Tim Dillon Returns!

Summary

Summary of "Tim Dillon Returns!" Episode – Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Release Date: April 27, 2025

In the much-anticipated episode titled "Tim Dillon Returns!" of the Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley welcome back the renowned comedian and podcaster Tim Dillon. The episode delivers a blend of sharp humor, candid conversations, and Tim's signature wit, all wrapped up in the podcast's unique trashy game show format.

1. Welcoming Tim Dillon and Discussing His Netflix Special

The episode opens with enthusiastic introductions, highlighting Tim Dillon's prominence in the comedy scene. Tae Trolley (H. Foley) describes Tim as "the American Messiah, one of the funniest, one of the most prolific standup comedians, podcasters, and actors working today," setting the stage for an engaging conversation (02:40).

Notable Quote:

• "He's got a brand new special out on Netflix. I am your mother. And we got him back here after a long absence." (02:40)

Tim expresses gratitude for his return and acknowledges the success of his Netflix special, hinting at his continued evolution in comedy.

2. Bathroom Antics and Personal Quirks

The hosts dive into humorous anecdotes about bathroom habits, showcasing the lighthearted and candid nature of the podcast.

Notable Quotes:

• "I'll try to go to a bathroom that isn't local." (25:15)
• "Bathrooms have declined." (24:54)

Tim shares his unconventional approach to using public bathrooms, adding a relatable and funny touch to the conversation.

3. Fast Food Critiques and Nostalgic Food Memories

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Tim’s opinions on fast food, reminiscing about favorites from his youth and critiquing their modern iterations.

Notable Quotes:

• "The Burger King French toast stick was one of the most influential things I've ever had in my life." (67:25)
• "Now it is hell... It was just... It is nothing... It is a fucking tragedy." (68:20)

Tim nostalgically recalls favorite items like Burger King's French toast stick and laments the decline of beloved chains like Wendy’s, emphasizing how quality has diminished over time.

4. Childhood Memories and Family Dynamics

Tim delves into personal stories from his childhood, highlighting the complexities of his family life with humor and honesty.

Notable Quotes:

• "We would go over there and we'd eat Lucky Charms with him. And his parents would be passed out because they drank all night." (40:51)
• "That is absurd. Hey, ladies." (36:48)

He shares experiences ranging from dealing with parental conflicts to humorous school incidents, painting a vivid picture of his upbringing.

5. Dinner Party Etiquette and Social Norms

The conversation shifts to social settings, where Tim offers his humorous take on dinner party etiquette, discussing appropriate contributions and guest behavior.

Notable Quotes:

• "If I'm going, I'm usually bringing nothing. Let me tell you why." (09:26)
• "You're bringing me as a local curiosity, an animal you'd point out on a tour bus." (09:52)

Tim’s reflections on being a guest highlight his comedic perspective on social expectations and personal comfort zones.

6. Hotel Experiences and Travel Stories

Tim recounts various hotel experiences, blending humor with insightful commentary on service quality and personal preferences.

Notable Quotes:

• "Somebody's getting that money." (53:05)
• "The maid who worked her ass off has already left. She's at her house sleeping." (53:21)

He humorously critiques hotel staff interactions and shares anecdotes about room service mishaps, providing listeners with entertaining stories from his travels.

7. Modern Food Trends and Personal Preferences

The hosts and Tim discuss evolving food trends, including the rise of flavors like birthday cake ice cream and the proliferation of everything bagel seasoning.

Notable Quotes:

• "The birthday cake flavor is introduced... It was a calming party flavor... I don't like it anymore. It feels very chemical." (64:46)
• "I like it, but I also think that it's like, I want a bagel. Yeah, I want a bagel." (66:47)

Tim expresses his evolving tastes and critiques how certain food trends have lost their original charm, adding a nostalgic and critical edge to the discussion.

8. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

As the episode draws to a close, Tim shares his predictions and final comedic insights, reinforcing his status as a beloved figure in the comedy world.

Notable Quotes:

• "Watch out for the return of Sherbert." (72:34)
• "We are at our coolest when Burger King's popping and Pepsi's pop." (68:41)

The hosts and Tim wrap up with humorous endorsements and well-wishes, leaving listeners entertained and eager for future episodes.

Conclusion

"Tim Dillon Returns!" is a masterful blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and sharp social commentary. Tim Dillon’s return to Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast offers fans a delightful mix of nostalgia, critique, and laughter. From fast food frustrations to childhood memories, the episode encapsulates what makes the podcast a favorite among comedy enthusiasts. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the show, this episode promises an engaging and entertaining experience that highlights Tim Dillon's unique comedic voice.

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Timestamps for Notable Quotes:

• Tim Dillon on Netflix Special: [02:40]
• Bathroom Habits: [24:54], [25:15]
• Fast Food Critiques: [67:25], [68:20]
• Childhood Memories: [40:51], [36:48]
• Dinner Party Etiquette: [09:26], [09:52]
• Hotel Experiences: [53:05], [53:21]
• Modern Food Trends: [64:46], [66:47]
• Final Thoughts: [72:34], [68:41]

This structured summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, notable quotes, and the overall flow, making it an excellent guide for those who haven't listened to the podcast.

Transcript

[Tae Trolley]

Hey, gang, check out this short clip from the Route 66 tour on our YouTube page. I'm not even lying. I just shit my pants.

[Kevin Ryan]

What happened at the garage?

[Tae Trolley]

Hey, how are you? You guys have a bathroom? You saw that, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm curious as to what. Do you want to get out in front of this thing?

[Tae Trolley]

These are dangerous questions.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are those the shorts you were wearing?

[Tae Trolley]

Unfortunately, they are.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, that's fucking disgusting.

[Tae Trolley]

Hang on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Unless you were wearing plastic underwear, which I do not think you.

[Tae Trolley]

It didn't go through.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, dude, that's insane.

[Tae Trolley]

I'm telling you, it did not get to the outer layer. What you may know is the upper atmosphere, it stayed within the molten core of the butt sheet. The underwear, on the other hand, didn't make it.

[Tim Dillon]

Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're welcome.

[Tae Trolley]

I appreciate your hospitality.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of course. I mean, I've seen you go to the bathroom a lot. I've never seen you walk out with ev.

[Tim Dillon]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if.

[Tae Trolley]

Your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage, Take two. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[Tae Trolley]

I'm your host, Tae Trolley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's upstairs in a K hole. Okay, so we're on our own for dinner, boys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good for her.

[Tae Trolley]

Mike Hoes is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are youe Garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for kj Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always, please make sure you rate view, subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify now. No big deal. And then, the greatest website of all time. Don't got to tell nobody in this room. Www.patreon.com Are you garbage? You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes, sir. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today. He is the American Messiah, one of the funniest, one of the most prolific standup comedians, podcasters, and actors working today. He's got a brand New special out on Netflix. I am your mother. And we got him back here after a long absence.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

To see if he's moved on from his garbage roots. Does he belong in an era one with $40 a pound chicken salad, or is he really the Entenman's rich frosted donut? He always was. Give it up for the great Tim Dillon, everybody.

[Tim Dillon]

Thank you, too. He's doing that medical ketamine. Okay. It was recommended.

[Tae Trolley]

She's working on some things.

[Tim Dillon]

It's ptsd.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's in a hot tub right now.

[Tae Trolley]

I talk to people.

[Tim Dillon]

They go, I got ptsd. I'm doing ketamine. I go, from what? You've never served in a war? Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a big jump to do ketamine if, like, your dad was mean to you.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. Ptsd.

[Tae Trolley]

I've got gout. I'm doing blow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[Tae Trolley]

The blood flow moving. Buddy, thank you for coming back. Congrats on the special.

[Tim Dillon]

Thank you so much.

[Tae Trolley]

Congrats on everything.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, that's very sweet of you. I. I didn't want to come back because we had such a killer one.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. I knew that's what you were doing. It's been so good that you didn't want to come back and spoil it because that was.

[Tim Dillon]

That was the number one one for a long time.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you're still. You and Gilly are going back and forth.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Now, the show has evolved since you've been on. Now, listen, as we know, one of the truest garbage men in the business.

[Tim Dillon]

Sure.

[Tae Trolley]

We all come from it.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

It's cherished here. It's celebrated here. You've been blowing up.

[Tim Dillon]

Sure.

[Tae Trolley]

A lot of fancy things going on.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, let's.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's got blue sweatpants shorts on right now. You know, I mean, dude, the polo sweatpants shorts.

[Tim Dillon]

Let me tell you right now, when you get out of a. When you get out of a black car and you walk into a dxl, it cancels out.

[Tae Trolley]

When you pull up, disagree with that.

[Tim Dillon]

In a black car and you walk into a dxl, it really does even out in a negative way.

[Tae Trolley]

Where do you go? You go to 6th Avenue. You know the boys down there on 6 Ave. The DXR.

[Tim Dillon]

There's no other ones.

[Tae Trolley]

That's my guys down there.

[Tim Dillon]

The only one.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

That Indian woman.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes.

[Tim Dillon]

She's a good woman. Yeah, she's a great woman.

[Tae Trolley]

Guy angel down there.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, I know him, too.

[Tae Trolley]

Do you really?

[Tim Dillon]

Of course.

[Tae Trolley]

Oh, my God. That's so fun.

[Tim Dillon]

That's right. That's the Last stop before you get deported, that you work at that store. You. You. You clothe fat people. Then you go to that prison in.

[Tae Trolley]

El Salvador shaving your head. Yikes. Bad news. Now let's see. You've traded your Via Veneta in for gelato. But let's see.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, let's see. See where you're at. I'm surprised because I. I think I might be right back on the trash meter. But I could be. I could be. It could be better than I know.

[Tae Trolley]

When's the last time you had a Carvel? Have you had a Carvel in the last couple of months?

[Tim Dillon]

I have a Carvel gift card in my wallet. Number one. I actually have a car. I was given probably a black card. I was given for my birthday, a Carvel gift card.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

And they don't like that in Carvel. A lot of Carvels in Long island are run by the Asian community. They're a very business savvy, smart community. And they don't like a gift card. They don't respect it. They don't give it the way it should. So they really do. When you. When you push back the gift card, they will. They just. They flop some sprinkles on. They don't do it the way they should. But the last time I've had one, I. The other day, I doordashed a Carvel to the house.

[Tae Trolley]

Holy shit.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was one of my questions. What was the last thing you door dashed or Uber eats? Would it have been ice cream or have you done it since then?

[Tim Dillon]

I'll just go. Can I go to doordash?

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's get the real feel.

[Tae Trolley]

Was it a shake?

[Tim Dillon]

It was not a shake. It was just a vanilla with Crunchies, cookie dough and fudge.

