Transcript

A (0:00)

Welcome, welcome. Welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepherd. I'm joined by Lily Padman.

B (0:05)

Hi.

A (0:06)

Today we have Funny pregnancy stories.

B (0:09)

Pregnancy can go all kinds of ways.

A (0:11)

It really can. You know, we often get gifted evacs in our other prompts, and anytime that happens, I'm just grateful.

B (0:20)

That's right.

A (0:20)

The universe is smiling on us.

B (0:22)

Yes.

A (0:23)

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B (1:03)

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A (1:11)

Simple? Yes. Mine looks classic. You know, almost like I'm Steve McQueen or something.

B (1:14)

That's what you want.

A (1:15)

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Summary

Armchair Expert: Armchair Anonymous – Funny Pregnancy

Host: Dax Shepard
Cohost: Monica Padman
Date: March 20, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of Armchair Anonymous, Dax Shepard and Monica Padman invite listeners to share their most outlandish, hilarious, and unexpected pregnancy stories. The result is a compilation of heartwarming, mortifying, and jaw-dropping tales that celebrate the bizarre side of bringing new humans into the world—from extra nipples to wild nose ring discoveries, bathroom mishaps, and babies born in the least expected places. The tone is warm, candid, and celebratory of humanity’s “messiness,” making it both entertaining and relatable.

Key Discussion Points & Callers’ Stories

1. Extra Nipples and Medical Marvel (Caller: "Mackenzie")

Segment Start: [03:18]

Setup: Mackenzie from North Carolina shares her mortifying but amusing pregnancy experience.
The Story: While pregnant with her second child during COVID (2020), Mackenzie discovers two strange lumps under her arms. Fearing cancer (as it runs in her family), she visits her doctor, who exclaims mid-exam:

“Oh my gosh. It’s a nipple.” ([07:44], Mackenzie’s doctor)
Medical Oddity: The doctor had never seen this before and calls in others to witness “lactating” extra nipples.

“He runs out into the hallway. He’s like, I gotta get someone else to see this.” ([08:11], Mackenzie)
Resolution: A breast specialist later explains these “accessory nipples” are more common than Mackenzie thought—and can run down the entire arm.

“Oh, honey, you have got it good. I’ve seen it all down people’s arms.” ([09:13], Breast Specialist)
Ongoing Gag: Friends now joke about her being a “super producer” for breastfeeding her babies, possibly because of her “extra equipment.”
Decision: She debates surgical removal but is concerned about scarring and being upsold plastic surgery.

“I had a consult with a plastic surgeon… they were like, ‘Well, honey, how do you feel about your breasts right now?’” ([10:45], Mackenzie)
Humor & Reflection: The experience becomes a running joke among friends; Mackenzie ties her pseudonym choice to her college friends and reflects on generational openness about addiction recovery in her family.

2. Explosive Pregnancy Reveal (Caller: Aisha)

Segment Start: [20:35]

Setting: Aisha, on a work trip in El Salvador, describes her first pregnancy test with her husband in an extremely small apartment bathroom.
The Story:
- They take the test together, holding hands in cramped quarters.
- The moment the positive result appears, Aisha is overcome with excitement—and “instantly have explosive diarrhea.” ([21:54], Aisha)
- “I locked eyes with my husband...I am just shaking and instantly have explosive diarrhea.” ([21:54], Aisha)
- Fortunately, she was already on the toilet (“It was perfect!”).
- Their laughter is tinged with shock at the sheer number of life changes in a minute.
Bittersweet Turn:
- Aisha shares that her son was born extremely premature and passed away after seven hours.
  
  “Even though I wish he was here, the greatest gift is to be able to share his life even though he’s not here.” ([23:37], Aisha)
- She adds that listening to Armchair Expert helped her through another NICU stay with her younger daughter.
Gratitude & Shoutouts: Aisha concludes by sending love to her family and friends who are also fans.

3. The Disappearing Nose Ring (Caller: Emmy)

Segment Start: [25:11]

Background: Emmy, from Kentucky, recounts a decade-long mystery involving her long-lost nose ring.
The Story:
- In 2008, Emmy loses her nose ring, searches for it, but is forced to buy another.
- Years later, during pregnancy with her first child (2015), Emmy develops preeclampsia and is on strict bed rest.
- On New Year’s Eve, she blows her nose—only to find the missing nose ring embedded in her tissue.
  
  “I blow my nose in the tissue. Is the nose ring from 2008.” ([29:59], Emmy) “Seven years, this fucking…” ([30:05], Dax)
- The ring had apparently lived in her sinus for seven years, calcified from the journey.
Panel’s Reactions:
- Dax expresses astonishment at the lack of pain and marvels at the “euphoria” of getting something significant out of your body (leading to a kink chat).
- Monica wonders “what else could be up there,” and Emmy jokes she didn’t keep the ring as a memento.
Family Moment: Emmy’s now 10-year-old son Redding, a big fan of Armchair, joins to say hi—delighting Dax and Monica.

4. Baby in the Pants (Caller: Heidi)

Segment Start: [40:09]

Setting: Heidi from Alberta, Canada, recounts the birth of her third child.
The Story:
- After castor oil to induce labor and a slow start (her husband even takes a shower), contractions intensify during the drive to the hospital.
- Halfway there, Heidi feels an urgent need “to take a big dump,” but soon realizes—
  
  “With something’s coming out, stop. And it’s not from my butt.” ([43:37], Heidi)
- She discovers the baby’s head is crowning (“I feel a head-shaped bulge”).
- Heidi power-walks into the ER, feeling like she’s starring in Grey’s Anatomy, when—mid-hallway—the baby “slipped out onto the floor,” ending up in her sweatpants.
  
  “Her whole body slipped out onto the floor. I am wearing like a pair of three quarter length sweatpants and her head was kind of like at my knee. And then her body was up my thigh.” ([47:07], Heidi)
- The hospital staff rush to help; baby needs NICU care but recovers. Heidi’s husband Brian, late after parking, walks in amazed.
  
  “He looks at me and he goes like, what happened?” ([50:02], Heidi)
- The family now jokes about dad’s “timely shower” and parking spot.
Family Moment: Heidi’s three children join the call, sharing their favorite episodes and stories, especially the infamous mouse-and-water-bottle incident.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Mackenzie’s Doctor:

“Oh my gosh. I’ve never seen this!” ([07:59])
Mackenzie (on friends’ reactions):

“It might be the extra nipples. I don’t know. Maybe my body just does a lot.” ([09:34])
Dax (on extra nipples):

“He signed up for two boobs and he got four.” ([11:01])
Aisha (on the reveal):

“I locked eyes with my husband...and instantly have explosive diarrhea.” ([21:54])
Emmy (nose ring surprise):

“I blow my nose in the tissue. Is the nose ring from 2008.” ([29:59])
Dax (relief kink):

“There is such euphoria attached to that...It’s like, I’m extracting the devil out of myself.” ([32:33])
Heidi (as the baby is born):

“I just had a baby in my pants.” ([47:55])
Brian (the husband, walking in):

“What happened?” ([50:02])

Timestamps for Key Segments

[03:18] – Mackenzie’s extra nipples reveal and medical-marvel tale
[20:35] – Aisha’s explosive pregnancy reveal story
[25:11] – Emmy’s nose ring mystery solved after seven years
[40:09] – Heidi’s baby-in-the-pants delivery saga

Recurring Themes & Tone

The value of vulnerability and celebrating “messy” humanity (“Pregnancy can go all kinds of ways.” – Monica [00:09]).
The communal joy of sharing embarrassing stories—turning private shame into public laughter and solidarity.
Lighthearted banter, especially around bodily oddities and unexpected pregnancy outcomes.
Heartfelt moments, as many callers share both the humor and hardships woven through their journeys.

Final Thoughts

This Armchair Anonymous episode is a hilariously candid collection of pregnancy tales that highlight the unpredictable—and often humbling—nature of the human body. Dax and Monica maintain a safe, celebratory space for callers to revel in their own absurdity, peppered with “Nice to meet you!” moments for the families and children of passionate listeners. The message is clear: If weird things happen to you, you are not alone—and sometimes, you just have to laugh about it.

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Armchair Anonymous: Funny Pregnancy