Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Episode: Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt
Release Date: June 20, 2025

---

Introduction

In this riveting episode of Armchair Expert, host Dax Shepard delves into the unconventional and often shocking realm of medical emergencies involving foreign objects lodged in patients' bodies. Joined by Monica Padman and medical professionals Kim and Danielle, the conversation navigates through bizarre medical cases, the challenges of removal, and the psychological aspects surrounding these unusual incidents.

---

First Story: The Barbie Incident

Case Overview

The episode opens with Monica and Dax setting the stage for their first Armchair Anonymous story, cautioning listeners against inserting objects into one's body. Kim, a nurse practitioner with over 15 years in the medical field, recounts a particularly perplexing case involving a patient who presented with severe constipation.

Monica Padman [00:44]: "Wait, we really should say though, don't."

Kim [05:13]: "I got a call to come down to the emergency room. There was a patient there that was constipated... could there be something lodged in there preventing you from going to the bathroom?"

The Revelation

Upon conducting a rectal examination, Kim discovers two perfectly formed Barbie feet inside the patient's rectum.

Kim [06:54]: "These two little beautiful feet are just staring back at us."

The team speculates on how such an object ended up in the patient's system, debating whether it was a deliberate act or an accidental occurrence. The situation escalates to a surgical intervention to safely remove the Barbie without causing further harm.

Monica Padman [09:35]: "She was in power. She was going for the campaign. It was there."

Discussion and Reactions

The group discusses the potential psychological motivations behind such actions, touching on themes of humiliation and the desecration of symbols of power.

Dax Shepard [12:15]: "And the question is, did he pick it because it was close or this premeditated? I'm going to get a President Barbie and humiliate her."

The conversation highlights the complexity of addressing such cases without shaming the individuals involved, emphasizing respect and understanding in medical practice.

---

Second Story: The Hamster and Butane Can Conundrum

Case Overview

Transitioning to the second story, Danielle, an emergency room physician with over 20 years of experience, shares a harrowing tale of a patient who introduced a can of butane into his rectum.

Danielle [14:45]: "He proceeded to tell me that he did this... couldn't find the hamster... he could feel it moving a little bit and the pressure."

The patient initially attempted to retrieve the object himself, leading to further complications when he tried to reinsert the PVC pipe, inadvertently pushing the butane can deeper.

Medical Challenges

The removal of such a large and combustible object poses significant risks. Danielle details the intricate steps taken to safely extract the butane can, including the use of specialized surgical tools and techniques to prevent any hazardous situations.

Danielle [20:31]: "We use what's called anal dilation... essentially we're medically fisting them."

The procedure required meticulous coordination among the medical team to avoid any explosive incidents due to the nature of butane gas.

Danielle [22:17]: "We considered the other options we have... but she was able to get her whole fist in there."

Discussion and Reactions

The team reflects on the frequency of such cases, acknowledging that while rare, they present unique challenges in emergency medicine. They also touch upon the psychological implications and the importance of non-judgmental care.

Monica Padman [25:16]: "Do you think the first guy's weird?"

Danielle [24:27]: "He didn't hurt anybody. He didn't put anybody else at risk. He was just pushing the edge of the envelope."

---

Conclusion

The episode concludes with reflections on the unpredictable nature of emergency medicine and the importance of empathy and professionalism when dealing with patients in vulnerable situations.

Dax Shepard [45:58]: "Keep some of the object out of your butt, for crying out loud. Or tie a string to it. Have some contingency plan."

Monica Padman [46:03]: "And everybody watch the pit if you haven't."

Dax Shepard and Monica Padman wrap up the discussion by reiterating the value of understanding and respecting individuals' experiences, no matter how unconventional they may seem.

---

Key Takeaways

• Medical Complexity: Removing foreign objects from the body requires specialized medical procedures and a high level of expertise.
• Psychological Aspects: Understanding the motivations behind such actions is crucial for providing compassionate care.
• Non-Judgmental Care: Medical professionals must approach each case with empathy, avoiding shaming or stigmatization.
• Emergency Preparedness: Hospitals must be equipped and staffed to handle a wide array of unexpected and challenging medical scenarios.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Monica Padman [00:44]: "Wait, we really should say though, don't."
• Kim [05:13]: "I got a call to come down to the emergency room... something lodged in there preventing you from going to the bathroom?"
• Kim [06:54]: "These two little beautiful feet are just staring back at us."
• Dax Shepard [12:15]: "And the question is, did he pick it because it was close or this premeditated?"
• Danielle [14:45]: "He couldn't find the hamster... he could feel it moving a little bit and the pressure."
• Danielle [20:31]: "We're medically fisting them."
• Dax Shepard [45:58]: "Keep some of the object out of your butt, for crying out loud."

---

This episode of Armchair Expert offers a compelling exploration of the bizarre yet fascinating cases that medical professionals encounter, highlighting the intersection of physical health, psychology, and human behavior.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondri in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm going to put this. This is our first time with it, and I'm promising you right now it will not be our last time with it. This. This delivered on the order of unauthorized evacuation.

[Monica Padman]

This was crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

Tell us a crazy story about finding a foreign object in a patient's butt. Man, these were one after another. I've told every one of these stories five, six times. Not everyone will listen.

[Monica Padman]

Wait, we really should say though, don't.

[Dax Shepard]

Put anything up your butt.

[Monica Padman]

No. Well, yes, cautionary tale. Don't put anything up your butt. Also, there is an animal involved in one of the stories.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, good, good, good.

[Monica Padman]

And it is upsetting. So for people, you can't hear that.

[Dax Shepard]

And if you can't do the math at this point with an animal's injured and foreign object, then you've been living under a rock.

[Monica Padman]

No. Then congratulations to you. What a sweet life.

[Dax Shepard]

You're hints, not a snake.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, but that could be because they come up the toilet.

[Dax Shepard]

I know. In your world, they come up the toilet.

[Monica Padman]

Come right up the toilet.

[Dax Shepard]

Please enjoy foreign objects in people's butts. We are supported by Apple TV presenting the hit limited series Presumed Innocent. Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Ruth Nega, Hailing from David e. Kelly and J.J. abrams, starring Gyllenhaal in the lead role of Chief Deputy prosecutor Rusty Savage, Presumed Innocent explores a horrific murder that upends the Chicago prosecuting attorney's office. When one of its own is suspected of the crime, the series delves into obsession, sex, politics and the power and limits of love as the accused fights to hold his family and marriage together.

[Monica Padman]

I loved this show and I started.

