The Venmo Scam! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

ARE YOU GARBAGE? COMEDY PODCAST
Episode: "The Venmo Scam!" with Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Release Date: May 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

This rollicking "family episode" features hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan—no guest, just the boys riffing on their own trashy credentials and hilarious, relatable life mishaps. The main story is Kevin’s awkward “Venmo Scam” gas station saga in L.A., followed by a classic round of listener-submitted ‘Are You Garbage?’ questions. As always, the episode brims with blue-collar memories, stumbles into shame, and an ongoing debate about what makes a person (and their habits) truly garbage.

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Main Story: The Venmo Gas Station Fiasco

00:00-22:25

Setting the Scene [04:04]

• Foley asks, “Why is it so hot in here?” as the duo settles in for what they call a "family episode."
• Foley describes hanging out at Toady's with "Diesel" and a joke about Flex Seal.

Kevin’s Predicament [04:29]

• Kevin relives his humiliating attempt to get cash at a gas station in L.A.: “I had gone out, I had left the house. I didn't have my wallet on me. I just had my phone.” [04:37]
• Wearing shorts, no socks, and slept-in t-shirt—“I didn't look my best.” [05:08]
• He kills time on the phone outside the suspicious gas station for 15 minutes: "I just look like a gas station guy." [05:31]
• The encounter inside: tries to use Apple Pay but it’s cash only; tries to scope if the ATM has tap-to-pay.

The Ask: Venmo for Cash [07:53]

• Kevin clocks a well-dressed guy withdrawing lots of $20s at the ATM.
• He approaches: “Hey man, I know this sounds crazy, but can I Venmo you for $20?” [11:34]
• Foley critiques: “You gotta sweeten that. You’re trying to come with a 50:50, no exchange rate deal? You’re nuts.” [11:34]
• The stranger flatly rejects: “Feel free to say no.” Guy doesn’t even use real words—just nervous humming. [12:45]

The Fallout [13:15]

• Kevin leaves, sprints to another convenience store. Notices the first guy and his friend avoiding eye contact.
• Foley: “In his head for a second, he saw you. It didn’t work.” [13:52]

Reflection on the Pitch [14:41]

• They workshop: Is there any way to credibly ask a stranger for cash-for-Venmo in 2026?
• Kevin: “Don’t I get some leeway with cash only? ...We’re in a digital currency world and you’re operating in a cash only.” [17:00]
• Foley: “You walk the fuck back to the house and get your wallet.” [17:59]

Notable Quote:
"I realized that was a bad showing for the kid...Every couple of months, I break and it's just like—that's not that crazy to me, but I realized that's—what a gas station setting."
— Kevin, [16:19]

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Listener Questions & Garbage Debates

22:28 onward

Ice Packs and School Lunches [31:08]

• Listener asks: "Is it garbage to not have a freeze pack and use a thawed bagel to keep lunch cool?"
• Foley: “You’d go to lunch with a cold pack? Always. That’s wild.”
• Foley & Kevin roast each other for lunch habits—carrying lunch boxes in high school, leaving bananas in school bags for an entire summer, “getting screamed at by my pro [mom].” [33:01]
• Foley, on food shame: "You carried a lunchbox in high school?" [31:51]

Nicknames & Street Names [38:56]

• Discussion about “dog” in a nickname, like Rye Dog and Bulldog.
• Amusing confusion: “What’s your street name?” vs street nickname.

Is It Garbage to Call Your SUV a Truck? [47:48]

• Listener asks: “Is it garbage to refer to an SUV as a truck?”
• Kevin admits: “I call my Tahoe ‘the truck’...I know it’s trashy.” [49:04]
• Foley: “That’s something like an accountant would say to try to sound cool.” [49:10]
• Debate over what justifies ‘truck’ status—lumber? Gravel? SUV flexibility vs pickup bed.

Notable Quote:
"You don't tell them it's a truck if you need something moved. If they go, 'Oh, you can fit my gravel?' You go, 'It's an SUV. It's a sporty Tony vehicle. I can't be moving your gravel from house to house.'"
— Kevin, [50:58]

Garbage Food Habits & Fights [53:02]

• Cold marinara for garlic bread. “I want the juxtaposition. I don’t want a hot thing and then hot stuff on a hot stuff. That’s why the ranch ain’t hot.” [53:09]
• More lunchbox and snack memories: mini bagels, English muffins, crushing your mom’s stash, hiding snacks.

Fights, Family Beefs, and Scar Stories [27:04, 41:23]

• Foley and Kevin recall schoolyard fights, accidental injuries, and gritty Philly family brawls.
• “Have you ever got into a fight with someone, then it immediately cleared the air?” [27:27]
• Blood on sandwich bread from cracking lips: “That is so fucking specific, it’s crazy.” [62:04]

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Bathroom & Hygiene Debates

• "Is it garbage to enjoy a cold drink while on the commode?"—“Nah, I can’t do it.” [56:14]
• Smoking on the toilet: Both recount dads who ripped heaters in the bathroom, but say mixing eating, drinking, or even smoking with bathroom time is “cellularly wrong.” [57:11-58:14]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Gas Station Reputation: “I for sure looked like a guy hanging out...Did you ever see an episode of Cops where they pull up and the guy’s out front of the gas station? Yeah, who is it? It’s him.” — Kevin [07:00]
• On Lunchbox Shame: “You carried a lunchbox in high school?” — Foley [31:51]
• On Nicknames: “My boy Deli...at one point tried maybe going by Rye Dog...We're like, no one calls you Rye Dog.” — Kevin [39:09]
• On Food Tactics: “I like a cold marinara for dipping my garlic bread.” — Foley [53:05]
• On Emotional Awareness: “You're like the gay guy who screams, 'I'm not gay.' ...I am. But you are.” — Kevin, to Foley about shame [38:14]
• On Bathroom Habits: “Comically...Cellularly...If you’re doing big, you know, big boy dumps that air chat like the physical tension in the air changes.” — Kevin [56:50]
• On School Bag Surprises: “I came home from school like the last day of summer and like, threw my school bag in the corner of the garage...left a banana in the bottom...and we had every kind of bug all summer.” — Kevin [33:01]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Gas Station Venmo Story: [04:29–18:10]
• Lunchboxes, School Lunch Fights: [31:08–34:24]
• On SUV vs. Truck Language: [47:48–51:22]
• Bathroom Eating/Drinking: [56:14–58:49]
• Listener Questions & Rapid-Fire Memories: [22:28–end]

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Tone & Style

The episode is a masterclass in self-deprecating, blue-collar Northeast humor. Foley & Kevin’s chemistry shines, blending nostalgia, observational trash-talk, and the confessional “everyman” ethos that defines the show. The language is punchy, direct, and peppered with Philly references, running gags, and relatable moments of shame.

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For New Listeners

If you’ve never listened, this episode is a perfect entry point. It’s all about the little moments of modern life that expose your inner “garbage”—from cashless disasters to nicknames gone wrong, and the eternal dance of shame and pride. Come for the gas station fiasco; stay for the barrage of trashy, hilarious personal truths.

Transcript

[A]

Gang, let me tell you. Portland, Maine. Cleveland, Ohio. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming. We're coming heavy. Grab the squad. Come play, little Ayg. Let's have a fantastic time.

[B]

Yeah. If you haven't been to a live show, they're absolutely a great time. Ask any, anybody, any of the homies or the bozos.

[A]

Vettas Vetas.

[B]

We're also going to be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City July 10th. Get your tickets. That's going to sell out. Shout out to down the Shore and then the comedy works. We're doing a Weekend to Come to works in Denver, Colorado. July 16th to the 18th. Get your tickets. We love you.

[A]

See you there. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is. Are you garbage?

[B]

You ain't lying.

[A]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's good to be classy. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Yes, I am your host, St. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We we're out back here at Toady's in a new edition. She's upstairs playing with Flex Seal.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Got a whole case of it. Said she wants to make a boat just out of Flex.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

No frame or nothing.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

What?

[B]

That's great.

[A]

You son of a bitch.

[B]

Okay. All right. Okay. That one's sounds like it feels like someone's been huffing.

[A]

That I was gonna go with the Iceman. That she was upstairs listening to Drake. Iceman's out, but I said no. Take a swing. Make him laugh. Do it right back in my face, didn't you?

[B]

You're crazy.

[A]

Flex Seal.

[B]

You just got just funny with me and Diesel. We're just talking about drywall patches. That's where you got that.

[A]

No, it's not. I'll tell you something about that. I invented that 15 years ago. I used to put a piece of loose leaf over the holes in the walls and then paint it over.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That's old shit. Okay, My coast is coming at you from across the table, as we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. Yeah, kinda. Kevin James Ryan.

