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Dax Shepard
Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman and Aaron Weekley. This is a fucking nuts episode. We shouldn't put it out and you shouldn't listen to it. This is first responders and we did hear a story that rivals the very worst of stories we've ever heard.
Monica Padman
You can't listen to it. You just like absolutely cannot listen to it.
Dax Shepard
It's fucking insane. I'm thinking of the thing when she described it.
Monica Padman
Me too, Me too. Me too. It's wild.
Dax Shepard
It's fucking wild, boy. First responders, I mean, you know, they see it all, but they see more than you think they see.
Monica Padman
I'm sorry, you guys aren't gonna be able to listen. Don't enjoy.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, can't eat, can't drink, can't operate a vehicle. You have to be in a pad room to listen to this with nothing sharp around. Don't enjoy. First responders, this message is brought to you by Apple Card. Apple card is a no fee credit card that gives you daily cash back every day. That's 3% back at Apple and 2% back on every purchase made with Apple card using Apple pay. Apply for Apple card in the wallet app on your iPhone today subject to credit approval. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 18.24% to 28.49% based on credit card creditworthiness rates as of January 1, 2025. Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City branch terms and more at applecard.com we are supported by Mobland on Paramount+ your next family crime saga Obsession is streaming now on Paramount + mob land an explosive new series from the underworld of Guy Ritchie stars Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan and Helen Mirren. What a cast. Go inside the Harrigan crime family. Who will stop nothing to ensure they come out on top in a war that threatens to topple empires and destroy lives. As kingdom goes up against kingdom, lines will be crossed and the only saving grace is a bet your life guarantee. Family above everything. It's an adrenaline fueled all hell breaks loose mafia series with a list talent. I love Tom Hardy.
Monica Padman
I love Guy Richie.
Dax Shepard
I love them all. This is such a stellar cast. I cannot wait to watch it. New series mobland now streaming on Paramount pl hi. You have fun stuff behind you. Yeah. What's happening you biz quick Fallout.
Aaron Weekley
I stream video games on Twitch. We got kind of a breakfast theme going on because my name is Breakfast Bot on there.
Dax Shepard
What is it? Breakfast Bot.
Aaron Weekley
Breakfast Bod. B O D. Oh, Breakfast Bod.
Monica Padman
I love it. I was about to say this looks like a show.
Dax Shepard
It looks fun. Where you live?
Aaron Weekley
I'm in Charleston, South Carolina.
Dax Shepard
Oh, gosh. Yeah, I kind of want to live there. Do you love it?
Aaron Weekley
I like it, but we're full, so don't move here. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Monica Padman
I know you guys are, like, not into it.
Dax Shepard
Although who was just telling us that lives there that they like Californians?
Monica Padman
I think it was another armchair anonymous person.
Dax Shepard
They had some distinction between what groups they liked. Okay, so you have a first responder story.
Aaron Weekley
Sure thing. I've got two fun facts, though, for Dax real quick if we have time. Yeah, Dax, you and I have the same birthday. January 2nd.
Dax Shepard
J2C. Congratulations.
Aaron Weekley
Every time you say it, I'm like, Yep, let's go, J2C. And we both have kids named Lincoln.
Dax Shepard
Oh, you have a boy or a girl?
Aaron Weekley
A boy named Lincoln. Yeah. He's nine. Before I was a fan of the show and everything.
Dax Shepard
Yeah.
Monica Padman
Do you want to show your tattoo?
Dax Shepard
I doubt I can.
Aaron Weekley
Yeah, I need a good look so I can get my matches. One, too.
Monica Padman
Yeah, exactly.
Dax Shepard
J2C. What a crew. Some people are just born blessed.
Monica Padman
Some people are a 24V.
Dax Shepard
And that's a cool cuz.
Monica Padman
A 24. Actually, it's really cool.
Dax Shepard
Oh, okay. It only works if you have another. There's no other. A 24 volts.
Monica Padman
I know so many people born on my birthday.
Dax Shepard
On your birthday. But it's the July 2 cancer that makes J2C so elusive. April24. I guess you could be, but what's the sign for April?
Monica Padman
Not V is the only.
Dax Shepard
All right, Christian, sorry we ate up so much of your time. Okay, hit us with the first responder story.
Aaron Weekley
It was 2018. I worked EMS from 2015 to 2021. So a little bit about the geographics of my county. The lower half is lots of cities, high population. The upper half is very country, very rural. Everything is far apart. So we've already got an extended eta. We get dispatched to a motor vehicle accident, which is a very common call. You know, neck and back pain type of stuff. We don't get very many details on this call. We're just going in blind. When we get there, the first thing we see is a car with very heavy damage. It's in a ditch next to a tree line, and it's got smoke coming out, glass broken everywhere. I mean, it looks like a movie set.
Monica Padman
Oh, no.
Dax Shepard
Police are already there.
Aaron Weekley
No. So that's the weird thing. We show up, there's nobody there. I mean, it's dead silent. But the weirdest part is that there's no caller. Typically, there's at least the caller. I guess this was just a passerby. When I say it's dead silent, I mean, you can hear the squirrels in the tree line. That's about it. We go up to the vehicle expecting to find a patient. We don't see anyone. We're looking around. I'm looking down the street. I'm looking under the car. I'm looking in the car. We're just trying to find this person because they could obviously be very, very hurt. Me and my partner are very confused. We can't find this guy. So we ask in dispatch for additional information. And I keep hearing these damn squirrels in the tree.
Monica Padman
Oh, no.
Aaron Weekley
I look up, and 15ft in the air, I see my patient being suspended by two tiny branches.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
And he's out cold, it seems.
Aaron Weekley
I immediately look at my partner and I say, oh, fuck, he's dead.
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Aaron Weekley
Yeah. Which is not very professional. But that's what happens.
