Armchair Anonymous: Bad Roommate II

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Episode: Armchair Anonymous: Bad Roommate II
Release Date: May 22, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode is a follow-up to the original “Bad Roommate” Armchair Anonymous segment, where listeners call in to confess or recount their unforgettable roommate horror stories. Dax Shepard and Monica Padman invite four listeners to share tales that range from delightfully awkward to shocking, unsettling, or even dangerous, all while keeping things insightful and rooted in real empathy for the messiness of being human. The episode focuses on the chaos and unpredictability of shared living, with a mix of levity, vulnerability, and meaningful reflections on personal growth.

---

Key Discussion Points & Stories

[03:09] Alyssa’s Experience: The Roommate With No Boundaries (Spokane, WA)

• Backstory: Alyssa moved back to Idaho after living in Portland, joining a communal, “crunchy” crowd. She moved to Spokane for more independence and ended up sharing a house with a seemingly like-minded woman.
• Red Flags & Incidents:
  • Early Boundaries Breach: New roommate borrows Alyssa’s favorite cashmere cardigan and casually wipes her armpits with it in public ([07:28]).

    “Looks me in my eyes and wipes her sweaty armpits with my [cardigan].” — Alyssa, [07:30]

  • Financial Overstep: Roommate pays for her meal using all the change from another friend’s wallet, leaving only pennies and no tip ([08:03]).
  • Major Violations:
    • Moves Alyssa’s mattress into the living room for group sleepovers without permission.
    • Eats all her leftovers from the fridge.
  • The Final Straw: Alyssa comes home to find her cat missing, roommate unbothered, treating alleged hemorrhoids by repeatedly dipping a rag (from her pants) into Alyssa’s apple cider vinegar and then back down her pants ([09:52]).

    “She has this kind of look on her face... She takes her hands out of her pants, has a rag on her hand, puts said rag on the rim of my apple cider vinegar, flips the bottle upside down, then proceeds to put the rag back down her pants as she says, ‘I think I have hemorrhoids.’” — Alyssa, [10:24]

  • Aftermath: Alyssa leaves, politely sends a long message suggesting roommate etiquette tips. The roommate is entirely unfazed.

    “She was kind of like, this is normal stuff. Like, what are you talking about?” — Alyssa, [13:11]

• Dax’s Reflection: > “I feel bad for you and I’m envious of her... I’m riddled with thinking about what other people think about me, and clearly this [woman isn’t].” — Dax, [13:16]

---

[16:05] David’s Story: The Craigslist Catastrophe (Astoria, Queens, NY)

• Setup: David and two friends convert their apartment’s dining room into a fourth bedroom, seeking a new roommate via Craigslist ([16:49]).
• The New Roommate:
  • Promising Beginning: The new guy, a senior college student, seems quiet but put-together.
  • Sudden Disappearance: After a week, the new roommate goes missing. Soon, David’s upstairs neighbor calls, saying he’s seen their new roommate on the news ([23:45]).
  • Horrifying Reveal: The roommate is arrested by the FBI for crossing state lines for child pedophilia ([24:03]).

    “The FBI has actually arrested him on crossing lines for child pedophilia.” — David, [24:13]

  • Aftermath:
    • FBI visits discreetly, warns not to touch anything in roommate’s room (all evidence).
    • Their address ends up briefly listed on the sex offender registry, causing distress for all involved.
    • Eventually, they find an incredible new roommate—a Broadway singer.
  • David’s Takeaway: Despite the trauma, he maintains good humor and gratitude for having supportive friends.
  • Dax’s Outtake:

    “I didn’t think I would say this, but... I’d much prefer someone put my apple cider vinegar up their asshole than this. As a roommate, if you have to be...” — Dax, [26:49]

• Notable Moment: David gives a shout-out to the friend who got him into Armchair Expert and shares about being a single father.

---

[29:23] Britney’s Account: The Roommate in Crisis During COVID (San Diego, CA)

• Backdrop: May 2020, early pandemic, Britney (a therapist by profession) lives with random roommates near the beach.
• Roommate Jamie:
  • Initially Seemed Great: Clean, cooked for others, but was going through a breakup and experienced increasing paranoia.
  • Signs of Psychosis: Jamie starts believing Britney and her boyfriend are “talking about and threatening her,” despite his absence ([33:31]).

    “It’s becoming clear that she is having some auditory hallucinations.” — Britney, [33:31]

  • Psychotic Episode: Jamie calls the police claiming Britney’s boyfriend is holding her hostage at gunpoint. Britney wakes to find her house surrounded by armed police ([30:45]-[37:22]).

    “I walk to my front door... my house is surrounded by police officers with guns and spotlights pointing at my house.” — Britney, [30:45]

  • De-Escalation: Police clear the house; Britney explains the roommate’s mental health. Jamie is taken for psychiatric evaluation but returns quickly ([39:11]).
  • Further Escalation: Burned notes under the door, threatening messages, constant police calls, and discovery that Jamie never paid rent.
  • Resolution: Britney leaves temporarily, helps contact Jamie’s mother, and expresses deep empathy for her, hoping she gets the help she needs ([43:10]-[44:23]).

    “Nothing but empathy. I hope that she got the support that she needs and that she is stable. This was just a crazy thing.” — Britney, [43:10]

• Aftermath: Britney’s personal life moves forward as her boyfriend proposes— with a ring pop setting due to pandemic closures ([44:21]).
• Monica’s Take:
  > “You have such an amazing attitude.” — Monica, [44:27]

---

[46:00] Danielle’s Confession: When You’re the Bad Roommate (Portland, OR)

• Background: Danielle, an overworked undergrad with PTSD from a prior home intrusion, suffered from severe night terrors and sleepwalking ([46:50]).
• The Incident:
  • Roommate Habits & Triggers: Constant fear about doors being locked, roommate lax about security, living in a “seedier” neighborhood.
  • The Night It Happened: Danielle wakes during a night terror, lamp raised, about to strike her returning roommate, only to realize in horror what she’s doing ([51:11]).

    “I had a really large lamp in my hand, and I had it raised up to basically hit her with it.” — Danielle, [51:11]

  • Aftermath: Mortified and frightened, Danielle’s roommate is understanding; Danielle gets a therapy dog, which becomes the true source of healing ([51:56]-[52:26]).

    “That did more healing work than any therapy or any medication, which I hate to say as a psychologist.” — Danielle, [52:26]

  • Empathy & Growth: She reflects on her gratitude for compassionate roommates and how the dog banished her terrors, even after its passing.

    “I love that you were the bad roommate.” — Dax, [53:25]

• Closing Sentiments: Danielle thanks Dax and Monica for discussing addiction and mental health so openly and highlights the importance of kindness, support, and access to resources ([54:05]-[55:49]).

