Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard – Episode Summary: "Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II"

In the March 28, 2025 episode of Armchair Expert titled "Animal Attack II," host Dax Shepard explores the intense and often harrowing experiences of animal attacks alongside his guest Monica Padman. This episode continues the "Armchair Anonymous" series, where members of Shepard's extended community share their personal encounters with wildlife, delving into themes of survival, resilience, and the unpredictable nature of animals.

---

Introduction

The episode begins with Dax Shepard welcoming listeners to "Armchair Anonymous," introducing Monica Padman as his co-host for the day. They set the stage by discussing the universal fear and fascination surrounding animal attacks.

Dax Shepard [00:22]:
"Animal attacks. They're always good. Yeah, they're always good."

---

Kyle’s Story: The Deer Attack

Kyle shares a vivid memory from his childhood involving a family pet deer named Bucky. Rescued by his grandparents from a precarious situation, Bucky became a beloved family member on their 80-acre property near Austin's hill country. However, during the rutting season in late October, Bucky's behavior changed dramatically.

Kyle [05:04]:
"We grow up with Bucky around."

One October evening, while Kyle and his sister were feeding Bucky, an aggressive response from the deer resulted in Kyle sustaining a severe head injury.

Dax [06:25]:
"I hit my head a lot growing up. There was one memory where I said, dad, am I going to die?"

The incident coincided with his parents' divorce, adding emotional complexity to the family dynamics. Authorities eventually intervened, leading to Bucky's removal under sanitary and safety regulations.

Monica Padman [08:58]:
"You’re the only one that got attacked that I know. Wow. Well, yikes. I'm glad you're okay."

---

Amanda’s Story: The Pit Bull Mauling

Amanda recounts a traumatic experience from November 2020 when she was attacked by a pit bull while assisting a distressed woman and her daughter who were struggling to control their dogs. Amidst personal challenges like unemployment and a pending divorce during the COVID-19 pandemic, Amanda’s encounter with the pit bull left her with significant injuries.

Amanda [15:00]:
"The dog latched on and did... I’m bleeding through my favorite sweatshirt."

Despite her deep love for dogs, this incident led Amanda to reassess her career path. She pivoted from working as a wine cook to becoming an EMT, eventually specializing in emergency preparedness. Her resilience turned a devastating event into a catalyst for personal and professional growth.

Amanda [22:00]:
"This dog bite was the best thing that's happened to me."

---

Rob’s Story: The Moose Attack

Rob shares perhaps the most harrowing account of the episode—a moose attack during his time participating in sprint mushing races in Alaska. His dedication to sled dog racing and canine nutrition set the backdrop for this life-threatening encounter.

Rob [40:00]:
"She knocked me unconscious and left me for dead."

While traversing a remote area with his sled dog team, Rob faced an aggressive moose with a calf. The attack left him with severe injuries, including broken ribs and a fractured elbow. Despite being alone and battling hypothermia, Rob's dog team played a crucial role in rescuing him, underscoring the deep bond between humans and their animal companions.

Rob [43:29]:
"They literally saved my life."

After recovering, Rob redirected his career towards canine nutrition, founding a pet food company that thrives in 18 countries, demonstrating how adversity can lead to unexpected positive outcomes.

---

Additional Interactions and Light-Hearted Moments

Throughout the episode, Dax and Monica intersperse the intense stories with humorous exchanges about merchandise like the "Cookie Boy" shirts and playful banter about wild animal encounters.

Monica Padman [35:04]:
"Every time there's a little earthquake, I think I need to double check again about what you're supposed to do."

These moments provide a balanced atmosphere, highlighting the show's unique blend of deep personal narratives and lighthearted conversation.

---

Conclusion

"Animal Attack II" serves as a powerful exploration of human vulnerability and the unpredictable nature of wildlife. Through the stories of Kyle, Amanda, and Rob, listeners gain insight into the resilience required to overcome life-threatening encounters and the profound impact these experiences can have on one's life trajectory. The episode reinforces the importance of community support and the unbreakable bonds between humans and animals.

Dax Shepard [48:06]:
"We're pretty defenseless against a moose."

Monica Padman [49:28]:
"We like it."

The episode wraps up with reflections on the shared experiences of fear and survival, leaving listeners both moved and entertained by the extraordinary stories of animal attacks and the human spirit's capacity to endure and thrive.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Kyle [06:25]:
  "I hit my head a lot growing up. There was one memory where I said, dad, am I going to die?"

• Amanda [15:00]:
  "The dog latched on and did... I’m bleeding through my favorite sweatshirt."

• Rob [40:00]:
  "She knocked me unconscious and left me for dead."

• Dax Shepard [48:06]:
  "We're pretty defenseless against a moose."

• Monica Padman [49:28]:
  "We like it."

This episode of Armchair Expert not only delivers gripping personal tales but also fosters a sense of camaraderie and understanding among listeners who may have faced similar fears or adversities.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Padman.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Animal attacks.

[Monica Padman]

These are scary.

[Dax Shepard]

They're always good. Yeah, they're always good.

[Monica Padman]

Animals are not to be with you guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. In the past, the two stories that I'll always end up telling at a dinner party is the grizzly bear attack and the shark attack that we've heard. And I'm proud to say there's now a third attack that I've been repeating a lot that comes from this episode. Animal attack was hoard.

[Monica Padman]

I know. I mean, you can't. What do we expect?

[Dax Shepard]

Hard. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Really good. You can't listen, but it's great.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. No, it shan't ever be listened to. Please enjoy Animal Attacks part something.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, just two.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, just two. All right. We are supported by Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Unwind and refresh at Tropical Smoothie Cafe with freshly made smoothies and tropic bowls that instantly transport you to tropic time. One bite or one sip and you'll instantly feel like you're cabana side. Made with refreshing fruit and tropical flavors. Eating your fruit and veggies has never been this fun.

[Monica Padman]

We could make our own armchair Tropic thyme smoothie. And it could have cherries in it.

[Dax Shepard]

Ooh, ooh. It could taste like our favorite ice cream. With cherries in it.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah. So we would add cherries, maybe almond. Let's add some spinach in there for.

