Armchair Anonymous: Little League/Coaching

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Episode: Armchair Anonymous: Little League/Coaching
Release Date: December 6, 2024

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Introduction

In this episode of Armchair Expert, host Dax Shepard delves into the chaotic and often emotional world of Little League coaching. Joined by co-host Monica Padman, they explore personal anecdotes and listener-submitted stories that highlight both the joys and disasters inherent in youth sports. The episode promises an engaging mix of humor, vulnerability, and insightful commentary on the challenges faced by coaches, parents, and young athletes alike.

Segment 1: Setting the Stage

[00:26] Dax Shepard:
Dax opens the conversation by reminiscing about his own experiences attending Little League games to support his son, Aaron. He shares, “I went to a ton of Little League games because I supported Aaron. I would go to all his games” ([00:33]).

[00:42] Monica Padman:
Monica echoes the sentiment, expressing nostalgia for attending both Little League and high school games, highlighting the communal and supportive aspects of youth sports.

[01:18] Dax Shepard:
As Dax prepares to transition into the main topic, he humorously notes, “This is about little league coaching disasters” ([02:38]), setting the tone for the stories to come.

Segment 2: Listener Story – Matt's Little League Disaster

Guest Introduction:
The segment introduces Matt, a passionate Little League coach from the western suburbs of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Matt recounts a particularly intense experience during his tenure as head coach of an A-level girls' fast-pitch softball team.

[06:31] Matt:
Matt sets the scene by describing the machine pitch setup used in minor league softball, emphasizing its mechanical yet imperfect nature: “If you put the ball in wrong or it's wet, next thing you know, you're putting into the girl's ear” ([07:10]).

[07:35] Coaching Philosophy:
He contrasts his team's dedication with other teams where parents often live vicariously through their children, leading to heightened tensions during competitions.

[08:34] Dax Shepard:
Dax expresses surprise, “Oh, wow. You made it to the state tournament” ([08:36]), acknowledging Matt's team's achievement despite a losing record.

[09:23] Matt:
Matt narrates the climax of the episode—a highly charged game during the Minnesota state tournament. He details a pivotal moment where a 13-year-old umpire initially calls a safe, allowing the opposing team to potentially overturn the game's outcome. The crowd's reaction turns hostile as emotional parents begin verbally attacking both the umpire and his players.

[13:02] Matt:
He intensifies the narrative by describing the escalation: “This guy comes screaming through our dugout, making a straight line for the umpire. He's charging at the 13-year-old” ([13:22]).

[15:46] Matt:
The situation spirals further when the angry parent physically assaults Matt, throwing a punch that leaves Matt dazed on the ground: “Throws a punch. Now, I did not know I was in a boxing match” ([15:48]).

[17:27] Matt:
Post-incident, Matt shares the aftermath, including police involvement and the emotional toll on his team: “This poor 13-year-old girl” ([17:07]).

[18:28] Dax Shepard:
Dax reacts with disbelief and sympathy, acknowledging the severity of the event: “That's huge. So did you Guys, lose the next game” ([18:06]).

[20:08] Matt:
Reflecting on the incident, Matt attributes the behavior to a culture of participation trophies and the entitlement to always win: “I blame participation trophies. Everybody thinks they deserve to win” ([20:08]).

[20:08] Discussion on Competitive Sports:
Monica and Dax discuss the broader implications of competitiveness in youth sports, debating the lack of resilience and sportsmanship among some participants.

[21:04] Personal Reflections:
Matt shares a personal victory over addiction, linking his sobriety to the support and honesty inspired by the podcast:
[33:05] Matt:
“Listening to your podcast has just like, opened my mind in the best way” ([33:05]).

Segment 3: Listener Story – Mary's T-Ball Tale

Guest Introduction:
Mary, a mother from Oklahoma City, shares her experience dealing with inappropriate behavior from her ex-husband within a Little League T-ball group chat during a tumultuous period in her life.

[27:04] Mary:
She describes the initial conflict when a male teammate threatens her team: “You guys have a girl on your team. We're gonna kill you” ([27:30]).

[28:13] Matt:
Dax playfully teases Monica about the idea of escalating conflicts, highlighting the mixed emotions surrounding competitive youth sports.

[30:43] Monica Padman:
Emphasizes the importance of handling inappropriate behavior with compassion, while also standing firm against entitlement and disrespect.

[33:56] Matt:
Mary concludes her story by expressing gratitude for the positive impact of sobriety and honesty, thanking the podcast for inspiring her to seek help and rebuild her life:
[33:45] Matt:
“Oh, my God. Congratulations” ([33:39]).

Segment 4: Shared Insights and Reflections

[34:06] Dax Shepard:
Dax reflects on the patterns of unacceptable behavior in youth sports, noting a recurring theme of disdainful men disrupting the positive environment for young athletes.

[54:32] Monica Padman:
Both hosts discuss the broader societal issues reflected in the stories, touching on themes like entitlement, lack of sportsmanship, and the negative impact of hyper-competitiveness.

[55:21] Dax Shepard:
They humorously speculate on which sports might foster the most challenging personalities, ultimately agreeing that contact sports like football may exacerbate aggressive behaviors.

Conclusion

In this emotionally charged episode, Armchair Expert shines a light on the darker side of youth sports—where passion can sometimes turn into chaos. Through Matt's harrowing experience of witnessing his team endure verbal and physical assaults, and Mary's ordeal with inappropriate behavior from an ex-husband in a group chat, the episode underscores the importance of fostering a supportive and respectful environment in youth athletics. Dax and Monica adeptly balance humor with serious commentary, offering listeners both entertainment and thoughtful insights into the complexities of coaching and parenting in the realm of Little League sports.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt [07:10]: “If you put the ball in wrong or it's wet, next thing you know, you're putting into the girl's ear.”
• Matt [13:22]: “This guy comes screaming through our dugout, making a straight line for the umpire.”
• Matt [15:48]: “Throws a punch. Now, I did not know I was in a boxing match.”
• Mary [33:05]: “Listening to your podcast has just like, opened my mind in the best way.”

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Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard continues to explore the intricate and often messy aspects of being human, offering listeners heartfelt and relatable stories that celebrate growth through adversity.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join onedry+ in the wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Miniature Mouse.

[Monica Padman]

Here I am.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi there.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

How you doing?

[Monica Padman]

Pretty good.

[Dax Shepard]

Pretty good.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. I'm in the holiday spirit.

[Dax Shepard]

Did this prompt make you wish you had played Little League baseball?

[Monica Padman]

All. No.

[Dax Shepard]

No, Me neither. I went to a ton of Little League games because I supported Aaron. I would go to all his games.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, that's cute. I do love going.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

To a Little League game or to a high school game.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Something very nostalgic about that.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm about to enter that phase. Yeah. Where Lincoln goes to a school that has sports and I get emails inviting to sports she's not even on. But, you know, should we go support?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

The school and I very much want to. I think that sounds really fun.

[Monica Padman]

That's so fun. I want to go.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you can come.

[Monica Padman]

I will.

[Dax Shepard]

They need support.

[Monica Padman]

Critique the cheerleaders.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't even know that there's cheerleaders.

[Monica Padman]

That's sexist. Okay, so, okay. Instead I will start a cheerleading squad.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. I don't even know if there is. I'm just. If ever there wasn't going to be one at an all girls school, I feel like maybe that would be the case.

[Monica Padman]

They should still have cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are their own thing.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's just get clarification for you. You like competitor?

[Monica Padman]

No, I hated sideline cheer.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you're not. You don't really want Gail's.

[Monica Padman]

No, but they can do competition.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, but just. It wouldn't be a part of the sports game I'm going to see. Right.

[Monica Padman]

No, it is. It's the same squad. So for us, anyway, our competition squad cheered varsity football.

[Dax Shepard]

But you didn't. You did.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, we did. We had to.

[Dax Shepard]

But you didn't like that part.

[Monica Padman]

No, I didn't. It felt annoying. I like the vibe of the games and the ambiance, but I wasn't really into sideline cheering very much. But we did use it as, like we practiced stunts and anyway, it was part of. It was part of it now what I liked.

[Dax Shepard]

And I know you guys didn't have this, but we had pom pom.

[Monica Padman]

Sure.

[Dax Shepard]

And they came out at halftime. They weren't there on the sidelines bouncing around during the game, but halftime came and they put on a full dance routine.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

And that was sassy. Feld was one of the premier members of that team.

[Monica Padman]

Jv. We did that. So when I was in jv.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that was like low.

[Monica Padman]

Fresh freshman football. We did have a halftime dance.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And you like that?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, but it was nerve wracking. But yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. All right. Well, this is about little league coaching disasters. And we have four of them coming your way. All of them are pretty pg. You might want to skip it because there's really nothing to see.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, don't say that.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, now we. Okay. I like the idea that you shouldn't listen no matter what.

[Monica Padman]

This one. Okay. Yeah, but I'm scared of that one a little bit. Oh, my gosh. Hold on.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

When I was at Sephora the other day, I ran into a very fashionable arm. Cherry. And her son. And her son.

[Dax Shepard]

Listens, how old was he?

[Monica Padman]

I didn't ask, but my guess is 13. Oh, and it was so sweet.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I like that.

[Monica Padman]

I hope he enjoys this episode.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, he might get some ptsd. Maybe he's been in one of these situations.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, then I hope he doesn't listen.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Did you call him Tiger?

[Monica Padman]

Champ.

[Dax Shepard]

Champ. Okay. Please enjoy Little League coaching disaster crazy stories. We are supported by Audible. Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. This is the one I am most excited to indulge myself with.

[Monica Padman]

I'm so excited to listen to James, which is a new title by Percival Everett that is very, very hot right now.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, there's so many good ones on the list.

[Monica Padman]

We love Audible. This is how you go to bed.

[Dax Shepard]

I love Audible. I swear by Audible. I can't wait to listen to the Orwell 1984 off this list. I'm also doing Fleas by autobiography right now, which I'm obsessed with. I can't get enough Audible in my life every night. Go to audible.comdax and discover all the year's best waiting for you. That's audible.com Dax we are supported by Audible. Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. This is the one I am most excited to indulge myself with.

[Monica Padman]

I'm so excited to listen to James, which is a new title by Percival Effort that is very, very hot right now.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, there's so many good ones on the list.

[Monica Padman]

We love Audible. This is how you go to bed.

[Dax Shepard]

I love Audible. I swear by Audible. I can't wait to listen to the Orwell 1984 off this list. I'm also doing Fleas by autobiography right now, which I'm obsessed with. I can't get enough Audible in my life Every night. Go to audible.comdax and discover all the year's best waiting for you. That's audible.com Dax. Hard times come and go Good times take them slow My life, I had them both Remember one thing you gotta.

[Matt]

Know I'ma keep on shining.

[Monica Padman]

Hello.

[Matt]

Hi there.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. Immediate connection.

[Monica Padman]

We love that. That's very rare.

[Dax Shepard]

Almost never happens.

[Matt]

Hey, I do what I can to.

[Dax Shepard]

Help you out and you sound phenomenal. Are you a podcaster?

[Matt]

I have to do a little bit of podcasting for my job, but yeah, they hooked us up with some sweet gear.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you sound phenomenal. Maybe even better than us.

[Monica Padman]

I know. I'm jealous of your mic.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you recording?

[Matt]

I am recording. We're set.

[Dax Shepard]

Matt, you're on top of it. Are you an overachiever?

[Matt]

Sometimes my wife would tell you I need to slow down.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, that's good. You sound like one of us.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you at?

[Matt]

I am in the western suburbs of Minneapolis, Minnesota.

[Monica Padman]

O.

[Dax Shepard]

We love Minneapolis.

[Monica Padman]

Nice guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, good guys.

[Matt]

Oh, and this story is all about Minnesota. Nice. Let me tell you.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful. Tell us. Set the scene.

[Matt]

It's pretty raw because it just happened. It happened in June. It takes place at my daughter's 8 and under. Machine pitch, fast pitch, softball game.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, what's a machine pitch?

[Matt]

In Minnesota, we use this funky blue spring loaded arm. And you'll put the ball in and you pull this little lever and it shoots the ball in at about 35 miles an hour.

[Dax Shepard]

It's mechanical, yet it's not automated. So you still have to load it. A person has to pull it. Yeah.

[Matt]

And there's a little bit of skill to it. You know, we have a couple coaches who put on like a little tutorial and they teach you how to do it and the ball go ever. If you put the ball in wrong or it's wet, next thing you know, you're putting into the girl's ear.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, boy.

[Dax Shepard]

And can there be a strike or does it always throw a perfect ball?

[Matt]

Oh, God, no. It is terrible. Sometimes it just really depends about the user. There's a spring. So if the spring Goes bad. If there's wind, I feel like it's bad. The point of me saying it's machine pitch. So is like, this is entry level softball. Nobody's getting the full ride. Tomorrow we're learning how to throw the ball, catch the ball, where to throw the ball, all those pieces.

[Dax Shepard]

Last question. Is it co ed or just girls only?

[Matt]

Girls only. This is girls fast pitch softball. So my daughter playing now for a few years, since she was like 5 and now she's going on 10. But she'd been in machine pitch for a couple years and this year was unique because she wanted to try out for an A level team. So like an advanced team, when you sign your player up, you check the box to be a parent volunteer. I always do that. I love to coach. I've been a head coach, I've been an assistant, so I always check the box. And this year I got to be head coach of an A team.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Matt]

There are some differences. One, the players actually give a damn. They want to play, they love practice, and they really want to win. The parents are in the same place and they may want to win a little bit more than their player sometimes. I've been very fortunate. Our parents were great people. I didn't ever really get that vibe. But some of the teams we've played, mom and dad are living vicariously through their eight year old.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, God.

[Matt]

Okay, so it's a Saturday morning. We're an A team playing in the top tier of the Minnesota state tournament.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. You made it to the state tournament.

[Matt]

When you play au, everybody makes it to the Minnesota.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Matt]

But we're in the tier one, which was shocking to me because I wouldn't say we won a lot of games.

[Dax Shepard]

All right.

[Matt]

Everybody gets ranked and they have some weird algorithm and I don't really understand it, but they're gonna rank these eight year old girls and we're like the 15th seed out of 20 in tier tier one. And if you follow March Madness in a bracket, you know, the bottom seeds are going to play the top seeds. So we're going to play a team that has won more than they've lost. In fact, I don't know if they had lost more than like three or four games.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I was going to say, given the fact you made the top tier with a losing record tells me that there are a handful of teams that won every fucking match. And then everyone else is kind of normal.

[Matt]

Yeah. In fact, the first team we played for the season beat us by one run. They went undefeated the rest of the year.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Matt]

So we get into this tournament and it's a Saturday morning. It's beautiful. We have a 9am game time. Before the game, we met with the umpire at home plate. You know, it's both coaches, a couple players from the team, and the umpire is walking us through the rules. And there's some key rules for A U softball. You can't advance on an overthrow. Girls can't run extra bases on ground balls that are fielded in the infield. So really the game is kind of a checkers match. And they go one base at a time.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Matt]

Unless you've got girls who are like 5, 6, and they say they're 8 or 9, but they might be 11, and they're hitting bombs to like, left center. They walked us through that. You could have a couple coaches in the field. We had a 70 minute time limit. The kicker is the umpire who's walking us through this is holding the rule book. Because she's 13 years old.

[Monica Padman]

No. Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Interesting. Okay.

[Matt]

And this is her first game.

[Monica Padman]

Uh.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that's a lot of pressure.

[Rob]

I know.

[Monica Padman]

What, 13.

[Dax Shepard]

She's on the umpire track.

[Matt]

Welcome to the Thunderdome. You know, it's like, holy shit. Here you go. Good luck. So we get into it, I'll just fast forward to the fourth inning. We're winning seven to nothing. We had a girl backhand a ball and throw it from third base to first on a line. And she had never done that in her life.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Matt]

We were on fire. So there's some run limits too. In AAU, you can only score five runs an inning. When you get into the fourth inning of a five inning game, you start doing some math and you're like, oh, if we score four runs, this game's over. So I tell our coaches, and our coaches are like, great, here we go. And we went out and just wet the bed and we went 1, 2, 3. We get through four innings, seven to three. We go in to the fifth inning. We have now run out of time. All the other games are letting out. And the teams that are playing next on our field are warming up in the outfield and all their fans are coming in. So we have a crowd and it's getting heated. And as they start to score, things start coming out of their mouths like they don't deserve to win.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, geez.

[Matt]

Typically, you hear them coach each other's kids up, but now they're coming at my players. So all of a sudden it's seven to six, there's two outs and the bases are low. In the bottom of the last inning, we have an audience. This girl comes up and hits a BB at my third baseman, who thankfully was probably our best player on the team. She was a stud. And she misplays it and it bounces off of her knee. She fields it, she gets to third base, steps on the bag, beats the girl. And I'm thinking, game's over. And the umpire, 13 year old girl, calls her safe.

[Dax Shepard]

Uh, oh, wait, was she just at a disadvantaged viewing spot?

[Matt]

I'll get here in just a second, okay?

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, okay.

[Matt]

My wife would tell you I jumped about 14ft in the air and yelled no at the top of my lungs. I did not argue with the umpire. She's 13, they're going to miss the call. And we didn't have umpires all season. Mostly coaches called the games because it's beginner softball, so who gives a fuck?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, sure. Also though, Minnesota honor policy works probably in Minnesota. Not everywhere.

[Matt]

Nobody lies here, right? I start running to third base because I got to check on this girl. Both of my coaches on the field now huddle the girls up because B, based on what has happened, the game's tied seven to seven. And they can win it with one more run because they can score five in an inning and that'll be their fifth. I have another coach who asked the umpire, can you just clarify what you saw? And the umpire said, oh yeah, your third baseman beat her to the bag, but she had to tag her. And our manager coach goes, why? It was bases loaded. And the umpire like has this aha moment. And she goes, you are 100% right. And she announces very loudly, coaches, I'm reversing my call. The runner's out. I'm like, it's a force out. The game is over. And she goes, you're right. Coaches line them up, game's over.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh no.

[Matt]

This poor 13, this poor 13 year old girl. So now she's changed the call.

[Dax Shepard]

No, no. When you get a third person out, you automatically get five runs. We won by six points. You're right.

[Matt]

And I'm like, great, line it up. And the fans and the other stands have gone ape.

[Megan]

Oh, wow.

[Matt]

And they are screaming at the 13 year old girl like they are letting her have. How dare you. You can't do that. You're not allowed to change calls. You're such a bitch. They're calling, they're like, how the fuck could you do this to us? They are lighting her up. The parents are screaming at our girls.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh boy.

[Matt]

They're now also telling the Girls don't line up, shake their hands.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Matt]

These girls are cheaters. They're liars. They don't deserve it. Our girls are hearing this and the tears start rolling.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no.

[Matt]

This guy comes screaming through our dugout, making a straight line for the umpire. He's charging at the 13 year old.

[Monica Padman]

What the fuck?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, Jesus.

[Matt]

What the fuck?

[Dax Shepard]

People lose themselves.

[Matt]

One of our coaches sees this and he steps in immediately. And this guy's like, six two, two, zero, okay? And the guy's onto the field yelling, fuck you, you bitch. I have words for you. You fucking ruined our season. He's going off on her, right?

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Matt]

My coach gets him and her at about the first base bag. Our girls are sob and my other coaches are now, like, put their heads together and like, bear hug them. And they're like, giving them positive love and affirmation, you know, they're like, you're great. You're beautiful. Gosh darn it. People like you, you know? Meanwhile, I'm listening to this assistant coach who's like, my brother. I'm listening to his voice go up and up and louder. And I'm like, this is getting bad. And I look and this guy's, like, poking him in the chest.

[Dax Shepard]

The angry dad's poking your buddy?

[Matt]

Yeah, except he's not a dad. We didn't know that yet. And he shoves my assistant coach. And I watch, like, the slow motion of his arms cocking back to like, light this guy up. And I go running and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Get out of here. You need to go get our girls lined up. I've got this. And now I'm face to face with the angry citizen who wants to crush this umpire. Pretty sure I heard the C word at one point. Wow, it was unbelievable. And I'm like, herding him off the field like he's a cow. And I'm like, sir, you have to quit cussing. I need you off the field. And he's screaming at me, like, at an 11. So I'm talking to him at like a 3. My wife hates me for it. I do it all the time.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

So I'm like, talking to this guy and I think I've got him calmed down, and all of a sudden I'm like, arms out. I'm ushering him off. He goes, don't you dare fucking touch me. And boom, right under my left eye.

[Dax Shepard]

He throws a punch.

[Matt]

Throws a punch. Now, I did not know I was in a boxing match.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, your. Your three backfired on you. You went to three. He went to 17.

[Matt]

He went to 17, popped me in the eye. I go tumbling back.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God.

[Matt]

I've never been punched before. And I would say it was a good punch. It wasn't the best punch, but he got me.

[Dax Shepard]

He tagged you?

[Matt]

He surprised the shit out of me.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. Sure. Been there. And it takes you a good 20 seconds before you put all the pieces together. Like, okay. Huh? I was standing, I'm laying down. Oh. And I heard a crack in my head. Oh, right. I've been punched. Oh, here we are. Right. You got to kind of like, like, catch up to what's happening, all of that.

[Matt]

I mean, I'm on the ground. I look over, the girls are still sobbing, and now they're really freaked out.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Coach Matt just got so.

[Matt]

I know Coach Matt is on the ground looking around, dazed and totally confused. And our fans obviously erupted. And it's the state tournament, so it's aunts, uncles, grandparents. But other teams had made their way listening to what was going on. So now there's coaches from other teams, and they're chasing this guy out. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in a pile of dirt, and I look at one of our parents, and I said, did that guy just fucking punch me? And she goes, yeah, he did. And I'm talking to the police right now.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Matt]

So 911 gets called. Now other teams, players are sobbing.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy.

[Matt]

Yeah. This is become, like, a crime right here on this field. So this guy and his girlfriend tried to flee the scene. We had parents that had to sit on the bumper of this car. Then we had to look at our players and say, okay, you just won. You have to go play again. Like, good luck.

[Dax Shepard]

Use this energy.

[Matt]

I mean, they were a mess. Half the girls wanted to quit. We had players from other teams that wanted to quit. And now I'm like, somebody's got to clean the dugout because I've got to go talk to the police for the next 45 minutes and press charges because you don't get to do this. You don't get to behave like that on the field. The worst part, I think about it, too, was that the other coaches never came and checked on us. They denied knowing this guy. This was an uncle. A player.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, Uncles. Yeah.

[Matt]

Uncles get serious at 8U. Softball, okay? They get fucking irate, and now we're, like, picking up the pieces. And I became a celebrity at that tournament for all the wrong reasons that day.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

That's huge. So did you Guys, lose the next game.

[Matt]

You guys, I'm going to be really honest. We kicked the shit out of the next team. No.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Matt]

And then we went home for the night and then the adrenaline went away and we came back the next day and got thumped.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But we finished fourth in state, which was great. I will tell you, the core memory of these Girls is not 4th and State. It's Coach Matt in the dirt.

[Dax Shepard]

What did your daughter think of all this?

[Matt]

So my daughter, thankfully she had her back to me when I got hit. So she had a lot of questions about why would someone get so mad about a Little League game.

[Monica Padman]

There's no answer for that.

[Dax Shepard]

Hard answer.

[Matt]

Yeah, we went to Zoom traffic court. Basically, he had come to terms with his mistake and pled guilty.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, good.

[Matt]

He could have gotten some jail time, I think, but they pled him out with some money, a lot of community service, anger management. I hope that' sticks.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. Did you find out if he had any priors for cold cocking strangers in public?

[Matt]

He had never been arrested for cold cocking somebody. He'd been arrested for other things.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

He almost punched that 13 year old. That was gonna happen if no one had intervened.

[Matt]

If he had gotten to the umpire. I think that probably gets pretty ugly, right?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Even when you call her an umpire, I lose track of it. Like, she shouldn't even be called that. But yes, I understand the 13 year.

[Monica Padman]

Old girl who's trying to do her best.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I'm picturing a 62 year old man on the weekend making 20 bucks.

[Matt]

It's not like she was even out there in like ump gear. She was out there in shorts and a T shirt. This was like her warmup. Like, do I wanna go be an umpire and get paid on the weekends when I'm not playing competitive travel softball myself? And the next day she showed back up like she was there. Now her mom came with her the next day and I think I probably would have too.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy. Madness.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it really devolved.

[Dax Shepard]

We have a friend who's almost permanently at a Little League game. He's got two boys, two weeks can't go by without him reporting on some dad who goes berserk. It's crazy to me that people don't enter going like, okay, we know the bad thing. I can't be that dude. It's not like we don't know about this archetype.

[Matt]

What's fascinating to me is I played competitive sports growing up forever. So I've been in this for 35 years. I've never seen that. I've seen some crazy. I've seen guys throw buckets of balls on the field, and I've seen guys get thrown out for arguing balls and strikes and dropping F bombs and saying inappropriate things to umpires. But I've never seen someone go. Go onto a field and chase down an umpire. That's next level crazy. And I blame participation, trophies. Everybody thinks they deserve to win. It's like, come on, you gotta lose. That's part of the game.

[Dax Shepard]

The majority of people don't win the championship.

[Monica Padman]

That's right.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Monica wouldn't know what that's like.

[Monica Padman]

I do. Majority win of the championship. So I don't know, but I don't.

[Dax Shepard]

Know how to be a loser. Yeah. Well, Matt, that was delightful. I'm sorry you got tagged, but also, I'm glad I got to hear about it.

[Matt]

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. I'm sorry I got tagged, too. I think at the end of the day, we're glad I was the one that got hit.

[Dax Shepard]

And this is a very weird thing to say, but I also think it's good for a man to get blasted once in the face before they die. You know, we should all have had that experience. I mean, not really, but also I kind of feel that way.

[Matt]

It was eye opening.

[Dax Shepard]

You live in fear of it your whole childhood, and then it happens and you live.

[Matt]

I just, I think, was always really good at evading the right hook. And this time I just was ill prepared for.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. All right, well, great meeting you. Thanks for telling us that story, Matt. Yeah.

[Matt]

I hope you guys have a really nice holiday season.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. You too, brother. Take care. Bye. Bye. Bye.

[Monica Padman]

You missed my really good joke. Luckily Rob heard it.

[Dax Shepard]

I know. I looked over and you guys were giggling to each other. I missed something.

[Monica Padman]

Said it was eye opening and I was eye closing.

[Dax Shepard]

That's really good.

[Monica Padman]

Do you want to punch me in the face a little bit?

[Dax Shepard]

Never.

[Monica Padman]

I kind of do want to know what it feels like.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. That's what I'm saying. It's like I can only speak as being a boy. You're seeing your buddies get punched all the time. You're so afraid of it happening and then it happens and you're like, that's okay.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Except you wouldn't say that about a car crash.

[Dax Shepard]

I might.

[Monica Padman]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

If you can go through life without getting in a car crash, that's best case scenario.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah, maybe that's.

[Monica Padman]

Do you want to try to punch my leg? So that could be kind of like it.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't want to punch you at all, Rob.

[Monica Padman]

Do you want to punch my leg and see what it's like? Have you ever punched anyone?

[Dax Shepard]

Just Vinnie when I was a kid, probably. Can you imagine if someone punched Vinnie? No.

[Monica Padman]

That's what I'm saying. You don't want Vinnie to get punched in his life. I don't.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, only if he was afraid of it and he lived in great fear of it. And then it happened. He was like, okay, I don't need to worry that much about that. It's not a big deal.

[Monica Padman]

Only in that scenario it's very, very.

[Dax Shepard]

It's very specific set of guidelines. I want Benny to get punched under.

[Monica Padman]

To the armchairs who heard that. Don't take this as an invite if you see me on the street to punch me. Ok.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by Amazon Prime. You might think of prime as your gateway to incredibly fast free shipping on all your Amazon orders, which it definitely is. But prime is so much more than that. Being a Prime member gives you access to Prime Video, Amazon Music, Prime Gaming, ultra fast grocery delivery and tons of other benefits.

[Monica Padman]

It's a game changer, especially during the holiday season. Want to get in the holiday spirit while relaxing at home? Press play on a holiday playlist on Amazon Music or stream a festive movie on Prime Video. You've got an instant ticket to holiday cheer.

[Dax Shepard]

Sounds like a great night. Another way prime saves the holidays. Let's say a coworker got you a holiday present and you somehow forgot to get them something, seamlessly shop for their gift on Amazon.com and then use prime to get free one day or same day delivery. So it's like they were on your gift list all along. So. So what are you waiting for? Become a Prime member today and get more out of whatever passions you're pursuing. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. We are supported by Amazon Luna. Luna is Amazon's cloud gaming service that lets you play video games like you stream shows and movies straight from the cloud, no console required. With Amazon Luna and a high speed Internet connection, you can play games on almost any screen. Play on fire, tv, tablets, smartphones and even a browser window. Amazon Luna has hundreds of games from the latest releases to beloved classics. We're talking Star Wars Outlaws, Arkham Knight, Sonic Mania and so much more. This is great. If you just got your phone on you and you want to kill some time at the airport, pop over to Amazon Luna and play some of these great games. Prime members can play select games free, including Fortnite and a Rotating monthly selection of games from across the Luna library. Go to luna.Amazon.com to get gaming. We are supported by Sonos. Sonos is the world's leading sound experience company. They invented the smart sound system that makes it easy to play anything in any room, which we love. Sonos was the star of our Halloween party. I had it playing outside by the guest house. I had it playing in the garden. I had it playing in the kitchen. Kept the party rocking no matter where you moved.

[Monica Padman]

It makes a big difference.

[Mary]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. The sound is so good. You. You really got to take your favorite holiday movies and holiday songs to the next level and experience them with Sonos. And with holiday gift season upon us, Sonos products are a perfect solution for that. Hard to buy for person on your gift list.

[Monica Padman]

They've got amazing Ace headphones. And since you know we are podcasters, if you know any arm cherries in your life, really smart, it's a great gift for them so that they can really, really get us in their ears properly.

[Dax Shepard]

Whether you gift a sleek soundbar, a sturdy portable speaker, or our favorite headphones, your lucky gift recipient is sure to be impressed. Sonos has great gifts for everyone on your list. Visit sonos.comdax to wrap up your holiday shopping. That's sonos.comdax.

[Monica Padman]

Hello?

[Dax Shepard]

Megan, is it?

[Mary]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Megan, nice to meet you. Where are you?

[Mary]

I'm in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

[Matt]

Ooh.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, okay, okay, you guys. Monica's on a pun kick right now. This is like the third in a row. I swear. We had very little Oklahomans and now we've had like three in a row.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it's spreading. There.

[Mary]

I've been proselytizing you guys to everyone I know.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, thank you. So are you the parent of a little Leaguer?

[Mary]

Not yet. I have a five year old son. He's a about to start playing basketball.

[Dax Shepard]

But you have a Little League story.

[Mary]

This is my story.

[Madison]

Oh, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful. It's a personal story. First of all, can I see your T shirt?

[Mary]

Yes, it's you.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. What? I've never seen that. That's incredible.

[Mary]

It's from Etsy, so it's not off your website.

[Dax Shepard]

We encourage people to make as much shit as they want. We're not litigious.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, absolutely.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, Go crazy.

[Monica Padman]

But we are going to have a new merch drop coming soon for anyone who wants more merch.

[Mary]

I was wondering about that. So that's awesome. I'll be on the lookout. Out.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, so yeah, hit us with Little League.

[Mary]

So this Story takes place in 1994. Small town Oklahoma. I was nine years old. My brother, he's five years older than me, so he had been playing Little League for several years before I got to the age where I was ready to start playing. I loved every part of being at his games, and my dad was always his coach. So my parents just kind of thought, well, we'll throw her in Little League with the boys versus softball. I was all for that. So I was a decent player. I was pitcher for my teams most of the time.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Mary]

I didn't throw super hard, but I was really accurate and consistent. But because I was pretty good, I hadn't really had a whole lot of boys teasing me about being a girl on the team or anything like that yet. But one day we were about to play a game, and me and my teammates were warming up, and this kid from the other team comes over and he says something to the effect of, you guys have a girl on your team. We're gonna kill you. Guys, like, girls suck at sports, basically, is what he was saying.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, standard fare.

[Mary]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mary]

I was pretty pissed. And my dad, he an assistant coach on this team, and he saw that I was pretty upset. He asked me what the kid said, and I told him, and he said, well, what do you think you're going to do? And I said, well, I'll just strike him out every time he comes up.

[Monica Padman]

Yep, that's right.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mary]

My dad said, well, I think he needs to learn a lesson.

[Dax Shepard]

I had a hunch, maybe dad might say, why don't you beam him? But continue.

[Mary]

These are two approaches, two good options. So I'm pitching that game, and this kid comes up in, like, the third inning, which tells you that he sucks.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I hate this kid.

[Dax Shepard]

And then maybe you could even be compassionate. No, he sucks now. He's insecure, so he's got to make other people feel bad.

[Monica Padman]

I don't.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, all right.

[Mary]

I didn't feel bad for him. It pissed me off even more. Because he thought he was automatically better.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Mary]

Because I was a girl. So anyways, third inning, kid comes up, and I start pitching to him. I pitch the first pitch, straight down the middle. The kid swings and misses. Second pitch, same thing. I throw it right down the middle. He swings and misses. So I've got two strikes on him. No ball. Right before I throw the third pitch, I look over at my dad, and he's just got this look on his face. He nods his head up and down like, yeah, you know what to do.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, Geez, I love your dad.

[Dax Shepard]

This is uncharacteristic of you, Monica. You're voting for violence. This is not like you. Right?

[Mary]

Yeah. You never go for violence.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Dax Shepard]

This is my role.

[Monica Padman]

This little shit deserves it.

[Mary]

Third pitch. I throw it as hard as I possibly can right at this kid's body. I didn't throw it at his head. I wasn't trying to kill him.

[Monica Padman]

That was nice of you.

[Dax Shepard]

Monica's upset, but continue.

[Monica Padman]

You could have, but you showed some mercy.

[Mary]

The kid panics when he sees the ball coming at him, and instead of turning away from it, he opens his body to it and it just lands right in the middle of his chest. Everyone can hear the thud and he immediately falls to the ground. He throws his bat and he just starts bawling.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, so now did it turn? Monica, are you still in?

[Monica Padman]

I was still kind of in. I mean, he's definitely an incel right. Now that I do know is what the product this was.

[Mary]

The umpire was finally like, hey, you can take your base to first base. And about that time, his mom had come down out of the stands, out onto the field and took the kid out of the game and they left.

[Monica Padman]

Completely the country, maybe.

[Mary]

Amongst all of that drama, I looked up in the stands to my mom and she was pissed off.

[Dax Shepard]

Like I could tell at you or your dad.

[Mary]

Well, she knew I had done it on purpose. She had a hunch that he was behind the whole thing.

[Dax Shepard]

Of course. Yeah.

[Mary]

So later that night, we got a pretty good lecture about how terrible the lesson that is for a nine year old. Fair, sure. But I felt vindicated. I loved every second of it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, good, good, good, good. Yeah, I hope that's the last time he opened his mouth to a girl, but I'm afraid it maybe got worse.

[Monica Padman]

I'm afraid too.

[Dax Shepard]

I know love's the answer, Monica. It's hard.

[Monica Padman]

Tell him love is the answer. He sucks.

[Mary]

Well, the funniest part of the story is years later, I ended up having a one night stand with this guy.

[Dax Shepard]

No, stop it. What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You gotta give us a little more than that. Under what circumstance? I gotta love this blood.

[Monica Padman]

Did you give him blue balls? Was this like a long game?

[Mary]

I ended up going to high school with him. And when this all happened, I didn't make the connection at this time. I didn't realize it was the same kid until later on. And I don't know if he made the connection either. Obviously he wasn't too butthurt about it, but. Yeah, let's just say he was about as good in bed as he was at playing baseball.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, this piece.

[Dax Shepard]

What age was. I mean, the bar is.

[Monica Padman]

No, he sucks. He sucks. We knew it then and we know it now.

[Mary]

That's right.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my God. I love that you hooked up with him. That's crazy.

[Monica Padman]

Hilarious.

[Mary]

What would you do in that situation, Dax, if a kid said something when.

[Dax Shepard]

You were girls, it's really funny you would bring this up because I didn't foresee this would ever be a thing that I would have to deal with having girls. But I'll leave them for you to guess. But one of them has a classmate that keeps touching her inappropriately and she has told her like very directly, do not touch me again. I'm going to be a little sympathetic. This girl's probably got something going on. I don't know why she is this way. I can't. Yeah, I hate to I have to assume something's not great at home.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And they're young. And I said, okay, well here's what we're going to do. We're going to make the teacher aware of this and that is step one. And if it does not correct itself, you have my full blessing to do whatever you want. If someone's ever touching you inappropriately, whatever has to happen, happen. I stand by you in this situation. So weirdly that just came up.

[Monica Padman]

I approve of that.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

Tbd teacher first. You know, you do all the protocols.

[Dax Shepard]

Hopefully that works, but you don't let someone touch your body if you don't want them.

[Monica Padman]

No, you don't.

[Dax Shepard]

Again, it breaks my heart because I think this girl's probably already got some stuff going on. So I don't also want her to get beat up. But I've seen Delta go after her older sister and I mean that's.

[Monica Padman]

It's obvious.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's kind of obvious. I've seen Delta go after her older sister and I have had the thought, I hope no one ends up on the other end of her cuz she is a feisty.

[Mary]

I love it.

[Monica Padman]

It's good quality.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, Megan. What is story I can believe?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that was fantastic. I love that story.

[Dax Shepard]

Monica's horny.

[Mary]

I want to say something real quick before I go. I know you don't like talking about day seven, but May of 2022, I was in a gnarly relapse and one day I had a particularly bad night and the next day I was home alone and decided to listen to day seven again. And when you started talking about How? It just hit you all of a sudden that you needed to get honest with Kristen and Monica. That set with me. And it was just like, oh, my God, I have to get honest with my wife and everyone. And so later that night, I told her everything I'd been hiding. And a week later, I got into treatment and I've been sober ever since.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. Congratulations.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, you're killing it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. How liberating is that, huh? To finally stop carrying all that.

[Mary]

It's great. In fact, we're going through some tough stuff with my son right now. And I'm like, thank God I'm sober, man. It would be way worse.

[Dax Shepard]

That's the big gift, right? You can show up for people.

[Mary]

That's right.

[Dax Shepard]

Thanks for telling me that.

[Mary]

Yes, of course. You guys take care.

[Dax Shepard]

You two keep proselytizing, Okay?

[Mary]

I will.

[Dax Shepard]

All right. Bye.

[Monica Padman]

Bye.

[Mary]

Bye.

[Monica Padman]

She's awesome and I love her. I hate that boy.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you really hate that boy. Was it really brought up some stuff? No, I didn't talk to girls like that. I was a nice boy. Ish.

[Monica Padman]

You talked to me mean.

[Dax Shepard]

You talk to Mimi.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Dax Shepard]

You're a worthy adversary, Maddie. Now, you know, I say I don't like when people spell standard names differently. I'm really enjoying the spelling of this.

[Monica Padman]

What is it? M A D, I, O. I like that.

[Dax Shepard]

Right? That's good. I reversed my position. Reverse back. Hello. Hi. I was just saying, Maddie, I generally don't like when people spell a standard name differently. Yet here I am. I love M, A, D, I.

[Rob]

Thanks. My name's Madison. And so when I was little and people called me Maddie, I just cut off the son, ditch the sun.

[Monica Padman]

Smart, efficient.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, Maddie, you have a Little League story.

[Rob]

I do. For context, I grew up in Northern Virginia, which is kind of intense with sports, kind of intense with academics.

[Dax Shepard]

Really quick, why is that where George Washington is? What's there? Why is it academically hard?

[Rob]

It might just be because it's outside of D.C. but I know that it's, like, nationally ranked in academics. And I did crew erode for my high school, and we had to practice five days a week. We had races on Saturdays, and it was a whole day affair. Also, we were required to go to this training camp every spring break. And it was in South Carolina. Our whole team would get in a bus and we would drive eight or nine hours down to South Carolina to go to this crew camp. And we would practice and train for six to eight hours every day for a whole week. It was fun. It was A cool destination. It was a boy Scout camp, so the place itself was maybe a little bit rundown, but it was fun for high school. We were having a great time. We were a little sleep deprived. It was altogether a good experience. And we were down there. And I've got two kind of related stories to share from the same trip. Also, our coach was probably as old as I am now. I'm like 27. I don't think this guy could have been older than I am.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, oh, well, hold on. Don't worry yet. Don't worry.

[Rob]

He was in the military and then wasn't anymore. I think he had some sort of experience with crew and he took himself very seriously. But we, as a team maybe didn't take him as seriously as he would have maybe liked for us to.

[Dax Shepard]

I can picture it perfectly.

[Rob]

Yeah. So he had the idea that we should go on a night row, which isn't a thing. Never done it before, never done it since. But he thought we should go rowing at night by the moonlight. And as an adult now, I know that there are requirements for the kinds of lights that you need to have on a boat. To go out in the water at night, you need a little light in the front and a light in the back. We didn't have that. The coach gift did not have that. And it's kind of a silly atmosphere. It's very leisurely. It's a little whimsical. And we're out here and we're rowing and something hits the bottom of our boat.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I ask, are you in a lake or a river?

[Rob]

We're in a lake, and you're not supposed to keep going. If something hits your boat, you're supposed to stop because the rudder underneath can break off. So we stop rowing. And whatever it is that's just hit our boat is now sliding towards the front of our boat. But in a way of like a living creature.

[Monica Padman]

No.

[Rob]

Like, it's not going in the same direction as the current. And we're in South Carolina. So we're sure that this is an alligator. That's underneath your boat?

[Dax Shepard]

Of course.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, I hate your cold.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm going straight to gators.

[Rob]

So the alleged alligator then hits, like, thwacks the bottom of the boat in the front. So we're spooked. It's dark, and we've been messing around this whole time. So the tatter from us us is not probably alerting our coach that anything's wrong. The girl in the front of the boat then starts telling everybody that there is water coming in the boat from underneath her feet.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Rob]

We're trying desperately to get the attention of our coach. He comes over. It's really hard to get a little motorized boat next to the really small crew boat that we have. So he's trying to investigate and see what's going on, but he can't really see. So he just takes our word for it and he gets on his coach voice and he's like, all right, we got a Power 10 all the way back to the dock. So now this goes from like leisurely funny and then we're rowing full speed all the way back to the dock.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I ask a quick question? Did he even bring a flashlight? Did he shine a light at the boat to see if water was coming on?

[Rob]

He did shine a light. I can't remember if it was his phone, flashlight or if it was an actual flashlight.

[Monica Padman]

We know it was.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh geez. Okay.

[Rob]

So we get back, he sees that there is a hole. We can't take that boat out anymore because we have to repair it back in Virginia. So that boat is out of commission.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by Academy Award winner Alfonso Coron's stunning Apple TV plus limited series. Disclaimer I've watched this show and I love it. This show has an incredible cast that includes Oscar winners Kate Blanchett and Kevin Klein and Academy Award nominee Sasha Baron Cohen. You go on such a ride with this show. It's one of the most addictive and cinematic pieces of television you'll ever see. One reviewer wrote that it's a head spinning odyssey of emotion and tension that will grip you and thrill you. Who doesn't want to experience that? Disclaimer is now streaming on Apple TV plus and you can learn more at AppleTV plus com. Blink and get more. Blink is your go to value brand for smart home security made simple. Blink's wired and wire free smart security devices work together to create create affordable convenient whole home coverage when and where you need it most. With Blink, you're able to see, hear and speak to people and pets right from the Blink app. With two way audio and crisp HD live view, you even get real time motion alerts on your smartphone so you can react and engage from anywhere. That's key right there.

[Monica Padman]

It's huge.

[Dax Shepard]

The motion detection is everything. And look, if you're concerned about wireless security products not having a long battery life, worry no more. The Blink wireless camera and video doorbell systems have a powerful two year battery life. That's two years of smart security coverage for simple peace of mind. Plus you can easily set up your Blink devices in just minutes. Everything you need to get started is included in the box your device comes in. No professionals needed. To learn more About Blink, visit Amazon.com Blink Blink and get more. We are supported by Addie I know.

[Monica Padman]

About Addy the little pink pill, right?

[Dax Shepard]

Yes, that's Addie Is the FDA approved pink pill clinically proven to boost desire in certain premenopausal women who are bothered by a low libido?

[Monica Padman]

I love this. It's really nice that there's an option out there for women who are dealing with low desire and I like that. Addie's non hormonal and created by a woman for women. Addy is helping women feel like themselves again. And that's really important.

[Dax Shepard]

It really is. So arm cherries if your libido could use a little jump start, Addie's got you covered. Covered. Learn [e-mail] that's a D D Y.

[Madison]

I.com Addie or Flvenantzerin is for pre menopausal women with Acquired Generalized Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. HSDD who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past who have low sexual desire. No matter the type of sexual activity, the situation or the sexual partner, the low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship or medicine or other drug use. Addie is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance performance. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks. Close in time to your ADI dose. Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addi at bedtime. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions over the counter or herbal medications or have liver problems. Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take addi. Even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Addi. Allergic reactions may include hives, itching or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide including boxed warning@ addy.com PI or call 844 pink pill Addie.

[Dax Shepard]

That's AD D yi.com.

[Rob]

Then we fast forward to the last day of our crew camp. We would always do like a scrimmage on this day it was really cold, maybe 45 or 50 degrees and it was really windy, and other coaches had safety concerns about putting us out on the water because there was white caps and it was really windy. Obviously, our ex military coach is having none of that. So he determines that we should probably go on this race, even if it's just the boats from all our school. So he's like, we're gonna have our own scrimmage. It's gonna be great.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy.

[Rob]

So we're mad, and it's hard to kind of row against the waves, and we're generally not having a super great time. And we get like five or ten minutes out from the dock, and then he realizes that the other boat that was with us is lagging behind. So he tells us to pull our boat over into this little cove off the main waterway of the lake. And he says he's going to go back and check on the other group. So he goes back and we're sitting there and the waves are lapping up on the boat, and it's uncomfortable. It's splashing us like it's really cold. Quickly, the boat starts taking on water. Oh, the waves are coming over the side of the boat. We start trying to bail out the boat with our water bottles, with our shoes. And by just splashing water out, that's clearly doing nothing. I don't know how much time elapsed between. I mean, when he told us to pull over and when we're like, waist deep in water. But I think it was five to 10 minutes. And I'm talking like, I was up to my waist. The boat was underneath the water, but we were still sitting in it.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God, he's coming over.

[Rob]

And we're like, arms up in the air, screaming, panicking. There's crying, there's laughing. Everything's kind of going on.

[Dax Shepard]

At any point, did anyone think to row to shore and get off the boat?

[Rob]

No one thought about. And I couldn't tell you why. There wasn't, like, a shore shore that we could have rode to. It was houses with docks and, like, a seawall. But nobody thought that we should move or do anything.

[Dax Shepard]

Right, because you've been bludgeoned into submission by a coach. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

It's literally syndrome.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. The military is dicey because sometimes you gotta break that chain of command.

[Rob]

He comes over and he yells at us and he says, listen to me. You need to row. And at the time, that was the most hilarious instruction that could have been given because we're almost sunk, and it's hard to get the oars up out of the water. And so Nobody listens to him right away. And then his complex kicks in and he's like, I know what the hell I'm doing. You need to row. And so he's yelling at us. So then we do start trying to get our little oars up out of the water and like push the water back. And we get a little bit of momentum and we come up out of the water a little bit, but barely. And then his next instruction to us is that we need to get rid of our oars because these boats are really skinny and the oars are really long. And so the oars are kind of keeping the boat balanced. And the goal is essentially for us to abandon the ship and flip it over. Oh, we need to jump off on opposite sides of the boat. We all get off. And at this point, my memory is a little bit fuzzy because we're in the water and it's freezing and we know there's alligators in there. At some point during this predicament, a family came out on their dock and they saw what was happening.

[Dax Shepard]

A bunch of young girls dying and.

[Monica Padman]

Some man yelling, dishonorably discharged.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, cadet is screaming.

[Rob]

They must have beckoned to us or to our coach to say that we could come to their dock if we needed to get out of the water. And our coach informed us that he was going to rescue the boat. He was like, I'm going to take the boat back so that the boat is safe. So he hooks the boat up to a tow line and it pieces out of the situation.

[Matt]

What, while you guys.

[Rob]

Yeah, we're in the water. We're 14. I'm just really glad we could all swim.

[Monica Padman]

Did you have life vests on?

[Rob]

No. And we had layers on. Like I had a sweatshirt and this little Gore Tex jacket because it was cold. So we're like flailing around. He leaves with the boat. We go up onto the dock of these strangers. And then they took us into their house and gave us towels and tea. So luckily they were good Samaritan strangers. Very well. You could have never heard from the nine of us again because he just left.

[Dax Shepard]

What a champ.

[Rob]

We had to call a parent chaperone from the home phone of this nice families living room. And they had to drive from the camp to come get us and bring us back.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my.

[Dax Shepard]

How many girls are in the boat?

[Rob]

There are nine. So there's eight that row and then there's one that coaches or is like the captain.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. They had nine girls in their kitchen trying to warm up.

[Monica Padman]

Did that coach get fired?

[Rob]

He didn't come back the next year.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, good.

[Dax Shepard]

Now, how did you guys perform that year? Sounds like you had gone through hell and back. Maybe it would be great after all.

[Rob]

That we were all right that year. Year. I think that there were other schools that are definitely a lot more competitive than us, but our boat did okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Luckily, it didn't go in the direction you were fearing it.

[Monica Padman]

Alligators.

[Dax Shepard]

No. Even before that, you heard, oh, I did. I did.

[Rob]

Oh, yeah. Young folks.

[Dax Shepard]

So at least. That wasn't at least.

[Monica Padman]

But he sucks. Oh, I bet he was the boy in the baseball game.

[Dax Shepard]

You think he grew up and wanted to take out his frustration against women?

[Monica Padman]

Yes, women. It's a through line.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Well, you made it. I'm sure you guys had a blast ripping him apart every time he wasn't looking or listening. That's a bond.

[Monica Padman]

That part's fun.

[Rob]

Absolutely. It went down in history. We talked about it for years and years and years after.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, Maddie, what a disaster. Thanks for telling us that.

[Rob]

Yeah, absolutely. Thanks for having me.

[Monica Padman]

Have a great day.

[Dax Shepard]

All right. Nice meeting you. You too.

[Rob]

Bye.

[Dax Shepard]

Bye. Hello.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

I'm gonna cry.

[Dax Shepard]

Don't cry yet. Cry at the end. Save it for the end. What name are we gonna use?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

So my name is Mary today.

[Rob]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Mary. Mary. We love when someone wants a fake name that feels like it's very promising, like maybe there's residual legal issues or something.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

Mary, are you allowed to tell us where you're at, or do you think that'll be too revealing?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

I'm in the Midwest.

[Dax Shepard]

That works. That's enough of a stereotype as I need.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

And of course, I'm changing some of the details to protect the innocent.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, great.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

Back when my daughter was in kindergarten, we were trying to get her into different activities to make friends. The sport that she chose for was T ball. She was so excited about it. Made lots of friends through all of that. And as you know, with any group sport, you get added to a group text with tons of people.

[Dax Shepard]

If you're the parent. Right.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

If you're the parent, you're in the group text for sure. And so right off the bat, the first week, getting tons of notifications, I put it on silent. And I'm thinking, I'll check this when I can. So around that same time, something that you should know is I was going through a divorce with my ex, and he was having a good time, different lifestyle. He's single, he's free.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

He's not really dealing with the team T ball.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

He's not Doing okay.

[Dax Shepard]

It's hard to be present with T ball when you have this other life happening.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

During that time, I also wanted to take my kiddo on vacation. You're just trying to make life as normal as it can be when you're going through something like that. And so I invited a new T ball mom to go on the strip with me. And again, daughter was very excited. We actually go to Florida, so we're out on the beach, right? We're doing fun things. Not looking at my phone. Notifications are off. We get back to the room at the end of the night, pick up my phone. At least 50 notifications from the group text. I'm nervous because I'm thinking, oh, no, someone got hurt at the T ball. You know, something innocent happened. So I look at the text messages, and the very first one on the list is my ex husband. Oh, he's asking for a sexual favor stop. From someone.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

And that was obviously not intended for the T ball group.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, God. If you're comfortable. What did it say? Do you want to spell it out instead?

[Dax Shepard]

Do you want to draw a picture for us and we'll describe what we're doing?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

Should we do, like, a base?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, sure.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

Third base he wants.

[Monica Padman]

Or he's requesting third base from a specific person he thinks he's texting with.

[Dax Shepard]

Just one member of this group text, I'm guessing.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, is somebody on the group text?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. So he met some other T baller mom, and then he now thinks he's got a son side thing going, but he accidentally. He went to her name Gail, and then got too hasty because he's in the mood for third base. And then he fires off a text, and he didn't realize it was the one where they list all the.

[Matt]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Is that right? Is that what happened?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

It's so close, but it wasn't someone from the Dex chain. I'm looking at these messages, right? And I'm with this fellow mom on the T ball team, and I look up at her, and she looks at me, and our kids are with us. And I'm like, I don't know what to do. So you had some dads that were cool about it, like, making jokes, like, oh, lucky guy you are.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

You know, y'all come over and do that.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

No one knows what to do.

[Monica Padman]

Did any women say, how dare you?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

For sure.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

It got to the point where finally the coach stepped in and was like, hey, guys, this group chat is for kindergarten tea ball, so let's keep it to that and move on.

[Mary]

So.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

So, needless to say, the rest of the T ball season was very awkward because, you know, I walk up to a mom and you know, they want to ask you about it.

[Dax Shepard]

You must have felt so self conscious. You're also going through divorce. I feel like all this would just be so hard to deal with. So much like, yeah, I'm going through a divorce. Yes. My husband's clearly on the war path and now you all know.

[Monica Padman]

She doesn't know, thank God. But that people know that your daughter's dad. It's too much, men. Keep it in your pants for a little while longer.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

Be considerate. Right.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, two questions. Did your ex husband respond ever after he realized what he did?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

He said sorry to the group, you know, wasn't intended obviously for this group text.

[Dax Shepard]

And did you sidebar with him?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

Oh, yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, you did.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Now how did that conversation go?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

I was very upset, obviously. You know, I was so embarrassed again. You're just going through all this already. And in the moment, it felt like my world was ending, honestly. And I was so angry. But we're fine now and it's a story to tell. We've come a long way. Great co parenting relationship.

[Dax Shepard]

How many years ago was that?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

12 years ago.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy. I can't imagine the searing heat that would shoot through my body the second I realized I had done that. I can't imagine a more embarrassing thing to all the parents. Yeah. As much as you suffered, I guarantee he too, probably.

[Monica Padman]

I don't know. We don't know how he is.

[Dax Shepard]

I doubt he high fived anyone after that. Did he remarry?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

He did a couple times.

[Dax Shepard]

A couple times. Okay.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

But yeah, I'd say we all lived happily ever after and we're good.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I'm glad everyone's good. Or I'm glad you're good.

[Dax Shepard]

Weird question. Did any of the fellow T ball dads see this as a door opening opportunity for you?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

That's so funny that you said that, but no.

[Dax Shepard]

I could see someone going like, ah, this poor gal, she's got embarrassed by her husband.

[Monica Padman]

I'll take advantage of her. And her most vulnerable, like, hey, you.

[Dax Shepard]

You want to get Fris whiskey too, to show them?

[Monica Padman]

No, no.

[Dax Shepard]

Out of generosity and kindness.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. You don't like that one bit. How long have you been listening?

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

I started listening during COVID I'm a very uptight person, as you can probably tell by changed my name. And I even told her I wanted to change my voice when I was telling A story. But listening to your podcast has just like, opened my mind in the best way. Oh, I learned so much. I actually have a few people in my life that struggle with addiction. And it's hard for you to understand right. When you haven't been through it. It's been life changing. And I just thank you so much.

[Dax Shepard]

For doing what you do. That makes me so happy, Mary. Oh, my God, what a story. Thank you so much for telling us.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

Thank you. Have a good one.

[Dax Shepard]

All right. Take care. If you could see her face. What a sweet lady.

[Monica Padman]

So.

[Dax Shepard]

So the last person that deserves to be on that text chain.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, it's just hard because you're embarrassed, but you're also sad. There's a lot happening.

[Dax Shepard]

Jealous.

[Monica Padman]

You feel betrayed. Oof. That's a sad one.

[Dax Shepard]

That was a hell of a week of her life.

[Monica Padman]

I don't know if I should state the obvious. I don't think I should do it.

[Dax Shepard]

What do you say? Men are terrible.

[Monica Padman]

Lot of bad men in this crop. A lot of men doing some not so hot stuff in this crop. I'm just gonna say that, yeah, we.

[Dax Shepard]

Didn'T have any ladies who really shit the bed ethically.

[Monica Padman]

It was pretty much every story had a unbecoming man.

[Matt]

Sporty men don't tend to be the most evolved of our kind.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I think we could probably agree.

[Monica Padman]

On that because cte probably that. I don't mean to laugh at cte. It's not funny.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I just think if you just live in the sports world, you're just with other boys and men all the time.

[Monica Padman]

Might be the sport itself. I find basketball players to be fairly evolved. They're just so regimented and disciplined.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, this is great. You know who I think are the most evolved? Soccer players.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. I also like soccer players too, because.

[Dax Shepard]

That was kind of the alternative sport when I was growing up. If you weren't like a jock jock, but your parents wanted you on a team, that was kind of what you did.

[Monica Padman]

I like both of those types.

[Dax Shepard]

What do we think is the worst chess players? Yeah, absolutely.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Arrogant. Know it alls.

[Monica Padman]

We know. What's the worst Football. I love everyone.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it would make a bit of sense that as you chart the violence of the sport.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's not terribly hard to imagine. You're probably over indexing in testosterone. You've been told to be tough non stop.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. All right.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Love you. Well, I love you. And I'm just so grateful that my kids aren't currently yet in they're not.

[Monica Padman]

In any of those.

[Dax Shepard]

No.

[Monica Padman]

That's kind of funny.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, although someone is trying out today for something.

[Monica Padman]

I thought Lincoln played soccer though, for a minute.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it was like a take. Well, no, it's just I think that team only assembled to play a couple games and then they did that. It was like her school, Remember?

[Monica Padman]

She wanted to quit and you were like, no. Remember back then.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, that was when she was a baby.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[Dax Shepard]

That's back when we were in the phase of like they have to be in something.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

And then why? I don't know.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Not necessary.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. All right. Love you.

[Unnamed Ex-Husband]

Love you.

[Matt]

Do you want to sing a tune.

[Dax Shepard]

Or something when it a theme song. Okay, great. We don't have a them song for this new show, so here I go. Go, go. We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of Arm Cherry's book and some suggestions on the Fly Rhyme Dish. On the Fly Rhyme Dish. Enjoy. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry App, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcast. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry App or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.

[Megan]

Hello, ladies and germs, boys and girls. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real who, Bill? Who done it? Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery App, Spotify or Apple Podcasts.