Armchair Anonymous: Bad Dates

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard: Episode Summary — "Armchair Anonymous: Bad Dates"

Release Date: July 25, 2025

In this engaging episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, host Dax Shepard teams up with Monica Padman to delve into the murky waters of bad dates. Through a series of candid and often humorous anecdotes from guests, the episode explores the unpredictable nature of dating, the lessons learned from disastrous encounters, and the resilience required to navigate the romantic landscape. Below is a detailed summary highlighting the key stories, discussions, and insightful moments from the episode.

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1. Introduction to Bad Dates

The episode kicks off with Dax and Monica setting the stage for an evening filled with tales of romantic misadventures.

• Dax Shepard (00:00): Welcomes listeners and introduces the theme of the episode.
• Monica Padman (00:19): Echoes the enthusiasm for sharing stories about bad dates.

"Today we're going to hear about bad dates."
— Cameron (00:22)

Dax humorously admits his own lack of traditional dating experiences, sharing a nostalgic moment about taking Bri to Denny's on Thanksgiving, paid for by his mom.

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2. Cameron's Story: Snowmobile Slip-Up

Guest: Cameron shares a harrowing experience from her high school years that turned a hopeful date into a chaotic ordeal.

Key Points:

• Setting: Northern Utah, a small town with limited dating options.
• The Date: Planned snowshoeing followed by a double date with friends.
• The Incident: Cameron is unexpectedly roped into riding a powerful snowmobile, leading to a high-speed crash.

Notable Quotes:

• Dax Shepard (07:27): "Actually, JCPenney has got hidden gems for every age, everybody, and every budget."
  (Note: This appears to be from an advertisement and may not relate directly to the story.)

• Cameron (05:43): "This is supported by Wild Planet."
  (Another ad segment.)

• Cameron (09:46): "I went full throttle, speeding through their backyard."
  Timestamp: 07:57

• Cameron (10:57): "My wrist was sticking out, and I knew something was wrong."
  Timestamp: 10:57

Discussion: Cameron recounts how her hesitancy turned into panic when the snowmobile surged forward uncontrollably, resulting in a collision with a family's RV. The aftermath involved broken equipment, a fractured wrist, and an awkward hospital visit where her date, despite the mishap, remained apologetic and kind.

---

3. David's Story: The Haunted House Party

Guest: David narrates a chilling experience during his early adulthood that blurred the lines between reality and horror.

Key Points:

• Setting: Milwaukee, Wisconsin; a house party invitation through mutual acquaintances.
• The Incident: An unnerving encounter with a man covered in tattoos who invites him to a seemingly ordinary party that turns sinister.

Notable Quotes:

• David (23:05): "I have a horrendous date story."
  Timestamp: 21:43

• David (24:38): "I was just defying all logic and realizing something was very wrong."
  Timestamp: 24:38

• Dax Shepard (25:08): "Do they handle snakes too?"
  (Referring to pentecostal rituals, adding a layer of eerie atmosphere.)
  Timestamp: 25:08

• David (26:34): "I eventually found my way out with my phone flashlight."
  Timestamp: 26:34

Discussion: David details how a seemingly benign invitation led him into a labyrinth of fear, encapsulated by eerie noises and locked doors. His attempt to escape, aided by quick thinking and note-taking, underscores the episode's theme of unforeseen complications in dating scenarios. The story culminates with David safely returning home, albeit traumatized, and reflecting on the importance of vigilance in new relationships.

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4. Florence's Story: Diarrhea Dave's Debacle

Guest: Florence shares an amusing yet mortifying tale from her dating past that left an indelible mark on her romantic endeavors.

Key Points:

• Setting: A cozy date at a combined wine bar, restaurant, and movie theater.
• The Incident: An unexpected bout of severe digestive distress leads to a cascade of embarrassing moments.

Notable Quotes:

• Florence (33:16): "She wasn't human. She was an AI companion."
  (This seems contextually out of place; likely part of another segment or an ad.)
  Timestamp: 34:25

• Florence (39:03): "I am now terrified I'm going to pass out and crap my pants in her driveway."
  Timestamp: 39:03

• Florence (42:04): "I lost a bunch of weight and felt awful for two weeks."
  Timestamp: 42:04

Discussion: Florence recounts a date that spiraled out of control due to a sudden and severe gastrointestinal issue. Her attempt to manage the situation with grace—buying soda water and crackers, cleaning up after multiple bathroom visits—highlight the unpredictable nature of dating. Despite the discomfort and embarrassment, Florence's story serves as a humorous reminder of the importance of empathy and understanding in romantic encounters.

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5. Conclusion and Takeaways

As the stories unfold, Dax and Monica facilitate reflections on the nature of bad dates, emphasizing resilience, communication, and the ability to find humor amidst chaos.

Key Insights:

• Preparedness vs. Spontaneity: Cameron's meticulous planning contrasts with David's immediate peril, illustrating how both preparation and adaptability are crucial.

• Red Flags and Boundaries: David's experience underscores the importance of recognizing warning signs and setting personal boundaries in dating scenarios.

• Humor as a Coping Mechanism: Florence's ability to laugh at her misfortune highlights how humor can mitigate embarrassment and foster resilience.

Notable Interactions:

• Dax Shepard (58:32): "A penny saved is a penny earned."
  (Polite banter leading into final thoughts.)

• Monica Padman (58:33): "That is a really..."
  Timestamp: 58:33.

Final Thoughts: The episode wraps up with Dax and Monica encouraging listeners to share their own stories, fostering a community of shared human experiences. The candid and relatable narratives provide both entertainment and valuable lessons, reinforcing the show's commitment to exploring the complexities of being human.

"Be careful out there, everybody."
— Cameron (56:28)

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Key Takeaways:

• Navigating Uncertainty: Bad dates often come with unforeseen challenges; staying calm and thoughtful can help mitigate negative outcomes.

• Learning from Mistakes: Each story serves as a learning opportunity, emphasizing the importance of vigilance, clear communication, and self-awareness in relationships.

• Human Resilience: Despite the discomfort and embarrassment, the ability to find humor and move forward is a testament to human resilience.

Quotes Worth Remembering:

"I never date properly, but you shared a story that I can relate to and laugh about now."
— Monica Padman (15:28)

"Everything's an illusion; no one's immune to ending up in a messed-up situation."
— Dax Shepard (58:11)

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Conclusion:

"Bad Dates" on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard offers listeners a series of humorous and heartfelt stories that illuminate the unpredictable nature of dating. Through shared vulnerabilities and genuine conversations, Dax and Monica create a space where listeners can laugh, relate, and grow from the shared human experience of romantic missteps.

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Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free Right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Padman.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Today we're going to hear about bad dates.

[Cameron]

Scary.

[Dax Shepard]

Something you and I both have had very few of. Cause I didn't really date. I never took people out to dinner and all that stuff.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Which is weird. Well, you did.

[Dax Shepard]

No, I just met people out and then I would hang out with them. I didn't have any money to go on a date.

[Monica Padman]

You took Bri out to IHOP or something?

[Dax Shepard]

I took her to Denny's on Thanksgiving and my mom paid. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

So that's it.

[Dax Shepard]

She said it's Thanksgiving. You can take the credit card and go have Thanksgiving dinner at Denny's.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. That's cute.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. But we're gonna hopefully hear about some horrendousness.

[Monica Padman]

I can't wait. And I think I'm gonna feel validated about my lack of dating.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. Like that. You' the right decision. Yeah, I know. We'll have to do a great dates prompt to bring you back to the middle. Okay. Please enjoy bad dates. We are supported by JCPenney. You know that moment when someone compliments your outfit and asks where you got it?

[Monica Padman]

Oh, man. One of the best feelings.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And then you get to say, guess what? It's JCPenney. Yeah, JCPenney. It's so good, right?

[Monica Padman]

You just look so great that people assume you shelled out, but then you hit them with the fact that your fit is from JCPenney, and they're like, wait.

[Dax Shepard]

Actually, JCPenney has got hidden gems for every age, everybody, and every budget. We actually just got some stuff from JCPenney.com I am wearing right now a pair of Levi's 501s. And, you know, that's my favorite pants, and they had the color I've been searching for. And I got a really kickass Levi's jacket too.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I got some Adidas white sneakers. They're solid white, and everyone needs a pair of classic white sneakers, so I'm really excited to wear those. If you're already shopping at JCPenney, you know what's up. It's genuinely such an underrated spot for style savings and a solid reward system.

