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Dax Shepard
Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondri in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome welcome welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard and Mrs. Mouse is out of town. This episode is crazy. Moving stories and look, they're crazy as promised. Makes you never want to move. Please enjoy moving. We are supported by Function Health. You know what's fascinating? Your body is constantly sending signals about your health, but most of us only see a tiny fraction of that data. That's why I chose Function. It's the only health platform that gives you access to over a hundred biomarkers, from hormones to heart health markers, all tracked in one secure place.
Monica Padman
I love this because I agree that normal regs, blood work and stuff, it doesn't get it all. And sometimes you find hidden things in these hormone checks.
Dax Shepard
Yes, I love seeing my health data mapped out over time. Helps me understand exactly what's happening in my body. It's no wonder top health leaders like Dr. Mark Hyman and Andrew Huberman are behind Function Health. This platform truly empowers you to own your own health journey. Learn more and join Using our Link, the first 1,000 people get $100 credit toward their membership. Visit www.functionhealth.com DAX or use code DAX100AT. Sign up to own your health. This episode is brought to you by Square Banking. You know what? I love watching local businesses grow and thrive. Like in our neighborhood. Even Cara. I've rooted for Mustard seed. I've rooted for. I just love watching people start their small businesses and succeed. That's why so many businesses trust Square Banking. It's a complete platform that puts you in control of your money and helps you fuel your next big move. With a free Square Check account, you get instant access to your sales. Need capital to expand? Square loans are based on your business's performance and 88% of businesses with Square loans report growth. Go to square.com godax to learn more about how your business can grow with square that's s q u a r e.com g o/dax block inc. Is not a bank. Banking Services provided by Square Financial Services, Inc. Member FDIC Square Checking provided by Sutton Bank Member FDIC FDIC loans are subject to credit approval. You gotta know I'mma keep on shining. Hi, is this Hannah?
Hannah
Yes, it is.
Steph
Hi.
Dax Shepard
How are you?
Hannah
I'm good.
Dax Shepard
How are you? Good. Where are you? I mean, what's this cute little miniature door to your Left.
Hannah
Well, I'm currently in upstate New York in a small town called Hamilton. I'm visiting my parents right now.
Dax Shepard
Do they have a Shetland pony that lives in there?
Hannah
It's a small door that leads to an attic. But it does look a little creepy, honestly.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, I'm waiting for a goblin to come out. So you're visiting mom and dad? You grew up there?
Hannah
Yeah, and now I live in New York. York City.
Dax Shepard
Okay, so you have a moving story. Does it involve moving to New York City?
Hannah
No, actually this story involves moving to Washington DC. It takes place in the fall of 2016. I had just graduated college the previous.
Dax Shepard
Spring with a degree. In what?
Hannah
In international relations.
Dax Shepard
Ooh, okay, then the DC makes a lot of sense.
Hannah
I'm gonna be honest. I did not get a job in any international relations related field. I was living at home back with my parents applying to jobs. And my childhood friend Katie was also back in our hometown and she had just started working for a film marketing company and they had another opening. She encouraged me to apply, I got the job, and then by the fall we both had full time jobs there. So we decided to relocate to D.C. which is where this company was based out of. So of course, being recent college graduates, we had no money and also like very few belongings that we needed to move anyways. Yeah, so we decided, you know, we'll just move ourselves. We're gonna rent a U Haul van. Katie's dad volunteered to help us move down. So the three of us caravanned down to D.C. katie was driving in front in her car, and then her dad Gary was driving the U Haul van. And then I was falling behind in my pickup truck. So we make our way down to D.C. the apartment building we were moving into was actually just outside of D.C. in Crystal City, Virginia. It was like one of those big apartment buildings where there's a front desk and a gym, a parking garage. Sounds very upscale for recent college graduates. Honestly, it was. It was shocking that we were able to move into this building. So we get down there and ahead of time, the building had sent us move in instructions and they had said, use the service elevator. It's around back. It's right by the entrance to the parking garage. So Katie's in the lead. We're driving around back, and she didn't see the garage. Again, we're not talking to each other. We're all separately in our cars. Katie thought that the elevator must be in the garage. So she pulls in and we just followed, which we immediately realized we shouldn't have done. That it was a big mistake because I could immediately see the top of the U Haul just scraping against the ceiling of the parking garage.
Dax Shepard
Okay. So the dad didn't have the right clearance.
Hannah
We did not have clearance.
Dax Shepard
Okay.
Hannah
But at this point it was like we were in too deep. He's basically kind of stuck scraping through the entrance.
Dax Shepard
He goes all the way, all the way in.
Hannah
Luckily my truck cleared it just barely. So I was fine. But immediately I knew we kind of screwed up on that.
Dax Shepard
And I'm gonna add, if you unload, the U Haul, van's gonna get lighter and it's gonna get even taller.