[Dax Shepard]

It per your recommendation. And I love it, too. Cool. Critics rave about the fantastic ensemble and say Presumed Innocent is brilliant, undeniably compelling, and TV at its highest quality. Now streaming on Apple TV. [e-mail] we are supported by Domino's. You know I have the app.

[Monica Padman]

Me too.

[Dax Shepard]

It's not talked about in this ad spot, but I do gotta give a shout out to the lava cakes.

[Monica Padman]

Mm.

[Dax Shepard]

They're outrageous.

[Monica Padman]

I want it right now.

[Dax Shepard]

At long last, Domino's finally fall. Finally has stuffed crust pizza. And not just stuffed crust, Parmesan stuffed crust.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, man. What are you waiting for?

[Dax Shepard]

Who doesn't love a little Parmesan? Nobody, that's who. It's hard to believe it's taken them this long to make a stuffed crust pizza. But let me tell you, this was worth the wait. They've taken their buttery flavored handmade pan pizza dough and stuffed it with melty cheese. And if that wasn't enough, they topped it with garlic seasoning and yes, real Parmesan.

[Monica Padman]

I can taste it.

[Dax Shepard]

I love mine smothered with pepperoni.

[Monica Padman]

Ooh.

[Dax Shepard]

The more the better. Okay, all this talk about Domino's has got me hungry, and I think I've got tonight's dinner plans all figured out. Order Domino's new Parmesan stuffed crust pizza on the Domino's app and use Code DAX to get any three topping Parmesan Stuffed Crust Pizza for 11.99. That's code DAX on the Domino's app. To try it today, price is higher in some locations. You must ask for this limited time offer prices, participation, delivery area and charges may vary. Delivery orders subject to local stores. Delivery charge. Hard times come and go Good times take them slow My life, I had them both Remember one thing you gotta know I'mma keep on shining old foreign objects. What a great farm.

[Monica Padman]

Actually, I don't know if Brute should be here for this. Groot's just really young to hear about foreign objects up abut.

[Dax Shepard]

But he's a tree, so he's like, humans are so funny. We won't give him headphones either. It's fine. Okay. He can't hear us.

[Kim]

Kim, Dax and Monica.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi. Where are you?

[Kim]

We're just gonna say that I'm in Vermont in my closet.

[Monica Padman]

Great.

[Dax Shepard]

By the way, just thanks for joining us for foreign Objects. I don't think I've been this excited about a prompt in a very long time.

[Monica Padman]

This is a big deal.

[Kim]

So. Actually, my neighbor and I listen to you guys a lot. She's the best. I had been kind of MIA and she sent me the prompt. She was like, it's go time. This is your time to shine. And we had two stories that we could have potentially shared. So I sent out a Google poll. This is the one that so. I'm so excited.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. And I'm also jealous to have two that are so good you had to do a poll.

[Monica Padman]

What a life you're living.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you in the medical industry?

[Kim]

I am in the medical industry for about 15 years. I am a nurse practitioner. So I was a nurse for a couple years. Then I went on, got a Degree. And now I'm an np, which is. We're not supposed to say it, but like a mid level provider, meaning somewhere.

[Dax Shepard]

Between entry level nurse and doctor.

[Kim]

Yeah. So I can actually write prescriptions, do procedures. Oh, I can practice independently. NP is a cool gig. I did the same amount of time as going to med school, but just not as in depth training as, like, a doctor. I work alongside them.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Okay, so hit us with this foreign object story.

[Kim]

I got a call to come down to the emergency room. There was a patient there that was constipated, which is kind of in the wheelhouse of the department I work for. I walk into the room, and the guy is kind of pacing, not feeling well. And so I sit down, I have a colleague with me, and we start doing the basic exam. Like, tell me about your diet. When was the last time you went? It's been over a week. And then you kind of have to ease into this subject a little bit and be like, so just tell me, could there be something lodged in there preventing you from going to the bathroom?

[Dax Shepard]

As you're hearing someone's constipated for a week, do you go through a most likely scenario? So for me, if I heard that, my first thoughts would be, you're on opiates.

[Kim]

That's on the differential list for that. Of course, after working in this field for so long, I'm instantly like, what'd you put up there, bud? That common diet soda is very common, but this one was out of left field.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, diet soda bottles, you mean? Or diet soda causes constipation.

[Kim]

Diet soda cans, that's like the most common thing. So instantly I'm like, you probably have a diet soda shoved up.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, hold on. There's so much here, because what a revelation. And why Diet.

[Kim]

Diet Dr. Pepper.

[Dax Shepard]

Wait, specifically Diet Dr. Pepper.

[Kim]

Number one soda up the poop shoot. Is it possible? Not at all. No objects in my prison wallet. Got it, man. We're gonna move forward with the exam. So I'm like, I'm just gonna take a look, make sure there's not like a tumor or anything blocking anything. We're just gonna do a gentle rectal exam. So he gets up on the table, puts his feet up, and my part go to do just a rectal exam, and staring back at me are two of the most perfect doll feet ever. Monica, you grew up in, like, the 80s 90s, so you know what Barbie's feet look like.

[Monica Padman]

Of course. They're so specific.

[Kim]

You've seen Barbie feet. They're just so perfect. So These two little beautiful feet are just staring back at us.

[Dax Shepard]

Ew. No.

[Kim]

I said, are you sure there's not an object shoved up there? And he's like, I didn't put it up there. Somebody might have, but I didn't put it up there.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. Who's to know what? Who did what? Yeah.

[Kim]

So I'm like, maybe I can get him out. So I go to pull just gently on these two little perfect feet. It's tight. It's not coming out of there.

[Dax Shepard]

The arms are acting as a fish barb.

[Monica Padman]

Oh. So a Barbie is tallish to, like, have all the way up your butt. So that's just the tiny feet.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. She's gotta be, what, 10 inches tall probably.

[Monica Padman]

And she has hair.

[Dax Shepard]

Of all the things, you don't want the hair in your body. I kind of relate. Yeah.

[Kim]

We go to ctc, and sure enough, on ct, you see, like, the perfect. I wish I could show it to you. It's just, like, the most perfect image of Barbie.

[Dax Shepard]

No. What an amazing thing to see on a scan.

[Monica Padman]

Now, be honest. Did you take a picture of it?

[Kim]

No, I didn't. Because some people had just gotten in a lot of trouble for the other item that was up somebody's butt. And so I was like, I can't have this on my phone. So anyways, Barbie is now stuck because you hit the nail on the head, Dax. Her little arms are getting stuck because he put her arms down as he shoved her up in head first. And so anytime we try to pull, her little arms aren't forgiving or letting her out.

