Are You Garbage? | Tom Segura: The Early Years

Podcast Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Tom Segura
Release Date: March 19, 2026

EPISODE OVERVIEW

In this laugh-filled episode, comedy superstar Tom Segura returns to "Are You Garbage?" for a deep dive into his early stand-up days and his journey from trashy beginnings to today’s success. Hosts Kevin Ryan, H. Foley, and Tom share stories about brutal road gigs, trashy living habits, fast food-fueled nights, the pains of learning standup, and plenty of bathroom disasters along the way. The episode paints a hilarious, unvarnished portrait of life "on the come up" in comedy—complete with run-ins with sketchy apartments, bad jobs, and questionable hygiene. Can Segura escape his garbage roots? Spoiler: he’s still trash (and loving it).

KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

1. Arrival in Hollywood: Hopes, Naivety & LA’s Grit (11:03–18:09)

• Tom moved to LA in 2002, originally chasing “comedy acting” and not stand-up.
• Enrolled in Groundlings, convinced he’d follow a “clear plan” to Saturday Night Live.
• Early LA living: had an apartment on a street infamous for prostitution and heroin deals.

  “It is a track for trans prostitutes... And it's also location. People go to get heroin.” – Tom Segura (12:38)

• Reality check: Rapidly realized Hollywood wasn’t glamorous.

2. The Stand-Up Genesis: Misguided Confidence & First Sets (14:04–19:25)

• Friends at Groundlings encouraged Tom to try stand-up after seeing his comedic style.
• Booked his first show without a single joke written, with weeks to prepare, thinking “I got this, dude.”
• Wildly overestimated his readiness:

  “I go, not joke one... I'm like, I got, like, 45 [minutes] or something.” – Tom Segura (16:08)

• Pounded drinks from nerves, fumbled his first set’s order, but managed to “throw a party” for himself after surviving it.

3. The Early Hustle: Garbage Jobs & Desperate Times (23:11–29:01)

• Tom’s LA day jobs:
  • Walk-up sandwich shop (“so high at night,” couldn’t tell bacon from prosciutto)
  • Logger, post-production editor, site rep (watching over homes used for film shoots)
  • Pizza shop server (was complimented for his “nice legs” by his boss)
• Lived in dangerous, dirt-cheap neighborhoods:

  “There was MS-13 and this Mexican gang... broad daylight, shooting on the streets.” – Tom Segura (28:48)

• Shared about strategic day jobs to support stand-up ambitions; often one step from disaster.

4. Hitting the Road: Club Life & Comedy Condos (30:01–36:15)

• Described eating losses as a “graduate school” for comedians—taking feature gigs everywhere for $100/show, no airfare.
• Tales of trashy club condos, being driven by the “scumbag from the club,” and living out of a suitcase.
• Became obsessed with airline status and the little perks—upgrades felt like “winning the lottery.”
• Food and hygiene habits degraded on the road:

  “I would eat… those [airline] chocolate brownie brittles for breakfast with a Coke.” – Tom Segura (32:23)

• Diarrhea, jerk-off routines, stashing sandwiches for post-nap meals—a cycle of destruction.

5. Trashy Diets, Hotel Room Living & Hygiene Confessions (34:38–46:41)

• Tom’s road routine:
  • Hunt for chocolate croissants, diner breakfasts (“eggs over hash browns with crispy bacon”)
  • Eating late at night after shows, waking up in a sugar crash.

  “I could wake up and eat [an Italian sandwich]. That’d be a fucking great day.” – Tom Segura (35:49)

• Detailed his packing strategy (always over-pack underwear), but admitted to sometimes skipping showers and letting things “go.”
• Father’s savage underwear habits:

  “If you see a little something, you just flip it inside out. You wear the other side.” – Tom Segura (46:42)

6. The Legendary Shart: Shocking But True (47:27–56:35)

• Hysterical story of accidentally shitting himself during a production shoot for "Bad Thoughts" after mixing stimulants and being in layers of costume.

  “I farted a little bit of like a log of shit out and then it was like, well, that’s fine. Yeah, man. Is that trashy?” – Tom Segura (57:15)

• Didn’t discover it for hours, until airing out at home. Costume department only found "a little bit" in the “comfort sweats.”
• Classic case of denial:

  “I think the truth is that I kind of knew and I just was like, that’s not real.” – Tom Segura (56:49)

7. Down and Out: Companions, Gluttony & Wasted Days (58:29–63:50)

• Comedy club circuit paired him with a cast of characters: a 600 lb. feature act (“the scent would come through the walls”), an alcoholic who tried to proposition him, and questionable late-night conversations.
• Admitted to gaining weight, rarely socializing, and struggling with depression/loneliness—but not realizing it at the time.
• Importance of finally getting to bring friends on tour:

  “Having your friends with you is everything.” – Tom Segura (64:01)

8. Bad Habits: Smoking, Health, and Self-Delusion (65:17–70:10)

• Started smoking at 25 (“which is insane”), quit at 30, relapsed a decade later.
• Reflected on the profound change from unhealthy habits to clean living now—workouts, healthy eating, feeling “so much better.”
• Laughed at past self and every comic’s ability to delude themselves about their own health (“I should switch to aluminum free deodorant”—while chain-smoking and eating garbage).

MEMORABLE QUOTES & MOMENTS

• “It is a track for trans prostitutes... And it's also location. People go to get heroin.”
  – Tom Segura (12:38)
• “In my head, I was like, damn, I'm not doing as bad as everybody thinks.”
  – Dave Foley on the fancy ranch (01:26)
• "That's a shirt from Hong Kong that was custom made for me, because I couldn't buy shirts in stores, dude."
  – Tom Segura (05:36)
• “I would eat those [airline] chocolate brownie brittles for breakfast with a Coke.”
  – Tom Segura (32:23)
• “I have diarrhea every day.”
  – Tom Segura (35:22)
• “I farted a little bit of like a log of shit out and then it was like, well, that's fine. Yeah, man. Is that trashy?”
  – Tom Segura (57:15)
• “If you see a little something, you just flip it inside out. You wear the other side.”
  – Tom’s Dad, via Tom Segura (46:42)
• “Having your friends with you is everything.”
  – Tom Segura (64:01)
• “You're still stone cold garbage.”
  – Kevin James Ryan (65:14)

TIMESTAMPS FOR KEY SEGMENTS

• Arrival in LA & Groundlings Plan: 11:03–14:03
• First Standup Set & Early Comedy: 14:04–19:25
• Garbage Jobs & Cheap Living: 23:11–29:01
• Comedy Road & Food Disasters: 30:01–46:07
• Shart Story (Costume Disaster): 47:27–56:35
• Pairing with “Garbage” Road Comics: 58:29–63:50
• Smoking, Health, & Growth: 65:17–70:10

FINAL VERDICT

Tom may have a successful career, a family, a new place, and several ventures, but as the hosts gleefully remind him: “You’re still stone cold garbage.” Through stories of late-night eats, shoddy club condos, self-imposed squalor, and the infamous shart, Segura proves that comedy’s climb, even at the top, is paved with delightfully trashy memories.