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Dax Shepard
Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free. Right now, join Wondri plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Mrs. Monica.
Monica Padman
Hi there.
Dax Shepard
Hi. Today is Embarrassingly Caught. People caught doing embarrassing stuff. This.
Monica Padman
Look at your mirror neurons firing and.
Dax Shepard
The last one's hot.
Monica Padman
Oh yeah, that's right.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, that's right. So a mix of embarrassing and hot.
Monica Padman
Those are the best kinds.
Dax Shepard
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Sabrina
Hi.
Monica Padman
Hi there.
Dax Shepard
Sabrina?
Dana
Yes, this is she.
Dax Shepard
Nice to meet you. Okay, quick question. You have the hanging shoe rack device that I also have on my closet door, but I can no longer shut my closet door. Do you have the same issue?
Dana
Yeah, it's partly open that way I'm not claustrophobic either. So we're good.
Dax Shepard
Where are you at?
Dana
I am just outside of Denver in Aurora, Colorado.
Dax Shepard
So you were caught doing something embarrassing, which is just delightful for us and probably terrible for you.
Dana
Yeah, it's terrible. And I swore I would never tell the story right after it happened. And then I told a million people and here I am telling a million more. This takes place a few years ago. I say a few years because it still haunts me but it was probably more like nine or ten years ago.
Dax Shepard
Okay.
Dana
But I was in a bit of a housing limbo, so I was looking for a place to stay for me and my son just to, like, save some money for a little bit until I got more of a permanent spot. So lucky for me, my cousin said that I could move in with her and her husband. They were gonna charge me next to nothing, but one of the stipulations there was that I had to cook for everybody in the house one night a week.
Dax Shepard
That's a good trade.
Dana
Yeah. Not a big deal. I like cooking.
Dax Shepard
Also a veiled compliment. They want to eat your food. I mean, a lot of people would be asked not to cook.
Dana
Yeah, my cousin lived with them, too, and that was the same rules, and they really didn't want her to cook after. But this particular Tuesday, I was exhausted, so I didn't want to cook. But I remembered that I had the coupon for the Papa Murphy, so I was just gonna go and get some pizza for everybody. I stopped by after work, went up to the cash register, put in my order, and then wasn't even thinking of it. Opened what I thought was the last window and just faced my phone to them. And then the cashier, his face got beet red. His eyes were, like, super wide. I was tired, so I was like, I don't even know what's going on here.
Dax Shepard
What did you think? You were showing him your coupon?
Dana
Yeah, like 20% off. Because I thought it was the last window that I had. Then there was just moaning what you started hearing.
Dax Shepard
What are you seeing?
Dana
Yeah, I heard just really loud.
Monica Padman
Oh, I thought you meant from him. Okay.
Dana
Someone was being very pleased. And they were getting, you know, more than pizza. They were enjoying themselves. My phone decided to just auto play a porn that I was watching earlier.
Monica Padman
Oh, oopsie.
Dax Shepard
You hold it up to a young man at a register.
Dana
Yeah. Teenager.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God. You could, like, get in trouble.
Dana
Yeah, let's not talk about that.
Dax Shepard
He was 18 in a day, for sure.
Dana
That's what was playing. And it was, like, loud and proud and super obvious, which is kind of frustrating because, you know, sometimes when you try to play videos for somebody, it just never plays and it's loading forever. But this was like autoplay, loud as fuck. So I froze. And then I grabbed my phone and then tried to turn it off. And of course, you can't never. Yeah, it's impossible. Like, ads pop up and everything. It finally shuts off. And the cashier, he was like, actually, we don't even take coupons on Tuesdays because it's like a buy one, get one deal anyways, so we don't have anything on top of it. So I just showed in my phone just the porn for, like, no reason. I was like, all right. And then just silence. At that point, I kind of would have rather heard the moaning because the silence was just sick.
Dax Shepard
He chose. And you chose. We're not going to address this.
Dana
Absolutely not. So that kind of made it more uncomfortable. I wish there was like a little joke to cut the tension a little bit, but he was a teenager, so I mean, I don't know how much you could joke with him. And luckily, I mean, I was the only person in there.
Dax Shepard
That's a blessing.
Dana
Yes. Just waiting to package everything up and silence the whole time. Like a good solid five, ten minutes.
Monica Padman
Oh, come on.
Dana
He handed me the pizza and then just head down, left. I have never gone back to Papa Murphy's ever again. Not on Tuesdays, not on any day. He definitely told everybody in the company that some old broad showed him her porn stash. Basically.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. He could definitely end up responding to a prompt that was tell us about something insane that happened at work.
Dana
Totally. I'll keep listening.
Dax Shepard
Well, but here's. Here's how delusional and eager I am as a young man. I would have thought, like, okay, I see you're trying to let me know you are ready to party, that you.
Monica Padman
Did it on purpose.
Dax Shepard
Listen, we run another deal on Tuesday, which is I get off at 6.
Dana
Meet me out back, 10 minutes. That was definitely an embarrassing moment. And I swore I would never tell anybody and then proceeded to tell everybody in my life.
Dax Shepard
Okay, now I have a follow up question and it's very invasive, so you can definitely choose not to answer it. But my curiosity is, you were watching it on your phone at some point.
Dana
Yes.
Dax Shepard
Is that something you did at work?
Dana
I don't do it at work. But it could have been in the morning time.
Dax Shepard
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Dana
De stress before work kind of thing. Yes, but it definitely taught me the lesson to use incognito mode on your phone so it doesn't autoplay.
Monica Padman
Cautionary tale.
Dax Shepard
Cautionary tale. And a sponsor. Let's tell them about.
Monica Padman
Sorry that happened, but you gave him a gift.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, he. That was a gift. When you're a teenager and an attractive woman shows you her pornography, there's not much more you can ask for. Especially at a boring shift. There was no one in there. He's not even busy.
Dana
I like that spin on it and then it got me here. Right?
Dax Shepard
It's a win across the board.
Dana
Definitely.
Dax Shepard
Well, Sabrina, it's lovely meeting you.
Dana
I know everybody says this, but I listen to you guys three times a week on the dot. I work a morning shift, so you're the first voices I hear in the morning. It's just really cool to actually get to talk to you guys.
Dax Shepard
Well, thank you. We're delighted you're listening to all of them. That's very flattering and please keep at it.
Monica Padman
We're glad we got to chat with you.
Dana
Well, do you guys take care. Have a good rest of your day. Yeah.
Dax Shepard
I'd be so happy if that had happened to me at work as a teen. I'm trying to think if I did any forward facing. I didn't. I worked for my dad swindling people out of money for hugs, not drugs. And then I worked for my mom all through high school.
Monica Padman
Well, you worked at CPK as an adult.
Dax Shepard
I would love it if at my host stand that had happened for sure. But I think I like it more in high school and that's a very exciting ordeal in high school.
Monica Padman
Yeah. Did anything ever get weird at the car thing?
Dax Shepard
At my job working for gm? Yeah, that's a good question. We dealt with all these journalists. Every single automotive journalist in the country we would work with pretty regularly. Some of them I had really great relationships with and they were really, really fun. But we had a woman in particular who was clearly a drug addict and we were constantly dropping off and picking up cars from her house. And yeah, it was pretty strange. You never really knew what was gonna happen when you. Cause you'd go up to their door, get the keys and then take the thing away, maybe drop something off. And yeah, she would be in crazy outfits. Sometimes the car would be parked half in the yard, there'd be weird things in the car and it was a little bit of a roulette. You always wondered what was gonna be happening when you went and picked up this car. And you also wondered when is she gonna total one of these cars?
Monica Padman
Sure. Yeah. That's not good.
Dax Shepard
You had a couple customer servicey jobs in high school, right?
Monica Padman
I was. Was a gymnastics teacher and then I worked for my aunt in her law firm. That was it for high school.
Dax Shepard
Well, law firm seems fertile for some. Was she a litigator?
Monica Padman
Yeah, she did divorce and immigration.
Dax Shepard
Okay. Not like criminal defense because if you worked in an office that specialized in criminal defense, you have all the stories.
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Dax Shepard
Dina, I hope it's Dana White.
Sabrina
Can you Hear me?
Monica Padman
We can now.
Dax Shepard
We can hear you beautifully. Yay.
Sabrina
Not Dana White.
Dax Shepard
Not Dana White. Different Dana. I need to see more of your shirt.
Sabrina
It's a sunshine.
Dax Shepard
Okay. It's great. I just had to see the bottom half. I like it quite a bit.
Sabrina
It's snowing here, so it's bright and sunny on my sweater, but gray and snowy outside.
Dax Shepard
Where are you at?
Sabrina
I'm in northwest Indiana. So I'm on the border of Illinois and Indiana between like the dunes and.
Dax Shepard
Chicago, kind of by Gary a little bit.
Sabrina
20 minutes from Gary. So far from Rob's old stomping grounds. But my old house, my backyard was Illinois. My front yard was Indiana.
Dax Shepard
Oh, wow. You could be part of that riddle. If a plane crashes in your backyard, where do you bury the survivors?
Sabrina
I don't know that, but it sounds like a good one.
Dax Shepard
The punchline is you don't bury survivors, but you start thinking about, should it be Indiana or Illinois? And you get really bogged down in that. Okay, so you have an embarrassing story. Probably multiple embarrassing stories. We all have many, but one in particular you're going to share with us.
Sabrina
Yes, I do. This is so funny to me because I'm so excited to be talking to you, but I actually can't believe I signed up to. Because I've avoided telling this story for so long. So story takes place late 2007, early 2008. A recent graduate. I'm living at home with my parents and I'm at the time working for my dad. I'm at home but still like doing adult things. I have a boyfriend who I met right when I came home. And so we've been dating for like six months and I need to renew my birth control. I think it still works like this today where you go, you get an exam and then they release a year's worth of available prescriptions and you can go every month and get it until that year is up. I'm up on that year. So I need to go to the doctor. Previously, I've gone to like Planned Parenthood or I've gone to the health clinic at my college. I'm feeling like an adult. I have my own healthcare, I have my own money, albeit I'm living in my parents basement. I can't move out, but feel empowered. Like I'm gonna take care of my health and I'm gonna find a doctor and somebody I can go to year after year. While I am super close to my parents and I love them so very much. And my family's super close. Like we do not talk about sex at all.
Dax Shepard
Right. Are we religious or just afraid to talk about sex?
Sabrina
I grew up Catholic, but we just never talked about it. So I'm also being conscious of the fact that if male comes to the house, I don't really want them to see it. Like, I don't want it to be like women's clinic. I want nothing that screams like sex. So, yeah, yeah, I start to look for a doctor and I'm looking for something that's discreet. So I find a doctor and it's just like, doctor, so and so. Now as an adult, I realize all the letters after the doctor's name indicate what kind of doctor it is. So I call the doctor up to make an appointment. And what the lady tells me is this doctor is a gynecologist, but it's really like a fertility specialist. She does do exams and I can't come see her, but just want to be upfront that this is kind of what this office is making. The call was awkward enough. I'm like, yep, I'm in. Make me the appointment. It comes time for the appointment. I walk in there and this is like nothing I've experienced before. It's a beautiful office. Everywhere I've gone to just has that, like, curtain in between the rooms. So this feels nice. I feel out of my element. Everything is very much set up for people who are trying to have families. There is a couple who is in there together. All of the posters and pamphlets are all for fertility planning. And I am actively trying not to get pregnant.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, right. You're on the opposite trajectory here.
Sabrina
Yes. I feel super insecure kind of about this situation.
Dax Shepard
Slash guilty maybe. Like these people are dying to have a kid and I'm trying to prevent that.
Sabrina
Yes. And I'm 23. I look out of place. I feel like I shouldn't be there. But I'm also kind of like, I just want to get what I need out of this situation and get out of here. So I'm sitting in there and it's taking, like a little bit of time and I'm getting like a little bit more and more nervous. And maybe it's just for me, but, like, going to the gynecologist is a nerve wracking experience anyway.
Dax Shepard
In ideal conditions, it's still showing your vagina to a stranger.
Sabrina
I've had two kids now, and I still feel semi uncomfortable going to the gynecologist. So the nurse comes and gets me and brings me back into the room and she's like, go ahead and Change and the doctor will be in there with you shortly. So I take everything off, I fold it all up. I tuck my underwear into my jeans so you can't, like see anything. And I am looking for the gown. Usually it's almost like a paper sheet that's folded up on the bed. So I look for that. It's not there. And I'm looking on the bed underneath the film. I don't see anything. And it's like a bigger room. So I scan the room. There's like a desk and then there's some hooks. And next to the hook, I'm like, oh, those look like gowns. So I go up and I grab one of the gowns and so I'm putting it on and I am like, well, this is weird because this gown has a slit in the front and not in the back. But I'm also kind of thinking to myself, fancy office. And, like, she needs to see my fronts. So I'm sure this is fine.
Monica Padman
Makes sense.
Sabrina
So, like, as I get that on, I hear the doctor knock on the door. And as I'm saying, come in, I feel something, like, real itchy on my chest. I look down and I realize that there are pockets on this gown. And there are pins.
Monica Padman
No, no, no, no.
Sabrina
And there are heavy objects like instruments in the pocket. And that itchy part is a patch. And I am coming to the realization that I am wearing her. Her doctors go. As she is opening the door, she opens the door and I am staring at her.
Dax Shepard
This is now like a sexual fantasy. Like this changed from an exam to like, you're the hot doctor who's got her lab coat open.
Sabrina
She is staring at me like I'm a crazy person because I look like a crazy person. And when I get nervous or like, embarrassed, I start to blush really bad. So from my chest all the way up is maroon. And I am just mortified. She was like, oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, my God. I know I'm wearing your coat. I couldn't find a gown. I don't know where the gowns are. I was like, I thought it was a gown. She was like, it's not a gown. And she was like, let me go get you something to change into. If I could have just like, shed my skin and run away right there, I would have done it and left the coat and my whole body there.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
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Dax Shepard
Oh really?
Monica Padman
Yeah, the sweatpants are on there. People love the sweatpants and really great for travel.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
That's nice.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
Variety and it's convenient, which I really like. We need that.
Dax Shepard
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Sabrina
I'm like, panicking. Like, what do I do? I'm naked. I'm still in her coat.
Dax Shepard
My conundrum, if I were you, is like, do I get back in my clothes right now while she's out getting this gown? And then she'll give me the gown. I'll get back on my clothes. Or just stay in this coat that's not mine.
Sabrina
I stayed. I kind of froze, really. I was just like, standing there in my shame. And so she grabs a gown and hands it through the door. And so I change into it. I hang her coat back up.
Dax Shepard
I'm like, what am I doing here?
Sabrina
And she comes back in. I don't know what to do. So we're having this exam and I just have a flurry of words coming out of my mouth, like, I'm so sorry. This is my first time at a nice place. I didn't know it wasn't a gown. Where are your gowns? Why wasn't the gown in here? She's completing the exam and she's mostly ignoring me, but trying to make me feel somewhat comfortable.
Dax Shepard
A lot of my patients wear my clothes.
Sabrina
That's what I was hoping for. Like, this has happened before. No big deal. But this is not what she's saying. Yeah, she's trying to get out of there as fast as I am.
Monica Padman
Was it inside out?
Sabrina
No. When I think about it now, I'm kind of like, how didn't you know it had sleeves on it? Like, I should have known what I was doing.
Dax Shepard
And a stethoscope in the pocket.
Sabrina
I was so nervous.
Dax Shepard
Oh.
Sabrina
And I just wanted it to get over with. But by the time I was realizing it, it was, like, too late. I was, like, so mortified.
Dax Shepard
Did you keep her as a gyo?
Sabrina
Unfortunately, I had a result that, like, I had to come back in for it. Ended up being fine, but I had to see her again and get re examined. I did get the gown before I went in, but then after that, I never, ever, ever went back.
Monica Padman
Did you make a joke the second time? Like, making sure I know where the gowns are this time?
Sabrina
Yes, like, of course. And I'm like, so awkward. Begin with through the whole thing. I'm like, can I get the gown before I go in? But I left that appointment and I sobbed in my car, and I was so embarrassed, and I waited years to tell anybody that this ever happened.
Dax Shepard
A. I love this story, but also, this wouldn't make Dax's top 2000. I mean, you really didn't do anything wrong. There was no gown, and you took the next best thing.
Sabrina
I know that moment of her walking through the door lives somewhere in the back of my mind and pops in every once in a while.
Monica Padman
Yeah, it's hard when you're trying to be an adult. That tender time is very tricky, and I think that's probably why you got so upset. You're like, I don't know what I'm doing in life, and I'm supposed to.
Sabrina
Know, and you feel so good about it. The easier route was not to go and find a new doctor and do all the things. And I felt so good that I had done it, and I felt like I picked it so cautiously. It's probably lucky that I had to get birth control every year, or else I wouldn't have gone back to the gynecologist probably ever again.
Dax Shepard
Okay, good. You just disproved my thing. Because I got to say, there are some prescriptions I've been on in my life where I'm like, guys, what are we doing? We know this is a lifetime prescription. Why on earth do I need. I'll give you an example. Like, I used to be on Propecia, which blocks testosterone from making your hair fall out. Well, I'm not going to decide I want my hair to fall out at any point. I don't understand why I got to go see someone every year when we know I'm going to be on this thing forever. Side note, I'm not on it anymore, but there's some that I'm just like, why do we have.
Monica Padman
Well, no, they need to make sure that your body is. Hasn't created some sort of aversion to it or have a new issue. I mean, like, even with Keppra, I have to go in every couple of years just to triple check. Everything's working the way it should work.
Dax Shepard
Every couple Years Sounds doable.
Sabrina
Yeah. But I guess it is good to get that exam every year.
Monica Padman
Yeah, it is.
Dax Shepard
But again, yeah, Birth control, for me, it's like, yeah, you're going to be on it until you want to get pregnant. What are we talking about now? You should get exams, but the prescription part to me is a side issue. Right, okay. Well, I've bared my grievance about that.
Monica Padman
There we go.
Dax Shepard
I think you should have been able to keep your birth control going from college indefinitely.
Sabrina
Had they not required me to go into an exam, I would have got it for day one and never have gone back.
Dax Shepard
Well, it's great meeting you.
Monica Padman
That was fun.
Sabrina
You too. Can I give a shout out to two other armchairs? I want to shout out my sister Lexi and then my cousin Bobby. We have often said if there's ever a prompt where I could tell this story, I would have to go in and do it. So I didn't tell anybody that I was recording and I thought they'll hear it for the first time.
Dax Shepard
Oh, fun.
Monica Padman
Yay. Shout out, Lexi and Bobby.
Dax Shepard
Yes. Great to have all three of you.
Sabrina
Thank you, guys.
Dax Shepard
Take care. Bye.
Sabrina
Bye.
Dax Shepard
Adam. Hi, is this Adam?
Adam
This is Adam.
Dax Shepard
Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you.
Adam
Nice to meet you. My wife is sitting next to me and her mouth is like on the floor.
Dax Shepard
It's a gape.
Adam
Yeah, she's like, she just got the new shirt in the mail like five minutes ago.
Monica Padman
Ready?
Dax Shepard
She got in there in the first 14 minutes she was on it.
Monica Padman
Good for her.
Adam
For the weeks leading up to it, every few days I would check the store and nothing was there. And then she looked. She's like, oh, my God, the shirt's here.
Dax Shepard
Yay. Shout out, Carly for getting those out in time. That's great. Okay, so you embarrass yourself. I'm not surprised. It's hard to make it through life without doing that.
Adam
And especially when I tell you how old I was. This story took place in 1999. I was just turning 19 years old.
Dax Shepard
Okay.
Adam
It was right in my senior year of high school. And it took place just before graduation to after graduation. The embarrassing part was after graduation.
Dax Shepard
Can I ask where were you in the country?
Adam
Yeah, it's in Orlando, Florida.
Dax Shepard
Oh, okay, great.
Adam
I was in high school and I was undiagnosed adhd. Terrible in school. So I was dual enrolled at a technical school because I am a huge car enthusiast. I love cars and I'm like, you know what? I want to go into automotive. So I started taking all these automotive classes and it Led to an internship working at a Chrysler dealership doing, like, brakes, transmission stuff, Everything you could think of.
Dax Shepard
Yeah.
Adam
I also had asthma. So while I'm working there, I had trouble breathing. Sometimes I would lean over and I'd hear, like, this bubbling feeling in my chest. I'm like, what the heck is this? I'd go to the doctor, Everything's fine. It would happen again. I'd go back to the doctor, everything's fine. Finally, they're like, here, go take an X ray. So it just so happened that whatever was going on happened right when I was going to have the X ray done. And the radiologist comes running out with the X rays in hand, hands them to my dad and says, get him to the emergency room. Both of his lungs have collapsed.
Dax Shepard
No. What?
Monica Padman
What?
Adam
Yeah.
Rose
Yeah.
Adam
So what was happening was my lungs would collapse. The air was getting trapped in between my chest wall and my lung on every exhale, and it couldn't reinflate.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Adam
And it, like, was pushing my heart over.
Dax Shepard
There's, like, back pressure.
Adam
Yeah. And I was walking around for a month, maybe two, with this happening on and off.
Dax Shepard
Whoa.
Adam
So we go to the emergency room, and they admit me, and I can barely breathe, and so they can't put me under because of breathing problems. So they have me take my right arm and reach across my body to hold onto the handrail that's on the hospital bed, and they cut a hole in my chest and put a tube through to suck the air out. So now I'm connected to, like, this machine that's constantly sucking air out of my chest.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
And you did that without any anesthesia?
Adam
Just a local. And my dad said you could hear me scream down the hallway of the emergency room.
Dax Shepard
Oh, that's gruesome.
Adam
When they flipped the switch on, I went. Because it pulled my lung back out, but really quick.
Dax Shepard
When they did that, did you feel any relief? Like, oh, my God, I have full lungs again.
Adam
Yes. It was like, oh, thank you. I can breathe. So they only had to do it on the right because the left wasn't too bad, but it was both lungs. So now I'm sitting in the hospital for, like, a week, and they're waiting to see if it heals on its own.
Dax Shepard
What is causing this? It sounds like you have some kind of perforation and some kind of lining.
Adam
Exactly. So it ended up being that working in a dirty environment, like in an automotive garage, and me being tall and skinny, I went through a growth spurt in that time frame. And the Lung tissue was super thin, which is very common, apparently, with tall, skinny guys. And so it clogged the alveoli in my lungs, which then ruptured collapsed lungs.
Monica Padman
Holy shit.
Adam
And apparently it can happen just spontaneously. Like, if you're lifting something instead of getting a hernia, you get a collapsed lung.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God. So pay attention.
Dax Shepard
New thing to worry about.
Adam
I still kind of worry about it a little bit, but not as much as I did right after.
Dax Shepard
Whoa.
Adam
So now I'm in the hospital and waiting around for a week, and I can't move more than, like, maybe two or three feet. Cause I have this tube attached to me, and if they disconnect it, my lung collapses again. So they give me this plastic, like, toilet thing that goes next to the hospital bed with a bucket underneath. So now I'm pooping into a bucket, and I have to call the nurses to come and empty it. That's when I realized that this hospital was a teaching hospital for the local community college.
Monica Padman
No. This is so unfair.
Adam
And it's the hottest college girls coming in to empty out my poop bucket every single day.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God. I would want to throw it out the window.
Adam
I'm talking, like, eights, nines. And I'm like, this is ridiculous. I can't shower. I stink. My hair's a mess. But what was cool is on their lunch, they would come and hang out in my room. And this is all pre Internet. So it's Jerry Springer and the price is right. And that's pretty much it. So we're talking like, a week here. I'm 19, bored out of my mind, sitting in a room by myself. I'm like, you know what? I've got nothing else to do.
Dax Shepard
Yep.
Adam
So I start taking care of certain things.
Dax Shepard
Pleasuring yourself?
Monica Padman
Oh, sure. Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
So I can't believe Monica was out to lunch.
Monica Padman
What are you talking about?
Adam
My wife was like, when you tell this story, Monica's going to be like, men.
Sabrina
No.
Monica Padman
Men are allowed to masturbate in public. And women are, too. No, this was in public.
Dax Shepard
No, I mean, it's in hospital.
Adam
I didn't have a roommate or anything. It wasn't like an episode of Seinfeld. I was by myself. So anyway, I'm, you know, handling things.
Dax Shepard
Yeah.
Adam
I forget that I'm connected to heart monitors.
Dax Shepard
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Adam
And I set off all the alarms at the nursing station, and two nurses come busting through the door with myself in my hand. And they're like, are you okay? Because I set off all the alarms like my heart rate spiked to like 170 or something.
Dax Shepard
It was a big one.
Adam
I'm sitting there and I'm like, totally fine. And they're like, oh, oh, okay, wait, they saw.
Monica Padman
They could tell I'm in a hospital.
Adam
Gown and it only opens in the back, so you have to, you know.
Monica Padman
So it's so obvious.
Dax Shepard
So the penis, Monica, it protrudes from the front of the body.
Monica Padman
Okay, cool.
Adam
Whenever I would tell the story, they're like, so, did you finish? I'm like, well, yeah, I was already almost there.
Dax Shepard
Sure, sure. Oh, I thought the heart rate spike was a result of the climax. Right, but just as you were nearing it. You were really?
Adam
Exactly.
Dax Shepard
Yeah.
Monica Padman
Don't let a little ADHD stop you from finishing nowadays.
Adam
It just might not back then.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God. So you're pooping in a bucket. These gals are hanging with you. They're young and beautiful and then you get caught doing that. Whoa, what a trip to the hospital. So what was the ultimate solution for this lung condition?
Adam
It never healed on its own. So they're like, all right, we're gonna have to do the corrective surgery now because I can breathe. They put me under. I have a scar that's about five inches. They cut open, spread my ribs and then basically scar the top of my lung and then on the inside of my chest wall so that it would heal into the chest wall so it can't actually re collapse.
Dax Shepard
Oh, interesting.
Adam
Now the left side, that healed on its own because that one wasn't as bad. But for years afterwards, when people would hug me or pat me on the back or something, I would just freak out. I'm like, just stop. Because I never wanted to go through that.
Monica Padman
God, that's awful.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
Yeah, that's a good one. I'm starting to journal more.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
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Monica Padman
And it looks very profess.
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Monica Padman
I have a logistical question. It's really personal.
Adam
Yeah, go for it.
Monica Padman
How would you have done a cleanup situation?
Dax Shepard
What'd you do with your.
Monica Padman
With the gown?
Adam
I knew you were gonna ask.
Monica Padman
You did?
Dax Shepard
You did.
Monica Padman
You knew I was. Or you thought Dax would ask?
Adam
Yeah, I'm like, you know what? I bet they're gonna ask what I did with everything.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, just Kleenex and then wrap a bunch of clean Kleenex over that.
Monica Padman
Were you worried that it was gonna get all over your gown?
Adam
No. Geez, dude.
Monica Padman
Yeah, I'm gross.
Adam
Yeah, I'm like over here like a fountain. No.
Monica Padman
All right.
Sabrina
Okay.
Monica Padman
Okay. You just buffered with some tissue.
Dax Shepard
Wow, Monica, what a great question. I too wouldn't have expected that from you. Yeah, that does sound more like one of those curious. But I just didn't even wanna think about that. Cause then it goes right into the Shame of being a boy and having to hide that.
Monica Padman
Have your chizz everywhere.
Dax Shepard
Yeah.
Adam
It's funny, when I told people what the prompt was, they're like, oh, God. It's not outside of my normal. You know, it's like, that tracks.
Dax Shepard
Sure, sure.
Monica Padman
Oh, that's great. Well, you got yourself an awesome wife with a cool sweatshirt.
Adam
I certainly do.
Dax Shepard
Let's say hi to her really quick, though.
Adam
Dax, I wanna tell you something. I am a huge Howard ster, but I say it all the time. You are a better interviewer than Howard.
Dax Shepard
Don't you dare say that.
Adam
Adam, thank you so much. Here's why. You present the issues that you've had and whatever trauma that you've had, but you do not inject it into what the other person is saying. Like, Howard would be like, oh, so your father did xyz? It's like, no, just because it happened to you doesn't mean it happened to that person. And you let the guest actually answer, which is great. I mean, I love Howard, but you're fantastic.
Dax Shepard
Thank you so much.
Adam
Here's Chrissy. She's dying to say hi here. I'm gonna give her my AirPods.
Monica Padman
Y'all.
Adam
Look at this.
Monica Padman
Oh, it looks gorgeous on you.
Dana
It does.
Dax Shepard
It really pops.
Rose
Isn't it fantastic?
Adam
She listens to you. I literally ran down to. She listens to me.
Carly
I literally ran down to the mailbox, like, five seconds before to see. I was like, maybe it came today.
Monica Padman
That worked out so perfectly. Very simple.
Dax Shepard
Is it comfortable? Do you like it? It's got a nice weight to it.
Carly
It's very nice. I just ripped it open and threw it on. And then it was like, this is nice. Like, it's thick. And this is my first time actually having one because I have always missed it.
Dax Shepard
Well, can I tell you, they were gone In, I think, 14 minutes. So you must have been, like, right when it opened up.
Carly
Multiple reminders. And it was actually really funny because I always listen to everything in order. I never skip ahead.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. So he's adhd, and you're ocd.
Carly
Yes, I am adhd, but also ocd.
Adam
We have all the acronyms.
Dax Shepard
Oh, good, good, good.
Monica Padman
All the letters.
Carly
And so I never listened to the fact check before the episode.
Dax Shepard
Right.
Carly
But I had just finished therapy, and I was like, I need some time to decompress before I come and join the family some more. And I am not ready to start this episode. I'm gonna go to the fact check. And that is when you guys announced, like, that the next day for me was when the orders were going up.
Dax Shepard
Sam.
Monica Padman
That was meant to be.
Carly
I never would have been able to get the sweater because I wouldn't have listened to that part yet.
Dax Shepard
Oh, exciting.
Carly
So I set all the alarms and it was at noon, and I had a work meeting starting at that time, and it didn't matter.
Dax Shepard
I very mixed emotion about these limited release sweatshirts, which is like, I'm so happy for the people that get them. And I'm also so sorry for the amount of stress we cause people. I really don't know what to do.
Monica Padman
About it, but it looks gorgeous. I'm so glad you got one.
Dax Shepard
Let's just focus on the fact that you're a winner and you got it.
Carly
Monica. I just finished or both of you guys. But I just finished the episode with Phoebe.
Monica Padman
Oh.
Carly
When I heard that he was going to be on, I'm, like, speechless.
Adam
I came running down and I'm like, I'm going to be on Armchair Anonymous.
Dax Shepard
This is a big week in the household. You got the sweatshirt and you're on Armchair Anonymous.
Carly
I don't have words, though, to explain. It's like. And you tried and you failed.
Monica Padman
Yeah, I'm horrible.
Carly
And you admitted, like, that you just couldn't. And it's like that.
Monica Padman
Okay, we'll take it.
Carly
Keep it up, guys.
Dax Shepard
You guys are a party. We love you. Thank you so much for calling in. That's a great story.
Adam
Have a good one, guys.
Dax Shepard
Okay, take care. I mean, come on with these armchairs.
Rose
Hi, can you hear me?
Monica Padman
Yes, beautifully.
Rose
I'm so excited to be here. By the way, I was listening to your Hasan Minhaj episode when I was at work when I got the email and I totally flipped.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my gosh.
Monica Padman
Good for you. You're going back in the archives. Look at you.
Rose
He just came out with that other special, and I'm a huge fan of his.
Monica Padman
Me too.
Rose
So I saw that he had been on the podcast and I missed it, so I listened to both.
Dax Shepard
I remember that being really, really fun.
Rose
Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. I'm kind of nervous because I haven't told the story in years.
Dax Shepard
Oh, good.
Rose
And my sister, she's a huge fan of Death Fact specifically. So am I, of course. But I thought, I'm gonna submit this story because I think there's a good chance that this is going to be the opportunity I get to get my sister to meet you guys.
Dax Shepard
Oh, wonderful. So she's there. We'll meet her at the end.
Rose
Yes.
Dax Shepard
Okay, perfect. What's her fake name?
Rose
We'll go with Rose.
Dax Shepard
Okay, wonderful. Axl, Rose. Alex and Rose just change one letter.
Rose
Oh, I do want to add. So this involves my ex boyfriend, and today is his birthday.
Dax Shepard
Oh, interesting.
Rose
What a weird little coincidence that I'm going to be retelling this core memory of ours today.
Monica Padman
Do we like him or no?
Dax Shepard
Yeah. How do we feel about. About him?
Rose
I feel indifferent. He's doing really well. I haven't spoken to him in years.
Monica Padman
Okay.
Rose
So anyways, this happened 10 years ago. I was a senior in high school. I'm 18. So we grew up in a small town out in the country. I'm sure docs knows. Not a whole lot to do except for like off roading and drinking.
Dax Shepard
Drinking in a field. Yeah.
Rose
Yeah. So my high school boyfriend, he had this older friend who was throwing like this big party out of town at his house, and I initially didn't want to go because I was a big goody two shoes in high school and I didn't really like drinking, but I got fomo, so I decided to go anyways. And so we're having a good time. We're at the party, we're drinking, playing games, talking to people. So we sneak off to a dark corner of the house at some point in the night because we're feeling frisky, corny teenagers. So we're making out, we're getting handsy, probably pushing the boundaries. I'm like, let's go somewhere private and can get this going.
Dax Shepard
Oh, you initiate this? This is great.
Rose
Oh, yeah, of course. I'm like, let's get a private area. And so he didn't drive there. He got dropped off like I did. And so he goes to his friend, the owner of the house, and he's like, hey, I need a private area for a little while for me and my girlfriend.
Dax Shepard
Can I quickly ask how old the older friend is? Because there's a zone where it's fine, and then there's a zone where I'm concerned. How much older?
Rose
Not that much older. Maybe like 20 or 21.
Dax Shepard
Okay, great. This is not a 35 year old old.
Rose
No, nothing like that.
Dax Shepard
Okay.
Rose
So he's like, here, I just got this new suv. Here are the keys.
Monica Padman
Wow. Holy shit. He's generous.
Rose
Oh, yeah. They're really close. It's got the biggest backseat. So he's like, what you do is none of my business in there. We go out there and all the cars outside the house are kind of like haphazardly all over the place, all throughout the desert. And this car was parked more on the outskirts. So I thought, it's dark out here. No one's gonna see anything. We can have a great time. And also, we're both super drunk. You guys know what's about to happen. So we're trying all different kinds of things. We've been together for, like, two years, so we've been sexually active for, like, at least a year already.
Dax Shepard
Great. You're experimenting and trying things.
Rose
Yeah, we're doing all of the things.
Dax Shepard
Oh, God bless. Do them all.
Rose
This is what makes this story in my mind a little more demoralizing, is that he's like, let's try butt stuff.
Dax Shepard
Sure.
Rose
And I'm super drunk, so I'm relaxed. I'm like, okay, like, let's give this a try.
Monica Padman
Yeah, check them all off the list.
Dax Shepard
Can't think of a better place than someone else's backseat.
Rose
You know what? Nothing messy happened, thankfully, but we were having a good time. Like, I actually was enjoying myself. I will say I've never tried it again because I think this just put a bad taste in my mouth. But I'm in the backseat. I'm bouncing to high heavens. I'm distracted. I'm having a good time. He feels the car get jostled, like, move. And he asked me, like, did you just feel that? I'm like, no, I don't feel nothing. Like, the car's off. It's not moving. Like, let's just keep going. He's like, no, somebody just crashed into us.
Monica Padman
What?
Dax Shepard
But you're distracted.
Rose
Yes, exactly. We hear and see all this commotion outside of the vehicle. There's arguing and yelling. And before I can even get a chance to, like, figure out what the heck him and I are about to do, Somebody opens the door to the car.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my goodness. And he's in your butt.
Rose
He had kind of, like, removed himself.
Dax Shepard
Okay, well, I don't know. I want to know what position we're finding.
Monica Padman
Everyone's like, you got hit. Okay. But still, you're still in your position.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, yeah. Compromised position.
Rose
We're both fully naked, Right? I mean, there's no question about what we were doing in there. And you know what you look like when you've been having sex for a while? Like, you know, the hair and the flesh and everything. It just looked horrible. Well, the cabin lights just turn on throughout the vehicle, and they're bright as heck. So everybody outside the vehicle sees us.
Dax Shepard
Oh, boy.
Rose
The guy who opened the door quickly closed the door too late. Like, it takes a while for that stupid light.
Dax Shepard
Stays on for a minute.
Rose
Everything happens so fast. People are pouring out of the house party at this point because people are like, oh, my God. The owner of the house, his new Range Rover just got crashed into.
Dax Shepard
Oh, wow.
Rose
So he comes out of the house, and everybody inside is also coming out of the house. And people are, of course, like, they're hooting and hollering, they're laughing. Some people are, like, yelling, thank God nobody took any pictures. But this is, like, on full display for everybody. And at this point, I'm trying to put my clothes on. He got at least his jeans on very quickly and stepped out of the vehicle. But of course, the light turns on again. So I'm, like, sitting there trying to cover myself. It was just so horrible.
Dax Shepard
What happened. Someone drove their car into the back of the Range Rover.
Rose
Yeah. So somebody was in a Chevy Tahoe, I think it was, or like a Suburban or something, and just straight up backed into the vehicle. And we just happened to be unlucky enough to be in there at the time. The owner of the house didn't really care that much. We ended up going back to what we were doing.
Monica Padman
Oh, good for you.
Dax Shepard
What a good spirit.
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Sabrina
Yeah.
Rose
My favorite part of this story is fast forward two months maybe. I have this best guy friend. We'll call him John. He ended up taking possession of that vehicle after it was repaired, obviously, and he didn't know anything about it. One day we were in his car and he mentioned, like, who he had got the car from. I just busted out laughing because I'm like, oh, my God. You know, this car was in a car accident. He's like, yeah, that guy bumped into this car. No big deal. It's repaired. And so I told him what happened. He was so pissed. But for the rest of our senior year of high school, I just would tease him about getting laid in his car.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God, that's fantastic.
Dax Shepard
Oh, bring me back field parties. House parties. What a blast.
Monica Padman
I love that you guys got back to it.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, it's really impressive.
Monica Padman
Nothing can stop a horny teenager.
Rose
No, no. I hate this story. But also at the same time, I'm.
Monica Padman
Like, oh, well, that's a great story.
Rose
Yeah. Every time I listen to your prompts and I think about a story, I'm like, oh, my God. Maybe I've gotten myself into too much trouble.
Dax Shepard
Well, let's get your sister in here. Give her one of your pods so we can meet her. Hi. What's your fake name? You're Rose. You. Actually, we assigned you a name and you didn't Even know it. Except Rose, are you younger or older sister?
Rose
Younger. It's so nice to meet you both. I can't believe I'm looking at both of you. You're in my ears all the time. Same with her. We talk about the podcast quite a bit.
Dax Shepard
Oh, that makes us happy.
Rose
I love you both and I just.
Carly
Adore you, Dax, so much.
Rose
I'm just happy I got to meet you guys. And I'm glad that she had an.
Sabrina
Embarrassing story that gave me the opportunity to meet you.
Dax Shepard
Well, you need to rack up some embarrassing stories so we can call back and talk to you about something embarrassing.
Dana
Yeah.
Sabrina
Right.
Monica Padman
So nice to meet you both.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. A pleasure.
Rose
You too.
Monica Padman
Have a lovely day.
Dax Shepard
Take care, guys.
Monica Padman
Bye.
Dax Shepard
Can I tell you my favorite part of that story?
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Dax Shepard
She did not have to tell us about the butt stuff.
Monica Padman
I know.
Dax Shepard
I thought that too.
Monica Padman
I was glad.
Dax Shepard
That makes me feel like she knows the name of the game here on the show. It's like we get the whole thing.
Monica Padman
And it raised the stakes big time.
Dax Shepard
First time doing that and then you get plowed into by the back.
Monica Padman
She liked it. It.
Adam
Yeah.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. She wanted to get back at it.
Monica Padman
I know.
Dax Shepard
It's a life affirming story.
Monica Padman
Yeah, we love that.
Dax Shepard
Oh.
Monica Padman
Oh. Good times out there.
Dax Shepard
Embarrassment is endearing.
Monica Padman
It's endearing, but it's a hard one.
Dax Shepard
That's your number one. Was this a hard episode for you because that's your Achilles embarrassment.
Monica Padman
My mirror neurons were firing.
Dax Shepard
You want to remind everyone about when you walked into the glass.
Monica Padman
One time. I walked into a glass glass. Was it a glass door? It was just a door.
Dax Shepard
Was there a door next to the glass and you just thought you could cruise through? You didn't see the glass.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
What's great is that was a very seminal moment in your life. And I can just vaguely remember. All I remember is that you were upset. Wasn't Mirvac around for this?
Monica Padman
Yeah, we were at Bob's show.
Dax Shepard
Okay.
Monica Padman
But it was early days. I don't even know if we had done the podcast yet. I was still not. Not that comfortable with everybody. And it was the whole what is now the pod. And then I cried. Cried in the car ride home because I'm such a failure.
Dax Shepard
Oh, we love you. If you crash into a million glass walls.
Monica Padman
Well, that would be. I think I should get some.
Dax Shepard
Some help if you're running into glass walls that often.
Monica Padman
Exactly.
Dax Shepard
All right.
Dana
All right.
Dax Shepard
Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song. Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of Armchairies, we'll get some suggestions on the Fly Rhyme Dish on the Fire Rhyme Dish. Enjoy. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry App App, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry App or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey@wondry.com survey on.
Narrator
January 5, 2024, an Alaska Airlines door plug tore away mid flight, leaving a gaping hole in the side of a plane that carried 171passengers. This heart stopping incident was just the latest in a string of crises surrounding the aviation manufacturing giant Boeing. In the past decade, Boeing has been involved in a series of damning scandals and deadly crashes that have chipped away at its once sterling reputation. At the center of it all, the 737 Max, the latest season of Business wars, explores how Boeing, once the gold standard of aviation engineering, descended into a nightmare of safety concerns and public mistrust. Must the decisions, denials and devastating consequences bringing the titan to its knees? And what, if anything, can save the company's reputation now? Follow Business wars on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can binge Business wars the Unraveling of Boeing early and ad free right now on Wondery plus.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Episode Summary: Armchair Anonymous: Embarrassingly Caught Release Date: January 10, 2025
Host: Armchair Umbrella (Dax Shepard)
Co-Host: Monica Padman
Special Guests: Dana, Sabrina, Adam, Carly, Rose
In this episode of Armchair Expert, titled "Armchair Anonymous: Embarrassingly Caught," Dax Shepard and Monica Padman delve into the hilariously cringe-worthy moments that listeners have experienced. The episode centers around guests sharing their most embarrassing incidents, providing both humor and relatability as they navigate the universal human experience of feeling mortified.
Dana kicks off the episode by recounting a mortifying experience at Papa Murphy's Pizza. While trying to use a coupon at the cash register, her phone unexpectedly auto-plays a porn video, displaying it to a young cashier.
Notable Quotes:
Dana describes the tension and awkwardness that ensued, highlighting how a simple moment turned into an unforgettable embarrassment. Despite initially resolving not to share her story, Dana opens up, providing a lesson on the importance of using discreet phone settings.
Sabrina shares an unsettling story from her first gynecologist appointment. Tasked with wearing a gown, she mistakenly dons her doctor's coat filled with instruments, leaving her feeling exposed and embarrassed when the doctor arrives.
Notable Quotes:
The narrative details Sabrina's struggle with feeling out of place in a fertility-focused clinic while she was there to prevent pregnancy. Her anxiety peaks when she realizes her mistake, emphasizing the vulnerability and discomfort often associated with medical appointments.
Adam recounts a harrowing yet bizarre experience involving a collapsed lung that landed him in the hospital. Complicating his situation, he becomes the unintended star of a flirtatious environment with young female interns.
Notable Quotes:
Adam describes his medical ordeal in detail, from the emergency room procedures to his interactions with interns who visit him daily. His story combines medical drama with unexpected humor, illustrating how even the most serious situations can contain moments of embarrassment.
Carly shares her experience of eagerly awaiting a limited-release sweatshirt from the podcast. Her excitement leads to humorous chaos when she finally receives the item, showcasing the lengths fans will go to support their favorite shows.
Notable Quotes:
Carly's story intertwines with her interactions with other guests, highlighting the playful and supportive community around the podcast. Her anecdotes about the sweatshirt reveal the humorous side of fan enthusiasm.
Rose recounts an embarrassing incident from a high school party where she and her boyfriend were caught in the middle of an intimate moment when another car crashes into theirs. The story is a blend of teenage romance, unexpected interruptions, and public humiliation.
Notable Quotes:
Rose details the chaos of the accidental collision and the subsequent embarrassment of being fully naked in a public setting. Her reflection on the event underscores the unpredictability of life and the lasting impact of embarrassing moments.
Monica Padman shares a brief yet vivid memory of walking into a glass door, leading to a moment of self-consciousness and regret. This story serves as a relatable example of minor yet memorable embarrassments.
Notable Quotes:
Monica’s recounting is interspersed with the hosts' lighthearted teasing, emphasizing the shared human experience of making silly mistakes.
Throughout "Armchair Anonymous: Embarrassingly Caught," Dax Shepard and Monica Padman create an engaging and humorous atmosphere that encourages listeners to embrace their imperfections. By sharing and laughing at these embarrassing stories, the episode celebrates vulnerability and the growth that comes from overcoming awkward moments.
Final Thoughts:
The episode wraps up with reflections on the nature of embarrassment, reinforcing the message that while these moments are uncomfortable, they are also deeply human and worthy of shared laughter.
Key Takeaways:
Thank you for joining us on this episode of Armchair Expert. Stay tuned for more engaging conversations as we continue to explore the complexities of the human experience.