Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast – “Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!”

Release Date: March 31, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guests: Joe List & Tom Dustin
Description: In this lively episode of “Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast,” hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley welcome comedians Joe List and Tom Dustin. The episode delves into the creation of the new documentary “Portrait of a Comedian”, explores the guests' personal histories, their journey in the comedy world, and offers plenty of humorous anecdotes that underscore the show’s signature trashy yet entertaining vibe.

---

1. Welcome and Introduction

The episode begins with hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley simultaneously promoting their upcoming “Back on the Block” comedy tour in Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Skipping the promotional chatter, the hosts then segue into the main content, introducing their special guests, Joe List and Tom Dustin.

H. Foley (00:19–00:54):
"Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash."

2. Introduction of Guests and Documentary Promotion

H. Foley enthusiastically introduces Joe List and Tom Dustin, highlighting their roles in the recently released documentary “Portrait of a Comedian.” The film, which Joe List directed and Tom Dustin starred in, is praised for its heartwarming and humorous portrayal of the comedians' lives.

H. Foley (01:34–02:17):
"They are the star and director of the brand new documentary ‘Portrait of a Comedian,’ Mr. Tom Dustin and Mr. Joe List. The boys are here. Beautiful film, by the way."

The hosts emphasize the documentary’s screening dates in Philadelphia and New York City, encouraging listeners to attend.

3. Behind the Documentary

Joe List provides insightful commentary on the documentary’s inception, explaining his passion for filmmaking and how he chose Tom Dustin as the perfect subject.

Joe List (09:56–11:10):
"I just thought Tom would be a great subject. And I nailed it. Which is all I really did was think Tom would be great and hilarious and we have so many great stories."

Tom Dustin humorously downplays his status, referring to himself as "the subject" rather than a star, adding a touch of humility to the conversation.

Tom Dustin (02:17–02:22):
"I don't like star. I'm the subject. I was the subject."

4. Early Friendship and Beginnings in Boston

The discussion shifts to how Joe List and Tom Dustin met and began their journey in comedy. Tom shares his first impression of Joe at an open mic night in Boston.

Tom Dustin (03:15–03:28):
"I walked into an open mic night, I saw Joe up on stage. He was hilarious. And he had a really, really hot girlfriend. This guy must be doing something right."

Joe List humorously deflects compliments about his wife, maintaining a playful dynamic.

Joe List (03:34–03:44):
"No, Sarah's a hot ticket herself. Sm. Smoking hot broad, great body, nice tits, perfect butt."

5. Upbringing and Family Backgrounds

Tom Dustin delves into his early life, growing up in Malden, Massachusetts, in a family that owned a used car lot. He shares anecdotes about his father’s eccentricities and the challenges the family faced when his father’s behavior led to business struggles.

Tom Dustin (16:00–16:33):
"She'd get up under the dashboard and pull it apart and fucking. She even figured out how to do the... When they first came out with the digitals, she used a 9-volt battery and she just tap, tap, tap until it rolled over..."

He explains how he took over the car lot responsibilities from a young age, despite his burgeoning interest in comedy.

Tom Dustin (05:45–06:19):
"I grew up on a used car lot. Okay. What was... How were you at selling cars? Pretty. I was pretty good. I actually... You could sell water to a dolphin."

6. Life in Boston and Comedic Beginnings

The hosts explore Tom’s teenage years, juggling responsibilities at the car lot while discovering his passion for comedy. Tom recounts his early gigs and the camaraderie he shares with Joe.

H. Foley (03:09–03:15):
"How did this come about, by the way? How did you guys start together in Boston, right?"

Joe List emphasizes the importance of starting early in comedy, encouraging aspiring comedians to begin their journey without delay.

Joe List (04:25–04:44):
"If they want to do comics, they start now because no matter when you start, you wish you started earlier because I started after I graduated. Looking back, I was like, I could have totally just done this in high school also."

7. Entertaining Anecdotes and Mischievous Escapades

The conversation takes a humorous turn as Tom shares wild stories from his youth, including stealing shampoo from hotels, hosting stripper parties at his home, and dealing with their father’s erratic behavior.

Tom Dustin (05:01–05:37):
"We had speed dial strippers that came to our house. It was wild. But I remember one of our first times hanging. Tom worked at a car lot."

The duo recounts their antics in detail, highlighting the mischievous and carefree nature of their upbringing.

H. Foley (08:09–08:21):
"And you would just have them, without getting too graphic, you just have them do a dance for you and that's it."

8. The Making of the Documentary

Joe List elaborates on the spontaneous and organic process of creating “Portrait of a Comedian.” He describes the initial idea to simply film Tom’s daily life, which gradually evolved into a deeper exploration of mental health, friendship, and the essence of comedy.

Joe List (10:02–11:10):
"Originally the idea was to just roll camera on Tom hanging out, telling stories... Then we started talking mental health and about our friendship and life and what it means to be successful."

Kevin Ryan commends the documentary’s authentic feel, likening it to enjoying a beer with Tom, making viewers feel personally connected.

Kevin Ryan (11:47–12:06):
"It feels like you're having a beer with Tom and it's not like... it's just like you're talking to this guy who's endearing and you want to talk to and he's telling great stories."

9. Personal Stories and Comedic Insights

Throughout the episode, Joe and Tom share a plethora of personal stories that illustrate their unique sense of humor and the bond they share. These stories range from their early days running the car lot, family dynamics, college experiences, and navigating the comedy scene.

Tom Dustin (13:35–14:06):
"Born in Malden, Massachusetts, just north of Boston. I got an older and a younger sister. My older sister is a janitor for the post office. She loves it at a smoke show."

Joe List (30:09–30:22):
"I remember the first time you ever came, I remember we had a fight because you referenced my fit. You were like, hey, you guys are white trash."

10. Life in Key West and Current Endeavors

The podcast transitions to discussing Tom’s life in Key West, where he runs the Comedy Key West club. He describes the vibrant local scene, his interactions with friends and roommates, and the unique lifestyle that Key West offers.

Tom Dustin (39:05–39:24):
"English and Italian. Yeah. No, nothing with no Sunday sauce or anything like that."

Tom Dustin (40:05–40:20):
"We live in the... Two roommates. One of them leaves for half the year, so we have an open room half the year."

Tom shares insights into managing the club, booking acts, and hosting diverse events that cater to both locals and tourists, reflecting the dynamic environment of Key West.

Tom Dustin (47:02–47:30):
"I booked the acts and I host the shows typically. And this is almost every weekend? Yeah. Yeah. Every. Almost every night."

11. Humorous Banter and Light-Hearted Moments

The episode is peppered with light-hearted and humorous exchanges that epitomize the podcast’s trashy comedy game show format. From playful jabs about each other’s lifestyles to jokes about everyday situations, the hosts and guests keep the atmosphere lively and entertaining.

H. Foley (58:27–58:42):
"Are you garbage first? Holy. That’s even garbage in itself to come in and want to be high class garbage."

Tom Dustin (57:00–57:19):
"I carry on. I did two carry ons. I might have a school bag. And then go carry on."

12. Upcoming Projects and Final Promotions

As the episode nears its end, Joe and Tom promote the documentary, sharing its screening dates and encouraging listeners to attend. They also discuss their future plans, including potential comedy shows in various locations.

Joe List (61:03–61:23):
"It's gonna be in select theaters this spring. Notably, it's gonna be in New York City at the Quad Cinema starting April 25th. Go see it. It’s absolutely fantastic."

Tom Dustin (62:12–62:33):
"Bangkok Comedy Club. Seriously, I'm trying to do a spot there. Yeah. On. I think it's April 27th or something."

13. Closing Remarks

The hosts wrap up the episode by reiterating the importance of the documentary and the bond between the guests. They express their gratitude towards Joe and Tom for joining the show and sharing their stories.

H. Foley (63:27–63:41):
"Joe List and Tom Dustin, ladies and gentlemen, gang, we love you. The cards are on sale, as we said. Do yourself a favor, grab a pack before they run out. We're going to be adding the fall tour dates very soon, and we love you. And we'll see you next week."

---

Notable Quotes from the Episode

• Tom Dustin (02:17):
  "I don't like star. I'm the subject. I was the subject."

• Joe List (04:25):
  "If they want to do comics, they start now because no matter when you start, you wish you started earlier."

• H. Foley (08:21):
  "Why don't I just get a hooker?"

• Kevin Ryan (11:31):
  "But it’s cinema verite, if you will understanding, there’s no lighting, there’s no smoke and we didn’t do anything."

• Tom Dustin (16:00):
  "She used a 9-volt battery and she just tap, tap, tap until it rolled over..."

• Joe List (30:22):
  "We could have a good family garbage off. And it would be pretty close, just different kinds."

Conclusion

This episode of “Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast” masterfully balances humor with heartfelt storytelling, offering listeners an intimate look into the lives of Joe List and Tom Dustin. From their chaotic upbringing in Boston to their thriving comedic careers and current endeavors in Key West, the guests provide a rich tapestry of experiences that entertain and resonate. The promotion of the documentary “Portrait of a Comedian” serves as a fitting culmination, inviting listeners to delve deeper into the world of these beloved comedians. Whether you're a long-time fan or a newcomer, this episode delivers laughs, insights, and a genuine portrayal of what it means to be "garbage" in the most entertaining way possible.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Hear ye, hear ye. The good people of Pittsburgh and Cleveland. The boys are coming for that back on the block tour. We added second shows and they're selling fast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, baby. April 14th, we're going to be at the Pittsburgh improv. And then April 16th, we're going to be at Hilarities in Cleveland. Tickets are going fast. The first show's sold out. Second show's now high demand. Get the tickets. We'll see you there.

[H. Foley]

See you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage?

