Hannah Berner

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Guest: Hannah Berner
Release Date: June 8, 2026
Episode Length: ~2hr 35min

Episode Overview

In this vibrant, hilarious, and disarmingly honest conversation, Dax Shepard and Monica Padman welcome stand-up comic, writer, and podcaster Hannah Berner. Fresh off her new Hulu special ("None of My Business") and as co-host of the wildly popular "Giggly Squad" podcast, Hannah reflects on her transition from Division I tennis player to reality TV star to headlining stand-up comic. The episode explores the “messiness of being human”—parental dynamics, being a woman in comedy, recovering from setbacks, addiction and recovery, and the challenges of reinventing oneself. Hannah’s blend of comic timing and openness syncs perfectly with Dax and Monica's trademark vulnerability. Throughout, they celebrate growth through struggle—and, naturally, crack each other up.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Art and Absurdity of Podcast Awards

[04:17–05:11]

• Awards in podcasting feel arbitrary, but winning still brings validation.
• Dax reflects: “My hot take for the Golden Globes... if Malcolm Gladwell’s not nominated, I don’t know what this category means.”
• Hannah: “As an athlete, you knew who the winner was. This is just people having fun. I’m not going to see The Daily people and be like, 'hey, losers.'"

Quote: "You guys make podcasting cool." — Hannah Berner [04:15]

2. Family Ties, Upbringing, and Competitive Drive

[06:11–07:19]

• Hannah’s mother ("Lenore") was a public middle school principal: “She’s just right about everything.”
• Close, daily relationship with her mom; best-friend rapport with her tennis-coach dad.
• Explores the strengths—and comedic pitfalls—of being raised in a hyper-driven, sports-obsessed household.

3. Marriage, Addiction, and Sober Partnerships

[07:45–08:49; 10:34–11:10]

• Hannah’s husband Des is a comedian, Irish, and sober since 19 (“He jokes he went to the World Series of drinking…sober since 19!”).
• Both reflect on the intensity of relationships with addicts and the grounding effect of long-term recovery.

Quote: “When an addict falls for you, there’s no other attention like that. You’re their new source…” — Hannah Berner [08:32]

• Dax: “We don’t know how else to be… we get right into it.”
• Both Hannah and Dax share personal temptations but articulate how they know not to play with addictive substances.

4. From Tennis Prodigy to Comic: Mental Battles and Identity

[19:41–24:16]

• Parallels between elite tennis and stand-up: both are solitary, mentally demanding “battlefields.”
• Hannah candidly discusses her struggle with the “yips” (performance anxiety), losing her serve, and how shame fueled compulsive overtraining.
• The trauma and liberation of “quitting” and pivoting her life.

Quote: “It’s okay to quit. It’s okay to change your dream… everything to me was tennis.” — Hannah Berner [27:24]

• Dax and Monica reflect on the fine lines between parental support, pressure, self-worth, and “daddy issues.”
• The family ultimately learned to value resilience above winning.

5. Accidents, Setbacks, and Redefining Success

[25:53–29:03]

• Hannah recounts getting hit by a car during college tennis, the resulting injury, and the powerful realization that it’s OK to walk away when a dream no longer serves you.
• Open, affectionate storytelling about her family, notably her dad’s intense coach persona and her brother’s contrasting “I’m playing World of Warcraft” chill.

6. Culture Shock: From New York to Wisconsin

[43:37–48:02]

• Commuting to a progressive school in Hell’s Kitchen, riding the subway as a teen, and the unique coming-of-age that growing up in New York confers.
• The cultural dislocation of landing in Madison, WI: “I didn’t know what a Wisconsin was.”
• Observes the social expectations and pressures in small towns vs. the city.

7. Teaching Tennis to the Super-Rich & Lessons in Loneliness

[50:16–53:50]

• Teaching tennis to Hamptons billionaires and Chelsea Handler (“I got lucky,” Handler’s only advice).
• Comedic take on the tennis coach–affair stereotype—Hannah sets boundaries: “I’m not showing up with makeup and tits out… the wives were like, good, yell at him.”

8. From Sales Gigs to Breakout in Entertainment

[54:06–58:39]

• Forced to find a new dream, Hannah worked in cold-calling sales (“if you can handle that, you can handle anything”).
• Found her footing making viral sketches for Betches, then invited onto reality TV (“Summer House”).
• The hazards and revelations of being cast as an “archetype” and the reality of reality TV editing.

9. Navigating Reality TV: Wins, Losses, and 'Getting Fired'

[61:16–67:17]

• Candid about the intoxicating high (and brutal low) of reality TV fame—“playing a character for a storyline they choose.”
• The mental health costs when the edit turns against you, and the challenge of being loved or hated by the public.
• Getting fired led directly to stand-up: “I love the rising of the Phoenix; I love the underdog… no one in reality TV gets a Netflix special.”

10. The Growth of "Giggly Squad" & Standup Success

[69:07–74:38]

• The origins of the “Giggly Squad” podcast (born on Instagram Live), its cult following, and the relief of riffing with a best friend without guests.
• The financial evolution from just “wanting respect” to navigating newfound success—and why it’s not about the money: “I want to inspire little girls. I want a statue in front of a tennis arena.”

Quote: “Being rich is hard sometimes. Cancel that. Cut that out.” — Hannah Berner [75:41]

• Open convo about roles and money in marriage—her husband Des supports her higher income.

11. Creativity, Setbacks, and Stand-Up Triumphs

[78:32–84:39]

• The anxiety and victory of taping her first Netflix standup special: Hannah discusses dealing with performance nerves (including “tapping” and beta blockers), the difference between tennis and standup nerves, and finding the “right wave.”

Quote: “My biggest advice… once the comments start affecting your creativity, they win.” — Hannah Berner [66:03]

• Discussion about the perils of crowd work, on-stage blunders (shouting out the wrong city!), and building resilience by making humor from mistakes.

12. Material, Physicality, and Gender in Comedy

[88:14–91:21]

• Balancing looks and authenticity on stage (“four hours of makeup, I didn’t recognize myself”; “I think I’m goofier in this special”).
• Embracing crowd work that bridges the gap between men and women—playful audience segments about “what sex feels like for a woman.”

13. Growth, Advice, and Looking Ahead

[94:24–97:43]

• Discusses upcoming scripted project with Amy Poehler and Kay Cannon, landing her first movie role after persistent auditioning, and advice for moving from standup to scripted: “There’s nothing protective about this [side of you], and I want to watch this for hours.” — Dax Shepard [95:17]*
• The value of letting go and “not trying too hard,” both in performance and life transitions.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

Vulnerability & Growth:

“Everything that’s made me interesting is like, me, up.” — Hannah Berner [68:55]

Addiction & Passion:

“I think in my past life I was an addict… but now I’m addicted to comedy.” — Hannah Berner [09:05]

On Quitting & Reinvention:

“It’s okay to quit. It’s okay to change your dream.” — Hannah Berner [27:24]

On Embarrassment & Resilience:

“My superpower is that for whatever reason, I’m okay with being embarrassed.” — Hannah Berner [23:54]

On Standup & Confidence:

“I had all the training from tennis, and that stuff that made me not good at tennis—thinking too much—made me good at comedy.” — Hannah Berner [32:24]

On Marriage & Finances:

“He loves it. He calls me his pension pussy.” — Hannah Berner [72:01]

On Reality TV:

“If the producers aren’t talking to you before the scene, you are the storyline.” — Hannah Berner [63:01]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00–03:23 — Hannah’s intro, background in tennis, and current projects
• 04:15–05:40 — Awards and legitimacy in podcasting
• 06:11–07:19 — Parental influence; daily calls with mom
• 08:32–10:10 — Sobriety in her husband and dating addicts
• 19:41–24:16 — Tennis/standup parallels, yips, mental battles
• 25:53–29:03 — Getting hit by a car and the cost of “quitting”
• 43:37–48:02 — Culture shock: NYC vs. Wisconsin
• 50:16–53:50 — Teaching tennis to the rich
• 61:16–67:17 — Reality TV’s pros and cons, getting fired
• 69:07–74:38 — Giggly Squad and adjusting to new wealth
• 78:32–84:39 — Taping a standup special; nerves and resilience
• 94:24–97:43 — Moving into scripted TV; landing her first movie role

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Tone, Chemistry, and Running Gags

• Hannah, Dax, and Monica all thrive on self-deprecation, riffing on their anxieties and failures.
• There’s warmth, delight in mutual weirdness (“My codependency kicks in; I just want my friends to have fun.”)
• Ongoing bits about embarrassment, “pension pussy,” crowd work mishaps (the Buffalo/Boston moment), and butt/fart anecdotes in the extended outro.
• Dax and Monica bring their signature open-hearted, curious, sometimes juvenile energy. Hannah fits right in, matching their candor and quick wit.

---

Summary

This episode is a deep-dive into growth through adversity—told by people who live to find the punchline in pain. Hannah Berner’s journey from prodigy tennis player to reality star to sold-out comic isn’t a straight line, and she’s frank about the role of family, quitting, self-worth, and resilience along the way. Her reflections on addiction, confidence, and reinvention are honest, funny, and relatable. Dax and Monica provide a supportive, playful space that encourages revelatory stories and a cascade of memorable lines. The episode is not just for comedy fans—it's a must-listen for anyone grappling with identity, reinvention, and the joys and messiness of being human.

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"None of My Business" standup special is streaming on Hulu.
Listen to "Giggly Squad" for more.
Stay tuned for Hannah’s next act—with Amy Poehler, Kay Cannon, and (very likely) more accidental nosebleeds in Buffalo.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Today we have Hannah Berner on. Hannah is a stand up comedian and best selling author. She has a book called how to Giggle. Yes. Based on her wonderful podcast Giggle Squad with Hannah Berner and Paige Desorbo. She has a new stand up special now streaming on Hulu called None of my Business and Babers is doing a TV show with her. She's got a lot happening.

[Monica Padman]

It's exciting stuff and I just adore her.

[Dax Shepard]

She was so fun.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

She was also ex professional tennis player

[Monica Padman]

which is, we get into that and it's really, I don't know if professional

[Dax Shepard]

is the right word but college division one elite, serious business. Please enjoy Hannah Burner. We are supported by quints Monica. We love quints.

[Monica Padman]

We do, we do love quints.

[Dax Shepard]

We genuinely do. I've become obsessed with how they do things. They make these European linen shorts and shirts 100% European linen. And they feel incredible. Lightweight, breathable, but still look polished.

[Monica Padman]

And it's perfect for this time of year. Spring loves linen. I feel like everything they make is super luxe but it doesn't break the bank.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, and the way they keep prices low is they work directly with ethical factories. No middlemen, no retail markup. So you're getting premium materials at 50 to 80% less than comparable brands like those linen shorts start at 30, $34.

[Monica Padman]

I know, I hate to keep talking about the linen shorts but guys, the linen shorts are really really cute. They look classic, they look timeless, they look really expensive and they're so comfortable. I was honestly surprised by how good they feel.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, they're very breathable. When is a nice, nice material, It's a good material. Refresh your everyday with luxury. You'll actually use head to quince.com stacks for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q U I for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.comDax let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of. And it turns out it's more common than you'd think. Peyronie's disease, or PD for short. PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve with a bump during an erection and for some men lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lowered self esteem and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy. Because of this. Some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about pd. The actual cause of PD isn't always known. In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. The good news is PD is treatable. If you notice a curve with a bump, a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk you through your options, including non surgical treatment. To learn more about Pey's disease, visit talkaboutpd.com he's an armchair.

[Monica Padman]

He's an. Found him.

[Hannah Berner]

Hello. Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that's bad. Seven minutes. I'm so sorry. But maybe you'll understand because I've just recently learned you also have some ADHD time management.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, well, I'm sure we'll get into it.

[Hannah Berner]

I just got to catch up on a lot of important emails.

[Monica Padman]

No, there's very Glass Half Full. I appreciate that.

[Hannah Berner]

Actually. I thought it was a little intimidation. I was like, they're icing me. They know it came in. No, but actually, I have to admit to you guys, I'm a little nervous. I was all calm and then I got to think and I was like, you don't have to any stories.

[Dax Shepard]

You have no personality, no history.

[Hannah Berner]

A while, but like since like 2006. And like, I had to give a hand job for the first time. Like, I have.

[Monica Padman]

Whoa. That's a long time. 20 years.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I've been nervous before, but this is so exciting. I'm so honored to be here.

[Monica Padman]

Well, we're so flattered.

[Dax Shepard]

That's incredibly flattering.

[Hannah Berner]

You guys make podcasting cool.

[Dax Shepard]

As do you. Yeah, we both, I think, share an award. Do you guys win the I Heart Podcast of the year this year?

[Hannah Berner]

We did. I think it was a little bit of a made up award.

[Monica Padman]

Well, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Tell me why awards are made up. Yeah, I can't accept it. I'm like, that was a great brand promo.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, hold on. Are you on iheart?

[Hannah Berner]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. So I'm trying to find who would have bought this.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Hannah Berner]

But they were like announcing the Daily Amy Poehler. And I'm looking at Paige and I'm like, we're not fucking winning this. And she's like, they wouldn't have invited us to come all the way here. We literally were fighting during the award presentation. But yeah, the award is nice.

[Dax Shepard]

I think that's a very legitimate award. We won it too.

[Hannah Berner]

This isn't a stupid art form. I was like an athlete. Like, you knew who the winner was. This is. This is just people having fun. Also, I'm not going to, like, see the Daily people and be like, hey, losers.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Hannah Berner]

Maybe better next year. Be more fact checky.

[Monica Padman]

Poor daily.

[Dax Shepard]

That was my. My hot take for the Golden Globes. I was like, it's so flattering. And also, if Malcolm Gladwell's not nominated, I don't know what this category means.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, yeah. Amy Fuller, shot on npr. That was great.

[Dax Shepard]

What did she say?

[Hannah Berner]

Well, she was like, npr. Try harder next time, you losers.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Congrats to us. Yeah. The year that we won, we had beaten Dr. Death, which was among my top three podcasts I've ever heard in my life. Did you listen to Dr. Death?

[Hannah Berner]

No, because I'm a bad listener.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, interesting. I'm a bad listener because of the ADHD, probably.

[Hannah Berner]

I also, after I stopped my 9 to 5 job, I don't have that morning routine where you, like, listen to a podcast, so it's a lot of me.

[Dax Shepard]

Do you not exercise?

[Hannah Berner]

You don't have to attack me right

[Monica Padman]

where my we dump.

[Hannah Berner]

Really shaming me the second I get here.

[Dax Shepard]

I understand. You don't have a commute, so you wouldn't listen to it there. I'm just going through the top categories of listeners. It's like, they're on a commute. So you listen.

[Hannah Berner]

I call my mom a lot.

[Dax Shepard]

You do? Like, how frequently?

[Hannah Berner]

Too much. She's like, hey, the nest is. You got to get out.

[Dax Shepard]

This is Lenore, the jazz singing principal.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm obsessed with people. Do research. Like, you guys are real journalists. I don't care if people say, wait, shout out to Lenore. Listening.

[Dax Shepard]

You don't call Dan.

[Hannah Berner]

You know my dad, my best friend, my tennis coach.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, he was.

[Hannah Berner]

We're, like, connected. We're like, I don't even have to talk to him. He'll, like, randomly send me a text. Like, if you're having a tough day, I love you. I'm like, God damn it, dad. Where my mom? I'm like, should I get this salad or the chicken fingers? And she's like, leave me alone. Like, does birth control work?

[Monica Padman]

So you're multiple times a day with her?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

That's really sweet.

[Dax Shepard]

And for how long? At a interval.

[Hannah Berner]

Great question. She's a badass. She was a principal of a public middle school in Brooklyn, New York. Amazing PS51s, as they say.

[Dax Shepard]

It's a hardcore.

[Hannah Berner]

I don't know that, but it's hardcore.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And she's just right about everything. So in life, if you have someone in your family who's smarter, more experienced, why am I trying to figure it out.

[Monica Padman]

I like that.

[Dax Shepard]

That's very wise of you.

[Hannah Berner]

Actually, I know what I don't know.

[Dax Shepard]

I just learned that we're opposites.

[Hannah Berner]

But since getting married, first guy I've ever dated. Really smart.

[Monica Padman]

Congrats.

[Dax Shepard]

It's.

[Hannah Berner]

I've been through the cte. I've done it now.

[Dax Shepard]

And really quick. Is it Des or Des?

[Hannah Berner]

It's Desmond.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. I know that part.

[Hannah Berner]

But the D and Des is like a short. In Ireland, they say Des.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, great. So Des.

[Hannah Berner]

But Desmond does sound like a linebacker for the Packers.

[Dax Shepard]

He does. He's all fucked up. He was born here, then grew up in Ireland.

[Hannah Berner]

At 14, he was drinking, being naughty. His parents kick him out, and he jokes to the World Series of drinking. Ireland because it's a family there. Continues partying.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Hannah Berner]

Sober by 19. I don't know. It's interesting to me when people are sober.

[Dax Shepard]

Has he been sober since 19?

[Hannah Berner]

Wow. He's 50 now.

[Dax Shepard]

I know. I'm 11 months older than him. He's November.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

My Scorpio came here and he's also

[Dax Shepard]

sober for one second. We love that you had a little panic attack. Is it December? It is November. I know.

[Hannah Berner]

I was like, my whole marriage is riding on me.

[Monica Padman]

He's been sober. Thank you. 31 years.

[Dax Shepard]

That's wild.

[Hannah Berner]

Dated a lot of addicts. I love how we're getting right into it. That's what we do. That's how we are, you guys. That's.

[Monica Padman]

That's just how.

[Hannah Berner]

That's us.

[Dax Shepard]

We don't know how else to be.

[Monica Padman]

We really don't know how else.

[Hannah Berner]

When an addict falls for you, there's no other attention like that. When they fucking lock eyes with you and you're their, like, new source of.

[Monica Padman]

You're their addiction. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

It's incredible. But. But I've realized you want to be with a guy who's been sober for like, an extended period of time.

[Dax Shepard]

Probably. Yeah. Wait, wait. You learned because you had someone like a year and then it went sideways.

[Hannah Berner]

I've done the sober Cali.

[Monica Padman]

Sober.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Or then he, like, calls me. He's like, I have to tell you something. There's a reason you haven't seen me in two weeks and I never smoked a cigarette.

[Dax Shepard]

Right, because you're an athlete.

[Hannah Berner]

Cuz I was an athlete. I think in my past life I was an addict. So I'm like, why play with that?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, what am I gonna do? Try cocaine in my 30s and then be like, I like cocaine and I'm addicted to cocaine in my 30s.

[Dax Shepard]

No. Well, there's just a little bit of ground between trying and an addiction. Malcolm Gladwell book. Over 90% of people who try cocaine don't become addicted.

[Monica Padman]

But you're saying you might. You sense that you might. It's like in you.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm addicted to comedy. I'm addicted to things. So I'm like, why test it? Because the best part of it becomes that you like it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

You remind me so much of my best friend Panay, because he was, like, hardcore athlete, baseball, Division one, the whole thing. Never drank once in his life, never had a cigarette, and then that whole part of his life was over. But he's like, why would I do that now? I've already proven I'm maniacal about things when I like them. So I'm impressed. I'm just like, I'm here once. Let's try everything.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. I always say the worst thing is you have a horrible night. And then the best thing is, like, now you could have a problem. But actually, my bachelorette party in 2022, my friends were like, do one. One hit of cocaine.

[Dax Shepard]

One bump. A little bump. One hit.

[Hannah Berner]

That's such a loose.

[Monica Padman]

What is it? One spoonful. Do a teaspoon.

[Dax Shepard]

One glass. One glass of cocaine.

[Hannah Berner]

And I was like, okay. I swear to God, it was the end of the betrayal. We're, like, in our pajamas. Just like. I was like, let's do it. Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Immediately got a nosebleed. Like, the blood just slowly came out. And my friends were like, not fun. You ruined it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Scary.

[Hannah Berner]

And I was like, sir, I'm so pure.

[Monica Padman]

I can't do this. But do you drink?

[Hannah Berner]

I love eating. If you're at a meal, I'm like, so if I drink that drink, the chicken parmesan's not gonna hit as well. And I get, like, tired. I get sleepy when I'm drunk.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, sure.

[Hannah Berner]

I lose all my wit. I'll start a conversation, just start laughing at myself. I don't get cooler when I'm drunk.

[Dax Shepard]

That's why I didn't like weed is the one thing I have to offer is I'm, like, orally dexterous. And I'd get high and be like, I'm not sure I'm making a point right now. I'm pretty sure no one's following me. My superpower is gone. And now I just have a big nose and a weak chin.

[Hannah Berner]

I would look in the mirror and be like, is my face round or oval? Like, that was my joke. And then I. I think everyone's Mad at me. So I ruined parties. When I do the alcohol or the

[Dax Shepard]

drugs, and the alcohol, I got to go back to the cocaine. The one popped. Where was the bachelor party?