[Tae Trolley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, this guy's doing it, right?

[Tim Dillon]

Doordash, simple, crazy. They bring it right to the condo.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got a Bentley and your door dashing Carvel.

[Tim Dillon]

I mean, you know, what am I gonna do? Buy a Carvel.

[Tae Trolley]

The duality of man.

[Kevin Ryan]

You should open up a franchise.

[Tim Dillon]

I should open up a franchise. We'll call Jason. Can I open a franchise? So I'll tell you right now. I'll go to doordash and I'll go to my last order.

[Kevin Ryan]

How many times a week do you say you're doordashing when I'm not cooking?

[Tim Dillon]

But you know me, I'm cooking most nights. No, the.

[Kevin Ryan]

For the audio listener. He rolled his eyes.

[Tim Dillon]

No, I. You know, I'm doing a lot, unfortunately. It's a. It's a Lot of it's you in New York City. You know, it's a lot, a lot.

[Tae Trolley]

Have you used the stove at your place?

[Tim Dillon]

I have. I make some. Scrambled eggs are good. I make some. You know, I'll do a. Every now and then, I'll do like a, you know, kind of stir fry.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at you. I mean, that's a big step up.

[Tim Dillon]

Meatballs. And I ordered annual a ricotta anulati from Bar Preemie with vodka sauce.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[Tim Dillon]

Bar Premium.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

That was my last. That was my last hurrah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tae Trolley]

What do you think the world would be like if vodka sauce was never invented?

[Tim Dillon]

I don't know. You know, I, I don't even want to picture it. One of my big things right now is I, I. I don't like the Italians on social media. There's too many Italians on social media.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're big on TikTok.

[Tim Dillon]

I don't. These Italians, to me, are a problem and have to be watched.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes.

[Tim Dillon]

And part of the problem is, like, we all grew up with this stuff. Chicken parm and stuff. They're acting like they're putting us on to penne alla vodka.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

And we've been there. So to me, it's, like, annoying when a guy's like, oh, meatball, mozzarella, chicken parm. And I go, hey, hey, hey.

[Tae Trolley]

I've been there enough with the cacio pepe.

[Tim Dillon]

We get it. We get it.

[Tae Trolley]

It's cheese and pepper.

[Tim Dillon]

We get it. And we've been doing it, and it's not a big deal. You're not breaking ground.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah, we know cream sauce doesn't go in a carbonara. We're aware. It's egg yolk.

[Tim Dillon]

We get it.

[Tae Trolley]

So I. I got guanciale on me right now.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, of course. You want a little speck? Please, I got speck.

[Tae Trolley]

What are we doing?

[Tim Dillon]

So, to me, I. I get a little frustrated with it and the vodka sauce. Now, like, to me, all these rubes move to New York City. They're from Ohio, these rubes. And then they wait to get into a restaurant like Carbona of spicy rubber. My friend. My friend's mother make you spicy rigatoni, too. She'll tell you the world's flat. She'll talk a little bit about January 6th, but let me tell you right now, you want a spicy rigatoni, you'll get a spicy rigatoni. And she'll tell you a lot about Michelle Obama's cock.

[Tae Trolley]

Little side of Texas toast, huh?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, we're off to the race and we're off. So far we went after the Asians and the Italians.

[Tim Dillon]

I said they were a smart business community.

[Tae Trolley]

I want to ask you this. You know, you're well traveled. You're, you know, you hang out in certain circles.

[Tim Dillon]

That's right.

[Tae Trolley]

I want to talk about a dinner party.

[Tim Dillon]

Sure.

[Tae Trolley]

I want to talk about two things. One, if you're having a dinner party. One, if you're going to a dinner party.

[Tim Dillon]

Interesting.

[Tae Trolley]

What do you think it's appropriate to bring to a dinner party? What does a guy like you bring?

[Tim Dillon]

If I'm going, I'm usually bringing nothing. Let me tell you why.

[Tae Trolley]

Here's the fucked up thing. We talked to an etiquette coach. That's the right answer.

[Tim Dillon]

Right answer. Because here's the thing. I'm going to a lot of these dinners as. Look, a local pig.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

They're. They're bringing me.

[Tae Trolley]

They have clipboards and white coats.

[Tim Dillon]

They're bringing me to the dinner party as a local curiosity, an animal. An animal you'd point out on a tour bus.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everybody gets 10 minutes sitting next to you.

[Tim Dillon]

For example, this is a local pig who we've brought in here. And everybody kind of pets them. Get the kids, take a photo.

[Tae Trolley]

The yak woman canceled me, so.

[Tim Dillon]

So really, I'm just a cur. It's a curiosity. I'm a curiosity. So no one wants to the curiosity to show up with anything. Because here's the deal. When you go to a dinner party, I think that you're there. They want to do their thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

They don't want to do a potluck?

[Tae Trolley]

No.

[Tim Dillon]

But if I had to. A raspberry cream pie from Brian Beer Farms, gentlemen. Which is great. It's a top notch pie, Brian. Your farms, they won't sponsor me.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've asked.

[Tim Dillon]

I haven't asked, but we've, you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You plugged them enough, I'm sure.

[Tim Dillon]

Where their hat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I've seen the hat.

[Tae Trolley]

I've mentioned this to you before, I believe, but you ruined me with the Haagen Dazs. What is it? Raspberry cheesecake or what is it?

[Tim Dillon]

White chocolate Raspberry truffle man.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah, I could turn back the clock on that.

[Tim Dillon]

It's a great flavor.

[Tae Trolley]

Delicious.

[Tim Dillon]

And it allows you to feel a little festive. Yes, it does. There's something where you feel a little festive, I think an ice. You know, here's the way I look at life now. You got to have a little treat.

[Tae Trolley]

You do.

[Tim Dillon]

You gotta have a little treat.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it has he just said that in the kitchen. He grabbed a power bar. I need a little treat. I came out, he was his cookie.

[Tim Dillon]

Dough flavor and one gram of carb. I don't even know what the these things mean anymore. One gram of this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wasn't out of the bathroom yet. I just heard him talking to himself, going, I could use a little treat.

[Tim Dillon]

Little treat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, pick me up.

[Tim Dillon]

So I think when you have the white chocolate raspberry truffle, it's a little treat. I'm not being a gluttonous pig. I'm having a little treat.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes.

[Tim Dillon]

That's the difference.

[Tae Trolley]

White chocolate's good for you.

[Tim Dillon]

It's a little treat.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a little treat.

[Tae Trolley]

Now, have you been on the other side of that where you throw a dinner party? You know, I'm sure you put out your great, nice, great host.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got to this, the. The infamous summer party. So I valet parking.

[Tim Dillon]

We had valet park.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's how classy this dirt bag can be.

[Tae Trolley]

We hired this six bucks a car.

[Tim Dillon]

But it was a little bit whack me out.

[Tae Trolley]

It charged me extra for the suv.

[Tim Dillon]

I. We hired this guy, this Italian chef from Instagram. This guy doesn't show up because I got food problems. He goes, I got. His stomach problems. I have food poisoning. Chef, by the way, this comeback. So this piece of shit in the morning of the thing goes, I can't show up. So. But then other people came and they did it. They did a great job.

[Tae Trolley]

Well, I wouldn't have known there was.

[Tim Dillon]

A hired Arthur and Sons.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember. Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

In conjunction with this guy. And they killed it.

[Tae Trolley]

It killed it.

[Tim Dillon]

And I think this year we're going to do something different every year. We did. We did traditional summer food the first year. Then we did a Italian food last year. It's like, Italian this year. I'm thinking something different. I don't know what it is.

[Tae Trolley]

At what point does this party get to the point where all you. All the rich people that you know are chasing Kevin and I around the yard and we're greased up in Vaseline naked?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because I have to say, I mean, there was like, yeah, famous people, like, you know, like, fame. There was like. I was talking to one guy. He's like, I'm a huge fan. We go, oh, cool. Thanks, man. Nice to meet you. And he goes, yeah, my dad owns a casino. And I was like, how the fuck. I go. He goes, yeah, I just met Timmy. I go, what the fuck?

[Tim Dillon]

Shout out to everyone at Ocean's Casino in resort.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, exactly. You Know what I'm talking about? We were in the back, right? As dirt bags tend to do smoking, we find a corner away from everybody where we can go catch a heat.

[Tim Dillon]

I hit you up for a bun. Yeah, you did.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you're a good host. You float around, you're doing well, and you always come back to your roots. You find the other fat pigs, the back.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fe had a Feeney, brought his own cooler. A white claws.

[Tae Trolley]

Fe.

[Kevin Ryan]

You forget we're back there cranking heaters.

[Tim Dillon]

You forget he's white trash until you see he's got a tattoo on his leg. It's not a good tattoo. And you go, oh, you're a garbage. Like, you forget how garbage he is until you see that tattoo on a leg.

[Tae Trolley]

Shin tattoo is a bad look.

[Tim Dillon]

I don't know we're going to do this year. I thought maybe sushi, but then that sits out in the sun. That not too good. That ain't good. That ain't good. So I don't know what's a good theme this year for the food?

[Tae Trolley]

Interesting.

[Tim Dillon]

That's pretty good because, you know, go all Greek.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh.

[Tae Trolley]

Do some gyros.

[Tim Dillon]

Interesting. Like a Mediterranean thing. I don't know about that. That gets real sloppy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that doesn't. That doesn't age as well.

[Tae Trolley]

Everybody's smelling like tzatziki. Nobody's making out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Smells like a yellow.

[Tim Dillon]

That gets real sloppy and heinous.

[Tae Trolley]

What about. What about a luau? What about a whole pig?

[Tim Dillon]

Now, I'm think. Now, by the way, that's.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm thinking of doing Polynesian poo poo platter.

[Tae Trolley]

I love it.

[Tim Dillon]

Luau. We get pigs. We get pork.

[Tae Trolley]

Kahlua. Pork. A little poke bowl.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Kimchi fried rice.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pretty good.

[Tim Dillon]

And I could. I know exactly the people that do it. There was this restaurant called the Hurricane Club in New York City, and they had these, like, Peking duck sandwiches. Now you're talking coconut shrimp. I think we do a little tropical luau.

[Tae Trolley]

I like that.

[Tim Dillon]

I like it.

[Tae Trolley]

I like a Peking duck, too.

[Tim Dillon]

That's right.

[Tae Trolley]

Love a duck.

[Tim Dillon]

Duck.

[Tae Trolley]

Good duck out there on the island, too.

[Tim Dillon]

Get it all.

[Tae Trolley]

Very good.

[Tim Dillon]

That's right.

