We Got The Gout w/ Ian Fidance!

Summary

Are You Garbage? – "We Got The Gout w/ Ian Fidance!" (May 28, 2026)

Episode Overview

Hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley welcome returning guest Ian Fidance for a characteristically chaotic and hilarious installment. The main focus, as suggested by the episode title, is Ian's recent struggle with gout—a condition more often associated with old men, which becomes a running (or limping) joke throughout. The conversation spirals through health woes, roommate hypotheticals, road gig antics, and the true test of whether Ian is "garbage" based on his life choices. Expect wild tangents, rapid-fire riffs, and plenty of roast-level affection among this crew of comics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ian’s Gout Diagnosis

• Public Unveiling of Ian's Ailment

  • Ian confesses, "I've got gout." ([02:54])
  • The hosts incredulously probe the origin: "How the fuck do you have...I know why you have it." (A, [03:38])
  • They riff on his "leopard print cane" and collection of novelty canes: "I have a cane with an eagle on it. I have a cane with a snake on it." (B, [04:40])

• What Caused It?

  • The group speculates: diet, genetics, or Ian's penchant for "Thai iced tea" ([03:41]), shellfish, and "crab by the bushel out of that Chester river."
  • Ian claims his healthy habits should’ve prevented gout: "You in the gout race is crazy." (C, [03:52])

• Pain Level

  • Ian laments, "The gout is the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. Except for heartbreak." (B, [07:00])
  • He describes gout’s agony: uric acid forms “crystal daggers.” (B, [07:17])

• Coping Mechanisms

  • "Tart cherry juice. It helps gout. I've been chugging it…It's been helping. Nothing else." (B, [06:49])
  • He jokes about relying on FaceTime consultations with a childhood friend who is now a doctor: “He lives in Miami and his brother is my criminal defense attorney.” (B, [08:10])

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2. The Roommate Hypothetical: Ian & Foley’s Brooklyn Bachelor Pad

• Selling the Housemate Dream

  • Ian pitches Foley on moving in: “Content house. Are You Garbage with the Gout?” (B, [11:04]), promising free Factor meals and “breakfast for life.”
  • They debate rent, chores, sharing cats, bathrooms, and the hypothetical “market rate” of Ian’s Brooklyn basement ([36:42], [37:22], [37:40])
  • Foley: "I'm not living downstairs, asshole." (A, [13:55])
  • Ian: “If you don’t move in, I’ll do drugs.” (B, [62:03])

• Potential Pitfalls

  • Hosts joke living together would “ruin our friendship,” but make for a hit show ([44:51])
  • "We have house meetings Monday night…You clean kitchen and bathroom." (B, [36:00])
  • The hypothetical quickly devolves into bits about ant traps, broken AC, and sleep apnea machine hose theft ([47:31], [49:11], [47:51])

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3. Road Dog Tales & Touring Life

• Upcoming Dates

  • Kevin, Foley, and Ian plug their own gigs—Maine, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Atlantic City, Denver, Montreal JFL, and more. (A, B, C, [70:09])
  • Ian’s relentless travel schedule, emphasizing both hustle and grime.

• Albany & LA Stories

  • Recollections of ill-fated Airbnb shares and LA diners—especially Ian’s devotion to late-night spots like Swingers and Canters. ([52:24])
  • “Diner situation in New York is terrible. That's why LA is great.” (B, [53:13])

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4. Medical Escapades & Questionable Doctors

• Loose Steroids & Home Remedies

  • “My doctor at urgent care is the one that's been... Dude, that's not your doctor.” (A, [08:28])
  • Stories of urgent care visits, loose-handed prescriptions, FaceTime diagnoses, and swapping medications ([08:52], [36:03], [30:55])

• Misadventures in Self-Care

  • Ian admits to rare, ancient diet fads: “I am going to start taking Dexatrim for my weight…What’s so bad about Dexatrim?” ([59:51])
  • Hosts quickly discourage: "It's like speed. As a drug addict, you shouldn’t do it." (C, [61:29])

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5. Are You Garbage? - Listener Questions

Questions are scattered and often derailed by tangents, but some are addressed:

• If your teenage blanket was an unzipped sleeping bag — is that garbage?

  • Foley: “That is. Yeah.” (A, [65:15])
  • Ian: “That’s pretty bad.” (B, [65:31])

• Most famous person ever met is Buddy the Cake Boss — garbage?

  • “He’s got the best cannolis I ever had.” (A, [54:48])
  • General consensus: "Yeah, it’s trash. Keep it moving.” (A, [56:52])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“I’m a dirty Delaware doozy. I’m a coffee sluggin’, all-day smoking, late-night joking wild motherfucker.”
— Ian Fidance, [05:13]

“My uric acid levels are through the roof.”
— Ian Fidance, [03:19]

“You eat river oysters? What, were you going to get them from the ocean?”
— H. Foley, incredulously, [26:41]

“If you don’t move in, I’ll do drugs.”
— Ian Fidance, [62:03]

“He’s on boredom — my doctor said boring.”
— H. Foley, riffing on Ian’s new dullness from medication, [09:31]

“You want me to move into your place, and live in the basement like I’m bottom-floor trash?”
— H. Foley, [13:55]

“I’m on different yogurts and tarts.”
— Ian Fidance (justifying his farting on air), [64:24]

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Highlighted Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:45 | Ian reveals his gout diagnosis; hosts react with a blend of concern and ridicule. | | 06:49 | Ian explains his regimen of tart cherry juice to ease his symptoms. | | 07:17 | Detailed (and graphic) explanation of gout pain. | | 11:04 | Proposes the “Are You Garbage” content house, sparking the roommate bit. | | 36:00 | Outlines the logistics and rules of Ian’s dream roommate arrangement. | | 47:31 | Ant season, ant traps, and the home pest tangent. | | 52:32 | Ian’s devotion to 24-hour diners and West Coast eating habits. | | 54:15 | Listener questions — the “are you garbage” test on blankets and Cake Boss.| | 65:15 | Unzipped sleeping bag as a teen blanket—deemed garbage. | | 70:09 | Plugs for upcoming stand-up shows; genuine appreciation among the group. |

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Final Thoughts & Tone

This episode delivers classic "Are You Garbage?" energy: relentless ball-breaking, affectionate insults, and deranged but relatable stories from the gutter of the comedy world. Even with the medical overtone, the camaraderie is unshakable, driven by the trio’s chemistry and willingness to turn any health calamity or squalid anecdote into top-tier banter.

Fidance stands out as the wild, oversharing uncle—always ready to up the ante with some new malady or failed life hack, only to be ribbed mercilessly by Foley and Ryan. At its core, the episode is a spirited affirmation that everyone’s got a little “garbage” in them, especially comedians.

Transcript

[A]

It's a summertime gang and the boys are coming to your hometown. We're talking about Portland, Maine. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Cleveland, Ohio. Grab the squad. Let's all hang out, play a little ayg. Some stand up comedy. It's gonna be a fun, fun time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Then the boys are headed to Atlantic City, baby. Down there on the boardwalk. King of the boards returns to South Jersey. Philadelphia, people. Jersey people. Get your tickets to Atlantic City. Also Denver, Colorado. Those tickets are selling very fast. Those will sell out. Get em. We'll be there in July. Love yas. Mean it. Bye.

[A]

Let's go. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if we grew up to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash.

[B]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host Kevin Ryan. Coming at you on a beautiful day.

[C]

We got a wacky one.

[A]

We're out back here at aunt Tooties. She is upstairs getting ready for the big yard sale this weekend.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Mostly my trophies and stuff. Little bit age fully memorabilia.

[C]

World's gay is made.

[A]

That's a big trophy. Remember when trophies used to be huge?

[C]

Oh, remember getting your hands on one

[A]

mike coast is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of. Are you garbage? Fancies himself as a bit of an international businessman.

[C]

Okay, I see you're upset with me.

[A]

Coffers are a little low these days. Goddamn tariffs are killing us. Kevin James Ryan everybody.

[C]

What's up gang? Shout out to you as always. Thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the friggin charts.

[A]

Yes sir. We me more excited to have our incredibly. I mean, is that it?

[C]

Check out patreon.com oh great.

[A]

Sorry.

[C]

Complain about the golfers being [e-mail]. are you garbage at an all time high by the way, creeping in on 16,000.

[A]

Let's go people.

[C]

That is nice. Yes.

[A]

That's what I'm talking about, gang. We couldn't be more excited ever. Incredibly, and I mean incredibly. Special guest back with us again today. As you know him, he's family. He was recently run over by a handsome cab.

[C]

The horse is recovery.

[A]

He is the co host, the host and creator of an odd guy doing odd jobs from YMH Studios. Ian do Ian does.

[B]

Ian did.

[C]

Ian did Ian Lee.

[A]

I thought it was odd.

[C]

I thought I Didn't know it's called

[B]

Ian do and odd guy doing odd job.

[C]

It annoys everybody.

[A]

Just read the trade.

[B]

Just got cancelled episode. Yes.

[A]

And of course, he's the co host of Being Eden. Being Ian with Jordan. Give it up for our good pal the frail. You're a little frail. He's got a lot of uric acid in him. Is this public?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it? Are we the scoop here?

[B]

You're getting the first hot scoop. You got it.

[A]

Ian has two weeks to live. Everybody coming to you live.