[Tom Dustin]

Oh, yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Tom Dustin]

Trash, trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's out in the backyard burning some leaves.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Getting a head start.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, isn't it this spring? Okay, Say kooky broad. All right.

[H. Foley]

Mike Hos is coming at you from right next to me asking a lot of questions about Toddie. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him. Give it up for kj, Kevin, James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang? Please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available on Spotify. Now go over there. Check that out. Part of the partnership or something. I don't know. Probably getting screwed somehow. Also, patreon.com are you garbage?

[Joe List]

You go over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get all that bonus content, gang.

[H. Foley]

Yes, sir. And gang couldn't be more excited to have two incredibly special guests here with us today. One is here for the first time. They are the star and director of the brand new documentary portrait of a comedian, Mr. Tom Dustin and Mr. Joe List. The boys are here. Beautiful film, by the way.

[Joe List]

Thank you.

[H. Foley]

We got to go to the premiere. It's going to be in select theaters. And if you're in Philadelphia, it's going to be at the Ritz 5 in Philly starting May 9th. And if you're in New York City, it's going to be at the quad Cinema starting April 25th. Do yourself a favor, Go and see it. It's beautiful. It's heartwarming. It's funny. It's fantastic. And we have the star and the director here today, and we couldn't be more excited.

[Tom Dustin]

I don't like star. I'm the subject. I was the subject.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds like it's a science experiment.

[H. Foley]

MK Ultra, Dustin.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were doing tests on me at the lab.

[Tom Dustin]

No one ever becomes a star because of a documentary. This is not a game I keep making.

[H. Foley]

Jared Fogle, he became a big star.

[Tom Dustin]

No, that's what I. Qualifiers are dead or in jail.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, you got a lot of stuff coming up. It is fantastic. It was one of those where I saw it and I was like. It stuck with me for, like, days. Yes, it was that well done.

[H. Foley]

And we had never met you. That was the first time we got to meet you. And you are a legendary figure in the comedy world.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, I really, really managed to do 20 years of really staying under the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Radar, playing it cool.

[Tom Dustin]

All the comics are like, oh, you're really funny. You should be something, like, mysterious. Not for me.

[H. Foley]

How did this come about, by the way? How did. How did you guys. You guys started together in Boston, right?

[Joe List]

Yeah, a quarter of a century ago.

[H. Foley]

A quarter of a century.

[Tom Dustin]

I walked into an open mic night, I saw Joe up on stage. He was hilarious. And he had a really, really hot girlfriend.

[Joe List]

This guy.

[Tom Dustin]

This guy must be doing something right.

[H. Foley]

Is that true, Joe?

[Joe List]

Listen, really, don't judge based on my wife now.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about? I'll be silly.

[Joe List]

No, Sarah's a hot ticket herself.

[H. Foley]

Smokes, you love it.

[Joe List]

Sm. Smoking hot broad, great body, nice tits, perfect butt.

[H. Foley]

One of the funniest.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's got a great body, buddy.

[Joe List]

She's got a.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's one of my favorite delivery line. Slaps him on the.

[Joe List]

Also a line I use the most, maybe. Is Kramer going? All right, show's over. But anyways, yeah, I had some hot numbers and in high school. I started in high school fresh out of high school.

[H. Foley]

And how old were you when you started?

[Tom Dustin]

I was 25.

[Kevin Ryan]

And what's the age difference?

[Joe List]

Seven years.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tom, you're seven years older.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Are you a seasoned vet? Somewhat. Boston at this time?

[Tom Dustin]

No. I mean, no, we were just starting out.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

I started when I started when I was 25.

[H. Foley]

Okay. All right.

[Tom Dustin]

He had started just before me.

[Joe List]

I think I started just a little bit before.

[H. Foley]

Okay. And what grade are you in in high school? When you start, you start your senior year?

[Joe List]

No, I graduate and I. Which I still. I just want to tell every young comic, if they want to do comics, they start now because no Matter when you start. You wish you started earlier because I started after I graduated. Looking back, I was like, I could have totally just done this in high school also.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Joe List]

So I was kid. I was 18, and then I met Tom, and Tom was, you know, partied. And I was like, I like this guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's how you guys. That was the bonding.

[Joe List]

Well, yeah. Do you want to.

[Tom Dustin]

We drank a lot and I don't know, we do crazy and steal and go to strip joints and.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, Tom called it a strip joint.

[Tom Dustin]

Is old school.

[Joe List]

Oh, we loved. We went to T bars all the time. And we had speed dial strippers that came to our house.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. Yeah. That was pretty awesome. Like, we would do it so regularly that the. It was like an in call service. They would come to your house and like, we get the double. You know, you save if you get an extra stripper. Yeah, stripper. And so we would get two girls to come over and they. They would tell stories about our house instead of the other way around. Like, we. We weren't like the next day, like, oh, wasn't that crazy? The strippers were like. That was crazy.

[Joe List]

It was wild. But I remember one of our first times hanging. Tom worked at a car lot. Had like a used car from the age of three to 30.

[Kevin Ryan]

You had. Wait, what do you mean, had a used car?

[Tom Dustin]

I grew up on a used car lot.

[H. Foley]

I think they talk about this and you talk about.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's right, I forgot. Yeah.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Tom Dustin]

You're not gonna have to ask any of those garbage questions. I opened. I grew up on a used car lot. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

What was. What was the building of the car lot? Was it just like a trailer?

[Tom Dustin]

One of those. There was many iterations of it. Originally. Originally it was. My father had. I grew up on my father's used car lot, and then he sold that. We got a different one. And then when I was. Was old enough, I kind of ran the car lot because he was crazy. Which, if you watch the movie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Tom Dustin]

I mentioned how crazy my father was.

[H. Foley]

How were you at selling cars? Pretty.

[Tom Dustin]

I was pretty good. I actually.

[Joe List]

Come on, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you're in Boston and you're in the market for a used car, that's the guy you want to buy.

[Joe List]

You could sell water to a dolphin.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you say we get a couple of bees?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You like strippers?

[Tom Dustin]

I sold a car to a stripper, to the one that we used to visit up on Bethany.

[Joe List]

Body glove girl.

[Tom Dustin]

Body glove girl.

[H. Foley]

You too are cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also to say creeps. To say visit. Seems like she kept her clothes on the whole time.

[Tom Dustin]

Well, we would walk in the strip club and it would like midday. There's no one in there. And she's on stage and there's $1 on the stage. And we'd walk in and she would just fucking have a party and start, like, celebrating our arrival.

[H. Foley]

Couple of high rollers like you.

[Tom Dustin]

No, we weren't high rollers. I'm aware of that now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't rol with a lot of candy.

[Joe List]

Well, the best one was we went to the Squire. No, it wasn't the Squire. It was the other one, the Cab, the Cabaret. There was the Squire, which we called the Squid, and the Cabaret, which we called the Cab. And then there was King Arthur's, and we. We can't talk about that on YouTube.

[H. Foley]

This is what the two of you were doing?

[Joe List]

Yeah, a lot. But we went there. It was New Year's Eve Eve and they opened at noon and we got there at like 11:55. And the guy was like, all right, no one's here, but you can come in. So we sat at the bar and put our dollars on the stage and literally this sounds made up. A stripper walked in in a fur coat with a scarf. And I yelled, ready when you are. We beat the strippers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm wicked hot over here.

[Tom Dustin]

There was no music playing. I just sit.

[H. Foley]

Are you dating this hot chick when you. When you were going to this.

[Joe List]

Oh, no, this was. That was my high school girlfriend. Once she saw me with him, she was like, I'll see you later.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also, Joe's 18 hanging out with a horny 25 year old.

[H. Foley]

And you two live together?

[Joe List]

Yes.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That's where you have the strippers come over.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

And you would just have them, without getting too graphic, you just have them do a dance for you and that's it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you hooking up with these broads?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Tom Dustin]

No, no, no. We had a little way.

[Kevin Ryan]

They said that was for sure.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Why don't I just get a hooker?

[Tom Dustin]

No, no, no, no. It was funnier. Like we just. Because we none of us had any money. So if you get eight guys and everyone throws up 20 bucks, you can get these broads to show up at your house.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's saying it like he's cracked in, dude.

[Tom Dustin]

And so we would do that and we even had it set up where we had a karaoke machine. And my bud would. He'd call the dance like a play by play, like. And now she's putting the dildo on.

[Joe List]

Her head and Blah, blah, blah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I know her.

[Tom Dustin]

It was pretty awesome. He like, he would do strip club DJ in my house.

[Joe List]

Every once in a while a different girl would come because it was. We had regular girl. One would come and go, all right, we gotta get this thing started. Where's the bachelor? Where's the bachelor? Like this. Oh, no. No bachelor.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's Tuesday.

[Joe List]

We're not celebrating anything. No bachelor.

[Kevin Ryan]

A couple of horn dogs.

[Joe List]

And didn't they leave one time with us? CD tray. And no, that was.

[Tom Dustin]

That was something different. That was something different.

[Joe List]

That was my.

[Tom Dustin]

We ended up paying some strippers. We'll call them strippers.

[Joe List]

Sure.

[Tom Dustin]

We paid them in like old CDs and a couple of Madden games.

[Kevin Ryan]

She must have been a good looking girl.

[Tom Dustin]

Giant change jar. We had a bunch of change.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's some quarters at the bottom of.

[Tom Dustin]

That in a mirror. Like, she was like, I like that mirror. And I was like, you can have it. Just. They were walking out of our house with bags of change and they applied.

[H. Foley]

Call of Duty at all.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, that's how we paid them. We figured out once they got there, we didn't have enough money, so they just took shit from around our apartment.

[H. Foley]

Holy shit.

[Joe List]

Yeah, there's a lot of stories.