[Tae Trolley]

Now, have you had people show up to something like that or a smaller.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, they bring a supermarket pie like an animal. And I just give it to one of the caterers and say, take this to your family. Take this to your family. I give it to the. I literally give the food to the people. I give it to the caterers and I say, Take this to your children.

[Tae Trolley]

Do you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you fake like a thank you so much? You go, oh, and do you.

[Tim Dillon]

I don't really fake a thank you. All right, thanks. Like, it's a quick. It's not like somebody take this. Sounds like thanks so much. Oh, you went to stop and shop. Thanks so much.

[Tae Trolley]

So are you saying Tim Dillon is now beyond the apple crumb pie at a stop and shop?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, at a catered event.

[Tim Dillon]

You got to go get. Here's the thing. I'm not turning down a pie if you do something nice. Somebody brought some nice Italian cookies. That's nice. Don't go to the grocery store. Don't get something at the grocery store.

[Tae Trolley]

What about the nice icing cookies that they have?

[Tim Dillon]

They didn't even do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, they could have.

[Tae Trolley]

They could have got a cookie puss on the way.

[Tim Dillon]

If they brought a themed sugar cookie, it's a different story. Okay, That's a novelty. That's a little treat.

[Tae Trolley]

All right. Right. I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay, we're getting somewhere. Now. I wanted to ask you this. I'm sure this is something in the family.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

If a number's mentioned. 25, 2506,392.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're pumping gas.

[Tae Trolley]

That's a good number. You should play that number.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes, we think that number. And no one has ever won a thing. No, no one's won a goddamn thing.

[Tae Trolley]

Now, did you have any heavy lottery people in the family growing up?

[Tim Dillon]

We had a lot of heavy lottery people. My mother had a theory that the scratch off. She said, we got to play scratch offs in bad areas because you're more likely to win. And I said, why? She goes, because the government gives those people help every now and then with the scratch offs. And I said, well, mom, that sounds very questionable, but again, remember, folks, it's 1998. My mother's doing the best she can. She had a mental illness. Sure, but that's what she did say. She goes, every now and then, the government has to give those people a little hope. That's what she said. So we would drive to real bad areas, and she'd buy a scratch off.

[Tae Trolley]

I like it.

[Tim Dillon]

RIP Patricia Dillon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of course. Yes. That's okay. Sure, sure.

[Tim Dillon]

Is it the best way to phrase it? Maybe not. But it was her belief system. That's what she believed in.

[Kevin Ryan]

They each their own.

[Tae Trolley]

Never a winner, never a winner.

[Tim Dillon]

Didn't. She didn't win much, her and her friend Dennis. My father, Dennis, the guy rented a room in her house. He used to drive up to Foxwoods, Mohegan Sun. And they would never win.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's.

[Tae Trolley]

Never win.

[Tim Dillon]

It was tough.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think anybody's ever won at Mohegan sun for being.

[Tim Dillon]

Sometimes they'd stay in their van. She had a big econoline van. And they wouldn't spend the money on a room. They go, let's. Let's skip.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crash in a van.

[Tim Dillon]

We'll crash in a van and then just spend more money. You know, we'll try to get them next time. Get them tomorrow, get them next time. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I respect that.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Can't be Aura Frames or a frames.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or a frames or a frame.

[Tae Trolley]

This Mother's Day, you want to knock it out of the park. You want to look like a goddamn hero in front of your mom. Your mother in law, shut her up a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Even your wife.

[Tae Trolley]

Your grandma. Your wife, sure. Do yourself a favor. Aura Frames, digital frame, they throw it up on the counter, they throw it up on the manual. They get to keep up what's going on with Jimmy, Tommy, Billy, Bobby, the whole clan. Aura Frames, the best Mother's Day gift you're ever gonna get on sale right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's the best if it's great for a family member, lives far away. Like, Denise is a couple hours away from me. I can't make it down there. So you just throw a picture frame, upload the pic. Hey, it's just like I'm here.

[Tae Trolley]

I'm still going bald.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just like I'm at dinner. Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter and featured in 495 gift guides last year. So next time you need to call your mom so you can also send her a new pic of you with that trip you've been telling her about, right from your phone. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best selling Carver mat frame. That's Aura. Auraframes.com promo code.

[Tim Dillon]

Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Now let's get back to the show.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah, kid, let's talk about Huel.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I'm about to heal up, dog gang.

[Tae Trolley]

Huel is a complete meal in one bottle with 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins and minerals, high fiber, low sugar, so you'll feel focused, feel good, and feel on the go. And feel fantastic. We're talking about no prep.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a lot of cleanup.

[Tae Trolley]

Just grab and go. Huell's already sold over 500 million meals around the world and now it's your turn to try it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Shout out to Huel. They sent us a. I'm talking a crate. A crate of these johns.

[Tae Trolley]

Delish boy.

[Kevin Ryan]

The boys are out.

[Tae Trolley]

It was a milkshake.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're typically ordering delivery. We got nine, nine, nine.

[Tim Dillon]

Fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuel me up. Back into the hard feelings lab, dawg. How you doing? Huel is perfectly balanced meal while saving you time. Designed by experts to provide all the nutrients your body needs from a meal, Huel takes the guesswork and time out of healthy eating. No prep, no cooking. They taste good, Tastes like a milkshake. And they come in delicious. Chocolate or vanilla? I'm a chocolate guy. That's just that vanilla. Plus they got the bonus. They got low suggie in them, low sugar. And plus Lassie Huel is incredibly affordable with high protein meals less than $5. It's a budget friendly option that we are stoked about. Start Start. Saving time and money with. Com without compromising your nutrition. Today with the our exclusive offer for new customers. They get 15% plus a free gift using our code aygul.com. that's 15 plus a free gift for new customers using our exclusive code aygl.com. please see our description for the terms and conditions. Skip the stress, not the nutrition. Try heal today for the complete nutrition. Bottled.

[Tae Trolley]

Do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Tae Trolley]

I love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why we're on the. On the the topic of food here, let's say you're at your local mall. You're growing up. You're at the mall food court. It's about dinner time. What's the Timmy D move there at a mall food court.

[Tim Dillon]

The year is 2004.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay, lower the lights.

[Tim Dillon]

The year is 2004.

[Tae Trolley]

I can smell the walking.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm walking around a mall with my good friend Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

What was the name of the mall, by the way?

[Tim Dillon]

The Roosevelt Field Mall.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, okay.

[Tim Dillon]

It could have been the source. Probably not.

[Kevin Ryan]

Roosevel.

[Tim Dillon]

Roosevelt Field. I'm walking around with my good friends Ryan. Ryan, not kidding, Tim. And potentially another Ryan. We're walking around. Sure. We've been to Spencer's Gifts. We've sat in the Sharper Image. We've been massaged. Okay. We've walked around. We've stumbled into.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've entered the win the Car Aeropostale.

[Tim Dillon]

We've walked by the models at Abercrombie and Fitch. Or now it's time for a sample of Bourbon Chicken.

[Kevin Ryan]

I Settle into just a Wet the whistle.

[Tim Dillon]

Settle into a Ranch One chicken and cheese. Which Ranch One was a great mall chicken sandwich. Look up Ranch One.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[Tim Dillon]

Ranch One, chicken and cheese.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, Ranch One's location. Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Ranch One was a Long island thing, and they had a lot of great chicken sandwiches, but they were all over the tri state.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, but here's, here's.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes, I know what you're talking about.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, those things were wrapped. But here's the reality. Here's where we really went. If we were at the mall and we were. We're not doing food court, because a lot of times we would do food court, which could be whatever, but if we weren't at the mall, we would go to the Cheesecake Factory.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoa.

[Tim Dillon]

The Cheesecake Factory for us symbolized the promises that this country kept.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

2004.

[Tim Dillon]

Wow. Of the Cheesecake Factory.

[Tae Trolley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

I must have went for the first time probably about five years.

[Tim Dillon]

I forget when we started going, but it was, we were young, we were kids, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's the order there then and then now?

[Tae Trolley]

Landed on the moon. God.

[Tim Dillon]

I mean, Cheesecake Factory. When we first started going, we were young people. I, I, I think we were getting, you know, they, they had quesadillas. They had a great burger with, with the, with the French potato chips on it.

[Tae Trolley]

Crispy onions.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, with crispy onions. They had, you know, all kinds of different shit. They had a salmon that was crusted with herbs and a lemon butter sauce. If you wanted to feel cool.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes.

[Tim Dillon]

You would try to get maybe a little bit of a salmon.

[Tae Trolley]

A macadamia.

[Tim Dillon]

Little macadamia. One time, me and my friend Ryan were at the mall. We went to this restaurant. We're drinking apple martinis, getting hammered. We're in 11th grade. We had fake IDs. Not at the Cheesecake Factory, but at this other place. His father came and picked us up. We get in the car, we're hammered. His father goes, I know you're both drunk. And he goes, your mother's gonna kill you. Because we're just breathing fire.

[Kevin Ryan]

Appletinis.

[Tim Dillon]

Apple teachers, fire, Right? And he goes, your mother's gonna keep. Because when you go in, just walk right to your room. Don't even, don't even speak to your mother. Don't say anything. And we walked in and we just went, like, right downstairs and just kind of sat there, just hammered. But that was the fun of going out when you were younger is trying to get, do the fake IDs, work and let's get fucked up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

On Apple TV.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you always order something you've seen on TV or a movie.

[Tim Dillon]

We were just like. Cause the waitress literally said, our special is an apple martini. And we were too nervous to order anything. Therefore, we just said, we'll take two of those and keep them coming. Keep them coming. We're 12 years old.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tae Trolley]

That's good stuff. I'd like to step into the bathroom for just a quick second.

[Tim Dillon]

Absolutely.

[Tae Trolley]

This is something I've been noticing that I do as a bigger guy. I don't really know why I do it. I just feel more comfortable at home or away. When you're. When you're using the facilities, do you work with the toilet paper off the roller, or do you find yourself taking it and holding in your hand and using it from there?

[Tim Dillon]

I do it in the hand.

[Tae Trolley]

I've been freestyling it, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

You put your finger on.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

You freestyle.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

It's a better situation.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, because the other thing, it, like, breaks. It's like, one can't do it. It's terrible.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah. I like to have it in my hand.

[Tim Dillon]

It's terrible.

[Tae Trolley]

Steady cam style.

[Tim Dillon]

And I. I'm only. I really try not to use the bathroom. Publicly, if possible.

[Tae Trolley]

Interesting.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. Like, because it's. It's terrible now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Bathrooms have declined.

[Tae Trolley]

Brings up another. Another thing that we've been talking about lately on the podcast. Let's say you're at somebody's house for said dinner party or, you know, Christmas or whatever, and you have to use the bathroom.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

One, will you use it?