[B]

I've got gout.

[C]

The straight to hell tour him two nights ago at the cell. I come out, I turn the corner, you know, looking for a familiar face, and I see him. I go, hey, Schmidt. And fight aids. Everybody turns around, I got gal. All right, Uncle Dave. What the fuck?

[A]

They're gonna take my postman's route away from me.

[B]

My uric acid levels are true to roof.

[C]

And then he goes. I go, is there like, what do you do, like exercise, diet? Is there pills you can take? He goes, they said if I come on all you garbage and plug my travel show, it'll go away.

[A]

Hey, Kev.

[B]

Goes, I hope you got good insurance.

[A]

How the fuck do you have. I know why you have it.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because all that fucking Thai iced tea you're drinking with that evaporated milk, that's a get you. I've.

[C]

No, I've never. All the guys sit at the table, you have gout is insane.

[B]

Yeah, the fact that you don't drink. You in the gout race is crazy.

[A]

You don't drink. You're allergic to shellfish.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[C]

That's what it is.

[A]

You eat them crabs by the bushel out of that Chester river down there.

[C]

What are they saying? What do they attribute it to? All right, dude, you're in good shape. So I'm assuming it's the diet or is it genetic?

[B]

Great shape.

[A]

You're calling me the only guy at the table with a cane?

[C]

A leopard print cane that he puts stickers on, by the way.

[A]

Hello? Man, do you have to bedazzle everything? Soul blind, like Jojo Sweela.

[C]

He's dancing.

[A]

The kid liked that

[B]

for all my dates.

[A]

That's like a baton.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where do you get that?

[B]

Walgreens.

[C]

You sure hell didn't get that? No, men's section.

[B]

I. There were a lot of options. I thought the leopard print was fun. I do have an assortment of canes. I have a cane with an eagle on it. I have a cane with a snake on it.

[A]

Are you required to now send back soup at the diner.

[C]

That cane, he ain't been pimping since. Been pimping since. Been pipping. Not on a near nada. Mmm.

[B]

I got that pimp limp.

[A]

Have you had to go upside anybody's head lately?

[B]

It's nice to have the cane on these streets.

[A]

Yeah, you always say that. You're gonna make a move. Like when you walked around with your knife. You're not gonna wet anybody. You don't got the stones for that.

[B]

Are you kidding?

[A]

That's messy business.

[B]

You know who I am? I'm a dirty Delaware doozy. I'm a coffee sluggin. All day smoking, late night joking, wild motherfucker.

[C]

Here.

[A]

You're a middle aged man with gout who may or may not be paying his rent.

[B]

No gout,

[A]

that's just funny. We'll be right back with Ian Finance.

[B]

Thank you. Ask me where I'm from.

[A]

Delaware. Ask where are you from?

[B]

Gaudi Arabia.

[C]

I gotta go.

[B]

Quit when I was ahead. Speaking of, Luke hit me with a good one earlier.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And then he followed it up with the worst joke I've ever heard.

[A]

Kevin, when do you have to go back to direct the other episodes? Entourage, by the way.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Really? You look like. I look like you waiting for a dp.

[A]

That's double penetration for you nerds out there.

[B]

That's right, dvda. What's up?

[A]

Airtight, as the kids say.

[B]

You ever been airtight?

[A]

No.

[B]

That's how I got the gal.

[A]

Blew you up. Huffing, healing.

[B]

You can get it from drinking too much beer. I don't. Too much high fructose corn syrup. I'm not. Too much shellfish? Too much red meat. No, my diet's been good. You can also get it randomly, which I believe.

[C]

You're not a random kind of guy, though. You're not some guy that gets so random.

[A]

Probably used a weird public toilet.

[B]

Random?

[C]

What?

[B]

I was being random.

[A]

Look, man, I think that's anonymous.

[B]

Look, things aren't good.

[A]

What's in the. Right. What's the. What is that? Prune juice.

[B]

Tart cherry juice. It helps gal.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I've been chugging it. It's been helping. Nothing else.

[C]

Hit it. I took two shots at tart cherry juice.

[B]

The gout is the most painful thing I've ever gone through.

[A]

It's in your toe.

[B]

Except for heartbreak.

[A]

I don't like this.

[C]

I don't like the cane.

[A]

Yeah, put the cane away.

[C]

What do you mean? Why? That's pretty good.

[A]

Who is that?

[C]

We freak Out. I hate you.

[B]

Yeah. So you know, it's on your toe. The toe joint. Uric acid builds up, so the crystallizes, and it. It shoots out. It's like, not like crystal daggers that just. My foot swelled up. It was awful. My. My doctor was like, look, I was an ER doctor for years.

[C]

Number one. My doctor was like, look, I'm not a doctor. If your doctor has to convince you that he's a doctor, he's not a doctor.

[A]

Look, I went to medical school.

[C]

I swear to God. You can ask anybody. Just not right.

[B]

Everybody. You ask them the most painful thing they've been through. It's gout. And he was an ER Doctor.

[C]

I've heard.

[A]

I feel like a gunshot might trump that.

[B]

Gout? Worse. I'm telling you, My doctor said Dr. Pepper again. FaceTime him right now.

[A]

You can FaceTime your doctor. Then he's not a doctor.

[B]

One of my doctors.

[A]

Then. He's not a doctor.

[B]

No, he is a doctor now. My lifelong best friend is my doctor.

[A]

And your lifelong best friend, you go to a guy. You go to a doctor that you grew up with?

[B]

Yeah, it's great. Free.

[A]

That's. What, do you go see him at his house? What?

[B]

No, we FaceTime. He lives in Miami, and his brother is my criminal defense attorney.

[C]

Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

You know, man, I don't pay for anything. Do you?

[B]

I. Well, I. That. My doctor at urgent care is the one that's been. Dude, that's not your doctor. That's not.

[C]

That's not you.

[A]

That's a homeless person.

[B]

Every time I go to urgent care, he's in the back and he goes, hey, come on back.

[A]

This guy thinks I'm a doctor.

[C]

You guys get a lot of this.

[B]

Get, get.

[C]

I'm gonna have this guy in a cane in 20 minutes.

[B]

You'll. You'll like this.

[A]

Wait, don't you.

[C]

I went.

[B]

I went.

[C]

No, we won't.

[A]

I went.

[B]

I went Sunday. And it's Memorial Day weekend. Pharmacies are closed. I needed steroids, and he just gave me loose steroids and then gave me more for the next day. And then I got my prescription today.

[A]

Why do you need steroids?

[B]

To make the swelling go down.

[A]

I thought you want to just get your arms bigger.

[B]

I'm trying to get jacked up, but I. Dude, I'm on steroids.

[C]

I feel like I'm getting. I didn't know. I didn't know. Gout made you boring.

[A]

He's not feeling well.

[B]

I know. Please, Al.

[A]

He's no sympathy.

[B]

It's another medicine I'm on boring.

[C]

My doctor said boring.

[B]

I overdosed.

[A]

He wasn't giving you a message. He's trying to get you out of the office.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You've been diagnosed with boring.

[A]

That sucks, man. My cousin Pat had that shit.

[C]

Boring.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

I see it's contagious.

[B]

I think it runs in the family.

[A]

No, you doubt. And I remember him telling me he couldn't even put his sheet on his toe. Yes, and when he said that, it scared the out of me. I still kept eating, though.

[B]

Middle of the night, I would turn, wake up screaming.

[C]

Awful.

[B]

Terrible. Yeah, you put a sheet on it. Anything that touches hurts. You couldn't wear a shoe. I'm walking barefoot.

[A]

I'm not moving in with you.

[B]

Then why?

[A]

I think.

[C]

Listen, think of the fun we'll have. This was just this hang out all the time.

[B]

Can I say honestly, when we were in la, you guys had the nice. Airbnb. Airbnb?

[C]

A lot of bees in there. Airbnb in the trap.

[B]

Bbs in the trap.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think so, man. This cane turned you into an old man.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Uncle Randy over.

[A]

Isn't it crazy? Just can't find thin corned beef anymore.

[B]

It's horrible.

[C]

I've been right my congressman, I've been.

[B]

My assemblyman's tired of hearing from me. I want thin corned beef. I want a nice phosphate. It's not happening.

[A]

That's not brown mustard.

[B]

No, but when we were in la,

[C]

you guys should move in together.

[B]

Hanging out.

[A]

Are you fucking kidding me?

[B]

Let me. And this is why I want it. You don't. Perfect foil TV show coming this fall. Let's move to la. We all live in a house. Content house. Are you garbage with the gout?

[C]

Man, this sounds expensive for me.

[A]

I'm being honest.

[C]

I got to move in with two psychopaths, leave my family behind and pay for it.

[B]

That is the perfect log line for the show.

[A]

They can catch the elevator pitch. Are you kidding me?

[B]

Yeah, it's great.

[A]

As Ian holds the door to the elevator open. Now you gotta listen.

[B]

It's closing. We've got more.

[C]

They pull the alarm.

[A]

Mr. Romano, just one more minute, please. It's called Everybody Loves Gout.

[C]

Okay. What the fuck?

[B]

Hanging out with Foley and Ian, that's pretty good.

[C]

I feel a spin off podcast.

[A]

I feel like that could affect our relationship. First of all, I don't have to pay rent, right?