[H. Foley]

And where did. Where did the. Where did the birth of the film come in? Where. Where did you decide that you wanted to do this?

[Joe List]

Well, I've been wanting. I always want to make film. And the birth of the film.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, man, this program has changed the birth of the film. Shut up. How'd you think of the movie?

[H. Foley]

It's goddamn filmmaker.

[Joe List]

The inception of the. The film and. How much time do we have? Turn the lights down, but leave mine on if you could. No, it's just, you know, you want. I want to make.

[Kevin Ryan]

There I was.

[Joe List]

I want to make films.

[H. Foley]

Please support Garbage Television, ladies and gentlemen. We can send you a free tote bag.

[Joe List]

I just always thought, get off the rail. Yes, I'm in it. I'm trying to really sell the picture. Just tell them about the picture.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just shoot the movie so we can.

[H. Foley]

Get out of the street.

[Joe List]

Jerry, just tell him about the picture. What's the matter with you anyways? I just thought Tom would be a great subject. And I nailed it. I was right. Which is all I really did was thought Tom will be great and hilarious and we have so many great stories. And originally the idea was to just roll camera on Tom hanging out, telling stories. And then we kind of decided to incorporate some of his standup and then some of him running the Club because he's the proprietor of the comedy Key West.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Joe List]

And then we just started telling our stories. Then we started talking mental health and about our friendship and life and what it means to be successful. And it turned, it blossomed into this whole other thing which is when we were going down there, I just took Matt Salacus and Patrick Holbert, you might.

[H. Foley]

Know those guys, of course, shout out to Salacus.

[Joe List]

And I said, you guys, you just shoot. I don't know what the movie. Which is very annoying if you're hired as a dp. And I go, I don't know what the movie is, but you guys roll tape and then we'll figure it out after. And Tom just gave us so much hilarious stuff and touching stuff and moving. It's really a great film about mental health and friendship and comedy. There's so much comedy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It is. It's also not the vehicle. Like the vehicle is him just hanging out. It feels like you're having a beer with Tom and it's not like, I mean you are, you're having multiple cocktails throughout the movie with Tom. But it just feel, it doesn't feel like, it's not heavy handed in any way. It's just like you're talking to this guy who's endearing and you want to talk to and he's telling great stories.

[H. Foley]

And it's also. Sorry, it's also a story about. It's the both of you, it's your relationship, it's both of you guys starting out in Boston and then it's you coming to New York and Tom deciding to go down to Key west, opens up the club and lives that life.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's very endearing, it's really fun. And just quickly because I want to get back to funny stories, but I fucked up.

[Tom Dustin]

I fucked up when you say it like that. Yeah, you moved to New York and then Tom.

[H. Foley]

I was trying to sugarcoat it a little bit.

[Tom Dustin]

I really fucked up. I really up.

[Joe List]

No, you did great. It's great. We're here now.

[H. Foley]

Oh yeah. What are you talking about?

[Joe List]

A lot of people get success in their 50s.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he's 50.

[H. Foley]

I didn't start counting until I was 32.

[Joe List]

That's embarrassing.

[H. Foley]

And I had no strippers, but we.

[Joe List]

We didn't do any. If you're thinking like, oh, there's a document, we didn't do any. It's very, it's cinema verite, if you will understand. There's no lighting, there's no smoke and we didn't do anything. Again, oh, let's take that again. Let's get a shot of Tom walking in. We just rolled. Camera rolling. Living our lives.

[H. Foley]

It's beautiful. It's fantastic.

[Tom Dustin]

Jimmy Buffett's in it.

[H. Foley]

Jimmy Buffett is in it.

[Joe List]

His last appearance.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[Tom Dustin]

Or do we confirm.

[H. Foley]

It's confirmed that was him riding by in the bike.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's confirmed. The very last second of the film. It's the big surprise.

[H. Foley]

We want to get to the whole. We want to get to the whole Key west lifestyle. But first time, we got to put you through the ringer a little bit. Yes. So give us. Give us the. The full backstory of Tom Dust and the origin story. So where were you born?

[Tom Dustin]

Born in Malden, Massachusetts, just north of Boston.

[H. Foley]

That's enough.

[Tom Dustin]

North Shore, Everett, Riviera, Chelsea. What's.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's better? I don't know. What is North Shore or South Shore better?

[Tom Dustin]

It's pretty much the same. It's just north and south of the. Of Boston. It's like blue collar kind of suburbs.

[H. Foley]

Brothers and sisters?

[Tom Dustin]

I got an older and a younger sister.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

And my older sister is a janitor for the post office.

[H. Foley]

Nice.

[Tom Dustin]

She loves it at a smoke show.

[Joe List]

May I really checked? Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't really run into that many hot female janitors.

[Joe List]

That's why I wanted to notice Dooley.

[Tom Dustin]

She. She got pregnant. Well, I don't know why I said it like that either. So tell.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're just breaking the.

[Joe List]

Pregnant.

[Tom Dustin]

She got pregnant. She was a mail carrier. She got pregnant so she couldn't carry the mail anymore. They put her. She wants to keep working. Long story short, she's took the janitor job temporarily and then fucking loved it. She was like, I gotta clean one bathroom and I got a government salary. Okay. And blah, blah, blah. So. My younger sister is a karate instructor. She's.

[Joe List]

She.

[Tom Dustin]

No, she's a black double triple black belt in karate. She's had. She's had lunches and symposiums.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds like they're your brothers. Dude, I've never met female karate instructors.

[Joe List]

I'm funny, I never thought of that.

[Tom Dustin]

I'm the earliest one in my family.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those are two, like, guy jobs.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. I'm the girliest one in my family.

[H. Foley]

Does she have her own dojo?

[Tom Dustin]

She does. Well, it just burnt down, but it.

[Joe List]

Just Jewish lightning, if you know what I mean.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

But yeah, she.

[H. Foley]

Sorry about the fire. It's Thursday.

[Tom Dustin]

She has like lunch with Chuck Norris all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Tom Dustin]

I swear. Well, not all the time, but, you know, she's been to many breakfasts and lunches with Chuck Norris.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, all right.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. Anyway.

[H. Foley]

All right. And so your dad owned a used car lot?

[Tom Dustin]

He was a used car.

[Kevin Ryan]

And was. He was a welder?

[Tom Dustin]

No, my. My mother, actually, she was more on the technical side of. Do you remember when in the old days you could roll back odometers to make cars? To make cars worth more?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I guess if you're selling.

[Tom Dustin]

My mother. My mother was the best in the business act, really. My mother could roll back any odometer and other dealerships would call. This is back in the 80s.

[Joe List]

Can we just get a quick Google on the statute of limitations?

[Tom Dustin]

This is in the 80s.

[H. Foley]

I'm sure we're fine.

[Tom Dustin]

This is in the 80s. But my mother would roll back the odometer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Allegedly.

[Tom Dustin]

She a little tiny lady. She'd get up under the dashboard and pull it apart and fucking. She even figured out how to do the. When they first came out with the digitals, she used a 9 volt battery and she just tap, tap, tap until it rolled over and then it would have the miles she wanted on it.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

So was the business successful? Like, was your. Was your dad doing well?

[Tom Dustin]

It was for a bunch of years and then he got crazy. He went crazy.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

And so the. The business kind of floundered after that.

[H. Foley]

Until you got old enough and when you were running it, was it?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, well, yeah, so the business went away and then he went into the nut house for a couple years and he was kind of incapacitated for a couple years. And then he and my cousin and my father, my uncle, we all opened a new car dealership and that didn't last.

[H. Foley]

Did you put in on that? Like, were you one of the owners?

[Tom Dustin]

I was one of the owners.

[H. Foley]

No kidding?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, but I was, you know, I was young. I was just starting out in comedy, so I didn't really give a shit that much. And we. We were really selling sleds, you know, we were selling.

[Kevin Ryan]

Selling sleds. God damn.

[Tom Dustin]

That cement mixes. Just fucking pieces of shit.

[Joe List]

But they only had 12 miles on them.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's been three accidents. 12 miles.

[H. Foley]

It's a Model T.

[Joe List]

You got a 46 Ford with 14 miles on it.

[H. Foley]

That's all highway too. Garage. Kev. Kev. Let's talk about acorns.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to acorns gang.

[H. Foley]

More importantly, about that acorns early. Let's talk. Let's go back a little bit. Who taught you about money? No one taught you how to save? No one. Did you have an allowance? Did some of that get put away. My brother does a smart thing. If the kid makes a little money, he puts it away for him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Smart.

[H. Foley]

I'm talking about this. Acorns Early. Get a little cash going. Get a little dividends going for him, gang. Acorns early is a smart money app and debit card for kids that helps them learn the value of a dollar. Acorns early chore tracker teaches kids that hard work pays off. Man, that is smart business right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can just set up the chores in the app, select the payment amount and tick off the chore when it's done. Acorns early lets parents pay allowances automatically. No more rubbishing around for cash. Automatically will send allowance to your kid's account with just a few taps. Beep boop bop boop. Listen, I'm a big proponent of acorns. It's been the only way I've been able to save money. I wish someone told me before I was close to 40 about money, but they did not.

[H. Foley]

We just talked about it yesterday. And I told you. Adds up quick in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Kids can spend what they earn on their own debit card. They'll love the new sense of independence. Getting to choose from over 35 plus customizable car designs. Parents can keep track of where their kids are spending. Get real time notification on your kids. Set spending limits. Instantly block or lost stolen cars.

[Tom Dustin]

That's pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ready to help your kids learn the value of money? Just head to acorns early.com garbage or download the Acorns early app to get started. Sign up now for your first month. It's on. U.S. terms and conditions apply. Monthly subscription fee for starting from $5 per month unless canceled.