[Tim Dillon]

Of course.

[Tae Trolley]

Two, will you go upstairs?

[Tim Dillon]

I'll try to go to a bathroom that isn't local.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Not connected.

[Tim Dillon]

I think you have to use it, and I think people know. Know that anybody. That's just the way it is.

[Tae Trolley]

How would you feel if we were at your party? I had to go. I can't use that one off the kitchen because I'm going to embarrass everybody.

[Tim Dillon]

Sure. Myself.

[Tae Trolley]

Would you be okay with me wandering upstairs and using, let's say, yours in the master bedroom? Would that be a problem?

[Tim Dillon]

No. You could use any bathroom you want.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. You could use any bathroom you want.

[Tae Trolley]

Gentlemen.

[Tim Dillon]

I think it's the right thing to do.

[Kevin Ryan]

I respect that.

[Tim Dillon]

I think it's the right thing to do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

All right.

[Tim Dillon]

I think you could use the one by the kitchen, too. That's to help. That's the help in there. They deal with that. They got to deal with that. They got to go. Some guy just came in and took a shit all over this salad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Somebody let a bear in here?

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, hey.

[Tim Dillon]

You're to help.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll.

[Tim Dillon]

I'll explain it to him. I go, listen, I had a lot of shitty jobs. You're in the middle of one of them.

[Tae Trolley]

Keep the Santa Fe egg rolls coming and enjoy that.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

I'll be out by the pool having a parliament.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. They'll go, some guy just shit all over everything. I'll go, well, get the sorbet and head on out of there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Save the chicken parm.

[Tae Trolley]

We gotta load him back up.

[Tim Dillon]

Y.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay, very good.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[Tae Trolley]

Very good. Growing up, was there ever a family picture where you were all wearing the same thing? Maybe a white linen shirt on the beach?

[Tim Dillon]

No, because park. You know. No, I don't think so. We never coordinated our clothing with. With each other.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. We kind of pretended not to know each other.

[Tae Trolley]

I love that, actually. Which it's funny because there's a thin line between that. That it's garbage. Even, like, you know, rich people and well to do people like to do. Everybody's wearing the white shirt on the beach, which that's trashy in itself. But when you look at a family picture and you're like, do these people know each other? Is super garbage.

[Tim Dillon]

My family has the same expression on their face on every family photo. And it's this, oh, we're doing this. I guess we're a family. I guess that's what they call this. For tax purposes. Sure, I guess for tax purposes. These two, this fat woman and her child will be in my photo. I also make no money. You know what I mean? Like, I also have nothing. We just didn't have a lot of money. When you grow up and you don't have a lot of stuff, there wasn't a ton to celebrate, you know what I mean? It wasn't like I was a pride of the family. I was on a swim team, okay. I didn't exactly earn a gold medal, okay? Every, every, every moment. Growing up with me was utter shame. The worst case scenario is why I got caught smoking. Somewhere they go, thank God he's doing something that at least he can do that. Well.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's not a complete pussy.

[Tae Trolley]

Would the family come to the swim meets? Would they come and support?

[Tim Dillon]

My mother was the coach.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really.

[Tim Dillon]

I come from a long line of fat lifeguards. It's actually the most discriminated group. I don't really want to hear anything about, I don't know, trans people or Filipinos. Who's ever screaming out there. You put a whistle on and you overweight, you get out there on the.

[Tae Trolley]

Deck, people, your authority start getting real cautious in the water.

[Tim Dillon]

I'll tell you right now, it's just not. You don't have a ton of authority being a fat lifeguard, but you have to be. And you have to fight harder for it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can only cannonball to save people.

[Tim Dillon]

You have to fight harder for it. Like the Ukraine.

[Tae Trolley]

Oh, beautiful.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why? We're on childhood a little bit. Take a step back, please. What was the first concert that you went to?

[Tim Dillon]

First concert. Whitney Houston in Whoa. I was 8 years old and we went to Radio City. It was like Christmas week. She was there. It was a great concert. She showed up an hour late.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

She was having fun, and she showed up an hour late. But she killed it. That was back when the crack wasn't affecting the performance.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was probably amping it up.

[Tim Dillon]

It was heightening. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was really getting, you know, like.

[Tim Dillon]

She was in it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hitting his own.

[Tim Dillon]

But she showed him an hour later. People were angry, but I was 8 years old. Went to one of my uncle's restaurants. Nice. And it was like a nice family thing. That's fun because she was singing like the family. You know what I mean?

[Tae Trolley]

Christmas, New York City. You could smell the walnuts cooking or whatever.

[Tim Dillon]

She was like the most wholesome thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's all over the radio at the top.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, she was killing it. She's still one of the greatest singers ever. Maybe the best. Maybe the best ever.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

And she killed it. She was a little late.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Traffic. And she said something. She goes, don't read what you're reading the tabloids about me and my husband. Everything's fine. And everyone clapped. And my father went, you tell him. My father literally was sitting next to me, goes, you tell him, Whitney. He literally said. She goes, don't. She was clearly on crack. She goes. She goes, they're reading a husband. And the tabloids. We're doing fine. Don't read. Don't care about it. What people are saying to my dad goes, you tell them, Whitney. Clearly on crack. She's a talented woman.

[Tae Trolley]

Very. Okay, okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I listen, this is a little old hat at the moment, but I don't think we ever got your Domino's or Pizza Hut.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, here's the thing. It started out Pizza Hut. We went. It was. Here's the deal. The pizza had a lunch buffet. It was $6. We've talked about this. Their heyday was their heyday dessert pizzas. They had the cherry one. They had the apple One Pizza Hut had the stuffed crust. It was Pizza Hut's game to lose in this country.

[Tae Trolley]

And they did.

[Tim Dillon]

Effing lost it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

Fucking lost it. And then I switched over to Domino's in about eighth grade.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good.

[Tim Dillon]

And I haven't looked back. Flirted with Papa John's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never did it for you?

[Tim Dillon]

Uncomfortable with the racism.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah. And a little too tangy on the sauce. You pull it back.

[Tim Dillon]

The thing with Papa John's is the bread. It's like this weird. Like it feels like the sauce is a little tangy also. It's like. Doesn't feel like pizza. It's like a pastry.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Puffy. It's like. Oh, a pastry.

[Tae Trolley]

I agree. I don't know if anybody's had Domino's recently. Those guys are getting it together.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love Domino's. If we're on the road, it's the only thing you can get in Tulsa or something. I'm going Domino's.

[Tim Dillon]

If you do a nice. You go from a Domino's wing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

To us. I. My go to with Domino's is I like a pepper and onion. I like a green pepper and onion pie. You know what I mean? Get the veggies out. Let's treat. Let's take care of ourselves.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

Let's treat ourselves, but also take care of our longevity.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah. It's like living in a blue zone.

[Tim Dillon]

Here for a good time and a long time.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes, absolutely.

[Tim Dillon]

And I love. And you go from. You go from a nice. That and then. But here's the thing. Domino's used to have a thing called twisty bread. Sure. Before. And it was just this bread that was like this garlicky bread that sat with like this herb oil mixture. And it was great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

It was like a big garlic knot.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it went away.

[Tim Dillon]

Went away. The dodo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[Tae Trolley]

The garlic knot does not get enough love in this country.

[Tim Dillon]

That's a little bit of it. But you know what? It is the g. The garlic knot isn't always executed. Well, sometimes people.

[Tae Trolley]

I agree.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's not wrong.

[Tae Trolley]

They sit out a lot.

[Tim Dillon]

They sit out.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

They sit at three day old knot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Got a dome fresh.

[Tim Dillon]

Make fresh knots. You just got out of jail. Be happy you're free.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little fucking self respect.

[Tim Dillon]

A little pride. You just got out of prison. Have a knot.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're all work release.

[Tim Dillon]

Okay.

[Tae Trolley]

Was there ever a show as a family in the Dylan household that you all watch together?

[Tim Dillon]

No, because my mother and father hated each other. So she didn't really like to be in the same room with him.

[Tae Trolley]

Fair Enough.

[Tim Dillon]

There was no show that was more powerful than that. Me and him would watch all kinds of shit. You know, every now and then there might. Maybe there'd be a movie on that. We'd all try to get through.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay?

[Tim Dillon]

And then.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a way to put that for a dysfunctional family, you try to get through.

[Tim Dillon]

Because during one of the breaks, my mother would go, by the way, how are we going to pay the bills this month? We don't have any money. You're a loser. And I go, hey, can we just finish the Golden Child?

[Tae Trolley]

Shut up, Daddy.

[Tim Dillon]

I'd really like to see the end of the Golden Child before you two start screaming in each other's faces. I'd like to finish the end of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, if that's possible.

[Tae Trolley]

The Golden Child.

[Tim Dillon]

Man, both of you are not educated, and you've done nothing for this family. Sure, yeah, I know it's a blame game, but.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I don't know if we touched on this the first time. Did you pack a lunch or did you. Or did you buy lunch at school?

[Tim Dillon]

We started buying lunch, we started packing lunch. You know, here's the thing. The perfect example of my family is, like, my father. We went. We like. There's a boardwalk of a town over from mine. It's like two miles. One morning, my father gets me out of bed. Like, he's mad. He goes, get over. Get up. Get in the car. I go, okay, you go down to the boardwalk. He goes, we're gonna do jog a block, walk a block, and we're gonna get in fucking shape. I was like, you know, I was like seventh grade, like a little pudgy kid. I'm like, all right, let's do it. So we did that. And then at the end of the day, he goes, we're doing this every morning. We never did it again.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, my dad did the same exact thing to me. We fucking ran. Ran down a hill. Our street was on a hill. We ran down the hill, and it got uphill, and he smoked three packs a day. We had a walk back. Never ran.

[Tim Dillon]

It never happened again. So that was like. With the lunch thing, like, they'd go like this. They go, we're not. You're bringing lunch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then laziness hits.

[Tim Dillon]

We're bringing lunch. We're not doing this bullshit. Third day, they're like, here's $3. You get out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pizza day.

[Tim Dillon]

It's pizza day.

[Tae Trolley]

We always had the thing. Me and my brother, they'd. Mom do the same thing. You're packing your lunch. We'd go through those, the variety chip bag, in about two hours. There'd be nothing left for the week.

[Tim Dillon]

High school lunch. Favorite. You do a fish stick. You do a tater tot and a little canned string bean. You do a hot dog, you do beans, a little sauerkraut. Okay. You do some chicken nuggets. You do French fries, You do a little corn.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never heard anybody like the vegetables. That's crazy.