[Hannah Berner]

Obviously in Miam. Job rule came out. It was the greatest weekend. And I'm not a partier. I told my friends. I was like, maybe we go to a farm and we pet animals. My friends were like, no, yeah, yeah, we're going to a strip club.

[Dax Shepard]

You know, when I'm done taking the weekend off work and all this shit to go fucking pet horses.

[Hannah Berner]

And I'm like, was one of my early friends to get married, so they weren't tired yet. Like, I was like the first friend to have a bachelorette party. So the girls were like, this is like the hangover.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

They wanted to fuck fest.

[Hannah Berner]

Where now when people say they have a bachelorette, you're like, I missed the email. Like, I'm so sorry.

[Dax Shepard]

I know.

[Hannah Berner]

I start making up G. I don't have.

[Dax Shepard]

You were in Miami and was it fun restaurants or were there nightclubs?

[Hannah Berner]

It was fun restaurants, actually. Shout out to friend of the pod not to name drop. Yeah, let's do it, please. Marcelo was there.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. And you guys were doing. Oh, my God.

[Monica Padman]

Did you go to a Getty?

[Dax Shepard]

A Getty?

[Hannah Berner]

I don't want to take credit for anything Marcelo's done because he's a star and he's always been a star.

[Dax Shepard]

However, this was pre SNL for him.

[Hannah Berner]

Right. We're hanging out at the stand.

[Dax Shepard]

He might have got you unengaged.

[Monica Padman]

I know. He's.

[Dax Shepard]

He's a killer.

[Monica Padman]

He is.

[Hannah Berner]

I know Marcelo as just the sweetest, driven, creative. He's a guy's girl. He's just hanging out with the girls, like, gossiping, having fun. But I was telling about the Bachelorette, and he's like, you're coming to Miami. And he slides me like a list of all the things, and he goes, I might be around. Just let me know. So when I'm there, I'm just trying to have fun. And I text him like, I'm in Miami.

[Dax Shepard]

How had you met him? We'd be in the club doing stand up.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. I didn't know him well enough to have him at my Bachelorette, but immediately you're like, yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I wanted him to walk out of this interview into my house and just live there.

[Hannah Berner]

I text my friends. I just want my friends have fun. I get stressed if other people aren't having fun. Like, at one point, no one was talking to me. Everyone was just talking to everyone else, I was like, good, I'll just. I'll go myself. Because at least my friends had to pay to be here.

[Monica Padman]

This is your codependency. Back to loving.

[Hannah Berner]

Text Marcelo. Cuz like he's just a bottle of fun. And I'm like, where are we going? What are we doing? We're at a club. He gets my face up on it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wait, he got your face up on like a screen at the club?

[Hannah Berner]

Some guy.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. He really. He's like a fixer, A Miami fixer.

[Hannah Berner]

But then I realized he was my Domingo. Like my husband was definitely like, who's the guy at your bachelor? I'm like, that's Marcelo. He's just organizing.

[Dax Shepard]

Who's that? Impossibly charming, disarmingly non threatening, yet you're horny guy you're with.

[Hannah Berner]

So not threatening. So it was like us and Marcelo running around Miami and Yeah, that was pre SNL and it was, wow, such a fun time. And now my friends will be like, is that the guy that was in the pool with anyone?

[Dax Shepard]

Hook up with him.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, well, I. I did. I was telling people that. I was like, this guy's gonna blow up.

[Dax Shepard]

You gotta get him, get in on the basement floor, get him on the stock.

[Monica Padman]

Now he's hitting a gorgeous Yale lawyer, like architect. So sorry, gals. Yeah, messed out.

[Dax Shepard]

That's okay. Life is long.

[Hannah Berner]

I told myself I wouldn't be with a comedian. Oh, but I'm married to a comedian.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, boy.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Desmond.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

How did he return to the States? Was. His parents are like, okay, you can come home.

[Hannah Berner]

Good question. I feel like someone needs to call the government, figure that out. No, but he stayed there and actually fell in love with comedy there. I was kind of like, this is my new home. He got on a TV show where he did like a documentary series. And it was back then where like if you were on a TV show, everyone watched it on one channel.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. Yeah. There was like BBC 1, 2 and 3. Take your pick.

[Hannah Berner]

1.5.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And he goes out and everyone suddenly knew who he was. So he became a successful comedian in Ireland and lived this great fun life without me because he's selfish. And then he, during COVID came back.

[Dax Shepard]

Does he long for it? Does he want you guys to spend time in it?

[Hannah Berner]

I love Ireland. He's going there for a bit. It's actually, when you live in New York, it's the same distance to Ireland, to la.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, right.

[Hannah Berner]

But it was weird where he'd lived this beautiful full life of comedy and Success. And he's pre trained is what I like to say.

[Dax Shepard]

Pre trained.

[Monica Padman]

I like that.

[Dax Shepard]

What's that mean?

[Monica Padman]

He's pre trained. She doesn't have to do anything. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, he's not standing on the table. He's not like, peeing on a couch.

[Monica Padman]

He doesn't have to eat.

[Hannah Berner]

Stay. Roll over. Yeah. Like he's been yelled at by previous owners. I don't have to do.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, the heavy lifting.

[Hannah Berner]

The heavy lifting. And I've never dated an older man before. It wasn't like my kink. How did this happen? Yeah, this is actually kind of romantic.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. I love it. We love romance. We love meet cute.

[Dax Shepard]

And also Monica's probably.

[Monica Padman]

I like older men.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, she would. She would also end up in this situation.

[Monica Padman]

Although it's starting to change. But we can talk about that.

[Dax Shepard]

The age limit on arai was like 65 years old because Sean Penn was 65.

[Hannah Berner]

Everyone loves Sean Penn because he's the kind of guy that, like, wouldn't remember your name. Like, I could just tell and I'm like, I need your attention right now.

[Monica Padman]

Addiction. It's the exact same thing. If he can remember my name.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, my God. Was like, I need to talk to her. Yeah, done.

[Dax Shepard]

Also, if he saw that nose bleeding, he'd be like, who cares? Let's go.

[Hannah Berner]

He would love that.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's do it. I'll eat the blood right off your face.

[Hannah Berner]

So romantically, I always loved comedy. I was just a comedy fan. I was doing cold calling sales and we'd go to all these New York City comedy clubs and this handsome guy comes up on the cellar and I'm sitting there, I'm like 25, and he's cute and he says, oh, he lives in Ireland.

[Dax Shepard]

Does he have a fun accent, like a hybrid?

[Hannah Berner]

So he has this insane hybrid accent. He talks like a trucker. Like this.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

But he'll say, like British words. Like quite like. Yeah, like he'll say big eloquent words. But talking like he's a firefighter.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

It's a fun little mix.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And he speaks Mandarin. Oh, like, my husband is so much more interesting than me when we talk about him. But he's traveled.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, but I've traveled. I don't speak Mandarin.

[Hannah Berner]

He got bored with stand up in Ireland. Well, he wasn't bored, but he wanted to challenge himself, so he wanted to learn Mandarin and do stand up in Mandarin. This is what sober guys do. They're looking for a high.

[Monica Padman]

It's true. That's a crack or something.

[Hannah Berner]

He's Like, I need something more.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

That makes sense.

[Dax Shepard]

Of all the zany solutions to the itch.

[Hannah Berner]

His mom took some Tylenol. I don't know what happened. But so he says, like, I live in Ireland. I'm sitting there, and I'm like, oh, I guess I'm not marrying that comic. And it's funny how comics, they're just so hot on stage, especially the men, they just say something. I mean, girls, you're like, okay, stop it. But the guy, we get it. But when guys talk, you're like, look at him commanding that room. He's in control of it too. So hot. I think I followed him, but I didn't talk. I'm also not, like, gonna find him. I don't know. I'm not doing that. Fast forward shout out to friend of the pod, Nikki Glazer.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

I just love Nikki, who for some

[Hannah Berner]

reason, since day one, has been so nice to me early on was like, do you want to follow me around at the club? And you could ask me dumb questions. Any question she would answer. Nikki, early on, she kind of saw something in me, and then she knows how lonely it could kind of be when you're the girl.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I do think in a lot of female comedy, it's like, if you can ugly yourself or be as much of a man as possible, you fit in more. So girls will gravitate to that. And I think because I always kind of had my own voice in the beginning, and I didn't care. I love men. They're all good. I didn't need them to pick me. Like, I'm like, an athlete. I'm like, I could pick up sports with you.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, I don't need to beat you all at tennis. My calves are bigger than yours.

[Hannah Berner]

100. God, he's good.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Family.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, you think that was research?

[Dax Shepard]

No, it was.

[Monica Padman]

Calves are bigger.

[Dax Shepard]

She had a calf off with Jimmy Fallon. Oh, look at that motherfucker.

[Hannah Berner]

I would say,

[Monica Padman]

you want to enter

[Hannah Berner]

the frame, Compliment my calves in not a sexual way. They'll just be like, so what do you do? Do you do raises? Like, what is the.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, you get what I get on a plane. Like, what's your diet?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Like, there's no sexual connection about it. But Nikki, she's so beautiful, and then she can say so many things. And I think, also, I'm a brunette, so we're not competing with each other.

[Dax Shepard]

Right?

[Hannah Berner]

Like, we could be back to back in a lineup. They're like, that's a burnout.

[Dax Shepard]

You wouldn't be confused we're not the same.

[Hannah Berner]

I fascinated by her, and I just followed her around one night. She did like seven spots. And I'm like, are you planning your bits? Why are you doing certain bits?

[Dax Shepard]

7 in one night.

[Hannah Berner]

She even talked about how she does her roast and stuff. And it makes me be like, okay, that's what you do. If you want that, you have to do that.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, again, you're a hardwired for this. This is tennis.

[Hannah Berner]

It sounds kind of crazy, but tennis and standup are very similar.

[Dax Shepard]

Tell me the parallels.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, tennis is. Have you ever played tennis?

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. In ninth grade, I was on the team. I was terrible. I only played doubles with my friend Rich Deaver. Cause we just wanted to make jokes.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you play tennis?

[Monica Padman]

I do not.

[Hannah Berner]

This is me turning into my, like, coach. They say the court is seven inches from ear to ear. It's fully a mental game. Especially at a certain level when everyone's strokes are pretty much the same.

[Dax Shepard]

The muscle memory's there.

[Hannah Berner]

We all can serve the same. The second you're on the court, it's your demons and they're just out there. You can't call a timeout. You can't pass the ball.

[Monica Padman]

You're isolated, vulnerable.

[Hannah Berner]

And when you lose, you can't be like, well, the fucking forward didn't do their job.

[Dax Shepard]

You're like, yeah, there's no nowhere to kick the blame.

[Hannah Berner]

You can't. That's also why tennis. I had a very successful career, but I had a lot of mental battles. I'm chatty in my head. I have my adhd and there's some Russian robots on tour. These girls look right through you. I felt so different from them. And I would get performance anxiety. I thought I was crazy and I was battling myself every day.

[Dax Shepard]

Were beta blockers a thing that tennis players took back then?

[Hannah Berner]

So beta blockers are. I feel, like, a little hard with the physical stuff.

[Dax Shepard]

Because you need your heart rate.

[Hannah Berner]

Because you need your heart rate.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Hannah Berner]

You're shaking. You're shaking. I actually had a service yip moment in college.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. And for people who don't know what the yips, just say what the yips are.

[Hannah Berner]

It's. I hate saying the word, but I have to raise awareness.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Yips are like in baseball when a professional player on second base can't throw it to first. Or like, Tiger woods can't chip. It's where your brain decides, like, you can't do something even though you can.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Or Simone not being able to do that rotation thing.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, yeah. And I think now it's a little symptom of some OCD where you basically think, like, what's the worst thing that could happen to me? And then you make it happen. And I'm a vulnerable 19 year old. A lot of pressure. Playing number one for University of Wisconsin.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, wow.

[Hannah Berner]

And I remember I'm training too much in the summer and I'm making changes. And then someone mentioned to me, like, oh, yeah, once there was a girl who couldn't hit a second serve after she changed her grip or something. I walked off that court and I knew it was me. It's so dark to say, but it was all in me already. It just was a way for my anxiety to, like, show its course.

[Dax Shepard]

It was like an off ramp for the anxiety.

[Hannah Berner]

It was so bad. I was doing underhand serves, like number one.

[Monica Padman]

That's horrifying.

[Dax Shepard]

Full scholarship, division one.

[Hannah Berner]

You lose your scholarship if you don't do well enough.

[Dax Shepard]

You start serving underhand.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. No, literally, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

They have a staff psychologist at these division.

[Hannah Berner]

So funny not to be like, back in my day, but in 2011 there was one psychologist, but she was kind of like, what's up? When she did the whole team and it wasn't serious.

[Dax Shepard]

Anyone cutting. Okay. Anyone doing little bumps of cocaine.

[Hannah Berner]

I could have fucking used it, probably.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, sure.

[Hannah Berner]

And then you become obsessed with it. You wake up in the morning, you're watching videos of serves. That's your whole obsession. And then it's like a shame, which is the worst emotion.

[Monica Padman]

And your dad is your coach during all this.

[Hannah Berner]

So I went to Wisconsin. He was, go off, do your thing.

[Monica Padman]

I just see being like, this is what I need. I'm a professional.

[Hannah Berner]

I basically was like, I'm a mental case. Yeah. When meanwhile, I'm just like a girl trying her best. Just trying to do what? But I was like, I'm a mental case. And then I was doing well. I did get hit by a car.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Hannah Berner]

But again, that was literally like a sign from the universe because I was like, if you keep working hard, you will be great. I was doing that since I was 8. And I was like, I work harder than everyone. I have the talent. If I could get past these mental problems. But you're, like, digging yourself.

[Dax Shepard]

Terrible way to be.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I honestly, like, people, like, comics are dark. And I'm like, I'm happy. I'm like, no, that was pretty dark. Like, most people in college were like, discovering anal. Like, I was like in a room alone, being like, get your second serve together. Or no one's going to love you. Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Also to be clear, it was just the second. So if you didn't get it in on the first serve, then that second one you're incapable of doing, you had to do it underhand. Yeah, that's a little better. At least you had one serve that you could have got lucky with.

[Hannah Berner]

That's why I was still win matches and stuff.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need that second serve.

[Monica Padman]

It. It's like, this is my thing, my

[Hannah Berner]

superpower is that for whatever reason, I'm okay with being embarrassed.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, he's like that too. I hate it.

[Dax Shepard]

We should go to the mall together or something.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Hannah Berner]

It's because my dad is super silly. Like, everyone used to be, like, embarrassed. Like, my dad. My dad would do something stupid. I'd be like, he's so funny. Like, that was iconic. So I've been embarrassed in so many situations where, like, I feel nothing.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I share this with you?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

This is one of the biggest bonding moments I've had with my daughter. My older daughter, she thinks it's really embarrassing when people run with a backpack on. Again, who knows why? But, like, that's like one of her things.

[Hannah Berner]

What if you're leads a class and

[Dax Shepard]

then, like, somehow she was crossing the street and, like, she misjudged the light, blah, blah, blah. Then she had to run, and then she saw, like, a big group of girls from her school and she was like, I was so embarrassed. And I go, do you like it at all? And she goes, goes, yeah, I love it. And I go, yeah, me too. The reason I love is it's so weird. I guess it's the addict in me. It's like anything outside of my normal state I kind of enjoy. So just like when you're deeply embarrassed, the sensations in your body and the panic, I get aware of it. It's almost like when you're on hallucinogenics and you're like, well, that's scary. Oh, but don't worry, it's just hallucinogenics. Just like, I feel insane, like, I'm gonna die. But I know it's just these. I don't know.

[Hannah Berner]

I like it, but I feel like for my mental health, if you can choose to laugh or choose to be ashamed of yourself. Yeah. And once I realized that you could choose that, my life kind of changed. And then I also realized, honestly, you're more interesting when you've done stupid. Like, when you've overcome stuff. That is why I think I like addicts, because I'm like, you've done some stupid shit.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And you've come out okay. And you've had to sit there and face it and then be like, I'm still gonna try to be my best the next day.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah, I lived.

[Monica Padman]

Can we go back to you getting hit by a car?

[Hannah Berner]

Look, I'm from New York City. I'm not even like, woo, woo, la. No offense.

[Monica Padman]

Neither of us are from here.

[Hannah Berner]

So I was like, oh, we're participating

[Dax Shepard]

in all of it, but it's not our identity.

[Hannah Berner]

So it's like, look, do I enjoy a pet psychic for fun? Yes.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. I like Erewhon, too.

[Hannah Berner]

So towards the end of my senior year, this is like when it's the big tournament where you get the accolades, you get the awards. Like, it's the Big Ten championship. And it's 7am And I'm walking to practice. It's like. Like two degrees out, I have a big parka on, and I get hit by a car. Who didn't see me.

[Dax Shepard]

Was it a white parka? Were you like, snow camouflage Parkers were

[Hannah Berner]

like, you can't see.

[Dax Shepard]

You didn't know either.

[Hannah Berner]

Also, I think deep down I was like, hit me, please.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, exact. That's what I'm getting at. It kind of seems like I was

[Hannah Berner]

like, what if I just.

[Dax Shepard]

Also, if I was any wardrobe I could be in. To get hit by a car, be a parker.

[Hannah Berner]

Also, not to do a call back to your daughter, but I had a backpack. And when I was chucked and landed on my back, saved my life. So shout out to nerds.

[Dax Shepard]

Is that the brand of backpack? Oh, no, that was the candy.

[Hannah Berner]

Just being a nerd.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Who wear backpacks?

[Hannah Berner]

Shout out to reading. Shout out to books. Let's bring them back.

[Dax Shepard]

Shout out to Willy Wonka.

[Monica Padman]

Hold on. So you had a backpack, you're wearing a parka. You definitely did this on purpose. I got numb subconsciously.

[Hannah Berner]

My first words were, tell my coach I'm gonna be late. I was in such a cult. And they were like, you're going to the hospital, babe. I had, like, a really bad muscle contusion. Cause my calves are fucking very strong. The car was like, oh, we didn't know. But I was out for three months. Movement is a big part of my game. Like spe. So I got back, obviously not 100%. And I. This is tennis terms, but I lost five matches in third set. Tie breaks that, like, if I had been fully healthy, I would have won all of them. And it got to the point where I want to Raise awareness for. It's okay to quit.

[Monica Padman]

I love that.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, it's okay to change your dream. And I was one of those weird 7 year olds that looked my dad in the eye and was like, I want to win the U.S. open.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And he was like, if that's what you want, I'll make it my whole life.

[Dax Shepard]

We're gonna do that then.

[Hannah Berner]

We're gonna do it. And it was everything to me.

[Dax Shepard]

I want to hang with Dan, but

[Monica Padman]

it's stressful when all these people are involved in your dream and then you're like, I guess I'm not doing that anymore.

[Dax Shepard]

Remember that 20 years you just put in?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

We're, we're pivoting, moving on to comedy.

[Hannah Berner]

I've done so much work to be like, do you still have any value now?

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

And like when you quit, it was this moment where I was like, so that was all a waste. And then you don't quit and like become something great. You go from being captain of the tennis team to being in New York

[Dax Shepard]

City seven years old. Well, everyone else is developing all these other things.

[Hannah Berner]

Everyone else was like, well, I was going to be in marketing and that's why I have all these internships. And you're just like, sometimes my serve sucks.

[Dax Shepard]

And Hannah, I don't want to freak you out, but we just had a guy who had a schizophrenic episode and tried to kill his father in that stressful situation. Became. Because he was a career runner in college and quit. That was the stressful event that triggered the schizophrenia.

[Hannah Berner]

Percent believe it. But my dad and I, we from old school Brooklyn. His dad was a basketball coach in Brooklyn. So Jerry Burner, imagine he was like those coaches, they make movies about like, he'd see a tall kid walking down the street and be like, are you in school?

[Dax Shepard]

Are you a power forward?

[Hannah Berner]

How's your hands? You know, reflexes. And then he'd be like, we're going to get you to college. You need to show up to class and I'm going to get you to college and we're going to win a championship. Like, Jerry Burner was iconic. So my dad was just always coach mentality.

[Dax Shepard]

Guys, quickly, what he did for. I know he went to business school, but he's a salesman.

[Hannah Berner]

So he's just like a charming sales guy who wishes he could play sports every weekend. So that's what he does.

[Dax Shepard]

Him any addiction.

[Hannah Berner]

Me, he was addicted to us. Like, we'd wake up at 8am on a Saturday and he'd have a List of all the workouts we're doing, and I was jacked up. I was like, dad, how high do you want me to jump? He definitely lived vicariously through me, which was problematic. But also, he believed in me more than anyone. But when I lost, I felt so bad that dad wasn't proud of me. But it's like, the best daddy issue you can have. You're like, my dad thinks I'm the shit.