[B]

No, I got you.

[C]

That's how I was.

[B]

No, I got you.

[A]

The cable bill is $8,000.

[B]

I'll pay.

[A]

I have all the packages.

[C]

Just give me cash. I'll never. You'll never see a bill.

[A]

You got the cats running around in there.

[B]

Oh, they're the best.

[A]

Do I have my separate bathroom?

[B]

You. We share a bathroom upstairs. No, no, no. You have a bathroom downstairs. We share a shower.

[A]

Then I got Jensen running in that area and the producer and shit.

[B]

You got a lot. Yeah, I mean, we need the studio for a certain amount of time.

[A]

Then you'll be asking.

[C]

Wait, is that the. The bedroom? The studio. There's another bedroom?

[B]

No, there's studio.

[A]

If I was sleeping on the set of V and E in it with Jordan, I'd blow my brains out.

[B]

That's perfect, dude. Amazing.

[A]

Don't mind Henry.

[B]

Your brains will be a nice set design. I mean, really. I think that'd be a great show. Listeners at home, let us know what you think. Pop off.

[A]

This is how you lose me.

[B]

What?

[A]

He'll suck me in. Yeah, I'll be the co host over there.

[C]

That's all my plane.

[A]

I'm calling you to pick me up.

[C]

I got Stavros on the line.

[B]

It's been trying to get rid of this tumor for years. Call me Chemo.

[A]

Little Boreham maybe.

[C]

Taking you to the doctor at urgent care. This is my friend Henry. Check them out.

[B]

Come with me. I got Meals on Wheels coming.

[A]

You're joking.

[C]

No. Yeah, you'd be. You guys, you'd be shopping at Salvation Army.

[B]

And let me tell you, I'm getting sponsored by Factor for the travel show and the podcast. Free meals whenever you want.

[A]

Got a whole fridge full of them for life. Shout out to Factor.

[B]

Yeah, and you and me.

[C]

Breakfast for Lace. He's selling you on Factor promotion to move in with them. Like we also don't have Factor promotion.

[A]

We love Factor.

[B]

Yeah, Factor's great. Promo code, Scott.

[C]

Is that what your promo code is?

[A]

Stink promo code, Kane.

[C]

Look, when I save an extra 10%

[B]

when you move in, we will spitball promo codes.

[C]

How big? How.

[A]

How big of a room? If I had a separate bathroom in a separate entrance and it wasn't your place, I'd think about it.

[C]

It was in Manhattan.

[B]

You do have a separate entrance. You have a separate.

[C]

So this is below ground?

[B]

Yeah, it's a two bedroom duplex.

[A]

I'm not living downstairs, asshole.

[B]

That's where you belong.

[A]

No, that. I'm not moving into your place. And limit that in the basement.

[B]

You're a bottom dweller.

[A]

You ship it out down there.

[B]

I'll do if you'll live with me. I'll do it.

[C]

It's a guy looking for a friend. Yeah. If you live with me, I'll do anything. I'll move out.

[A]

I thought there was two or three. I'll be honest upstairs.

[B]

Can I tell you something? Seriously? I do not have the free breakfast

[A]

for life from factors.

[B]

I will make you breakfast for life. Okay?

[A]

Those I have to pay for. You got a film crew following you?

[C]

All right. I got a little bit over my skis with that old free breakfast for life today. Okay. Couple set, a couple of ground.

[B]

I just had to get my cane in the door.

[C]

Man, that's.

[A]

Ah, man, we styled.

[C]

Some squad stinks.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

I have to be honest with you. I don't have a lease.

[B]

This is your team, buddy. Dude, you picked them unwell.

[C]

I know I picked. I got a kooky squad. I attract. It's the true dirt bag in me. I'm like. It's your pheromones. Doritos. I attract derelicts, addicts, losers. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yep. Bottom of the barrel.

[A]

I'm not a loser.

[C]

I'm a tiny dick.

[A]

I don't have a tiny dick either. I got a nice piece.

[B]

Yeah, look.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[C]

LA was great.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

LA wasn't great.

[B]

It was great.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

We had so much fun. Swimming, hanging out. We. Those hot dogs are great that column was making. You know, we got a good team. I'd say we capitalize. Let's move out there.

[A]

We are not a team. You are a guest on the program,

[C]

which we are regretting.

[B]

And I have my feelings hurt. These jokes are a little too tart for me.

[A]

You know what's not tart factor?

[B]

Meals.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

If you could throw me for breakfast for life.

[A]

Can you stop throwing me under the bus?

[C]

Me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, that's where you're gonna live.

[A]

If you're moving my knee. We gotta do scams every day.

[C]

You guys are hanging on the back of the bus. It's free Henry.

[A]

And she turned and get hit by the livery cab.

[B]

Dude, I'm telling you, you and me, if we live together, filmed it. Top of the Pops, number one show in town.

[C]

That's a small town.

[B]

Bend, Oregon. That's where we're living.

[A]

We're huge. And bend.

[C]

Yeah, no, I think that's great. I think it's great for both of you. You can help each other and, you

[A]

know, we have been helping each other. We've been great for each other. I think getting that any closer could cause some problems.

[B]

Well, I. The best thing about problems is you solve them, dude.

[C]

That's a guy who's. What if we end up sleeping.

[A]

What if we end up sleeping together and I got to get married?

[B]

You don't flatter yourself. Please, please don't act like you've been

[A]

throwing it at me.

[B]

My type. Well, you know. Why do you think I'm trying to help you?

[C]

So he's over at the house, swimming in his underwear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Letting the peace hang out. Now let me tell you this. If you're in LA and we were hanging out early mornings and then breakfast, hanging, that could be our life. Just eating nice foods.

[A]

He really wants to move out to la.

[B]

I. I would only do it if I had people.

[A]

Do you see what you're sitting in? This is in New York. We're here. Are you garbage?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Moving out to la. You nuts?

[B]

Me and him are hanging out. We're driving around. We should move out here.

[A]

This is a real good town. That was in another lifetown.

[B]

Another life. It was three weeks ago, fat ass.

[A]

No, I meant in another life.

[C]

Oh, I apologize for the badass.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

And we had just made love.

[B]

No. I don't know.

[A]

It was fun. It was great.

[C]

I was gonna say three weeks is a lifetime ago for a fat guy happy to be here.

[B]

We're sitting on a gold mine.

[A]

Or a guy trying to shake away a couple of months that he said yes weeks ago.

[C]

So, Ian.

[A]

So, Ian, you have Gap.

[C]

We should do the whole thing like Comics Unleashed.

[A]

Yeah, you got that crazy ass cane with you, Kim, you know mud water.

[C]

Oh, I know mud water.

[A]

You know, I've been trying to lay off the coffee a little bit.

[C]

I know. You know, one of your crosses to

[A]

bear, I get a little jittery, you know. Tried that mud water, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Love it.

[C]

It's great.

[A]

I dig it. Yeah, a little different energy. Sure feels good. You feel a little more tuned in, A little dialed in.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

You know what I mean? Do yourself a favor. You're trying to. If you're trying to lay up the caffeine a little bit, you know what I mean? You want a little alternative, Keep your focus, get you get. Get you woken up in the morning. Try that mud water.

[C]

Yeah, Mud water is a coffee alternative made with mushrooms and adaptogens with about 1/7 of the caffeine of a cup of coffee. So you get the focus and the energy without the jitters, the crash, the anxiety, the cops looking for you. I was introduced to this, I think during the pandemic. My wife got a hold of it we started trying it. She's big on it. I dig when I'm when I'm having too much coffee or I want to feel a little more. I'll dabble with it. It also comes with the frother. That's real nice froth going. There are actually four flavors. They have the OG original chai chocolate blend, coffee, matcha and turmeric. So if you're a coffee person, a matcha person, a chai person, there's something in between. They got you covered. Ready to make the switch to cleaner energy. Go to mudwater.com that's M u d w t r.com garbage and grab the starter kit. Use code garbage and you'll get 43% off the holy heck. The frother alone is worth it. Like I said. That's right go up to you get up to 43% off with the code garbage at M u d w t r.com after you purchase are going to ask you how you found about them. Please support the show and tell them the boy sent you mud water.

[A]

Hey dumb man, I love hollow socks.

[C]

Hollow socks. Hollow socks. Hollow socks.

[A]

Yeah, that baby alpacas ultra soft fiber. Where was that? My whole I don't know that thermoregulating that they do. They're cool when it's hot outside, they're warm when it's cold outside. Your feet stay dry. It's just like a daily wear sock that man. It's like some things are just. You're like oh this is so much better than a regular sock.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If you haven't tried all those socks, do yourself a favor.

[C]

Yes, they're synthetic fibers, cotton and even wool. Regular socks never seem to hold up to the promises. Whether you're on the job, doing yard work, tailgates, hiking, camping, travel days which we got a lot of. If you got a cold office, early morning dog walks or even if you just like wearing them around the house because they're comfy, cozy. They're so friggin comfortable. I know you will spend good money for high quality comfortable shoes and then throw on discount bargain bin socks from God knows whatever discount store and wonder why our feet are always so sweaty. We're so cold. My shoes. Sweaty sweaty feet make your shoes stink. There it is. Over Holo fixes that part and actually fixes the part that touches your skin all day. They're made in the USA. They're trusted by athletes with over 3 million pairs sold. Hollow doesn't just make one kind of sock. They're built for Every adventure they got everyday socks, hunt socks, trade socks, impression socks. Whatever you need for a limited time. Right now, Hollow Socks is having a get. There's a buy two, get two free sale.