[H. Foley]

Kevin's Talk about Tushy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Tushy.

[H. Foley]

Kippy's got a dirty butthole.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not nice.

[H. Foley]

Dirty butthole.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stop poking around back there.

[H. Foley]

You need tushy is what you need. Gang. What are you doing? Are you still wiping your ass like a goddamn caveman? Do yourself a favy favor. Get over to Tushy and get that butthole nice and clean. Oh, you could eat off that thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not that I would, but you can.

[Tom Dustin]

I would.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tushy is the modern bidet that instantly transforms your bathroom habits and bottom health for life. And the Aura is the luxury bidet set that turns toilet time into la Dolce vida. How you doing?

[H. Foley]

Kama Sutra.

[Kevin Ryan]

Aura is Tushy's brand new electric bidet with the open lid, seat, open lid and seat, instant warm water and never runs cold and UV sterilization for next level hygiene. Aura by tushy is easily. Easily attracts you to your existing. Attaches to your existing toilet without the need for additional plumbing. Listen, it's fantastic if you've never used tushy. It's one of those things where you don't know what you're missing out on. They were kind enough to send them over to us. I've hooked it up. It is fan freakin tastic. It's like a good time is what it is before and after an event. It's like A.D. i'm living after, you know, after TP. Catch my drift?

[H. Foley]

I mean it's like not. It's like living back in the 1800s and I didn't have a shower.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Reclaim your comfort zone in the bathroom for a limited time. Our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you use the code garbage at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet [e-mail] with the promo code garbage. Do it and change the way you poop.

[Tom Dustin]

Let's go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

All right, so take us back to the beginning you guys grew up in. Was it a single family home?

[Tom Dustin]

It was a two family home. We lived in the. It was a three bedroom, one bath upstairs. And then we had a rental unit beneath us.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

And now that rental unit is now where my parents currently live. And they rent out the top floor to a comedian that we know. That's where we live. We lived above my parents.

[H. Foley]

Wait, that's where you were getting the strippers?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe List]

Literally pass Tom's parents to get up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did they know or they had to go inside?

[Joe List]

Yeah, but just past the door. But the door was unlocked and usually.

[Tom Dustin]

And usually open. Like. Yeah, they would have the door open. So, you know, this wasn't a three decade, was it? We would double decker drunk. We were drunk so often it like didn't matter, you know? It didn't matter. Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

You weren't that. Well, you weren't concerned with that at the time.

[Joe List]

We would also play Fuck it. What's it called? Jam Band, Rock Band.

[Tom Dustin]

Oh my God.

[Joe List]

Until like 3:30 in the morning. And Tom's mother would come up and be like, can we fucking end the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Concert, fellas, I got strippers down here. You're ruining the vlog.

[Tom Dustin]

Baby's trying to sleep.

[H. Foley]

Was there a baby?

[Tom Dustin]

My sister, I'm sure at some point when, when my mother and father would watch the baby. Okay. My house, we'd be playing rock band and I, I could only play Rock band if it was at full volume because you don't want to hear the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Clicking back of the.

[Tom Dustin]

Of the plastic guitar.

[Kevin Ryan]

How old are you? You're, like, pushing 30 at this point.

[Tom Dustin]

I'm older. Yeah. I'm 40, you know, maybe. Anyway. I'm a late bloomer. A bloomer. I'm a late bloomer.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's great. Okay. All right. I'm getting. I'm getting a picture here.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? All right.

[H. Foley]

No, I was gonna say. So your mom basically worked with your dad when you were a kid at the lot. Okay. Doing.

[Tom Dustin]

And then various. She became a VA technician or something at the veterans hospital.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Very admirable work.

[Tom Dustin]

She did that for a lot of years. She's retired now. My father.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

What was the grocery store growing up?

[Tom Dustin]

The grocery store across the street from my house was Stop and shop.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stop and shop.

[H. Foley]

Not bad.

[Tom Dustin]

Stop and shop and you shop.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, not bad. And you had your own room.

[Tom Dustin]

I had my own room.

[H. Foley]

You had your own bedroom. And how were you as a. As a student in school?

[Tom Dustin]

I was distracted. I was. I wasn't a great student. All the teachers always said the same thing. Like, oh, if he just applied himself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great to drink with bad and standardized text. Great hang. Get this guy behind a drum set on fucking Rock Band.

[Tom Dustin]

I would go to the track sometimes and see, like, the dog track near my house. And when I was.

[H. Foley]

When.

[Tom Dustin]

When I was, like, 18 and my high school history teacher was always at the dog track, and we'd hang out and play quinellas.

[H. Foley]

What's quinellas?

[Tom Dustin]

I think you picked two dogs to finish in the same order.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Like a box.

[Joe List]

Could be five. Has to be in there somewhere.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Quinn is five, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man. No college.

[Tom Dustin]

Some college.

[H. Foley]

What does that mean?

[Tom Dustin]

Like on an application when it says some college?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you're still alive.

[Tom Dustin]

Check that one. I went to Bunker Hill Community College.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Tom Dustin]

Which is where?

[Joe List]

Robin Williams.

[Tom Dustin]

Goodwill Hunting Robin Williams. That's where they shot all that was at my college.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's actually about me.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. It's my second document, but yeah. So we. I went to Bunker Hill Community College for a very short period of time. I was paying out of my own pocket and, I don't know, I got distracted.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

What was your first job growing up?

[Tom Dustin]

Was it working at the video store?

[H. Foley]

Video store?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. A little mom and pop called Video Depot was right around the corner from my house. It was. I got, I think, three fifty an hour. Three.

[H. Foley]

Eight nudies in the back. In the back room.

[Tom Dustin]

They had some dirty movies. But the guy that ran it, he was pretty like. Like he was so afraid of. Because I was like a 16 year old kid, he was afraid of my parents being like, hey, that guy, is he touching you in the back or anything? And he was so afraid of that.

[H. Foley]

That, like, if not, why not? You're a good looking kid.

[Tom Dustin]

He was never like, hey, you want to watch a movie?

[H. Foley]

No, but. So there wasn't an adult section in the back like a proper adult?

[Tom Dustin]

No, this was a tiny little place. Small, much smaller. A tiny little.

[H. Foley]

What year are we talking? Would you say you're working there?

[Tom Dustin]

I might have been 80s, 14, 13, I don't know. 14, I was probably 14.

[Joe List]

So 90, 89.

[Tom Dustin]

90 89.

[H. Foley]

Popping.

[Joe List]

So better at Tom's age than he is.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. I don't know. It's all a blur.

[H. Foley]

They're moving cassettes in there.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, we were. I remember seeing the fun part about that job was the guy had an old school emergency call the police button under the desk, right? And it would directly call and I would lean back in my seat and accidentally fucking call in a robbery. All the time. Like all the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not again.

[Tom Dustin]

And the fucking police would come and it was. But it was so.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sorry, I got distracted.

[Tom Dustin]

I was leaning back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh. Okay. What were the family vacations like growing up?

[Tom Dustin]

Maine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Very nice.

[Tom Dustin]

We would go to Maine, get the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cabin, the whole main experience.

[Tom Dustin]

One of the big. Yeah, we. Yeah. Old Orchard Beach. Is that Maine.

[Joe List]

OOB Love Old Orchard beach.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is.

[Tom Dustin]

We do a ton of garbage.

[H. Foley]

Garbage.

[Joe List]

You guys should.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, it was the south of France.

[Tom Dustin]

Well, you guys should.

[Joe List]

Serious.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, I know that's right.

[Joe List]

Think about doing a show in Portland, Maine and doing a beach crowd at Old Orchard Beach.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Joe List]

You'd love it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Fuck. Roll a little roller coaster in the Ferris. Pull up some photo. You guys would love Old Orchard Beach.

[Tom Dustin]

All right.

[Joe List]

Straight garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

And who.

[H. Foley]

Who would go on that vacation with you? Was there any extended family in the area?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, we had a ton of extended family. We do like family reunions at my uncle's house. Not a couple towns over and shit like that. But no one would go on the family vacations. The one I remember the most is Hershey Park.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hershey, Pennsylvania. That was big for us.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, we would go there and. To the chocolate factory. Sure. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And what was your first car that you. That was like yours?

[Tom Dustin]

I owned a 1986 Ford Escort. Standard shift, no air conditioner. It was a hatchback, four door. Nice. And it was. It was fun. It was a Fucking good little car, considering no air conditioning, roll them up windows, and it didn't have nothing.

[H. Foley]

I had an 88 or an 89 Chevy Spectrum, very similar stick.

[Tom Dustin]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sold tons of them back in the.

[Tom Dustin]

Day, I'll tell you that. Well, that was the thing. My first car that I owned was that 86s. But I mean, I drove. I had a different car every week because we'd take you just get it off the lot or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Were you allowed to just take cars?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Was there anything nice on the lot? Like if, say, you had a date when you're in high school, you had a date or something?

[Tom Dustin]

Well, this was later on after we had our second lot. But somebody put a BMW 850 on consignment, and I just drove that for that. I never sold it either. Like, I just drove it for a month and then gave it back to the guy smelling.

[H. Foley]

What's consignment mean? I pawned it.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, well, like, if you give me something and I sell it for you and then I get a piece of.

[H. Foley]

Okay, but you never sold it.

[Tom Dustin]

You own the car.

[H. Foley]

I gotcha.

[Tom Dustin]

You give it. Put it on my lot.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha. Okay. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man.

[H. Foley]

It's wild. Christmas wise. How was. How are the holidays?

[Tom Dustin]

I love them. Yeah, I love. Although a sad one for me and I feel like a fucking idiot is. I think I was the last. I was way too old to still believe in Santa Claus. I was the last of everyone.