[Dax Shepard]

A little spring in your step.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

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[Kyle]

Yeah, that's my crawfish collection.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. And you're wearing those, what, on the weekend or for a specific event?

[Kyle]

I do a crawfish boil usually a couple times a year in spring.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you in Louisiana?

[Kyle]

No, we're a little bit north of Austin.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, and you're doing a crawfish boil. Is that a popular event down there?

[Kyle]

Yeah, a lot of it's brought in from Louisiana.

[Dax Shepard]

They're like shrimp or like lobster or. Neither.

[Kyle]

Neither. They live in swamps. I think they burrow into the ground for most of the winter and then they come up this time of year and that's when they catch them.

[Dax Shepard]

It's like a mud shrimp.

[Monica Padman]

I've been.

[Dax Shepard]

Tell me about it.

[Monica Padman]

I've seen them in the South a lot. They put it all on newspaper and then you eat it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah.

[Kyle]

We'll usually put down metal trays.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yours is fancier than the one I went to then.

[Dax Shepard]

So, Kyle, you have an animal attack story?

[Kyle]

I do. This starts mid-90s. My grandparents found a baby deer on the side of the road, a fawn. And it's covered in fire ants. Not doing well. It's abandoned. They take it home. We live around the Austin area in the hill country. They've got 80 acres. They nurse it back to health. They build a high fence enclosure for this deer and his name becomes bucky. Fast forward four years, Bucky's still there. I'm about seven. My sister's 11. And so we've grown up with Bucky around.

[Dax Shepard]

He's family pet and is he very docile? Would you go out and pet him and interact with him?

[Kyle]

Yeah, we never go into the enclosure with him. But you could go feed him, eat, come eat out of your hand. Also important in these four years, my parents had just gotten divorced. This is a combination of my dad and my grandparents live on the same property. So when me and my sister at my dad's house, he's outnumbered. Yeah, he sends us to go feed Bucky. His enclosure is about 150 yards away from the house. So me and my sister walk up there and we're throwing bread through there. And as we had walked up there, the family dog's in tow. Jasmine.

[Dax Shepard]

And can I quickly ask, has Bucky now got antlers and is he £200? Like how big is Bucky and how formidable has he become?

[Kyle]

He's got an eight point rack. He's pretty good sized.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Okay.

[Kyle]

We're feeding him through the fence. We kind of toss him through. It's just like a 6 inch metal square fence. And as we're throwing, it hits the fence and falls. Jasmine, the family dog, she runs up there to grab a piece and I lean down to stop her. This is the end of October and so that's important because deer are in rut, they're mating and that's when they're all fired up. So as I go down to stop the dog, I don't know if he thinks I'm an opponent or he's not happy with the dog. But he leans forward and hits the fence. So I stand up and I touch my head. My hand comes down, it's solid red.

[E]

Oh, no.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy.

[Kyle]

I'm seven years old, so I have these bright, vivid memories of sections of this. And I look at my sister and she just lets out this scream that I could still hear. Today we go running to the house and so I know my dad's worked in the driveway. Tears are in my face and I can barely see the house. He comes out, he meets us halfway, grabs me, throws me in the truck. And he gives me a hand towel full of ice to hold on there. And it's about 25 minutes to the emergency room. I've hit my head a lot growing up. There was one memory where I said, dad, am I going to die? And he had this running joke where he would say, yes, yeah, but not today. And I remember asking him in the truck, he just said, no.

[Amanda]

Oh no.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah. They accidentally Give themselves away sometimes. Parents, when they're trying to play it cool. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyle]

It was obvious it was serious. And by the time we get to the emergency room, you know, I'm covered in blood. I remember being very calm. I'm talking with the doctor there. He's saying, okay, I have to give you a shot to numb it. We're gonna have to staple this shut. To give you an idea of the wound he was showing my dad. He's got gloved hands on. And he puts his finger up to my dad, says, the middle knuckle. Oh, my skin.

[Dax Shepard]

It didn't puncture your skull, though?

[Kyle]

No, thankfully.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, God. I thought he put his finger knuckle deep into your brain.

[Kyle]

Now I'd be talking, like, Frito likely.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

What's amazing about it is how close that could have been to my eye. I could be blind. They ended up doing five staples. And I had to go to school and tell my teacher and everybody. Oh, I got attacked by the pet deer. Sure, it looked pretty gnarly with metal stapled in my head. Oh, bringing up the divorce. What quickly happened after is Texas Parks and Wildlife shows up at my parents and grandparents house asking where the deer is.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, because someone at the hospital reported it, or your mom did.

[Kyle]

I asked my mom, I said, was it you? And she said, I'm not going to say, oh, okay. She goes, I can guarantee you. I told the divorce attorney, because I'm sure there was custody going on. When I interviewed my grandma this week, trying to piece together some things, she goes, well, that officer told us it was your mother.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, in her defense, if my child, while I'm not around, gets gored by a deer, I'm like, fuck that. Get that deer out of. Why do they have a buck rutting in the backyard?

[Monica Padman]

I get both. Because your dad's like, we're just living. It was an accident.

[Dax Shepard]

Did they eat Bucky or. You can't turn Bucky free at that point, can you?

[Kyle]

They told them he was going to be released into some kind of sanctuary. He's used to being around people. What's surprising is as I've been queued up to be on here. I've told this story to a few people this week, and I think three people have told me they had a deer growing up. My wife had a deer, my barber's husband.

[Monica Padman]

What?

[Kyle]

And somebody I had lunch with today.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no kidding.

[Dax Shepard]

As standard in Hill country, maybe.

[Monica Padman]

But you're the only one that got attacked that I know. Wow. Well, yikes. I'm glad you're okay.

[Kyle]

You got me on here.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so Bucky left. Were the grandparents sad? Did everyone miss Bucky? Or in a week they're like, oh, yeah, I forgot we even had that. Why did we have that?

[Kyle]

I'm sure they were just more mad at my mom.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, they had bigger fish to fry.

[Dax Shepard]

Divorce is kind of tainted.

[Monica Padman]

They take over.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, Kyle, pleasure meeting you.

