Soda for Breakfast!? w/ Stavros Halkias

Summary

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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Soda for Breakfast!? w/ Stavros Halkias"

Release Date: December 11, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Stavros Halkias

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Episode Overview

In this hilarious installment of "Are You Garbage?," beloved comedian Stavros Halkias returns to face Kevin Ryan and H. Foley's ruthless—yet oddly affectionate—interrogation. The trio launches into a raucous debate over “garbage” breakfast habits, airport dining etiquette, fast food behaviors, dental hygiene (or lack thereof), and the deep-rooted anxieties of aging. Loaded with signature Northeast banter, self-roasting, and a relentless parade of food confessions, this episode pinpoints exactly where class and trash collide in American life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Stavros' Tour & Comedy Success (00:35 – 04:10)

• Foley and Ryan enthusiastically plug their massive Met Philadelphia show and upcoming live appearances, including Stavros’ own tours.
• The hosts rib each other about big breaks, Hollywood, and road shows.
• Memorable Moment: H. Foley jokes about his mom’s bootlegging at a film festival.

2. The Great Airport Breakfast Debate (04:10 – 18:23)

• Diet Soda for Breakfast?: Foley and Ryan confess to drinking Diet Coke/Pepsi with their morning airport omelets—scandalizing Stavros.
  • Quote – Kevin Ryan (06:37): “What, at 9:00 am you’re drinking Diet Coke? ...What the fuck is wrong with you?”
• Breakfast Trifecta: The "water, diet soda, and black coffee" combo sparks confusion and mockery.
• Airport Restaurant Hierarchies: Stavros rails against overpriced, mediocre airport “upscale” spots (like The Palm), arguing that off-airport locations are always superior.
  • Quote – Stavros (15:08): “Anytime you go to a restaurant in a complex, it’s worse and more expensive. That is fact.”
• Carb-Hating & Failed Diets: The hosts admit to cycling through diets mid-meal, poking fun at their own desperation and hypocrisy (07:05–07:29).

3. Fat Guy Solidarity and Shame (09:38 – 10:16, 12:10 – 13:39)

• They joke about “sympathetic fat guy burps” and sharing medication advice for heartburn and indigestion.
• X-Raying Food: Stavros describes bringing his own hoagie to the airport, getting laughs about "having your food X-rayed" (13:02–13:34).

4. Breakfast Toast Injustice (22:54 – 25:26)

• Heated debate about places (especially “upscale” airport restaurants) only serving one slice of toast with breakfast—everyone agrees: "It’s GOTTA be two!"
  • Quote – Stage Foley (22:54): “One slice of toast is not in order. Yes, it’s two slices of toast.”

5. Diner, Deli, and Diet Bread Lore (24:55 – 25:36)

• War stories about butter-soaked diner toast, weird diet breads with numbers ("357 toast,” “187 bread"), and nostalgic breakfast memories.

6. Burger and Pickle Etiquette (25:43 – 29:14)

• Inquisition: Are you ever cutting your burger, inverting it, adding pickles or coleslaw?
  • Stavros: “I like pickled things. I don’t like a pickled cucumber. Pickled onions, red onion—love ‘em. But the classic pickle? Not for me.” (29:14)

7. First Encounters with Fancy Foods (29:37 – 33:13)

• Nutella: Stavros reminisces about smuggled Greek "Merenda" chocolate spread.
• Brie Cheese: Everyone shares when they first tried brie.
  • Luke (32:14): “I thought beer and cheese...I thought I was so classy.”

8. Dental Hygiene & Avoidance (36:10 – 39:00, 41:08 – 44:14)

• H. Foley: “I floss every day and I brush every day, okay. I haven’t been to a dentist in probably 20 years.” (37:01)
• Comedic horror stories about bad teeth, sketchy Groupon dentists, and the myth of dental insurance.
• Retirement and Aging: Foley learns he’s eligible for “senior” phone plans at 50, triggering existential jokes about his age.

9. Trash Test: Listener Scenarios (47:03 – 53:41)

• A listener’s story of their dad giving the sex talk over Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” while cheating at Kmart is dubbed "peak trash."
  • Kevin Ryan: “Your adult father having a girlfriend that works at Kmart is instantly—you’re trash.” (47:50)
• Childhood nostalgia: Shopping at Value City, Kmart, Pizza Hut, sharing memories of being fat kids obsessed with fountain sodas and slushies.

10. Food Substitutions: Sunchips as Croutons (63:47 – 66:10)

• Listeners ask if crushing Sunchips as salad croutons is trashy—verdict: it’s fine, as long as you’re honest about your intent.
• “I literally used Cheez-Its as salt” – Stavros (64:54)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote / Moment | |-----------|---------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 06:37 | Kevin Ryan | “At 9 am you’re drinking Diet Coke? ...What the fuck is wrong with you?” | | 15:08 | Stavros | “Anytime you go to a restaurant in a complex, it’s worse and more expensive. That is fact.” | | 22:54 | Stage Foley | “One slice of toast is not in order. Yes, it’s two slices of toast.” | | 29:14 | Stavros | “I like pickled things. I don’t like a pickled cucumber. Pickled onions, red onion—love ‘em. But the classic pickle? Not for me.” | | 37:01 | Stage Foley | “I floss every day and I brush every day, okay. I haven’t been to a dentist in probably 20 years.” | | 47:50 | Kevin Ryan | “Your adult father having a girlfriend that works at Kmart is instantly—you’re trash.” | | 63:54 | Stavros | “I literally used Cheez-Its as salt. The way this woman used garden salsa chips as croutons. So I’m with her.” |

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:35 – 04:10: Tour announcements & banter
• 04:10 – 18:23: Airport breakfast & soda debate
• 22:54 – 25:26: The “One Toast” controversy
• 29:37 – 33:13: First encounters with fancy foods (Nutella, Brie)
• 36:10 – 39:00: Dental hygiene shaming
• 47:03 – 53:41: Listener “Garbage Test” scenario (Kmart & Meatloaf story)
• 63:47 – 66:10: Food swap confessions—chips as croutons

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Tone and Vibe

• Highly Conversational: The episode oozes with the easy chemistry of old friends roasting each other.
• Self-Deprecating & Honest: No one is spared, and the hosts gleefully mock their own unhealthy habits.
• Playful & Fast-Paced: The conversation never lags, hopping from absurd food rituals to the outright grotesque.
• Relatable & Candid: Perfect for listeners who appreciate real talk about the indignities of adulthood, eating, and personal upkeep.

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Summary

This episode exemplifies the best of "Are You Garbage?": a joyous roast of everyday trashiness, from the uncanny appeal of soda-for-breakfast to X-raying hoagies at the airport, miserly dental avoidance, and tragicomic retirement planning. Stavros, Foley, and Ryan masterfully expose— and embrace—what makes them "garbage" in the most hilarious, affectionate way. Whether you’re a diner devotee, lapsed flosser, or just love trashy nostalgia, this episode is packed with quotable moments and shared confessions that will make you laugh and possibly groan in recognition.

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Transcript

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, gang.

[Stage Foley]

We have a big celebration this weekend in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, our hometown. We want to say thank you and we love you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

It's our biggest show we've ever done. It's going to be at the Met in Philadelphia. Tickets still [e-mail]. grab the homies, grab the bozos. We love you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

[Stage Foley]

Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that to be classy. Yeah, but they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Luke]

Trash, trash, trash.

[Stage Foley]

I'm your host, Stage Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition. She just ran off to hot yoga wearing jeans. Good for her to go to yoga.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotcha. Whoa. That's not what people wear to yoga. Holy.

[Stage Foley]

That's the joke.

[Luke]

I don't think it is.

[Stage Foley]

Nothing on that Mike goes is coming at you very judgmentally. Right next to me. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He's an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him. Give it up for kj, Kevin, James Ryan, everybody.

[Luke]

What up, gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify, baby.

[Stage Foley]

How you doing in the charts?

[Luke]

And then the obviously the greatest website of all time. Don't got to tell nobody in this room. Www.patreon.com Are you garbage? You go over there, get all that bonus content, gang. And then this Saturday, we're at the freaking Met in Philadelphia.

[Stage Foley]

Come see the boys.

[Luke]

Come hang with the boys. It's a Philly celebration.

[Stage Foley]

Back on the block, baby. And, gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. He's our brother from another mother, the pride of Baltimore.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

The host of Stavi's World, one of the stars of the hit film Begonia.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's right, kids, working kids, Hollywood stars.

[Luke]

Quote, unquote.

[Stage Foley]

What? My mother saw it. She audibly yelled in the theater. My son knows that guy. She was thrown out immediately. He's going to be up in Boston this weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

They weren't showing that film wherever the fuck you have Movie theaters. They were showing fucking Zootopia on eight screens.

[Luke]

No, she was at a Europe. She was at a European film festival. She was on can with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're reshowing every fast and the fur. Serious movie at whatever.

[Luke]

She's camped out.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, My mom got caught bootlegging at the Venice.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the only reason your mom's at a art house movie?

A camcorder under a trench coat. Coughing.

[Stage Foley]

Just shoot the thing so I can.

[Luke]

Get it out on the streets.

[Stage Foley]

He's gonna be up at the Wilbur in Boston this weekend doing four shows.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's right.

[Stage Foley]

He's gonna be hitting the road hard. January and February. That's right. Get your tickets.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stavi Biz. We're going all over the place. Florida, the Midwest, whatever. Put it up.

[Luke]

That's all over the place, gang.

[Kevin Ryan]

Florida, the Midwest. Where the fuck else are we going?

[Luke]

Run it. Hey, new guy. Luke, run the dates.

[Stage Foley]

Ladies and gentlemen.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, Radio City. That's the big one. What the fuck? You didn't tell us that. Radio City in March. Let's move some tickets. We'll be fine. I didn't bite off more than I could chew.

[Stage Foley]

It's gonna be great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Either.

[Luke]

Did we. That's the Met in Philadelphia this weekend. The whole industry's down.

[Stage Foley]

You're doing rad. Ladies and gentlemen, the pride of Baltimore. Stavros.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thank you. Great to be back, fellas.

[Luke]

Good to see you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great to be back. My favorite podcast to do.

[Stage Foley]

Bit of a bone to pick with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, please.