[A]

That's good.

[C]

I'm going to say that one more time. Buy two, get two free sale. Head to HollowSocks.com today to check it out. That's HollowSocks.com for up to 50% off your order. After you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. You can support our show and tell them the boy sent you.

[A]

Do it.

[C]

How long. When is it? How long does it take to heal? What? We got to also get to some questions at some point. What. How long is. What's the prognosis? Negative on this.

[B]

It takes. It can last anywhere from a week to two weeks. Thankfully, I've had it for a week, dude. Initially I thought it was a sprained toe because we ran the 5k. I wore my vans. The next weekend I went wrestling with aew, wore the vans again, getting slammed, taking bumps, running the ropes. So I'm thinking I agitated it and

[A]

have a lawsuit against vans.

[B]

And then I actually, it'd be nice to get sponsored. And I.

[A]

That was your gout feet.

[C]

Why?

[B]

Are you kidding me? I. I stopped wearing the vans and that's how I got the gout. That's a lie. And I thought I sprained my toe in the middle of the night.

[C]

Free vans for life.

[B]

I refused to get help. I called my doctor and he was

[A]

like, yeah, the kid that works at Wendy's.

[B]

No, I'm not. I don't have. I don't have gal.

[A]

And then no manners either.

[B]

I ended up tart cherry juice. It's getting me. And I, I said, no, I don't have gout. The next day I was in such bad pain. He's like, I told you I'd get out. Send me medicine. Didn't get it till the next day. If I got the medicine the first day, it would have.

[A]

Why didn't you get it the next day?

[B]

Because I was in gout. Denial.

[A]

Did he mail it to you?

[B]

No, he got it, sent me a prescription in Albany and I didn't get the medicine until.

[C]

Why, Al? Oh, you were in Albany. Were you in Albany or that's where

[B]

your Albany this weekend.

[A]

I feel like you're in Albany a lot.

[C]

Talking about, I don't know. But he got defensive, like a guy who spent too much time in Albany.

[B]

Play it every year and I stay there.

[A]

I could have swore you were just There.

[C]

And I live there every night.

[B]

Shout out, Albany funny bone.

[A]

Shout out.

[B]

But I. Dude, if I had gotten the medicine the first day, it would have stopped the flare up. But I was stubborn. I didn't get the mess until Saturday. I got hit with it Wednesday into Thursday, I had to cancel my spots. I was in such bad pain. I was supposed to shoot a man on the street TV show Sunday.

[C]

We're gonna shoot a guy.

[B]

I was going to shoot a guy.

[A]

Did you cancel those spots on Sunday?

[B]

No, I went. Good. But I was supposed to shoot a man.

[A]

I was angling for him.

[B]

Walk around the City show. Had to cancel. Couldn't walk. And then I was supposed to go to a wrestling event with aew. I was going to be a guest. Could not go. Nightmare.

[C]

Are you talking to us this whole time?

[A]

Long story short, Ian, still annoying.

[B]

I told you, I'm on boredom. And thank God Foley, he and I talked, and he goes, well, are you at the Cellar tonight? I go, oh, I forgot I had two seller spots. Thank God. I got him killed. Those things killed him. Killed.

[A]

He didn't have him. I just wanted to see him hobble on the subway. Get over there. Yeah.

[B]

And then I see this guy. He's, you know, I'm Hobbles. He's head wobbles and bobblehead Ryan.

[C]

Yeah. Why? Why is everything gonna rhyme with you?

[B]

I don't know. When I feel good, I speak in limericks.

[A]

I told you to do the Willy Wonka thing where you do the flip.

[B]

I can. I got the gal.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

Can't get back up. I did a whole thing on the phone. It was funny.

[B]

It was funny on the phone five days ago.

[A]

Let's get to some cues.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. What the. What step of recovery do you pull the E brake? All right, but that was. I mean, that was a gear shift of all gear shifts. Yeah.

[B]

Really? Thanks, Byron.

[A]

All right, is there anything else about the gout, or is that the. And I want you going on their podcast. It's an exclusive. This is an exclusive, so you can't talk about it?

[B]

Well, I shot the travel show this weekend with Equal Vision Records on Friday, and then Prism Glasswork Saturday. I did talk about gout, but those episodes are not coming out till later.

[A]

Do you like anything anybody knows?

[B]

What.

[C]

What do you.

[B]

My favorite band's Metallica. What are you talking fade to black now? Wait, what are you talking about? The travel shows? I go and I do interesting jobs.

[A]

Everything's so obscure. Obscure with you. Oh, man, you're getting mean.

[B]

Like Today's episode that just came out. YouTube.com finance comedy. I was an oyster farmer.

[C]

That's good. Whisper the name of the page.

[B]

Oh, I thought I heard someone go, shh. I think it was.

[C]

I think it was voices. I think it was every listener. Nothing on that.

[A]

Oh, oysters.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you eat them?

[B]

So many.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

This was back in February. I. I was an oyster farmer in Pemaquid, Maine. Shout out John's River Oysters. It was great. But could I have gotten the gal from eating too many oysters? Yeah, maybe.

[A]

Right, Luke?

[B]

Will I do it again? Yeah.

[A]

Didn't you have any cocktail sauce or anything?

[B]

Dude, we were taking them right out of the river.

[A]

Ugh, Fuck the river.

[B]

The delicious.

[A]

You eating river oysters.

[B]

I mean, where else are you going to get them?

[A]

You get them from the ocean. So the briny flavor I don't like.

[B]

These are good brine.

[C]

Look at that. We're all out of brine.

[B]

Trying to give me a brine. Can you keep me around for a little while?

[A]

What do you got, Luke?

[C]

Stretch? I mean, there are river oysters. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do they cause gout?

[C]

I'm. Yeah. I mean, I don't think it would cause gout. Two months later.

[B]

Yeah, no.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But dude, I'm telling you, John's Luke should be. I mean, these were. I mean.

[C]

Well, you guys know my doctor, Dr. Luke.

[B]

Dr. Luke. Shout out 2Life Crew.

[C]

That was Uncle Luke.

[B]

Was it?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I've been calling my doctor wrong the whole time.

[A]

He ends becoming an old lady.

[B]

Dr. Luke, can you help me out?

[C]

I thought you were looking for workers comp from the paintball video.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[C]

Oh, which is your first time with suit? You've. Yes.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You guys lit me up and I didn't like it.

[C]

That was an all. I mean, an actual embarrassment showing by you.

[B]

I don't care. I'm not good in war. If I'm in a street fight, I win by throwing the first punch. You've hit one in. One in on me first. I'm done. I'm just trying.

[A]

I thought you had your knife. You stab everybody.

[B]

No, I got arrested for it. I can't carry it around anymore.

[C]

Oh, really?

[B]

I thought having two paintball guns would help. Turns out it's just more things for me to drop and crawl up into a ball. I mean, you guys were great. I folded under pressure. I would not be good in war.

[A]

You got me up that last round.

[B]

Yeah, well, somebody shot me in the fucking nutsack. And then the top of the head. And then I thought you shot me.

[C]

I snuck up on him one time and he had no clue where I was. I shot him. And he yelled at you, who was on his team for shooting him? Oh, yeah, and I still shot him.

[A]

Did you shoot him once?

[C]

Yeah, I shot him once.

[B]

Dude, war is hell. It aged me. Why do you think I got nobody?

[A]

Nobody shot anybody once that day.

[B]

Oh, no, No.

[A]

I remember him screaming, I'm out.

[C]

You got me back. You shot me 35 times after.

[B]

After the second round. I'm done. I'm done. I don't want to play. This isn't fun. I. I mean, you guys are s tier operators, and I'm just, you know, like a field. Huh.

[A]

Choices. Your hearing's going.

[B]

Great band.

[A]

Great band.

[B]

Yes. Now, I'll tell you this. I don't ever want to do pain.

[C]

Are you getting paid by the. By the word? What? Instead, are you getting paid by the word?

[A]

Ian, Kevin and I are going to run. You keep talking. We're going to run out. We're going to grab some lunch, we'll be back. By that time, you might be finished, whatever the story is.

[B]

Well, don't get me shellfish.

[A]

I have the gout. I'm all no cheese, for God's sakes.

[B]

I mean, it says you could get it from eating too much red meat. And more than anything, I've just wanted a steak. But all I've been doing is when

[C]

life gives you lemon lentils.

[A]

How long have you been Nathan Lane?

[B]

Oh, my whole life.

[C]

More like Nathan Lame.

[A]

Why? No, Sorry. It's the side effect. It's the side effects of borum.

[C]

He's going on, all right. Outrage. Oh, God.

[B]

Just a rat in a cage.

[A]

Stop doing that.

[B]

Doing what?

[A]

Your little limericks, whatever the they are.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

I'm in a good mood.

[A]

Free you sell me beans. In a minute.

[C]

Lentils.

[A]

Actually, I was just going to say.

[C]

It's a goomb.

[B]

The lentils, they're making me mental.

[C]

Oh, my God. I'm going to kill myself.

[B]

Is that a promise?