[Kyle]

Yeah, yeah, nice to meet you. Is it okay if my wife pops on and say hello?

[Dax Shepard]

Of course. Hello. How are you?

[Megan]

Good.

[Dax Shepard]

What's your name?

[Megan]

Megan.

[Monica Padman]

Are you wearing a sweatshirt? Oh, look at you.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you for supporting us.

[Megan]

Always. I appreciate the entertainment.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, good.

[Dax Shepard]

And do you think you'll also get a T shirt?

[Megan]

It's on the way. While I was listening to the Cookie Boy disagreement, that's when I purchased it. While I'm walking the dogs. I bought it while you were disagreeing about who. Who would or would not wear the shirt. I would encourage you to wear it.

[Dax Shepard]

I will. To make everyone happy. But what a clever marketing ploy that would be if we were that calculated accident. I think a lot of people came to your defense and bought it just to defend you. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Maybe they just like it and think everyone should wear it.

[Dax Shepard]

That too. But also, I think some people are like, I got to support Monica.

[Megan]

All the comments, Monica were I bought the Cookie Boy shirt because of that.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Megan]

We're here for you.

[Dax Shepard]

Thank you.

[Monica Padman]

I'm excited to wear it so we can all.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, well, lovely meeting both of you.

[Monica Padman]

Meeting both of you.

[Megan]

Thank you so much.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, take care.

[Monica Padman]

Little armchair family.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. She merged. She bought Cookie Boy to stick up for her sister.

[Monica Padman]

She bought Cookie Boy because she loved it.

[Dax Shepard]

Because it's such a good. It is good. It is good. I never said it wasn't good. It was always a conversation about whether I thought I was false advertising. That's it.

[Monica Padman]

We need to put out to the armchairies what they want to see on a shirt.

[Dax Shepard]

We already decided.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah, but we'll have more.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, okay, great.

[Monica Padman]

So they should tell us what they want.

[Dax Shepard]

Hit the comments of this episode and tell us what shirts you want. Cuz we forget.

[Monica Padman]

We forget a lot of stuff.

[Dax Shepard]

We forget. We're forgetful.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I'll probably say it on the fact check, but for these listeners, I did reach out to the person who I saw online.

[Dax Shepard]

You did?

[Monica Padman]

I DMed.

[Dax Shepard]

Was there a response?

[Monica Padman]

Yes, a very, very kind response. But he does have a girlfriend.

[Rob]

Oh.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. But it was very nice.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I want to hear all the details.

[Monica Padman]

I'm not going to explain. Expose him.

[Dax Shepard]

In your reach out, you made it clear you were interested romantically.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, right.

[Dax Shepard]

Because he had to say, I have a girlfriend.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. I'm so proud of you. How did you phrase it? I don't want to say, oh, half in, half out.

[Monica Padman]

Well, it's vulnerable. But I did it and I'm proud I did it.

[Dax Shepard]

Congrats.

[Monica Padman]

I wish it had gone differently, obviously, but it affirmed that he is the type of person that I would like.

[Dax Shepard]

Also, he would ignore most people.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

Sending that.

[Monica Padman]

Hello?

[Amanda]

Hello? Can you hear me?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, we can hear.

[Dax Shepard]

Can you turn your camera on?

[Amanda]

Oh, wait, you know what?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, there you are.

[Amanda]

I had work mode on.

[Monica Padman]

Good. We can see you now.

[Dax Shepard]

So, Amanda, where are you?

[Amanda]

I am in Atlanta, Georgia.

[Monica Padman]

Where? What part?

[Amanda]

Currently, I'm in Brookhaven. I will say, Monica, I'm jealous of you because we graduated the same year of high school and I went to Brookwood and I was a competition cheerleader and we were failures compared to you.

[Monica Padman]

Wait, you and I competed against each other? That's wild.

[Dax Shepard]

We've never heard of a disgruntled competitor yet. This is a first.

[Amanda]

I won't be that disgruntled because I was more of the spirit, hands on the floor, they didn't know what to do with me kind of cheerleader.

[Monica Padman]

I doubt that.

[Dax Shepard]

Like more of a participation trophy type situation. Yeah. Okay. Wonderful, wonderful.

[Monica Padman]

If you're on that competition squad, you had some skills. We've met before. This is so crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

It is. Okay, well, most importantly, you were attacked by an animal. Unless you were the animal that attacked.

[Monica Padman]

I don't know.

[Dax Shepard]

Could go either way. Humans are animals.

[Amanda]

So this is November of 2020. I had just recently been working in an emergency department. I loved it, but I was trying to figure out what my path would be in my career. And so I ended up getting my master's degree and taking some time off. My master's degree was in basically emergency preparedness. Then I tried to apply for jobs with that in the heart of the pandemic, and they were like, well, we need some people with some experience. I ended up being unemployed for a little while. I was also going through a divorce.

[Dax Shepard]

Boy, Covid was really something for you.

[Amanda]

Yeah, yeah, it was a lot. But I started working as a wine cook and trying to be the most outdoorsy version of myself as I could be because I had time. I was single. So I was about to try and go on this run and I needed directions, and so I pulled over to look for directions. And I saw this woman and her daughter. They were hysterical. And like kind of pointing across this five, six lane road, I saw that they had lost control of their dogs. And they were on leashes, but just hysterical. I've had big pit bulls my entire life. And so it was like, I got this. I'm gonna be a good Samaritan and go help them.

[Dax Shepard]

You have a master's in emergency preparedness. This has to fall under that umbrella.

[Amanda]

It should. So I get out and I'm doing the kind of like slapping my knee motion. Come to me. And they do. But one of the dogs just immediately latches onto my arm.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. What kind of dog?

[Amanda]

It was a pit. And I've had pits my entire adult life. You know, when you rescue a pit, there's some innate distrust from the community. Understandably. They've got big teeth. Even when you train them and raise them right, we don't really know what they're gonna do.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, just the bottom line is if it goes sideways, they have the physical ability to really harm somebody. That's what all of us non pit people on the outside are going. It's like, yeah, tigers could be great, but fuck, one goes sideways, they can kill a human. So this thing latched onto your arm.