---

Notable Quotes

• Alyssa:

  “Pretty quickly I noticed this person was kind of lacking social cues... The first thing that was a red flag... she grabs my favorite vintage thrifted cashmere cardigan. As we’re walking, she looks at me and wipes her armpits with my cardigan.” [06:39], [07:28]

• David:

  “The FBI has actually arrested him on crossing lines for child pedophilia.” [24:13]

• Britney:

  “I do just very much want to add that disclaimer... Nothing but empathy. I hope that she got the support that she needs and that she is stable. This was just a crazy thing.” [43:10]

• Danielle:

  “That did more healing work than any therapy or any medication... I’m a psychologist. That is absolutely what healed my brain.” [52:26]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:09] Alyssa’s story begins
• [07:28] The cardigan/armpit incident
• [09:52] The apple cider vinegar/hemorrhoid debacle
• [13:07] Alyssa leaves her roommate
• [16:05] David’s story begins
• [24:13] FBI arrest and roommate’s criminal background revealed
• [29:23] Britney’s story begins
• [30:45] Britney’s house surrounded by police
• [33:31] Recognition of roommate’s auditory hallucinations
• [37:22] Police clear the house; roommate taken for evaluation
• [39:11] Roommate returns, sets off further incidents
• [43:10] Britney’s compassionate reflection
• [46:00] Danielle’s story begins
• [51:11] Danielle nearly attacks roommate during night terror
• [52:26] Therapy dog heals Danielle
• [54:05] Danielle’s gratitude and shout-outs

---

Memorable Moments

• Dax’s wry envy of outrageous, shameless bad roommates—often wishing for fewer self-conscious hangups ([13:16]).
• Alyssa’s deadpan humor about her cat (“I have no memory of what happened after this. I just blacked out...I think he was fine”), framing the absurdity of her experience.
• Danielle’s admission of being "the bad roommate" and the group’s collective relief and support for her honesty ([46:36]).
• A string of armchair listeners giving shout-outs to friends and loved ones who got them into the show, solidifying the sense of a supportive, vulnerable, growth-minded Armchair Expert community.

---

Takeaways & Tone

• The episode shifts nimbly between hilarity, horror, self-reckoning, and deep empathy. The hosts validate both the indignation of wronged roommates and the challenges of living with (or as) someone struggling.
• Listeners learn that sometimes “bad roommates” aren’t simply rude or thoughtless—sometimes, there’s unaddressed trauma or mental illness at play. In every story, the capacity for growth, forgiveness, and the power of community comes through loud and clear.

---

Transcript

[A]

Welcome, welcome. Welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Patman.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Today we have Bad Roommates part two. Tell us a crazy story about a bad roommate.

[B]

They're everywhere, these bad roommates. You gotta be careful.

[A]

You gotta be careful. What I applaud and what we loved was one of our armchairies was the bad roommate.

[C]

Oh, I know.

[A]

Yeah. That was great.

[C]

That was.

[A]

I really like that we, when we have these people, you know, we do a lot of foreign objects in body and I'd like to do way more of them.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But I wouldn't. I really want to hear from someone who had the foreign object in their mind.

[B]

I would too.

[A]

I know that's high risk, but I feel like this is a success.

[B]

It's high risk, low reward. Sure, but we want it.

[D]

We still want it.

[A]

No reward, maybe. Please enjoy Bad Roommate. This message is brought to you by Apple Card. For a limited time, when you get a new Apple card and purchase AirPods Pro 3 at Apple, you can earn back the cost up to 250 daily cash. New AirPods Pro and up to $250 bonus daily cash back. Now that's music to my ears. Subject to credit approval, limitations and spend requirements apply. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs bank usa, Salt Lake City branch terms and more. At Apple Co AirPods we are supported by quints. Monica, we love quints.

[D]

We do.

[B]

We do love quints.

[A]

We genuinely do. I've become obsessed with how they do things. They make these European linen shorts and shirts, 100% European linen. And they feel incredible. Lightweight, breathable, but still look polished.

[B]

And it's perfect for this time of year. Spring loves linen. I feel like everything they make is super luxe, but it doesn't break the bank.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

And the way they keep prices low is they work directly with ethical factories. No middle men, no retail markup. So you're getting premium materials at 50 to 80% less than comparable brands. Like those linen shorts start at $34.

[B]

I know, I hate to keep talking about the linen shorts, but guys, the linen shorts are really, really cute. They look classic, they look timeless. They look really expensive and they're so comfortable. I was honestly surprised by how good they feel.

[A]

Yeah, they're very breathable. Wynn is a nice, nice material.

[B]

It's a good material.

[A]

Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.com Dax for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Dax for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com Dax hard times come and go Good times take them slow My life, I had them both One thing you gotta know I'm gonna keep on shining. Hello. Oh, there she be.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Is this Alyssa?

[C]

This is Alyssa.

[A]

Okay. Your hair looks phenomenal.

[B]

It really does. I just got really self conscious.

[A]

Oh, you did? Cuz it looks so good. Yeah, your hair looks great too.

[B]

No, it's like not good today.

[A]

No, it's good.

[C]

Don't look at. Both look great.

[A]

Alyssa, where are you?

[C]

I'm in Sandpoint, Idaho.

[A]

Ooh, Sandpoint, Idaho. What's the biggest city close?

[C]

Spokane, Washington is 30 minutes the upper panhandle. I'm like an hour from Canada.

[B]

Wow, you're close to a lot of things.

[A]

Close to bountiful, yes.

[C]

I'm close to Montana, Washington, Canada. I don't know if you're familiar with Coral Lane, Idaho.

[A]

Sure, yeah. I'm a member of many white nationalist groups that meet. Yeah, yeah, we have. We have a couple annual rides that I attend.

[B]

Maybe that's your bad roommate story?

[A]

Could be.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

Are you from there or did you move there?

[C]

I'm from here. Yeah. I've lived in various other places, but I recently, three years ago, moved back home and I met my now partner, father of my child, soon to be husband.

[A]

Wonderful. Okay, so where does your bad roommate story take place?

[C]

In Spokane, actually. So there is kind of a series of stories about this person leading up to this one story that was kind of like the final straw for me. So this takes place in 2016. I was 23 at the time. I had just moved home from Portland, Oregon. I was living with my parents, and I was desperate to not be living with my parents anymore. To give some context. This was a phase in my life. I had a whole head of dreadlocks. I went vegan.

[B]

So fun.

[A]

Were you like a Portland street kid? Were you like rolling around in the dirt with the dreads?

[C]

If this gives any context, the people that I hung out with were the type of people that played the didgeridoo and did hula hoop dancing and fire staff dancing.

[D]

The didgeridoo.

[A]

This is like a hybrid, you know, it's the weird, goofy.

[D]

I honestly don't know.

[C]

It's like a big thing that you blow into and it's like tribal.

[A]

Oh, this sounds like some weird hybrid of like Renson folks and carnival people and Grateful Dead all mashed into a very politically charged city.

[C]

Portland it was a very interesting season in my life and I was in like my whole wellness journey. So I was taking shots of apple cider vinegar every morning. And that will come into play later on, right? Very health conscious, very natural, very crunchy. So I had moved back to my parents house, which is in Idaho, but I had a whole friend group in Spokane, only like 30 minutes away. Started dating this guy, and obviously we had like a mutual friend group. And there was a girl who was moving out of her house. She was going to go travel, and she was looking for someone to take over her lease and her room, and I was going to inherit her roommate. So we seemed like we had enough in common. This is going to be great, you know, she seemed like a cool girl. We had hung out a couple times. Very quickly I noticed this person was kind of lacking social cues, the ability to kind of understand etiquette, especially when it comes to roommates. The first thing that kind of was a red flag for me was I had just moved in and my friends were helping me and we were going to go get some lunch. So we invited her, my new roommate, to come with us. She had asked to borrow a cardigan. I told her, go ahead, grab one from my closet. And she ended up grabbing my favorite vintage thrifted cashmere cardigan.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

That's fine. I'm happy to share.