Hannah
Great point. We didn't think about that either. I would say there was very little thinking. It was one of those situations where you like, knew you had messed up going into it, but then it was too late to back out.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, you've passed the point of no return.
Hannah
We pull off to the side and I jump out. Katie and her dad are already out of their cars. They're freaking out. And Katie's dad, Gary was like, normally a very relaxed, laid back dad. He was the fun dad growing up. Had never seen him lose it. He's like pacing back and forth, swearing on the top of his lungs.
Dax Shepard
Like, just freaking out is his main concern. Like, oh, fuck, I got to pay for this thing now. Like, it's going to cost a fortune because I've ruined this van. I'm going to own a U Haul van now.
Steph
Yes.
Hannah
This is his exact. We open the door and kind of climb up so that we can see the damage. And on the roof, it's a foot long hole.
Dax Shepard
Oh, it's a gash. It tore it right open.
Hannah
A piece of metal, either from a pipe or the roof of the garage had fully grabbed the metal of the top of the van and gouged a hole. So Katie and her dad are immediately rifling through the truck trying to find the insurance policy. I'm kind of looking around being like, I don't know how we're going to get out of here. Because the exit was on the opposite side of the parking garage. And it was an automated entrance and exit with like one of those arms that goes up and down. No one's working down there. We're looking around and we notice that running through this parking garage are very low hanging red pipes. Even lower somehow than the entrance to the garage. So we're back in our cars trying to, to get to the exit. But any route that we take, we run across these red pipes that the van could not have Cleared. So once we realize there's no shot we're getting out the exit, we circle back to the entrance, and we're like, this is the only way for us to get out. So we call up at this point to the front desk and we explain we have driven our moving van into the garage and we are completely stuck. They are not very helpful. They're like, well, why did you do that? And we're like, yeah, we know, because.
Dax Shepard
We wanted to have some fun.
Hannah
Yeah, exactly. We're like, we fully understand that we messed up. I was like, but at this point, there's no way for us to get out the exit. And they're like, no, no, you can't get out the entrance. It's impossible. And I'm like, no, really, if you came down here and you saw the situation, we cannot go out the exit. So I go and I pull a ticket from the other side. But these automated machines, the arm does not get activated just by pulling a ticket. It must be a weight. So thing of, like a car sitting on it that activates it, because me just walking through it would not activate. It's probably 30 minutes at this point have passed. This whole time, other people have been driving into the garage. So someone comes in and Katie runs up to them and is like, we're trapped. Can you please help us? Like, can you take a ticket and then back up really fast and we're going to follow you out. So this really nice person did agree. They were like, okay, we get ourselves all situated. We're facing them. They pull the ticket, and they try to back up fast, but it just wasn't fast enough. As soon as the arm sensed them going the opposite direction, it just went back down.
Dax Shepard
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Hannah
A lot of time at this point had passed.
Dax Shepard
Is dad getting more mad or is he calming down?
Hannah
I would say Katie's dad was the most panicked I've ever seen him. I was possibly the clearest thinking person.
Dax Shepard
Okay, congrats.
Hannah
And usually I get really panicked. But he was so, so panicked that I was like, I have to not be panicking. Katie at this point runs up to the front desk and she's like, we need someone to come down and disable this automation so we can get out. She brings someone down. He kind of stared at the situation and he was like, well, yeah, you shouldn't have driven in here. This garage can only accommodate vehicles under six feet, whatever. And we're like, yeah, we know, we understand. This is completely our fault. We are not disputing that. But what are we to do now? This van will be trapped forever if we don't come out the entrance. So I looked at him and I said, sir, please. You see the situation. Isn't there any way we can just disable this arm? Like, there has to be something to do here. And he just stared at me for a second. And then without saying anything, he just walked over and just pushed up the arm manually.
Dax Shepard
It just went up on its own?
Steph
Yep.
Dax Shepard
Oh.
Hannah
So at that point I just wanted.
Dax Shepard
To cry because I was like, well.
Hannah
I could have done that. I just didn't know I could also. Why couldn't the front desk have just said to do that? This has been an hour of trapped in the garage for no reason. So we all pull out, finally escape the garage, re scraping the crap out of the top of the van, of course as we go.
Dax Shepard
You're not gonna like this, but I have to say it. I can't really resist. You should have let the air out of the tires.
Hannah
That's very smart.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, I only think of that cause I air down in the sand dunes. So I'm pretty familiar with watching the car get smaller. But at any rate. Yeah, now I'm the guy at the.
Hannah
Front desk didn't think that.
Carly with a K
No.