[Monica Padman]

Can her arms go all the way up like this?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, they go over her head.

[Kim]

They can, but you'd have to put her in like that. He didn't think about it. Well, he didn't put her up there, so.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, right, right.

[Kim]

We're gonna have to go to the or. This is the only way we're gonna be able to get Barbie out. So we go into the operating room, and her little hands have caused a hole because he's obviously been, like, tugging on her at home. So he gets a colostomy, all these things. But the best, absolute, most perfect moment is we're in the operating room, we take this Barbie out. And it's not just Barbie. It's not Barbie in a swimsuit. It's President Barbie. He desecrated the most powerful woman in the free world and put it up his rear end.

[Monica Padman]

So then the jokes start flowing, the misogyny.

[Dax Shepard]

You want to be president? You can be president of my ass.

[Kim]

She'll do anything for a vote.

[Monica Padman]

Was she white?

[Kim]

Course she was.

[Dax Shepard]

We said president.

[Monica Padman]

I know. I mean, a woman president already.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And then black woman. Pretty. Get real. Although Michelle would have definitely been the shoe in. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Let's not bring her into this story. Well, just.

[Dax Shepard]

She would have definitely been. Who could have won. Ugh.

[Monica Padman]

My God. Okay. When you came back to him and you said. So we'd done an X ray. I'm sorry to tell you, there's some like, how does he handle this information?

[Kim]

He goes, yeah, there might be an object up there, but never said her name. Never admitted that it was President Barbie.

[Dax Shepard]

I kind of understand his approach, which is you say to yourself, I got to go get this removed, and I'm not going to fucking talk to them. You take it out. I'm not going to engage at all. I'm just going to get through this.

[Monica Padman]

Why do you think you have that privilege if you are putting.

[Dax Shepard]

Because you're so humiliated that you know that talking about it is going to be too much. So you just say to yourself, I'm going to go, and I'm going to disassociate.

[Monica Padman]

I think you should have to get on a loudspeaker and tell the whole.

[Dax Shepard]

No.

[Monica Padman]

You think you've done.

[Dax Shepard]

They shouldn't feel shame for this.

[Monica Padman]

That's the president lady.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. That asked.

[Kim]

He likes women of power.

[Monica Padman]

I guess maybe it could be like he wants a relationship with the female president that's attracted to a powerful woman. Vermont's pretty progressive, but maybe he was for Bernie, and then. So he's mad. He's mad at Hillary. It's Hillary. She's representing.

[Dax Shepard]

Or Kamala. We don't know what you're. This was.

[Kim]

It was in the Hillary time frame.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I don't think it was politically motivated. I think it was just something that he thought would feel good in his butt.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Was this his daughter? Like, where'd he.

[Kim]

So many questions.

[Dax Shepard]

Now, isn't this something. I'm more disturbed about him potentially having gone to the store and buying a Barbie than I am about him putting anything in his butt.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that part's like pedophile y. Or if it's his kids. That part's very bad.

[Kim]

President Barbie felt pretty intentional. That feels like. I went to the store. I went on Amazon. I ordered her up.

[Dax Shepard]

Let me ask you this, though. The clothes were on her. You only know she's the president by her outfit.

[Kim]

Pink power suit. And then later, the vote for Barbie pin came out of the ostomy.

[Dax Shepard]

Wait, wait, Wait, what? Back up. Tell me what the ostomy is.

[Kim]

Ostomy is this little blip of your intestinal tract that we pull outside of your body to rest your intestine. All your poop comes out into a bag out this little, what we call stoma. You have to wait when you have an ostomy for poop to start back up before you to get released from the hospital. And so the nurse, I show up to discharge him, and she's like, kim, the vote for Barbie pin came out in the bag.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Kim]

So there was no denying it was President Barbie. She was in power. She was going for the campaign. It was there.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. What is the procedure to remove it? Do you put in, like, a speculum and spread his intestine apart to pull it out? What happens?

[Kim]

There's like, a little rerouting, and then it's kind of like squishing sausage casing.

[Monica Padman]

Wow, I'm really mad. Why are you so this is an act of violence against women.

[Dax Shepard]

I think it was just there. He was probably inebriated.

[Monica Padman]

It was not just there.

[Dax Shepard]

You think this was a political statement?

[Monica Padman]

Well, he picked this Barbie.

[Dax Shepard]

And the question is, did he pick it because it was close or this premeditated? I'm going to get a President Barbie and humiliate her.

[Monica Padman]

Either way, it's that or if it was just there, we assume he used his kid's toy.

[Dax Shepard]

They could have been long out of the house, though.

[Monica Padman]

How old is this guy? Ish.

[Kim]

He was 50s. The last kicker is this is where you can kind of evaluate where you're headed with your hypotheses. So he's healthy? He's fine. He's going home. I'm discharging him. Right. I'm going. Okay. We're gonna see you back in clinic this day. We'll talk about reversing the ostomy this day. And he's like, I just have one more question. Can I have the object you took out of me back?

[Dax Shepard]

Cause he had to return it.

[Toby]

Nope.

[Monica Padman]

Ew. Can you imagine?

[Kim]

Oh, my God.

[Monica Padman]

What a story.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow, a Barbie. I mean, honestly, there's very few objects I can think of being more uncomfortable in your butt than the plastic Barbie with all the appendages.

[Monica Padman]

I know. What happened to her shoes? She was probably wearing high heels. He probably threw those right off of her. She didn't deserve them.

[Kim]

The heels were the first to go, probably because, you know, it completed the power suit.

[Monica Padman]

Wow, this is great.

[Dax Shepard]

It is great. It's really interesting to hear how you guys are taking it. I'm nervous. We're shaming it. I think it's fine. You know, if you do this.

[Kim]

I always was like, oh, he really likes women of power. But you're saying this is a misogynistic thing. He likes to desecrate powerful women. And now all of a sudden I am getting angry.

[Dax Shepard]

No, don't let her persuade you. There's no misogyny happening here.

[Monica Padman]

Hey, hey, you can't say that definitively.

[Dax Shepard]

You're right, I can't.

[Monica Padman]

I don't like that the doctors and the nurses have to deal with it.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't mind because you're like, this is what I want to do.

[Kim]

Oh, yeah, I've done it for 15 years.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't feel bad for firefighters. When a house catches on fire, it's like, that's what they do.

[Kim]

I get actually more mad when it's like, Diet Dr. Pepper and I'm like. And come on, show some creativity.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, lovely meeting you.

[Monica Padman]

Nice to meet you.