[Tim Dillon]

These are canned vegetables. I got a lot of sugar. They're very good.

[Tae Trolley]

Canned green beans are.

[Tim Dillon]

Friday's pizza day. Nice pizza. Every now and then there'd be like. And then we. You know, for a while there in seventh and eighth grade, we actually had a little frozen yogurt machine. A little fro yo. No kidding. And this is a true story. There was a. You were allowed one little cup of sprinkles with the yogurt. I took a bunch of sprinkles, and the woman said to me, you're not allowed to take them. She was like a woman from, like, what, Eastern Europe? And I told her, and again, I'm not saying this the way to act. I was in eighth grade.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't try this at home.

[Tim Dillon]

She said, you cannot have this spring. And I went, hey, hey, hey. Shut up.

[Tae Trolley]

You were in this exact outfit.

[Tim Dillon]

I told her, shut up.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's got the glances on.

[Tim Dillon]

I told her, shut up. She's from Eastern Europe. I don't know where she was from. Maybe the Balkans.

[Kevin Ryan]

Could have been Delaware.

[Tim Dillon]

She really had a hard life. And I just said, shut up. And she started crying like I've never seen a human being cry. She started bawling like I had told her that she was. That her kids had died. I said, shut up. And she said, no. And she just started crying. And she went to the principal, and she went to the principal. And I had to sit in the principal's office.

[Kevin Ryan]

My head hurts.

[Tim Dillon]

While he called my mother and father. And he finally got my mother. And he goes, is this Mrs. Dylan? And she said, yeah. And he goes, he just told one of the lunch aides to shut up. And she goes, I cannot believe he said that. And he goes, he stole sprinkles from the frozen yogurt. And she's told him he was not allowed to have them. And he told her to shut up. And then I went back to my house. My mother said, you never say a word like that again. I can't believe you said that. And she goes, now, what is this about the sprinkles I said they give you one cup of sprinkles for the yogurt. She goes, that is ridiculous.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's okay. How are you supposed to live? I thought, this is fucking American.

[Tim Dillon]

That is absurd. Hey, ladies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Isn't communist Czechoslovakia anymore paying taxes?

[Tim Dillon]

Okay. It's not Kosovo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Make good with the sprinkie.

[Tae Trolley]

What are we doing here? Come on.

[Tim Dillon]

Give me those.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay, campus, all the good people bought Acorns.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out the Acorn gang.

[Tae Trolley]

As you know, April is financial literacy month. That's right. They made a whole month reminding you to be financially responsible and be in control of your money. And the good news is you don't need 30 days to do it.

[Tim Dillon]

Nope.

[Tae Trolley]

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[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, listen, I've been a big proponent of Acorns for years now. It's been the only way I've been able to squirrel away a couple of. Couple of bucks. That's it. If you wanted to. I was unable to save until Acorns. That is a. That is a fact, baby. So if you sign up right now, join over the 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorn.comacorns.com three grand and that's mine. Head to acorns.comgarbage or download the Acorns app to get started. This is a paid client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC is an SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] garbage do it.

[Tae Trolley]

Do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not back to the show.

[Tae Trolley]

Get back to the show.

[Kevin Ryan]

This episode is brought to you by Enterprise Mobility. From fleet management to flexible truck rentals to technology solutions, Enterprise Mobility helps businesses find the right mobility solutions so they can find new opportunities. Because if your business is on the road, they want to make sure it's on the road to success. Enterprise Mobility moving you moves the world. Find Your road at enterprisemobility.com.

[Tae Trolley]

Was the cereal on top of the fridge at your house growing up?

[Tim Dillon]

Yes, it was. Yes, it was Apple Jack's. Thank you very much. No kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ooh.

[Tim Dillon]

The fall.

[Tae Trolley]

Wow.

[Tim Dillon]

It's called the Fall Honey Nut. Cheerios.

[Tae Trolley]

Gentlemen.

[Tim Dillon]

Apple Jacks. Jacks. I'd fight with her because I wanted Lucky Charms, but she didn't want it. She didn't like some of these things. They had yellow dye number three in them. But I'll tell you right now, just for a little segue here, for cereal, a corn pop. Of course, A nice corn pop. A Count Chocula.

[Tae Trolley]

Really?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. Wow. Cookie Crisp.

[Tae Trolley]

That's what you were getting?

[Tim Dillon]

These were. Well, these were the fantasy items. I didn't get them. My mother, like I was. That makes sense.

[Tae Trolley]

All right.

[Tim Dillon]

Waffle Crisp.

[Tae Trolley]

Like, yeah, okay.

[Tim Dillon]

Like, all of these things I wanted, but the kids who had. There was this kid Ryan. They're all named Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm just saying. His parents were alcoholic drunks, and they hung out at a bar called the Shamrock. And before we went into his house, he'd go, my house is really dirty. He was real embarrassed about his house. Okay. He lived by a bar called the Little Red Choo Choo. But his parents got into an altercation at the Choo Choo, and they were only served at the Shamrock.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

This is all true.

[Tae Trolley]

Only served at the Shamrock.

[Tim Dillon]

It's Isle of Park, New York. Someone in the comments will go, this is all. I don't have this imagination, man.

[Tae Trolley]

When a bartender says, I can't serve you anymore.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You walk in, Timmy, you know you're not allowed it. And he goes.

[Tim Dillon]

The kid, Ryan would go, my parents. They're not allowed it to Choo Choo. And so what happened was we would go to his house, and he had the good stuff. He had the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. His parents are out boozing.

[Tim Dillon]

He had. The king for me was always Lucky Charms. That was a king. And he had it. And we would go over there and we'd eat Lucky Charms with him. And his parents would be passed out because they drank all night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

And they'd sleep all day. And every now and then, we'd go into his house and he'd have, like, a black eye because it was.

[Kevin Ryan]

He fell down the stairs.

[Tim Dillon]

It was really sad. And he'd have a black eye. And then he'd go, yeah, man. He go, my house is really dirty. And it was tough. It was really, really hard. He had a hard life.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

And it says a lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you stay in touch with him? Not really.

[Tim Dillon]

Not really.

[Tae Trolley]

But you still got that good cereal.

[Tim Dillon]

You know, I. It was. It was eye opening for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

To see the struggles.

[Tae Trolley]

That's what it takes to get the good cereal and.

[Tim Dillon]

But, you know, happy with your corn flakes at the End of the day, I did enjoy that cereal. And we. We were making his life better by going.

[Tae Trolley]

I agree.

[Tim Dillon]

Because a lot of kids felt bad hanging out there.

[Tae Trolley]

Would you add sugar to the stuff? So what would you actually get? Would you get the honey in the Cheerios?

[Tim Dillon]

They'd buy a Rice Krispie or a Corn Flake. They thought they were doing the right thing.

[Tae Trolley]

Would you doctor that up with a little sugar? A little banana?

[Tim Dillon]

Hit it with a little cane. A little raw cane sugar. My grandfather would hit it, too. Some bananas on a cornflakes.

[Kevin Ryan]

You hit a little sugar.

[Tim Dillon]

I like Special K. Special K is not bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Delicious.

[Tim Dillon]

Special case. Not that bad.

[Tae Trolley]

No, not at all. Has a sweetness for it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Favorite kind of Dorito.

[Tim Dillon]

Cool Ranch. Very, very simple.

[Tae Trolley]

Very nice. What about a Bugle?

[Tim Dillon]

I like it. My grandmother loved the Bugle. With a Three doers on a rocks and a Bugle.

[Kevin Ryan]

A Bugle Kicker.

[Tim Dillon]

Three doers on a rocks and a bowl of Bugles. She was off to the races. A little BBC British crime drama. A couple of Bugles.

[Tae Trolley]

That's a wild combo.

[Tim Dillon]

Off to the race.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get it.

[Tae Trolley]

Wild.

[Tim Dillon]

Off to the races.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just salty enough.

[Tae Trolley]

Was there ever a bowl of nuts in the house, like, on the coffee table?

[Tim Dillon]

No, never. We didn't really have a ball of nuts.

[Tae Trolley]

The walnuts, the crackers every now and then.

[Tim Dillon]

We didn't have, like, anything for anyone. It was not like the house where it was like, oh, you're here, have some of this.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah, okay.

[Tim Dillon]

We didn't really have any of that. Around Easter. We'd have maybe a bowl of candy or around, like, Christmas. We might have some Christmas. M M's out. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Were you one of those families that had, like, the stand with the hook for the. For the bushel of bananas?

[Tim Dillon]

No, no, those. They just sat on the table. Bushel sat on the kitchen. Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

And they put them in the freezer and say they're gonna make banana bread out of them. They did find them, like, a year later back there.

[Tim Dillon]

I mean. Yeah, it's. It was, you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Have you ever had a tennis racket?

[Tim Dillon]

We had rackets. We played. We tried to play a little bit. Like, that's another thing. My dad would be like, we're gonna. We're gonna make him into a tennis player. We'll make him into an actor. He'll be a swimmer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

And then, you know what? I end up being a cocaine addiction. So really what they ended up doing was just making me into a cocaine addict. A closeted, gay cocaine addict who enthusiastically supported the Iraq War.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a mix.

[Tae Trolley]

And had a hankering for Count Chocula.

[Tim Dillon]

So, you know, it's. It's a. They didn't really hit the. It was a moving target.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Huh. I got one more about the childhood. Who's the most famous person you met as a kid?

[Tim Dillon]

Good question.

[Kevin Ryan]

Could have been a newscaster.

[Tim Dillon]

Mark Spitzer. He was an Olympic swimmer.

[Tae Trolley]

No kidding.

[Tim Dillon]

He came because my mom was a swim coach and I was on a swim team and. Pretty good, I think. I said to him, I'm like, you do butterfly? I do butterfly. I'd love to be in the Olympics. I think he's like, all right, get away from me. Just Gremlin away from me. Kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

Going through my pockets.

[Tae Trolley]

You like Lucky Charms?

[Tim Dillon]

He's like, if you're taking it. If you're taking this so seriously, why are you smoking a cigarette? Why are you smoking in a pool? You're in the pool. I see.

[Kevin Ryan]

Later.

[Tim Dillon]

I like Newports. They raise your high 15%. Did you know that? Mark Spitz, Olympic SWIMMER they kick your high up about 15%.

[Tae Trolley]

That's too good, not being in the city, but. Did you ever walk to work? You ever have to walk to work?

[Tim Dillon]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

I never.

[Tae Trolley]

Always had a car.

[Tim Dillon]

I knew. Well, I took the bus. I didn't always have a car, but I never worked close enough to my house. I took a bus. You took a public bus all the time.

[Tae Trolley]

Whoa.

