Trashy Boardwalk Experience! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hosts: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan
Episode: "Trashy Boardwalk Experience!" (Family Episode)
Date: July 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this classic "family episode," hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley bring their signature blend of “garbage” nostalgia and trashy comedy, recounting their latest adventures, bizarre childhood memories, and a deep-dive into the Wildwood, New Jersey boardwalk experience. The show weaves through crude humor, honest tales of working-class life, and the distinctive culture of the Jersey shore—especially as seen through the lens of cheap, raunchy boardwalk T-shirts and food. This episode is filled with hilarious banter, hypothetical situations, and audience Q&A, all while interrogating: Is that behavior “garbage” or classy?

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Wildwood Boardwalk: T-Shirts, Trash, and Tradition

[08:00–16:22]

• Wildwood, NJ 101: The guys break down the geography and reputation of Wildwood (a "last free beach" with a rowdier, less refined beach crowd), contrasted with the classier neighboring Cape May.
• Boardwalk T-Shirt Tour: Kevin walks through his morning strolls with the baby on Wildwood’s boardwalk, describing the audaciously tasteless T-shirts and shorts for sale.
  • Examples:
    • "Steve’s Bitch" booty shorts
      “That’s pretty awesome.” – Foley [10:30]
    • “It ain’t gonna spank itself” shorts
    • “Dunkin’ D’s Nuts” (Dunkin’ Donuts riff)
    • “Thick Fil-A” (riff on Chick Fil-A)
    • “I love to finger paint” and “Paint” couples shirts
      “That’s a little offensive for a Saturday afternoon down the shore when I just got my Core Brothers frozen custard and I’m walking down the boardwalk with my daughter.” – Foley [15:36]
    • “Two Seater” (arrow points to crotch)
  • Commentary on risqué apparel:
    • Both discuss what they'd do if their daughter wore something as outrageous as the "all you can eat" shorts.
    • Generational divide: “I know hookers that don’t wear this kind of stuff.” – Kevin [12:52]
• Weed Leaf Nostalgia: Stories about paranoia and the stigma of marijuana apparel in the 90s, including suspicion about a foreign exchange student with a weed-leaf chain.
  “He had a mustache in 4th grade. What’s going on here?” – Foley [14:08]

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2. Trash on the Move: Meals, Memories & Boardwalk Breakfasts

[26:49–31:06]

• Carnival Barks & Breakfast Deals: Kevin riffs on cheesy, repetitive breakfast advertisements blared over loudspeakers at empty boardwalk restaurants.
  • Parody recitation of ads:
    “Step right up. Breakfast special: ham and eggs, sausage and eggs… delicious Taylor pork roll right over here.” – Kevin (parody) [28:40]
  • Commentary on the demise of authentic, regional food:
    “We got the original pork roll, not this fucking Dietzen Watson trash.” – Kevin [30:04]
• Food Preferences & Boardwalk Rituals: Old school traditions, comparing pork roll brands, and the nostalgia and annoyance of boardwalk food culture.

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3. “Garbage” Habits and Family Q&A

[35:12–49:50]

• Ripping, Not Cutting, Sandwiches: Is it garbage to rip your sandwich in half?
  • Kevin recounts eating a cheesesteak on the beach and just tearing it with his hands.
  • Detailed debate over hoagie trays, sandwich “heels,” and condiment logistics.
  • “You ripped it in half and ate it? I can’t really eat on the beach—I feel like sand gets everywhere.” – Foley [35:50]
• Wedding Taco Bars: Is doing a taco bar at your wedding (instead of a traditional meal) trashy or genius?
  • Both agree it’s a little trashy but ultimately love the idea—especially for the savings and fun.
  • The discussion covers taco bar logistics, snobby guests, and what family members would say.
  • “You got your nana on a walker trying to carry a—I'll make her a goddamn plate!” – Foley [48:20]
• Audience Questions:
  • Using pancakes or waffles as burger buns (tipping into “McGriddle” territory).
  • Crazy food combos, including Foley’s confession to making ham & cheese on an Eggo waffle.
    “Interesting. You know I have two penises.” – Foley [67:08], Kevin: “Doesn’t shock me.”

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4. Childhood Trash: Jobs, Fights & Gas Station Mishaps

[51:07–63:16]

• Hess Station Stories: Foley recounts his teenage scam running "floater gallons" at a gas station and accidentally squirting a lady with gasoline (“She was rolling around on the ground screaming, ‘I can't see again!’”).
  A tragic yet comedic retelling [53:07–55:04]
• Schoolyard Fights & Eyewash Dramas: Further stories about getting squirted with acid in science class.
  “He squirted me in the eye with hydrochloric acid.” – Foley [55:41]
• Parental Paranoia: Kevin’s mom’s dramatic run-ins with New Jersey gas station attendants, amplified fear of “full-serve” stations, and old-school anti-credit card ethos.
  • “You give them the card… now he’s writing my down. Always cash. My dad would pull into a Wawa. $40 cash, regular, and a pack of heaters.” – Kevin [62:05–62:35]

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5. Philosophies on Tipping, Fast Food & American Trash

[63:16–69:18]

• Tipping on Screens: Kevin rants about tip fatigue on digital kiosks, especially at airports or for purchases like coffee, venting about people who claim to be “good tippers” but squawk over a $1 tip.
  “If you’re complaining about the dollar on a cup of coffee…you’re not that great of a tipper.” – Kevin [63:33]
• Burger King vs. Chick-Fil-A: Extended lament about the fall of Burger King’s sandwich construction ("hooking a dolphin in a net”), a nostalgic ode to Styrofoam cups, and a surprising plug for the underappreciated Burger King fish sandwich.
  • “Their big fish sandwich is fucking fantastic.” – Foley [41:07]
• Delightful Digressions: Loving a "nice piece of fish," showtunes with the baby, and the dark history behind the "clap your hands till Daddy comes home" song.
  • “I hope he didn’t spend the rent when he gets home.” – Kevin [70:30]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Boardwalk T-Shirts
  “[Wildwood’s] not the best clientele… It’s one of the last free beaches in South Jersey.” – Kevin [08:27]
  “If your daughter walking around Wildwood’s boardwalk wearing a fucking all you can eat set of shorts—that’s wild. I know hookers that don’t wear this kind of stuff.” – Kevin [12:45]
• On food purity, fries, and boardwalk breakfast
  "I love the saying piece of fish. A nice piece of fish. It’s very old school.” – Foley [41:48]
• On trashy weddings:
  “It’s trashy. Yes. Fantastic. Yes.” – Foley [46:14]
• On tipping fatigue:
  “If you’re complaining about the dollar on a cup of coffee... you’re not that great of a tipper.” – Kevin [63:33]

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Episode Flow/Tone

• Raucous and affectionate—a celebration of working-class traditions, culinary abominations, and trashy humor.
• Irreverent and fast-paced, with frequent asides and inside jokes.
• The conversational style shows genuine camaraderie, self-deprecation, and a willingness to roast one another.

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• 08:00–16:22 — Wildwood Boardwalk T-Shirt Tour (Absolute highlight; multiple shirts discussed)
• 26:49–31:06 — Boardwalk Breakfast Barkers & Taylor Ham
• 35:12–38:46 — Sandwich rip vs. cut: Hoagie discourse
• 45:22–49:07 — Taco bar wedding debate
• 51:07–57:21 — Hess station scam/gasoline mishap stories
• 63:16–66:17 — Tipping on digital kiosks/coffee shops
• 66:44–69:02 — Ham & cheese on waffle; food confessionals

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For New Listeners

If you want an authentic “Are You Garbage?” experience, this episode is a quintessential taste—equal parts boardwalk nostalgia, foul-mouthed humor, “trash versus class” debates, and warm friendship. The raunch, the regional references, and the ongoing game of who’s really the “garbage” one are all on full display.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are you Garbage?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy. Yeah. Or they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Trash, Trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

That's right. I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toady's in a new edition. She just told me that if the new Spider man sucks, she's gonna kill herself. That crazy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Been hanging out with you a little too much.

[H. Foley]

Got a lot riding on the film, which I hope it don't suck either, because I like that Tom Holly good jit. Good Spider Man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I like him, you know. Nah.

[H. Foley]

Are you a Jacob Malordi, man?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know what that is either, but I. By the sounds of his foo foo name stinks. Jacob Malordi.

[H. Foley]

Whatever the fuck. Pull it back, Mike. Cos is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call the family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

He is my best pal in the whole wide world. He is the denim king. He is the king of the boards. The king of the burbs. Kevin James Ryan. Oh, hello.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's cool kid. What's up? Everybody shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the freaking charts. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. are you garbage? You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. And also don't forget, if you're in the Denver area, which I think it's just Denver ain't much around there.

[H. Foley]

Oh, Rocky, I got that shit at the airport. Coming next, if you're in the underground base, come out, see the shoe.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, stay there. I don't need whatever you got going on that made you.

