Rory Scovel!

Summary

Are You Garbage? – Rory Scovel

Podcast with Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Air Date: September 18, 2025

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Episode Overview

Comedian Rory Scovel joins hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley to determine if he’s truly “garbage,” according to the rules of RU Garbage—a show where guests are grilled about their upbringings, habits, and lifestyles in a hilariously judgmental game of white-trash bingo. The episode takes listeners through Rory’s journey from a chaotic upbringing in South Carolina to his present life as a successful comedian and family man in Denver. Throughout the conversation, the trio dives into tales of family struggle, the joys of chain restaurants, questionable hygiene habits, and trash-culture nostalgia, while also exploring how these formative experiences have carried into adulthood.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Rory’s Upbringing: Blue-Collar, Big Family, Modest Means

[04:00] – [08:00] Childhood in Greenville, SC

• Mother’s passing/Family dynamic: Rory’s mother died on his first birthday. His aunt moved in to help his dad (a postal worker), and his dad later remarried, adding five half-siblings for a total of seven kids.
  • “My dad worked at the post office, and […] he remarried and they had five kids, so I have five half siblings, so I’m one of seven.” (05:00)
• The family home: A modest, aging three-bedroom, later retrofitted with makeshift basement bedrooms (“I don’t know that he knows how to connect these two pieces of wood”). The house, still in the family, is described as “falling apart.” (08:16)

Education, ADHD, and the Move to Comedy

[04:28], [05:51], [07:04]

• Private school on a budget: Rory’s dad pulled overtime and refereed hoops to keep the oldest two in private school, as promised to Rory’s late mother.
• Academic struggles and ADHD: Diagnosed in high school, started on Ritalin then Adderall; transformative for grades but contributed to later depression.
  • “I got on some Ritalin with my stomach, then they switched me to Adderall. High honors student immediately.” (05:51)
  • “I stopped before college because it was making me wildly depressed.” (47:30)
• Soccer scholarships: Brief stint at UCF, switched to South Carolina Upstate as money and logistics forced a change.
• Early jobs: Busboy at Crazy Marlins in Panama City Beach (16:00), camera operator at a local news station (07:02).
• First attempts at stand-up: Inspired by a David Cross album, career kicks off after move to DC (07:24).

Home Life and Family Rituals

[08:49] – [26:58] Household Details

• No pets: Dad's allergies and asthma stopped any real pet adoptions; one dog “got rid of” without discussion: “There was no conversation. Psychologically, you should say goodbye.” (11:50)
• Groceries and Meals: Bilo and Piggly Wiggly for groceries, “a lot of takeout,” and heavy rotation of Hamburger Helper. Rare use of the dining table, most meals eaten at the kitchen counter with TV on. (22:00)
  • “We had a dining room table this size... never used it and never used it. And I gotta say, it has made me the person that's like, turn the fuck... turn everything off... We're sitting here and chatting and, like, talk.” (23:21)
• Chores: Rory and his older sister handled the weekend deep clean—the youngest siblings weren’t pressed as hard. (“I take care of my house now.”)

Classic “Garbage” Moments & Tangible Trash Culture

[12:09] – [35:55] Vacations, Cars, Food, and More

• Family vacations: Always Myrtle Beach, renting the tiniest beach condo and squeezing everyone in. (“You put everybody into like a... mattress, fold-out bed in the living room.” 12:58)
• Family vehicles: Cycled through old minivans and a hand-me-down 1981 Buick LeSabre. He wore old family “shitty” cars as a badge of honor. (14:09)
• First concert: New Kids on the Block, 5th grade, at Furman University stadium. (20:57)
• Dining out: Applebee’s, Red Lobster, and Capri’s Italian; chains dominated until adulthood. (26:05)
  • “The idea of, like, a restaurant that isn’t a chain was not something I was really aware of.” (26:29)
• Sugary breakfast: “We had everything you can drink of... Frosted Flakes... Cap’n Crunch... Fruity Pebbles...” (30:55)
• Soda: “Lots of soda. I was addicted to Dr. Pepper.” (31:59)
• First real splurges: When he booked his first big role (Ground Floor, 2013), spent his whole check on flying friends to Hawaii and buying Diesel jeans.
  • “Pretty much a full check to take me and my wife, girlfriend at the time and our, like, some of our friends to Hawaii.” (37:05)

Adult Life: Comfortable, Still Trashy at Heart

[42:31] – [67:14] Present-Day Habits and Upgrades

• Current status: Married, one daughter; renting a five-bedroom in the Denver suburbs.
  • “We moved to Denver a year ago... It’s the most suburban I’ve ever lived in my life, and I thought I’d hate it, but I think at 45, I get it now.” (43:53)
• Car game: Leasing a Hyundai Ioniq 5 now (after five years in a Tesla Model 3: “It’s probably the first time I bought a brand new car.” 42:36)
• No TV in the bedroom or living room: “I’m not like a big TV guy.” (46:14)
• Reading: Sudden, intense commitment in adulthood: “Before January, I had maybe read 15 books in my entire life... I have now read since January, 28 books this year. I’m so addicted.” (46:37)
• Grocery shopping: Sprouts is the go-to; impressed by the size of King Soopers; privileged nostalgia (Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, Erewhon comes up briefly). (56:33–57:20)
• Housekeeping: Butter now kept on the counter and in the fridge: “The butter on the counter... you can just spread it.” (36:04)
• Toiletries: Tom’s toothpaste, eco-friendly bar soaps (“My wife is very, like, waste conscious of all that stuff...”). (51:53)
• Cologne: Hugo Boss, Polo, and a nostalgic nod to the old-school Ralph Lauren green bottle (“They just were like, let’s get a different scent in there.” 54:00)
• Still trashy: Brings leftovers home, bites his nails to the quick, will buy the floor model, splits (but prefers to pick up) dinner checks, pees in the shower.

Philosophical/Reflective Moments

Struggle, Success, and Not-So-Serious Insights

• Parental retrospection:
  • “He wasn't perfect, but fuck, I could have probably had a little more grace.” (10:34)
• On celebrating career wins:
  • “As soon as you do something good, you’re like, ‘Okay, great. Well, I got to worry that I do another good thing.’ And so you never fucking enjoy, you never celebrate anything, you’re just always two steps ahead.” (38:34)
• On childhood shaping adulthood:
  • “As much as I kind of wish, maybe we did that [chores] less and we could hang out more on the weekends... it does make me reflect and go, I am kind of happy that I don’t live like a piece of shit. Like, I clean up." (25:01)

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On depression from ADHD meds:
  “I stopped before college because it was making me wildly depressed. I would finish my work so fast and sit in my room. No music, nothing. Quiet.” (47:30)
• On chain restaurant innocence:
  “The idea of, like, a restaurant that isn’t a chain was not something I was really aware of...I also did not know that people thought they were trash.” (26:29)
• On trash pride:
  “I like took so much pride in the fact that we had a shitty car. My dad had a...this old two door Toyota Corolla...like one step above a go kart.” (14:06)
• On splurging the first big check:
  “Pretty much a full check to take me and my wife, girlfriend at the time and our, like, some of our friends to Hawaii and got like a MTV cribs style house for like a week, which was the whole paycheck.” (37:05)
• On reading later in life:
  “Before January, I had maybe read 15 books in my entire life... I have now read since January, 28 books this year. I’m so addicted.” (46:37)
• On Christmas trees:
  “Growing up, always artificial tree. My dad’s asthma. We didn’t even bring in a real tree. Always was in the artificial tree.” (63:09)

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Memorable Moments

• Milk with dinner: Unapologetic about drinking milk with dinner and ice cream—a recurring “Are You Garbage” benchmark. (23:49)
• First car accident: Old Buick LeSabre shrugs off a collision that destroys another car: “Just pure metal ripping into tinfoil." (15:09)
• Bathroom habits: Pees in the shower, not above biting nails over clipping, and has never brushed teeth in the shower. (“I go hardcore. Bite them. Toilet. Flush it.” 65:31)
• Suit story: Both suits he owns were “freebies” from press events; one is green, one is purple—a nod to the Joker. (66:11)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:00] – Childhood & Family background
• [05:51] – ADHD diagnosis & medication
• [07:04] – Stand-up comedy origin story
• [08:47] – Home setup and basement bedrooms
• [12:09] – Vacations at Myrtle Beach
• [14:09] – First cars
• [15:27] – First job as a busboy
• [20:57] – First concert: New Kids on the Block
• [22:00] – Mealtime rituals & kitchen counter
• [26:05] – Dining out: chains and nostalgia
• [30:55] – House full of sugar cereal and soda
• [37:05] – Splurging first big comedy check on Hawaii trip
• [42:31] – Current life in Denver, leasing an EV, family setup
• [46:14] – No TV in bedroom; new obsession with reading
• [56:33] – Current grocery habits; regional store shoutouts
• [63:09] – Christmas tree tradition (artificial only)
• [65:31] – Nail-biting pride
• [66:11] – Suit stories & purple Joker suit

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Conclusion

Final Judgment:
It’s official—Rory Scovel is “100% trash,” but in the most charming, relatable, and resourceful way. His stories traverse everything from makeshift bedrooms and Hamburger Helper to five-star Hawaii vacations and Tesla leases, consistently circling back to blue-collar values, DIY solutions, and an awareness that transcends the trappings of success. Rory’s frankness about his family, finances, neuroses, and trash culture pride fits perfectly with the RU Garbage ethos, making this a touchstone episode for fans of both comedy and self-deprecating nostalgia.

Upcoming for Rory:
Big US tour starts mid-October—details at roryscovel.com

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Listen If...

You love funny, vulnerable stories about family, class, and the small details that make childhood weirdly universal; you want expert-level banter and “trash” commentary from people who wear it as a badge of pride.