[A]

I want to confirm the red flag, which is you just met the person. You're like, hey, I need to borrow. You already live there. Like if a dude moved into my house, I was like, hey, I need to borrow a leather jacket. That's strange.

[B]

Girls do borrow clothes.

[A]

One thing, if she was visiting your house and got chilly, but she's next to her own closet.

[B]

I know, but like, girls do that.

[A]

I want your clothes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, Yes.

[A]

I don't have your clothes. Can I have them?

[C]

So she grabbed a cardigan, we're walking, and she actually worked at this pub restaurant that we were walking to. And as we're walking there, it's June in Spokane's kind of chilly, kind of warm. It's warming up throughout the day. We're walking and she goes, oh, it's getting hot. And she takes my cardigan off, and she looks at me as she says this and wipes her armpits with my cardigan.

[A]

No. Oh, wow. She's savage.

[C]

And me and my friends looked at each other. We were like, what? Who does that? You know, like maybe in private, right? Like if I wasn't looking, like maybe a quick but looks me in my eyes and wipes her sweaty armpits with my.

[B]

What color was it? I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't matter. I just really want to know.

[C]

It was, like, a creamy, tan, cute flesh.

[A]

No yellow.

[D]

Ew.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And white with hopefully deodorant paste.

[C]

I don't think she wore it right there.

[D]

Yeah, well, we were crunchy. Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's not healthy.

[C]

Yeah, it's not healthy.

[A]

It's very dangerous.

[C]

We then get to the restaurant. She works there, so she gets a discount. And her manager was our server, and she ended up ordering garlic bread, you know, just a side. And our tabs come, and she asks if anybody has any change. And my friend Chelsea gives her her wallet, and she proceeds to take out every piece of change besides the pennies and pays for her entire tab with Chelsea's change.

[D]

What?

[C]

Doesn't leave a tip.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

So again, we're like, okay, these two things have happened in the span of two hours. These are red flags. I should have known. But I stayed in the house. I gave it my best shot. There was another time I came home, had been drinking and partying all night. Came home early, around, like, seven or eight, and my mattress had been pulled out of my room and onto the living room floor, and she was having, like, a slee. Sleepover on my mattress. Oh, I didn't have, like, a mattress to go sleep on.

[B]

What the.

[A]

With one of her pals or her and a pal.

[C]

Like, a bunch of friends. Some girlfriends, some guy friends. She would eat my leftovers, you know, like, I would bring home leftovers from a restaurant. She would eat it, which I think is just kind of odd. This gives some context as to what I'm dealing with. And the straw that broke the camel's back was when I came home one day after working. We had been living together maybe, like, three months at this point. We both had cats. My cat was mostly an indoor cat. He only really went outside with me. And when I had gotten home, I had noticed that the screen door was open and my cat was gone. And so I go to find my roommate, and she's sitting on the couch, and I ask her, you know, like, where's Jasper? Have you seen him? And she's like, oh, yeah, he got ran up a tree by the neighbor's dogs. He's totally fine. I'm sure he'll come back soon. I am mad at this point.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I neglect to notice that she has her hands down her pants.

[A]

My goodness.

[C]

When I notice this after I've kind Of like, okay, whatever, My cat will come back. I go, what's wrong? And it's then that I see my bottle of apple cider vinegar sitting on the floor open. And she looks at me and she has this kind of look on her face, like her eyebrows are scrunched. And she goes and takes her hands out of her pants, has a rag on her hand, puts said rag on the rim of my apple cider vinegar, flips the bottle upside down, then proceeds to put the rag back down her pants as she says, I think I have hemorrhoids.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Even worse. I thought she was on her vagina for something, but she's on her rectum.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I thought she was masturbating.

[A]

Oh, my God. Well, sure. First. Okay, okay. And she's using both hands on her butthole. She was applying from the lip of the container.

[D]

Ew.

[A]

I'm surprised she didn't just put the container up to.

[B]

So how many times has she done that?

[C]

Right? And you know, that's funny because I was just telling my partner the story yesterday, and he goes, well, hemorrhoids don't just, like, pop up. Has she been treating her hemorrhoids this way with your bottle of apple cider vinegar, like, previously?

[B]

Exactly. And you've been drinking it.

[C]

Yeah. So there's a chance that I have consumed her.

[A]

It doesn't matter. But I definitely need to. Somewhat of a visual. Yeah.

[B]

You want to know if she's cute or not.

[A]

Like, does she normal looking or does he look insane?

[C]

Totally normal looking. Definitely a stereotype. Like, you would look at her and go, okay, Like, I can kind of guess maybe what she does in her free time. I think at this phase in her life, she is a part of a circus, if that gives any.

[A]

An actual circus or that's a term for like, a sex cult. Okay. It's not like, not a ufo. Oh, okay. And what was her talent? Hemorrhoids.

[C]

She had these, like, fans that had fire balls. You know, she would, like, dance.

[A]

Okay. So hold on. It's possible, if I can make my best case for her, she might have, like, an extremely high arousal setting. Like, she's just dead if she doesn't juggle fire or fucking push these social boundaries. Like, she's dying inside. If she doesn't rattle herself with all this absurdity.

[C]

It just seemed like she was so comfortable in her own skin that she wasn't fazed by anything. She had this glass dildo. We would have house parties. And her dildo was just always Next to her bed with like a bottle of coconut oil and she wouldn't like put it away, you know, like she just didn't care. Yeah, and props to her for that. I need some space.

[B]

Right.

[A]

How did you end this? Well, first of all, did your cat get retrieved? Was it in a tree?

[C]

To be honest with you, I don't even remember what happened after this. I just blacked out. I have no memory of what happened with my cat. Obviously he was fine because nothing happened to him that day. It end well because I moved in with her because I wanted to not live with my parents. I went back to my parents house to get out of this living situation.

[A]

Do you remember telling her, like, I just need to save more money. What was your excuse?

[C]

I'm not good with confrontation. I was very polite. But I did send a very, very long, I think maybe Facebook message or text message to her. Just explaining, next time you have a roommate, maybe these are things to think about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Constructive criticism.

[A]

Did she respond?

[C]

She did. And I don't think she was fazed by it. Again, she was kind of like, this is normal stuff. Like, what are you talking about?

[A]

Yeah, I feel bad for you and I'm envious of her.

[B]

I'm not.

[D]

Me too.

[A]

Yeah, right. Just. Well. Cause I'm riddled with thinking about what other people think about me. And clearly this.

[B]

Well, there's a reason because that person just repels every single person that's around.

[A]

You know what? I was doing most of your story. I was very paying attention and dialed in. But also I was making a lot of room for envisioning you with the dreadlocks. My conclusion was you look very cute with dreadlocks. And I'm sure you were a really fun hang. Probably coming home hammered with the dreadlocks.

[C]

It was a good run. You know, I don't think they would suit my personality now, but at the time they were great.

[A]

No one likes them anymore for white folks. And that's fine. I accept it. But I had them myself. Tell me, isn't it the greatest hairdo? Because there's nothing to be done. That part of thinking is done.

[C]

It is great. And they always look good.

[B]

They're not for me.

[A]

I bet you'd look pretty cool if you had dreads and then shave the side.

[C]

No, I think you could rock it.

[A]

Thank you, Tiger side.

[B]

Well, I'm sorry that happened. That lady's nuts.

