Whatever.

[A]

I'm not saying that I'm ready. I'll dime her right the fuck out.

[B]

I'm on your side.

[A]

I know, but she doesn't. I apologize.

[B]

You gotta get. Let me. I'm on your side. I agree, but you also have to go. The word. You can't live in absolutes. That's gonna happen every now and then.

[A]

What that meant. Why can't you. You can't live in absolutes. What does that mean?

[B]

I'm not really sure. It's not all white or black.

[A]

A gray area. Speaking of which, you should have saw this tuna. Nothing on that. It was gray.

[B]

I picked up on it.

[A]

Yeah. The one piece was like. It was like a tongue. Not going back there. Anyway. That's got nothing to do with anything. I'm just saying.

[B]

I mean. Yeah. Listen, I think you're being a little too hard on it. You're allowed to ask for a graceful minute every once in a while if needed. That's what I'm saying. If this is happening every time you go out to dinner. I do. You got a huddle up before you get in there. Go. Let's look at the menu. Let's do that. There you go.

[A]

All right. Okay. And I'm sorry to be so passionate about it. I apologize. How do you feel about the putting in the drinks and the appetizers and we're going to hold off for a couple of minutes.

[B]

You do that.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Yeah. You do that. Which I was always taught. That can jam up the kitchen. I only do it if they offer.

[A]

I do think.

[B]

Hold on. If they go, hey, you want to get some drinks in? And you want to get some other stuff? I'll do it if they offer. I'm not. I never have gone and never will go. We're gonna put some appetizers in, then come back to us. That's insane. You might as well be that.

[A]

Aren't I.

[B]

You might as well be the queen. That's crazy to me.

[A]

Well, when they're. When they're. When there's shellfish involved. Cold shellfish, you know. You want to pause for a minute?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm a hypocrite.

[B]

Yes. Hey, this just in. Sure. Uh, yeah. I only do that if they offer because I don't know how that kitchen runs. And I'm. I'm very sympathetic to the waiter. I don't want them to, you know, go. Like, I don't I hate to be the guy in any situation where they walk in the back and go, the jerk offs at table 32 want their potato skins in earlier, you know what I mean? That's not like. That's not the vibe I want. And then like, oh, another round of potato skins, you know, but that's. And I'll do it. If we go out to dinner with my family, there'll be like 13 or 14 of us. We'll do. Let's get some apps in because you got the kids, you know what I mean? And listen, we're not going to anywhere that's not oak. That's not based off of fry a later full disclosure. I asked for the full disclosure.

[A]

We started off with. With the salad and the salad at those places they do that. That carrot ginger dressing, which I love. And in my head that's that. I mean, that's like a juice, you know, so. And they put like. It's. It's like they. It's like they walked by it with the ramekin. So I had to be like, yo, can we get a little more carrot?

[B]

You're an asshole. You see, dude, that's insane. You're running them for more. For more dressing that comes. That's your fault. You should go. I want extra dressing.

[A]

I drowned this. Which then she didn't. Lenny didn't touch it after that because it was too much dressing. But it's all carrot, man.

[B]

That must have been a lot of dressing. I've never heard somebody say there's too much dressing. That had to be a lot of dressing.

[A]

That was a big one.

[B]

Yeah, you are. I mean, listen, you have worked in kitchens for a very long time, but you do have a lot of social taboos that I see when I'm out a of times with, you know, taboos.

[A]

Me like I'm in the kinky.

[B]

Well, I don't know. You get them, you know, you get the mock sticks on the brain.

[A]

I start getting going. It's just a collective thing. I was just really just asking you guys.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I didn't mean to be so divided. Divisive about it. It's basically just, you know, how do you feel about the give me a minute. I think the give me a minute should be used somewhat sparingly.

[B]

100% sparingly. No one's saying it shouldn't be 100%. Once a year you get one. If you're. If you need it more than once a year, you are the problem.

[A]

Now. Do I give her that once? Was that the once? A year or do we have to have a conversation about this?

[B]

I don't listen. You're probably in the doghouse. I wouldn't have a Converse. You've ruined a salad for. You guys are even as far as I'm concerned.

[A]

Fair enough.

[B]

That's all I'm saying.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah. That's. You were all well aware of. You go in and your oppo. This is how I came up. You try to keep your head down. You don't make any real big adjustments. You can say, hey, no tomato, no this, no that, whatever. But you're. You know, it's. I treat it like a bank heist. You keep your file, you know, don't know eye contact. I don't want to be the hero at the table.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You know. But that. You know it is.

[A]

I'm with you, kid. What do you know about Cash, baby?

[B]

I love that. Cash out.

[A]

It's 2025. Who's using cash? We're using Cash app.

[B]

Boom head, everybody.

[A]

First of all, this is a big sponsor for us. Everybody knows about cash. I mean, what are we doing here? Fantastic. I'll tell you why Cash app is absolutely fantastic. Because it's easy peasy. You just enter your phone number, your email, no bank account needed, no waiting around for days. It's your money. Let's go.

[B]

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[A]

It's the future.

[B]

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[A]

Start calling your friends from high school and shit.

[B]

Yeah. If you're about to send money to a sketchy account or a sketchy. Hey. They pop up. Double check this. This smells a little fishy.

[A]

I don't like the cut of this guy's jib.

[B]

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[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. Do it.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. Not everyone is careful with your personal information, which might explain why there's a victim of Identity theft every five seconds. In the U.S. fortunately, there's LifeLock. Lifelock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a US based restoration specialist will fix it. It guaranteed, or your money back. Save up to 40 your first year by visiting lifelock.com podcast terms apply. But all that's neither here nor there, gang, as you know. As the big man said, we got a gosh darn family episode on your hands. And when you join over air on a patreon, you'll get your and your question, your garbage question read on the air with over 14, 000 strong over.

[A]

There by Kevin James Ryan himself, ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

One more minute, please. All right, this one's for Manny. Ten dollar homie. As a kid, did you ever sign up to bring the napkins or the plates at school potluck or parties because your parents are cheap bastards? Oh, it's the way to go. I was big. I'll bring the chips or soda guy. There's no way I was putting Denise on the hook for a. For like an Irish stew or something like that, you know?