Hannah
We finally get out, we get to the service seller. At this point, we've examined the insurance policy. Of course it says it covers damage to the top except from parking garages. So we clearly were not the first people to damage a U Haul from a parking garage. At this point, the vibes are bad because we're thinking we'll have to buy this U Haul van. And then we still, the three of us are lugging all our stuff up to the apartment. It takes hours because it's just the three of us. And like one person's gotta watch the stuff while the other people are doing it. It was Halloween weekend. There's just gaggles of people dressed up and drunk walking down the street having a great time. I've never been like more depressed in my life just watching that and wishing that's where I was. Instead.
Dax Shepard
Any horned pig face goblins didn't see it. Okay, so Monica's not gonna be too intrigued.
Monica Padman
I'm here now.
Hannah
Hi, Monica.
Steph
Hi.
Monica Padman
Sorry I came in late. There's a lot of construction on the street.
Dax Shepard
Horned pig face goblins, though. The lead singer of gwar, that's now her style.
Hannah
Sadly, there were none of those. But we finally get everything in the apartment. He gets up early the next morning, drives all the way back to New York. The entire time it poured rain.
Dax Shepard
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And now the van's a convertible.
Steph
Yep.
Hannah
So not only was there a huge back, also the back was soaked. So he brings it to U Haul, and he goes inside and he's like, listen, here's what happened. The U Haul employee just looks at him and is like, so what you're telling me is that a tree branch fell on the car and created this hole? Oh, that was nice.
Dax Shepard
What a savior.
Hannah
It was like five seconds of silence. And then Gary was like, yep, that's exactly what happened. You're right. It was a tree branch that fell on the roof of the car or.
Dax Shepard
A pipe, whatever it look.
Hannah
So all in all, we didn't have to pay for it. It was like, such a relief thanks to the really kind person at U Haul who helped us out.
Dax Shepard
You gotta be really grateful that they probably hated working there. They were like, yeah, I don't mind if I stick it to them. How long do you guys stay there? And then how did you get your shit back to New York?
Hannah
We stayed there for two years. And then we actually. Our company got acquired, so we both moved to New York City. That's where the new company was based. And that time we were like, no freaking way are we ever moving ourselves ever again. So we paid professionals. And then, of course, we've just been cursed, both Katie and I, in subsequent moves. Because that next move, there was a huge windstorm that caused four hour delays because no trucks could go over the bridges to Manhattan. And we ended up paying, like, tons of extra money.
Dax Shepard
The universe is telling you, just stay put, I think.
Hannah
Yeah, exactly.
Dax Shepard
Well, Hann, it's so nice to meet you.
Hannah
It's really nice to meet you. My friend Katie is actually here from the stories?
Steph
From the story.
Dax Shepard
Yes. I would love to meet dad as well. I wish he were there, but yes. Let's get Katie in here.
Monica Padman
Hi.
Dax Shepard
Hi, Katie. Do you guys still work together?
Hannah
No, sadly, not anymore. But we both still live in New York City.
Dax Shepard
Oh, fun.
Hannah
We're just up here for a wedding, actually, so it works out really well.
Dax Shepard
Do you guys eat an Emily Burger?
Steph
Of course.
Hannah
Oh, right.
Dax Shepard
Good for you. You know what you're doing. All right. Well, lovely meeting you.
Hannah
It is so nice meeting both of you.
Dax Shepard
Okay, take care. Hello, Michael.
Michael
Hi, guys. How are you?
Dax Shepard
We're wonderful. Where are you, Michael?
Michael
I am in Corsica. I'm actually in a hotel room. Hopefully you guys can hear me.
Dax Shepard
Okay, we can. Corsica is an island off of Spain or Italy. What is it close?
Michael
France, just above Sardinia.
Dax Shepard
Okay. And have you gone before? Is this the first time?
Michael
I haven't. So I turned 50 yesterday. Congrats, celebrating. Thank you.
Dax Shepard
And did a big group join you or is it just you and your partner?
Michael
Just me and my partner. Nice quiet holiday away. I love it here. So it's been really nice.
Dax Shepard
Okay. You recommend it?
Michael
I do. 100% crystal clear Mediterranean waters, great food, great wine.
Dax Shepard
Lovely. So you have a moving story.
Michael
I do, yeah. So it was 2012. This was my 14th time in 15 years moving. @ this point, we were moving from Santa Barbara to la. It was finally time for me to actually spend the money to hire movers.
Dax Shepard
I can't find out that you've moved 14 times in 15 years without having an explanation.
Michael
A lot of things just different job opportunities came up, or moving within the same job, going to grad school, moving for my wife's job. There's just a lot of things happening and just going with the flow. I was very sad to leave Santa Barbara, I'll say that. But the moving day went great. They got there early in the morning, they packed everything for us, they put it in the truck. And I was sitting there saying, I can't believe I haven't done this before. It's so easy. Get in the truck, off to la, and we're moving to West Hollywood. And we get to our apartment, everything's going smoothly, and by about 5pm, everything's done. They're completely unloaded. I'm upstairs unpacking already. I happen to be unpacking linens. I remember this very clearly. The screen door was open. I heard a scream and I was like, oh, that doesn't sound good. I run out to the balcony to check it out and I lean over and I can't really see much, but I can see one of the guys is laying on the ground.