[A]

Yeah, I want to meet her.

[C]

I have to give a quick shout out. I promised her I would. My friend Sarah, she's my Childhood best friend. She got me into Armchair Expert. Armchair Anonymous. Shout out to Sarah.

[F]

Shout out.

[A]

We love Sarah. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Sarah, for proselytizing.

[B]

Keep it up.

[A]

You're in an MLM and you have whatever they're called below you. I don't know.

[C]

Oh, yeah, she's top of the beer.

[A]

All right, well, congratulations on the baby and the marriage, and I'm so happy for you, and it's lovely to meet you.

[C]

Thank you. Lovely to meet you guys.

[A]

All right, take care. Are you a Max Verstappen fan, David?

[E]

I'm actually a Sergio fan. I don't like rooting for the front runner.

[A]

Oh, sure, that's fair.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I always was rooting for Sergio, and I think he was never given the best opportunity.

[A]

I agree. And I think history showed that he was faster than we thought. We just didn't realize how fucking fast Max was.

[E]

Exactly.

[A]

So, David, where are you? You have a beautiful background, but that's not to say that's representative of where you live.

[E]

It actually is. It's not too far away from where I live. I'm in upstate New York, right outside Albany. But that was a fall hike in Lake George.

[A]

Oh, wow. It's absolutely stunning.

[B]

Oh, so you took this picture?

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. For the listener behind David is just a gorgeous thousand acres of forest followed by a beautiful lake that seems very natural shoreline.

[E]

I had moved back here unexpectedly after not living in this area for 20 years, and I realized how much I missed being up in the mountains.

[A]

Yeah, you get reminded. Okay, so you have a crazy roommate story, and where did it take place?

[E]

It took place in Astoria, Queensland, in New York City. So it was February 2006, when Craigslist was at its peak.

[A]

And what were you doing in Queens? Had you taken a job there or were you just loitering?

[E]

I was working in Manhattan at a luxury hotel as a bell captain.

[A]

Which one?

[E]

The Westin and Times Square.

[A]

Oh, wonderful. What was the biggest tip you ever received as a bell captain?

[E]

Probably, like, $100. It was never anything too crazy.

[A]

Fun, John. That feels fun.

[E]

Oh, it was so much fun. We had a lot of baseball teams that would stay with us, basketball teams. Got to know a lot of. Have a lot of good stories that way as well.

[A]

Anyone check in with, like, a large cage and an animal?

[E]

Not that I remember.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So you're working at the hotel.

[A]

Sorry. Sorry.

[E]

So, met these two guys on Craigslist that were looking for a third roommate. We're in our 20s. We don't have many cares we get along things like that. But their friends that they grew up with live upstairs and they've converted the dining room into a fourth bedroom. So in Queens you have a lot of railroad style apartments. In our 20s we had no need for dining room so we decided we'd put up a wall like they did and convert that into a fourth bedroom which gave us more drinking money at the end of the day at 26 years old.

[A]

Thank you to our presenting sponsor. Grubhub Gold Days is here, which feels like a dangerous time to be ordering food because suddenly everyone in your very interested in what you're eating. Grubhub plus members are getting non stop savings all month long and if you're not a member yet, you can join for just 99 cents a month for six months. That's a 90% discount off of the usual price. Grubhub plus membership, auto renews and terms apply. Sign up now in the app or at grubhub.com/gold. Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of and it turns out it's more common than you'd think. Peyronie's disease, or PD for short. Peyronie's disease, or pd, can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve with a bump during an erection or for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lowered self esteem and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy. Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about pd. The actual cause of PD isn't always known. In some cases it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. The good news is PD is treatable. If you notice a curve with a bump, a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk through your options, including non surgical treatment. To learn more about Peyronie's disease, visit talkaboutpd.com that's talkaboutpd.com we are supported by Helix. So Monica, you've been sleeping on a Helix for what, a year now?

[B]

A few years now.

[A]

Oh my gosh.

[B]

They sponsored a previous show and I got a Helix mattress and it's holding up.

[A]

It is.

[B]

I still got it and I really like it because it's so personalized to me.

[A]

Yeah, they're so personalized. You pick side, sleeper, back sleeper, whether you run hot or not. That's why I love mine. I haven't had Mine as long as you have, but mine is in a tip top shape after about six months of hardware. Let's be honest, I'm meditating in there, I'm journaling in, I'm sleeping there. I'm virtually living in there.

[B]

And there's actually science behind why we're sleeping better. 82% of those involved in a recent study saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle while sleeping on a Helix mattress.

[A]

They've got over 20 mattress models, so there's one designed specifically for how you sleep. Plus free shipping, 120 night sleep trial and a limited lifetime warranty. Go to helixsleep.comarmchair for 27% off site wide. That's H E L I X sleep.com armchair for 27% off. Make sure you enter our show name at checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com armchair this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So May is mental health awareness month. And I've been thinking about how we all have those things that keep us up at night.

[B]

Yeah. And it's so easy to think you have it all figured out on your own.

[A]

Right. But the truth is no one has all the answers. Having someone with you, someone to actually listen and understand, it makes a real difference.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's what therapy can be. It's not about having everything figured out. It's about having unbiased support when you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or just unsure.

[A]

And betterhelp makes it easier to find that support. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs. With over 30,000 therapists, they usually get it right the first time. And if not, you can switch anytime.

[B]

I have therapy tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to it. I have nothing to talk about and it's gonna be the best session ever. You just get to the root of things.

[A]

Yeah. You don't have to be this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Dax that's better. H lp.com Dax.

[E]

So we agreed to put up a listing on Craigslist for the fourth roommate. My two other roommates, they were in constant communication with me. Picked a day that they were going to be interviewing for this fourth roommate. I'm working that night that they're starting the interviews for the fourth roommate. But I get onto the subway and get there as quick after work as possible. And we end up meeting in what's going to be our apartment. And they said we found the perfect roommate. It's this college student senior. The only thing is he has a circumstance that he has to get into this room next week. And our landlord had given us the keys to the apartment, but we weren't moving in until March 1st. Don't think much of it. Just, okay, cool. He's given us the first month's last month since security deposit. We have that in our pocket and let him move in. Fast forward to move in day, he's already moved in. My two other roommates and I agree to rent a U Haul. We'll move all our stuff that day. Return the U Haul. We picked up a 12 pack of beer and some pizza and unpacked the apartment full of boxes. The student roommate joined us for a slice and a beer, but really was introverted, didn't really have much to say and went back to his room. Just thought, oh, he's not as social as we thought he was. About a week later, we haven't seen our student roommate for a few days. My one roommate calls and texts him with no answer from him. We're not like crazy worried at this point. Probably should have been a little bit more worried. It's New York City, it's safe. We've never been in any trouble. One day, my roommate Ryan, he gets home from work, who's been texting this newer roommate, and he gets a call from. From his friend who lives upstairs. And this is when DVR is brand new on cable in 2006 as well. He goes, I paused the TV. You have to come up and watch this. Right now I'm at work in the middle of my shift, and Ryan texts me, I need to talk to you asap. It was early on in cell phones always on you at all times. So we had a work policy of no cell phones at the time. But we had this enormous luggage room. We had a corner there that we could sneak away and always take a phone call or a text. So get into the luggage storage room, Ryan. The first thing comes out of his mouth is, are you sitting down? And my reply is, was our roommate found dead?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

And he goes, no, worse. And I'm like, what?