[Amanda]

Yeah. And I know the listeners can't see and you might not be able to either.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah, you got some real.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, both sides punctures.

[Amanda]

Yeah. So the dog latched on and did.

[Monica Padman]

One of those like you were its chew toy.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I'm bleeding through my favorite sweatshirt. Her daughter, who I find out is 10 years old and she is just hysterical. I feel so bad for her, but at the same time, I kind of feel bad for myself.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, you're getting mauled by a vicious animal. Mom, I need to lay low for a few days.

[Amanda]

Lay low? What's going on?

[Dax Shepard]

I only paid for this Hyundai Tucson.

[Amanda]

Christopher Allen lynch deal.

[Dax Shepard]

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[Brittany]

Imagine this. You help your little brother land a great job abroad. But when he arrives, the job doesn't exist. Instead, he's trapped in a heavily guarded compound, forced to sit at a computer and scam innocent victims. All while armed guards stand by with shoot to kill orders. Scam factory, the explosive new true crime podcast. From Wondery exposes a multi billion dollar criminal empire operating in plain sight. Told through one family's harrowing account of sleepless nights, desperate phone calls and dangerous rescue attempts, Scam Factory reveals a brutal truth. The only way out is to scam their way out. Follow Scam Factory on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Scam Factory early and ad free right now by joining Wondery.

[I]

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Revolution Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up, they connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

[Amanda]

So it's probably like six seconds. It's not that long. But she grabs hold of the leash and she tosses her phone in her wallet on the ground because they're on this walk. She was like, it's collateral. And she leaves with the dog because they live like right down the street. So she was like, I'm gonna take my dog away and that's my collateral. You have my daughter in my information. Oh my take of it. Because they lived in the apartment complex right near where it happened. I think that she let her daughter hold the leashes while she was locking the door or something.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. Ye. It's a strong dog.

[Monica Padman]

And then they were out trying to find them, I guess.

[Amanda]

Yeah. So the daughter, I'm trying not to yell at her because I don't want to yell at a 10 year old.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Amanda]

I was like, can you call 91 1- please?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[E]

She's like, I don't have a phone.

[Amanda]

I was like, that's my phone. Meanwhile I'm like up on the hood of my car even though the other dog is gone. There's a chihuahua there. I'm like, it's Going to bite my ankles. I'm just being super irrational at that point.

[Monica Padman]

No. Chihuahuas are also vicious.

[Dax Shepard]

They wish they were pit bulls.

[Amanda]

So she does 911 and puts the phone in between my shoulder and my ear as I'm holding my arm. Monica, I'm sure you know the level one trauma hospital in Atlanta. Grady was right down the street. They came within, like, three minutes. And the police showed up and they're like, do you want to press charges? I said, no, the woman didn't bite me.

[Dax Shepard]

People are going to be so mad at me right now. But does it cross your mind maybe I got to press charges because they don't have control of the dog and someone else is going to get their arm bit? It gets a little murky for me.

[Amanda]

It didn't in the moment. It did much later, but only because the bill wasn't paid. What Grady ended up doing was they charged me what's called indigent care. It's what they charge for, like, homeless populations. So I paid like 300 bucks for the ambulance. Whoever coded it the way that they coded it, they knew that I was not going to be paid. And it's not to say that this family is bad people, but they never followed up. I get to the hospital and I'm deemed very stable. I mean, the bleeding has stopped. I do have a significant enough wound that they have to debris it with, like, sterile water, which is terrible. But I was sitting there with the person in front of me who was laid on his front side because he had been shot in the butt. So he's stable enough to be out there. I'm like, I'm just chilling.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. But it does paint a picture of where you're at. There's gunshot wounds in the lobby.

[Monica Padman]

Fair amount of gunshots that come through Grady.

[Amanda]

The fact that I was brought in the ambulance and I got to kind of see that process and then got to sit in the ER for a while and listen to the emergency room process. I was like, you know, I know I can't go back to work for a while because I've got this open wound. They don't close a lot of animal wounds because of bacteria and stuff. So I can't go work in a kitchen. So I was going to go home. And do what? Just sit? So, no, I studied and became an EMT instead.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Pivot.

[Amanda]

And then I worked on an ambulance, and then I started working for Grady.

[Monica Padman]

Whoa.

[Amanda]

Three shifts in, I met this guy.

[Monica Padman]

Meet cute.

[Amanda]

Well, hold on. It is a meet cute, but he's A serial killer. Within 10 minutes, he was talking about his wife, who's awesome. And I was like, okay, cool. Not gonna happen. And then within three hours, he was like, you gotta meet my friend Ted. You're like the female version of him. I was like, no one wants to date that. And then I met him and I was like, I think he's really cool.

[Monica Padman]

Amazing.

[Amanda]

Even though we don't have the same exact things in common that he thought we get along. So now we're married.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful. You and Ted tied the knot.

[Amanda]

The same partner from Grady introduced me to my now boss, who completely changed my career trajectory. So I'm working in local government doing emergency preparedness work. This dog bite was the best thing that's happened to me.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that's a really positive. Yeah. Now I feel bad and I guess I owe the pit bull thank you.

[Amanda]

Oh, last thing I was told, under threat of death, if I don't call out the Vortex in Atlanta. Oh, that's the restaurant I worked at. I went in this morning because I was stopping by a couple places in Atlanta and particularly my friend Shannon was like, if you don't tell Dax and Monica that I am their number one fan, I will not be your friend anymore.

[Dax Shepard]

What kind of cuisine do we have at Vortex? Should we eat there, Monica?

[Amanda]

Oh, all burgers, all fried stuff.

[Monica Padman]

It's kind of an institution.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I love a burg.

[Amanda]

You'll have a sodium headache, but it's great.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I'll take it.

[Monica Padman]

How fun.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, shout out Vortex. Shout out pit bulls.

[Monica Padman]

Shout out Grady Hospital.

[Dax Shepard]

Grady Hospital. Making dreams come true.

[Monica Padman]

Shout out Te.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, Ted. Way to get it, Ted.