[B]

Everybody get used to again. We got a lot of families coming up. What up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Please make sure you rate review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And a boy are climbing a regular chart. Then obviously the greatest website of all time. Www.patreon.com. are you garbage? You go over there, you get all your bonus freaking content. Some of you might not know what Patreon is. It's goddamn app. You can download, you can use the browser, you can watch the video. You can do anything you freaking want over there.

[A]

It's a goddamn app.

[B]

Well, I don't. I've never. I've never even.

[A]

Or a website.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I'm a website guy. Do you ever, like. I mean, I do this with Luke of, like, I'll be you. I'll be doing stuff and then not realize I've been doing it wrong. A lot of, you know, it's just, like, how I learned it or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. Just stuff online where he's like, that's how you do it. I'm like, yeah. I don't know. It works.

[A]

He used the word sell the other day. That freaked me out. Yeah, sell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never had a lot.

[B]

Did you ever hear of Excel?

[A]

Excel?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like Excel in something. No, Excel spreadsheets.

[B]

Yeah. Sells in Excel. Huh? Excel. Sell. Sell.

[A]

What? What? Are you fucking with me?

[B]

Well, what do you mean? I'm saying the words. You're like. He used the word sell.

[A]

Sell. Sell. Like cel.

[B]

Yeah, a lot of else. Unpack your adjectives over there.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I never had.

[B]

I don't think we started.

[A]

Why is it so hot in here? I mean, I never had a laptop, and then the phone got up and I had to go to the. You ever see what Instagram looks like on a laptop? Whoa.

[B]

No, I can't say how I saw

[A]

that a couple weeks ago.

[B]

Whoa. A big month for you. It's all Instagram on the desktop.

[A]

Freaky. Can't do on there. Well, you could send messages.

[B]

I'm sure you figured that. Can't share nothing, huh?

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah. They want you on a phone.

[A]

Is that what they do? They want you on the phone?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Huh. Or mobile tablet.

[B]

What? They're called a tablet. You're on your mo. No, it's not a mobile tab. It doesn't have wheels on it. I mean, you're six kinds of stupid.

[A]

That's not nice.

[B]

It's true. Sometimes the truth hurts. What's that for? Jackie Moon. Maybe she didn't go to heaven. What? Sometimes the truth. I wanted to get into something. I was a little. We. I briefly ran this by you. I. You know, we didn't have a chance to debrief the Sitch. But we were out there in La La land a couple of weeks ago.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

And I found myself in quite a predicament of a guy of my caliber typically isn't in.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

I had gone out. I had left the house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't have my wallet on me. I just had my phone.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

I wanted to hear about this. Oh, you didn't hear about Lu. Okay, so Luke didn't hear about this. Right. Cuz Luke wasn't there.

[A]

Talk about luncheon.

[B]

Right. And we just never. We never like you were just like, that's crazy.

[A]

I'm sitting next to the smog strangler. Fucking freak.

[B]

I leave the house, I'm just. I'm in. What? I slept in essentially. I slept in that T shirt and a pair of undies. I put a pair of shorts on.

[A]

You got to come real correct to do this.

[B]

Right. And I just wasn't correct. I think I had shoes on with no socks. I like left that. Yeah. Just. But like I didn't look my best isn't great. My best is this.

[A]

But you don't look deranged.

[B]

No, by no means deranged, but like it was the T shirt only.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I just wasn't my best version of my little sleep. And I'm at a gas station and I was on the phone with somebody. I was walking to the gas station pay phone asking for recording. No, I'm on the now I. This is what I realized. I didn't feel like I was on the phone with somebody for like 15 minutes out front of the gas station. And now I just look like a gas station guy.

[A]

You were trashing me.

[B]

I was. No, no, not trashing. We were discussing some of your behavior. For sure.

[A]

You were the first person on the phone.

[B]

Yeah. Ye know who it was?

[A]

I assume was your wife.

[B]

It was not your brother? No, my brother? No. What? My dad. You got a phone to heaven, Maybe you make it to heaven. Oh, you say that it was someone who just left the house.

[A]

Oh, Mr. Chamberlain.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I gotta go. What was that all I always call

[A]

him for a yes man when you need him.

[B]

He called me awesome. You're the only guy who acts like a complete insane person is like, oh yeah, you need a yes man. 3 Throw it on me is I

[A]

love you, big guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Shout out to that con chamber.

[B]

So I'm on the phone, I'm out. I'm hanging out at a gas station for 15 minutes on a phone call, right. And I go in suspicious. I did. I Just I for sure looked like a guy hanging out.

[A]

Which I would have to guess that phone call at times might have been slightly animated.

[B]

Yes. Honestly, I wasn't that upset, but it was. Yeah, I wasn't. You know, we weren't. There was a lot of. I looked like a fucking guy. Who would. You. I looked like. Did you ever see an episode of Cops where they pull up and the guy's out front of the gas station?

[A]

Yeah, who is it? It's him.

[B]

It's him. It's clearly him. That guy's got no car. Yeah, gas station, no car. What the fuck you doing? For sure, I'm just at the gas station. I'm on the phone. I go in, I want to make a purchase. I don't have. All I have is my phone, which I'm going to do Apple Pay, and it said cash only. Right. So I go in. The inside of the store is. This is as big as this table, right? It's literally. You walk in, there's one center stand. Not even an aisle, just a center stand. One refrigerator. So I go around, there's a. I go, maybe I can tap to pay an ATM machine. Like, I don't know if they have those.

[A]

When you said that, I thought that was genius. I wonder if they have that.

[B]

I'm sure they do. This was one of those old ones that you've seen that says like cash bank at the top. You know what I mean? It's the old big gray plastic. This thing's barely digital.

[A]

And I would imagine this establishment doesn't have five star customer service.

[B]

It does not. I'm talking about four inches of bulletproof glass. If that's five star, then, yeah, I'm just probably. This stuff was rated for a fucking ak. We were in a bad part of town. I looked. Yeah. So I get in there. There's a guy in a sweater vest, I believe, going to or from church. Right. Sunday morning. Sunday morning, which I had just been to mass did not help.

[A]

And I'm the crazy one.

[B]

So I get there. So then I go, this is a long shot, but the guy's getting a bunch of twenties out of the machine. And he clocks me clocking him.

[A]

Of course you're deranged.

[B]

I'm like, you're just sitting here looking

[A]

at it like slices of turkey coming out of the slices.

[B]

Well, you got to think of what he sees. He see, he pulls up. I'm in the parking lot talking over by the dumpster like, you know what I mean? Got it. Black and mild in your Hand

[A]

I told this fat.

[B]

Yeah, so I don't think that he. So he sees that. He sees me for what I am on the true. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's got like X ray glasses. Be like, who is this guy? This guy belongs at a gas station hanging out. So I go, hey man, I lead, I lead. Now my idea is I got Venmo, I got cash, I got, you know, I got digital currency, right?

[A]

How do Indian guys get you?

[B]

I know I'm right. So I go, hey man, hold on.

[A]

Has he completed his transaction or is the money still coming out?

[B]

I would say the money. There's a lot of twenties. And now I look, dude, I just.

[A]

What's he doing?

[B]

He's nervous that I'm behind them for sure.

[A]

What's he getting, 20s?

[B]

I don't know. I think he needed to take out because it was cash only, the machine was down, so. So he needed cash and maybe he was getting gay. I don't. I don't know. I like, I don't know what he was doing, but he had money.

[A]

Kind of work you do you hire

[B]

him by any chance? So I go, hey, you know this sounds crazy, right? Stop right there.

[A]

Listen, I've opened conversations with. It usually ends right there.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

It sounds crazy, cuz it is crazy.

[B]

Well, so what? All right, so then we. Let's workshop this to come up with the best pitch. What? I go, hey man, I know this sounds crazy. They're not taking cash or it's cash only. As you know, we're in the same. You put yourself in the same problem with them, you know what I mean? With your hands moving like that too.

[A]

Yeah, you just look crazy saying that. Psycho. This guy's not taking cash.

[B]

I'm on speakerphone though.

[A]

Do you know Foley?

[B]

He's crazy.

[A]

I'm not. My buddy's crazy.

[B]

You should get a loaded. You think I look bad? You should get a load of him. I stink, dude.

[A]

Be funny if I walked in dressed to the nines. It's a sin these days, isn't it?

[B]

Get your hands off of me. Henry, it's me. Give me 20. Trying to get a pack of heaters, officer.

[A]

I don't know this man.

[B]

So I go, hey man, I know it sounds crazy. I was. Can I venmo you for 20 bucks?

