Supermarket Etiquette! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

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"Supermarket Etiquette!" – Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Release Date: June 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

This family episode of Are You Garbage? finds hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan, joined by sidekick Luke, diving into the gritty, hilarious details of everyday habits that may or may not make you “garbage.” Using their signature quick banter and nostalgia-driven stories, the boys dissect supermarket behaviors, bread etiquette, trashy breakfast routines, family quirks, and classic working-class questions—from eating at bowling alleys without bowling, to the age-old dilemma of whether to use tongs at the bakery. The episode is loaded with Philly and Northeast US flavor, blue-collar humor, and the kind of relatable stories that make listeners ask: Am I garbage, too?

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. European Bakery Etiquette & Supermarket Culture

• German Bread and Pretzels:

  • Kevin recounts his trip to Germany, marveling at their 3,000 types of bread and robust bakery sections in supermarkets (12:21). Foley expresses disbelief:

    "I've never heard of that. What do they got?"

  • Luke confirms Germany’s bread reputation:

    "Germany's famous worldwide for its baked goods." (11:44)

• The Fresh Pretzel Incident:

  • Kevin describes the etiquette conundrum at a German Aldi, choosing between using tongs or 'raw-dogging' (grabbing by hand) soft pretzels (12:39 onward).
    • Foley:

      "Tongs or gloves. You don't go in there with your hand. I don't care what country you're in." (13:37)

    • Kevin attempts self-justification:

      "If I'm grabbing mine and I'm not touching anything else, is that... That's not an international incident." (13:53)

    • Consensus: It's "not classy," but honest—if trashy.

2. Baked Goods and Philly Food Nostalgia

• Hoagie Houses & Local Chains:

  • The guys share stories about Lee’s Hoagie House, Slack’s, and other local haunts.
    • Kevin:

      "If there's one thing my family loves, it's Hoagie, Steaks, and pizza." (08:39)

  • Discussion includes bizarre working conditions and the chaos of after-hours food service jobs.
    • Foley:

      "I worked with a dude like that... he drank too much vodka. It's 2:30 in the afternoon!" (07:57)

• Calzone vs. Stromboli:

  • Luke provides the definitive difference (10:34):

    "Calzone is a half-moon filled with ricotta. Stromboli is a rolled cylinder, filled primarily with mozzarella and meats."

  • Foley admits:

    "I've never had a calzone. Too much dough. I don't like it." (10:25)

3. Breakfast Debates and Childhood Food Rituals

• The crew shares their humble morning routines—Wawa bagels, instant oatmeal, off-brand cereals.

  • Kevin:

    "If my dad was driving me... we stopped at Wawa, bagel with butter, Wawa iced tea." (32:32)

  • Foley:

    "Mine was apples and cinnamon instant oatmeal in the winter. Peak season, Honey Nut Cheerios or off-brand Frosted Flakes." (33:51)

  • Luke recalls being forbidden from ‘adult’ foods like limeade:

    "You weren't allowed to touch that. It's like adult stuff." (30:59)

• Chip Bag & Food Packaging Etiquette:

  • Is it garbage to open chips upside down? Everyone agrees the answer is "yes, but it's a trashy, almost anarchist move." (27:18)
  • Quirkiness around folding, clipping, and even Tupperware storage is discussed.

4. Classic Working-Class Moves & Street Smarts

• Buying Beer Where You Can:

  • Joy in finding beer somewhere unexpected (like Denny’s or the boardwalk).
    • Kevin:

      "Wherever you can get a beer where you don't expect... that's like, we found gold." (60:37)

• Using the TV Outside for Sports:

  • Tradition of moving the TV to the backyard for baseball games and smoking:
    • Foley:

      "Rite of passage... the TV from my old bedroom gets hung on the sun room every May." (61:44)

• Dad Wisdom and Life Lessons:

  • Price-checking specials at restaurants, the art of greasing parking attendants, and learning to scalp tickets as kids.
    • Kevin:

      "As kids we were... I really grew up working with a small business owner... always talking about traffic, parking, how much things cost." (51:21)

5. Rapid-Fire Patreon Questions

Throughout, the hosts answer classic “Are You Garbage?” listener questions:

• Eating at a bowling alley without bowling? ("Trash, but awesome." 25:46)
• Opening chip bags upside down? ("Anarchist shit." 27:18)
• Putting your car in park at a red light? ("Yiki. You shouldn't. But if you're jammed up..." 40:54)
• Taking pictures of streets or businesses with your last name? ("Of course! Did it in Frankfurt." 57:16)
• Owning incomplete decks of cards, especially casino-stamped ones? ("So cool. That was the coolest shit ever." 54:05)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On German Pretzels & Bakery Etiquette:

  • Foley: "Tongs or gloves. You don't go in there with your hand. I don't care what country you're in." (13:37)

• Nostalgic Philadelphia Wisdom:

  • Kevin: "If there's one thing my family loves, it's Hoagie, Steaks, and pizza." (08:39)

• On Using Tongs vs. Hands:

  • Kevin: "If I'm grabbing mine and I'm not touching anything else, is that a big deal?"
    Foley: "It is. Your hand's in there with whatever's on it." (13:53)

• Opening Chips Upside Down:

  • Stage Foley: "That's anarchist shit." (27:18)

• Family Tipping Lessons:

  • Kevin: "When my dad got married in Vegas, that was a master class on how to tip." (46:51)

• Defining 'Garbage':

  • Foley: "It's not classy, but it's awesome." (25:46)

• On Eating at Bowling Alley Restaurants:

  • Foley: "They got a restaurant that... I don't know how they don't have a Michelin star. They got a fucking roast beef plate that'll blow your socks off." (26:08)

• How Much is That?

  • Foley: "And how much is that? You gotta be right after, like they can't get to the next one." (49:27)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [12:21] – German Bread & Baked Goods
• [13:24] – Supermarket Pretzel Etiquette Debate
• [27:00] – Chip Bag Anarchy & Family Food Packaging
• [32:32] – Childhood Breakfasts
• [40:51] – Is It Garbage to Put Your Car in Park at a Red Light?
• [46:51] – Scalping Tickets and Tipping Lessons
• [54:05] – Incomplete Decks of Cards & Casino Souvenirs
• [57:16] – Taking Pictures of “Your” Streets/Businesses
• [61:44] – Outdoor TV & Summer Baseball Traditions

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Tone & Style

The entire episode channels the hosts’ “dirtbag philosopher” charm—digressive, affectionate, and quick with a punchline, but always rooted in the camaraderie of families just scraping by or barely “making it.” Foley and Kevin trade off making fun of each other's food quirks, childhoods, and life skills, while Luke provides trivia and acts as a surrogate for the "audience at home." Their banter is filled with nostalgia, blue-collar wisdom, and Philly vernacular.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

If you’ve ever wondered if eating a stromboli for breakfast, grabbing a soft pretzel “raw dog” from a European bakery bin, or scalping a Flyers ticket as a kid makes you garbage—this episode’s for you. Equal parts funny, self-deprecating, and oddly sincere, it doubles as a time capsule of American working-class food and family customs. Whether you’re here for the supermarket etiquette, the patter about trashy breakfast routines, or just the boys’ tales of Wawa and bowling alley roast beef, you’ll come away questioning your own habits and laughing at just how “garbage” we all can be.

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Transcript

[Stage Foley]

Hey, hey, hey, Cleveland, Ohio. The boys are coming soon. Talking to you, Lakewood. I'm talking to you, Ohio City. Everybody from the surrounding areas, come out and see the boys at Hilarities play a little ayg with the crowd, and we'll stand up comedy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. We're also in Pittsburgh at the Improv. Get your tickets. They're moving quick. We'll see you there. We love you.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy, yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Stage Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She is on her way down to shore for senior week.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ooh, shout out to it, dog.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, she got a place with a couple of Lansdale Catholic boys.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

You know, all over 18. All over 18.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

Doing a little tadpole down there, as she calls it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right.

[Stage Foley]

Plenty of meat still on the bone.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She says crude when oddly sexual early on.

[Stage Foley]

Okay, my co host is coming at you from cross tables. We call family episode Barely Legal. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Just the way we like it. God damn it. Give it up for my best pal in the whole wide world, Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to you as always, Please make sure you review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. Now boys are climbing the mother friggin charts. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. all your garbage. You go over there, you get all that freaking bonus content, gang. And also live shows. We're gonna be in Portland. Maine's probably the whole weekend sold out this weekend. How you doing? Out the door. Can't get tickets. Maybe one or two still left.

[Stage Foley]

Let's go.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All. All cities [e-mail].

[Stage Foley]

yes, sir. Gang.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pittsburgh, Cleveland. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Do yourself a favor. If you're in the market, buy stock in AYG now. Lot of big things coming. Big announcement coming up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This looks like you're trying to get some seed investment, if I'm being honest

[Stage Foley]

with you, because everybody just sends a dollar.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You stink.