[Danielle]

You too.

[Kim]

It was so good meeting you. Shout out to brother Luke and Kit and Susan, the neighbor who put me up to this.

[Dax Shepard]

Wonderful. Take care.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, hello.

[Dax Shepard]

We're going by Toby.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you in the medical profession?

[Danielle]

Yeah, I'm an emerge doc. I've been an emerg doc for over 20 years.

[Monica Padman]

Did you watch the Pit?

[Danielle]

I watched one episode.

[Monica Padman]

Okay. And you didn't like it?

[Danielle]

No, it was good. It's just that we watched it with the family and then the kids didn't want to. It was gonna be something I was gonna kind of pursue on my own.

[Monica Padman]

Okay. Cause it's like dad's work. We don't wanna watch that.

[Danielle]

It was pretty realistic though.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so Toby, please tell us about your foreign object story.

[Danielle]

This was a few years ago. I was working in our kind of low acuity area as like minor injuries. And my next patient to be seen on the tracker, it says no chief complaint. That means that they weren't really upfront with the nurses at triage. And you know, something is weird.

[Dax Shepard]

What percentage of people who come in under that Description do have 100%?

[Danielle]

Maybe not 100%, but I definitely walked into the room knowing there was a significant chance that this dude had something in one of his holes. Middle aged guy, he looks healthy, definitely a bit haggard from the night before, but he's this intense dude and he's just really locked in on me. He went all out, whole lot of cocaine and then in his words, a bunch of hookers.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

A bunch. Boy, that's definitely more than three.

[Danielle]

I didn't pin him down on the numbers. He said at some point in the night things got carried away and I ended up with something in my ass. He's not sure exactly what it was or he wasn't willing to divulge, but he knows there's something there and he can't get it out and he wants it out.

[Dax Shepard]

This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Each Apple product, like the iPhone 16, is thoughtfully designed by skilled designers. The titanium Apple Card is no different. It's laser etched, has no numbers, and earns you daily cash on everything you buy, including 3% back on everything at Apple. Apply for Apple Card on your iPhone in minutes, subject to credit approval. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch terms and [e-mail] we are supported by Better Help. You know, there's still a bit of surrounding stigma for men's health. I think it, I think so too still be challenging for men to admit they're struggling and seek help.

[Monica Padman]

I have a friend who just started therapy, a male friend, and he loves it so much and but yes, I think it's taken a little extra long because you're right, there is a stigma, but there really shouldn't be.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Men today face immense pressure to perform, to provide and keep it all together. So it's no wonder that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year. And it's often undiagnosed. If you're a man and you're feeling the weight of the world, talk to someone. A friend, a loved one, a therapist. I'm a man. I've benefited greatly from therapy and Better Help is a great option if you're looking to start therapy. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, Better Help can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with Better help armchairs get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.comdax that's betterhelp h e l p.comdax we are supported by Twizzlers. What a fun product.

[Monica Padman]

I love Twizzlers. I love a Twizzler in a movie theater.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, the fun never stops with Twizzlers. It's the candy that lets you stretch out the fun. It's the perfect level of sweet and comes in the fun chewy twist that everyone knows and loves. Yeah, nine on one in a dark movie theater. So I like to put my teeth between the ridges. Do you ever do that?

[Monica Padman]

Tell me more. Go on.

[Dax Shepard]

It's got the grooves in it. And then I put my incisor in the groove. Yeah, I love that. Twizzlers is there. When you're in an afternoon slump and need a pick me up when it's time for a little treat yourself moment. And when you want to be the hero of your next group hang, reach for a bag of Twizzlers. They're perfect for sharing and they're clutch for outdoor adventures and road trips because they don't melt in the sun. Talk about a snack hack. Grab a bag of Twizzlers and stretch out the fun.

[Danielle]

So when you're not sure exactly what's going on, you need to get some imaging first. You don't want to just do an internal exam without knowing what's going on. Like, sometimes you'll find things like broken glass, needles, even things like razor blades. So we do an X ray and it shows a 12 ounce beverage can in his rectangle. Them, no perforation, no obstruction. So we bring him back and then we start talking to him about removing it. How difficult or how hard do you think it is to remove something from someone's ass?

[Dax Shepard]

You're the second person we've spoken to and my first question was, like, what do you use, like a speculum? Do you use what you would use in a pap smear? Do you open? Then you put tongs in and pull it out. What do you do?

[Danielle]

It's a tough procedure. You've got this like ergonomic challenge in the sense that you've got this really small space that you're working in. And then access to that space is by even a smaller, tighter hole that's super innervated and goes into spasm really easily. And then the actual object itself is big and slippery. And it's like when you drop your cell phone down the side of your car seat. You can jam your hand like deep down there and you can actually touch it, but you can't pick it up. And it's just super frustrating.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, really quick, Toby. I just had what my idea would be, and I don't even know if it would be possible, but I think the move would be to somehow sink a wood screw into the bottom of the can and then pull that out.

[Danielle]

There are some case reports of people doing things like that with bottles and stuff. They have a bottle with the open end facing down and then they'll put like a catheter into the bottle and then fill the bottle with cement and then like let it harden and then pull it out. That's kind of the extreme stuff. But essentially the first step is something called anal dilation. What you need to do is you need to gradually stretch out the anus so you can get as much of your hand in there as possible to remove the object. Essentially we're medically fisting them. So you go one finger, two finger, three finger, and then full KitKat, and then thumb, and then, and then fist, and then pass to your wr.

[Dax Shepard]

Once you have gotten the fist past the sphincter, when you're actually in the intestine, is it then easy to open your hand? Is that really, really elastic just with the object there?

[Danielle]

You're definitely working in a confined space. It's not this like infinite space that you can just like act freely in there.

[Monica Padman]

When you do each finger individually, your anus is getting used to it, basically.

[Danielle]

Yeah, just slowly stretching it out. The vast majority of these people, though, they need to be deeply sedated. It's super innervated, and it just hurts too much. Anybody with something big like a first time, they're getting sedated.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. How many people are not first timers?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, look, if you like things in your butt, you like things in your butt. It's not like one trip to the emergency room shuts that down.

[Danielle]

I work in an academic center, a teaching center. We have emergency medicine residents. So the person doing the procedure was my resident. And she was perfect for it.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Danielle]

She's eager, competent, and then most importantly, she's got thin wrists and strong hands. Because I work with some old dudes that have like big meat hooks. Oh, they'd wreck his O ring. So we do the sedation and she able to get her whole fist in there. And then she gets her hand on the can and starts pulling and she can't get it out. It's too stuck. You can get a suction that develops because the walls of the rectum just are completely covering the outside of the can. And then the proximal colon just collapses. And it's like a finger trap, right when you pull on this thing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah. You need to inflate it.

