Armchair Anonymous: Haven’t Confessed to Parents

Host: Dax Shepard
Guest: Armchair Umbrella
Release Date: April 11, 2025

In this compelling episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, titled "Armchair Anonymous: Haven’t Confessed to Parents," Dax Shepard delves into the raw and unfiltered confessions of individuals who have kept significant secrets from their parents. Through heartfelt storytelling and candid conversations, the episode explores the complexities of familial relationships, the burden of secrets, and the eventual liberation that comes with confession.

Bri’s Secret Escape and Misunderstood Break-In

Timestamp: [04:36] - [10:33]

Bri shares a nostalgic yet tumultuous story from her high school days in Bakersfield, where her mischievous streak led her to repeatedly sneak out to attend late-night parties. Her parents, ever vigilant, had reinforced house security by placing her on the second floor, installing a balcony with a precarious rope ladder, a guard dog, and an alarm system.

“My parents had designed it. They put me on the second floor. And always the joke with my parents was that you couldn't sneak out of my house.”
— Bri [04:41]

One particular night, Bri meticulously plans her escape by breaking into the laundry room and slipping out undetected. However, her triumphant return is cut short when she realizes she left the window screen outside, making it impossible to climb back in without detection. Panicked, she convinces herself that a break-in must have occurred, only to later discover that her father had accidentally propped the screen against the hose while watering plants.

“So it was in the laundry room. I thought I got away with it, but it turned out... it was just my dad being clumsy.”
— Bri [06:38]

Despite the misunderstanding, Bri never confessed to her parents, allowing the false narrative to persist. This lingering secret contributed to ongoing tensions and grounding during her rebellious phase.

Ashley’s Dramatic Heart Attack Stunt

Timestamp: [17:30] - [35:15]

Ashley recounts a daring escapade from her freshman year of high school, where the immense pressure to maintain high grades led her to fabricate a heart attack to avoid taking an important English test. Struggling with the workload and fearing her grades would plummet, Ashley devises an elaborate plan to skip the test without facing immediate consequences.

“I realized you can't give a 180 because it feels good. Giving birth was not even as bad.”
— Ashley [21:56]

During a pivotal basketball game, after being elbowed and feeling the strain, Ashley concocts a story about having a heart attack. She dramatically pretends to collapse and calls 911, leading to a rushed hospital visit facilitated by her school, which fortunately covers the costs due to the incident occurring on school property. The ruse initially pays off, granting her the day off and an improved grade without directly exposing her deceit.

However, the secret weighs heavily on her conscience. Years later, Ashley confesses the truth to a friend during a candid conversation, revealing the lengths she went to evade academic pressure. Her confession resurfaces during a high school talent show, where she humorously retells the story, inadvertently winning the competition without her former teacher, Mrs. Puff, realizing the truth.

“It was fight or flight. 100%. The heart attack was my way of coping with the stress.”
— Ashley [34:18]

Travis’s Halloween Toilet Flood Mishap

Timestamp: [36:00] - [44:33]

Travis opens up about a notorious incident from his junior high years in Canada, where his rebellious nature led him to cause a significant flood in his school’s restroom. Grounded multiple times and facing severe restrictions on his activities, Travis sought out ways to circumvent his punishment. Assisted by his father’s role in procuring fireworks from the U.S., Travis stumbles upon the idea of using a bottle rocket to sabotage the school’s plumbing.

“I was like, what do I do? So I go out and I'm like, what happened? What are you guys doing?”
— Dax Shepard [20:17]

At 13, armed with fireworks, Travis attempts to blow up the toilet to create a diversion. The explosive reaction causes massive water damage, leading to a frantic attempt to contain the flood before his parents return. When they arrive, Travis ingeniously shifts the blame onto his brother’s friend, resulting in unwarranted punishment and the loss of a friendship for the innocent classmate.

“I convinced my brother it was his friend. The sad part is it cost him that friendship.”
— Travis [43:43]

Even after years, Travis remains silent about his role in the flooding, leaving the truth buried beneath layers of deceit and familial trust.

Reflections and Emotional Revelations

Throughout the episode, Dax Shepard facilitates a space of vulnerability and honesty, encouraging guests to confront their past actions and the impact of keeping secrets. The confessions reveal deeper themes of adolescent rebellion, the fear of parental disappointment, and the long-term effects of unspoken truths on personal relationships.

“I really appreciate the shows you guys do. When you're working on a project, you're always kind of focused on finishing and what the reward is. And the real reward is the journey.”
— Travis [44:30]

As the episode concludes, guests express a sense of relief and liberation after sharing their stories, highlighting the therapeutic potential of confession and the importance of honesty within families.

Notable Quotes

• Bri: “I was just trying to get my body back inside. We’re not thinking about anything else. Can't get caught.”
  [06:03]

• Ashley: “I rolled up my sleeves and I got it done. Literal dirty work. Gotta get the duty done.”
  [21:24]

• Travis: “I was in the backyard lighting off our fireworks, having fun… I pulled it off, but it cost my brother his friendship.”
  [43:43]

This episode of Armchair Expert serves as a poignant exploration of the hidden struggles individuals face within their families. By shedding light on these untold stories, Dax Shepard underscores the universal desire for acceptance and the courage it takes to unburden oneself of long-held secrets.

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