[A]

Oh, man. Napkins and plates. Easy peasy.

[B]

I signed her off for churros one time at what? At a fiesta. I dropped. What the hell's that? I don't even have my passport, dude.

[A]

I didn't know what a churros really was. That was the name of our textbook, our Spanish textbook. Churros y Chocolate. I didn't really know what that was.

[B]

I think that was ours too.

[A]

I'm sure a lot of drew a.

[B]

Set of cans on the girl on page 69.

[A]

That guy moves some books. I don't know if I really knew or understood what one was until my late 30s.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I mean, I know. I. I learned.

[A]

Where was she gonna get them?

[B]

We had to make them.

[A]

Where? How is she gonna do that?

[B]

I signed her up for it.

[A]

No, but how. How was she gonna do that?

[B]

You make the batter, you deep fry them or whatever.

[A]

There's no fucking way. Your mother.

[B]

We tried and missed. I. I signed her up.

[A]

Special equipment.

[B]

They're not making them at NASA. The broads on the subway are selling them. They're making them in a kitchen.

[A]

I mean, first of all, I think.

[B]

The first step of oil. And we had the fry, daddy.

[A]

I think the first step in that recipe is you got to put on some Enrique Iglesias.

[B]

Well, as I got to tell you, we were not dancing. We were jammed the f up. Also had to make.

[A]

You have to have a special Piper, though.

[B]

No, any bag. Yeah. I mean, listen, we weren't Cut it.

[A]

With one of those weird scissors.

[B]

I think we did the bag where you like. You think the corn like the bag. Corner of the bag where you just like. Like it's a pastry at the end of the day.

[A]

Dude, you might as well ask my mother to make plutonium. I did.

[B]

I remember my mom going, what the hell did you even do this for?

[A]

Europe and to an Irish.

[B]

I dropped it on her, right? I dropped on her last minute, like relative. Like that day. Like the day. Like they were due Wednesday morning was the fiesta model.

[A]

You have peanut oil. What?

[B]

You studied abroad in Mexico, right? You did spring break in Cancun in 72. Right. And so we got. I got a handwritten. I remember being so mad. We got a handwritten. Because my. My Spanish teacher. This is 8th, 9th, 7th, 8th, 9th grade. My Spanish teacher gave like, you got to pick churros or whatever. Whatever. And I think I was sick. And I said, you know, all the plates and chips were all sodas were already signed up for. Like, I'll do the. I'll do the churros. How bad could they be? And I. So she gave.

[A]

Kevin got the whole goat.

[B]

Everybody that made. Made something got. She gave you the recipe. Like, oh, here's the. It was handwritten. Oh, my God. You know, Denise can at least file a couple steps. Seen her make a shepherd's pie.

[A]

I guess it really.

[B]

It's the same thing.

[A]

I guess it really only is funnel cake.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yes. You make the batter. It's. Yeah, you're making like cake batter. But she had messed like there was a bridge. The. She had the sugar. Add sugar to it, but was like looped up like it was added after with a line or something, and my mom missed it. And it looked like that was supposed to go in the coating. Like the cinnamon coating.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But it was also supposed to go in the batter. But the way she had handwritten it made it seem.

[A]

Dude, savory churros, man.

[B]

We were. We put chocolate on them and every. My mom's like, these stink. I'm like, I can't go in empty handed. This broad's gonna flunk me. You know what I mean? Lfa. I'm gonna. I'm gonna have to take Spanish dose dos timeos. You know what I mean?

[A]

I want to thank Kevin for his cilantro and cinnamon churro.

[B]

Yeah. She went, this ain't it. I'm like, I know. I go. She goes, it feels like they're Lit. Missing sugar.

[A]

Who said this?

[B]

His teacher.

[A]

Oh, her. Do your own cooking.

[B]

My mom did not like her. Moving on, you know, from then on, she's like. Well, D gave me the thing. It says her. I'm like, I know.

[A]

That's a bad look for a mom, too, when the teacher's criticizing. Your mom usually cook.

[B]

You are fat. I don't know how you got this fat. And she's that bad of a cook. Yeah, it was that. I remember my mom was so like, what the.

[A]

Oh, you embarrassed her. I didn't kinda.

[B]

Ms. Grossman had the bad handwriting.

[A]

Grossman was your Spanish teacher?

[B]

Hola.

[A]

We had Senior Gantt.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think she's Spanish either.

[A]

I think he was Gantt. Mr. Gant. He was something. He was something.

[B]

He wasn't.

[A]

Yeah. I'm telling you, he had a bump in tan. Trust me, he was something. Dog. I'm telling you. He spoke Spanish like the. Like the dickens kitchen Spanish, man, that sucks. Yeah, he would. Cupcakes maybe.

[B]

We didn't do it, dude. I was. I was. I didn't, like, show. I didn't want to be the center of it. I don't want to fuck up. You take a big swing.

[A]

You fucked it up. That was the rest of the meal.

[B]

I forget.

[A]

I mean, you guys eat it in class.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There was nothing like catching a lunch before lunch. Yeah, that was the best.

[B]

Or right after. A little grazing. One more minute, please.

[A]

It's somebody's anniversary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, it's always an easy one. Chips and salsa. Yeah, that was always.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I always signed up for whatever. Even we went to a Barbie or a Super Bowl. Parted five or whatever a handful of years ago. And they were like, everybody bring something. And I'm like, I'll get chip. I'm not like, making, like, hippies homemade guac or nothing like that. Like, I'm going with, like. I got. I took the subway to their place. I went into the bodega. I bought, like, as I saw me and three other dirt bag comics in there. All my boys just buying the things. They said coordinate that.

[A]

Y' all get chips, you get pretzels. I'll get the. What you call it? Yeah.

[B]

Fuck am I doing? You know what I mean, man?

[A]

Great question, though.

[B]

Yeah, good question.