Transcript

[A]

Calling Seattle, Portland, San Fran Brea, California. The boys are coming west, baby. We're taking the Oregon trail out to the left coast and we're coming to see you. Grab the squad and come on out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

If you're a dirtbag, we need you there, baby. All tickets [e-mail] See you there.

[A]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or. Or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh, yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[C]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tody's in a new edition. She was just telling me quite the story about a moment she had with Mr. Frank Stallone at the original Rambo premiere.

[C]

Wow, Tasty tail.

[A]

All right, Mike Coates is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world and I love him. Give it up for kj, Kevin, James Ryan, everybody.

[C]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify as well. And our boys are climbing the charts over there.

[A]

Yes, sir.

[C]

And obviously the greatest website of all time. Take your little phone, your laptop out. Www.patreon.com rugarbage. You get all that bonus content, Gang.

[A]

And gang, we couldn't be more exc. Have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today. He is a very funny, very successful stand up comedian, actor and writer. And you might have seen him in, but not limited to you got the Eric Andre show, you have Inside, Amy Schumer, you have Modern Family, Corporate, I feel Pretty Black Monday Superstore, the movie show live at Gotham, Craig Ferguson, not safe with Nikki Glazer at midnight, wtf, Tiger Belly, two dope Queens, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers. He has multiple standup specials out, including two 2024's phenomenal religion, sex and a few other things in between. Do me a favor, give it up for the one, the only Mr. Rory skull.

[B]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[A]

Two mistakes in that. Two mistakes. I messed up. I messed up. The. The title of the special and I almost flubbed it.

[B]

Oh, I noticed.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

It is. He's walking.

[B]

Literally. As you read that, I go, I gotta shut up about never doing anything. I was like, wow, that's pretty good.

[C]

Live at Gotham.

[A]

We are so happy to have you here.

[B]

I was able to get in.

[A]

We are so happy to have you here. We are huge fans.

[C]

We love you.

[A]

We. One of the absolute best.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Can I say this? Right now you're looking very movie star.

[C]

I.

[A]

You're cleaned up. Little color, tight haircut.

[B]

I had a. I had a beard last night and in my hotel, after a few drinks, I just shaved it.

[A]

It looks great.

[B]

I just shaved it in the hotel. I was like, this is better. This is younger.

[A]

You look great. Yeah, you look really good.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

You're glowing.

[A]

Glowing. You are glowing.

[B]

Thanks.

[C]

Also getting drunk in a hotel room and shaving your beard. Dirt bag move.

[B]

I respect it.

[C]

That's one of those things where you're like, I've gone too far. And you're. I feel like every time I do that, I murdered somebody. And I'm like, there's no turning out.

[B]

You're fugitive. Yeah. I literally looked in the mirror. I was about to do it and I was like, is this stupid? And then I go, if I just do it quick, I have to do it. And I just quickly.

[A]

One thing I think the hotel is really good with if you're drunk is to stare at yourself in the mirror. In the bathroom mirror.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's something about that light where you can really do a. Yeah, I like that thing. I'm like, really? Look at yourself.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I love it when they put the problem. I love when they put the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door so that when you. And take it, you're just sitting, sitting, shitting. And you could just see right down the barrel, everything. You're like, hey, you're drunk.

[A]

And you turn around, think someone's coming in. Ah, buddy. Give us the backstory. Give us the origin story.

[C]

Mr. Roy. South Carolina boy.

[B]

South Carolina.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Yeah, South Carolina. Greenville, South Carolina. Born in the 80s. Child of the 80s. My mother passed away on my first birthday.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

My aunt came and moved into our house. Kind of helped take care of me and my older sister. So the two of us, my aunt and my dad. My dad worked at the post office and around the age of. It's weird, I don't know this. I think around six or seven, I was in second grade. He remarried and then they had five kids, so I have five half siblings, so I'm one of seven.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Went to. I mean, you tell me how much to throw at it.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

I went to my private Catholic school from kindergarten to eighth grade, then went to a private Episcopalian high school. Switching it up, switch it up.

[A]

You know, let's see.

[C]

See how the other side.

[B]

Yeah, let's see what these sinners are gonna be doing then.

[A]

Holy water on everybody in the morning.

[B]

Yeah. Bunch of heathens failed the 10th grade English by one point. Since it was a private school, you couldn't just like, go to summer school. You had to go to a boarding school for the summer to get a credit that they thought was equivalent to their education. My dad was like, you're not doing that. So I had to repeat the grade, just that one class, but made me repeat the 10th grade at the school that wasn't like a massive school.

[C]

So everybody knew.

[B]

Like, one of the things in my head that I remember so specifically was the first day they had the different assemblies. So they were like, seniors are meeting here. Juniors. And so as I'm walking up with the sophomores, almost all of them are like, oh, no, Roy. Juniors are in the theater. And I had to like, to everybody be like, it was one point.

[C]

It was one point.

[B]

I'm with you guys and everybody.

[A]

You got to graduate a year later.

[B]

I graduated a year later. That was my ch. But. But after that, as a guy who.

[C]

Peaked in high school, that's the dream. Keep me here, you'd still be there.

[B]

Ben Affleck from Daisy.

[A]

You got all the sophomore chicks again.

[B]

That's right. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, they're really silver linings kind of guy, you know?

[B]

But I went from that school to a. A public school after that. And they, they diagnosed me adhd, got on some Ritalin with my stomach, then they switched me to Adderall. High honors student immediately. Instantly was getting my homework done. Like, couldn't stop working and went off to college. I played soccer my whole life, so I played soccer in college. Scholarship, not a scholarship. I did end up getting a little bit of money after I was there. I went to the University of Central Florida for one semester, played there, realized that I had so many siblings and this out of state tuition was going to mean they never go to college. So I went back to in State, played D2, and basically was on that team for three years. Kind of got a little bit of money. University of South Carolina, Spartanburg. It's now called Upstate.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And now they're Division one.

[C]

You Got them there, buddy.

[B]

That's what I say.

[C]

That's a Scoville ball. Every.

[B]

Any alumni, I'm like, you're welcome.

[A]

My cousin just went off to the University of South Carolina.

[B]

Yeah, it's great. I love great school. This is like a branch of that graduated. Got into working at like a news station, doing camera for the news at like all the different fucking hours. The local news comes on like in.

[C]

Studio, like jumping out of the studio.

[B]

And then on Friday nights they would team up people to try to go as get as many clips of high school football as you could. Because Friday, 11pm all they did was show highlights of the football game games. And then I tried stand up somewhere in there after hearing a David Cross album. And then I moved to D.C. to fucking dive into doing this back in 2004.

[A]

It was very succinct.

[B]

I could. There's probably more.

[C]

This guy's a broadcast. We're going to go back, we'll unpeel it for sure.

[A]

We'll unpeel it for sure, huh? All right.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right. So your mom passes away, your aunt moves in. What's the house that you guys are in at that time?

[B]

We are in two, three bedroom.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Three bedroom house. That's probably. I don't know, I bet my dad bought it for 150,000 in the 70s, late 70s. And it's still. It's got that look, it's got that vibe. It's got that vibe. Yeah. And it's one of those houses where it's like, you know, in the neighborhood where the houses don't all look the same, but you're like, all of these houses cost the exact same amount of money.

[C]

Yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, I gotcha. All right, all right.

[A]

Did you guys stay in that house when the, when the stepmom came in?

[B]

That house is still the house. That's still the house. And it is with all those falling apart. It's like. Falling apart. Yeah, yeah. How was all of those kids through that house? And I mean, then they decided, oh, we should like try to put some bedrooms in like the basement. We should make it a finished basement. And we sort of did that. Had a guy that is not great sort of, you know, like you get the contractor and like, I don't know that he knows how to connect these two pieces of wood. But it did turn into kind of two more bedrooms, which was a. My older sister and I got to like be down there.

[C]

That was the dream as a kid. You're a little removed. It's like your own apartment.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And you look good. They had five kids.

[B]

Five kids. So there's seven of us total.

[A]

So how many kids are in the house when you near like let's say in high school you guys were older.

[B]

So I think high school was maybe five, five of us. And then towards the end of it six. I mean my youngest brother, the youngest of everybody was the seventh kid was born right before I went off to college. There's a picture of me like holding him. Could be my dorm, like it's my kid. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I, I have something. 16 year old bro. A brother who's 16 years younger than me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's a drastic change.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What was the grocery store you guys went to growing up?

[B]

I think it was Bilo in that area. Do you know by low?

[C]

I don't know that we're pretty high. B I dash L O.

[B]

There was that, there was, I don't think we went to Piggly Wiggly, but there was Piggly Wiggly.

[A]

Why wouldn't you go to Piggly Wiggly?

[B]

I think we, I don't know.

[C]

Looks pretty nice.

[A]

Did your dad do well?

[B]

No. I mean this is post office, right?

[A]

And what's your stepmom do?

[B]

Nothing. So this is private school education. So the reason all this, so the reason that even happened is because my mother, before she passed away, one of her like dying requests to my dad, she had cancer was I want Natalie and Roy to get the best education you can get. So he was like locked in to be like private school. I'm going to make it happen. He also had gone to a private school as a kid. So he, I, I, I actually don't really know how he pulled it off but this man refereed basketball games on the side. High school, church league. He, and then he was working non stop. He would take every overtime shift all the time. You know, all the times you kind of complain as like a shitty kid. Then you become adult and you look back and you're like, oh fuck.

[C]

This guy was like, this guy did.

[B]

Everything he possibly, he wasn't perfect but fuck, I could have, I could have probably had a little more grace.

[C]

Uh huh. For sure, dude.

[A]

Huh.

[C]

Okay. All right. You played soccer or any pets growing up?

[B]

No. We always wanted a dog. My dad was allergic. My dad had really bad asthma. Shit. Like as a kid that was like a big part of his youth and my grandmother taking care of him.