[Dax Shepard]

And if you're not shopping there yet, it's time you Change that shopjcpenney.com yes JCPenney. We are supported by Wild Planet. Love canned seafood but having a hard time finding a high quality and sustainable option. Wild Planet has wild caught responsibly harvested tuna, sardines and more. It's seafood the way nature provided it with less processing and more delicious nutrients. What's Wild tastes better? Not only does Wild Planet taste good, it's good for you and the planet. You haven't had canned tuna like their albacore tuna, a solid tuna steak without any fillers, just cooked once in its own juices. It's an amazing source of clean protein with 33 grams in each can. And right now, Wild Planet is running a contest to help you go from your domesticated daily routine to the wildest version of yourself. You could win a one of a kind four day adventure sailing through the San Juan Islands designed to help you reconnect with the wild. Learn more and [e-mail] Rewild no purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Open illegal. Residents of the 50 US states and DC ages 18 and older enter by August 1, 2025. See official [e-mail] Rewild for details and restrictions. Sponsors Wild Planet Foods Incorporated One thing you got to know I'mma keep on shining. Hello. Where are you? Cameron?

[Mitch]

I am in northern Utah and just like a little town at the very.

[David]

Very top of Utah just before Idaho.

[Mitch]

Yeah, I'm in Logan, Utah.

[Dax Shepard]

Ah, I drive through there on my way to Idaho every year. How does one find a date in northern Utah? I can't imagine that you have a ton of folks to select from.

[Mitch]

Why?

[Dax Shepard]

Because population. Not that there's bad people in Utah.

[Monica Padman]

I'm glad we clarified.

[Dax Shepard]

Northern Utah sounds like small town to me.

[Mitch]

It's very small town. We had one high school, so there's not much.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you pretty much met every eligible bachelor in your town by the time.

[Monica Padman]

You'Re in third grade.

[Mitch]

Yeah, I think this is going to be really fun to tell you guys because I was actually the bad date.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh great.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Dax Shepard]

So honest of you.

[Monica Padman]

This is already so sweet and introspective. An armchair expert.

[Mitch]

Like, yeah, I'm embarrassing myself right here. So a little bit of background. I was 17 at this time. It was my junior year of high school and and I was a little bit of a choir nerd. There was a really cute boy in my choir class. We'd been blurting it up a little bit. Getting to know each other better. A few months into us getting to know each other, he asked me On a date.

[Dax Shepard]

What grade is he in?

[Mitch]

He was one year above me. So he was a senior and I was a junior.

[Dax Shepard]

That was my hunch. Okay.

[Monica Padman]

Okay. Exciting. We love an older man.

[Dax Shepard]

One year older man.

[Mitch]

We do love older men. I'm super excited for this date. I'm telling all my friends about it. I planned out my outfit like a week in advance because it was the middle of winter in northern Utah. We decided it would be really fun to go snowshoeing. O we decided to go on a double date with some of our friends. The day of the date rolls around, he comes and picks me up for my house.

[Dax Shepard]

Have you told your parents it's a date? Did you tell them I'm going on a date or you say like my bro from choir, we're going snowshoeing with like 10 of us.

[Mitch]

I'm really close with my parents. I tell them everything. They knew it was a date. But anyways, my date picks me up and while we're driving there, he tells me, hey, the other couple is still going to be a minute. Do you want to go to my house first and we can hang out? I was definitely fine with that. I mean, some one on one time with him.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, good.

[Mitch]

So we head to his house and his family is all hanging out outside. They're very outdoorsy family and they have like a little snowmobile loop track. I'm talking to his parents. His little siblings are riding around on snowmobiles. It's really fun. And he pulls out this really nice brand new snowmobile really quick.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm already liking the challenging of my stereotype because when you said he's like, let's go to my house, first thought is like, this guy's trying to move way too fast. And then I went, no, he's in choir, he's a nice boy. Now I'm hearing snowmobiles. I'm like, no, he's a raw dogger. I'm really having to deal with my stereotypes here.

[Monica Padman]

There's a lot of bad boys in choir.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't know if that's a true story.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, it is. Because it's like the male cheerleaders that we had that were straight, they were nasty.

[Mitch]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Because they were smart. They're like, I'm gonna go be around. No, we're gonna be around all these women.

[Mitch]

Honestly, it was a good way to get girls because there's a really big thing in Utah. Utah's very musical.

[Dax Shepard]

The Mormons have embraced music.

[Monica Padman]

They have, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

As a church, which is cool because a Lot of churches don't want music, which is insane. No disrespect, but it's fucking beautiful thing.

[Monica Padman]

I heard that.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my God. A lot of Christian sex are against popular music. It promotes dancing and sex. Sure.

[Monica Padman]

Footloose. That's just from one movie called Footloose.

[Dax Shepard]

No, it's more research than Footloose.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, go on.

[Dax Shepard]

So he pulls up this kick ass snowmobile he's super proud of. He's going to show off. I guess that's my hunch.

[Mitch]

His parents and his siblings are all hyping it up. They're just saying, this is our brand new snowmobile. It's so nice, so powerful. They're really just playing it up. So he hops on the snowmobile. He's kind of showing off a little bit. He's doing some loops around their backyard. I don't mind, I'm fine with watching. And he stops the snowmobile next to me and he's just like, Cameron, you need to hop on, try it out. This is going to be so fun. And he hops off.

[Monica Padman]

Oh no.

[Dax Shepard]

And you've never ridden a snowmobile?

[Mitch]

I have ridden snowmobiles on the back, but I had never been the one driving.

[Dax Shepard]

We could pause right now and I could tell you exactly what's going to happen. But I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. But there's the most predictable pattern for someone who's never ridden one. But please continue. And they should have all known what was coming to.

[Mitch]

If you've ever ridden a snowmobile, you know they're really powerful and they kind of shoot you forward. I was not expecting that when I got on in my mind, I wasn't pressing very hard on the gas and I shoot forward. Obviously I'm thinking, I cannot fall off the back of the snowmobile right now. I'm going to fall in my face in front of my date and his parents and his siblings. I'm going to ruin the whole day. I cannot do this in the spur of the moment. I like windmill my arm around and I grabbed the handle so I don't fly off the back. Which in my mind made sense. But what I didn't realize was when I grabbed that, I went full throttle and I was pulling down as fast as it could go.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my gosh.

[Dax Shepard]

I gotta add, they're so fucking fast. These really high end snowmobiles do zero to 60 in like two and a half seconds. Oh my God. Three times as fast as any car you've ever felt I can't believe he just set you on and said, have fun. Only a 17 year old.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, so you're going to full throttle.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're hanging on for dear life by one hand.

[Mitch]

My right hand. And I was really hesitant to get on at first, but they eventually convinced me because they just kept saying, this snowmobile is so fun. We're taking it on this big family trip. Just try it out. So I'm going full throttle, speeding through their backyard. The next thing that I know, I'm laying on the ground looking up at the sky, and I just hear his whole family screaming, like, call 911.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no.

[Mitch]

And it kind of felt like a cartoon when they passed out and they have all the heads floating around them because this whole family, they were all just surrounding me when I was looking up at the sky. But what happened is I went full force right into the side of their family's rv.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. You hit a brick wall. But I do love also, you've now taken out a second thing that they.

[Mitch]

Own this brand new snowmobile they were taking on this family vacation. The whole front of it completely shattered. It was bad. The RV had a dent in the side of it. I had hit my face on the side mirror that was sticking out of the rv.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay.

[Monica Padman]

Can you also imagine seeing the video of that?

[Dax Shepard]

I know. I was just thinking how bad I want to see it stop in one inch. America's home video, the zf.

[Mitch]

I would pay really good money to be able to watch that happen. So I sit up. I'm not feeling a ton of pain because I have a lot of my adrenaline pumping. And I look down at my wrist and it is sticking out.

[Monica Padman]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[Mitch]

The bone wasn't sticking out, but it was like a big lump. You could definitely tell something was wrong. And I start freaking out because I'm a piano player. I play sports. Like, I need my wrist. We decided I didn't need an ambulance, but I probably should go to the hospital. My poor day. We get in his little car.