[Danielle]

We considered the other options we have, like, we can use instruments like you talked about. So there's obstetrical instruments, vacuum extractors. You can sometimes try to pass a catheter to the level of the object or past it and then inflate air past it to try to break the suction. I've seen that once, and it's super gross. And it didn't work. Just like constant shit Mist coming out the guy's ass.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Danielle]

Oh, wow. It's just a continuous fart.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Dax Shepard]

You are on the front line, my friend.

[Danielle]

You can also try to push down on the interior of their lower abdomen to get it down to where the other person can kind of grab it better. So we considered the options and I was just talking to the resident and I said, which way is the can facing? And she said, top of the can is facing down.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Danielle]

I said, can you feel the tab? And she's yeah, I can feel the tab. So I said, I think we should open it in his ass.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Danielle]

So she goes in there, we open it up, and it's just this river of cola, foam, blood and micro turds.

[Dax Shepard]

That's a medical term, by the way. Micro turds.

[Danielle]

And you truly can't see them. But it lasted forever. And so we're just sitting there waiting and just pouring onto the bed. And the floor finally stops. She goes in there, crushed the can. And with crushing the can, she broke the suction. And she's able to get really good mechanical purchase on it. Pull it down to the level of the anus. Once you're at the anus, you got to get the rim over the can. And once you pop that out, it's out. So it pops out and it's a can of Coke 00.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay. This is consistent. We've heard it's always diet soda.

[Danielle]

I love that detail. Like, I love the idea of the guy party planning the day before going like, yeah, I got the cocaine, I'm gonna get the hookers. And then like his idea of harm reduction was getting diet soda.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, let's keep it healthy, keep it in homeostasis. Wow.

[Danielle]

He wakes up and he's feeling fine. I offer him some follow up, see a surgeon just to make sure there's no kind of long lasting injury. He declines it, thanks us. Just his head held high, turns on his heel and. And just leaves the department. These are obviously embarrassing things, but at the same time, I really respected the dude, right. Cause he partied with true commitment, left everything on the field, accepted the consequences, and then was grateful. All the respect to you.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, that's what I was gonna say. So our previous guest, I have like a weird feeling about this person.

[Dax Shepard]

She's a bad feeling about it, but.

[Monica Padman]

I don't actually about this guy, right. I think, cause he came in, he was like, look, I did all this. I'm naughty, I partied. And this is what happened. It's like a full acknowledgement that makes it better 100%.

[Danielle]

He didn't hurt anybody. He didn't put anybody else at risk. He was just pushing the edge of the envelope.

[Dax Shepard]

I just want to say how stimulating and gratifying it is to hear you speak. You have such a great vocabulary. There's such precision in the way you speak. And also you're talking about shit and Cokes. Yeah, it's real mixed messages in our favorite way.

[Danielle]

That's really kind of you. It's okay if I give two shout outs?

[Dax Shepard]

Of course.

[Danielle]

So number one, it's to Heather. She's a doc I work with. She's a huge fan of Armchair Expert, and she's the one that forwarded me this prompt.

[Dax Shepard]

Thank her on our behalf.

[Danielle]

Probably one of the best colleagues you could ever imagine. The other other big shout outs to my actually emerge group, all the people I work with. It's a really challenging environment. And where we work, it's extra challenging. Right now. All the people I work with are just so committed to each other, the community, our department. I'm just so grateful to be able to work with such a committed, selfless group of people.

[Monica Padman]

That's awesome.

[Dax Shepard]

Those are great shout outs. Yeah. Well, Toby, it's a delight to meet you.

[Danielle]

Have a great day.

[Dax Shepard]

Take care. Enjoy your summer now.

[Monica Padman]

Do you think the first guy's weird?

[Dax Shepard]

I don't, but that's okay. I understand. Understand? It's funny because your fear is that the first guy was massaging.

[Monica Padman]

No, creepy.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay.

[Monica Padman]

There's a creepiness to that story that this one doesn't have. Even though technically it's the same thing, it's not.

[Dax Shepard]

The second guy sounds really fun, I'll tell you that.

[Monica Padman]

I don't know if I'll be able to unhear micro turds.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi, is this Danielle?

[Toby]

Yes, it is.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful.

[Monica Padman]

Nice to meet you.

[Dax Shepard]

You have a very soft, plush blanket behind you that's going to dampen the sound beautifully.

[Toby]

I did. I did all the things that I.

[Monica Padman]

Hear people do, and it's perfect.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you?

[Toby]

I'm in Massachusetts.

[Dax Shepard]

You're in the medical profession or you yourself had something lodged?

[Toby]

I'm in the medical profession. I'm a resident physician.

[Dax Shepard]

And do you know what your specialty will be or you don't know yet?

[Toby]

You know, when you graduate medical school, you become a doctor and then you do a residency in your chosen field. So I'm family medicine.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, wonderful.

[Monica Padman]

I gotta ask. Have you watched the Pit?

[Toby]

Not yet.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, man.

[Toby]

A lot of my colleagues have watched it and said it's Phenomenal. I just came off a very heavy inpatient blog, so it's hard to come home from a heavy block and also watch that on tv. I come home and I want to see something light and funny.

[Danielle]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you have a foreign object story.

[Toby]

This took place in 2019. So I was a first year medical student. We get paired up with a doc in the ED just to get a really early clinical experience.

[Dax Shepard]

Is the ED emergency department?

[Toby]

Yes. Didn't have any particular interest in the emergency department. It's just that's where they stuck me. It was in the fall. I'd been a medical student for maybe two or three months at this point.

[Dax Shepard]

Really quick, you said it's in the fall and I immediately hope it's an apple. But continue, continue.

[Toby]

You wish it was an apple. I'm only there for a couple hours. It's somewhere between 8 and 10pm we have a gentleman in his late 20s. His main concern is rectal pain. I'm working with an attending and a resident and the attending doctor sends me in to go talk to him because at this point my only skill is that I can ask patients basic questions and like, listen to their heart.

[Dax Shepard]

If I have something stuck in my butt, the last person I want to talk to is a 21 year old girl I want them to send in. Like an old truck driver.

[Toby]

Yeah. Well, in hindsight, when I retell the story, I feel bad for this guy. Got me. And I walk in, I'm like, hi.

[Dax Shepard]

So nice to meet you.