Dax Shepard
Desperate times.
Aaron Weekley
Immediately, we're like, what are we going to do? Luckily, fire shows up two minutes later, they're asking where the patient is, and we just kind of point up. Now, there's no protocol for getting a guy out of a tree. We just reach for the largest ladder on the truck, lean it up against the tree. I think these ladders are made for, like, one guy, maybe two guys at a time. So weight distribution was kind of iffy, but we ended up creating, like, a human pyramid under the ladder with all the guys we could, while me and my partner climbed up there with our gear.
Dax Shepard
How come they didn't send the firefighter up? It feels like that's their domain.
Aaron Weekley
I volunteered. I wanted to be up there.
Dax Shepard
Okay, okay. Okay.
Aaron Weekley
So I went up there and we packaged him as best we could. We lifted his legs, and we slid a backboard under his belly. Between his belly and the branches, we had to slide him face down onto the backboard, get a collar on him as best we could, strap him in, and then basically create a human chain to slide him down the ladder.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
This seems impossible without losing him and him flying down the ladder and taking people out.
Aaron Weekley
Yeah. And keep in mind, he's also very injured. He's hardly breathing at this point.
Monica Padman
Oh, God.
Aaron Weekley
So when we do finally get out there and get him looked at, we can obviously smell the booze he had been drinking and driving. We get him down, we get him onto the stretcher and then we start our assessment and everything. We immediately call for a helicopter, a Medevac EM, because again, we're out in the country. It's about 25, 30 minutes to the nearest trauma center. We get fired to set up an LZ landing zone. His breathing started declining very drastically. So we have what's called a rapid sequence intubation RSI. I've only assisted in maybe three RSIs in the five years that I was working there. It's very invasive. Basically what we do is we give them a paralytic and a sedative and we put them in a medically induced coma. We stop their breathing and we have to intubate them.
Dax Shepard
This has got to be a hard call to make.
Aaron Weekley
Yeah. It's not done lightly, but when we do it, we do it right. So we get them intubated, we drive them to the lz, the helicopter's waiting for us, and then we turn him over to the flight team. They take their report and of course he's transported to the nearest trauma facility. As far as his injuries afterwards, he ended up having a massive brain bleed. When we showed up, I didn't see a big hole in the windshield. I think he was ejected out of the driver's side window.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
As the car was rolling.
Monica Padman
And how did he get that high up?
Dax Shepard
Momentum. Well, think if you were on a seesaw and the seesaw went up at 60 miles an hour. Cause that's how fast the car's.
Monica Padman
I just think you'd be slowed down by your body getting out of the window.
Dax Shepard
I've seen a lot of videos of people getting thrown out of vehicles because dumbasses that off road don't wear a seatbelt. And I've seen that a bunch. It's crazy how easily the body just flies out the window.
Aaron Weekley
I think he was probably less injured because he was drunk. They say that when you're drunk, your body's more relaxed. Not telling anyone to go drunk driving.
Monica Padman
No, don't do it.
Dax Shepard
But if you're mid crashed, do drink a fifth of Jack really quick.
Monica Padman
This is very, er. This is very the pit. I love it. I love it. I'm sorry for that guy.
Dax Shepard
Don't you like how gangster Christian is like, I like these EMTs. They're just like, let's get going.
Eliza
That's what the job is.
Dax Shepard
You rsi and you stop doing it though.
Aaron Weekley
Yeah. I went into business for myself in 2021, so now I'm self employed and that allows a lot of freedom for me to do Twitch. I probably stream about 80 hours a month.
Monica Padman
That's a lot.
Dax Shepard
You're busy now. Have you ever been anywhere post this career and some shit's gone down and you've got to get involved?
Aaron Weekley
Yeah. Much like you. I feel like I have a hero complex. I want to get in there when I want pulled over. But luckily my wife is reasonable and says, listen, you can see them, they're good.
Dax Shepard
No heroes needed. Oh, wow.
Monica Padman
Thanks for sharing that. That's wild.
Dax Shepard
What a thing. Great meeting you.
Monica Padman
Have a great rest of your day.
Dax Shepard
All right, take care.
Aaron Weekley
Take care.
Eliza
Bye.
Monica Padman
I don't want anyone to have hero complexes, but I also get it.
Dax Shepard
Yeah.
Monica Padman
Cuz it is attractive when someone's a hero.
Dax Shepard
Of course.
Monica Padman
I just watched an episode of er. George Clooney rescued this boy. He was stuck in a like sewer tunnel and then it was starting to flood and he was starting to pass out. He got him out just in time. But then the water rushes and he can't find him. And then he finds him and he lifts him up and he's a hero.
Dax Shepard
Hi. Is it Eliza? It is Eliza. Where are you?
Eliza
I am actually in LA in Culver City.
Dax Shepard
Oh, Monica was just stranded there.
Monica Padman
That's where I met Ted, my AAA driver. Who is the angel. I do feel guilty because we haven't reconnected. I haven't called him.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, you're gonna have to for the armchairies because they were pretty invested in that. Yeah.
Monica Padman
Oh my God.
Dax Shepard
There was a lot of people wanting an update when you guys have lunch and get married.
Monica Padman
Oh.
Dax Shepard
And have a family.
Monica Padman
Oh, great. Okay.
Eliza
You could just send us screenshots and, you know, post those.
Daphne
That would be great.
Dax Shepard
Maybe live stream that lunch. Okay. So you have a first responder story.
Eliza
I have a first responder story that takes place here in la. And the reason I moved out here is because my boyfriend and I were doing long distance between LA and New York for three years. He will feature heavily in this story. This story takes place August of 2024. I am not a trained first responder. My boyfriend is not a first responder. We stumbled into becoming first responders for an emergency. I'm not an adrenaline junkie in the way that I want to step in. I shut down.