[A]

And what a smooth move. The plates, the napkins, box of. Not showing off, box of munchkins.

[B]

Something someone else is making and packaging.

[A]

Throw a little money at the front.

[B]

This one is. This is a very. Restaurant heavy or food heavy. This is from kj. Peterman. I ask my Lords of garbage if I'm eating a chicken sandwich on, like, a burger, but like a butt, like a good bun.

[A]

I'm with you.

[B]

Do I put that top down after the first bite? I'm talking chicken sandwich with all the works. Coleslaw and all. Great. That seems like a lot.

[A]

Yeah, I think that. I think in that case, if you're.

[B]

Talking slaw, it depends on the density. Yeah, I. I'd have it. Have to be. I. Let me get hands on it.

[A]

I'll let you know if we're talking about a cafeteria chicken patty.

[B]

No, no, too light.

[A]

Yeah, too light. But if it's a heavy bike boy, and it's got the bacon sticking out, and the slaw and the remoulade and the lettuce and tomato. Maybe a pickle on there. Yeah, you put it down. Upside down.

[B]

I don't know. I feel like that would be.

[A]

Balances it out.

[B]

I don't think so. I feel it'd be top heavy.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. Guy who knows everything. All right, let's see. This one's from Pierce. Is it garbage if you and your spouse drive two of the same vehicle? My neighbors have two Ford Rangers, the toughest. That's so weird to me.

[A]

That's like a brother or sister.

[B]

I think my sister just did that. They got like, two of the same cars.

[A]

What are you, the feds?

[B]

They are like SUVs. It's like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I never understood that A mom should have a mom car and a dad should have a dad car.

[A]

My one cousin should be jealous.

[B]

And I know we're gender neutral, but there's. There's gendered cars.

[A]

My one cousin got the same car as his brother. I was like, what the fuck?

[B]

We did that after. Danny was. Danny wasn't in. That's how we got it. That's how we became a Chevy Lumina family. Danny wasn't, you know, high school.

[A]

That's different.

[B]

No, this is. He was in college. He was. He was on sabbatical from college. Let's put it that way.

[A]

You guys are young dirtbags. I'm saying. Now this guy went out and bought the same family car that his brother has. So when they pull up, it's like, the President's in there.

[B]

Yeah. But a lot of the suburban kids. Guys.

[A]

Suburban kids.

[B]

A lot of these suburban guys are rolling around in the big black or dark gray ATF Alphabet boys. Suburbans and Tahoes.

[A]

The Yukons.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Same color. Same. Every same. Exact. But the same exact. Car, make, model, year old. Nine yard.

[B]

I gotta give it to them. They're nice cars. They're nice cars.

[A]

What is this? What did they say?

[B]

They had two Ford Rangers. If they're the new Ford Rangers, cool. They're the old ones. That's a little jump seat in the back.

[A]

Yeah. What do you have, a petting zoo? The little forward, the little trucks.

[B]

Yeah. The new ones are nice. The new ones are like more New Age.

[A]

Those always creep me out.

[B]

They're like. The new ones are like smaller, F150s kind of.

[A]

Whenever anybody's dad drove a small truck, especially if it had a cabin on the back.

[B]

You're talking about my stepdad. He had the Ford Ranger. Multiple colored Ford Ranger with, like the lines down the side.

[A]

And the cabin, the cab in the.

[B]

Back, the red interior that had sunflower seeds and Winston ash all over.

[A]

That's a Pedo mobile right there, dog. I don't like that at all. There's some rope and stuff like that in the back seat of that thing.

[B]

Smelled like. I mean, I've been in a lot of work trucks. This was like rust and cigarettes just. You were grease and soot and everything. CB radio, papers galore. I'm talking. You like, what are they? I've had a car my whole life. There's not one paper above in my. In my visor. My dad and stepdad. Filing cabinets worth the shit.

[A]

Remember, they don't have receipts.

[B]

And the only thing I do that I do like my dad is, well, now I have EZ Pass. But I didn't have EZ Pass for a long time. Up until, like, you know, two, three years ago. I'd get the ticket and put that up there. Like when I went to the toll. You pull, like on the turnpike, you pull that. That goes right up there.

[A]

If that motherfucker was missing when you.

[B]

Pulled up, we lost one going to Big Boulder and Jack Frost in the Poconos. And I remember my dad screaming because he put the window down and catch a heater. And then papers would blow everywhere.

[A]

It was probably $3.

[B]

I know. Well, you know, you have to pay the max, which would probably be like. Could be like 25 bucks. I could sink the ship.

[A]

Good thing we got those churros.

[B]

Sugarless churros.

[A]

What I was gonna say is, obviously it's a little outdated now. But I remember being a kid being like, I wouldn't be able to figure this out if my life depended on it. Were dads that had maps in their car. I remember looking at those. Could you figure out a map you think?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right now?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You think you could.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I mean, you look at enough maps that like, it's not like, I mean, you're using a version of a map on a phone so like I can understand direction. We drove from, from Bucks to Toronto with a map. MapQuest and a map.

[A]

Would you say we? What We? What was your. Were you navigating?

[B]

I was catching heaters. Yeah, I was navigating. I was co pilot.

[A]

Were you?

[B]

Yeah, I remember.

[A]

So you're saying coming up here, get on this on ramp to do it.

[B]

You got to look at like i8 and I mean, I do. This was. We literally printed out the turn by turn directions plus a map.

[A]

But yeah, yeah, I was gonna say MapQuest is easier because it was, it was. Yeah, but I'm talking a straight map.

[B]

Hold on. But you can't. I can't clock. Oh, we've gone 10 miles. So you're constantly. And we had a map. Mm highlighted. So you're like, all right, well, we just passed 287. That means 299 is coming up.

[A]

I. Man, I would get us all killed.

[B]

Dude, that map, it was like 15 pages long. I was like, I felt like a guy in a Titanic where it was going down. I'm flipping pages. Turn around and charts. I'm. Meanwhile, I got a heater going on. It was bad. Yeah. How do we get there? Oh, the car. The Ford Rangers. All right, let's see here. This is for a meatball 150. I don't know what that is, but.