[Toby]

And trying to use all my tricks to get him to tell me what's going on because he's being kind of evasive. Not weird or anything like that, but answering my questions with just yes or no and not giving me additional information. So eventually we get there. He proceeds to tell me how he took a 1 1/2 inch PVC pipe, lubed up the end of it and inserted it into the rectum. So at this point I'm thinking like he has pain after that, or maybe something happened and he's bleeding a little bit. He proceeds to tell me that he proceeds to put a hamster and the other end of the PVC pipe and give it a little tilt.

[Monica Padman]

This is not real. This is an urban legend, we thought.

[Dax Shepard]

But I've read this in the newspaper. Cause you know the famous one where the guy's butt exploded because they used the inside of a paper towel. The hamster got stuck. Then they tried to see it with a lighter and they filled the rectum with butane. And when it finally lit. It exploded. That was in the newspaper.

[Monica Padman]

That is real.

[Dax Shepard]

I really believe so.

[Monica Padman]

I really thought this hamstrup, the butt was urban legend. And now we wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, you know what? Even if it started as urban legend, you might have heard it so. So much that you're like, oh, no, maybe that's great.

[Toby]

We'll circle back to that. So he tells me that he did this. Now I'm still thinking like, oh, he got scratched or something. And then he proceeds to tell me that when the hamster hit the inside of the rectum, it hurt. So he clenched and the PVC pipe came out because it was all lubed up.

[Dax Shepard]

These things go sideways in a hurry.

[Toby]

And he goes, and I couldn't find the hamster. After the PVC pipe came out, he tried to reinsert the PVC pipe, thinking that maybe the hamster would, I don't know, wiggle its way out. And he was like, I actually think I shoved it further. He could feel it moving a little bit and the pressure, because it is a whole hamster in his butt.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Squarespace has been along for the ride with us as we've, you know, first just had a website, then started selling merch and it's grown with us and has helped us scale. If you're a fellow creator, Squarespace makes it easy to monetize your content easily. Sell access to online courses, blogs, videos and memberships. Start with a fully customizable website and earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set the price and choose whether to charge a one time fee or a subscription for access. This is why we love Squarespace. Setting up that kind of tech sounds hard, but they take all the guesswork out of it. You can get your site up and running quicker than you would have thought possible. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com and promo code DAX to get started today we are supported by Quints. You know when you look back at photos of yourself in your all black punk stage in high school school or wearing head to toe 90s neon and you wonder what Was I thinking sometimes trends just don't stand the test of time. If you want an outfit that you're going to feel great about both now and later, check out the wardrobe staples from Quint. They're classic and elevated, so you're going to love the way you look now and years from now. And they're made with high quality materials, so they'll hold up for years to come, too. I love quints. I love their cashmere so much.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. If you want to revamp your wardrobe, which I suggest per season, add some pieces in that are fun, kind of just for the season. There's some really good summer pieces, some great button downs that you can also wear by the pool.

[Dax Shepard]

They have European linen beach shorts, organic silk polos. Stick to staples that last with elevated essentials from quints. Go to quints.com stacks for free shipping on your order and 365 day return returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com DAX to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com DAX we are supported by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like, you know to check your flights on time first before heading to the airport. Like you know to check your presentation is saved first before closing your last laptop. That's one mistake I'll never make again. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Toby]

So it had been at that point, I think, like two hours.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

I need to acknowledge this right now, which is I don't think anyone should feel shame for any of these stories. I don't care if people put the gross in their butt. But I gotta say, whenever I've heard the hamster one, I'm like, I don't like it because it's animal cruelty.

[Monica Padman]

It is animal cruelty. This poor little hamster.

[Dax Shepard]

You're just a little hamster and then you're in someone's hairy butt, I imagine.

[Monica Padman]

Dies immediately out of suffocation.

[Toby]

The bowel is pretty flexible, so I imagine it kind of squished him. Yeah. So I get this information. He's. He's not creepy at all. At any point, he's like, just so embarrassed. So I go, go out and tell my attending physician and the resident this, and they're just floored and apologetic about sending me in there by myself. And I was like, no, no, he was wicked eyes.

[Dax Shepard]

He was wicked. You wouldn't have had to tell us you were from Massachusetts.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

We wouldn't have figured it out.

[Toby]

My shift was supposed to end about then, but I hung around to wait for them to call the gastroenterologist or the general surgeons because now we have to get this hamster out. We took a pelvic X ray and on the X ray you could see tiny little skeleton of this hamster.

[Danielle]

Oh my God.

[Monica Padman]

This is upsetting.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah. This is morbid.

[Toby]

And to your point about this being an urban legend, so my attending was a little less phased by this because turns out he had already seen this twice before in his career.

[Monica Padman]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Toby]

This was the third time. Apparently it's something called gerbling. I don't know if it started out as an urban legend, but if you look it up, it's all over the Internet with how TOS on Reddit.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my God. Emma said we had a ton of gerbil.

[Monica Padman]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my God. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Oh, this is.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow, this is a terrible revelation. If you are in the business of selling gerbils and hamsters, you cannot sell a single dude in his 20s and above. That pet only exists for children. You cannot trust a man coming in and just buying it.

[Monica Padman]

It's America, bro. You can do whatever you want. Okay, so he's up there.

[Toby]

Essentially they went in and extracted the.

[Dax Shepard]

Hamster with tongs or a vacuum.

[Toby]

I'm actually not positive. What I wish I had done is taken a photo. New here. I don't know if this is okay to do.

[Monica Padman]

And hipaa, we heard somebody got in trou taking a photo of one of these.

[Dax Shepard]

I would, I hate to tell you.

[Monica Padman]

I would too.

[Dax Shepard]

I think the ethical thing is if you told people who it was, but a random picture of a skeleton in a human's butt, I think that's a.

[Monica Padman]

Party favor you deserve.

[Dax Shepard]

You deserve it. Great point. You should be able to walk with something.

[Toby]

If it was me now without the patient information on, I absolutely would take a photo.

[Dax Shepard]

Good, good. We condone that.

[Monica Padman]

Glad to hear that.

[Dax Shepard]

We don't condone selling hamsters to 20 year old and above men. And we do condone taking pictures.

[Monica Padman]

So they use some sort of tube and then they get that hams. What do they think it's gonna feel good?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I think they think it's gonna feel like a bunch of vibration and movement next to their prostate.

[Toby]

Yeah, exactly.

[Monica Padman]

They don't wanna just Use a vibrator.