Monica Padman
You don't have a hero complex?
Eliza
Absolutely not. So last summer my cousin, who is a musician, was having a choir concert with his group downtown. And my boyfriend and I decided to go. I work sometimes from downtown la, so I'm familiar with downtown proper, but not all of the neighborhoods. So this was somewhere that I'd never visited before. We are driving around looking for parking. And you guys know how horrific parking in LA can be. This is more of a residential area, though. We can't find anything. We're turning down all these side streets. We finally are on a side street that looks promising. So we're going kind of slowly along to try to see whether there's any spots I'm driving. My boyfriend's in the passenger seat. There's a nice silver BMW and its front window and back windows are smashed in. And there's little licks of flame on the front hood. Oh, and then notice there's two men near the car on the side of the road. One standing, shouting over the other one who is now rolling on the ground. And I'm clocking. Clothes are on the ground. Fire is now on the lawn. Oh, no. And I don't know at this point if this is a hate crime, if there's an attack. This is happening within like 0.5 seconds. We notice, okay, this man is on fire. My boyfriend, who was an emergency responder in college, oh, wow. Goes back into full hero mode. I shut down. So he gets out of the car, he's like, call 911. I'm gonna go assess the situation. The man who was standing over is kind of standing to the side. There's gasoline. And the man who was rolling on the ground has now stood up. Two things I clock immediately. He is fully naked.
Dax Shepard
Oh, yeah.
Eliza
And covered basically in third degree burns.
Dax Shepard
Oh, wow.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
There's a can of gas in the.
Monica Padman
Mix too, that the guy's holding.
Eliza
There's still little embers on the lawn. I now get a hold of the police. I'm trying to tell them where I am. Cause I'm not familiar with the neighborhood. I look over, the man who is fully nude is now stumbling to my car, trying to get into the backseat to have me take him to the hospital.
Dax Shepard
If I was witnessing this tableau, I have no guess at what's going on.
Monica Padman
Me too.
Dax Shepard
Normally I'm like, oh, I can see what's going on now.
Monica Padman
Not to be stupid, not to like. But did you feel that these people that you came across were potentially unhappy, housed, or on drugs?
Eliza
No. Unhoused? No clue. On drugs, sure. The guy is trying to get in my car. I'm like, hey, thank you so much, please.
Daphne
Thank you.
Dax Shepard
Thanks for trusting me.
Monica Padman
Such a female response.
Eliza
Yeah.
Daphne
I'm so sorry to impose.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
I love an electrolyte. You know this.
Dax Shepard
I was banging some Liquid IV on my bus trip back because I was drinking so many sodas and everything as I tend to do coffee sodas and I was like, you know, I need some deep hydration.
Monica Padman
Yes, you do.
Dax Shepard
I just filled up a little water bottle with it, pounded it and felt incredible.
Monica Padman
It tastes good too.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
We sure do.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
Well, that's exciting for us. I like having an extra companion.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
A bit for our unfortunate violation.
Dax Shepard
Yes, it was so good to have all that.
Monica Padman
It's also, it just brings peace of mind to know you can check at any time.
Dax Shepard
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Eliza
I'm still on the phone. They now cross the street. His person follows him. My person follows him. They're now all going around the corner and down the street. So they're out of sight. The paramedics finally come. At this point, the lawn is still going. The fire is now completely engulfed the car. Oh, the entire hood has melted off. It's a huge fire. All of the neighbors now are coming out. We realized they were watching and filming from the inside, but no one did anything. Which I was really angry about at first. Cause I was like, how are you watching someone in an emergency? But also I recognize my privilege in that when I call the police, I feel safe.
Aaron Weekley
Yeah, right.
Eliza
Not everyone feels that. And everyone has their own reactions. So I think that's important to say. I am now watching the police try to get this car under control, try to get the neighbors to give some context. And calling my boyfriend because I have no idea where he is.
Dax Shepard
Brian, you've got a choir show to see.
Monica Padman
Why did he leave?
Eliza
I got a choir show. It turns out this entire time, while I'm calling him, he's on the phone with the police. My boyfriend is now trying to have him stay in one place. He keeps running. Cause he, in his state of mind, is saying, I just need to get to the hospital. Not realizing we brought the hospital to you. The paramedics are now talking to me, getting my statement, getting the neighbor's statements. They've put out the fire and are now picking up pieces of clothing and phones and things from the side of the road. They get the three stooges, my boyfriend, the other man, and the man on fire back and are now interviewing my boyfriend. Getting the man who's on fire into the ambulance and into wound treatment and trying to pull his boyfriend off to the side.
Monica Padman
Oh, okay, okay.
Eliza
I think it was a lover's tiff, to say the least. Where person on fire smashed in the car as like a fuck. You lit it on fire. And then was like, you made me do this. Because the boyfriend kept yelling over him, baby, why did you do this? I told you not to do this. What have you done?
Dax Shepard
Did they live right there?
Eliza
No, the neighbors were like, we have no idea who these people are. I think they just pulled up. Then we got back in the car, cried a lot, gathered ourselves and went to the concert.
Monica Padman
A lot of adrenaline.
Dax Shepard
And did the power of choir heal all wounds?
Eliza
It was very healing. You have to laugh at the absurdity of Here's a guy with his dick out on my Saturday night.
Dax Shepard
Okay, I got a one second story for you. It's about my brother. He was out of town on business. He's eating at a Taco Bell, he's by himself, he hears a collision. He looks out the window at Taco Bell and there's a man that somehow has crashed his motorcycle, but is on top of it as it slides, slides into the lawn of the Taco Bell. And the motorcycle caught on fire and gas was getting everywhere and the guy was on fire. And my brother ran out of Taco Bell. He took his shirt off to pat the guy down. But my favorite part of the story is my brother said, I'm like batting this guy out and all I can think is I gotta get my shirt back off. Even while he was actively rescuing someone, he was like really insecure. He would not have taken his shirt off otherwise.