[Luke]

Okay. A big one. The bigger one's going down.

[Stage Foley]

I keep coughing up food. I keep. Is it asphyxiating?

[Kevin Ryan]

I wonder what that is, huh?

[Stage Foley]

Where you asphyxiate. Where food goes down The.

[Kevin Ryan]

Asphyxiate.

[Stage Foley]

The windpipe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Asphyxiate.

[Stage Foley]

You never had that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's just choking. Asphyxiation is. Choke is a sentiment.

[Stage Foley]

It's called something else. Assimilation.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nope.

[Stage Foley]

Asterisks. I keep getting little pieces of food go down my windpipe and I cough it up. Everybody looks at me like I'm nuts.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love how you're like, there's some medical explanation. Not too fast.

[Stage Foley]

Ah. Maybe it is aspiration. Aspiration.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that right?

[Stage Foley]

I aspire to not choke on my.

[Luke]

Own food one day, hopefully with a.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what that is A better goal for you than the Met is.

Don't choke on a hoagie.

[Stage Foley]

Get out of this chair and walk again. Listen, I didn't tell Kippy that rude comment that you threw at me in the text message, but he's gonna be Very upset about this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, please, let's get. You know what? Let's get back into this. I'd love for this conversation to span two separate podcasts that went pretty.

[Luke]

I mean, that was very divisive. Yes, that was very divisive.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it wasn't.

[Luke]

It was. We almost gotta deal with the Philadelphia airport. They wanted a couple hot guys to come in and talk about showing up early and getting meals.

[Stage Foley]

Yes.

[Luke]

Shout out to.

You. Did you screwed up?

[Stage Foley]

It cost us $1,500 in chicken pizz money.

[Luke]

That's good for food or the arcade game.

[Stage Foley]

Anyway. Yes, Tony, it's in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do we have for lunch? Oh, man, that's brutal.

[Stage Foley]

I deny a bowl some harisa, which I can't do. The hot stuff.

Got bad heart. It's been enough.

God damn it. It's bad enough. You give a about going to the Palm to go gun?

[Kevin Ryan]

Of course.

[Stage Foley]

What Stavi's wrote. Are you giving a shit that we go to the airport?

[Kevin Ryan]

Insane. And by the way, I do. You caught me so off guard that I didn't have my actual answer to what I used to do is this.

[Luke]

My eldest is sitting in on us. Yeah, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

He pulls out.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll just hear with a separate recording device, just in case you try and doctor this conversation in your favor.

[Luke]

Gary Vee did that, by the way. Gary Vee came and recorded it on his own and now he's releasing clips without.

We're not miked.

And we're just fuzzy, like muted voices.

[Stage Foley]

That's how you become a millionaire right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's all about the grind set. Stealing content you're on for sure. Stealing content you agreed to do.

[Stage Foley]

I think he changed the background. It's just like flames behind him, too. God love him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck respect, dude.

[Stage Foley]

When we were heading down to Charlotte last week, I sent. We got to the Palm as gentlemen, as we do. We ordered our breakfast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Charlotte, what, an hour, 40 minute flight?

[Luke]

You gotta have your strength.

[Stage Foley]

First class, baby.

[Luke]

First class. We buffed everybody up, flew the whole team down. First class. There was no one in the back. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

No movies, nothing like that. Brutal.

So I sent Stavi a picture. He gets back to me and he says, are you dirtbags all drinking Diet Coke?

[Luke]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

What was at 9:00am you're drinking Diet Coke? Yeah, it's 9:00am what the fuck is wrong with you?

[Luke]

Listen, you're a Greek kid.

[Stage Foley]

You don't like having a Diet Coke?

[Kevin Ryan]

Have you piece have coffee, the ones you had coffee.

[Luke]

You got to get the Holy Trinity. You got to get a Water, a Diet Coke. But they already serve Pepsi. Shout out to the Palm Pepsi product. And then a large black coffee.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[Luke]

I do all three. Anytime I go to breakfast.

[Kevin Ryan]

A black coffee, Even though you're having an indulgent breakfast, you want to throw a little cream in there that goes.

[Luke]

Right to your hips.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, yeah, I do a splash of cream. You do a splash of cream in your coffee?

[Kevin Ryan]

If I'm having. I like to start my day with a black coffee. And it kind of like, you know, I can fucking just. I don't. I'm trying not to eat. I'm just, you know, fat guys are desperate when they try a new diet every fucking four. You're like, maybe fasting is the one.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I'm kind of on that right now. Soon I'll be low carb. Once this does. Once this fails, I'll cycle to low carb. But currently I'm on fasting. So I have a little black coffee.

[Luke]

I've changed mid meal. Where I've gone, I've gone all carbs. I go, I'm doing Paleo. And then I'll do a little toast and I'll go, you know what we'll do intermittent today.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is now my fasting window.

[Stage Foley]

I'm so glad you brought that up. Put a pin in toast for a second. I got a big ass. I got a big fucking beef with toast.

[Luke]

Uh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, wow.

[Stage Foley]

You're a Greek kid. You like a diner. You like a breakfast. You don't like a diet. So the Diet Pepsi for bread, it's crazy.

[Luke]

It's crazy.

[Stage Foley]

It's refreshing. You get the caffeine, you quench your thirst.

[Luke]

It's refreshing.

[Stage Foley]

You have coffee and the Palm does a Diet Pepsi.

[Kevin Ryan]

Eggs. You're washing down scrambled eggs with Diet Coke.

[Stage Foley]

I had an omelette, sir.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, all right.

[Luke]

That's not scrambled eggs.

[Stage Foley]

I did a mushroom chip.

[Kevin Ryan]

It comes, you cough it up full.

[Stage Foley]

It's the lens, it's got a split down like that Japanese O. Opens up, sucks my face.

[Kevin Ryan]

Disgusting. It's fucking disgusting. I don't have breakfast. Have a fucking coffee. Everything you guys are doing is against the laws of nature here with the, like, with the.

[Luke]

With the ayg way.

[Kevin Ryan]

With the airport breakfast. I mean, again, unnatural to plan.

[Luke]

Well, I didn't put the restaurant there. I hate that. I hate that where you go, there's Every place there serves breakfast. P. F Chang serves breakfast. This isn't unnatural. You know what?

[Stage Foley]

They don't serve breakfast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Here's what I'll say. I would rather I would rather you go because that's the one piece of. What interesting happens at breakfast at an airport is. Yeah, what the fuck does PF Chang serve for breakfast?

[Stage Foley]

They serve.

[Kevin Ryan]

What does the cheesesteak place serve for breakfast?

[Stage Foley]

I'll tell you what they serve because we've had breakfast at PF Chang. They serve orange chicken.

With a side of hash brown.

[Kevin Ryan]

Am I right?

[Stage Foley]

Didn't we eat breakfast in that way?

[Luke]

It's like a modified. It's a little bit of. It's a little bit of breakfast.

[Stage Foley]

There's no eggs.

[Luke]

Mostly lunch.

[Stage Foley]

You're not getting granola, I can tell you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's fine. Look, I'm interested in some kind of like. Yeah, I'll take some fucking. An omelette with some fucking Beijing beef or whatever the fuck they have. That's it. Give me whatever the fuck they got. Like, I. I stopped at a. I was at a. At an airport and I had some kind of weird breakfast hoagie at a cheesesteak place. That was great. You know what I mean? Now I am. I am.

[Stage Foley]

Got what I got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now that's. I've caught it.

[Luke]

It's going to transfer to me.

Oh, my God, I've caught fat ass. Lock the doors.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sympathetic fat guy burps, cough of a breakfast.

[Stage Foley]

Okie. Oh, there it is.

[Luke]

It's like when someone yawns, you get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bad guys do that with burps and diarrhea.

[Chime Ad Voice]

I got gerd.

[Stage Foley]

We cycle up like two women when they get their period together.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, man, I got heartburn real fast. The fat guy cycle is just diarrhea.

[Stage Foley]

We're going up to each other privately. Like, do you have a Nexium on there? Of course I do. I keep one in my purse.

[Luke]

Do you have any preparation to hit you sh.

[Kevin Ryan]

The go wipes the tux.

[Stage Foley]

I don't get that. I don't get the hemorrhoids. You get roids.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're. Of all the people on earth, I would be willing to bet. No, you would.

[Stage Foley]

That would freak me out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really? You've never had whole pain whatsoever?

[Stage Foley]

No, never had.

[Luke]

I roll with them pretty much exclusively.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right, right, right. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

I've had it itchy before. You've had it itchy, but I take care of that set of worms.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably. Probably worms, but I don't. I just think the coke is crazy. Like, it's just. I don't carbonated before 11am I can't from diner culture. I'm just Greek. Let me ask you, you dirty diner Guys, diner culture. That's.

[Stage Foley]

That's like you were born in the bus trade, people.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not ancient Greece, not the Olympics. He says he's just diner culture.

[Stage Foley]

And you're not giving you credit for the Parthenon. What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I don't think. I don't think coke with breakfast is. Is the way to go. That's ridiculous. And by the way, here's what you do. And I thought about this because I was like, what did I. I'm not. I don't want to sit here and put on airs, pretend I'm better than these fucking pieces of shit.

[Luke]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

That I haven't been at my lower than you are now.

[Luke]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

When I was in the grips of food addiction, what would I do? And this is exactly what I would do. I would go to a sandwich shop in Astoria, get a hoagie to go put it in my bag.

[Luke]

You rat think that. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because that's a good breakfast.

[Luke]

That's an actually good breakfast here. And take it back to the house, to the airport.

[Kevin Ryan]

On my way.

I got my. I got my carry on rolling. I got the wheels touching. You got touching planes.

[Luke]

Stainless steel.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke]

It's football.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

And what I would do very oftentimes eat half right there then and there at the deli. Wherever. Deli on. You know, maybe it's a nice day. Maybe I sit on a park bench, I'm taking in the sights. In the sense.

[Stage Foley]

Before you go to the airport.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. If it's. If it's like a. If it's like a 1pm flight. What would I rather spend it and it at the Palm, or would I rather have an actual good meal?

[Stage Foley]

How much of a CIA meetup does that look like? You sitting there eating a hoagie with luggage next to you. Some guy in a trench coat and.

[Kevin Ryan]

A hat sitting next to you opens up a newspaper. He's like, is that pastrami? How much is that garlic mayo? Regular mayo.

[Stage Foley]

There's an X on your suitcase. Is that a Sal. Chris and Charlie's. That you're. That you're.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would go to.

What's the place right by the place?

[Stage Foley]

The Italian joint.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

That Timmy D. Likes on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, yes.

Great stuff. Cereal. Shout out to Cerisos. They have a wonderful. They have a wonderful breakfast. They put a little specific potato in the thing. Great stuff.

[Stage Foley]

So let me ask you this. You're eating on the.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy. But planning to eat at a shitty, overpriced restaurant, that's not.

[Stage Foley]

Dude, are you.

[Luke]

Hold on.

[Stage Foley]

Are you sitting in a random.

[Luke]

There's nothing fatter to me than having your food X rayed so you can eat it. That's insane. And that's not just you. That's anybody. You're going run this. I'm so fat I gotta eat this over there. Run this through security machine. They have to.

[Stage Foley]

It turns the turkey in the ham.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bacon with X rays on it. I have ingested X ray. That's a great point.

[Luke]

You're in the woo woo machine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. In my hoodie pocket is a full sub. Like what's this? Sir, we're gonna have to pat you down.

[Luke]

That's crazy to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's to me. Listen. But do you we're both being fat and indulgent. I'm at least having a high quality meal when I'm.

[Luke]

See, this is where I got to push back.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're shitting on the Palm out of your fucking mind.

[Stage Foley]

I'll tell you the one thing I have a beef with the Palm with.

[Kevin Ryan]

Please. Here we go.

[Stage Foley]

And I want all you upscale breakfast spots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

To take warning on this airport.

[Kevin Ryan]

He keeps talking about an airport restaurant is upscale.

[Luke]

Is the Palm upscale or not upscale?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not in the airport.

[Stage Foley]

It's not.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is the fucking. What if it was? Are the restaurants at Disney World upscale?

[Luke]

Yeah. That stk. Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude.

[Luke]

Go in there. Go in there with a family.

[Kevin Ryan]

4 Spend my mouth. I knew I made a mistake.

[Stage Foley]

What you want. But you go to Goofy's. You get a nice steak on.

[Luke]

Pull up. Pull up. Stk. Downtown Disney. You want to see me turn out?

[Stage Foley]

What are you talking about? We got banged out in there for like a thousand bucks.

[Luke]

It's.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ate at the fucking steak restaurant at Disney stk.

[Stage Foley]

It's off campus.

[Luke]

It's downtown Disney.

[Stage Foley]

Right? Downtown Orlando.

[Luke]

No, it's downtown Orlando. Whatever. It's in Disney. It's on Disney property.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're fucking idiots. You're so fucking stupid. If you leave and go to a different steakhouse in Orlando, the meal costs half as much and is twice as good.

[Stage Foley]

Wait. Is he talking to us? What the hell?

[Luke]

I don't know. Rube.

[Stage Foley]

Invite you to have a nice time.

[Luke]

I just gotta say. 4.7 stars. 32,000 reviews.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, because it's fucking mouth breathing Disney fans that go there.

[Luke]

And what the fuck am I?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Stage Foley]

You don't like Space Mountain? You don't like Space Mountain, buddy.

[Luke]

I'm going. I'm going to Orlando in two weeks with my family. You're nuts if you think we're not going to Stk. And everyone's going to be dressed the fuck up and we're going to complain about how much.

[Stage Foley]

I guarantee there's a picture of you as a little kid with the fucking ears on.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, there's.

[Stage Foley]

That's gotta.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we. I wanted to go. We were too poor to go. But that's the. You know, that's part of I am. But also just go to a. Anytime you go to a restaurant in a complex, it's worse and more expensive. That is fact. We can't argue that there an STK outside of Disney or an airport. A Palm outside of an airport is better. We can at least start there, right? You won't fucking sit here and look me in the eyes and tell me that they're of equivalent. Of equivalent status. A restaurant outside of an airport or amusement park.

[Luke]

We'll be right first.

[Stage Foley]

We turned your mic off five minutes ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

You will at least give me that.

[Luke]

You will. You will. I'll entertain the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you'll entertain it. You will not. That has to be entered into.

[Luke]

I'll give you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll give you the fast in the fat record.

[Luke]

It's well, it's well.

[Kevin Ryan]

I want the stenographer to fucking write that down.

[Luke]

It's well documented. I call balls and strikes asleep.

[Stage Foley]

What are you talking about?

[Luke]

That is true.

[Stage Foley]

Can I. Can I point out something that's going to bring us together?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nice try. I need you on the record. Is a restaurant outside of an airport or amusement park?

[Luke]

He's not going to give you this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Better. Is it the same quality or better than a restaurant inside of an amusement park?

[Luke]

Do that thing where you lie to everybody.

[Stage Foley]

Can you repeat the question?

[Kevin Ryan]

Are they. Is a restaurant better outside of an airport or amusement park?

[Stage Foley]

The same restaurant?

[Kevin Ryan]

The same.

[Stage Foley]

Like for example, the Palm. Am I going to get the same meal?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dinner. Same quality meal at the Palm? At the Palm. On whatever. Isn't there one downtown or something over here? It's over there. One downtown here in Manhattan. Is that the same quality as the one in jfk?

[Stage Foley]

John F. Kennedy Airport?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

Which I believe is an international airport.

[Kevin Ryan]

It is an international airport.

[Stage Foley]

Eldis. Am I right on that? For the record, Ellis is not a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, listen, I'll give you that. It is an international airport.

[Stage Foley]

It's an international airport.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm answering your question.

[Stage Foley]

One of the busiest, largest airports in the world. Eight terminals that millions of people travel all around the world, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Is the restaurant there as good as the one outside of an airport?

[Luke]

I've never been to the other One. I can't comment now.

[Stage Foley]

When you say outside of an airport.

[Luke]

That'S Palm written down twice.

[Stage Foley]

Hey, give my notes away. He don't know that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were about to agree with me. You were saying balls and straps.

[Luke]

Listen, I got to agree with you. I have to agree with that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's just live it.

[Luke]

I'll agree on that.

[Stage Foley]

But if you think I've never had dinner at the Palm at jfk, so I can't really comment, to be quite honest with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Stage Foley]

No, I've not any.

[Luke]

We did land that one time and grab steaks.

[Stage Foley]

No, we didn't.

[Luke]

I'm kidding.

[Stage Foley]

There's a hot bartender, good looking guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. What? Look. Thank you, Kevin. At least you're with me here. You can at least admit.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, flip flopper, you're gonna get me in the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

He just lives in reality, Foley. But anyway, I just. I need you guys. I needed that. Yeah, they do.

[Luke]

You admit that X ray and half a. Half a hoagie is crazy.

[Stage Foley]

I need a hoagie on a park bench.

[Luke]

Like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like a weirdo is okay, the park bench. No, the part's a beautiful thing to do.

[Luke]

No, not when you have to do that day. Yeah, you're on your way to the Gary, you're carrying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Setting a fucking. How about setting a fucking alarm three hours earlier so you can eat the fucking Palm, you idiots. Mine's right outside my fucking door. I don't go through security to eat there. Sure is X raying fucking stupid. Yes. But is what you're doing more stupid than that?

[Luke]

No. Yes. No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, it fucking is.

[Stage Foley]

A sandwich on a park bench. What are you, Paddington Bear?

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, what's so fucking wrong having a whimsical little morning. That's how I like to start my day. You're rushing, you're checking, you're like, oh, are we gonna have enough time for to get.

[Stage Foley]

We don't rush. I leave at 6 o' clock to beat the traffic.

[Luke]

I did do that on my way to Charlotte, cuz I live very far from jfk and I got there, I got there an hour before we were supposed to meet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh my.

[Luke]

So I went to the AMEX lounge, hung out in there, did a little peruse and a coffee, maybe a Christian, waited.

[Stage Foley]

Then we hit the pre game for the Palm. Listen, Kevin, let's talk about Lucy.

[Luke]

Shout out to Lucy.

[Stage Foley]

Gang, gang. We're Talking about number one in your hearts. Lucy. Talking about Lucy. Breakers. 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. Lucy breakers are nicotine pouches with a Little extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release extra flavor. And here's the capper. Little extra hydration, which is important when.

[Luke]

You'Re taking your nicotine.

[Stage Foley]

Set yourself up with a subscription and have Lucy delivered straight to your door.

[Luke]

Yeah, Lucy's one of the companies. When they send the package to the old studio, the boys are claim they're sniffing at it. I mean they're, they're, they're, everybody. That's the first box that gets ripped open. Everybody. I want this. I want that game of Christmas morning. I mean, it's crazy. The boys are loving it.

Right now. Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy Co Garbage. Use the promo code garbage to get 20% off your first order, baby. That's 20% off your first order at Lucy Co Garbage. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind again, one more time, Lucy Co Use the code garbage, you get 20% off. And here comes a fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Stage Foley]

Okay, we got time on Shopify.

[Luke]

Shout out to Shopify.

[Stage Foley]

Are we a Shopify family?

[Luke]

Let me, let me pull up. Yeah, we're a Shopify.

[Stage Foley]

We're a Shopify famous. When you buy merch from us at the shows, we're using Shopify. And on the website too, of course.

[Luke]

The web. The website's the main thing.

[Stage Foley]

That's awesome. I love Shopify. And if you're out there hustling, which we know you are starting a side business or your main business, you want to upgrade it, go to Shopify. You want to hear something funny? I was at the snack shop for my niece's swim meet. They only took cash. I was like, you know what you need? You need Shopify promo code garbage and some Golden's mustard. Okay, Shopify gang. Do yourself a favor. You're starting a new business. You got brick and mortar. Get Shopify. It's the best way to enhance your business.

[Luke]

Yeah. Shopify's point of sale system is a unified command center for all your retail business. It brings together in store and online operations across up to 1,000 locations. Daddio. Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient. Endless aisle ship to customer, buy online, pick up in store. All made simpler so customers can shop how they want. And that's important. Customers are shopping how they want and you got to be able to accommodate that. Acquiring new customers is expensive with Shopify. Pos you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experience and first party data that gives your marketing teams the competitive edge. 22% better total cost of ownership and equivalent benefits of an 8.9 uplift in sales on average, relative to the market set surveyed. Listen, I don't know what that means, but that means something. Figure that out and get to get it going, baby. Get all the big stuff for your small business, right with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com garbage. Go to shopify.com garbage one more time. Shopify.com/garbage. Do it.

[Stage Foley]

I'm gonna bring us all together right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, Go ahead.

[Stage Foley]

First of all, I just want to say for anybody out there, if you hate the taste of Halls, which a lot of people do, this is what you do. You piggyback it with a Ludens and it balances it out. Gives like ludens chasers doing 50, 50 fucking snake bite. It really balances it out. It gives you like, almost like a strawberry, lemon or Cher lemonade flavor.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can tell how bad. Foley wants to do speedballs. Yeah, he's doing. He's creating cough drop speedballs.

[Luke]

Look over, he's got one on a spoon. He's melting it down.

[Stage Foley]

I always told him, you have an.

[Luke]

Alcohol swab and a rubber band by any chance?

[Stage Foley]

When I found out that was like Belushi's thing. Of course, I always told myself that. Yeah, that's that. I'm definitely going to try that one. I just never got to it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, don't.

[Stage Foley]

Wasn't enough time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't.

[Luke]

Only if I had.

[Stage Foley]

Now it's all behind me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, good for you.

[Stage Foley]

All you upscale breakfast restaurants out there, unfortunately, including the Palm.

One slice of toast is not in order. Yes, it's two slices of toast.

[Kevin Ryan]

I agree there.

[Stage Foley]

One slice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let me ask you this. Now, is that. Are you saying you order specifically a side of toast or is that what comes with.

[Luke]

Comes with the. With the American. The American breakfast comes with.

[Stage Foley]

Whoa, what are you.

[Luke]

Should be two pieces of toast.

[Stage Foley]

Starve.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're at the Palm. That's what you guys get. You want to eat at the upscale fucking Palm. You don't want to eat at a diner where you might get two fucking pieces of toast. You're prisoners of your own making here.

[Stage Foley]

You go to a diner, you're getting two pieces of toast.

[Kevin Ryan]

And that's what I'm saying.

[Stage Foley]

You have to give it CPR when it gets there because it's Drowned in butter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Go where you belong. If you want two pieces of toast, don't eat at the fucking Palm. You get what you deserve. One piece of toast. I think it upscale. I agree with you.

[Luke]

Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. No, it's not right.

[Luke]

I don't like this whole get what you deserve. And he's not wrong, dude. As I saw you making that connection and I got so mad.

[Stage Foley]

Stavi. Post media training. Yeah.

[Luke]

What the.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just saying, fellas, you know, eat at a diner, you're gonna be.

[Luke]

We do bubbies or what at Bubbles?

[Stage Foley]

Go to Bubbies at LaGuardia.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also, how about this? You know what that might be? You're eating at a fucking airport, you fucking idiots. And they don't treat you with baseline human respect because they know you have.

[Luke]

Said that about the Palm. You don't say that about bubbies. Okay? Fucking bite your tongue.

[Kevin Ryan]

Every restaurant is shittier at an airport.

[Stage Foley]

I just cough something up and I chewed it and put it back down. I'm not sure what it was.

[Luke]

It's probably a bottle cap or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

A piece of your esophagus.

Your own tonsils.

[Stage Foley]

Foley. You're missing a larynx. Larynx pronounced lorax.

[Kevin Ryan]

But listen, I agree with you. And of course the two pieces. Now, if you were to order toast and they give you one piece, you should flip the fucking table.

[Luke]

Sure.

[Stage Foley]

But they do do that. You go to a real nice place, they'll do that. They'll hit you with one like, you know, 19 multigrain thick piece of toast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now, if it's thick, if it's the thickness of two pieces, I.

[Stage Foley]

That's. I want two. I cannot do one piece of toast.

[Luke]

I will not.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, you can.

[Kevin Ryan]

You probably should.

[Stage Foley]

My mom gets some.

[Kevin Ryan]

Might say you should do zero pieces of toast, but you don't want to.

[Stage Foley]

My mom gets this. That 357 toast. What's it called?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good stuff.

[Stage Foley]

You know, talking.

[Kevin Ryan]

I do. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

That stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Another fat. Another fat staple. Hoping diet bread. Will.

[Luke]

That German stuff, fitness bread. Did you ever buy that?

[Stage Foley]

You with that?

[Luke]

I might as well be running.

[Stage Foley]

You get that crispy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not bad.

[Stage Foley]

That's all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just had burger. I had turkey burgers with that. With buns. Those 150. Whatever the fuck it is.

[Luke]

Now, here's the thing I wanted to ask you. I don't know if we ever talked.

[Stage Foley]

About this 212 Bread.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. We keep making up numbers.

[Stage Foley]

187.

[Luke]

Whatever your cholesterol is 618. Bread.

[Stage Foley]

My credit score.

[Luke]

You mentioned burger. I don't know if we ever got your take on the proper way to eat a burger. If we didn't, let's touch on it again, please.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you.

[Stage Foley]

Are you.

[Luke]

Are you ever cutting a burger? If it doesn't come cut?

[Kevin Ryan]

I am.

[Luke]

Standard burger.

[Kevin Ryan]

Standard burger.

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Luke]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would not do that.

[Luke]

Now you take your bite. How do you put that down? Do you put that down, bottom down, or do you invert like that to make sure it sustains?

[Stage Foley]

Just something I want you to know, Halkias. We're taking Eldis into the room after this and we're going to ask him all these questions when you're not around. Yeah, we shouldn't even have you in your.

[Luke]

Listen, all of a sudden you put your. You're spinning this fucking classy guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never said I'm classy. I just said you're trying to distance.

[Luke]

Yourself from us, which I do not like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, first of all, that's your doing. I would love to be you. Surprise me. At the levels of trash you maintain despite getting more success.

[Stage Foley]

Him or me? Well, you may expect it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would. I would expect Kevin to try and better himself.

[Luke]

I am a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't help yourself. You're a fucking. You're just.

[Stage Foley]

He went to the dentist to come. Couple weeks ago.

[Luke]

I got it on Groupon. No, it was the last time I was at a dentist was off Groupon.

[Kevin Ryan]

How bad was that cleaning? How red was that?

[Luke]

It was tough. Well, they really try to upsell you. You get in there and they go, you need all this? And then.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right, right. When's the last time you went to the dentist?

[Luke]

It's probably a long time ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

How many years?

[Luke]

Seven.

[Kevin Ryan]

Seven years. Pre.

[Luke]

Pre. Pandemic.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think they were upselling you? You don't think your teeth were in dire need of medical attention? You think they were fucking. What, were they trying to upset the guy?

[Luke]

The guy. The guy working the front desk, which is always bad. This guy had a fucking mouthful of metal. And I was like, it looks like you're working off of debt. You know what I mean? He's like, we have a payment plan. I'm like, is that what you're. I'll be working here next week.

[Stage Foley]

Still got that girl braces and worked at the bottom.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yep, yep, yep. Exactly right.

[Luke]

How you doing the burger? I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I couldn't tell you at home.

[Luke]

He's got to do the noise. Let me get into character.

[Stage Foley]

It's like an old lady dialing a phone, she has to see in front of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I feel. Yeah, I feel like I would try and put it down, bottom up.

[Luke]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't.

[Luke]

Bottom up inverted.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sorry. I think I just. In my head. But I don't know. I'd have. I ate a burger yesterday. Couldn't tell you.

[Stage Foley]

Did you? What'd you have a burger yesterday?

[Kevin Ryan]

Made it myself. Turkey burger.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, you were just saying about that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Turkey burger with the 187 bread.

[Luke]

Now are they. Are they. Are they refrigerated? Are they frozen?

[Kevin Ryan]

They are fresh. It's like. Yeah, I just.

[Stage Foley]

Is it that the pack that has the.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's. It's meat that I make myself.

[Luke]

You make your burgers out of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You buy ground Turkish ground turkey. Little spice blend of my own. You know, ground up. Here's how to make it juicy. Blend the whole onion, put it in the turkey. Like mix it all together, put a little bit of egg in there. Really good stuff, huh?

[Stage Foley]

Like a turkey loaf.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's nice. Yeah, yeah. It gives it a fresh little juicy. It's nice. Sometime a lot. Sometimes you can throw a pepper in there too if you wanted to.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy's high class, you know, Sneak in a vegetable in your burger.

[Stage Foley]

He won't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I have to treat myself like a dog eating medicine when it comes to vegetables. I have to blend peppers into my turkey meat.

[Luke]

I love how that's the big. That's the big vegetable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. One pepper amongst 12 burgers.

[Luke]

There's a nutrient dense.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm eating one twelfth of pepper.

[Luke]

Oh, man, I am full on veggies today.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[Stage Foley]

This guy is a pickle. Once a year, all of a sudden he's Luke Corona.

[Kevin Ryan]

No pickles for me. I'm not a pickle guy. Really?

[Luke]

I'm right there with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not a pickle guy.

[Stage Foley]

Interesting.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like pickled things. I don't like a pickled cucumber. Pickled onions.

[Stage Foley]

For sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

A red onion. Love them. Good stuff. So good. But I don't know. The classic pickle. Not for me.

[Stage Foley]

I never asked you too. You a coleslaw guy? Mayonnaise, Coleslaw.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, not really.

[Stage Foley]

Well, thanks for coming in.

[Luke]

One of the ones. I don't know if we ever asked you when was the first time you had. This is a piggyback off a list.

[Kevin Ryan]

Vers.

[Luke]

When was the first time you had Nutella?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, this? I had it early because it was in Greece there was a brand called Merenda that was a Greek only brand. That my grandmother would, as she was smuggling in other Greek goods that you're not supposed to bring through the X ray machine. Yeah, through the X ray generational family, maybe. I grew up. This is what happened. I was as a child eating fucking X rayed Nutella. You know what I mean? Of course I'm gonna want an X rayed hoagie as a fuck, you know, the older I get. But no, I. That was like, I. I've. I was more pumped for her to come back with buckets of merenda than I was to see my grandma.

[Stage Foley]

Of course she would come back on soon with a bunch of stuff.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, dude. She'd come because it was before you could really get everything imported.

[Luke]

She's a Karen Hill.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sneaking into, essentially. Yeah, essentially. She would come twice. She was. She lives in this little island all the way up north in a village, up a fucking mountain. So it was like during the winter, an old lady could get fucking. You know, it was dangerous. So she would come here for the. She would. She would winter in Baltimore.

[Stage Foley]

No kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then go back to Greece.

[Stage Foley]

You're bitching at us about the Palm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. So you have grown past this. You don't have to eat at airports anymore.

[Stage Foley]

Where would she stay? She would stay with you guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

She stayed with us. We shared a wall. So a lot of my. A lot of my first jacking off. It's like my grandmother's on the other side of the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Now I know what you were doing with the Miranda.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, no. That was going down the gullet. I wasn't wasting a drop of that stuff.

[Luke]

And then I'll piggyback off that. When was the first time? This is a good one. This might make it into the second one. Was the first time you had brie cheese?

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[Luke]

Mine was what?

[Stage Foley]

You'll see brie cheese this weekend or something.

[Luke]

No, this is a. This is from Mavis.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm gonna guess college. I'm gonna guess college.

Brie.

[Luke]

Yeah, that makes sense. I remember the first time I really saw it and I saw someone.

[Kevin Ryan]

I guess it's possible somebody brought it at a Thanksgiving or something.

[Luke]

I'm sure it was around, but it came on my radar at the Mummers parade in South Philly. I saw someone eating and I said, what the heck is.

[Stage Foley]

Even at the Mummers?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you were put. You were like mid. Putting on your black face.

[Luke]

I was just there.

[Stage Foley]

That's the commercial.

[Luke]

It's a South Philly institution.

[Stage Foley]

Before you beat up the Puerto Rican kid in the neighborhood. Have a little Brie cheese.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I don't. I don't remember. But, you know, probably the first time I remember eating it, I was. My true first memory of eating Brie is I was, like, 24.

[Stage Foley]

I was mid-30s. I remember the first time I had it. I was like, this ain't for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like it now.

[Stage Foley]

I love it.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because it's basically a buttery ass cheese.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, it's great. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

There was the first time my wife came to visit from Germany. We had met, and she came back to visit. I took her to Astoria. Beer and cheese. I don't know. Are they still banging? Got like a nice. We each got, like, a nice ipa. And I. I was trying to. I was trying to act classic. Most of my food up until that point was Dollar Slice and, you know, beer and cheese.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not even wine and cheese.

That's the classiest you could muster?

[Luke]

I thought beer and cheese. I thought I was so classy. I took a picture and put it on Instagram. I remember my family was like, who do you think you are?

[Stage Foley]

We'll do the gorgonzola plate and two crystal lights, please.

[Luke]

I'll do the craft. Single slice.

[Kevin Ryan]

I brought my own cheese. Just the beer for me.

[Luke]

It's just shredded.

[Kevin Ryan]

And whatever the lady wants.

[Luke]

Well, whatever the lady, including $20 and.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whatever the lady ordered. Whatever type of cheese the lady orders, get the one under it. But the same type, dude.

[Luke]

It was the first time I had proper blue cheese. Like, man, I didn't know what it was. And I took this.

[Stage Foley]

Cheese is sick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big bite.

[Luke]

Yeah, man. I, I. And I wanted. I had this. I couldn't puss out, of course, but I was, like, talking with it in my mouth.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, do you know where the bird. I got caught with that on a nigiri plate. Is that how you pronounce it? Nigiri?

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And let's just don't try any other ones.

Let's just stick with that.

[Luke]

Let's just. A mummer's brewing.

[Stage Foley]

I was at the dinner with my wife. This is years ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it was the first of. Where the fuck are you eating sushi when they're putting blue cheese on it?

[Stage Foley]

No, it wasn't blue cheese.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, just the. Just you.

[Stage Foley]

This is a mouth. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, I see it.

[Stage Foley]

It was. It was the first time they hit me. I'll try whatever. And they hit me with raw calamari.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I like that, actually.

[Stage Foley]

Whoa, dude, that's chewing up. Oh, my God. And I Was like. I was chewing on, like, big league chew.

[Kevin Ryan]

It takes a lot of chewing. It does.

[Luke]

There's a point for me mouthfeel where if I can't get it in a couple chews, it ain't happening.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

And I can't get it down. I don't care how much. How much IPA I got in front of me. There's not enough for.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you sure that's not a teeth thing? Are you sure it's not back bad teeth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need two easy socks.

[Luke]

I got a couple.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have to spit it out.

[Luke]

I got a couple of stingers in the back.

[Stage Foley]

Chew it. Chew it on one side because you have a bad tooth on the other side.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, dude. When I. When my tooth. When I. This tooth up, I spent three days, I was like, it's fine. I don't need to get it. And it was excruciating pain to the point where I just, like, would place food. I would take a little bite and.

[Luke]

Put it all the way in the back.

[Kevin Ryan]

In my back, left corner and go like, what is going.

[Stage Foley]

Tom Hanks?

[Luke]

What is the prognosis of that tooth? Are you getting that fixed?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's too. What are you talking about?

[Luke]

It's chipped.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I chipped the fake one, but whatever.

[Luke]

Okay, wait, hold on. I was asking about the chip that.

[Stage Foley]

Didn'T get knocked out. That was. That went bad. Is that what happened with that?

[Kevin Ryan]

It went bad and then it got knocked and this guy took judging me for one.

[Stage Foley]

You pulled it up again.

[Kevin Ryan]

I am not. That's what you need to look at a mirror. If a man like me is disgusted by your actions. That's not what. I'm not here to claim I'm above you. I'm just saying you need to. Well, I am, unfortunately.

[Luke]

I don't know how.

[Stage Foley]

You're in his 20s.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

But no, I. It got. It went bad.

[Stage Foley]

What does that mean exactly?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was called tooth resorption. And it's when you're fucking. It's when you're fucking, you break your. You're literally. Your body starts absorbing the tooth. For real?

[Stage Foley]

Kids hungry?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. I had. I had a joke. I don't think I ever put it on anything where it was like, my body was so fat, it was just like, all right, man, we gotta take it.

[Luke]

You take your teeth.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Luke]

He's not gonna learn.

[Kevin Ryan]

I felt like that's what happened. Take his teeth. No, I'm still working on it. Yeah.

[Luke]

You pull your tooth out to do the bit. Yeah, that's My new closer. Hey, everybody doing today Self?

[Kevin Ryan]

Only my toothless stuff.

[Stage Foley]

So it wasn't a cavity. It was like receding into your.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I don't exactly know what the. It was.

[Stage Foley]

And then you pulled it out by yourself because it hurt so bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

I went to the dentist, they took it out and I thought, yeah, yeah. No, literally, like a friend's. A friend's uncle. I had to drive an hour and a half to Jersey. Tough stuff.

[Stage Foley]

How good does that feel, though, when they pull it out, when they numb you?

[Kevin Ryan]

It felt good.

[Stage Foley]

I had two. Two teeth that went like bad from bad root canals and they were killing me. They yanked them out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Not bad. You got replacements. You still, uh. Nice.

[Stage Foley]

I'll wait. Yeah, I'll wait till I'm getting a fucking back ones replaced.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Luke]

Shout outs. All the ladies still tuned in.

[Stage Foley]

Well, here's the thing, right? If I get a fake toothput in, they got a drill. It put the screw in. Then you got to wait like six months for that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yep. And then get the toothpick process. Yeah, but your whole mouth is fucked up. Like you need to do that because you're just.

[Stage Foley]

Teeth, you know, they're moving around.

[Kevin Ryan]

They move around.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're fine with that?

[Stage Foley]

I floss every day and I brush every day, okay. I've been to a dentist in probably 20 years.

[Kevin Ryan]

You should go to a dentist.

[Stage Foley]

Dentist. Nah, they bang you out with that shit.

[Luke]

We have dental. Don't.

[Stage Foley]

But dental insurance is the biggest issue.

It doesn't matter. They don't cover nothing.

[Luke]

Do we have dental?

[Kevin Ryan]

Eat at the barn outside of security and go to the dentist office.

[Stage Foley]

It doesn't cover anything. So pay out of pocket. I'm not gonna pay a fucking four grand for a fuck for that bullshit. Why not?

[Luke]

Gonna see?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's about your mouth, dumbass.

[Stage Foley]

What about it?

[Kevin Ryan]

You just. You're okay with it being. I mean, you do have weird teeth to begin with.

[Luke]

Can't see my te. He is on a back nine too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you're right.

[Luke]

He's on the 18th. He's on the 18th green.

[Stage Foley]

I want to get the bumper fixed.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you gonna get for eight years? What are you gonna get? Uzi.

Final eight years of your life. It's not worth it.

[Luke]

That's a bad. That's chasing bad money right there. Any financial advisor worth his weight and salt, I'll tell you that.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, I might as well start a 401k.

My idiot crazy.

[Luke]

Which I think they did. And you're gonna be Real mad when you find out. What?

[Stage Foley]

Are you kidding me?

[Luke]

I think they did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Does that come out of.

Call jb.

[Luke]

It's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Foley likes to invest in scratch offs. He gets most of his. That's his retirement fund.

[Stage Foley]

Hey, I'm a short term guy. Laundry mats. Nick Rochefor told me about gravel. Thinking about getting in the gravel.

[Luke]

We did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Makes sense.

[Luke]

We had.

We had a real realization. I don't know if it was on Patreon or what. Where we started. Yeah, what. What you need to get ready for retirement. And the fact that. How close he is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

To retire. Like to normal retirement and how little he has ready for that. It's easy to have to work till he's like 92 years old.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. I'm five years away from a 55 and older community.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

We're looking to get him in.

[Kevin Ryan]

That would be awesome. Awesome. You should go clean up.

[Luke]

We should get them down in Boca. Move the whole operation down here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Save a lot on taxes that way.

[Stage Foley]

I know what I just saw too. On a commercial I was watching. I was watching Goonies the other day when I was home.

[Luke]

Jam packed day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh God. Keep up this job till you're 80.

[Stage Foley]

And they did one of them consumer cellular commercials.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

You know, 50 and older. Wow, 50?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

What the fuck?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean that's.

[Stage Foley]

Fuck that Johnny Depp's like 65. He's doing cologne commercials with a mountain lion.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right.

[Stage Foley]

It's all how you look at it. Right, Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Sauvage.

[Luke]

We're coming out with garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that you should.

[Luke]

I think we are.

[Kevin Ryan]

You should. That'd be great.

[Stage Foley]

Kibby, this is aura frames.

[Luke]

Or a frame. Or a frame. Or a frame.

[Stage Foley]

Wait, you know aura frames.

[Luke]

Do I know or frame.

[Stage Foley]

Have you ever bought an aura frames as a present for somebody?

[Luke]

About 10 times every lady in my life has gotten an aura frame and it's the best guess I've ever given. The best gift they've ever got.

[Stage Foley]

Of course you're talking about aura FR the digital.

[Luke]

Digital frame.

[Stage Foley]

Frame.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

That you put on the thing and you put upload the pictures and everybody gets to see.

[Luke]

I got one for you. You can even preload it with pictures. So when they open up the box on Christmas day. Oh my God. What the heck are they. Plug it in. Boom.

[Stage Foley]

Really dick pic. So that made the grandparents, the auntie, uncles, they could keep up and know what the kids are doing and all.

[Luke]

That kind of stuff. All easy peas.

[Stage Foley]

Now if you ever jammed up for a last minute gift idea, would you Recommend getting an OR frame.

[Luke]

I wouldn't only recommend it, I would demand it.

[Stage Foley]

It really?

[Luke]

If you came to me, you said oh my God, Kippy, I need help. I got a mother in law that won't get off my back. I'm trying to stay in a will to have a couple of bucks to buy a shore house. I'd say get them. Get them the frame. Get them the order.

[Stage Foley]

So you'd recommend OR frames this holiday season?

[Luke]

Not only would I. It was named number one by wire cutter, the bestselling carver mat frame. And right now for a limited time save on the perfect gift by visiting or frames.com to get $35 $35 off the best selling Carver mat frames named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code garbage at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code garbage. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames will sell out. So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[Stage Foley]

Debt Kip. Let's talk about chime.

[Luke]

Shout out to Chime.

[Stage Foley]

Chime is changing the way people bank. Feel free and smarter banking. Built for you. Not like old school banks to charge you overdraft and monthly fee. Built for you. Not the 1 percenters. The regular people that do the living and dying out there. All right. Chime isn't just another bank app. They unlock smarter banking for everybody. For everyday people. With the products like my pay giving you access to up to $500 of your check anytime. Getting paid for up to two days early. Look at that with direct deposit. Same. Some old banks still don't do this.

[Luke]

They're bozos.

[Stage Foley]

They're jamming you up.

[Luke]

They're behind the time. Do chimes.

Bank free. Plus overdraft coverage you can count on can help build your credit history. Stress free. You get get paid when you say up to $500. Earn up to 3.5% APY on savings. That's eight times higher than traditional banks. Rated five stars by USA Today for customer service. Real humans 24, 7. We ain't talking robots. I ain't talking no AI. None of that stuff. Chime turns everyday spending into real rewards and progress. Forget overdraft free fees, minimum balance fees and monthly fees. Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.comgarbage that's chime.comgarbage Chime is.

[Chime Ad Voice]

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[Stage Foley]

Ah, that's crazy that I'm that old. I'm 15 years from retirement.

[Luke]

No, you're not.

[Stage Foley]

I know.

[Luke]

No, you are not.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're 40 years from retirement.

[Stage Foley]

No, I think I'd be, I'd be going before that.

[Luke]

Yeah, you know, you think you're not going to make it to 90.

What?

[Stage Foley]

Listen, I love you guys, but I can't stay around here forever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I gotta let you guys go.

[Luke]

Out on your own.

[Kevin Ryan]

You are weirdly getting to the point of like isn't it fun? Because the people that live the longest either take care of themselves or they don't to such a degree that God lets them live.

[Stage Foley]

As a joke, it's always an old British woman that drinks Tully more every day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Lives at 152.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you could be that. I mean you won't be, but there's a possibility. I say at this point you're not gonna do it the right way, so just, just lean in.

[Stage Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Keep, keep smoking. Yeah, I like everything, you know, the way he thinks and you might break through to the other side. Yeah. You're the meme with the diamonds or whatever. That guy with the diamonds and the hammer. You ever see that meme where the guy's like oh, like right.

[Luke]

That the perseverance.

[Kevin Ryan]

Perseverance.

[Stage Foley]

Keep smoking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Keep doing drugs.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. You know, you're like kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Don't listen to your know it all dentist.

[Kevin Ryan]

When the last time you them.

[Stage Foley]

When's the last time you were to Dennis other than the tooth?

[Kevin Ryan]

A year ago.

[Stage Foley]

You get the fluoride?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I get checkups. I get the fluoride. I get it.

[Stage Foley]

Bubble gum. What do you get?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[Stage Foley]

What do you get?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't see. That's not you.

[Stage Foley]

That's not bubble gum.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was when they had cherry flavors, cuz your parents.

[Luke]

What did you pick out of the treasure chest?

[Stage Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's all that flavor which he man toy cuz that's how old you are too.

[Stage Foley]

You're way off. They wouldn't be giving away he mans $20 retail.

[Luke]

I went to the dentist and we saw Goonies in theater.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

You auditioned for Chunk, who was like a.

[Luke]

He's a. He's a lawyer, right?

[Stage Foley]

Big entertainment.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chunks of big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't realize Sean Astin was the son of the guy who. John Astin, who played the original Gomez in the Adams fan.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's right.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Kids, Hollywood Royal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Last time I was here, you made a. You made a comment about another black and white television show, didn't you? Talk about fucking Green Gables or Green Acres or some bullshit.

[Stage Foley]

Green Acres, maybe. Hogan's here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hogan's here.

[Stage Foley]

Green exit, which was not in black and white.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, it was a Technicolor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. It's really weird. You're 50?

[Luke]

Yeah. You guys, can you believe it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Great stuff. You're gonna live forever. Hank.

[Stage Foley]

There is a. My dad has a huge map of. Of the world from his office when he. When he worked, when he was in Pangea.

[Luke]

You are here. It's flat earth.

[Stage Foley]

It's the ice, Shel.

[Luke]

No.

[Stage Foley]

And it's. It's. It's the United States. South America. The Soviet Union.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Huge, man. They had a lot of real estate.

[Kevin Ryan]

They did.

[Stage Foley]

How'd you that up? You got all the minerals, you got all that oil.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yep.

[Stage Foley]

It's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

How do you fuck that up?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. You think this is the show to talk about the fall of the ussr?

[Luke]

I love how the guy was. I love how the guy with no teeth and no money, he's like, how you that up?

[Stage Foley]

I guarantee they were doing one piece of toast over there.

[Luke]

How do you have everything going for you and still fumble the ball? How does that happen?

I keep spitting up food.

[Kevin Ryan]

A podcast millionaire who refuses to go to the dentist.

[Stage Foley]

No, dentist.

Listen, it's all a hustle. You go in there. Yeah. They cover the cleaning.

[Kevin Ryan]

They spent $1,000 at STK Disney.

[Luke]

The company did that.

Hey, if you're. If the IRS is out there watching. That was for content.

[Stage Foley]

Of course. We were down there filming something that was team building.

[Kevin Ryan]

Film it then. That would be good video how fucked up your teeth are after not going to the dentist for 20 years.

[Stage Foley]

I think they're pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, it's the way to find out.

[Stage Foley]

I got a hole in one and I'm not talking about golf.

[Luke]

All right, all right, let's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Any more hard hitting questions?

[Luke]

This one. This is very of this is of Stavi's world. A little bit. A little bit of a longer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Please.

[Luke]

Narrative, please. This is from the last generation of white trash. $10, homie. Still kind of a bozo. Never had one red show. The Saul in Richmond loved it. Thank you. You hear that, Rich Philadelphia? Are you garbage? If a song on the radio prompted your dad to give you the sex talk. It was paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. We were heading home from the Kmart where his girlfriend worked. He would disappear into the back of the store with her for when she was on break. I was left to hang out in the electronics department for 20 or 30 minutes. That's when you could still hang out in the life apartment. I never was able to get anything. And I had no idea what was going on. And he was still married to my mom at the time. Is that true? Yeah. I mean, that's the track at every.

[Kevin Ryan]

Turn that is at Kmart.

Girlfriend. Your adult father having a girlfriend that works at Kmart is instantly your trash. No. With no other qualifications. You know, that's trash.

[Luke]

Cheating.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[Luke]

Banging around at work is nuts.

[Kevin Ryan]

The question did my. Was my father cheating on my mother? Taking me along? Not even bribing me with a toy, but just letting me hang out while he fucked some disgusting woman?

[Luke]

She could have been good looking.

[Kevin Ryan]

I guess it's.

[Stage Foley]

Tell you what. I'm going to go talk to Linda. You watch the same thing on 17 TV.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean. Yes, it's trash. That's one of the most trash situations I've ever heard of. And it has nothing to do with ostensibly the Meatloaf song?

[Luke]

No, not at all. That's actually the classiest thing of the story.

[Stage Foley]

But it's funny you mentioned that. I remember kind of piecing things together with that song, too. With the Phil Ruto. He rounds first, he goes for second. Second. That's him trying to score.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not. I'm not. Yeah, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Are you kidding me?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know that song.

[Stage Foley]

Paradise by the Dashboard.

[Luke]

What year did that come out? Luke?

[Stage Foley]

It doesn't matter. I was listening to in the early 90s.

[Luke]

1977.

Ten years before I was born.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't listen to him then. I was a year old in 1977. I understand I wasn't getting laid yet, but thank you for the compliment.

[Luke]

I was advanced for my age.

[Stage Foley]

It was in the 90s when they reissued everything on CD.

[Kevin Ryan]

I do feel like Meatloaf did have a big comeback because I remember him.

[Luke]

Fat out of Hell was a great album. We. I went to that was just kind of one of the original.

[Stage Foley]

Two out of three ain't bad.

[Luke]

That was the first concert I ever went to was Meatloaf. Cuz I love that. I'll do anything for love. So my mom took me, my brother, my sister, and he was so drunk and dirty and he's like. He had this girl singing on stage, like his backup days like this.

And then, dude, they. He only did like half the. Half the concert. And then like, like Ticketmaster came out, was like, we'd like to apologize on behalf of Meatloaf and all Meatloaf subsidiaries. It was wild.

[Stage Foley]

Talking about learning the birds in the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

How old are you?

[Luke]

Seven? Eight? I mean, it was crazy. Yeah. I was just like, this guy seems upset about something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you're incredibly trash. This guy's one of the trashiest guys.

[Stage Foley]

That's great.

[Luke]

Were you a Kmart family? We would Value City.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were Value City. We would dabble in some Kmart.

[Luke]

We were never a Walmart.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't know a Value. I don't think Walmart existed then.

[Luke]

Yeah, Walmart's from. I mean, I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

It wasn't around us, by us. No, it was more of a southern thing.

[Stage Foley]

I think they took Kmart over.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kmart. Yeah, they Kmart's lunch. But yeah, we were at. We were a Kmart family for a while. Value City, definitely. I do remember there was a Kmart with a Little Caesars inside of it. And that was big.

[Luke]

Very nice.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

The advertising for Little Caesars really worked on me as a child.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Luke]

Yeah. They weren't around us enough. I would see the commercials, but we would never see like. Like we were Domino's or pizza.

[Stage Foley]

It was so good. Back in the. When they just did the square pizza. It was so good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember that actually being the first time I unders. I understood how misleading advertising could be because I was like. I was like, for the little guy behind the counter birthday, I was like, I demand Caesars. And then I was like, this is gonna be the best pizza. This cartoon loves it. It's awesome. And it came. It sucked. It like compared to our local like pizza place where it was like what I was used to. And I was like, like the.

[Luke]

This stinks.

[Kevin Ryan]

They let this on tv. TV betrayed.

[Luke]

Somebody call the president.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. My favorite thing.

[Luke]

Television lied to me.

Took my parents hard earned money. This is crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It really pissed me the off.

[Luke]

Damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Mom.

[Stage Foley]

These advertising guys, they might not be good people.

But I. I thought it was really good back in the day when it came in the big box and it was square.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I thought it was all, we're more of a pizza. A Pizza Hut or a Papa John's.

[Stage Foley]

Sure.

[Luke]

Where would you do your back to school shopping? Would you do Kmart? Value City?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, for sure.

[Luke]

That's where.

[Stage Foley]

What's this Value City you keep talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

Value City's like a Burlington Coat Factory.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sort of place.

[Luke]

They took over clover in my home valley. All Street Road, it was clover, and then Clover turned into Value City. It was like. Like a Bosco. Yeah, like a bad standalone department store.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never seen it. Yeah, like a mar. Like a shittier Marshalls. Like. Like a TJ Maxx. Yeah, it was in that. It was in that family of stuff.

[Stage Foley]

When our clover closed, they just shut it down. Sucks. Did you have a clover down in Baltimore?

[Kevin Ryan]

We never got clover.

[Stage Foley]

You know what's great about that? Kmart is right in the middle of the store. They had the icy stand. You could see it. It was like a.

[Luke]

Like a center.

[Stage Foley]

It was a North Star. You could just see the polar bear in that cup. Just going around. It's going around.

[Luke]

I was in black and white, and we're going around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Interesting. Interesting.

[Luke]

Damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did like the icy with the bear. That was good.

[Luke]

The Slurpee would do. The Coca Cola flavored Slurpee when that hit that. And a soft pretzel.

[Kevin Ryan]

Forget about that. Is good stuff fell. We have. We. We can build common ground there for sure.

[Luke]

And I always hate.

[Stage Foley]

That's what the show's all about. Find a common ground bringing.

[Luke]

Bringing idiots together.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Being a fat child throwing a temper tantrum until your mother gave you a Slurpee so you could. So she could, you know, barely get enough to fucking clothe and feed you.

[Stage Foley]

I. I think to myself, if they just would have gave in and made it not a big deal, would I have grown up to be. To have the tendencies that I have?

[Kevin Ryan]

Right.

[Stage Foley]

If they. Yeah, you want to serve.

[Luke]

You were ungoverned.

[Stage Foley]

I'm not saying ungoverned. I'm saying if they did. Because I'm the kind of person, if you want to make it a fight, I'll make it a fight.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'll dig your heels in.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, I'll dig my heels.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I. I'm gonna say no. There's something about your gen makeup that you would have been a mess no matter what.

[Luke]

Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

But I gotcha. There is the thought you probably would have, no matter what parenting you were. This guy sure is kind of my guess, right? The Fact that you refused to go to the dentist. Is anyone fighting you on the dentist, Foley? Or are you just not going. Cause you don't want to.

[Stage Foley]

Not anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right, exactly.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, the only dentist that I've ever gone to is the office that my mom worked at when I was younger.

[Luke]

Emotional connection.

[Stage Foley]

And then when she stopped working there, the hygienist Michelle, who I always saw growing up up, she went to another office. That's the only dentist that I think about going to. I'm not going to some fucking dentist in Astoria. What are you nuts?

[Kevin Ryan]

What about Manhattan, New York City?

[Stage Foley]

And they bang out again.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's fine.

[Stage Foley]

Not going to some dentist on Park Avenue. They give you, like a scotch while you're waiting.

[Luke]

This is the 50s. You're in there smoking.

[Stage Foley]

Where do you go?

[Kevin Ryan]

But I know I go to a good dentist, but I know, actually there is a school of thought that it's like, if you raise your kids to actually not. You don't make, like, candy a big deal. You don't make desserts a big deal.

[Luke]

Make the better choices.

[Kevin Ryan]

They'll just fucking eat it till they'll just have, like, fucking couple scoops. Like, that was good.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And. But it's just, you know, it's so hard for me to fathom that.

[Stage Foley]

That's the way Luke was raised, right?

[Luke]

Yes, sir.

[Stage Foley]

See, you act like you don't need this shit. They give it to you for free. To quote Mr. Vince.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we. Did you ever go over. Did you ever. Was there anything you ever gorged on, Luke? I think college is where you figure that out. You lock that in and then you.

[Luke]

Hopefully you're on to greener pastures.

[Stage Foley]

He had a little pill thing in college.

[Luke]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. His parents watched the show Penn State.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, dude, grown man.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I got the unlimited meal plan, that was a big problem.

[Luke]

I remember finding out freshman 50, what fourth meal was.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's that?

[Luke]

Fourth meal? I didn't know it was a thing I did. I was eating four times before, of course. But I didn't know it was, oh, we'll go to fourth meal. I was like, I. Once I learned that I had access to that, sure. I didn't miss. I'd leave a party and go, yeah, of course. Later.

[Kevin Ryan]

Set an alarm on your phone.

[Luke]

Yeah. Get there by 11:30 or whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll be back.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, skanks aren't giving it up. I'm getting out of here.

[Luke]

I'm gonna go make a chicken finger sandwich.

A couple chicken fingers, put them on a kaiser roll, slice of cheese out the door stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, they had a soft serve machine. Yeah, I just had soft serve after every meal. Every meal. You had a soft serve machine in college.

[Stage Foley]

Where'd you go, Harvard?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. University of Maryland, Baltimore County.

[Luke]

Yikes. We just. I remember the first time we had fountain. We had Gatorade. Fountain drinks like, you know, Gatorade out of the fountain. So you'd get like two or three of them. Put it on the tray. Probably a Wild Cherry Pepsi. Put that on a tray.

[Kevin Ryan]

Love that.

[Luke]

No water in sight, of course. And I'm going, I got like three or four drinks on the tray. Small, like 12 ounce cups or whatever. And I remember sitting down and there was this kid I became friends with. It was like really in shape. We went to high school together, but he wasn't in. And we weren't boys in high school, but we linked up.

[Kevin Ryan]

That happens a lot in college. Yeah.

[Luke]

And he was like going to the gym every day and I was just smoking and eating, drinking. And he goes, hey, man, I notice you. I noticed you drink Gatorade with every meal.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Say hydrated, you know, I noticed this is like.

[Luke]

This is like six weeks into the camera.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couldn't help but notice.

[Luke]

Couldn't help but notice you're drinking, you're drinking a lot of Gator. That's typically reserved for like when you exercise and need to replenish.

[Kevin Ryan]

Giving you the benefit of the doubt as if you're that stupid.

[Luke]

Yeah, I was. I never thought of it. It was never. I just thought I was going to be in better, like in case something did break out. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. I'm drinking what an athlete drinks. I'll become an athlete.

[Stage Foley]

What if some chick wants to see me dunk?

I don't want to cramp up like an.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome.

[Luke]

And I remember it rattled me to the core.

[Stage Foley]

Like, did you not know?

[Luke]

No, no.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. I'm with Kevin here.

[Luke]

Cu. Did I not know why you're bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

For you knowing you each drink exactly know the concept of a drink.

[Luke]

Like, I didn't know soda was bad for.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Sugar in Gatorade didn't even cross my mind.

[Luke]

No. Not once.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Luke]

Absolutely not. I used to do the thing. I was so fat and I lied to myself so much that, like, I remember one. I remember I went one time with my boy Pat, who was like tiny, like just regular kid to McDonald's and I went, oh, he eats McDonald's. It can't be. Like, I can have it four times a week where they're he has it once a month.

[Kevin Ryan]

Once a month.

[Luke]

And I'm like that, I, I once.

[Kevin Ryan]

A month throws away some of the fries. Yeah, the first time you ate McDonald's with someone, you saw some fries left, you're like, what?

[Stage Foley]

He must ate just before he came. Yeah, like I did.

[Kevin Ryan]

I, for the first time I, for Thanksgiving it, my brother hosted and so I didn't have access to leftovers.

[Luke]

Just now?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, just now. And I left my like tin, you know, you just kind of make a little plate. But I left it there. So I did. This is. You want to hear trash? And I, I freely admit this, right. I went to a drive through on Thanksgiving at like 8 o' clock to watch the ravens loot. I was like, I don't have leftovers. It's Thanksgiving. You know, you give yourself like, listen, you give yourself Thanksgiving. Act a fool. So I, and even then, full off Thanksgiving dinner, didn't want to finish my fries. I had, I think I stuffed them. Yeah, I wasn't hungry.

[Luke]

I, I did it though.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had a very modest quarter pounder, ten nuggets.

[Stage Foley]

And like the Pilgrims did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Exactly. Very modest order. Nothing wrong, you know, a cornucopia.

But yes, I remember the first time eating fast food with someone and just seeing like a bite of sandwich and some fries go into the trash and it pissed me off.

[Stage Foley]

That's crazy.

[Luke]

We were telling the story, where's the apple pie?

[Stage Foley]

That's what I want to know.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't get enough in the car.

[Luke]

On the way home from the road yesterday, my all time car getting in. I was in line at a McDonald's I had ordered and then went to pay 681 or whatever got denied. And there was a curb so I couldn't pull out. So I had to wait until they get to the next window. And he's like, I don't have your ore. I'm like, yeah, I don't. I ain't got it.

[Stage Foley]

Oh fuck, dude, I changed my mind. I'm gonna go grab a Gatorade instead.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're like, you should have just been like, surely there's a mistake.

[Luke]

Sure. Oh, that segue. This is from Ag Willikers. When you go through a drive through, at what point does the size of the order become rude to the people behind you? And someone piggybacked and there was a comment on this. Is it just easier if there's five people? You go, just give me five burgers, five nuggets, five fries, five drinks. Or does everybody get to go their individual. What's the yeah. Or do you not take account into that at all?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, fuck them. What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sort of with Foley, where it's like, listen, I. I guess it depends, right?

[Stage Foley]

What are we in Russia? You get what you want. What are you out of your mind?

[Kevin Ryan]

This is one of. Yeah. As American society is crumbling, one of the few comforts we have is whatever you want from a drive through menu.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I sort of. Look, if it's the kind of thing where you're just popping over somewhere, it's like, yeah, get a bag of bird. Like, if you're showing up at a party, you get a bag of.

[Stage Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bag of burgers, bag of nuggets. No one's mad.

[Stage Foley]

We've done that. I've done that before.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a. That's a great move. But if it's like, I would say if your party is five and under, if you're just a packed car. Yeah, you're fine. Now if it's a sprinter van.

[Luke]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

School bus, sprinter van, it's a little different, but, yeah, sure. And I think, I think you can say like, hey, can we simplify this? Like, if someone's getting a McChicken and one guy's getting the crispy chicken, it's like, how about two? You know, I mean, just some.

[Luke]

Let's link it together.

[Kevin Ryan]

Artist to simplify. But no, at the end of the day, if somebody wants, really want.

[Stage Foley]

Want something, it's fast food. That's two seconds.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

You're looking at me like I came up with it. I'm just, you know, I don't like.

[Stage Foley]

The fact that you brought it up.

[Luke]

Don't shoot the messenger. What the.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because oftentimes it's a stop and get them. It's a real treat. When you're. And especially when you have a car full of people, you're probably high. Someone's, you know, one guy's sober, one guy's drunk. Now that's the other thing. If you're the sober guy doing a.

[Luke]

Car, everybody, no, you got to go one big bag.

[Kevin Ryan]

You listen to what they have to say, and you decide how close. And then. And then when they're like, they're drunk, you're like, oh, my God, can you believe they up your order? Who? Them. You know what I mean?

[Stage Foley]

It's like, yeah, just eat it and shut up.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what it is. I'll give you that and all. And here's the thing. Get. Get one. Get a couple extra things. So if you get Twice. Two things you didn't really want that much.

[Luke]

You're all right, whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're fine with that? It's like, oh, yeah, here's an extra Quarter pounder.

[Stage Foley]

McDonald's. Everything's good. There's not one thing on the menu.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it's all the same. McDonald's, Taco Bell, wherever the you're going. It's four ingredients.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Switched up a little bit. You'll be fine.

[Luke]

Now, when you did that Thanksgiving order, where did you eat that?

[Stage Foley]

What'd you get?

[Luke]

Did you pull up and park?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I took it to my home.

[Luke]

Took it to the home?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

That's crazy. I grew up like, we pull up and park and eat. Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's Thanksgiving.

[Stage Foley]

And I don't appreciate the emphasis on the home. You're at a McDonald's on Thanksgiving.

[Kevin Ryan]

I took it to my home where I was alone without. Without a wife or children. I took it to my home as well. A 36 year old man. My beautiful home that I share with no one.

[Luke]

My beautiful vapid home.

[Stage Foley]

You turn the heat off and all the lights just by one candle.

I feel bad now.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's fine.

[Stage Foley]

What did you get?

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you already.

[Stage Foley]

I missed it.

[Kevin Ryan]

A quarter pounder. A double.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Double Quarter Pounder, 10 McNuggets. And some fries that you finished. I did finish, but they were colder than I usually would. Let them kill me.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, those McDonald's fries, when they get.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cold, not great over. Well, because the thing is, I considered being. I considered not eating the fries as sort of like a. Well, I didn't eat the whole. That's another fact.

[Luke]

I think I didn't do the whole thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

But then you always do.

[Stage Foley]

I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm gonna become the thing I hate. A healthy guy that only eats part of his McDonald's order.

[Luke]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then I just, of course, go back. The Ravens are losing.

[Luke]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm gonna. It. I'm gonna and eat them.

[Stage Foley]

Come on.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, I need some comfort in that moment.

[Stage Foley]

Either die the hero. You live long enough.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's right. Absolutely.

[Luke]

All right, one more food. One. This is from Aunt Rose. $10. Soul sister here. Never have one red. No big deal. I have had one red. No big deal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nice.

[Luke]

I just made a salad in interest of being healthy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Luke]

But there were no croutons left.

[Stage Foley]

I'm out.

[Luke]

So I crushed up some sun chips in there instead. Thoughts?

[Stage Foley]

Yes.

[Luke]

P.S. they were garden salsa flavor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Garden from the garden. Like the leg, the lettuce, the chips.

[Luke]

Is crazy to me, but I get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, here's what I'll say. I think if you're doing it to be healthy, if you actually measure. If you took a serving of sun Chips, that's like whatever.

[Luke]

Calories, 80 calories and whatever.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You crumple them up. No harm, no foul.

[Stage Foley]

I don't think so.

[Kevin Ryan]

You put some bacon in there. You put a little bit of cheese to make a salad worthwhile. You put a little dressing in there if you're doing that. I actually like it one time.

[Luke]

Great way to think about it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't have salt salt on the road. And I crushed up Cheez its and used that as salt.

[Luke]

And you know what, what were you making?

[Kevin Ryan]

I. It was like some kind of chicken pasta thing and it kind of worked. Kind of worked. That was 60. I got 60 calories worth of Cheez Its not bad. Check out Stavi gets Ripped episode. Which episode?

[Luke]

We love it. We're big fans of it over here.

[Stage Foley]

Talk about pushing an analogy to its limits. I like it.

[Kevin Ryan]

It wasn't even analogy, just what happened. It's not a metaphor.

I literally used Cheez Its as salt. The way this woman used garden salsa chips as croutons. So I'm with her.

[Luke]

That's a great way to look at it. It's like, yeah, it isn't the best. And I would never do that. I would do five handfuls and then eat some before I wrap the bag up, of course. And then kind of a little crunch. Throw the salad out and get a pizza crunch. That's brilliant though. It was like. It probably is the same calories as the fucking. A serving of croutons or whatever. In the same ballpark.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Stage Foley]

When I was living in North Carolina, all I had in my house was a bag of that mixed salad. Salad and crack balsamic dressing. And.

What'S it called? Saltines. And I would crush them up and use them as. As.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy. That's one of the most depressing things ever heard.

[Stage Foley]

It's like the Italians. They didn't.

[Luke]

They just like the Italian, but they.

[Stage Foley]

Didn'T have cheese, so they would use breadcrumbs instead. That's what Tucci said on one of his shows.

[Luke]

Tucci's full of. Everyone knows we are anti.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you guys are not Stanley. Hi.

[Luke]

Dude, it's Go watch an episode that is lying about speaking Italian. He don't know what the he's talking about.

[Stage Foley]

Welcome back to Pretentious with Stanley Tucson.

[Luke]

His went. He went to Rome once when he was 12 years old for two weeks and then it's like, you're the authority. Get the out of here.

[Stage Foley]

I went to lacrosse camp for two weeks, too. You don't see me running around with a stick.

[Luke]

And also, every time.

[Stage Foley]

That was a bad analogy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not bad.

[Luke]

Every time, the guy will just speak Italian to him.

He don't know what the he's saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, so your beef with Stanley's overselling how Italian he is?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, that's.

[Luke]

He doesn't even look at that. He looks Jewish, the guy.

[Stage Foley]

2.

[Luke]

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you believe it? They're tricking me into watching a Jew on television.

[Luke]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My wife's Jewish. She's also on tv. We got to wrap it up here on that note, right? Just great.

[Stage Foley]

Stavi, ladies and gentlemen. Stavros Helus hitting the road hard. Please see 2026.

[Kevin Ryan]

Come see the tour. We're coming to a bunch of places, you know, flat. Like I said, put them up here, whatever the you guys will do. I love the idea.

[Luke]

We have a CGI budget.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's so easy to do. If El can figure it out, you guys can figure it out.

[Luke]

Luke, get on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Luke can figure it out. But, yeah, I'm coming. I'm all over the place.

Boston this weekend. A couple tickets left.

[Stage Foley]

We start four shows at the Wilbur, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's gonna be really fun. Then we start in Florida, and I don't remember where, but, you know, Buffalo we are. I'm coming to Philly.

[Stage Foley]

We'll put it up for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just put it up.

[Stage Foley]

We'll put it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'm listening to Stavi's world, the whole thing.

[Luke]

Great.

[Stage Foley]

Stavi, we love you, buddy. Kippy, what do you got for him?

[Luke]

Guys, we announced our new 2026 dates. Get those tickets. A lot of fun. City's playing. Tickets are already moving. And then obviously, Phil this weekend. Love to see it air.

[Stage Foley]

Stavi, we love you.

[Luke]

Love you, buddy.

[Stage Foley]

Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.