[Stage Foley]

I stink? Hey, by the way, I don't think I didn't notice that. Clap for Kippy there, Luke. What are you angling for? I think I just got to return my calls.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Me or Luke?

[Stage Foley]

Both.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Of you.

[Stage Foley]

Which I get.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh?

[Stage Foley]

I get it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I got a little something. I got.

[Stage Foley]

Kippy, my door's always open to you. Let me crack open my refreshing seltzer. Just seltzer or club soda?

[Luke]

Seltzer.

[Stage Foley]

Seltzer.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You check into this on the show we're doing?

[Stage Foley]

I'm working here, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now what is. I know. Listen. I know what should be done in polite society. I'm not asking about that. I'm asking about casual. Let's say I was. As you know, I was. I was recently in. In Germany, visiting my wife's family.

[Stage Foley]

Ah, the motherland.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes, Fatherland.

[Stage Foley]

The fatherland.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, I think it was the mother.

[Stage Foley]

Nah. Motherland is. Is Russia. I know that because of a World War I poem. It is sweet and dignified. Die for the motherland.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

Fatherland.

[Luke]

We have done this before, but it's a fatherland.

[Stage Foley]

God damn it. I meant fatherland. Fuck. Hey. Everybody out there dirty. Anyway, you're in Germany.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What is the right. Different culture over there? They're big on their baked goods and their breads.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know why you. All right? Why Is that where you're.

[Stage Foley]

What? I thought it was their tank.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Technology. Technology.

[Stage Foley]

Tank technology. Those Panzers were no joke. Things were vicious. Take out a Sherman in two seconds, shout out to D Day. Just passed, by the way, a couple weeks ago. Yeah, Normandy. Do you know anything about it? Hippie?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're such a valor stealer. It's great.

[Stage Foley]

No, I'm not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm not.

[Stage Foley]

You see me at a mall wearing fucking Top Gun.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I see you in front of half a million people talking about Normandy. Like you were there, though.

[Stage Foley]

I wasn't there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

Too young to join.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're lucky I wasn't there.

[Stage Foley]

I kicked some ass. I wouldn't have made it. Think you would have made it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

What, off the boat?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Off the boat.

[Stage Foley]

No, those little things. That ramp goes down, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I would have sucked. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

I just wouldn't want to Made it off.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I've seen you not want to tie your shoes, dude. God damn.

[Stage Foley]

Shout out to him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. Should we shout out the D Day, guys?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

That's big. That's a big one.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. No, I know. Took it.

[Stage Foley]

Almost didn't work. Took it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I got you.

[Stage Foley]

Point du hawk.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

St. Mary Glees. Nine yards.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. My thing with you is you've really.

[Stage Foley]

You've, like.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You've. We've said. You. You tried to distance yourself between us. So you don't. You don't you don't claim that you've served.

[Stage Foley]

Never.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But you.

[Stage Foley]

I have respect for them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You say that? Everybody does.

[Stage Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But you say like of course I have respect yet. No. But you make it seem like you're also not a civilian.

[Stage Foley]

Truly. Well, I'm a. I'm a dependent on me for sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, on the system.

[Stage Foley]

I had a military ID for a little while.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was sick. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

See I could get on the base just to go to the exchange.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Navy exchange.

[Stage Foley]

Where you get cheap liquor.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What age did you have an id?

[Stage Foley]

I had it in college. It was sick. I looked like an operator too. I looked like I worked for the CIA. It was a good pick. Because you had. You got him when. With your dad for insurance and stuff like that. When your dad was in a. Nate. My dad was in the Navy, man. But not on a ship. He was a recruiter.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. On a willow Grove. Dude. Shut up.

[Stage Foley]

Not to say that he was in the front line.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well you also got. Well, he wasn't on a ship. That also means that like he was inland. He wasn't. He was near the. He was near the Chamonix Creek.

[Stage Foley]

They had a lot of action over. That's where they launched the P3 Orions out of. I think they had nukes over there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Where will it Grove. I think maybe that's why my hair's falling out. I live 15 minutes from that. That was running off in the water. No wonder my head's so six year old.

[Stage Foley]

Boy looks 48 maybe.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh.

[Stage Foley]

But they had. Over there they had F18 Hornets. Lee's hoagie House.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're such a loser.

[Stage Foley]

That leaves might have been a front. I don't know. A couple nukes come at him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Couple of sub sandwiches. Get this sonar on Le shout out to Lee's Hoagie Shack. Lee's Hoagie Shack is a local favorite franchise.

[Stage Foley]

Is it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Let's get in there. Big sandwich.

[Kevin James Ryan]

See what you can find on Lee's Hoagie. How my buddy. My buddy in high school worked at a Lee's. We would go.

[Stage Foley]

He would reek of onions. I bet.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Man. The ragtag team. A guy I remember Shout out. Lisa. I'm not trying to just besmirch the good name. At least the. The boss. This guy was so. This guy was passed out drunk in the back.

[Stage Foley]

Nice office. Nice.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I went. What does he do? Jeffer. That was the first job where my friend had outside where it was like the inmates were running the asylum a little bit. You know what I mean?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And you'll hear about those. Oh, that's Steve from work. And we're there and we're smoking and

[Stage Foley]

drinking when the manager does drugs and gets.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. And you're going, but. And I'm working at a supermarket. So you're like, yeah, I'm like a corporate, you know, schmuck. And this guy's like, you know, living a life of hanging out with 25 year old Dale.

[Stage Foley]

Got a shrooms.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, that kind of thing. Let me, let me ask my buddy at work, that kind of shit.

[Stage Foley]

I worked with a dude like that party with us and dude, I thought

[Kevin James Ryan]

it was so cool. We went there and this guy was laying on the ground. What's wrong with him? Like he drank too much vodka. I'm like, it's 2:30 in the afternoon.

[Stage Foley]

I just dropped onion rings.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like this ain't all it's cracked up to be.

[Stage Foley]

He was passed out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

At a Lee's.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And I remember they, they, they made the, they served it on a Styrofoam plate. And the fries were so hot it burnt.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, that's that good fries.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Did the oil burn? They burnt the plate. I remember being like, yeah, fucking, that's

[Stage Foley]

good fries I love.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And the chicken. Yeah, listen, I'm a Big Lee's also, remember. Do you remember Slacks?

[Stage Foley]

Pants?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, Slacks. Hoagie Shack.

[Stage Foley]

No, Slacks. Hoagie Shack. Look. You made that up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nah, my dad will go to Slacks. I think that was a chain as well. That was French. Slacks. Hoagie Shack.

[Stage Foley]

Go to Slacks. Yeah. Stocks, Pound cake.

[Kevin James Ryan]

If there's one thing my family loves, it's Hoagie. Steaks and pizza. Yeah, why wouldn't steaks and pizza.

[Stage Foley]

There's something about getting down there in those burbs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Hoagie steaks or pizza on a Friday or Saturday night. Let's do it.

[Luke]

Still banging.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How many locations?

[Luke]

Just one right now.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Where's that at?

[Luke]

Oxford.

[Stage Foley]

One location.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Valley.

[Luke]

Oxford Point Shopping Center.

[Stage Foley]

One location.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oxford Point.

[Luke]

Fearless Hills.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fearless Hills.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, One location.

[Luke]

One location I'm seeing right now reminds

[Stage Foley]

me of Fort Sumner.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Reminds me all the, all my good friends at the Alamo.

[Stage Foley]

I don't get the Alamo. What are they doing?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Give it up. Come on, Enterprise.

[Stage Foley]

Man, are you a stromboli guy?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

Speaking of which, because that came up recently where my annual one of your business.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, excuse me, is Kevin a stromboli?

[Stage Foley]

Talking to the CA guys about it. We would usually get a pizza and a stromboli. You never did a stromboli?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

Do you know what a stromboli is?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Luke, do you know what a stromboli is?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. It's like a calzone's fancy cousin

[Stage Foley]

in Wilkes Barre. I always thought a stromboli was Italian meat because we would get a classic. Stromboli, to me, is like mozzarella cheese, salami or something. Some kind of Italian meat and peppers and stuff like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think there's anything in there. No, I don't think it was just one thing. Pepperoni. Stromboli.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Yeah, it was delicious.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's the difference between that and a calzone?

[Stage Foley]

Calzone? Small, I guess. I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It can't just be size.

[Stage Foley]

Can I be honest with you?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You don't know?

[Stage Foley]

No. Well, yeah, I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

But I've never had a calzone.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know.

[Stage Foley]

Too much dough. I don't like it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

A calzone.

[Stage Foley]

I'm not a calzone guy.

[Luke]

It's different in the shape, sealing method and cheese type. A calzone is a half, half folded, half moon filled with ricotta. Stromboli is a rolled cylinder, like a burrito, filled primarily with mozzarella and meats.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, ricotta cheese.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was half and half.