Monica Padman
In front of Taco Bell.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, a little bit of personal sacrifice. Yeah. I just think it's so human to be saving someone's life and thinking, fuck, I gotta get this shirt back on before anyone looks at my belly.
Eliza
The thing that kept coming to my mind was like, we've got to cover him, like the decency of it. But meanwhile he's got third degree burns. That is not his priority.
Dax Shepard
Right. I wonder if his penis got burnt in that.
Eliza
I did put it in the submission because I thought you might be curious. He had legitimately the largest dick I've ever seen in my entire life. No, comparable to the microphone.
Dax Shepard
I'm glad. Idea the presence of mind to just check. Or maybe it couldn't be avoided, Couldn't miss it.
Eliza
It was front and center.
Monica Padman
And that's blacid. Cuz he definitely wasn't hard while he was on fire.
Dax Shepard
Well, who knows, maybe erotic.
Monica Padman
Except it seems like the one on fire is actually the one that was.
Dax Shepard
Mad because his boyfriend found someone with an even bigger penis.
Eliza
That feels unlikely given the size.
Dax Shepard
Low probability.
Monica Padman
Wow.
Dax Shepard
Thank you for telling me that detail.
Eliza
Of course. I feel so grateful to be able to talk to you guys right now. I have three quick little shout outs. Is that okay?
Dax Shepard
Yes, of course.
Eliza
Jess and Alexa are two of my good friends who are also huge armchairs. And every week talking about what the episode was, what our takeaways are. So shout out. Jess, Alexa, love you guys. The other one, Dax, specifically for you. I just wanted to say thank you because my family has been touched by addiction a lot, and. And it's not always in the media as much or in people's forefront of their minds about recovery and the life after. I think it's really important to show how much after recovery, you still have to keep working at it. And it's a lifelong battle. It's not just you recover and then you're good.
Dax Shepard
It's a bummer. It's like the gym. That way you gotta keep going. Can't get the perfect abs and then quit.
Eliza
Yeah, exactly. My cousin is fully recovered and now runs a recovery clinic. So it's been really amazing to see his journey and see yours as well. And then for me personally, I actually went through and eating disorder recovery a couple years ago. And during mealtime, every time is obviously a struggle. So I would put you guys on and have a moment to laugh or cry or learn something. And I got through it bite by bite with you. So thank you so much for that.
Grant
Thank you.
Monica Padman
Awesome.
Dax Shepard
Did you like the Nikki episode? Nikki Glaser.
Eliza
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Dax Shepard
I love how open she is about all that.
Eliza
I think it's so important. Cause I think everyone has some type of warped relationship with food, and it's not something that I am embarrassed about at all. I think it's so important to talk about. So again, I just really feel grateful to you guys for helping me on that journey.
Dax Shepard
Well, thanks, Eliza. This was a delight. Nice meeting you.
Monica Padman
Have a great day. Thank you guys so much.
Dax Shepard
Bye. Hello? Is this Daphne? Hi.
Daphne
It is.
Dax Shepard
You're in your closet.
Daphne
I tried to follow the rules.
Dax Shepard
Are you allowed to tell us what state you're in?
Daphne
I'm in Wisconsin.
Dax Shepard
Oh, okay. Great. Okay. So you have a first responder story.
Daphne
I do. So this was when I first started. It was within my first couple weeks working as an emt, so it's pretty green. Also, for a little bit of context, when you first start, at least at the company I worked at, there's such a hierarchy. When you're new, you're doing all the work nobody wants to do. So all like cleaning up the gi bleed.
Monica Padman
Oh.
Daphne
Picking up the heavy parts of the patient, changing diapers. Like all the crazy stuff that people who've been there longer don't want to do that. That's entirely on you.
Dax Shepard
Can I ask what led you to the job in the first place? I'm a little bit curious.
Daphne
Mine was a little bit untraditional. I actually majored in philosophy, but my college job, I was an outdoor trip leader, so I had to get a wilderness first responder certification and just really fell in love with it.
Monica Padman
Oh, amazing.
Daphne
So after college, I tried a couple of jobs, and nothing really stuck, and I ended up going back to get my EMT because I just loved my first cert so much.
Dax Shepard
Are you a bit of an adrenaline junkie?
Daphne
I would say so. Working in emergency, you kind of have to be, but at the same time, it also tames it a little bit because you see all the crazy shit that can happen. Yeah, I'm like a moderate adrenaline junkie, I'd say.
Monica Padman
Are you watching the Pit?
Daphne
No, but I've heard it's good.
Monica Padman
You're gonna love.
Dax Shepard
Pretty accurate, but that's like asking us if we watched a show about podcasting.
Monica Padman
Yeah, like Only Murders in the building. Yes, I have Good point.
Daphne
Yeah. I mean, it's a great show. So the partner who I was paired up with, you could tell that he had one foot out of the door, was ready to retire and go to Boca and spend all his money gambling years.
Dax Shepard
What is the average career expectancy? I don't feel like I see a lot of older EMTs.
Daphne
I was told that their turnaround rate is, like, six months, so it's pretty quick. Also, the place where I worked, it was a lot of people who they were starting as an emt, but they wanted to go to med school or PA School or nursing school. This was kind of like the first step to get some experience.
Dax Shepard
Gotcha.
Daphne
So we get a call, and the call is super vague. It was just for a sick person. And that was also a red flag, because usually the more vague the chief complaint is, the more unhinged it is when you actually get there.
Dax Shepard
Oh, interesting.
Daphne
We go to the apartment. The elevator going up is teeny tiny. Like, it barely fits my partner and I. And the stretcher in there, we get all the way up, knock on the door, introduce ourselves, walk in, and immediately when I open the door, I'm hit with this wave of just a blinding smell. And a smell that I had never smelled before up until this point.
Dax Shepard
Never smelt it.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Daphne
And it smelled like a mix of hay, like from a horse. Poop. Sulfur.
Eliza
Oh.
Daphne
And burnt anything.
Dax Shepard
Okay, interesting.
Monica Padman
Oh, hey.
Dax Shepard
A horse trots out of the bedroom.
Daphne
I would have taken that. So all of a sudden, we see the patient. He stands up. He has a walker. He's walking over. I could tell he's walking a little funny. Like his gait is a little off, but nothing too crazy. And he's wearing what I thought were black compression socks. And the lower part of his legs looked a little different from the rest of his body. But who am I to judge, right?
Dax Shepard
Is he wearing shorts?
Daphne
Yeah, he's wearing, like, basketball shorts. And also, as he's walking over, the smell is getting stronger. And I hear this kind of. Of squishing sound with each footstep.
Monica Padman
No, no, no.
Dax Shepard
This is bringing me back to that bar in Canada.
Monica Padman
I know.
Dax Shepard
Oh, wow. Okay. Do you guys remember that?
Monica Padman
Oh, my God. No one can listen to this.
Dax Shepard
Okay, okay. Squish, squish, squish. Different colored legs squishing his way over.
Daphne
And then I go over to help him. I want to give him a hand. When I get over, I look down and I realize, oh, those aren't compression socks.
Grant
Box.
Daphne
That's completely necrotic tissue from the knee down.
Dax Shepard
His legs are dead.
Monica Padman
Oh, my.
Daphne
They're gone.
Eliza
Oh.
Daphne
And that squishing sound was them sloughing off with each stuff, like, tissue coming off.
Monica Padman
No, no, stop.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my. This is like, as close as you can get to discovering a zombie.
Daphne
The top, top 75% of his body was a normal average Joe. Bottom half was some out of the Walking Dead.
Monica Padman
Okay. I have to be honest. I thought it was going to be that he cut off his legs and he put horse legs on.
Dax Shepard
Oh, Monica, that's a.
Monica Padman
Because the hay.
Dax Shepard
And then there's a horse in his bedroom with human legs. Did you just swap them? It was a transform.
Monica Padman
He wanted to become a centaur. He was a little mentally ill.
Dax Shepard
So his foot is falling apart as he walks.
Daphne
Yes, it looked like a mudslide. Every shade of yellow, red, brown that you can imagine.
Dax Shepard
How old were you at this point?
Daphne
21.
Monica Padman
No, you're too young to have seen something like that.
Grant
Wow.
Daphne
I keep my cool. I'm not here to judge anybody. I'm just here to get you to the hospital safely. So I take him to the stretcher, and my partner looks at me and he's like, I'm not touching that. And I was like, okay, I'm not surprised. So I help him into the stretcher, and he obviously needs help getting his lower half up. I'm trying to think of the most gentle way to go about this. You know, I don't want to cause any more Damage. So I go down by his ankles and lift his legs up. And as I do, I feel my fingers squish into him. It felt like jam.
Dax Shepard
No jam.
Aaron Weekley
Why?
Dax Shepard
Of course, preserves Is there bone?
Daphne
The bone's not out yet, but it doesn't look like it's that far away. So we get back to the elevator. My partner doesn't get into the elevator. He's like, I'm taking the next one. You got this chance.
Dax Shepard
This guy's a rock piece of shit. A fucking 21 year old girl who's like, deal with it, toots. I'm in Boca.
Monica Padman
I'm already in Boca.
Daphne
Yeah. So I'm squished between him and the elevator wall.
Dax Shepard
Can I ask what his demeanor is? Because I have a story very similar to this from an ER doctor I know who had someone get brought in that was a shut in and they had a lot of necrotic flesh. And I don't think they knew. They were kind of just embarrassed. Like, what was his vibe?
Daphne
He was in a great mood. He was chatting it up with me. I'm trying to banter with him a little bit, but it's so thick and literally blinding. Like I was having a hard time opening my eyes.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God. Did he acknowledge that his legs were dead?
Daphne
Verbatim. He said, oh, it's just a little leg pain. No big deal.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
Oh my gosh. It's spring break is upon us. Whether you're in school or not, you should still take a spring trip.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
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Dax Shepard
The cashmere, it's so soft.
Monica Padman
Beautiful sweater. But also I have these knives from Quince that are incredible. They do have really, really, really high end products.
Dax Shepard
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Daphne
We get into the ambulance. It's a hot summer day. And also this ambulance has no air conditioning, no ventilation, nothing. And my partner, of course, has me sit in the back with him and closes the only window between the front and the back.
Dax Shepard
Oh, boy.
Daphne
I'm trying to bandage this up, trying to do anything to make him more comfortable, but it's just soaking through. Nothing's working. He needs extensive wound care. We just need to get on the road and get him to a hospital. And of course, he wants the one that's the farthest away from where we are. And in the ambulance ride over. Ambulances have no suspension at all. And we're going on the highway and this is oozing. The amount of liquid that's coming out was insane. So I'm just being jostled around. It's splashing everywhere. Like, it felt like being at a water park stop that I did not sign up for. Oh, my God.
Monica Padman
And can you wear a hashtag that suit?
Daphne
Looking back, I probably should have, but at that point, I don't think I even knew where those were in the ambulance.
Dax Shepard
He might have been a little disassociated. Like, let's just get through this.
Daphne
Yeah, it's just every body fluid you can imagine, plus chunks of tissue.
Monica Padman
No, don't say chunks.
Daphne
I'm trying all the tricks for the smell, too. At that point, the smell was the least of it, but I was sticking alcohol pads in my mask and rubbing hand sanitizer on the outside, just trying to do anything while also still trying to be discreet. Because I'm not trying to make this guy feel bad about himself. He's already going through it. I'm just like, okay, this is my life for the next hour.
Dax Shepard
I would have said, no, you're going to the one down the road.
Daphne
I wish we could, but I think at that point it technically would have been like medical kidnapping or something crazy like that. I feel like, take them where they don't want to go.
Dax Shepard
Okay.
Daphne
So we get to the hospital finally, and we roll him in and we're doing the handoff. Report to the nurses, we're talking to them. My partner finally comes in, like, puffing his chest, giving report. Like, he did everything. As he's giving report, I notice he's starting to paus between words. And then his face is starting to get really red. And then he starts going. He runs into the hallway and vomits everywhere and completely misses the trash can.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God, this guy is a bozo.
Daphne
We do the handoff. That's done. I walk into the hallway, there's vomit everywhere, and there's tracks from the wheels of our stretcher, like bits of leg and blood and pot.
Dax Shepard
This is like, saw or something.
Monica Padman
Wow.
Dax Shepard
Do you ever get any follow up on what happens to these people? Like, do you see the ER people a month later and go, like, what happened?
Daphne
Yeah, I didn't do that with this guy. I have, however, seen patients in the wild before, after I've taken care of them, and that's always crazy.
Dax Shepard
Do you say hi? You don't say hi.
Daphne
I don't say hi. But there was this one guy who had his throat slit and he didn't want to go to the hospital, and he was bleeding out of his eyes, ears, nose. And I was like, you have to go. But he refused. And he was his own person mentally, so there's nothing he could do. And I saw him biking, like, three weeks later.
Dax Shepard
Oh. So he made the right call. Wow.
Grant
Oh, wow.
Dax Shepard
That's good.
Monica Padman
They call that AMA against medical advice.
Dax Shepard
You learn that?
Daphne
Yeah, yeah. You have to sign a form. It's very official. But I spent the next three hours cleaning out the hallway.
Monica Padman
You had to clean it?
Daphne
I wasn't gonna leave it.
Dax Shepard
You're a good person.
Monica Padman
You're an angel.
Dax Shepard
What about the puke? Did homeboy clean up his own puke?
Daphne
Yes. And then with the ambulance, there was no equipment or anything for me to use, so I was just wiping that up with paper towel, disinfectant wipes.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, you got to call dispatch and go like, hey, we need about an hour to clean up.
Monica Padman
We need to blow up this ambulance.
Dax Shepard
And we need to fire Mike and send them to fucking Boca. I can't believe you didn't quit your job after that.
Daphne
I came close. I thought about it. But you kind of know what you're getting into.
Dax Shepard
I mean, do you? I can't imagine. You think, like, I'm going to show up and someone's legs are going to be falling off. Real time, that's really about.
Monica Padman
Someone will have cut off their legs and put horse legs on it.
Dax Shepard
Right. A horse transplant.
Monica Padman
Who could be ready for that?
Daphne
I wouldn't put it past somebody.
Dax Shepard
Our last question, because when we interviewed nurses, they all have a foreign body and rectum story. Did you respond to any of those?
Daphne
Yes.
Aaron Weekley
Oh, wow.
Dax Shepard
Two for.
Daphne
I've seen a wine bottle.
Monica Padman
With the cork or without?
Daphne
I don't know because I didn't take it out.
Monica Padman
Okay.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, it's got to be empty.
Monica Padman
I would guess there's three options. There's a wine bottle cork, there's an empty wine bottle, and there's a wine bottle that, like, you drank some and then you put the stopper in.
Dax Shepard
That seems craziest to me because the fluid could pop up.
Monica Padman
You know, maybe that's what they like.
Daphne
Yeah, it's kind of a two for one deal.
Dax Shepard
Maybe they put a champagne bottle in there, then you pop the cork and it explodes right when you're. That sounds eventful.
Daphne
I haven't seen that yet.
Dax Shepard
But someone did have a wine bottle and you put them face down on the stretcher. I guess.
Daphne
Guess we had them on their side. Face down technically is like a airway issue.
Dax Shepard
Did they make any explanation as to what had happened or. No, just. I need to go to the hospital.
Daphne
I feel like people either really overcompensate for it and try to say, like, I was cleaning and I tripped and I fell.
Dax Shepard
There's a Sedaris story about the people say they tripped and fell. And he's like, I'm so clumsy. I've fallen down naked many times, never stood up. And there was a candle in my ass.
Daphne
Not one.
Dax Shepard
What's the second verse?
Daphne
They're just silent because they know that you know.
Monica Padman
That's best.
Dax Shepard
Are you done with that line of work?
Daphne
No. So I'm still doing it now. So I work in an emergency room, and I started nursing school this fall.
Dax Shepard
Oh, great.
Monica Padman
I can't wait for you to watch the pit. You're gonna love it.
Dax Shepard
Well, Daphne, this was a delight. This is among the very worst stories we've heard. What an accomplishment.
Daphne
I'm so glad. Well, thank you so much for your time and for having me. Can I give a quick Shout out.
Dax Shepard
Yes, of course. We love shout outs.
Daphne
I just want to shout out Caroline, Tate, and Em, my three favorite people. I love them so much. And to you guys, I just want to say that sometimes when you work in this field, the drive home can be kind of tough. If you have a bad day, that's kind of when you start like reflecting and things can feel a little heavy. So whenever that happens, I always put on armchair and it makes me feel so much better.
Dax Shepard
Oh, good.
Daphne
So I just want to thank you guys for bringing some levity to that.
Monica Padman
I can't take that in knowing what you've done for the world.