[A]

I like to feel.

[B]

Oh, the cane gives me power.

[C]

I think we're at an hour.

[A]

Oh, I was just gonna say that rhyme, too.

[C]

That was the joke. Oh, my God. Oh, really? This guy's pretty good.

[A]

What are you putting your hands in your head for?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Moving in with Ian, I think.

[C]

I think that would be very good for everybody involved.

[B]

I do, too. What's what Get. Tell me. Pros and cons. Right now.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Give me a cup. So are you.

[A]

What did I have to say, give me more.

[B]

We can share meds I don't love.

[C]

Give me whatever you got.

[A]

Swapping meds.

[C]

I'm having a Henry day. Just takes whatever you're prescribed to. I'm having a Foley weekend. He's up and holding. He's screaming at people. He's dressed in your clothes, doing your bits.

[A]

I got the garbage.

[C]

You're just yelling at people.

[B]

You're just at home petting a cat maniacally. I love you.

[A]

What do you take?

[B]

You take effects or take effects?

[C]

He needs to take a breath.

[A]

Is that it?

[B]

I didn't know you had so much depth.

[C]

Oh, man.

[A]

The mustache wrote that joke.

[C]

Did you shave or something, too?

[B]

Yeah, I had my beard. Yeah, the beards. When I. When I wrestled, I put on the costume and I shaved into a Hulk Hogan mustache, you know, to play the part. Can't wait for that episode to come out. It's gonna be great.

[A]

He's dead.

[C]

When do you play that part?

[B]

Little tart?

[A]

Is that organic cherry juice?

[B]

It's gonna make me short. Organic tart cherry juice. Yes. It's really, really helped. Really. It makes it shrink crystals.

[C]

If you drink that every day, like weekly, will that help? That doesn't do shit.

[A]

You need the hard stuff. That stuff on the commercial where the guy's carrying the uric acid bottle around, that's what you need. I don't know what it's called.

[C]

Crazy.

[A]

I don't know what it's called. It's some medicine. He carries the uric acid around.

[B]

What borough? What paid programming are you watching?

[A]

It's a. It's a fucking drug commerce.

[B]

I've never seen it.

[A]

The guy has a huge thing of uric acid and he can't carry it. And then all of a sudden he takes his medicine and it's down. Luke's going to hit you with it right now. What's it called, Luke?

[C]

Aloe Purinol.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I gotta be on that.

[A]

Give me a name brand. It's not. That's. That. That don't go.

[B]

No, no, that. That's. That's what I gotta. The guys gave him to me.

[C]

Skyrizi.

[A]

Sky Rizzy. Maybe that's it.

[B]

No, I'm not on Skyrizy.

[A]

On the Rizzler.

[B]

I put the Rizz.

[C]

I don't want to be on Sky.

[B]

I put the Riz and Guy Rizzy.

[A]

Luke F. Buxostat. No, come on. Name brand.

[C]

I was always.

[A]

Nickname brand. Gout Medicine. Name brand G Medicine.

[B]

It's a Bulal.

[A]

There's no Way.

[B]

The thing you just said. I got to take that. I'm. I'm getting a prescription on Thursday. It. It's.

[C]

Are you only allowed to pick up prescriptions on Thursday in Al?

[B]

This is a big day for me.

[C]

I gotta.

[B]

So I gotta. I gotta take that to stop flareups in the future.

[A]

Why Thursday morning? What's going on? It can't be.

[C]

He's got to do all this stuff on Thursday.

[B]

Well, the gal to be cleared up. I got to get my test. I got to get my medicine. You know, old age. What can I say?

[A]

Medicine.

[B]

My Abral.

[A]

Abral.

[B]

That's what I got to take.

[C]

Hey, God bless you.

[A]

There's some dude wipes in the bathroom for that Aberol.

[B]

I gotta take a Buprenol. My chloroquine.

[A]

My Clobazam. Get that grilled or fried.

[B]

So it got me here in the first place. Too much fried. Luke, The Albuprol.

[C]

I'll be sure that's the generic. Xyloprim or Alloprim.

[B]

Same thing. It's like Sertoline and Zoloft. Same thing.

[C]

Certain.

[B]

Yeah, I'm certain about it.

[C]

It's certainly crazy. Oh God. Well, everything seems like it's going great. Yeah.

[B]

Professionally.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Yeah. What?

[C]

Molly.

[B]

I sold out two or three in Albany. Shout out. Why do you think I keep.

[C]

I sold out two or three in Albany. Man, what a brag.

[A]

That goddamn big showroom's up there. Yeah, I don't think we sold that joint out.

[B]

350 seater. Come on now. What do you want from me?

[C]

Why are you looking at me like that? You're snorkeling.

[B]

Just looking for something. Got Cleveland Hilarities coming up.

[A]

Shout out to it.

[C]

Hey, us too.

[B]

Yeah. When?

[A]

When are you there?

[B]

You want to bring me June 5 to 6 Cleveland hilarities.

[C]

We're there right after you, I think.

[B]

Are you. I'll leave you a note in the green.

[A]

I was just going to say that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why we're living together. We are on the same wavelength.

[C]

It's a prescription for Al.

[A]

Yeah. It's a four year lease. Sign right here.

[C]

It's pretty much your standard lease renewal agreement.

[B]

No, I would not make you sign the lease. I would ask for first month's last month.

[C]

How much is rent? How much would the.

[A]

I thought you said you weren't going to charge me. Son of a bitch.

[C]

2,000amonth.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

But I got to buy all the

[C]

cash he will charge to the llc.

[A]

You do.

[B]

You do have to change the litter. No, you gotta. You gotta contribute. What is this, a free ride?

[C]

It's also his face gets so serious.

[B]

I just want to get everything out there in the open so there's no question, you know, so there's no disputes

[A]

when I hamstring you later.

[B]

We have house meetings Monday night.

[C]

He's. He's. He's. He's the boss. And you're not allowed to say speak no more. You raise your hand. No questions at this time.

[B]

You clean kitchen and bathroom.

[C]

Tuesday, it's him and the cat staring at you. You're sitting down.

[A]

Hey, you'll be working over. You'll be working under Bucky. What's your cat's name?

[B]

Glenn and Samson.

[C]

Yeah, he just farted. Oh my God. Cherry juice, a couple of GI pooping. All I. I pooped in all your bathrooms.

[B]

No, but it'll be nice.

[A]

It's not happening.

[C]

Okay, hold on. How much is would rent be?

[B]

I wouldn't charge.

[C]

If you were going to charge a

[B]

random person, I would never have anyone live there ever again.

[C]

You see what I'm doing? Why are you putting up roadblocks?

[B]

I would give.

[C]

What is the market? What is. Okay, I would give him a deal. Okay. What is the market rate for that room?

[B]

I mean,

[C]

if we're talking free markets and with the way the war is

[A]

in Iraq, we're talking primetime location.

[B]

Is this pre or post straight or moves?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

It's. You know what's Bitcoin currently trade at?

[A]

It is a famous podcast studio.

[B]

I. I'll tell you, I would not charge you full price, but I don't want to discuss finance. Get a lot for down there, okay?

[C]

Just.

[A]

I'm not living in the basement.

[B]

1500.

[C]

Sold. I'm getting. You're screwed.

[B]

What are you paying for your kitchen? Bedroom, bathroom. One one's face right now.

[A]

That's a nice studio.

[B]

Yeah, so is this. Now what are you paying?

[C]

It's actually the studio of where a guy's about to shoot himself. That's pretty cool.

[A]

The best I've ever been. Believe it or not, I got Chipotle stuck in my teeth.

[B]

Oh, poor Chipotle. What?

[A]

Chipotle Barbecue chicken. Right. What's it called? Chipotle Honey Chicken. Isn't it weird? Chipotle is Chipotle. Like they call it Chipotle, but then there's a spice called Chipotle.

[B]

Thanks, Seinfeld. Now, how much is your room for rent?

[C]

That's pretty good.

[A]

What, his or mine?

[C]

Mine. You thought I was gonna Co sign the Chipotle bit. Like we were gonna ask it stuff. Dude. Yeah.

[A]

What? I said something before. You said it was really funny that I should make it into a B. Oh, yeah?

[C]

What was it?

[A]

I'm not saying it on air.

[C]

No. What was it?

[A]

No, you don't steal it.

[B]

No, I won't.

[C]

Why do you all say you look like a sad horse? I keep.

[A]

He gets so big. No, I won't.

[B]

Is there any directors out there? I'm ready to act.

[C]

Unhand me.

[A]

A lovely meal.

[B]

A succulent Chinese meal.

[C]

That's you. Yes.

[B]

Get his hand back on my penis.

[A]

That shitty car they're putting him in. Were those guys cops?

[B]

Is democracy manifest?

[C]

He was like a bank robber or something, right?

[B]

Oh, he had, like, five identities. Yeah, he was a bad hombre.

[C]

Depends who you ask.

[B]

It's a cool story, though.

[C]

All right, let's get to some questions. We rarely get to questions when Mr. Finance is here.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Huh?

[B]

I know. I'm gonna try to derail it as much as I can.

[C]

Sure. That's fair enough. That's. That's your prerogative. Yes.

[B]

It's also a medicine among deraila things.

