Secret Fast Food Order! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: Secret Fast Food Order! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Release Date: March 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively “family episode,” hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan—without a guest—dive into everyday “garbage” habits with relentless energy and good-natured self-deprecation. The episode's main theme orbits around fast food secrets, food-related shenanigans, and the kind of borderline-trashy life hacks and stories that make up the Are You Garbage universe. Anchored by a hilarious “mystery chicken” saga involving an unexpected Raising Cane’s delivery at a comedy club, the conversation veers into everything from the etiquette of secret fast food orders, sharing food habits, smoker culture, vintage air fresheners, and the pitfalls of suburban construction, all punctuated by vivid memories, audience questions, and classic Philly banter.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. The “Secret Fast Food Order” / $150 Bag of Chicken

[04:16 – 13:12]

• Foley’s Mystery Chicken Delivery: Foley recounts arriving at a show and unexpectedly being handed a massive $150 order of Raising Cane’s chicken with his name on it—insists he didn’t order it. Paranoia and confusion ensues.
  • “Either I have a secret admirer or somebody’s trying to set me the fuck up.” – Foley [04:28]
• Interrogation by Kevin: Kevin doubts Foley’s innocence, wondering if Foley accidentally misrouted the order or is lying out of shame.
  • “He looked like he got caught with his wiener out.” – Kevin [04:47]
  • “Motherfucker… it’s probably your chicken.” – Kevin [07:07]
• Chicken-Ordering Theories: Was it a prank, a fan gift, or just Foley’s “feeding session” gone public? They analyze Foley’s past food ordering and eating habits, poking fun at late-night fast food binges and the shame attached to them.
  • “If I would have ordered that chicken, that is way too much chicken for me…” – Foley [09:59]
• Public Food Shame: The awkwardness of being handed a giant bag of chicken in front of peers and fans.
  • “If somebody saw you eating chicken strips at the end of the day, nobody would be like, what? Holy shit.” – Kevin [15:46]

Memorable Quote

“I felt like a dead whale floating and all the seagulls were picking at me.” – Foley [13:19]

2. Smoking Habits, Teachers, and Garbage Indicators

[16:39 – 26:11]

• Smoking with Teachers: They riff on trashy behaviors like sharing a “heater” (cigarette) with a college professor, and why teacher-smokers have a particular vibe.
  • “No teacher that rips heaters is an all right teacher.” – Foley [21:42]
• Menthol Profiling: Jokes about being able to “clock” someone’s brand just from their face.
  • “He was a menthol guy, for sure. I just…you're smoking menthols. That ain't clean tobacco.” – Kevin [22:31]
• Smoking as Social Glue: Discusses how bumming cigarettes helped them network in comedy.

Memorable Quote

“Heater goes a long way. Heaters and gum, Luke… That’s what won the war. Cold war, you know what I’m saying?” – Foley [26:04]

3. Trashy Life Hacks, Air Fresheners, and Childhood Memories

[27:02 – 38:41]

• Mobility Aids: Discussion of walkers with tennis balls and the upgrade to walker “skis.”
• Wing Nuts & Home Repairs: Love/hate for tools—“Everything should be wing nuts.”
• Air Freshener Insanity: Using car air fresheners on home ceiling fans, stick-on deodorizer pads (“stickums”), and old school mothballs in closets and vacuum cleaners.
  • “I don’t want to walk in your house. It smells like a fucking Mitsubishi where a guy smokes.” – Kevin [32:18]
• Parental Garbage Moves: Mothball trauma, reusing ancient shower curtains, ant traps, and adapting car-to-house odor control.

Memorable Quote

“My mom put mothballs in the vacuum cleaner. Like in the…this broads…bonkos in the bag.” – Foley [34:16]

4. Viewer Questions: “Is This Garbage?” Edition

Scattered throughout, including these notable moments:

• Ordering Milk with Dessert ([41:39])
  • Whole milk at a restaurant: always an option, rarely cold enough.
  • “If you’re on a date, you’re getting milk, you got a bigger dick than me, I’ll tell you that.” – Foley [43:16]
• Shower Curtain Cleanliness ([43:39])
  • Kevin admits to using a previous homeowner’s shower curtain for too long. Foley is appalled.
• Using Tinfoil as a Plate ([51:03])
  • “It’s bad for you. But I don’t hate it.” – Foley [51:21]
  • Discussion of parchment vs. wax paper and fussy food safety.

Memorable Quote

“What am I, a fucking cheese maker in France? Use wax paper. Get the fuck outta here.” – Foley [51:43]

5. Suburban Construction Woes & Home Layout Mishaps

[56:22 – 60:35]

• No Walkway = Garbage?: Stepping directly from the front stoop into grass is peak “hometown living.”
• Basement Walk-Outs and Deckless Sliding Doors: Riff on new developments where sliding patio doors lead to a 15-ft drop instead of a deck.
  • “Fun if you were a teenager… get a slide.” – Kevin [59:41]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Trashy Public Feasts:
  “A fat guy sitting in the corner eating chicken strips. Come on.” – Foley [15:52]

• On Secret Admirers:
  “What are the chances you have a secret admirer send you $150 worth of chicken? Or you got caught ordering $150 worth of chicken.” – Kevin [10:29]

• On Social/Comedian Smoking:
  “If you’re a Karen smoker and you’re a comedian, that is where a lot of career alliances are made over heaters.” – Kevin [25:29]

• On Suburban Nostalgia:
  “Back when everything was good, huh?” – Kevin [60:06]
  “Do you ever wonder if it maybe wasn’t good? You just view it as good?” – Kevin [60:07]

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Key Timestamps

• 04:16 – 13:12: Foley’s mysterious Cane’s chicken delivery and ensuing detective work.
• 16:39 – 26:11: Smoking culture among teachers and comedians, menthol profiling.
• 27:02 – 38:41: Trashy household habits, air fresheners, and more “garbage” moves.
• 41:39: Ordering milk with dessert—trash or not?
• 43:39: Shower curtain cleanliness (or lack thereof).
• 51:03: Eating off tinfoil and wax/parchment paper debate.
• 56:22 – 60:35: Direct-to-grass front stoops and deckless sliding doors.

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Running Gags, Callbacks, and “AYG” Tone

• Fat Guy Shame and Humor: Foley especially leans into the indignities and paranoia of being “the big guy” suspected of secret extra meals.
• Friendship Dynamics: Their banter blends genuine affection with relentless busting of each other’s balls, illustrating the show’s signature blue-collar, Philly-rooted everyman style.
• Callbacks to Past “Garbage”: References to prior incidents (like double-ordering chicken fingers at an Eagles game) reward longtime listeners.

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The Final “Chicken” Reveal

• At [55:38], Foley teasingly admits, “Can I tell you something? … I ordered that chicken,” then walks it back, continuing the episode-long joke about his supposed chicken-related guilt.

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Overall Vibe

The episode is a whirlwind of fast-paced banter, audience interaction, self-aware confessions, and a celebration of “garbage” living with loving mockery. Whether discussing bath linens or the shame of being caught with public fast food, Foley and Ryan wring comedy—and relatable humanity—out of life’s trashiest moments.

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For more trashy classics, visit areyougarbage.com and check out the merch, bonus content, or see the boys on the road.

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Transcript

[Stace Foley]

Merch alert, baby. Merch alert. Merch alert. Merch alert. The quality has gone through the roof. As they say, hooking. Gang, do yourself a favor, get over to rugarbage.com. we got hats, we got shirts, got mugs, we got keychains.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We got. We got. We got wall art. We got paintings you can buy. Go check it out. Are you garbage.com? limited supply list. Do it. Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy. A big old piece of trash.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[Stace Foley]

I'm your host, Stace Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toady's in a new edition. She just hit a deer with the car.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's pretty good. I didn't see it coming. Nor did she.

[Stace Foley]

It's in the living room. Mike Coes is coming at you from across the table.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The daily double daddy.

[Stace Foley]

This is what we call the family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Just the way we like it. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, shout out to ya mother effers. First of all, thanks for tuning in as always, please make sure you rate view, subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys got the ladder out and they're climbing of rigging charts. We're climbing the charts, baby.

[Stace Foley]

Top podcasts, country hottest guys, top comedy. We're there. Top 100 something billboard. Is that all the podcasts in the world or just the United States?

[Kevin James Ryan]

United States, eastern regional, lower, lower half of Pennsylvania.

[Stace Foley]

The lower 48, which I like that. I like that term. The lower 48.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The lower 48.

[Stace Foley]

That's what it's called. Lower 48 states.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Why the lower 48.

[Stace Foley]

That's what the kids call it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm not accusing you. I'm just asking.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Stace Foley]

Ask Kai Senet, one of them kids.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I Show speed.

[Stace Foley]

Tate McCray. I don't know. Kids are doing it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Check. And then obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. you go over there, you get bonus content. And I cannot stress enough. The shows are selling out. If you want to come see the boys on the road, we're doing some club weekends. 4, 5, 6 shows in some markets. We're adding some stuff, we're shooting some stuff. Get your tickets because we can't add shows everywhere.

[Luke]

The lower 48 actually is a term from Alaskans to describe the lower 48 states.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But shouldn't it be the lower 49?