[A]

First of all, you told me this. You got. That's got to be. I'll give you 40 for 20. You got to sweeten that. You're trying to come with a 50. 50, no exchange rate. Deal. You're nuts.

[B]

I. I see what you're saying, but hold on. I think so. Let me just. I think the 40 sounds too scammy. That's like fucking, you know, that's, that's like my dog ate my homework. No one's buying that. That's as old as. If the guy was dressed like Kippy, I would say lead with that, but it seems like an upstanding citizen. You want to make this seem like a square deal? Yeah. If he needed, he got on. Needed 20s, got fee, got hundreds of 20s in front of. We don't need that. Guy's flush with cash.

[A]

Nice sweater.

[B]

Yeah. What the fuck? So I just realized too afterwards, there's a bad showing for the kid in the middle of the park. Start sipping gas. If you swallow it quick, it doesn't hurt you. I. So I asked him and he goes. And as I saw I wasn't getting a year, I said, buddy, feel free. I know it sounds crazy. Feel free to say no. And he went, nine. Yeah. I went dab dip.

[A]

Feel free to say no. I'm not going to hurt you. Kill your family.

[B]

I'm not going to hurt you physically. I said, feel free to say no because no, no, no. I mean at that point I'm, I was okay, but did you feel like

[A]

you had made some, some connection as a human? Like I would. I just can't do it. Or was he like.

[B]

No, he was nervous. He. I had made this guy because he didn't say real words. He was, ah, I've been there. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I hate that.

[B]

So I get it. I'm, you know, I, I essentially cornered him. I like in, I'm not realizing, but like in real life, I walked into a small vestibule and cornered the guy.

[A]

Stop hunching like Nesferatu when you tell him. Then I had him.

[B]

That's where I got you. Right where I want you. So then I go, hey, no worries. And I leave. And then.

[A]

Right, that's cool. Don't worry about it.

[B]

Right across the street there was like another convenience store. So I went, okay, you sprinted over there. So now the guy sees me. So I, I get my stuff and I'm. Now I'm crossing that bit. I'm crossing like fair. I'm crossing like a big street. And the guy, hold on.

[A]

But in his head for a second, he saw you. It didn't work.

[B]

Here.

[A]

I'm gonna run across, see if anybody else is in the atm.

[B]

Uh huh. And at the whole. He's watching me. And then I'm Crossing the street, and he's at the light and I see him looking at his boy who's in the car. And they're giving me like the. Don't make eye contact.

[A]

Wait, had you gotten your. Your heaters over at the.

[B]

Yeah, over. Yeah. Now I'm crossing. But I don't. It's not like I'm carrying a bag of groceries.

[A]

I would have got a soda or something to show. See fuck face.

[B]

I got money and I'm walking out and he's doing the like. The. Like they had talked about me.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Before they saw me again. And he gave the. Don't. There's. There he is. Don't look at him.

[A]

Guy. Welcome to my daily life.

[B]

Well, yeah, I empathize with you, my friend, but what's. Okay. I was jammed up due to circumstance. What is that pitch?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

It's tough. It's a hard pitch.

[A]

2026, bad neighborhood in LA. You're not getting it. What were you looking at?

[B]

No, I'm just scratching my face.

[A]

Freak.

[B]

Yeah, I'm the freak. Scratching my face and go, what? What? What is it? I'm. I'm the nervous one. Yeah, that. I don't know, Luke, what would you. Someone have to say to you as your. You know, you've never been on the wrong side. You've never been down and out.

[A]

There is nothing.

[B]

You have and one shorts on. You're trying to scam me. These weren't. And one short. It might have been a bathing suit. They weren't good shorts. They might have been. They might have been North Face shorts.

[A]

Little grease on your knuckles.

[B]

Yeah, I. Stealing carburetors all night trying to sell a catalytic converter.

[A]

Somebody in his generation of his astute. They're not fucking getting involved with that at all.

[B]

Scamming so big right now. Okay, I know, but what's the scam to him? I pay with someone else's credit card.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like if he. If it goes through to his Venmo, I. Yeah, they can.

[A]

They can do that. Where it looks like it went through but didn't go through.

[B]

Now, I was gonna go. If he was on the fence about it, I was gonna go also, sir. I'm a pretty prominent comedy. Comedy and podcaster. I didn't. If he. If he. If I could have got him over the edge, I would have pulled out. You know Tim Dylan.

[A]

Are you Tim? No, I'm not Tim.

[B]

That would have helped. That would have helped. I would have been like, dude, here's my Instagram page. But then you're 40,000.

[A]

40,000 subscribers.

[B]

I'm not verified as the guy in the sweater getting 20s out of the ATM. What that guy doing in a bad part of town?

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Give me a regular. Give me a guy from that part of town. But I definitely don't want to be a part of you. Your world. Sure. I get that you stopped by for gas and a sweet treat and all you said I'm just gonna always be a dirtbag. I can't. I couldn't believe I hold it together. But every couple of months I break and it's just like. That's not that crazy to me. But I realized that's. What a gas station setting.

[A]

You do that in the burbs? Something like that. Hey, I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't know if my dad. My dad might give you a 10. I just. They. People are just. Their radar is so up. They don't realize how you're screwing them. But they know you are.

[B]

I get. I understand that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But is I 100%? But isn't. Don't I get some leeway with cash only? Like you got to give me. Like I pulled over. We're in a digital currency world and you're operating in a cash only. Like you got to give me some sort of leeway there of like. Right. All right. All right. I don't know.

[A]

Maybe you're hanging out there all day.

[B]

I know. Maybe I realize it's cash only. Go. I can pull my scam here all day long.

[A]

Where's the. What the guy behind the counter say?

[B]

Oh. He had bigger problems. He didn't. That didn't cross. You also didn't set yourself up for success. I did it. I. That dude. He's such a fucking rich kid. You got it. You didn't practice the Dempsey three D's to success. Dedication.

[A]

You got to sing.

[B]

Determination.

[A]

Tell a joke. Something.

[B]

And digital currency. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what. Write in. Let me know. I know I misplayed that 100%, but I don't know how to play it.

[A]

You walk the fuck back to the house and get your wallet.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, no. I just went to the next store. There was a couple blocks away.

[A]

Oh yeah. There you go. Yeah. Keep it moving.

[B]

But it didn't. I also didn't know that part of town. I didn't know what direction I was just, you know.

[A]

Mr. International Businessman. Huh?

[B]

Man, that's how you gotta move. Daddy. I gotta keep them Guessing at all times. Okay, guessing. Keep them guessing.

[A]

Kevin's talking about Blueprint.

[B]

Blueprint.

[A]

Now listen, we're both getting older.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

We both want to live as long as we can.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

There's a lot of supplements and things like that out on the market.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'm not the most educated man. When I go looking around, shopping around, I don't really know what I'm looking for. And sometimes when I google something and I look it up, I get more confused.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But then something like Blueprint comes across. That's very self explanatory.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know exactly what you're getting into. I want to improve my cognitive performance. I want to improve my mood, my focus, my sleep, my cellular resilience and I want to age healthily.

[B]

Yes. Healthy health. Healthy aging, yes. It's got ingredients like magnesium, glycine, creatine and more. Blueprint is third party tested for purity and toxins like heavy metals which are very bad. No good learning all this new stuff. Listen, I've started my. I'm trying to age more gracefully and put myself in a better position. I've talked about it on the show and if you know the founder, Brian Johnson, he's been a very public figure. If you spend on any time online, you've seen him guys basically trying to live forever or at least age better than the rest of us. He knows for running one of the most measured longevity experiments in the world. Tracking biomarkers, published and he's publishing the data publicly. It's the same experiment. First mindset is what led to blueprint. Blueprint is what Brian Johnson takes every morning and he's finally sharing the formula with the rest of us. Blueprint doesn't just make longevity mix, they also offer essential capsules, high polyphenol olive oil which I heard was great. Omega 3 collagen, peptides and more. All designed around the same data driven philosophy. Right now, science backed precision dose, no BS. For a limited time our listeners get 20% off plus free [e-mail] by using code garbage at checkout. That's code [e-mail] for 20% off. After you purchase they're going to ask you how you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boys.

[A]

Kevin's talking about ultra, ultra, ultra ultra. Talking about the ultra blue razz. Yeah. Talking about nicotine free, caffeine free. We're talking about a cleaner, smoother energy that boosts you more than caffeine.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

An amino acid promoting calm, energy and attentiveness, which I like that. Attentiveness.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

An atropic for enhanced mental processing. Do yourself a favor, get a little

[B]

Ultra in your life.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah. If you ever woken up and immediately needed a nicotine pouch or a cup of coffee and you're. You're jonesing just to feel like. Get your head on straight and feel like a human, that's it. There's not enough cup of coffee and pouches or energy drinks. You need to stop. You're just going to keep stepping all over each other.

