Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Episode: "Soda for Breakfast!? w/ Stavros Halkias"
Release Date: December 11, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Stavros Halkias
Episode Overview
In this hilarious installment of "Are You Garbage?," beloved comedian Stavros Halkias returns to face Kevin Ryan and H. Foley's ruthless—yet oddly affectionate—interrogation. The trio launches into a raucous debate over “garbage” breakfast habits, airport dining etiquette, fast food behaviors, dental hygiene (or lack thereof), and the deep-rooted anxieties of aging. Loaded with signature Northeast banter, self-roasting, and a relentless parade of food confessions, this episode pinpoints exactly where class and trash collide in American life.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Stavros' Tour & Comedy Success (00:35 – 04:10)
- Foley and Ryan enthusiastically plug their massive Met Philadelphia show and upcoming live appearances, including Stavros’ own tours.
- The hosts rib each other about big breaks, Hollywood, and road shows.
- Memorable Moment: H. Foley jokes about his mom’s bootlegging at a film festival.
2. The Great Airport Breakfast Debate (04:10 – 18:23)
- Diet Soda for Breakfast?: Foley and Ryan confess to drinking Diet Coke/Pepsi with their morning airport omelets—scandalizing Stavros.
- Quote – Kevin Ryan (06:37): “What, at 9:00 am you’re drinking Diet Coke? ...What the fuck is wrong with you?”
- Breakfast Trifecta: The "water, diet soda, and black coffee" combo sparks confusion and mockery.
- Airport Restaurant Hierarchies: Stavros rails against overpriced, mediocre airport “upscale” spots (like The Palm), arguing that off-airport locations are always superior.
- Quote – Stavros (15:08): “Anytime you go to a restaurant in a complex, it’s worse and more expensive. That is fact.”
- Carb-Hating & Failed Diets: The hosts admit to cycling through diets mid-meal, poking fun at their own desperation and hypocrisy (07:05–07:29).
3. Fat Guy Solidarity and Shame (09:38 – 10:16, 12:10 – 13:39)
- They joke about “sympathetic fat guy burps” and sharing medication advice for heartburn and indigestion.
- X-Raying Food: Stavros describes bringing his own hoagie to the airport, getting laughs about "having your food X-rayed" (13:02–13:34).
4. Breakfast Toast Injustice (22:54 – 25:26)
- Heated debate about places (especially “upscale” airport restaurants) only serving one slice of toast with breakfast—everyone agrees: "It’s GOTTA be two!"
- Quote – Stage Foley (22:54): “One slice of toast is not in order. Yes, it’s two slices of toast.”
5. Diner, Deli, and Diet Bread Lore (24:55 – 25:36)
- War stories about butter-soaked diner toast, weird diet breads with numbers ("357 toast,” “187 bread"), and nostalgic breakfast memories.
6. Burger and Pickle Etiquette (25:43 – 29:14)
- Inquisition: Are you ever cutting your burger, inverting it, adding pickles or coleslaw?
- Stavros: “I like pickled things. I don’t like a pickled cucumber. Pickled onions, red onion—love ‘em. But the classic pickle? Not for me.” (29:14)
7. First Encounters with Fancy Foods (29:37 – 33:13)
- Nutella: Stavros reminisces about smuggled Greek "Merenda" chocolate spread.
- Brie Cheese: Everyone shares when they first tried brie.
- Luke (32:14): “I thought beer and cheese...I thought I was so classy.”
8. Dental Hygiene & Avoidance (36:10 – 39:00, 41:08 – 44:14)
- H. Foley: “I floss every day and I brush every day, okay. I haven’t been to a dentist in probably 20 years.” (37:01)
- Comedic horror stories about bad teeth, sketchy Groupon dentists, and the myth of dental insurance.
- Retirement and Aging: Foley learns he’s eligible for “senior” phone plans at 50, triggering existential jokes about his age.
9. Trash Test: Listener Scenarios (47:03 – 53:41)
- A listener’s story of their dad giving the sex talk over Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” while cheating at Kmart is dubbed "peak trash."
- Kevin Ryan: “Your adult father having a girlfriend that works at Kmart is instantly—you’re trash.” (47:50)
- Childhood nostalgia: Shopping at Value City, Kmart, Pizza Hut, sharing memories of being fat kids obsessed with fountain sodas and slushies.
10. Food Substitutions: Sunchips as Croutons (63:47 – 66:10)
- Listeners ask if crushing Sunchips as salad croutons is trashy—verdict: it’s fine, as long as you’re honest about your intent.
- “I literally used Cheez-Its as salt” – Stavros (64:54)
Notable Quotes & Moments
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote / Moment | |-----------|---------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 06:37 | Kevin Ryan | “At 9 am you’re drinking Diet Coke? ...What the fuck is wrong with you?” | | 15:08 | Stavros | “Anytime you go to a restaurant in a complex, it’s worse and more expensive. That is fact.” | | 22:54 | Stage Foley | “One slice of toast is not in order. Yes, it’s two slices of toast.” | | 29:14 | Stavros | “I like pickled things. I don’t like a pickled cucumber. Pickled onions, red onion—love ‘em. But the classic pickle? Not for me.” | | 37:01 | Stage Foley | “I floss every day and I brush every day, okay. I haven’t been to a dentist in probably 20 years.” | | 47:50 | Kevin Ryan | “Your adult father having a girlfriend that works at Kmart is instantly—you’re trash.” | | 63:54 | Stavros | “I literally used Cheez-Its as salt. The way this woman used garden salsa chips as croutons. So I’m with her.” |
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:35 – 04:10: Tour announcements & banter
- 04:10 – 18:23: Airport breakfast & soda debate
- 22:54 – 25:26: The “One Toast” controversy
- 29:37 – 33:13: First encounters with fancy foods (Nutella, Brie)
- 36:10 – 39:00: Dental hygiene shaming
- 47:03 – 53:41: Listener “Garbage Test” scenario (Kmart & Meatloaf story)
- 63:47 – 66:10: Food swap confessions—chips as croutons
Tone and Vibe
- Highly Conversational: The episode oozes with the easy chemistry of old friends roasting each other.
- Self-Deprecating & Honest: No one is spared, and the hosts gleefully mock their own unhealthy habits.
- Playful & Fast-Paced: The conversation never lags, hopping from absurd food rituals to the outright grotesque.
- Relatable & Candid: Perfect for listeners who appreciate real talk about the indignities of adulthood, eating, and personal upkeep.
Summary
This episode exemplifies the best of "Are You Garbage?": a joyous roast of everyday trashiness, from the uncanny appeal of soda-for-breakfast to X-raying hoagies at the airport, miserly dental avoidance, and tragicomic retirement planning. Stavros, Foley, and Ryan masterfully expose— and embrace—what makes them "garbage" in the most hilarious, affectionate way. Whether you’re a diner devotee, lapsed flosser, or just love trashy nostalgia, this episode is packed with quotable moments and shared confessions that will make you laugh and possibly groan in recognition.