[Kevin Ryan]

How old are we talking, the last of everyone?

[Tom Dustin]

22. No, I think I was fucking. I was way too old. It was like 12 or 13. And I remember being at. Going to a Cub Scout. I'm in a Cub Scout van with all my Cub Scout troop, and the Cub Scout leader was like, oh, so you guys, you know, I hope you have a good Christmas. You guys know Santa isn't real and stuff like that, so we don't have to go through all that. And everyone else was like, they're all like, yeah, yeah, we know Santa's not real. And I'm like, what the fuck just happened? What the. I was destroyed. Like, I was. I'm in a van. Everyone knew. It was like finding out your girlfriend's cheating on you. You know, it's like I was the last to know it was my dad the whole time.

[H. Foley]

Would you guys do a real tree or would you do a fake tree?

[Tom Dustin]

Real tree.

[H. Foley]

Real tree.

[Tom Dustin]

And my dad would steal the tree.

[H. Foley]

Okay, from where? Let's get into that a little bit.

[Joe List]

Pausing one of the.

[Tom Dustin]

One of the tree lots, you know, like.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

They pop up in like a gas station or whatever.

[Tom Dustin]

So he would. He would, I think, climb the fence and just. Yeah. And grab a tree and. Or two. And then hoist him over. Because he'd get one from my uncle's family too, because we were in the given season.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

And how far away were you guys? List. How far. How far are these towns apart?

[Joe List]

I grew up in the south. Everett is a city and it's close to the Boston where he grew up. This is much more houses on top of each other. Double decker.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Joe List]

Kind of ghetto. That kind of thing. Yeah, I think it's getting slightly. No, it's getting worse.

[Tom Dustin]

Worse.

[Kevin Ryan]

They put a casino of his parents.

[Joe List]

And I grew up in the suburbs about. Probably no traffic. Probably 45 minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Joe List]

Usually there's traffic 50 minutes from there.

[H. Foley]

So he would have been the trashier of the two.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. City trash versus more suburban.

[Joe List]

But I remember, Tom, the first time you ever came, I remember we had a fight because you referenced my fit. You were like, hey, you guys are white trash. And it was shocking to me. I was like, what the hell? I don't mind.

[Tom Dustin]

I remember that.

[Joe List]

I was like, what, are you crazy? And then Tom was like, well, you do have a rolled up carpet that the grass and moss has grown over in your backyard. And you have a broken down car in the driveway. And it's one of those things.

[Tom Dustin]

I was doing your show way back then.

[Joe List]

That moment and the first time I did this show were two real eye openers.

[H. Foley]

You never told us about the rolled up carpet.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it was bad. It took like 12 guys to pry it off and get it all waterlogged and shit. It was part of the land. But yeah, I think you and I could have a good family garbage off. And it would be pretty close, Just different kinds.

[H. Foley]

Tom, what about family dinners? Would you guys have dinner every night together?

[Tom Dustin]

Growing up, when we were very young, once, I think me and my sisters became in our teens, not so much, but when we were very young and you had to eat everything on your plate because there's kids starving in Ethiopia. That was the. There's still theme at every. Every meal was, you know, there's a kid in Ethiopia that wants that carrot.

[H. Foley]

Were you allowed to eat in your room and did you have a TV in your room?

[Tom Dustin]

Yes. And I think yes.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, how old were you when you got your passport?

[Tom Dustin]

Sixteen.

[H. Foley]

Where'd you go?

[Tom Dustin]

Belgium.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Really.

[Tom Dustin]

So when I was in high school, I dated a Girl who had dual citizenship in Belgium and her. Our family had. And we would go over to a Belgian carnival, which is a big beer drinking festival. It's awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now. Okay, sorry, the first one. At what age were you allowed to drink around your family? Oh, because for dirt. My family included dirt bag drinking families.

[Tom Dustin]

That is very, I don't think, ever underage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, I mean, they don't know he drinks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't have him watch the movie and don't mention Sam. Okay.

[H. Foley]

Huh. You go to Belgium. That's pretty fancy.

[Tom Dustin]

I went a bunch. And then from there you can get to Amsterdam real easy.

[H. Foley]

And how were you swinging those tickets and all that stuff?

[Tom Dustin]

Well, back then it wasn't a lot of money and we would. We had a place to stay in Belgium with her family, with us.

[Kevin Ryan]

How to get there?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, it was just getting there and the tickets weren't bad. You could fly to Belgium for $300 back then. You know, smoke on the plane.

[H. Foley]

And they let you drink over there. The family let you booze?

[Tom Dustin]

Well, yeah, in Belgium there was no. There was no.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stop me.

[H. Foley]

Your family ever go to Europe or anything like that?

[Tom Dustin]

My family has never been. I'm going on.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never been out of Everett.

[Tom Dustin]

No, Honestly, I think. No. They've been to Aruba. That's where people from northeast go to Aruba. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Were you a Crystal Light family growing up?

[Tom Dustin]

Crystal Light? No, not really.

[H. Foley]

What was on the table when you were having dinner?

[Tom Dustin]

So probably iced tea, but powdered iced steak. Powdered iced tea, the 4C, whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's good stuff.

[H. Foley]

And it juice, a lot of juice.

[Tom Dustin]

I always liked cranberry juice. I like the tartness of cranberry.

[Joe List]

You introduced me to cran grape. Really changed my life for a few months.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ryan Regan did that. Great.

[Tom Dustin]

Pork chops, cram chops, Cran Grape.

[H. Foley]

When we were sick, we always got Cran Grape, Cran Apple, Ocean Spray, Home Run.

[Tom Dustin]

I get the Cran Pineapple now with vodka. I mean, it doesn't come with vodka. I put the vodka. But they make a Cran Pineapple and it's a perfect bay breeze, you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, what is the go to drink.

[Tom Dustin]

For you in the morning of babies?

[Kevin Ryan]

I did not mean that.

[Joe List]

I would love if you said Bell's Christmas Ale.

[Kevin Ryan]

I really like Santa Claus.

[H. Foley]

When you're down. When you're down there in Key west and you know, you're in your routine. All right, is it you get up and you're having a cocktail?

[Tom Dustin]

No, I mean, not on days off. Like if I Have a day off. And I know I don't have any obligation. I'll start drinking earlier than.

[H. Foley]

I mean, it'd be hard.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not we talking 11 key west, usually.

[Tom Dustin]

Not unless there's an event. There's a ton of events. There's always a parade.

[Kevin Ryan]

There is an event.

[Tom Dustin]

There's always something. There's always a pub crawl or a fucking parade or there's always a reason to. Oh my God. It's Tennessee Williams birthday and you fucking love it. Well, they're looking for it. We're having margaritas and Bloody Marys at Brian's house.

[H. Foley]

It's Oscar Wilde. Let's get up.

[Tom Dustin]

I, I, I got a recent text that was like, hey, Bloody Mary's at my house, 7:45am this was like, I'm not gonna be there for it, but.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta get the hell out of here. Anybody get me to LaGuardia?

[H. Foley]

What was the first concert you went to?

[Tom Dustin]

Oh, New Kids on the Block.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, yeah. It was my younger sister's birthday.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

Or Christmas present. And my father got a limousine and he got a ticket that he couldn't just let my sister go. He had to get the thing. Even though I wasn't a huge. All right, I was, but. And it was also Joey McIntyre's birthday concert.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

The Worcester Centrum. And we, we all, we were like, oh my God, dad got a solimousine. We get in the limousine. There's nine other kids that we don't know. And my father and one of his buddies like shuttled like they made a shuttle bus out of this limb. I ended up sitting in the front with the driver. I'm sitting with the driver in the front the whole way to fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

How long you been driving? Seems like a good gig.

[H. Foley]

There's a bride and a groom sitting in there and we gotta swing by St. Paul's real quick.

[Joe List]

Now this is a great. Are you garbage store? Because it starts off going, you're not.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

And then you're, you're riding shot.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, yeah, like co op. The limousine.

[H. Foley]

And this is, Was this before they really blew up or after they blew up?

[Tom Dustin]

It was during their blow up.

[H. Foley]

Because that's got to be a big concert. That's like, the boys are coming home.

[Tom Dustin]

Worcester Centrum, which is like, I don't 25,000 seats.

[Joe List]

I don't know about that, but it's probably 13,000.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

14.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

It was pretty, you know, that's not bad.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty good. New Kids in the Block, the limousine, minus the other kids and the Funeral.

[Kevin Ryan]

The hers. Probably hers. Growing up, were you. Were you a Domino's or a Pizza Hut family if you had to do one?

[H. Foley]

And was that a thing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you lean one way or the other?

[Tom Dustin]

It wasn't really a thing where we live because north of Boston it's all sub shops, pizza shops, roast beef.

[H. Foley]

Would you do Friday night pizza? Was that kind of a. Was that in the repertoire?

[Tom Dustin]

We didn't order a ton of pizza as a fan. My mother cooked a bunch.

[H. Foley]

Was she good?

[Tom Dustin]

Sometimes. Some things. She would set off the smoke detectors. Every time? Like every time.

[H. Foley]

So, no, that, that.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, I mean, she would just. I don't know. Not good ventilation. She wouldn't open the fucking window. And then beep, beep, beep, beep. Every time she cooked, if she was boiling an egg, the fucking smoke detector would go off.

[Kevin Ryan]

The new KFC dunk it bucket with juicy original recipe tenders, new mashed potato poppers, crispy fries, plus three sauces that fit right on top of the lid. So you can dunk anywhere. You can dunk at the game. Dunk while security points to the no outside food sign and dunk as 20,000 people watch you and your Dunkin fucking bucket get removed from the stadium. Dunk almost anywhere with the new $7 KFC Dunkin Bucket or get the double dunk it bucket for 25. Prices and participation vary while supplies last. Taxes, tips and fees extra.