[Stage Foley]

I can hit or miss with that. Not a ricotta. I'll do the whipped ricotta. You know, gentlemen, if I'm out with a little honey on it. And bread. But the ricotta cheese, it just stinks. You do that and you do that. You're doing ricotta and cannoli and fucking lasagna. Pick a lane.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Lost a lot of good men out there. At least the elbow.

[Stage Foley]

What do you got for me? You're over there in Germany.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, they're known for their baked goods, which for some, you didn't like for some reason.

[Stage Foley]

No, you didn't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That rubbed you the wrong way.

[Stage Foley]

I've never heard of that. What do they got?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Strudel.

[Stage Foley]

Touche.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, the German bread is like notorious pretzels.

[Stage Foley]

Notorious is right. Are they involved in.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, I'm not nuts here.

[Luke]

Germany's famous worldwide for its baked goods.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, strudel.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Luke]

Over 3,000 types of bread.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ooh.

[Luke]

Come on.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, buddy. The war's over.

[Stage Foley]

Get that Right here in America,

[Kevin James Ryan]

the Stroman family. I like a babka.

[Stage Foley]

I do a babka. I kill a babka. Yeah. Not like that, but I'll enjoy it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's your D day. That's your B day. Babka day.

[Stage Foley]

A whole babka. I could do A whole babka with a little butter. A big glass of milk.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. Yeah. This isn't a contest. We believe you.

[Stage Foley]

All right, so they're big on their baked goods. Says you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This has nothing to do with that. I was at. I was at a supermarket and I was acquiring some pretzels. They have soft, like fresh soft pretzels that they bake every day there, like in the. Where the rolls are. You know what I mean? Like the. In the bakery. You go lift the thing that I can get behind. Thank you.

[Stage Foley]

Are they shaped like ours?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What are ours shaped like?

[Stage Foley]

Like the tight ones, like the eights?

[Kevin James Ryan]

The long ones?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nah.

[Stage Foley]

Are they like the big.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're like a soft pretzel.

[Stage Foley]

A big loopy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, but they're not that big. They're like more regular size.

[Stage Foley]

Really?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. And they do something.

[Stage Foley]

I would like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know why you're. Why you're dragging your heels on a regular pretzel.

[Stage Foley]

Like the size of a regular. Like a Schneider's hard pretzel. No, but one of those soft would be good. Little bangers.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, no, these are like a super pretzel.

[Stage Foley]

Okay. Super pretzel. Soft pretzel.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, these are soft pretzels.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What are we talking?

[Stage Foley]

I got you. Okay, I'm with you. You and me locked in, dialed in,

[Kevin James Ryan]

Whatever. This doesn't matter. What is the etiquette.

[Stage Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin James Ryan]

On retrieving fresh to baked goods from a

[Stage Foley]

receptacle, Tongs or gloves. You don't go in there with your hand. I don't care what country you're in.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We'll be right back. What? At all?

[Stage Foley]

At all?

[Kevin James Ryan]

If I'm just now. Okay, hold on. It's crazy to, like, pick through them. You can't do that.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, well, yeah, of course.

[Kevin James Ryan]

If I'm grabbing mine and I'm not touching anything else, is that. Is that such a. That's not an international incident.

[Stage Foley]

I think it is, because your hands in there with whatever's on it. Now when we go to like a Comfort Inn or something like that, I'm gonna. I go.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You what?

[Stage Foley]

I go to get to toast. Those people are animals, though.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm at an Aldi.

[Stage Foley]

You're at an Aldi?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Aldi's doing fresh baked goods over there. Yeah, I see. I don't like.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're such. They're such big bakery people that they're everywhere.

[Stage Foley]

I don't like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

Because they don't do that over here. There's no bakery section at Aldi. I don't Think or anybody behind the counter.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, why don't you go to Willow Grove and launch some nukes?

[Stage Foley]

They give us the half shit over here. Yeah, that's like when we sell F16s to Egypt. We don't give them the shoot down, look down radar.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We just give them the Deltas. Paint over. Paint over the Delta diamond. Hey, good luck with this.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. What are you doing over there? You're gonna get. I'd go right to the embassy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I caught some.

[Stage Foley]

Show my military id. It's an old picture.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Alison. I don't know my name, but I know I can eat 16 pretzels in 5 minutes.

[Stage Foley]

Got any babka? Yeah. What are you doing?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Causing trouble?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I. Listen, these are efficient people. Now you're on their side a little bit. You fucking train. You're selling me out? Fucking double agent, me? You sold me out for secrets. What?

[Stage Foley]

It was something stupid. It would have been a major sidetrack and dumb. And I could hear everybody being like, shut up. So checking myself.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's great, thank you. Now I kind of want to know what it was.

[Stage Foley]

I don't know who the East Germans were. Were they Russians or were they Germans? Like who was running a ship? Who were the bad guys in East Germany? Who was the East German government? It was Russians. Right. But they wore like Nazi uniforms.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know they were Germans. No.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, but.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, but it were, I guess Russian. Because it was Mr. Gorbachev take down that wall.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. What happened to those guys?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You mean?

[Stage Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Didn't Tom Hanks get him in Bridge of Spies?

[Stage Foley]

No, he got over. Well, he got the kid back, but. Yeah, that guy, that old man played him like a fiddle. Probably back and told him everything. That guy was smooth though. Well deserving of the Academy award.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who were the East Germans?

[Luke]

They were Germans, but they were run by Russia.

[Stage Foley]

Gotcha.

[Luke]

And there was a puppet government over there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's what I need to set up here. I like government.

[Stage Foley]

I like that. Yeah, puppet regime. That's how you gotta operate. Maybe I'm doing it right now. Nobody knows.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't think you are.

[Stage Foley]

No. Give me a soft pretzel.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But they do something. My wife is telling me they put. Anyway, listen, what do they.

[Stage Foley]

What were your options?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like one of those like bag gloves? Yeah, you know what I mean? That's like a looser hair dye, I guess. Yeah, it's a touch of gray right there. Sure, I guess. I've never dyed my hair. I got good genetics.

[Stage Foley]

I don't dye my hair.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

I don't dye my hair.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Your facial hair?

[Stage Foley]

No. It's crazy, rude, insulting.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We'll be right back.

[Stage Foley]

I might have touched up a little bit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So you lied. You just lied.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't lie.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's real puppet regime stuff I like.

[Stage Foley]

That's how we do it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Maybe. I was at Lee's Hoagie House. I've never been to a Slack's Hoagie Shack. How good of a name is that? Slack's Hoagie Shack?

[Stage Foley]

Please. All the way. I like pudges myself. Pudges. I'm a goddamn pudge's man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Anywho. All right, listen. They put like a baking soda on the outside so the outside's crunchy. Not crunchy, but has alkaline lye. Alkaline lie. What the fake.

[Luke]

Yeah, it's baking soda.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really?

[Stage Foley]

I thought lye was bad. I thought lye is what you use to get rid of a body.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's what you do to get out of a sticky situation. That's what you compulsively do. Ayden.

[Stage Foley]

Wait. They crisp it up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

So is that what you were getting was a soft pretzel?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got three of them and they had this little Elios banger. It wasn't in it. My wife was like, no one eats that stuff.

[Stage Foley]

I know. Like a cold pizza.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. It looked exactly like Elio's.

[Stage Foley]

I'm with you on that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And I was with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crush that thing. It was pretty good. Pretty good.

[Stage Foley]

Well, were you catching looks for grabbing raw dog? Yeah, but they didn't have tongs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They did. I could have tongued. I could have loose gloves it you got a tong. But there wasn't that many left. It was later in the day. Hey, listen. I am what I am. And if you're out there and you're just grabbing your thing, go for it. If there's something on your hand that will jump off your hand onto something,

[Stage Foley]

that's what they're worried about.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's going to happen with the tongue. Anyway, they got. Don't act like your knuckles aren't. Aren't. You're looking in there with a tongue. You spend a lot of time in there. That's sweat, that's hair. That. Skin cells. I'm in and out. If you're in there, like the crane game, picking them up and dropping them. No way, Jose. Okay, Just roll dog it. If you're being courteous and the wife

[Stage Foley]

bust your chops about it a little bit. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It is what it is. I am what I AM so you're in a supermarket.

[Stage Foley]

You get three soft pretzels and you're eating that right then.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And the piece of pizza, were you

[Stage Foley]

shot any shopping or did you go in there to get this?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I shop it. I knew I was getting that, but I also got some now to eat

[Stage Foley]

this while you're walking around.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, I don't. That's. That's just because I don't speak the language. I don't want someone to yell at me and then mean not be able to get out of a situation. Have to call my wife.

[Stage Foley]

Kim. Let's talk about DraftKings. Gangs Fight Night is here and only DraftKings has you fully covered. DraftKings sports app is now available in all 50 states, including all markets. You're in on the excitement at the speed of sports sweat. Every round of the card all in one place with one app.

[Kevin James Ryan]

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[Stage Foley]

Yeah, Kemp is talking about Rocket Money now. What do we got about rocket. What do you know about Rocket Money, huh? It's time saver, huh? Time saver. You got unwanted subscriptions, you go over there, you cancel.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Maybe.