[A]

Great name to do with me, I.

[B]

Assume $10 shareholder never had one. Red. Are you garbage if you save shoelaces from old shoes? Because you never know when you're gonna need a replacement set. That's wild to me.

[A]

Yeah. Because they get those weird marks on them where they're in the loops.

[B]

Yours do for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like you're working in a coal miner. So you have. You haven't done it. You haven't worked any sort of laborious job in a decade. I couldn't tell you the last time. It's like you're covered in soot.

[A]

Yeah. I couldn't tell you the last time I bought a pair of shoelaces.

[B]

No.

[A]

20 years maybe, as a kid.

[B]

Come with the shoes a lot when you were skating, it would rip and we would like tie them back. That was like a. That was like a vibe.

[A]

I had that. Yeah.

[B]

I was like, yeah, I'm out here working, I'm doing it, you know, What?

[A]

I mean, that's pretty cool. That's a good look.

[B]

Yeah. Means you were living a life.

[A]

I like the dirty shoes look. When it was cool, but it was cool.

[B]

It's kind of cool, you know? Have you seen these kids walking around in the dirty air force ones? It's cool again.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Not your. I mean, your hokas look like you pulled them out of fucking Malvisuvius. At one point I thought you were wearing like khaki color hokas. And then I was like, oh, they're the white ones from two months ago. That happened like four days ago in my head. I didn't say anything because I want to break your stuff.

[A]

They're all stained up.

[B]

All right, let's see. I mean, yeah, I haven't. Hold on. New laces. I don't even like you. And sometimes I buy a pair of shoes, it comes with a second set of laces. I'm like, throw these out.

[A]

I don't think I've ever had that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I didn't like when they started popping off, which I'm. I'm glad that they're not in style anymore. The round laces.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Those things sucked. Like a backpack on my foot.

[B]

What did they call it? We called it like, did you ever like relay said to the bars or whatever.

[A]

I couldn't do that shit.

[B]

We did it once, do you know what I mean? With the Nike. Yeah. So to be straight across rather than you would. Yes. Like my cousin did that for me once, man. No. Finding someone could do that. And then what do they. They? It was that the bar lit. I remember somebody did it on a field trip for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I was like, I can take my shoes off and we know phones.

[A]

Or whatever, we gotta feel like a real big shots. Like the king's cobbler. Doing your shoes.

[B]

Sorry. Steve's back there doing my shoes.

[A]

Nah, that wasn't my. Look.

[B]

The bar lace, the cv. Is that what they're called? I think they're called barley.

[A]

Stan Smith's is like a pair of sneakers. You would do.

[B]

You would do that.

[A]

I couldn't wear Stan Smith even as a kid.

[B]

Yeah, Straight bar lacing. Straight bar lacing. I mean those. Yeah, those. The shell tops. I never got them. Yeah, Stan Smith sounds like a nice guy. Never met him. But that ain't my cup of tea. I'm not LL Cool J.

[A]

That and the kid that could string a lacrosse stick was always. He was always in hot commodity, especially around lacrosse players. It was a big deal.

[B]

Yeah, that and Then fuck. I'm drawing a blank.

[A]

That was always a good way for a younger classman to get in with the cool seniors. I can restring that stick for you.

[B]

That what you were doing? I couldn't give him a hand jobs probably in the back of the buck. Hey, listen, I don't know how to tie my own shoes and I ain't good restringing a stick, but I will sure get put a working on your hog over there.

[A]

I will throat coat that thing till we get to Neshaminy.

[B]

Shout out to Neshaminy Mall.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Rude. All right, let's see here. This one's from Tom. Hey gang, are you garbage? If you wall mount your dust buster near your couch, I'll be go goddamn if I have to get up and walk across the room after watching the game with some nachos.

[A]

I always thought that was such a fucking classy move was having. We didn't have a Dustbuster. My cousins had a Dustbuster and they had it. It was in the kitchen.

[B]

The wall mount. We've the Ryan's, Kelly's and Sullivan's. The three of the families together have never mounted anything that was supposed to be mounted.

[A]

No, we've never successfully done that.

[B]

Never.

[A]

We were bad with the phones.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

That would come off though.

[B]

I think the phone. The one phone came with the house and then the second that got replaced, it went downhill. It was like hanging. You could. It was never right again.

[A]

For a while ours was on the floor. We had it. It was plugged into the. So in the kitchen where it was supposed to go was just a loose wire and then it went around and it was just on the floor in the living room. Garbage.

[B]

Like a boiler room scam. You guys are doing a bump and dump.

[A]

Bunch of landlines just on the floor.

[B]

Copy machine. These are the leads.

[A]

Yeah. For a while that was always a sign of the real. Once I think once my mom saw that our one neighbor had that she corrected it because they were like the. The trashy family and like they had shit all over their lawn.

[B]

And they hate to break it to you. You also the tragedy.

[A]

No, no. Their kids always had the. The cherry stains around their lips.

[B]

That kid always. That kid's two front teeth were always too far apart. And there was no braces in sight either. That kid was not going to the orthodontist.

[A]

I think his one little brother was born with that shit. Blue raspberry just going around here.

[B]

Fucking Slurpee kid. Yeah, we had a Dustbuster.

[A]

That's pretty. That's pretty classy.

[B]

Yeah, but it never worked. And the filter never got like it was. I think when they were doing well in the mid-80s, there was some of that. Like, my dad came home with a computer. It was like, the hell is it? You know, I think he was trying to wow his. You know, like, you ever see the. The wedding singer when he comes. When. When John Gulia comes home with the CD player and he's like, oh, well, record. It was like that. Like my dad, like, he had. He had. He had some cash.

[A]

So he was like trying to show off.

[B]

Trying to show flex a little. Flex a little.

[A]

Yeah. But that was the smokeless ashtray for the Foley household.

[B]

We were. We liked it. We liked it in the air. But we had. And then we had a. We had a red Devil. Dirt devil.

[A]

Dirt devils are all right.