[A]

Stop the insanity.

[B]

Yes. They cause you to feel anxiety. You can feel on edge. You feel your heart racing. I've done it all. Too much caffeine, too much nicotine. It jams you up. And right now, Ultra partnered with leading neuroscientists to design these pouches. They're clinically proven nootropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate focus and smooth energy that lasts one to two hours. More specifically, use Infinity px, a cleaner, smoother energy boost than caffeine. L Theanine, an amino acid promoting calm.

[A]

That's good stuff.

[B]

Energy and attentiveness.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Alpha GPC, a nootropic for enhanced mental processing and vitamins B6 and B12 for balance, mood and energy. Little B12 get you. It's clean plant powered pouches designed to sharpen your mind and lift your energy all day without caffeine, nicotine or crash, baby,

[A]

you're.

[B]

Foley said he's a blue Razz kind of guy.

[A]

Like a Blue Raz.

[B]

He likes a Blue Raz.

[A]

You got cool mint. You got wintergreen tropical watermelon.

[B]

I'm a watermelon man through and through. Ultra is the ultimate guilt free pouch delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use the code garbage. You get 15% [e-mail] that's takeultra.com for 50% off with the code garbage. After you purchase, they're gonna ask you how you heard about them. Tell them to tell them the boy sent you. Support the show. We love you. It's now back to the show.

[A]

Back to the show.

[B]

Anywho, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, guys. As you know, when you join the old Patreon A, we'll answer your garbage question on the air, baby. Thousand strong doggy. And just drop that video over there. Paintball video. Paintball video. Also, the boys are on tour. Get your Tickets. We're coming to Portland, Maine. Small club. Those show. Two shows.

[A]

Cannot wait for that.

[B]

Two or three shows are already sold out over there. Then we're going to Cleveland for the weekend. Weekend show. All of Ohio get that? We're not coming back to Ohio this year. That's the Ohio shows. Get them tickets. Well, people. I mean, Ohio is small and they're like, can you come to Toledo and Dayton? It's like, Cleveland's the best we can do.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Polarity's.

[B]

Yeah. Shout out to Polarity. Yeah. And then we have Denver as well. Denver. Comic books. Those shows are going to fucking sell out. So get those tickets in Atlantic City. The boys are going down a frigging sure.

[A]

Cavs just moved to the next round of the playoffs there, huh? Playing the Knicks.

[B]

Very nice. Pretty heated. Mm.

[A]

Catch a game.

[B]

This has been NBA Corner with H. Foley. All right, let's see here now to Luke with traffic. Luke would be the finance guy.

[A]

I would be sell. How is the market doing, Luke? Do you know off top of your head?

[B]

It's actually. It's pretty good right now. Bitcoin's up. I know that much. A boy's back. How you doing? Wait till that number should have showed. Wait till that number comes in. I'm fucking putting in my walking papers. I'm out. Once that hits a thousand, I'm out.

[A]

Should have showed that guy my.

[B]

My Coinbase account. Yeah, that can be all fabricated nowadays with AI.

[A]

Sure it is.

[B]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Johnny Clamps. Great name. I don't know what it means, but great fucking name. I love it. Were you a fa. We're a family of this. Where. Like my brother's Dan, but he's Danny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tom's would be Tommy. Joe's would be Joey's.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Mike would be Mikey. Like the younger Mike's would be Mikey. Yeah.

[A]

Although I have a younger cousin, Michael, that we only call him. He's not a Mikey called Michael.

[B]

Uh huh. Was his dad Mike?

[A]

No, no, his dad was a lady. His dad is a different name. He's named after his grandfather who was a Mike.

[B]

Okay. Because Michael, my cousin Michael is either Mikey or Michael. Yeah, but that was because it was Uncle. There was two Mike's. Big Mike or Big Mike. A Little Mike. And Big Mike became Big Mike. Little Mike became Big Mike. Anyhow, he's getting married. Can't wait for the wedding. Shout out. Mikey, you better send him a fucking check. No, you're not gonna get it.

[A]

You don't think so.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Mikey, what the fuck?

[B]

You've met him four times.

[A]

He loves me. Goddamn. Half a celebrity over here.

[B]

Don't go to the gas station and try to ask for money. Then you will be embarrassed.

[A]

You got to be shitt. Where's it at? Is it down air?

[B]

Yeah. Northeast Philly somewhere.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Spring coming up next year.

[B]

I just got to save the date. I don't know, though.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I go.

[B]

Did you know you didn't get one?

[A]

Not a good one, maybe.

[B]

Got switched up in the mail. Since I've changed addresses, went to the old address. You never know. I'll put in a good word for you. You should send a gift, regardless. What? I mean, you're practically. You're publicly begging to get invited to the wedding. At least you could do is get a gift.

[A]

It's ridiculous. Will there be hoagie dip there?

[B]

Probably. I think it might be. It might be a pretty classy affair.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Probably not, but I don't want to go. I think it's gonna be at the Boys Club. I grew up in Tarsdale. Boys Club?

[A]

Like the Boys and Girls Club?

[B]

Yeah, it was the Boys Club. The Girls Club, the Ladies Club. It's real. It's real. They played old school. Northeast Philly, still stuck in 1972. I don't know if you've ever been

[A]

there, but they have, like, gyms and like that.

[B]

Yeah, she's like a rec center, but it was called the Boys Club.

[A]

Is that where it's gonna be?

[B]

No, I was joking. There's a men's league on the other hand. On the other half of the. Just a curtain.

[A]

I explained shirts and skins.

[B]

That's good stuff. All right, let's see here. Shout out to Johnny. Johnny Clamps. Never have one read. You ever have a generational beef with someone? My dad used to fight the same guy, Dave, at the local gas station. Multiple times a year for most of my childhood. That's good. Oh, no, that's great, though. That's smaller town shit. Or at least real neighborhood shit. That's not. You know.

[A]

Those guys loved each other.

[B]

Yeah. There's something.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

It's like. I can't quit you.

[A]

Have you ever got. I don't know about that.

[B]

Okay. Sorry. Way too serious. Yeah.

[A]

Me?

[B]

What?

[A]

You talking to me?

[B]

What?

[A]

Can I help you?

[B]

Talking to goddamn host of the show.

[A]

Oh. Thanks, man.

[B]

Wait, What? I got promoted.

[A]

Have you ever gotten to a fight with somebody, then immediately. Hey, like, it just Cleared the air.

[B]

Not immediate. I don't think so.

[A]

I have.

[B]

Yeah, I get that.

[A]

Usually when you get your ass beat,

[B]

snap up real quick.

[A]

Hey, fell of a fight. Fucking eyes hanging off, dude.

[B]

I remember there was. I remember there's this fight down at the playground, right? You're gonna meet by the playground. These two smaller kids were fighting. It was like, I'll meet you there right after school. So, like, we heard. We. Everybody squads up. Not just to go watch. Like, we're not like. Yeah, it's like two friends. Like, two of, like, you know, of our bigger friend circle. They go. They square up. One kid throws one punch and punches. Like. I guess the way he got him. Like, he got him, like, here, like, right under the nose, like, on. Like, the. Right on. Right on the inside with the tooth. Went. Put a big hole right there. And everybody's like, all right, that's like. That is irreparable. That is unfixable damage you just did in one punch that, like, you know, you guys are bought, dude.

[A]

And everybody was just like, what's the orthodontist book? It's over 300.

[B]

Yeah, it was just like, all right,

[A]

you boys are gonna keep going till you hit somebody's deductible. Any retainers or invisalign, fly out, I'm calling the fight.

[B]

I called your parents, made sure all premiums paid up. Yeah, it was just one of those. Cause, like, there was no, like, real hatred. It was just like some. Some that was made up in school of like, ah, so and so said, whatever. And it was like they didn't even see each other. What, Causing trouble? No, I remember the kid. I forget. I remember that somebody fabricating it. I went like, you just. It like he's forever gonna have a scar on his face because you got bored in social studies class and started doing a. He sheds. He said, she said. But I remember he hit a cig right after. He's smoking at Newport right after. And it was bubbling through the. The hole. Somebody had to cover it with a T shirt. Got to get your heater in after you get your ass kicked in front of the fucking. It was one punch. That was one punch. Because then they weren't really mad at each other. And then we're all like, ah, we're all friends.

[A]

Like, didn't you get to swing them back?

[B]

I don't think he wanted to at that point.

[A]

He was done.

[B]

I. Dude, it just, like, opened up and there was just. It was like, squirting out blood. And we're like, all right. I ran to the loom, hopped in the cops go. I was never here. Dude. Later. I'm a bitch.