[Dax Shepard]

Just use a vibrator. Yep. Now we have another public service announcement. If you're an entrepreneur, come up with a product called the Hamster.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

And it's a little egg, and it has a long string on it, and you turn it on and you bury it in your butt and then let it bongle around in there, and then you can pull it out with this string. String. Are you so glad you chose this path?

[Toby]

I do love my job. I work a lot, but I think I have the best job in the world.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm so happy for.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you for getting involved in medicine. We need more.

[Toby]

We need more primary care doctors, specifically. Desperately.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Well, Danielle, thank you so much. That was lovely.

[Toby]

My partner Claire, who got me in to listen to you guys podcast, is actually right here, and she's a huge arm. Sharing is okay. She says hi.

[Kim]

Really?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Give her one of your earbuds.

[Kim]

Hello.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

You hit the jackpot because your partner must come home with so many stories.

[Kim]

Oh, yeah, for sure. She, like, forgets about them.

[Danielle]

But I have to ask, if weird.

[Kim]

Things happen, because they always do, but.

[Dax Shepard]

She thinks they're normal, you should have a little diary of things that she tells you.

[Toby]

Yeah, I do. And that's actually the only way. I recently remembered the story, and we were joking. After I remembered it, I was like, oh, I hope that they have a foreign object prompt soon. And literally the next week, you posted it on the Instagram story. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, wow. Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's great meeting you both. I'm so delighted you listen and that you shared that story with us.

[Toby]

Yes. We love listening to you guys. Thank you so much for everything you do.

[Dax Shepard]

Our pleasure.

[Monica Padman]

Have a great day. One thing. I still think the first is the worst. Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

What? You think it's worse than killing a hamster?

[Monica Padman]

No, I think it's really bad to kill a hamster. But the thing is, I don't think that person thought it was gonna happen that way. I don't think their intention was created. Creepy. I don't know what to say. That first one has a creepiness.

[Dax Shepard]

It shook you.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Now, also, when you said the apple thing, what if someone put an apple there? It didn't go very far. So it's like kind of like at the edge. So the only way they could get out is they had to take a bite out of it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that sounds great. I'd love to eat an apple out of a lover's butt, to be honest with everyone. That sounds wonderful.

[Monica Padman]

Don't try that at home.

[Dax Shepard]

Guys, Caramel apple. Even better.

[Monica Padman]

No, too sticky.

[Dax Shepard]

You're right.

[Kim]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi. What name should we use for you?

[Danielle]

Do you guys want to go ahead and pick one?

[Dax Shepard]

You look like this girl Danielle Fox I was in love with as a kid that lived next to my grandpa. So I'm going to go with Danielle. Is that okay?

[Monica Padman]

But we. Yeah, but that.

[Dax Shepard]

What does that matter? Okay, pick another one.

[Monica Padman]

No, actually, you know what's weird is I thought also Danielle. That's really weird.

[Dax Shepard]

That is weird.

[Monica Padman]

Let's go. I was like, oh, maybe it's because we just heard one, but maybe it's just cuz that's your order. Ora.

[Danielle]

I'll take it. Danielle.

[Monica Padman]

Ora.

[Dax Shepard]

Danielle. Are you in the medical profession or did you have an object lodged?

[Danielle]

I was in the medical profession. I did not have the object lodged.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Okay, great. In what capacity?

[Danielle]

Years ago I was an ER tech, which is basically an EMT that works in the emergency department instead of on the ambulance.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, and your job is to what, stabilize people?

[Danielle]

I had my hands in and on everything. Just helping out.

[Monica Padman]

Do you watch the pit?

[Danielle]

I did watch the pit. It was so good.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Kim]

You loved it.

[Dax Shepard]

She got one.

[Monica Padman]

Great. You're one out of four.

[Dax Shepard]

Seriously.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I know. They're missing out. I'm glad you loved it.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you have a front row seat to a lot of action if you're emergency room tech.

[Monica Padman]

All right, let's hear it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Walk us through this scenario.

[Danielle]

This was years ago. It was a holiday. A gentleman came in and when you first come into the er, you get triaged. So in triage, he was saying, yeah, my knee hurts.

[Monica Padman]

Hurts.

[Danielle]

I go out to get the patient. We're walking from the lobby back to the room and I'm noticing he's limping. He is walking weird. Getting back to the room, we're talking and the story completely changes.

[Dax Shepard]

I would want an old grizzly truck driver that I had to tell this to. You would be the.

[Monica Padman]

You're a hard person to tell this to.

[Dax Shepard]

I would be like, isn't there someone else I can tell this to?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I think even I wouldn't want to tell you.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, give me a war vet who's seen it all.

[Monica Padman]

This person is so potential. Together she watches the pit. I can't tell her this story.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm a scumbag who puts things in my butt.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Danielle]

Thankfully, he was very forthcoming with all of his information. Get him in the room, he starts talking. He said, yeah. I said I had knee pain out there because I was embarrassed I actually have something up my butt. And I said, okay. Like, I've heard this so many times before.

[Dax Shepard]

After doing this prompt, I'm inclined to think 20% of all emergency room visits.

[Monica Padman]

I think potentially 70% of people. People have done this.

[Dax Shepard]

I feel behind. Pun intended. I think I'm gonna put.

[Monica Padman]

Don't do it.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm gonna put something enormous in my pocket.

[Monica Padman]

You have children.

[Dax Shepard]

Think of your children. Okay.

[Danielle]

He says, I'm a little bit embarrassed. I said, what did you put? And he said, well, I was in the garage, and it's a can of butane.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Explosive.

[Danielle]

Yeah. In the past, I've had a beer bottle, which isn't great, glass, glass shampoo bottle, those kind of things. But I never had a combustible compressed gas go out. Talk to the doctor, we get imaging, and it is, in fact, a very large can of butane.

[Dax Shepard]

Could you make it relative to something? Like, how large are we talking? Is it like a bottle of hairspray size?

[Monica Padman]

Oh, you're looking at a picture. You got a picture? Oh, we get to see it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait. We gotta get a photo.

[Monica Padman]

You need to put your hand behind it like they do in makeup videos.

[Dax Shepard]

Fucking God. Okay, it's got. Got to be 14 inches. It's enormous.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Yeah. It's almost like a rolling pin.

[Monica Padman]

How did he even get that up there?

[Dax Shepard]

With gumption and stick to itness and.

[Danielle]

See, Monica, that's the question I have as well.

[Dax Shepard]

How and how do you lose your grip on it?

[Monica Padman]

Circumference is big.