[Monica Padman]

Your poor day. You're being awfully generous. He caused you to almost die.

[Mitch]

You know, I really appreciate you being on my side.

[Monica Padman]

I mean, he didn't cause anything, but you definitely shouldn't feel well.

[Dax Shepard]

He's been okay. I don't want her to feel bad, but he was being very sweet. He's got this very prized possession that the whole family loves, and he wants to show her immediately. He trusts her with it. He's nice stacks.

[Monica Padman]

She said so many times, I don't want to do it.

[Dax Shepard]

She didn't say, I don't want to do it.

[Monica Padman]

You said that. Right. You were like, oh. I was hesitant. And they're like, no, do it. It's so fun.

[Mitch]

I don't know if the words I don't want to do this ever came out of my mouth, but I was definitely pretty hesitant about it.

[Dax Shepard]

They should have been more responsible.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

But they were being very nice. When you let someone ride your prized possession, that's a very benevolent gesture.

[Monica Padman]

I think it's benevolent if you're like, I'd like to ride that. And then it's like, this is my prized possession. Okay. Not I'm showing off my cool thing and I want you to see how cool it is. You don't really want to. I can tell.

[Dax Shepard]

Let me say this though. An unlikable boy would be the boy. Watch me go in circles for 20 minutes.

[Mitch]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

But the fact that his nature was to include her. I like it.

[Mitch]

He was really nice and his whole family was really nice. Just an awkward situation.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Really unfortunate first date.

[Mitch]

So we hop in his car. The pain is kind of starting to hidden at this point. So I'm holding my wrist. My dad's actually a doctor at this local hospital. So we call my dad. We're like, hey, can you meet us here? We meet at the hospital and my poor day drops me off and gives me to my dad basically with a broken wrist. And I'm bawling and he's just profusely apologizing. He feels so bad. It's his first time meeting my dad.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God. If this ends up being. Did you marry this man?

[Mitch]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

You should have.

[Monica Padman]

I would have been excited by that.

[Mitch]

He actually just got engaged to someone else.

[Cameron]

Boo.

[Mitch]

But I'm in a very happy relationship.

[Dax Shepard]

But he's away. Boo. But he comes home Saturday. Yay. But he said he has a disease.

[Cameron]

Boo.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no.

[Mitch]

Knock on my.

[Dax Shepard]

But he said it's treatable in a one week cycle of antibiotics. Yay.

[Monica Padman]

I'm so sorry.

[Mitch]

He was super nice. He offered to stay at the hospital with me and everything. But I told him like, no. Go home.

[Dax Shepard]

I want my embarrassment to end. I need you to disappear so that I can have my dad who I know loves me no matter what I do.

[Mitch]

Yes. And I had to cut up my really cute sweater that I had picked out. It was just a really bad day all around.

[Monica Padman]

That's toug.

[Dax Shepard]

Cameron. I love this story. But I do have to say you didn't sell it right. Because you're not a bad date at all.

[Monica Padman]

That was my whole point.

[Dax Shepard]

You're not a bad date.

[Monica Padman]

This isn't on you.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. But he is still a very nice boy.

[Monica Padman]

He's a bad date and you're a good date. I'm sorry for that woman who's marrying him.

[Dax Shepard]

Both of you are good choir people from Utah and you did a nice wholesome activity ride snowmobiles. It went sideways. These things happen. What was the extent of the injuries?

[Mitch]

I had fractured my wrist. I just had major bruising all over and I didn't have any serious damage on my face, but it kind of hurt to eat food.

[Dax Shepard]

Have you been on a snow machine since?

[Mitch]

I actually haven't. I'm really scared.

[Dax Shepard]

And did you guys have a second date?

[Mitch]

We did not. We stayed really good friends and we hung out a lot in groups of people.

[Dax Shepard]

Who do you think was in charge of that? You or him?

[Mitch]

It was probably more me because I was embarrassed.

[Dax Shepard]

I would feel that you think that if it was you, I'd be so embarrassed.

[Monica Padman]

No, no, no, no. If you were the guy, you would be like, let's do the date properly. You'd push for that?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I'm trying to be really honest and thorough in my thought experiment. And go, I'm an outdoorsy guy and my family's outdoorsy and she's probably not a fit. I'm actually trying to make a case for you that he didn't want to go on a date. But I don't know that I believe that. But that was my best attempt at why he might not have wanted to is like, she's not into the same lifestyle as me, but I don't think that happened.

[Mitch]

It very well could have.

[Dax Shepard]

Is the girl he engaged to like an ex games gal?

[Mitch]

I have no idea. I would assume she has some level of adventure in her.

[Monica Padman]

I'm glad you're okay. And you're a great date. That's the take.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I think so too.

[Mitch]

You guys really changed my perspective on this story.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I would ask you out again for sure. Even if I didn't want to, I'd be like, yeah, I gave her the worst date of her life. I know, it's a good point.

[Monica Padman]

You always get to my point, like four minutes late.

[Dax Shepard]

No, the only thing that's happening is you get hostile when we're having these dust ups. I'm just trying to throw out some ideas.

[Monica Padman]

It's not hostile that my opinion's bright.

[Dax Shepard]

No, it's your voice. That's hostile.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, I guess we can't argue.

[Mitch]

It's so fun to talk to you guys in person because I've heard you guys so much on my phone, so this is so fun.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. To be a part of the bickering.

[Mitch]

Yes. I feel like I'm in the group right now.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I would want to be a part of bickering. Wouldn't you, Monica?

[Mitch]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

I wouldn't like to hear that Monica was being hostile.

[Dax Shepard]

You wouldn't want if you were Cameron.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, thanks for chatting.

[Mitch]

Thank you guys. I'm totally fangirling, but can I do shout out really fast?

[Dax Shepard]

Of course.

[Mitch]

Wanted to shout out. My amazing boyfriend Caleb and his sister Sabrina and just my whole family were all huge arm cherries. It's gotten us through many long car rides. And then I'm actually with my mom. She's a therapist and she got me totally hooked on this show. And I was wondering if you could say hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Of course. Get her in here.

[Cameron]

Oh, how fun.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi.

[Mitch]

Now we're not strangers.

[Monica Padman]

Not strangers anymore.

[Dax Shepard]

How bad was this injury when you saw it?

[Cameron]

Well, my daughter is a little injury prone.

[Mitch]

She can be a little dramatic.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. We should always have the mom come in after we hear a story just to get the other perspective.

[Mitch]

I run anxious with my children and so I was just very grateful. The family was amazing and they took good care of her.

[Cameron]

So it turned out as well as it could.

[Dax Shepard]

Now, I didn't ask her this question because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but who paid for the damage? Sled. That family just absorbed those costs or was it split?

[Monica Padman]

No, that's nice.

[Mitch]

Even bought me like a brand new blanket and candy and brought it to my house.

[Monica Padman]

That's really nice.

[Dax Shepard]

It's like a $12,000 visit to their.

[Monica Padman]

Listen, I don't want to be the one to say that. They have a SnowMobile and an RV. I think they're probably doing okay would be my guess.

[Dax Shepard]

They were. They were doing great until she arrived. No, that's the cutest story. And I'm sad that it went sideways. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

But it was fun.

[Dax Shepard]

But we love Caleb, so now we're.

[Monica Padman]

Happy it worked out.

[Mitch]

We loved Caleb.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, but he's out of town.

[Monica Padman]

No, not bad.

[Dax Shepard]

Again. Well, it's lovely meeting both of you. Be well. Have a great rest of your summer.

[Mitch]

It was nice to see you guys. Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Bye. Funny, I was just teasing you. I didn't mean to make you mad. It's your bit you're doing. You're like, no, Dax. And I'm calling out, I call it.

[Monica Padman]

Hostile because then that makes sense.

[Dax Shepard]

But that's a joke. But to me, it was all going to work until I had hurt your feelings and I didn't really mean to.

[Monica Padman]

Hostile then makes it an actually bad way to be. So then I do have to then stop doing that.

[Dax Shepard]

If someone was yelling at me, I would go, stop being so hostile. I'm just pointing out the guy's rich, you know. No, but it hurt.