[Dax Shepard]

That's what I'm gonna say. You're gonna have a fucking dad issue. And if it was that your dad spent way too much time with you and focused too much on you, I gotta pick that one.

[Monica Padman]

But we just talked about this on an episode about dads who are coaches. Oh. It was with Levi, whose mother is

[Dax Shepard]

a symphony orchestra violinist, was her teacher for a bit.

[Monica Padman]

And it was like, oh, gosh. That mix of it being your parent who's supposed to be unconditional, which he clearly is.

[Hannah Berner]

You'd have dinner one night after a loss, and the tension is there. You can't help it. But then I would win a match. I just remember us jumping in the parking lot like we just won the Super Bowl. And those moments are so special. But then it became I wasn't playing for myself. I wasn't playing just for fun. And I think that's important to any parents that are, like, raising their kids. Make sure they're choosing it every day. I thought I loved it, but I loved him. Loving that I won.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it's complicated.

[Dax Shepard]

But also, do you think you can go to the next level and still love it? Every professional athlete we've interviewed, they all

[Hannah Berner]

stop loving Andre Agassi's book was. Yeah, Not Flowers and Rainbows.

[Dax Shepard]

Most of the tennis players we had. Radicon.

[Hannah Berner]

I love him. I played with him in a charity event this summer, and. Greatest moment of my life.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, He's a fucking stud, huh?

[Monica Padman]

Well.

[Hannah Berner]

But it's fun. You get to make fun of him and his spiked hair in his visor. Only he could pull that off.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Hannah Berner]

A visor with spiked hair. That was his look.

[Dax Shepard]

That was his look.

[Hannah Berner]

And every girl was like, oh, I've never been more attracted to this strange look.

[Monica Padman]

He's also so nice.

[Hannah Berner]

But, yeah, tennis. It is your longest relationship, so that's why you have breakdowns, because one day you just don't have it anymore. And you're like, so, I can't think about it. I can't play it. Who am I?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

But long story short, when I started to discover comedy, I did get Scared that I was going to have performance anxiety again.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I was like, oh, no. I found another thing that I could disappoint people with. That I have potential, but I can be in my head about. But I got dared to do like a live podcast because I started with podcasting in like 2018. It was my small mental health comedy pod and someone was like, do 10 minutes of standup. Because I'd been writing a lot of tweets and I remember walking on stage at Caroline's.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, that was. Your first time was at Caroline's.

[Hannah Berner]

I did it all wrong. The first time I did it was a sold out crowd at Caroline's. 10 minutes.

[Dax Shepard]

Terrible idea.

[Monica Padman]

10 minutes is also long for people who.

[Hannah Berner]

This is the thing. I am crazy. And I've served underhand against Duke and laws. I'm like, I can talk to a bunch of girls at Caroline's.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

But I also was like, I'm gonna go on stage and I think I'm gonna feel like how I feel before I serve. And I had a lot of trauma still.

[Dax Shepard]

You also thought that when you filmed your Netflix standup special, right? Which is like, it's not ever filmed, but now that it's filmed, am I gonna forget my entire fucking hour?

[Monica Padman]

And also your brain can say, like. Cause you've already done it. You've already.

[Hannah Berner]

Your brain loves patterns.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So I'm about to walk on and immediately a calm hits me. And it's a calm that I have goosebumps that other players would tell me about. Like, they're like, yeah, you're nervous before, but then you get on and then you calm down. I never had that calm while you were playing tennis. I always felt like it was judgment day. And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me? I got on stage when the crab was like, oh, this is where they wanted me to be. And all the training from tennis and the discipline and the mental warfare and things that made me not good at tennis, like thinking too much, made me go to crowd work. Cuz I can't help but impulsively say what I'm thinking.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking your gas gauge before hitting the road. You genuinely thought you could make it. You were wrong. That's a very long stretch of highway where you learned exactly how far fumes can take you. And it's not far far enough. Yeah. Checking first is an excellent plan. So Check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. And for fast, reliable help when you need it, add an Allstate roadside plan. Today you're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Insurance and roadside assistance plans are subject to terms, conditions and availability. Insurance provided by Allstate North American Insurance Company, Northbrook, Illinois. Roadside assistance plans provided by Allstate Motor Club Incorporated and Allstate. Affiliate up Free audio post production by alphonic.com confidence.

[Hannah Berner]

It's listening to your gut. It's moving forward, even when the path ahead is unclear. For nearly 160 years, Pacific Life has helped people keep their promises, building confidence for generations. Whether you're confident in your financial future or just beginning to invest in it, we're here to help. Ask a financial professional how. Pacific Life, the power of a promise. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska. And in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona. I had this creative side that I was always suppressing. Like, I was goofy in school and I loved art, and I suppressed it all by, like, 9 years old to become a professional tennis player.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Did you have thriving friendships throughout? I know you went to Florida for a couple years to train for tennis, but were you missing out on a lot of sleepovers and all that stuff?

[Hannah Berner]

I definitely did, but I also had no interest.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you just weren't there. It's not that you were missing out.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, I had friends. I remember a coach giving me this whole speech about how this guy would have gone pro, but he loved partying too much. And I was like, 12, and he's like, all he does is party. All he does is party. And I'm such a, like, naive little girl. I go, how many birthday parties has he been invited to? How many birthday parties does he go to? I didn't realize that there was this

[Dax Shepard]

other form of partying.

[Hannah Berner]

Mind you, for some reason, guys who love partying, like, find me. But I also loved having a purpose. Like, I'd wake up and be like, this weekend I have a tournament. But it was torture.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you have girlfriends on, like, the tour or the kids? You saw a lot at Meet.

[Hannah Berner]

Women's tennis is hard because they're all your. The second you get too close to one, you're like, oh, this is going to affect when we play. Or you are friends with them and then you play them and you're like, I fucking hate you.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, but can't you hate them for 45 minutes?

[Hannah Berner]

We're women.

[Monica Padman]

That's not how it works.

[Hannah Berner]

But what's beautiful Is now I'm actually reconnecting with a lot of tennis girls from juniors, kind of like, hey, what's up?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And we have this crazy trauma bond. And I feel like we were in war together and we didn't know it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And we're all really getting along now, which is beautiful. And also, if a girl was doing well, I'd be like, fuck. My dad probably thinks she's doing better than me.

[Monica Padman]

Like, wishes she was his daughter.

[Hannah Berner]

So I'm like, now you're fucking up me and my dad.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Now you're coming for my dad. Oh, God.

[Dax Shepard]

I do want to say from the dad's perspective. Perspective. The line we're hovering. It literally happened to me last night where my daughter's running for student council president. She's been reading me drafts of the speech, asking for input. I've been helpful, helpful, helpful, giving notes. Then last night I found that line. I don't know, I might give some specifics of the things that you're going to change about school as opposed to blank. And then that just set off the whole thing. And I was like, oh, my God. I don't know. You're asking. This is good. You're asking. Okay. And then, yeah, you can just see. Well, I know what you want. And I have an opinion how you could get it. First of all, I don't give a fuck if you're student council. In fact, I hope you're not student council president because I imagine I'll have to drive more things. Like, I don't. I want you. I want her hobby to be watching TV with me. That's what I want her to be a professional at. But, yeah, And I'm like, you're trying to help as much as the person can receive the help. And it's going well. It's going well. And then you do this thing and it's like scarring. And you're like, I don't know. That felt the same as the previous bit of help I gave.

[Monica Padman]

Wait, what was it you said to give? A little more specific.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it was like, I want to improve the school and I'll listen to you. To improve the school. And my suggestion was like, I don't know, do you want to have a dance? Do you want to, like, is there a certain.

[Monica Padman]

I gave her. So she sent me the speech.

[Hannah Berner]

Too obsessed.

[Monica Padman]

Two days ago.

[Hannah Berner]

She has resources and she's getting it.

[Monica Padman]

She sent it to me two days ago. It was email, so it wasn't face to face. So maybe that helped.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're not her dad.

[Monica Padman]

But that's my whole point. I gave that exact name.

[Dax Shepard]

You gave the same. No.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

I feel at least I feel convicted in the.

[Monica Padman]

And I saw her yesterday. She wasn't like mad at me.

[Dax Shepard]

So clearly we totally mended before bed.

[Hannah Berner]

Did you tell her to lie? Be like, politicians lie. Say you're getting ice cream every day. Exactly. You could say there's gonna be hot

[Dax Shepard]

tubs in every classroom.

[Hannah Berner]

I think someone did that in my school. They were like, we are getting ice cream.

[Dax Shepard]

Jacob Elordi is gonna be the gym teacher. Timothy Shellum is gonna be teaching.

[Monica Padman]

No, hers is so cute because she says, I can't promise. And then she makes such a massage chair.

[Hannah Berner]

That's adorable. And then she's shitting on the other people running. She's like, did you hear?

[Dax Shepard]

We totally mended last night. And I said, look, I think I probably was underestimating. This has got to be so stressful. You're gonn on Friday. You probably feel overwhelmed and you're probably stressed out. And I hit critical mass and I'm really sorry.

[Monica Padman]

This just played out as the exact difference between when a father gives a note and when a.

[Dax Shepard]

Me an auntie.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

But overall it's out of love that you care about her.

[Monica Padman]

Like that's the overarching.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean maybe your dad really had tennis aspirations.

[Hannah Berner]

No, he did.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, he did.

[Hannah Berner]

He fully like if he had the resources, he would have want to do it. And he like loved the that he could provide it for me. We had this movie type moment at 16 where I was really struggling mentally and he was like, we're going on the court. He's so dramatic for this too, but like love him for that. He goes, you're gonna hit one ball and you're gonna tell me if you wanna keep playing. And whatever you say, I'm gonna love you. Like that dramatic. And I remember hitting it and being like, I'm gonna keep going, daddy.

[Dax Shepard]

And then it starts thunderstorming and then you still wanna keep going.

[Hannah Berner]

I ended up playing for the boys team which my high school in high school cuz they didn't have a girls team in title nine. And I always have drama around me. So they ended up causing some drama. They were like, she shouldn't play on the boys team because it's unfair.

[Dax Shepard]

The boys have boners. It's not productive.

[Hannah Berner]

So distracting. And then they ended up granting my team a girls team that my dad ended up coaching. So that's a nice rib.

[Monica Padman]

And I was awesome.

[Dax Shepard]

So he got to ruin all their lives.

[Hannah Berner]

That's literally his joke. He's like, why ruin one when you could ruin a lot of them? But he's always had an amazing, amazing sense of humor. He loves making fun of me. We're so mean to each other in the best way. We got to this point where I was like, he's always disappointed me because I never made it pro for my dad. But he's had this moment where he's like, you know, I admire about you. You get thrown down and you always get back up. And I was like, if that's all my parents want from me, I'm like, I could live like that.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

Just get back up.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. What you can't understand when you're a kid is, I'm proud of you. You, full stop. Because you're you. I'm enamored with you. I love you. If you become president, it'll be cool. I'm not going to be more in love with you. There's a base I'm at 100% of adoring you, and none of your accomplishments are going to raise that, nor any of your failures will lower that.

[Hannah Berner]

True. Also, my dad would get annoyed at something I would do on the court, and then I'd watch him play, and he'd do the exact same thing. And I'm like, and that's the problem. You're mad at you dad, the genetics.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're pissed at the genetics you gave me.

[Hannah Berner]

And I also would say, he could have been a comic, but he ended up not going that route. And I think I'm basically him with my mom's discipline.

[Monica Padman]

That's great.

[Hannah Berner]

That's why now when people, you know, as a female comic, you say stuff on stage, and he'll have his friends be like, I saw that clip. My dad is so happy. He's like, I want my daughter to be happy. I've seen her through a lot of different phases of her life. So my parents could not be more. More supportive of you.

[Dax Shepard]

What's the little brother's story?

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, he was like, you, dad, I'm not playing this game. He's naturally as athletic as me, as performative. But when my dad would be like, let's run in the park, I'd be like, okay. My brother would be like, I'm playing World of Warcraft. I don't give a about you.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Hannah Berner]

So he's iconic for that.

[Dax Shepard]

And so he was tons of friends, Sleepovers.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes. Went to Wisconsin, but, like, was in a frat.

[Dax Shepard]

Why did he also go to Wisconsin.

[Hannah Berner]

He followed me.

[Dax Shepard]

How much younger?

[Hannah Berner]

We're like 22 months. So it's cute. Yeah. He saw the stress inducing part of it for me and he was like, I'm good. I was like, you don't need dad's approval. And he's like, no, watch me. And my dad would be like, do you want to do this? And he'd be like, no. And I'm like, oh, my God, he's so cool. I wish I could do that.

[Monica Padman]

Do you think he followed you to

[Dax Shepard]

protect you or be protected by you? Well, no.

[Monica Padman]

He saw that she's like, in mental distress.

[Hannah Berner]

I feel like he looked up to me. But also he weirdly is more mature than me. So I think it was a combination of I'm proud of her for going there, but also let me keep an eye on her.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. So sweet.

[Hannah Berner]

So it's cute.

[Dax Shepard]

I did want to ask about the transition from Brooklyn. Well, actually, let me go back. There's one other question I had before college, which is you were commuting to this school in Hell's Kitchen?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, of course.

[Dax Shepard]

From Brooklyn.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

So were you riding a train every morning?

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm enamored with this idea. So you were a little kid. Were you in ninth grade when this started?

[Hannah Berner]

I was a junior. When I came back from Florida, I found out this public school on the Upper west side had this great boy's team, Beacon.

[Dax Shepard]

Beacon.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, my God. It was so artsy too. We did project based assessments. So instead of tests, we would present to the teacher things like, it was very New York City progressive, but they had amazing sports. Somehow it was like the best tennis team in the city. And I literally had a meeting with the coach. I'm like, if you come into the school, we'll fucking win a championship. And he was like, you're in. I don't know if I could legally say that, but it happened. This is years later. So the best part about it is you walk to the train and there's a couple other kids who live in Park Slope, where I was, who go to school with you. So you end up every morning with like 15 kids and we all get in the train at the same time. And then you have 40 minutes to do homework or study. And also, people are fucking scared of teenagers. Like, we ran that subway. Like, we're annoying, we're telling stories and everyone's just going to work together and it's a beautiful thing. And the subway's like, magical to me.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I was wondering in those, I guess Two years of commuting. Did you see some shit?

[Hannah Berner]

Oh yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Like what are some of the wilder things? I've. I've seen some shit and I never even lived there.

[Hannah Berner]

The coolest thing about the subway is you think about how we've all lived such crazy lives. And in this moment we're just in this quiet place on the same car. Like how did we all get here? And we're all from different backgrounds, from different religions, from different traumas.

[Dax Shepard]

Egalitarian part of New York City.

[Hannah Berner]

The train. I've had a guy puke on me.

[Dax Shepard]

Puke.

[Hannah Berner]

That's actually kind of common. Someone's hungover and it's 7am you also, you all press together and it's just socially. This is pre Covid but you have to get on this train and there's really no room. And you just fucking go squeeze in between pancake. You can't breathe. You're just like. Like fighting for air. But that's just socially acceptable.

[Dax Shepard]

I'd be very uncomfort if I was like a middle aged businessman and a teenage girl got on and you wedged her.

[Hannah Berner]

You get so used to it. You get so used to it. There's also like. You can't take up the whole pole. Put 12 fingers. You're not fucking lying on the pole. Also if you see there's like an open area, there's a reason. There's a guy who pooped himself. There's a dead pigeon or a dead body. A dead body. The. The mistake people make at subways. They see an open car and they go, my lucky day.

[Monica Padman]

No, this is a good cautionary thing. Witchcraft.

[Hannah Berner]

And you're about to have crazy stuff go down.

[Dax Shepard]

Have you seen what happens in Tokyo on subways? I happen to write a script. No, the shoulder sleeping. This is the apex of a collective society. They get on and you think you were packed in New York. You know they're doing 4x in Tokyo.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh yeah, they're better.

[Dax Shepard]

And then once they're there, they just lean their head over on a stranger's shoulder and fucking half the people are just dead asleep. Sleep standing up. That's incredible.

[Hannah Berner]

It's beautiful. I wish I could have that kind of piece. Nudity.

[Dax Shepard]

Where you seen a lot of nudity. Because I've seen some pants down on New York subway.

[Hannah Berner]

One of my early first kisses was in Central park and then I looked and there was a guy jerking off.

[Monica Padman]

Oh wow.

[Hannah Berner]

And that was crazy because I'd never seen even a boner before.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

And were you like, oh, my God, I'm so good at kissing.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, no, I was like, this is what I'm meant to be.

[Monica Padman]

I should be an actor because, like,

[Dax Shepard]

I should kiss more often.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm such a New York City lover because I feel like it's easy to get in your head, but if you just walk outside, you see so many people who, one, don't give a fuck about your stupid problems. And two, I think my grandpa once told me, like, you'll see people in their darkest times in New York. And he's like, they could have been an astronaut 10 years ago. Everyone's just at a time in their life, and New York doesn't stop for anyone. Anyone. It's a beautiful reminder just how little we are in this world. New Yorkers do have each other's back, I think post 9 11, where you'll be in a subway and someone starts, like, choking or something. And someone's like, I'm a doctor. I got this. But then there's no one to say thank you. Like, they just move on. I saved your life.

[Dax Shepard]

He says, you, after he does the high yourself, never up my shirt. Next time, pull my shirt up. I don't know this to say this, but I feel like most often people from small towns are desiring going to a bigger, flashier place. They go to New York, they go to la. Wherever they go, go. And you went from. Yeah. This childhood in New York to Madison. Were you like, what's happening here?

[Hannah Berner]

It was a culture shock. Yeah. Bad because I didn't know what a Wisconsin was.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Hannah Berner]

My dad was like, they have a basketball team. And I was like, I don't know. I didn't know Midwest culture.

[Dax Shepard]

And they're apex Midwest culture. I'm from Michigan, but they go harder.

[Hannah Berner]

It's different. There's no cow tipping in Michigan.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, there is, but there is.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, sure.

[Dax Shepard]

A lot of rural.

[Hannah Berner]

You're like, you don't know my culture. Wisconsin does have, like, amazing beer, amazing cheese. But, like, I'm like, half Italian. And guys were like, I've never seen someone so exotic.

[Dax Shepard]

Fuck, yeah. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Everyone's blonde. Everyone's Norwegian or German. I'm used to New York City, where if you didn't wear something weird, people were like, you're a loser. Or like, in Wisconsin, if you wear something different, everyone's like, you're weird.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Scary.

[Hannah Berner]

It was kind of scary. And I remember feeling a little misunderstood. I remember feeling, like, a little loud. I didn't hit it off with the men that. Well, they were. Were all Corn fed, huge, beautiful men. They would, like, talk about duck hunting. And I was like, well, why do you have to kill the ducks?

[Dax Shepard]

What have they done to you?

[Hannah Berner]

It was really. And it wasn't like a culture shock where you're like, cool, interesting culture. It was more. I felt misunderstood.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I could have Just imagine also the reduction of stimuli that you're not even aware. Your nervous system has become completely accustomed to that subway ride. You pluck someone out of the Upper peninsula of Michigan or Wisconsin, just drop them on the subway, they're fucking nervous as that dude's got a. You know, and it's the opposite for you. Right. I almost feel like you would have been painfully bored or understimulated.

[Hannah Berner]

Maybe that's why I was so in my head all the time, because there was nothing to think about. I was interviewed by, like, the Mizzou coach early on. I was like, tell me about your school. And he was like, I don't think you're gonna like it. He was like, this isn't a good fit, and I don't want to put you through this. And I was like, I'm like, why don't you choose me? But it was interesting. Some people really want a small town. Simple. But Madison, Wisconsin, is an amazing town town. It's the capital and the school combined, and it's truly spectacular. But as a college athlete, you don't experience it.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you go to any field parties?

[Monica Padman]

Sucks.

[Hannah Berner]

No, I never went to a field party. I'm an uncultured swan.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's. I just wish he had been. Have you ever been to a field party?

[Hannah Berner]

I don't think so.

[Dax Shepard]

You get it, you know, you go into a field and start drinking.

[Hannah Berner]

And he goes, it's pretty crazy.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I would say it's character. In New York, you guys have all kinds of stuff to entertain yourself. No one's got to be that creative. But you just. You put 25 people in a field, tell them they have fun, that you got to be creative.

[Hannah Berner]

I heard people love Sonic. People in the suburbs will go to, like, a Sonic park.

[Monica Padman]

Sonic. Yes. Everyone went to Sonic and just hang out in the car with everyone there. Or Waffle House. Huge, huge thing.

[Dax Shepard]

If you like fighting, there's like a

[Hannah Berner]

joke online where people always, like, my parents thought I was studying, but I was in a field about to die somewhere, just running around where I think New York City. I was too scared. Central park after 11pm you will get raped. That was, like, a fact. Yeah, that was on you at that point. Go to Central Park.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You went to a barbershop and got a haircut. What did you think was gonna happen?