[B]

We had. This was. My mom probably still had. It was a plugged in one, gas powered. It was my job to do the stairs. And I was, man, plugging that in and doing the. Doing the stairs with that dirt devil was. Oh, you couldn't tell me. I was king of the castle, lord of the manor. I was doing. I was giving them high and tight. I was fading them in on the side instead of points on them.

[A]

Look like Yankee Stadium out there.

[B]

Oh, man, I loved it. I played with my guys on it after it was freshly mowed. I'd have a whole base.

[A]

Oh, man, the whole battlefield changed. On a clean carpet.

[B]

I'd yell at the dog. He's getting his footprints in it and wiping his head. Get out. Get. Don't get, man.

[A]

Playing on the stairs with your guys after a fresh fact.

[B]

They'd be fast rappelling down and stuff. One guy would fall over the edge, wouldn't make it.

[A]

I used to love that. Breaking out the. The thread, taping GI Joe's hand to something coming in.

[B]

Yeah, that was all right.

[A]

Teen in one hand, couple grenades in the other.

[B]

Yeah, we were very much. And we still, like. I still operate my life like this where it's like also to go back to this. The fact that it's mounted. The fact you have a Dustbuster. Classy. The fact that it's mounted. Very classy. The fact that it's mounted next to the couch. Trashy.

[A]

Trashy.

[B]

Should have. That should be like. Remember people have. Yeah, I. We never with it for sure. I'm not judging. I'm just saying you got to ask for an answer. I got to shoot him straight here.

[A]

Because I break out that skinny pop Popcorn during a movie. I the house. That shit gets everywhere. And I'm hearing about it, you know?

[B]

This episode is brought to you by Factor. Optimize your nutrition this year with Factor America's number one ready to eat meal service. Factor's fresh Never frozen meals are dietitian approved. Ready to eat in just two minutes, choose from 40 weekly options across eight dietary preferences like calorie smart, protein plus, and keto. Eat smarter at factor meals.com listen50 and use code listen50 for 50 off plus free shipping on your first box. Factor meals.com listen50 code listen50 t's and c's apply. No, I got. I got a question. I just did this the other day.

[A]

Go ahead. My office is always open to you.

[B]

I was vacuuming.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Right. I think we got a shark or something. Something solid. Middle of the road. Plugged in now. I vacuumed. I had plugged in. Yeah. Really plug in.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

This goes back to my childhood. We're not good with batteries. We're not. We never.

[A]

That's rechargeable one.

[B]

I'm not that guy.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

I'm not gonna put it in its thing. I'm not gonna plug it into the wall. I just don't do it.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I know. I. We got one in the burbs and I never plug it in and I get yelled at. Just is what it is. I'm not a guy that I. Have you ever seen me plug anything in around here? Once.

[A]

Your computer's always dying too.

[B]

Here we. My phone's always dying. I'm not good at charging. Stuff gives me anxiety.

[A]

Oh. It's nice to know that you're running the company.

[B]

I think I've been doing a pretty good job thus far. Look that in. Now what? We got a dog shed season. I know that he sheds a lot.

[A]

I'm just kidding. Good doggie.

[B]

So I do. I do it. I do. I'm doing a whole. Doing a whole space. Doing a bedroom, doing a hallway.

[A]

Vacuum the dog.

[B]

No. I will do his bed, though, which. It's like pissing in a wind. Anywho, I put. It was filled with dog hair. I emptied it. I ran it again, filled it again with dog hair. Then just put that away for my wife to handle. Next. That's. It Felt as I was doing. I go, this is a dirtbag move. Because my wife is very pregnant. I'm making her do this at a later date. I did it under the guise of. I'm probably gonna have to vacuum next. So I'm just gonna do it Next. But the bag, the trash bag was so full that I wouldn't have been able to get it all in there. And I would have to take the trash out. And then this is a whole thing. I was hungover. I was trying to relax. This is ruining my day. It's easier to just put it away.

[A]

I did that one time with about a half a bag of dry cat food. It looked like a gumball machine. And man did I hear about it. So I know where you're at. But yeah, you're.

[B]

You gotta do it. But then that leads a chain reaction to the trash. And then I gotta go downstairs, I gotta talk to the guy. I'm running errands. I gotta. I gotta send some back. I gotta go to the UPS store. Oh, you're leaving. Can you stop by and get me this?

[A]

I understand.

[B]

Bad news all because I was trying to be nice.

[A]

Were you trying to be lazy?

[B]

I was trying to be nice and vacuum.

[A]

I take heat for that.

[B]

I'm out here working all daily. I'm out of here calling you fat and talking about my dick.

[A]

I did it one time with, with wet food and that was a real problem. Like the cattle eat and like with her wet food she'll lick up like all the juices. So there'll be little pieces of that wet food around like in the bowl. And she'll put the thing around that. There's. There's no set place where the cat eats. Wherever the cat is, she'll bring it over. So to make sure the cat eats and sit with the first second while she eats, which is cute. But then I come out fucking to the room with, you know, my eyes all gunked up from sleeping. And I'll just punt that thing because it'll be in the middle of the hallway.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

And then I got to clean that up. At one time I was being real lazy and I just vacuumed it up.

[B]

You're gross.

[A]

That did not smell good.

[B]

That's all in them pipes and tubes and stuff. That's badly. Get a shop vac, knock that out for sure.

[A]

But I never had a shop vac that worked well. Can I tell you that crazy. I've never once.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Had a shop vac that worked well, that didn't have a fucked up wheel, that didn't not suck up really good. I've never had one that worked well. They're always such a pain in the ass.

[B]

Sorry to hear that.

[A]

They're always so light. You drag it around. It falls apart. They suck. Sorry.

[B]

I think you just Had a. Probably had a knockoff. No, we had a Ryobi or something.

[A]

Clarkman.

[B]

Yeah. It's a misprint. Listen, it's well documented. That was pretty much our vacuum at my dad's house. House growing up was a shop vac. My dad would shop vac anything and everything. I'm talking cobwebs, poop up from the dog. They do the couches, the whatever, the car.