[A]

No fish tanks, anything like that. Hermit crabs.

[B]

We always did the goldfish. You win at the Fucking fall festival. They died a week later. We had that nonstop. There was one dog we had that my aunt kept that didn't really stay at our house that I kind of growing up, I was like, oh, that was kind of like the dog. I remember that in fifth grade I went off to a basketball camp. It might be the first and only time I went to, like a sleep away camp. And it was to do basketball at Furman University. And when I came back, I was like, where's Ralph? He was like, in our backyard before I left. And they were like, oh, your dad got rid of him. And I mean, this dog was like, it isn't like, oh, we just got rid of the dog. It's like the dog that has been a part of our lives for so long and not like, hey, we're gonna get rid of. There was no conversation psychologically, you should say goodbye. Instead it was like, oh, yeah, we got rid of the dog. What's the big deal?

[C]

Picked up the trash or something.

[B]

It literally was bizarre. Yeah, yeah. I think about that all the time. I'm like, never do that.

[C]

Yeah, that is. As long as you don't do that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Don't be that guy.

[C]

Don't be that guy. That's. That's wild. I will give you that.

[A]

Okay, what were the vacations like as a kid? Would you guys get away anywhere, anything?

[B]

It was one week at Myrtle beach all the time. My dad loved Myrtle beach, so we always went to Myrtle Beach. And as a kid, I fucking, you know, you. You know what? You know, and so you kind of fucking love it. Like, anytime I went to the beach, we always knew one night we would go to the pavilion, which was like, you know, the small little, like amusement park thing. And then one night we do this and that and like, I kind of loved it. And then, like, you kind of get older and you look back and you're like, fucking. This place is kind of shitty. But I didn't see it before. But then you become like even further into an adult and you're like, oh, but it was great. And you're like. And we're all like in just, you know, in the tiniest. You know, you rent a condo or something for a week. That's beachfront. And you. You put Everybody into like a 1:35.care mattress, fold out bed in the living room.

[A]

Yeah, he's falling right in line here. Stacking up.

[C]

Welcome to the show.

[A]

How about the family car?

[B]

Growing up, family car. At one point, I can remember a station wagon, like the Taurus station wagon that like, they thought. I think they thought this looked sleek.

[C]

They bubbled it out at one point. They really rounded the edges. It was a spaceship kind of insect.

[B]

Spaceship kind of vibe to it. And I remember very many, many minivans. I mean, we must have had four or five that we like cycled through something like that. We had the old school fucking caravan minivan with like the wood panel down. The Woody's race gets trash.

[C]

And what. Speaking of, what was your first car, your first personal car?

[B]

So this is interesting because that. That school that we went to, the Episcopalian one, I mean, this was like money. And so we got to go there because I think you maybe asked this. We were able to pull this off because I think they had a program that was like, hey, there are certain slots we offer to people that are of a lower income.

[C]

You have a wood panel van, you.

[B]

Can come to the school you're in sight unseen. You're in.

[C]

You got that insect Taurus. Come on.

[B]

By reforming Catholics, I went to a school where, you know, people drove all kinds of cars, but it was also the kind of school where some kids on their 16th birthday rolled up in a fucking brand new Range Rover. So there was that element of like money. But my sister and I drove. Our grandfather gave us a 1981 Buick LeSabre. And I mean metal, like a tank. A tank. And I. I mean a boat. And I. I remember being there was something I really. And maybe you do this when you don't have money. I like took so much pride in the fact that we had a shitty car. My dad had a. I think my dad kind of loved shitty cars. He had like this old two door Toyota Corolla. Toyota Corolla. Like just brown and so tiny. When you drove it, it felt legitimate. Like one step above a go kart. But like right before a car.

[C]

Go around.

[B]

Go around. Yeah. But I will say it was super fun to drive.

[A]

Yeah. All right. That's pretty good, man. I like that. The saber, they were head.

[B]

I got like a car hit me and it destroyed. There was. The car hit me. It was their fault. Destroyed their car. Kind of up one of my lights. Just pure metal ripping into tinfoil.

[A]

That's awesome.

[C]

That's great.

[A]

What was the first job growing up?

[B]

I feel like the first other than like trying to make a little money doing like yard work here and there. If anybody was paying was, I think at a restaurant in Panama City Beach. My aunt lived in Panama City Beach. She was a basketball coach at a community college there. So good that as of last year, she was inducted into the Women's Basketball hall of Fame.

[A]

All right.

[B]

And so I went and stayed with.

[A]

Her in the summer.

[B]

In the summer. And I worked as a busboy at this place called Crazy Marlins.

[A]

That's pretty right on the water.

[B]

I didn't realize how that. Fucking awesome. That really was. Like, I did enjoy the fact I was like, oh, I got a job. I'm making a little money. My grandparents helped me open like a savings account to put the money into. But also I was hanging out with like, college kids. Yeah, we're just making money and like, just kind of being near them, which felt. It kind of felt bizarre.

[A]

Where's Panama City in relation to Myrtle Beach?

[B]

So far away.

[C]

Yeah, it's in Florida.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But like, so I. So my grandparents moved from Greenville to Niceville, Florida, and my aunt lived in Panama City Beach, Florida.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

So our vacations went from, hey, we're either going to Myrtle beach or we're going down there to see family in Florida.

[A]

So the start of the summer. How many summers did you get to do this?

[B]

Just one or two to go and do that job. I think I did it once. And that was, I stayed like local for.

[A]

And you were like, what, 16?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Damn, you got to go down 15 or 16.

[A]

That's pretty sweet.

[B]

I loved it. Now granted, I like got there and worked for like a month and a half and, you know, a restaurant was like, no, thanks. That's awesome that you're working for a month and a half. But I also didn't understand that. So I was like, yeah, cool.

[C]

This is great.

[B]

It was, it was fun. I mean, it was literally just, you know, I had nothing wrong with washing dishes, bussing tables. Like, it was fucking easy.

[A]

I thought it was like right down from Myrtle beach or something like that. I don't know. They shipped it down to Florida for the summer.

[B]

That's pretty sweet. Vibe wise. It is. Right down the street from Myrtle Beach.

[C]

Just bang a left at the Margaritaville.

[B]

They are fraternal twins.

[A]

I like how you both looked at me like I was an idiot when I said that. And then when there was that, you.

[C]

Asked it with such confidence that I thought I was like, maybe I don't know where Panama sits. Maybe I don't know where.

[A]

Then in the moment, I was like, wait, is he talking about actual Panama?

[B]

What is Florida?

[A]

Can't be got Talking about mando.

[C]

Ooh, shout out to that mando dog.

[A]

Of course I'm talking About the all over body deodorant which you needed. Isn't it crazy, people just doing the pits for all this time?

[C]

That's one of those like antiquated things where you look, we're gonna look in 50 years and be like, what the.

[A]

Hell are we doing?

[C]

Do the whole body, my whole body sweats.

[A]

I got nooks and crannies behind the ears.

[C]

Getting a little funk, like a muffin.

[A]

I don't know what it is, dude. I gotta get in the crevices, make sure everything's nice. And with Mando you can do that and smell great. You know what they got over there? They got them body wipes that are top shelf.

[C]

Yes. And this isn't your typical deodorant. It's clinical strength. Two times better at controlling sweat than is standard. It controls both sweat and odor for 72 hours. And after just 12 hours, underarm sweat was reduced by 92%. This stuff is working.

[A]

I like it.

[C]

The numbers don't lie, baby. Tackles both odor and sweat. Mando's new deodorant plus sweat control. Solid stick gives you double protection. You need. No more worrying about sweat stains or those embarrassing pit rings that I suffer from when I'm using the bad stuff. Mando starter pack is for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant cream tube deodorant. Two free products of your choice like the mini body wash and deodorant wipes. I'm a deodorant white man. Everybody knows that. Plus free shipping. As a special offer for our listeners, new customers get 20% off site wide with our exclusive code use use code [e-mail] for 20% off sitewide plus free shipping. Shopmando S h o p m a n d o dot com please support the show and tell them the boys send you. Mando's got you covered with deodorant plus sweat control. Say goodbye to sweat stains and hello to long lasting freshness kit.

[A]

What do you know about quints?

[C]

I'm talking high quality stuff over there. Quints.

[A]

High quality stuff. You got the fall rolling in. You got to get some new stuff. You got to warm it up a little bit. Yeah, you go over to quints, you get stuff that actually lasts. You know what they got over there that I like?

[C]

What's that?

[A]

That I feel like hasn't been in style. Not in style, but doesn't get enough love like it did a few years ago. And it's coming back really strong. Cashmere.

[C]

Well, cashmere.

[A]

Cashmere.

[C]

Uh huh. They're over at Quints. Dude, they got all the fall staples for you that you're gonna wear. Non stop talking. Talking to cashmere. They got super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters. What do you think that sets you back? How much do you think?

[A]

$300? 60 bucks.

[C]

60 for Mongolian maybe.

[A]

Let's go.

[C]

The denim is durable and fits just right. I gotta get eyes on that denim because I'm bad at picking denim. I gotta get my eyes over there on their denim. Real leather jackets that bring clean, classic edge without elevated price tag. Baby. They were nice enough to send us a little bit of a gift card. Beep boop bop boop. Jumped in there, got myself some nice fall.

[A]

Oh yeah, that's right.

[C]

I'll be rolling them out once, once the weather gets a little more crisp. I'm coming in here. You're gonna go, oh, Kippy, look at you.

[A]

I'm checking socks and undergarments.

[C]

Keep it classic and cool this fall with long lasting staples. Go to quince.comgarbage for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, which is big because sometimes you buy some, you forget about. You go to return it, you're outside the window. But they got 365. That's Q U I N C E.com garbage free shipping. 365 day returns. Quince.com garbage doing okay. Okay. What was the first concert you went to?