[Tim Dillon]

Oh, yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Oh, yeah. That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's right. I had to be different. Long Island's public transportation has to be different than the public transportation.

[Tae Trolley]

You're still in the suburbs.

[Tim Dillon]

You're still in the bur. But here's the deal. Nobody on the bus. It's not a good scene.

[Kevin Ryan]

No one's killing it.

[Tim Dillon]

It's not a good scene. It's a bunch of guys who had Dewees and all that, you know, it's some old people.

[Tae Trolley]

A lot of people carrying clothes.

[Tim Dillon]

Couple of undesirables.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes.

[Tim Dillon]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

What did Hillary say? Basket of deplorables. That was the bus.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was the bus.

[Tim Dillon]

Real basket of deplorables.

[Tae Trolley]

Have you ever sat at the desk at a bank? You ever sat at the desk?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, I was a mortgage guy for years.

[Tae Trolley]

That's true.

[Tim Dillon]

Of course, but have you ever been.

[Tae Trolley]

On the other side of that?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, I was told many times they were closing my account. Many times. I'd walk in and they'd go, you haven't made a payment in three months. And I'd sit there and I'd go, there's something wrong? I've been embarrassed in banks. Shamed rather. I mean, I lost a house. I had. My house was foreclosed. I had no credit for years. And I go to the bag. I always had like an ill fitting suit. And I'd sit down and they'd go, Mr. Dillon, you can't even. Your account was closed. And I'd always be work. I'd always make a. Sell a mortgage after three months of earning no money. And I go, I hear to deposit a check. They go, your account's closed and we can't reopen it. You got to settle up. You owe us like 600 or something. And I just quietly put the check back in my thing. I go, I'll see you, I'll get on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't have that on me.

[Tim Dillon]

I'll get on that. And then she goes, you could pay it out of your check. I go, yeah, yeah. And then I'd go to the check cashing place and then put the cash right in the pocket.

[Kevin Ryan]

Love a check cash.

[Tim Dillon]

I love a check cash.

[Tae Trolley]

Take the 20 box, take the 8.

[Tim Dillon]

Take a taste, take it.

[Tae Trolley]

Take a taste of Friday.

[Tim Dillon]

Take a taste. Give me some cash.

[Kevin Ryan]

I need it now.

[Tim Dillon]

I go right to the Imperial Diner and live like a person.

[Tae Trolley]

Gentlemen, I love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, speaking of diner, breakfast, you say you're at a hotel. Do you prefer the breakfast at the hotel restaurant or do you get the room service delivered? What do you prefer?

[Tim Dillon]

I like a room service delivered. I don't really want to see everybody that early. Okay, let me ease into the day.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then do you let the guy come in or do you stop him at the door and say, I'll take it.

[Tim Dillon]

Depends what I've ordered.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

If I'm really going to hell with myself, you might have to set it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a team out there.

[Tim Dillon]

He might have to set it up. Are we doing anything tableside? It really depends on what's coming in. Is there a Hawaiian fire dancer? Is there a Hawaiian fire dancer gonna come in and announce. Announce the food?

[Kevin Ryan]

Like especially they're making the guacamole.

[Tim Dillon]

If I just did a breakfast burrito, that's. I'll just take it from them at the door. If they send in a Hawaiian fire dancer and they got a pig on his bed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mr. Dylan, I would have to make a little room.

[Tae Trolley]

Mr. Dylan, where would you like the omelet bar over by the ironing board, please.

[Tim Dillon]

If they're making waffles and stuff. If we're getting into it and having fun, I Might have three or four of them in a room for duration of the meal.

[Tae Trolley]

Will you make your own waffle at the breakfast?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not anymore.

[Tim Dillon]

I don't go to anymore, I don't go to them anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

If I bump into you at a.

[Tae Trolley]

Holiday Inn Express, I made one recently.

[Tim Dillon]

No, no, no. By the way, I actually like, would like to just go in and make a waffle and leave. I don't want to stay there. But I like that process.

[Tae Trolley]

Yes.

[Tim Dillon]

I like spraying it down with pam. I like spraying it with a chemical pam.

[Tae Trolley]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

I like putting the, putting the wa. And you know what they do? They, they measure out how much you need for the waffle.

[Tae Trolley]

You don't have to think about it.

[Tim Dillon]

You don't about it. But I, I go, let's do a little extra. I like to see it drip out, of course, and then you turn it around. But it's a. I, I, that was my favorite thing as a kid, the Marriott breakfast buffet. Me and my mother, because she hated my father, would take me to the Marriott breakfast buffet. We'd sit there, we'd eat for two and a half hours and then go and sleep for the whole day.

[Tae Trolley]

Isn't it crazy?

[Kevin Ryan]

Would you wouldn't stay at the hotel, you would just go there for breakfast.

[Tim Dillon]

They had breakfast buffet. So we would just drive 40 minutes from my house to the Marriott and we'd have the Marriott breakfast buffet. And my father would stay home and watch Hercules and then Xena, Warrior Princess, which were the offerings on WPIX 11.

[Tae Trolley]

Made a lot of money on those two shows though.

[Tim Dillon]

Lucy Lawless, Kevin Sorbo, cashing.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were big. Ah, okay.

[Tim Dillon]

It was the same scene. Just a bunch of guys with jugs and a thing having fights.

[Tae Trolley]

Stupid. I was gonna say about the waffle station is with all the insurance things. Things. Yeah, you know, you take the high dives away, you take this away, take that away, you got this burning hot thing. You would think that would be gone by now.

[Tim Dillon]

You can't take it all away.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta thin the hurt somehow.

[Tae Trolley]

Ryan.

[Tim Dillon]

You can't take it all away. You gotta give him something. You gotta give him something. You don't get a lot. You don't get a lot here, but you do get a nice hot waffle.

[Tae Trolley]

I'll give you that.

[Tim Dillon]

You get a hot waffle.

[Tae Trolley]

Go burn yourself.

[Tim Dillon]

You get a hot waffle.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love how you're take is you don't get a lot here.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, well, you don't, you're not getting health care.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get a waffle, you get A waffle. You get to make your own waffle.

[Tim Dillon]

Make your own waffle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow. I still. Yeah, okay, man, my head.

[Tae Trolley]

Tim, let me ask you this. Is it ground beef or is it hamburger meat?

[Kevin Ryan]

No one's ever thought about this. They just knee jerk reaction.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, they're idiots to me. I. It was called hamburger meat while I was growing up and then it became ground beef. But I don't know how it happened.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're running in classier circles.

[Tae Trolley]

Yeah, that's what happened for sure when you moved up to the 9010 green.

[Tim Dillon]

My grandmother liked an 80 20. I still like an 80 20. You need 20 fat in there.

[Tae Trolley]

Of course, of course. We all know that milk wise. I'm sure we've answered this, but let's just run back. It's whole all day.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, for sure, but here's a reality. We had a lot of. We had a lot of options. We had 1%, 2%, like. Because that's the idea of like, hey, it's. It's good for you. Good for you. Yeah, have a little skims, like water.

[Tae Trolley]

Do you shake the milk up when you pull it out of the fridge?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. You go like this. Up and down? Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay. Very good. Very good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Back to hotels real quick. Will you use the hotel pool at any point?

[Tim Dillon]

Of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, very.

[Tae Trolley]

That sound like the Ritz of the Four Seasons.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, the outdoors. Not an indoor pool. We won't do an indoor hotel pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Tim Dillon]

Google it.

[Kevin Ryan]

My favorite.

[Tim Dillon]

Google it and hit news. You'll get things you didn't know you could get.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm giving them things you'll get.

[Tim Dillon]

Amoebas crawling into orifices. The inside. The hotel pool worries me a little bit. Outdoors, we hope you know, it's adequately chlorinated in Milwaukee. I get a little nervous in the indoor pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

Unless it's like connected to a rec center or college or something.

[Tae Trolley]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

But if we're talking just a little dumpy real pool, you open it up. It's real hot in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

It smells like the chlorine.

[Tim Dillon]

It's not great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, fair enough. Fair enough.

[Tae Trolley]

You ever take a picture with money? Maybe as a phone flexing?

[Tim Dillon]

I never did that. I never took a picture with money. I think I took a picture once with a check I got from my communion. I think it was a thousand dollar check my grandparents gave me.

[Tae Trolley]

Was it one of the big ones?

[Tim Dillon]

No, it was a little check. And then my parents stole it and took the money.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they stole the.

[Tim Dillon]

Look, Jewish kids for their bar mitzvahs get thousands and thousands of dollars, tens of thousands.

[Tae Trolley]

I don't know one Catholic that ever got a nickel of their communion money.

[Tim Dillon]

Myself included, I got maybe 1200 altogether. People gave you 150, whatever. Never saw it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they took.

[Tim Dillon]

Never saw it.

[Tae Trolley]

How much was the hoagie tray?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, it was never. They stole it and they paid the bills with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what that.

[Tae Trolley]

I respect it.

[Tim Dillon]

They put the lights on.

[Tae Trolley]

My mom played defense on that until I was in college.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought I had that coming, like, you know. Yeah. Through high school, I'm like, I still got that when I wanted to buy a car.

[Tim Dillon]

We should sue.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you leaving for? The maid at the hotel. Cash wise, one night. You're in one night.

[Tim Dillon]

Do I see her?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Tae Trolley]

This is not a good answer.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, what do you mean do I see her? Well, do I see the maid?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. You're in. You check in Friday, you're checking out Saturday, go to.

[Tim Dillon]

So where am I leaving this magic money for the maid?

[Kevin Ryan]

On the, on the dresser.

[Tim Dillon]

Do you think the maid's getting that money?

[Kevin Ryan]

Who do you think is getting the money?

[Tim Dillon]

Anybody you don't. Anybody you leave cash for maid you haven't seen?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tim Dillon]

Really? Yeah. Oh, you're getting beat. First of all, it won't even be the maid that does your room. It's going to be another maid. Do you understand what I mean? So the maid who worked her ass off has already left. She's at her house sleeping. You leave cash, the person just walks in and grabs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mine's coming for the maid that's cleaning up after me.

[Tim Dillon]

The guy who refills the mini bar just took that money. Money. There's three or four people in that room. Somebody's getting that money. I will give the big cash if I see her. I'll give her a 50 or 100 if I see her. Whoa, if I don't see her, then you know someone else is taking that money.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, yeah, listen, I'm not pushing you.

[Tim Dillon]

The way the world works.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm here to learn.

[Tae Trolley]

Those mini bar restockers though, that's a shifty bunch.

[Tim Dillon]

You think he's not taking the money.

[Tae Trolley]

They show up at like 8:30 in.

[Tim Dillon]

The morning, they're taking the money.