[Hannah Berner]

So I think New Yorkers like we never had any drunk driving issues because no one could drive.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I think in New York either you were doing meth at 11 or you were scared. And I was, I was scared.

[Dax Shepard]

You were in that latter group.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Tell me about the gap between getting out of college and then summer house. What happens in that phase?

[Hannah Berner]

That's one of my darker times. But I love telling people in their 20s, no one tells you that it is your darkest time.

[Monica Padman]

20s are tough.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, cuz older people, they just are so envious. They want to be twenties. Yeah. And you forget that you're losing your mind cuz you have no identity or you had one, you find out that that identity is not going to work out.

[Hannah Berner]

In my 20s, I was teaching tennis, which was fun cuz I like new tennis. But I also was like, you loser. People are playing tournaments and you're teaching like a six year old, you loser. Not to name drop. But I was teaching this very wealthy man in the Hamptons.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, a full grown adult man. Not even a child.

[Hannah Berner]

I teach from 6 years years old to 96. I will take all your money. And also everyone loves tennis. And some of these guys, they just were lonely. I was just strictly teaching tennis, but I was teaching him how to text. Sometimes you're actually like a therapist because tennis is so intimate where like you miss a ball. And they're like, why did I miss. And you're like, are you having trouble at home? Like you work stuff out. And this guy was like, okay, we're having some people come over. There are all these rich dudes. He's like, and Chelsea, I'm 21 years old by the way. Chelsea lately is like at its height.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. I was gonna say. Are we talking Clint? Talking Handler.

[Monica Padman]

I actually really did think it was Clinton.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. So I'm glad.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You heard rich people.

[Monica Padman]

I heard like man. And then I.

[Hannah Berner]

And then Chelsea Hamptons maybe could have gone two different ways more on drugs. So she shows up and I read all her autobiographies. I didn't know it yet, but I loved comedy. She walks on. I'm fucking double faulting. I'm so nervous. We're playing doubles. And it's one thing to meet someone who you admire, but to spend two hours teaching tennis was as a 21 year old. I remember at the end I was like, do you have any advice for like a, a girl getting growing up she literally looked at me and she was like, I got lucky. And like, walked away. But she was so nice, so funny. And now I went to her show last night and we text. I was like, chelsea, you know I taught you tennis when I was 21. She's like, gun to my head. I have no idea who you are. Never remembered that. But yeah, tennis was cool where you, you'd get to see different people's lives and, and these honestly rich people who were empty and just lonely and just paying people to be around them.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I got to see this different level of money.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You get all this money and you've had this huge fantasy and then you're like, why aren't I euphoric? I'm supposed to be euphoric.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And now I'm terrified because now I know there's no solution.

[Hannah Berner]

And I'm like, this guy is so successful at his job, but can't hit a backhand and he, like, hates himself. So it was very fun, but I, I was like, I need to move away from this really quick.

[Dax Shepard]

There's the long worn stereotype of like the dudes telling their buddy, like, you're letting your wife take tennis. Like, this is going to fuck that dude. Right. That's like a very well worn troll.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. There's a hot Brazilian guy that's fucking your wife.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Where the wife's not like, absolutely not. 21 year old fucking tennis coach.

[Hannah Berner]

I think, which is also why maybe I'm good at comedy. I have a way to like throw myself down. I'm not showing up with makeup tits. How. Yeah, I'm yelling at that them. I'm not like, hey, Mimi to see you. That's not what we practice. Yes.

[Monica Padman]

I'm full.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, I'm come from a coaching background, so I'm like, there to make you better.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Hannah Berner]

And so, like, the wives were like, good. Fucking yell at him. He's so annoying.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And I'm like, yeah, I'll drop. It's just the energy you put out into the world.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, good.

[Hannah Berner]

Could I have made more money if I was a little flirtier?

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe I don't. Who knows?

[Hannah Berner]

Christmas bonus if I was a little nicer with the serve. Because I see some of these billionaires, they do 10 tennis lessons and everyone's afraid to, like, tell them what they're doing wrong and they don't get better.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And I'm like, someone tell this guy to bend his knees.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you were coaching Dennis, and

[Hannah Berner]

I'm like, I have to get away from tennis. I have to find who I am. I started doing cold calling sales because my dad was like, if you want to be successful in life, do cold calling sales. And if you can handle that, you can handle anything.

[Dax Shepard]

Did he also. Because my dad was a salesman, he's a car salesman. He said, if you think there's any job in the world that's not sales, you're crazy. Every single job is sales.

[Hannah Berner]

That's exactly what my dad said to me. And he's like, you have to sell yourself to sell everything.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's true. Because I've dealt with other artists out here who are writers, and I'm like, at the end of the day, dude, you're walking into a studio and you better put on a show.

[Hannah Berner]

Early on, I was like, guys, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I will sell it. Like, I don't know what this is. Have my back.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't believe it. I don't have any knowledge of the product, and I'm going to move this unit.

[Monica Padman]

Marcelo also did sale.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes. Yes. Because it's an X factor. The salesman. It's a hard gig.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's just like, stand up. You're going to get rejected fucking nonstop. And you just got to be able to go, yeah, whatever.

[Hannah Berner]

So I actually. I joined the sales team and it was a bunch of guys and me. But again, I'm used to it. I used to train with a lot of guys. It really feels like I've always been in this male dominated space that I'm like, okay, I'm here now. And I would just like, kind of giggle on the phone a lot. Like, I would just kind of be jokey and silly. And I remember one guy being like, all you do is giggle on the phone. Which is so funny because now that's my career.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Hannah Berner]

But I had, like, a lightness and silliness about it, and I started doing really well. I was making good money at like, 23.

[Dax Shepard]

Nice.

[Hannah Berner]

But I started to feel like I was just taking from people. My day was just. You were something I needed something from.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

And I'm a creative that went against my core where, like, I'm a people pleaser, I'm an artist. I want to give. I started hating it. I would, like, hide in the bathroom. I'd hang out with the social media team and be like, what do you guys have to. Today?

[Dax Shepard]

Can I ask what you were saying? Selling.

[Hannah Berner]

I was selling marketing for small businesses.

[Dax Shepard]

I know why you felt a little dirty because you're like, I don't know if this marketing is going to help your business, and there's no way to actually find out.

[Hannah Berner]

And also, I'm not selling yet. Like, these big businesses. This, like, guy with the pizzeria.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And I mean, it wasn't an expensive product.

[Dax Shepard]

Listen, I did the same thing. I worked for my dad. Yeah. I had a lot of different sales jobs for my dad. So I was just like, I don't know if anyone's getting anything they paid for.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, yeah, because then you sell it and then the people. I'm like, are you guys doing what I sold? But it was such a good experience. I said, I want to do marketing. I started doing marketing for a T shirt company.

[Dax Shepard]

And you have a communications degree.

[Hannah Berner]

Communications degree. And at the end of my communications degree, I had a little internship at Wisconsin where I did some sports broadcasting. Because deep down, I actually thought I was going to be a sports broadcaster. I'm like, I know sports. I can turn it on. Welcome to espn. I'm Hannah Burner. Like, I was like, oh, my God. And I had some, like, funny interviews that did well. You have to move to a small town to be a sports broadcaster. And I was like, I'm done with this. I want to be in New York City. I actually told my mom, this is crazy. But I. I was like, what if I interviewed people on the subway? I thought of that, like, 22.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Hannah Berner]

So, like, your body knows what you want to do.

[Monica Padman]

But then I was like, ah, stupid idea.

[Hannah Berner]

So fast forward, I'm in Vegas selling T shirts at, like, 25, and I see an old video pop up on YouTube of me interviewing a Wisconsin basketball player. And I just thought, fuck it, I want to be on camera. Which is, again, embarrassing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Saying you want to be on camera.

[Monica Padman]

True. It's vulnerable.

[Hannah Berner]

That's so brutal, especially as a woman, to be like, I should be seen.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And you guys should look at me.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Preferably all day long. All day long.

[Hannah Berner]

So I decide at 25, I started telling people, like, I want to be on camera. I didn't know what it was. Maybe sports. I didn't know. Always loved standup, but I did not think I'd be standup. And this company, Betches, is hiring for a video producer. And I knew how to edit from Wisconsin. Who knew a communication arts degree got you normal.

[Dax Shepard]

What are we using?

[Hannah Berner]

Premiere Pro.

[Dax Shepard]

Premiere Pro. Great.

[Hannah Berner]

Which is how I launched my entire career. So I'm editing for them. They finally are like, can you make a sketch? And I got this, like, Wedding videographer to film it. It was called When Bae FaceTimes. You bae was really in at the time.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. That means your boyfriend.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Or girlfriend or like someone you're into.

[Dax Shepard]

B, A, E. Yes. Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

You're so in. You know what the kids are doing?

[Dax Shepard]

I love everything. Do you want to see me dance?

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Hannah Berner]

B, A, E. Monica's little.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh boy. Okay, well, maybe there's a 70 year old dude listening and he was, he was adrift and I just told him how it works. Okay, sorry.

[Hannah Berner]

So I have headphones on and I go, oh, I need my headphones cuz I'm in my pajamas. And then I. It shows me put like a full face of makeup on and a ring light. And then I go found my headphones. Like, let's talk. It was just like a cute little video. It goes viral and they're like, can you do this three times a week? And I felt the drug again. I say yes to everything.

[Dax Shepard]

Three a week. Oh, you want six away? Like I was six away.

[Hannah Berner]

I was like learn. And I was like working on the weekends. I found my passion again. I was like my whole life I could just make funny videos. Like, this is sick. And I start casting New York City comics to be in the videos. So I start surrounding myself with cool people.

[Dax Shepard]

Budget.

[Hannah Berner]

We got a tag here and there, a little 50 bucks here.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

But I was like seeing these people's lives. I'm like, so you do podcast during the day, you're auditioning, and you do stand up at night and that's your life. And I was like, that's kind of cool.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And then I get a of couple call to be on a reality TV show.

[Dax Shepard]

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. So they found you?

[Hannah Berner]

I got a DM from a producer.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Hannah Berner]

And they were like, we were looking for New York City kids in their 20s.

[Dax Shepard]

I can't imagine at that time you had seen season one or two of.

[Hannah Berner]

I hadn't watched it. And it's about kids who work. I keep saying kids because I'm so old now, but people, twenties humans who work. Human beings who work during the week and then they party in the Hamptons on the weekends. Now I grew up in New York City and I'd go to Shelter island and play tennis and do old man stuff. But I was like, I know this lifestyle. And I'm like, can I promote my podcast? And they were like, yes, we love that. So I think I've like hit the the jackpot also. I do the zoom and I'm like, I don't think I'm a reality TV person. When you see me, I don't know what they saw in me. Maybe that I'm loose lips. I was like, I'm a people pleaser, but I like being funny. I think they love that I was a sporty girl. They like to cast you.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

They need an archetype.

[Hannah Berner]

I was like the truth teller, sporty girl who was like, relatable. I wasn't too hot, but I wasn't like, too drunk. Like, I kind of had my role.

[Monica Padman]

What did the audition or zoom. Do they, like, show you pictures of

[Hannah Berner]

people and then you comment on. It's actually really funny. They're like, so do you think so? And so's life is headed in the right direction.

[Dax Shepard]

How they want you to make some judgments.

[Hannah Berner]

And I remember not knowing anything about the people, but, like, trying to have a hot take.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, sure.

[Hannah Berner]

She's honestly me with podcasting. I'm like, if I don't care about it, I'll still have a hot take. I'm like, I've seen it and read

[Dax Shepard]

anything about it and I'm going to fully flesh and I will fight this

[Hannah Berner]

out with you right now. But also, again, I like a challenge. I also was still feeling a little lost. I remember telling my mom about it.

[Dax Shepard]

Paycheck.

[Hannah Berner]

I wasn't making money at the time, and my mom was like, I'm a little nervous, but you've done a lot of hard things even at your young age. See what happens. She's like, you're a nice human. Like, you're not going to get into fights with people. You're not going to cry. You're not a crier.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you do all those things?

[Hannah Berner]

So, honestly, reality TV was the most fudged up, beautiful experience I've ever had.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. What are the pros and the cons or the highs and the lows?

[Hannah Berner]

The highs were that if you get a good at it, people think you're the greatest human in the world. Like, you just are the greatest. You are the funniest. You've never made a mistake. Everything you say is right. You're playing a character for a storyline that they choose to say. Yeah. And I honestly, I had two really good seasons where I met friends for life.

[Dax Shepard]

You met Paige, Right, I met Paige.

[Hannah Berner]

But then we had our Covid season where we were locked in a house.

[Dax Shepard]

This seems bonkers.

[Hannah Berner]

This is like child abuse.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, everyone went crazy.

[Hannah Berner]

Not what we signed up for.

[Dax Shepard]

Everyone went crazy in their homes without A camera crew there.

[Hannah Berner]

Honestly, like, the later seasons is when, like, egos get involved and, like, you know each other too much. Like, you're too comfortable with.

[Dax Shepard]

Also, people have popped, Other people haven't. There's a whole lot of shit on

[Hannah Berner]

the everyone's county, everyone's followers. And it's not based on, like, you had a good standup special. It's based on, did you get a nice storyline that people related to?

[Dax Shepard]

Let me ask one quick question on that. Because often you're on set as an actor, and the actor goes, my character wouldn't do this in, like, they're fighting for the death of that, and that's not even in them. So, like, if you get assigned a storyline that's, like, so different from who

[Hannah Berner]

you are, I'm gonna blow your mind. Okay, you don't know what storyline is about to say.

[Monica Padman]

I was about to say, so this

[Hannah Berner]

is my advice for people on reality tv. If the producers are coming to you being like, okay, I want to ask these questions. Do this. You're in a good place. If no one talks to you before the scene, you are the storyline. So you come in thinking you don't know what's going on. And you can't tell if people are gonna be like, they're bullying me or I should be yelled at right now.

[Monica Padman]

Like, yeah, reality TV is made in the edit. The people do not know what's going on when they're editing.

[Hannah Berner]

When they say edit, it is a lot of the confessionals tell the story. So I like to say, think of someone who doesn't like you, how they would tell a story, and then think of someone who does like you. And how they tell a story, they decide who's gonna tell the story. Right, or you might be telling the story. People have a lot of different experiences, and some seasons I felt like were really real, and then some, I feel like they didn't have enough to work with then. Like, sometimes they protect people. They don't protect other people. I feel like I learned so much from it. It humbled me. It made me realize how not in control you are. Obviously, I want to be liked. I'm in this industry. It made me realize not everyone likes you. And to have to sit with people not liking you for, like, something the back of your head said. That was things that I had to face my demons. And it also led me to stand up comedy because I was getting upset and I would be at the club at night and I'm with all these comics and I'm like, not A good episode, not a good episode. And they were, like, making fun of me, and they were like, if I was on that show, I would do this.

[Dax Shepard]

This. They right sized it for you.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

It was so funny, and it kept me sane. And then when I was on stage, I wasn't on my phone, and people were authentically reacting to me in the flesh. I hate saying that. It's a gross thing to say, but just. Just me being me, either you didn't like me for me. And also, comedy's so honest. And I realized, if I want to find myself, this is where I'm going to do it. And then I got fired really quick.

[Dax Shepard]

How old were you?

[Hannah Berner]

30.

[Dax Shepard]

You better believe at 30, all I would have done is write about myself. It would be impossible not to.

[Hannah Berner]

I loved your Nikki Glazer episode because you guys really hit on this. And I was like, I'm relating to this too much, but I have to go. Credit to my old husband. My old, beautiful, tired husband. All of the descriptions.

[Monica Padman]

Not old, like past husbands.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes, he's still here. Not for long, TikTok. Not for long. But he had this whole career before me, and he had mentioned, like, sometimes when he was his most liked, he felt like he was his most hated because he didn't have anyone telling him, like, oh, that's not actually what's going on. And when you're performing live, you have to walk on and feel love. You can't be in your head, like, these people are fucking coming for me.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So he early on had, like, a strict rule in our household, and he actually was tough with it. He's like, if you see something, you get upset. That's your problem.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it's on you.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, he was tough with me, which, you know, it just like your daddy. What's his baby. But he saved my life. I wouldn't be here. And that's, like, dramatic, but it's true.

[Dax Shepard]

You would have done much more cocaine.

[Hannah Berner]

I would have been loving cocaine. But he was like, it's like a car crash. Like, you want to. Want to watch it, but you don't have to watch it.

[Dax Shepard]

You're also. You're watching a car crash that you're in.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, it's my car.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah. Like, it's going to be extra traumatic because the car crash you're observing is you going through the windshield.

[Hannah Berner]

My biggest advice for, like, artists and creators is once the comments start affecting your creativity, they win. So at that point, I wasn't trying to be a reality TV star. I was trying to be a stand up comedian. So I was like, but if you're not likable, people don't trust you with a joke. So it started to get to the point where it's ups and downs in reality tv. And I was like, this is chaos. I had gotten fired from it and a talk show that was like the end.

[Dax Shepard]

What? You got fired from a talk show?

[Hannah Berner]

Well, at the end of my Summer house Bravo days, I had got a talk show on Bravo.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, okay.

[Hannah Berner]

I was like, okay. I have other skills that I could and people were kind of seeing it. But my time ended on the show.

[Monica Padman]

What happened?

[Hannah Berner]

It was a matter of you need everyone to be be friends. Not everyone was getting along. It was a choice. I was going to be the one kabosh.

[Dax Shepard]

They also can page.

[Hannah Berner]

No, Paige is perfect. We love Paige.

[Dax Shepard]

So did she go further seasons than you?

[Hannah Berner]

Paige lasted really long on the show.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I was the bad girl.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Hannah Berner]

I just say getting fired. Star power. True star power. If you're listening, you've been too influential. That takes like it's thin line between love and hate. Like getting. They were like, you're too much for reality tv. I was like, iconic.

[Monica Padman]

But you are a people pleaser, so that must have hurt.

[Hannah Berner]

That's why, like when producers are like asked this question, I was like listening, which ultimately was not great for me. But again, I learned so much from it. And I was sitting in a car in Missouri, headed to a standup club and I get a call, you're fired from summer house. You're fired from chat room.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Hannah Berner]

And I remember thinking, now I need to get enough look special. I got such a chip on my shoulder because you have to be crazy to stand up every night. You have to have some kind of addict mentality. And I remember thinking, I love when people put me down or cut me out or I feel like no one wants to be there and to come back stronger. I just love that. I love the rising of the Phoenix. I love the underdog. Also, no one in reality TV gets a Netflix special. So I was like, let's go. I joke like, did you need revenge? Did you need to be so Sicilian about it? But I would argue I never put any of my energy towards hurting anyone. I literally was like, and now we're moving on and we're putting all that anger into, like when you don't want to get up to go to the club, you're fucking getting in that Uber and going there.

[Dax Shepard]

Or these people were right in May

[Hannah Berner]

1st and my brother always Was like, you're going to lose battles, but you're not going to lose the war, which is, like, so intense. And so my sports family.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah. That's so great.

[Hannah Berner]

But I just want people to know things are gonna happen to you regardless. Like, shitty things happen to you every day. It's how you react to it. And if you can laugh at yourself. And not to be all, like, inspirational but

[Dax Shepard]

sincere. Was that the word you were looking for?

[Hannah Berner]

I never used this word before, but to be honest about how I feel, but everything that's made me interesting is, like, me up.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that's all of us.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You start the giggle squad.

[Hannah Berner]

Am I saying that right? Giggly squad.

[Dax Shepard]

I knew I was missing.

[Hannah Berner]

It's literally close enough.

[Dax Shepard]

We're going to blame my dyslexia.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, he is dyslexic.

[Dax Shepard]

2020.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

You guys start this.

[Hannah Berner]

We were doing Instagram Lives. Do you remember? Did you guys do any Instagram Live?

[Monica Padman]

No, we didn't.

[Dax Shepard]

No. No.

[Hannah Berner]

Good for you.

[Dax Shepard]

But you were doing an hour a night for, like, three months. Is that what it was?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, that was crazy. We also were on reality tv, and they' show the funny parts. They like to laugh at you. The guy would be filming us in the bathroom, and we'd be like, riffing, riffing, riffing. And he would just turn and walk out. And I was like, that was gold. That was TV gold.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, Yeah, I see you hate Emmys.

[Hannah Berner]

I was like, really working. Like you're trying to make the videographer laugh. They're like, this doesn't have to do with the current storyline we're following, so you guys are wasting my time. We were FaceTiming, and I was like, let's just go live. And we did. Every day. And it started to become kind of cultish. It was like 5,000, 10,000 people. And then we had to film our last season, so we stopped doing it. And after the season ended, Paige never thought she'd podcast because she has a face for television. She's never thought that was her direction. And I was like, paige, like, podcasting. Like, I've been doing it. We gotta get into it. And she's literally rolled her eyes. I was like, fine. And then it's been our, like, therapy, being able to be ourselves in your year six. We're in year six now.