[Joe List]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

[H. Foley]

Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?

[Joe List]

Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that.

[H. Foley]

Fit your budget and potentially lower your bills.

[Joe List]

Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law.

[H. Foley]

Not available in all states. And what about the pet situation?

[Tom Dustin]

We had a dog named Scooter and we had.

[H. Foley]

He didn't make it.

[Tom Dustin]

We had a. A cat.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's doing three to five somewhere.

[Tom Dustin]

Good. It was a.

[H. Foley]

For rolling back odometers.

[Joe List]

That's 21 to 35 in dog years.

[Tom Dustin]

We weren't a huge pet family. We weren't a huge pet cat. I had a cat named Misery. Really? A little black cat. It was awesome. It could fetch. It was one of them. Like you throw a stick and it would bring it back and then cry until you threw it again. Sucking the life out of me at night.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, all right, this is one of. So we're at Aunt Tooty's house now. Do you have any aunts or uncles that you don't refer to by their real names? Like an Aunt Marbles or an Uncle Knuckles or something.

[Tom Dustin]

My Auntie Sandy, her real name's Joan.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

My sister's name is Sandy, and then I have another Aunt Sandy. Yeah. So three Sandy's in my immediate family.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why do you call the one Sandy if that's not Sandy if her name's Joan?

[Tom Dustin]

I don't know. I don't know why that is.

[H. Foley]

What is your nationality? What's your background?

[Tom Dustin]

English and Italian.

[H. Foley]

Okay. Who's Italian? Your mom or your mother? Your mom's Italian?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

And nothing with no Sunday sauce or anything like that.

[Tom Dustin]

I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

She could.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, no, she would make lasagna. She would make all kinds of awesome stuff.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

Cacciatores and.

[H. Foley]

Cacciatore.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, all kinds of.

[H. Foley]

That's not bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got one. Now, is there. In your house in Key west, do you have a Crown Royal bag in there currently?

[Tom Dustin]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought that was gonna be a dead ringer. Keep his crumbled up ones in there or something.

[H. Foley]

What is the domicile down there in Key West?

[Tom Dustin]

I live in a killer location.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you're in the market, let me know.

[H. Foley]

That's what every dirtball location's great.

[Tom Dustin]

It's two blocks from the Gulf of America. So, yeah, it's a killer. It's a three bedroom, two bath. But I also, you know, I have roommates. Okay. So it's my.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was left out of the documentary.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Do you own this?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Tom Dustin]

No. It's in the documentary.

[Joe List]

No, they're in there a little bit. Yeah. Dora?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you own those?

[Tom Dustin]

We don't own the pub.

[H. Foley]

You just rent it.

[Tom Dustin]

We rent it. And so we. It's two roommates. One of them leaves for half the year, so we have an open room half the year.

[H. Foley]

What do they do?

[Tom Dustin]

They go to Maine and work at their family's restaurant.

[H. Foley]

Okay. And then come back. And are they working when they're down there or just chilling for the.

[Tom Dustin]

Oh, no, they work. They work when they're in Key West. Dora. They. It's my friend, my roommate, Dora.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

So she is away half the year. And then my other roommate, Jill, she works at the library now. She used to be at the bank, which is the best. If you have a roommate that works at the bank, you never have to go to the bank. It's awesome.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean, she takes home money?

[Tom Dustin]

Well, I, you know, if you get a check or anything, I just leave it on the kitchen table and she'll.

[H. Foley]

Deposit it when she gets there.

[Tom Dustin]

And any problem you ever have with the bank she owns was. Was. Now I get library connections.

[H. Foley]

So that's your.

[Kevin Ryan]

The only one in Key west that can read.

[H. Foley]

The bank that she works at is your bank. That's the bank that you use? Yeah, the bank of Key west or something like that.

[Tom Dustin]

First State bank of the Florida Keys. My. My. My debit card.

[H. Foley]

It wasn't a chase.

[Tom Dustin]

My debit card has a manatee on it. I'm not kidding. I'll show it to you.

[H. Foley]

And this beach that you say you're close to, do you guys. Can you. Isn't it a thing where there's not a lot of beaches down there?

[Tom Dustin]

Well, it's a coral rock island. So any of the beaches that have nice sand, it's imported sand from Miami or the Bahamas, they truck it in.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

For the most part, it's a coral rocky beach.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you walk on it barefoot?

[Tom Dustin]

I recommend water shoes.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

A pair of aqua socks.

[Tom Dustin]

Aqua socks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Do you go swimming in the ocean a lot?

[Tom Dustin]

Not a ton, but often. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

But you could. You could wake up in the morning and go down and take a swim in the ocean every day?

[Tom Dustin]

Every single day. I mean, a lot of times we'll just go to a resort pool, like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, the fee or whatever. Well, you probably know somebody or do you sneak it.

[Tom Dustin]

It's. No, they. A lot of the resorts in Key west are what they call local friendly. As long as you buy a drink and you're not being a dick, you can use their facilities. That's good.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is a community.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, it really is. That's what I love about the town. Is it? I've never lived in a place where I knew my neighbors.

[Kevin Ryan]

You lived above your parents?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So you're really living that Key west lifestyle down there?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, not so. I'm not. Like, I don't go fishing a ton. My girlfriend does all that. My fiance, she does all the spear fishing and lobster tickling, you know, lobster tickling. So the way you catch Caribbean lobsters is you swim down and you have a net and then you have a tickle stick. And when you see their antennas sticking out from underneath the log or something, and you put the net on one side and you tickle the antenna and then it shoots into your neck and takes six a day.

[Joe List]

That's how he got his. That's how he got her.

[Tom Dustin]

That's how I got her.

[H. Foley]

Caribbean lobsters don't have claws, right?

[Tom Dustin]

That's right.

[H. Foley]

Do you eat them all the time?

[Tom Dustin]

Not all the time. I mean, I'm from Boston, Maine lobster is clearly better. It's sweeter, more tender, and it's just way better. But Caribbean lobster done right can be good.

[H. Foley]

Where are you grocery shopping down there?

[Tom Dustin]

Publix or Winn Dixie?

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Two fine establishments.

[Tom Dustin]

Right next to my. A block from my house is Fausto's Food Palace. That's our local old town little mini market store.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

Like, everything's crazy expensive, but we go there.

[H. Foley]

And you're very tight with your roommates. It's not. You're kind of a family.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. Yeah. It's. Yeah. I don't have. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So do you guys. Will you guys have dinner together and stuff like that, or.

[Tom Dustin]

On occasion. We will. Like, on occasion, we'll all hang out, go to dinner, or have dinner at the house.

[H. Foley]

And what's the rule with the stuff in the fridge? Say you go to Winn Dixie and you get some stuff. I don't know, some lunch meat or whatever.

[Tom Dustin]

Everyone's cool. Like, no one takes your shit. I take everyone's shit, but no one takes my shit.

[H. Foley]

But is it okay?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Like, if you went to the store.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get upset, but I don't give a fuck.

[Tom Dustin]

Well, I usually have the intention of replacing whatever I'm taking, and sometimes I remember to do that.

[H. Foley]

What's a normal meal at home for you?

[Tom Dustin]

We do. We do a lot of cooking. Sushi. Because it's the ocean's right. You know, everything's fresh, a lot of fish. I eat steak, like, as often as I can.

[H. Foley]

You'll make yourself a steak.

[Tom Dustin]

Steak at the house once in a while. But there's a couple of restaurants in town.

[H. Foley]

So you're eating out a lot.

[Tom Dustin]

I eat out a lot. Yeah. Way more than we probably can afford.

[H. Foley]

But what's a normal breakfast other than the.

[Tom Dustin]

I'm not a big fan.

[H. Foley]

Tequila sunrise.

[Tom Dustin]

I do a coffee and a joint.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Joe List]

Tom also eats less than anybody I've ever met, ever in my life.

[Tom Dustin]

I don't eat a ton. What'd you have today on stage? All right, come on.

[Joe List]

What's your.

[Tom Dustin]

Your favorite?

[Joe List]

You tell them your famous line that you've been doing for 30 years. You want to go get a sandwich?

[Tom Dustin]

I don't know that one.

[Joe List]

You've made this joke 17,000 times. Hey, you want to get a sandwich?

[Tom Dustin]

Oh, I. I just ate yesterday. Boom.

[Joe List]

That's gold.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good. That's good. All right. Hey, by the way, I don't know what the He. He hung Joe out to dry.

[Joe List]

I know. I'm like, this is your go to Line.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what that's talking about. It's weird that he's on the show with me, if I'm being honest.

[Joe List]

That was a big line for a long time. I've stolen it.

[H. Foley]

Are you a fast food guy?

[Tom Dustin]

I try. Subway is the only one I usually really. And once in a while I'll do.

[H. Foley]

Is there a McDonald's down there?

[Tom Dustin]

There is, but you got to go to Newtown to find it. I don't. I don't go past White Street.

[H. Foley]

Do you have a car down there?

[Tom Dustin]

Just get dumped it. We just. Kristen, my. My fiance, she had a Toyota. Toyota Celica convertible. It was really rough and we just junked it because we don't really need a car. We bicycle.

[H. Foley]

Ride a bike.

[Tom Dustin]

Ride a bike or walk.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Tom Dustin]

And my friend owns a rental dealership down there. There. And so he needs. I have a parking spot.

[Kevin Ryan]

He.

[Tom Dustin]

He needs the space, so he leaves me a vehicle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah. So you can zip around if you need.