Dax Shepard
One of the movers.
Michael
One of the movers, yeah. And so his two co workers are standing over him and I look a little closer, he's clearly writhing in pain. I can't tell what happened, but there's blood on the ground. So I say, okay, not good. So I grab a towel since I'm unpacking the linens, run downstairs to see if I can help. I get outside and the foreman comes over to me and just takes the towel and walks back to his mover. And so I'm at a distance, can't tell yet what has happened, but there's a lot of blood on the ground and he's clearly been cut pretty badly. So I say, okay. Well, there's a hospital right around the corner from where we live. It's a very big, well known hospital. I won't say what it was called.
Monica Padman
Okay, yeah, we could probably guess.
Michael
He hops in the car with me and we're on the way to the hospital.
Dax Shepard
The injured man hops in the car with you?
Michael
Yes. So his name's Jose. He hops in the car and can.
Dax Shepard
You tell where his injury is at?
Michael
Yeah, it's in his hand. Yeah. Now I can clearly tell that his hand is wrapped.
Monica Padman
Can talk and stuff.
Michael
He can talk, but he doesn't really have any English and I don't have any Spanish. But he's clearly in pain, just rocking back and forth, making a lot of noise. We get to a red light and he manages to say, do you think they can put back? And I said, put what back?
Dax Shepard
Oh, no. I had a fear of this.
Michael
I look over and he lifts the towel up and I just see a bunch of red. I see some white stuff. I don't know what's what. And then he lifts his hand up and his first three fingers are just dangling from threads of skin.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
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Monica Padman
Even though we are a show called Armchair Expert, we understand, in fact, because we are a show, we understand that a professional is a professional. We talk about all kinds of things on here with each other. But it's different when you're talking to a therapist. Just they know more.
Dax Shepard
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Michael
And so they're just hanging, kind of flopping around like.
Dax Shepard
It'S a puppet now yes.
Michael
And I can't even look anymore. I turn, I'm looking the other way out the driver's side window, and I just mumble something like, it's a very good hospital. You'll be fine. We get there, run into the er. They take a look at his hand right away. I accompany him to the room. And we're sitting there, and sitting there, I'm like, well, this seems kind of weird. It feels pretty urgent to me. Sure enough, someone finally comes in. But because this is America, it's not a doctor. It's someone to see if he has insurance.
Dax Shepard
Oh, boy.
Michael
I can't speak. I'm trying to translate. I tell her what happened, but it's not really helping much, so she says, okay, and she leaves. And then we're waiting, and we must have waited a good half an hour. The whole time, he's rocking back and forth, he's moaning. So he's in so much pain. And I start to feel, like, very helpless. So I go outside and talk to a nurse, and I say, hey, what's going on? Could we get some help? Feels like a pretty serious injury. At least something for the pain. And she was totally unfazed. She said, yep, a doctor will be in when one's free. So I go back in. Another half hour passes. At this point, I really don't know what to do. So I go back outside and I ask again, very nicely, checking in, can we get someone to come see this man? And she said, I told you before, a doctor will be in when one's available. And so then I start to get upset, start to lose my patience a bit, raise my voice a bit. I said, that's unacceptable. I need to talk to someone. This man's lost three fingers. At least something for the pain. And I see her kind of wave to someone. And so I look up and a security guard comes over.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God.
Michael
The security guard says to me, sir, you need to calm down. And I said, what are you going to do? Take me out of here just because I'm trying to get help for someone in pain? Sure enough, that's what they did.
Dax Shepard
They did.
Monica Padman
No.
Michael
They escort me out of the emergency room.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God.
Michael
I'm waiting outside, and now it's been another 10 minutes. And I feel really bad because he's in there by himself. So I go back up, I plead my case to the front desk, and I say, hey, I'm so sorry. Can you let me back in? I just want to be with him. I understand if it takes time and they said, okay. So the security guard comes over. She talks to him. He's like, if you don't make a scene, you can come back in. Five minutes later, a doctor walks in. First thing he does after looking at his hand says, yes, okay. A nurse comes in, gives him some morphine, and immediately his face just.
Dax Shepard
Just.
Michael
I can see the relief pour over him.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God.
Michael
So now he's in an okay place, and maybe five minutes later, his brother shows up. Now I don't really know what to do, what kind of value I'm adding, so I decide, okay, this is my time to leave. But I still feel horrible. I'm berating myself. This is my fault. This is what you get when you don't just move yourself.
Dax Shepard
Oh, no. Sure, sure, sure. Some self flagellation.