[C]

A derailopod. I want two scoops of derail. A pot. Two scoops. I get the powder form they need that much. It's like the Raisin Bran scoops. I put mine in my milk.

[A]

He's crazy. How about that?

[C]

If you step back from that ledge, my friend, if you moved in.

[A]

What?

[B]

You know, it would be cool. Cutting a hole in the floor, putting a fire.

[C]

Put my dick in there and having you suck it. What?

[A]

That's crazy. We just do glory old megaphone.

[C]

We're the only two in there.

[A]

Hey, is that some guy coming to suck my dick?

[C]

Hold on. You're faking phone calls to go to. Go to the other room. Oh, hold on. I think I hear the cat. Also just a screen door. You can see each other. It's a good idea. I like it. I'm buddy. I'm all for it.

[A]

Buddy. I appreciate it. I love you so much. We. We'll. We'll talk about it. It's already got the room set up.

[C]

He's got balloons that are slowly starting to fall.

[B]

Welcome home, Foley.

[C]

Free breakfast. Free breakfast for life. I have to go on the record. I do not have that breakfast yet. But they have mentioned it's a possibility.

[B]

I'll go to the store on Sunday, start cooking. Mondays. I am meal prepping.

[A]

Just a three musketeers bar.

[C]

Got up into A bunch of little pieces, one a day.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

Let's talk about Cash App Cash App Cash App and let me tell you another thing, my friend, about their new rewards program. Talking about Cash App Green baby. Cash App just released a new status program for the way people actually spend. Called Cash App Green. It unlocks new ways for you to get pay, get rewarded and easily grow or manage your money on your terms. That's the key. Your term you choose. Now when you spend at least $500 a month with Cash App Card or the Cash App Pay, you earn green status which unlocks benefits like up to $200 of free overdraft coverage. $200 of free overdraft coverage. Talking about higher borrowing limits. Talking about customize personal cash back offers every Friday at places you love to shop. Turn everyday spending into status with Cash App Green. Download Cash App today or visit Cash App New to learn more about this and other great features. Launching now.

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[A]

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[C]

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[B]

Do it.

[A]

Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services, a secured Chime, Visa credit card and MyPay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advertised annual percentage yield with Chime+ status only. Otherwise, 1.00% APY applies. No min. Balance required. Chime card on time. Payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. What do you think, Luke? Should I move in there with him?

[B]

If we. If we filmed it and made it a show, it would ruin our friendship. But it would be.

[C]

No, that never happens.

[A]

Who the hell would want to? I'm not paying rent. Then I'd be the talent you got to pay me to be over there.

[C]

You got.

[A]

I do. Very well.

[C]

Who's going to fund this?

[A]

You?

[B]

Yeah. Patreon. The best website around. Come on.

[C]

Not with that attitude.

[B]

Patreon.com. b&E and POD. You really gotta sign up. Been losing a lot of people. I don't know how I'm being. I'm putting out quality stuff. That clucking hen over there.

[C]

What's that deal? What do you do, one a week?

[B]

What's a bonus episode? We were doing, you know, adventure.

[C]

Just love that.

[A]

Glory home.

[C]

Oh, man. I gotta say, you're. This is probably your, what, 10th time doing the show?

[B]

Oh, more than that. Can't get rid of me. Gout's not gonna keep me away. Nothing will.

[A]

How did you get here? You take the subway?

[B]

I. I did take a.

[A]

Did you float over in a house with balloons on top of it? Are you kidding me? You guys.

[B]

What reference is that from?

[C]

Up you let, the old town.

[B]

I. I took a car. I hate doing it, but I. I Can't.

[C]

Why are you saying that like you're Brad Pitt and you're embarrassing God. All right, I did. You got me. I did take it.

[B]

Everybody knows I'm a. I'm a public transportation bike rider guy.

[C]

Not today.

[B]

Not today. This is taking me out. I'm hating it. I'm just laid up. I can't move. I haven't left. My. My apartment's a mess because I just can't move things around. I keep getting stuff ordered in. I can't wait for this to get better. Clean up.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'll definitely move in now.

[B]

Well, it'll be all fixed up by the time you get in tonight at midnight. Close to the end of the month, so.

[C]

Oh, that doesn't matter if you're not charging them, though, right?

[B]

No, I'm getting them in there.

[A]

What do you have. You have other suitors?

[B]

There is a line.

[A]

What's that do for our personal lives?

[B]

Help each other out. What do you mean, waking you up in the morning? Let's go. Come on, Henry. We gotta start the day.

[C]

He's under your covers.

[A]

Peekaboo.

[C]

He's climbing up from the bottom.

[A]

I mean, if we have company, am I allowed to have guests over?

[B]

Yes, there is a sound issue, but.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

I hear you. You hear me. You know, dueling. You can sleep apnea with each other out.

[A]

Do you have sleep apnea? Yes.

[C]

Untreated, undiagnosed, Untreated. I. You guys, my doctor at Pep Boy said I have a bit of a problem.

[B]

You got a machine, and I need

[A]

a new air filter.

[B]

I don't have a machine.

[C]

He's gonna be. He's gonna be cutting. Cutting your hose open while you're sleeping and jumping into it like he's stealing power.

[B]

You're gonna be siphoning. I get a whole tube going up the stairs into my room. It'll be good.

[C]

He's just blowing it on his face and stuff. Wasting it.

[B]

Now I will be honest.

[C]

Okay. Oh, thanks.

[B]

Recently, the AC has broken. I do have a unit in there. It's fine, but it gets a little hot in the basement. I will give you my box fan. Okay,

[C]

buddy?

[A]

You're telling me you throwing some of that kitty litter? You got a deal.

[B]

Yeah, I can really change the cats. The cats will love you. The cats will brighten up your day.

[C]

What's the dew point in the basement?

[B]

The dew point. What are you talking about?

[C]

Ian do available.

[B]

The point of it is for me to go to different towns people, teach

[A]

you how to do a Brooklyn Basement. The humidity down there with the heat.

[C]

He.

[B]

Idiot. By the time you get over here, the soup will be fixed. It's a thermostat issue. It's fine.

[C]

That's totally. Dude, you're like a bad landlord now. I should.

[A]

It's really your fault. Yeah.

[C]

I should tell you there's about 4 to 5,000 roaches sure tinkered around, but it's fine.

[A]

Do you have roaches in your house?

[C]

No.

[B]

Ants.

[A]

You have ants.

[B]

It's a season.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

Yeah, it is. I got traps around there. They're dying out.

[A]

It's not Coachella. What are you talking about? You have ants.

[B]

You don't get ants.

[A]

No ants.

[B]

They show up.

[C]

Why are you yelling? Well, it's defensive.

[A]

They show up.

[C]

He looks like a.

[A]

They want coffee.

[B]

What can you do? I got traps. They're fine.

[A]

Ant traps. There's ant traps?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

You've never been to a hardware store. What's the matter with you? You get ant traps, they die out, they kill the colony, and then you move on.

[A]

Do that.

[C]

Is there an ant season? Somebody who has ants, I think would

[B]

know that season is upon us and ask the. The queen. Aunt Tuddy,

[C]

stop.

[A]

Pretty good, though.

[B]

Luke, you're next.

[C]

Stop hitting me with that cane. Came in so slow, it bothered the out of me.

[A]

You should be Mr. Gadget. You could be Mr. Gadget.

[B]

I love that show.

[A]

Oh, I was great.

[C]

I'm going to kill everyone in class. I got a bad case set. And I do. You go, go freak out. Go, go, Ian, crash out.

[A]

Go, go, ian. Gout. Ah. This is the show, folks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stop wearing that outfit. You're freaking me out. You look like Tony Soprano when he left.

[C]

Is that what's bothering a little bit?

[A]

I don't like it.

[B]

He's gonna wear that outfit because he's a documentarian documenting us living together.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He's a Werner Herzog. Antonies. Oh, no.

[A]

The two men will fight their homosexual tendencies.

[C]

I'm like that guy.

[A]

As long as they can.

[C]

I'm crawling on top of the couch. Let's stay out of your way. I'm like that guy that lived with the bears who eventually the guys just mauled me. I make one too many jokes and you guys just look at each other.

[B]

Except you could be living with a bear and a twink.

[A]

You got one of those big parkas on long lenses. You know what?

[C]

The photography, even though it's a tiny apartment.

[A]

Hey, man, we can see it.

[B]

He's got a ghillie.

[C]

Suit on in my kitchen slash living room.

[A]

We're just watching tv.

[B]

The large one and the small one scooting closer together. Is it because there's a divot in the couch or are they finally giving in to their carnal desires?

[A]

That's pretty good. I can do.

[C]

I can do a tank, a pod.

[A]

I can do over in a Herzog voice I just wasn't doing.

[B]

Let's hear it. Narrate us. Narrate us. Living together.

[A]

Bounty hunting is a. I can only do what he. What the was that?

[B]

I'm old. I gotta let him rip. I'm sorry.

[C]

No, you don't.

[B]

I've been at a diner all day. What do you want?

[A]

What are you doing at a diner all day?

[B]

That was a joke.

[C]

I don't think it was. I think he told the truth, realized how crazy it sounded and got nervous.

[A]

Ah. Did you get kicked out of the ME to get the back on the leaf?

[B]

They are, they are shutting down a diner on 23rd and 10th and it's a shame. All the diners are dying in the city. That's why I like LA diners.

[C]

I know that one.

[B]

I love Swingers. I love Canters. I'm there every night. That's why LA is great.

[A]

Yeah. So you're eating all that salted meat?

[B]

I haven't been there since la.

[A]

But you eat there every night.

[B]

This. Yes, but, but I, I get, I get either breakfast. Oh, I do get sausage. But then at Swingers I get a chicken breast. Yes. Think people go with me?

[C]

No. You think people don't want to hang out with me?

[B]

What's the matter with you? I ask people.

[A]

They don't.

[B]

Sometimes they go, but they don't sit. Can you do.

[C]

Sometimes they say they're gonna come and they don't show up.

[A]

You wait there a while.

[B]

It's 24 hours. Thank God.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

No, but I, I, the, the diner situation in New York is terrible. That's why LA is great. You would move?

[C]

You would move coast for the diner?

[B]

I wouldn't move. I would stay there for like three or four months.

[A]

Decision.

[B]

But I'd move there if I had some friends with me.

[A]

Was that the little guy making a sandcastle there?

[C]

Are you talking to me?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, probably.

[A]

I thought I saw him. A cute little kid.

[C]

All right, let's get to a couple of questions here.

[A]

Let's talk some business here.

[C]

Hold on. As you know what with the tar. Why couldn't you.

[B]

I got it. Take more. Derail a pot.

[C]

That was pretty good. I Mean, it did derail the pot, but it was pretty good.

[B]

That's the point of the meds. Do you have a hanky?

[C]

Yeah. We have a handkerchief for guests.

[B]

I have one.

[A]

I'm surprised it wasn't one of those really long ones. He just keeps pulling it out.

[C]

Ghost of pop ups pass come out of that thing.

[A]

When's the last time you watched that? Be honest.

[B]

Last time I did laundry.

[A]

When was that?

[B]

October.

[A]

I don't care who you are. That was funny.

[C]

Someone took his riffs apart today. All right, let's see here. This one's pretty funny. This is from Cody. Ten Dollar Homie here. Never have one red. Are you garbage? If the most famous person you ever met was Buddy the cake boss. Whoa. That's really good. That's not bad.

[A]

I gotta be honest with you. I've said it once. I said it a million times. I've been over to that Carlos Bakery

[C]

and it's the one in Hoboken.

[A]

I've been. I've been to the one in Hoboken.

[C]

One on 42nd Street.

[A]

I've been there too. And I tell you what, they're banging. He's got the best cannolis I ever had.

[B]

So why would it be garbage to meet the guy?

[C]

Well, I mean, I think multi seasons of the show.

[A]

Hey, that's kicking in.

[B]

It's sound like he was meeting Bagel boss Buddy the cake guy.

[A]

Are you on literal offense? No. Really?

[C]

I didn't get it literal. Off.

[B]

Dude, can I tell you honestly, why off?

[A]

Because I wanted to change the name because it's getting hack.

[B]

Okay, Never mind the end of it. I had one lined up.

[A]

But yeah, baby roll a potable. I get, you know, you do it off like a Zoloft.

[C]

So little loft.

[A]

Literal loft.

[B]

It's Zoloft. Like in the place you live. A Zol Loft.

[C]

What I'm feeling. I'm at the end of a pharmaceutical ad.

[A]

I'm getting something that doesn't work.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I could see I'd be trashing me Buddy.

[C]

He's saying the most, not he's. First of all, I think both of you forgot the idea of the show. It's not that he. Let's all relax and have a. Have a good old laugh at this.

[B]

Yeah, I gotta. I gotta tag for that.

[C]

You don't. Yeah, I do. Ready?

[B]

All right. I. I have not been far. I have a clicker in my pocket that does the noise.

[A]

That's in your.

[B]

Sorry, I was taking liar off.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Liarful liar.

[C]

Taking the day Off.

[B]

Didn't hit.

[C]

You

[A]

can't sue me. Didn't touch it.

[C]

It's that kind of stuff that makes me go crazy.

[B]

What?

[C]

That. Whatever you're doing, you should take a

[B]

pill called Take a load Off.

[C]

If you're experiencing bombing on a podcast or loneliness. Nothing.

[A]

Nothing, man.

[B]

Kill yourself.

[C]

Off. Oh, my God.

[A]

Cut his mic off.

[C]

Bang.

[A]

And we're back. Question. Buddy the Elf. Yeah, it's trash. Keep it moving.

[C]

Buddy the elf. Elf. Bu. The elf. They were talking about Buddy the Elf. I've been in the North Pole. That guy's an.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Not an elf at all.

[C]

Six foot two. You grow, man.

[A]

Shout out to the cake boss. I wouldn't mind having him on here.

[C]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Is he still around me?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Would you wake up and take your pills? Jerk off.

[A]

Shooting pain down my left arm.

[B]

Fingers crossed.

[A]

Save money on rent.

[B]

You need someone to live with you to check on your health.

[A]

See, I'm worried. You're the kind of person you. You would, like. Put Lysol in my soup to keep me sick.

[B]

Yeah. Munch Housing syndrome by proxy.

[A]

Yeah, like the chicken. Six cents.

[B]

You know, it's so up. My mom always told me she loved me more when I was sick because then I would let her, like, love on me and touch me and stuff.

[C]

This one's from Ashley.

[A]

Is it from Ashley? What? The question.

[C]

Yeah, Ashley.

[B]

For real.

[A]

I love the name Ashley.

[B]

Ashley Furniture.

[A]

I'm more of a Bob's guy, but yeah. Was there really a Bob? I think there wasn't. Anyway, what does Ashley have to say?

[B]

Bob Evans.

[A]

Foreign.

[B]

Let's go to Ashley. Thank God for Ashley.

[C]

Hello. Hell, again. Ian's head. He's like, I'll save it. Never mind. Let's. Let's jump to Ashley real quick. Ashley and Shamoki.

[B]

I was just gonna do that. Give a pound of the cane.

[A]

Get out of here.

[C]

That thing escaves me.

[B]

I wash the hanky in October. This never. Ashley and Sheboygan.

[A]

Isn't this the second time you've needed a cane?

[B]

Yeah, so many times. I'm banged up, man. I. I got hit by a car in 2020. I slipped my L4 L5. Separated my sacrum from my pelvis. I've had chronic back pain. I got hit by a car two summers ago.

[C]

I get it.

[B]

The big man's got it out for me.

[C]

I'm like, why do we move into with him?

[A]

Who would shoot the car?

[B]

A guy in 2020 and then another guy in 2024. I was in a car in 20, 24. It rolled three times, landed on the roof. Yeah, it was terrible. But what. What can you do, you know? I fall down. I keep going. I'm a cat. I got nine lives.

[C]

Ashley, everybody.

[A]

His legs go in a mile a minute. I'm aware.

[B]

It's the new med. I'm on my limit at all. A little bit. I am going to start taking Dexatrim for my weight.

[A]

I hope you're kidding. Why? You're going to take 80s diet pills?

[C]

Dexa, trim that mustache.

[B]

Hey, Dexatrim. The fat on that one. It was a good one. Come on. What's so bad about Dex?

[A]

That was lean as that was.

[C]

Yeah, I was trying to think of

[A]

what that was lean as. Ve.

[B]

What? What's so bad about Tex?

[C]

He sours so quick on you, huh?

[B]

What's so bad about Dexatrim?

[A]

What do you think so bad about Dexatrism? Dumbass.

[B]

I. I don't know. It's gonna.

[A]

I don't get it, but it sounds bad.

[B]

How am I gonna shed my little belly? I can't get rid of it.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

I think I body dysmorphia. All the wrestlers told me I had a hot little bod that felt good.

[A]

Yeah,

[C]

that's Ian.

[B]

Do an odd guy doing odd jobs. The episode isn't coming out yet. We have to get approval from aws.

[A]

Is that the one Billy Corgan owns?

[B]

Hey, guys. Be a little lenient on me, huh?

[A]

Is that the one Billy Corgan owns? Billy Corgan has a wrestling.

[B]

It's Corgan.

[A]

Billy Corgan.

[B]

Billy Corgi.

[A]

Billy Corgan.

[B]

It's not Corrigan.

[C]

It's Corgan.

[B]

Billy Corrigan.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, he had like a weird birthmark on like his whole entire right arm that made his arm red.

[A]

He has it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Isn't that weird because I learned about it recently.

[A]

To me, say you are cool.

[B]

I. What were you saying?

[A]

Do a question.

[C]

I think I just overdosed on finance. It's like Fentanyl. A little bit. A little. Little dabble. Do you?

[B]

Not bad, is it? I haven't started taking it yet.

[C]

It's over the counter.

[B]

It's over the counter. It's gonna help me shed my little belly.

[C]

Dude.

[A]

It's.

[C]

It's like speed. Yeah.

[B]

Is it?

[C]

Yes. As a drug addict, you shouldn't do it.

[A]

Yes. Unless I'm.

[C]

See, if you guys were living together, you would catch this.

[A]

Yeah. And we'd.

[B]

I need you.

[C]

And you both be free basing it. I need it and I'd be taking pictures.

[A]

You don't need it. Stop. Just.

[B]

Dude, I've changed my diet. I work out. I just can't get rid of this little belly, man.

[C]

40 something years old.