[Stace Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How many states are there?

[Stace Foley]

Hawaii is by itself.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, but it's still lower than Alaska.

[Stace Foley]

Not. It's not a part of the 40. It's not the lower goddamn ocean.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The lower 48 doesn't imply that they're connected at all.

[Stace Foley]

I think it does. They're grouped together.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I get that, but I'm just saying Hawaii is also lower.

[Stace Foley]

Well, talk to him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Stace Foley]

I know what to tell you. Sure. Go over there and straighten it out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mm.

[Stace Foley]

They're not gonna take too kindly to you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Where? Hawaii. Yeah. Been there, done that. Not going back.

[Stace Foley]

Those Samoan guys. Fuck. To fucking tune you up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What are you?

[Stace Foley]

I'm a howley.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Okay.

[Stace Foley]

I respect local customs, though. I like a Zippy's. Tell you that. I like that Mac salad to do over there. I'm sorry. Speaking of which, I got something I wanted to run by you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You have ladies frames. What glasses are those? That's fucking insane, dude.

[Stace Foley]

They make me look smarter or more ladylike. They make me look fucking Ruth Bader. Artistic Ruth Bader Ginsburg over to go with my. My brute physique.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Stace Foley]

Soften me up a little bit. They're very Andrew Zimmerman.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're very Aunt Claude.

[Stace Foley]

Weird eats. What's it called? Strange eats.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You tell me.

[Stace Foley]

He ate bugs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What was it I showed you. What are you talking about? I don't know. Listen, you're in charge of food and food shows. That's your. That's your department. Why are you asking?

[Stace Foley]

Bizarre foods with Andrew Zimmerman.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'd love to have bizarre moods with H. Foley. Who are you going to get today?

[Stace Foley]

I wouldn't mind having Zimmerman on. He'd be fun. I like that guy. He's had a couple of things that I would eat. Not that fucking fermented shark they have in Norway, though. A lot of ketchup for that. Speaking of food, I wanted to ask you get your opinion on this. We were together. They're not gonna respect that, but sure, we were together.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you know?

[Stace Foley]

We were together at a show recently and we didn't talk about this, but I either have a secret admirer or somebody's trying to set me the fuck up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Stace Foley]

Got to a show last night. We're coming down the steps. The manager goes, foley, your food's here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is crazy. Sure, yeah.

[Stace Foley]

He goes, foley, your food's here. And I'm like, it says it in front of my food. I didn't order anything.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Dude. He.

[Stace Foley]

We were running around the city all day.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It looked like he got caught with his wiener out the vibe vibes on him.

[Stace Foley]

You've known me 15 years. I don't order food at a fucking comedy club. I don't eat in front of people.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I. It was a lightly attended ship. Sold out. It wasn't our show, but it was sold out. Yes. Can I. Yes. I mean, what do you want? What do you want from me? You're going to push back on anything I say and I get. I would do the same thing. I would defend myself in this.

[Stace Foley]

First of all.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Rightfully so. As a dirt bag should, though.

[Stace Foley]

It was about $150 worth of Cane's chicken.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was Cane's chicken. If it was a Cobb salad, I got it. He got the wrong guy. This is a salad.

[Stace Foley]

He's like, I saw the delivery guy. It said H Foley on it. And I'm looking through my Uber eats. I'm like, I didn't fucking order any chicken.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You didn't. I said, let me.

[Stace Foley]

I just, you know, I showed you. There was nothing in my recent activity.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Could have been doordash, though, or one of the other scandalous apps you have on your phone. You got the raising Cane's app.

[Stace Foley]

I'm using a vpn. If I can order chicken.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Stace Foley]

There's a lot of chicken.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's a lot of chicken every day. Where they hand. Dude, they handed him a bag of chicken. And you would have thought that it was. He knew they were undercover cops handing them blow. He was. Nah, I never seen you. I don't touch the stuff. I don't like chicken. I'm a vegetarian. Get that shit out of here.

[Stace Foley]

You guys are cops. You got to tell me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, it was very. If you're an Uber Eats guy, you got to tell me.

[Stace Foley]

I didn't order it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I believe you.

[Stace Foley]

I know you do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pardon me.

[Stace Foley]

What do you think? What do you think that was?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think it could have been a couple of things. My immediate thought process is that you were guilty. I think that. I think that's fair. I think that's based on me knowing you for 15 years. Your ability, your. Your inclination to lie, your inclination to eat some chicken are all in.

[Stace Foley]

No, I know the Nuremberg guys felt. Jesus Christ thought I was being given a fair trial.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Kangaroo court you got going on here. I'm just saying, right? Like, if someone goes, hey, I got A bag of chicken for Foley. You go. That's not me. I got.

[Stace Foley]

I saw your name on it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I gotta lean towards.

[Stace Foley]

First of all, I don't fuck with Cane's. Not that I don't fuck with it. I never had it. Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Until last time.

[Stace Foley]

I don't make a habit of showing up at shows and eating. I would never do that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know me, I get that. But we were here. So this is my immediate with you all day.

[Stace Foley]

Motherfucker.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's probably your chicken. Fucking set me up. I've been playing this all week, Jake.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, maybe.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I didn't know you got wet.

[Stace Foley]

You ran out to see the three wise men.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Diesel, new guy Luke, and Mark the shark. I. I immediately thought you got a. Okay.

[Stace Foley]

Hadn't we just eaten?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, did, but you've been eating. All right, hold on. Listen, you're let. Just this. Do you want my. Can I give you what I thought?

[Stace Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You ate pretty good all day.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So typically, when we eat good all day, I think you might go home and have what I would like to call a feeding session.

[Stace Foley]

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think everybody does. That's not that. I'll admit that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's not very hard feelings.

[Stace Foley]

That's not, you know, late at night.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, that's all I'm saying.

[Stace Foley]

Yes. You know, I like the daily doubles from McDonald's. I admitted to getting a double Whopper with no Cheese Junior.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, no Cheese Junior. Robert Jr. Mr. Universe over here must have the size of the universe.

[Stace Foley]

I just like the taste of it sometimes. Sometimes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. That's. What.

[Stace Foley]

No, no, no. I mean, sometimes I just like a hamburger, believe it or not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure. Okay.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, we could. Hey, Trav, Hit me. We can believe it. Oh, I guess Luke hit me.

[Stace Foley]

Luke does these sometimes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Or Mark the shark hit me.

[Stace Foley]

I'll hit you with a bag of chicken with that cane's finger licking sauce.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Raising canes can't sell chicken around here. So here's my immediate thought was because you did leave for a little while. We were separated for a couple of hours.

[Stace Foley]

I went up to do a spot.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Were we not separated for some time?

[Stace Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Did you then come in and not talk to me? Really?

[Stace Foley]

No. I came in and worked on something on the computer.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. But to answer my question, did you come in and not speak to me for a while? I'm just saying. Were you furiously on your computer? And I said, what are you working on? And you said, quote unquote, shut your mouth.

[Stace Foley]

Well, I didn't want to tell you because I Wanted to read you this. I wanted to read you the little story I wrote.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know. I'm just sharing.

[Stace Foley]

This is about me sneaking away to get Cane's chicken.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm just saying. This is the information I'm processing in real time. Yeah, right. I'm a detective. Call me Columbo.

[Stace Foley]

First of all, you're nothing, because I owe. Because we had the door locked. I opened the door, and he's fucking peeking around the corner. That was a bit like he's Shelley Duvall.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was watching porn. As ordered.

[Stace Foley]

Tough guy over here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know it was you.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, right. I kind of went through you like butter.

[Kevin James Ryan]

First of all, you had a problem opening the door. So let's. Let's all step back like you aren't serving a no knock warrant. Okay.

[Stace Foley]

All right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So I see that you do. And I get right bigger guy. Someone hands you a bag of chicken in public, you go, no, no, no. You're. You're a little flustered. A little.

[Stace Foley]

I'll admit this. If I did order it was my chicken. If I did order it, let's say we didn't know. Like, I knew that show was sold out. There's no way that I would have done that. But if I would have, let's say I would have ordered that chicken. That is way too much chicken for me to. It was like $150 worth of chicken fingers. So either somebody was trying to fuck with me or somebody was being, you know, me and now, you know, whatever. Like, you know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, I don't know.

[Stace Foley]

Secret admirer or something, you know, sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What are the chances you have a secret admirer send you 150 worth of chicken? Or you got caught ordering 150 worth of chicken.

[Stace Foley]

That's what sucks.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I get it. So here's my.

[Stace Foley]

But I'm listening to what I'm telling you. I'm saying this is all the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is all the behavior of very guilty conscience. That's all I'm saying. I would not let me.

[Stace Foley]

I would have denied it. I would have denied it if I would have ordered it and would have walked in there and saw, oh, there's a bunch of people here, a bunch of chicks and like that. I can't be chicken. And this guy calls me out saying, follow your chickens here. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[Kevin James Ryan]

So here, here. So my immediate thought went to. He ate pretty good all day. He did disappear for a while. He was frantically on his computer trying to figure something out. I thought maybe it was a misfire. You put in the wrong location. Maybe you were going to send it home, get it delivered to the house for when you got. I didn't know what you were doing. I thought you misfired the location and it got sent, which would be a you thing. Do the wrong drop off.