Michael
There's an ATM outside by the gift store. So I just take as much money as I can out of that and walk back inside to his brother and I leave. I just felt so awful for this guy because he's not going to be able to work right. He doesn't have a hand, probably doesn't have insurance. So I called the moving company maybe two weeks later to see how he's doing, and he's okay. He's recovering at home, but that's all they know. The happy ending to this story, I will say, though, is that two years later, we're moving again. Of course.
Dax Shepard
Of course.
Michael
Moving to New York City this time. And I called the same moving company because aside from that, I had a great experience. Who shows up? No, but Jose.
Dax Shepard
No way.
Monica Padman
That's so sweet.
Michael
Gives me a big hug. Shows me his hand. Lots of scars, but fully functional.
Monica Padman
Wow. Wow. This is kind of a meet cube in a way.
Dax Shepard
Did he get his hand in the lift gate of the truck?
Michael
Yes. I should have said what happened, but you're exactly right.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. Yeah. That's the most obvious. Well, the lift gate is hydraulic, and they roll the stuff out and then lower it. Well, once they're done with that, they got to flip it back up up. And in the flipping it back up process, you could snip your fingers off.
Michael
I guess he wasn't paying attention when his colleague was doing that. And that's exactly what happened.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Dax Shepard
So it was his fault. Monica.
Monica Padman
No, I'm teasing. Oh, it's so fuck.
Dax Shepard
Well, I'm so happy he kept his hands. I mean, I wonder how long your fingers can be dangling off your body without blood before.
Monica Padman
I feel like it's not a long time. That's why it's shocking they didn't get in there fast.
Dax Shepard
Well, clearly we know an hour and a half. Minimally you can get away with that.
Michael
Kudos to the hospital for doing an amazing job on that part of it.
Dax Shepard
Once you get this service, top notch service, if you can get it, it's great. Wow.
Monica Padman
I'm disappointed in that hospital. I like that hospital. That's a bummer.
Michael
That was a bummer. I don't know if that's more about the hospital or just the state of American health care.
Dax Shepard
We could give the most generous benefit of the doubt analysis, which is perhaps he was the only doctor and he was busy doing something else. Quite critical. Critical.
Monica Padman
But a nurse could come in and give them more.
Dax Shepard
That should have happened.
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. That's what's stupid is if you had called an ambulance, first thing they would have done is give him morphine.
Monica Padman
Exactly.
Dax Shepard
And then he would at least been doped up for the whole ride.
Michael
Yeah, in hindsight, that would have been better. It just felt like it was so close.
Monica Padman
Yeah. And it's expensive.
Dax Shepard
You should have scored some dope around the corner. There's a couple places you could have picked up some painkillers, especially back then.
Monica Padman
Was a little sketchy, but you did a great thing.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. You're a nice person. You are. The fact that you took it all on yourself and did make the foreman handle it, rush them there in a moving truck.
Michael
I'm just glad it had a happy ending.
Dax Shepard
Well, Michael, it's lovely meeting you. I'm so glad you took time on this fun 50th birthday party trip to talk to us.
Michael
It's great to talk to you guys. I was psyched to get that email. Can I bring in my partner? She's at day one.
Dax Shepard
Would love to meet her.
Michael
Her name's Elizabeth. I'm just gonna give her my head.
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Dax Shepard
Great.
Monica Padman
Hi, Elizabeth.
Dax Shepard
Hi, Elizabeth.
Carly with a K
Oh, my gosh.
Hannah
What a great addition to our vacation right now.
Steph
Oh, good.
Dax Shepard
I didn't know if it's a big inconvenience or if it's.
Hannah
If I could just give a quick.
Steph
Shout out to my daughters Ella and Hannah, because we listen to you guys all the time. We listen to Anonymous constantly in the car. They're 11 and 13.
Dax Shepard
Oh, I love it.
Hannah
Crack up along with us.
Steph
They're like the best age, so I.
Hannah
Just want to make sure we actually say their name.
Dax Shepard
Okay, wonderful. Shout out to them. All right, well, have fun, you guys. Thanks for taking the time.
Steph
Thank you.
Dax Shepard
All right, bye. Bye.
Michael
Thanks, guys.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God. We're going to talk to Carly with a K. I don't know if I've ever spoken to a Carly with a kid. Hello, Karlie with a K. Hi. Have you met any other Karlies with a k?
Carly with a K
I don't think so, but there's many ways to spell it.
Dax Shepard
Yes. And have you ever inquired to your parents why they chose that?
Carly with a K
I did and I think they just preferred the K. Okay.
Dax Shepard
Do they own a Krispy Kreme? Are you in the south?
Carly with a K
We're actually in Canada. Oh, there's even any in my province.
Dax Shepard
Okay. Yeah, you're kind of the opposite of the south if you're up in Canada.