[Stage Foley]

Easy for you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How? Boom.

[Stage Foley]

All right, we all know about the surprise charge story, okay? All of a sudden, bang. You got something out of your checking and you're like, what the heck is even that? I know to quote my good friend Kevin James Ryan. Sure to quote a guy from the Internet, but still, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Rocket Money finds those Subscriptions canceled them so they don't keep charging it. So do yourself a favor, get over there and get on that rocket Money train, baby, and start saving money today.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, you get an I got an email today from them. Hey, we noticed a large transaction. Large transaction detected. It was me paying my bill. That was too high. But they give you the heads up so you don't get bamboozled.

[Stage Foley]

They look out for you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, this is coming up. What the heck? Get eyes on it. Sure, that's all they're saying. Get eyes on. They got your back. When you're using all the features, Rocket Money can track subscription as the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app with just a few taps, saving users over $880 million in canceled subscriptions. How you friggin done? It consolidates your checking, savings, loans and investments on the one single dashboard, which I have done. And it gives you a fantastic overview of everything you got cooking. Because I'm bad with this kind of stuff. It puts it all in one place for you. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending like I just showed you and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com Garbage that's RocketMoney.com Garbage One more time RocketMoney.com Garbage do it.

[Stage Foley]

Do it. I don't know what the German police situation would be like. Those guys seem cool or no?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? No, they seem cool. I don't know if you know anything about Germans, but they're not real loosey goosey.

[Stage Foley]

Those guys walk around with guns. They got guns.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Assault rifles. They got heavy bikes. Yeah, that was a cool thing in France they had fucking bangers. Yeah, it's the same weird Swiss looking guns.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now as an operator, did you go up, did you have to tell them you're operating in their backyard? I see you got the XR915 there.

[Stage Foley]

No, but I did, I did talk.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You ever been to Lee Yogi?

[Stage Foley]

I did talk to a mutual friend of ours, bodyguard at an event we were at month ago and he had the, you know, I knew he was holding and I was like what do you got in there, Glock or I said, I said Tech9 came off slightly racist. But we moved on from the conversation. He's like, now I got a Glock

[Kevin James Ryan]

which I don't know also I don't

[Stage Foley]

know what any of that is.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't think there's a body. But you know what a tech 9 is.

[Stage Foley]

I thought it was that gun that they use in LA a lot.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know what that is, but, like. Yeah, I don't think a bodyguard's rolling around with a Tec 9.

[Stage Foley]

It's like a little.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's a machine, but they're not in The Yakuza. Yeah. Tech 9's like. Like a submachine gun, isn't it?

[Luke]

It's like a gang gun.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, that's what I. That's what I mean.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like, the streets, we had no bodyguards allowed to carry a street sweeper on them. Spray the block, dude. What?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, he's like, nah, I got a clock.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also, there's nobody you want to impress

[Stage Foley]

more than the bodyguard and a black dude. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So the. For sure a cool blackjack bodyguard. I'm sorry. You were slipping out of your seat.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. So, man, how you doing?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's up, bro? You on the job?

[Stage Foley]

No, I don't say it like that. What do you got in there? You were with me, first of all,

[Kevin James Ryan]

but you didn't know. That's what even the body. I had to tell you. That's what. That's what bodyguards do.

[Stage Foley]

So you claim lipstick and stuff.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. You claim, you know, body and you're an operator.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't say I was an operator. Said I looked like an operator in my picture when I had my father's military ID to get on the base to go to the Navy Exchange to pick up booze for a Christmas party and hot dogs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're an American Year. Holy shit.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be overseas with that picture, I'll tell you that. They would have brought me in if I was in the Middle east with that picture. They would have brought me in because I look like I work for the company,

[Kevin James Ryan]

so. We understand. You've eaten all the hummus.

[Stage Foley]

It wasn't for everybody.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm on holiday. All right, listen. All right, that's neither. Here, let me. I don't. I don't think it's that crazy that my. The. The hand in the thing, if you're just grabbing one, it's trash. It's not classy, but you know, it is trash.

[Stage Foley]

Use the tongs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I understand. All that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hand, guys. As you know, when you join the old Patreon A, we'll answer your garbage question on the.

[Stage Foley]

Yes, we will.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This one is from Aiden. $10 investor. Shout out to you.

[Stage Foley]

I love that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Love what?

[Stage Foley]

It's a good name. Aiden. I've been Aiden in my family. Shout out to him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. Are you garbage? If you and your family would eat at our local bowling alley restaurant, but not go bowling, that's a tough look. But that's smaller town stuff where that's kind of the hub. A lot of times they have a pretty solid bar. Restaurant. If it's a snack bar, you can't do that.

[Stage Foley]

Bowling alley in Bluebell. In our town, they got a restaurant that. I don't know how they don't have a Michelin star. They got a fucking roast beef plate that'll fucking blow your socks off.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Doing the roast beef plate at a bowling alley.

[Stage Foley]

So good. Mashed taters, gravy, the whole. The works.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is it a restaurant or a food? Like a restaurant?

[Stage Foley]

It's like a. It's like a restaurant bar. They add it on. Yeah, we go in there and eat all the time.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's good. That's all right. Trash. Is it ever its own entrance? Yeah, that's fine.

[Stage Foley]

You gotta go through the back, climb out through an alley, a lane.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Thank you for your service. Yeah, I think that's okay. I mean it like, you know, that adds big time. Yeah, that is. That might as well be a Buffalo Wild Wings or something. Or a freaking Cheesecake Factory.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, I'm with it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's all right.

[Stage Foley]

I'd say it's trash, but it's awesome.

[Kevin James Ryan]

100% not classy, but you do you. This one's from Sean K. $10, homie. Long time. Never have one red. Will you open a bag of chips with the label upside down? It's the exact same, but it feels wrong. Whoa.

[Stage Foley]

Will you open up a bag of chip? Like. What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Why?

[Stage Foley]

That's anarchist shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I would argue it's not the same.

[Stage Foley]

That would. My father would fucking freak out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

What the fuck is this? I remember. I fuck up the milk carton. He'd freak out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, I would put. I couldn't get it sometimes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You couldn't get it. Goddamn glue was too tight.

[Stage Foley]

My little.

[Kevin James Ryan]

My little fat child fingers didn't have the dexterity to open.

[Stage Foley]

Pop the carton. Yeah. Fucking. You go full in.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then you were like, real loose. There would be like a real, like, thin lip on it. Bad.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, that. Why would you do something like. That's a dickhead move with the seasoning.

[Luke]

Be better.

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, this is the thing. This. All the small bits and everything does settle at the bottom. So that would. Then.

[Stage Foley]

So if you turn it upside down, it's all Going to go to the other side.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, but it would fall through and catch. It'd be denser, seasoned one. Well, this is one. This is one theory. Like string theory.

[Stage Foley]

Hmm, that's right. Interesting.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All the flavor crystals. Then it, like, remarinates, which.

[Stage Foley]

My biggest thing is the bottom of the cereal box. Would the same method still apply because of all that? If all that Lucky Charms dust would fall through and magically coat everything I could get on board with.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We'll have to run some experiments. Let's get Diesel.

[Stage Foley]

We might. I love the bottom of a cereal box. All that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I hated it.

[Stage Foley]

Why?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Because you don't get. I like a nice crunch and you don't get that. It's too. The ratio for me isn't good.

[Stage Foley]

Coats the milk.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, but I'm not doing it for the milk. I want like a. You don't get the hardiness. The flakes aren't as big, the pebbles aren't as big. Nothing's as good. It's the worst. It's the worst version of it to me.

[Stage Foley]

Interesting.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's the same reason I don't like the fucking broken chips. Y' all want to give me the fucking. You know what I mean? Yeah, but that's just me.

[Stage Foley]

But I tell you what, seeing that bag upside down, if it's a big bag, seeing an upside down bag on the counter, that would really.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That'd bother you.

[Stage Foley]

Mandela effect.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. It doesn't feel right. That and also what I didn't like is you go over someone's house and they're like, oh, hand me the fucking Ruffles. Or whatever. And you go. And they've cut the top of the bag off. Do you ever see that? Hey, that must have been like a 90s thing.

[Stage Foley]

Crazy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They trim, I go.

[Stage Foley]

And they hit it with a clip.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

What was the idea behind it?

[Stage Foley]

Being dicks?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

I think just like mom with nothing to do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Orderly kind of ocdness.

[Stage Foley]

Go take a tennis lesson, honey.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Trim it off. And then they would do a fold. It looked better.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like it didn't feel right.

[Stage Foley]

Did you know anybody that put that shit in Tupperware?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

Like in sitcoms.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think my sister might do that a little. Or no, I don't think so.

[Stage Foley]

Like the pitcher of orange juice in the fridge, like on Family Ties.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? Yeah, I mean, we had the plastic pitcher from Concentrate.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, of course.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. But not with the clear pitcher. That.