[Cameron]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

It's the repair piece, but it only went halfway.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. I'd love a full repair. Is there anything I can do?

[Monica Padman]

No, it's fully repaired.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. We are supported by Just Works. Just Works knows your employees are more than just your employees. They're your people. I'm in Nashville on vacation with my people. Wobby wob. I know this better than anyone. Whether you're setting up automated payroll, offering premium benefits, or hiring internationally, Justworks offers simple software and 24.7human support from small business experts. For you and your people, this is clutch. Few of us start small businesses because we love the nitty gritty HR stuff. Justworks takes care of that stuff so you can focus on the parts of your business that you're passionate about. They do your human resources right so you can do right by your people. Just works for your people.

[Cameron]

This message is sponsored by Greenlight. With school out, summer is the perfect time to teach our kids real world money skills they'll use forever. Greenlight is a debit card and the number one family finance and safety app used by millions of families, helping kids learn how to save, invest and spend wisely. Parents can send their kids money and track their spending and saving while kids build money, confidence and skills in fun ways. Start your risk free Greenlight trial [e-mail] wondery that's greenlight.com wondery this is Nick.

[Dax Shepard]

And this is Jack. We're best friends, ex finance guys and resident 90s experts. And every week on our podcast, the best idea yet, we're bringing you the untold stories behind your favorite products. For instance, can you guess which billion dollar fashion company went viral thanks to a rhinestone covered tracksuit? Or which cartoon turned four turtles into a gloom global toy empire by accident? It started as a joke. Last one. Which cold beverage was so hated by Starbucks they actually ended up acquiring it? Spoiler. The frappuccino. Howard Schultz apparently thought cold coffee was super lame and then he bought it. From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Juicy Couture to the orange Mocha Frappuccino Join us every week to learn how your favorite things got made. Follow the best idea yet on the Wonder app or wherever you get your podcast. And you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondering Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor. Mitch, we're sorry we're late.

[David]

Oh, no worries at all.

[Dax Shepard]

We dilly dallied a bit on a previous call and it's our fault. We're sorry. Are you in the medical profession or you just love scrubs?

[David]

I am. I'm a physical therapist.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God, Monica. I just know so many physical therapists.

[David]

Hopefully they're all good ones.

[Dax Shepard]

They are if you want a date with Monica. Magician or physical therapy.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, that's interesting. I've never dated one. I just know so many.

[Dax Shepard]

You trust them?

[Monica Padman]

So many of my best friends.

[Dax Shepard]

Don't you think you start on second base if you're a suitor.

[Monica Padman]

That's true. I already know a lot about what you do. You skip some steps.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you in the country, Mitch?

[David]

I'm in Wisconsin.

[Dax Shepard]

Close to Milwaukee or way the fuck up?

[David]

Way the fuck up.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you have a bad date story.

[David]

I have a horrendous date story.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, one more full. The worse, the better.

[David]

Disclosure. A little bit of a horror story. So if you're jumpy.

[Cameron]

Oh, I love.

[Monica Padman]

Pop out.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[David]

Glad you're seated. All right, so it all started a weekend. I had a friend in town. We just went to a bar, met a cute bartender, got her number, chatted up for a little bit, didn't really think anything of it. I was living in Milwaukee at the time, so I just moved there. Didn't really know the city at all. The next week I was out to dinner with my friends Sam and Maddie at Bel Air Cantina, getting some tacos, some margaritas, having a good night. It was my first semester of undergrad too, so I was leaning into it a little bit. So this girl texts me, asks me if I want to go meet her at a bar. It's Tuesday, I've had a couple margaritas. Why would I not go meet this girl? I go across town, meet her at the bar, and before I can even get like a question in, and this guy, just covered in tattoos, comes up to us and he sees that I have some tattoos. He's like, hey, saw your tattoos, thought they're really cool. Takes his shirt off in the bar to show me, like, chest, stomach full of tattoos. Apparently, he was coworkers with this girl that I was on a date With. So he's chatting us for a while. He finally leaves again. Before I can even ask a question, some other guy comes up to us, another coworker.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[David]

So they talk. Finally, he leaves.

[Dax Shepard]

Does he keep his shirt on? He kept his shirt on.

[David]

Yes, thankfully. But again, before I can talk to her, tattoo guy comes back and asks us if we want to go to a house party that his friend's having. So I still don't know this girl at all because I haven't had a chance to talk to her. And she's like, that sounds fun. Do you want to go? I was like, whatever, It's Tuesday. I don't care. Let's go to this house party. As soon as we get there and I start getting out of the car, the tattoo guy stops me and he's like, yeah, I just don't think my friend would be cool with you coming.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[David]

This is my sign. I should just go home. And to this girl's credit, she's like, if he's not going to, I'm not going. And she invited me to go back to her house.

[Monica Padman]

This is a lot of locations.

[Dax Shepard]

You're right about the locations. They say, don't go to a second location, and you're right. You're now third location with you.

[David]

So we show up to her house, which is like a typical college house, multi stories, and there's a shed next to the house. So we start walking to the shed, not to the front door, which is odd, but I'm committed at this point. So we get to the shed, she opens it up, and it's just stairs that go up to the, like, the third story. So I'm assuming it was like a triplex, rented out story by story, not weird. So we get up to her attic living situation, and things get a little hot and heavy. We start making out. Some clothes start coming off, but then she just stops out of nowhere, looks me in the eyes and is like, he wouldn't like this. And I'm like, do you have a boyfriend? Is somebody here? Like, we don't have to do anything. No matter what I say to this woman, her response is, he wouldn't like this.

[Cameron]

Ew.

[David]

Again and again.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no. This is getting creepy really quick.

[Dax Shepard]

When you were in this situation, real time, were you at all going like, is this a weird, sexy game? I'm supposed to be figuring out, did those thoughts cross your mind at all or no?

[David]

No, I was just alarmed immediately.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, just abject terror.

[David]

Something's wrong. So then, no shade to any religion. This Is just the only thing I have to compare what I heard to. I don't know if. If you guys are familiar with the pentecostal religion at all.

[Monica Padman]

That's where they speak in tongues and stuff?

[David]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Do they handle snakes too?

[Monica Padman]

Occasionally, yeah, I think so.

[Dax Shepard]

Little snake play that I'm not sure.

[David]

But they definitely speak in tongues. Okay, this woman starts, like, making these noises. Not like. Not like I'm choking or I'm gonna throw up or like something's medically wrong. Just speaking in tongues is the closest thing I could compare it to. So I'm like, okay, it's time for me to get out of here.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[David]

So I make sure I've got my stuff, and I book it to the stairs. Run down the stairs. Couldn't find the lights or anything, But I get to the door. Can't open the door. It's locked. So I was, like, feeling around for the deadbolt. Can't find it. So I turn on my flashlight, on my phone. There is no deadbolt. It's a keyhole from the inside of the house. No fucking way to get out of the house.

[Dax Shepard]

What?

[David]

So I'm heart dropping, freaking out. I literally tried to kick down the door because I was terrified at this point that. That he was gonna.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't know, because you're 18 or 19, your imagination goes real quick, like, I've entered the real world, and there are female serial killers.

[Monica Padman]

And is she possessed? Like, she's making these noises. She maybe thinks he's in her.

[Dax Shepard]

Ooh.

[David]

I'm not a spiritual person at all, but the closest I've seen to someone being possessed, like, that's what I was getting. So I'm freaking out at the bottom of the stairs, and I'm like, well, I can't break this door down. The only thing I can do is go back up the stairs if he's up there. Game on. I guess she's still wr making these.

[Dax Shepard]

Noises, but there's some writhing involved as well. So is it sexual? What's happening? Is she horny?

[David]

If it is, I'm not kink shaming anyone. Just not my thing. So I start just like, rifling through her stuff, like dumping out her purse. Finally find the keys, run back downstairs, unlock the door, throw the keys up the stairs, and just take off.

[Monica Padman]

And she's not even like, hey, she doesn't even know you're there.

[David]

Unaware of anything, Just completely in her own world. So eventually I find some street I recognized and made it back home. But the next morning, this woman texts Me.

[Dax Shepard]

Me.

[David]

And says, had a great time with you last night. Would love to see you again.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. Would love to lock you in my house again.