[A]

There's only.

[B]

I know the only other worse thing.

[A]

Well, there's two other worse.

[E]

Oh, I wonder who's right. Do we want to say it on three?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

One, two, three. Murder or pedophilia. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, there's two worse than being dead.

[E]

Exactly. So the FBI has actually arrested him on crossing lines for child pedophilia.

[A]

Oh, dude. And the reason we even said that is, we just had an expert on. And they were saying, yeah, the only thing Americans hold in worse regard than a murderer is a pedophile. It's the lowest. And it made the news.

[E]

It was one of the top stories on the news that night. So we were in New York City, and he had crossed state lines to Connecticut.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

So my reaction was the same way. I was like, what the fuck? So I went to my manager. I asked to leave early for a family emergency, quote, unquote, and she gave me the okay. I changed out of my uniform and got on the subway as quickly as possible. I get home, my roommate Ryan, who called me, looked like he had seen a ghost and showed me the clip. And he was the one who reached out to the FBI.

[A]

Oh, he turned him in?

[E]

Well, no, the FBI caught him, but because he was our fourth roommate, he wanted to find out, like, what's the next thing the FBI told him. Do not touch anything in his room because everything is evidence. My next thought was, our landlord lives in our building. She was going to find out when the FBI shows up, and we're going to get kicked out. We're not even a month into this lease yet.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Luckily, the FBI came in pretty discreetly to pick up the evidence as well as interview Ryan. He gave the details about how he was rushing to move in. We didn't know anything else about him. Ryan stayed in contact with the lead agent for a while. Again, this is before even Google search became a thing. So a Yahoo search that roommate that got arrested and saw that our address was on the sexual offender's website.

[A]

Oh, geez. Oh, boy, oh, boy.

[E]

And we're all in our early professional careers, so I had Ryan reach out to the FBI agent to get that all settled. But we did end up finding a fourth roommate a few months later who was amazing. She wanted to be Broadway singer.

[A]

Good for her. She moved in with three dudes at

[B]

a second ex offenders. Oh, my God. That's New York real estate. It's hard. It's hard. That is insane.

[A]

Did you guys find out any of the details of what he was up to? Was he even a college student?

[E]

He was actually a computer science major. Oh, no, it was with a minor. It was pretty crazy.

[B]

Do you think the minor was ever in your apartment?

[E]

No. Our understanding is that part of how he got was he commuted to Connecticut to meet up with said person.

[B]

Ah, that is a nightmare.

[E]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

I didn't think I would say this, but we've had two of these and I'd much prefer someone put my apple cider vinegar up their asshole than this. As a roommate, if you have to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Am I able to give a shout out real quick?

[A]

Of course.

[E]

Awesome. I listen to you guys all the time. I even have an A cherry personalized license plate.

[A]

Me too. You.

[B]

That is so sweet.

[A]

Mine says arm cherry.

[E]

Oh, nice. Yeah, mine says AE cherry.

[A]

Oh, we can start a car club.

[B]

Start selling them.

[E]

But I had to give a shout out to the person who got me into this podcast. His name is Scotty Johnson. I think you have a friend Scotty Johnson.

[A]

I have a best friend. I just got chills when you said that. I thought it was the same Scotty Johnson, but it's not and kind of sim.

[E]

He was the gym owner of the gym I went to in Miami and he's now relocated to Detroit, Michigan.

[A]

Oh, that is really weird. I hope Scotty Johnson and Scotty Johnson run into each other.

[B]

Well, shout out Scotty Johnson.

[A]

And I want to be on record. Yeah. If I've ever stolen anyone's personality, it was Scott Johnson. Yeah, he made me a lot better.

[B]

He has a great personality.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Well, and then, Dex, I just want to thank you for all the father advice you give. I'm a single father to a four and a half year old daughter.

[A]

Oh, congrats. You have a four year old little girl. Are you having so much fun?

[E]

The best time ever. The full on conversations are the best. I'm trying to get her into Armchair Expert, but it's more listening to Blippi than it is Armchair expert.

[A]

Sure, sure, sure.

[B]

For now. Give it a couple years.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get her anonymous, I think is the gateway.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Well, David, it's lovely meeting you. I'm so happy for you.

[E]

Yeah, thank you so much.

[A]

All right, take care. Care. Is it Bitney Britch?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Hello.

[D]

How are you guys?

[A]

I'm great. What does your sweatshirt say, Britney?

[D]

It says I need a diet coat girl. I figured you would appreciate that. I always have one handy.

[A]

What do they call them? Fridge sigs?

[F]

Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[A]

Truer words have never been spoken.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

Britney, where are you at?

[D]

I'm in San Diego, so not too far from you guys.

[A]

Okay. And you have an exciting. You're in an office. There's a cocktail cart. There's a weird head mass. Oh, is there a Star wars fan in the house? Is that what's going on?

[D]

It's Avatar the Last Airbender. It's an Appa. We have A dog that's named Appa.

[A]

Okay, so you guys love Airbender.

[D]

Yes, the original. The cartoon.

[A]

Oh, okay. You had a bad roommate. Please tell us about it.

[D]

Absolutely. I don't love the term bad roommate. It was just a wild roommate.

[B]

Love that.

[A]

Great replay.

[D]

Clarify later. Maybe that will make sense why I want to make that distinction. Distinction. But let's go back to early May 2020. So this is peak pandemic. This is that phase where we're home 24 7. People are watching Tiger King.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

We are making banana bread, drinking a lot. But it's also a time where your home life becomes more important than usual because you're home 24 7. So I was 30 at the time, working full time, navigating, remote work and what that looks like. I was spending a lot of time with my boyfriend of two years, but we did not live together at this time. We had conversations about it. I wasn't quite ready. So ultimately, I was living with random roommates by the beach. So on a Thursday night, early May, at about 1:30 in the morning, I get a call from an unknown number. So I answer, and on the other end of the line is a police officer. I'm a little alarmed, but he says, like, I'm outside of your house. And he asked if I was safe. Oh, I'm like, yes, I am safe. I'm confused.

[A]

Yeah, I thought I was safe until you called.

[D]

Exactly. So then I walked to my front door and opened it, and slowly the scene starts to come into focus. And I realized that my house is surrounded by police officers with guns and spotlights pointing at my house.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

This is kind of my dream. Wake up.

[B]

No.

[D]

Trade places with good.

[B]

Yeah, she didn't like it.

[A]

I'm like, oh, man, something's really happening. Time to be awake.

[D]

It is burned into my brain as one of the crazier things that have happened.

[A]

How many cops do you think are out there?

[D]

At least a. Oh, my God.

[A]

They got the whole department.

[D]

Let's rewind a few weeks. So now we're in April, even earlier in the pandemic. And one of our roommates was actually from another country. So I don't know if you guys remember, there were travel bans that were going on, right, where there were countries you could and couldn't travel to. The travel ban got lifted, and she was like, I have to leave now, or I'm gonna get stuck. And we were like, okay, we totally understand. Never fun to have to, like, suddenly find a roommate. But we live In a pretty desirable area. We haven't really had issues finding roommates in the past, so. So we post an ad on Craigslist. I know there's lots of horror stories about that, but that's actually how I found the room. It's how we've been doing it for years. Never really had any issues. Have found some good fits. So we interview someone. Let's call her Jamie. I actually go to where she's living.