[Tae Trolley]

Get out of here.

[Tim Dillon]

By the way, also there's hotel staff will do a room check to see if the room's been closed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Has it been? Yeah, they take the money.

[Tim Dillon]

They all take the money, man. Okay, so guess what?

[Tae Trolley]

Very smart.

[Tim Dillon]

I keep the money.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have, I have given to a.

[Tim Dillon]

Charity for Whitney Houston.

[Tae Trolley]

It Was not on cracker can.

[Kevin Ryan]

Another question to the big man. Went out to a nice dinner. What was it? The River Cafe.

[Tae Trolley]

River Cafe.

[Tim Dillon]

Romantic. Beautiful. You see the whole thing.

[Tae Trolley]

Beautiful.

[Tim Dillon]

He.

[Kevin Ryan]

He did a thing that I thought was a little. He was. Was. You know, we have an inferiority complex. We don't belong in places like that. You feel a little different sometimes.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

He did a thing where like anybody he saw on the way that he was tipping cash to, like, the hostess, the guy, the. The person.

[Tim Dillon]

That's a nice thing to do. Everybody That's a nice thing to do.

[Tae Trolley]

Seems a little DXL Pink blazer on, Tim.

[Tim Dillon]

It's a nice thing to really.

[Tae Trolley]

The xl Pink blazer.

[Tim Dillon]

It's a nice thing to do to hit everybody like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

You. You know, you hit him like that for a little bit. I stopped hitting everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can't hit everybody.

[Tim Dillon]

Can't hit everybody. I hit a Val.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm. Well, we. You took. You were nice enough to take a tip.

[Tim Dillon]

I tip a lot at. At a restaurant. Always. I tip a lot of money in a restaurant, but I can't tip everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tae Trolley]

Understandable.

[Kevin Ryan]

The valet guys at the. What was it? The Beverly Hills Hotel. You took us out to a nice lunch. They love you. Must be greasing as they love nice to all.

[Tim Dillon]

Everybody. I'm nice to everyone in a job like that. And if you're not, you're a monster. Yes. You know what I mean? Unless they wrong me, then it's a vendetta.

[Tae Trolley]

How would that be?

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't give him enough sprinkles.

[Tim Dillon]

They took the car the other day. They said they detailed it. They didn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

So I went on a podcast and lit them up. I told anyone in the area to go buy a. Shoot him in the head. I said, if you're. If you're in that area, go kill one of them.

[Tae Trolley]

Wait, where?

[Tim Dillon]

I'm kidding. They have the Beverly Hills Hotel. They apologize to me. They go, we're sorry. We did beat you. I said I paid 400. You said you detailed it. It's not detailed.

[Kevin Ryan]

It looks like that's a service that a valet will do.

[Tim Dillon]

Pablo. Pablo at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Whose class handled it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You also. You had just. I think recently when we were with you, I bought a Bentley. And the floor mats. You were switching out the floor mats and you gave the floor mats to the valet guys. The old Bentley floor, you gotta get date.

[Tim Dillon]

It's nice for them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Very nice.

[Tae Trolley]

Were you going to stay at the hotel? Were you going to stay at the hotel or Just having lunch.

[Tim Dillon]

I was staying. I did. Well, what time was which time?

[Kevin Ryan]

When they valet. When you're the one they'll detail you.

[Tae Trolley]

Had it detailed.

[Tim Dillon]

I was staying there.

[Tae Trolley]

No kidding.

[Tim Dillon]

And they detailed. Well, they me over.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, they didn't do it.

[Tim Dillon]

But they didn't do it. And they realized. They go, yeah, their scuff marks is bad.

[Tae Trolley]

I don't get that done at a hotel.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. If they. But, you know, you got to be careful. But they're good. They're actually great people. It's the best hotel in the country. They're great people. Great chicken and the great chicken fingers and, you know, it's. It's killer all around there.

[Tae Trolley]

Is that your statement? Is that the best hotel in the country? You feel.

[Tim Dillon]

I think it's top three.

[Tae Trolley]

No kidding.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[Tim Dillon]

It's. It's amazing, huh? It's great.

[Tae Trolley]

Feel good there.

[Tim Dillon]

Food's good. The service is great. I also love it because, you know, go to Comedy Store, the improv. Like, it's. You know, that's. Things I do are around there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's say, obviously, you got a place in New York. What hotel you staying at in New York? No place.

[Tim Dillon]

Either the mark on 77 to Madison or Casa Cipriani, which is downtown by the Staten island ferry.

[Kevin Ryan]

Know what those are?

[Tae Trolley]

These guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy's good. Where are you staying at in Austin? Austin.

[Tim Dillon]

An ambulance. I'm staying in an ambulance. I stayed the Four Seasons.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Very nice.

[Tim Dillon]

And then I.

[Tae Trolley]

We got thrown out of that joint.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah. I get in a first class. I'm sitting there in first class. Grace O'Malley slides in next to me. She goes, I'm next to you in first class. I go, great. I said to the person, I go, how about a rack of lamb while we wait? They go, they're doing some. They got to count the baggage by hand. I said, let's get the bread pudding. Let's get the bread pudding going for me and Grace here. We're gonna sit here for an hour. We're sitting here for our health.

[Tae Trolley]

Crack a lamb in your bathroom at your house or. Houses. Do you have a cup next to the sink in the bathroom?

[Tim Dillon]

I used to, but now I just lay it on the thing and it's actually more disgusting. But I do have a cup in Manhattan at the thing. Yeah. To put those toothpaste and all that.

[Tae Trolley]

I was thinking to drink at. Out of.

[Tim Dillon]

Oh, interesting. I'm such a garbage person. I will put the tooth thing so it doesn't lay on the thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, You. If you're in a hotel room, will you use that glass cup to like.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Washroom you'll use sometimes.

[Tae Trolley]

Would you ever use the coffee machine in the hotel room?

[Tim Dillon]

No, because I always it up.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Tae Trolley]

But not because of grossed out purposes.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, it probably is gross, but I also can't do it.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I respect.

[Tim Dillon]

I just. It's just me hitting an espresso with my. You know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Will you Uber say you're at a hotel? Yeah. I don't know if you're staying at a hotel that's not. Doesn't have room service. Will you.

[Tim Dillon]

Sometimes I do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Will you. Will you Uber eat something?

[Tim Dillon]

Taco Bell is to move. Uber eats Taco Bell late. After a show. You get a Taco Bell. You get a Taco Bell for the openers for yourself, you know.

[Tae Trolley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get that delivered and you go down to the front desk and meet them.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Can I ask you this? I haven't been able to talk to anybody about this and I'm kind of outing myself here with the boys are not going to be happy with this.

[Kevin Ryan]

We never believed anything you said about the last run either.

[Tae Trolley]

How do you feel about the Taco Bell cantina items?

[Tim Dillon]

I don't fuck with them.

[Tae Trolley]

Tim.

[Tim Dillon]

Am I wrong?

[Tae Trolley]

Buddy? Do yourself a favor. You got to do a little audible. I will try that chicken taco with the cheese on the outside. Throw a little bit of lettuce, tomato on there. It is unbelievable.

[Tim Dillon]

I've stayed away from the cantina items. I've. I like the Mexican pizza chicken quesadilla. I love. I love a cheese gordita crunch. I'll play around with enchilada burrito every now and then. Or I'll do, you know, whatever. Maybe I'll do a spicy bean and cheese.

[Tae Trolley]

Whatever.

[Tim Dillon]

But to me, what needs to come back is a Taco Bell grilled stuffed burrito from the 90s.

[Tae Trolley]

I agree.

[Tim Dillon]

Let me explain to you why. Because it was a tortilla. It was the original grilled stuffed burrito burrito beef. They had the creamy baja sauce, which they no longer have. You had a three cheese blend. You had Taco Bell salsa in it. Okay. And it was. They grilled the out. And refried beans. They grilled the out of it. Back then it was a brick. I love that you would get a brick. Okay.

[Tae Trolley]

Could hear a pin drop in the studio.

[Tim Dillon]

And it wasn't too complicated. Get the lettuce and the tomato out of this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm in.

[Tim Dillon]

Are you out of your. Amen. I want the creamy. The Creamy Baja sauce is actually a creamy pepper Jack sauce. It's creamy pepper Jack sauce.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never put doing two together.

[Tim Dillon]

Okay. It's actually out of control. It's a creamy pepper Jack sauce. It's a. It's the beans the way you had a brick in your hand. Then you eat it and it was just spicy enough, just creamy enough. But it didn't have this garbage where you open the brick. Now at Taco Bell you get a burrito. Sometimes you open it up and go, what am I looking at? All you just saw then was brown, just brown. It was punctuated by a little bit of goo and it was just perfect. And at the heat level, the crispiness of the tortilla and then you bite into it and there was so much. It was like eating like a plaster that they had made. It was. What have you ever seen? Cement?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was.

[Tim Dillon]

Eating a cement meant. But it was punctuated by a creamy pepper Jack, the Baja sauce and the kind of the pico de gallo. And so there was a spice to lifted you up.

[Tae Trolley]

Eloquent.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, very much. So you're in town now. Where are you hitting? Where are you going to hit dinner? What's a nice dinner for you now? What, where, where you hit when you're in New York?

[Tim Dillon]

You know, I gotta be honest, I. New York right now is a lot of there. A lot of people go to these places where they're like, Instagram, it's Instagramy. And they're like, hey, we got a French dip. Or we get. Look, it's a, it's a grown up Totino's Pistol. But then you pay 70 bucks. You do feel like you're getting, you're getting banged over the head for no reason. I still think the best things in New York are like, I said it on Stavi's Pod, like you got to Randazzo's Clam Bar and Sheep's at Bay. Calamari with a big ladle of red sauce on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

You know, you go do a good pizza, you know, your pizza suprema, 32nd and 8th. You're ordering style pizza. Like, you know, I think people overthink it here. There's obviously great restaurants here and everything like that, but I'm about to go out east for the summer. And then I, I'm. I'm into like just fish, you know, fried clam strips.

[Kevin Ryan]

Living on the island.

[Tim Dillon]

Lobster roll. Get a lobster salad, you put it in a Martin's potato roll.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd be remiss if, if I didn't Plug Woo. How you doing?

[Tim Dillon]

It's a little breakfast.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd be remiss if we didn't plug check out. I don't know if you have Chrissy's Pizza, Green Point out there in Greenpoint. Fan. Fucking pizza master. Guy's great.

[Tae Trolley]

Master punch pie. Wow, man. Have you ever been in a capital One cafe?

[Tim Dillon]

I have not. I hate those things, sadly. Here's what I will tell you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Please.