[A]

Shut up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not taking drugs. I won't let you as your roommate.

[B]

Say it again.

[A]

That's a legal contract right there.

[B]

That's verbal handshake.

[C]

Verbal handshake.

[B]

Shake the cane, if you will. Honestly, if you don't move in, I'll do drugs.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

I like your style.

[C]

That is. That is very good.

[A]

I've been told, everybody. I want to kill my. Oh, my God. Oh, my gout.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah, I got you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

God bless a little bit of a tooth.

[C]

I do.

[A]

Yeah. It's the middle of the summer. You're wearing a jacket, by the way.

[B]

Back to the outfit.

[A]

Love the hat, though. Yeah.

[B]

What is up with that? How are you wearing so much clothes right now? It's like 90 degrees out. It's crazy.

[C]

I don't think it's 90 degrees.

[B]

You're trying to lose weight.

[C]

70s high 70s, is that what it is? I got my pants tucked into my socks. I remember, dude, somebody at school, they were like, this is how you got to tuck your pants into your socks. I said, you can't get no walking around.

[B]

I've gotten in the woods or otherwise.

[C]

Yeah. Hanging out at the bar, looking like a.

[B]

How are you? You're not hot, man.

[C]

No, man. It's like, dude, first of all, are

[B]

you trying to shed some lbs using the Lord's decks of trim?

[C]

I wish you could get a couple of minutes off this conversation.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

What's the matter with you? Fabio, why are you doing your hair so much?

[A]

Flavio, somebody did that.

[B]

Did what?

[C]

I think he did it. But me, there's a good chance I made that joke before

[A]

I'm checked in. I was adjusting.

[B]

My hair's fine. It's good.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Psych.

[B]

Doesn't it feel good to hear that? You can hear it every day at my house.

[C]

At our house.

[B]

At our house. Our house. In the middle of the street. Our house. I'll make sure we always eat our house.

[C]

Keep going until you hit funny car.

[A]

I had a good one there.

[B]

What was it?

[A]

So you're not much of a two way street guy.

[C]

Dude, you have to stop farting.

[B]

Guys, I'm sorry. Can I be honest? They're not smelling, they're just noise.

[C]

I will give you that. But I don't. I don't want to give you that to encourage it.

[B]

Well, dude, I'm on, you know, different yogurts and the tarts.

[A]

You're not supposed to be eating yogurt.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because that's what gives you gout.

[B]

No, the yogurts are the probiotics.

[A]

No, dude, it's all yogurt.

[B]

Doesn't give you gout. Look it up.

[C]

Luke.

[A]

What happened?

[C]

Hey, I don't boss Luke around.

[A]

Please, please, Luke.

[B]

Yogurt does not give you gout.

[C]

Yogurt seems good.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I mean, what do you think? I don't know. You think I don't know what's going on? I've researched this top to bottom.

[C]

Huh. How you doing?

[B]

Done some research with some tops and bottoms.

[A]

He's good.

[C]

Ashley says. Is it garbage if as a teenager, your blanket was an unzipped sleeping bag? That's a tough look.

[A]

That is. Yeah.

[C]

That's great. We were at Cassidy's house and their. Their couch cover was an unzipped jaws sleeping bag.

[B]

Well, he's got a kid that's like different.

[C]

That's not his family's house.

[B]

That's pretty bad.

[A]

Was there shorthouse? Oh, that's been all remodeled her. It's beautiful.

[B]

Genie. Yeah. Let's go down there.

[C]

Sam Becking. Son of a.

[A]

Hey, anytime you want to go ahead to come down and do a couple minutes, I'd be happy to come down, take you out, show you the town.

[B]

What? A couple of minutes?

[C]

His mom.

[A]

No, not in that way.

[B]

You're gonna do stand up at Cassie's beach house. What are you talking about? Doing a couple of minutes.

[A]

Big gig.

[C]

Look at that.

[A]

I'm sorry. Albany. Whoa.

[C]

Oh. Listen.

[B]

Albany.

[C]

Lovers quarrel.

[B]

Yes, on that. Shout out, Albany. Shout out Troy. Shout out, Rotterdam.

[A]

All good people shout out Rochester.

[B]

Rochester. Great.

[A]

I love that town.

[B]

Good people love Rochester. Do you?

[A]

I would move up there in a

[B]

heartbeat instead of la. Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Why Rochester?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I like it up there. Like the

[B]

why?

[A]

I like the architecture.

[C]

Up at a bar one night. It was a really good.

[A]

We always have great shows up there. It's a great place. You're right.

[C]

You're just telling me. You just in all these things. You're listening. You didn't list the bar that you won't shut the fuck up about up in this.

[A]

Yeah, see, at the Rochester Hotel, whatever the hotel is, you gotta. They got a bar up there.

[B]

Ian.

[A]

I painted my masterpiece.

[B]

How'd you paint your mat?

[C]

What?

[A]

Because I got all up. Bunch of different liquors.

[B]

So why do you want to Go back there. You guys stay away from that. Just move in.

[A]

Take Dexatrim.

[B]

Rochester. The. The people there are like human zombies.

[A]

That's not true.

[C]

Starting again.

[A]

Human zombies. You look like you just walked off Kensington and whatever.

[C]

Allegheny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dana. Yeah, Rochester's good.

[A]

Oh, okay. Thanks.

[C]

Stay away from his other pants.

[B]

Oh, wait, Don't. Don't they. Isn't there, like, a really good wing place up in Rochester?

[C]

That's Buffalo.

[B]

Buffalo's all right, too.

[A]

What's. Ashley. Thank you.

[C]

Are you really just move anywhere, by the way, anywhere folio going?

[B]

I'm gonna be a JFL Montreal in July. Check me out there.

[A]

I keep new faces.

[C]

Nothing. Horse faces.

[B]

He was just laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a horse face.

[A]

Dude, you became six different people in the last one minute.

[B]

Trying to figure out who I am.

[A]

Doing horse faces up at jfl, right?

[B]

Yeah, I'm doing the Nasty show and a couple showcases. Check it out. I am supposed to keep promoting it. I keep forgetting. So you're Montreal. Head on out there.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Check out Ian.

[B]

Yeah, check out.

[C]

Take that to the bank.

[A]

You could take that to the Walgreens to get a weird cane.

[B]

Yeah, it was a good cane.

[C]

Does your mother know you're on a cane?

[B]

Yeah, she's on a cane, too. She just got her knee done. I mean, her and I. She wanted to give me your walker. She and I are just, you know, two peas and a.

[A]

Should be ready for preseason.

[C]

Oh, football got her knee done. Yeah, like, she got it done for the season.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

I'm not much of a sports guy. I like baseball. You said Tommy John. I know what you mean.

[C]

Tommy John again. Great guy.

[B]

Great guy. Very funny comic.

[A]

Very funny.

[B]

Tommy John surgery. Not so funny.

[A]

A lot of times pictures come back stronger.

[B]

They do.

[A]

It's on your elbow, not your knee.

[B]

I know, but we were talking sports. You know, I ate a seat. It.

[A]

You ate a seated.

[B]

Yeah, it's something you do. See, to me. Ate a seat of feed. Yeah, Gail's gotten.

[A]

Man, it's been a quiet week in crazy Town. Rain comes from the ground.

[C]

He forgets we can talk. So, like, he'll start slowing down and go, I can't not talk. Yeah, Gail. Well, you know what they say.

[A]

Finish it.

[C]

What's wrong with her?

[A]

Is she all right?

[C]

The comcaster, somebody, some cable, some power company her up. Well, you know, everything hasn't been the same since Asplun came into town.

[A]

Shout out to her.

[B]

Shout out, Gail.

[A]

Shout out to you. Ian, we love you, buddy.

[C]

We hope I love you guys.

[A]

Thank you, hippie. What do you got for him?

[C]

Guys, we're all over the road. Get your tickets. We're gonna be in Maine, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Atlantic City, down ashore and Denver. Then we're be announcing a fall tour, I believe pretty soon. Whoa. No. I don't know. Just fucking roll with it. What the fuck?

[B]

Full tour.

[A]

Ian, what do you got? Here we go.

[B]

Oh, boy. June 5th to 6th, Cleveland, Ohio. And then I'm in Detroit, Michigan. Syracuse, New York, Appleton, Wisconsin. Greenville, South Carolina. Richmond, Virginia. Grand Rapids, Winnipeg, Brookfield, Saratoga, Charlotte, Dallas. Again, I'm going everywhere. December 31st to January 2nd, Pittsburgh Improv. Let's sell it out. New Year's Eve, my birthday. Come hang out with your old pal Uncle Ian. And I'm also playing Philly Helium. November 5th to 7th ianfinance.com for all my tickets and dates. Ian, do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com ianfinance Comedy new episodes every other Tuesday with YMH B and Ian with Jordan is the podcast ianimal6.9 on Instagram. And shout out to the army of. I'm talking shout out to the army of garbage. For always coming out.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Showing up and showing out. You guys are the best. And thank you guys too. I appreciate the love. You guys are two of my best friends.

[A]

Shut up.

[C]

And at the end of a pharmaceutical lab.

[B]

Well, I don't know if I'm going

[C]

to cause depressive thoughts.

[B]

I don't know, the gal might get me.

[A]

So we love you to death and we'll see you next week.

[B]

Bye. Bye.