[A]

Well, this is very proactive of you.

[B]

Yeah, this was smart.

[D]

I meet one of her friends. We talk. Seems like a good enough fit. When can you move in? So she comes in. The first couple weeks are going really well. She's very clean. She'd, like, cook for us and share food. Great roommate perks. Can't ask for much more. She does talk a lot. It becomes clear that she's going through a breakup. She's grieving. That kind of taking a toll on her mental health, which I totally understand. I'm trying to be supportive of her. But I also actually am a therapist for a living. I work with foster kids.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Good job.

[D]

I couldn't be her therapist, right? I was like, I have to set some boundaries, but also want to show up for you how I can. But also, like, you're a random. You know, trying to kind of navigate that. But again, a couple weeks, things are going well. And then one night in the middle of the night, we got a group text. So between me, Jamie, and then our other roommate. And she says, I've had enough of this shit. Five straight nights, I'm moving out.

[B]

What?

[D]

And I'm, like, racking my brain, like, what is this about? Is maybe her and my other roommate having conflict I'm not privy to? I got up to pee. I was like, did I wake her up? And, like, that was frustrating. Like, I have no idea. So I text my other roommate, and I'm like, any idea what this is about? And she's like, well, it's late. Like, we should all kind of talk tomorrow. But she is hearing conversations about her, and it isn't very comfortable. And I'm like, okay. I mentioned I do have a boyfriend that I spend time with. He comes over sometimes, but he was not there that night and hadn't been the last couple of nights. And we had never talked about her, not a single time. So, like, this isn't happening. The next day, I talked to her, tried to reassure her, like, this is not happening. We are not talking about you. I'm sorry if you feel that way. He Wasn't here. And then slowly, as we're kind of talking more, it's becoming clear that she is having some auditory hallucinations.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

So not only that my boyfriend and I are talking about her, but that my boyfriend is like threatening me.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

I would like to add a disclaimer that my boyfriend is the most wonderful non violent man. There is no reason for her to think this. It was just very clear she was projecting her own trauma onto, like, the nearest relationship. Oh, my God.

[B]

Psychosis.

[D]

I'm kind of talking to her throughout the day saying, like, hey, has this happened before? She almost maybe, like, seems a little embarrassed. Like, no, I'm a therapist. I'm providing education on grounding techniques.

[A]

Is she becoming open? Open to the idea that maybe she imagined them or no?

[D]

It seems that way, I think, in the first conversation. And so again, I'm kind of talking through, like, normalizing that being anxiety provoking. If she says this hasn't happened before, we're in, like the evening now. So I also offer, hey, my boyfriend is not here. I'm gonna leave my door open. So my door was like, right next to hers, caddy corner. So I leave my door open. She can peek in if she wants if she's feeling unsafe. And I let her know, like, hey, the next morning. I'm aware of some community bay mental health resources. Let's get you some support.

[A]

You're the dream roommate for this.

[D]

I honestly am glad it happened to me because I feel like I had maybe some more tools to handle and deal with that.

[A]

We are supported by skims. You know, I feel like at this point, everyone knows when they drop something new, it's kind of a big deal.

[B]

It really is. And I've talked about this before, but my biggest thing with underwear is always comfort versus actually feeling cute. It's very hard to get both. You usually don't.

[A]

Right. It's a trade off.

[B]

You're either comfortable and not really thrilled or you look good and you're counting down the minutes till you can just take that baby off. But skim solved that. Their new everyday cotton collection is the perfect balance.

[A]

So what is it about the line that you really love? What are you actually reaching for the most?

[B]

Okay, so in the everyday cotton collection, I really like the everyday cotton bra. It is very comfortable, but very sleek and. And durable too. It is not like some bras. You throw them in the wash, say goodbye, they're disintegrating.

[A]

They'll never be the same.

[B]

Yes. This is not like that Skims has nailed the products. They're just great.

[A]

Well, look, if it's comfortable and it fits well and you don't have to think about it, that's kind of the whole goal.

[B]

Shop everyday cotton and all my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows

[A]

follows free audio post production by alphonic.com confidence.

[D]

It's listening to your gut. It's moving forward, even when the path ahead is unclear. For nearly 160 years, Pacific Life has helped people keep their promises, building confidence for generations. Whether you're confident in your financial future or just beginning to envision it, we're here to help. Ask a financial professional how Pacific Life, the Power of a Promise Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska. And in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

[F]

Spring just slid into your DMs.

[D]

Grab that boho. Look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you.

[F]

And hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up.

[D]

Spring's calling, Ross, work your mat magic. So I go to bed that night. And now let's cut to the earlier scene about an hour after I had fallen asleep. I guess she had called the police and told them that my boyfriend was in the home with a rifle and he had pointed at her and was now holding me hostage.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, my God. This is the point I try to make with my sympathy to police. They don't know what the fuck is going on ever. They just show up and they have to assume that's the scenario.

[D]

They were responding as if it was like an active shooter. Which I'm glad.

[B]

I'm glad they were, absolutely.

[D]

But hence all the guns and manpower in that situation. They were responding as if that was the case. So I walk outside and talk to the police officers and I kind of give them my perspective. I let them know it's become clear the last couple of days that she seems to be experiencing some auditory hallucinations. It seems like now she's experiencing some visual hallucinations as well. They pretty quickly believed me, but they were like, we do have to clear the house. So they asked me to follow them as they're going in with large weapons, like clearing my closet and the garage and making sure, right, that I am telling the truth. Obviously, he was not there. They did tell me they found, like, a large butcher knife in her bag in her room that she said was to defend herself. So that was a little alarming.

[A]

Well, I remember learning in college that the schizophrenics that had been put in prison for murder, almost without exception, they believe sincerely, like, the town was poisoning them. It's always self defense. Like, never just, I want to kill that person. It's always self defense.

[D]

Yes. And that was kind of her idea. She was telling cops, like, what would you do in this situation if someone is targeting you and threatening you and holding someone hostage? I need to have something to protect myself.

[A]

This also shines a little bit of light on how the previous relationship probably dissolved. The boyfriend was probably like, okay, I got to get off this ride.

[B]

Yeah, she has some psychosis.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Or it was. She had a traumatic experience with that partner and was unsafe and was made maybe threatened with weapons to where she didn't feel safe. And now her brain is kind of in that fight or flight mode, right? Of like, I'm in survival mode because of those experiences that she's been through.

[B]

Horrible.

[D]

Yeah. So they end up pulling us all in a room. I'm kind of hoping this will help alleviate some anxiety. Like, he is not here. But she's like, britney, you're a good girl. You tell them the truth. You know, this is happening. He's hiding in a car around the corner, like, just very vividly. Still feeling as though this was happening, happening. My other roommate corroborated the story. They were able to take her for a psychiatric evaluation. And then the next morning, I actually get a call from the psych hospital, and they're like, hey, can she come home? She have a place? And I'm like, I mean, is she still believing this? Is she still feeling as though she needs to defend herself? So they do end up actually releasing her pretty quickly. She texts me and says, like, I'm on the way home, and I have the police with me and I need to see your room. At this point, I'm, like, feverishly packing. We're home 24 7. I'm working from home. Like, I have meetings that day. It is not sustainable for me to stay here in this environment. I'm trying to get out of the house before she gets there, but I don't. She comes in, surprise, surprise, the police are not with her. I, like, show her my room, and then I let her know, like, hey, I'm gonna be leaving. I will not be here. My boyfriend will not be her for an indefinite period of time. I will leave my doors open, Please, Like, I want you to feel safe. We'll connect later. So now, in the middle of the pandemic, I end up couch surfing between, like, friends and my boyfriend's house. Even, like, my boyfriend's mom's house in la. Like, just kind of trying to find safe spaces where I can continue working and figuring out what's going on. I'm of course, staying in touch with my roommate, who is still at the house. And she tells me she is now repeatedly calling the cops and continuing to state these things.