[Monica Padman]

We love this. Congratulations.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's a great story. Very rarely do the animal tax stories have a silver lining, and this one really does. Well, lovely meeting you, Amanda.

[Amanda]

It was lovely meeting you too.

[Dax Shepard]

Take care. Hi, is this Brittany?

[E]

Hi. Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful. Are you married to Matt?

[E]

I am, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

This is his account.

[E]

This is his account. He's done literally everything for me today.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you at?

[E]

I'm in Boulder, Colorado.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, lovely. Okay, I'm trying to think what animal you could have been attacked by in Boulder. I guess this guy's the limit. You really have a lot of stuff, right. You got mountain lion and bear.

[E]

Yep, all the good stuff. So we actually live two doors down from where this happened. I am neighbors with my parents. So this happened summer of 2009. It was the day after my mom's birthday and we had all gone to sleep. It was like 2:00 in the morning.

[Dax Shepard]

How old were you at the time?

[E]

I was 17 at the time. So it was my last summer before senior year. I was over it already. And then this happened. I was like, I'm out of here. And now I'm back. So the layout of our house is my dad built it and the first floor is the main floor. So it has a kitchen and there's a room off the side of it. And then there's two bedrooms and then he added onto it later. And so there's the master bedroom downstairs and then another bedroom. My brother got the bedroom downstairs, I got the bedroom upstairs. And then obviously my parents are down in the basement. So we had a 40 pound Jack Russell terrier, German shepherd mix. Super smart, super spunky.

[Dax Shepard]

Too much energy.

[E]

A lot of energy. She was gruffing at my mom in the middle of the night and my mom was trying to ignore it and still sleep. She would smell stuff either from outside or through our swamp cooler. She would catch whiffs of stuff sometimes. So my mom was just ignoring it. And then she got a little bit more agitated and was like barking at my mom. So she was like, okay, I'll go check it out. My dad is now totally deaf. Back then he was very close. So he's dead to the world, has no idea anything's going on. But hearing aids do the trick. So my mom headed upstairs and we had this cut out window from our living room that you could see through into the kitchen. And so my mom peered through there and there was a bear charging at her.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, in the home?

[E]

In the home.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh boy.

[E]

And so this little 40 pound dog starts to go to take care of the bear and my mom is hysterically screaming.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, what color bear?

[E]

We have black bears here, so thankfully.

[Dax Shepard]

No grizzlies, but still it could be a 3, 400 pound.

[E]

He had actually gotten into my car the same week. I had left like this much in a Starbucks cup.

[Monica Padman]

That was a small amount for the last week.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, she just held up an inch between her index and her thumb. Yeah.

[E]

And I don't know how much you know about bears, but they are nasty, grease, greasy animals. So he left lots of grease all.

[Dax Shepard]

Over my car from going through trash and stuff.

[Monica Padman]

They never wash their hair, they don't like to shower. Good hygiene.

[E]

Yeah, stinky, greasy, all that good stuff. So my mom's screaming bloody murder. She hightails it back into the bathroom that's right by my bedroom and is still screaming. My mom used to like ridicule me of like, Brittany, you can't just sleep in your underwear. You have to sleep in clothes because what if something terrible happens in the middle of the night? You need to be ready. That stuff never happens. Yeah, I'm leaping out of my bunk bed, just in my underwear, eating some humble pie, and I, like, step out there. I'm like, what's going on? And she's like, there's a bear in the house. And then book shit down the stairs and left me. Oh, I'm assuming she thought I was following her, but the dog was still upstairs. The dog was going bananas near our kitchen.

[Dax Shepard]

Now, hold on, I gotta pause to just say we just kind of shit on dogs for a dog attack story a little bit ago. Now, this is where dogs rock. Dogs don't fucking take on a bear to protect you.

[Monica Padman]

This is true.

[Dax Shepard]

This is good.

[Monica Padman]

We're getting both sides. They rock.

[E]

My dog would not give up. Do I stop trying to cover myself up and try and save my dog? Do I just hightail it and hope that she makes it? So I free the titties, run after, grab the dog by the, like, tip of her tail and, like, drag her back. And the bear is still following us at this point. Oh, my God. Pick her up. Book it down the stairs. And we don't know where it is at this point. So we get down there. My brother is also just in his underwear, putting his contact lenses in, readying himself for battle. Speaking of which, my dad was in the process of loading up his shotgun. He kept things separately so he wasn't as quick as could be, but it was safe.

[Monica Padman]

Thank God he finally heard.

[E]

I know.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[E]

My mom at that point had gotten down there and let him know what was going on. So he put two rubber pellets in the gun and then had a regular slug shot ready to go again. Super deaf. Didn't put in his hearing aids before he went up there, which was a foul choice. And his idea was to go up and open one of the doors to let the bear escape. So he went back up there, flipped on a light to open the side door, and the bear was charging him.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. This bear is so.

[E]

He, likes, shot the rubber round, and it just beyond pissed it off, and it got, like, really aggressive. And so we're downstairs. My mom is rightfully still freaking out. I called 911 to get them on the phone. So I'm giving them details while they can hear shotgun shells going off in the background. And we hear shooting and then a scuffle, and then we hear another shot and then another scuffle and then my dad did his third real round, which turned out to be another rubber pellet round. And he grabbed the wrong color, so he had no actual real protection. He shot it. And for some reason that three rounds of rubber pellets to the face disoriented him enough. So we all of a sudden just hear my dad barreling down the stairs. And my mom was like, open the door to my brother. So my brother let him in really quick and we slammed the door shut because we didn't know if the bear was going to follow. The 911 operator told us to go out of the house and get in our car and wait at the bottom of our driveway for the sheriff to come. So we did that and the sheriff came and kind of poking around, asking us questions, visibly shaking. And he's like, I would rather deal with any armed criminal than a bear. They're my biggest fear.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, geez, they sent the wrong guy.