[Tom Dustin]

So I can zip around, go to the grocery store if I need a Home Depot. And what he's been leaving me is a lime green dune buggy. An electric. It's the most impractical vehicle of all time. There's no doors. You have to climb in Dukesa Hazard style. And it's wild. It's ridiculous. There's a backseat, but you can't put a human in it with legs. Not for all of us, but yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's Caribbean lobsters only.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You gotta tickle it to get in the back.

[Tom Dustin]

So that's what I've been tooling. That's when my fiance dropped me off at the airport and was a lime green doom buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rumbling.

[H. Foley]

And how much time do you, like, as far as, like, running the business, running the club? Are you. Are you working like, you know, eight hours a day at the club or.

[Tom Dustin]

I mean, it depends on as far.

[H. Foley]

As like, the administrative stuff when it.

[Tom Dustin]

Needs to be done. I don't do like. I don't do like the books and website update and so you got people.

[H. Foley]

Doing all that stuff.

[Tom Dustin]

I have a partner. His name is Joe Madaus. He's the one that started comedy Key west. And then he kind of brought me down to help figure it out. And so I booked the acts and I host the shows typically.

[H. Foley]

And this is almost every weekend?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's every. Every. Almost every night.

[H. Foley]

No shit?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. So we do, you know, paint and chug nights. We do Ernest Hemingway in a funny way. You know, we do different kinds of shows.

[H. Foley]

So you're Living the life down there. You're living.

[Tom Dustin]

It's not bad. I mean. I mean, we're coming into slow season. We just come out of spring break, which is.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha that.

[Tom Dustin]

A whole month of just young people.

[H. Foley]

Sure. He goes like doom buggies.

[Kevin Ryan]

I feel like trim was about to be the one next.

[H. Foley]

A lot of tail running around that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Will you check into a hotel with a cooler if you're going on vacation? A cooler full of beers or so.

[Tom Dustin]

Not as a rule, but I think I have done that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

And do you guys. Do you travel from down there? Like, do you guys go on vacation?

[Joe List]

Go around the world?

[Tom Dustin]

I'm about to.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Tom Dustin]

Tomorrow I'm going really? Friday, I'm going to Vietnam.

[Kevin Ryan]

The war's over, man.

[Tom Dustin]

I got. I got some old.

[H. Foley]

Let it go, Tom. It's over, man. Wait, you and the fiance.

[Tom Dustin]

Right. And her. Her family. Her brother is getting married to a Vietnamese woman.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Tom Dustin]

So I got the traditional Vietnamese wedding attire.

[Kevin Ryan]

And what'd that set you back? I'm curious.

[Tom Dustin]

$128 or something handmade, embroidered with fucking cranes on it and shit. It's fucking awesome.

[H. Foley]

AK47 and a rocket launcher.

[Joe List]

Like construction cans. Cranes, I meant to say.

[H. Foley]

And then. Where you going? You're taking a trip?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, that was the thing. My girlfriend. Girlfriend. My fiance, she was like, we go to Vietnam for this wedding. I was like, no way I'm going halfway around the world unless we can keep going.

[H. Foley]

Sure, I wanna.

[Kevin Ryan]

So where's the next stop?

[Tom Dustin]

Vietnam, Thailand, Nepal, Dubai, Turkey, Greece.

[Kevin Ryan]

Portland, Maine Benefit Old Orchard Beach, Cleveland.

[H. Foley]

Lay over there. That's not bad. You're gonna end up in Greece.

[Tom Dustin]

Greece, yeah. And I island called Santorini.

[H. Foley]

I think Buddy was there last year.

[Tom Dustin]

You're gonna love it. She got us. It's my birthday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Happy birthday.

[Tom Dustin]

Turning 50.

[H. Foley]

Let me ask you. So when he. When he ended up in Santorini?

[Tom Dustin]

April 26.

[H. Foley]

I think you might want to take a look at the situation over there.

[Tom Dustin]

Why? What's going on?

[H. Foley]

Well, they evacuated the island less than a month ago. Because of the volcano?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Tom Dustin]

Maybe that's why the room is so cheap.

[Joe List]

I don't know where I'm gonna go.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did book a volcano. Wait, really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I don't know if it's. Back up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Back to being safe.

[H. Foley]

First cruise ship.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go.

[Joe List]

There you go.

[H. Foley]

Very nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you a cruise guy by any chance, or.

[Tom Dustin]

No, I've only been on, I think two cruise. I didn't like it. I don't. I feel trapped.

[H. Foley]

You're gonna Love Santorini. It's beautiful.

[Tom Dustin]

Well, my girlfriend's got a cave. She got us the hotel rooms in a cave.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Tom Dustin]

And it's got its own little caldera, pool, cave.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. It's a good time. You're gonna love it. All right. Well, that's pretty classy.

[Tom Dustin]

Going around the world.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not bad. It's not bad. How many suits do you own currently? If you had like a funeral tomorrow, do you have something you can throw on?

[Tom Dustin]

I got this shirt. This is my funeral.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's probably a court shirt too.

[Tom Dustin]

Funeral court. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

He's wearing the Vietnamese outfit everywhere.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, I own a suit. I just bought a suit. We were in Italy last.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you had a suit on.

[H. Foley]

I think seersucker look real sharp in it though. You look good in the suit.

[Tom Dustin]

It was linen. It was Italian linen and I got that in Italy. We went to Italy to visit a comic named April Macy, I think. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

I know you're talking about.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, yeah. She has a villa. Yeah, we went, hung out at her villa. It was fantastic.

[H. Foley]

But I gotta around the world. He's traveling.

[Tom Dustin]

I always like. I like traveling. Even when I was young. I did all of West Western. I did the whole thing where you backpacked for three months.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hospitals and everything.

[Tom Dustin]

Youth hostels.

[Joe List]

Been to Morocco.

[Tom Dustin]

Morocco. Smoking hash on a hash farm. Making hat on a hash, oil, shipping.

[H. Foley]

It to you had to trash it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

You went to Morocco? I was on a hash fam.

[H. Foley]

Smoking out of a coke can.

[Tom Dustin]

That's. That's what I was really hoping for in coming in here is. I know I'm garbage, but I was hoping to be high end guys garbage, I think. So I buttoned up.

[H. Foley]

All right. You see your T shirt underneath this?

[Tom Dustin]

I'm cold. I'm always cold. I got a layer.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that is a garbage. That's even garbage in itself to come in and want to be high class garbage. Yeah, I mean, most people like. I hope I'm not garbage. I know I am.

[H. Foley]

Smart guy. You're well traveled. You're living. You're living your life down there. You're doing your thing. Yeah. I mean, you pee in the shower.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Brush your teeth in there.

[Tom Dustin]

In my pee? No. Never. I don't. I don't brush my teeth.

[H. Foley]

You wear cologne at all?

[Tom Dustin]

My. My girlfriend just got me Sex Panther cologne.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that a real. That's a real thing now?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, it's from the movie from Anchorman, but they sell. It's kind of nice. It doesn't smell like Burns a little bit in the movie.

[H. Foley]

And what are you guys gonna do when you guys get married? And when is. When is the. Is the wedding set?

[Tom Dustin]

The wedding is not set.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

Just got engaged. We're in Scotland. I proposed via falcon. I had a bird of prey swooping on the lake.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Tom Dustin]

It wasn't a falcon. It turned out that they got. The falcon was in a bad mood.

[Kevin Ryan]

So they got a parrot.

[Tom Dustin]

They got me an owl. It was an owl.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Tom Dustin]

It was pretty awesome.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty classy.

[Joe List]

Class.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, it was majestic, huh? Yeah. We stayed in a castle.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pretty good. Is that you?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good.

[H. Foley]

All right, well, there you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

You stayed in a castle.

[H. Foley]

It's Scotland.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that's rich guy. That's like rich fancy guy.

[Tom Dustin]

It was more of a manor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Now we're. Now we're moving the gold post. It was more. It was more of a garage.

[H. Foley]

You had a. You had a bird in a hotel room.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's basically.

[Tom Dustin]

It was made of stone.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[H. Foley]

And what's gonna happen when you guys get married? Will you move in with her? Will she move in?

[Tom Dustin]

We live together currently.

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's one of the roommates in this goddamn house.

[H. Foley]

So it's you, her, and Dora.

[Tom Dustin]

Her, Dora and Jill, my two roommates. They live on the second floor.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

Chris and I have the third floor. Our own bedroom and.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha. Okay. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a little. That's how it stops. It's got a bedroom.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, it's a bedroom and a bathroom. The problem is it's the fucking third floor. And I smoke cigarettes, so if I forget anything upstairs, I buy a new one. I'm just not going up the stairs.

[Joe List]

And in the interest of the podcast theme, they do have a balcony, but it's completely rotted out.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't go on it.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, well, you can, but only on one side.

[H. Foley]

The landlord won't fix it.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, we had. I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Yeah. No. Hey, please don't dump it.

[Tom Dustin]

I don't want to bother.

[Kevin Ryan]

They don't want to bother any. He probably hasn't paid rent or something, which I respect.

[Tom Dustin]

It's a pretty good deal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Oh, then I totally, totally respect that.

[Tom Dustin]

Oh, that's nice too.

[Kevin Ryan]

What is that, a winter IPA.

[Tom Dustin]

The winter IPA.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy's changing seasons over here.

[Tom Dustin]

Winter of 96.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was a good year.

[Joe List]

Ken Dole is on the label.

[H. Foley]

Can you whistle with your fingers?

[Tom Dustin]

No.

[H. Foley]

Are you double jointed?

[Tom Dustin]

No.

[H. Foley]

What are you sleeping in?

[Tom Dustin]

Underwear?

[H. Foley]

Just boxers. Briefs.

[Tom Dustin]

What do you do boxer briefs?

[H. Foley]

Boxer briefs, Gentlemen.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. How you. Well, what kind of cigarettes do you smoke? Barbara Lights.