[A]

Hey, man, it's taco salad night at my mom's house. I don't want to puke.

[B]

Yeah, that was. I never got that. But like, I never. I never fought anybody that would have to be a complete stranger. Where I go. Respect. We duped it out.

[A]

Thank you for working with.

[B]

I'm talking to the wall. Hey, good king fate. Yeah. I did it. I don't think. I don't think so. I think maybe one of the. One of the times I fought my brother mate, man. I don't know about.

[A]

There's a chemical release. Yeah. After it where you like. You just. You know. I don't know. Sometimes it like, makes you like boys.

[B]

Yeah, there's like a. You know, there's a Amano Imano.

[A]

I should hate the guy.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I'm. I'd be cry punching people. All right, let's see here. This one's from Abbeville. $10. Beautiful girl here. Shout out to the beautiful girls. I typically do not need a freeze pack slash block for my lunch bag. The only one I have was thawed out on the counter. Okay. So she needed one.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She doesn't typically need one. She needed one this day, right? They didn't have it.

[A]

Right. You put one in there anyway. Where you put the thing in there anyway.

[B]

The warm one.

[A]

The warm one.

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

No, you put. You always. Even if you don't need it. You got a sandwich and a soda. Patty always put the cold pack in there.

[B]

You'd go to lunch with a cold pack? Always. That's wild. Why we never did that.

[A]

It lowers the core temperature everything a little bit.

[B]

That was dork to me. What'd you do? I had one.

[A]

Yeah, there you go.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Third time in my high school.

[B]

Hey, that's. That's why you weren't getting any. That's what. Dude, this kid's. This nerd stopped in third grade. You're carrying. You carried a lunchbox in high school?

[A]

I had like a bag. I'd eat certain things, man.

[B]

Yeah, everything. I eat certain things. I need my Doritos. I need my.

[A]

I had to have a. You know, the. The high caloric diets. Goddamn wrestler. I can only eat a couple of days a week.

[B]

Huh? Mom, you stink.

[A]

Nah.

[B]

Yeah, you do.

[A]

I had. I wanted stuff.

[B]

Cool. Yeah. You know, I had that so far you and I had there. The doctor Said I had those.

[A]

I ain't think about a doctor. Nurse practitioner.

[B]

Yeah, no, we. I know I would. I didn't like bring. I didn't like coming home with stuff. I gotta carry this around all day. My dad's the same way. I just never, like. I don't like taking a bag with. I won't take a bag to the supermarket because it's like, that's not the way they go. I don't bring stuff home. I leave with. But, you know, I don't know.

[A]

There was a lot of fights about that.

[B]

About what?

[A]

About me leaving them everywhere.

[B]

Yeah, that's just like. I just go, like, I'll just buy a lunch.

[A]

Sometimes my parents would give me something. I'd be like, what the is wrong with you? Like, all right.

[B]

You guys read a newspaper recently? I think, what the. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Looks great.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

I think leave that somewhere.

[B]

I remember I got screamed at. I left the banana in the bottom of my school bag. Maybe over summer, over, like a long break. It had like. I think I got. I think I came home from school like the last day of summer and like, threw my school bag in the corner of the garage, like, save it

[A]

at banana for later.

[B]

And it smooshed banana in the. And I think we had like every kind of bug all summer, and we couldn't figure out what it was. And my mom never thought to check the bottom of my school. Like, the school bag.

[A]

Where was it?

[B]

In the garage. And then, typical me, the day before, like, you know, it's 10pm first before the first, she's like, do you have your school bag? I'm like, yeah, whatever. It's in the garage. This guy got it. I went to put my fucking brand new Trapper Keeper in air for fourth grade, dude. And it was. Oh, my God, it was brutal. I remember, God damn it. How you ruin every disc getting screamed that my pro. I always. There would be a problem and I wouldn't address it. You gotta tell me sooner so I can fix it. When she would yell, yeah, breaking my balls, lady.

[A]

You'll figure it out.

[B]

Yeah, I remember that. And then I. Yeah, I didn't have a school bag. I was the coolest kid that day. Rolling into school with no school bag was the best. Yeah, just. What I got a half day. I got a doctor. I didn't bring my bag.

[A]

Later, I stopped doing books, like halfway through my senior year.

[B]

Just ever real. Go getter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't like taking anything home. I would leave it at home if I knew I was gonna need it the next. Also, my parents were divorced, so there was always, like, back and forth. My math books at Dad's out, my. Whatever. What? And sometimes a teacher like, why don't you do your homework? I go, I'm sorry. My. I left my bag at my. My dad's apartment, you know. Okay, well, have you talked to the counselor? I haven't. Okay, the counselor. Yeah. I'll just give him some sob story. Oh, see, I get that. And go. See, it's cash only, and I don't have my fucking. I walked out without my wallet.

[A]

You just describing the scene from Mrs. Doubtfire. Said, I wish my mom had amoebas.

[B]

This is Doubtfire, honey. Yeah, that's a tough one, but. Oh. So. I'm sorry. The only one I had. She didn't have one. Sold out. Yeah. Sorry.

[A]

Please.

[B]

I had to leave for work in a hurry, so I grabbed a frozen bagel in a Ziploc bag that I would. Knew I was never gonna eat it. Ended up being thawed out later. And she ate the bagel that day.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

The very bagel that she. I respect the mood.

[B]

That's not bad. Yeah, I doubt it gives off that much.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Coolness, though. That's got a thought.

[A]

Frozen.

[B]

That's got a thought. Yeah, but there's no moisture in it. The moisture is what keeps, like. Imagine, like a frozen thing of fucking

[A]

hamburger meat that's hanging on for a while.

[B]

A bagel by the time the air gets.

[A]

Can't put that at work, though.

[B]

Yeah. Making sloppy jokes, jammed up for that.

[A]

Ingenious.

[B]

Yeah, There you go. Also, who doesn't want just a fucking bagel midway through the day?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A little afternoon.

[A]

Especially one of them frozen lenders.

[B]

That's all we had growing up.

[A]

Toast them.

[B]

I remember at one point, they kept making them smaller and smaller and, like, the one side would be. Barely be touching as a bet. You know what I mean? It would be like. It would be like that thick from the hole to the outer ring.

[A]

Like, what the.

[B]

I have to eat 15 of these things.

[A]

They had those weird little clamps on the end of them that didn't. They didn't cut them all the way through. You had to peel them apart.

[B]

Yeah, I hated that.

[A]

How do you feel about the mini bagel now? My mom gets involved in them every

[B]

once in a while now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In her 70s.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's Swinger shit.

[A]

I'll be at the house. She'll have a bunch of little mini bagels a Little bangers. But I don't get it.

[B]

I get it for her. These older broads, they eat a little, you know what I mean? They're not like fucking putting. They have two little ones. Whatever. The kids too. I get like, yeah, you know, I got a little, little kid for sure. It makes it a little easier, a little funner, whatever.

[A]

She yells at me so much with the fucking Danglish muffins. I'll just come in and crucify a whole sleep.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

I can't have one.

[B]

Then maybe don't have one at all.

[A]

What am I, a dickhead?

[B]

A little bit. Also, is there any shame in just crushing all your mom's bag? Like you have to know. See this goes back to, you know you're gonna get yelled at. You could easily Uber eats 15 packs of fucking Thomas's English muffins for you or for her, but you just crush hers and just go. You believe she's fucking bitching at me for fucking eating all of her food? Now this old broad's got a fucking. You got bad hip or something? You got bad something. She's got to go. We got canker sores. Yeah. Got bad knees. You gotta go hobble to the fucking Whole Foods.

[A]

I get it for her. She's got other ones in the freezer. I don't leave her high and dry. Check the stash first. The head stash.

[B]

Check her socked for make sure she's got a sweet bag in there. Oh God. All right, let's.

[A]

No, there is no shame, which maybe that's my problem, but I have a lot of shame.

[B]

Yeah, I think you do. A lot of you do say you don't have shame, but you are, I would argue, one of the most shameful. You're so aware of all your things and it comes out as, you know, you're like the gay guy who screams, I'm not gay. You know what I mean? I am. But you are. You're like one of those congressmen who's like anti gay and then gets called blowing a guy a fucking far leaser service center.

[A]

I'm trying to close down Thomas English mouth.

[B]

These are an atrocity. Keep them coming. Secret stash. Oh God. All right, let's see here. This is a pretty good one. This is from Trev Dog. Great name. Just fucking out there.

[A]

Trev Dog?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know anybody with dog in their name?

[B]

My boy Ryan. My boy, my boy Deli. Who Diesel said he goes. Every time you mention him, you say my boy Deli like it's his Full name. My Boy Deli.

[A]

My Boy Deli.

[B]

It goes by. At one point, he tried maybe going by Rye Dog.

[A]

He tried.

[B]

Well, we asked him what his street name was, meaning what street he lives on.

[A]

Huh? Like a stripper name.

[B]

Yeah. And he said rye Dog, meaning, like his hood, like his street name. We're like, first of all, no one calls you a ride dog. Anywho.

[A]

But you meant what your street name is.

[B]

What I'm like, I don't want to give his street name out.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

The street he grew up on.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

We asked him what your street name was. Oh, and he's such a dirt bag. He took it as his gang name, like what the cops know him as.

[A]

I thought you meant, like, when you. When you had, like, what your stripper name would be.

[B]

That's what we were playing that game and we said, hey, Rye, what street? What's your street name? And instead of saying fucking Pine Run or whatever, he said, rye Dog. We were like 13. We're like, no one calls you fucking ride dog. But that's what he wanted to be. Shout out to shout out to Ryan and Scott. Scott's a big listener. Love you guys. But. Yeah, but nobody with dog. I mean, minus Rye Dog. For a very short period, we had a bulldog. A bulldog. That's a little too cool, though.

[A]

Timmy Shib.

[B]

How would you say. Yeah, how would you say it in conversation? Got on the bulldog. I got. You call him, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Would you say, hey, bulldog. Hey, B. Dog. Yo, dog.

[A]

Yeah, he's super upper body strength.

[B]

And he was just a problem.

[A]

He was just able to, like, take a kid and just flip him over. And it was like a move that he kind of invented on his own.

[B]

Call that the cement mixer. Remember that? That was a big move. When my brother wrestled to cement. Put him in the cement mixer. I guess you flip while you turn off. See if that's a move. That's a move. That's a move. Maybe not back in the 50s when you were Cement WWE. That's a move. Yeah. I didn't just make it up.

[A]

The cement mixer.

[B]

Yeah. You call yourself a wrestler? This came from a state champions to put you in a cement mixer. Oh, you're regionals. Not to be confused with the cow catcher, which I guess is a similar. Which was all these high school years. The heifer hoarder. That's what you were. Yeah.

[A]

Strolling around the pasture. Hello, ladies.

[B]

What is this? Cement mixer. I think you would like. I remember it was like, you got him and you Whopped them. My neighbor used to. How is his move? I was his finisher. He was real good. The move is illegal as it locks on the neck. We play dirty. Maybe that's why I knew of it. I don't know what year they banned it, what year did it get axed. But I remember that

[A]

you're the bulldog.

[B]

Okay. You get someone in like a neck hold over the top, flip them. Oh, then you flip over a neck

[A]

hold over the top.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Choking him.

[B]

I like how you put yourself there. Like you were gonna stand up me do it? Yeah, probably gooch me, scumbag. Start playing with your bulls. Give you a fish. I remember my cousin Liam teaching me how to fight at a very young age.

[A]

Fish hook.

[B]

Fish hook and eye gouge. Yeah, From Kensington. We were the suburban. These kids were like.

[A]

I got just permanent.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if you've been around the streets of Kensington, but those play for keeps. But yeah. Fish. I learned fish hook a very early age. This fucking. He did it. He's like, this is how you do it. Who know how I got these scars? Yeah, they don't they really. You know, you probably didn't like I was such a compared to those kids.

[A]

I remember my brother sticking my head in between the sofa cushions.

[B]

Freaked the out.

[A]

He fish hooked me, burned the house down. Gotta be kidding me.

[B]

We used to get ridiculed for being the only. The only kids that lived in the suburbs. Everybody else still lived in the city. And they any little out there. Everybody show up and just get ridiculed. Danny did not like it. You got a bag of bread with you? We're all just ended in so many fights. It was crazy. Just so many. Like I just be watching.

[A]

Fighting your cousins?

[B]

No, there was none my age. Danny and those guys are the closest to me. So like one of them would hit me or like I, you know.

[A]

Do you go after one of the girls?

[B]

The girls would fight too. The girls would be quick to take their. You know, the girls. Some of the girls. I've always said Philly girls still go. Oh the. They'll name a school and go all. All those girls think they're tough or like, you know, girls in the mountain. They can't fight. I like. Well, that's. I don't think you guys should be bragging about how good you fight.

[A]

There's something hot about those girls at the Italian school though. Big earrings. Italian princess.

[B]

Yeah, put them in cement mixer, huh? Big guy. Beautiful girls.

[A]

But back I couldn't even talk to him. What I'M nervous. Little fat kid. Yeah, some. Some guido with a mustache and muscles and like that. Driving an IROC Z. I'm getting dropped up on my uncle Mike there with my cousin Tracy stink.

[B]

Yeah, we didn't really have, I guess like the, the, the. Those catholic schools have been phased out by the time.

[A]

Oh, they were hot.

[B]

We were by the spicy. Yeah, no, they were fights.

[A]

It was lawless in there. A couple of ecto coolers and a

[B]

couple of mini bagels call it a day. I need somewhere to put my ice pack. If I come home without my ice pack, my mom's gonna have my ace.

[A]

I remember I'd dorky as too. She'd buy my. She'd be like, you gotta put a nice sweater on. I mean they're fucking pouring sweat. Fucking dudes in there with fucking tank tops looking all fly. Break dancing and shit. I'm in there like I work in accounting.

[B]

I count all the calories you're eating. Oh God.

[A]

Kid is talking about Chime Chime Chime Chime Chime is changing the way people bank. They offer the most rewarding fee free banking. This is fee free banking built for you and I like traditional old banks that charge overdraft fees and monthly fees. We're talking about. They have Thousands of free ATMs. Fee free ATMs. Why pay your own money? It's built for you, not the 1 percenters.

[B]

Yeah. Chime members can benefit from up to $1,150 in annual rewards fee free. As the big man said, direct deposit unlocks the most rewarding way to bank. At Chime chime is rated five stars by USA Today for customer service. You get real humans 24, seven. You're not just switching banks. You're upgrading to America's number one choice for banking with the Chime checking account. My younger self would have loved to benefit from this when back when I was a bozo and I was struggling and everything, this was overdraft fees used to financially cripple me. I'd be on the phone trying to get them waived. What are you doing? This, that. And with Chime right now, you get premium travel perks like airport lounge access, 24. 7 travel concierge included with your Chime card. Daddy. Oh. You get 5% cash back on your Chime card in category by choice, like gas and groceries. You can even get up to $500 of your pay. When you say with my pay. Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. Head to [e-mail] garbage it only takes a few minutes to sign up. Do it. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services A secured Chime Visa credit card and MyPay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advertised annual percentage yield with Chime+ status only. Otherwise, 1.00% APY applies. No min balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. Let's see, back to Trev Dog's question. Hell of a tangent there. Been here for a minute or two. Never had one read. Is it garbage to refer to an SUV as a truck? That is a. It's a dirt bag thing. My truck. You just say my car. I get that it's not a car, but it is your vehicle. Your. We live in a world where your vehicle is defined as a car.

[A]

Truck is a truck.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

What.

[B]

I get that it's a truck. I understand that.

[A]

No, no, no. I'm saying that you don't.

[B]

What?

[A]

I wouldn't say that for I got my truck. That's a guy trying to look cool.

[B]

I would say even people with pickup trucks say it. Which. It's. Your pickup truck is still a car.

[A]

No, you say, I said a truck. When you got a truck, you say, I got a truck. I got the truck outside.

[B]

That's if you're moving something. Not like, hey, can you run to the store and buy apples? Yeah, of course I got the truck outside. You wouldn't say that. You would say, as I come from a big pickup truck family. You're flexing. You don't. I don't think you need to say truck unless you need the truck that moment. Hey, can you help me move my bed? Of course. I got the truck outside.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You would. You would say, like you.

[A]

Because you.

[B]

It's just your car. It's your car. That's your vehicle.

[A]

You got a sweet.

[B]

You don't say, hey, I got a new quote on my pickup truck insurance. You know, I got new car insurance. Who's your car insurance?

[A]

You got a sweet F250 outside. One of those ones with the two double wheels in the back.

[B]

A dually.

[A]

Yeah. Hemi Whole nine yards.

[B]

Wait, I know. I know where you're going. I'm saying truck. It's trashy, though. Okay, but I get it. But I think you're flexing to say truck. I call my Tahoe to truck. I got the truck.

[A]

You see? That's trash.

[B]

Hey, I started with this with me begging for 20 bucks at an Exxon.

[A]

That's something like an accountant would say to try to sound cool.

[B]

I'm a podcaster trying to sound cool. Okay. Yeah. I don't. Yeah. I mean, I'm not proud of it. I'm trying to sound cool. For sure. I am a huge loser.