[E]

He was the only one at that time too. So he went up and quickly got to action. And so we heard another couple rounds go off and then more sheriff showed up. So he had backup finally. But what happened is he went in the house and the bear was at the back of that side room clawing at a window, clearly trying to get out. It turned around, started to charge him, he shot it. And again, I don't know how much you know about bears, but they have really thick skulls and so it is extremely hard to shoot a bear in the head.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, you can kill a bear, but it's gonna be 10 minutes after you shoot it. You gotta deal with this bear that doesn't even fucking feel that it got shot.

[E]

Or you luck out enough to go through the ribs or something like that. But if it's charging you, you don't have that shot. He actually shot the bear five times and it did nothing but piss it off. And it continued to charge at it. The next sheriff came and had a bigger gun and it took actually three more rounds from that than to put this bear down.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. So a bear was killed in your living room.

[E]

The way that he was charging, he.

[Monica Padman]

Technically died outside the way he would have wanted it.

[E]

Yes, exactly. Back into the wild.

[Dax Shepard]

He died doing what he loved, being outside.

[E]

He definitely got vengeance on us though, because he smeared his body over every surface that was in our house.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[E]

So they brought us back up, they showed us the bear. He was like a two year old, only 120 pound bear. He had somehow learned that if you push on the side of the door threshold. You can kind of warp it enough. And that just swung the door wide open.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my goodness.

[Monica Padman]

He was brilliant.

[Dax Shepard]

He's like, yeah, he should have been in the circus.

[E]

No kidding. So that's how he got in without us hearing a big bang. One of the rounds that they shot at him hit him in the forehead and ricocheted off and went through one of our windows and, like, smashed our windows. We went in the house and it was like a massacre. There was blood everywhere. And my dad was dealing with the sheriff going over everything. And my mom is calling the insurance agent and claiming this with homeowners insurance. And he's like, I don't even know how to enter this. This is my first there in the house. They told us that they would cover everything and that they could send a cleaning crew up the next day or we could do it and we would get a check. And my mom was like, put some gloves on and get going.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, sure.

[E]

We had to fuck up and get it done. And then shortly after that, for some reason, the sheriff had to report it nationally.

[Dax Shepard]

They probably track bear attacks around the country. Probably, yeah.

[E]

So then that meant that the news got all of our information. So they were calling and calling, and my dad didn't want to do it because we are in Boulder and it's a pretty liberal city, and he was really worried that he was going to be tagged as the bear murderer.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, it's not his fault. Oh, my God.

[E]

We kept telling him that. We're like, dad, you literally saved our families.

[Dax Shepard]

You should have let the bear eat you.

[Monica Padman]

I mean, I know, right?

[E]

So, yeah, everyone except for my brother got charged by a black bear.

[Monica Padman]

Whoa. That is wild.

[Dax Shepard]

And the doggy made it.

[E]

She lived a long, happy, healthy life. She was never the same after that. Always on high alert. We called her the bear dog after that, and she lived to tell the tale.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow, I wonder if that you didn't have a dog in. This bear, you know, is rutting around the kitchen, finds a bunch of peanut butter and yummy stuff, and then just ate 50,000 calories and then just went to sleep. If you guys would have woken up and found like a snoozing full bear in the living room, do you think.

[Monica Padman]

The bear would have have left after it at eight? It's dinner.

[Dax Shepard]

Why would it. It's inside, there's a couch.

[Monica Padman]

But they don't really want to interact with people. Right. They will if there are people there. Right.

[Dax Shepard]

They tend to avoid people. But if there's yummy food and they'll eat till they are.

[E]

You know, nearly ironically, he ate a ton of Crystal Light of my mom.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, he loved it was low.

[E]

Calaite was exploded everywhere around our kitchen.

[Dax Shepard]

If you've only been eating leaves and bark and berries and you get your hands on some Cryst Light, I can't imagine what an explosion of flavor that was.

[E]

Maybe that's just what amped him up.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I think maybe if he hadn't gotten into that, he might have been more docile. This is why Monica doesn't live in Boulder.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I was about to say people are scared of LA because of the fires. And they're like, I'm going to move everywhere has something is going to get you.

[E]

We have B and fires.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, so double whammy.

[Dax Shepard]

We have earthquakes and fires and mudslides and mountain lions and bears.

[Monica Padman]

Pedophiles and criminals, just like everyone gangs.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, Brittany, wow, what a thrilling story. What a thing to witness.

[Monica Padman]

Thanks for telling us that. That was hairy and harrowing.

[E]

Yes. And if I can quickly shout out my friend Nicole, she is my beloved boss.

[Dax Shepard]

Shout out to Nicole. Thanks for being a great boss.

[E]

Yes, definitely.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, take care.

[Monica Padman]

That is a weird sim because the other day we had an earthquake.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. We haven't even talked about it. You were in your bedroom.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I was in my bed. The earthquake happened and I was just wearing underwear and I was like, I'm putting pants on. If there's gonna be more tonight and I gotta like run outside or something. I can't be in my undies.

[Dax Shepard]

I was in the basement watching a guest movie and the whole house started shaking above me and I was like, oh my God, the house is gonna fucking collapse on me. I do not want to be in this basement right now. I wanna fall down on shit.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, so every time there's a little earthquake, I think I need to double check again about what you're supposed to do.

[Dax Shepard]

Go on a door frame.

[Monica Padman]

I know it's the door frame, but being on the first floor, I'm like, is that gonna do anything? The whole thing?

[Dax Shepard]

I think it will.

[Monica Padman]

Really?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Go outside.

[Rob]

Right.

[Monica Padman]

Also, I've heard that. And I'm like, do you just run outside?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, you gotta make a game day decision. Is it more dangerous? I mean, ideally, yes. Being away from the falling buildings, the best. But if you think you're going to be mid run when the building falls on, you could have stood in a doorway which will protect you.

[Rob]

Get on a boat if you can.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you want to get on a boat as quick as possible. And wait for the tsunami to take you. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, God.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, last one. Wobby Wob is calling.

[E]

Hey, guys, Tell us about the time.

[Monica Padman]

You were attacked, Rob.

[Dax Shepard]

Rob never told us he was attacked by a lion. Hello, Is this Rob?

[Rob]

It sure is.

[Dax Shepard]

You have a half of a moose rack behind you.

[Monica Padman]

So this promises to be foreshadowing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, maybe.