[Tom Dustin]

I was. For 25 years. I smoked Parliament. Parliaments.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like the blue. The blue pad.

[Tom Dustin]

I started smoking because those. No, no, the regular. Original light blue. All the high. All the cheerleaders in my high school smoked Parliaments. And that's how I started. Like, I was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, I was a hot girl Sig. I was Parliament.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Tom Dustin]

And if they needed to bum one, I wanted to be the guy that was like, I gotcha.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy's closing deals.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Tom Dustin]

And so. But I just recently changed about a month and a half ago to American Spirit yellow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

They last forever. And I'm smoking way less of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tom Dustin]

I'm not smoking as much as I normally do.

[Kevin Ryan]

How many. I assume you did. Did you buy packs in Key west and bring them up? I assume you're not buying New York. A guy like. He's not buying cigarettes in New York.

[Tom Dustin]

I bought. I bought seven packs. Seven packs to get me till.

[H. Foley]

Are you flying from here to Hanoi.

[Tom Dustin]

Or you're going home to la? Okay, I'm flying to la, meeting up with the lady and then we're flying to Hanoi.

[H. Foley]

So you have. You brought all the stuff that you need with you for this trip and then for the world.

[Joe List]

The world.

[Tom Dustin]

I mean, this is the only long sleeve shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you check it back or you just didn't. You just didn't?

[Tom Dustin]

I carry on. I did two carry ons.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just two.

[Tom Dustin]

I might.

[Kevin Ryan]

I might have a school bag. And then go carry on.

[Tom Dustin]

I have a duffel and a backpack to go around.

[H. Foley]

Wait, hold on. Are you gonna like two bathing suits.

[Tom Dustin]

Some underwear, like a mono. A couple of. A couple of, you know.

[H. Foley]

How many pairs of underwear did you bring with you? You and. Okay, that's not going to work.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

Are you. Are you doing laundry before you leave for la?

[Joe List]

Of course.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, we'll do laundry the whole way.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

I'm a big laundry guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know if you heard that about me. Love the sun fluffing.

[Tom Dustin]

I'm folding.

[H. Foley]

All right. Okay. So you have everything with you. You're right. You have that, this. The suit for the Vietnamese wedding with you.

[Tom Dustin]

No, the.

[Kevin Ryan]

The picking that up in a leg.

[Tom Dustin]

No, it's being made right now in Hanoi. It's being made.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, it was $128 in Hanoi.

[Tom Dustin]

$.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like. And it's being made there.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, it's being made. Wow. Okay. But it's all custom. Me Nice embroidery.

[H. Foley]

Would you send them your sizes? Yep.

[Tom Dustin]

I had to go and get fitted for the. It's called out. A dao is what it's called. It means it literally. Literally translates. Relates to long shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. All right. You open your eyes underwater.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Ever been bitten by a dog?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you ever bite them back? Have you ever been in a dunk tank? Like in, like. You're the one in the tank getting the balls thrown.

[Joe List]

Oh, you'd be great though.

[Tom Dustin]

No.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Try harder.

[H. Foley]

You. It's got the long sleeve shirt on.

[Tom Dustin]

Throw like a bra.

[H. Foley]

Do you like deviled eggs?

[Tom Dustin]

I don't. It's not something I go for, but I've had and not hated.

[H. Foley]

Are you a mayonnaise guy?

[Tom Dustin]

I, I am.

[H. Foley]

You like mayo?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Hellman's or Miracle Whip?

[Tom Dustin]

I actually like both. Sometimes I combine them.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, that's a.

[H. Foley]

Are you garbage first? Holy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never had someone say they like both, let alone and combine them.

[Tom Dustin]

Well, if it takes a little off of the sharpness of. Yeah, takes a little of the miracle away.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Little bit of the tang.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are there any trophies on display in your home at the moment? In my home or plaques or anything?

[Tom Dustin]

I don't think so.

[Joe List]

You must have some softball stuff.

[Tom Dustin]

All the. Yeah, I ran the Boston Comedy Softball League.

[H. Foley]

That's right.

[Tom Dustin]

For like six years or something. I have all the, all the trophies and plaques and my, my honorary high school diploma because I never graduated high school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Honorary high school diploma?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, because I, I did a talk at the Key West High School and they were like, so you got a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Diploma from a school you didn't go to? Right.

[Joe List]

Classy.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, it's Key West Prep or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

How'd you get into college?

[Tom Dustin]

It was community college. Anyone can go.

[H. Foley]

I don't think that's true.

[Tom Dustin]

I had a ged.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, There it is.

[H. Foley]

Why didn't you graduate high school?

[Tom Dustin]

I, I just was distracted. I, I just wasn't good at it. I hated it. My home life was falling apart because my dad was crazy. I was living with another family for a little while.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha. And so you stopped going?

[Tom Dustin]

I just stopped going.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. My girlfriend was like, you got to get your ged. And so I did that. I, I, it was the easiest test I, I, I ever took.

[H. Foley]

Man, that's wild.

[Tom Dustin]

Honorary. I used to do a joke about it where I go. I felt like I was filling out an application to work at McDonald's, which I kind of was, you know.

[H. Foley]

What was the talk that you did at the School down in Key West.

[Tom Dustin]

I just talked about being a small business owner in Key west, opening a business there and doing stand up and, you know, blah, blah, blah. You know, it's a bunch of 16.

[Kevin Ryan]

How to make a Mean Bloody Mare.

[Joe List]

Yeah, I wrote a 10 minute bit about how homework stinks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take me to your leaders. All right.

[H. Foley]

I mean, listen, I know a lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of that was for Fermal. For legal purposes we needed to do that. But I mean grade A trash. And I love you.

[H. Foley]

Love you. Yeah, yeah.

[Joe List]

But there is some class sprinkled in there. There's a lot of class been. Is it Morocco in Belgium?

[H. Foley]

Do you read a lot? I bet you read a lot.

[Tom Dustin]

I don't read a lot, okay? I. I watch a lot of. Damn, I watch a lot of YouTube.

[H. Foley]

It's not the same thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

7. What happened?

[H. Foley]

Holy shit. Tom Dustin, ladies and gentlemen. 100% Key west trash down there. And the movie, Portrait of a comedian, directed by Mr. Joe List.

[Joe List]

Thank you.

[H. Foley]

Beautiful film. As we said, it's gonna be in select theaters this spring. Notably, it's gonna be in New York City at the quad Cinema starting April 25th. Go see it. It's absolutely fantastic. And everybody down in Philly, it's at the Ritz 5 in Philly starting May 9th. Do yourself a favor. It's absolutely beautiful. You love Joe List. You're gonna love Tom Dustin. Go check it out.

[Kevin Ryan]

A fan of comedy. You're a fan of this show. Go fucking see it. It is a fucking awesome look at. At comedy from beginning.

[H. Foley]

Funny.

[Tom Dustin]

It's funny.

[Kevin Ryan]

And also, I mean, like killed in the room, like proper fucking murder.

[H. Foley]

We're at the premiere, it was insane.

[Joe List]

Ari said it's the literally the funniest documentary of all time.

[Tom Dustin]

And Ari, he's only seen two other documentaries. One was about dolphins getting killed by Japanese guys in a cove.

[Joe List]

But it's funnier than that, which, by.

[Kevin Ryan]

The way, wasn't easily.

[H. Foley]

Guys, congratulations and we can't thank you enough. And Tom, thank you so much for coming in.

[Tom Dustin]

This was so much fun than Joe told me it was gonna be what.

[Joe List]

I was saying it was gonna be the funnest time.

[Tom Dustin]

I know. And it's more than that.

[H. Foley]

Do you guys want to plug anything else? You want to plug any more specific dates or anything? Or let them know? Oh, also the tickets are information. You get [e-mail].

[Joe List]

Yeah, that's big. And I'll be at the Wilbur Theater.

[Kevin Ryan]

How you doing?

[Joe List]

April 19th. And there's very few tickets left. And Acme and Comedy Club, April 10th through the 12th in Minneapolis.

[H. Foley]

Fantastic.

[Tom Dustin]

Bangkok Comedy Club. Seriously, I'm trying to do a spot there. Yeah. On. I think it's April 27th or something.

[H. Foley]

There you go. And the club down in Key west is Key West Comedy. It's comedy Key West Comedy. Key West.

[Joe List]

Have you guys done it?

[Tom Dustin]

No.

[Joe List]

You have to come down and do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I should say. I messaged you probably years ago. Ago.

[Joe List]

Oh, boy.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. And he got back to me, and I was like. I was like, featuring the time, like, you're the one to feature. And he goes, hey, man, you can't really make it work featuring wi. Like, it doesn't make sense.

[Tom Dustin]

Right? We don't. But I'm the future.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, but he was like, whatever. And he got back. He's like, if you can. If you can connect it to, like, Miami and whatever like that, it can kind of make sense. Let me know. I'll give you the. Give you the names of people, which is, like, in the comedy world. Does not happen.

[Tom Dustin]

I. I know a couple of guys up in the mainland that also.

[Kevin Ryan]

The mainland?

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah. Well, I live in the key.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just never heard that referred to as.

[Tom Dustin]

Yeah, in the mainland, there's a couple guys that run killer shows, and a lot of times we'll connect and we'll route it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You know, which is. Which is amazing.

[Joe List]

You guys would love it. It's awesome down there.

[H. Foley]

Unbelievable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put it in the book.

[H. Foley]

Joe List and Tom Dustin, ladies and gentlemen, gang, we love you. The cards are on sale, as we said. Do yourself a favor, grab a pack before they run out. We're going to be adding the fall tour dates very soon, and we love you. And we'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Get your tickets. Peace.