[A]

Because when you. Because you can't really put in there.

[B]

That's a big misconception.

[A]

No, you're not putting lumber and shit in there. Rip up the seats.

[B]

It's all covered in plastic, dude.

[A]

Now nobody'll be in there bitching.

[B]

No, dude, you put all the fucking seats down. And they have these, like. These rubber, like, true mat, like, covers everything. I don't have to do anything at all. They all hinge on each other. And it's all like a bed liner now. I'm not putting any lumber back there. I am putting strollers and.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Boxes and luggage. But I could if I wanted to put lumber in there.

[A]

What about gravel? Put some gravel in there.

[B]

Oh, it'd have to be in a bag.

[A]

Yeah. See? Truck. I'll throw it right in the back. Hose it out.

[B]

Yeah. No, I know you. First of all, you don't have a truck.

[A]

I do. It's a Jeep.

[B]

Oh, the Jeep's a truck.

[A]

Jeep's a truck. No, but we had a truck. A truck truck. Like a real truck.

[B]

Listen, I think it is. Back to. It is trashy.

[A]

I think you're looking for validation.

[B]

Whoa. Someone went to therapy today.

[A]

Did tomorrow, too.

[B]

Striple up. Okay. Yeah, yeah. You're looking for. You want people to. Which I'm okay with.

[A]

But then that's misleading.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I thought you said you had a truck. Yeah, I got the tile. I can't put the fucking bed in there.

[B]

You don't tell them it's a truck if you need something moved. Yes, I got the truck. Yes, I'm in the truck. But if they go, oh, yeah, you can fit my gravel. You go, it's an suv. It's a sporty Tony vehicle. I can't be moving your gravel from house.

[A]

Yeah. Speakers in there, dickhead.

[B]

Gonna ruin the bows. Yeah.

[A]

So what you have is bows in there?

[B]

I don't think so. I got the. I have the most standard package. JPL, JBLs. No, they're expensive. JBLs are expensive. I don't know what those are.

[A]

I made it.

[B]

I had Pioneers. I put two six by nine open box. I bought. I bought open box six by nines at a best Buy. They were returned or something like that. Put them in the back of the Lumina. Boom, boom.

[A]

Who put them in?

[B]

I did.

[A]

How?

[B]

The speakers. They're not. It wasn't like the subwoofer. It was just the speakers. They just pop right in.

[A]

Would you connect them to you?

[B]

Just like we're setting up like fucking speaker. You put the blue wire to the red wire to the red wire, the black wire to the black thing. Like, you remember how you would, like push the thing open and put the little cable, the little red wire in there?

[A]

Yeah, I remember that.

[B]

Yeah. That's how also a 1995 Chevy Lumina was operating. It wasn't like there wasn't like aux cords and like that at the time.

[A]

You have to cut out the hole or anything like that.

[B]

I didn't do nothing. Pop right in there. Six by nine. So Pioneers cost me 129 bucks.

[A]

They got a money he saved for garlic knots.

[B]

Now I used to go to Dominic's. They did like a garlic bread. It was like a long, cheesy stick.

[A]

Remember how big garlic bread.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Dude, garlic bread got so popular, it was insane. How do you feel about having pizza? The same.

[B]

No, it's not. You know it and I know it. Fatty. It's not. I've. You know. Yeah, it's the same thing, but it's not the same thing. Yeah, you know, little cup of dipping sauce. I'm the judge, jury, and executioner here. I determine not some paisan behind the counter.

[A]

You want to hear something sick?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Luke. I like a cold marinara for dipping my garlic bread.

[B]

Damn. What? This guy here, where somebody hit me. I want all cameras on right now. Give me. Give me the. The flyer a little bit thicker, too. Yeah. No, yeah, call. You need the juxtaposition sticks to it. I don't want a hot thing and then hot stuff on a hot stuff. That's why the ranch ain't hot. Or the. The blue cheese ain't hot when you get cold.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On the wings.

[A]

My parents used to go to this place. Vetoes or something like that. And they would give you. They would give you this crazy awesome garlic bread. They did it for like the first year they were open. And they stopped doing it because they were probably Hemorrhaging money. It was just crazy. Garlic bread. My dad would order like six baskets.

[B]

I got a question for you. I went to a restaurant yesterday. I ordered a chicken parm. Shout out to Parm. The restaurant in New York.

[A]

I think chicken parm in general.

[B]

Shout out to Parmesan in general. Doing great things. They offered. You can get the sandwich on their famous garlic bread. They can garlic bread the bread for you. Yeah, I'm not a fan of that. What are your thoughts, please? Really?

[A]

Yeah. The more flavor, the better. I don't like just plain bread in that situation. That's how when I get a bacon, egg and cheese, I got the bread buttered.

[B]

That's different though, to me because you butter bread to me. I want the chicken parm sandwich. I don't want a garlic bread version of a chicken parm sandwich. You know what I mean? That's just me. It's a little too much.

[A]

Good idea.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You didn't get it?

[B]

No. I'm a fucking pure. I have to. I can't. I'm not saying I might not try it next time, but I can't not try the straight up the first time. They had a place called Parm known for their chicken parm. I can't not try.

[A]

How does that hold up?

[B]

What? The reg the rigs one. It was good? Yeah? Yeah, it was good. A little bit. The place a little more casual, I think.

[A]

What else you have? No, that wasn't it.

[B]

We got a side of fries for the table. Mainly me. But I said for the day. Said you want fry well done for the table. But it was my order. Did a seas split, a Cs for the table. Big crunchy croutons, a lot of cheese. That's it.

[A]

I like a Caesar.

[B]

That's it. I'm not doing appetizers or desserts. I gotta tighten it up, huh?

[A]

Tight family, man. Pick that checkup.

[B]

That one. No, but I will respect that. I picked up every other one. And then we asked for the check. I was with my mother. Denise was in town. She goes, I'll get it. You. And she. This made me feel nice. Because she said it. As the guy or the girl was breaking out the digital thing. She goes, you've paid for everything all weekend.

[A]

Hear that?

[B]

That's all I needed. I feel.

[A]

Got the truck out front, all the

[B]

gravel in bags that you need. It made me feel nice. Good that she knew that I wasn't a loser, which I am. But then he has.

[A]

If they had any sherbert.

[B]

Can I get one Scoop of sherbert. Yeah. All right, let's see here. Let's see, let's see. What else do I got? This one's from Crippled Eagle. 86.

[A]

Like it.

[B]

$10, homey. Here. Haven't had one read before. Is it garbage? You enjoy a cold drink while on the commode? I. I don't think. And we've gotten this question a lot. Eating, whatever. Drinking would be the most I could do. And I'd still have to say no. That's just me.

[A]

It's not my style.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But as gross as I listen, I'm disgusting.

[B]

Hey, he's telling the truth.

[A]

I'm gross. But something shuts off in my brain in those situations. Situations. Because I know what's in the air.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Comically.

[B]

It's. Yeah.

[A]

Cellularly.

[B]

And you listen if you're doing fucking big, you know, big boy dumps that air chat. Like the physical tension in the air changes. Yeah. The temperature change. You know what I mean? A storm roll a high pressure system or like could slice it with a knife to like.

[A]

That's everywhere.

[B]

Yeah. I just. I don't know. And what. I don't know what I would be eating, what I would have to be eating. Eating, yeah. Drinking. No.

[A]

I don't even like heaters in there.

[B]

I have to ever tell you the time I tried to do that as a kid. My dad would always smoke on the toilet for like he'd be in there reading the paper, cranking heaters. Any bathroom, like hall, like, you know, the kids bathroom downstairs. Just. It's just the world. There's just heaters everywhere at all times inside.

[A]

Where would he ash it?

[B]

I think right between them. Or maybe like. I think in like the. The. Or like the sink. The. The powder. Like the downstairs bathroom was like a small one. So it was like. I think you flush it. Yeah, I guess I had so many times I'd go in and I think he would just be ripping heaters. Like walking around and then just throw it in so many times. This is unlocking a memory. There was just a Marlboro red butt floating in the thing that I would pee on and try to break up. I try to open up by peeing on it. My whole child. I probably even now. I mean, I don't speak to the man, but probably even now.

[A]

Where'd you go? Harvard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

But he would always did it. So he left and I was like. I gotta. I like was dabbling in heaters probably 12, whatever as a kid. Dabbling in heaters. So he Left.

[A]

And you tried to replace that?

[B]

What?

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

He left. What do you mean he left? He left me. No, no, this was at his house. Oh. I went. This is how grown ups I go. He does this all the time. This heater's gotta be sick. You know what I mean?

[A]

The one they talk about after sex.

[B]

I'm jerking off and then catching a heater. I. Yeah. And I tried it. I was just like. This is. I remember. I was. He was like, I'm. I'm leaving. He's like, I'm leaving the night at six. And I went. I had one heater in a. Like an Altoids can or something like that that I was saving. I stole from him. And I said, baby, wait till he leaves.

[A]

This was the big night.

[B]

I'm gonna be smoking and dookieing and.

[A]

How long are you holding the doo doo in?

[B]

Probably since noon or something. I needed to have that. You better believe I. Go ahead at it.

[A]

What are you doing tonight? You don't want to know.

[B]

And I immediately hated it. I didn't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I just wasn't for me at an early age. I don't get it. I don't like combining all that stuff now.

[A]

Yeah. So drinking.

[B]

I mean, you'll even smoke in the pool or the hot tub.

[A]

Oh, I like that.

[B]

Yeah. It's just still too much, you know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's not the best version of swimming and it's not the best heater to me.

[A]

You know what I can. You know what I can't get you good heater is on the beach. There's something with the moisture in the air. I don't like a heater on the beach.

[B]

And the wind. And if you're drunk, then. Yeah, but you gotta be.

[A]

Then you feel bad about putting it out there.

[B]

Flicking in wildwood. You don't need to. I'm obviously off the eaters. But I would go back in the day, we'd walk off the beach because everybody's kids and nieces and nephews, you know, you don't want to be the. Unless my cousin Dan and his family comes down and they're like a heavy heat. The heavy side of the heater family. So come like 1pm we're already drunk. Just so I get having them right in a circle under the tent.

[A]

What do you think I would stand on that?

[B]

On what?

[A]

Walking back to the thing and then coming back.

[B]

No, you wouldn't.

[A]

Once I get. Once I. I go on the beach.

[B]

You're on the beach and I go off the beach.

[A]

I make that Trek once like Normandy. I ain't going back.

[B]

Sure. But it's also very nice of me and Danny. Ryan would do this a lot. We'd be on the beach social.

[A]

I.

[B]

Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. And then, you know, you meet, you make eyes, you go, let's pop off. And then you can go trash whoever. What? I just, you know, then you have your own little pow wow. Then you go back and you go back, you know, it's a fun little Irish Catholic situation, you know. You know, when someone leaves the party like, I got guys, probably always something, you know what I mean? Yeah. You're doing. I have no little.

[A]

All too well, it's usually me.

[B]

No, no one's ever said that.

[A]

I caught you trashing me the other day when I stepped out, came in, you.

[B]

No, you're wrong. That was. That was purely about me. It was about stink. What? Start chiming in. Hey. Tell you about his little dick too. I was. I was speaking purely about myself. 100%. Hand up trust these rats. It's the problem. We think everybody's against you. It's crazy. All right, let's see. This one's from C.M. hannigan. What a name.

[A]

C.M. hannon.

[B]

That's like a. Like a writer or something.

[A]

Yeah, CM that's by CM Hannigan.

[B]

His early work.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes, I would assume. This has to be a guy. You ever see blood on the bread after biting into a sandwich? Dude, that is so fucking specific. It's crazy.

[A]

Yes. And it's freaked me the fuck out.

[B]

Now I think I've had it both ways. I think I've had it from like, it's been a real, like a lip stitch and I think I've had a gum sitch from like a crunch, but like a real crunchy piece of pizza or pizza or something like that. Toast or something.

[A]

Yes, it would be the chip. It would be a chip. A kettle cooked chip. I thought you meant like when you got chapped loops as a kid. Would you like bleed on the inside?

[B]

No, no, but I'm just saying if. Say your lips are dry and you. You gotta get up there, it's real tight. You gotta. Maybe the bread's a couple days old and you toasted it a little too sharp, got flakes. I cut it.

[A]

I'll get it with a healing cold sore. Too cold sore egg like that to bite and that splits.

[B]

That's a little different, but yeah. That's a bit of a virus vibe you got going on there. A little bit of an infection.

[A]

Well, you didn't get such bad chapped lips that they cracked and bled.

[B]

I mean, not like I wasn't the kid with chapped lips, but like definitely, you know, from time to time, you know. Yeah, you'd get. I get it now, even now. Like not, you know, if it gets too bad. I mean also, we weren't like a chapstick. I was only running around with chapsticks.

[A]

We were a bliss text family. That would burn.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. For a little bit. I remember like we would go like snowboarding. It would be like put on your bliss decks. But like never. We'd be sharing it and stuff too. Like we didn't. I'm probably, you know, probably giving each other cold source.

[A]

You ever see a chick putting on Carmax?

[B]

Yeah, that was. Yeah, that became. That was stuff I didn't know. I didn't. I feel like I didn't learn that till college though. Like that was. There was another one. Aquaphor or something like that. Maybe.

[A]

I love Aquaphor for the boudoir.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Yeah, it's good stuff. It's like Vaseline.

[B]

Be a lean, you shove your fingers in your face.

[A]

Kevin's hot today, boy.

[B]

Let's see. This was from Nate Schmidt. Fake name for sure. Nate Schmidt. What's up boys? $10, homie. For a couple of years now, never had one Red. How you doing? Happy to get it across my desk.

[A]

Love you, buddy.

[B]

Saw you guys in Rochester. Shout out to you.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Shout out to dibella's Tuna Hoogies. I don't know what that is.

[A]

The Bella's tuna.

[B]

I think it was one of where that we were making fun of those girls and she's like, I work at the Bellas. The Bellas. And we're like, what's good there? The Tina Hague

[A]

in Rochester. But it's delicious.

[B]

Are you garbage? If you load your grandfather's ashes into a shotgun shell and give him a three gun salute.

[A]

Listen, how do you even do that? You know.

[B]

You know you gotta make your own bullets there. Yeah, that's. I think more people, more hillbillies know how to. More country people. I think specifically shotgun shells are like easier in my loose on the press. Yeah, you can press your own shotgun. They're like b. I think that one is out of making bullets. That one's the most common because it's like somewhat the shells. Like you can just. I've seen YouTube shorts on it, so

[A]

I don't really know, but.

[B]

Ah, yes.

[A]

Sound like the American.

[B]

That's the easiest one to Repress. I don't think they're like crazy pressurized and as. As like a, you know, nine mil or something.

[A]

You make your own ammo?

[B]

Do I make my own ammo? No, I don't.

[A]

Put the Teflon tip on what? Top killers. Danny Glover.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Lethal Weapon 3.

[B]

I got you. I got. I didn't know what you were saying at first. I thought this was an allusion to the PayPal video now [e-mail]. no, that's what I thought you were doing.

[A]

Fair enough.

[B]

Did you see there's a video going around of a fat guy reloading his paintballs? Do you ever see that?

[A]

No.

[B]

They're upside down. On his belly's got a bunch of canisters and they're all upside down. And he opens it. And every time. Everybody was tagging us. Every time he opens it, by the time he gets it there, it's all just dumped on the ground.

[A]

That was the hardest part. Those things are slippery.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Brutal.

[B]

I want to do it again. We should film it again. I want to do. I got to get my own mask?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

My dude, I was fogged up. I'm a mouth breather and I just fucking. If you don't know, you're just getting hit up.

[A]

Tactical gear. She got her own gear also.

[B]

Everybody said specifically as a team, but a little bit of you. Of some foul play.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Of the. I'm out. I'm hit. And then you would continue to shoot 42 more times and then go, oh, sorry about that.

[A]

Oh, you mean, oh, that Go, I'm hit.

[B]

And then you go, dude, it would just. I didn't. I'm also.

[A]

I think I hate you.

[B]

I think. Fair enough. I thought you didn't hear me. So I'm like, I'm hit and I hear you, dude. I now I have Luke's footage of you watching.

[A]

I did that to everybody.

[B]

Rubbing your little fat paws together.

[A]

I got to make sure you're dead. I can't go walking by, have you jump up and stab me.

[B]

Every. Every movie ever. It's like the. Every.

[A]

You did the same thing.

[B]

Get up.

[A]

You did the same.

[B]

I was fine.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

I got you.

[A]

Because I would yell. I'd be like out.

[B]

That was after shot.

[A]

That's war, man.

[B]

That's cuz I was making my own bullet. We got to wrap it up.

[A]

Yeah. That's trash about the shotgun.

[B]

Yes. But I. I respect it. That's.

[A]

Respect it.

[B]

That's. That's a.

[A]

That's a way to go.

[B]

Yeah. Respectable honor. Honorarium memoriam of. Of a deceased, obviously dirt bag as well.

[A]

Shout out to your grandpop. Yes, gang, we love you. See you next week. Peace, peace.