[Rob]

I have so many moose things. Because of this attack, Everybody sends something from a moose.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. Okay. I don't think we've heard a moose story.

[Monica Padman]

We're excited.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Wow. Well, first of all, Rob, where are you?

[Rob]

Sellersville, Pennsylvania. Bucks County.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Bucks County. That's on Brand and I used to.

[Rob]

Travel to Alaska every winter with our sled dogs. I did that for 20 winter.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. You're an anironda. What is it called?

[Rob]

Diderot?

[Dax Shepard]

Iditarod.

[Rob]

No, the Iditarod is a distance race where they go about five to seven miles an hour. We do sprint mushing, so our average speed is over 20 miles an hour. Wow. And the advantage is it's only 10 to 20 miles. So I get to sleep in a warm bed at night, as do my dogs.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful, Wonderful. Really quick. How do you travel up to Alaska with that many dogs? With a truck and trailer?

[Rob]

Yeah, big truck. They got to be let out about. About six times a day. It's about an eight to ten day drive. And we do it in the winter. We go up around Thanksgiving and come home around Easter.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my boy. You got to be into it, man. That's a lot of commitment.

[Rob]

I look back on it now and I wonder, what was I thinking?

[Dax Shepard]

Right?

[Monica Padman]

Okay, let's hear your story.

[Rob]

I don't know what you know about moose, but if you travel out to the parks out west, they will tell you the single most dangerous animal you'll see out here isn't a grizzly bear. It isn't a timberwolf. It's a cow moose with a calf. And so in Alaska, it's always a concern because if you run into one with a calf, I've had friends that have had dogs that were stomped and killed. Typical. In the winter, a moose eats about 40 pounds of willows a day, which fills a 55 gallon trash can.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Rob]

And on cold winters, of course, the caloric needs are up, so they eat even more. So they tend to be more irritable and a little more aggressive. So it adds a whole new layer to the word hangry we should add to.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. Moose have terrible eyesight. Isn't that Part of the reason they're aggressive, they don't see you and then all of a sudden they see you. And it's a little shocking to them.

[Rob]

But they don't necessarily want to get out of the way because they're six foot at the shoulder and they weigh about 1400 pounds.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, there's males, they've shot that thousand pounds.

[Rob]

So when I'm out with a sled dog team, you don't have reins on them. So your leaders are your steering wheel. And your lead dogs might be between 40 and 70ft in front of you, depending on how big a team you're driving. So they don't always see what you see. And so on this particular training run, I was out several miles from our cabin and I went to make a right hand turn into the boy to go around a big loop. And as I told them to turn right, the leaders backed off like they saw something. I thought it was a squirrel or a rabbit. And then we turned behind and went around this big looper about 300 yards back in the bush. I come around a bend and it wasn't a rabbit or a squirrel. It was a cow moose with a calf. I don't blame the moose because think about what she's thinking. We went by her once, now we're turning around, she sees it aggressive. So I slam on the brakes. I have to make a split second decision. I'm a dog lover. I've been in dogs my entire life. I started screaming, waving my arms, tried to make myself big, hoping that she would leave the dogs alone and maybe wander off. But she did something that nobody expected and certainly I didn't. She ignored the dog team and comes charging at me. So she leaves the dog team right next to her calf. I want the dogs out of there. I let go of the dog team, told them to go home, and they take off and they're like, see you.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, God.

[Rob]

And I stupidly thought I could get to a birch tree behind me, climb the birch tree. Once the moose calmed down, then I could walk those miles back to the cabin. Bad idea.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Not a great game plan, but I understand you're under a lot of duress.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And aren't these dogs protective of you? Weren't they inclined to go after the moose?

[Rob]

They were very afraid of the moose. They just sort of laid down. When I let them go, they're saying, I agree, let's go.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, let's get the fuck away.

[Rob]

Luckily for me, it turned out that the snow is pretty deep. I didn't get halfway to the birch tree, and the moose ran me.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Rob]

I fell down in the snow. And the last thing I remember was her hooves pounding on my chest.

[Kyle]

Oh.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my.

[Dax Shepard]

My God.

[Rob]

So she knocked me unconscious and left me for dead. I laid there. It was 20 below, which is another problem.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy.

[Rob]

And we figured, based on time frame, I was unconscious for about 30 minutes, which, as you can imagine, is. Is really dangerous. When I came to, I honestly didn't know where I was or what happened. And then I started to realize that I'd been stomped. So my next thought is, she's still here. I literally laid there, just rolled my eyes to see if I could see her, and she was gone. And I tried to move, and the pain was excruciating. It turned out she had broken all my ribs. She tore the cartilage in my sternum. She fractured my elbow. In fact, I still have a steel bolt and wire that reminds me every day of this. But the real problem was I couldn't breathe. And now I realize there's no way I can make my way back to the cabin. So my right hand was swollen like a boxer's glove. The surgeon figured I was trying to block her blows.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Rob]

But, you know, these wildlife biologists tell you if you're ever attacked by a wild animal that just lay dead, trust me, they'd never been attacked. It's humanly impossible not to defend yourself.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Rob]

The only part of me that was exposed was my left hand. Because what saved me was, as she's pounding me, the snow's so deep, she's actually pushing me down in the snow.

[Dax Shepard]

It was absorbing some of that impact.

[Rob]

So, like an old native told me, if she would have caught you on the hard pack trail, she'd have ripped you to shreds. But now I realize the only chance I had to get back to the cabin was the dog team, because I realized I can't walk back with these injuries. The other thing is that I'm hypothermic. So when you become hypothermic, your body temperature gets so low, you get really sleepy. And that's how people die from hypothermia. I lay there, and I really just wanted to go to sleep. And I realized that if I do this, I'll never wake up. The problem was my dog team's heading back to the cabin. Cabin. But my family is still in Bucks County. They won't arrive for another two weeks.

[E]

Right.