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe you've already demonstrated you're reckless because you've put something that big in there. But what I never understand about these stories is, like, how do you play with fire and go in so deep? Keep a third of the bottle out so you can keep a good grip on it.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I think part of the. For them is like, how far can it go?

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, well, that's sexy, I guess.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, God.

[Dax Shepard]

See, now I get it. You're right.

[Monica Padman]

So that's a huge can in there.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. I mean, enormous. Whoa.

[Danielle]

Huge can. So for this, it's not something that we can remove in the emergency department. We'll have to do a general surgery consult. They'll have to take them to the operating room. This is a holiday. The OR staff isn't there. It's the call team that has to come in. So any other semi emergent cases are going to get bumped. The surgeon comes down, down and is like, okay, I haven't dumped a can of Butane, but we're doing it. The key piece of all this is we use what's called a Bovie in the operating room, which is an electrocautery device for dissection, cauterization, anything like that. But when you have a can of butane in your butt, you cannot use that. So the surgery takes much longer and it's way more complicated.

[Monica Padman]

What are they doing? Are they cutting open the head?

[Dax Shepard]

They go from the front.

[Danielle]

That's my understanding. I haven't been on any laparotomy.

[Monica Padman]

And then they're just pushing everything around.

[Dax Shepard]

Like moving all your organs out of the way. And then they're gonna slice your intestine, which is so dicey, man, because then you gotta suture it and then you gotta pass stool through this.

[Monica Padman]

This is very Grey's Anatomy. Like when the bomb was in the person and the hand was stuck. This is very that. Cause everything could explode. It's such a good episode. And it has this Coldplay and REM song.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, back to this. So the staff comes in, says, okay.

[Danielle]

I guess we're doing this. Takes him to the or, and they successfully removed it.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Danielle]

And I shortly after stopped working in that emergency room. So I don't know if he came back later with the same thing going on, but that was a semi regular occurrence where someone would do this and then six or eight months later they'd come back having done the same thing again.

[Dax Shepard]

Here's what I can guarantee happened after that surgery. They took that bottle and they walked up to every floor of the hospital and they told everybody they knew. This is what we just pulled out. There's no fucking way they didn't parade that thing around the whole hospital.

[Danielle]

Anything you take out, you're supposed to send a pathology. But I'm wondering what the pathologist's face was when a can of butane came.

[Monica Padman]

That is so risky.

[Dax Shepard]

A rolling pin sized.

[Monica Padman]

He really could have blown up. This is why I think there's something.

[Dax Shepard]

More to the psychology you want to play with, Dange.

[Monica Padman]

Because the fact that they're doing it again and again means something. They get off on this, on the danger element.

[Dax Shepard]

Also, I'm not even a germaphobe, but if I'm going to put an enormous object in myself, I'm not doing it in the garage.

[Monica Padman]

It might be a cousin to exhibitionists. Really what they're getting off on is seeing the reaction. Oh, it might have something to do with that.

[Dax Shepard]

Maybe in some small percentage of them. Yeah, yeah.

[Danielle]

I didn't think of about that.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, like they're praying they get the 23 year old.

[Monica Padman]

We think it's like we're sorry for them, but really they got what they wanted. Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I was naughty. Oh, Danielle.

[Monica Padman]

Sorry. Danielle, I'm back.

[Dax Shepard]

It's really bad this time. It could blow up this whole hospital.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Like that's one stop short of coming in saying, I have a stick of TNT in there. Yes.

[Monica Padman]

The bottle.

[Dax Shepard]

Put a piece of dynamite up.

[Danielle]

It's wild.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, well, that's just delightful. And the fact that you had a photo is incredible.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I'm glad you got one. Some of these other people didn't get their picture and they've missed out.

[Dax Shepard]

Or they did and they didn't show us.

[Danielle]

You got to.

[Dax Shepard]

You've earned minimally that.

[Danielle]

Thank you. I agree.

[Dax Shepard]

We'll probably have this prompt again. We may talk to you a second time.

[Monica Padman]

We are definitely doing this again.

[Danielle]

That's fabulous. I've got kind of a laundry list of random ER things.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, sure.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Well, lovely meeting you.

[Danielle]

It was nice to meet you guys too. Thanks so much.

[Dax Shepard]

Take care. Here's my conclusion. We live in a wild world. And the monkeys are wild.

[Monica Padman]

Monkeys are so wild. The Barbies, the scrap.

[Dax Shepard]

That's still for you. That one really got you. You'll probably be thinking about that throughout the weekend.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. You know what? It reminds me of you. Not you.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't like that you like this show because we're in the same Laura Ingram situation all the time. You've now brought up this show like, I don't know, nine times. It's a great show and you said it to a guest yesterday and I could feel his confusion. But you're good at going the show on Netflix. You are good at that.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I'm really good at stuff.

[Dax Shepard]

But I saw it on you on this topic. It's like.

[Monica Padman]

I know, Okay. I kind of like it. Anyway, I finished it. I finished the show. But he's so up. But I feel like he's real.

[Dax Shepard]

Right?

[Monica Padman]

And this is confirming that I agree with that theory.

[Dax Shepard]

I have always said anything you can think of someone's daughter. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Wow. What a prompt.

[Dax Shepard]

What a promise. Blessing. Thanks, everybody for participating. Yeah, and guys, keep some of the object out of your butt, for crying out loud. Or tie a string to it. Have some contingency plan.

[Monica Padman]

Also, if you're gonna do it, maybe don't do it on a holiday. Cuz now these doctors have to come in on their day off.

[Dax Shepard]

That's fair.

[Monica Padman]

That's not nice.

[Dax Shepard]

Look up in your local area when the slowest times are at the er and then plan your anal exploration for that time.

[Monica Padman]

And everybody watch the pit if you haven't.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. If you're not positive, Monica does recommend the pit. Love you.

[Monica Padman]

Love you.

[Kim]

Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[Dax Shepard]

We know a theme song. Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of arm cherries, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme dish. Find the fly ride. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey this.

[Nick]

Is Nick and this is Jack. We're best friends, ex finance guys and resident 90s experts. And every week on our podcast, the Best Best Idea yet, we're bringing you the untold stories behind your favorite products. For instance, can you guess which billion dollar fashion company went viral thanks to a rhinestone covered tracksuit? Or which cartoon turned four turtles into a global toy empire by accident? It started as a joke. Last one which cold beverage was so hated by Starbucks they actually ended up acquiring it? Spoiler the Frappuccino. Howard Schultz apparently thought cold coffee was super lame and then he bought it. From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Juicy Couture to the orange mocha Frappuccino, join us every week to learn how your favorite things got made. Follow the Best Idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor.