Armchair Anonymous: Family Secret

Summary

Armchair Anonymous: Family Secret

Podcast: Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Episode Date: July 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Armchair Anonymous dives deep into the realm of family secrets. Dax Shepard and Lily Padman invite anonymous listeners to share their juiciest, strangest, and most moving tales of hidden truths within their families. The stories reveal the messiness and tenderness of human relationships, exploring how secrets shape family dynamics and personal growth. Through vulnerability and a signature mix of humor and empathy, Dax and Lily foster a space to unpack the emotional aftershocks and sometimes absurdity that come from unearthing the skeletons in our collective closets.

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Key Discussion Points and Listener Stories

1. Ashley’s Story: The Fertility, Identity, and Closeted Life

[02:52–13:01]

• Background: Ashley calls from Arizona, taking a break from a work celebration to share a family secret that's unfolded in layers since her teenage years.

• Discovery in Middle School:

  • Assignment to chart family blood types for a biology class leads Ashley to realize "the math didn’t math" for her parentage.
  • When confronted, her mother bursts into tears and finally confesses: Ashley was conceived via sperm donor due to her parent's fertility challenges.
    • “She starts crying and tells me, your dad and I had fertility issues, and we ended up going to a sperm donor.” (Ashley, 05:42)

• Unfolding Complications:

  • Ashley never told her father about her knowledge.
  • Later, her mother confides she caught Ashley’s father watching gay porn; her family begins to suspect he may be gay.
  • Ashley later finds evidence on the family computer, confirming her father’s online activity and revealing a "Heath Ledger" type preference.
    • “Definitely had a type. Big Heath Ledger fan.” (Ashley, 08:22)
  • Out of concern for his mental health, Ashley’s mother opts never to confront him directly.

• Secret Relationships and Entrenched Denial:

  • After her father's passing, Ashley’s aunt reveals she always suspected her brother (Ashley’s father) was gay and possibly in a long-standing relationship with his college roommate.
    • “I thought they were partners... until he brought your mom over for dinner.” (Aunt, [Recap by Ashley], 09:15–09:25)
  • Discoveries on Ancestry reveal Ashley has “18 habsies” (half-siblings), as the sperm donor was a medical resident friend of a doctor, not a vetted donor.
    • “He was just a friend of the doctor who was getting, like, 20 bucks a Dixie Cup.” (Ashley, 10:13)

• Memorable Moment:

  • The family loses her dad’s ashes during a move, only to later find them in a closet.
    • “Even in death, my dad is still in a closet.” (Ashley, 09:05)

• Reflections:

  • “Thankful for the donor in the end. Thankful for my dad. All the things for a great story.” (Ashley, 12:55)

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2. Shane’s Story: The European Lice Scare

[19:54–32:44]

• Background: Shane, from Vancouver, shares a story still unknown to his family.

• Set Up:

  • At 22, after a recent breakup, Shane embarks on a solo backpacking trip, starting with a family wedding in London.
  • On the flight, seated between his mom and a stranger, Shane starts experiencing an intense itch "down there."

• The Problem Escalates:

  • “About halfway through I just start to feel this itch down there.” (Shane, 22:11)
  • A few days into crowded, traditional pre-wedding festivities, he discovers he has crabs (pubic lice).
    • “As soon as I saw that, it just clicked. Yep. This is crabs.” (Shane, 24:39)

• Ingenious Cover-up:

  • Knowing he can't explain his predicament, he scoops a louse onto his arm and feigns a head lice scare in the family room.
    • “So now it is on my arm. I go down to the family room... and I just yell, ‘Oh, my God, it’s lice,’ pointing to my arm.” (Shane, 26:24)
  • The result: family-wide panic and an all-out search for lice, with bedding stripped and everyone getting treated.
    • “...the mother of the bride is literally like scalp massaging my 78-year-old grandmother.” (Shane, 29:53)

• Crucial Pharmacy Moment:

  • At the pharmacy, with five family members in tow, Shane skillfully steers the pharmacist to recommend a shampoo labeled for both lice and genital crabs—without revealing the true reason.
    • “I asked the pharmacist, I say, do you have anything else?... it’s labeled for head lice and genital crabs. Boom.” (Shane, 28:11–28:36)

• Aftermath:

  • Wedding proceeds without a hitch, secret safe. Years later, his mom retells the lice story, mystified by the “giant” British lice.
    • “These weren’t normal lice we have here in Canada. They had bigger legs and much stronger.” (Shane’s mom via Shane, 30:35)

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3. Jessica’s Story: The Secret Siblings and Adoption

[34:14–45:49]

• Background: Jessica, originally from Michigan (living outside Charleston, SC), recounts a secret unearthed after her mother’s death.

• Shocking Facebook Message:

  • Post-mother’s passing, Jessica receives a message from a woman claiming to be her sister, seeking information about their mother’s burial.
    • “I got a message on Facebook from somebody saying, hi, this is your sister. I have been in touch with mom for a few years...” (Jessica, 36:39)

• The Layers of Secrecy:

  • Her newly discovered half-sister reveals their mother gave birth to her in 1966 as an unwed teen; pressured by her strict Catholic family, Jessica’s mother surrendered her for adoption.
  • The half-sister’s adoption paperwork also references an older brother (born 1964 and also surrendered).
    • “Mother also gave birth to a boy in 1964 and also given up for adoption under Catholic social term.” (Jessica, 38:52)

• Piecing Together the Family Tree:

  • DNA research and outreach via Ancestry.com and 23andMe connect the sisters and eventually the previously unknown brother.
  • Coincidence: Both sisters (Jessica and her half-sister) have the same first and middle name, unknowingly chosen by the adoptive parents and Jessica’s mother, respectively.
    • “Same exact first and middle name. Same spelling and everything. Yeah, he gives me chills.” (Jessica, 40:37)

• Emotional Resolution:

  • Jessica and her half-siblings develop a close and warm relationship, meeting in person and marveling at their similarities.
    • “I always grew up wanting more siblings, and I guess I have them now, which is really nice.” (Jessica, 42:56)
  • Regret lingers that their mother never felt able to share the secret in her lifetime; a private text reveals the mother’s own sense of shame and hope for forgiveness.
    • “She said, just tell them. I hope they forgive me. Like, I’m so ashamed of these choices.” (Jessica, 41:03)
  • Jessica expresses deep forgiveness and wishes they could have provided comfort and acceptance.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the prevalence of donor mix-ups:
  “These genetic ones, they're a dime a dozen these days.”
  — Lily Padman [13:24]

• On lost ashes and the closet:
  “Even in death, my dad is still in a closet.”
  — Ashley [09:05]

• On intergenerational connection:
  “I always grew up wanting more siblings, and I guess I have them now, which is really nice.”
  — Jessica [42:56]

• On creative problem-solving:
  “So now it is on my arm. I go down to the family room... and I just yell, ‘Oh, my God, it’s lice,’ pointing to my arm.”
  — Shane [26:24]

• Dax on family secrets:
  “We have no family secret. My mom's like this happened. That happened. My dad was like this.”
  — Dax Shepard [46:01]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:52] Ashley joins to share her family secret
• [04:36] Biology class blood type exercise sparks Ashley's discovery
• [07:27] The revelation about Ashley's father's sexuality
• [09:05] Lost ashes: "Still in the closet"
• [13:01] Segment wrap
• [19:54] Shane’s family secret: lice and crabs in London
• [26:24] Shane’s “lice on the arm” scheme
• [28:11] Pivotal pharmacy moment
• [29:53] Family-wide delousing panic
• [32:44] Shane’s wife joins; story wrap
• [34:14] Jessica discusses Facebook message from secret sister
• [38:52] Discovery of more secret siblings
• [42:56] Emotional sibling reunion and reflections
• [46:01] Hosts discuss their own (lack of) family secrets

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Tone and Style

The conversations throughout the episode are candid, heartfelt, and often laced with humor to balance the gravity of the stories. Dax gently teases and empathizes, creating warmth and ease, while Lily provides sharp wit and supportive camaraderie. Listeners' stories range from bittersweet to surprisingly funny, always handled with care and curiosity.

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Listener Takeaways

• Family secrets often emerge in unexpected ways—from school projects to DNA websites.
• The shock and emotional turbulence of these revelations are universal but can also be healing.
• There’s catharsis in sharing; humor and acceptance—even of life’s most tangled knots—lead to understanding and, sometimes, to a sense of belonging.
• As Dax reflects, much of our experience is “messy,” but sharing our stories can turn secrets into connection.

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Recommended listening for anyone fascinated by the ways our hidden pasts shape us, and for those who need a little laughter and grace in the face of family chaos.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman. Family secrets. Family secrets are dangerous.

[Lily Padman]

One was so juicy, they didn't even show up.

[Dax Shepard]

So juicy. They pulled a no show off.

[Lily Padman]

That's right.

[Dax Shepard]

But the others, yeah, family secrets are fun.

[Lily Padman]

There's a really fun one in here I've retold.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes, there's a really repeat worthy one in this one. Please enjoy because your own are hard to enjoy. So enjoy other people's family secrets. We get support from Quintz.

[Lily Padman]

Have you been wearing the Quintz linen shirts?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I've been wearing them a suspicious amount. Yeah. European linen ones. They're 34 bucks which is genuinely insane for how nice they are.

[Lily Padman]

It doesn't even make sense.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, here's the deal. They work directly with the factories, cut out all the middlemen. So you're paying for the actual quality and not some brand's marketing budget. Everything's 50 to 80% less than comparable stuff. I love it because it's all very classic and traditional and I know I'm going to be able to keep it for a very long time. And the quality's off the charts.

[Lily Padman]

That's true. The style is very consistent. Whatever you get there, you walk down the street, you're going to look good. They have these lightweight cotton sweaters which I love for when it cools down at night. It's nice. Drape around your shoulders in the summer and then throw it on when it gets a little cool. And it's not just clothes. They do home stuff. Ding ding ding. Travel stuff, everyday essentials. It's all the same model quality without the markup.

[Dax Shepard]

Make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quints.comdax for free shipping on your order. And 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.comdax for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comdax this episode is brought to you by American Beverage. We've probably all had that moment where someone says something about an ingredient in your drink and you're like, should I be worried about that? And then you look it up and immediately end up in the wildest corners of the Internet with completely contradicting information. All I want is clear, transparent information. And I bet you do too. That's why American Beverage launched. Good to know. It's a site where you can look up over 140 common beverage ingredients. What they are, how they're used, how they've been Reviewed for safety. No spin or judgment, Just facts. You can decide for yourself. Visit goodtownowfacts.org for more information. Oh, times come and go Good times take them slow My life, I had

[Lily Padman]

them both

[Dax Shepard]

One thing you gotta know

[Shane]

I'm gonna keep on shining

[Lily Padman]

Hello.

[Dax Shepard]

You seem to be at work. Are you at work?

[Ashley]

I am at work. Today is of course, of all times. It's like an annual, huge celebration where I work and so it would be noticed if I were missed. So we're making it work.

[Dax Shepard]

An annual celebration. That sounds like a fun place to work.

[Ashley]

It is a great place to work. I'm keeping it kind of vague there, but yeah, it's a big annual celebration, kind of celebrating how well we did like the previous year. And yes, they treat us very well.

[Dax Shepard]

As long as it's not to honor the founder. That kind of yearly celebration might be dicey.

[Lily Padman]

The founder's birthday.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Like everyone has to celebrate the founder.

[Ashley]

It's about the people that work here and nothing but good things.

[Dax Shepard]

Beautiful, Lovely. And are you allowed to tell us what part of the country you're in?

[Ashley]

Absolutely. I am in Arizona. Was just in Sedona. Thought of you guys and your love for that space as well.

[Dax Shepard]

I have a lot of affinity for Tucson as well. We used to have a lot of car shows out there and we would always stay at the same hotel. It was very desert landscape in the back patio. It felt like a movie set and there was mountains in the background. It's lovely there.

[Ashley]

Most things. I can agree with you on that one. I'm not gonna. If you're a native to Arizona, which both my husband and I are, you're not usually a fan of Tucson. Unless you want to U of A. Then you have to get like indoctrinated into saying good things about Tucson.

[Dax Shepard]

Right, right, right.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

So you have a family secret story.

[Ashley]

I sure do. So first I have to give credit to my niece, Jessie. Way back when, she used to do my lashes of like non consensually sitting there listening to you guys. So anyone that sat in her chair is an armchair. But over the years, hearing all of the prompts and the stories like, oh, God, I hope one pops up for this because it's such a, I think, bizarre story. At least it's felt bizarre for me because it's like an onion and I've peeled back the layers starting at like, to even like as of a year ago.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, exciting.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

[Ashley]

Late 1900s or really 1997? 1998. I'm in middle school biology class, and we're learning about dominant recessive traits. Big R, little R. You're doing your punnett square, and the assignment is to go home and find out what your mom's blood type is, your dad's blood type, Put yours in there. It should all make sense. The math didn't math on that for me, which probably teachers hadn't thought about that in this age of, like, what happens when my kind of case comes up. So as an only child to older parents, my first thought was, like, maybe I'm adopted. I go to my mom and I ask her, hey, mom, curious, am I adopted?

[Dax Shepard]

Can I ask a quick question?

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

When you asked dad for his blood type was like, oh, yeah. Oh, positive. And when you asked mom, mom was like, did you detect any hesitation on mom's part with cooperating with this great question?

[Ashley]

So I think she was the first one to be like, oh, nag. And then my dad came around, and he just didn't really think much of it, Just said it really quick. So when I asked my mom that question, she, like, paused. And then she started to cry, which really freaked me out. And she goes, why would you ask me that? And I was like, well, it's either that or you cheated on dad. So I was just going with the best of two, the preferred.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ashley]

She starts crying and tells me, your dad and I had fertility issues, and we ended up going to a sperm donor. And she was like, you know, your dad just was never very interested in sex, and he was done with doctors touching him. So we went the sperm donor route, but we were assured that it was a credible donor. They are a medical resident, like, all of this stuff. Spoiler alert. That wasn't the truth either, because it was the 80s and it was the wild, wild west with fertility, which I'll get to that too, as a another part of it. So I was happy with that answer. I actually never approached my dad ever and ever told him I knew. And it just stayed between my mom and I because as far as I was concerned, like, that's my dad. Fortunately, I look almost identical to my mom. There's pictures to come later. But then I start noticing other things as I'm getting older, like, you're going to sleepovers. And I can remember a group of girls complaining, oh, my God, I totally heard my parents doing it the other night, like, gross. And my first response was, oh, my gosh, are you getting a little brother or sister? Because in my mind, I had never seen, like, affection between my parents. I just associated sex with. It's when you have a baby. Still dealing with unraveling some of those pieces too, but kind of just noticed some different things about my dad, one of his best friends. And then flash to, I'm now like 19 and moving out. And I come over for dinner, like after moving out, and my mom pulls me aside and was like, hey, I came around the corner to your dad's den, like his little office area the other day, and he was looking at gay porn. And his response was, I was just trying to access a link that was in Men's Health magazine to like take a quiz.

[Lily Padman]

That's a pretty good excuse.

[Dax Shepard]

It's not bad. Especially when you say Men's Health magazine,

[Lily Padman]

you're like, yeah, I could see it.

[Ashley]

Which then she's like, kind of makes sense, you know, I always wondered if something had happened to him growing up or when he was in the army. Like, it just makes sense, a lot of these things. I was like, I'll do some digging, I'll look in the computer for you. I'll let you know what I find.

[Dax Shepard]

And just pause for half a second. It's crazy to me, but of course I've never been in this situation. I'm in no position to judge. But it's wild to me that it took your mother minimally 19 years that she needed something that concrete to start questioning. Right. Or is she fibbing to you? Either or. Those are interesting.

[Ashley]

I think that there's other pieces to that. Probably deep down she knew. Definitely had some self esteem issues. And you know, at that point they had been married so long, it was almost just like this mutual understanding or agreement. Like they're just good partners. He had retired before her. She was still working at that point. It was just kind of fine how it was. And they were just also of the mind. It was just better to have two parents in the home. Home than not. And so like that kind of drove a lot of them making their own sacrifices. Come to find out, like, as I've gotten older, really the sacrifices each one of them made, not having true love, not being their authentic self. But when I got on there definitely wasn't him trying to get on to Men's Health. Definitely had a type. Big Heath Ledger fan.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, like the rest of the.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, join that. I mean, not judging is in the 99th percentile.

[Ashley]

So I put everything on a desk, gave it to my mom, and just kind of said, do what this what you want. Ultimately, she decided never to bring it up. She was really afraid he might harm himself or he was just from that era. It wasn't going to happen. He ended up passing away in 2017 and still never said anything. I hope he came to peace with it and just shift from, like, sad to funny again. We had him cremated, and in between, like, moves, and we had my mom move in with us. We lost dad for a few years. Lost his ashes.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay. Little mix up.

[Ashley]

Turns out when we were trying to look for a very obscure object in the guest room closet, it was in there. Even in death, my dad is still in a closet.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, it is sad. It is sad he didn't get to live his life.

[Ashley]

But then it was just maybe a year ago that his only sibling, his brother, was in hospice. And I was visiting with my aunt and telling her it was the first time I talked to anybody about the sperm donor, about losing dad's ashes and finding them, and, like, the stuff about my dad being gay. And she was like, honey, I knew your dad was gay. I thought he was with. I don't want to say this person's name. We'll just say Sam. I thought they were partners. It was my dad's college roommate. Friends till the end until he brought your mom over for dinner. And I was like, oh, but I'm like, then if you knew, how come my mom didn't know? So, like, there's other things to come about, Mom. Like, how did you not know? And so I also went on to Ancestry after my dad passed. I was like, what if there's other people in the world that look like me? Also would love to know, like, about health concerns. I think between 23 and me and ancestry, there's, like, 18 habsies. No regulation. And to boot, this donor was not a vetted donor. He was just a friend of the doctor who was getting, like, 20 bucks a Dixie Cup.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Lily Padman]

This is common from back then. It's so interesting.

[Dax Shepard]

You're lucky it wasn't the doctor. I mean, that's very common. Yeah, it's common.

[Ashley]

And this guy didn't tell his family either. So, like, I guess some of the early folks that had gone on to Ancestry reached out, because you can message people on Ancestry. I guess they got, like, a nasty grind back. Like, you're making this up. This is a conspiracy. So that's his family secret. I won't expose that for them. But, like, he did not tell his family. I'm even a few months older than, like, his oldest biological son. So you were out there shooting into Dixie Cups before.

[Dax Shepard]

That's a Young man's game for sure.

[Ashley]

I had to look up to say like, what would 20 bucks be? And today it's like 61 bucks. Like that's a great gig.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I tried it at ucla. I feel blessed that I didn't have a good sperm count. I know because I would now have all these. Although I'd be fine with that if I had to meet a bunch of people.

[Lily Padman]

Would you really tell me feel?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I think I'd have to support all those people. There'd be that.

[Ashley]

I'm not looking to go to anybody's Christmases or be written into the will. Just wanted to know some health stuff. So the pictures that you have there, there's going to be one. I don't know what order they're going to be. There's one of my mom and dad like way back when.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, your mother's so cute.

[Ashley]

She was a hottie. She still is now. As I've taken my rose colored glasses off, I'm like, he was an immaculate dresser.

[Lily Padman]

I was just going to say very stylish.

[Ashley]

Once I married my husband, the in laws all were like, yeah, he's got Lord Farquhar hair. I think I saw my dad's ears once in my entire life when we were on a boat and the wind blew his hair back. But like blow dried that every morning. And I did include a picture of the donor in there too just to prove like, I do not look like him. But there's just pictures of my dad over the years, he maintained that. Look, man. Yeah, but it was like writing on the wall, everyone but me. And even more so like, I get it. I was a kid, I didn't know any different. But my mom, I'm like, what the hell, Mom?

[Lily Padman]

She was probably just in denial or

[Dax Shepard]

even maybe sadder like, I'll take whoever loves me. I just want to be loved.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Is this gentleman with your father in this photo, is that the presumed?

[Ashley]

Yes, that's the college roommate. They would go to dinner and be gone for like five, six hours.

[Lily Padman]

Well, good then I hope they were.

[Dax Shepard]

And did that man have a family?

[Ashley]

He did. He also had a wife and one child, one daughter. It was like a mirror.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow, how ironic. Your father loved Heath Ledger because he was living Barkback Mountain.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, maybe that's part of that.

[Ashley]

I never thought about that.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. And now here's your biological father. He looks so different than your dad.

[Lily Padman]

Woo.

[Ashley]

I just like continue to find things like that was a new one to Stephen laugh. Last year talking to my aunt and being like, what do you mean you knew and you just assumed? Like, how? We never talked about this. Like, I'm 41 years old, and, like, we're just talking about it.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm delighted that you had that moment with her because that makes me less sad for your dad. It makes me feel like he did have some kind of outlet.

[Ashley]

Yeah. And one or two people that really saw him.

[Monica]

Wow.

[Lily Padman]

Family secrets.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, it's a juicy one.

[Ashley]

Thankful for the donor in the end. Thankful for my dad. All the things for a great story. Get to come meet you guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, Ashley, we're so grateful that you were willing to take a little time out of the celebration to join us.

[Ashley]

Absolutely. I'll get back to the free food trucks downstairs.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. This is a good party. They got food trucks.

[Monica]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Not like a little hot bar with catering, microwaved nuggets.

[Ashley]

There's a couple of tents. One of them is, like an 80s tent with some skeeball down there.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's so nice to meet you. Yeah.

[Ashley]

You guys take care.

[Lily Padman]

All right. Bye. Bye. These genetic ones, they're a dime a dozen these days.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, the lesson that should be learned for anyone who donated sperm. Don't ever take a 23andMe. Or genealogy. Or at least minimally, don't check that box.

[Lily Padman]

Definitely.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Lily Padman]

Or they're coming. They're coming for you.

[Dax Shepard]

It's a really interesting thought experiment, whether I'd want to know. So that was in 2000 or 99? In 2000.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

So my child would be 26 years old.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Lily Padman]

Do you think you would think of it as yours if you thought of it as yours? I think that'd be hard for you.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I know me.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I would have to get super involved.

[Lily Padman]

Right, Exactly.

[Ashley]

And, like, you can't.

[Dax Shepard]

So for me, it would be a bummer because, I mean, like, I wouldn't have picked to have 10 kids because I know I have limited bandwidth and. Yeah, I would be like, if they're strong, struggling. Are you kidding me? And they're struggling with addiction. I gave them those genetics.

[Lily Padman]

That's not.

[Dax Shepard]

I would feel like I need to help them because I gave it to them.

[Lily Padman]

Well, no, you jerked off and then gave them my genetics someone else picked out of a binder.

[Dax Shepard]

I remember filling out that questionnaire. You know, vaguely. You just want to make money, man.

[Lily Padman]

That is bad.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I think I lied to the extent

[Lily Padman]

of, like, have never done drugs.

[Shane]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't even know if. But ask that, but maybe some health stuff, you know, like, I had cancer Pretty close to my family. I think I left out some health things because I was like, I need this. A hundred bucks.

[Lily Padman]

Well, it worked out.

[Dax Shepard]

You didn't get it, by the way. So they told me, right? Because I gave them a sample and they're like, yeah, you don't have a high enough sperm count. That was that. But what if I do get a knock, knock. Now I've got at least a juicy lawsuit against the sperm bank that's probably already out of business.

[Lily Padman]

But wasn't it ucla?

[Dax Shepard]

The ad was in the Bruin. That was our newspaper.

[Lily Padman]

Sure.

[Dax Shepard]

And then the medical office was in the UCLA medical campus. But I don't really know if they were officially affiliated with the school or not. I guess you can rent space. Should I sue ucla, which is suing basically the state of California, which is suing the taxpayer.

[Lily Padman]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Wait till the news gets out that I have the taxpayer give me $10 million. I'm sure America's gonna love that story. It'd be for those up kids I created.

[Lily Padman]

Give them to all those.

[Dax Shepard]

It'll be the fun to support all these kids I have that are addicts. This episode is sponsored by FX's the Bear. The Emmy award winning series returns for its final season. With no money, the threat of a sale, and a torrential storm in their way, the team bands together to achieve one last service. Can they finally earn that coveted mission? Michelin star FX's the bear. The final season. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. This episode is supported by Helix. All right, let's talk about something we both really care deeply about. Sleep.

[Lily Padman]

It's the most important thing. I've had my Helix mattress for years now, and I genuinely think it's one of the best investments you can make for your home. Mine still feels just like it did when I first got it.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, that's the thing. It's not one of those mattresses that caves in after six months. These things are built to last. And, you know, I'm a side slee. I ordered a side sleeper and I get hot, so I have cooling. And I can't tell you how much more comfortable it is to be in there not sweating and tossing and turning.

[Lily Padman]

Cooling is really important. I've read that you're supposed to sleep a little bit cold, so I also have cooling. And they have over 20 models, so it's not a one size fits all situation. You just go take their quiz and they match you to what actually works for your body.

[Dax Shepard]

Plus they've got cooling upgrades which, heading into summer, non Negotiable.

[Lily Padman]

Truly.

[Dax Shepard]

Go to helixsleep.comarmchair for 20% off. That's helixsleep.com armchair for 20% off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com armchair. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So, Monica, here's something that really stuck with me. BetterHelp's 2026 State of Stigma report surveyed 2,000Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so.

[Lily Padman]

That's a huge gap. Most of us agree therapy is a good thing, but there's still something holding some people back from actually going right.

[Dax Shepard]

And I think that's where just talking about it, normalizing it makes a difference.

[Lily Padman]

I mean, as you know, I'm obsessed with therapy. I've been in it consistently for years and years and years. And I have said this and I shouldn't say it, but I do think if you're struggling and you've been struggling for a while and you haven't sought therapy, I judge you a little bit. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, I know.

[Ashley]

And I'm not and I gotta go

[Lily Padman]

to therapy to work on that, you know, but also there are options for you. You can help yourself. And better help makes that first step easier. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs. And with over 30,000 therapists and 12 plus years of experience, they typically get the match right the first time.

[Dax Shepard]

Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] DAX that's better. H E L P.comDAX we get support from ZipRecruiter. Go get recruiting. I'm constantly looking for ways to claw back time. In my day, I've got the meal prep dialed, the grocery delivery locked in the whole morning routine down to a science. We all have our own time saving hacks for everyday life. But if you're a business owner, how can you save time hiring ZipRecruiter? They have a new feature that quickly shows you the most interested qualified candidates first so you're not buried in a pile of applications from people who aren't even the right fit fit. Their matching technology is seriously powerful and candidates can actually explain in their own words why they're interested in your job. That context upfront saves so much back and forth. There's a reason they're the number one rated hiring site on G2. Save time and meet great candidates sooner. With ZipRecruiter, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com Dax that's ZipRecruiter.com DAX Meet your match on ZipRecruiter.

[Shane]

You.

[Lily Padman]

Hello?

[Shane]

Hello.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi, is this Shane in quotes?

[Shane]

This is Shane.

[Dax Shepard]

Shane, where are you?

[Shane]

So I'm located in Vancouver, Canada.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, our second Vancouver Ian today. What do we call people from Vancouver?

[Shane]

Vancouverites. I hope that's right.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, Kamvu Camboo. And have you been in Vancouver your whole life?

[Shane]

I have. I have moved around to a few different cities when I was younger. So Australia and out east eastern Canada. So yeah, I've been a few places but Vancouver has always been my home.

[Dax Shepard]

Was it parents job taking you to Australia and eastern Canada?

[Shane]

No, I did a university exchange, so I did a semester out that way.

[Dax Shepard]

In Australia?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you have so much fun?

[Shane]

I had a great time. Not so much studying, but lots of time on the beach.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you have an Australian lover while you were there?

[Shane]

I did not. No. I was in a relationship.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Ashley]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. So you have a family secret.

[Shane]

I have a family secret that's still a secret to this day. This story takes place way back in 2008. I was just 22 years old and I just graduated college. I was also recently single. And so before, you know, entering the working world, I wanted to like just have some fun. So I thought, okay, I'm gonna go do a solo backpacking trip through Europe. I thought that would be a great idea. It just so happened that a cousin of mine was getting married in London, England. So I thought, okay, normally I wouldn't go to this wedding, but I thought the timing aligned. I'll go for a week with my family and then I'll go off. So leading up to the trip, I was seeing someone casually and did see this person a few days before the trip. Didn't think anything of it. But it does become a little relevant later in the story. So it's the day of the trip, I'm on the plane, I'm in the middle seat, it's my mom to my left on the window, and there's a stranger to the right. And about halfway through I just start to feel this itch down there.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, great.

[Lily Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Itchy, itchy, scratchy, scratchy.

[Shane]

Just in the general area there.

[Dax Shepard]

Great way to start your trip.

[Shane]

Yeah. And I'm just like worst place because there's no privacy. It's my mom and a stranger, and I'm right in between these people. And so I realize if I put my hands in my pocket, I can briefly, you know, just subtly relieve myself. If I put the tray table down, pull it out, that gives me a little cover. And I just figure it's like dry, irritated skin.

[Dax Shepard]

Wishful thinking.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, no.

[Shane]

After a very difficult flight, we make it. I'm okay. I survived. I'm just relieved to be off this plane. And just for context, I'm of Indian heritage. I'm pretty western, but my mom's side of the family, which this wedding is, is a lot more traditional. We're staying at the bride's house. So there's a week long of things going on every day.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, these Indian weddings, for people don't know, are the most spectacular events on planet Earth. Right. A buddy of mine went to one in Chicago, and there's like, elephants and stuff. They go hard for weddings.

[Shane]

No, it is a big, big life event. It's a little much for me, but I was doing my family obligation and, you know, going to this wedding. And it's a typical London home, pretty small. There's going to be 15 people in this house. So mattresses on the floor, one bathroom. There's just no privacy. Right. And so the next few days go fine. And we're about two days before the wedding. The sitch is getting worse to the point now where I'm realizing I won't be able to survive the wedding day in this state. I decide I'm going to go have a look. So I go to the bathroom, I lock the door, and that's when I discover. It's crabs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

You bet your asses.

[Lily Padman]

Okay, so crabs are actual lice.

[Dax Shepard]

You know, they're like. Yeah, yeah.

[Lily Padman]

Is it an std?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, yeah. It jumps from the pubic hair of your sexual partner onto yours. And then you lie in a very communal bed.

[Lily Padman]

But you could get it even if someone's sleeping on the bed. He is.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's find out. That's my hunt. That's my hope, not my heart.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, no, we don't want that for anyone else there.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, but do you realize it is crabs? I mean, do you know enough to realize that's what's happening once you look?

[Shane]

As soon as I saw that, it just clicked. Yep. This is crabs. Knowing who I was with, it all kind of had a dark. I was panicked, and I never had this happen before. And in my mind, I'm not the type of person to Be in this position. Like, I don't contract crabs. I'm just in complete shock at this point. I'm really inexperienced with these sorts of things. I don't know what to do. And there's just a few problems that I'm faced with. I one cannot confide in anyone. My cousins are all just younger, innocent teenagers, and I don't really know them that well. And then everyone else older. There's no way I'm going to be be telling them there's no smartphones, there's no car, where we are is not super walkable. And probably the biggest issue is no one can leave the house without it just becoming a field trip. So I couldn't just say, hey, guys, I'm going for a walk. Yeah, to go find a doctor. Like, there's just no way anyone would let me leave. Yeah. Yeah. So I need to come up with a plan to get this solved at this point because I'm really starting to have a hard time and I'm just feeling completely trapped. So I come up with a plan that I think is gonna jump over these obstacles. So I decide to go to the bathroom. I find one alive. I relocate it to my arm. I would say that they're similar to lice, but just more crabby looking. So now it is on my arm. I go down to the family room where there's a big group of people and I just yell, oh, my God, it's lice. Pointing to my arm.

[Dax Shepard]

Wonderful.

[Shane]

And then there's just immediate panic. The bride is panicking. I just say, my head's been itchy. A little. Kids are being checked. Everyone freaks out. And then things just kind of get out of control. Out of my control. So my aunt takes the specimen and puts it in a jar.

[Ashley]

No.

[Shane]

Of course no one finds any lice.

[Jessica]

Right?

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, no. What if they were like, there's one here, there's one in my hair, and

[Dax Shepard]

it's one of the pubic hair.

[Shane]

They're just looking in the wrong place. So the reaction was just so much bigger than I anticipated. I thought they were like, let's get him some treatment. But it was like, because nothing could be found, we're in close quarters. People are already stressed because of this wedding. It was like, we need to hit this with everything we got and get this under control because people are coming over. There's all sorts of stuff happening. And so luckily no one pursued trying to ID this thing. And the plan was, after things settled down, let's go to the pharmacy. And this is perfect. Because this is what I wanted. I needed something to fix my problem. So we lead admission to the pharmacy. This is the most pivotal moment for me because I need to get something. I'm completely panicked. And I've raised the stakes so high now putting my family through all this chaos with wedding events. And people are trying to sort out their outfits for the wedding and I'm just trying to treat my crabs here.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So I just need this to work. And so we go to the pharmacist and the pharmacist brings out your standard lice shampoo. And I just think to myself, this maybe could work, but I don't know if it will. It might. It might not. I couldn't walk away there with a maybe.

[Dax Shepard]

And was any family members standing directly next to you as you were interacting with the pharmacist?

[Shane]

There was about five of us. It was a group effort. I'm just sitting there thinking I gotta do something. So I asked the pharmacist, I say, do you have anything else? And he says, yeah, there's this. It's just a little more expensive. I look at the bottle and it's labeled for head lice and genital crabs. Boom.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's go. Shane.

[Shane]

Just so relieved inside. But I need to play the act that we're just shopping for head lice. I asked for both bottles. I just stare at them discerningly for about 30 seconds, comparing and contrasting. Really putting on this show. Like I'm really trying to decide here.

[Dax Shepard]

Isn't it fun? Everyone gets to be an actor at some point in their life. We've all like. Long before I got to Hollywood, I was doing bullshit like this.

[Lily Padman]

Oh man.

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe I'll get. You'll go like you're acting like you're on the fence. You're not on the fence.

[Lily Padman]

I know exactly.

[Shane]

After that few seconds I just point to the one that was labeled for crabs and I just say, I think this one is better. No one questioned it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, nice.

[Shane]

And we bought enough for the house.

[Dax Shepard]

Wonderful.

[Shane]

So we went back. I got myself. I was totally relieved. Everyone else is getting shampooed. Bedding is being washed in a panic. Up until that point, I was a trapped animal. But at this point I'm now like feeling guilt because I look over and the bride is stressed. The mother of the bride is literally like scalp massaging my 78 year old grandmother.

[Lily Padman]

Listen, it's not gonna do anything bad. No, maybe it's good. Maybe one of them did have lies.

[Dax Shepard]

4 grams.

[Shane]

So in the end everything worked out. The Wedding went on. I had a great trip, and we were all free of any bugs or insects going forward.

[Jessica]

Oh, that's a crazy.

[Lily Padman]

And they never found out.

[Shane]

They never found out. Although I will say about 17 years later now. So my wife knows this story, and some of my friends and my daughter, who's in elementary school, there was a recent lice outbreak in the classroom. And we were telling my mom about this. And so my mom decides to retell the London lice story to my wife. Like, she's here hearing it for the first time.

[Lily Padman]

Right.

[Shane]

She just says to my wife, and these weren't normal lice we have here in Canada. They had bigger legs and much stronger.

[Dax Shepard]

They almost look like crabs.

[Lily Padman]

You're also so lucky. And I'm surprised that none of those Indian people were doctors.

[Dax Shepard]

Shocking, actually.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah. I would have been like, that is not a lice.

[Dax Shepard]

No. That is a sexually transmitted disease.

[Shane]

Keys.

[Lily Padman]

And they were shouting it out.

[Dax Shepard]

Pure shame.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I like that story. It's also very cute and sweet.

[Lily Padman]

It is.

[Dax Shepard]

When you got home, did you ever share what had been passed on from your previous lover? Did you let them know?

[Shane]

I did. Dance.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica]

Sure.

[Shane]

Should I have?

[Lily Padman]

Well, listen, you got it from them and not the other way around, so I feel like you're less. Less inclined.

[Dax Shepard]

But the ethical thing is to go like p. S. You're passing along this. You need to get this. Although I guess the nice thing about crabs, like, you could have chlamydia, especially if you're a dude for years and not know, which is really bad.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe even vice versa. You're not missing crabs. You probably didn't need to tell her. She probably figured that out.

[Shane]

That's what I figured.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, man.

[Dax Shepard]

This was delightful. Yeah. I love it.

[Shane]

Thank you so much. And would it be possible for my wife to say quick hello? She's a huge fan.

[Dax Shepard]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Hi, guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, you remind me of Elizabeth.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, yeah. Elizabeth. Lame. It's a compliment. High compliment. It's a high compliment.

[Dax Shepard]

High praise. High praise.

[Jessica]

Oh, this is so surreal. Oh, my gosh.

[Lily Padman]

That was a great story.

[Jessica]

I'm glad he submitted it. So that's good.

[Dax Shepard]

Me too. It's so innocent in pg.

[Ashley]

It is.

[Jessica]

I know. And it's funny. I was at work today, and I left at lunch to come home, and my coworkers are like, oh, what's the story? I'm like, we don't know.

[Ashley]

Like, it's kind of personal.

[Dax Shepard]

Until next Friday.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Jessica]

Exactly.

[Lily Padman]

Well, it's so nice to meet you, both of you.

[Jessica]

You too.

[Shane]

Thanks.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Thank you.

[Lily Padman]

Have a good day.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Lily Padman]

You too.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, take care.

[Ashley]

Bye.

[Lily Padman]

Have you ever had lice?

[Dax Shepard]

No. You know, my thing with lice, though, is they would come check in my room, the teachers. And then when a new mom got to me and said, you get checked, I'd lie and say, no. Yeah, I would try to get it three times.

[Lily Padman]

That's a good lie.

[Monica]

Here it is. This corner kick could be a big one. There's the cross. He rises to meet it. And it's a car. Soccer's biggest tournament is here, and Enterprise is turning every corner kick goal into your chance to win a car. The moment a corner kick is called Post on X with one sweepstakes and tag Enterprise. If it's a a corner kick goal, you could win. Winners may pick up their cars at an Enterprise or an Enterprise car sales location on a corner near them. With over a thousand corner kicks expected, that's a lot of chances to win. For more details and an additional chance to win, visit ONER.com no purchase necessary for legal residents of the 50 US states in D.C. puerto Rico, Canada, Ireland, the United Kingdom, France, Germany, and Spain who are 21 and older. Sweepstakes ends July 19, 2026. Void where prohibited prize awarded if a corner kick goal is scored. For entry details and official visit on every corner dot com.

[Dax Shepard]

Jessica, can you hear us?

[Lily Padman]

Hi.

[Jessica]

Yes. Can you hear me?

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Did they check your head for lice in elementary school with the moms volunteer and come in with those big Q tips?

[Jessica]

Lice and scolio. Yep.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I was just saying I used to lie and pretend they hadn't checked my hair so that I could get multiple checks.

[Jessica]

Some hair play.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah, that's right.

[Dax Shepard]

I can feel myself sitting at my desk. Like you have full body chills.

[Jessica]

Oh, my daughter got it twice.

[Lily Padman]

And you never got it?

[Jessica]

No.

[Lily Padman]

Wow, that's lucky.

[Jessica]

Shared custody with her dad. So at her dad's house they got it but didn't bring it to me. I had to monitor.

[Lily Padman]

God, I really live in fear of it. Honestly.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm trying to do context clues. Do you live in San Francisco?

[Jessica]

No, I live outside of Charleston, S.C.

[Dax Shepard]

does your family secret take place in South Carolina?

[Jessica]

Not really, no.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you from originally?

[Jessica]

Michigan.

[Ashley]

Yay.

[Dax Shepard]

Whereabout?

[Jessica]

I grew up in Dearborn height.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful. Those moms were definitely checking lice over in Dearborn.

[Jessica]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Did your family work for Ford?

[Jessica]

No, actually, my uncle worked for Chrysler. I don't think anybody in my family worked for Ford, but yeah. He was long term at Chrysler.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, so let us know. What is the family secret? We love secrets.

[Jessica]

Bit of a buildup, of course, because it's a secret. It can't be all told at once.

[Lily Padman]

That's right.

[Jessica]

I grew up in Michigan. My sister grew up in Michigan. My mom grew up in Vermont, in a little tiny town called Winooski, Vermont. So shout out Winooski, Vermont. All 12 people, six of whom I'm probably related to, said that she grew up there, but had to move to Michigan right after junior year of high school. So she had to finish senior year, like, in Michigan. So 1958, in Michigan, she had to move. Was not happy about it, actually, like, very angry at her parents about it for a really long time. So she left her life. Life. She had my sister in 76, and she had me in 78. So we're all Gen X here. And then eventually we all kind of ended up down south. I moved here in 2005. My sister moved to Florida in 2008, and then my mom moved down here in 2010, two years after my daughter was born. So she moved down here to be close to her granddaughter, and she stayed here until she passed away in 2021. Thankfully, it wasn't like a super prolonged, terrible illness. It was copd. And, like, shortly after she died, I got a message on Facebook from somebody saying, hi, this is your sister. I have been in touch with mom for a few years, and I just want to know, like, where she's going to be buried so that I can visit.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, boy.

[Ashley]

Oh, wow.

[Jessica]

I was like, at my daughter's volleyball game. I'm like, this is a joke. Not a funny one, but this is weird.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, and obviously your mom has just recently died, right? If we're talking about the funeral.

[Jessica]

Yeah. And, like, she grew up Roman Catholic. She's like one of 11 kids. So I'm like, okay, this is not at all happening. Oh, she plays, like, these online bingo games. I'm like, it's like an unstable person who has adopted my mom, and my mom's been nice to her. But then she started sending me, like, screenshots of their text messages. And I was like, okay, she's not saying she's not her mom, so what the heck? So we finally, like, after exchanging messages, it became apparent that she is my mom's daughter. My mom gave birth to her in 1966, so 10 years before my sister was born, gave birth to her. Her father is biracial, and they were not married. And my grandfather was a Detroit police officer in 1966, and his unwed Roman Catholic daughter was not about to have a child out of wed. So they made her give up the baby for adoption through Catholic Social Services. But there isn't a lot of my uncles left. But I do have one uncle left who's younger than my mother. So we were like, how would you not know about this? And he said, oddly enough, in 66, he was away at the air Force. Him and another uncle were away at the air Force. So they weren't home that whole year except for, like, two weeks.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Jessica]

And he's like, we're not looking at our sister thinking she's pregnant. That's just not a thing that they clock, you know?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

And so we got to know her. She's a super nice person. Like, we're very close. She is very sweet. We talked on the phone shortly after that, and she did get some documents from Catholic Social services, even though it was a closed adoption. She had some paperwork, and she's reading it, and it says, like, mother also gave birth to a boy in 1964 and also given up for adoption under Catholic social term.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Mom did that twice?

[Jessica]

Twice, yes. So I was like, sorry, pause. What did you just say? And she was like, oh, my gosh. Cause she had been in touch with our mom for three years before our mom passed.

[Ashley]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Had your mom done a 23andMe or something?

[Jessica]

No, the sister did. She did a 23andMe for ancestry, matched with some cousins. Cousins. And through that with what she had from Catholic Social Services. They pieced together who it was in the family that had given birth to her and traced it back to my mom and got my mom's number, somehow called her and was like, hey, I think I'm your daughter. My mom finally called her back and was like, why do you think this? And she gave her all the explanation. And she was like, well, yeah, I

[Dax Shepard]

did have a couple kids before my kids.

[Jessica]

Yeah. She asked her about the boy she had in 1964. My mom was like, I can't talk about that. That's too much. But she had said, yeah, you know, I was, like, dating your father casually. And it happened. And, you know, I didn't name him in the paperwork, but she did find also all of her siblings on her dad's side. So she's got this enormous family now. So she had the boy in 1964. And we were trying to find him, could not find him whatsoever. And so we just kind of let that go. In the meantime, Interestingly enough, both sisters have the same first and middle name. What? My mom had no idea that the people that adopted the other girl had named her this. So when my mom had my sister 10 years after that named her this name. Same exact first and middle name. Same spelling and everything. Yeah, he gives me chills. And she said. She was like, did you know that that was my name? And she was like, I had no idea.

[Lily Padman]

Wow, that is wild.

[Jessica]

So they had a really nice relationship for the three years that they talked. And. And I think it kind of gave my mom a little peace of mind. But she did say there was a text between them. The sister asked, when you pass away, I'm gonna reach out to the girls. Cause my mom did not want us to know at all. So they had a secret relationship for three years that we didn't know about. My mom said, just tell them. I hope they forgive me. Like, I'm so ashamed of these choices. And they weren't really choices, but I hope they can forgive me that I could never share this. And, I mean, that's just sad because, like, we would have been totally fine with it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, even more than you'd be fin fine with it. I would be dying to know what mom's experience was where dad is saying, no, you're going to do this, you're going to do that. I mean, that relationship between your grandfather and her sounds interesting.

[Jessica]

It was very interesting because looking back growing up, my mom never said many nice things about our grandfather at all. He passed away long before we were born. And there was always this, like, underlying tension and underlying something. And we were like, well, they just made you move from your home right before senior year of high school. And also, he is a raging alcoholic.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, you said Detroit cop. You didn't have to say raging alcoholic in the 60s. Yeah, you go there.

[Jessica]

But, yeah, she'd get called out of work to pick him up off the lawn and stuff. So we just kind of chalked it all up to that. But having this other information, it made a lot more sense. And I wish we could have given her a little piece that we were excited about this development. And apparently the only people in the family that knew were her parents, her mom and dad. Dad. And then she had one sister. And the one sister apparently knew, but literally nobody else in the family. I guess it was maybe a year or two ago now. Another cousin. So the half sister is in touch with all of our family. Another cousin reached out to the half sister and was like, I think you girls have a brother. Because I matched with somebody on this other DNA website, and she was like, holy shit. Yes, we actually do. And so now we're in touch with him, and he's just a sweetheart, and his parents don't know. He's found some birth families. They're very old, so we're not letting them in on that. But I went to Michigan in April for work, so I got to meet him in person. And I've met the half sister in person, and they're just so sweet. I mean, like, I always grew up wanting more siblings, and I guess I have them now, which is really nice.

[Dax Shepard]

And did you feel an uncanny closeness and bond to them immediately, more than you would a stranger?

[Jessica]

Very much so, especially with the half sister. Like, we talked on the phone the first time for, like. Like, two hours. So I sent some pictures. There's such a strong resemblance with the brother and my uncle. So there's a picture of us at a Bob's Big Boy that I sent.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, your favorite.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yes, it is Bob's. Okay, so that's you with your brother

[Jessica]

and half sister, and it's both of them? Yes.

[Lily Padman]

Are they full?

[Jessica]

Two different fathers. And then the other one is just an old picture of my mom's family.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, and then who's the little person here?

[Jessica]

That's my daughter and my mom. So our mom. This is the cutest picture ever. Yeah. That baby is 17 years old now. What?

[Ashley]

I know. I like this family secret.

[Dax Shepard]

This is a good family secret.

[Jessica]

Not a bad one at all. I wish we could have given my mom a little piece at the end to be like, we totally get it. Like, we forgive you. It's fine. But it's kind of a gift that she loves left on her way out the door. But the uncle that's still alive, when I told him about the brother, when we found him, I called him, and he just was like, I don't even know what to say anymore. Like, this is just crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

Stop calling.

[Ashley]

I know, right?

[Jessica]

And became friends on Facebook. I was like, you have to go look at his Facebook right now. And he did. He said, you have got to be kidding. If we saw him on the street, we'd be like, are we related to that man?

[Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jessica]

Is that one of our uncles? Like, he looked so similar. It's crazy. Jeans are strong, for sure. My uncle had a theory that maybe there was a little rebellion with my mom after moving to Michigan, and maybe she had a wild few years.

[Dax Shepard]

It does seem like a couple repeated fuck yous to dad. Although, think back then you didn't have condoms, you didn't have the pill, you didn't have abortion.

[Jessica]

Well, she's Catholic, didn't have education. I can't imagine they had any sex conversation with with her at all. There was none of that happening. But this big of a secret for this long is crazy work.

[Lily Padman]

Well, thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's lovely meeting you. I love a Michigander.

[Jessica]

I have to show you my cherry tattoo.

[Dax Shepard]

I was looking at it the whole time.

[Lily Padman]

It's beautiful.

[Jessica]

Yeah, she did a good job. I love blue jays. They're very special to me for multiple reasons. They're kind of the assholes of the bird world and I kind of like them for that. I had to add the cherries. I'm a long term armchair. You guys got me through Covid. We went on so many walks together, you don't even know. Oh, good. All of the walks we took, all the conversations.

[Lily Padman]

Yay.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm glad we were there.

[Lily Padman]

Me too.

[Jessica]

All of 10 years sober in September.

[Dax Shepard]

Get out. Come on.

[Lily Padman]

Congratulations.

[Jessica]

Both of our daughters were in Mary Poppins. There's so many lives.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Well, lovely meeting you, Jessica. This has been delightful.

[Jessica]

Thank you so much.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, have a great day.

[Monica]

Love you.

[Ashley]

Bye.

[Dax Shepard]

Monica, that was really fun. Do you want to reveal any family secrets at this time?

[Lily Padman]

I'm good.

[Dax Shepard]

You know, I can say this because it's the nature of my family. We have no family secret. My mom's like this happened. That happened. My dad was like this.

[Lily Padman]

You know, we don't have family secrets, but we have things I wouldn't share with the public.

[Dax Shepard]

That's right.

[Lily Padman]

But within the family, everyone knows.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Lily Padman]

Okay, I'll share it.

[Ashley]

No, I'm just kidding.

[Lily Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

All right. Love you.

[Shane]

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theming song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armchair, we'll get some suggestions on the fire rhyme dish. On the fire rhyme dish.

[Ashley]

Enjoy.