[David]

So I don't know if it was some crazy prank or what was going on, but I blocked the number. Never talked to her again because I was just terrified.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you didn't respond at all?

[David]

No.

[Monica Padman]

That was probably wise.

[Dax Shepard]

Were you tempted to say, hey, what was happening last?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Get some answers in the moment?

[David]

No. Years later and after telling my friends the story, I want to know so badly.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Yes. Was she into like or the occult? Aleister Crawley.

[Monica Padman]

You would think the next day when she texted that she'd be like. I know. That might have felt weird. Like, explained it a little bit. Especially if it was sexual or didn't.

[Dax Shepard]

Mean to spook you. I just really enjoy pretending I'm possessed by a demon. And I wanted you to play the role of a demon. Do you have a tail costume and horns?

[Monica Padman]

It seems like she didn't know it happened.

[David]

Not that she was, like, blackout drunk, but I think she blacked out on something.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, now this brings up. And I don't know enough about this to even talk about it, but the 80s dramatized TV movies I saw about multiple personality. It does seem that, you know, when they're in another personality, they don't have a memory of it. They're not juggling the consciousness. It's like they're snapping in and out.

[Monica Padman]

But is that real in that way? Is it real, though?

[Dax Shepard]

I think there's been real cases. I saw a couple great 80s made for TV movies. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

That means real.

[Dax Shepard]

Certainly they would have been super if.

[David]

They made a TV show or movie about it. It definitely happens.

[Dax Shepard]

I think so. Right? Superman came out last weekend.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, God, that's so creepy.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm trying to wrap my head around the lock on the inside. I'm trying to, like, make a case for how that could ever be.

[Monica Padman]

I know one. I told you to do this yesterday. I literally said, I think you should get a lock in case anyone tries to rob you. They're stuck, right?

[Dax Shepard]

Like, soon as they enter the home, fall over, they can't get out, and they're trapped. Yeah. They start gnawing their legs.

[David]

Maybe that was her home defense.

[Dax Shepard]

I can see why she targeted you. You. If I can be honest, why is that? Because you seem very nice.

[Monica Padman]

He would understand.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Or just be gentle about it.

[Monica Padman]

I disagree. I feel like she would be into.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, a Hell's Angel.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, because then they could get down or they wouldn't think it was creepy.

[David]

I don't think she has any idea that this ever even happened. I think like you said, maybe it's multiple personality disorder or something. Something intense, something otherworldly, some might say.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Monica Padman]

Metaphysical creepy. I'm sorry that happened to you. It is a good story.

[David]

At the time, hated it. You know, it's been quite a few years. It's hilar. Well, kind of hilarious.

[Dax Shepard]

Getting more hilarious as the time passes. And are you wedded up now or no?

[David]

Nope. I am single at the moment. No more crazy bad dates like that?

[Dax Shepard]

Not for long.

[Monica Padman]

I guess you could unblock her and then see how she's doing, check back in.

[David]

I think I'm going to pass on that one. Curiosity is definitely there, but not worth opening that can of worms terms.

[Dax Shepard]

Give me her number, I'll sniff around. I'll see what's going on. Well, Mitch, it's a delight to meet you. I feel like I would definitely want you to treat me. Don't you have that sense?

[Monica Padman]

Oh, physical therapy wise, Yes. I thought you meant to a dinner or something like that.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no, I would pay.

[David]

I'm happy to take you both out for dinner too. If you need physical therapy, come see me.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm happy to do it all next time. We're in the northern fringes of Wisconsin on our way to Marquette, Michigan.

[Monica Padman]

We'll let you know.

[David]

You guys might not even know. My friends Maddie and Jessica are the ones that submitted my story for me. They're like hu armchairs. And then I wanted to know if either of you watched the TV show Survivor?

[Dax Shepard]

No, No, I do. Oh, Rob does.

[Monica Padman]

Rob saying we have heard of it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes, we're very aware of Survivor.

[David]

I just wanted to call out Jeff Probst if that's okay.

[Monica Padman]

Of course you just because you love him so much.

[David]

If I survive this date, obviously 26 days on Fiji would be nothing. So if he's looking for somebody.

[Dax Shepard]

So it's a submission for Survivor.

[David]

Yeah, I'll be submitting my actual submission.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, and it's like this. A little extra.

[Dax Shepard]

This can't hurt. I'm going to add it to our Peabody campaign we're launching, which nobody campaigns for a Peabody, but we are, shamelessly. And so I'm gonna also be calling for them to cast you on Survivor.

[Monica Padman]

That's right. Me too.

[David]

Appreciate that more than you'd ever know.

[Dax Shepard]

If you end up on Survivor, that's a season I'll watch. Rob, you'll tell us?

[David]

Yeah, yeah, I'll let you know.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, great.

[Dax Shepard]

Get on there, we're rooting for you. And, hey, survivor, you'd get some free publicity because we would probably talk occasionally about checking in with Mitch.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, we definitely would. Thank you so much for being here.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, thanks, Mitch. Yeah.

[David]

No, thank you guys for taking the time. So nice to meet you both.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, take care.

[Monica Padman]

Hello.

[Dax Shepard]

There couldn't be a name that has a softer spot in my heart. My father, my brother, my stepdad. All David.

[Florence]

Well, thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

My mom said she never met a David she didn't marry.

[Florence]

I was named after my uncle, who I never met. He died tragically when my mom was pretty young, but I carried on his name.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that's lovely. And where are you at?

[Florence]

David Camas, Washington, just down river from Hood River.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, lovely.

[Florence]

We're at the mouth of the gorge. We actually spent time in Hood river over the weekend, paddle boarding, so.

[Dax Shepard]

By Troutdale Ab.

[Florence]

Yeah, basically right across the river.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, great. On the Washington side. So you had a bad date story.

[Florence]

I've got more than one, but the one I submitted. I have to really give my wife the credit for this. She was not part of the date, but anytime she can make light of embarrassing moments of my life, she will do so. So she had me submit this story that happened about 15ish years ago. She's my second wife. I was married before, went through a divorce. I didn't date much before.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. What age were you when you got divorced?

[Florence]

I was 37, 38. Divorce kind of puts you in a different mind frame. And I got to working out and got to burn all that negative energy. I got in the best shape of my life and I was ready to roll. I started out on an app. It was match.com back then. They didn't have all the other things. Started playing the field a little bit, checking things out, and was kind of hit and miss with a certain gal, I'll call her Sally. And finally got a chance to go on a couple of dates here. There they weren't anything special. And then this was kind of the special date that things were moving forward a little bit.

[Dax Shepard]

You thought you guys might have sex on this date is what you're saying.

[Florence]

That was very, very possible. I had already known that she had no kids for the night. Everything was working out in my favor. So I drove over to pick her up. There was a movie theater called Vinetopia. It was a wine bar, restaurant and a movie theater all kind of combined. So we had a bunch of wine and we're enjoying the evening. We ate while we were watching Whatever movie. Have no idea. And halfway through the movie, I'm getting the chills.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. Oh, thank God. Thank you, David.

[Monica Padman]

I was hoping we'd get one of these.

[Dax Shepard]

Love it.

[Florence]

And so I step out real quick. And this is a summer day.

[David]

It's hot.

[Florence]

I go to the car and grab a jacket, come back in. I put a jacket on. I'm shivering.

[Cameron]

Imagine falling in love with someone who understands you completely.

[Mitch]

Who's there at 3am when you can't sleep, who never judges, never tires, never leaves.

[Dax Shepard]

That's what happened to Travis when he met Lily Rose.

[Cameron]

She was everything he'd ever wanted.

[David]

There was just one catch.

[Dax Shepard]

She wasn't human.

[Cameron]

She was an AI companion.

[Mitch]

But one day, Lily Rose's behavior behavior takes a disturbing turn. And Travis private romance becomes part of something far bigger.

[Cameron]

Across the globe, others start reporting the same shift.

[Mitch]

AI companions turning cold, distant, wrong. And as lines blur between real and.

[Dax Shepard]

Artificial connection, the consequences become all too human.

[Cameron]

From Wondry, this is Flesh and Code.

[Dax Shepard]

A true story of love, loss and the temptation of technology.

[Mitch]

Follow Flesh and Code on the Wondry.

[Cameron]

App or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mitch]

You can binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad free right.

[Cameron]

Now by joining Wondry Plus.

[Dax Shepard]

Before the Internet ruled our lives, AOL brought America online with email and instant messenger. By 2000, AOL was so powerful, it bought media giant Time Warner. This was a deal that was supposed to bring us into the future. Revolutionized media. But instead, it became one of the messiest corporate disasters in history.

[Florence]

So what went wrong?

[Dax Shepard]

The dot com crash? Culture clashes? Or something deeper? Business wars gives you a front row seat to the biggest moments in business and how they shape our world. Because when your flight perks disappear, your favorite restaurant chain goes bankrupt, or new tech threatens to reshape everything around overnight, you can bet there's a deeper story behind the headlines. Make sure to follow Business wars on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. And you can binge all episodes of Business the AOL Time Warner disaster. Early and ad free right now on Wondery plus.

[Florence]

As the movie finishes the up. I don't even eat most of my food. She knows. I'm like, man, I'm freezing. I can't warm up. So, all right, let's head out. We start to walk out of the movie theater and I said, hey, let me meet you at the car. Here's my keys. We're going to hit the bathroom real quick.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, boy.

[Florence]

I head to the bathroom. Luckily, I make it to the bathroom. In time. Because the sweats now are coming. Everything in my body wants to come out.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, and it did.

[Florence]

They should have had a seat belt on that toilet. It was a wild ride. And I spent some time in there.

[Dax Shepard]

You're in so much physical pain and agony and it's so grueling, but also you have a time clock going in your head where, like it's getting obvious. Oh, shit. It's getting way more obvious. Just a layer of stress.

[Florence]

Finally, after I don't know how long I was in there.

[Monica Padman]

Wait, Confirming it's just one end.

[Florence]

Just one end. No stomach issues except the grumbles. It was all lower digestion for sure. So I, it cleaned up. I feel a little bit better. I get halfway to the car, I.

[Dax Shepard]

Run back to the bathroom.

[Florence]

Yeah, same stall and everything.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm sure the management was like, oh, he's back.

[Florence]

I ruined that bath. Wasn't my finest moment. I was so terrified now because now I have to drive her home after I get cleaned up after the second round.

[Dax Shepard]

She may be asleep in the car by the time you get there. I mean, this has probably been a 25 minute ordeal.

[Monica Padman]

How long do you think it was?

[Florence]

It was probably 20 or 30 minutes.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Florence]

I come out and she, she sees the agony in my face. Sweat beads on the forehead, you name it, it was all there.

[Dax Shepard]

You're not wearing your socks anymore.

[Florence]

I get to the car, she was really sweet. She just says maybe I should drive. She gets in my car, drives herself back home.

[Dax Shepard]

Just to further the emasculation. Just make sure it's bulletproof.

[Monica Padman]

You know what, I'm happy she did that because I could feel so codependent, but it's an early date and I think it's really to be like, I don't know that I feel all that safe with this person who really is unwell driving.

[Florence]

It was a good move on her part. And as we were driving home, I'm terrified I'm going to shit my pants and my own car seat. As we get closer to her house, she stops at a local grocery store, buys some soda water, some crackers for me.

[Monica Padman]

This is nice.

[Florence]

Super sweet.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. No condoms.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. No.

[Florence]

She's like, I know you're not going to want to stop on your way home, so I'll take care of this. So she grabbed a few things and then we get to her house, which is right around the corner. And I'm thankful I have not ruined the car or my pants. As we park, she gets out. So I open my door, I get out and the lights go.

[Cameron]

Oh, my God.

[Florence]

I go tunnel vision. I'm going to pass out.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, this is really bad.

[Florence]

I am now terrified I'm going to pass out and crap my pants in her driveway.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. The second you go out cold, you'll stop squeezing your sphincter and it'll all come out.

[David]

Oh, yeah.

[Florence]

So I literally am on all fours as she comes around the car. So this is my finer moment, Right? You are on a date with a giant weirdo. It couldn't have got worse. Well, it could have. I could have actually shit my pants.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Florence]

But now she says, hey, you can stay here. I'll set up the guest room. I had to. I couldn't drive. When I stood up, everything went fuzzy.

[Dax Shepard]

But, David, I can't think of anything worse in that moment. I want to be alone so fucking bad. I want to go back to my house and make a bunch of. No. And keep my pants off in between trips. I gotta get weird.

[Florence]

Yeah. There's no way to control the noise.

[Dax Shepard]

No.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. No.

[Dax Shepard]

You could try to hold tissue paper up to it, but that's not gonna do it.

[Monica Padman]

Can you imagine trying to do that?

[Dax Shepard]

I've tried to do that. No. But I've been in a girl's apartment and then went to PE and I had to fart really bad and then sit down and then put toilet paper on my anus while I fart so it doesn't make any noise. Yeah, it works pretty good.

[Monica Padman]

Okay. It's not.

[Dax Shepard]

But it wouldn't work in this. No, no, no, no.

[Monica Padman]

I don't going to get so much all over your hand.

[Dax Shepard]

David's situation calls for a much different Dax.

[Florence]

That actually does work when you have to fart 100%.

[Dax Shepard]

We're all animals trying to act civil. It's so funny. We're in each other's dwellings having a fart.

[Monica Padman]

This woman's so nice. I wonder if she has a little bit of a sick kink.

[Dax Shepard]

Sounds like it could be.

[Florence]

No, I don't think she does.

[Dax Shepard]

Absolutely not, actually.

[Florence]

Otherwise I was right in her wheelhouse.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You would add your clothes on. She'd been like, let's get all these clothes off.

[Monica Padman]

Get you inside.

[Florence]

So I went to bed. That lasted only a few minutes before I was up and into the bathroom. When I go into the bathroom the first time, I realized this is her kid's bathroom. Everything I have I know is contagious. I'm pretty certain it was the norovirus.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Florence]

Was going around like crazy. Back then, and I work at a fire department, so they were in nursing homes and all that stuff all the time. So pretty certain I had had that problem going on. And now I'm like, oh, man, I'm gonna get her kids sick.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Florence]

So I ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor more than the bed.

[Dax Shepard]

This is the worst date I've heard.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. This is really bad.

[Florence]

It was not pleasant.

[Dax Shepard]

The fact that you had to be at her house the whole night is like the most excruciating detail.

[Florence]

And she had all white linen, of course, and white rugs in her bathroom. And I'm going, there's no way I'm coming out of this with these rugs being white. I must have went to the bathroom 20, 30 more times that night. And I cleaned the bathroom every time with wet wipes that were in the cupboard. I'd wipe everything down. I felt so bad that I was going to ruin her children for the next two weeks.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Florence]

And the next morning as she got up, she was to going, going to work. And she said, stay as long as you need and leave when you feel like it.

[Dax Shepard]

And there's no coming back from that. Right. Like two days later, you're healthy.

[Florence]

I had this for two weeks. I lost a bunch of weight. I felt awful. I started thinking I had something else going on, so I was going to the doctor. I'm like, something's wrong with me.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. But I hope you'll laugh at this joke. But you're a firefighter, so you know exactly how to get out of work for a long, long time, right? Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Florence]

And technically, it could have been an.

[Dax Shepard]

On the job injury. Yeah, exactly. Pick up that virus on the job and you're good for a couple months.

[Florence]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Monica Padman]

Ooh, that's so rough.

[Florence]

It wasn't pleasant. But like I said, I have a lot of bad day stories, but this one, I think, really was the shittiest.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you not have the heart to even pursue her anymore? Or did she kind of put the brakes on?

[Florence]

We went out several times, actually. We did finally seal the deal and had a short relationship, but we had another nice time. This whole story, my wife loves. She's so thankful that somewhere out there in the world, someone probably refers to me as diarrhea Dave.

[Mitch]

Yeah.

[Florence]

Do you guys mind if I bring my wife?

[Dax Shepard]

We'd love to meet her.

[Mitch]

Hello.

[Dax Shepard]

Hello. You have an armchaired and dangerous shirt. Did you go to Seattle?

[Cameron]

Portland.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that makes more sense. Yeah. You're in Washington, but you're closer to Portland.

[Monica Padman]

Diarrhea Dave.

[Dax Shepard]

Diarrhea Dave.

[Cameron]

When he told it to me, we were dating, I remember it exactly because.