[Dax Shepard]

It's huge.

[Hannah Berner]

It was a slow, slow growth. Because also, we don't have guests, so there wouldn't be, like, a viral episode. The guest is stressful. And also, I'm be honest, Sometimes they walk in, the energy's off.

[Monica Padman]

Right?

[Hannah Berner]

You're pulling teeth. There are positives, but having just our formula and just riffing with your best friend every day has been so much more fun.

[Monica Padman]

Well, we do the fact check, which is sort of the version of that which is so much easier.

[Hannah Berner]

Cuz when you have chemistry, you have chemistry.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I'm always looking forward to the fact check. There's many guests where I'm like, oh, let's see if I can get a person who hates being interviewed to enjoy this. This. I mean the celebrities at least that we interview, like they don't want. I get it. They gotta promote a movie and they're

[Hannah Berner]

friends with you guys, so this is their like warmest in some cases.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, it's true. And then those are the trickiest ones too. I don't know. Am I allowed to bring up the fact that you a bull in high school? You know, like I know so much and I don't know what they're comfortable with. That's somehow harder.

[Monica Padman]

Who a bull?

[Hannah Berner]

We all just let him say that.

[Dax Shepard]

I actually don't know anyone that's a bull. But let's say I did. Do you do two episodes a week?

[Hannah Berner]

We moved to two episodes a week which has been fun. Cuz we have it in us.

[Dax Shepard]

Let me ask you a very gross question. I know that you're making a lot of money now because I know the size theaters you're playing and I. Yeah, it's awesome. And I know how many standup dates you're doing and so you've got some casuala. Are you enjoying it? Have you done anything stupid with it? Did you buy a fancy apartment? Like what's happening? What's happening with all this money?

[Hannah Berner]

Oh my God, I'm cheap.

[Dax Shepard]

Is it at all stressful in your marriage that you're making more money?

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, he loves it.

[Dax Shepard]

He loves it. Good for him. As you got a mature man.

[Hannah Berner]

He calls me as pension pussy. He's also, he's lived his own life. He's very successful in his own right. But he jokes when we started dating was my last season of my reality show when it was a hard time. He's like, I came in when you had no job, so no one's calling me a gold digger.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Hannah Berner]

And also I would say during the honeymoon mood phase was a really hard time for me. People weren't liking me that much and I had that like moment you're like

[Dax Shepard]

relatable time, you stutter. People weren't. How do you feel Like, I'm waiting to hear like getting me and she's like liking me.

[Monica Padman]

It was a chat.

[Dax Shepard]

People were passing.

[Hannah Berner]

It was no, people were like, die and you meet a new guy. And I come from the mindset of when I'm 16, successful people like me more. So I'm sitting there with a new man and at one point I was like, I don't have a job, definitely not popular. Why the fuck would you choose me?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And he level headedly was like, you should talk something about that because that's you.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God, he sounds so great.

[Hannah Berner]

I haven't dated these smart guys before. They're annoying because they can win an argument. Watch out for that. Like he's, I'm like, how did you know that word? He's done a lot in his life. He's wise. Like when I ask him a question before this pops, I called him. I was like, any words of wisdom?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that's lovely.

[Hannah Berner]

And he's the one who's like, shut up Sometimes this is my mistakes that I've made. Don't make them again. So he's a huge part of me also having the confidence to like put myself out there.

[Dax Shepard]

This would be the worst is if you guys are in a fight and then all of a sudden he just ripped out like a proverb in Mandarin.

[Hannah Berner]

He does it all the time. He does, he's Irish, so he, he says things like over the cuckoo nest. I don't know. He says all these weird.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, three sheeps in a barnyard. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

He's like, jump over the rovered neck of the boat. And I'm like, I don't. I don' what that means, but it's like hot. Because I'm like, he knows things. Yeah, he knows things. And I don't know what you're saying, but I'm not mad at you anymore because I was cute. Irish people love a proverb.

[Monica Padman]

I like proverbs. They're good.

[Dax Shepard]

I think. Yeah, I don't need to go into that.

[Hannah Berner]

You're like, not. We're going to skip that.

[Dax Shepard]

I think oppressed people come up with a lot of rad. I think that's why in Sinners we got to see the Irish jig paired with all the black music. I was like, oh yeah, look what comes out of the darkness.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, but I'm similar to you. Like we are in the same industry, but I think because we're in different times of our careers, it's been really helpful because he's like, oh, thank God. I don't have to do that again.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So other guys might be like, why is she getting that and not me? Where? He's like, I've done that. I've been that. Don't do this because I did that. So he's insightful. There are Times where I'm 34 and the Hulu special is about to come out. I want to do press. And he's like, you don't have to do that one. And I'm like, he sees the big picture.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah. He sees the marathon.

[Hannah Berner]

But he's tough with me. Like, he'll call me out. He's like, is that ego? We're honest with each other.

[Dax Shepard]

Is he an aa?

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We pick up a lot of in there, don't we?

[Hannah Berner]

But then, you know, some guys, you're like, go to therapy. And he's like, I've done years of therapy.

[Dax Shepard]

And I'm like, I am a therapist. I sponsor 70 guys. I've taught guys off roofs.

[Hannah Berner]

And he was in Ireland where he was doing, like, na. He, like, knows all the, like, guys who were in NA In Ireland. And, like, he's seen some.

[Dax Shepard]

Those are the gnarliest dudes.

[Hannah Berner]

But that's why also, I was like, this guy could handle me.

[Dax Shepard]

He's war torn.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, so you weren't using your money to buy anything cute.

[Dax Shepard]

That's what we're learning.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, God.

[Dax Shepard]

You bought something cute. Cuz you look ashamed of yourself.

[Hannah Berner]

I am wearing this very expensive windbreaker, but it's my friend Paige who lent it to me because she knows how to be rich.

[Dax Shepard]

I bet I asked her these questions. She would.

[Hannah Berner]

She knows. But, like, being rich is hard sometimes. I mean that actually. Cancel that. Cut that out.

[Dax Shepard]

Cut that out. Cut it out.

[Hannah Berner]

Don't make it the title. No, but being rich is like a whole situation.

[Monica Padman]

It's a world.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, now you have something to lose. You also go like, oh, I have money. You're supposed to figure out how to make money with your money. Like, you just have this whole new list of things you think you're doing wrong.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. People start talking about landscaping, and you've never thought about a flower in your life. It's crazy. But I do think not to be all, woo woo. But I never came into it for money. I'm like an athlete where I'm like, I want respect.

[Monica Padman]

I want people to look up to me.

[Hannah Berner]

I want to inspire little girls.

[Dax Shepard]

I want a statue in front of a tennis arena.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm literally like, I want my name on this bench. So then when I started doing better financially. My whole family thinks it's hilarious. My brother's, like, in finance, and he's like, what are you up to? And I'm like, I don't know, dude. I'm just having fun.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it's working.

[Hannah Berner]

It's so crazy that you could be creative and just, like, be yourself.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, look, I did want money. I wanted money so bad. And as an actor, I was impossible to deal with. And as a director and writer, I just. Please give me all the money. And then this. Yeah, I didn't think you could make money at it. So that is. Is the irony of it all, which

[Hannah Berner]

is kind of beautiful, because I think if you're just out there for money, the universe doesn't respond to that well.

[Dax Shepard]

And even if it can work for a minute, it has a shorter life. I've seen people succeed with the cash grab in this space. It just loses its momentum because once you have the money now, what do we do it for?

[Hannah Berner]

But then there's so many people where you're like, how much money do you need? But, like, people launching the craziest businesses. But I think it's like, they need to feel alive, too. They're not dead after getting rich.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Again, it's funny. I'm sure there's two or many categories of people, but there's, like, some people that are right. They just always want to be entrepreneurs, and that's great.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

There's a whole other group that I'm sympathetic to, which is like, you're aware of the fact you have this opportunity, and you see other people have taken that opportunity. They've turned it into things. It's this weird guilt. Am I supposed to be doing this or I should be doing this? So I think a lot of people get into things out of that weird

[Hannah Berner]

motivation, especially social media, where people are like, I made a hundred grand yesterday in this website. And people are like, if that guy could do it and he lives at home with his mom, like, I could do it. But a lot of it is.

[Dax Shepard]

So no one really does it. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Don't get me into life.

[Dax Shepard]

Coaches even. Like, I was watching that Manosphere documentary, and I was like, guys, none of these guys have any money. Like, everything's rented, do you?

[Hannah Berner]

Not everything is rented yet.

[Dax Shepard]

They do not own a Lamborghini. Those are not their girlfriends.

[Hannah Berner]

But they know how to sell something.

[Monica Padman]

They do. They sure do. Do.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you want to use your sales power in the right or the wrong way?

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Hannah Berner]

Yep. Yep.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so I want to applaud you for we ride at dawn because you got your Netflix special.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

And it was hugely popular.

[Hannah Berner]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. That's fucking awesome.

[Monica Padman]

What did that moment feel like? You're like, I did it.

[Hannah Berner]

It was cool. Cuz I got a call and they were like, netflix wants to do a special with you. And I was like, I did it. I did it. I tell my husband. I'm like, netflix wants to be special with me. He looks me that. And he goes, no. You're touring for eight more months. This is your first special. Everyone's gonna watch it. I don't care if they think you're ready, you're not nice. And I was, like, obsessed with my Scorpio king. But, like, thank God, because in my head, I'm like, they think I'm ready. I love my jokes. Let's go.

[Dax Shepard]

They'll never call again. That's the other thing. You're like, if I don't take this now, they'll never call again.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, especially sometimes in comedy, like, you're a little hot and you start getting too many opportunities that you're not prepared for. And I. It was green. I really was very early in standup, but in standup, I was doing an hour very early on. So I had a lot of stage time because I was selling tickets. But they always say, you could sell tickets the first round, but they're not coming back if it's not good. But I'm telling you, like, I felt like a surfer that found the right wave. This is moving in the right direction. Like, I'm not getting yips. This is what tennis should have felt like. Then I shot the special, but I did have a mental break. But before the special, I was doing tapping.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Hannah Berner]

You know when someone's like, have you tried tapping?

[Dax Shepard]

What is tapping? Tell me about tapping.

[Hannah Berner]

You haven't tapped?

[Dax Shepard]

No. Should I tap? Oh, mom showing my age. What is tapping?

[Monica Padman]

It's like an OCD kind of, right?

[Hannah Berner]

You say something that's making you uncomfortable, but then you tap to, like, relax the nervous.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, put yourself back in your body.

[Hannah Berner]

I actually have no idea. I was in a dark place where, like, I would have shoved something at my asshole if they were like, take this ice, Charlie Sheen it and go on stage.

[Dax Shepard]

Chuck Sheen was cubo.

[Monica Padman]

Like an anxiety thing.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Basically, before the special, I started getting those thoughts where I was like, what's the worst thing that can happen? What if I can't form sentences? And then I kind of got obsessed with, like, how did I ever form a sentence? What is a Sentence. You can overthink how to walk well

[Dax Shepard]

in Babers, AKA Polar, when you were on her show, she was saying very astutely, comedy is best when the person's relaxed. That's kind of the magic trick.

[Hannah Berner]

And so is sports. You have to hold the racket, like, lightly to play. Like when you're punching something.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Racing, you hold the steering wheel very light.

[Hannah Berner]

You lose control if you go too tight.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. So how did you overcome that and end up fucking winning the match against Netflix?

[Hannah Berner]

So two weeks beforehand, I remember starting, like crying to my mom. Cause she's like, bitch is calling again. And I was like, I'm fucking terrified. And I remember my husband going, you should be. It's scary.

[Monica Padman]

It's a big deal.

[Hannah Berner]

It's scary, it's scary. It's nerve wracking. You have a lot of pressure. People want you to fail. You can be human. He's like, I freak out before specials too. You're human. I got a beta blocker subscription, which saved my life. And I listened to like Pumped up music. I'm familiar with that side of myself that's like, you've gone crazy. You've got us the deep end. I do think with standup, what I like more than tennis is it's really hard to get in your head when you're talking. There's no room where tennis. It's fucking so loud.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Watching this asshole dribble and do their OCD ticks.

[Hannah Berner]

Nadal's like picking his ass. Everyone's tweaking. So stimming. And with this, I think what happened is the shows before, I was really nervous and on stage I was like, pretend you're shooting the special. Pretend you're shooting the special. I was being really overly hard on myself. So leading up to it was a nightmare. And then the day of, I took the beta blocker. I was meditating with my mom. Before I went, I was literally like. And I walked on stage. I was calm.

[Dax Shepard]

You were like, oh, I know how to do this.

[Hannah Berner]

And then I walked off and everyone was like, you did it. And then I was like, I did it. So the second time around of shooting my special, I didn't have the same.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, lovely.

[Hannah Berner]

It was almost like exposure therapy. But it is so funny how in your most vulnerable moments, your demons come back. Of course, they're not gone for good.

[Dax Shepard]

The shadow is doing push ups in the background at all times. The shadow's like, oh, we're up.

[Hannah Berner]

Also, not to sound like an old basketball coach from Brooklyn, but I love the Quote, that even when it's raining, the hoop is always there. So it's the idea that, like, even when it looks like there's no opportunity and it's dark, like it's there, you just can't see it.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I like that.

[Hannah Berner]

So I try to tell myself that.

[Dax Shepard]

Very encouraging for it to come out and be number two right out of the gates.

[Hannah Berner]

That was insane.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Let you know you're on the right path. Oh, I just have to say one thing I did see, which I absolutely loved to watch someone act out my nightmare. Because even when we would do live shows 25 times, in my head, I'd be like, we're in Minnesota. Backstage. We're in Minnesota. But Hannah had the moment where she was in Buffalo, New York, and she came on stage, she was like, what's up, Boston?

[Hannah Berner]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my lor. The searing delight I got in my fucking core watching that. I was like, oh, she did it.

[Hannah Berner]

I had that moment where, like, I have two ways I could go about this. I could gaslight them. Exactly think that. I didn't say that and just keep going. They misheard. They made it up. She did.

[Dax Shepard]

She a boss? No, she must have Buffalo.

[Hannah Berner]

But I'm like. My head was, like, hot. Like, you know?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And then I was like. Or I address it. But then these place. Buffalo, Boston. You don't.

[Monica Padman]

No, that's. Fuck, that's bad.

[Dax Shepard]

That's a war zone. You want to do that in Minnesota? Yeah, that's okay. You know?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. They're like, oh, yeah, we love you. We love beer.

[Dax Shepard]

Easy mistake. Not really, but okay.

[Hannah Berner]

This place. I started dying laughing. The thing is, the girls who listen to my pod and go to my comedy shows, and the guys, they're so funny. We have this funny relationship where they make fun of me. So after the show, everyone's like, love your show in Boston. They're just, like, leaning into it, and then it kind of became a shtick.

[Dax Shepard]

I wish you got really known for it. So every time you did it, you could do a more abstract funny. You wanted people to be looking forward to where you're going to say, like, I mean, what's up, Nairobi? You know, whatever it is.

[Hannah Berner]

So my opener's now. Cause I kind of black out when I'm on the God mic. Like, when you're on stage, you're good, but God mic, you're kind of not focused. And they're always like, Nebraska, and this is the day. And they have to kind of tell you that. But it's happened to me multiple Times. And I'm here to tell this tale.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, God. You survived.

[Hannah Berner]

I survived.

[Monica Padman]

Wait, so did you say like, sorry, or were you like. I did a lot of fun.

[Dax Shepard]

She went straight into, like, celebrating the Buffalo Bills.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. I go, go Bills.

[Dax Shepard]

I keep them in and be like, I'm shocked. You didn't get the team wrong, by the way.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Hannah Berner]

Bubba Raymond actually intentionally Texas ones. Texas has so many teams and I. I accidentally said Texans instead.

[Dax Shepard]

Ut the wrong place.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, boy.

[Hannah Berner]

I thought I was going to get stoned.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And I was like, we were good for like 30 minutes and this is where they turn. But that's the high of standup.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so none of my business. Hulu June 5th premieres. You shot it in Toronto?

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

This feels like an interesting choice. Explain it to me.

[Hannah Berner]

I had done of a lot, lot of shows in New York. My three, like, places I love filming is New York, Boston, Philly. People are loud, they're aggressive. They love chanting. They're smart.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

They've had a long week.

[Dax Shepard]

They're the star of the show. Even if they're in the audience is what you're scary.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm scared of them. They hold me hostage at the show and they're just. Their energy is like, amazing. And also it's convenient since I'm in New York, Toronto, weirdly, I have this incredible following and I know people shoot stuff there. And I had done New York earlier in the tour, so I'm like, I can't do New York. So Toronto just came naturally. My mom's like, why did you pick Toronto in February? Why couldn't we do Miami? Why couldn't we do something fun?

[Monica Padman]

Sure.

[Hannah Berner]

But I really like this one theater.

[Dax Shepard]

Which one?

[Hannah Berner]

The Bluma Appel theater. It's like 900 seater. It feels really intimate. Even though it's a lot of people, it feels close. When you first do stand up, no one tells you. When you get a special, they go, where do you want to show? Shoot it. And you're like, where do people shoot it? And they're like, wherever you want. And I'm like, I haven't been like, I don't know where I am right now.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I thought I was in Boston last week.

[Hannah Berner]

The second time around, I was like, writing down theaters I liked.

[Dax Shepard]

And some of them have really good vibes too.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, you really do need a good vibe. And the filming, even though it doesn't always come across in the film as great of a show, sometimes, like, you can't tell if the audience was really good. Or really bad. And also stand ups. You don't really tell each other the spots. Standups are a little gatekeepy sometimes. Like they're not like, this is my direction. Directors, like we're kind of like entrepreneurial where it's like you can ask, but that's their business.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So I, I did blue mapel. 2 shows none of my business.

[Dax Shepard]

One of my favorite. I got that saying from the program. I don't know if you heard your husband ever say that, but like what other people think he's none of your business. At least I learned that there. Is that where it all stems from.

[Hannah Berner]

I think it stemmed from that, but then it became kind of trendy. People being like things that are none of my business. And I have a joke that's looking in the mirror is not of my business. Like I don't look in the mirror a lot. I don't fudge with the mirror.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I like that.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. What do you say you go like, you don't look in the first thing.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh yeah. Have information you don't need about you.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I say over the course of my life, the amount of times I looked in the mirror and was pumped is like, it's certainly under 1%. I never like, let's do this, man.

[Hannah Berner]

I always say I am delusional. Like I think I know what I look like and it's the best photo I've ever taken. And when you walk into a room like that, even if you have fudgeing stuff in your teeth, it helps.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, confidence, everything.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, it's everything. I got to say that your hair looked fucking gorgeous in that special. How many hours went into that was fake? It was. Okay, that helps.

[Hannah Berner]

But also you kind of come in with extensions and like this guy was going in and at one point I was like, there's a dead animal on my head.

[Dax Shepard]

Like it's getting heavy.

[Hannah Berner]

It was heavy. And also when you're a comic, you're yourself, right? And I'm used to going on stage, you know, I'm in some city and I'm tired. And I did makeup like five minutes before. So when I walked on, I was like, who am I right now?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And I was saying bits about like being part time hot and stuff. And people like weren't laughing at much in the. I was like, oh, cuz I look like a different person. I did four hours of makeup. And people don't talk about how it's a different presentation when you look.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, Nikki's very great about this.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

She's like, you can catch me on one day and I look like this. And then her joke was. And then another day, I'm Dax. She said, sometimes I'm Kristen Bell. Yeah, that was in one of her special.

[Monica Padman]

No, it wasn't.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, she goes, sometimes I'm looking, I'm like, this is working. I'm hot. And you might go to bed with Kristen Bell, but you're gonna wake up with death.

[Hannah Berner]

That is so funny.

[Dax Shepard]

You don't remember that was in the first interview. And she's like, I hope you got that right. I'm like, I did. You look like a dude. Not that I look like an ugly dude.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, you're like, you're lucky you could look like me.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Strong.

[Dax Shepard]

It's a good joke. Go to bed as Kristen Bell and

[Hannah Berner]

wake up so funny. So funny.

[Dax Shepard]

So how do you decide what we're going to tackle next? Is it like writing songs? You're just like hoping things hit you?

[Hannah Berner]

I do have to say all I cared about was getting that first Netflix special. And then when I finished it, I was like, they need another. That's crazy. It took me six years. Another. And what's tough about stand up as opposed to like musicians that could play a great song all the time is it feels like winning the super bowl, doing your Netflix special. And then you go back to the club and it feels like you have to learn how to play football again. You can't start all over. Do your classics. It's burned. Like it's like a stand up rule. So I'm literally going to on stage like cankles before.

[Monica Padman]

Sorry.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, like what is funny? But it helped me grow as a comic to realize like I wasn't just funny because I had these tested and true jokes from the first special. I was funny because I was being myself.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Hannah Berner]

And let's now grow and how I express myself.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you have a lot of physicality and there's a lot of just you being goofy as hell. Thank you.