[B]

New Kids on the Block.

[C]

Pretty good.

[B]

We're at, I want to say fifth grade, but that might be. That might be older than. It might have been like 11 years old at Furman University in their football stadium.

[A]

Who'd you go there with? You get dropped off by your dad?

[B]

No. So my mother who passed away, her oldest sister and her two kids, me and my sister. And then from there it really gets spotty. There were like, I think some other extended cousins or something. All I can remember is that we went to that concert and I had never been to a concert, but I wanted to go because my sister got to go see Milli Vanilli. And I was like, why can't I go? And I didn't want to go. I was like, why can't I go? So when this came up, I was like, yeah, I'm going, we're going. And I remember we all stayed at my aunt's house after that, which is why I can't remember that that's how it went. But I can't remember the whole family line.

[A]

That's a pretty sweet.

[B]

But it Was a pretty. It was like maybe eight people.

[A]

I hate that. That's all right.

[C]

New kids don't. That's a good first concert.

[B]

I don't mind it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

When your stepmom got into the house, was she doing the cooking? Like, you guys having dinner?

[B]

Yeah. I would not say that's the best cooking. We did a lot of takeout as a kid. Really? We were the family where she would cook something, we would eat it. A lot of times it was Beef stroganoff. You know, Hamburger Helper. Which. The first time, you're like, all right. You get to a hundred, you're like, I can't fucking do that. My dad. We would have dinner, and my dad would then, you know, tell my step. He's like, will you go give me Burger King? So she would, like, go get burger. And we were always like, why can't we fucking have Burger King?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Wait, would he eat dinner with you guys?

[B]

So. No, we would. I mean, sometimes. But, like, our dinner was. We had a kitchen counter with a tiny tv, and we sat at the kitchen counter. And because there's always a baby, one of the spots, you know, was, like, the chair that kind of hooks onto. Yeah, the high chair. So it was always, like, two seats that. Another seat. And then on the other side of the counter was another seat that faced the tv. And my dad would grab a plate and, like, eat in the living room doing, like, his own thing. And literally, we. Honestly, we were. We would just always be like, why does he get to. We have it. We had a dining room table this size that would actually fit this large family. Ever used it and never used it. And I gotta say, it's. It has made me the person that's like, turn the fuck. Turn everything off. But good music. We're sitting here and chatting and, like, talk. It turned me into that person because I didn't do that growing up, you know.

[C]

That's good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gonna give me Burger King.

[C]

That's a classy thing, though. Music now to enjoy, like, background, like, you know, I am Eddie.

[B]

I'm, like, creating the scene where I'm like, oh, we used to sit and, like. And I don't. I love it. I loved it. Then, like, sitting and, like, throwing on whatever the. We were watching as kids and, like, sitting there watching and shoveling food in our face. And there's so many kids that if you wanted seconds, you were like, get back over. Get seconds.

[A]

Would you guys have milk with dinner sometimes? Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Which I. I didn't know that was Strange for it's not a long. I didn't know it for a long time.

[A]

I didn't know it till I met him.

[B]

I used to also just drink milk with ice cream. Like, not to.

[C]

Not a stumbling down. I'll do milk two.

[B]

I'm almost certain I'm lactose intolerant. Like, I think I've come to learn that. Even then I'd be like, why does my. Why do I have to shit all the time?

[C]

What is this?

[A]

Were you guys allowed to eat in your room? Not meals, but, like, snacks.

[B]

I don't remember ever doing that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Probably we could have.

[A]

Were there chores, that kind of stuff.

[B]

Yeah. So me and my sister, we would. On weekends, Saturday, we would, like, get all the sheets off the bed to wash them. We would dust. Dust the rooms. We would wash all the dishes. We would vacuum the house and like, Windex and shit.

[A]

That's the hut's. All the cleaning.

[B]

It was all of the cleaning.

[A]

Did you. Wait, you had to wash the shoes?

[B]

And I remember my older sister and I, you know, because it's got a very, like, stepchild kind of like, you will clean the house. And we were like, okay. My younger siblings, I don't. I don't think they were really forced into doing that. But I will say as much as I was like, what the fuck is this? Like, I take care of my house now.

[C]

Like, I literally am like, you're on top. No, no.

[B]

Fucking. Let's clean it. Let's, like, keep it clean. So as much as I kind of wish, maybe we did that less and we could hang out more on the weekends. And it wasn't like that was our whole lives, but it does make me, like, reflect and go, I am kind of happy that I don't live like a piece of shit. Like, I clean up.

[C]

Still good values in here.

[A]

So you used to take the sheets off the bed, you bring them down.

[C]

You'D wash them really stuck on the sheets on the bed.

[B]

I don't think we would wash them because I'm almost certain I didn't learn how to do laundry till, like, college. So. Yeah.

[A]

All right. That's not too bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stripped the sheets on a big.

[B]

I mean, there was no pay. I didn't say that no one paid us.

[C]

Just want to make that clear.

[B]

But just to make it clear, I wasn't, like, putting money away.

[A]

Would there ever be a night out where you guys went and had dinner together? And where would that be?

[B]

There was one place called Capri's Italian, which I loved, but now that I've had actual Italian, you're like, oh, fuck. What the fuck was that? But I loved it because I loved the fact that our whole family, even, like, grandparents and everybody would do, like, birthdays and stuff there. And it was also like one of those Italian restaurants that was old school. It was like fucking dark with your candles and, like, your old school.

[C]

Like the paper or whatever.

[A]

Paper, shit and bread on the table.

[B]

And it was like. I don't know. There was something about it. I think I.

[C]

Very charming.

[B]

I have a nostalgia for it because there's so much family and community involved in it. But, like, Applebee's was kind of a big deal. Red Lobster, good in the neighborhood. Yeah, Red Lobster, that was a big deal. I didn't. The idea of, like, a restaurant that isn't a chain was not something I was really aware of.

[C]

I didn't know it changed for a.

[B]

While in my life. I also know that people thought they were trash. I also didn't know that people didn't think the food was good. Also, I had not really had other.

[C]

I'm right there with you.

[B]

So before, you know, it's almost like red pill, blue barrel. Before you know, though, you are like, this is fucking great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, even when I graduated college and had a job, we would go, like, at lunch. It was like, Applebee's Chili's, like, that whole run of, you know, fucking restaurants.

[C]

Casual dining establishment.

[A]

You don't like a Friday hate them.

[C]

I know.

[A]

If you don't like a Friday sampler. I don't know. I don't know who you are.

[C]

Yeah, I remember people, like, it was just thinking my head. It was like, the fact that there were so many. I was like, oh, they're killing it.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

It was Walmart. I'm like, I remember my buddy. But, oh, we go here. And I'm like, they don't even have commercials.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I mean? Like, well, that's the suck when a.

[B]

New restaurant would open. Like when, like, Buffalo Wild Wings first open. That's why people were like, here we fucking go. A new place. And you don't really know. You're like, no, this is what the world is or the country is. It's just gonna be these popping up everywhere.

[C]

You do see that when you travel for comedy, you're like, oh, these shopping centers are all just all over. They're the same.

[B]

Well, there was going to Myrtle beach every summer. There was. And this kind of goes against the fact that we're at a beach where you would get seafood. But we would go to this one restaurant one night of the week that was like Lee's Inlet. And that was like, we always treated it so special. And I also felt that way because I knew this was not a chain. Like, it was only here. And then we'd also go to Damon. Do you remember Damon's? Like ribs?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

There was a Damon's. My dad loved the ribs. And because of his affinity for it, we always treated it like, oh, this is. This is Damon's. Like, you gotta. This is a big deal.

[A]

Serious business.

[C]

And that would be real.

[B]

The other night.

[C]

That would be the other watering ribs.

[B]

There you go. And back then I thought, this is ribs. This is what you do. This is how you live it.

[C]

That's pretty good. Gotta get eyes on that place.

[A]

Not too shabby here. Okay.

[C]

Growing up, could have been, like, a local celebrity or anybody. Who was the newscaster? Who was the most firm, famous person you met?

[B]

Yeah, probably the newscasters, maybe, because I did work at that. Which I gotta say was, like, kind of bizarre. It is weird. Even now, news broadcasters locally have such a local celebrity because you see them all the time. It's weird.

[C]

They're giving you the news. Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's weird to see.

[A]

Who was your guy? Who was the head anchor down there.

[B]

When I was working? I think it was Tom Crabtree.

[A]

Tom Crabtree.

[B]

And also my friend who I still keep in touch with. Amy Wood was one of the broadcasters, one of the anchors. And Pete Yanity, who later became the voice of the Clemson Tigers while still working as the sports broadcaster. He was great. Like, I've chatted with him. We've maybe fallen out of touch now, but he was a guy who, like, when I was moving on to do stand up, he, like, kind of had that look in his eyes like, I get it.

[C]

Yeah, you should go do this. That's great.

[A]

That's awesome. How was Crabtree tea? Was he nice?

[B]

I don't think. We never really.

[A]

Would he call you a kid and stuff like that. Maybe.

[B]

I do remember there was one time when they rebuilt the set and it was such a big deal, and the director, at the end of the broadcast wanted one of the cameras to back up because he thought it was cool for during credits to reveal.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

It's a set. It's not a thing. And it did look good. But they always wanted someone to walk out to the broadcasters with a piece of paper to, like, have notes so they could have a conversation. And I asked if I could do it, and they were like, Great. Because they. It didn't matter who did it. Look, I didn't know that was the credit.

[C]

Man. That was the first credit.

[B]

I walked. I walked out there and I would write shit on a piece of paper to get them to. And they would see it, and I've written like, nice job dictionary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they would have to look at it like, oh, right. Yeah, good, Good note. And then, yeah, at some point they were like, roy, you're not allowed to. You're not allowed to go out there anymore.

[A]

Get this punk out of here. Crabtree's losing it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ah, that's funny.

[B]

But that was a good job.

[A]

That was.

[B]

That was fun as a kid.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

No, no, I was gonna say it's a good introduction to the show business right there.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I like.

[C]

As a kid, would you sneak snacks into a movie theater?

[B]

I would, yeah. Oh, we would for sure.

[C]

As a family.

[B]

Like, as a family. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Stop it.

[B]

And we didn't, like, overdo it. But I mean, even then, when, you know, by comparison, now that feels like going to the movies for free. But even then we were like, oh, it's fucking expensive. Yeah, of course snacks are expensive.

[A]

Sugar cereal. As a kid, were you guys allowed.

[B]

To have it so much?

[A]

No shit.

[B]

We had everything you can fucking drink of.

[C]

They were eating dinner at the kitchen counter on the tv.

[B]

My dad was getting fucking BK broilers on the side.

[C]

Of course.

[B]

Of course they're doing sugar Frosted Flakes. We had Captain Crunch. There was always Fruity Pebbles.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

We were doing. I don't think we ever really got too deep into cookie crisps. It was. It was so funny. We would have all this, and then there'd just be Grape Nuts. Yeah. You're like, who the. Who's putting in the request? I like every once in a while.

[A]

Damn, that's awesome.

[C]

What was the sodle?

[B]

We had a lot of toaster strudel. Family toaster strudel. Mass addiction. We had both. We would have Pop Tarts, too. Literally anything.

[A]

Pretty good.

[B]

Anything where the kids could just make their own fucking thing.

[C]

That's a good point.

[B]

Yeah, it was. It was not good. I mean, we. I was already adhd, but we would all go to school, like, fucking fried weekend on 10am you're crashing and I can't do.

[C]

Huh? What was the soda situation?

[B]

Soda.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, lots of soda.

[A]

What was it?

[B]

I was addicted to Dr. Pepper, so I always had that, but I feel like we always had Coke.

[C]

Are you doing two liters?

[B]

Cans, right? Two liters. Two liters but then we. But then we also did have, like. It's so funny to me. Like, my dad was, like, very conscious of certain things in the sense that we went to cans, and I wondered why. And my dad was like, because we're recycling it. Go. Like, if you didn't recycle, my dad would go, literally, you would throw something away. My dad go, what are you doing? And you're like, what? And he goes, you can recycle that? And I look back and I go, I feel like he was a little ahead of the curve on, like, kind of being like. Because, like, an environmentalist is not his thing at all. But yet when he realized what you could recycle, he just, like, he was like, this is the best idea ever and everyone should be doing it.

[C]

Smart guy.

[B]

So I think we kind of went from using. I mean, they still were using plastic, but it was like, hey, these cans, we can smoosh them up and it's a little easier. Yeah.

[A]

You guys ever cross over into the 3 liters?

[B]

Liter? No.

[C]

3 liter?

[B]

No.

[C]

Heavy bike?

[B]

I don't. I mean, maybe I might have been out of the house by then. Keep in mind, when I was out of the house, there was still so many years of kids. Yeah.

[A]

Little kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Hey, any. I mean, Sal, I gotta ask. Any big mouth Billy Bass at the house.

[B]

No. No.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

No, we had one in college. I mean, you know, you have it because it's a. You're like, press the button right now. It's a fish that sings. That was when the world was. Was right. And just all you needed was that. And you're like, is this not genius? And everyone agreed. No one was like, it's stupid. Everyone's like, it's great.

[C]

You could show anybody. Near least it'd be like, you could show, like, the best comic in the world.

[B]

Yeah. And they were like, ow. That's it. Okay. It's singing.

[C]

And then he'd come off the wall and look at you.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Any Chinese stars, nunchucks, anything like that as a kid?

[B]

No, no. I mean, I wanted all that stuff. I wanted all the ninja anything kind of thing.

[A]

Any karate classes as a kid?

[B]

No. I did. I played soccer, basketball, tennis. My dad was such a big tennis fan.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Volleyball. My dad would play anything. My dad loved sports. Softball. He would play. Yeah, we do, like, volleyball on Sundays at the church sometimes. Really?

[A]

Church.

[C]

Very nice. How old were you when you got your passport?

[B]

Oh, man, 24.

[C]

Really? Pretty late in life.

[B]

Honestly, the thing I just Told you about Canada.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's the first time I left the country.

[A]

Country.

[B]

And that was 25, 26. It's funny to say that that's the first time I left the country and I went to Canada.

[C]

Yeah. First time I was an explorer.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

What was the first time you had Nutella? Do you remember that?

[B]

Probably early 20s. Probably when I moved to D.C. and.

[C]

Became an international traveler and went to.

[B]

Canada and probably thought this was the wildest thing I'd ever like.

[C]

Well, now what?

[B]

Now what is hazelnut?

[C]

They still don't know.

[A]

You tell me to say peanut butter, so it's not.

[B]

Oh, God, this is too good.

[A]

Were you a pb&j man as a kid?

[B]

Sure, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you remember what your peanut butter was in the house?

[B]

No, I. Chunky, creamy. I think we did both. I think around the time. I mean, there's so many kids. I think this is around the time when Chunky kind of was getting started.

[C]

I think, like, early days.

[B]

I think it was the early days of Chunky.

[C]

Look at this.

[A]

You're on the bottom floor of Chunky.

[B]

I remember it not being Jif, because I always want Jif because those commercials were playing. I'd be like, look how good this Falcon peanut butter looks. But I don't remember. It might have been. I first. Was there a Peter Pan?

[A]

Yes, there was.

[B]

I think it might have been Peter.

[C]

Pan, which I feel is like a little lower budget. Little. Like a smidge. Yeah. Yeah. It's not.

[B]

But also, you're like, how is it able to be called Peter Pan?

[A]

Yeah, he's paying for licensing. What was the jelly?

[B]

Was a grape, or was it strawberry Smuckers Grape? Grape.

[A]

Really? She does a strawberry family grape.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got all the sugar cereal.

[B]

Concord. Concord Grape. Of course. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

An aristocrat.

[B]

Yes, of course.

[C]

Huh.

[A]

All right.

[B]

It's not all just shit. We had Concord grape.

[A]

The butter was kept on the counter in the refrigerator.

[B]

Fridge, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. What about now?

[B]

I didn't even know people did that. I didn't know people left butter on the counter. Butter on the counter. We have both now. But, like, the butter on the counter, you're like, you can just spread it. It's not.

[C]

Makes so much more sense.

[B]

It makes the most sense.

[C]

One kid we found out in eighth grade did it. We went over his house and made fun of him.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

For, like, for years.

[B]

And you're certain it's gonna be green? You're like, how can it keep.

[A]

I think the childhood is sufficiently trashy. Let's try to edge a little bit into now. Do you remember what you did with the. The first big check you got in comedy? We all. First of all.

[C]

And it couldn't even. It didn't even have to be huge. It was just like 1500 bucks and you spent 900 on. So anything, any bad purchase.

[A]

What was the first big thing that you booked.

[B]

In terms of, like, big pay, big booking? Was probably acting in like 2013. I mean, I did some commercials that paid, but, like, getting to do the show ground floor in 2013 was the first time I was like, here we fucking go. And I remember blowing yay, check.

[A]

This is what we want to hear.

[B]

Pretty much a full check to take me and my wife, girlfriend at the time and our, like, some of our friends to Hawaii and got like a MTV crib style house for like a week, which was the whole paycheck. And I remember that's such a dirt bag. Being a good guy, being there and being like, looking at my wife and being like, I don't know. That was. I don't know if I should have fucking.

[A]

No, of course you should.

[B]

Plenty more checks coming. And my wife and I. And I got so lucky during that trip, I think is when I was texted that we were getting to do another season. And I was like, okay, we gotta get out of jail free. Let's never forget this.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Never forget it. But I'm pretty sure I went and bought some Diesel jeans. When I got like a good for you, I was like, I'm gonna go drop. And at the time it was like 150 bucks, which to me was absurd for jeans. A guy who wore $25 jeans his whole life, but was like, I'm gonna go buy these. I like them and I'm gonna get them. And like, you know, splurged a little bit on clothing, but never I. To this day, I couldn't tell you if I had fashion, but I know then I definitely did not have Diesel.

[C]

Jeans hit the scene.

[B]

Oh, Dane was wearing them.

[C]

They were big.

[B]

So you were like that, I'm gonna wear this guy. I'm gonna wear a hoodie.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Shout out to Diesel man.

[A]

Hawaii vacation for you and your friend. That's pretty good.

[C]

Yeah, it was a great story.

[B]

And that house was truly so, so great. There's so many things I wish I. I was so antsy all the time that I wish I could go back and do that again, but yet tell myself, hey, just fucking calm the fuck down and enjoy this because this Industry. In this job, you're just. As soon as you do something good, you're like, okay, great. Well, I got to worry that I do another good thing. And so you never fucking enjoy. You never celebrate anything. You're just always too many steps ahead.

[C]

That hit both of us pretty hard in the moment.

[B]

That's how we are.

[C]

It's like you were listening to the conversation before you got here.

[A]

Funny guy, huh? Yikes.

[C]

Killing me, bringing up old shit.

[B]

Never cried on the episodes before.

[A]

You're just sitting there, drinking your water.

[B]

Real slow, playing that.

[A]

Let me know when you two pussies are done.

[B]

Let me know when you want to know more about my garbage life.

[A]

That's all right. Ken, what about that Helix?

[C]

Shout out to Helix gang, I slept in one last night.

[A]

I slept in one last night, too. The best mattress you're going to sleep in. Let me tell you something. We've been talking about Helix for a long time.

[C]

They've been a long OG sponsor. Shout out to the boy. Talk about branches.

[A]

The homies are listening. They're all getting Helix. I wonder how many people are on Helixes out there.

[C]

Probably a couple thousand.

[A]

Let's go. Easily best mattress you're ever going to own. You don't have to go to a store to do it. Sit at home. You go on a website, do a little quiz. They want to know how you sleep.

[C]

Do you sleep light? Do you sleep heavy?

[A]

Do you sleep on your side, on your back? Are you a big guy? You a small guy, tall guy, skinny guy? And they will match you with the. The perfect mattress that you're ever going to have.

[C]

Yes. I believe we got the Twilight series. Listen, if you've been watching the show for a while, you've seen me and Foley mature into somewhat stable adults from whatever, worst that ever. This was my first adult mattress that I wasn't given from, like, you know, that Nana died in. Hey, your cousin Charlie's moving. You get his mattress. This was the first mattress I bought. Thought that I was. Oh, my God. I've been sleeping wrong my whole life. I have to. It's the right way to do it, for sure. So go to helixleep.com garbage you get 25 off site wide. That's helixsleep.com garbage for 25 off site wide. One more time. Helixleep.com garbage do it.

[A]

Do it, Kimmy. Loving that cash app.

[C]

Who don't like a nice cash app?

[A]

We are a cash app family over here. You get to send money, receive money. Not a lot of back and Forth. Not a lot of this and that. They make it quick and easy for you. Yeah, I mean, what are we doing here?

[C]

Not only that, they got the Cash App card. You get tons of perks without any of the hidden fees. You get a lot of early access to concert pre sales like Kendrick Lamar and Sabrina Carpenter. I've heard of them.

[B]

There you go.

[C]

Plus discounts on everyday purchases at brands you've probably already spending money on. So wet your beak because they're wetting theirs. You know what I mean? It also keeps your money safe by automatically flagging suspicious transactions and letting you lock your card instantly if it's ever lost or stolen. You spend with confidence using the Cash hard cap today. Listen, if you've been on the road, we're a Cash App family. A lot of times we'll take Cash App for our road merch. It's the way we like it. How you doing? I use it in my personal life. Bada bing, bada boom. Listen, Denise needs a couple of bucks to go get her hair done. Hit her with the Cash App. For a limited time only new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn more additional cash. For real? Just download Cash App App, use our exclusive referral code CASHAPP10 in your profile and send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right in your account. It's true. I did it. Shout out to them. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. Cash App is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash Apps Bank Partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member fdic. Discounts provided by Cash App a Block Inc. Branch. Visit Cash App legal podcast for full disclosures. Do it. What is the. What's the car now?

[B]

Now I lease a Hyundai Ionic 5.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My wife, it's Grace. Great. It's, it's, it's.

[C]

They're sleek looking. They're sleek.

[B]

I had a Tesla Model 3 and I absolutely loved it. It's probably. I. That's the first time I've bought a brand new car. It was in late 2019. I told my wife, I was like, I've got the money. I'm gonna go online. I really want one of these fucking cars. And I went online, did the whole thing. Easiest car to buy.

[C]

Yeah, it's like, it's like you're buying.

[B]

You had to put $100 down. You can pick out exactly the car. Two weeks later, they called me and they said they had it, which was a little bit ahead of schedule, but I think they were trying to get it in before 2020, the last day of 2019, literally New Year's Eve. I went, went and got the car and drove it home, had it for 5 years, sold the car to Carmax. Didn't get what I want. Shout out Carmax. Sold to Carmax. And of all the test driving I did, The Hyundai Ioniq 5 is kind of the closest to the funness of the Tesla. So I was like, oh, I kind of like this. And also I really love that I'm now leasing it and it's so much cheaper.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, right, right. Get rid of it in three years.

[B]

Get a new one. My wife has a Rivian that she leases and I'm not the biggest fan really.

[A]

Where are you guys hanging your head? You out in la?

[B]

We're in Denver. We moved to Denver a year ago.

[C]

Good for you.

[A]

Look at you.

[B]

Loving it.

[C]

Getting out of the rat race.

[B]

Got out of it. Got out of it.

[A]

You guys have kids?

[B]

We have one child, a 10 year old daughter. And it's been great for all three of us. Yeah, that's great. I've wanted to move for a while. Didn't know where to go. Denver kind of came to us.

[A]

And are you guys in the city or in the burbs?

[B]

We're in the burbs. It's the most suburban event. We're renting right now. It's the most suburban I've ever lived in my life and I thought I would hate it, but I think at 45, I'm like, I get it now. I get that people just want car, like no cars and just quiet.

[C]

A little bit of quiet.

[B]

Fully understand exactly. When I take my dog in a walk, not even a leash, I'm not worried about anyone. Yeah, it's great.

[A]

I dig it. All right. Look at that.

[C]

All right. Yeah, Debbie, that's it. Pack the bags. We're going to dump.

[A]

Yeah, I like it.

[B]

Good city.

[A]

Let's talk about the house now a little bit. You're renting?

[B]

Renting.

[A]

Let's go into the bedroom. How you got. You guys have a king size bed.

[B]

King size bed.

[A]

King size bed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And how many?

[B]

This house is so much bigger than we need. This is a five bedroom house. Let's go for three of us.

[C]

Let's go.

[A]

He's doing all right. I like to hear it.

[B]

Well, what's funny is like it's, it's. You go and you rent that house and you go, oh, this is the same as a two bedroom.

[A]

Of course what is the plan with the. With renting, you guys?

[B]

So we were for a year, and now we're kind of month to month, and so we're looking to buy now. We're like, kind of just waiting to see if these interest rates. Rates shift at all. And if so, we kind of know a neighborhood we want to, like, try to get a spot in that's not even that far from where we are.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How do you sleep? You sleep on your side?

[B]

On your back, mostly side, not well.

[A]

On your side? Not well. Sleep apnea?

[B]

I don't think so. I think I just. I don't fall into it. I think health. I don't think I do enough working out, which would be good for sleeping.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I think the nature of this job, I'm in my head, so as soon as I wake up with anything sucks, I almost start in on some kind of rant, you know, it's like.

[C]

Yeah, I did it this morning.

[B]

Turn it off to be like, oh, go write that down. And then I don't even write it down. I lose sleep. And then I don't even write the thing down that maybe could have become a product.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pillow between. Are you holding the pillow?

[B]

No.

[A]

Pillow between your legs?

[B]

No. I should. For my hips, but I don't. Okay. My wife does. No, but my wife is like, this is good for you. It, like, levels things out. And I'm like, I know, but I'm never gonna do it.

[A]

TV in the bedroom?

[B]

No.

[A]

No tv?

[B]

No. I. I'm not like a big TV guy. Like, we don't even have a TV in the living room. I like, we have, like a TV thing downstairs, and then there's like, a tv because there's so many rooms.

[C]

There's a tv. So many floors, guy.

[B]

Yeah. On the air.

[A]

There might be one somewhere.

[B]

I don't know. We have it in, like, certain spots, but for, like. Like streaming. But I. I just don't really watch anything.

[A]

Are you a reader? Do you read?

[B]

I am. As of this year, I started legit reading. I have never just learned before. It does honestly feel like that before January, I had maybe read 15 books in my entire life. Damn. Some that I was like, oh, I kind of like these books. But I have now read since January, 28 books this year. I'm so addicted. Brainiac Jeselnik recommends books at the end of every year. He's a crazy reader and he always recommends books. And I would go buy some of those books as gifts for people at the holidays. And then for Whatever reason, this year I was like, why don't I buy one and read it? Bought the book. Martyr loved it. And I was like, oh, my God. I'm like, actually paying attention. I'm not drifting away. My ADHD isn't kicking in. I understand this writing. I really love it. I think I've matured into being able to do it. The moment I finished it, I just went and bought another one and started reading it. And that's just been the whole year.

[C]

There's more of these books.

[A]

You still take ADHD medication? Can I ask you that?

[B]

No, No. I still stopped in. I stopped before college because it was making me. This wasn't a conversation I had with people in high school, but it was making me wildly depressed. I would finish my work so fast and sit in my room. No music, nothing. Quiet. If you guys aren't even here. I would sit like this and my brain just, like, trying to sleep at night would drift off into all kinds of questions, things. I think it was maybe the first start of, like, this is how you become analytical at. And opinionated. But I remember, really, my instinct was, this is not good news. And before college, I was like, I'm gonna get off this and do college on whatever my brain is, and I don't want to do this anymore. And so I stopped. And it shocks me to this day that a kid who thought he was dumb his whole life gets on a drug that makes him a high honor student and somehow convinces himself not to keep that going into college. That's the kind of thing where I'm like, that's the universe being like, this will be better for you long term if you stop.

[A]

Did you do good in college?

[B]

I did, I did, yeah. I was average student.

[A]

Your brain's not rewired from taking that, right? So you still kind of have the.

[B]

I don't think so. But I look now and I'm just like, man, some of these pills that we just give kids to fix a thing we don't fully understand. It really, really bothers me. I'm like, oh, I. There might be elements of me that are still long term up from taking this drug. I mean, there's no. There's no way to say, I don't really know. I'm also very happy with how things are. But, yeah, it's. It's. It was a. It was a strange choice. I. I'm shocked.

[A]

I made that decision because they want to put me on ADHD medication.

[B]

You're good. You don't need it.

[A]

You sure?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm pretty dumb.

[C]

I might have to push back on that a smidge there. Roar.

[B]

I think he should be shooting it up, not pills.

[C]

You've known a guy for 44 minutes.

[B]

You're good.

[A]

Good shape, too. Keep it going, fatty. All right.

[C]

Okay. How much cash do you have on you right now?

[B]

I think I have $60. Pretty good. Because of the travel and I.

[C]

Pretty good.

[B]

A little nervous about it.

[C]

They all twenties?

[B]

They're all. They're all twenties.

[A]

Kind of plastic you throwing around these days. You got an amex?

[B]

I got an Amex. I mean, for doing stand up. You want to have all those cards. So I've got the Marriott, Bonvoy, Visa. To try to earn points, you got to do it. You gotta, like, have the cards. Because if you're staying at hotels, like for instance, with my tours, I pay for my room, my tour manager's room. Anyone opening, I get their room. You're like, yeah, elite status instantly. Because you're like, oh, I just earned it. And I will say, at the end of that tour, I took my wife and daughter and I on. We went on a ski vacation and it paid for like the whole fucking thing. I had earned so many points on that card. Amex, Delta and like a business card for like, oh, when you travel, these are your business. Expensive. Put it on this MasterCard, that kind of thing.

[A]

I just want to take a step back. Giving a. Giving a book as a present that you haven't read. That's trash.

[C]

Very dirt bag.

[A]

I love it. I love it. I used to recommend books to people. I didn't read.

[B]

That. You're like, guys, mystery. You like mysteries? Change my life.

[C]

Have you ever taken a picture, posed for a picture with a cigar?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you have a favorite frozen pizza?

[B]

I also feel not good about it. I think doughs gentlemen. But I will say Daniel Van Kirk turned me on to. He's another comic. We together. Well, he turned me on to the. Not only the Tombstone Pizza, but at his cabin in Wisconsin, he has the Tombstone Pizza oven that feels very like Marlboro Marble Miles. But also when we cooked it in there, I was like, oh, my God. It makes perfect. It does.

[A]

Makes it better.

[C]

I gotta get eyes on that.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

I love you could find that for sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It sounds in the shower.

[B]

You.

[A]

You peeing in the shower?

[B]

Pee in the shower.

[A]

Brush your teeth in there.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

You guys use a bar. You have body wash, Loofah.

[B]

We have a bar. I don't do use a loofah bar.

[C]

To body I do.

[B]

I try not to use the body wash. Someone said it's not as good for your skin. Like, it's. I have bad eczema. And someone's like, use a bar. Don't use the soaps. But I gotta say, you get like some Old Spice. You're like, but this makes me smell better.

[A]

Smells so good.

[B]

My wife is very, like, waste conscious of all that stuff. So she gets, like, bars that are the shampoo and bars that are conditioner that you just kind of get some frothiness going.

[C]

Really kind of like that.

[B]

I gotta say, it's great.

[C]

Cut out the middle man. What are we doing here?

[B]

And you don't have this, like, giant plastic bottle. So, like, just in terms of aesthetic, it looks better in the sleep. In the shower where there's no bottles. It's like, just these bars.

[A]

I'm with you.

[B]

Looks good.

[A]

All right.

[B]

And I think it. It might be cheaper, actually.

[A]

It's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not bad. What is the. What is the bar? Do you know the name brand of.

[B]

It that you would do?

[A]

No. Something nice. Not at all. All.

[B]

It's nice. It smells good.

[A]

What about the toothpaste? What are you rocking with?

[B]

We were. I'll do Tom's. Tom's Toothpaste. Jason's. There's one we're doing now that I do not strictly men's names.

[A]

I know all those organic.

[B]

I go to their garages, and they whip up a little space. They whip up a little paste.

[A]

Gotta bring my own tube.

[B]

They fill it up. I don't know what's in it.

[A]

Do you floss every day?

[B]

I need to.

[A]

No. Do you use an electric toothbrush or regular toothbrush?

[B]

Regular toothbrush.

[A]

Regular toothbrush.

[C]

Have you had a tick on you in the last 365 days?

[B]

No, but I now. I mean, we were in Vermont for six weeks this past summer, and all anyone talked about was ticks. And they're like, you're gonna get Lyme disease. I was like, now I'm like. I'm like, fuck. How do you know? How do you fucking know? You can't feel it.

[C]

I know. They're, like, so small, you can't even see them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you own any turquoise jewelry?

[B]

No.

[A]

Own binoculars?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Will you look through someone else's medicine cabinet if you're at their house?

[B]

No.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I don't. I think. Cause I don't know what most things are, and I'm not looking for anything.

[C]

I'm not saying to look just out of curiosity, not to, like, lift Something.

[B]

If it was on display, I would take a peek.

[C]

Take a gander.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't open a cabinet to try to find.

[A]

Are you a cologne guy?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What are you using?

[B]

I have a Steve's. I have Jason's toothpaste. Ruby. I have Hugo Boss, and I have. I think I have Polo. The, like, the blue Ralph Lauren. I don't know. It's not blue.

[A]

The old school green one.

[B]

Old school green one. They did like a re. Release. Sure smells. It's weird to say this, but it smells modern. Yeah. That old grandfather smell. It's like something else. Yeah, that old grandfather, like that bottle. They just were like, let's get a different scent in there.

[A]

Sweet, man.

[B]

I think that's why I bought it. I was like, so attracted to it.

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

But I. I don't like smelling bad, and I think I overdo it because I live in fear. That I do. And I think a lot of times my wife is like, in your natural state, you're fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's like, you overdo it a little bit.

[A]

Now when you put the cologne on, where does it go? A little.

[B]

Where is it? A little spray so it kind of falls on me. Because if I spray directly, I'll overdo it.

[A]

After you get dressed, breathe around you.

[B]

After I get dressed.

[A]

So you get dressed and it's.

[B]

I'll do like a little. Little spray and walk into it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[B]

So me, my ex girlfriend from college told me she was like a little cologne. Your hair, it stays in there longer. Does the smell. You could find out that that's. That attracts ticks. We don't know. We don't really know.

[C]

I got lines. Great. Thanks a lot.

[A]

How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken?

[B]

I've. I've been a fan.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[C]

Do you own an air fryer?

[B]

No.

[A]

Are those.

[B]

Are they healthy? Are they good? I know there's a craze about it.

[C]

I think they. I mean, I think. I think it is. Yeah. It's better than, you know. Know.

[B]

I'm a little shocked we don't have one, actually.

[C]

Well, I think it makes. I think the. The healthiness of it is like you're not frying it. Ne. You know, it's just convection oven or whatever. And it's like. It lets you eat healthier quicker rather than like preparing a whole meal with multiple, like the oven and everything. It's kind of.

[B]

What's the. The like su. Or whatever. When it's like.

[C]

Yeah, that just takes forever. No, that's Water.

[B]

Water, yeah, water, yeah. And you, like, put in a plastic bag and boil it.

[A]

I don't get it.

[B]

I'm kind of surprised. We've never did that either.

[C]

I like a seer. I don't just, like.

[A]

You reverse.

[B]

You want to see?

[C]

I. Give me.

[B]

Give me something. You're supposed.

[A]

Supposed to reverse sear it after you're done, then you throw it on the griddle.

[C]

How much time you got?

[A]

You said that you keep the butter on the counter and some in the fridge now.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay. What about the mayonnaise? Are you a mayonnaise family? Do you have Hellman's? Do you have Miracle Whip?

[B]

Okay. Growing up, we had both of those. I was a big Miracle Whip kid. I didn't fully understand. Damn. I didn't understand that because I was like, tastes great. I didn't understand that people were grossed out by it. But. But I also. It was Hellman's, but. Yeah. Now we're. My wife. This is my wife who's great about this avocado oil, organic sort of thing. It's great.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

But it is funny how now how I feel about Miracle Whip. It's just like, I can't do this. But, I mean, as a kid, I was like, why would you not pick fucking Miracle Whip? It's got some sugar in it.

[A]

Where are you guys shopping now? You shop Whole Foods, people. I'd imagine we.

[B]

No, we do. In our neighborhood. The closest is Sprouts.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Big sprouts, guys.

[C]

Gotcha.

[B]

Yeah. I will say, though, if there was an accessible. It blows my mind that in Denver, in the neighborhood we're in, there's not an accessible Trader Joe's or Whole Foods.

[C]

Really?

[B]

But we are like, Sprouts, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, and there is a store called King Supers. S O O P E R S. I went in our neighborhood, and I came back and I told my wife, I go, it's the biggest grocery store I've ever been in. It has a directory to, like, quickly just go, cereal. Oh, aisle four. Like, your basics or on a giant board so that you don't wander around. And I've never seen that in a store in my life. It was insane.

[C]

I like that.

[B]

But I like. I've liked Sprouts so far.

[A]

Did you ever shop at Erewhon when you were in la?

[B]

No. I mean, I have gotten stuff from Erewhon, but it's. It's so comically ridiculous to me. The strawberry, that's 20 bucks. You know about that?

[A]

I've heard.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I've heard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, you take leftovers home from a restaurant.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Every time.

[C]

Are there any milk crates in your house right now?

[B]

No. No.

[C]

You have a record collection? Peg you for a record guy?

[B]

I have a record collection. I had a broken turntable, so I have no receiver and no record player. And I, I just have vinyls and I'm not going to like vinyls. That if my wife was going to get rid of these, I, she would be surprised that I passionately care about them. She'd be like, you don't even, you don't even know what you have. I know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you go out to eat with another couple, you guys split the check or use one. Pick one person picking it up, get the next one.

[B]

I, I like to try to pick it up if I can.

[C]

Gentle.

[B]

Feel like it's nice. People have done it. For me. It always feels like a thing that in the end of your life, if you went back and did the math, it probably all evened out anyways. But I just like it and I, I just hate the, hey, can we split it four ways? I mean, definitely. When I'm on the road with other comics and you're like on a budget and you're already paying for flights and pay and hotels, I'm easily like, we're all splitting. I'm not paying anything else. But going out with friends, you know? You know, sometimes you got a buddy that beats you to the punch. Sometimes you want to do it. But it all evens out. The amount of times someone's hooked me up.

[A]

It's, you know, sure, we got you, we got you. Okay.

[C]

Chalk it up to the universe. Ever subscribed to Maxo magazine?

[B]

No, but man, in college it was.

[C]

Like, get your hands on one of them.

[B]

This is accessible porn.

[C]

I know fhm. There was like a three year period where they all hit and all like the famous stars, they were all in the. It was just like such a.

[B]

Well, that's when like Axe Body spray got lumped in with the culture of if you like maximum Axe Body Spray. When I was always like, I think Axe Body spray is kind of fucking great. As a guy who's worried about smelling, I was like, this is kind of a great product. But it immediately became like, douchey.

[A]

Because of Maxim, you're flying up front most of the time.

[B]

Try to.

[A]

Yeah, you bring food.

[B]

I have so many Delta miles that I'll buy the back because I'm like, oh, they're gonna push me up to the front.

[C]

That's Smart. I don't like rolling the dice.

[B]

I'll do both. It depends. Yeah.

[A]

You bring food on the plane with you?

[B]

I don't usually, but I actually kind of wish I did. I think I'd eat better because some of these flights where it's four hours, I will say Delta does serve pretty good food. If you're in first class, it can be good food. If you're not, it's these, you know, the boxes you buy, and I don't think they're that great. And I, I, I'm trying to be better about bringing, like, protein bars and stuff, just so.

[A]

Okay. All right. Protein. Never like a tuna sandwich or anything like that like that.

[B]

I, I would, but I'd feel bad. I mean, the moment you crack that open, everyone's like, go yourself.

[A]

You put the seat back.

[B]

I don't, I don't most of the time.

[A]

Good man.

[B]

I, I, if I'm in first class, I put the seat back. So I'm like, we're all doing great up here with, if I'm in, like, Delta Comfort and I'm right in front of the main cabin, I'm like, well, no, that's the worst move for that. That's the worst row. But I think about it all the time. I, I'm like, some of these seats go a little too far back.

[C]

I, I don't disagree with you there. Hmm. Do you know how. You good with chopsticks?

[B]

I am.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, I can tell.

[A]

I can tell.

[C]

You open your eyes underwater.

[B]

No, that's a great question, that you could have honestly done this show and asked only that and probably get a good read on someone's garbage. Or not.

[A]

Anybody in the family ever been killed by a mudslide or a stampede?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No.

[A]

Just gotta ask.

[B]

I know it does sound like just the basics. Cops have to ask you if it's an interrogation.

[C]

Speaking of, has anybody in your family ever represented themselves in court?

[B]

No. No.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Ever seen a bobcat?

[B]

No. Be pretty cool, I think. So you guys got one? We illegally have a bobcat.

[C]

That's Patreon money right there. We got a bobcat.

[A]

Any injuries as a kid? You ever break your arm, your wrist?

[B]

I broke my collarbone in high school playing soccer. Went up for a header, goalkeeper came out and punched it, and he was like the kid who'd gone through puberty the most. He was a beast.

[C]

Get hit by a dude.

[B]

Yes. And he, like, punched it away. I get knocked down and I was fine, but all of his weight crashed on me, and I was like this. And it was like, snap. Yeah, that was, that was my major injury. And then aside from that, in soccer, it was always spraining my ankle, tearing ligaments, and then being out for two to three weeks, man.

[A]

And ankle sprain. I did it.

[B]

I still play soccer. I did it like two or three months ago. And I was like, what am I doing at this age?

[A]

I hate it.

[C]

Anybody? Any one of my friends or relatives who's like, I just got an over 30, it's usually soccer, whatever league, flag football. I'm like, you're gonna get hurt.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Then six weeks later, you see them in a leg brace. Like, I had to have my meniscus repaired.

[B]

That's all I think, all I think is I've played. Played crazy sports and never had a severe knee injury. And I'm gonna do it now when there's nothing to even play.

[C]

Nothing to gain. Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Have you ever. I'm sorry, please. Have you ever had a fake voicemail where you're like, hello?

[B]

Hello? I don't think.

[C]

Never mind.

[B]

You know, okay, I'm not against those.

[C]

But you seem like a silly guy.

[B]

That's why I love it when someone's got a good voicemail. I'm like, good for you. What is a hard one to do?

[A]

What is the.

[C]

That's a hard.

[A]

What's the Christmas light situation at the Scoville house these days?

[B]

Growing. Oh, these days?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

These days it's probably a little more mature.

[A]

White lights.

[B]

My wife likes the white lights. Me and the kid like the multicolor. So we have the pre lit Christmas tree that you put the artificial tree that you put together where you can hit the thing and it can go all white. Blinking all white, all multicolor. Blinking multicolor. Both kind of. I actually think it's the greatest invention of all time.

[C]

Time.

[A]

Artificial tree, artificial tree.

[B]

Growing up, always artificial tree. My dad's asthma. We didn't even bring in a real tree because of. It always was in the artificial tree. My wife and I did a real tree one Christmas and I. There was a time period I was like, this is great. But then I was also like, it sucks. I don't care about this. It was hard to keep it alive. I don't know that it made it to Christmas. And then like just getting rid of it when I was. Was like, oh, I'll just go spend 70 bucks. So just keep this tree for 10 years.

[C]

And they just open right up and it's ready. It's great. I switched this year. I was so anti fake. Tree. And now I'm like, yeah, game changer.

[B]

It's so much easier.

[C]

Game changer.

[A]

Do you say goodbye to places as a family? Like, if you're leaving, like a hotel room or like an Airbnb or something like that, you say, buy house or whatever.

[B]

When we moved, I definitely felt that. I felt that way every time I've moved, but never like, in short term, like, hotel, Airbnb stuff.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But I. I do feel like I am sentimental. I do think I. You might have just mal. Planted the seed of me now doing that.

[C]

Bye, studio.

[B]

I know we're done taping. You guys care if I have a minute in here?

[C]

Just sitting here.

[B]

Touch some of the objects I didn't interact with.

[C]

Do you ever go to karaoke song?

[B]

No, I'm. I. I would say I love singing. I think I'm okay at singing. And every time I go to karaoke, I'm like, why don't I know what I want to sing, but I don't go to. I maybe have gone to karaoke five times my whole life, which is probably why. But that wanting to know what my song is is the same as in my youth of going out for drinks and still not knowing what cocktail I like. So always just getting a beer when I'm like, oh, I don't. Do I like vodka? Do I like whiskey? I don't know. What is bourbon? In college, everything was like whiskey and coke. So now after college, I'm like, well, I know I don't want that anymore, but I don't even know what the options are now. I'm, like, addicted to old fashions and paper planes.

[C]

Paper planes are great. Such a good one for the first time last year.

[B]

So good tastic.

[C]

I'm a easy breezy Manhattan man myself.

[A]

When you have a beard of the mustache, do you ever bite the hairs on the side and pull them out?

[B]

I've thought about it.

[A]

No, I do it all the time.

[B]

It bugs me if it kind of is curling under and I catch any of it. And then I immediately got to get the, like, zip it up, zippy on it.

[C]

Will you buy the floor model of an appliance or a tv? I would, yeah.

[B]

I'll save that money.

[C]

A couple of bucks.

[B]

I'll save them.

[A]

Bite your nails. Clip your nails.

[B]

Bite them. And I go hardcore. Bite them. Toilet. Flush it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's pretty, though.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie. I actually. I think I do a pretty good job.

[C]

That's great.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

And so when people say, oh, you Bite your nails in that show. I'm like, you don't buy your nails. I go, I buy my nails.

[C]

That's how good I am.

[B]

I got this pride.

[C]

Ye. Uh huh. I don't know. I mean.

[A]

Oh, I got him dead to rights. What are you talking about?

[C]

He's trash.

[B]

He's below trash.

[C]

Call me the Earth. He's just got a couple good things where I'm like, he just showed me the nails.

[A]

How many suits do you have at the house?

[B]

I have two suits.

[C]

Any colors?

[B]

One is green that I got from. This is why I have these suits is because of any press events where someone dressed me. And then I'm always like, can I keep this? And they're like, yeah, all right. So I have like a fashionable green suit.

[C]

Cool.

[B]

That I think at the time was cool. I don't know that I can wear it again because I never wear a suit. So if I put it on now, people may be like, that's throwback.

[A]

Three buttons.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[A]

Shoulder pads.

[B]

And the other one is like, sort of purplish, but like this classy purple that I get compliments all the time because people will go, what color is that suit? Because there's like kind of these small lines in it.

[A]

I got you.

[B]

And I'm like, it's purple. And they're like, that's a great suit. And I'm like, I know. And I love the Joker growing up, which is why I kind of love that it's purple.

[C]

I mean, this kid's a dirt bag through and through. This is my favorite suit. Who's the Joker?

[B]

And they're like, you're an adult with a child.

[C]

All trash, baby.

[A]

Yeah, 100% trash. Mr. Rory Scoville.

[B]

No, I knew it before I got it, man.

[A]

What a tale, though. That's fantastic. We couldn't be happier for you. Like I said, you are one of our absolute favorites.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Thank you. The most talented guy out there, man. Honestly.

[B]

You're fantastic.

[A]

We love you. Thank you. What do you got coming up? You want to focus.

[B]

I don't know when this drops, but starting in mid October, I am starting a big US tour and I'm hitting up so many cities. So Roy scoville.com has all of that information. But yeah, if you're interested in coming out, please do. I really love this new episode hour.

[C]

Truly one of the best.

[A]

Thank you, buddy. Kippy, what do you got for him?

[C]

We're also on tour, starting back in a few weeks out west. Get your tickets. Are youe Garbage? Dot com.

[A]

Roy, we love you, buddy. Thanks for coming in.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.

[B]

Trip Planner by Expedia. You were made to outdo your holidaying.

[A]

Your hammocking and your pooling. We were made to help organize the competition.

[B]

Expedia made to travel.