[Stage Foley]

The frozen orange juice.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

I still love that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No way.

[Stage Foley]

I get in there, my mom. What the fuck?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who does that?

[Stage Foley]

In there. Lemonade was great, too. It's like the bottom of a water ice. Solid.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Such a fat ass, dude. Like a bottom of a water ice.

[Stage Foley]

You never ate concentrated lemonade?

[Kevin James Ryan]

They never had that shit.

[Luke]

I mean, dude, Crystal light was so big, though. But not the concentrate like that.

[Stage Foley]

Crystal light was a powder.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, no, he's talking about. You used to buy a frozen. It used to come in a frozen bread.

[Luke]

I did that with limeade.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, limeade.

[Luke]

My dad fucked with limeade.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know what was real fancy?

[Stage Foley]

I'm big in the limeade now. I really am. The Outshine lime bars, they're delicious. But you had that as.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's not limeade. That's a fancy fucking ice pop.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, you had limeade as a kid?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

I was like. You weren't allowed to touch that. It's like adult stuff to me. Like, that's like A one sauce. It's like, only for adults.

[Stage Foley]

Really? You had things in the fridge you weren't allowed to have?

[Luke]

No, I was allowed to. I was just like, this is gross.

[Stage Foley]

I used to hate parents like that. Don't touch my dad's root beer or something like that. Fuck him. He's at work. I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're there eating all this fucking snacks. You dick.

[Stage Foley]

What the fuck? Yeah, I'm a. I'm a fucking guest. I can't eat his Oreos or whatever he has.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I think that's fair.

[Stage Foley]

No, fuck that. It's for everybody. My dad never did that shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's never had anything good.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, we did.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Help yourself to the croutons. Help yourself to the stale croutons and the hafa. Fucking limeade.

[Luke]

Don't touch the bottom of the cereal box.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I have a test in the morning.

[Stage Foley]

I need to show.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I gotta have a good breakfast on a test day. Like, give me the pancakes and shut up. Sleeping.

[Stage Foley]

Something that knocked me out on the bus.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. No, I don't. We're not. We were never. We were like barely a chip clip family. Mostly clothespin still. I think Denise still rocks that. Love a close closed pin.

[Stage Foley]

We did a chip clip in the cotton. Come on. That's ain't no retentive shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. That was never ocd. Didn't feel right.

[Stage Foley]

No. Half a bag. Something was missing. I want to stick my hand down.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, you got to go digging a little bit.

[Luke]

I might have asked you guys this before. What was the breakfast before school?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mine was if my dad was driving me because I lived out of the bus thing, so he would have to dropped me off every day. We stopped at Wawa and it was. It was just bagel. It was a bagel with butter and a Wawa iced tea until. Or orange juice until the sizzly dropped. And then when the sizzly dropped, I would do a sizzly every day. So that was Thursday. Friday I would do a sizzly. Yeah, Tuesday. Wednesday was my mom is whatever. Cereal toast. Maybe she was out, depending on what she was working. If she was up, maybe an egg sandwich, a screwdriver, maybe a mudslide.

[Stage Foley]

The blender was still going.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was another thing that was like real rich or like fancy shit. Was the frozen margarita like that limeade? Yeah, they used to sell those in a bucket. It was the bucket. The bucket.

[Stage Foley]

We got hot at that for a minute.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The bucket was one thing, but they had the frozen like concentrate thing that you would dump that in. Maybe we. I felt like there was alcohol, maybe there wasn't. But you would get that at the liquor store. And that blew my mind. I'm like, oh, things going well, you got the pre frozen, John.

[Stage Foley]

The Chi Chi's pre frozen?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, it might have been. Yeah, something. The bucket was Chi Chi's, right? Yeah. Is Chi Chi still banging or not?

[Stage Foley]

A couple locations. Not like slacks, but they're still hanging in there. Mine was apples and cinnamon instant oatmeal in the winter. And in the peak season it was Honey Nut Cheerios or off brand frosted Flakes.

[Luke]

You ever do dinosaur eggs? The oatmeal.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What the fuck is that, Luke?

[Stage Foley]

I was like 30 when that shit dropped.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But you know what I'm talking about.

[Stage Foley]

I did. That shit was. I hated that I didn't start a

[Kevin James Ryan]

shift at Bear Burger without my dino eggs.

[Stage Foley]

And I hated the swirl too. When I started swirling in the. Oh, oatmeal. Get the fuck out of here with that crap. Quaker Oats variety pack, Instant apple cinnamon, fucking two Pags bang. Hot water, bang.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That hit you at a certain time. Or like, if I may, but just was my worldview too. But in the 90s it was shy cereals. So like, I remember my sister probably trying to lose weight. That and the rice cake. She was eating. Those rice cakes.

[Stage Foley]

Rice cakes, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Getting home and just finding those things. I might as well been eating Styrofoam.

[Stage Foley]

They tried to sell them six different ways to put peanut butter. I don't care how much peanut butter you got. Those things blew.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I didn't. I remember muscling through like half of one pissed cursing my whole family at home. By myself. I was just trying to hotwire the car to drive the wall off.

[Stage Foley]

I remember every once in a while, if I was jammed up, I'd break a couple of them up into a bowl of milk and put a little sugar on there because they were like Puffs. They were like.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're corn Sugar crisp.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Not Corn Pops or whatever.

[Luke]

Like Rice Krispies almost.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, we got puffs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Hey, listen, we understand. Would you say yes? Just yes, and then just shut the up. Why are you doing it? No, no, no, no. Not like that. Like this specific thing.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, Corn Pops. You're reaching.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Whatever. We know what.

[Stage Foley]

First of all, they're rice. You don't remember puffs? Straight puffs?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, not really.

[Stage Foley]

They look like willows.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This guy's a horn dog.

[Stage Foley]

We do a Cream of Wheat every once in a while, too. If my dad was up, he'd make us an old school Cream of Wheat. He'd put like a pat of butter on that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Brutal.

[Stage Foley]

Adding a little pepper, like, Jesus Christ,

[Kevin James Ryan]

dump a clip in.

[Stage Foley]

I like grape nuts, too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You sound autistic. I like grape nuts, not corn pops. Cereal brain.

[Stage Foley]

Never eggs, though.

[Kevin James Ryan]

On a weekday, we would be a rarity. It'd be like, somebody's dead. If she was up. Yeah. And it would be time. I don't think I was. I don't think in high school would

[Stage Foley]

she go back to bed when you guys went to school?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I didn't really go to school with the others. She would take them to school. I remember being left home way too early. She'd be like, you'll be okay. I remember being like, I don't know. This feels.

[Stage Foley]

The fridge is locked. Just so you know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She would leave the stove on, the oven on in the morning, but I remember being there by myself. I don't know what to do, though. She had the timer that went off. Remember the old timer? You would like crank that went off. It scared the bejeebus out of me. And I didn't know how to turn it off. And I never touched the stove or the oven before. And in my. I remember being so cold in my head, if I turn it, the whole house was gonna blow up. So I just sat there for like 15 minutes with the alarm going off, freaking out.

[Stage Foley]

Cool kid.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. No, but that would be like. I don't even remember when that would have been, but mostly, yeah. Cereal. Maybe a Lender's bagel or something she had do that she was never big on. She does. Because she does make a hell of a hell of A pork roll, egg and cheese though, like the most.

[Stage Foley]

Not getting that on a Wednesday though.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, I think she would do an egg because that's also a thing when you grow up, you realize you can fry an egg in like 90 seconds.

[Stage Foley]

When microwave eggs started to get popular, Patty would try to fucking float that out to us. That was. Didn't work.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Diabolic. That's, that's like sacrilegious to me.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, it's more like the Bay Bunch of greenheads on me. That shit can't be. I like to tell the good folks about Warby Parker.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Wabby baggage.

[Stage Foley]

As you know, I'm a glasses wearer.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

I'm a contact owner, man, and an amateur tattoo artist.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Stage Foley]

Warby Parker has literally changed the game for me. Because listen, I'm a normal guy, you know, I go over to the, you know, the contacting lenses place by the mall, whatever.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Can I have glaciers please?

[Stage Foley]

I got a certain budget. I go in there, I walk out looking like a seventh grade math teacher, you know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey Mr. Foley, you got a wedgie?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, I get that kind of stuff. Werby Parker, man, they got the high end fashions, they got the designs, they got, they're durable, they're reliable. You can go over and you can try them on virtually right at the website. You try them on your face. My fat face in there trying on nice glasses.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

So do yourself a favor, man, if you're in the glass contact market, get over to Warby Parker, get yourself straightened out, look good, pay less, show off face throw, be cool.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Bam. Warby Parker is now a one stop shop. You get eye exams, glasses, contact sunglasses and you don't have to piece it together anymore.

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And they have over 300 retail stores across, across the United States. Warby Parker has distributed over 20 million pairs of glasses to people in need through its buy a pair, give a pair program. For every pair they sell, they also give a pair to someone else in need. Right now buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional [e-mail] garbage. That's 20% off any additional pairs when you purchase one pair at warbyparker.com garbage oh yeah. Now back to the show.

[Stage Foley]

Back to the show, Kim. Let's talk about progressive.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Shout out to progressive.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, that's right, baby. You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact. You might not know it yet, but drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average. Talking about $900 you're saving. Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12 month saving of $946 by new customers surveyed who save with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary. All right, let's see here. This one's from Upper Decker. First time. Question, answer. Is it garbage to put your car in park at a drive through or a red light? I don't like that stuff.

[Stage Foley]

No, I think it is 100%.

[Kevin James Ryan]

100% it is.

[Stage Foley]

What? Yeah, if you're jammed up, not dry, at a red light. I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you mean jammed up?

[Stage Foley]

If the line's long. I can see that. Throw it in park so you can chill. You don't got to keep your foot on a break. Yeah. I respect that move.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't. Huh? It's yiki. I mean like, how long is it you got to be somewhat checked in? I don't know that like, I guess in for how my brain where I'm like, check that. I might as well get out of the car and fucking take a walk.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, I like that. Feel comfortable.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I don't think you should. I. I'm also. There was no comfort.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't Uber.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I come from like. You're never comfortable. Yeah. Uber drivers do it a lot. I guess because they probably working her Achilles so much.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Drives me nuts sometimes. See, not that those guys, they're stingy with the ac. It's like, dude, then you crack a window, it's off and get both.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We've talked about this. Yeah. Yeah. It's like not. I get that. It's, you know.

[Stage Foley]

Dickhead move.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

On my part.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure.

[Stage Foley]

Which I can admit. Jerk off. Bit of a jerk off.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This one's great. It's from Exfoliator.

[Stage Foley]

Nice.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You ever put on whole cans. That's a home run. I have and I don't know why. They're so fun.

[Stage Foley]

I never got my hands on them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really.

[Stage Foley]

No pun intended. Yeah, it was past that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, so was I. I wasn't like.

[Stage Foley]

I think one of the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I. I caught like my nephew had them.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. And they had one jerking off with it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hulk smash.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, those things are pretty sweet.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, that was all right. That and wasn't there one Sports used to do? Not the foam finger. I felt like there was something else.

[Stage Foley]

Sports?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, like. Like you go to, like, a hockey game or something. There was some sort of like a mitt.

[Stage Foley]

Talking about the styrofoam cowboy hat. Those are sweet.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now, Pat had one of those from the Philadelphia Phantoms. Man, you couldn't tell us shit when

[Stage Foley]

he got his hands flopped up and down. I never got a foam finger. You ever get a foam finger? I always wanted one. Never got one.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I. I don't think so.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, that was. That was rich kid shit. Never got that. We also never got any of the toys out of the shopping cart that you would see at parades.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know, people go, oh, we would get. I'd get one of them. Yeah, we'd go to the. Go to the Thanksgiving Day parade.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, no, I'd get some. I get some candy that the firemen threw out, pick it up on. Off the street like a dirt bag. Fucking hand it to you. Throwing candy at me like I'm a fucking asshole. It was always shitty candy, too, but you did it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

You know, heroes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think my. Yeah, sure. I think my dad liked buying. I like. I think my dad like, flexing his street smarts by buying off those guys. He was very much. Like. We would buy tickets out front of the place. You know what I mean?

[Stage Foley]

Like, you buy. You buy scalp tickets as a kid.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

My dad would never. My dad was so bad at that stuff.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We would go. Now, my dad, you know, he was good at it. And we liked. Me and Danny loved. We were little scumbags. We love the idea of haggling. Or if we had. Because, like, my dad would get him through work, like a supplier who he bought a lot of fucking fittings from would go, oh, here's four tickets to the whatever. And we'd only have two of us or three of us. We had it. If we had an extra ticket or two, he would scalp it. I would get down there. We would. We would love it.

[Stage Foley]

Wait. He would sell tickets.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He would sell it to the scalper because they go, oh, you buy and sell them. Those people are always buying and selling.

[Stage Foley]

Holy shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And we just. I mean, it was for the love of the game. What do you think we can get the fate. What's. What's. What's. You know, what's face value? Face value is $55. I don't know. It's only an hour before the game. Oh, we loved it. And then that. And it was.

[Luke]

I've never met anyone who sold to this calories. It's like a sitcom thing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That also, too. We would get the money if we were buying down there. Mm. We'd get the money ready. Because you can't say, I can do 100 and then you pull out 200 bucks. You got to go, I got 100. This is all I got. So you had to have it, but

[Stage Foley]

I really had 125. But this fat little bastard's gonna want to Sunday in a little mini baseball.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So that. Yeah, so that was big. That, and if we had a dude, if we get our hands on a parking pass, you couldn't tell us. I went into school the next day bragging. Yeah, 65. I went to the Flyers game on a Tuesday. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Got home late. Didn't do my homework. Man, if I don't have the homework done. Coming back from something like that,

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm all fucked up on pretzel nuggets, dude. I remember one time we sat at the top row of the. At that point, it was the core stage. I remember touching the ceiling. It was me, Vinnie with the skinny, my dad and my brother, we sat

[Stage Foley]

at the top of the Vet. I was petrified. It was like looking down over the Grand Canyon. Just grim death. Just pictured me falling, my dad trying to grab me. And a bad fucking Members Only windbreaker is fucking watching me fall. Crack my head open. It was all hard, that fucking vet. All hard. Stuff was all concrete. Fucking field was concrete.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know. Got a piece of Niecy. Still has a piece. I don't know if it made it through the move. Probably not. Right there.

[Stage Foley]

What, you have a cup holder?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. No, that's from the Link. Oh, that. Because when the Link opened, those cup holders, if you could rip one of them off, that was like a big thing.

[Stage Foley]

Classic American family. Watch. My dad beat up this scalper.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That and tipping somebody. Me and Danny, we went to when my dad got married in Vegas. That was like a master class on how to tip a great dude. Gracing the valet guy. Here you go. Me and Danny would do it. I'd be. He'd be like 8 and 12.

[Stage Foley]

Keep it up front.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Greasing the guy.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you tip a bellhop? What do you tip a guy? Yeah, all that kind of stuff.

[Stage Foley]

What do you leave a hooker? Give her a 25 chip. That's it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Crazy. I love that, though. Hey, we were big. Just learning the street smarts. Sure was big to us. That's why when, you know, you buy off that guy. Not that. That guy's. Like, you know. Yeah. Losers. It's pure. Pure bozos. This one's just funny. This is from Johnny, Johnny Bus to you. If read. This will be my second, but. Are you garbage if you yell out do a backflip a lot? I guess if you're in a position to yell out do a backflip, you're probably not at a pool anywhere. Do a backflip. I don't know. But it's also just the energy of, like, fucking ball increasing the vibes. You know what I mean? Just like, take it to the extreme. Do a backflip. You do a backflip.

[Stage Foley]

Would you get involved in a wave? A wave goes around at the. What, a game?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Do a wave.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Never started. Never try to start it.

[Stage Foley]

You can't start a wave.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No wave.

[Stage Foley]

You couldn't get him going.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not the coolest guy in the world. No. Never. That was not.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

My dad didn't partake in that. That was like, you know, cool guy like that. You can't.

[Stage Foley]

Too busy robbing the usher.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's not gonna like that. Let's see here. This one's from Seal Team 46 Waste. That's a great name.

[Stage Foley]

Is there anybody funnier than the bozos and the homies?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

The best.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are you garbage. If after the waiter reads the specials to you, you ask how much they are, you can't do that. Sometimes they'll go. They'll give it to you. That's 44.99 for 44.95. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

I have one. And how much is that? You can hit. How much is that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Has it got to be right after.

[Stage Foley]

Right after.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like, they can't get to the next one.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And how much is that?

[Stage Foley]

How much?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, that sounds great. How much is that? That's not bad.

[Stage Foley]

You still got.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got a five for this line. I'm street smart.

[Stage Foley]

You like the Phillies at all?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got two words for you. Parking. Dude. The price.

[Stage Foley]

How much is it now?

[Kevin James Ryan]

The price of parking? We would have discussions about discussion. By the time you get out of there. Parking.

[Stage Foley]

You gotta wait in that line like a dickhead.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was crazy.

[Stage Foley]

What the fuck is wrong with. Dad's in parking, Dude.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We would try to talk today. Any discount? Not any discount, but try to try to show them we're one of the. You were one of the guys.

[Stage Foley]

How was it in there tonight, huh? Keep it moving, Tim.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Working.

[Stage Foley]

I greased one of the guys at the airport one time.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's a pilot.

[Stage Foley]

Keep it up in the air, huh, big guy? Some waiting for me on the other

[Kevin James Ryan]

end of this thing.

[Stage Foley]

I gotta make it that one piece. You know what I'm saying, chief? Keep your foot on the gas.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's 20. And if you shave off a couple of minutes trying to take this brother trashing up there, trying to take this brother the cheesecake Factory before they close.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, the other end of this thing is so good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

A piece of pussy on the other

[Stage Foley]

end of this thing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's nothing, for some reason more disrespectful to me than a piece of. So stick to some degree, so demeaning.

[Stage Foley]

Scumbag.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, God.

[Stage Foley]

Why?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know why. As. As kids we were. I mean, I really grew up working with a small business owner. Cuz, like, the whole time you're in the car, he's working. It's like, you know, you're. I remember talking about work. It was always like, traffic, parking, how much things cost, an arm and a leg. And like, as. As things were going good, the conversations were great. But as it got harder and harder, you know what I mean?

[Stage Foley]

First time I heard my dad. Ah, you give me a fucking ass on that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? I remember. I remember I told him my buddy was having a kid. We were like, 19. Shout out my. Shout out my boy deli. He goes, gee, ah, it's a shame. I went, what? Like, he was the only part. Like, I told like, my mom, Ryan's having a kid. Wow.

[Stage Foley]

All right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Young, but, you know, it's hard as a heart. Things weren't going great. He hit me with a. It's hard enough carving out a living in this life without having that. I was like, okay, how old was Deli?

[Stage Foley]

19. That's an old soul right there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, my dad said that. Oh, your dad said that.

[Stage Foley]

I thought he said that about one of your other buddies.

[Kevin James Ryan]

My. My boy Deli is having a baby.

[Stage Foley]

My dad said that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's hard enough, Carmine. On a living in this life.

[Stage Foley]

He looks you up and down. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, God. I told you. For the big crane lifts. He used to take us out of school to go watch them. That was like, you couldn't tell me he'd pick us up early if they were doing, like, a big crane putting, like, units on a building?

[Stage Foley]

That place you were working on.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I wasn't, but, yeah, I was in third grade.

[Stage Foley]

No, your dad was working. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I got a big crane left, and we would, like, beg them to go.

[Stage Foley]

So you've been. Been to a building explosion?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

That's real trashy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. No, I would love to There was one. They were going to blow up the spectrum, I think. Me. We were talking about this. Me and Pat were going to go. That was. Me and Pat were bigger than that. Like, kind of going to the one off kind of things that you can tailgate, kinda.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, you got nothing else, dirt bags? Sure, sure.

[Stage Foley]

Scumbags.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, fair enough. I don't know why you're. This one's from Tenelo. Shout out to Nello.

[Stage Foley]

Shout out to Tenelo. Hey, buddy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Still a 20, homie.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, love you. And the Mrs. Chat to the Mrs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do you own a deck of cards? Missing any cards? That was. I mean, in the 90s, you can speak for the 80s. To have a full deck of cards. If it wasn't in the box or had a rubber band around it, you were really rolling the dice on whether or not that was going to be full.

[Stage Foley]

You know what we thought was the coolest shit when we got them? I think I know the fucking cards in the casino with the hole. With the hole in the center from the casino gameplay that might as well have been a Super bowl football. Which. Where do you get them?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think you buy them there.

[Stage Foley]

No, I thought they were.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do you. Do you remember that?

[Luke]

No. Why do they need the hole in the center?

[Kevin James Ryan]

So after cards can only be played with, you know, at a casino a certain amount of times before they start getting wear and tear and people make marks to go, oh, I know that's an ace. I know it's a queen. Whatever. So after I'm making this up, 50 hands or whatever a day, two days, five days of play. They retire them, then they resell them. But to make sure you can buy the Tropicana cards and go into the Tropicana and try to work in Tropicana cards to an existing deck, they poke a big hole through the middle. Not a big hole, a hole through the middle.

[Stage Foley]

There's like a hole punch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. And they would then sell them and I don't know what. Maybe it was. See. See if you can find anything. Maybe it was because our proximity to Atlantic City.

[Stage Foley]

Maybe they're like.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They sold them on the boardwalk.

[Stage Foley]

That was the coolest shit ever. You get that? You had it from the casino, you know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fucking sick. I don't know. Yeah, I never. I. They were always just ever present in

[Stage Foley]

my childhood or when somebody would come back with a poker chip from the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

From my Uncle Mike, who worked. Michael's dad worked as a bellhop at Trump. One of them. And he gave me a dollar and I Remember being like wow. The see I thought I was in Ocean's Eleven. I was 18 at the time.

[Luke]

It's gotta be big for like gambling areas like Vegas. Like it's all coming up like Vegas and AC stuff.

[Stage Foley]

Sick.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. That was huge.

[Stage Foley]

I haven't thought about that in forever.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was really cool. Big that and if you would count the cards and if one was missing if you got to like you're like oh there's 52 or there's 51 you'd have to go through and then find out what was missing. And maybe you're lucky you had a joker or something you can write on. This is the four of diamonds or whatever.

[Stage Foley]

Nobody uses the joker in anything, right? Jokers don't use the casino games.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not that I know of. No H, I don't think so.

[Stage Foley]

The they doing in there then?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think we talked about this. It's probably just for Batman. Yikes.

[Stage Foley]

Otherwise a joker. Look a real pulling out a queen of diamonds.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I see myself out.

[Stage Foley]

Punch a hole in that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'll find the door.

[Luke]

It's used in like non casino games.

[Stage Foley]

Rum Jimmy, Rum Jimmy to school around Jimmy.

[Luke]

Rum Jimmy War spades, crazy eights.

[Stage Foley]

Sounds like a fog hat song. Rum Jimmy what got that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Deuces, aces, one eyed faces. That's okay. Let's see here. This one's from Foley's DXL rep. Shout out to you. 10 homie never had one red. Is it garbage to take pictures of a street or business that has your name on it? Man. Do you know how many Sullivan bags have gone over?

[Stage Foley]

And look, we're in front of gone over to.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I did it. Sure I did it and sent it to my mom. The first time I went to Frankfurt, Germany, there's an o' Sullivan's and I made Nadine take a picture of me standing in front of it. And I sent it to my family thinking you could see me now.

[Stage Foley]

Christmas cards. Remember in Ireland it was was. It was a Foley and a Riley's right next to each other. I sent that to my cousin. I was gonna. I forgot to take the picture but I told him about. I told him about it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Same thing.

[Stage Foley]

Foley's right next to Riley's.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's cool.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Then we got all up somewhere and I forgot to do it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure. Drinking, it's bad for you.

[Stage Foley]

No, no. Bad news. No.

[Luke]

Yeah, I made my mom pull over on Luke Lane.

[Stage Foley]

Take a pig.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's a Kevin Ryan running for something that I'm getting a bunch of people.

[Stage Foley]

Really?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. See, I think Kevin Ryan. It might be Chicago, because there's a. There's a famous Daniel Ryan from out there. That's like one of the name of the highways. Like Daniel Ryan way. Yeah. Copper. A mayor or something.

[Stage Foley]

Chicago politics. Look at you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then dirty, dirty business. Kevin Ryan running for some. Everybody people have been sending to. I just forget what it is.

[Luke]

Famous CT rep named Kevin Ryan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Connecticut.

[Luke]

Connecticut.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, who says that? I think a ct. I think of a cat from Connecticut. I think of a CAT scan. I hear ct. CT scan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not good.

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This is from Roy Munson. You've ever ordered a beer at a Denny's? I haven't.

[Stage Foley]

I don't know. You could.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. I would assume that, like all those I've. We were never big on those. It would be ihop. And that was when I started hanging out with my friends. Like, we would go as like a group of friends, but we always went to, like, proper individual diners for that.

[Stage Foley]

We were Denny's in college. Big on the sampler. Big. Knew their way around a chicken finger and a tasty, tasty, tasty honey mustard dipping sauce.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. I wish I. I never. Those places were never around. And if they were, they were always just like. Also right next to, like a diner.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So we would just. I mean, we got. In high school, in college, we got big into getting up and then not wanting the night to end and be

[Stage Foley]

like, let's go to the diner.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Somebody to drive you.

[Stage Foley]

Not a diner. In New York, I used to like getting a cocktail from.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was like, that's a good.

[Stage Foley]

They would. Nobody orders them there. You'd get. They pour half a bottle of gin in there. Yeah. Get up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I remember one time drinking a lot of beers at a diner. I remember at one time, I think it might have been me and you at Orion on 23rd and second drinking a bunch of beer. I forget who it was. I remember. I think KCB was there. And at some point they were just like, we're out of that.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, we switched. I remember that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. They just started giving us. They were like, you drank us out of whatever the we were drinking. They just started giving you, like saying,

[Stage Foley]

you got a hoe garden in front of you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, they got a. You're drinking a Christmas ale in all August. But those are good. I loved that. Wherever. And this just comes from a dirt bag family. Wherever you can get a beer where you don't expect to have a beer to us is like, we're like the kind of people you're walking around and you see someone with a beer, you go, oh, where'd you get that beer? Like that's like you found. Oh, we get. Oh, it's not. It's this. This doesn't suck anymore. They got beers.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, beers.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Go have a. It's all right. Have a couple drinks. That's like as. That would. That can change the day for us for sure. Couple beers. You go to actually have beers now. Like on Wildwood's Boardwalk they serve beers.

[Stage Foley]

And you can walk around the boardwalk

[Kevin James Ryan]

with a beer night. I think on the pier you can. On Maury's. I only know more is Morey's a Mariner's Pier. But I believe. I would assume it's both. It's the same fucking company. But that used to be like a no, no fly thing. And then they kind of started open up and you can. Yeah, they put in a place like oven. You will walk around the rides with a beer, which is. I mean, I would have been a different. We would have been a different family if that was allowed in the 90s, you know what I mean? My dad could have a couple Michelobs. Watch the kids on the. You know, I was always like, let's wrap it up so we can go get beers.

[Stage Foley]

Give it up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This is from Douglas McHenry 10, homie. First time, long time, never had one red. Hey, Dougie, are you garbage? If you nightly put your living room TV on the back deck. Gotta watch the baseball game while grilling and ripping heaters to.

[Stage Foley]

It's a rite of passage for the men in my family, the young men in my family to be the one to take the television that's in my old bedroom and bring it downstairs and hang it on the sun room or whatever, the heater room every May when my mother opens the pool.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But then it lives down there.

[Stage Foley]

Lives down there. That I like all summer.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That. That's.

[Stage Foley]

She uses my cousin Tracy's YouTube account because she don't got YouTube TV. So we can watch the games. And it's outside of the main strength of the WI fi, so it's always a little slow. Tough. Yeah. You should watch the Phils, though.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Slow game.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Watch the film.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're watching ice hockey or something.

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Track that puck on a hot spot. Yeah, we never had the. We were never out back enough to have that.

[Stage Foley]

You weren't out back. That's the one thing that was weird about your. The back of your yard is desolate.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's undeveloped. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Did she ever wanted to slap a pool in there? No slipping fence.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We went down the shore.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, you went down the shore.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Patties.

[Stage Foley]

I was always bugged out on your back porch at your house. Like the always when I was there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're like once, twice, maybe. I'm gonna insinuate having sex with my mother.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't say anything like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's what insinuate means.

[Stage Foley]

No, I didn't insinuate anything.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh.

[Stage Foley]

I just might have been there when you weren't there and she was home. I was leaving in the morning after an egg sandwich.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. No, for sure.

[Stage Foley]

I got that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, when we were younger, it was like a kid's backyard.

[Stage Foley]

I got a swing set, shit like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We had like. I was young. I had like the Fisher Price small. Not jungle gym, little house guy, whatever.

[Stage Foley]

Like the stove and stuff. Did you have that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No. There's like a for thing with like a slide.

[Stage Foley]

Like a little kitchenette.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No. Stop trying to make me to be out to be a homie. A lady.

[Stage Foley]

What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let me see if I can find it. Something like this. Not this, but something like this.

[Stage Foley]

Little changing room.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Something like this. Like a house.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, yeah. That thing was sick.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This. Mine wasn't like that, though. It was more of like a jungle gym. It was a red. There was one side that was green, one side that was blue, one side that was whatever.

[Stage Foley]

I gotcha. We had aluminum.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This. This is exactly what it was.

[Stage Foley]

That little banger right there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That guy. When I was a young kid. Trampoline the dog house. There was a clothesline out there.

[Stage Foley]

Right. I got you. Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But then when we got older. Started drinking. Desolate. Yeah. It was just. No.

[Stage Foley]

Sure. Nothing worse than an empty backyard like that. Something with football. Something.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. We just never spent time. We were. This summer. We were never down ashore. Down ashore.

[Stage Foley]

Gotta go down ashore, get a week. Said maybe. Maybe two was a good year.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

At a hotel. Harbor House. Shout out to it. Ocean City. Go to Schmitty's Clam Bar. Best clam chat I ever have.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Someone's holding on to those memories. He's trying to have that bowl of clam chowder again. And gotta tell you, bud. Mr.

[Stage Foley]

Pop.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Thank you for your service.

[Stage Foley]

Mom. Anybody give me a call. Same number.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Meet at Slacks.

[Stage Foley]

Meet at Slacks. All right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let's see here. This one I don't even know about. This is from Joey Peeps. $10 this lecture. Never have one read how yous Feel About Linden's Chocolate Chip Cookies. What the heck is a Linden chocolate chip cookie?

[Stage Foley]

Kevin Ryan. Oh, my God. You know who grandma's is? You know the grandma cookies? You know, grandma's with the old.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mrs. Fields.

[Stage Foley]

Mrs. Fields. Fuck Mrs. Fields.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, we didn't.

[Stage Foley]

Let me see these things.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, that says Linden's chocolate chip cookies.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, but they're this. They're the bigger ones. They're fantastic.

[Kevin James Ryan]

These the white drawn?

[Stage Foley]

No, you got to get the individual pack and you'll recognize it. They're always there. It's the same thing with a grandma cookie.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. I mean, no, they're little ones. It's a. It's a bigger cookie. It's a regular sized cookie. There's two of them in a pack. They have butterscotch.

[Luke]

Says they got three in a pack.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, large three in a pack. They're from the butterscotch ones now.

[Luke]

Like the gas station cookies.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, the gas station cookie. Those on the right. Those on the right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Where are these?

[Stage Foley]

No, on the right. In the bottom. Right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's here. Here?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, that's what we're talking about.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, that's them.

[Stage Foley]

Okay. Yeah, they're great.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I showed you that picture four times. Great. Whoa.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, it's not butterscotch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Toffee crunch, Butterscotch. I've been watching the towel too much, kid. Fucking butterscotch.

[Stage Foley]

Probably wore it to Chinese in 30 odd years.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Whose car we take it?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, the butterscotch ones. I think it's toffee crunch. Fantastic.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also. That's a huge one. I. We never. I never bought these cookies. I never bought cookies out.

[Stage Foley]

What about the grandma's? You know, the grandma's in the same kind of pack.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The Famous Amos. That was the only. I would never buy. I would never buy cookies out ever.

[Stage Foley]

Not Famous Amos, Grandma's. They do the double chocolate chocolate chocolate chip.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, I got an idea. Ask me again. No, I didn't. I didn't buy cookies out. But I'm not a cookie guy. Never had a chipotle. That's an indicator of how trash you are, of how seriously you took the line from the town. Whose car we taking? I was on Facebook. Memories. Like, the other day, we took it very serious. My buddy wrote it on my wall. Of being like, me and you, babe. Like, we're in it together. Like, we thought that was such an identifier for white trash kids.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

To be like, I'm a. To make kids from the suburbs feel like a badass.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Truly did. Who's got. I got one question for you kids. I going to take the Wawa drunk.

[Stage Foley]

I had boys like that in High school.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? You're in the military.

[Stage Foley]

No, don't say that. No, I'm not. I would never do that. You talking about? All I said in the beginning of this program was that I had a picture on my dependent id, which was a military id, where I looked like I could have been a young CIA operative. I was not. But I would not want to be caught in Jordan with that picture. I'd be in the fucking fingernail factory when I was just there to have a nice vacation. That's all I was saying. I looked the part.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You try to be the part.

[Stage Foley]

I don't try to be the part.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Referred to it as the fingernail factory.

[Stage Foley]

You ever spent a little time there

[Luke]

with your buddies, Ghost and Captain Price?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Who? My buddy's Ghost and Captain Price of

[Luke]

the Call of Duty campaign.

[Stage Foley]

Guys, I've been to the Cheesecake Factory, but never had cheesecake there. Believe that? Never once.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think we got it. We all ate it.

[Stage Foley]

No, we didn't. I didn't go to that. I didn't go to that Cheesecake Factory with you.

[Luke]

You did.

[Stage Foley]

No, I did not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know. Listen.

[Stage Foley]

No, I did not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't remember, nor do I care, but you're taking this very serious.

[Stage Foley]

I didn't go to the Cheesecake Factory.

[Luke]

Chips Ahoy, special edition.

[Stage Foley]

No, you guys went there without me. I didn't go on that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

When?

[Stage Foley]

Pause. When you guys went.

[Kevin James Ryan]

When's that?

[Stage Foley]

I can't remember when it was, but I know I didn't go because I remember you guys going to the Cheesecake Factory without me. I said I'm going to stay here. I don't know. Nonetheless, I don't talk about people on their backs. I can't say I know the gentleman keep getting that fed to me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know. Me too.

[Stage Foley]

So good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The one I saw, they. They dubbed it Nate O. Jenkins. Like his last name was O. Jenkins. I don't know no NATO Jenkins. Anyway, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[Stage Foley]

What a fun one. Gang, we love you to death. Grab d them tickets. Come see the boys. Cleveland will be there soon. Pittsburgh will be there soon. Denver, we'll see you in a month. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.