[Tim Dillon]

I was buying Vicodin with my. With a secretary. She's sitting in the front row. Larger woman. I make a left from the right lane to go into a capital one so she can get her money out. This was many, many years ago. We get hit head on a grand grandmother and her family. I hit them head on her head bounces off the glove box. She has a big, like a big like a baseball sized knot filling with blood on her head. The grandma and the kids are all taken to the hospital. Needless to say, there's no Vicodin. But that's as close as we got to the capital one. A head on collision, head on the car, Pepsi can and everything. Because we like to take Vicodin while we sat in the office. There's nothing to do. We just sit there, itch ourselves and. And order food.

[Tae Trolley]

There's nothing wrong with it.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah, nothing.

[Tae Trolley]

I've always said a Percocet cup of coffee and a cigarette in the morning, is that wrong?

[Tim Dillon]

It gets you in the mood to take a sales call and go like this. Somebody go, I don't want it. You go. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Will you chew ice?

[Tae Trolley]

Do you chew your ice?

[Tim Dillon]

My grandmother loved to chew ice. It's one of my memories of her. She loved to chew ice.

[Tae Trolley]

Ice.

[Tim Dillon]

She loved to chew you. I'm not a huge chewing.

[Tae Trolley]

Will you spit it back? So you haven't taken a sip of soda. Piece of ice goes in your mouth, you spit it back in the cup.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll.

[Tim Dillon]

I'll crunch it. I'll break it in half and then spit half back in. I don't let it beat me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Interesting anymore. What are you drinking on a plane? Always water, just water.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm a water guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Are you dinging a bell for to get the attention or you wait until she makes the rounds?

[Tim Dillon]

I don't know. I'm usually not digging the bell.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

I'm usually not digging the bell.

[Kevin Ryan]

Respect it.

[Tae Trolley]

How do you feel as a whole about its rise, about its popularity, about its existence really of the birthday cake flavor?

[Tim Dillon]

Well, let me go into this actually because I'm happy you asked this. My thoughts on this are evolving.

[Tae Trolley]

Really?

[Tim Dillon]

Yes. Early on when birthday cake flavor was introduced, somewhere, let's be honest, before 2010, no one had heard of it. We're talking about the early aughts here. The birthday cake flavor is introduced. The earliest and most mainstream application of this flavor was something called Birthday Cake Remix from Cold Stone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cold Stone, that was the big one.

[Tim Dillon]

Cold Stone Creamery introduces this flavor in 2010. There's a mortgage crisis. People are suffering. They're losing their homes. They're lining up. The cold Stone employees are singing, they're making ice cream. Many of them are on pills, and they can't see their children unless there's a police officer present. The birthday cake flavor comes in to make everything a party. Nothing's a party. Nothing's a party. Okay. Oh, you thought you're gonna retire with the equity in this house. Now you're living in an apartment. Again, nothing's a party. Here comes a birthday cake flavor. Oh, there's sprinkles in it. Is it your birthday? No, I'm actually living in hell. So this flavor comes in, then everybody gets. Gets cheap. I don't like it anymore. It feels very chemical. I don't like the birthday cake flavor. I've turned on it completely.

[Tae Trolley]

Okay.

[Tim Dillon]

And I really disappointed, by the way. You know what else this happened to because we can't have nice things. Everything became about salted caramel. And what happened was what was a really awesome thing got watered down, bastardized, and now it sucks. A lot of the salted caramel things you have sucks. Some of them are good, but a lot of them suck because everybody went hard into this flavor. We get obsessed with these for s'mores. Everything became about s'mores. And then it became like, what is this? You know, it just gets ruined.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are your thoughts on the everything bagel seasoning?

[Tim Dillon]

I like it, but I also think that it's like, you know, to me, it's like, I want a bagel. Yeah, I want a bagel.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm right there with you. That, to me, is the new next thing that it's like everywhere you go, it's like, put the season, you put a little seed, put it in the hummus, put it on this, put it on that.

[Tae Trolley]

Certain things shouldn't be for everybody.

[Tim Dillon]

I want a bagel. And to me, it's like, I don't like half measures.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm right there with you, bud. Right there. You get me.

[Tim Dillon]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, you know?

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

Jesus.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you remember any of your AOL screen Names or early email address? Dresses. He's deep in thought. He's going back.

[Tim Dillon]

BK for Life 122. BK for Life 120.

[Tae Trolley]

Is that Brooklyn or Burger King?

[Tim Dillon]

It was. It was. It was a play on things. Because I. I used to argue, and I still will argue this, that the Burger King French toast stick was one of the most influential things I've ever had in my life. What changed my life? The Burger King French toast stick.

[Tae Trolley]

It's like you're in here. Okay. It's like you're right.

[Tim Dillon]

Because the McGriddle does not run. The Burger King French toast stick doesn't walk.

[Kevin Ryan]

You are not wrong.

[Tim Dillon]

And here's the thing. Burger King has fallen far. But there was a time when it was a nice time because you had a crinkle cut pickle. McDonald's had a regular pickle.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were contending.

[Tim Dillon]

They had a crinkle cut pickle at Burger King. You had a flame broiled Whopper at Burger King. There was a time when Burger King was in the game. It is not in the game right now. And it is a fucking tragedy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like a FEMA camp when you walk in there.

[Tae Trolley]

I have a theory.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes. Okay.

[Tae Trolley]

That I have expressed to Kevin in private.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes.

[Tae Trolley]

That our culture.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes.

[Tae Trolley]

As Americans.

[Tim Dillon]

Correct.

[Tae Trolley]

We are the coolest at times in history where Burger King and Pepsi are the driving force. When Burger King and Pepsi are. It's actually really.

[Tim Dillon]

It's actually beautiful to hear someone articulate that with words.

[Tae Trolley]

We are at our coolest when Burger King's popping and Pepsi's pop.

[Tim Dillon]

Because we need the underdog to thrive. We need the underdog to thrive in this country. Is Burger King my favorite? Absolutely not. But did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is there a time when it was hot? Amen.

[Tim Dillon]

Was there a time when you had a. Who was mad at a croissant witch? Was someone mad at that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. When the chicken.

[Tim Dillon]

Was someone mad at that?

[Kevin Ryan]

When the chicken fry hit. It was all right. So it was all right.

[Tim Dillon]

There were times. I actually think there were the times with the most racial harmony as well.

[Tae Trolley]

You know what? I agree.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were united.

[Tae Trolley]

I agree.

[Tim Dillon]

United. So that, to me, is a sad pizza. It's a sad story. These are sad stories. Stories.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sad stories.

[Tae Trolley]

But we could scream.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was Burger King lover.

[Tim Dillon]

No. For life. For life. But guess what? Not for life.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now.

[Tim Dillon]

Yeah.

[Tae Trolley]

We could get it back. We could be cool again.

[Tim Dillon]

That's right.

[Tae Trolley]

Just one crispy chicken sandwich away.

[Tim Dillon]

What is the biggest disappointment, fast food wise? I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you right now. What'd you say?

[Tae Trolley]

No, please.

[Tim Dillon]

The. Because I was going to agree with you. I thought you said the thing I was going to say. You guys are the biggest fall that has ever happened happen in this country. From a restaurant that was one of the greats to something that is now nothing. And that is Wendy's. Wendy's in the 90s was the premier. You would go there and have a burger that was amazing. It was a square patty. You'd get a gold wrapper. A Monterey Ranch chicken sandwich. Ranch in bacon in the ranch. Fresh, never frozen. A salad bar that included chocolate pudding and slices of pineapple. How about you go fuck yourself? And this was. You would leave your job maybe at a debt collection agency or a direct center. You'd go in there and you'd put a feed bag on. Oh, a big chili baked potato. Maybe I will stay married. And now. Now it is hell. You would get a salad there with bacon cheddar cheese, ranch dressing, croutons. You'd pile it high. I mean the steakhouse. Bacon cheeseburger. Wendy's. The Monterey Ranch chicken sandwich at Wendy's Wendy's was amazing and it has fallen far. Shame.

[Tae Trolley]

The thickness of that shredded yellow cheddar cheese at the salad bar covered in ranch with a slab of chocolate pudding on the side. We've discussed this. It still holds true to this moment. You couldn't be more right. Talk about a maverick. A big potato at a fast food restaurant. And it worked.

[Tim Dillon]

Things, they did things.

[Tae Trolley]

Dave Thomas.

[Tim Dillon]

Now you go into Wendy's and everyone's confused.

[Tae Trolley]

It's.

[Tim Dillon]

Everyone's confused. It's some Norwegian who just got off a plane and they don't know what's happening. No one is excited.

[Kevin Ryan]

It'll.

[Tim Dillon]

Wendy. It's just. Kids go in there to film fights.

[Tae Trolley]

Sure.

[Tim Dillon]

They go in there to curb stomp a and film it. That is all Wendy's are used for now. They're used for inner city fights. And they know it. They go. That's the only reason we exist is for inner city TikTok brawls.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean.

[Tae Trolley]

What else could we say?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, yeah, you know, he outdid himself yet again.

[Tae Trolley]

You did. You're.

[Tim Dillon]

I hope to God I don't know if we'll get past the first because the first is a special time. But this is also a special time. And my, my hope is that it goes big.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it. Timmy.

[Tim Dillon]

This is the hope.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it will.

[Tim Dillon]

This is the hope.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it will.

[Tae Trolley]

As we said in the beginning of the of the program. A true American prophet. I'm going to say that.

[Tim Dillon]

Well, that's very sweet of you.

[Tae Trolley]

The special I'm your mother out on Netflix right now. Do yourself a favor, kill it and.

[Tim Dillon]

Let me make one food prediction before we leave, please. Me make one food prediction? I could be wrong on this. Okay? I'm going to tell you right now. Watch out for the return of Sherbert.

[Kevin Ryan]

Buddy, I just was about to ask you where you have Sherbert family growing up. It's right there.

[Tim Dillon]

The return of Sherbert think is. I'm telling you, we're going in an interesting direction now. Sherbet's coming back. Sherbert.

[Tae Trolley]

Is it rainbow or is it orange?

[Tim Dillon]

I'm not God.

[Tae Trolley]

Tim Dillard, everybody. Holy Timmy D. Kimmy.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you got for him, guys? The are you garbage card game is available on are you garbage.com and tour dates coming very soon. Get them tickies.

[Tae Trolley]

Watch Tim special. Listen to the show. Go see him. Go see him out on the road.

[Tim Dillon]

Yes.

[Tae Trolley]

One of the absolute best.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Tae Trolley]

We love you, gang.

[Tim Dillon]

We love you.

[Tae Trolley]

We'll see you next week.