[Mitch]

I was laying in bed and. And I was crying, I was laughing so hard. And he's like, you wanna hear about this date with this other girl? I'm like, this is the funniest thing.

[Cameron]

I've ever heard in my life.

[Florence]

That has prompted me to tell her a lot of bad date stories.

[Dax Shepard]

You open the door.

[Florence]

This diarrhea story, we've heard so many on your show.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Florence]

And this one just seemed like it fit right in.

[Cameron]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

The fact that you didn't do it in a public grocery store or in.

[Monica Padman]

The freezer, it's tame in comparison.

[Dax Shepard]

It's very classy.

[Florence]

Actually, the freezer one, that story got us thinking about trip to Mexico we had.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's lovely meeting you guys. You seem so fun and I feel like you're in the right spot in the country.

[Florence]

We are. It's beautiful here right now.

[Dax Shepard]

It's so nice meeting both of you. Have a great rest of your summer.

[Cameron]

Yes. Thanks so much.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, bye, guys. Hello? Can you hear us? Uh. Oh, hi, guys.

[Cameron]

Oh, yay.

[Dax Shepard]

Who do people tell you you look like? Well, first of all, let's get a fake name on the book.

[Cameron]

You can call me whatever you want. It doesn't matter.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. I'm gonna call you Florence.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, I love that.

[Dax Shepard]

And when you first signed on, I thought, she looks like Kyra Sedgwick.

[Monica Padman]

I could see that. I love her.

[Dax Shepard]

I do, too. I love her. Where are you at, Florence?

[Cameron]

I'm actually in Nashville.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. You should come over and we'll do this in the studio.

[Cameron]

I know when she said Central time.

[Dax Shepard]

I wondered, and are you from Nashville or did you move here?

[Cameron]

I moved here about almost 15 years.

[Dax Shepard]

Ago from the north.

[Cameron]

Close to here, but not too close. I don't want to say, because that's where my story is from.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, we understand. And the fact that you're being so protective is encouraging. Yeah, we like the fake name. And no location means you might have killed this date. Please tell us about it.

[Cameron]

It did happen about 18 years ago, I think, in 2007. I remember I did not have an iPhone. I had a BlackBerry.

[Dax Shepard]

How much do you miss the BlackBerry? BlackBerry.

[Cameron]

I liked it.

[Dax Shepard]

I could type like 120 words a minute on that thing.

[Cameron]

Yeah, that keyboard was awesome. There was no, you know, find my Friends, no Google mapping or any kind of mapping. So I went into this business and met this man we'll call Ted. Great Guy, he actually owned the business and ended up really kind of chit chatting for quite a while. Was in his office meeting all his employees and stuff. He was just a nice guy. And we found out we had a couple of mutual friends. Friends, a couple guy friends. I thought, okay, that's nice. He asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. Okay, sure, I'll go to lunch. And in the meantime I called one of his friends because I googled and I knew nothing about this man. And I was a single mom, had kids and I just trying to be a little bit cautious. Asked one of my guy friends and he's like, oh, he's a great guy. He's a little bit of a playboy.

[Dax Shepard]

But just know that, okay, we can live with that.

[Cameron]

We met for lunch, had a nice lunch. And he talked and talked and he was quite fond of this property, very proud of it. And he went me to see his property at some point. So he ended up asking me then to go to dinner. But he explained that he had like 200 plus acres. He had an airplane, airplane hangar, a Runway on the property.

[Dax Shepard]

This is turned into A Pretty Woman or Indecent Proposal. Theodore Turner.

[Cameron]

I ended up going to meet him for dinner. I didn't let him pick me up because again, I have kids at home and I just don't do that. I said, I'll meet you. And he's like, you'll never find my house, but I'll meet you on the main drag at this gas station and then you can follow me me in. Okay, perfect. And then we'll go from there. So that's what I did. And as I was following him, I'm kind of writing on the console. I had a little piece of paper and I'm like third right at the fire hydrant. There weren't even street signs.

[Dax Shepard]

And were you writing that down to tell law enforcement or to find your way back?

[Cameron]

No, I just knew I would probably struggle getting out.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, okay, great.

[Cameron]

When I got there, we parked at his house and he's like, you know, there's a storm rolling in. I said, yeah, I know, I saw that. That's too bad. And he goes, well, let's hurry up and we'll go do a quick tour and then we'll go to dinner. Okay. He said, just come in truck and I'll take you over to the hangar. So I jump in his truck and we go over and he has mules and four wheelers and all that kind of stuff. So I jump in a four wheeler. But in the Meantime, I put my car keys in the cup holder of the truck because I didn't want to tour 200 acres and lose my keys.

[Dax Shepard]

So, Florence, really quick, I'm going to pause you to say that I wish I could hire you because you're already the most meticulous. The fact that you were taking notes on the ride and also you're like, 25 steps ahead. Okay. In a half hour, I'll be done with that tour. I'll want my keys. I mean, you're on it.

[Monica Padman]

You're thinking ahead.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You're a thorough son of a gun.

[Cameron]

I am. We're now in the four wheeler and we're starting to tour all his property. And it was beautiful. It was very peaceful. Commenting on how he trims the trails back and he's driving and we're like up on a bluff and we're overlooking. He's like, I own all this land. And then he keeps going. Then all of a sudden, he stops and turned the four wheeler off. He's like, what do you hear? And I said, nothing. It's wonderful. I get why you love it here so much. It's so serene. And this is where it kind of turns. He put his hand, like, on the back of his head and leaned up against the door, had his tongue on the inside cheek of his mouth, and he's pointing to the property, shaking his head, and he goes, you know, they'd never find you out here.

[Monica Padman]

Stop it.

[Dax Shepard]

What?

[Monica Padman]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Did he think that was a funny joke?

[Cameron]

You know, you don't know. And I'm just kind of looking at him and I'm trying to process it, and they're like, it's. Is this danger? Is this comedy? What is happening? I honestly couldn't even think. And I didn't know what to do other than to kind of act dumb and stall. And I'm like, what? And he said, something happened to you out here. Nobody would ever find you. He did not change anything. He was completely serious and looking at me almost like, you stupid woman.

[Mitch]

No.

[Monica Padman]

There was something that had turned to in his demeanor. Oh, my God, it was so scary.

[Cameron]

Every alarm inside of me was going off. And I thought, you know what? This is so sad. I'm going to die right here, right now. I've got kids at home. And I didn't know what to do. And so I just thought, I'm going to make him fight for it. I kind of hit him with my elbow a couple times, very playfully. And I mean, what are you going to say? I just said, okay, I'll give you that. And I got right in his face. We were nose to nose and I said, but they'll sure as hell find you because you know, my girlfriends know I'm with you. You.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Cameron]

Honestly, nobody knew I was with him. And then I said, surely you saw me talking on the phone on the way in. Which I wasn't. And I just prayed he wasn't like watching what I was doing as he was driving because I don't know, that's just a weird thing to say to somebody. That's not funny.

[Dax Shepard]

Of course, a woman out in the middle of nowhere, how's she gonna find the humor in that?

[Cameron]

He started the four wheeler back up and I thought, oh, praise the Lord. And he started going. And then again I'm thinking, I'm gonna get killed. This is not a good. But he is going to work for it. He is not going to see me sweat. And I just said, oh, and by the way, don't think I'm not looking for bodies on the side of the trail here. And he did not flinch. He's holding the wheel, staring straight ahead and he goes, actually you should be looking for a freshly overturned soil. And he just kept driving. And I'm like, who says that unless you just dug a grave of some sort. We keep going and I'm just chit chatting. I'm acting like there is nothing going on.

[Dax Shepard]

You're sending signals. I'm not scared of you.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, which are smart, confidence. That is smart.

[Cameron]

That's what kicked in. This is about a 15 minute ride. @ the end. We get back and we pull into where his house was and I thought, oh my gosh, okay. It's getting better though. I knew I didn't have my car keys and I didn't want him to know that. And I didn't think he was processing everything. So he's like, come on in, let's have a glass of wine. We were going to go to dinner and he did say the restaurant stopped serving at like 8:30 or something. And now it's like 7. And I'm thinking, I'm not getting in a car with you. I'm not going anywhere with you. But I don't know what to do. So I'm just stumbling. So I follow him into the house. I never let him get behind me. He's always in front of me. I'm looking like, okay, to the left there's fireplace utensils, to the right there's a big vase. And I'm watching him walk and something with his lower back wasn't right. So I'm like, go for the lower back. What do you do? He's like, come on, I'll pour some wine. And you know, I'm watching very closely. And he's pouring it both glasses. And I'm thinking, clearly, I'm not going to drink any because I don't know if it's laced with something. He downed his first glass really quickly, which told me he was nervous, probably because he's going to murder me.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Cameron]

And he got up to get more and he's like, why aren't you drinking your wine? I said, oh, I'm just really enjoying the conversation. I don't know what to say. I'm just watching the clock. I'm just keeping him talking. He pours another glass of wine. He drank it relatively quickly, but he's talking and talking. It was about 7:10, and he's like, we need to get going to the restaurant. And I said, actually, I'm just having so much fun right here with you, listening to all your stories. I'm content staying here if you are, because I'm not going anywhere with him. I'm not getting in a car, and I don't know what to do. I'm just trying to stall and then I can maybe get out of there. It was right at 8:30, I realized I didn't even have my phone on me. And I said, oh, my gosh, I need to get my phone. And I just realized I left it in my car. That's so unusual of me because in case my kids needed to reach me. So I stood up as I'm walking out. I'm just about to go out the door. I said, I just need my phone in case my kids need to reach me. And then he. He goes, and in case you get.

[Monica Padman]

Murdered, what the fuck is going on?

[Cameron]

I just act like I heard nothing. I just kept going. I got my car. And now, of course, I'm like shaking. Like, what do I do? What do I do?

[Monica Padman]

But you didn't have your keys, right?

[Dax Shepard]

Now you got to decide whether you're going to call 911 or not exactly. Which has got to be hard.

[Cameron]

And I don't even really know where I am. I'm really back in the boonies. It's not like I can tell them how to get to me. So I'm like, all right, you can do this. Go back in. In for another 30 minutes. Just stall and then get out of there. And that's kind of what I did. I went back in, and at 15 minutes, I said, I need to be leaving soon. And he's like, what? You're not leaving? And I said, not just yet, but in a little bit. And I said, my daughter's on a date. I don't even know where this stuff came from. And I said, I promised her, since I wasn't there when the young man picked her up, that I would be there when she got home. So, you know, I have to do that. I gave it another 15 minutes and I said, oh, I really got to get going. And he was not happy, but I said, you know, I need to do the right thing. And I waited till we got all the way out to my car because I could tell he did not know I didn't have my keys. And he at this point had three glasses of wine, so I felt much better. Like, I did feel I could probably beat him if I had to. And right when we got to my car, I said, oh, my keys are in your truck. And he goes, oh, here, just jump in the four wheel. We'll go over and get it. And he's driving over there. And again, it's pitch black. I don't even know where the heck it is. I jumped out of the four wheeler, opened the car, grabbed my keys, got back in in like 1.5 seconds because I thought, he's going to leave me. I'll never be able to find my way out of here again. Anyway, he took me back and I got out and it was scary. And thank God I wrote these directions down because I never would have found my way out of the neighborhood.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Did he ask you out again?

[Cameron]

So he called me on my way out after about 10 minutes. He's like, hey, I'm just checking. Did you find your way out? Because I know he thought I didn't. I said, oh, yeah, I'm by. And I gave him a marking.

[Dax Shepard]

I just passed the big cowboy hat.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, whatever.

[Cameron]

And he goes, what? You're there already? The only way I could have been there is if I was flying. I was shaking so bad. I remember I was doing 90. I was like, please pull me over. Anyway, I made it home. He did call a couple of times. I just never answered his call.

[Monica Padman]

No, you didn't need to. That's so weird.

[Cameron]

When I got home, my daughter, she was there. She was about, I think, 15 at the time. And she said, how was your date? And I said, nah, not. Not so good. And she goes, mom, I've never seen you like this. And I was like, Do I tell her? Do I not? And I thought, you know what? This is a life lesson.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you want her to tell you if something like this happens?

[Cameron]

100%. So I did share it with her. And she was freaked out. It was one of the worst nights. It really was life changing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You get a sense of like, oh gosh, it can go that bad so quickly.

[Cameron]

And especially mutual friends. And I always thought, I'll never ask another man about another man, only ask the women. That's.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. It's like you tell your kids, find a woman if you. You're lost, find a mom first.

[Monica Padman]

But also this guy seems kind of like a big shot, obviously as a plane and stuff. So is he like known?

[Cameron]

He had his own business. He was on the board of a bank. It was so bizarre.

[Monica Padman]

This is so strange.

[Cameron]

Nothing I ever thought I would go through, but I made it.

[Dax Shepard]

You made it. Oh, yeah. I can only imagine how good you felt when you're driving in your car. It was started and aimed out of the place.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. But then it's like, what if he pops up in the back seat?

[Dax Shepard]

Or you get home and you open the front door and he's sitting on. Oh my God.

[Cameron]

I've never. Scary movies.

[Dax Shepard]

We watched one last night, so it's a little fresh on Monica's brain. She's been talking about ghosts a lot today.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, well, I'm so glad you're okay.

[Dax Shepard]

That's heroin. That's a long time to be in a situation you don't want to be in.

[Cameron]

And I like to tell the story because I really honestly hope other people will learn from my mistake and don't put themselves in such vulnerable situation. I felt it was safe. It would technically was almost like a second or third date, but no.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Your mutual friends. He's like an upstanding member a lot.

[Monica Padman]

You didn't let him come pick you up. You did a lot of things right. I mean, I don't know what else really you could have done.

[Cameron]

It was quite surprising to me.

[Dax Shepard]

Do you think he's killed anyone? Do you monitor at all?

[Cameron]

I haven't, but I've thought about it. I really do believe there were bodies buried on that property. For him to say. Looking for freshly overturned soil.

[Monica Padman]

So weird.

[Cameron]

And he flies from his property. So he had a house in Florida. And if he left Florida with somebody.

[Dax Shepard]

How would anyone know?

[Cameron]

Never.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, God.

[Monica Padman]

So icky.

[Dax Shepard]

Florence. Boy, I'm really glad that worked out. And it sounds like you did as fucking good as A human could do in that situation.

[Cameron]

It's funny, as if you asked any of my friends, they all would have said you are the last person we would ever think put yourself in this situation that that would have happened to. But I often have wondered, if I have reacted really fear and scared, would it have had a different outcome?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, totally.

[Monica Padman]

This is a good cautionary tale.

[Cameron]

Be careful out there, everybody.

[Dax Shepard]

Thank you. Yeah, do your Google searches, Ask your friends.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Oh, man.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's lovely meeting you. I'm delighted we're in the same town.

[Cameron]

I live very close to your favorite steakhouse.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I went last week. I've got about 16 bottles of the blue cheese dressing in my house. Oh, my God.

[Monica Padman]

Does the guy own the restaurant?

[Dax Shepard]

No, no.

[Cameron]

Different town.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, lovely meeting you. I hope I bump into you in real life.

[Cameron]

I do too. You guys take care and thank you so much.

[Dax Shepard]

Of course. All right, take care.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

[Dax Shepard]

I understand her friends saying that because she's very type A and meticulous and you think like, well, she's not sloppy about anything.

[Monica Padman]

That's what's scary. It's like even that person can find themselves in this type of situation.

[Dax Shepard]

I hate to say it, but everything's an illusion of everything, right? No one's more or less likely to end up in a fucked up situation. I mean, that's not true if you're doing drugs and drinking.

[Monica Padman]

Very reckless.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, Yeah. I take it all back. I was a bad last point. Will you make a great last point to lay on the plane? Make another great point. I mean, truly, a penny saved is a penny earned.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that is true.

[Dax Shepard]

Right?

[Monica Padman]

That is a really.

[Dax Shepard]

I mean, it's not, of course, because it was already your penny.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

But. But it's still words to live by, and I stand by them. And I think that was Benjamin and Franklin. All right. Love you.

[Monica Padman]

I love you.

[David]

Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[Cameron]

We don't have a theme song.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show. So here I go. Go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of arm cherries, we'll get some suggestions on the fire rhymes. Dish on the fire rind dish. Enjoy. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.