[B]

Why aren't they committing her?

[D]

Well, they end up not coming to the house every time because they are starting to see that pattern. To my knowledge, they never, like, connected her with mental health resources. Apparently she was, like, looking under our house for me and, like, in nearby building. Oh, my God. And she actually then started sticking burned notes under my door. I actually sent a couple pictures of right here.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

If you want to look at them, do.

[A]

Oh, boy. Yeah.

[B]

This is so scary.

[A]

You can imagine, like, in a psychic evil just seeing these notes. You'd be like, yep, I see what's going on.

[B]

Exactly. Like, she needs to be placed on a hold for sure.

[D]

It's ranging from like, leave her alone to, like, go ahead and do it. So that feels, like, threatening of like, you're telling him to kill me. I don't know.

[B]

Oh, my God. It says, I'll take a bullet for her. I want her to stay with us now. Oh, my God. This is very upsetting.

[A]

You don't want me to get to you. You sound like you don't stop narrating everything. Do it, asshole. Been waiting.

[D]

And she also, like, was saying she was, like, recording us. I was talking over the story with my sister and she was like. That was the part where I was like, I don't care about COVID I'm getting on a plane to come out. She was like, the burnouts was coming kind of a next level for me.

[A]

Anything and everything starts seeming possible.

[D]

Yes. And she is, like, sending, like, kind of threatening texts. We also find out in the midst of all of this that she never paid rent. So she had told us numerous times that she had. We had been there again for, like, years at that point. Never paid rent late. The landlord never told us until we got an eviction notice of pay or you're going to be kicked out of your home in the middle. And we had actually contacted them about the situation, and they were, like, not so helpful and never told us that we had outstanding rent. So that was just kind of an added stressor.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

All of this of like, okay, Are we gonna have to then pay for her portion of the rent so we can stay? So ultimately, we ended up having to, like, reach out to her mom on Facebook who lived across the country, and we're just like, hey, this is kind of the situation. It seems like she really needs support. These things are. Are not happening. Like, this has been verified by the police. I'm not just saying this. Her mom does end up flying out. Ultimately, after a few weeks and a few more eventful things, she move out. And I do just very much want to add that disclaimer of, like, I have no bad feelings toward her, nothing but empathy. I hope that she got the support that she needs and that she is stable. And I obviously am a huge mental health advocate. This is my passion and what I do for a living and never want to be disparaging. This was just a crazy thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

Did the mom take her back?

[D]

I'm not 100% sure. I do think that was what they were going to do, is bring her home more than she could. Hopefully get connected to therapists and medication support and what, whatever she needed.

[A]

You know, the whole story just reminds me how much we need other people.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

You need a mom. You know, you need someone to call that can be like, oh, yeah, I'll

[B]

drop everything or even like a best friend, real people in your life to help you.

[D]

I think that's tough about even living in San Diego. Like, we don't have family here. There's a lot of transplants where you come here. Because San Diego is a beautiful, amazing city with lots of fun things to do, but there is sometimes a lack of community in that way that is, yeah, very essential, especially in these situations. I actually, like, ended up flying home after that just to kind of also get a little bit of, like, a breather and space. And then in the midst of all of this, actually, my boyfriend, we were on one of those trips down from LA to San Diego from staying with his moms. He proposed to me. Fun story. All the jewelry stores were closed, so he actually proposed with the diamond in, like, a ring pop setting, which is kind of a fun anecdote that we have from that time. And we've been married five years and have a precious two and a half year old.

[A]

Oh, congrats.

[D]

We are very, very happy. This was a small little blip in a very privileged life life.

[B]

You have such an amazing attitude.

[D]

I appreciate that. That's all we can do in these situations. And again, we're humans first and so always want to hold space for that. I did have another quick anecdote, if we have time, that I think I also sent pictures of. So my husband in 2022 surprised me with front row tickets to see you guys at the Wheel Turn. I think it was an armchaired in Dangerous.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Which was so much fun. But the coolest thing actually happened after. So I'm a huge Kristen Bell fan, as many of us are. She actually posted a picture from that show, and my husband and I are in the background. So I like to say Kristen Bell

[A]

speeds on our Instagram, which was, like,

[D]

the most exciting thing that could happen.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[D]

And my husband actually is here. I don't know if you want to say hello.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we love to. We live.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Hello. Hi. What a nice man you are to have gotten those tickets for her.

[E]

That was really fun.

[A]

You obviously met this roommate. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

That was a fun story. It all worked out and hopefully she's doing well. We don't keep in touch with her, but yeah.

[B]

Yeah, hopefully.

[A]

All right, well, lovely meeting you guys. Yeah. So fun.

[C]

Bye.

[D]

Thank you guys so much for your time. Have a great rest of your day.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

Where is this photo? That is your backdrop, Tuscany. Oh.

[F]

The photo is one of the few things that turned out great with that story, but that's a scam episode. Although there were some bad roommates there too.

[A]

Where are you at, Danielle?

[F]

So I currently live in Eastern Washington. My story is about Portland.

[A]

Oh, and is that where you're from?

[F]

I'm from near there and lived most of my early adulthood in Portland.

[B]

We had another Portland story, also. Bad roommates.

[F]

I believe it. There's a lot of bad roommates in Portland.

[A]

There's a lot of young people with dreadlocks and not wearing deodorant.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, please walk us through. Through Portland. What year?

[F]

So this was around 2005, 2006. I was trying to figure out exactly when it was. I think it might have been a summertime, and I was the bad roommate.

[A]

Oh, wonderful.

[B]

I'm so glad someone was owning it.

[D]

What if.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I just.

[B]

What if you're the person from the Portland summer?

[F]

That would be hilarious.

[D]

Oh, my God. Okay, let's hear it.

[F]

You need a little bit of background. So at the time, I was in Portland finishing my undergrad, and I was working too much, going to school too much, certainly not getting enough sleep. And the background to that is that a few years before, I had an intruder. I Was living with some friends. Someone came into our home and came into my bedroom, turned on the lights and I woke up just primal scream. Went into attack mode. He left. We weren't really sure if it was like an accidental situation or if he had bad intentions. We never really did figure it out. They never found him. But certainly created a lot of problems for me with sleep.

[A]

Yeah, I bet.

[F]

Ended up with PTSD and a combination of pre existing sleep disorders just magnified. Ended up with night terrors in combination with nightmares. Usually people have one or the other, but I was very lucky and got a big combination of frequent nightmares about intruders and added demons to the picture and would wake you up screaming. An example that I often give is one time I woke up screaming, bloody, bruised in front of a bookshelf that I had a bunch of like, trinkets from travels around the world and they were all broken. Like, oh, oh, wow.

[D]

You're also sleeping.

[A]

Your nightmares are like, you're waking up, but you're still asleep, but you're wreaking havoc. And then you're coming to and realizing you've wreaked havoc.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

So I had a long history of sleepwalking, talking, and then that coupled with this PTSD just made a big, giant mess.

[A]

Oh, I don't want to make light of it, but I do want to see a reality show of just you moving around your bedroom at night. Has it ever crossed your mind and maybe put some night vision cameras and have a show?

[F]

20 years ago it would have been fascinating. Now it's just me checking on my babies. I actually don't have night terrors very often anymore. Maybe once a year rather than once a week or more. But that's the background going on for a couple of years.

[A]

Well, sorry, one more question about night terrors. Did you ever wake up, like, far from the house? Were you always pretty much in or around the house?

[F]

Always in or around the house. I did go through a phase where I would unlock and relock the door. Fortunately, that didn't last very long. But I never left. And my sleep specialists would say, we need to make sure that you aren't sleeping upstairs or, you know, you know, the keys are where you can't get them, those kind of things. But fortunately I never had to do that and I never severely injured myself.

[A]

Yeah, we interviewed a guy who ran through a plate glass window from the second story.

[F]

Yeah, I could have very much been in danger of that. I think how scary.

[A]

You're going down to bed. You have to be afraid of what's gonna happen once you fall asleep?

[B]

It's probably that stress also adds to it. It's like a bad cycle.

[A]

Yeah, it does.

[F]

And it becomes a really bad cycle. Cause you're afraid to go to sleep because you don't know what's gonna happen. But then the insomnia makes it so much worse.

[A]

These are the makings of a bad. Yes, continue.

[F]

Yes, yes. My very sweet roommate was really terrible about locking the door. Also. That's how I ended up with the intruder in the first place, was that a door didn't get locked. And so I became a little bit obsessive about locking doors for a while. And so that just would start off a whole cycle. So we had gone through a week of her not locking the door a couple of times. And she worked late and was also in a band, and so would be out late at band practice and then maybe bring people back, you know, that kind of thing. Not a great combination. We also lived in a part of Portland that is known for its seedier side. So lots of drugs being done on the side of the road, lots of sex workers. Not really safe, but it's what we could afford. And it was a really noisy night. And I went to bed. It was hot. I had the windows open, and I must have been hearing her come in. It was really hard to come in quietly where we lived. I don't remember that. But I woke up and I was hearing. Hearing her say, stop, Danielle, it's me, over and over and over again. And I had a really large lamp in my hand, and I had it raised up to basically hit her with it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[F]

I thought it was somebody coming in to attack us.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[F]

It would have been really bad if I hadn't woken up, because I'm 511 and she's around 5 1. And that is the story of how I almost killed my roommate.

[B]

It was so scary. Okay, when you came to, were you, like, mortified?

[A]

Aw, horrified.

[F]

Like, I could have really hurt you. What if I actually had a real weapon? What if I had hit you? It was bad. She was so understanding, so kind about it. But I felt so afraid of what I might do in my sleep for a long time.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. What do you do? How do you even address that? Lock yourself in your bedroom?

[F]

I can tell you what I did.

[E]

I got a dog.

[F]

And she was a really sweet guard dog. She would just lay by the door, be very protective if anybody came to the door or ever talked to me, like, in a breezeway. But otherwise, if I Would wake up screaming. She didn't respond. She just would kind of like lift her head up and then go back to sleep. And that did more healing work than any therapy or any medication, which I hate to say I'm a psychologist. That is absolutely what healed my brain.

[A]

I mean, it makes sense because I think at the core, right, you're feeling very vulnerable and alone. Fearful. Yeah. And now you got a co pilot. You can offload some of the responsibility to her.

[B]

Your brain feels safer.

[F]

And I didn't feel like anybody would ever come in when they heard this dog who sounded big, mean, and vicious, but was really a sweetheart.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I know you want me to get.

[A]

But we both need to take a moment and see these little dogs are so special sometimes.

[F]

Sometimes so much good for me.

[B]

That's lovely.

[A]

I'm just so happy to have the job. Like, if you told a human, like, here's a sitch, man. I'm unraveling. You got to be my co pilot. Maybe a knife.

[B]

Everyone would run.

[A]

Yeah, big fuck this. But dog's like, yeah, I'm there, man.

[F]

She was until her very last day. I thought the night terrors would come back after she passed, but they haven't. I mean, I've had maybe, like, a couple. I'm a new mom, but it's been fine.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Oh, I love that you were the bad roommate. Yeah.

[B]

Thanks for.

[A]

That's big of you. Yeah, I like that.

[F]

That's, like, kind of the worst roommate.

[A]

We could have very well heard that other side of the story. I came in, all of a sudden, she came barging out with a lamp and threw me against the wall. Always drop it on my head.

[B]

Good for her for being kind.

[F]

I had several roommates who were just so kind who would say, just come get in bed with me or find, like, a little kid. And it was really helpful.

[A]

We've been hearing a lot of good about humanity in this episode. It's been affirming. And we're bad ones.

[B]

And there was a pedophile.

[F]

Can I say a couple of thank yous and a shout out?

[D]

Of course.

[F]

Dax. I'm so thankful for the way that you talk about addiction from a professional standpoint. It's really helpful. But also, I have three siblings who struggle with alcohol addiction. And for me, day seven is so helpful from both of you to be able to go back and remind myself, this is a process. Relapse happens. I can be there for my family. And also so the realities of how it feels to be on, like, Monica's end of things. You know, it's always a good reminder. So I've listened to that episode so many times in supporting my siblings, and I'm so thankful for the way you talk about addiction and the way you share and you let other people share.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Our pleasure.

[B]

Glad it was helpful.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

And Monica Rista, 35, is an amazing gift. So I'm a perinatal psychologist. Oh, wow. I've been supporting families and becoming families for a long time. So people with fertility issues and pregnancy and postpartum problems, but I myself, it took 10 years for me to get my baby.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Aw.

[B]

Congratulations.

[F]

We're going through the egg retrieval process around the same time, and it was really cool to have that. I wish that I had had that podcast when I was 35. A lot easier. But I did get my little science baby.

[A]

My little science baby.

[F]

I love that you share your and even your process and thinking about, like, do I become a single mom? Do I not? I'm a single mom by choice, and it really works for me, but I think so many more young women need to have that information because I think for some people, it's way too late when they start. And for me, it almost didn't work.

[B]

Well, I'm so glad it did.

[A]

Yeah. Good job, Monica. We hear that a lot. I'm so proud of my buddy.

[C]

Oh, thank you.

[F]

And I have to shout out a former client who turned me onto your podcast. She really, from day one, was talking about you guys, and it was a really fun bunch of years that we spent talking. I'm sure she'll know who she is.

[B]

Oh, shout out anonymous person.

[A]

I think anyone who gets you as a therapist is very lucky.

[B]

Very.

[F]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

It's so nice meeting you, Daniel.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Thanks for chatting with us.

[F]

Thank you. It's great to meet you guys.

[A]

All right. Congrats on your science baby.

[F]

Thank you.

[A]

All right, bye.

[B]

Bye. God, they're nice.

[A]

Got my daily tear up in free now to be a prick the rest of the day.

[B]

First of many.

[C]

All right.

[A]

I love you. I love you.

[D]

Do you want to sing a tune or something? One of a theme song.

[A]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go. Go, go. We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of arm cherries, we'll get some suggestions on the fire rhyme dish. On the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy.