Armchair Anonymous: I Quit

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard: Episode Summary – "Armchair Anonymous: I Quit"

In this compelling episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, host Dan Rather and co-host Lily Padman delve into the theme of quitting through the heartfelt and tumultuous stories shared by several guests. The episode, titled "Armchair Anonymous: I Quit," offers listeners an intimate look into the pivotal moments that led these individuals to leave their jobs and the subsequent impact on their lives.

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Kaylee’s Wild Ride: From Wildlife Agency to Nursing School

[03:13 – 12:05]

Kaylee, a labor and delivery nurse, recounts her intense experience working at a wildlife agency in Idaho. Her story begins with her freshman year of college when she secured her dream summer job snorkeling in rivers to study fish populations. However, the idyllic setup quickly spirals into chaos.

• Accidental Crashes: Kaylee describes two severe vehicle rollovers within two weeks, both caused by Trevor, a charismatic yet reckless crew leader she had a crush on. The first crash leaves her with a shoulder strain and giardia, a parasitic infection from dirty water. Despite her detrimental health, Trevor remains supportive.

  Kaylee (04:43): "I’m being suspended because the truck landed where I’m on the top. So I’m like hanging over and I can’t open the door because it’s so heavy above us."

• Second Accident and Breaking Point: The second rollover occurs when her actual boss takes over driving, leading to another dramatic crash. This time, Kaylee’s frustrations culminate in her decision to quit.

  Kaylee (10:22): "I fucking quit. They pushed you to the breaking point."

• Aftermath: Kaylee shares the emotional toll of her experiences, including taking time off to recover and dealing with the repercussions of quitting her dream job. Her resilience leads her to nursing school, marking a significant transition in her career path.

  Lily Padman (12:03): "Wow."

---

Jim’s Lawn Care Chronicles: Tips in Chicken Carcasses

[16:23 – 21:32]

Jim narrates his summer job experience working at a lawn care company in Virginia Beach. Initially excited to work alongside friends, his enthusiasm dwindles as the job proves to be more arduous and less enjoyable than anticipated.

• Unexpected Challenges: Jim describes bizarre incidents, such as discovering a coworker stealing steaks and storing them in the water cooler, highlighting the unprofessional environment.

  Jim (17:07): "We just had to pile in the back of the truck. We went all over town all day long, and it would rain."

• Quitting with Humor: Frustrated by the unrelenting workload and lack of camaraderie, Jim devises a humorous yet ineffective plan to quit by revealing an arrow drawn on his chest, symbolizing his departure.

  Jim (19:05): "Nobody even laughed. My expectations, in reality, were really, really far apart."

• Reflection: Despite the challenges, Jim acknowledges the valuable lessons learned and praises the kindness of the people in Iowa, where the lawn care routes took him.

  Jim (21:09): "It was quite an experience to show how nice the people in Iowa are."

---

Trevor’s Tip Debacle: Money in the Chicken Carcass

[22:03 – 31:00]

Trevor shares an extraordinary story about his time working at a café owned by Linda and Derek. The narrative takes a bizarre turn when the tip money goes missing, only to be found inside a chicken carcass.

• Uncovering the Mystery: Trevor and his coworkers notice a significant drop in their tip earnings. Upon investigating, they discover the missing money hidden inside a chicken carcass, leading to suspicion and tension with management.

  Trevor (24:59): "They were in cahoots with the money."

• Confrontation and Decision: Faced with evasive and hostile behavior from Derek, Trevor decides to stand his ground. After a heated exchange and realizing the toxic work environment, he submits his resignation.

  Trevor (30:08): "So I quit. I took off my apron, I walked out."

• Aftermath and Closure: Trevor reflects on the absurdity of the situation and the logical yet strained relationships with his former employers. He emphasizes the importance of standing up for oneself in the face of unethical practices.

  Trevor (30:34): "Zoe, that was really bizarre in a great way."

---

Roxanne’s Kmart Caper: A Teenager’s Scheme to Quit

[33:07 – 39:30]

Roxanne recounts her teenage years working at Kmart, where her dissatisfaction with the monotonous job leads her to concoct an elaborate plan to quit by faking a fall from a ladder.

• Devising the Plan: Frustrated with the tedious tasks of stock straightening, Roxanne decides to stage an accident in hopes of leveraging it into a resignation without repercussions.

  Roxanne (34:19): "So I’m like, devising this plan all day, straightening my shelves."

• Execution and Unexpected Outcome: Her attempt to fake a fall results in genuine concern from a nurse present, who intervenes and ensures Roxanne’s safety. The plan backfires as Roxanne faces the reality of quitting without the dramatic flair she envisioned.

  Roxanne (35:50): "I’m a nurse. So she’s like, I’m gonna stay with you. Don’t move your neck."

• Reflection and Recovery: Roxanne discusses the personal growth that followed her impulsive decision, including moving to Florida and embracing her journey in recovery. She highlights the importance of understanding one’s mental health, particularly in relation to her undiagnosed ADHD.

  Roxanne (37:54): "Now being medicated for ADHD and understanding that brain, it makes a lot more sense."

---

Concluding Remarks and Insights

Throughout the episode, each guest’s story underscores the complexities and emotional turmoil associated with quitting a job. From dealing with physical accidents and unethical management to grappling with personal health challenges, the narratives collectively highlight the profound impact that the decision to quit can have on one’s life trajectory.

Notable reflections from the guests include:

• Kaylee: The necessity of prioritizing personal well-being over career aspirations.

  Kaylee (10:30): "I hate you. Yes."

• Jim: The value of humor and resilience in overcoming workplace adversity.

  Jim (19:23): "I'm really into Nancy Drew as a kid."

• Trevor: The importance of integrity and courage in confronting dishonest practices.

  Trevor (27:39): "I caught you in your lie."

• Roxanne: The role of self-awareness and mental health in making life-changing decisions.

  Roxanne (34:59): "Things make a lot more sense."

---

Key Takeaways

• Empowerment through Quitting: Each story illustrates how quitting, despite its challenges, can lead to personal growth and better career paths.
• Ethical Work Environments: The importance of ethical management and supportive workplaces is a recurring theme.
• Mental and Physical Well-being: Prioritizing health and well-being is crucial when facing toxic or harmful job situations.
• Resilience and Adaptability: The guests demonstrate resilience in navigating their circumstances, ultimately finding paths that align better with their personal goals and values.

This episode serves as an inspiration to listeners, encouraging them to make difficult decisions when necessary for their well-being and personal growth.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Kaylee (10:22): "I fucking quit. They pushed you to the breaking point."
• Jim (19:23): "I'm really into Nancy Drew as a kid."
• Trevor (27:39): "I caught you in your lie."
• Roxanne (34:59): "Things make a lot more sense."

---

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard continues to explore the intricacies of human experiences, celebrating the courage it takes to make transformative life decisions.

Transcript

[Dan Rather]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free. Right now join Wondri plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

[Lily Padman]

Hi.

[Dan Rather]

Today's Armchair Anonymous prompt was I quit. Tell us a crazy I quit story now. Guess what? You can finally listen to this one.

[Lily Padman]

Oh good.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, you can listen to this one. There's. Let me. Hold on. Heidi. Well, yeah, yeah, there is some, I guess light animal cruelty, but the animal's dead.

[Lily Padman]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Rather]

Okay. So other than that, I think you're free to listen. Please enjoy. I quit. We are supported by Acorns. Acorns is a financial wellness app that that makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future. Oh, investing is the most important thing. You gotta squirrel some away so that you know when you get to the end of the ride you can have some fun. Yeah, it's important and you gotta think about it today. If you just wait too late, it won't magically happen. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. And you don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now. Even if all you've got is spare change. Sign up now and join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Plus, Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment offer available at acorns.comdax that's a C O R N S.comDAX to get your $20 bonus investment today paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns Tier 4 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC Register Advisor. View important [e-mail] DAX we are supported by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you brought your towel first before diving into a swimming pool. Or like you know to check that you have the tickets in your wallet first before you drive two hours to the big game and they won't let you in. Like you know to check your trunk for reusable shopping bags first before you get to the grocery store checkout line and need to buy paper bags again. Checking first is smart, so check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hard times come and go Good times take them slow My life, I had them both. One thing you gotta know Imma keep on shining.

[Kaylee]

Hi.

[Dan Rather]

What a beautiful, robust set of headphones you're wearing.

[Lily Padman]

And the wall, Is it plaster?

[Dan Rather]

No, that's a sheet.

[Lily Padman]

Oh.

[Kaylee]

I'm a labor and delivery nurse. My supervisor is a huge arm cherry, and she pulled out, like, a baby warmer in one of our closets and used foam surgical tape and taped up all these.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my goodness.

[Dan Rather]

What's your boss's name?

[Kaylee]

Scotty.

[Dan Rather]

Big props and shout outs and thank yous to Scotty. Okay. Kaylee, what did you quit?

[Kaylee]

I quit a job at an wildlife agency. So I live in Idaho. My freshman year of college, I applied for my dream job, which was on a snorkel crew. So it was for a summer. It was in rivers. And so we would have, like, these different sites that we would snorkel to, and we would count for fish to, like, count different kinds of trout and see if there's juveniles, adults. And then we would also check up on people fishing and see, like, if they were catching salmon. It's what I was going to school for, which was wildlife biology. We camped the whole summer together. It was just me and one other girl. The rest were older dudes. And so, of course, I'm 19 and have, like, a huge crush on one of the, like, leads of the crew. Each day we had split into groups of two. And so, of course, I volunteer to go with the guy I have a crush on.

[Lily Padman]

This is hot.

[Dan Rather]

Let's call him Greg.

[Kaylee]

He needs a name. That's kind of like a hot mess.

[Dan Rather]

Trevor.

[Trevor]

Oh, Trevor.

[Lily Padman]

Trevor sure is great.

[Kaylee]

I volunteer to go with Trevor. So we're going down, like, these back roads and going way too fast.

[Dan Rather]

Trevor, he's wild.

[Kaylee]

Unfortunately, we're listening to My Dick by Mickey Avalon. He is driving. He leans down to grab our radio to call out, and he loses control of the vehicle and it hits the gravel. He overcorrects, hits the guardrail.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, boy.

[Kaylee]

And we're probably going, like, 60 miles per hour. And we're in a brand new Yukon.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, no. Those are gorgeous.

[Kaylee]

I know. In a company vehicle. He hits the guardrail and we roll three times.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Kaylee]

Airbags. Everything shatters. We have a ton of equipment. Everything' going out the windows. It's wild. I'M being suspended because the truck landed where I'm on the top. So I'm like hanging over and I can't open the door because it's so heavy above us. He's trapped. He can't get out either. But there was a fish trap, like, across the road. And someone was there and heard us, ran across, got us out and took us to a very, very small hospital there, if you can call it a hospital, where our crew meets up with us. And they're cutting my clothes off in front of my crew. And I am, like, probably 10 years younger than everyone. This is not what I was going for. So luckily he was fine. I mean, maybe. Luckily.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah. I wouldn't mind if he had a broken arm or something, to be honest.

[Kaylee]

So I just had, like a shoulder strain, but they put me in a sling so I couldn't drive home, So I had to call my mom.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, no. From your first job?

[Kaylee]

She drives three hours, comes and picks me up, go home. And I take 13 days off to just recover my shoulder. And so they put me on, like, muscle relaxers. This whole time I'm home. I have horrible diarrhea.

[Dan Rather]

Oh.

[Kaylee]

All day, every day. And my mom's like, something is very wrong. So I went to the doctor and I got giardia.

[Dan Rather]

Giardia?

[Lily Padman]

What's that?

[Dan Rather]

How did you get that?

[Kaylee]

So it's a parasite that you get from dirty water?

[Lily Padman]

Necrotic flesh?

[Dan Rather]

No, no, no. Different.

[Lily Padman]

But we just had another necrotic flesh.

[Dan Rather]

This isn't necrotic flesh, so sorry. She can't stop thinking about hearing the necrotic flesh story.

[Lily Padman]

It's very similar to necrotic flesh.

[Kaylee]

I feel like it was. I was so, so sick. They also call it, which is so gross, but they call it beaver fever.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, because it goes in your vagina? No, the beaver's poop. And then you eat it. Okay, I got it.

[Kaylee]

So I got it from, I'm assuming, snorkeling in gross water. Yes.

[Roxanne]

God.

[Kaylee]

We would snorkel little tributaries and stuff. So sometimes you would get there and just be like, I can't even see in this murky ass water. It was sometimes nasty. So they put me on anti parasitics and I'm like, cool, I'll go back to work. Still into the guy that tried to kill me.

[Dan Rather]

Gotta see Trev.

[Kaylee]

He's like hitting me up, making sure I'm okay. I'm like this guy, just heart of gold. So I go back on day 14, I can't go hiking because I am literally shitting myself every five seconds. They're like, it's cool. We'll drive down the river to a different site. And this time it's my actual boss driving. And Trevor is the passenger. And I'm in the back seat. And we have this new company vehicle since we totaled the other one. It has, like, suicide doors. So you have to open the front door to get the back doors open. My window is down. And then we also have my boss's puppy in the bed in a kennel. Oh, my boss and Trevor had gone on like, a night hike. My boss was super tired, and he's like, hey, I need someone else to drive. Who do you think he chose to drive?

[Dan Rather]

T dog Me. Oh, again. Sexism strikes again.

[Lily Padman]

He just crashed. This is.

[Dan Rather]

He's the reason you're in a pickup.

[Kaylee]

Truck two weeks ago, literally to the day. So he switches drivers, and probably five minutes later, we are rolling.

[Lily Padman]

Stop.

[Dan Rather]

No.

[Lily Padman]

Are you.

[Dan Rather]

Five minutes later, we are rolling.

[Kaylee]

I am fucking serious.

[Jim]

Trevor.

[Kaylee]

Trevor is.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, my God. What a putz.

[Lily Padman]

He should never be allowed to drive again.

[Kaylee]

We're rolling down an embankment and land in the river.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, my God.

[Lily Padman]

This is how that lady died.

[Dan Rather]

I know that scarred you. I'm sorry. Kaylee, stop.

[Lily Padman]

Why do you keep apologizing? These are not.

[Dan Rather]

Because she doesn't know what you're talking about. I know you're referring to Mitch McConnell.

[Lily Padman]

Mitch McConnell's sister in law. She drowned in a situation like this.

[Kaylee]

So we roll down. I am so lucky because it lands the same exact way as the first one. I'm suspended above the water. I had to undo my seatbelt stand in the river. And then my window was open, so I like, squeezed through. I look behind me, and the puppy in the kennel is floating down the river.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, my God. Now it's like a Disney movie where the puppy gets separated and goes down.

[Lily Padman]

The river and he has an adventure and then he makes his way back.

[Dan Rather]

Makes friends with a cat.

[Kaylee]

We were lucky because the rest of the crew was right behind us. And so someone, like, hopped in the river, gets the puppy. The puppy's okay, everyone.

[Dan Rather]

Fuck them.

[Kaylee]

I wiggle out. I'm like, standing on the top of the truck, and I look and I see my boss and Trevor just chilling fine. And I just looked at my boss and I was like, I fucking quit.

[Lily Padman]

Oh.

[Kaylee]

Immediately, like, I was like, okay, you're breathing. You're breathing. I fucking quit. Like, I hate you. Yes.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, you're trying to kill you twice.

[Kaylee]

So I call my mom and I'm like, Mom.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Kaylee]

My poor parents.

[Lily Padman]

I know.

[Dan Rather]

Was she like, honey, is it the diarrhea?

[Lily Padman]

How's the giardia?

[Dan Rather]

How's your beaver fever?

[Kaylee]

I got on my shit, we went back to base camp. I got in my car, drove home and never looked back. I dropped out of the biology program.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, wow. This was really life changing.

[Kaylee]

Yep. And then I went to nursing school.

[Dan Rather]

Okay, okay, well, we love nurses.

[Lily Padman]

We do.

[Kaylee]

But super devastating. I was so excited. It was like my dream job. It was so cool. And then I was like, I'm gonna die if I continue.

[Lily Padman]

Yes. Two strikes.

[Dan Rather]

Did Trevor reach out after the second one?

[Kaylee]

He did. And he. Probably for like a year. He would just be like, hey, you doing okay? The crazy shit is that they, like, drug tested him and everything. Obviously, he's just dumb.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah.

[Kaylee]

But he also changed his career. He's now a plumber. So life changing for everybody.

[Dan Rather]

I'm glad he's not an Uber driver. All right. Or a chauffeur. That was a great story. Two rollovers within two weeks.

[Kaylee]

I had to, like, do counseling. I couldn't go through a car wash for months. That's a lot of the water on the metal.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah. Well, if it got you mad enough to go, I fucking quit. They pushed you to the breaking point.

[Kaylee]

They did, yeah.

[Lily Padman]

Wow.

[Dan Rather]

Well, thank you so much.

[Kaylee]

It's so exciting to talk to you guys. I emailed Emma back. Yes, I'm available before I even looked at my schedule.

[Trevor]

And I was like, shit, I'm at work.

[Kaylee]

I gotta figure this out. But Scottie came in for me. I do have to shout out Emily, who's also another armchairy. We talk every week about what's going on. And then my dad, Tyler, he's been clean for like 18 years. Wow.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, go, Tyler.

[Kaylee]

So we both listened to armchair.

[Jim]

Oh.

[Dan Rather]

Delighted to have the whole family.

[Roxanne]

Yeah.

[Lily Padman]

This is incredible.

[Dan Rather]

And the nurse team winners.

[Lily Padman]

And Emily.

[Dan Rather]

All right, well, we adore you. Thank you.

[Kaylee]

Thank you so much. It was so great meeting you guys.

[Dan Rather]

All right, take care. Do you think you've ever had be review? No.

[Lily Padman]

I think I would know. I mean, sometimes I do have diarrhea.

[Dan Rather]

Take your temperature.

[Lily Padman]

I don't. You know why I don't go in ponds, right? Or lakes or rivers.

[Dan Rather]

Very clear of ponds.

[Lily Padman]

Any water. Good thing I didn't get it when almost drowned on the river on our tubing. If I got giardia beaver fever, I.

[Dan Rather]

Would still be paying for that.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Monica Lewinsky]

Imagine this. You help your little brother land a great job abroad, but when he arrives the job doesn't exist. Instead, he's trapped in a heavily guarded compound, forced to sit at a computer and scam innocent victims, all while armed guards stand by with shoot to kill orders. Scam Factory, the explosive new true crime podcast from Wondery exposes a multi billion dollar criminal empire operating in plain sight. Told through one family harrowing account of sleepless nights, desperate phone calls, and dangerous rescue attempts, Scam Factory reveals a brutal truth. The only way out is to scam their way out. Follow Scam Factory on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Scam Factory early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus.

[Heidi]

At 24 I lost my narrative. Or rather it was stolen from me and the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up, they connected with the people that I'm talking to, and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

[Dan Rather]

Hello Jim Hello.

[Jim]

How are you guys doing?

[Trevor]

Good.

[Dan Rather]

And are you a cyclist or just a fan of like French posters?

[Jim]

I'm a fan of travel posters, but I'm also a cyclist that's from Ragbraai, which is a ride across Iowa. They do it every year from the Missouri river to the Mississippi River.

[Dan Rather]

Tom Arnold did this several times, I believe. A big event, right?

[Jim]

It is. I did the 50th anniversary and I think it was like 50,000 people.

[Dan Rather]

You just camp on people's yards and it's a big old party.

[Jim]

I think the people from Iowa are some of the nicest people in the entire United States. They take you into their homes, they cook you meals, and every small town and every church is putting out like a bake sale. It's really neat.

[Dan Rather]

You're like invigorating a dream. I think I want to put it on my list of things I want to do to do that bike ride, that sounds so fun.

[Jim]

I would recommend it. I love.

[Dan Rather]

I'm doing it after the great Loop. Okay, tell us about a time you quit.

[Jim]

I am talking to you from Richmond, Virginia. But I grew up in Virginia Beach, Virginia, the summer of 1995. I just graduated high school. My dad actually worked at the school in the business office in this lawn care company, cut the grass at the school grounds, and he got me a job there. And I was like, oh, that'll be pretty good. They mostly did commercial lawn care. He got me a job and two of my friends.

[Dan Rather]

Were you riding a Dixie chopper?

[Jim]

That's the hope. I was like, we're going to be riding big riding mowers. The three of us are going to have a great time together, and we'll spend all summer together just goofing off. And it was not bad at all. You do not get to ride the Dixie mower if you are one of only three people that are there for the summer. Everybody else is there full time doing the work.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah.

[Jim]

What we expected and what actually happened was a pretty far cry from each other. So the three of us were split up immediately. So they had different crews. You got there at sunrise, loaded up the trucks. One of my friends only made it two days. He was on the residential side, and he got fired for jumping on somebody's trampoline and then getting hurt falling off of it. My other friend was like, this is terrible. He made it like a month. Then he quit. But I gutted it out all summer, and I was exposed to some pretty cool stuff that I hadn't seen before. Like, we one time went cut a shopping center lawn, and the guy just walked right into the grocery store and came out the stakes all down his pants that he had just stolen. He's like, I'm gonna sell these later. And we open up the water cooler and just threw them all in there. And we're like, all right, I guess we'll just store your bloody steaks in the water cooler.

[Dan Rather]

Sure, sure.

[Jim]

We just had to pile in the back of the truck. We went all over town all day long, and it would rain. You just put a trash bag over you. I mean, it was not safe at all. But we pulled up next to a car that had a failed inspection sticker, and he offered to sell them a counterfeit one.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my.

[Jim]

Underground economy that I. I did not even know if, like state selling and sticker selling as well. I learned a lot about raunchy humor and drugs.

[Dan Rather]

This is seminal experience for a young man. I went to work at a race shop at 15. And I was working with all like 38 year old dudes. Yeah. And the stuff I was hearing and the jokes they were making to me, I was like terrified half the time I was there.

[Jim]

Yeah, a lot of masturbation jokes. Some of the people were really, really good. But the guys that ran it were just assholes. I mean, they just run you straight ragged. From the time you get up the sundown, you kind of come back and unload the truck and you never cut enough. They were like, hey, we need to cut more. You should be out there. Go faster. Stop taking so many breaks. I was going to go to college and I had about a week left this summer. And it was Sunday and I met a bunch of friends on the beach. And they had had a completely different summer experience than I had traveling. They're like, oh, yeah, the next week we're just going to hang out on the beach. This is what I should be doing. Tomorrow I'm quitting. And so I took the zinc sunblock. I was like, I'm gonna quit in a blaze of glory too. So I wrote on my chest, mowed this with a huge arrow to my crotch.

[Trevor]

Oh, wow.

[Lily Padman]

Okay. Wow.

[Dan Rather]

You really caught up to them.

[Lily Padman]

You took on their Personas.

[Jim]

What I was thinking, like, the crew's gonna love this. And all the foremen are gonna be like, oh, man. What was amazing is how well it worked. It was bone white on the modus and then, you know, bright red everywhere else. And the arrow was huge. And so I. All day, I was super excited about this. I am kind of a blabber. I normally will, like, spill it. And I kept it all day. I'm like, wait until everybody gets a load of this. And so we get back and you have to gather around, talk about what you got done and then where you're going the next day and what. Who's on what crew? And I was like, all right. So I ripped my shirt off. Nobody even like, looked at me. And then finally someone looked over and I remember a guy, like, just smoking a cigarette. Look at me. Like, what in the world does this guy have? It was so embarrassing because I had to basically quit with my shirt off and be like, today's my last day. Punchline was so lost and it was so sad. I was really expecting more of a place of glory. And I got a whimper.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah. When you got to explain, like, oh, did you see? So it's like, mow this, cuz we mow because we mow lawns. And Then the arrow, though, is because it's kind of a.

[Lily Padman]

It's like, suck my dick. But it's also, I'm quitting. They're like, get out.

[Dan Rather]

No, you're fired.

[Lily Padman]

Actually, you're fired for that joke.

[Jim]

Nobody even laughed. My expectations, in reality, were really, really far apart. Mo. This was on there for a while. Leaving for your first week of school with this, not realizing you had communal showers.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, well, it's great to have a job like that, because then you go, like, I really got to figure something out other than this. It's a great motivator.

[Jim]

I had a lot of manual labor jobs growing up. Think it instills a good work ethic?

[Lily Padman]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Rather]

Everything is just easier the rest of your life.

[Jim]

Yeah. I appreciate the time.

[Lily Padman]

Thanks for chatting with us.

[Dan Rather]

Great meeting you. And you've really inspired me to do this Iowa trip.

[Jim]

It was really, really hot. There was one tornado morning, but people just come out of their house and are like, you can come stay with us. As a stranger. I stayed in someone's basement after biking 100 miles that day, smelling horrible. But they gave me a clean shower, and it was quite an experience to show how nice the people in Iowa are.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah. Well, great meeting you, Jim. Thanks so much for telling us that story.

[Jim]

Thank you, guys.

[Dan Rather]

All right, take care. Hello.

[Trevor]

Can you hear me?

[Dan Rather]

Okay, beautifully. What fake name do you want?

[Trevor]

People have told me that I look like a Zoe, so I'll go with that.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, that's a great name.

[Dan Rather]

I have a niece named Zoe. Do you remember the first Zoe? I do.

[Lily Padman]

Kravitz?

[Trevor]

No, I was gonna say Deschanel.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Lily Padman]

Great one.

[Dan Rather]

I think the first one was Zoey Bowie, David Bowie's kid.

[Lily Padman]

First one ever.

[Dan Rather]

And wouldn't you leave it to David Bowie to come up with that?

[Lily Padman]

Zoe Bowie, are you allowed to tell.

[Dan Rather]

Us where you're at?

[Trevor]

Yeah, I'm actually in Ireland at the moment, but from the Pacific Northwest. So it's where the story takes place. It's the summer of 2018. I was 17 at the time, and I'm looking for a summer job. So I'm going to restaurants, shops, cafes, and I end up getting a job at this little cafe, and it's owned by a couple who I'll call Linda and Derek. They're probably in their mid to late 50s and very well meaning, but definitely things could get a little awkward because they worked alongside us, and the relationship would kind of get in the way sometimes, which was kind of awkward for a teenager. And Everyone who worked there were young girls. The town that this was in, a lot of eclectic people. We had a lot of interesting customers. I think a highlight is a man once brought a full size dining room table into the store and then took a nap on it.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, and that was allowed?

[Trevor]

It was allowed. Like, what am I gonna do?

[Dan Rather]

Oh, wow, that's a weird kink.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah.

[Dan Rather]

Like, I love sleeping in public on a dining room table.

[Lily Padman]

This is really odd. Okay.

[Trevor]

After about a month of being there, I'm pretty happy because I'm realizing that I'm making probably six or seven dollars an hour in tips on top of my minimum wage pay. I'm like, this is way more money than I thought I was going to be making here. But then suddenly that goes down to like one to $2 an hour. I talked to my coworkers and they're like, yeah. We also noticed that suddenly we've lost all of our tip money, which didn't make sense because it was the height of summer, was way busier than it had ever been. So we're like, you know what, let's talk to Linda and Derek. We approach them one day. We're like, hey, like, we noticed some of our tip money is missing. We don't think anyone's stealing it, but just wanted to alert you to the situation.

[Dan Rather]

Were the tips gathered in like a tip jar on the counter or left on receipts?

[Trevor]

The cash tips, if people gave us change, we put them in a tip jar and then we'd empty that into like a big tip jar. And then if people tipped on card, we would immediately take that cash out of the cash register and put that also in the big tip jar. So we had basically this massive bin of coins. And either two co workers would roll those coins into, like, coin rolls or Linda would do it. And then what would happen was Linda would take those coins to the bank and she would bring us big bills. So we'd get like $50 or $100 bills. So all these tips are missing. Linda is immediately very emotional. She starts crying. She's like, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's happening. But really hysterical. Oh, not the reaction I was expecting. And Derek is like, I'm going to get to the BO to check the security footage. Someone is stealing from the store. This is unacceptable. This was on a Friday. So was my last shift of the week. I go home, like, great, we're going to get to the bottom of this or get our tips back. I get a text from one of my co workers. The next day. And she's like, derek found the tips. They were in a chicken carcass. What?

[Dan Rather]

What a great left turn. They were in a chicken carcass?

[Trevor]

Yeah.

[Lily Padman]

What the fuck?

[Dan Rather]

That's not good. Yummy stuffing. Just to warn everyone.

[Trevor]

In no logical way could I make of why. How did they get there? I text her back. I make sure she's not joking. She's like, no, no, no. He's like, I found them in a chicken carcass. So I'm like, I'm going down there. So I show up, and Linda looks really scared to see me. She's, like, kind of darting around. Derek and I go and sit outside, and he's also being really evasive, and he's commenting on, like, birds he's seeing and not there to have this conversation. I'm like, what happened with the tips? He's like, well, I really trust my employees. I didn't think any of you would steal them. So I wasn't even gonna mess around with looking at the security cameras. I just went straight to. I'm gonna go through the dumpster, and I'm gonna find the tips.

[Lily Padman]

These guys are bad at lying.

[Trevor]

Really bad. And the dumpsters are, like, shared with other businesses. So I keep pressing him, and he's like, linda was making some chicken sandwiches.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, man. This is like an episode of Parks and Rec or something.

[Lily Padman]

Orlandia, really?

[Trevor]

So she's making chicken sandwiches, and she accidentally put the bills. These, like, $100 bills, which is probably over $1,000.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, my God.

[Trevor]

For thinking. For all of the employees. Accidentally puts them inside of the chicken.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, yeah. Who has it easy?

[Lily Padman]

Mistake.

[Trevor]

Puts that in the dumpster. But I am like, no, no, no. I caught you in your lie.

[Dan Rather]

Good for you.

[Trevor]

I was really into Nancy Drew as a kid.

[Kaylee]

Yeah.

[Lily Padman]

This was your moment not to get hung up on this. But they're making the chicken sandwiches from a real chicken. Like, it's that good.

[Dan Rather]

Well, p. Artsy town.

[Trevor]

They had a farm.

[Lily Padman]

Dang. Yeah.

[Dan Rather]

Some good food over there.

[Lily Padman]

It sounds yummy.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah. And if you don't get a stray.

[Trevor]

$100 bill in your sandwich, Honestly would appreciate that.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah.

[Dan Rather]

Be worth it.

[Trevor]

It was getting weirder and weirder, and I was like, no, Derek. I actually know that she made those earlier on in the week. And the garbage is collected on a Friday morning.

[Dan Rather]

Wow.

[Lily Padman]

Nancy Nance Drew.

[Trevor]

There's no way the bills would have been in the dumpster. And also, how many garbage bags did you go through? And why did you look inside of the chicken Carcass. He can't explain it to me, so he just switches to, you know what this is about. You must be on your period.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, Derek, Derek, Derek, Derek. This is not an acceptable tactic. My God, he's trying to period shame you.

[Lily Padman]

He's trying to gaslight you.

[Trevor]

And then he brings Linda into it and he's like, linda, come on over here. You're going through menopause, right? And I think what's happened is your menopause and Zoe's period has synced up and you're just really fueling each other's hormonal rage.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, Derek, this is disgusting.

[Trevor]

So this is not okay. If I was going to get my money back, I'd move on. But I did not appreciate this. So I went home and I remember talking to my parents and they're like, be respectful. Write a two week letter, give it to them on your next shift, and then find another job. So came in on Monday morning, gave Derek the letter. Linda's also there. She immediately starts crying.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, Linda, she is in menopause.

[Trevor]

She's going through something. And Derek is very angry. He's yelling that I'm ungrateful for my job. It's just the hormones. You're never going to find another job.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my God, what is wrong with these people? They're going to poison the town. Like Ma. Nod, Sheila.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, a couple steps away, the way.

[Trevor]

That he was yelling at me, I was a little scared. So I was like, you know what? I quit. I took off my apron, I walked out. I had another job two days later, and they shut down.

[Dan Rather]

The health department finds a big wad of money in the chicken carcass. They're going to be like, you guys.

[Lily Padman]

Can'T see well, which is obviously not what happened.

[Dan Rather]

Did you at least get that tip money that had been.

[Trevor]

He said that he would give it to us, and maybe if I had stayed, I would have got it. And it was probably like a couple hundred bucks.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, yeah.

[Lily Padman]

Fuck.

[Dan Rather]

I kind of think the guy that was sleeping on the table inside was Derek's brother or Derek in disguise.

[Lily Padman]

In disguise. What was going on with them?

[Dan Rather]

You know, like, you can be really mad at them as you have. You're entitled to be. But also, some people's lives are so terrible. You're like, oh, they're already paying the price for this mania. There's like no way there's any joy happening when they get home from work. And he's dealing with Linda, who stole all the tip money. Well, what's your take I think she stole it because she's bawling the second she heard about it.

[Lily Padman]

Right.

[Dan Rather]

I think she was trying to squirrel away some money to get away from Derek.

[Lily Padman]

Or Derek stole it and she felt so guilty. She knew he was taking the money, and so she started crying.

[Dan Rather]

Could be. And he was gaslighting her and you stole it.

[Lily Padman]

They were in cahoots with the money.

[Dan Rather]

Unless she was trying to squirrel it away to make her escape. Well, like Julia Roberts in that movie.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, Sleeping with the Enemy. Jess brings that up all the time.

[Dan Rather]

That's a good one.

[Trevor]

I definitely think she was the one who took it, based on her reaction. Now I feel bad if she was trying to leave him.

[Lily Padman]

Okay, well, we don't feel bad. We do not know the details.

[Dan Rather]

No, maybe the shutdown was. She finally got out of there, and then he's like, I'm not gonna run this thing by myself.

[Lily Padman]

The shutdown is like, they are not able to conduct business.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah. Or she made her a big escape and she's got a new, healthy Walmart.

[Lily Padman]

You want that to be.

[Dan Rather]

That's best.

[Lily Padman]

So we'll say that.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, boy. Do you go back to the town. Have you ever bumped into them?

[Trevor]

My dad still lives there, so I am always a little on edge because everyone knows everyone when I go back for Christmas, but never seen them.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, well, Zoe, that was really bizarre in a great way.

[Trevor]

I was nervous. I was like, I don't know if I have a story good enough. And I saw this prompt, like, okay, this might be my chance.

[Lily Padman]

Chicken carcass. That'll be.

[Dan Rather]

That'll get you here for sure. Well, it's lovely meeting you, Zoe.

[Lily Padman]

Thank you.

[Dan Rather]

Have fun in Ireland. Are you drinking Guinness and Beamish and all the fun beers?

[Trevor]

I am. I also discovered a baby Guinness, which is, like, Kahlua and something else, and it's so cute. It literally is in a shot glass.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, cute.

[Dan Rather]

Well, you know, Guinness in either Bailey's or Kahlua and a little Jameson is called an Irish Car Bomb. And those are fucking outrageous. They taste like a milkshake shake.

[Lily Padman]

Give that a try.

[Dan Rather]

Give that a couple bangs. All right. Wonderful meeting you. Have fun. You, too.

[Trevor]

Okay, thanks, bye.

[Lily Padman]

Weird.

[Dan Rather]

What happened?

[Lily Padman]

I just got a text from Zoe.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, my goodness. Which Zoe?

[Lily Padman]

A friend of mine named Zoe, who I haven't spoken to. September 4th, 2023.

[Dan Rather]

Whoa. Something's collapsing.

[Lily Padman]

I know.

[Dan Rather]

There's a glitch. Oh, wonderful. We have a visitor.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my gosh. It's a little.

[Roxanne]

This is Huxley. He's almost Six weeks.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, Huxley looks perfect. I want to hold Huxley.

[Roxanne]

Huxley.

[Dan Rather]

Look, he's just staring up at his mom. He knows that she's got all the things he needs.

[Roxanne]

All right, do you want to go.

[Dan Rather]

With Daddy while I talk or take a nap? Oh, he's got a little turtle jammies. Oh, he's in the bag of potato phase. Do you see? He looked like a little sack of potatoes when he moved around.

[Roxanne]

Rock on. I'm going to use my middle name for legal reasons, just in case. It's Roxanne.

[Dan Rather]

Ooh, Roxanne. You've got a Roxanne vibe.

[Lily Padman]

That's a great name.

[Roxanne]

Thanks. I like it, too.

[Dan Rather]

Are you allowed to tell us where you're at in the country, or would that be too incriminating?

[Roxanne]

I'm in Hummelstown, Pennsylvania, which is right in between Harrisburg and Hershey. So in between the Capitol and Chocolate Town.

[Dan Rather]

I went to Hershey as a kid. Very fun. Have you been there, Monica?

[Lily Padman]

No, I wanted to go.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, all over the town. The little street lamps are Hershey kisses. Did I make this up? I feel like I took a boat ride on chocolate and there was chocolate rollers that you could see.

[Roxanne]

Yeah, that's Chocolate World. Oh, that is a free ride that you can do in addition to Hershey Park.

[Dan Rather]

We might have just done the free ride.

[Lily Padman]

You got to go there. You're always acting like you didn't get to do stuff. And you went to Hershey World.

[Dan Rather]

Hershey, Pennsylvania. You gotta go.

[Roxanne]

That was another job I had that. I have a different quit story, but not this one.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, you worked at Hershey.

[Roxanne]

Worked at Hershey park in game.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, really? Where people would throw the balls.

[Roxanne]

Yeah.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, wow. Were you a teen? That would be fun to meet boys.

[Roxanne]

Yeah, I was a teen. I was dating a boy there who I was also dating for this other story.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, great. Wonderful.

[Roxanne]

Yes. He sucks. It was a weird engaged at 16 situation. Luckily, that didn't go through.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, thank goodness.

[Roxanne]

I like to hear that the story that I have takes place at Kmart.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, you're hitting all my erogenous zones right now. Kmart, Hershey. Yes. Blue Light special.

[Roxanne]

This was 2002. 2003. I was 16. Ish. And to preface, I do not condone my actions of this story or my behavior at all. Undiagnosed adhd. Heavily angsty teen. Anything's possible. I hated this job. I applied at Kmart to be a cash register lady. I wanted to be that since I was a small child.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, I can relate yeah, it's the best.

[Roxanne]

The buttons, I mean, a sensory dream. So they put me on stock straightening the shelves. It was mind numbing, and I hated it. So I was always trying to, like, call off, and a normal person would just find a different job. But I had to come up with a grand scheme to get out of this job. So one day I arrived for my four hour shift, and I noticed there was a ladder in the aisle. Like one of those step ladders, like, staircase. So I devised a plan to fall off the ladder. And in my teenage brain, I was gonna then sue Kmart.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, my God. You had big dreams.

[Roxanne]

And then also sue to never have to work again.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, right, that you're gonna retire at 16. Basically, yeah.

[Lily Padman]

Correct.

[Roxanne]

This makes sense. It was so awful working at Kmart. So I'm like, devising this plan all day, straightening my shelves. I'm walking over, I'm like, how am I gonna do it? So finally I decide to do a test run. And I look around. I don't see anybody nearby. So I walk to the top of the ladder, and I'm just trying to figure out how I'm gonna fake fall. I've never done that before. So I kind of kick my leg out in front of me and I go down and I start falling, and I fall on the floor. In my head, I'm like, okay, this went pretty well. But then all of a sudden, I hear this woman, and she's like, I saw the whole thing.

[Dan Rather]

Don't move.

[Roxanne]

I'm a nurse.

[Kaylee]

Oh.

[Roxanne]

So she's like, I'm gonna stay with you. Don't move your neck. I'm like, I think I'm fine. I can probably just stand up. She's like, no, no. So she gets the manager, and then they call 911.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, my God.

[Roxanne]

At this point, I'm just like, I'm gonna go to jail. They have to tell my parents because I'm a minor. So my par. They bring out the stretcher, they put me in the neck brace. So now at this point, I have to play along. So I'm like, oh, you know, my neck. So they get me to the ambulance, they take me to the hospital, which is nearby.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, my God, how embarrassing.

[Roxanne]

They check me out. They didn't admit me, obviously, because I had no injuries.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, yeah, you're just fine.

[Trevor]

Sure.

[Roxanne]

So they check me out, send me home, and I don't know, I was asking my mom earlier if they went through their insurance or if it ended up being a workers comp claim. She said she Thinks it ended up being a workers comp claim. But anyway, I promptly quit.

[Dan Rather]

Sure.

[Lily Padman]

Well, you were too hurt.

[Dan Rather]

Every time you walked by that aisle, you probably shuddered.

[Roxanne]

I know. The health and beauty aisle.

[Dan Rather]

Ugh.

[Lily Padman]

So they never found out.

[Dan Rather]

What'd you get out of it?

[Roxanne]

I got the rest of the day.

[Lily Padman]

Off, but were they worried about getting sued?

[Roxanne]

They didn't really say anything, and I did not go through with that part of my plan. Sure, sure. I'm glad that they didn't mention it. We just parted ways and everybody was like, you're good. You're not injured, so we're good. And you're not gonna work here, so that's fine. I would imagine it covered the ambulance ride.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, yeah, those are pricey.

[Lily Padman]

That is hilarious.

[Dan Rather]

I love that you threw yourself down one of those. I mean, what a preposterous plan.

[Roxanne]

Yeah. Now being medicated for ADHD and understanding that brain, it makes a lot more sense. It explains a lot with my work history. Now I have my own place, so that works well for me to do my own thing. Yeah, I'm just the inattentive type, so I kind skip class to watch ER and lay on the couch all day. Gotta finish this episode.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah.

[Roxanne]

I moved to Florida after high school. Randomly. One night, I just drove down with a pizza, lived there for a few months.

[Lily Padman]

What?

[Roxanne]

And then came back very impulsive.

[Lily Padman]

Did it hurt?

[Roxanne]

I don't think it hurt. If anything, I might have bruised up my thigh. That was my plan, to tell them that I was hurt and that I needed to go home. Once I. I brought myself down from the suing, I was just gonna try to get the rest of the day off.

[Lily Padman]

Oh, those nurses, they're so sweet. They're just so on top of it.

[Dan Rather]

You gotta make sure you don't have a spinal injury.

[Roxanne]

She was so kind. And I was such a dick.

[Dan Rather]

That's okay. She went home. She felt good. She told her husband this poor young teen broke her neck at Kickstarter today. They should not have them up on those ladders. That should be something for a dog. Adults.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah, maybe that was the hill that she chose. Now she's an advocate.

[Dan Rather]

Well, Roxanne, delightful meeting you and your little baby.

[Roxanne]

Thank you so much for the podcast. I'm also in recovery. I'm eight years sober.

[Dan Rather]

That's so funny. When you said you moved to Florida, I was like, do we have any addiction? I'm smelling some addiction, but that's great. I didn't ask you, but I felt like I saw you at sea.

[Roxanne]

Yes, for sure.

[Lily Padman]

Congrats on 8 years.

[Dan Rather]

Congrats.

[Roxanne]

Thank you. Congrats to you, too.

[Dan Rather]

Thank you.

[Roxanne]

I love everything that you guys do.

[Dan Rather]

I'm not ready to diagnose myself with adhd, but I do wonder. I certainly enjoyed cocaine more than everyone else.

[Roxanne]

I never tried it because I knew I would love it and I was terrified I would die.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, that was probably a good choice for you.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah. True.

[Dan Rather]

Well, congrats. That's great news. And now you got a little baby, so all the promises are coming true.

[Roxanne]

Yes. I have a 7 year old daughter and then Huxley.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, I love it.

[Lily Padman]

It.

[Dan Rather]

All right. Well, wonderful meeting you.

[Roxanne]

Yes. Wonderful meeting you. Thank you so much.

[Dan Rather]

All right, take care.

[Lily Padman]

Well, that was sweet.

[Dan Rather]

I wanted to hold that little baby. The way she passed him on, his shape was a ball. If you lift an adult up, they.

[Lily Padman]

Straighten out the roly pole.

[Dan Rather]

Yes. He stayed snuggled.

[Lily Padman]

Allison, Roman just had a baby.

[Dan Rather]

She did?

[Lily Padman]

Yes. And she sent me a picture. And he's so cute.

[Dan Rather]

I hope she doesn't cook them. Them.

[Lily Padman]

Doesn'T accidentally cook them.

[Dan Rather]

She gets going, she'll just throw anything.

[Lily Padman]

I kind of understand what you mean because they're so tasty.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, they do look delicious.

[Lily Padman]

Yeah.

[Dan Rather]

All right.

[Trevor]

All right.

[Lily Padman]

Love you.

[Dan Rather]

Love you.

[Jim]

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a song for this new show, so here I go. Go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armchairies, we'll get some suggestions on the fire rhyme dish. On the fire rhyme dish.

[Kaylee]

Enjoy.

[Dan Rather]

Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry App, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry app app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.