[Rob]

So nobody's going to know that I'm missing my wife and I try and talk every day, but, you know, four hour time change, so she wouldn't even worry about it until the next day. Now I realize I'm in deep trouble and I'm starting to fall asleep. And I think I got to make it back to the main trail. It was about 300 yards, because if I die here, which I knew I was going to die, it'll be maybe two weeks before they find my body. If I can make it out to the main trail and die there, a snowmobile or a trapper, another dog team, they'll find my body. So I focused on my wife and kids and just started crawling back out.

[Monica Padman]

To the main trail.

[Rob]

I cover that 300 yards. Miracle. I don't know how it happened, but there was the dog team. It turned out when the dog team turned back onto the main trail, the sled tipped over. We have in the sled what's called a snow hook. It's like a boat anchor that fell out and caught in the snow and held the dog team there.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. This is like so often. It's like the worst luck on earth happens simultaneously to the impossibly good luck.

[Rob]

I make my way back. I stand up the sled. The dog are perfectly quiet. They're scared, but now they see me. So they went from being scared to, I'm there. Okay, let's go. Let's get out of here. So I stand up the sled, I kick the snow hook loose with my foot because I have no use of this arm. It turned out the two bones in my elbow were an inch and a half apart, which I didn't even think was possible. I get back on the sled, they start taking me back to the cabin. I don't even remember much about the trip trip other than every once in a while they'd hit a bump. And you can imagine the pain. I was in and out of consciousness and then trying to go around these curves at 20 plus miles an hour with one arm. They bring me all the way back to the cabin. I stagger into the cabin and I picked up the phone and I called a friend. All he heard was that I've been stomped. And the phone went dead. And he rushed over, he helped me out to the truck, and they hauled me 50 miles to the hospital where they started to do surgery. So the dogs literally saved my life. And so I'm impassioned to them for sure. But an interesting thing happened. After I get out of the hospital, I find out that that actually wasn't my first call. My first call was to my neighbor who lived across a slough in a cabin, and I asked her to come over and take care of the dogs.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Rob, this will seem off topic, but what on earth did you do for a living that you could leave at Thanksgiving and come home at Easter? I'm a little hung up on how the fuck you made all this work.

[Rob]

It's all about the dogs. I went to college, northern Minnesota. I was bored to death. I went to the sled dog race and I thought, wow, this is really cool. And so I started to rescue sled dogs, dogs that nobody wanted. Started training them, and then I started beat some of the people that had given me, including one guy who refused to believe it was the same dog.

[Dax Shepard]

Right, right, right.

[Rob]

Well, one day, one of the dogs. Dogs couldn't get out of her doghouse because she was paralyzed. Rush her to the vet. And they determined she was selenium deficient. So I changed her diet. Not only did she get better, but the whole dog team performed better. It changed my life. I decided this is what I'm going to do the rest of my life. I'm going to study nutrition. So I changed my major, went to Ohio State, where I'm originally from Ohio, studied nutrition, and then from there was invited to be a grad student at Penn at the vet school school. Studied nutrition for seven years. So I published work that have helped define how working dogs should be fed. And I started a pet food company.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Rob]

I'm a canine nutritionist and I designed diets for dogs and cats. Now you can buy our food in 18 different countries.

[Monica Padman]

So cool.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. So, yeah, I guess that's in keeping if you're disappearing for several months. Yeah, it's part of the job.

[Rob]

Well, you know what? People didn't realize that whether I was in Pennsylvania or Alaska, we actually formulated some of the diets in a little cabin with no running water in the interior of Alaska. We're testing them on our dogs. So there's no better way to find out how good a food is than on a performance animal.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow, Rob, that's a crazy story. Last question. It's unrelated. Are you a listener or do you have like a daughter or somebody who said, dad, you gotta call in law?

[Rob]

Who's sitting here is the one that turned me on to you. And I told her she should come and say hello.

[Dax Shepard]

We would love to meet you.

[Rob]

Come on, Madison. Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi. You turned your father in law onto the show?

[E]

Yeah, I said, I don't have a good enough story. But I know someone.

[Dax Shepard]

This sometimes happens.

[Monica Padman]

That is a good enough story, I'll tell you that.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah, it's going up there with the grizzly bear and the shark. Incredible.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, man.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, Madison, so nice meeting you, Rob. Thank you for telling that.

[Rob]

I will be a listener now.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, good. We'd love to have. Have you. All right, bye. Take care, guys.

[Rob]

All right, thanks.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Wow. So people send him moose stuff because he had a big half of a moose antler.

[Monica Padman]

It's kind of throwing it in your face.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's a little bit like. I don't know if I'd want to see moose stuff around me all the time.

[Monica Padman]

He's taking it in stride. That is scary.

[Dax Shepard]

But I've been around moose. Well, I saw an enormous one in Alaska on a trip to Alaska. But I have seen them in Jackson Hole a bunch, and they're so big. I just can't imagine laying on your back and looking up at one. That would be insane.

[Monica Padman]

Do you think if they saw me, they'd be like, she's too small?

[Dax Shepard]

It's a waste of our energy?

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, you know, Tom Hansen almost died in front of my eyes from a moose. Yes.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Dax Shepard]

So I'm at Tom Hansen's house. I think we had taken the dogs in the backyard. That's why we were outside. But it was nighttime, and he was standing with his back to the lake that's in the backyard. And Monica, for real, There was only 20ft between Tom Hansen's back and the lake. And we're just chatting, and all of a sudden I hear stomping. And then this fucking bull moose that's running full tilt crosses frame behind Tom Hansen in this 20 fit gap. It's running as fast as it could, and it's an 18002000 pound moose. And it like, blows by. And Tom spins around, he's like, oh, my God. I'm like, oh, my God. Dude. A moose just wiped frame. If you were standing four feet back, you would have been plastered.

[Monica Padman]

It was wild scary. We're just little humans.

[Dax Shepard]

We're pretty defenseless against a moose. Oh, all right, well, animal attacks. That works. That's the keeper.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, we like it.

[Dax Shepard]

We like it. All right. Love you.

[Monica Padman]

Love you.

[Rob]

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have have a song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of arm cherries, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme. Dish on the Fire Rhyme Dish.

[Amanda]

Enjoy.

[Dax Shepard]

Follow Armchair Expert on the Wonry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcast. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry App or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.