Dax Shepard
I'm going to take it. I'm choosing today to take it. My self esteem is good.
Monica Padman
Wow.
Dax Shepard
And I'm going to go. All right, that's. That's great. Well, thank you. This is a real barn burner, as we say. High watermark for armchair anonymous. Nice meeting you.
Monica Padman
Have a great day.
Daphne
Likewise.
Dax Shepard
Bye.
Grant
Should do a prompt.
Daphne
Tell us about your favorite episode of.
Grant
The Pit or er.
Monica Padman
It'll be me calling into every single episode. You know that drive back is, I think, intense because Che Che, the four year old who died of AIDS on this show. George Clooney and. And a woman medical student. They were the ones dealing with Che Che, and then he died and then they had to have sex to feel better.
Dax Shepard
Okay, I understand.
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Grant
Hello, can you hear me?
Dax Shepard
Oh, yes, this is Grant.
Grant
This is me.
Dax Shepard
Where are you from, Grant?
Grant
I'm from Boston area.
Dax Shepard
We like the Boston area.
Monica Padman
Yeah. Do you know Ben and Matt?
Grant
Ben and Matt? No.
Monica Padman
Okay.
Grant
I don't.
Dax Shepard
He doesn't even know who you're referencing.
Monica Padman
I know that.
Grant
I'm sorry, I don't.
Dax Shepard
I don't. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.
Grant
Oh, yeah. They're my neighbors, actually.
Monica Padman
Oh, cool. Now that you have the last name. Makes sense.
Dax Shepard
So you have a first responder story.
Grant
Yes. I hope it's okay. So I was working as an EMT out in a rural area. I was a college student out there and working on the side. And just to sort of lay the ground for this area, there's a regional hospital that has like an ED, but not like a trauma center or anything. And then 30 minutes away, there's more of a trauma center. But I was working one day and we got a call from the hospital that said. Said they need help moving someone from the parking lot into the hospital. Hospitals have rules where they can't move people. But anyways, we go up and we find this woman sitting on an ATV and Two things sort of stood out to me right away. One is that the ATV is perfectly parked, and I just think that that's really impressive. Two is that there is some blood coming down her leg. And as soon as we show up, she's like, I'm so sorry that they called you. I'm sure somebody else is dying. You guys should go take care of someone else first. And we're like, no, it's fine. Tell us what happened. She's wearing really tight skinny jeans, were exposing her leg, trying to figure out where the bleeding's coming from. And she said she was riding up on the mountain range close by with her boyfriend when they flipped over the atv. Both got hurt, got back on the ATV and rode it at least half an hour down, presumably some trail and then the road to get to the hospital. As she's telling the story, we expose her leg. And she has this open fracture of her fibula and tibula on her leg. The bone has basically pierced the skin. That's a bad injury.
Monica Padman
Yeah. Fuck.
Grant
You can bleed out.
Dax Shepard
Your body's opened up to the world at that point.
Grant
Exactly.
Dax Shepard
Oh, that's the nightmare, seeing your bone stick out of your leg.
Grant
She didn't realize that she was wearing tight jeans, but she still got all the way there with the bone sticking out of her leg. So we are like, okay, this is not very hospital for you. We're gonna have to take you somewhere else. We're, like, loading her into the ambulance, and she's like, please, I'll call a taxi. I'll call a friend to take me. Somebody else is dying, and you need to save them. Like, I'm sure somebody else is dying. I'm sure you guys have more important things to do. I should be last on the list. And we're like, no, your bone's sticking out of your leg. This is a completely reasonable reason for an ambulance. We can take you. We eventually administer, get her in the ambulance, rush her down to the main hospital. And on the way, for each bump we're hitting, she's like, dropping expletives after each time. She's like, pardon my French. I'm so sorry that I swore.
Monica Padman
Is she a nun or something? Like, what's going on?
Grant
Yeah, we're like, spar all you want. You have a bone sticking out of your body that's, I'm sure, incredibly pain painful. And the paramedics, you know, giving her pain meds, but they only do so much at that dose throughout the drive. She's truly like, you can pull over on the side. I'll call a taxi.
Monica Padman
This is wild.
Grant
We get her to the hospital, we drop her off, and she's like, thank you so much. I'll find you after. I'll take you out to lunch. I'll give you guys ice cream or something. Like, thank you for taking time out of your day. We get paid for this. You're welcome. I leave the hospital just in awe, because typically we have people that don't really need an ambulance that call an ambulance.
Monica Padman
Well, the opposite situation.
Grant
Yeah. And so. So I tell absolutely everybody about this amazing patient that I had. I'm like, she is the best patient I've ever had for all these reasons. Not to mention she parked perfectly.
Monica Padman
Impressive parking skills.
Dax Shepard
And the boyfriend was nowhere to be found.
Grant
I think he broke his shoulder so he could walk into the ed. So he walked in and was like, my girlfriend can't walk in. Can someone go help her? So anyways, that was over the summer. People come back. I'm still telling people about this best patient that I've ever had. And I'm reading the newspaper a couple months later in the fall, and there's been a murder in the town. And I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Obviously, I'm gonna click on that. And I'm reading, and it's like, so and so has been murdered. So and so is in custody. And they show a photo and the name, and I'm like, why do I recognize that person? And the person in the photo is, like, in a wheelchair. Like, that's my best patient. That's my best patient that is being accused of murdering her grandmother on Halloween with a paperweight and scissors for a million dollars in inheritance money.
Dax Shepard
No.
Monica Padman
This is such a left turn.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God. Biggest left turn ever. She was probably apologizing why she killed her. I'm so sorry. I really want a million dollars.
Grant
I was shocked.
Monica Padman
That's crazy. Was she in a wheelchair from that event with the leg, presumably?
Dax Shepard
Yeah, she broke her leg in half.
Monica Padman
Or do you think she did it on purpose to sue the ATV company?
Dax Shepard
Oh, wow. You think she's just trying to get some money Wild.
Monica Padman
She murdered her grandma.
Grant
First of all, she has not been found guilty. She's pleading not guilty.
Monica Padman
So just to be clear, this is all alleged.
Grant
One article says that there's evidence of a second person's DNA. So it could be a tag team.
Dax Shepard
Maybe the boy. Yeah. The broken shoulder.
Monica Padman
Allegedly.
Grant
Yeah, allegedly. She killed her for the inheritance for drugs, which also makes me think maybe she. She got an opioid addiction from the injury itself.
Monica Padman
Or she was on opiates.
Dax Shepard
They were fucked up, which is why she was kind of handling it so.
Monica Padman
Well and was able to ride on it.
Grant
That's something that I didn't consider.
Dax Shepard
Wow. Are you at all considering going to the trial? No. Because you don't live out there anymore.
Grant
Yeah, I don't live out there anymore, but I feel like I'm going to leave her as my best impression of her.
Monica Padman
We need to know.
Dax Shepard
I'd be so intrigued to find out what's going on with this person. Why is she so numb? I. Boy, when they say like, you never know, she would be the last person you would have guessed.
Grant
I mean, I sat there in the library of shocks. This is the person that I've been telling everybody about.
Monica Padman
Yes.
Dax Shepard
Your hero.
Grant
Truly. And I'm still looking for a new best patient. Nobody has fulfilled that yet.
Aaron Weekley
Wow.
Dax Shepard
Murder. Boy, I did not see that coming.
Monica Padman
The nicest.
Dax Shepard
Delicious.
Monica Padman
That's what they'll call the doc.
Dax Shepard
The date line. America's sweetheart murderer.
Grant
This would be a good day line. You're right.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. Hopefully they'll interview you.
Monica Padman
You really got taken advantage of a little bit. Not taken. That's not the word. You really got tricked.
Dax Shepard
Fooled.
Monica Padman
Fooled, fooled.
Dax Shepard
Are you still in the EMT game?
Grant
I actually just lost my license at the start of April. Because it expired, not because of anything that I did.
Dax Shepard
Right.
Monica Padman
Are you going to re up?
Grant
I'm in med school now, so I will be getting the different degrees.
Monica Padman
Wow.
Eliza
Yeah.
Monica Padman
Well, thanks for that story. That was wild.
Grant
Thank you for having me. Have a great rest of your day.
Dax Shepard
All right. Take care. Take care.
Monica Padman
Oh, I forgot to ask him if he's watched the pit.
Dax Shepard
I can't believe you did.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
One slipped through. Are you chomping at the bit to go home and watch ER in the pit?
Monica Padman
Obviously. I think actually tonight is the finale of the pit.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God. That's so interesting. They're doing regular drops for that show.
Monica Padman
I hate it, but I love it.
Dax Shepard
We have a mixed feeling about the delayed.
Monica Padman
I. There's a. Yeah, we'll talk.
Dax Shepard
We'll save this for the. Yeah, all right.
Monica Padman
All right.
Dax Shepard
Love you.
Aaron Weekley
Do you want to sing a tune or something?
Daphne
One of a theme song.
Dax Shepard
Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of arm cherries, we'll get some suggestions on the fly R On the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy. Follow armchair expert on the Wondry App, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry App or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey@wondry.com survey what.
G
If your mind could trick your body into feeling sick or even worse? In Hysterical, I investigate the bizarre medical mystery that unfolds in a high school in upstate New York. It starts with one girl developing strange, violent symptoms. And then another. And then another. Rumors begin to swirl. Is it something in the water inside the school or is it all in their heads? Hysterical is my search for answers, and along the way I uncover surprising connections to unexplained incidents around the world. World events that challenge everything we think we know about our bodies and our minds. Named Podcast of the Year at the Gambies, Hysterical is a mind bending, unforgettable ride. Binge all episodes right now exclusively and ad free on Wondery. Start your free trial of Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Podcast Summary: Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Episode: Armchair Anonymous: First Responder
Release Date: April 25, 2025
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard delves into the harrowing and heroic experiences of first responders in the episode titled "Armchair Anonymous: First Responder." Hosted by Dax Shepard, along with co-hosts Monica Padman and Aaron Weekley, the episode features intense and emotionally charged stories from individuals who have faced life-and-death situations in their roles as first responders. This summary captures the key discussions, insights, and conclusions from the episode, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps for reference.
The episode begins with Dax Shepard welcoming listeners to "Armchair Anonymous," a segment dedicated to sharing extraordinary first responder stories. The hosts emphasize the gravity of the stories shared, urging listeners to approach the content with sensitivity.
Notable Quote:
Aaron Weekley recounts a distressing incident from his time as an EMS worker in a rural county from 2015 to 2021. The story highlights the unpredictable nature of first responder calls and the critical decisions made in moments of crisis.
Incident Overview:
Notable Quotes:
Insights:
Eliza shares a gripping account of an unexpected emergency that she and her boyfriend encountered in Los Angeles. Despite not being trained first responders, they found themselves thrust into a life-saving situation.
Incident Overview:
Notable Quotes:
Insights:
Daphne recounts her initial days as an EMT, detailing a particularly surreal and gruesome call that tested her resilience and professionalism.
Incident Overview:
Notable Quotes:
Insights:
Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in light-hearted banter and share personal anecdotes, balancing the intense stories with moments of levity.
Examples:
As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the emotional weight of the stories shared and the enduring spirit of first responders.
Notable Quotes:
Conclusions:
This episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard provides an unflinching look into the lives of first responders, offering listeners profound insights into the complexities of their roles and the indomitable human spirit.