Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Episode: Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
Release Date: January 24, 2025
Host: Armchair Umbrella

Overview

In the episode titled Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal, Dax Shepard delves into the intriguing and often tumultuous experiences of individuals who have found themselves in romantic relationships with individuals involved in criminal activities. Joined by Monica Padman, the conversation uncovers the emotional complexities, red flags, and eventual outcomes of such relationships through the personal narratives of three guests: Courtney, Brittany, and Phoenicia. The episode offers a candid exploration of vulnerability, trust, and the journey toward personal growth amidst chaotic circumstances.

Guest Stories

Courtney's Experience

[03:28] Courtney:
Courtney begins her story by recounting her experience dating Dan, a man battling substance abuse issues. Fresh out of a long-term relationship and college, Courtney turned to online dating, where she connected with Dan, characterized by his tattoos and captivating eyes. Believing she could help him overcome his addictions, Courtney became deeply involved in his tumultuous life.

Notable Moments:

• Dan's Criminal Activity: Dan confesses to committing a smash-and-grab at a hardware store to fund his drug habits. This revelation leads to police intervention at Courtney's residence.

  [04:28] Courtney:
  "...last night I did a smash and grab at the hardware store. So he threw a brick or a rock or something into the window, grabbed the quickest thing he could, a vacuum cleaner."

• Legal Consequences: The police raid results in Dan's injury and subsequent arrest. Despite the chaos, Courtney remains supportive, visiting him in the hospital and staying by his side during his brief jail stint.

  [06:28] Dax Shepard:
  "What was the extent of his injuries while he was in the hospital?"

• Community Stigma: Upon Dan's imprisonment, Courtney faces suspicion from her apartment community, leading to strained relationships and eventually forcing her to move out.

  [07:31] Courtney:
  "...rumor has it you pushed Dan out the window."

• Dan's Redemption and Passing: Two years later, Dan overcomes his addiction, starts a family, and achieves stability. Tragically, he succumbs to cancer shortly after a happy period.

  [08:01] Courtney:
  "...he did pass away from his addiction. He actually got clean. He met a girl, had some kids. He was doing really well. But he got cancer and within a few weeks of the diagnosis had passed away."

Brittany's Story

[10:11] Brittany:
Brittany shares her encounter with Phoenicia, a mutual acquaintance who also dated a criminal. Her narrative emphasizes the importance of due diligence in relationships, especially when red flags are present.

Key Points:

• Discovery of Criminal Record: After suspecting deceit in her relationship, Brittany conducts a background check and discovers her partner's history of assault, battery, kidnapping, and disorderly conduct.

  [14:01] Monica Padman:
  "My God."

• Avoiding Escalation: Brittany chooses to block her partner instead of involving law enforcement, citing concerns about being unprepared to handle the consequences.

  [18:28] Dax Shepard:
  "Did it cross your mind to alert law enforcement?"

• Lingering Fears: The discovery of her partner's criminal activities leaves Brittany with lasting fears, especially when bodies are later found in nearby canals.

  [19:12] Brittany:
  "...for a while, there were bodies that were being found in the canal."

Phoenicia's Journey

[22:02] Ariana (Phoenicia):
Phoenicia recounts her relationship with Tom, an assistant professor with a manipulative and criminal nature. Her story highlights the deceptive charm and control exerted by abusive partners.

Significant Events:

• Initial Attraction and Manipulation: Phoenicia meets Tom through a party, drawn to his "bad boy" persona. As their relationship progresses, Tom introduces her to illicit activities, including check fraud.

  [25:08] Ariana:
  "...I think that I was clearly about to commit some check fraud."

• Apartment's Destruction: Tom's criminal endeavors lead to the chaos in Phoenicia's apartment, involving theft and collaboration with known mobsters.

  [27:07] Ariana:
  "...the apartment is being robbed all out in the open."

• Confrontation and Revelation: An unexpected intervention by mobster Mishka exposes the depth of Tom's criminal operations, resulting in Phoenicia's realization of his true nature.

  [29:02] Ariana:
  "...all of a sudden, Tom and Mishka just embrace in this, like, big bear hug."

• Legal Struggles and Personal Growth: Despite initial setbacks in the legal system, Phoenicia's persistence leads her to become a licensed private investigator, transforming her traumatic experiences into a path for empowerment.

  [51:05] Dax Shepard:
  "There are a lot of plot twists in this thing."

Discussions and Insights

Throughout the episode, Dax Shepard and Monica Padman engage in reflective conversations, drawing connections between the guests' stories and broader themes of vulnerability, trust, and self-worth.

• Red Flags and Boundaries: Emphasis is placed on recognizing early warning signs in relationships and the importance of maintaining personal boundaries to prevent falling into manipulative dynamics.

  [12:06] Dax Shepard:
  "I just want to applaud your boundaries."

• Impact of Past Relationships: The guests' recent breakups and low self-esteem played significant roles in making them susceptible to entering relationships with individuals who exhibited criminal behavior.

  [55:28] Monica Padman:
  "...the sense of, am I worth loving? Probably not, because this other relationship didn't work."

• Personal Growth and Resilience: Despite the emotional turmoil, each guest demonstrates resilience, ultimately transforming their painful experiences into opportunities for personal development and professional advancement.

  [54:22] Dax Shepard:
  "I think this kind of experience does ruin a lot of people. So I'm happy for you."

Conclusions

Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal offers a profound exploration of the intricate dynamics involved in relationships with individuals entangled in criminal activities. Through Courtney, Brittany, and Phoenicia's personal stories, the episode underscores the significance of self-awareness, the courage to confront uncomfortable truths, and the strength required to rebuild one's life after such challenging experiences. Dax Shepard and Monica Padman's insightful commentary further enriches the conversation, providing listeners with valuable lessons on safeguarding their emotional well-being and fostering resilience in the face of adversity.

Notable Quotes

• Courtney on Dan's Attack:

  "Last night I did a smash and grab at the hardware store. So he threw a brick or a rock or something into the window, grabbed the quickest thing he could, a vacuum cleaner."
  [04:28] Courtney

• Brittany on Discovering Criminal Records:

  "He was like, I want to murder you."
  [11:59] Monica Padman

• Phoenicia on Legal Struggles:

  "There are a lot of plot twists in this thing."
  [51:05] Dax Shepard

• Dax on Personal Growth:

  "If you're laying on your deathbed in 80 years and you have literally nothing of excitement to look back on, I don't know that that's a win either."
  [09:15] Dax Shepard

Key Takeaways

• Recognize Red Flags: Early signs of manipulative or criminal behavior should not be ignored. Trust your instincts and prioritize your safety.
• Maintain Boundaries: Establish and uphold personal boundaries to prevent being drawn into harmful situations.
• Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive community and seek professional help when navigating complex emotional landscapes.
• Transform Adversity: Use challenging experiences as catalysts for personal growth and empowerment.

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard continues to provide meaningful conversations that resonate with listeners, celebrating the human spirit's capacity to overcome and thrive amidst life's messiness.