Are You Garbage? – “Stoner Thoughts w/ Luis J. Gomez!”

April 9, 2026
Hosts: Kevin Ryan (“KJ”) & H. Foley
Guest: Luis J. Gomez

Episode Overview

In this raucously candid and hilarious episode, comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan welcome long-time friend and fan-favorite Luis J. Gomez back to the Are You Garbage? hot seat—this time, on his birthday and undoubtedly very stoned. The gang uses their signature rapid-fire style to grill Luis on whether he’s become more or less “garbage” since his last appearance, with classic AYG questions and plenty of new, off-the-cuff tangents. They touch on everything from sleepover chaos and strip club etiquette to the nuances of airport upgrades and household hygiene. The laughs are constant as the guys swap stories, roast each other, and reaffirm—emphatically—that Luis remains, without a doubt, GARBAGE.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Stoned State & Public Declarations

• Luis’s Stoned Return: Luis arrives very high, admitting he recently fell off the weed wagon after quitting at Christmas but relapsed on a trip with his team to Mexico.
  • [02:19, Luis:] "But no, I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be sober again. But you. You're getting. It's rare, but you're getting a very stoned. I like bluish eggs."
• Self-improvement and Accountability:
  • Luis admits he constantly publicly declares goals (e.g., not being fat by October) so others hold him accountable.
    • [02:44, Luis:] "If I'm not declaring things publicly, then I can't hold myself accountable. I need the fans and my friends..."

2. Garbage Game Show & Hilarious Banter

• The crew quickly gets back to their classic Are You Garbage? “test,” ribbing each other and riffing on trashy habits and past experiences.
• Birthday Present: The hosts present Luis with a tongue-in-cheek “trashy girlfriend” joke gift, leading to classic ribbing about Bucks County hair salons and girlfriend “trashy” credentials.
  • [04:17, Kevin (re: Luis's girlfriend):] "She should be cutting hair in Bucks county somewhere. That's all we had in stock, now available in the store."

3. Hair Loss & "Turkey Thing"

• Comedy on Hair Restoration: They poke fun at hair transplants in Turkey, with Luis sharing that he opts to shave his head instead of going the “turkey thing” route.
  • [05:00, Luis:] "That was somebody who's peripherally heard the word turkey and hair, like conversations that other people had, but he never locked into really what it was."

4. High School, Notable Alumni, and Small-Town Pride

• Luis laments not being a Wikipedia-listed notable alum from his high school—North Rockland High School—while “Flo, the Progressive Lady,” and a neoconceptualist artist are.
  • [07:18, Luis:] "That's infuriating because I'm not. And there is one more notable alumni..."
• Ribbed for his alma mater’s lack of famous graduates (except Flo).

5. Trash-Class Hybrids: Cars, Pools & Valet Rituals

• Car Buying and Classy Moves: Luis details his journey from Audi to Acura, totaling the former, then getting both blacked-out and ultimately ending up with two cars. He jokes that “having two cars for no reason” makes him feel classy, as does spending big on gym memberships and premier boarding status (which he admits to faking at times).
  • [15:59, Luis:] "I bought a second car for no reason."
  • [18:05, Luis:] "I need a different car. I'm sick of driving around a shitty car. I haven't been in any accidents. It's been 13 months."
• Saltwater Pool Upgrade: The new house comes with a pool, now upgraded to heated saltwater—much more “classy” than his used mattress childhood.
  • [58:21, Luis:] "We're opening the pool right now. I'm converting it into a heated salt water water pool as we speak."

6. Trash Confessions: Hygiene, Stealing, Strip Clubs

• Bathroom & Cleaning Lady Etiquette:
  • Plunger is right by the toilet (“doggy”), toilet brush only gets used before his girlfriend visits, cleaning lady comes weekly ($200/wk), and general bachelor-level filth until the day before company.
  • [29:04, Luis:] "Just when my girl's gonna come over."
• Stealing Urges:
  • Luis admits an “urge” to steal when he sees cash—he resists at friends’ houses but gives in at airports and strip clubs.
  • [22:37, Luis:] "The feeling that if I were to walk into your home and you had cash on the table...I would think to steal it."
• Strip Club Culture War:
  • Favors the “ghetto ass” black strip clubs for their lax rules and fun, dramatically contrasting the more uptight “high end” clubs:
    • [25:34, Luis:] "You go to a black strip club. Doggy, I'm straight up. You could punch it into ribs. You put it. You put the money on the end of your fist and you just punch her square in the face. And she's like, thank you, baby."

7. Shopping & Grocery Habits

• Grocery Games:
  • If Luis doesn’t want an item mid-shop, he’ll stash it wherever, not return it—same at 7-Eleven.
    • [50:26, Luis:] "It's going so deeply on any shelf…"
• Bag Preferences:
  • Fondly recalls the double-bag (paper in plastic) days; now, he uses reusable bags but mostly collects them as dog poop bags.
  • Critiques bag charges and modern retail policies.
• Cart Etiquette:

  • If his son is around, he returns the cart; alone, he may roll it toward the nearest car out of laziness.

  • [55:06, Luis:] "If I'm with my son, I just make him do. It's like, James, we have to. But if it's just me, I'll just push it off and try to aim it at a nice car..."

8. Family, Childhood Chaos & Parenting

• Childhood Trash:
  • Sharing stories about wrestling with younger kids at sleepovers, drawing on girlfriend’s basement walls as a teen, and sleeping on curb mattresses his mom picked up.
  • [33:53, Luis:] "Everything after out. And I. I remember one time it like, it like stuffed in the hole. Like every bit of the hole was completely closed."
• Parenting Styles:
  • Discussion on spanking kids; Luis vocally opposes corporal punishment, despite his own troubled upbringing.
  • [46:46, Kevin:] "You can't hit your kids. Would you hit your kids fully?"
  • [46:49, Foley & Luis:] "No, never."
• Family Dynamics:
  • Extended riff about potentially setting up H. Foley with Luis’s sister—roasting her photos, parent status, and the family’s complex living arrangements.
  • [43:01, H. Foley:] "What's the. Where's the. Where's the dad? What's that story?"
  • [43:03, Luis:] "He lives on the couch, but that's okay."

9. Tangents, Quick Hits & Memorable Quotes

• Airport Upgrades and Boarding Group Hacks:
  • [18:49, Luis:] "United. Premiere 1k. I was. They bumped me because I didn't spend enough money… But here's what I have learned. You just walk up when they say premiere 1k…they don't check."
• Trash Cues:
  • Bedbug era, handling soiled grocery items, peeing without hand-washing at the airport (“I flop my dick out…”), gossip about voicemails, and ringback tones.
• Childhood Answering Machine Comedy:
  • Prank voicemails and “shitty racist jokes from the 90s.”
• Boofing and Beatboxing Attempts:
  • Luis admits to stashing weed in his underwear (but not actually boofing), and the group attempts disastrous beatboxing.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Being Publicly Accountable:

  • [02:44, Luis:] "If I'm not declaring things publicly, then I can't. I can't hold myself accountable. I need the fans and my friends and other comedians to be like, dude, you said you wouldn't be fat by October, and here you are."

• On Classy Moves:

  • [18:49, Luis:] "They bumped me because I didn't spend enough money. They changed. It used to be miles flown. Now it's money spent. ...You just walk up when they say premiere 1k... they don't check."

• On Bad Childhood Sleepover Etiquette:

  • [11:37, Luis:] "We take these like 6 year old kids and just choke slam them through doors and just powerbomb them on the concrete. And the amount of times that it hurt the little brothers and the parents were like, that kid can't come over anymore."

• On His Mom’s Trash Tactics:

  • [59:22, Luis:] "My mom used to get mattresses for us. Like when somebody in the neighborhood threw out their mattress, my mom would go, new mattress for you guys."

• On Urges to Steal:

  • [22:37, Luis:] "If I were to walk into your home and you had cash on the table...I would think to steal it. I wouldn't steal it. ...That will always be in me."

• On Airport Restrooms:

  • *[41:27, KJ:] "Are you going over the top?"
  • [41:44, Luis:] "Yeah, I'm in sweatpants. Traveling. ...I just let my dick flop out. And then I piss. And then like a fire hose..."*

Key Timestamps for Segments

• 00:39 – 03:40 | Luis arrives, “very stoned,” and birthday banter
• 04:48 – 05:38 | Hair restoration/Turkey transplant jokes
• 07:11 – 08:36 | High school alumni, Flo from Progressive, and small-town pride
• 09:01 – 11:30 | Sleeping habits, “falling asleep during movies,” and childhood sleepovers
• 12:01 – 13:59 | Drawing on ex’s basement walls, running out of money in Amsterdam
• 15:36 – 19:35 | What makes you feel classy? Cars, gym, travel status, hack tips for boarding groups
• 22:25 – 23:36 | Trashy urges: stealing, strip club habits
• 25:07 – 25:56 | Best/worst strip clubs, “smack it on her ass”
• 28:31 – 30:01 | Bathroom accessories and cleaning lady habits
• 31:20 – 32:12 | Subway stories, NYC public transit
• 33:06 – 35:39 | Epic stories of bathroom disasters at relatives’ homes
• 43:01 – 47:32 | Foley and Luis’s sister matchmaking riff
• 50:10 – 53:59 | Grocery store habits, reusable bags, and bagging styles
• 55:00 – 55:46 | Cart etiquette—return it or not?
• 56:49 – 57:30 | “Digital Bazooka” prank show anecdote
• 58:21 – 59:41 | House and pool upgrades; debuting the “classy” saltwater system
• 59:22 – 60:11 | Mattresses scavenged from the curb
• 61:13 – 61:19 | Verdict: Luis is “100% Garbage tray”

Tone & Style

The tone is quintessential AYG: rowdy, rapid-fire, unscripted, and peppered with affectionate ribbing, blue-collar humor, and shameless candor. The camaraderie is obvious and intoxicating, with all three comics comfortable jumping tangent-to-tangent, never missing the opportunity for a quick roast or call back to the lore of the show.

Final Verdict

[61:13–61:19, Foley:]
"And here's the good news. You are still, without a doubt, 100—"
[61:19, Luis:]
"Garbage tray."

Luis J. Gomez remains gloriously, proudly GARBAGE. The audience is left with endless quotable lines, new inside jokes, and a fresh batch of chaotic stories for the AYG Hall of Fame.

Episode Recommendation:
A must-listen for fans of comedy, candid confessions, class-warfare banter, and the best kind of “garbage” conversation you’ll hear anywhere in podcasting.