[Hannah Berner]

I think I'm goofier in this special. This one?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I think it's a little more confidence.

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe it's infectious. I guess that's the world.

[Hannah Berner]

Like when I'm on stage cuz no one could tell me to like I'm like, I got the microphone. Yeah. I could do whatever I want now.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you more nervous because you do some crowd work in this as well? Are you more nervous to do crowd work when it's being filmed versus live? I feel like the stakes are higher.

[Hannah Berner]

So this time around I Actually did a lot less crowd work on tour. Like, I was like, I'm getting my hour, but some people would come to see the crowd work. So I have my moments. I do it for this. What I did was I do my material and then I kind of just went off for like 20 minutes at the end doing crowd work. So I'm like, in the 30 minutes, I will get a couple beats.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

So, but I also was like, even if I have no crowd work, I know I have the special I'm proud of. So the crowd work to me was just kind of a cherry on it. But it is like a new thing that it's like, put it in if it's good and you're special. I did keep some girl messaged me saying, there's a bachelorette party here tonight. Which I'm like, fuck. Like, that's not what I need for my special. So I'm like, I'm gonna dress it in the beginning. So I'm like, hey, who has a bachelorette tonight? No one says anything. And I'm just like. Like, so awkward. I'm like, you guys are leaving me for dead. My enemies are, what the fuck is this? And finally someone's like. And I'm like, you may be an ass. Polite, quiet bachelorette. Like, fudge you guys for embarrassing me.

[Dax Shepard]

Sorry. Literally, sorry. Yeah, yeah, sorry.

[Hannah Berner]

Sorry. I saw you're celebrating and I'm like, well, tonight's about me, so shut the fuck up, Alexa. But I have a crowd work at the end. That's something I always do. So I ask guys, have they ever thought about what sex feels like for a woman?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, this was stressful when I was watching it because I'm like, what would I say? It's an abstract question.

[Hannah Berner]

Such a fudge up question.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. So say it again. Again. You ask dudes, have you ever thought

[Hannah Berner]

about what sex feels like for a woman? So they know immediately there's a right and wrong answer and they overthink it a lot. What would you say?

[Dax Shepard]

I think I would say filled.

[Hannah Berner]

So then you're saying you're saying you have thought about.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, the first one is, have you ever thought, oh, have I thought.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, God, yeah, tons.

[Hannah Berner]

A ton of men are just like, no. One guy said stabbing. And I was like, we gotta stop. Everyone's upset. We gotta go home via. Guys give the funniest answers. When I say, what? What Adjective. Nice. Explain. Adjective is a describing word. Would you use for how it feels like. And they go white.

[Monica Padman]

Do you think they're afraid to answer,

[Hannah Berner]

they don't want to say, well, a,

[Dax Shepard]

they're in a crowd of 90 plus

[Hannah Berner]

percent hot girls like my crowd. Hot successful girls like Bill. And the guy doesn't want to get stoned.

[Dax Shepard]

This guy says warm.

[Hannah Berner]

Is that a guy said warm, which is my favorite answer. It's sweet because it makes no fucking sense.

[Dax Shepard]

No, no. Unless he microwave his cock before I'm warm.

[Hannah Berner]

You feel warm when you're in me?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I've never been cold and been like, if only had a dick in me, I'd be warm.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Maybe he meant like warm fuzzies.

[Hannah Berner]

No, he didn't. No, he meant temperature panic.

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe his dick runs hot.

[Hannah Berner]

Nope.

[Dax Shepard]

You know, we don't know. We don't know.

[Hannah Berner]

But all these boyfriends are coming to the show which creates this great tension because they want to be made fun of. Like they'll sit in the front, some will DM me like, hey, my boyfriend's sitting next to me, his name's this, like, go in on him, go on. Guys like it, but with that tension. I love trying to like make us understand each other.

[Dax Shepard]

You've already filtered out a lot of dudes.

[Hannah Berner]

No single guys are coming to the show.

[Dax Shepard]

No single guys.

[Monica Padman]

And they should. Bunch of hot girls.

[Hannah Berner]

They were smart. They were. And I feel like the guys are liking it cuz they know that I'm not trying to make it for them. And then they're like, oh, that was actually really funny. It was like really fun time. Like I had these younger guys message me. They're like, we actually learned a lot about sex. They were like, that was better than Kill Tony. Like I really laughed a lot and I was like, oh, I made it, I made it. But I'm of this opinion of like, there's like a divide between men and women right now. And I love trying to connect us and help us understand each other. But through the tension of comedy and the guys asking them these questions is so fucking funny. And I know there's been fights going home in the car with some couples, but like, I hope they grew from it.

[Dax Shepard]

There always are a good comedy show,

[Hannah Berner]

always a little post reflection.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, there's been some Chris Rock ones where you're like, oh, everyone's fucked everyone here. Like when he's talking about cheating on his wife. Wife. And he's like, when I tell women, they're like, I cannot believe you did that. When I tell men and they're like, oh my God, only two. You must really love her. Like, like, what is that? Car ride home going to be like, when he lays that joke out, I mean, whoa.

[Hannah Berner]

I know. But I do. I do like to kind of be that female locker room talk to make girls feel less embarrassed about things going on, but then also let guys in on, like, you know, this actually is how we're feeling.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Just changing the world.

[Dax Shepard]

And then the last thing we have to talk about is you're about to do a scripted show on Netflix with Pol and Kay Cannon, who I love Kay to death.

[Hannah Berner]

It's in the very early stages.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

Again, I don't like being put in a box. Amy loves Giggly Squad. I can't even wrap my head around it.

[Dax Shepard]

We can share the elation one feels when Poehler likes your show. There's nothing quite like it.

[Hannah Berner]

I heart Amy Poehler. I'm like, okay. Like, stop complimenting me.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, absolutely.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you have any advice for going from stand up to scripted?

[Dax Shepard]

I've gotten to see you now in the standup special in Interview. There's a version of you right now that is absolutely my favorite. You're chameleon. Like, thank you. Yeah. In this beautiful way. You've got a lot of different facets, but this version of you is what I want to see in a scripted show. There's nothing protective about this, and I want to watch this for hours.

[Hannah Berner]

Now I'm going to cry.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, do it. I would love to.

[Hannah Berner]

Now we're all going to cry.

[Dax Shepard]

You did a great job. You won the match. I'm proud of you.

[Hannah Berner]

I knew that you knew it was your. He's like, check mark. You get a gold star.

[Dax Shepard]

But let's just shout out Kay Campbell's fucking greatest.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, yeah, K. I think she actually, like, was into Bravo. That's how everything I've done kind of comes full circle. K is such a powerhouse. So I'm taking this as, like, I'm gonna learn a lot from these, like, incredible women that have done this before me and try to add my own spin to it. I feel like I'm about to enter a really, really tough college class with

[Monica Padman]

the best professors ever.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. And I'm just trying to be a sponge to learn from them.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I'm delighted that that's your steward.

[Monica Padman]

To be anointed by those two is meaningful.

[Hannah Berner]

I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but I just booked my first small role in a movie, and I've been auditioning for, like, two years. And, like, nothing, like. Like, my husband would make fun of me all the time. I'm like, I still could get it. And he's like, it's been four years. I'm like, they gave a lot of people.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's on vod already.

[Hannah Berner]

It's not easy. So I've been like doing my auditions and stuff and I finally booked something and I was like, holy.

[Dax Shepard]

And what do you think you figured out from that?

[Hannah Berner]

I didn't try that hard in that audition. It's always the one that you're like, oh, yep, need this one.

[Dax Shepard]

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Monica Padman]

Always.

[Dax Shepard]

That's the trick you have to constantly get to is like.

[Hannah Berner]

I was like, I'm never going to get this before. I was like, this is for me.

[Monica Padman]

This is going to be my.

[Dax Shepard]

This is mine to lose.

[Hannah Berner]

You're welcome.

[Monica Padman]

I'm here.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

This is literally mine to lose.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Dax Shepard]

43 year old Jewish karate expert. Fuck. What the. They've been watching me.

[Hannah Berner]

It's a whole new thing and I might not like it, but I'm delving

[Dax Shepard]

into some four fallback jobs. So you'll be fine.

[Hannah Berner]

You also just need to remember to be a coach.

[Monica Padman]

I want to take lessons. Maybe you can teach me.

[Hannah Berner]

I would love.

[Monica Padman]

And I want you to be really hard on me.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, you know, hurt me.

[Monica Padman]

So mean.

[Hannah Berner]

Did you play any sports?

[Monica Padman]

I was a cheerleader. I was competition cheerleader.

[Dax Shepard]

State champion two years in a row.

[Hannah Berner]

Wait, that's up. Girls are getting thrown.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah, you're getting thrown. You're doing flip.

[Dax Shepard]

She was getting caught by her. She fell on her sometimes.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I fell. I got. Well, you know, I am pretty into the CTE world. I don't think I have it, but I can't rule it out.

[Dax Shepard]

She has some CTE jokes in her special and I thought, yeah, she loves it.

[Monica Padman]

I think most of us have it.

[Hannah Berner]

I dated a football player in college and I did CT charity for free. Wow. The thing that they make you feel so tiny because, you know, I have big calves. I can't be with one of these like poets.

[Dax Shepard]

This guy pick you up and stuff.

[Hannah Berner]

In the special, I joke that like most guys to pick me up, like they can like I'm five' seven. I'm not like massive, but they have to do a whole breath thing.

[Dax Shepard]

Like you were demonstrating lift with your legs. Yeah, he could live with his back.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm bottom heavy, so yeah, he could throw his back. And then this guy was chucking me over.

[Dax Shepard]

Treat you like nunchucks.

[Hannah Berner]

A feather. I was a little feather in the breeze. I felt so dainty. Yes.

[Monica Padman]

You know, there are trade offs for these things.

[Hannah Berner]

Brain damage. But no, definitely. We. You got figure CTE out for sure.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, well, maybe pair up on this. I didn't know.

[Hannah Berner]

I know.

[Monica Padman]

You were so into it.

[Dax Shepard]

I think Monica's passionate about it.

[Monica Padman]

I did bring it up a lot.

[Hannah Berner]

It's out here. No one's talking about it.

[Dax Shepard]

Freaked several guests out where she's like, do you think you have ct? And I'm like, monica, that is not a question.

[Hannah Berner]

She's taking notes.

[Monica Padman]

So I'm just curious.

[Dax Shepard]

So have you been tested for hiv? I mean, that's. It's as bad as saying that I

[Monica Padman]

also am kind of worse.

[Dax Shepard]

There's medication for.

[Hannah Berner]

Does feel like a Dr. SL interview where you're like, there's a gap.

[Monica Padman]

Were you just doing co my friend recently? And I was like, so just. Have you been tested recently for aids? Because he had hiccups and on er,

[Hannah Berner]

but everyone has friends. Keep them on their toes.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly. He was like, I haven't had sex in a year. And I was like, but you can get it other ways.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, there's other ways.

[Dax Shepard]

What other ways? Intravenous drug use.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. No stepping on needles.

[Hannah Berner]

People wear flip flops.

[Monica Padman]

That's right. And he wears flip flops.

[Dax Shepard]

And sometimes he's a date on so many HIV fluffs. In the movies, theater scene.

[Monica Padman]

Have you ever sat in a movie theater seat and got stabbed by a needle? They tell you to look at the movie theater seat before you sit down.

[Hannah Berner]

There's definitely a subway. That does happen.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly. Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

That's all I'm saying. Please find the person for me. I'd love to interview them. Hannah, this has been delightful from the bottom of my heart. You're such a delightful guest.

[Hannah Berner]

You guys are incredible. Thank you for inspiring me to podcast. And this is just an honor to be on here.

[Monica Padman]

We are so happy to have you.

[Dax Shepard]

Everyone watch none of my business on June 5th on Hulu or Disney plus if you've coupled it or whatever they call it.

[Monica Padman]

Just find it, bundled it.

[Dax Shepard]

Bundled it and steal. Go to Disney app. That's what I have to do.

[Hannah Berner]

Ex boyfriend's password if you have to.

[Dax Shepard]

And then keep your eyes peeled for the Netflix scripted show. Monica will be on it.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I'll be on it.

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe a CTE episode. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This shows, right?

[Monica Padman]

Your whole world comes together, starts making sense.

[Hannah Berner]

That's our main storyline, actually. Conveniently.

[Dax Shepard]

Sounds funny. All right, love you guys.

[Monica Padman]

Bye.

[Hannah Berner]

Bye.

[Dax Shepard]

Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong. Well, I'm not wearing. I'm wearing a merch shirt.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, we're both wearing merch.

[Dax Shepard]

Cuz we have new merch coming. We have new merch coming.

[Monica Padman]

Coming like next week. So go ahead and put it on your calendar. We have new merch dropping and it's all very cool. There's a limited edition sweat. Not this one, but there is a

[Dax Shepard]

limited edition sweatshirt that is meaning it says limited edish.

[Monica Padman]

It does. And yeah. Yeah. And is what it claims to be.

[Dax Shepard]

It's true to its name.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. And it is so cute. But all of it's so cute. And I feel like it's very chic. It's simple, it's wearable and I'm very happy with it. Very happy with this.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You work very hard on it and I appreciate it and so does Rob. Yes, yes. You tell me that, but I know it. June 15th. June 15th.

[Monica Padman]

So that is a week from today.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Monica Padman]

Put it in your cow, guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Set an alarm.

[Monica Padman]

Do it.

[Dax Shepard]

Set the loudest alarm you have. I did have to take off the shirt I was wearing, which was going to be a conversation starter for us. Oh, you already saw it in the interview.

[Monica Padman]

We saw. You can tell people what it said.

[Dax Shepard]

I've only had meal today.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

Which apparently is my saying. Apparently in our family lexicon, they that is what the family says. I say yes five days a week and I'm inclined to believe them.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And so now I have a T shirt that says it.

[Monica Padman]

I know. And Kristen got a shirt that says her saying.

[Dax Shepard]

Her saying is any. Does anyone want to go to bed early tonight?

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

She announces that every single night at 5pm do you want to hear a story?

[Hannah Berner]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. So we went to Nashville.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

And Lincoln and I went on the 6am Flight. Crack acidon. I was very happy she was willing to do this. We had to leave the house at like 4 in the morning.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And she's 13. I wasn't trying to get up at 4 in the morning when I was 13. And she could have gone at night with Delta and Lincoln or Delta and Kristen. And she came with me, which was really great. And we had a really busy day. We landed and we immediately went and got the boat. She helped me put the boat in the water. Then she's like, let's go to. Let's go get something to eat at Sam's on the lake. And I was like, oh, it's my dream. It's my favorite restaurant on the lake. We go there.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Docking the boat, Dock it, get out. Go to put the rope around the cleat and you already know this about me, but for the folks that don't know, I have two pair of restaurants reading glasses, and I refuse to take them out of where I use them. One stays in here because I have to read in here, and then one stays in my nightstand.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

And they never leave. Other than if I travel, I bring the one pair down.

[Monica Padman]

What if you need it upstairs?

[Dax Shepard]

I'll come grab them from here, but I'll return them from there.

[Monica Padman]

Okay. So. Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

And the point is, I will not bring them to a restaurant where I need them the most. I cannot read any menus anymore. I'm the guy in the restaurant that has the bright light on a menu so I can see it.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

And to the point where Del was like, why don't you bring your glasses? And I'm like, I'm too afraid to lose them. She's like, why don't you get a cheap pair?

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

Which is a great solution. Anyways, I broke this rule. I was like, I'm gonna bring my glasses to the restaurant, and I'll be able to read the menu.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

And they were in my shirt collar, and when I bent over to put the rope on the cleat, they immediately just fell off of my shirt collar into the. The water.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

And I just watched them sink to the bottom of this very murky area where people park boats next to a restaurant on a lake.

[Monica Padman]

Yep.

[Dax Shepard]

But I get to a point where I have let it go.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

By the end of the night, I've let it go. We have a wonderful time. We have a very fun lunch on the floating dock.

[Monica Padman]

And also, were you like, I'm. I. I mean, I'm the smartest. I just knew. I knew I wasn't supposed to bring these. I'm valid. Validated. Everyone sucks.

[Dax Shepard]

I didn't feel vindicated or validated. I just went just straight like, God damn it, Those were expensive. I love them. I knew I shouldn't have taken them out.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I was just in trouble. Not like I was right.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I come up with a plan. That's what it is.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm gonna get. Lincoln says it. Why don't you get one of those fishing magnets? I go, what the hell's a fishing magnet? She's never seen these fishing magnets. So people use these magnets at the bottom of lakes and oceans, and they pick their metal. They pick up metal.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, okay. So you hadn't given up on them.

[Dax Shepard]

No. We're still like, how do we get them back? Loosely. And she's like, you should get this magnet thing. So I order it that day, maybe even at the dinner.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

It arrives that following day. And I'm like, well, before we drive out there, I have the same frames in sunglasses. Let's see if they even are magnetic or would be picked up by a magnet.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Test it. No.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, ouch.

[Dax Shepard]

So I'm like, g, now you bought this thing, but this thing also came with this weird hook that you drag. It looks a little bit like the hook in the machine you drop down to win a stuffed animal, Right? So it's got that. So Lincoln is like, we'll go back and we'll use the hook and we'll drag it along the bottom.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm like, that's not going to work.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

But I recognize how sweet it is that she really wants to get my glasses back. So all four of us drive up, not on the boat, but in the car. We go. We had filmed where it happened so we'd know exactly where they went in. And we start doing the hook thing. We're doing that for probably 10 minutes, no luck, of course. And Delta goes, I'm going in.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, no.

[Dax Shepard]

And I go, what do you mean? She goes, I brought my bathing suit. I said to myself, my dad does so many nice things for me. If I'm not willing to get in there and find those women glasses, what am I doing? And I go, hold on. You brought your bathing suit in anticipation that you might have to get in and try to find them. She's like, yes, Monica, this water could not be murkier.

[Monica Padman]

I want her to go in there.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's like, it's about. It was probably 2 1/2, 3ft deep next to the dock and it is murky as it gets and boats are coming in and out and it's getting churned up and fuck knows what's on the bottom of the boat.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly. Bacterias too.

[Dax Shepard]

She got in there in her bathing suit and. And she was using her feet to feel around this whole area. God knows also where they floated.

[Monica Padman]

What if there's knives down there?

[Dax Shepard]

That was a concern of mine. But I was so moved by this little girl and people would walk by and Delta's just like up to her shoulders with her, trying to find my glasses with her feet. It is suggested that if we had a snorkeling mask, we could probably.

[Monica Padman]

No one's face should go fucking down

[Dax Shepard]

there, swim in the lake. So I wasn't terrified about that. So Kristen is deployed to go to the gas station dock. You know, 200 yards away to see if they have snorkeling mask. She thinks she's seen that in there. I'm like, they don't have that in there. Whatever she's on her walk back, I see she's not holding a snorkeling mask. I go, no, snorkeling mask. She goes, the diver will be here in 30 minutes.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

What? She goes, yeah, I was in there trying to buy a mask and the guy that worked there said, you know, there's a diver that works on the lake. That's all he does. He gets shit out.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, that's his job.

[Dax Shepard]

150 bucks. The glasses were more than that.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, okay.

[Dax Shepard]

So we wait a half hour. This dude rolls up in a pickup truck. He gets out, he drops the bed of his truck. He's got his snorkel equipment. He's just in board shorts. Older dude and little chit chat with him. He was lovely. He hops in. Monica. He hopped in and then he hopped out. And I was like, oh, something's wrong with his regulator or something. He's holding them. Yeah, he's holding them.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

The celebration we had. We'd been there at that point for over an hour trying to get these glasses. I had written them off. He went down and he came right up and had him. Then he. Then we start got to talking to him about that job.

[Monica Padman]

What does he felt?

[Dax Shepard]

Does he get called in?

[Monica Padman]

What has he found?

[Dax Shepard]

Bridge. Someone lost their bridge. Not to be confused with a car bridge. Their teeth. Oh, that front rack of teeth. People get called a bridge. Said some dude's bridge fell off while he was swimming. He's like, I'm never gonna be able to find these teeth. He said he went down and it's just like dark bottom. He's just these smiling teeth.

[Monica Padman]

God, how clean? Like how clean?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, he said he put the teeth immediately in his mouth. He said he took him out of his hand and popped him in his mouth.

[Monica Padman]

That is so disgusting.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, that's rural living, my friend.

[Monica Padman]

That is so disgusting. He got a parasite.

[Dax Shepard]

He won't.

[Monica Padman]

And if he calls in Armchair anonymous, I won't have compassion.

[Dax Shepard]

You're not going to. Okay. He won't look for rings. He's like, it's a lost cause.

[Monica Padman]

All of the things. That's the thing.

[Dax Shepard]

These are too tiny. It goes into the silt. There's just no way you're going to find.

[Monica Padman]

He's not that committed.