[A]

I remember when I figured out you could use it as a blower, that.

[B]

That switch that around blew my mind.

[A]

That worked?

[B]

Well, yeah.

[A]

I mean, but the shop vac never worked.

[B]

Stick your little pecker in there, peanut butter.

[A]

It's disgusting.

[B]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Phil. A ten dollar. How you doing?

[A]

Talk to me.

[B]

Use ever shit at a restaurant, but you're only getting takeout. That's a wild, wild move. But I respect it. I do respect it. I should say, man, talk about. Talk about them hating Pearson.

[A]

I got a takeout order. Where's your bathroom at? What a dirt ball. Oh, my God.

[B]

Also, you gotta, like, walk by the people eating. Cause that bathroom's in the back of the dining room. That's not right up.

[A]

You're rolling around in a bathing suit.

[B]

You're all wet. That's tough.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Yeah, but so, like, what. What would you go in like, oh, would you go, hey, where's your bathroom? Or would you just walk in? Because if it's not crowded, they're gonna walk in. They're gonna, hey, how can I help you? Go. I'll be right back. I'm about. I'm about need 12, 18 minutes.

[A]

I'll need another minute.

[B]

So you gotta. Hopefully it's crowded. You can sneak in, go to the bathroom, come back, jump in the back of the line.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

That's ideal circumstance. But. But, you know, I don't know about that.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I think.

[B]

I mean, it's a dirt bag move. But it's gotta happen if it's gotta happen. But then you're also going right home like, you don't have 15 minutes. You don't have 15 minutes. You shouldn't have left the house. I would say you should have been like, you know what? Let me knock this out, then I'll go pick up food.

[A]

That's a wild move. What I was gonna ask is, so if I have to pee or something like that, and I like, go into a pizza place and I'm not getting anything. You want to get something to use the bathroom.

[B]

I feel obligated. I don't know if that's like a whole universal thing, is a very east coast thing where it's like customers are. We, we. We operate under the kind of guys that bathrooms are for customers only. And you want to go, you just go in and like, I'll get this. And where's the bath? A cup of coffee. Where's the bathroom?

[A]

I'm thinking specifically of the pizza place across the street from New York Comedy Club, 24th Street.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

If I, if it's early, if it's too early for me to go in to do my spot and I have to pee, I'll go in there. Right. But I don't, I don't feel right. Especially those guys. I don't want to just walk in and use the bathroom. So what I'll do is I'll go get like a Snapple or a ginger ale or water or something like that. I'll pay for it. And then I'll say, hey, is it okay if I leave this here? I want to run and use the bathroom. How do you feel about that? You wouldn't leave your drink?

[B]

Is that open?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, it's closed. Yeah, I would leave that there.

[A]

Yes. Leave it on the counter.

[B]

Probably not. No. Maybe I don't like in 18 minutes. I don't like, put my stuff in public. And that bathroom ain't great.

[A]

No, I would never bring it in there.

[B]

Yeah, that's like, that's like the.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

From Saul.

[A]

Yeah. I wouldn't bring. I mean, this. I'm disgusting. But it's well documented. But I wouldn't bring anything that I was eating or drinking into a public bathroom.

[B]

So New York, specifically, the. All the stores and places are tight. So you walk in, you're typically getting greet. Like a lot of the bathrooms are locked.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or for customers, like it's. They're. They're playing defense. That's all I'm saying. So a lot of times you go, you might need a code, you might need a key, you might need a. Something. I've been, I've been drinking a lot of water recently. Trying to do a gallon a day.

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

So I get out, I. So we come down here in the morning, I get out of the car and I try to walk over the last 20 minutes. I take a 20 minute walk from the water over here. Nice. I throw the head. It's beautiful weather. I throw my headphones in, get my steps in, enjoy the day.

[A]

I'm gonna start doing that.

[B]

But around halfway through. I gotta take a tanky. Bad. Bad. And I. It's like I have this place. I don't know if it's like a. All bupa. It's something. I forget what it is. It's not that. The fishmongers.

[A]

What's it called? Pret. Manger.

[B]

Pretty Manger.

[A]

Pretty Manger.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Is that right there?

[B]

A lot of stank on there.

[A]

I gotta take an a la dump.

[B]

I just shit my a la drawers. And there's a place I found where it is a little retail like they had. It's a restaurant but like coffee spots a chain. And I know they're not locked.

[A]

You're in a Nordstrom rack.

[B]

Those are sometimes the best. Because it's up. It's up. So when you're going the bathroom publicly in New York, the ones that have good access are typically overran by homeless people. Like if it's got. If it's a public place, it's bad. So you got to go into a little bit Starbucks. It's like pooping in the sewers, you know, it's like you're hanging down there with the turtles, baby. It's. It's tough. A Starbucks is anymore is bad. Yeah, very bad. It's like a gas station bathroom off the side of the highway bad. So you try to avoid those. You got to go to something a little more elevated to get a cleaner experience.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But those then tend to have more defense. Hence why they're not overran, of course. Three people. So that's where you put this one's. It's the perfect bat. It's a little grody. Little grody, but clean enough. And there's no defense. I feel so. I would do it every day. I feel so confident walking in there.

[A]

You don't get nothing.

[B]

I don't even look at them anymore. I don't even care if it's crowded. If it's not crowded, I go right to the bath. They probably hate me. I catch some eyes on a way out. I don't clog the toilet.

[A]

Tell me if it's a go order. Be right back.

[B]

I'll be right back.

[A]

My wallet, the car.

[B]

Walk in the kitchen. Yeah. So I, I. It's tough.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Yeah, it's a. It's a balancing act. There's one at. Dude, if you go to. I walked into one. I told you. I don't know if I told you. Actually, I walked into one at the park over there on like 9th Ave. Where we shot the. The two bears running. Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I was walking from that over that way. I was like, let me. I was walking. I'm like, let me pop in there.

[A]

Oh, the homeless dog.

[B]

How did I tell you? That dog was looking out under the stall. Backed up some guy shooting K in there or something like that. Ah, God damn. All right, let's see here. 10 this. I think this is from Tony. I don't know. The names got mixed up. I apologize. $10, homie. Never have one read. Is it garbage to send a bird pictures of what you hope your house will look like by the time she can come over? Hear me out. What? My walls are currently Sheetrock right now, but I used an AI program to put paint on them. I think it's ingenious, but if this chick keeps chirping me back, I better get the paint. So he's living in an unfinished house at the moment, and he's using an app to paint the walls and go, look how nice my place is.

[A]

Oh, man. So he's talking. He's talking to a new lady online on one of the apps.

[B]

Probably a move. Then I got my own place. Blah, blah, blah. He's bragging about a place that is.

[A]

Currently Sheetrocked, and they're taking it slow. Right. I'm assuming they've gotten to the point where they're now exchanging pictures of their domiciles. Sure.

[B]

He's bragging for sure.

[A]

Oh, man. I respect getting that done, dog.

[B]

You got a tape? Yeah. If you're showing she.

[A]

Because if she thinks it looks like one thing, and then she gets there and it's. And it's. It. It's untaped Sheetrock. She gonna think you're gonna murder her.

[B]

Get the plastic hanging up real Dexter style.

[A]

The AI is ingenious.

[B]

That's. I mean, I've been out of the game for a minute, but people are. That makes sense.

[A]

The Birdwood did that to me with sunglasses. She was using that AI app or whatever. Whatever.

[B]

Took a swing hitter. I'm on my way.

[A]

She was showing me pictures of sunglasses that she was gonna buy. And I guess they have an AI Thing where you can. And I'm like, you bought. I'm like, you bought all these sunglasses?

[B]

The hell? We're tanking. They're gonna end up in a poor house. You bought all these sunglasses.

[A]

You're in here, like, where they at? Start breaking them.

[B]

Ah, that's good stuff there.

[A]

Yeah. Get the place painted, man. What are you doing? I don't know.

[B]

Don't listen to me.

[A]

What the fuck do I care?

[B]

I mean, listen, I respect the hustle.

[A]

She comes over, put a blindfold on her. Thought you're trying to be romantic.

[B]

You got to do the hot. You know what I mean? And maybe it will entice you to paint it sooner and get this brought over. What are you doing with the furniture? You just. You doing AI that too. Unless you got furniture. And I guess you got furniture in a sheet. Just a Sheetrock house.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Tell your. Tell her you're talking about coldest.

[A]

Talk about cold aesthetics.

[B]

I can't lie. I got exposed. Exposed, untaped drywall at the crib.

[A]

You're in the process, though.

[B]

I mean, cousin Michael put it up fucking like 6 weeks ago @ this point.

[A]

Yeah, Mikey's a busy man.

[B]

Mikey said he's not good at tape, and I should get my other cousin to come. And then now I'm project managing if the goddamn family screwing me over. All right, let's see. This one is.

[A]

How can you not be good at taping? That's the easiest part.

[B]

I know. I told it gets too wet.

[A]

He's gonna hear this and get pissed at me next time I see him down the shore.

[B]

Showed up. We had a family party. Showed up. He's got. Like that. He's got the cool guy mullet going.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, like the soccer player thing?

[B]

Kinda. Kinda. More like, you know, country music festival slash golf. YouTuber or something like that.

[A]

Scalping tickets at Stagecoach.

[B]

That's what he looks like. All right, let's see. This one's from Hansi gruber. Great. Name $10 dignitary. Ever have a parent play you a cassette or CD or anything of their homies? Garage band. When I was a kid, I remember my mom trying to convince me her friend's band was cool. Now as I'm writing this, I recall it was a guy friend. Maybe there's more to the story. I mean, that's tough. That's. There's no way they were good adults. Shouldn't be in a garage band.

[A]

There's no way. She wasn't banging them for sure, but, I mean, listen, that star Shiny's talking about, that's your mother. Yeah. Okay. You got your friends. You weren't study buddies. I thought you were gonna say. I thought he was gonna say played. Pulled out a cassette or a record and playing the voice of a deceased grandparent. Oh, no, my mom has that of her dad who died when she was, like, 12. It's some recording that they did on, like, Coney island. And she tried to play that. I. We. My. Even my dad shut that down. Let me get the fucking bishop in here to fucking stage, you know, playing. I don't want no ghost voice in my house on my new stereo system. Fuck that. I remember looking. I just looked haunted. It was like, you know, Mary and Andy on the boardwalk and Coney Island.

[B]

You play it backwards. Kill yourself.

[A]

Man. Talk about a dirt bag move. Playing records backwards.

[B]

It's insane that these people thought that.

[A]

Like that Paul McCartney was putting demonic messages.

[B]

It sounds like an ogre. Yeah. No. Yeah.

[A]

You don't have that trouble with Diplo. I'll tell you. Good vibes only, dog. He played at any which. Sweep it upside down. That shit's still coming out.

[B]

That'll bring you back from the dead. That's the star. Just start. Start lowing them shoulders, dog Diddy bopping up in this. No, I never.

[A]

Parented anybody that was in a band.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

We're all N deep.

[B]

Listen to music. Listen to the silence.

[A]

Ain't no soundtrack with the jungle at night, dog. A little bit of painted black Heard.

[B]

A lot of Gimme Shelter when they closed their eyes all along the watchtower.

[A]

Goddamn hippie dodging the giraffe recorded up in Canada.

[B]

I forgot to tell you. I was drunk at a family party recently and I was saying goodbye. I was leaving. I was saying goodbye to everybody. That's a pretty tuned up, you know what I mean?

[A]

Open bar, nuts out, hanging, brave.

[B]

And I'm like hugging. It's like my aunts. And I'm like, I'm pro. And I'm like, trying to. There's so many people you got to say bye to. And you're like, I'm making the rounds. And I lean into. I lean. I. I hug. I hug my Aunt Kate. Hugging. Kiss my Aunt Kate, who's over here again, banged up. I lean into hugging. Kiss who I am just assuming's an aunt. It was my Uncle Den and I got fucking stiff armed. Real. You're about to give me a kiss. I was like. I was. I'm pretty fucked up. I'm not gonna lie, dude. I thought. It's like I was ready to give him a jump at a. At a truck stop bathroom.

[A]

Wait, you don't give your uncle's kisses?

[B]

Not Uncle Den? No, one uncle. One or two uncle from when I was a kid that carried on a little bit. I'm not. My Uncle Den don't do hugs. He's a firm handshake and he's got Spackle on his hands. I Think we did you kiss my uncle, you bastard. Telling Aunt Soupy.

[A]

I think we did. Did I give my Uncle Joe, my Uncle Mike, hugs and kisses? I think I did, but, like, you know, like the. Like. Like the manly ones.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'll do. Yeah. My two of my uncles don't fly that way.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Uncle Dan and Uncle Larry.

[A]

Handshakes.

[B]

Handshake. Even for the wife.

[A]

You look beautiful.

[B]

You're glowing. Yeah, no, but those guys are usually the ones. I wasn't super close to them. They were. Their kids were old. Like the. My uncles that I grew up who were like my proper. Like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like my Uncle John.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like you get, like, a hug and a kiss.

[A]

Those guys, usually the ones that were all that always gave the good. Like, the good platonic kisses to the other wives. You know what I mean? They. They did the. The good. A Don Shell. Good to see you. No, not.

[B]

Yeah, maybe. I mean, I never looked at him kissing the other broads.

[A]

All right, I'm not making sense. You know, they gave the good. You know. Hey, how you doing? Kiss.

[B]

Sure, I hear what you're saying. Yeah, but. No, whatever.

[A]

I died. Listen, you don't want to try to make out with your uncle. You look at him like I'm a freak. You hornball. Once you put it away a little bit. Haven't you done enough damage? You're kissing your one hand and you're going into lac. Dc, huh?

[B]

He leaned back to, I think, my Uncle Larry, who was behind them. He tried to kiss me.

[A]

He just starts punching you.

[B]

Record stops. Yeah, it was like.

[A]

I know it. With your podcast.

[B]

Yo, you're not doing that, all right? Hollywood. These guys, New Yorkers.

[A]

This ain't no freak off, huh?

[B]

Yo, Danny. Get off of me. Yeah, that was. I won't hear that. Every time I see it, I'll try to kiss me. I'm gonna catch that for the rest of my life.

[A]

I'm gonna remind him next time I see him. Kevin grabbed your.

[B]

That scene in Donnie Bras. I tried to grab my. My bra. Joe.

[A]

That was a lot. How'd you. Don't say that word.

[B]

What? Cack?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You.

[A]

Doesn't fit me because you don't have one. I'm a dick, man.

[B]

You're a weenie guy. A little smokey.

[A]

You like those? I love those little things.

[B]

What?

[A]

What?

[B]

I know what you're talking. I like putting them in my mouth.

[A]

Two, three at a time. L. What are you wearing? A plain T shirt.

[B]

This is from jdog69. $10 homie here, not a question, but I did get bit by a dog this weekend. Five stitches in the leg. God damn. That's a couple. You gotta get a couple of shots.

[A]

That's serious.

[B]

Yeah, that's a bite and turn. That's no nip. That's a. Fuck that damn, dude. That's fucked up.

[A]

That hurt.

[B]

All right, let's see here. All right, this one's from Patty. Ten Dollar Angel Investor. This is a fantastic one, which. I can't believe. This to me should make it. Sometimes these homies just get the show.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And our line of questions, and I love them for it. This should make it in the background. Questions with guest to me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Wow. Right. At any point, have you ever looked out your front door and seen a traffic light? Not if you live in the city, obviously. That's different. I think that's very telling of the size of the road you grew up on. Any sort of industry, a law, I mean, because that's not a neighborhood necessarily.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Stop signs are in neighborhoods.

[A]

That's bad news. That's out there on Main Street.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's real bypass shit. Because we have. You ever like, I mean, with Potter, with Josh Potter was. If you ever see Toll booth, which is insane, but a light, you know, and it's not necessarily garbage. It might be the four. It might be the light on Main street between, you know, tiny little quaint picture.

[A]

It's swaying in the breeze.

[B]

Yeah. Garbage you may cross. Now. There's a. Yeah, that's a good one. I mean, obviously follow up question is needed, but that gives you a very good indicator of.

[A]

That's bad.

[B]

That's good. That's. That's good stuff right there.

[A]

That's in there.

[B]

All right, this one's from 8 Foley 10. Fat ass here never have one red. Is it garbage if your uncle kept a pet lizard loose in the house to help with the roach problem? I don't know what's worse. What are we doing here? Roach. I'd rather have roaches than a lizard.

[A]

I disagree.

[B]

What?

[A]

I wouldn't mind watching them work either.

[B]

Are you putting them away when you sleep, though? You got it.

[A]

What's he gonna do?

[B]

I don't want to know.

[A]

He's full. He's your guy.

[B]

I just saw a video of a dude falls asleep on Some old guy in the hood. Falls asleep and they put one of them bearded dragons on his chest and then go, yo, yo, dude. He wakes up, shits. He goes to get it, it's stuck to his shirt, he falls out of the seat. It's what the Internet was made for. That guy.

[A]

They don't bite. I don't.

[B]

God, I don't matter. I don't want anything to do with a lizard ever. They're too fast. I don't trust them.

[A]

Would they go after the roaches?

[B]

Would they be the bugs? Did you find it? It's relying on them for cockroach control in a house is generally not a practical or effective solution. I mean, first of all, his first problem, he's got road. You got bad roach problem. A little bit of. A little bit of combat or something. Knock these guys out, their presence in the house can create other issues, like a turf war with the cat. God damn. All right, gang, but we gotta wrap it up there, guys.

[A]

What a fun one.

[B]

Amen, sister.

[A]

Gang, grab some. Take us to the Back on the Block tour, and we'll see you out there. And we love you, and we'll see you next week.

[B]

Peace.