[Stace Foley]

I did do that the other night on the way home.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Good. I know my big man order it

[Stace Foley]

on the way home.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't believe you ordered it, but that's immediately. I genuinely believed in the moment you didn't order it. But 50% of me was like this for short. Could have happened. And I wasn't going to throw you under the bus in front of strangers.

[Stace Foley]

You wait till now in front of people.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You brought it up. You brought it up 250.

[Stace Foley]

Well, you could have, you know, you could have been like, yeah, it's crazy. Who do you think it was? This wasn't more of a. I'm looking for an investigation on me. I was looking to help. I was looking for you to help.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I want. I want the guy who ordered this chicken to get his chicken.

[Stace Foley]

I was looking for. I was looking for you to help me to solve the. The. The. The mystery of. Who do you think ordered it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, listen, there was a lot of. It wasn't our show, but there was a lot of, you know, we were built on the show, so there's a lot of homies and bozos there. Maybe someone was like, big dog likes chicken. I'll. I'm not. But you're not even known to like chicken.

[Stace Foley]

You know who's known to like chicken? Kevin Ryan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, send me some chickies.

[Stace Foley]

And sometimes people come up and see us and they go, they'll say to me, oh, hey, Kevin. So maybe they thought.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But if, you know.

[Stace Foley]

Did you order chicken?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Did I order chicken? No.

[Luke]

I think we were talking on an episode about us not having raising canes before, which might be a reason why a secret mayor.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But then I think a DM would have came in. Hey, I sent you chicken. Sending chicken me a couple of bucks. Yeah, I don't know, but I. That was. That's a tough look and tough look.

[Stace Foley]

It wouldn't go away.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was just.

[Stace Foley]

I kept hearing the manager all night. Yeah, it was. I thought it was. Came in for Foley.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, Foley says it's not hit. Dude, you heard the end.

[Stace Foley]

All the servers are picking at it like they were pigeons.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You were getting a real. On me. That's my chicken. Tough. It's the life and times of a fat man. I get it.

[Stace Foley]

I felt like a Dead whale floating and all the seagulls were picking at me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You explode when they take you through town. Do you ever see that? There's a thing about whales exploding.

[Stace Foley]

You blow them up on the beach. That's what you do. That's the move. That's how I do it. I don't fucking bring it through town that the gases expand. You blow them up on the beach. Little tnt, little Candy, as they used to call it back in the day.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, Candy, mm.

[Stace Foley]

It's from the Irishman.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I didn't think you lived a life where you were playing with Candy.

[Stace Foley]

Ever hold dynamite before now?

[Kevin James Ryan]

A couple of quarter sticks that people use. Somebody was making my. My stepdad.

[Stace Foley]

My stepdad hang out with Doc Brown.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. My stepdad was into. Not weird shit, but they were like hillbilly foe. Where like they had that kind of. That kind of stuff was around. They were the kind of guys of like, I don't use dynamite a lot, but I might need it. And I ain't paying market price for it. I know a guy, Three Finger Eddie. Get you a couple of sticks.

[Stace Foley]

What about nitro? You ever mess with that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's nitro?

[Stace Foley]

Nitroglycerin.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do I ever mess with nitro?

[Stace Foley]

It's liquid. It's very unstable. I saw in an episode, I think Little House, Bugman Juice, Little House on the Prairie or something like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They weren't banging with.

[Stace Foley]

Nitroglycerin was an old show like that. Maybe it was the A Team.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That makes sense.

[Stace Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was also one of the things back in the day where you go, it's nitroglycerin.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You don't know nothing.

[Stace Foley]

Scared of you. What do you got, Luke?

[Luke]

Extremely unstable. Unstable. Highly sensitive liquid explosive.

[Stace Foley]

Sounds like me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right. We gotta get it, guys. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hand.

[Stace Foley]

As you know. The chicken hit us up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Send more. No, don't be saying everywhere we go there's gonna be chicken showing up.

[Stace Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Which might not be the worst.

[Stace Foley]

No.

[Luke]

Did that like 24 ounce soda, cup of the cane sauce?

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, man. It was a fucking huge bag. It was like four styrofoam things in there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The bag looks so. The plastic bag looked so greasy. It was crazy. It had the perfect knot on top.

[Stace Foley]

Follow your chickens here. In fact, people are still seating. There's a bunch of chicks out there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Brutal. Mm.

[Stace Foley]

What if I was like, oh, yeah, thanks. So I wouldn't have housed it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, listen.

[Stace Foley]

But you could get fries in a piece of Bread too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That wouldn't be crazy.

[Stace Foley]

You think that I would be able to sit in a room.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, I'm just saying in the corner. Will you go in the showroom? That'd be a little. That'd be a little rude.

[Stace Foley]

You know I can't eat in front of people like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know, but I'm saying, like, if somebody saw you eating chicken strips at the end of the day, nobody would be like, what? Holy shit.

[Stace Foley]

A fat guy sitting in the corner eating chicken strips. Come on.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No one thinks you don't eat. I don't. I understand what you're saying, but at the same time, no one's going to. What in the heck? This is. This is madness. Here's the fact I eat a chicken strip. Who eats chicken strips? Fat guys. Athletes aren't eating chicken strips like that. Natural people.

[Stace Foley]

I've had this. I've had. I've had the Japanese stuff from next door once in there. But that was when the show was going on and I was sitting there and I split it with Tommy. It was like a scallion pancake or something like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They stopped making them the Japanese pizza. I love that guy. They got the owner that I wonder. We're getting deep in the woods.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, Little Japanese spot.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like I tried to say, all that's either here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands.

[Stace Foley]

Tell me what's going on with you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I will. Can you talk to me? As you know, when you join the old Patreon, we will read your question on the air. And let's friggin get into it. This one's a home run. This is from Olympic gold medalist. $10, homie. And ever catch a heater with your college professor before you both walk into class? Ooh, dirt bag. For sure. I would probably. But you know, you're getting the benefit of the doubt with a guy you share a heater with. If you're on the fence of a D to a C, a couple of points here and there, he's got to read your essay. You're. You're getting a cushion. You're getting the heater. You're getting the heater boy cushion.

[Stace Foley]

That's the first thing they give spies. What pack of higgers and gum packages and gum get you halfway through fucking Eastern Europe.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's a good point.

[Stace Foley]

You know what I mean?

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's a real good point.

[Stace Foley]

Smoke and smoke. Cops do say smoke. Smoke, yeah. So you get somebody. So I got you, sucker.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How I got you? Unfortunately, you didn't have cigs.

[Stace Foley]

First cigarette. I gave you one, though.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No way. Yeah, dude, never in the history of us.

[Stace Foley]

I gave you that and some chocolate bars. No, after that. It was mine.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Told the story. I gave you a reass for a ride home. It was like eight blocks. My car was 10 blocks the other way. And you complained the whole. What a hump this is. Jesus, you could have told me you parked over here. I would have walked home. Newsflash. No, you wouldn't have. Bumming my heaters, stealing my lighter.

[Stace Foley]

I should have made you go pick the car up and come back and get me. Show more respect.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Going through my cup holders, stealing my change. I haven't seen Easy Pest since then.

[Stace Foley]

Kim, let's talk about Lucy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.

[Stace Foley]

Talking about Lucy breakers, baby. We're Talking about always 100% tobacco free, pure nicotine. Lucy Breakers. Nicotine pouches have a little extra surprise. As you know, each pouch has a capsule which can be broken to release a little extra flavor and a little hydration, which is important. Get them delivered right to your door, gang. We love them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Shout out to Lucy. I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. The good folks at Lucy send us nice little care.

[Stace Foley]

They always go missing, don't they?

[Kevin James Ryan]

And when. I got to be honest, when they show up, the. The rats come out of the woodwork. Anybody that's ever seen us on the shots, everyone. Hey, can I grab these? I want these. It's. I. I feel like I'm getting rated

[Stace Foley]

every time Luke brings an extra bag.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. Lucy Luch. Lucy's. Lucy's the only pouch that gives you long lasting flavor when, whenever you need it. Get 20 off your first order when you buy online with the code garbage. And if you don't want to wait, just head to Lucy Co stores to find out where Lucy is near you and you can grab it today. And here comes the fine print gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, obviously. And every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Stace Foley]

Kim, let's talk about Helix.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Helix. Helix. Helix.

[Stace Foley]

You don't like Helix, do you?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, I friggin love Helix. I got a Helix. I masturbated on a Helix today.

[Stace Foley]

Oh, that's so funny. So did I.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Different helixes.

[Stace Foley]

Helix been with us since the Jump street gang. So do us a favor, go over there and support Helix. Talking about the best mattress you're ever going to have. You don't got to go to the store. You take a Two minute quiz. They tell you how you sleep and they pair you with the best mattress you're ever going to have.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Listen. Best sleep, end of story. Best sleep of my life. I was sleeping like a bozo, a schmendrick, a schmuck until I got a Helix. And now I sleep like a gosh darn gentleman.

[Stace Foley]

Like a king.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And you can too if you get a Helix. Listen, times are tough. Times are crazy. Think times are tough. Sleeping is getting a good. Good night sleep is hard. Gotta get a good night's sleep against the helix. Sleep makes it easy for me to get some nice. Should I wake up rested star and

[Stace Foley]

take the day start yelling at people?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's what Helix does for me, baby. Go to helixleep.com garbage for 27% off site wide. Baby, I'm talking 20% off the entire website. That's helixleep.com garbage 20% off site wide. Make sure you entered our show name after checkout and let him know that he that let Helix know that the boy sent you. One more time helixle.com garbage do it.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah man. I know that professor.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I never really had one. There was one he was like an English teacher and he would not I always. My thing was I got right by. Not right by the door, but to the building park bench. Whatever. Cranky heater.

[Stace Foley]

This is college.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It'd be weird if I was doing it after college. Sup dude? I'm Kippy.

[Stace Foley]

What's the talent like this year, huh? No high school.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Go Rams. What?

[Stace Foley]

High school.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Can't smoke at high school. The fuck you talking about?

[Stace Foley]

I know teachers used to. They wouldn't even admit that they did smoke Hill. We had this one guy that always smelled like mint gum and. And deep heaters. He must have been fucking hot boxing him quick in between classes. But they wouldn't even admit it. Never saw a teacher smoke. No teacher that rips heaters is an all right teacher.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also we 10 years difference from when I was in high school to you were. It was very. I mean at that point the country had shifted on heaters but we had one guy, I forget his name smoking during football practice. This guy loved the heater. My social studies Mr. Evans or something. I mean dude, that fucking. That catcher's mitt face. The deep wrinkled face, you know what I mean? Like real deep heater lined face. Always a mint in to cover up the heater smell. Clacking it through his teeth. Yellow baked bean teeth. And now we shall commence. This guy likes a marb Red. I can look at someone's weathered face and tell if it's menthol or non menthol.

[Stace Foley]

Oh, for sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He was a. He was a menthol guy, for sure. I just.

[Stace Foley]

Look, I go menthol profiler.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're. Yeah, you're smoke. You're smoking menthols. That ain't. That ain't clean tobacco.

[Stace Foley]

Salems.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Oh, dude, somebody who smokes Salems, I can clock it from three.

[Stace Foley]

Salems are cools. Back in the day, my aunt smoked cools for a little while.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure. Friends of friend listens to the show. Friend of mine's father. Father listens to the show. Smoked cools. And we would have. We'd be in a pinch or, you know, stealing empty.

[Stace Foley]

Those things are minty.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're have your lady, you know, you're at the bar late or whatever. At the house, you run out of heaters. Because me and my boy would smoke heaters, the same kind. So if I ran out. Yeah, he's got you.

[Stace Foley]

If he ran out, you and Marlboro Lake girls.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. And we got each other. You know what I mean? So it's like, if I got six, he's got. We'll get you through tonight. We'll get the last. But if you didn't, you had to go to his dad. Fucking dude. Doing a. Fuck.

[Stace Foley]

Did you go ask him for one?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, doing a menthol cig or. He used to hide him in the garage. We knew where he hit him. I mean, well, he wasn't hiding them

[Stace Foley]

from us, but you have to go up to him and say, hey, Mr. So and so. Can I grab a.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Can we get a heater? Yeah, yeah. Well, he would do it. Hey, let me. He'd come over and he'd sneak one. Let me get one.

[Stace Foley]

Hero dirt bag.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Or he'd be like, let me get a pull on that.

[Stace Foley]

Oh, from a dad. Get the out of here, you grape nuts breath.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also, I don't know if I told you he was wearing. I don't know if I told you this. He was. I used to work at the New Town Acme. I was a cart guy then. Worked my way up to a cashier. Then phone, though.

[Stace Foley]

That's funny. You never told us that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But he was there and he was wearing a ant hoodies hoodie or something. My friend's dad was. And the cart guy walked up and was like, I fucking love that show.

[Stace Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was that guy at some point.

[Stace Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How crazy is that?

[Stace Foley]

Look at you. I wonder if. Too bad he didn't know that you worked as a cart game. Started out the same way. Now he's bald. Does well, though.

[Luke]

That's right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You have active herpesaur on your face. And you. You try to. You're. You throw like. I can't not throw that back in your face. I thought we're gonna have a gentleman's show here, not take shots.

[Stace Foley]

It's a cold sword.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you think? Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

Hey, look at me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I remember the one time you tried to tell me he got punched. I said, what? By a herpes? What are you talking about? You go 12. Go 12.

[Stace Foley]

When was this?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Back in the day. I've been punched. Meanwhile, I spent like every waking hour with you. Tell me you got punched. In the three hours I didn't see

[Stace Foley]

you, I was running my mouth at Mardi Gras.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You so you. Something else. I tell you. She. But yeah, good point. If you can smoke a heater, I'll tell this to. Don't start smoking.

[Stace Foley]

No, but smoking's over. Kids aren't smoking now. They got the vapes and all that stuff. Get off of that shit. To you kids.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm just saying stay in school. If you're a Karen smoker and you're a comedian, that is where a lot of career alliances or, you know, relationships are made over heaters.

[Stace Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Because. Especially if you're like, at every level. Because we've been to, like, festivals and like, heater. Bigger comics or like, managers and agents who don't always smoke. And we. I mean, because we were known as the heater guys. So we'd be somewhere and, you know, some big. We'd be like, drink, you're having some. Let me get one of them. Because we were always just like, broads. Posted up, cranky. Heater goes a long way.

[Stace Foley]

Heater goes a long way. Heaters and gum, Luke.

[Luke]

Heaters and gum.

[Stace Foley]

That's what won the war. Cold war, you know what I'm saying?

[Luke]

Brought down that wall, baby.

[Stace Foley]

Brought down the wall.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The cool war, the wool. The war of Philip Morris. All right, this one's from Patty's. Patty's Massage Therapist. Ten dollar homie never had one. Red, you's got any ants with a walking boot on? Oh, dude. What I. There's something about.

[Stace Foley]

I got boot. I got plenty of. With knee braces.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think everybody's. I got a couple uncle, blue collar uncle. Worked a very, you know, hard construction years who were a little, you know, rougher body, legs, knees, hips, that kind of stuff. But nobody in a boot. No one on the scooter. Like the Knee scooter. No one in a walker. None of that, really. Everybody's kind of, you know, together.

[Stace Foley]

I don't mind a walker. I could do a walker with the tennis balls on the bottom.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure. Cruising. We don't have a better technology than the tennis balls. That's crazy to me.

[Stace Foley]

I think it's just one of those things.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know, but there's gotta be, like, you don't think the guy who makes the walker looks and goes, hey, everybody that buys my product cuts open a tennis ball and puts it on here. We gotta solve this somehow.

[Stace Foley]

I mean, they should just make their own. But I think it's the. I think it's the fabric on the tennis ball just works so well.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I would argue that's probably not. You can rebate. You can. You can make that fabric or buy that fabric.

[Stace Foley]

Or maybe it has something to do with, like. They know. It might be a sensory thing where the. Where the person walking can it. It's. They're like reflectors, so they can see where it touches the ground.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I understand. I'm not. Obviously there's a use for it. I'm saying I think the Walker company

[Stace Foley]

can go make our own tennis balls.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Something or. What do you got?

[Luke]

This seems like this company has moved to now walker skis. Oh, so that's the modern technology. It's a little ski that goes instead. Instead of the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The tennis ball.

[Stace Foley]

Using skis.

[Luke]

Yeah, it's just like kind of like a doorstop.

[Stace Foley]

It looks like rad, dude.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That makes sense. Yeah. Just a little more stable or something.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, I got it. I would do a walker, though. I don't want. Better than. Better than crutches.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Crutch. I mean. Well, no, you're on crutches temporarily if you're doing. If they're like, hey, crutches till you go. That's a. That's a tough diagnosis. Yeah, yeah. Wheelchair.

[Stace Foley]

Regular crutches are the ones that have the clips on here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think those are fats for more genetic disorders. That's more.

[Stace Foley]

Somebody up with them. Whip that around. Regular crutches suck.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I've. Although there was a. At my age, there was a big jump between we probably talked. The wooden crutch and the metal crutch. If you had wooden crutches, you might as well been on the fucking Civil War. The metal crutches, you come out looking like tea, too.

[Stace Foley]

Wooden crutches, like a Pawnee.

[Luke]

We always had a pair in the basement of wooden crutches. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So did.

[Stace Foley]

Everybody did.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's how that's how you first learn about a wing nut. A set of crutches. You learn how to work a wing nut on a. On a wooden crutch.

[Stace Foley]

You don't need a tool for the wing nut.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know.

[Stace Foley]

Everything should be wing nuts. You know how much tools we cut down on? Phillips said out. Flatheads out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Big tool would never allow that.

[Stace Foley]

Wing nut.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It.

[Stace Foley]

Wing nut. All wing nuts.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, but they're not like sleek. They don't fit in shit.

[Stace Foley]

Not very sturdy either.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know. Fucking two little fucking tweakers, you know, A little bit of tension.

[Stace Foley]

You know, it's funny. In New York they have those on the scaffolding. You can just like fucking undo those things. Some of them, sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You can also fucking knock down a building if you wanted to. No, I gotta get the permits for that.

[Stace Foley]

Need some candy?

[Kevin James Ryan]

How about my app? I said the other day, your app

[Stace Foley]

about Kevin had an app for. To tell you where all the scaffoldings are in New York City so you can plan your walk in case it's raining.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm. I'm picking up a vibe of it. You're not a fan.

[Stace Foley]

I'm out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Stace Foley]

I'll give you 15 grand for 75%. Okay, I got it. Hey, wait. So what you gotta. What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Stace Foley]

It's a little flawed.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm sorry. I've been wearing that shirt for three days and there's guacamole on it.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, but you can't tell where.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Talk about flawed.

[Stace Foley]

I forgot that in the beginning of the show. I was gonna say, if you can spot the guacamole stain, you'll win two free tickets to a show in your area, Patent pending. You can't tell what a guacamole stain is on here. I give you a hints in this quadrant. It's in this quadrant here. You can't tell Kevin. Only Kevin knows.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I do know because I watched it and I spotted it. Yes, you couldn't find it because it was in a fold also. I don't know.

[Stace Foley]

No, it's because Luke hit him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Luke hit him. He's got a little bit of a semen stain right here.

[Stace Foley]

No, I don't

[Kevin James Ryan]

hit it in post.

[Stace Foley]

Oh, it's because of mine.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, it was just a. I don't

[Stace Foley]

spit on my face.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I said semen.

[Stace Foley]

So I've semen on my face.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You tell me or you doing at the gym? All right, let's see here. This one is from. I wasn't fat back then. Great name, long time, never had one. Red is this garbage. Or slick putting two of those air fresheners that clip onto the AC vent in your car, Put them on the ceiling fan instead of.

[Stace Foley]

Hmm.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You can't see it. And now you have that new apartment smell

[Stace Foley]

bad.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's. I think there's a stone. I've never thought about this. I'm just putting. There's a staunch difference between a car smell and an apartment smell.

[Stace Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Right.

[Stace Foley]

But I'll push back a little bit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't think. You know, Febreze doesn't have a black ice.

[Stace Foley]

No, no, he's not saying. He's not talking about hanging trees on there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know, but that's a car smell. Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

I like it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't want to walk in your house. It smells like a fucking Mitsubishi where a guy smokes. You know what I mean?

[Stace Foley]

Detailing cars. Yeah, but I like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Smells like someone just hot boxed it with a fucking blunt.

[Stace Foley]

Have you ever seen. Have you ever seen one of those trees in somebody's house? I've seen them in the bathroom.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I've seen them in closets. Yeah, that was like. I mean, back in the day, you know, whatever. That was just like. You threw it up. We used to have.

[Stace Foley]

My mom was all moth balls.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, you were never a big mothball.

[Stace Foley]

Dude, she put them in our coat closet. We'd walk out smelling like mothballs. I don't know why she did them. I never. I've never seen a moth in my house in my life.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Because you had all that mothballs.

[Stace Foley]

What are we in the dust bowl? Are moss still eating clothes like that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

They were. They ate my stepdad's blazer. And he was down at a men's warehouse.

[Stace Foley]

What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

And he was, like, getting it tailored. Tailored. And there was holes in it. And the guy, Taylor, and, you know, was more from the inner city. And my step. That was more of a hillbilly. And the guy was saying, me got moss. He goes, those are moth holes. And my stepdad's going, what the hell is a moth hole? And my mom's trying to give him, like, it's a motto. And he's going, yeah, that's a moffle. And my stepdad's going, I don't know what a moffel. Moffel. He thought it was one word. Yeah, so he's. He had a. He had, like, a tweed blazer that he, you know. Is that, like, Puerto Rican that he would wear? Yeah, he's. But so we had him then. I don't know how.

[Stace Foley]

Jesus.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But that was when he was like, Dating my mom like a single guy. So like it was just like. He probably had clothes left over from the 70s, you know? Bad.

[Stace Foley]

A coat that smells like mothball smells in a car with a bunch of teenagers. It's brutal. I'm supposed to be wearing formaldehyde.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You were wearing that shit in high school. No wonder you weren't get any pussy.

[Stace Foley]

My mom. My mom put mothballs in the vacuum cleaner. Like in the. In the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This broads.

[Stace Foley]

Bonkos in the bag.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Patty, what are you doing? And she put them in the asshole twice a year. Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We had. I think it was like the 90s got real wonky for like plastic technology and like innovating shit that didn't need to get innovated.

[Stace Foley]

Plugins, dog.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not the plugins. Changer. This might even been 80s then. I remember being in the hall closet where we kept the towels. It was

[Stace Foley]

upstairs. Hall closet. Yeah. Love that closet. My favorite closet in the house is the upstairs is the upstairs closet with the linens and the extra toothpaste and all that stuff. Favorite closet. Q tips and shit like that. Patty's is nice because she gets a bunch of shit from the dentist office when she goes because her friend's a hygienist. Michelle. Hygienist. She was my hygienist as a kid. Dime piece back in the day. Still beautiful woman, but man, a torrid. Love that closet. It smells like soap. That. That closet always smelled like soap.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We didn't have that. All of ours was under the sink.

[Stace Foley]

Broken home. Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You hear that? You hear that? All right.

[Stace Foley]

Had your go bags in there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You were. You were trashing my wife on an episode. What, like auto played on my computer? No, you were saying some sexual stuff.

[Stace Foley]

That's not true. I've never say anything about you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was 100 true.

[Stace Foley]

The foreign investor. We're best pals. I seen her the other day. She was trying on the clothes that I got the. The kid. The clothes that I got for the baby.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Whatever. I'm just saying. Watch your tone. She hears from time to time.

[Stace Foley]

What was I saying?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not nice things.

[Stace Foley]

She seem interested?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, she did not. She is not a fan of you.

[Stace Foley]

That's not true. She loves me. I'm Uncle Hank. Goddammit. Kid likes me too. Now back to this hall closet of yours.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She. Oh yeah. Whatever your dental hygiene. I am trying to.

[Stace Foley]

This was.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This should have been 4 seconds 20 minutes ago. There was like a thing on the wall that. It was like a circle. A circle. Air freshener.

[Stace Foley]

Stickums.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Stick them.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, stickums.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We had them and it was like, whoa. But then we never replaced them. No, that was the. We were the king of that shit.

[Stace Foley]

They lasted forever.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know, but then we just had stick ems on the wall without the recharge, without the refill. That's like. To me, that's like the Brita filter. You get the Brita and then never refill it. Yeah, man. That was like. That was. That was also too, like, Tidy Bowl. You know what I mean? That was. That was too chemical.

[Stace Foley]

Stick. Them were. All right. Stick one of those next to the turret on the. On the. The vanity next to the toilet.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know what was trashy?

[Stace Foley]

That.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't think we ever talked about that we had once roach motels. No, traps.

[Stace Foley]

Ant traps. Like, they're always gross.

[Kevin James Ryan]

My mom always has ants now. Always. It was a sack of potatoes. I didn't see. You know, she'll go down the shore for a week, you know.

[Stace Foley]

Can I be honest with you about something? I don't mind ants. Ants, I'm. As long as they ain't fire ants.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They get you when you're sleeping those days. They move as a thing.

[Stace Foley]

But. Yeah. I remember the first time I was in Texas to see my cousins in Dallas, and they had fire ants, and I was walking around outside my bare feet. Couple got me. My Uncle Jack was like, is that

[Kevin James Ryan]

why you're all swollen?

[Stace Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh?

[Stace Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're gonna be like that? Is that what we're gonna do? Let's put the guns down.

[Stace Foley]

My guns are down.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We had the. The toilet pole, the toilet paper holder that had an air freshener in the

[Stace Foley]

middle with the crystals inside.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

Whoa. Talk about a flash from the past. I used to try to eat them all the time.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're a. What are you? An ant?

[Stace Foley]

I don't know. There was just something.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're just crawling behind the line of ants, eating whatever they're eating, carrying stuff back to the nest.

[Stace Foley]

I try to get them out. They just looked real good. Yeah, they had. They were. They were lined.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't remember. I just remember being blue and remembering, like, this feels like I'm at a sitgo.

[Stace Foley]

I was bad. You probably shouldn't have touched.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, no, it was. It felt so. Chemicals. Wow. We had it once.

[Stace Foley]

That's great. I haven't thought about one of those.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But then we used it for the next seven years. Yeah, like emptied.

[Stace Foley]

What do you mean, emptied? They don't evaporate, I don't think.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, whatever. I don't know what you're talking about. The one we had evaporated. It was like one of those like, you know, like the gels that just kind of. The cones.

[Stace Foley]

I'm talking about the Chris we crystals.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know about that. But then we just use an empty air freshener as the toilet paper roll.

[Stace Foley]

Crystals got very big in the 90s. Crystal this, crystal that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Scrubbing bubbles.

[Stace Foley]

Scrubbing bubbles.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure. It was stuff on like a molecular level. That's when it. Whoa. It's, you know, deep clean. Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

Getting the shag.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Good stuff.

[Stace Foley]

Good stuff, gang. We got a brand new merch alert. And we've kicked it up a notch, baby.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Achie machi.

[Stace Foley]

Kippy show em we got hats. Boom. Hit him with the ayg hat quality.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We got a classic Bernie's dad hat.

[Stace Foley]

We got comfort colors tees, upgraded the tees.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Heavyweight tees for heavy white boys. We got Uncle Henry's menswear. We got Kippy's racing T shirt Hippies racing tees. We got the Bass pro shop knockoff. No big deal. How you done?

[Stace Foley]

We got the Palm breakfast spot. Look at that. And then send backs gang.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then get it for St. Patty's Day limited run. Kiss me, I'm trash. Sure, give it to it. Give it to a classy broad near you.

[Stace Foley]

That's realize you are yougarbers.com ru garbage is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.

[Kevin James Ryan]

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[Stace Foley]

Kevin let's talk about Cigars International.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Cigars International.

[Stace Foley]

I love a nice cigar every once in a great while. I like to enjoy myself, sit back, have a nice stogie as they say. Cigars International is the go to retailer for all things cigars. With the biggest selection of premium handmade cigars available absolutely anywhere.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Cigars International offers unbeatable deals and discounts making it easy to stock up on your favorites or try something new without breaking a bank. Let you do a little bit of discovery, you know what I mean? They got fast shipping and they're 100% satisfaction guarantee. You can shop with confidence knowing it. Cigars International stands behind every order. They have a good Relationship with the vendors to help you get low, low prices. Cigars International offers free everyday shipping. No minimums, no limits. Just shop, check out, enjoy the free delivery on every order, baby. Free to live. That's what we're talking about right now. You get 20% off your order of 50 or more plus free shipping on your entire order. Some exclusions apply. Use the code garbage at checkout for 20 off your order of $50 or more plus free shipping. Or visit www.carsars international.com garbage and the discount will automatically apply. Do it. But I would say putting the, the car air fresheners in the house ain't classy. I respect the move and maybe you figured out that you dialed it in, but as a whole, probably not classic. All right, let's see. This one's from Clinks. $10, homie. Never had one red. Is it garbage to order dessert at a restaurant and order a glass of milk with it? It's never on the menu, but they got it back there. Yeah, you do.

[Stace Foley]

Problem with that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hit me.

[Stace Foley]

I've done it. I like the move. Nine times out of 10 you're getting whole milk, you're getting good, you're getting Cisco delivered like restaurant quality milk. Only problem is it depends what refrigerator it's in.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's not always super cold. Yeah, sometimes like, like just, just under

[Stace Foley]

room temp giving you the, the milk they're using to make cappuccinos.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Because they're not drinking. Yeah, they're not drinking it. It's not like they're not making a cold bolus. Whatever they're doing is getting heated.

[Stace Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So they don't care. Yeah, I, I, I thought you were going to say it's always cold. And anytime I've experienced it, it's always been like room temp stinks place.

[Stace Foley]

I worked out on the Upper east side. Shout out to Martell's. We had one of those silver the Martels. Yeah, we had one of those. Pretty good. We had one of those silver milk milk dispensers. It was like 31 degrees freezing, you know, in the bag you load it in, like in a cafeteria.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I didn't push back on it at all.

[Stace Foley]

Fantastic. I don't know why we had that, but it was fucking unbelievable. But yeah, you catch that lukewarm shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tough restaurant. Yeah, that's what I would say. And also too, like I never want, if I'm at a restaurant where I'm ordering dinner, I'm having a cocktail or two. I don't want milk. Then. No, I Get it? You know, if I'm at the house, I'm doing cookies. Yeah. I'm like. I'm never in a world where milk out is mixing with whatever I just did. That's what I'm going to say. But I respect the mood and I

[Stace Foley]

say espresso at the end of day the sure. If you're on a date, you're getting milk, you got a bigger dick than me, I'll tell you that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

First of all, everyone does. Confidence. All right, let's see. This one I've never thought about. It's a cardigan. Thanks for noticing. Are you garbage? If you didn't change the shower head when you bought your house,

[Stace Foley]

you supposed to.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I never. I've never thought of that. I just did because we had a leak and I had to redo the fucking bathroom. So we did new shower heads.

[Stace Foley]

But as a pressure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's great. Hey, we did the Big John. Now that stuff's more affordable than it was back in the day of like.

[Stace Foley]

It's all plastic now use metal.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

Good for you. You got soft water.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't. I got a problem with my water. I gotta figure it out. I gotta. I gotta call somebody on that.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah. Mortgage.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mm.

[Stace Foley]

Pay cash. Rent.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I got dirty showerheads. Yeah. I never thought of that. I mean, I like that though. I get it. It makes sense. But I've never. I moved into all these apartments I've lived in have just had like a shower head from the 1930s.

[Stace Foley]

There's a lot of times that I've moved into a place where. Oh yeah, we're gonna clean. And it just. You're kind of just using somebody else's stuff and it just becomes yours.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We used the shower curtain for. I used the shower curtain for too long. I will say from people before from the house I bought.

[Stace Foley]

What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh. I will say. I. I will. Hold on. Everybody relax. Everybody chill.

[Stace Foley]

Using the guy's toothbrush. Holy shit, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is your underwear

[Stace Foley]

the shower curtain?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hold on. I'm not finished explaining myself.

[Stace Foley]

It started.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I started at a wet market. Everyone.

[Stace Foley]

Everyone knows that it's a Hampton Inn and Wuhan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let's see.

[Stace Foley]

What the fuck. I'm stunned by that. And you know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hold on. Hold on. Can I explain myself?

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, can you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's a little bit of movement. I have a little bit of. I have a little bit of. I got a card I can play. Sure.

[Stace Foley]

Because I have something that I want to remind you of that still sometimes like wakes me up in the middle of night and I still can't believe that you did it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Shared your soup.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, you shared my soup. You took a bite of my soup.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Can't take a bite of soup. You slurp a soup.

[Stace Foley]

Even worse.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was fucked up.

[Stace Foley]

That's like. That's like in the glorious Basters. The guy going dry glasse something. You gave yourself away there. Slurping my.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Believe it's Taza.

[Stace Foley]

I was sick too. I might add a cold.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nadine will still do that.

[Stace Foley]

I might add a cold sword end too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Cold sword end too juicy one. I was so fucked up. Whatever was in me, he was fucked up. That was one of my favorite drunks having my soup. No, just being at that bar. We were all huddled around that high top. We were ordering just good food. We were so drunk. Just so. We're like on the back end of 14 hours.

[Stace Foley]

You've been to Ireland. You love that brown bread, man. We were.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And everything was good. Everybody's going, try that. We were just fucked up. Good old fashioned. No one's sick. No one causing a scene. Just warm cozy cigs going, fuck.

[Stace Foley]

Do you think about having my soup?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Never.

[Stace Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I've done worse. Shit. Fucked up.

[Stace Foley]

Ew. Bet you have.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Everyone has.

[Stace Foley]

His files are sealed.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What was I saying? Oh, the shower. The shower. I At some early on I replaced the liner.

[Stace Foley]

Oh, that's a.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? And just had the.

[Stace Foley]

Oh, why don't you say something?

[Kevin James Ryan]

But that wasn't right away. That was like I got.

[Stace Foley]

That's fine.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

You could have kept that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I kept it way too long.

[Stace Foley]

That's fine. It's the liner.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I changed the.

[Stace Foley]

Wow. I apologize.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sir.

[Stace Foley]

Are you kidding me?

[Kevin James Ryan]

It did just feel. Not like the stain. Their hand stains were bad.

[Stace Foley]

He's probably jerking off in there and shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, of course I was.

[Stace Foley]

I. Ew.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ew. Stop trying to kiss me. What? That's what I've been saying to him.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah. I tasted my soup.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You wish I tasted more.

[Stace Foley]

You wanted me to. You wanted me to baby bird it to you sick bastard.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Snowball me.

[Stace Foley]

Goddamn family restaurant.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also there was a band like an Irish singer songwriter going Foley was jealous. There's a whole thing.

[Stace Foley]

Wasn't jealous.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know. Let me get up there. Rock.

[Stace Foley]

I don't do that. Gaelic. I love it, but I don't do it. Wolf tones and all that. These guys rock pogues.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let's go.

[Stace Foley]

Get up now. Don't do that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tomorrow night.

[Luke]

Let's do it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tomorrow night. We'll go to. Yeah, tomorrow night we'll go to Shade.

[Stace Foley]

Hmm.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're done. Kind of early. Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

Not me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got the baby sleeping through the night.

[Stace Foley]

I'll probably go to meet you and ride guy. I'll go up to the gym after the show.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Set a new bar on the Upper east side. Jim's Place. We don't ask no questions. Knock three times, grab a private booth at gyms. This is a good one. This is from the Lazy Gardener. Short time listener, hardcore binge watcher. Is it garbage to say, how much is this going to set me back? Or how much is this going to run me? That's a guy who barely has it. That's not. That's great. I've never identified that as an indicator of the amount of money you have.

[Stace Foley]

Dude, three things. One, the Lazy Gardener is a fucking home run. Home run. Give them their own show on fucking the Food Network or something. That's great. Two, man, it's just gonna cost me. It's just gonna run me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Set me back. Set me back means you're just about to get your head above water and someone comes along and steps on. Steps on your head. What's this gonna set me back?

[Stace Foley]

Fuck. One of these dickheads needs braces. What's this gonna set me back?

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then also, whenever you say, that's then when you're for sure complaining about whatever situation is to your friends, loved ones, whoever, co workers, you're going, this set me back. Whatever the number is, you're fluffing it. If it's 2800, this set me back three grand. Yeah. By the end of the week, this set me back 3,500.

[Stace Foley]

I hit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm out four grand.

[Stace Foley]

I hit Luke with that every once in a while. What's this gonna cost me?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not once in a while. Anytime we have to mention a dollar,

[Stace Foley]

he's like fucking Alicia Silverstone. Who? Alicia Silverstone. Alicia Silverstone.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I had a thing for her, but not really. I missed her. I was a little too young. I get it.

[Stace Foley]

Talk about setting me back.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How you doing? Talk about turning me home.

[Luke]

I'd love to know what you think I buy.

[Stace Foley]

You buy all kinds of.

[Luke]

For the business.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah. You're not buying baseball cards. You could. You can get whatever you want. I don't give a shit. I don't even know.

[Luke]

I know, I know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Then what's up? That's what I say, what it's like, yeah, we're keeping a business in New York City that we're not. We're not selling fucking, you know, cattle feed in. In Oklahoma. We got fucking bills to pay.

[Stace Foley]

Could be you blew that deal.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fucking rent. We got fucking nine guys on sale. It's. This is a full blown production. You're like, we need a tripod. Oh, this is gonna cause us sure. Did we need the van? Probably not, but that set us back.

[Stace Foley]

What's that gonna cost me?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Shout at the beans.

[Stace Foley]

Home run of a question.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Great question. Great indicator also too. I was thinking one of the trashiest ways to talk about money is bones. About 50.

[Stace Foley]

I got 20 bones. Clams.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's like funner though. But yeah. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Kirk. Ten Dollar man here. Is it garbage? Eat mainly off tin foil so you don't have to clean a plate. It's also more versatile because you can form a bowl or a saucer if you have some food that has more liquidity.

[Stace Foley]

I don't hate it. It's bad for you. But I don't hate it. I'm usually.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's the tinfoil bad for you?

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, they say it's bad for you. It soaks up something. I don't know what the. All that. All that kitchen. They. Since the 50s. It's been bad for us. Yeah, it gives a fuck the fuck. Hey, stop telling us that shit. Just shut up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mm.

[Stace Foley]

We all got Teflon in us. The Teflon don t foil. You're supposed to use wax paper. Fucking wax paper. What am I, a fucking cheese maker in fucking France? Use wax paper. Get the fuck out of here. Wax paper sucks. There's no cling to it. I ain't cling.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay?

[Stace Foley]

You know what I'm saying.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Or a parchment guy.

[Stace Foley]

Parchment paper. What's that? That like construction.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Look at me like I fucking killed you. Kicked your dog in the head.

[Stace Foley]

I think parchment paper is wax paper.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, parchment paper is less. It's like the. It dries out when you keep it in the oven. You'll burn it sometimes.

[Stace Foley]

Remember tracing paper in school? That shit was cool.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know what I did the other day?

[Stace Foley]

What'd you do?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tracing paper. That didn't hide any mistakes though. That was real. You couldn't erase on that stuff. You had to start over. Bad. I used my broiler. I made a shepherd's pie a couple of weeks back.

[Stace Foley]

Good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And I finished in the broiler. I had to lay on the ground to get in and get eyes on that thing. That does not. I've never used it. That did not seem. I got my head under the stove on the ground. Look. It goes right to the floor too. There's open flames and then 3 inches and then linoleum. It's crazy wild.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, that's all mouse shit down there, buddy. Those ain't sprinkles, homie.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Talk about fire ants. Yike.

[Stace Foley]

You know what? I just found that they eat in Sweden or Norway.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They do sprinkle research on Norway.

[Stace Foley]

I saw it on Instagram. What do you think? I got a fucking research. I got a think tank. Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Think you got a spank tank?

[Stace Foley]

They do sprinkle one of. One of those countries. Switzerland, Sweden, whatever.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's gonna be a great story. Someplace. Someplace. I ain't never been on an Instagram. Really? Saw 6 weeks ago. Ate something goofy and I might want to try something.

[Stace Foley]

No, not goofy. They make sprinkle sandwiches. They take chocolate sprinkles and butter. Chocolate sprinkles and butter on white bread.

[Luke]

It's Netherlands.

[Stace Foley]

Ah, the Netherlands. Yes, of course.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also known as Denmark. Mm.

[Stace Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Something's rotten in the state of Belgium. No,

[Stace Foley]

God damn it. No. Amsterdam's a city.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[Stace Foley]

Yes, it is.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Amsterdam. Yes, Amsterdam is a city in the Netherlands. Oh, also, the Dutch is the other name. The Dutch are the Netherlands.

[Stace Foley]

Dutchland.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, Deutschland would be Germany. Heinz Swie. That I. And they do this to clap real wild vibes at the dinner.

[Stace Foley]

Got to be in a beer hole, knocking on doors.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yikes.

[Stace Foley]

You boys left that behind. Continue.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You act like I have my own agenda here. I hate when you do that. Yeah. Get back to whatever you were doing.

[Stace Foley]

Thanks for having me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Kevin driving the show. All right, let's see. This was from Foley's bastard son. Oh, no. 10. 10 bone, homie.

[Stace Foley]

I wish I had a son out there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You abandoned him, too. What do you mean I had a guy? I wish I had a son that I wouldn't.

[Stace Foley]

I wouldn't have known about him, obviously, but if I did and he showed up, my boy, he's four years older than me. Like Tracy Jordan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

So good. That really was his son. Or he turned out to be a good guy. What, 30 Rock? He wasn't his son.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They both knew.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, they both.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tracy knew. He's like. Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

And he was actually a good guy. He wasn't ripping him off. He was, but he wasn't. I like more.

[Kevin James Ryan]

At 11, he was. He wasn't. Somewhere in Europe they eat fat guy sandwiches.

[Stace Foley]

Am I. I'm right about the sprinkle sandwiches, though. Right on point and not with the location.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No one doubted you. Listen, if you're telling me they eat sprinkle sandwiches, I believe you've seen this either in a. In ayahuasca trip. Or on Instagram.

[Stace Foley]

Can I tell you something?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Stace Foley]

I ordered that chicken.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, you didn't.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, I did. You did?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

No way. No Netherlands.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? Huh?

[Luke]

I thought you were dipping your toes in the water, see what you could get away with.

[Stace Foley]

It's the second time chicken strips have come back to bite me in the ass, though. We over there on a Patreon, it was a. There was a conspiracy that I had two orders of chicken fingers at a Eagles NFC championship game. Maybe someone's out there fucking with me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Maybe you just like chicken. No, no.

[Stace Foley]

I mean.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, I do declare I like a

[Stace Foley]

strip much as much as the next feller. Uh huh.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right. This one's from Foley Bassett's son. Ten dollar bone, homie. Never had one. Red. Is it garbage? When you step off your front steps, it's directly into grass. No path or walkway. Straight yard. That's wild. That's why.

[Stace Foley]

That's hometown living, bitch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's. You need a little bit of curb appeal if that's the case. You gotta fucking get. You gotta get your shit together and get on Zillow.

[Stace Foley]

You got a lot of onions in that yard. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

A lot of dog shit probably too.

[Stace Foley]

I could see the fucking dandelions in that lawn.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Wow. That's a great, great question. For a long time, like, in my hometown, they developed a lot of land, like, I guess through the 90s. Toll, bro.

[Stace Foley]

Mm.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And they always put the basic two by four wooden steps out the. The side entrance or the garage. So like, that was a lot that you would see that a lot.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey. And I think it was like a lot of times just to get in for the construction workers to get in and out back around the side.

[Stace Foley]

I'm cool.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, for sure. But. And also sometimes you would see a lot of those houses were like built on hills that had like walk out backyards.

[Stace Foley]

I never got that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think it was the basements or something.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, they're like. They would like, put dirt up. There's a lot of houses like that in bluebell. They put dirt up against the backyard. I don't know, like, hold the foundation or something like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't. I don't. I don't know nothing about nothing. But a lot of. A lot of these houses, you could walk out the basement. You would see in these like new Toll Brothers, which, like, dude, now they make. They. They're doing everything. Toll Brothers. Crazy how many units they're moving. But people would get. So now like their first floor, their kitchen floor, their living Room floor was like higher. You know what I mean?

[Stace Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like you could walk out the basement. So the first, like you walked in the.

[Stace Foley]

The back, it was higher in the front.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Higher in the.

[Stace Foley]

Yes, yes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So they would have lower in the front. Lower, whatever. Yes, Ground.

[Stace Foley]

This is the front and this is

[Kevin James Ryan]

the back where the sprinkles at. People would spring for. Yeah, I want the sliding doors out to my patio that would be elevated, you know what I mean? But they wouldn't put the deck in. So people, for like time, like they would move in and not spring for the deck or have other people do the deck, but for a long period of time they would just have the sliding door to a fucking 15 foot drop off.

[Stace Foley]

Oh, that's not what I'm talking about.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's what I'm talking about, baby.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah. What is Dr. Evil. That's nuts.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We would drive by these house and people be. You see the lights on, they're in there eating. I go, that's a you. Someone up. You have a key? Oh yeah. If someone comes over for a dinner party, has a couple glasses of wine, you got a lawsuit on your hand.

[Stace Foley]

Step it outside to rip a Cool.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Get kills on my heater. They're breaking their pelvis.

[Stace Foley]

Oh man. Dude face. No shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was like, there was a lot. Cuz I remember me and my dad, we'd be in the car. Be like, there was enough where we would point them out and I guess it was like toll brothers would be like, hey, we could do it for, I don't know, 18 grand. And people like, get the fuck out of here. My cousin could build a deck.

[Stace Foley]

And then seven years later.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

That's pretty sweet though.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, fun if you were like a teenager or something, that'd be fun.

[Stace Foley]

You got a rope or something? Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hang yourself, get a slide.

[Stace Foley]

But it'd be cool just to have that door open while you're eating dinner. The fresh air coming in, rice a Roni cooking. Maybe some of those knors. Some noodles, some vermicelli. Noodles.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Vermicelli.

[Stace Foley]

Vermicelli. Maybe a little Hamburger helper.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I went to school with Stevie. Vermicelli.

[Stace Foley]

Some crystal light iced tea on the table.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Back when everything was good, huh?

[Stace Foley]

Yeah. Nothing but screen doors in time. The suburban fantasy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do you ever wonder if it maybe wasn't good? You just view it as good?

[Stace Foley]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. Just. We don't have to go down that road. I was just curious.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, for sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, I know I have like broad strokes of it all and it sounds like you got a couple of rose colored Elton John glasses on looking through that lens. You know what I mean, dog?

[Stace Foley]

Fatty in the jets, maybe Kevin maybe.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's all I'm saying, though.

[Stace Foley]

Corner of time.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You dare? You. All right, let's see here. This was from Ben. $13 80 Canadian. Bozo. Never had one, Red. The old man used to be an independent contractor. He worked in legal services. On every invoice, he would charge mileage, but he only worked from his home office. Now we're talking. Hey, man, get while the getting is good.

[Stace Foley]

It's not even that. That's a part of the gig.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. You know, also when I my. I worked at a couple of law firms as like a paralegal bozo.

[Stace Foley]

Everything I.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's when I learned how they run up hours. And for a guy like me who never dealt, like nobody in my family ever dealt with a lawyer. Unless you got a DUI and you call up, you know, fucking shout out to Joe Kelly, the pit bull. You know what I mean? I think that was his name. See if he is Joe Kelly the pit bull. He got Everybody out of DUIs.

[Stace Foley]

Was it your fault?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think that was his name. They would advertise like urinals, you know, fucking big heads Bar and grill trying

[Stace Foley]

to get you with an overserved.

[Luke]

Joseph K. Kelly, a Philadelphia based attorney who is described as a pit bull in the courtroom.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There you go.

[Stace Foley]

Like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I first. My brother has been like, that guy's a pit bull. Like, for sure.

[Luke]

You know, for his aggressive defense and DUI and cases.

[Stace Foley]

Yeah, I like a good Philly lawyer.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure, they're great, but that's all. Those are the only lawyers I knew so that I started working for this high end and they. That's when I saw the racket I got. Fucking. I. You know, it was like I blinked and then blinked again. I saw how everybody's getting ripped off. Phone call. Three minute phone call.

[Stace Foley]

That's an hour.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fifteen minutes.

[Stace Foley]

Of course, 50 minute interval intervals.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

What the fuck, man? How are you gonna charge one guy,

[Kevin James Ryan]

dude, one guy for like the. You know, the month turned in like 13,000 hours. I go, buddy, there ain't 13,000 hours in a year you doing.

[Stace Foley]

Who you've been talking to.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What the. Talk about burning the candle at both ends. But that's when I saw. And then like they were billing people for my time. Of course, I ain't seen. I ain't wet my beak on that.

[Stace Foley]

Of course you're not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What the.

[Stace Foley]

You spoke on the wheel. You're a Mutt.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know.

[Stace Foley]

Smoking heaters outside, drinking orange juice out of the snack. Snack room.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stace Foley]

God knows what you were having for lunch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was drinking so much coffee and orange juice, like, throughout the day, my teeth felt really weird. Do you ever get. You ever do so much of something, you start feeling unhealthy in an odd way and you go, this ain't great. I felt like. I felt like I had horse teeth. Like, I felt like there was big gaps in between them, if that makes sense. With a shoelace.

[Stace Foley]

I ate a whole box of them outshine bars one time. My teeth hurt for, like four days, dude. Felt like glass.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's a lot of, like, fucking, you know, vitamin B or something. You don't know. You're one of those level spikes. And you feel, in a weird way,

[Stace Foley]

all that guar gum in you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Noah Jackson. This one kind of blew my hair back. Is it garbage to go to Subway for a bacon, egg and cheese? I gotta be. I'm not a Subway guy. You guys have items that you like at Subway more than I do. I get that. It's never been my cup of tea. They did do a chicken parm for a while. I would go and get that. Or a meatball. Too dense. My thing is, I didn't even know they were doing a bacon, egg and cheese. Is it like a Starbucks bacon, egg and cheese with, like, the. It's more of a wrap.

[Luke]

It looks like. Or you can do it on their traditional hoagie rolls.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Paulie's had one in the last 30 days. If I had to guess, it's got to be. I'm assuming it's more pre made. Please, the floor is yours.

[Stace Foley]

Gentlemen. Until you mentioned the meatball hero at Subway, I was gonna say I've never had a cooked lunch. A hot lunch at Subway. I never believed in the toasting the sandwich. We've gotten to this argument with the Quiznos. Your big Quiznos guy for a couple of months.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, call me a big Quiznos guy. I dabbled with the carbon.

[Stace Foley]

You had merch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But mushroom.

[Stace Foley]

Mushrooms keep. You don't like mushrooms?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tell them I'm allergic. I don't even know if you can be allergic to mushrooms, but that's what they get. I got a severe mushy allergy. I also don't like uncooked tomatoes. They're icky. Now, you were saying?

[Stace Foley]

If you don't like the ickies. Man. Mushrooms. Cooked mushrooms to a kid might as well have been trout eyeballs those things.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sly. How did it get slimy?

[Stace Foley]

My dad used to hit us with a bowl of button mushrooms for. For dinner on a Sunday. Like, you know, it's a side dish. Get the. What are you eating? You eat slugs?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Dude. Wild. They like sweat.

[Stace Foley]

I love them now, but man, a bowl of mushrooms look like they're in Vaseline or something.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't. I don't f. With it.

[Stace Foley]

You take these out of the dog's ass.

[Kevin James Ryan]

One time I throw them on a burger. It's like night crawlers on there. Hey, buddy. I ordered mine without bait, okay?

[Stace Foley]

Hey, the first time I had a port. A sliced portobello mushroom. It's like I was eating a caterpillar, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fighting back. Trying to get out of your mouth.

[Stace Foley]

Get out of here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, I think I've seen this. It's like the. The long. The square flatbread folded over on itself.

[Stace Foley]

Yes. I don't think I've. I've.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I.

[Stace Foley]

But I. Sometimes I get the meatball hero confused with the one at Wawa. But I feel like I've talked about the Subway meatball hero. So that would be the only hot thing I ever had. I've never had anything else hot at a Subway. But this is. I don't do it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is the best version of it. This is what they're putting forward.

[Stace Foley]

Take a look. I don't hate that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got.

[Stace Foley]

That's a nice looking flatbread.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's not what you're getting. Though I would argue it's probably in the realm of the Dunkin Donuts breakfast that has like the already kind of cooked chicken, the cooked egg that they throw in the heater and get it out of there.

[Stace Foley]

Well, well, well. Now hold on a second there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Stinks.

[Stace Foley]

No, no. If you get the maple bacon croissant at Dunky's, it's delicious.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, one good thing. They are a breakfast restaurant, fast food restaurant. They have one good thing.

[Stace Foley]

I don't mind their little. Their little bangers. Little. They do little bacon, egg and cheese wraps that are pretty good. I don't know what they're called.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're fine.

[Stace Foley]

They're called like not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I get out of here.

[Stace Foley]

Half skillets or something. There's something. They have some junior wraps or.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, quick ones. Yet eat 48 of them.

[Luke]

Oh, the wake up rap.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Wake up.

[Stace Foley]

The wake up. I'm a sleep 10 minutes after I eat one of them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not enough to get me out of bed Wrap. That's what they should be called. All right, we gotta wrap it up. We gotta wrap. We gotta. We gotta wake up and wrap it up, gang.

[Stace Foley]

You hang in there. We love you to death, and we'll see you next week.