[Dax Shepard]

No. I think he's learned the hard way. You don't Ever paid.

[Monica Padman]

He should look. What if it's right there?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. In his experience, you can't really find a ring.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, well, let me challenge that. One time I was at the beach with Anthony and Allison and some other people, and Anthony dropped his wedding ring in the sand. This is death. You know, you're not finding it. But we were like, we're gonna find it. We found it.

[Dax Shepard]

But did he ever leave the area he was standing when it fell off. Does he know exactly. He must have. Where. Exactly where it fell off. So you at least had like a perimeter sitting.

[Monica Padman]

We were all sitting and hanging, so it was like. Okay, it's like ground here.

[Dax Shepard]

How long did it take to find it?

[Monica Padman]

I. For. I don't, I don't remember how long it took, but like. And you know the thing when you're like, scooping up the sand but then it's going deeper? Yeah, it's going deeper. But it was found. So miracles can happen.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah, yeah. People do find rings. But this guy has learned that he's going to be out there for two hours and he's not going to get the ring. And the people are going to want him to keep looking. And he already charged. You know, you're not hiring him for the full day for one.

[Monica Padman]

Two hour limit for. For 150. But he should still do it because if he finds someone's wedding ring, engagement ring, like, that's joy.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

The amount of joy.

[Dax Shepard]

I was pretty pumped about my reading glasses.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't have wedding rings, so I don't. I can't.

[Monica Padman]

So how'd you clean it? Or did you put it right back on your face?

[Dax Shepard]

I put it in my mouth.

[Monica Padman]

Good.

[Dax Shepard]

Let me clean these off with my mouth.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I did. I did clean them when I got home. There's a little scratch, but I can't see it. When I got the glasses on, I'm delighted. I. I had written them off. Like the whole trip there, I was just being a. A good team player. I was like, my children want to help their dad, so I'm going to go and. And allow that.

[Hannah Berner]

Uhhuh.

[Dax Shepard]

And no hope of getting the glasses. So when he popped back out with my glasses, it was like Christmas.

[Monica Padman]

That's exciting.

[Dax Shepard]

It was very exciting.

[Monica Padman]

Now what have we learned from this? That you're going to get some cheap ones to kind of move around the world in. I think you should.

[Dax Shepard]

I think. Think I should too. I just, I'm trying to imagine when I'm going to do that.

[Monica Padman]

Dax. I Need you to just for one second imagine this was reversed and I told you this story. Yeah, I know. You'd be like, okay, so there's a. There's a really good solution that you're just not doing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You know what I would do? I go, what's your prescription?

[Monica Padman]

No, you wouldn't.

[Dax Shepard]

And I'd stop at the drugstore and I'd buy you readers, and I'd come in one day and I go, here's your reading.

[Monica Padman]

That's a lie. You wouldn't do that. You'd be like, you know what? If you can't help yourself with this just very basic solution, you don't deserve it. That's what you would say to me with your mind.

[Dax Shepard]

All right.

[Monica Padman]

And sometimes with your mouth. Okay, so I want you to just order eight. Eight glasses.

[Dax Shepard]

I guess I could order them. I so associate readers with the drugstore because that's where I. I do have a couple cheap sets of readers, but they don't work, obviously, as well as my.

[Monica Padman]

I mean, they won't work as well. But that's not for your main.

[Dax Shepard]

That's just for dinner. You're right.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

So just get eight. 10.

[Dax Shepard]

I should probably buy eight of them. I just leave a bunch on the wall everywhere. Yeah. Everywhere I look, there's just cheap restaurants.

[Hannah Berner]

Right?

[Dax Shepard]

Every restaurant you go to frequently. Oh, yeah. Mail it to them. Ask them, is there a place I can keep these?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

By the way, restaurants should have four or five different prescription readers. And then when they see a guy like me pull out his flashlight, they just swing by and they're like, will you. Plus four. I don't even know what it. How it work works, but.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

Plus 105.

[Monica Padman]

I just. I think liability wise, because of eye sicknesses, Pink eye.

[Dax Shepard]

You think that's what's preventing them? Yeah, I just think they haven't had the idea. But that would be. That would be. That little touch.

[Monica Padman]

That would be cool.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, that's what Noma would have.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, you mean Nobu.

[Dax Shepard]

No, no.

[Monica Padman]

You just learned about Noma.

[Dax Shepard]

No, I knew about. No, you did? Yeah. Friends were going there when we were in Norway or. No, when we were in Denmark. Friends were like, oh, we're gonna be in Denmark, and they were going just for that restaurant.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, It's a whole thing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, I have an update.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

I think some people have seen this, but if you haven't, if you listen to the Luke Malone, Elizabeth Letourneau fact check. That's the one where I told a harrowing story about me almost pooping in my car.

[Dax Shepard]

Uhhuh.

[Monica Padman]

And I had left a friend's house where I was playing mahjong.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And we debriefed.

[Monica Padman]

We debriefed. And I told the story. The people whose house I was at didn't know about the story. And I didn't say who they were on the fact check, but I did think, God, it might get back to them. But, you know.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

And so the other day I get a. I get a call. Okay, okay. And we're recording and I see that this person's calling me. And I get kind of nervous, you know, anytime someone who doesn't normally call you calls you, it's a little nerve wracking. But then he left me a voicemail.

[Dax Shepard]

Hey, Monica, it's Andy. I was just thinking about you and I know this is kind of random, but I just had this thought, like, if you're ever at her house and you needed to use the primary bathroom, you can definitely do that. We would be more than honored for you to use that restroom. And we know it can be a little awkward in our house. Sort of like if you need a little extra privacy or something, because there are two doors to the primary, you

[Monica Padman]

can close the bedroom door and then you can close the bathroom door.

[Dax Shepard]

It gives more privacy.

[Monica Padman]

That's the better one because the other one, also there's the new wallpaper, which we wouldn't want to have exposed to anything.

[Dax Shepard]

But you are welcome, welcome with open

[Monica Padman]

arms to use that bathroom anytime you need.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

All right, well, so that was very funny.

[Dax Shepard]

I saw a text.

[Monica Padman]

It was this voicemail. It's just, it's written out.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, and then you wrote. I don't know what you're talking about. It's very funny, your response.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, then yes, I responded. I said. I said, I want to see that.

[Dax Shepard]

I want to hear that part.

[Monica Padman]

Okay. So I listened to the voicemail and then he later was like, did you get my voicemail?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

And I said, I said, wow, what a random thing to tell me. It's appreciated, but I have no idea why you would possibly tell me that I don't ever need to go to the bathroom. And if I do, I prefer to use my car. But thanks.

[Dax Shepard]

I prefer to use my car.

[Monica Padman]

Okay. So that, you know, that's great. That gave me permission.

[Dax Shepard]

This isn't. And I told you so. But I'm just saying that's. That was my prediction. That they'd feel so honest or to have you go extra hard in there.

[Monica Padman]

I know. I mean, I knew that they would be fine with it, but I'm still not fine with it.

[Dax Shepard]

You're not fine.

[Monica Padman]

And, you know, Jess is really struggling with this story. He, like, frustrated, really is actually like, I can't believe you wouldn't just go in that house.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm sure he's in the same zone I get, where I actually get a little angry at you about the far. It's just like, I don't like the idea of you being miserably uncomfortable because of your shyness or your fear people are going to judge you or exclude you. I don't like that thought for you.

[Monica Padman]

I know. Well, let me tell you, those are different, because I never need to fart, and I'm not farting. I don't. I promise. Monica Dax, this isn't that scenario.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, but now, hold on. Hey, this is where we're. We're jabbing the beehive.

[Monica Padman]

All right, previous position.

[Dax Shepard]

And our previous arguments always centered around the fact that, no, you do have to fart as much as me, but I am a boy who is arrogant, and I just think I'm entitled to fart. And I've suggested that there must be something biologically different about you and I because I have to fart all the time, and the notion I could not fart during the day is insane to me. But you're telling me you are not at all resisting the urge to fart?

[Monica Padman]

I'm not, but I think that's learned body behavior. Like, because. Because I didn't. I. I just don't. I don't out of respect or I didn't out of respect for so long. Like, I don't have to.

[Dax Shepard]

I just think you don't have to. And then you're. You're giving yourself the compliment that you're respectful, but you're not even fighting the urge.

[Monica Padman]

Well, now I don't know what position to take.

[Dax Shepard]

That's right. You've really. You've painted yourself into a bit of a corner on this.

[Monica Padman]

I don't. I'm not gassy.

[Dax Shepard]

There we go.

[Monica Padman]

I'm not. Not.

[Dax Shepard]

That's great.

[Monica Padman]

But I think even. Even if I was.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

I mean, I guess. Look, in my life, have there been times where I'm like, oh, like, okay. Like, I kind of need to. I gotta hold it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. It's a funny thought, holding a fart.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. As if you could grab.

[Monica Padman]

Hold it in. I mean, I. But, yeah, I would. I'd hold it in. I wouldn't just let it out.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. But if you had 63 of those urges in a day.

[Monica Padman]

We gotta get on some.

[Dax Shepard]

You might. You might go. I can. What am I talking about? I can't go through life like this.

[Monica Padman]

Well, this is interesting, because when I was telling that, you know, telling the Elizabeth and Andy story to Anthony and Allison, my other two friends I was playing mahjong with, because also, I want to. I was like, if you guys heard that story, just. It's not your house.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

You know, I needed to tell them.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, sure.

[Monica Padman]

And so then we got on this conversation about farts, and, like, I. Okay. You know how you can, like, control the sound and by kind of, like, pulling your butt cheek apart. Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Hyper extending your butt cheeks.

[Monica Padman]

Like, you can pull it apart and create more.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Of an airway.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, less resistance for the air to make noise against.

[Monica Padman]

Right. So it's just coming straight out. And it does make a sound if you do that.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Monica Padman]

But I.

[Dax Shepard]

Have you done that? I can't imagine why you would need to do that.

[Monica Padman]

I have done it. I have done that.

[Dax Shepard]

You've done that. But not, like, in what context? For fun. I mean, maybe in better, like. Yeah, just, like, running little experiments.

[Monica Padman]

Like, I don't even like to hear it on my own, really.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I do. I do.

[Monica Padman]

I know you're sick. Yeah. Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

But it's a hilarious noise.

[Monica Padman]

But, like, yeah, I get. I'll, like, be embarrassed by myself.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. I have a high, high, high level of embarrassment in life.

[Dax Shepard]

So you're in your bed by yourself, and you. You go. You hear. And you're like, oh, my God, Monica. Like, you have a. I don't say, oh, Monica, what are you doing? Are you. Monica, stop it.

[Monica Padman]

No, I'm just, like. I just would get, like. Yeah. I would get started. Get a flush of embarrassment and kind of like, I hope nobody saw her, but, you know, no one's there.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I urge you to mount this topic with your therapist to see what she has to say about this?

[Monica Padman]

You really sound like Jess. Because he's like, what? He's basically like, what's going on? What's going on with your embarrassment? Which is. I know what's going on. Like, yes, I had a deep, deep fear of getting ostracized. So I was not embarrassing. And I'm very aware of doing anything embarrassing. And unfortunately for the people in my life, I'm extremely aware of when other people are doing things that are embarrassing as well. And I get secondhand very, very easily, for sure.

[Dax Shepard]

But you would look at me currently.

[Monica Padman]

Oh. Arriving now. Rob, can you pick up our. Because of Dax's colossal addiction.

[Dax Shepard]

This is press milk addiction. You would.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Hear me say I have enormous fear that I'm going to be financially insolvent.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And you would go, dax, you got to get over that. That's an old fear that, like, doesn't even make sense now.

[Monica Padman]

It makes zero sense.

[Dax Shepard]

And you being ostracized, this doesn't make any sense anymore. This.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I've never farted, and it was so stinky around people. I've never done that. You have secured finances. So, like.

[Dax Shepard]

No, but hold on. In our friendship group, many of us

[Monica Padman]

fart the men, not the women. I mean, they do, but they don't. They. They don't. Like, out. Out and about like you guys do. Anyway, this is circling back. Back to, like, my whole point. Okay. So you guys go grocery shopping? No. Yeah. I also ordered a sandwich.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, looks like you got, like, produce in there. It's like, oh, thank you.

[Monica Padman]

This is Dax's colostrum arrived again. Thank you, Rob.

[Dax Shepard]

Cow breast milk is here.

[Monica Padman]

I have no idea if something is going to smell or not. Okay. Like, when it's in my body, I.

[Dax Shepard]

Because you don't fart enough.

[Monica Padman]

Maybe. But I, I. There's no way for me to know this. And you. I do think it's arrogant for you guys to be like, oh, I know this one isn't going to smile.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, hold on. If you have a lot of farts and you let them out a lot, I'm sure Rob will agree with me. You have a sensation. Okay.

[Monica Padman]

Rob doesn't fart a lot.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that's right. He's not a big farter. But I. He bet he farts a ton by himself.

[Monica Padman]

Do you?

[Dax Shepard]

My point is, you. You often, you. There's a signature heat. There's a heat signature in the body, in the bowels. Yeah. Where you're like, oh, this is. This is not safe for public consumption.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

You do, right? Yeah. You can feel when they are gonna be putrid.

[Monica Padman]

This is. Okay. I do need people to comment. I really do. I need people to comment and say whether you experience this or not, and if any. Your gender, please.

[Dax Shepard]

Now, am I wrong? Yeah. A lot of times I'm like, I think we're good. Or I've already tooted three or four times, and it's. I didn't smell anything. And I think. I think we're just good for the day. And then it turns. But in general, I would say with 80% accuracy, I know whether they're Going to smell or not?

[Monica Padman]

Okay, now the original question I wanted to ask is the technique week of move of. I have incredible sphincter reading your butt cheek.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. Huh.

[Monica Padman]

To let it out.

[Dax Shepard]

Can we talk more about when you did that?

[Hannah Berner]

Hold on.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Trying to picture you reaching back. You couldn't have been in public.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. That's my whole point. Okay. So that there's no smell. I mean, I'm so sorry that there's no sound. Can you do that?

[Dax Shepard]

Hands free, make it quiet.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah. How?

[Dax Shepard]

You have to really slowly and gently let it leak out. You can't push. You get that sensation when you have far. It's like uncomfortable. You got to push. It's almost like you got to pop it, you know?

[Monica Padman]

Well, you got to get it out.

[Dax Shepard]

You got to get it out. And so your body tells you to push it. Like your nature is to be in the woods and push it out. Get that gas out of there.

[Monica Padman]

Sure.

[Dax Shepard]

But you can. This is why I would probably be good at anal. I can relax. I have good control and I can relax. Relax.

[Monica Padman]

No, but relaxing.

[Dax Shepard]

There's a way to relax where it's just letting it slowly leak out. If you're a pro.

[Monica Padman]

Rob.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I know what he's talking about. Hands free, but you're using your weight to shift.

[Monica Padman]

What do you mean?

[Dax Shepard]

Like, I can't start gyrating around.

[Monica Padman]

I was having this conversation with them and, like, some of them claim they can go hands forward free. And I was like, that's insane. And here you are. And I think you can because I rarely hear it, but you do say like, oh, I farted, or oh, does it smell? And I haven't heard anything. So I guess I didn't know if you just had non verbal.

[Dax Shepard]

Non verbal farts. Yeah, no, I have verbal farts, but for the most part I can. Can dampen, you know, I can. I can modulate.

[Monica Padman]

And have you ever been wrong about that? Like you thought you were okay?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that's a noise.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Dax Shepard]

Now, Aaron, I don't think can do that. As you've heard. Aaron's farts, right? Yeah, they're infamous.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, they're high press.

[Dax Shepard]

It sounds like when you take a balloon and you just let the little bit of air squeak out by pulling it apart. It's the highest pitched.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't think he'd be good at anal.

[Monica Padman]

Do we think he has just a very tight body?

[Dax Shepard]

That's what I'm just saying. I don't. I don't think he would be good.

[Monica Padman]

I think that's what I'm dealing with.

[Dax Shepard]

You think you have an extra type?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, that's a nice compliment.

[Monica Padman]

Just. I just know my body, like, imagining doing that. Hands free.

[Dax Shepard]

Are yours. Are yours squeaky?

[Monica Padman]

They're not. Are they thunderous or thunderous?

[Dax Shepard]

I want them to be thunderous.

[Monica Padman]

They're not.

[Dax Shepard]

Because you're so tiny.

[Monica Padman]

Every now and then, if I was

[Dax Shepard]

like, I came into your house and you didn't know I was, like, walking around downstairs stairs, and then you. I just hear, like. Like, really bassy. I would be delighted. You know that little tiny person up there sounds like an elephant.

[Monica Padman]

I mean, I would venture to say. Because I don't bar a lot.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Monica Padman]

If I do. If I must.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. When you must.

[Monica Padman]

If. Yeah. There's a lot of air.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, sure.

[Monica Padman]

Because. Because if I only have a little air, I just. It goes back up in my body.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Becomes a burp or leaks out of your skin.

[Monica Padman]

Never burp.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

That's like sometimes when you are burping so much. I think it's a tick, actually. I do kind of think it's a little bit of a tick for you, but that's okay. I love it.

[Dax Shepard]

I can direct. I know my ticks. It's not a tick.

[Monica Padman]

I don't think you know, because I don't think you always know you're doing it. I think sometimes you're. You're like, burping and stuff, and. And it's going unnoticed. Like you. Because it's a tick. But also, I do.

[Dax Shepard]

You can't have that as a tick because you can't manufacture gas, people. Well, you can swallow air and. But I've never been able to do that.

[Monica Padman]

Automatic burp.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Like, I always had friends in junior high. I can do that.

[Monica Padman]

Do it right.

[Dax Shepard]

Command.

[Monica Padman]

That was good.

[Dax Shepard]

I bet he could fart on command. I bet he does fart on command. But he's not letting us know.

[Monica Padman]

Why trust us?

[Dax Shepard]

Why don't you trust us? Don't you feel a little betrayed by it now?

[Monica Padman]

No. I want everyone to be very open around me.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you just don't want to be.

[Monica Padman]

Sometimes it does cry. Look, sometimes, Jess, I.

[Dax Shepard]

That's because he's your brother and your husband.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

And when it's your brother and he farts a lot.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, he's high.

[Monica Padman]

He doesn't around me.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, he doesn't. You broke him of that. Or does he. He step outside a lot?

[Monica Padman]

No, but you know me.

[Dax Shepard]

I call it out. In a way, I do. Out and away. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Out and Away is nice because that's not. That's not endangering anyone or disrespecting anyone in the space. Jess has learned. And I do feel. I guess I feel guilty about this, but do I? Not really. But when it's your brother husband smart

[Dax Shepard]

enough to know you should say you feel guilty, but in your heart you don't feel guilty.

[Monica Padman]

I don't. But when it's your brother husband, I also think it's a little bit on you. Like, remember when you. You told you guys, say, like, if. If there's like a big hair coming out of your nose or something, like it's on your spouse to say, I'm getting.

[Dax Shepard]

Specifically. We went out to eat with a couple, and the man had several long, very noticeable hairs growing out of his nose. And we left. And I said, she does not love him. And they got divorced, like, three months later. That's a real story.

[Monica Padman]

It was the only indicator about the nose hairs. Or was there some other.

[Dax Shepard]

To me was a big, like, what is going on in this relationship? I can see from across the table that he has three or four very prominent hairs growing out of his nose. You're sitting next to him.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, she didn't need glasses to read the menu. Why aren't you telling your husband about this?

[Monica Padman]

But do you think, okay, but there is. Some people are really sensitive. Really sensitive. And maybe she had tried before, and maybe he was like, stop being so critical of me. And so maybe she's learned, like, okay, I don't think that's a place I can go.

[Dax Shepard]

That's possible, obviously. But I have been in several relationships. I know a lot of people in relationships. And that is why you're in a relationship. So that you can have one person you're not sensitive around that can pop the zits on your back. You can fart around. Like, it's just too exhausting to be hiding all this disgustingness that we all carry. And that's what the point of it is. Like, I'm. I'm linking up with someone to just drop the charade, be myself, and hopefully they love me.

[Monica Padman]

But you're already doing that. You're already farting and stuff.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, but, like, you know, I'm very sensitive about my anus, as you know. I've talked about it a lot, and I have let Kristen shave my anus for work. And that's not something I'm, like, going to line up to let people do.

[Monica Padman]

Why don't you show it on here and get real vulnerable?

[Dax Shepard]

No, I already Showed it on this is.

[Monica Padman]

Watch that movie if you want to.

[Dax Shepard]

They didn't use the take with my anus on display, thank God. It would have given them a different rating for sure.

[Monica Padman]

You think it's that? Okay, maybe this is ding, ding, ding, connecting to the fart. Silencing. Like, maybe you guys. Who can. Who can let it out with silence. Maybe you guys have huge.

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe I. I don't think mine is.

[Monica Padman]

Let's call. Let's ask him if he can go hands free.