[H. Foley]

No, we want them to come see the show because if they like us and the shit goes down, then we could do a couple of sets down there at the. Underneath the airport.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, that's.

[H. Foley]

That's the next for the mutant people.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's the next book. And I want.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to eat canned food. Fuck it. Just take me out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I've been trying and spraying you with Raid every night.

[H. Foley]

Should have killed me when you had the chance, baby. I'm the strongest I ever been.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's a little bumpy. Some would say like the Rocky Mountains,

[H. Foley]

where we'll be, whoa, Denver. Denver in July. What are we gonna do? We can do a little fucking skiing in our jeans, shirts off. Like a Mountain Dew commercial.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's a very. I think Denver in July is probably like. It's probably when they shine, you know what I mean? That outdoor.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Lakes, rivers, mountains. Caribou.

[H. Foley]

Caribou? Yeah, I mean carabiner. No, the thing that you hook on your jeans.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Caribou.

[H. Foley]

They have reindeer up there. No, the fuck they don't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Caribou's reindeer.

[H. Foley]

Yes, it is.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is it reindeers? Of actual reindeer.

[H. Foley]

Are you talking about that big rat they have in Vietnam that they eat a car or something?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nutrient.

[H. Foley]

No nutrient.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nutria.

[H. Foley]

Nutria. Rat.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's a. You are.

[H. Foley]

I ain't no rat. I'm bugman.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, right. A rat. Whole family full of rats.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, right. Patty is breaking my balls though.

[Kevin James Ryan]

About what?

[H. Foley]

I gotta clean out my drawers in my room.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What the going on in your whole universe?

[H. Foley]

I gotta clean up my drawers.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's in your drawers?

[H. Foley]

I got a bunch of clothes and stuff in my closet and in my drawers from like my dad and my uncles and all that stuff. She wants me to either get rid of it or donate it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So what are you going to do?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. I kind of fit into it now. I got that 90s style. Bring it back. Start straight pimping at the Bluebell Inn. Show up on the scene with a pair of khakis and a fucking extra starts. Striped button down shirt, Dockers. Maybe a little fucking penny loafers. Be pulling them off me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, that's good.

[H. Foley]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kevin James Ryan]

For sure.

[H. Foley]

Gotta get it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are you doing that?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are you going to go down and get it?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are you going to have her? It's going to be when they go to Marty's. He's going to have to burn it. Probably all his fleets. Her moths. Whole inventory goes up. Take it down to Marty.

[H. Foley]

Got a whole Salvation army, huh? Nah. Yeah, I'll go through it, check out. Yeah, you do it. You know what I mean? She busted my ball. She wants to get rid of this stuff. You get a new bedroom suit. As I told you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's not a suit. Not a bedroom. Sweet, we went over that.

[H. Foley]

Whatever.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're gonna fucking reruns today.

[H. Foley]

No, we're not. It's a little harsh. Just remind you of a conversation we had 15 minutes ago.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think you took it a little too personal. That rerun struck a chord and you know it.

[H. Foley]

I got fresh material. I know a lot of people out there in Hollywood.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got fresh. You stink.

[H. Foley]

Okay. And we're back.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got fresh material for you. I'm out there, boots on the ground. I listen. As you know. King of the burbs, king of the birds. King of the birds. King of the. King of the kips. I'm, I'm doing it all, baby. But we've talked a lot about Wildwood, New Jersey, place I love. I, I, I, I, I've never really thought about it. I want to be buried there. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Where? Spread your ashes on the beach.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, I don't think I want to be cremated. Just bury me.

[H. Foley]

Can't bury you on the beach.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Why? We can, we'll come up.

[H. Foley]

I can cremate you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

First of all. That would be if. That'd be a crazy universal thing. You outlive me and have to take care of me. My final wishes.

[H. Foley]

That'd make me sad. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Then you have a drawer full of my clothes. Your mom be calling you. Hey, this is too much denim.

[H. Foley]

Patty's outlived you too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, obvious. If I go, I'm going soon. It's going to be a tragic thing.

[H. Foley]

Jesus Christ, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Can't say that. Got money tied up in this thing. Give me the, Give me the Instagram password just in case. The best I could do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We need you in those DMs.

[H. Foley]

The best I could do is cremate

[Kevin James Ryan]

you stiff armed it. Which I respect. I respect it. I respect it. Huh? Heisman.

[H. Foley]

Best I could do for you is cremate you. And I could stick you into one of the Parmesan shakers over at Sam's Pizza so everybody down ashores gets a

[Kevin James Ryan]

little bit of kippy.

[H. Foley]

That's not bad.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hold on.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You and these.

[H. Foley]

Mike. I don't. Listen, I don't touch the thing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, you're right. We come in at night and unscrew it.

[H. Foley]

Why does, why is that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's what we got. That's what we got going on.

[H. Foley]

Why does mine always get messed up?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know. I think it's a. The arrow and not the Indian type thing, you know. I mean the Indian and not the arrow.

[H. Foley]

Who said that? Native American, but go ahead please.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I respect, I respect the bus throw. My guy.

[H. Foley]

Please continue to make your off color joke for the fine and native American people in this country.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

It's not the arrow. It's the Indian. Yeah, I like that. I love shit like that these days.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Why don't you start listening to it?

[H. Foley]

I do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right. Okay.

[H. Foley]

Have you ever heard the one if you go the. If you go a thousand miles into the darkness, it's not a thousand miles back. The light is always right there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You've told me that a thousand times.

[H. Foley]

Hey, it's not the fork. It's the fat guy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Nothing on that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Remember that? Remember those bumper stickers?

[H. Foley]

Be a little more specific.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Guns kill people. Like spoons made Rosie o' DONNELL fat. That is a. That is a political statement. People used to drive around with that on the back of their. The 90s was crazy.

[H. Foley]

Why does she take so much heat? Remember when she used to do that music show on VH1?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Was.

[H. Foley]

I watched it all the time. I used to watch it religiously. Kimchi. Did she introduce videos? Or maybe it was the Rosie o' Donnell Show.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was Rosie o' Donnell Show. I like that. Was a daytime talk show. Maybe 10 o'. Clock. It came on after Regis. I was a big fan.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She came up with the term. I not came up with it. She really coined it Cutie Patootie.

[H. Foley]

Cutie Patootie.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's a cutie patootie.

[H. Foley]

She did do Cutie Patootie.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

She was very good in the League of Their Own too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Reminds me of like a Laverne and Shirley type vibe. Her and Madonna.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure, sure.

[H. Foley]

That's a. Madonna was at her.

[Kevin James Ryan]

A Madonna is a Goldman. Anywho, I was down the shore and we talk about it a lot. You know, obviously we have a very, you know, a worldwide program. We have obviously very homies in a bozo. Very popular. So not everybody might not be completely familiar with what wild would is. Right.

[H. Foley]

It's a southern tip. Southern portion of the New Jersey coastline.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's the second to last town. Yeah. Because Wildwood, Cape May, it's one of the last free beaches in South Jersey. So it's not the best clientele.

[H. Foley]

That Kate may be my family.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes, Cape May is very nice, but

[H. Foley]

you can't swim in a cape. That's how you get day. Don't you get day.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's how they get you. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You don't go out. That's where the sharks hang out. And that's what a rip. That's where the rip current gets you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Catch a ripper.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Any who I was, I was down there last week before the 4th of July. I was walking. Did a lot of walking around. It took the baby going on long walks on the boardwalk during the day, take naps, the whole nine yards. The baby, not me. And this is the best. So obviously there's a lot of T shirt shops there.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Right.

[H. Foley]

A lot of cheap T shirt.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Like, hey, you can go. You can get, you know, a picture. They'll put your. Anything kind of. You can make your own T shirts now.

[H. Foley]

Like the quality of comfort colors you can get at.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are you garbage.com which shout out to everybody who bought the fucking 4th of July shirts.

[H. Foley]

That's awesome.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The not rubbish and the AIG ones. Those are. I mean, those. Those are low quantity at this point. Nice moving merch.

[H. Foley]

I like it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But I. So I took a couple of pictures as a family. Boardwalk we're on here. This is a. This is 10 o' clock in the morning. There's. This is what's on display.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

On the Wildwood Boardwalk.

[H. Foley]

About to show me some titas.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This guy's obsessed with pussy.

[H. Foley]

No, it's not. I'm a young guy. What are you talking about?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You about to show me some titas. Oh, because that'd be pretty cool if you.

[H. Foley]

We were doing a podcast yesterday. Kibby pulled up a pair of knackers also.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Why would that be? What I was about to show you. Have you ever seen the show?

[H. Foley]

I don't know what kind of freak shit you're up to. See that much these days. Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. All right. We can do this. Is this.

[H. Foley]

Hit me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is. This is an easy one to start off.

[H. Foley]

This is these bitch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is a pair of. Pair of boys. Your booty shorts that say Steve's bitch.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty awesome.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's not bad, right?

[H. Foley]

That's great.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like, that's on the edge. Yes. You know, whatever.

[H. Foley]

We're having a good time for girls or guys.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I. You know, I assume they're made for girls. Mm. I think if a guy was walking up into the boardwalk on these, I think they're, you know.

[H. Foley]

I like that, though. Steve's. That's pretty good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're a weird guy. Then there's this one. You know, it ain't gonna spank itself written across the back of a pair of. Oh, man, you're gonna be hard as a rock after you're gonna come in with wear and sew.

[H. Foley]

Yes, it isn't. I'll tell you that right now.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Right. This is like. I don't know who.

[H. Foley]

Well, some probably good girls out there, huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Jesus Christ. Dude, you're like you're like one. I think it's Nicholas Cage in Face off when they switch off and he's hitting on his daughter or something like that. That's you. Are you like peaches and, like, asking weird stuff like that.

[H. Foley]

Peaches

[Kevin James Ryan]

using words like succulent and stuff. You creep.

[H. Foley]

I remember the guy that used sexy to describe a showroom. It's a real sexy room.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do I remember? Yeah, we trash him every day. You just can't say his name publicly, of course. Okay, the. Now I don't even remember all of these. This is an easy peasy one. Dunkin D's nuts in the style of Dunkin Donuts. You know, that's a T shirt you can wear to, I assume, a parole here. That's just.

[H. Foley]

All right right there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Dunkin these nuts. It's a good time. That's fun, you know, that's something I like. I would show my mom. She'd go, oh, you know, you're. You know, you're bad. Yeah, you're bad. You're bad.

[H. Foley]

Kevin's bad.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Then this. I think this is. This is another three sets of the shorts. The shorts are popular. They must move the units.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they move those chicks like them short. Bite me. All you can eat. Thick filet.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Thick fil a in the chick fil A. Whoa.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, if. Listen, I'm glad I don't have a daughter also. That's a tough. Have your daughter walking around wildwoods boardwalk wearing a fucking all you can eat set of shorts. That's a. That's a wild. I know hookers that don't wear this kind of stuff.

[H. Foley]

Would you allow your daughter to wear that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? No. That's what I just said. Allow her. I mean. No.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Would you allow your daughter to wear it?

[H. Foley]

I don't have children, Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't have a daughter. I can use make believe and not make it sad. You didn't make it happy. I don't have children. You sound like you lost them in a fire or something like that. I don't have children. They're no longer with us.

[H. Foley]

Hey, we're down on the Titanic. I dress up like a woman and got on a lifeboat.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mm. What's this one? This is Tony's booty.

[H. Foley]

That's all right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's not bad, Tony. That's good, clean fun.

[H. Foley]

That's good, clean fun. I mean, listen, I'm down there to

[Kevin James Ryan]

have a good time. At the end of the day, all

[H. Foley]

of these are straight garbage.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, you think? I don't know if you can see back here, but there's a shirt with a weed leaf on a lot of. A lot of marijuana.

[H. Foley]

That shit was so scandalous in the 90s. I remember this year, this. We always thought this kid was a cop. Foreign exchange student. I don't know where the fuck he was from.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Had a mustache in fourth grade.

[H. Foley]

Guy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's going on here?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, he might have been from Belgium, to be honest with you. Which obviously recent beef, et cetera, et cetera. And he had a fucking chain that had a weed leaf on it. We all stayed clear of him. It took him a long time. He had to show up with bags upon bags upon bags for us to not think he was a cop.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Making sure his money's, like, not marked and non sequential and stuff like that. You're looking for, like, the mark on it. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Born exchange is foreign exchange students don't do as well as you would think with, like, the, you know, the ladies.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, it's a tough in your. In high school, you're not ready for, like, outsider.

[H. Foley]

To use the accent.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not even that. No, I'm saying, like, it's still a little too foreign. You're like, you know, that's, like college. You're, like, finding, like, in high school, you're still like, who's this fucking weird guy who, you know, needs a little fucking right guard on him? You know what I mean? K foots, huh?

[H. Foley]

Is that the weed or your pits, dog?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You stink. What do you got?

[Kevin James Ryan]

This one is. This is my favorite. It says, I love to finger paint. And then this says, on paint, it's a double. You wear it as a couple.

[H. Foley]

Mmm.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You get it?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I get it. Okay, that's a little offensive for a Saturday afternoon down the shore when I just got my core brother's frozen custard and I'm walking down the boardwalk with my daughter.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, that's like. You're gonna have to explain that. And listen, I don't know. I don't have.

[H. Foley]

I don't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, I have a kid. I don't have a kid that, like, understands what's going on.

[H. Foley]

All right, let's say little Kipperino was like, daddy, what does that mean?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. I'd have to learn how to just

[H. Foley]

feel like he likes a finger paint and his wife's a.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who? I don't know. I don't know. But don't shake his hand.

[H. Foley]

His girlfriend's a skank. Sweetie.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I don't know. You know, I don't Know, I have never had to cross any of those. Those bridges, but that's, you know.

[H. Foley]

Come on, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then this. There's this one. I believe this would be the last one. 1.

[H. Foley]

These are kitschy, though. They're, you know, fun. Not that last one.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This one says two seater. It's an arrow pointing to the face. And your. Johnson.

[H. Foley]

Johnson. What are you, a drill instructor from the 70s? Johnson.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, my. What do you call it? A schlong? What do you call it?

[H. Foley]

My wiener.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you call it when you see it? Huh?

[H. Foley]

What do I call it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That.

[H. Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Call it to find out where the hell it is. Hello.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Put an echo on that.

[H. Foley]

Two seater. God damn it. That's either. What's funny is more older people would be wearing those. That's like a guy who just got into, like, the retirement community. Two seater.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I gotta be honest with you. I don't think you're that far if you keep making a couple of the decisions. I don't think. I don't. You're closer than I am.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think you're closer.

[H. Foley]

What? Because I want to get the tattoo and my nose pierced?

[Kevin James Ryan]

My Prince Albert.

[H. Foley]

My scrotum ring.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm just saying, if you like me, you and Luke up a lot of these shirts would.

[H. Foley]

I never wear anything like that. Plus, I can't do two things at once. I'm a one woman guy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got add.

[H. Foley]

Lose my train of thought. How am I gonna do that? Watch Sopranos all the same time. I need a daily double from McDonald's.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I don't eat those no more. But yet I had one just last night.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then there's one more. Let me just find where it is.

[H. Foley]

Your computer stinks.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I unplugged it, so you didn't see it. He said, all right, here. Then there's, you know, those were all. You know. They got a little more risque as we went along. Obviously, thick fillet is all right, you know. You know.

[H. Foley]

Sorry to crush a cough drop real quick.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's okay.

[H. Foley]

I've had a tickle in the back of my throat for about three weeks.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Piece of semen or something. That's what the guy get his shirt made.

[H. Foley]

I've had a tickle in the back of my throat, so feel free to come in my mouth.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Jesus. Again. Ayg After Dark over here, My boy Deli. I used to have one that said the man and then the legend. A dude in, like, eighth grade. I didn't have pubes yet. I was like, this guy's the Hell's he got going on Dalley?

[H. Foley]

Got a piece on him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, this is. I mean, he's doing well. Yeah, he's doing well. I haven't seen in a while, but.

[H. Foley]

A legend. Yeah, My guy's the fairy tale, right? No, I don't know. Over exaggerated story.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Small wiener?

[Kevin James Ryan]

More of a vignette.

[H. Foley]

Ah, Novella, if you will. Yes, a vignette. More of a haiku, to be honest with you. What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Remember how everybody thought they were cool when they could do a haiku real quick?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Know what kind of bozos are you rolling with?

[H. Foley]

You don't remember that people would always do them?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm asking. He said people always. I.

[H. Foley]

No, it's like people do it as a face throw.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I just mentioned my friend has a shirt that says the man and the legend. And you think that guy knows what a haiku is?

[H. Foley]

I don't really know what one is either.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hit you with a karate chop.

[H. Foley]

What's a haiku, Luke? It's like four things or something.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think it's like five syllables. Seven syllables. Five syllables.

[H. Foley]

It's like. That's the dumbest shit I ever heard.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You don't. You've never tried?

[H. Foley]

No. Five syllables. I don't. What's five?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't even need to rip one out real quick. I don't even know where I get. How would I come up all occasions

[H. Foley]

doing form against me?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, It's. It's a 5, 7, 5 pattern with syllables.

[H. Foley]

5, 7, 5. I'm more of a 5, 5, 5 man, if you know what I mean. Dominoes, kid. What do you know about that? Rocket money.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Big rocket money guy over here.

[H. Foley]

Big fans of rocket money over here. He, you know. You know, a lot of people don't really give rocket money credit for being a timesaver.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Woo. You ain't lying.

[H. Foley]

Get rid of all those subscriptions that you don't want. You make sure everything's organized, neat, clean, organized. It saves you so much time. I remember I used to watch my mom on a Sunday, just drive herself crazy banging hour after hour. Little rocket money in your life. You know what I mean? Takes care of things the easy way.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. One of my favorite things about rocket money is. I've said it before, but listen, this is what it does. You put your. You link all of. I linked my. All of my accounts. I got my savings account, I got my checking account, I got my credit card. That way it knows everything and you get it all in one place. I don't have to go, oh, I got to log into my credit card. What's that pay this, that, all that. Because I'll forget. And then the next thing you know I get wallet with some charge. That was mine. Wasn't mine. You lose track of your subscriptions, which I've done time and time again.

[H. Foley]

I had a Dairy Queen charge on my card the other day. I wasn't at Dairy Queen. I swear to God, I was not at Dairy Queen. You think I would come in here and say that shit?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tell it to tell it to the judge.

[H. Foley]

I got to talk to Rocket Money about it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com garbage that's RocketMoney.com garbage one more time. RocketMoney.com do it.

[H. Foley]

Kevin's talking about DraftKings. DraftKings gang, you know Fight Night is here and DraftKings has you fully covered. The DraftKings sports app is now available in all 50 states and that includes all markets. You're in on the excitement. Dead in on the excitement at the speed of sports, baby.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. Sweat every round of the card all in one place with one app. I'm a big DraftKings guy. Everybody knows that. And right now, new DraftKings customers sign up with the code AYG. You spend five bucks to get 200 rewards within 21 days. That's code AYG in partnership with DraftKings. The crown du jour's bet with DK Sportsbook. Gambling problem. Call 1-800- Gambler-1-800- Myreset Connecticut. Call 888-878-97777. Visit ccpg.org on behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass through may apply in Illinois. 21 plus void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings. Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Bet to get bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get $50 in prediction dollars that expire in one year. Issued every seven days via click to claim for 21 days. One non withdrawable reward redeemable dictions offer void in New York. Ends July 19th. Terms at DKNG Co Audio.

[H. Foley]

Nailed it. Hit me with the what's it called?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Finale Crescendo.

[H. Foley]

No, crescendo is when it slows down, then the finale. First the crescendo, then your finale. Finale.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Then you Crescendo. No, you charge a crescendo you run for the finale.

[H. Foley]

I was watching Stand Up Guys the other night with Al Pacino.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You are my dad. It's crazy. You're my dad. After this.

[H. Foley]

I got. I only got 2B. So I watch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? Tubies. I'm talking a bunch of like late year fucking Sylvester Stallone vehicles.

[H. Foley]

I was about to start Lansky the other day.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Gonna have like a blue showing up. Like a weird blue suit. A little too shiny.

[H. Foley]

I was gonna watch Lansky with Harvey Keitel the other day. I just got a chance. I'm busy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I love it. We've reached a point where you're telling me what movies you were gonna watch. Oh, no. Really? That's cool. Dude.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I can write a haiku.

[H. Foley]

Show me a picture.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not with that attitude.

[H. Foley]

Better be some boobs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This one might have you slipping out of your seat.

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Eat healthy.

[H. Foley]

God.

[Kevin James Ryan]

With stick figures of a man and a lady.

[H. Foley]

He's eating that girl's vagina.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How crazy is that? That's at. I'm all. I'm standing on the boardwalk. That's at the. That's the. That's to get you inside.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's wild.

[H. Foley]

What the hell? That's awful.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now give me the location of this dead store. Also. The lady didn't like that I was taking pictures of her merchandise.

[H. Foley]

Yeah? What'd she say?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nothing. She gave me the stank eye.

[H. Foley]

Pictures ain't free. You gotta buy it. Probably thinks you're going home to jerk off. Fucking older bald man wearing denim on a boardwalk. Are you dressed like. They probably have jeans on. Don't you? You walk up and down the boardwalk in jeans.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I walk up and down the boardwalk with jeans.

[H. Foley]

Are you really? I bet you do. Taking pictures of fucking risque T shirts and going home to fucking pleasure yourself in your mother's bathroom. That's disgusting. What? Yeah. Think about that. It's fucked up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got something else too I forgot about. Just pull out a gun and blow you away.

[H. Foley]

Now that's Comedy Murders.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Luke caught it. Last word.

[H. Foley]

Drive. Hit me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're having a good time. This might not play. This probably won't play, but we're gonna take it. We're gonna take a shot at it.

[H. Foley]

Fond of a murder suicide.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Bit bitch killed, by the way.

[H. Foley]

Got to come heavy. What do you got?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think it would be this. There is. They do breakfast on the. Some. Some restaurant. I got your attention now that's not so stupid, is it?

[H. Foley]

No. You got breakfast.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They play so like there's Some restaurants like pizza places, right? But they do breakfast in the morning.

[H. Foley]

I know that's always on a paper plate or something. They. It's not great.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I.

[H. Foley]

Down ashore.

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's this place. Hot. Hot spot. There's like three or four of them. They do. They. They almost had me. It was just too hot for little Kiparino to. Not just to post out. Dude, this place was wide open. On the beach. On the beach. And there since, like, 19. Like, on the pier. On the beach side of the pier.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It just. It's like 4.99 for, like, the all American, then. All American.

[H. Foley]

The scrapple grapple. I'm with you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I record that. They. They. So, like, it's also like, a lot of, like, carnival barking. Like, step right up, step right in. And they. This place was advertising their breakfast.

[H. Foley]

See the man in a denim shirt taking pictures. Weird T shirt.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The baby's all in denim. I got a denim stroller. But they. My favorite thing is this place had a recording. It wasn't one person in this fucking restaurant.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And the recording was a guy from Philly. Like, he's. It's. He's the. It was the proprietor going over what they have for breakfast. And I gotta. I thought of you immediately. I said the bug man would be all. We would. If we were walking, we'd stop and go.

[H. Foley]

Place is empty.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Is this just on repeat?

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's early, though. Yeah, it's just on repeat.

[H. Foley]

So if I'm sitting down to eat, I hear this guy's voice. Like, I'm in a fucking.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's on the outside camp. Think you'd hear it inside?

[H. Foley]

Okay. Breakfast special is going on right here. We have big headaches.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ham and eggs, sausage and eggs, and

[H. Foley]

delicious Taylor corn roll right over here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Come on in.

[H. Foley]

Freshly squeezed orange juice today. Sausage and eggs, bacon and eggs, Ham and eggs right here. Breakfast specials are going on right now.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Going on.

[H. Foley]

Come on over and try some delicious Taylor pork roll.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's right.

[H. Foley]

We have Taylor pork roll here today. The original Taylor pork roll spot.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You hear that, you little shits? We got the real stuff.

[H. Foley]

See what we have for you today.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We have two eggs, sausage, hash brown.

[H. Foley]

What the. With the sausage and the b. Bacon and pancakes. French toast. This guy just keeps saying the same thing over again.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Listen.

[H. Foley]

Delicious sausage.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Step right up. Step right.

[H. Foley]

Bacon, eggs and bacon.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You could hear him like, mis. Not mispronounce, but, like, stutter on stuff.

[H. Foley]

You know what I mean? Probably in the office doing that one take.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, it was all right.

[H. Foley]

The original now he was kind of saying they were like the first place to have Taylor Ham.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He has the. The original pork roll is Taylor pork roll.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So we have the original pork roll, not this fucking Dietzen Watson trash.

[H. Foley]

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cumberland got money tied up with them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Talking real shit here, Deason.

[H. Foley]

Watson's all right. Decent. Watson's for the working man, you know, not all boar's head.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who does boar's head?

[H. Foley]

People do. What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I've said that weird, didn't I? Who does boar's head?

[H. Foley]

Sounds like you're sucking a pig's dick. What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's. I was on one of my.

[H. Foley]

Cut that. This is ridiculous.

[Kevin James Ryan]

One of my favorite battle rap. I think it was a Rhone shout out to Rhone, of course. One of his old original battle raps. I don't think it was him. It was a guy. He was going against profit with a P. Get it? Like with a ph.

[H. Foley]

I mean, Ronan and I agreed on trashing somebody not too recently.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Very nice. Was it me?

[H. Foley]

No. I don't want to say who it was. Keep our tactinas.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Your raps are like cold cuts. It bores heads. Ooh. Come on, dog.

[H. Foley]

Is that a double entendre?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes, that's exactly what a double entendre is.

[H. Foley]

They're big in the rap game apparently.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Thought it was a Mexican dish. I'll do the double entendre with mole sauce.

[H. Foley]

I like that mole sauce.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ah, me too.

[H. Foley]

I didn't. Holy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That rap battle has a genius, like, lyric breakdown. What is. I don't know what that is. You know, like genius. Like, they break down the lyrics. It's just like, very.

[H. Foley]

What the are you talking about?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Line for line. They have like, all the different meanings and where it connects.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is that the line? The. It's something like that.

[H. Foley]

Send me the link.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It bore's heads.

[H. Foley]

Send me the link. Email to me. Snapchat, you know Snapchat's still banging.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, we're on Snapchat.

[H. Foley]

We are. No, we're not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes, we are.

[H. Foley]

What are we doing up there? We're on second. I don't have a thing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

I could do the little filters. The face of a little chubby face.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, you need a filter to do a chubby face.

[H. Foley]

I see what you did there. That was not a double entendre. Wait, we're on Snapchat.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That is a double gin.

[H. Foley]

We're on Snapchat.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Come on. What has in there? That is in there, Guy.

[H. Foley]

Take it easy. Martial matters. Marshall Smathers Marshall, scrap.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What was that with the Smothers brothers? I thought that was like a jelly company.

[H. Foley]

No, no, there were two guys. They were a comedy team. Smothers brothers, Dick and somebody else. Now the one guy was in a casino. He played the wrinkles. No, one of the Smothers brothers was the state assemblyman. That wouldn't. Wouldn't. Was I at that dinner? Was I at that dinner? He's the one that bangs the blonde hooker in the. In the room upstairs and takes the chips out of the drawer. Remember? That chick was hot.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I wonder if that was all you could eat. Listen, you got to get your mind out of the gutter.

[H. Foley]

My mind's out of the goddamn gutter. We got a comedy goddamn podcast. Doing a job here. Doing a show. We're broadcasting.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Got a gosh darn family episode on our hands.

[H. Foley]

Enough for more Kevin Ryan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's original. Taylor Crawl.

[H. Foley]

You get eggs and bacon, eggs and sausage, eggs and ham, Eggs and Taylor ham. We also have eggs and bacon, eggs and sausage.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Your mic's off again.

[H. Foley]

It's. It's. It. Listen,

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're gonna. Can we weld Diesel you say hi to.

[H. Foley]

You don't say hi to everybody. Oh, you're very on camera.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Have you ever seen the show Diesel? I got. You gotta tack. Weld his fucking his mic so he can't break it. Solder it or something you gotta use so his mouth shut too. I won't stop breaking my cajones.

[H. Foley]

Just. It's just Chinese stuff you're buying. American.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You done?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The someone just.

[H. Foley]

What the is that someone?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Just rolled in. He said he's with the garbage company. He might think we're also a garbage company.

[H. Foley]

Oh,

[Kevin James Ryan]

see, you guys also do trash. Are you connected or no? Coming a couple of wise guys. You're on their side because you want to be a mobster.

[H. Foley]

Oh, hey, Gabagool night. Dinner at that John's on 12th Street a couple weeks ago.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Delicious.

[H. Foley]

You want an old school Jane? It's John's of 12th Street. I thought it was John's on 12th Street. John's of 12th Street. That ain't East Village.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're Henry of Hell's Kitchen.

[H. Foley]

I am, motherfucker. I live in the Kitchen, which. I got a new series coming out about the Kitchen, about the Westies. So I got to get my apartment before the fucking prices start skyrocketing. It's on mgm. Think I'm safe.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Guys, as you know, we got a Gastronom family episode on our hands. When you sign up for the old Patreon A. We will answer your garbage question on the air. Let's see here. This is a home run. This was one. This one's from Brooks. You ever rip a sandwich in half instead of cutting it? I did that down the shore. If you go to Wildwood, you go to Russo's over there on 9th Street. They don't cut their sandwiches. I think you gotta ask.

[H. Foley]

That's kind of infuriating.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Kind of. Imagine it's hot. Imagine ripping a hot cheesesteak in half and I ain't got time to go look for a knife. I was on a beach.

[H. Foley]

You're eating a cheesesteak on the beach.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I ate a cheesesteak.

[H. Foley]

How do you do that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You rip it in half and eat it.

[H. Foley]

I can't really eat on the beach. I don't know why. I can eat on a boat. I can eat every. Everywhere the beach. I feel like sand gets everywhere. I don't like it. I guess if I had to, I could.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I think. I think you could manage. But I don't like if I was sitting there with a Russo's cheesesteak and you're hungry. You hadn't eaten in 10 hours.

[H. Foley]

If you ripped it in half.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I ripped it in half. And I said, oh, I don't want to wrap this back into my paper. Blew away and say now the only way to do is eat it. You could, you could. You couldn't eat it. You're gonna eat it?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I could eat it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

I need a lot of cheese on it though, because I wouldn't be able to put ketchup.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, then we're out. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I can't add condiments to it on the beach. I'll get sandy because that sand's just.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I didn't have condiments on me. I didn't bring a college boy fridge.

[H. Foley]

You don't have salt, pepper, ketchup?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

How are you gonna make any money on the beach in you got no condiments? Huh? What'd you just eat it? You just raw dogged it? Just cheese?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, a cheese. That's how I do my cheesesteaks.

[H. Foley]

You don't need cheesesteaks with ketchup.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

You don't put mayo on them?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Oregano, lettuce, tomato, onion, hoagie? Fy it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, it'd be a cheesesteak hoagie. Then I would have said. If I meant cheesesteak hoagie, I would have said cheesesteak hoagie.

[H. Foley]

I used to love them when I was A kid. Not really so much anymore. Cheesesteak hoagies.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Try one on the beach.

[H. Foley]

Chicken, cheesesteak, hoagie mayo, oregano, white onion, raw onion. That's nice. I prefer when they cut them into quarters, to be honest with you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Whoa. Don't like the double end. I don't. I don't like a hay. That's why I don't like hoagie trays. Really? I don't like.

[H. Foley]

Hold on. Most hoagie trays, they don't give you the end.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh. I'm saying I don't like a double cut. I like an end. I need. I need a heel. Really. I need an anchor.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, What? It's the bottom. It's the. It's. It's the.

[H. Foley]

But on a hoagie tray, there is no bottom. Just goes around in a. I know,

[Kevin James Ryan]

but then it fall. I know. I get that, but I'm saying the bottom of the sandwich, there's nothing to contain. It pushes, it falls. You get a tomato hanging out.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Not in the hoagie. Chick is. It's bite size. Don't you get that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're not bite size.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they are.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're at least four. Three.

[H. Foley]

I've never had a hoagie tray where I bit down and the meat slid out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

A couple places out in Queens where that happens a lot. I'm not going to say any names, but.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, well, I like a heel. For whatever reason, you may or may not see an issue.

[H. Foley]

You're like, yeah, I like a heel. I respect that. Yeah. But they don't have them in hoagie trays.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This wasn't that. That we. You're stuck on hoagie trays. I said. You said you like when they cut a sandwich into quarters. I said, I don't like that. Because then there's two pieces that don't have heels. I'd rather a longer.

[H. Foley]

Don't have heels.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'd rather. Longer heel.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha. I understand.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What I like.

[H. Foley]

I understand. I ripped a Whopper in half one time to share it with somebody. It didn't really pull, right?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. No shit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I gotta be honest with you, man. Burger King, dyke. Fucking. Really fucking up. You bite.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Apologies.

[H. Foley]

Who was that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's an alarm for a call.

[H. Foley]

You got a call.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pushed it.

[H. Foley]

Ooh, nice. Is that the eye doctor? No, you have another call, actually.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The Snapchat with the Snapchat guys.

[H. Foley]

Nice. We have Snapchat guys.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

Pretty cool. Yeah, Once you get an AYG filter on there. Denim dork. Mr. International Businessman.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's it just make the guy, £400? What's it do? A bad hang. What's it do?

[H. Foley]

Makes the guy a real dickhead. You take a bite out of a fucking any sandwich from Burger King, all this stuff comes right out of it. You get it all. One bite. It's like a. Like a. Like hooking a dolphin on a net. Everything comes with it, okay? In the one bite, the pickle pulls the tomato. It's bad. And they're trying all this shit with the fucking jalapeno Whopper.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Jalapeno Whopper? And the fried onions and all that kind of stuff. They got to get back to the basics, man. Buck.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I feel you, dog.

[H. Foley]

We're never gonna be 100% back until burger King gets our shit together. I don't know what that idiot's doing over there. Needs to get his fucking head out of his ass. Yeah. That's straight talk right there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I feel you. There's any sort of endorsement deal we had on the.

[H. Foley]

They should call. I care. McDonald's don't need the money. They're doing great. Burger King's got to come back. I think they should bring back Styrofoam cups. That might be the first step.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think your dolphin. I think your dolphin may have a problem with that.

[H. Foley]

Chick Fil A does it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who they paying on? Who they greasing?

[H. Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're one with God, dog.

[H. Foley]

Sonic does it, too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's why they're top of their game right now.

[H. Foley]

What chick?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also, if fucking Burger King was 1/10 of as good as Chick Fil A, everybody would turn a blind eye to the fucking Styrofoam.

[H. Foley]

You know what's really good over at Burger King? That they really don't push enough. Because I know people don't really dig it. They're big fish. Their fish sandwich is fucking fantastic.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're living different. Why? You're living different, dude. You're getting the big fish at Burger King.

[H. Foley]

You don't like a big fish? It's healthier for you. I like a big fish. I like a fish sandwich.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like a fish sandwich. Now, is that big fish of the area? Is that a local?

[H. Foley]

North Atlantic cod, Locally caught North Atlantic cod or fluke. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

A lot of eyeballs in that fish, I feel.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about? Nice piece of cod, huh? I love the saying piece of fish. A nice piece of fish. The very old school saying piece of fish.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're an old school guy.

[H. Foley]

Friend of mine was saying it. She's Like, I'd love to have a piece of fish. Nice piece of fish. It's cute.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's cool.

[H. Foley]

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Yes, gang, Better helps 2026 state of the stigma report. How we all doing? How are we really doing? Why is stigma still keeping people from getting help? That stigma about going to therapy, Fuck, it makes you better.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Gotta push through that.

[H. Foley]

Push through that. Yeah. Don't anybody break your balls about talking things out with somebody. Shit. Therapy's turned my life around.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. If you've been listening to the show for a while, you know, we're big advocates of, you know, positive mental health. And talk therapy is a huge easy tool, easy to do. It's tough to overcome that stigma of what your parents might think. Your old school dad, who don't think that's for.

[H. Foley]

What are you telling them in there?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What are you doing? You go in, you badmouth me, you blame me.

[H. Foley]

I tried my best.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, sorry. I did the best I could with what I had.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And you go, that's why I'm here

[H. Foley]

with your pudding pops in your fucking GI Joe commercials.

[Kevin James Ryan]

A little too specific. BetterHelp therapist. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US BetterHelp does the initial matchmaking for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. I've always said it's easy to get involved. I've used BetterHelp. It's easy to go, boom, I get started. And then you can figure out who the exact fit for your therapist is. Don't let stigma stand in the way of your support. Start therapy with Better. BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] garbage. That's BetterHelp. H E L P.com garbage. Do it.

[H. Foley]

Do it, Kim. Let's talk about that. Chilipad 2.0 by Sleep Me Chilipad. Are you the kind of person who's constantly flipping your pillow to the cool side of the pillow, only for it to last about 10 seconds? Or maybe you and your partner are in a nightly thermostat battle. One of you is freezing, the other one is overheating. Here's the truth. Great sleep isn't random. It's temperature. And cooler nights lead to better days. That's why Chilipad by Sleep meat comes in. All right. Temperature is one of the most single biggest levers you can pull to improve your sleep and the quality of deep sleep. And that matters because in deep sleep is when your body actually recovers repairs and resets for the next day.

[Kevin James Ryan]

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[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Brisket Brigade. $10 Hell's Kitchen rent supplier. Never have one red shout out to you. Is it garbage to do a taco bar at your wedding instead of traditional meal? Because it's $2,000 cheaper, we're cutting corners. At any chance we can get to be easy on the wallet? I don't hate it.

[H. Foley]

No, I love it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Taco bar means you do it yourself. I'm assuming that you go, that's it.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck are we doing that

[Kevin James Ryan]

have it there the whole time too?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like so if people get there and want to get eaten, get. Let them get eaten. If people want to go get fucked up and then go, yeah, I would

[H. Foley]

be like taco bar all night.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'd be. I'd be doing one every 30 minutes. To take off the fucking. To take the booze off. Let's delete a couple of them. Be your. Take a cut. Take a couple of the drinks off.

[H. Foley]

Trashy. Yes. Fantastic. Yes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

But is it even trashy? It's like we've gotten to a point with fucking these weddings where it's like

[Kevin James Ryan]

Burger King.

[H. Foley]

We've gotten to a point where it's. It's just this dumb shit again. Nice wedding and you fucking throw a taco bar at it. Damn. I Like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I do think, you know, it depends. I don't know how I'd make taco salad. Everybody would be about that. Why?

[H. Foley]

Fuck them. Tell them to fucking take it on a heel and toe.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I just.

[H. Foley]

Bricks.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, you know, who's gonna get mad at a.

[H. Foley]

Who the fuck?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Some aunt's uncle going. You drugged me out here all the way to fucking. I drove two and a half hours. I put 200 in the fucking envelope. You got me dressed up in a fucking suit and a tie, I'm sweating my fucking balls, and I'm here doing my own fucking taquitos.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, well, you're not here for the fucking food. You're here because you love me. All right?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now shut the fuck up talking to me.

[H. Foley]

Now. Shut the fuck up. There's only 100. Any of them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now, what would anybody in your family say if we got all the way out there and you had fucking. You just had a taco bar.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about? My wedding in Hawaii.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, you had to drive to Tommy Cassidy's wedding in upstate New York, you bitch. You still bitch about how long it took you to get there, if he got there. And let's just say they ran out of fucking. They ran out of carne asada before.

[H. Foley]

You think I'm having carne asada? That's ground beef, bitch. Are you nuts? Fuck that. You're not getting no carne asada. No, you're getting ground beef and you're getting beans for the vegetarians, which, I'll be honest with you, I don't mind a fucking black bean taco. Black bean chalupa. They're delicious.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You do have to. You do have to see that. Some people would be like, what the. You got your fucking nana on a walker trying to carry a. I'll make

[H. Foley]

her a goddamn plate. Somebody will. An aunt or something. Shut her up. Yeah, I did bitch the whole time going to Tommy's wedding. But I tell you what I got there and those goddamn bacon wrapped scallops turned my whole day around. They were delicious. And so was the. The, the, the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Just for the record, you bitch for about a year and a half afterwards, too. Just. Just saying.

[H. Foley]

Scallops were good, though. And it was a lovely time.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

And I was a different person back then.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure. We had a nice dinner out that weekend as well.

[H. Foley]

Yes, we did. Oh, yes, we did.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

The four of us. I like the taco bar idea.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I like it as well. Go for it definitely. If you need to. If you're, you know, no qualms, you're trying to cook, but I give people maybe the heads up. Also not, you know, people are dancing. Yeah. Belly full of, you know, who doesn't

[H. Foley]

want a fucking taco when they're all fucked up?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm. I'm on board. I'm just saying. Not everybody, you know, might want to fucking.

[H. Foley]

What's that taco bar look like? I'm. Okay, I'm doing ground beef first of all. We're going straight up Ortega. Like that kind of spice, that kind of seasoning. So we're doing, we're doing, we're doing taco meat.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ok.

[H. Foley]

Chopped up onions, chopped up tomato, chopped up iceberg lettuce in there.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pre mix or like in the bowl of things. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I got you salad bar, some sour cream, some guacamole, Hard shell, soft shell. Got both. Do both. Have some ding dong standing there doing the fucking tacos, the fajitas, heating them up. Little flame bang. Two seconds.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, okay.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Nice.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know what would be nice? If somebody made them for you. Hey, let me get two chicken, two, whatever, chipotle stuff. And then they fucking whip them up real nice so you don't have to fucking. You got a suit and a tie on you, a nice dress. You won't be dealing with.

[H. Foley]

You know what else, too.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I like that. That's nice.

[H. Foley]

You could do it in a bowl because you know my thing. I don't like the layers on a taco. Mix it all together, throw it in the, in the, in the mitt.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're gonna need another guy for that. That's. Now you're talking.

[H. Foley]

No, you're doing that in a bowl.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Take two seconds. It's like a guy that does the salads at a deli. They make those in three seconds, don't they?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, but you need a guy then. There's more dishes than involved to me with that.

[H. Foley]

All right, so you get two guys. You're still saving money with the fucking

[Kevin James Ryan]

Taco Bell where the bowls go. You need a fresh bowl every time.

[H. Foley]

No, you don't. You don't need a fresh bowl. You wipe it out. They're tacos.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, you clearly never worked in a kitchen.

[H. Foley]

That's going to sting.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's going to sting them. I'm just saying.

[H. Foley]

I was a hotshot fucking fry guy on the line of Pusser's Landing on the Intercoastal Waterway in fucking Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina, summer in 96. Bitch down there working scallop shrimp. We did a fantastic. I did. We did a fantastic fried seafoods sampler.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So, you know, you gotta wash the.

[H. Foley]

You gotta watch them.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You gotta watch them all. Sorry.

[H. Foley]

I mean, yeah, I used to do fried oysters too. Okay. Beer battered fried oysters, man. Got my hands on a couple of them. Sick one

[Kevin James Ryan]

took out a whole family reunion. Shrimp was underdog.

[H. Foley]

I. You tell it's second wrapped up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The Jenkins did not see it coming. Three generations of Jenkins is all.

[H. Foley]

I usually had one incident at every job I ever worked at.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You've had a couple here, I'll give you. I think it's pretty. If you're on the Patreon, it's pretty well documented. Big man's. He's got a couple of blemishes in

[H. Foley]

the file, a couple food poisonings, you

[Kevin James Ryan]

know, true nature of the beast.

[H. Foley]

Nature of the beast. And then when I worked at the Hess station, I got. I squirted gas in that lady's face.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She owed you 20. Poor lady. I don't think I ever heard that story.

[H. Foley]

100%.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't. I'm telling you, I've never heard. I don't think I've heard that.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So me and my buddy Kramer one summer had the greatest job ever. We worked at Hess gas station, Germantown Pike. And it was like a pit because it was a two lane highway with a divider in the middle. So you had to come in, you pulled in, get your gas off stuff. That's when we had that scam going with the fucking. With the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

With the change or. No, the.

[H. Foley]

You get a coupon for $10 a premium. You got whatever. So we would do the floater gallons. Save it up, right? Fill out the cards, walk out of there with another 30, 40 bucks cash.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What? This old lady get onto your scam? Want a fucking one? One is scam. And you had a douser. What happened?

[H. Foley]

How the fuck am I gonna skim from this skin?

[Kevin James Ryan]

This lady's bleeding me dry. It's like trying to get blood from a stone.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I think we can work that out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Did you say premium?

[H. Foley]

Hit her with 35 cents? If I'm. Lennon, shut her up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, she pulled the 35. Probably back then, a gallon of gas was 80 cents. That's like a half a gallon.

[H. Foley]

Dude, dude, I think I actually squirted her with like 5 cents. It's a lot, man. It's a lot because you could see it on the pump, what I hit her with. And no, it wasn't retribution. I Have to have told you this. She was a heavyset lady. She pulled in one of those old minivans.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Heavyset lady, heavy.

[H. Foley]

She was wearing a stick it anywhere

[Kevin James Ryan]

T shirt and all. You can eat a pair of shorts.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, she pulled in. She was a sweet lady. She had the short lady haircut, you know, with curls. Bigger girl. She pulled in one of those little woodies, those. Those minivans.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You might have been described describing. Denise.

[H. Foley]

And her husband, who was a juice head, was behind her in another car. He was in like a white Pontiac. I didn't realize that was her husband. And she rolled down the window and she's like, you know, fill it up with whatever. And it was this old school pump. And I was just happened to be holding it like towards her by accident. And when I went to thing you'd

[Kevin James Ryan]

never join the military.

[H. Foley]

And I went to jam it up and when I did it like a muscle thing, I squeezed it and hit her with like 5 cents a.

[Kevin James Ryan]

In the car?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, she was sitting in the car. Oh my God. And she like fell out of the car and was rolling around on the ground.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Lady, stop being drinking.

[H. Foley]

You get mad at her.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's what you would do. I don't remember that now.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, she. I was so bad, there's nothing I could do. She was just rolling around screaming, I can't see him again.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Irritated.

[H. Foley]

My husband came over, was like, what the fuck? And I was like, I'm sorry, it was an accident. And then Dale, my manager came out with some kind of. That they had in the back for when that happened.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like sand or something, something like that. Hit her with the ansel system. Foamer.

[H. Foley]

I hit the whole thing. Shut down the fucking gas station.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You stink.

[H. Foley]

I had to get. I had to use that thing in science class. This kid Mike Brown squirted me in

[Kevin James Ryan]

the eye or something. Out of the eyewash?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, this kid Mike Brown, I like flicked him or something like that. And he squirted me in the eye with hydrochloric acid.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's been a dickhead your whole life, haven't you? You really have.

[H. Foley]

But it was diluted. He could have fucking blinded me. And I remember I tried to get out of wrestling practice that day. And fucking Mr. Landis was like, no, what's your problem?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You didn't miss lunch, did you, fat ass?

[H. Foley]

This was.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I seen you down there. Ate a whole stack of pancakes. Breakfast for lunch, huh?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, Mr. Fuck, I can't remember his name. Mr. Staller or something like that. Had to like drag me into the back and fucking stick my head in this thing. It was actually very refreshing. The water is very bubbly.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh nice.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Man tried to blind me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We had a. We had a traumatic experience at a gas station in Jersey. I. I think I might have told. I was either telling Nadine this or telling you we would go to my.

[H. Foley]

That's where we're at. What? Confuse me with your wife.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[H. Foley]

I still grab my titties.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Hey, don't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She is my wife.

[H. Foley]

That's I'm saying. Don't grab mine. Be respectful.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Did you say creep?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I did. My mom was driving me and her. I think we were in the Woody Van or maybe the Taurus. And my aunt lived in Pennsauken. Like Merchantville, Pensacola, N.J. right over to Bridge. We go over there. That was that. Might as well have a hundred miles away.

[H. Foley]

But they always had parties there on the radio here. We're in Pensacol, New Jersey. Yeah. It was like a night. I just.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I imagine just down there at the jug handle. Yeah, something like that.

[H. Foley]

Some sleazy club.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's not where we were going. We're going. Nice house. Yeah, right.

[H. Foley]

You're sitting in the car.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're invaders.

[H. Foley]

You're sitting in the car while she's in daffodils getting liquored up. You gotta sit in the car and do your math homework. Like a.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But it was a. I remember a dark cold night and your aunt's getting

[H. Foley]

scooped out in the back seat. I don't know what they were up to.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know her. I'm telling her. You said.

[H. Foley]

No, I didn't. I didn't. So I didn't say specific. Ain't technicality bug mean. They.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You were getting. It was the last. I think it genuinely might have been the last time my mom ever got gas in New Jersey. Because we dark like winter night all fall night. It's like 9 o'. Clock. 8, 8. 9 o'. Clock. We're going back home. School night.

[H. Foley]

I remember. Why does the school night 8 o' clock feel so late?

[Kevin James Ryan]

It might. Dude. Cold must.

[H. Foley]

It was school night.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was like I hated this like an arduous journey. It felt like to get home like, you know, oh, how I'm gonna be home at midnight. It felt. I mean I was 35 minutes away

[H. Foley]

or whatever and you didn't get up until seven. So you got at least seven hours of sleep.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Fat little bastard.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I knew you.

[H. Foley]

You always say, oh my God, how am I gonna make this a school day? It Was the pressure that they put on your school night. Shut the up.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I can see what age you're at in therapy. So this story's going on way longer than it needs to in Jersey. You don't know they pump your gas in Jersey.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And my mom pulled up and rolled the window down. There wasn't an attendant there. I didn't tell you that. There wasn't an attendant.

[H. Foley]

You might have. Go ahead.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then he was an Indian gentleman and she, like, lost. He was in the blind spot of the car and he stuck his head all the way in the window. I'll never forget his face. I made that. I made dead eye contact with him. And my mom turned around and he was right here. And he went, peel it up. And dude like it. I'm surprised she didn't put him in the Cobra clutch. She lost it. Purse went everywhere. Flying did. We hightailed it. Never been out. Oh, yeah. He freaked in. Giving that guy a credit card. Might as well. No, wait. Single mom.

[H. Foley]

You have told me that story. But, man, that's funny.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She lost her Peel it up out the. Yeah, never. So that. That was instilled you never. I like. We gotta get gas before we cross the bridge. That my dad did. My dad would always. This was.

[H. Foley]

I like getting gas in Jersey. I get my fat ass out of the car.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do it for you there. You know what's nice to pumps.

[H. Foley]

I've been bad on the tips with that. Never have cash in a car.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got a thing here. This was.

[H. Foley]

I haven't driven in, like, six months. Again. I got the car back.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You got it?

[H. Foley]

No, I'm going to get it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So you didn't get it back.

[H. Foley]

But I got my license back.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got your license back. Did you?

[H. Foley]

I mean, it's according to.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So no, that was a double according to JB.

[H. Foley]

I do. It was June 23rd.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

So I'm legal. I figure what I'll do is I'll get the car, run a couple of red lights, have the NYPD chase me, and then say, hey, suicide by cop. No, I'm gonna ask a cop. Make sure. I'm gonna go online. There you go. Take a class.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're not doing any of that.

[H. Foley]

The fuck I'm not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know you're not at group therapy tonight, too. You keep saying that.

[H. Foley]

I do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You've said it so much, I don't believe you. At this point, if I'm being honest

[H. Foley]

with you, I definitely won't be at the Hustler Club.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's still Open.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

I don't go down. Go strip clubs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right. Okay. What the fuck was I saying? What were we just talking about? Something about your dad. No, what. What I don't like is gays in Jersey. Yeah. Oh, my dad would never. Is to put a button in that. This was way I was working with him. I mean, I was in my 20s and he refused to use a credit card in New Jersey because they rob you because you give them the card and then.

[H. Foley]

Or they walk away with.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They walk into the hut and he goes, you know what the that guy's doing? And now he's writing my down. You're always cash. I go, you're nuts. This was in.

[H. Foley]

They do sometimes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This was in 2000. Oh yeah, I know, but this was in 2000. Well, you know, this wasn't. This wasn't that long ago. He's like, nah, we'd stop at a wawa, hit an ATM.40 cash regular and a pack of heaters packing a marble light you got there.

[H. Foley]

Guy that already pulled marble.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That is reds.

[H. Foley]

Wow. I think he's still smoking reds.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I haven't talked to him a long time, but if I had to assume, I would assume. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Damn. He was smoking reds the last time he seen him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's been smoking reds every time I've ever seen him ever in my life. Yeah, but I got a pro, I got a bill. There's a little hard feelings or whatever, but I got a little bit of a beef with people at this point now complaining about the tipping on the screens. You know what I mean? It's like I listen, I'm not.

[H. Foley]

Wait, you have beef with the people that are complaining about it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, it's like cuz they always lead up. My problem is they always lead off with. I'm a good tipper.

[H. Foley]

And it's like they have it at the airport though, where they do that shit at the airport. Like, do you want to leave a tip?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Where?

[H. Foley]

For whatever. The Hudson News and shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's a roundup for like charity or whatever, which. Don't do that either. Don't do that because the fucking car, the credit. They wet their. Everybody wets their beak on that but you and them goddamn poor kids. But it's always like, I fucking. I'm a. No, I'm a good tipper, but I'm going to complain about. They're asking me for 18% of a $5 cup of coffee. If you're complaining about the dollar on a cup of coffee. Hate to break it to you, you're not that great of a tipper.

[H. Foley]

I'm just so irresponsible. That. Right. Whatever. I just hit it. Keep it moving.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also say no. I do think it's aggressive how they go this and it's. That's all from the card processing companies.

[H. Foley]

Is that who's doing it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Because they get 3 and a half to 4% on it at a tip. Yeah they do. Because they get a total. They. It behooves them to make the total higher because they take a higher. They take a percentage man. So it's all that. Yeah. It's all the credit card companies doing it. The credit card processing company like the toast or whatever. They wet their beak on all that.

[H. Foley]

Is that what toast is?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't know. But somebody's wetting their beak on it and it ain't me. I thought stop going. I'm a great Deborah. I just get mad when they ask me for 20% of a $5 cup of coffee. Just give them a dollar or don't give them a dollar. Don't try to tell me you're good.

[H. Foley]

Who you hanging out with that are still complaining about this?

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was mainly one kid. It was me.

[H. Foley]

Was it?

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is all about myself.

[H. Foley]

Is that you're hanging out with down there in suburbia. Bunch of whiners and complainers.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And what are you?

[H. Foley]

I'm fucking on the front line still. You're in the city getting it done. Not down there in the rear.

[Kevin James Ryan]

None of that means anything. She just say stuff. Also pull the curtain. You didn't come to work yesterday. You're not getting it done.

[H. Foley]

I'm sick. I'm here today.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Ill

[H. Foley]

for you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, thanks.

[H. Foley]

I have to go to the doctor. Scared they're all that legionnaires disease. Don't fucking say that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right. Let's see. This one's from James McCarthy. $10, homie. Ever use pancakes or waffles as a bun for your hamburger? That's a great question. I've never thought of that. I've never been in the position where I needed to do that. I've never made a sandwich with. I've done like I guess peanut butter on top of two Eggos. Probably. But yeah. I'm assuming you. I mean I guess that would just be the McGriddle. Effectively.

[H. Foley]

Not with a hamburger. With sausage.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sure. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

But not that long ago.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

I was at my mother's.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You can't say anything that can shock me at this point. No. There's genuinely nothing.

[H. Foley]

Hmm.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean do you think there is yeah, there's not. That would shock me. There's stuff I don't know for sure. There's nothing that would shock me.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck is that shit you just alluded to? There's things I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm not saying. Well, you just said there's stuff I could tell you that would shock me. Clearly, that would shock me. No, how could. Something I. You said you. You know, there's stuff.

[H. Foley]

I made a ham and cheese sandwich using an Eggo waffle.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. I don't know why you made it so serious after.

[H. Foley]

And it's delicious. I still did. I still did the Dijon mustard and everything. It all works.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's just like. It's like buttermilk bread effect, essentially. Well, was there no bread or you decided to get wacky? I'm okay with either way.

[H. Foley]

I decided to get wacky.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fair enough.

[H. Foley]

I'm a weird guy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're allowed to do whatever you want.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Doesn't shock me.

[H. Foley]

Interesting. You know I have two penises.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Doesn't shock me.

[H. Foley]

One's on my foot.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mm, can't see that one either. Hey. Then this thing on. Hey.

[H. Foley]

What are you gonna say? One's in my butt.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He actually has three. Keeps them in his mouth too. Call that a three seater. Hey, Dan.

[H. Foley]

Hey. Done. Yeah, it's really good. And anything on. You know, the fucking. What's it called? Monte Cristo. Which is basically ham, cheese and turkey on French toast.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. No syrup, though.

[H. Foley]

Use syrup.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Syrup, not syrup.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Whatever. What does my wife do?

[H. Foley]

I had a blueberry pancake today that blew my balls back. Shout out to the Galaxy Diner.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How's that Ozempic working?

[H. Foley]

Great.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm just saying there's a lot. A lot of Burger King talk, a lot of pancake talk, a lot of ham and cheese on waffle talk.

[H. Foley]

Still going down.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Baby treat every once in a while.

[H. Foley]

Plus a lot of steps, a lot of walking, a lot of working out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So it depends.

[H. Foley]

How's that row gain?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I haven't been taking it.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I lost. I left it.

[H. Foley]

I was kidding, by the way.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Just teasing you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

About what?

[H. Foley]

You look great. I don't want to throw.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You getting weird.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to throw stones back at you after you make insulting comments. I try to kill him with kindness.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I would. Insulting comment that I make.

[H. Foley]

Made fun of my weight.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I didn't make fun of your weight.

[H. Foley]

I was fat. Said I was eating a lot of pancakes and a lot of burgers.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But you said that. You said all of that stuff. I Just asked you how's it going to see if you were still taking it because. Hold on. Don't get weird. We have both have lapsed in it. Oh, I didn't take. I'm the take. I forgot it. This. That I got to get re up. It was mostly that. It wasn't a shot at everything. It was that. And also, you have mentioned the multiple times you've had Burger King recently.

[H. Foley]

Once. Got Burger King once.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Multiple times. Okay. Hey, I had it once multiple times. Not multiple times during the day, but I have had Burger King multiple times.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Stop saying once. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. You really have to learn how to speak.

[H. Foley]

You.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You stink.

[H. Foley]

Yes, sir.

[Kevin James Ryan]

If you stink and you know, clap your hands.

[H. Foley]

You doing that with the baby? What if you're a baby and you know, clap your hands? No, doing all the old tunes. The old show tunes. Old McDonald, all that shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Chicago.

[H. Foley]

Chicago? What do you mean?

[Kevin James Ryan]

He said all the old show tunes.

[H. Foley]

I thought you meant Chicago. To band.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're more of a Steely Dan family.

[H. Foley]

Does anybody really know what. That's how it is. I love Chicago.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You do? Clap your hands till Daddy comes home

[H. Foley]

but what is that? Is that. You make that up?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, because Tommy knows it. It must be a Philly Derp. See if you can find out. Clap your hands till Daddy comes home Daddy's gonna buy me an ice cream cone so big. Because Tommy knows. So it might be a Roxboro thing.

[H. Foley]

Clap your hands till Daddy comes home from the bar Clap your daddy comes home from the bar the bar must have been far. Cause it's really, really late Clap your hands till Daddy comes home from the bar I hope he doesn't hit Mommy

[Kevin James Ryan]

when he gets home he's probably gonna hit Mommy when he gets here I

[H. Foley]

hope he didn't spend the rent when

[Kevin James Ryan]

he gets home Just a classic. It comes from the uk, but you're sodish. Classic. Really? Clap hands, clap hands till Daddy comes home For Daddy's got money and. But Mommy's got none oh, what the. Yeah, that's what I said.

[H. Foley]

Really pushing the patriarchy over there. That's crazy. What about moms that are breadwinner?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Luke? What about that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was in my household.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Hot stuff. All due respect, of course, they probably hate my guts by now anyway.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. Yes, they do. I will answer for you.

[H. Foley]

I gotta cut my losses at a certain point. You know what I mean? You got to put a tourniquet on it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, you got it. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You gotta realize I'VE lost some rooms and I'm never gonna get back. I'm aware of that. I don't know what the I did that was that bad.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're like a. I. I'll have. I. I'll have Mark Day Shark draw up a list. You're like a bad air conditioner. Losing rooms, baby.

[H. Foley]

Is that true? Am I out? The Dempsey's lost the complex?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, can't keep the room.

[H. Foley]

Well, I'll miss him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Them. Who cares?

[H. Foley]

Nah, you know I like to let people down.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Wait, what? Wait, when's that? When's that start?

[H. Foley]

That was kind of your thing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I thought that's what we were doing this whole time. Listen, we gotta wrap it up though, gang.

[H. Foley]

What a fun one.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What a silly one.

[H. Foley]

Right there, if you're new to the program is a good old fashioned family episode. We love you guys and we'll see you in three days.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Peace.