[Dax Shepard]

I have seen Aaron's anus, of course, and it's tight. It looks the same as mine. But both of us agree it's a very unattractive part of us. Well, not ever be looked at. Not everyone. Often women have beautiful buttholes. Yeah. Print it. Quote it, print it, clip it.

[Hannah Berner]

It.

[Monica Padman]

Send it.

[Dax Shepard]

Send it directly to Daily Mail or whatever. One hates me. Yeah. Beautiful.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, that's just because you like, you're attracted to women. But I like.

[Dax Shepard]

No. If you showed, like, 10 pictures of men's assholes and 10 pictures of women's assholes to AI and you said, which one's more disgusting? For sure. AI without any.

[Monica Padman]

Why would they be that different?

[Dax Shepard]

They're hairy.

[Monica Padman]

Well, women. Okay, that's. Let's stig that stigma. Okay?

[Dax Shepard]

Because even if they're hairy, Monica, men have more hair on their butt than women. That's. We can say that.

[Monica Padman]

But on their butt and their.

[Dax Shepard]

And their cheeks and their chin and their mustache.

[Monica Padman]

Right? Yes, they do. They do. But. No, but also. But I'm just saying, like, women do. And then you shave for a while or whatever.

[Dax Shepard]

I've seen hair.

[Monica Padman]

Hair on women's where you get electrolysis,

[Dax Shepard]

and it did not look like hair on men's buttholes. I'll just say that.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, okay, now, now, now just. Do you think he could go hands free with the you've seen Weekly? Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

No. He could spread it apart with everything. I think it would still squeeze even

[Monica Padman]

if he moves it with his hands. We gotta ask.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I know. He's done it. Oh.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, damn.

[Dax Shepard]

My son doesn't love me anymore. Well, okay.

[Monica Padman]

Right. All right, well, I guess let's do some. Yeah, clean it up.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's clean it up for Hannah.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, let's do that. Ding, ding, ding. Clean up

[Dax Shepard]

that. That went in the wrong direction again. Reset, take two. Cleanup. The cleanup. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. There. I loved Hannah Burner. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

She was so fun.

[Dax Shepard]

She was so fun.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I agree. I.

[Dax Shepard]

It's happening to a good person.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. We like that.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I'm glad I wasn't a professional athlete.

[Monica Padman]

Wow. I mean, I'm glad you weren't either,

[Dax Shepard]

because just a life of, like, singularly focused life from, like, 8 until 20 on this thing. I, I, that's not for me.

[Monica Padman]

It's not for you. But it's also why, like, you not wanting that is also why you aren't one. You know what I mean? It's all tied together. It's like that your outlook on life and what you want life to look like and be doing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Is not conducive to. No.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I want way too many experiences.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

It's funny, I just came up with this theory this morning in the dentist chair.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah. You got dental work?

[Dax Shepard]

I didn't get any work. I, But I got the edges polished. Anyways.

[Monica Padman]

That's work.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah. But I was talking to my dentist, and he was telling me about his son, and he's talking about, you know, he's a soccer player, and, like, clearly he's putting a ton of effort into it, and he wants him to go to this league because the competition will be higher. And, you know, he's telling me all this stuff, and I'm just listening, and I'm like, I just can't relate. Right. Like, I don't desire for my kids to be great at anything.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Hannah Berner]

It's.

[Monica Padman]

That's so strange.

[Dax Shepard]

I figured it out, though. It has been so strange to me for a very long time. And this morning, for the first time, I think I made sense of it.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Because I'm listening to him, and then I'm thinking about him as a person, and then I'm thinking about me as a person. And I said to him, look, I just came up with this theory, so maybe it doesn't hold any water, but it makes a lot of sense to me that you are this way with your kid because you're a specialist. You have dedicated your life to becoming an expert and a specialist at this thing, dentistry. He's also, like, an expert drawer and stuff. That's the type of duties I said, I'm a generalist. I'm not great at anything. My attack is, like, I'd rather know 70% about a lot of things than a hundred about a few things. That's just how I am. So, yeah, it makes total sense to me that I'm not looking for my kids to become expert levels, want anything just because I'm not that way and I'm fine.

[Monica Padman]

Right. But don't you still want that for them.

[Dax Shepard]

No. If I had to pick whether they were specialists or generalists, obviously I'd prefer they were generalists, because obviously I was drawn to being a generalist.

[Monica Padman]

I know, but that's. But that's so much about you.

[Dax Shepard]

So same with him. Everyone is. That's. I think that's a given. Is you have your life experience and then you have these kids, you're worried, and you hope they'll turn out right. So you want to make sure if you believe in endless hard work and focus, that's how you get to where you want to go.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

If that's the approach to you believed in, of course that's the one you pass on.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

My approach is like, no scady wampus. And it was all over the map. And I ultimately landed on being a generalist, which.

[Monica Padman]

But you didn't land on it. That just happened to be where your life went. It's not like it. And where your skills lie. Like, if their skills lie more in niche or specificity, that is what they should do. Like it. It's not to ma. It should be to maximize whatever innate skill. Skill you have. Well, whether that's being a generalist or

[Dax Shepard]

not, I think that's a separate conversation. So a separate conversation is, do I not want them to be what they are naturally are? No. If they want to be specialists, you're going to watch the most supportive dad.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

Ever. If they were pursuing soccer in the way that this kid.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

I would support it. But given my own own nature, I'm just going to be laying out the world as I see it and as I've experienced it, I could be. I could be swayed against that. If they're showing some interest in being a specialist.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

But of course, I'm not going to pass on being a specialist, because I'm not one. I'm a generalist. So naturally, I'm going to pass on the kind of ethos that a generalist has, which is what I just said. Like, I would rather know 70% about 100 topics than I would want to know a hundred percent about about three topics. That's just my nature.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

I. My goal is not to invent something. For a lot of people, their goal in life is to win first place you're looking, and that's great. I'm not against it.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

My goal in life was to be able to hang with maximum amount of people on planet Earth. Like, my goal's always been I want to be able to drop into every single group of people and get along. You know, like, on the weekends, I'm hanging out with the drag racers and Kenny on grass. And during the week, I'm the art kids in the snowboarders. Like, I just love the variety of people. And so being a generalist suits that ultimate goal of mine, which is just to, like, be able to hang and move between any group. And some people's goal is like, I want to invent this thing or create the cure for cancer or win the only gold medal.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Both are totally fine endeavors.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. I mean, I think. Think all of it is too much. I think a goal is like, just find a purpose. Doesn't matter if it's niche. Doesn't matter if it's. Doesn't matter what it is. Find a purpose.

[Dax Shepard]

You just got to stay busy on planet Earth. I mean, that's the reality.

[Monica Padman]

But you have to stay busy in a way that makes you feel good. That, like, makes you feel.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And you got to figure that out. Your parents aren't ever going to figure that out.

[Monica Padman]

No, they're not. And I guess there are techniques for doing. Doing that, but.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, there are. There are. There are many of these people that are specialists, that they believe their kids should work hard, they should work harder than anyone else, and they should get better than everyone else. That's what they believe the game of life is. And that's great because for a lot of people, that is the game of life.

[Monica Padman]

I know, but it's like you're kind of saying it now as, like, this, like, 51 year old. And that's not really how you behaved like, when you were at the Groundlings and stuff. Like, that's specialized and that's working really hard. And it's working harder than it's. It is. It's putting in tons of hours, and it's not.

[Dax Shepard]

There was Jess right next to me, and Jess went to every single show at the Groundlings. He was friends with. With all of the upper Groundlings that were in the company. His life was the Groundlings.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I was going to ucla. I had a drinking problem. I like to go out.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

I never did it like him.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

And a handful of people. I did the amount I wanted to get on stage and have that experience, but I didn't go on.

[Monica Padman]

You didn't devote your.

[Dax Shepard]

I didn't. The way Saint just did. Or several other people. I knew it was too constraining to only have one thing for me. Like, I need lots of things happening.

[Monica Padman]

Interesting.

[Dax Shepard]

So I was saying he. When I was talking to the Dentist. The only thing I approach expert level on is cars.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And I'm not. It's also true. I'm not. Tom Hansen knows more than Jay Leno knows more than me about cars.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

Jay Leno is a specialist on cars.

[Monica Padman]

Right. Right.

[Dax Shepard]

And I'm damn good. I can talk to 90 of the people. Can't leave me in the dust on cars.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

But that's what I'm saying. That's the one that's probably. I'm closest to an expert on, and I'm not even close to an expert on that.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

So anyways, I do think it impacts how you raise your kids. You know, I was like, why aren't I going? Like, you gotta. We gotta get you harder opponents and play in the next league. You know, Like, I just. I can't even find that desire in me again. I would support it.

[Monica Padman]

No, that's not true. When you take Lincoln to the driving area. What's it called?

[Dax Shepard]

Carding.

[Monica Padman]

Carding. And she's doing well where she is. You're like, we're going up.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you are. Again, these are all like, yes, you're 100% right. These are all shades of commitment. It's like, yes. Do I want her to learn the racing line and learn to break? And again, I, I hope she reaches a level that when she goes to go kart track with all of her friends, she can win.

[Monica Padman]

Right. Yeah. That requires.

[Dax Shepard]

But then going to another league and having to be the best carter in LA and then the best in California and the like, that part I just, I lose interest in. I want to go have fun and hopefully I'll win. I don't not like winning. I like being especially driving.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. But I don't have. Have that gear.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

And I don't think it's good or bad. I just don't think I have that.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Everyone's different.

[Dax Shepard]

A lot of people would have had these, like, fun trips with the cart, with Lincoln, and they would have gone and got a coach by now if they wanted.

[Monica Padman]

If Lincoln wanted.

[Dax Shepard]

They're like that, right? Like, well, you got. We got to get you a coach. And we got. There's all these steps we could be taking.

[Monica Padman]

There are variations. There's a one way of looking at life. This is how my parents did it. You know, you, yeah, you working hard is the whole thing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

It's not the gifts you've been given. Like, you're smart. Doesn't matter if you're smart. If you aren't working hard, no one cares.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

It won't do anything. So that was very instilled of. It's a game of hard work and. But yeah, they're not like, oh, we see. You see you show some aptitude here. So we're gonna like, go get you a coach. It's. It was all on me. It was like, how you do it. Now it's on you to do that.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Monica Padman]

Which I appreciate. I appreciate. And that I think that is definitely, if I had children, what I would impart as well. Like, it's, It's. It's time to work hard. If you care about this thing, if you don't care about it, who cares if you do? I'm definitely someone that's like, devote it all.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I think my bigger desire than being great at any one of these activities is like, I want to be competent. Competent in everything. Like, and once I get to competent, like, I'm pretty much. My journey's over. Like, if I go to the motorcycle track and I ride with the guys and I'm totally competent, some days I'm the fastest there, some days I'm not. Like, I do that thing. They know I do that. That's enough. I don't need to be my friend Josh Heron, who's winning the AMA superbike, you know.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Anyways, can't relate.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I know. It's fun.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it is fun. Everyone's so different.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I think everyone's inclined to. Inclination is like, you evaluate a difference and then the first impulse is like, what one's right and which one's wrong. And I think that's the thing you gotta fight against in your mind all the time.

[Monica Padman]

There's no right or wrong, but there is what works for you and what doesn't work for you, you know, so.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

That was anyways. That was about Hannah's extreme tennis journey.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. I mean, what I do believe and this episode, I think, I think kind of reiterates that a little bit as I. Or reiterated to me. Like, I think supporting your kid, of course, is like the most important thing, but the level of investment in your kids activity is a fine line to ride, I think.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I think the people that are in that place. Position need to constantly policing themselves about whether it is their desire or their own desire. That's. I think the line.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

That needs to be navigated. Well.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Because I think if it could easily be like, they're a reflection on you. You've put all this time into it. So if they win, it is your win as well.

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

And if you're kind of sucked into that aspect of it.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

That feels like something you'd want to be conscious of.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I think it's tricky. I think it's very slippery for everyone involved in that. Okay, what does Marcelo's girlfriend do? And yes, she did go to Yale. And she. And I said she was an architect. And she.

[Hannah Berner]

She is.

[Dax Shepard]

She's an architect.

[Monica Padman]

She's a co founder of basa. I don't know what that is. Basa working as an architect, artist, and furniture designer. Oh. Masters of architecture from Yale.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, very cool.

[Monica Padman]

Now, the ethnic breakdown of Wisconsin. 78% white, white, 8% Hispanic, Latino, 6% black or African American, 3% Asian, and 1% Native American. That'd be probably a tough place for me. I mean, tough depend. I mean, 3%'s low.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, and your count, they mean. They mean Asia.

[Monica Padman]

No, they don't. Including India.

[Dax Shepard]

I know, but that's not even. Yeah, we both know that. That, that.

[Monica Padman]

No, you think you know.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, we both know.

[Monica Padman]

No, we don't. Okay. So tapping. She talked about tapping. Tapping, or Emotional Freedom techniques, is a mind body practice that combines acupressure and cognitive therapy. By lightly tapping on nine specific body meridians while focusing on an anxious thought, you send calming signals, signals to the amygdala to quietly regulate your nervous system.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you gonna learn those nine meridians?

[Hannah Berner]

Nah.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

I think I'm good for now. I mean, I can circle back if I need it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you do wrestle with anxiety from time to time.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I haven't really in a while, I don't think. I mean, I'm trying to think, like,

[Dax Shepard]

growing out of it.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Or just maybe because I have been in therapy for so long and I have worked on a lot of things that maybe, I don't know. Sometimes I wonder.

[Dax Shepard]

Here we go.

[Monica Padman]

I have good wonders.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you have really nice wonders.

[Monica Padman]

Sometimes I wonder when I was having all of those, when I was having panic attacks. But they were very, very physical. And I, you know, I felt like I was, like, disassociated and I. But I was here, but I, like, couldn't, like, get my brain, like, back. Now I'm like, were those seizures?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Monica Padman]

Not, not. Obviously not grand mal seizures, but the other kind. Petite mall. That's how they look. And so there is a part of me that's like, maybe you were having little seizures. Was happening then.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Petite tea.

[Monica Padman]

So cute.

[Dax Shepard]

So cute.

[Monica Padman]

So I don't know if I ever had anxiety.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, now this might make you self conscious.

[Monica Padman]

Tell me.

[Dax Shepard]

It's very memorable when you see someone have a seizure.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God. I know.

[Dax Shepard]

Have you seen them? I've seen.

[Monica Padman]

Which kind? I've seen both petite malls are less. They're like, they're just very, they're very disrespectful.

[Dax Shepard]

I've talked about my uncle a million times. He had to have the corridor cut his brain. He had really intense epilepsy. And yeah, one time at my birthday party at the, our equivalent of Benihana.

[Monica Padman]

It wasn't called that but it was a Japanese steakhouse.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Hibachi Grill or whatever. And like all of a sudden I just looked at him, he's like holding his plate weird. I'm like, what's he, why is he holding this plate? And then he started like leaning forward and then like then the plate spilled and then all this other stuff started happening. And yeah, what was really obvious, this is like I just remember checking in with his face and I'm like, oh yeah, he's not here. Like he's not experiencing this at all. That's what's crazy about it. And then, then a grand mall in a movie theater one time where like someone yelled for a doctor. Someone said put your wallet in their mouth. It was like a scene out of a movie.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, no, I know, I know. This girl had one in the cafeteria. I remember you telling me it's so I'll know it is seared. It is seared in my brain. It was so scary and so like place. Also my friend Charles had one in, in a movie theater. But I wasn't there for that.

[Dax Shepard]

If you had to pick between farting really loud and it reeked. Ah. Or having a seizure in the cafeteria. Yeah. And everyone was like everyone. Same level of awareness. People were like oh, Monica farted. Would you eat cabbage? You know, it immediately started. It's that this is the seizure.

[Monica Padman]

This is the worst. Would you rather I would pick seizure?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Cuz I can't control it.

[Dax Shepard]

I would imagine you'd be afraid that that smell would be permanently linked to people's image of you. That even they were just thinking about you in a different classroom. Months later they would be able to smell that.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I think either way you're linked to that experience for the rest of your life.

[Dax Shepard]

Life. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

But one is like, like, one is like scary a little bit and the other is gross. And so I pick scary.

[Dax Shepard]

Good pick. Even though health wise you should pick farting.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Dax Shepard]

So much easier on your body.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah. But I, I think about that Monica Gas Stop it.

[Dax Shepard]

Monica. Would you eat a McRib?

[Monica Padman]

That's never happened to me. I do think about it all the time. Because I looked like that and people saw.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. Huh.

[Monica Padman]

Thank God it was just my people girlfriends. I know, but like, I think all the time. Ew. Like they saw me look so crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. But I had seen one of my girlfriends. My girlfriend lost consciousness and her like eyes rolled back in her head. I could. Maybe it was a seizure. Maybe it was. And I still thought she was beautiful afterwards. I didn't. It didn't like impact how I saw her at all other than just. She scared me.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Did you cry?

[Dax Shepard]

No, I. I picked her up and carried her to my mother's hotel room. Oh. And I said, we got to go, we got to go to the hospital.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah. This is when you were having sex.

[Dax Shepard]

Don't bring it.

[Monica Padman]

You told it, you've talked about it.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

You are. Oh, this is way different.

[Dax Shepard]

It was postcoital, but.

[Monica Padman]

And what happens?

[Dax Shepard]

I'm not going to go into it, but. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I was 19. It was a little scary.

[Monica Padman]

A little?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And we had to go.

[Monica Padman]

You never get that scared.

[Dax Shepard]

I was pretty scared.

[Monica Padman]

You were? Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, cuz she was 18, I was 19. Her parents knew she was on this trip. I was doing a car show.

[Monica Padman]

Right. Thank God your mom was doing like.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm more responsible for her and I love her. So I'm like, I. I'm. I got qu. That something was wrong with her. But anyways, we went to the, like an emergency room and I don't even know where we were. I think we're in the south somewhere and they just could not get off of. What drugs have you guys done? What drugs have you guys not done? How much have you drank? I haven't drank. We smoke a lot of cigarettes.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

That's about all I can tell you.

[Monica Padman]

Scary. I hope whoever, if I marry anyone, that they cry when I have a seizure.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I hope I don't have one ever again, obviously. But.

[Dax Shepard]

But if you have one, I want them to cry.

[Monica Padman]

Even at the thought of it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you would like that.

[Monica Padman]

You know who cried? Kristen.

[Dax Shepard]

Did she?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, she got. Well, not during it. Yeah. When we were in the hospital, I was still out of like weird for a while after that. And then, you know, we were at the hospital and the doctor came and was talking to me and like kind of asking me questions or whatever. And then she looked Christmas behind. She looked over and she goes, I know it's scary and I looked, I was like, oh, she's crying. It was very, very sad. And then I was like, ugh, I traumatized everybody.

[Dax Shepard]

What if he said, do you know why you're here, Ms. Padman? And you said, did I have a seizure? And he said, no, you farted. And they all smelt it. And that's why she's crying. What's wrong with you? She wants to know if you had a McRib with cap.

[Monica Padman]

Stop it. You're always trying to make me gross. And it's you who's gross. Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, we haven't done many facts.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, we've done a lot. Oh, the Chris Rock joke about cheating is like, men are only as faithful as their options.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, I'll.

[Monica Padman]

I'll play it.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Hannah Berner]

Man is basically as faithful as his options.

[Dax Shepard]

That's how faithful man is.

[Hannah Berner]

No more, no less. They see all these fat Republican guys

[Dax Shepard]

going, I would never do such a thing. This is a travesty.

[Hannah Berner]

I'm like, nobody's trying to blow you. Ain't no 20 year old girls trying

[Dax Shepard]

to blow orange hatch.

[Hannah Berner]

Nobody trying to give Newt Gingrich son. I don't give a fuck. You ain't never gonna hear Newt Gingrich go, man, I wish these hoes would back up off me.

[Monica Padman]

I wish they would just back the

[Dax Shepard]

up off a problem.

[Hannah Berner]

This whole for a man to turn down sexy if it chase us. We can't run that fast.

[Dax Shepard]

It gonna catch us.

[Hannah Berner]

We like pull the hamstring.

[Monica Padman]

It got me.

[Hannah Berner]

It got me. It got me.

[Dax Shepard]

That was an impressive routine. I think that's when he came on. His whole routine was about him. It's admitting he cheated.

[Monica Padman]

I know there was a special. I don't know if this is that one. Maybe. Maybe it is. He did. I remember that.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it was rad.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I mean, it's not. Not rad that he cheated, but it was rad that he was able to tackle. Talk about it on stage was cool, right?

[Monica Padman]

All right, well, that's it.

[Dax Shepard]

That was all.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Hannah, I loved her.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, she was great.

[Dax Shepard]

She's fantastic.

[Monica Padman]

Glad she joined us.

[Dax Shepard]

All right. Love you.

[Monica Padman]

Love you,

[Dax Shepard]

Sam.