Carly with a K
Does my accent say south?
Dax Shepard
Not yet. You haven't said a boot, but it'll come out. I don't think we've ever gotten through a Canadian in conversation without a boot coming out at some point.
Carly with a K
Fair enough.
Dax Shepard
And where are you?
Carly with a K
I'm in central Canada and I'm in Saskatchewan, but that's as far as I'm gonna tell you.
Dax Shepard
Okay, great. I like that.
Monica Padman
I like a mystery then.
Dax Shepard
I Do you want me to cut out Karlie with a K? Is that too revealing?
Carly with a K
No, my name is fine. I'm gonna change a couple details.
Dax Shepard
Okay, great. I like that. That's very promising. So tell us you have a moving story.
Carly with a K
I do. Okay. This was a little over a decade ago and I was in college. My now husband and I were engaged, both college students. L a small one bedroom condo just near campus. At the time I was in a two year tech college, so it was quite small. Classes were I'd say maybe 30 people in the class. The reason this is relevant is because one day the instructor of my class, the department head of my program and a man walk into the classroom and this guy, we're going to call him Kim, he introduces himself as, as a practicing lawyer and that he would be our law instructor for the next semester. He kind of like goes on to tell us that before becoming a lawyer he actually took this same program and that his heart was really in this program and that he loved everything about it and proceeds to tell us that he's going through a divorce and he has this big beautiful home with multiple bedrooms and that he wanted to rent out the home for a little while before selling it. He wanted to kind of give back to this program by offering it to the students of the program really inexpensively. That way we could all kind of live together. I know that sounds kind of off, but it did feel safe in the sense that the department head was there. Our instructors were there. Everybody knew each other very intimately. It didn't feel strange.
Dax Shepard
And there's strength in numbers. You'll be with classmates in theory.
Carly with a K
Yeah. And my soon to be husband as well.
Steph
He.
Carly with a K
He's like, this is a great opportunity for you. Kind of let me help you, you help me kind of thing. So about a month later, I got out of my lease for the condo and my husband and I pack up everything we own and we move into this house. And at the time it was just myself, my fiance, and then my childhood best friend actually moved in with us.
Dax Shepard
And was Kim still there?
Carly with a K
Kim is not there. It's a completely empty, beautiful home. No red flags. We spend all day moving in. There's no hiccups or anything. I would say we started around noon, and then evening ish, probably about seven or eight. We send most of our help home. We send the trucks home that are there. My husband goes to kind of clean up things at the old place. So I am then sitting in the home by myself kind of amongst all these boxes, and there is a big knock at the door and I go, and I open it and there is this tall woman standing there who is red faced, angry, very, very shook. And she goes, who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing in my house?
Monica Padman
Oh, wow.
Dax Shepard
Was the house totally empty?
Carly with a K
Totally empty. Not a single thing in it. And I was like, hi, I'm Carly, I'm renting from Kim. She goes, I'm Kim and this is my house and you need to get the fuck out.
Dax Shepard
Wait, what?
Monica Padman
What identity?
Dax Shepard
This is going in a different direction and I love it.
Carly with a K
Turns out that was the ex wife. They had the exact same name.
Steph
Oh.
Dax Shepard
Oh, okay.
Carly with a K
I had no idea. So she is who she says she is, and he says who he says he is.
Monica Padman
Okay, that's good.
Dax Shepard
All right, that's better.
Carly with a K
Yeah, just a little bit of confusion there. And I'm like, holy crap, what am I supposed to do? So I've called my parents, I've called my husband, I've called lawyer Kim. I have my husband come back. I have my mom come back. This woman is standing outside and she is shaking. She's so angry. All of the neighbors have come out and are kind of like surrounding her.
Dax Shepard
Oh, boy.
Carly with a K
They're basically corroborating her story that this is her house. It's a really messy divorce. They mentioned to us that he actually lied to her about how old he was before they got married and said he was about 10 years younger than he actually was, that this Was probably the third divorce and just kind of like, get the hell out right now kind of thing. The cops were called, so I'm on the phone with Kim, and Kim says that he is on the way to the lake. He doesn't have enough keys for us, so he has to go get spare keys. This is a few hours away. He's not gonna be able to be there, but to not worry. Cause he knows the law. The cops don't know anything. And I want you to tell the cops that everything's gonna be fine. And actually, you can just tell them that I'll be living in the basement with my teenage son and you guys are actually just gonna be my roommates.
Hannah
What?
Monica Padman
How does that make it better?
Carly with a K
Also, I don't know if it's. Cause then he's the owner in the home. And then he goes, well, okay. What time did you move in? And I was like, I think around noon. He goes, great, I want you to stay until noon tomorrow, and then I'll come and we'll figure it all out. I'm like, well, the cops are here. And he's like, I don't care. It turns out he wanted us to stay for about 24 hours to get some sort of, like, squatters, right?
Steph
Yeah, yeah.
Monica Padman
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Carly with a K
I don't know the legalities of that, but he wanted us to stay put. And we were like, well, we need to get the hell out of here. I don't want to be in between whatever you guys have going on, but we have nowhere to go.
Dax Shepard
Oh, my God.
Carly with a K
So this is now about 10 o' clock at night. It's about November, so it's dark outside. No snow yet, but cold. I call my parents, and they're the heroes of this story. They unloaded their quads out of their quad trailer, cleaned it all out, and we moved our entire house into this quad trailer and literally packed up and left a few hours later.
Monica Padman
Wow.
Carly with a K
We ultimately went and moved in with them for a little while until we could save up for our first home. So they saved the day.
Dax Shepard
Whoa. So that was his game plan from the very first speech. Honestly, this is preferred to what I thought was going on. My fear was he had rigged the house up with cameras.
Monica Padman
Oh, yes. Yeah.
Dax Shepard
I thought this was gonna be a perverse situation.
Carly with a K
I have a little more to tell you.
Dax Shepard
Oh, wonderful.
Carly with a K
It's not going quite that direction, but the next couple of days, I go to my school, my department head, and explain everything that's gone on. How inappropriate they are. Very Understanding and say, like, he won't be rehired. And I think, great, it's handled. I get a message back a few days later, and they say, you know what? It's November. He's supposed to be your instructor in January. We can't replace him in time. So he's gonna be your law instructor for the. The next four months, and then we will fire him after that.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Carly with a K
So I had to take his law class for the next four months, and I didn't learn a single thing about law from him. But he did constantly tell us that even if we didn't like him, if we ever were in trouble, that he would be the first person we would call. And truly, if I ever needed a really scummy lawyer that would do anything to get you out of something, I think he'd probably be my first call.
Dax Shepard
Yeah.
Monica Padman
Wow.
Dax Shepard
What kind of grade did he give you?
Carly with a K
Mid-80s. But I don't think I turned in work. I existed. He existed. There was no conversation.
Monica Padman
He wouldn't have given you an A just for having dealt with that?
Dax Shepard
Yeah, I was nervous he was gonna be punitive. You ratted him out. He's getting fired. I'm gonna flunk you. And the guy's already shown he doesn't have a tremendous amount of morals.
Carly with a K
No. And I actually called my mom to find out what her end of the story was, and she said that a few years after this, she got a phone call from a girlfriend who had used him as a divorce lawyer, and she didn't have much for cash and was worried about the price of things. And he was like, you know, you can just come with me to this party.
Monica Padman
There it is.
Carly with a K
Yeah. So I think pretty low branch.
Dax Shepard
Oh, boy. I'm comforted a little bit that you have those folks up in Canada too. I mean, I guess I think that kind of thing's a dime a dozen down here, but I am somewhat relieved that it's universal.
Carly with a K
You know, I decided to Google him before this just to kind of see his reviews. There's one that says we bought a house from this person. We lived in it for a few months in the middle of winter, he called us and said that we had to move out because the house had too many liens on it.
Dax Shepard
Oh, boy.
Carly with a K
I'm pretty sure that's, like, your whole job. Another one says, if you want theft, corruption, perjury, document falsification, law violations, abuse, extortion, you've come to the right lawyer.
Dax Shepard
I'm surprised he hasn't been disbarred so.
Monica Padman
Squatters rides only take 24 hours. That is crazy.
Dax Shepard
That's terrifying. That's like, what if you had a friend, spent the night and they're just like, no, I live here now. I've been here 24 hours.
Monica Padman
I know.
Carly with a K
Yeah. I don't know what he was going for, how that all works. I didn't learn anything in law, so.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. Wow.
Monica Padman
Oh, man.
Dax Shepard
Thank God that your parents had the toy trailer.
Carly with a K
It worked out super well. And the sim was definitely simming with all of this because I actually hadn't even thought about this man in like, well over a decade. I exchanged services with an esthetician every few weeks and she had moved into a new facility and I went to go visit her and her and I listened to armchair through these appointments. That's like our thing. We always book him on Fridays to try to listen.
Dax Shepard
Oh, fun.
Carly with a K
I walked into her new building and his law office was across the hall.
Dax Shepard
What? Oh, my God.
Hannah
That is. What?
Monica Padman
No.
Carly with a K
My heart sank. I haven't seen him yet and I pray I don't. So I actually heard the prompt in her office across the hall and wrote my story in outside of his office.
Dax Shepard
No, you're right. That's impossible.
Monica Padman
That's impossible. On speaker. Like, when you listen to this one, he might hear it.
Dax Shepard
Oh, let's hope. You guys should put speakers in the hallway.
Carly with a K
I kind of hope so. But now when I walk by, I like to like, snub him a little bit.
Dax Shepard
Sure, sure.
Monica Padman
Oh, my goodness.
Carly with a K
Wow.
Dax Shepard
Oh, Carly, what a bizarre story. I loved it.
Carly with a K
Thank you.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, that was great.
Monica Padman
Thanks for sharing.
Carly with a K
Lots of twists and turns. Thank you so much.
Dax Shepard
All right. Bye, Carly.
Carly with a K
Have a good day, guys. By.
Dax Shepard
We are supported by kachava.
Monica Padman
I just had kachava this morning.
Dax Shepard
How was your Kachava?
Monica Padman
Chocolate? I. I like the chocolate.
Dax Shepard
Yeah. Chocolate can't be beat.
Monica Padman
It's so good. It has so much protein, which, you know, I'm trying to get more of for my bone density and your muscle gains and my gains. It's such a great way to get all these nutrients and protein.
Dax Shepard
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Monica Padman
It's delicious, it's really nice and it is quick and easy.
Dax Shepard
Fuel your daily adventure with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code DAX for 15% off your next order. That's Kachava K A C H A V A dot com code DAX for 15% off this episode is brought to you by Audible Love can take many forms. Sometimes it's a chance encounter at a gas station that turns into a ten year relationship. Other times it's texting someone you up and accidentally falling in love. Audible's collection of romance audiobooks has it all. Think relatable situationships, historical scandals, forbidden magic, and yes, plenty of stories that are headphones only. Wink wink. Hear modern rom coms from authors like Leanne Slade and Emily Henry, the latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Lauren Roberts, Regency favorites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the steamy stuff. Whether it's a duke, a billionaire, or a winged lord from the Night Court, your first great love story is free when you sign up for a 30 day trial at audible.comdax we are supported by Skims.
Monica Padman
Okay, we're gonna talk about underwear for a minute because skims has completely changed my relationship with intimates. You know how you kind of don't realize something's been bothering you until all of a sudden the solution is there. That's me with underwear. I grab whatever multi pack was on sale and I don't know it would lose its shape after a couple weeks. But then I tried skims and suddenly I realized underwear could actually make you feel good all day long. I have many of the skims underwear styles and they're all great. I love the thongs because they are still comfortable.
Dax Shepard
They'll give you a ride you didn't ask for.
Monica Padman
But skims. The quality is just wonderful. The colors are great. Even when you're picking out like a fun underwear in the morning and you a nice bright color just makes your mood better. The ones I really like are in the Fits Everybody collection cuz the fabric is just different and so soft.
Dax Shepard
Shop Monica's favorite bras and underwear@skims.com after you place your order. Be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.
Michael
Here's Steph.
Dax Shepard
Steph Curry maybe?
Steph
Yeah.
Dax Shepard
Oh let's see. Yes. Steph Curry. Hi, Steph.
Michael
Hi.
Dax Shepard
How are you?
Steph
I am well. So, so nervous.
Dax Shepard
You have the cutest haircut. I love it.
Steph
Thank you very much.
Dax Shepard
You're welcome.
Steph
Where are you physically? I'm in Silicon Valley right now. I live in San Francisco, close by. And that, I guess, opens up my story for you about the move from Toronto to San Francisco. I was born and raised in Toronto, had only ever lived in Toronto. It was a dream of mine and my husband's to move abroad, have an adventure. And we were lucky enough to get an opportunity, with my work, to be internationally relocated to California. We'd never been to California before, so kind of an interesting thing to just move somewhere you've never visited. Better weather, no Toronto winters. Sounded good. It was 2021, so it's still kind of pandemicy. And so part of this, like, international relocation package that I got with work was that they would take care of everything, which is really. So we had a team that came to our apartment in Toronto and they packed up everything we owned really carefully and meticulously and loaded the truck for us. And we had some lawyers help us put together all the paperwork that's required because that's very complex also.
Dax Shepard
That's a fucking hell of a drive. That's got to be like 3,000 miles.
Steph
You would know better than me. Probably. Yeah.
Dax Shepard
Well, Detroit's like 2,400, 2600, and then Toronto. Yeah. So that's a lot.
Steph
So the company was going to drive it to our new place in San Francisco. We just had to fly. Fly over. We've given notice at our apartment, we sold our cars. Everything we own is on this truck. We're, like, ready to move. And the first hurdle we have to overcome is the airport experience. So interesting to note. The way that you apply for a work visa to go from Canada to the U.S. is you have to apply for the visa at the airport on the day that you're leaving.
Dax Shepard
That sounds very dicey.
Steph
Yes. Because if you get denied, you've given up your whole life. And I asked multiple times to be like, can I not go to an embassy before and do this application in advance to know that I'm approved to move? They said, no, you have to do it at the airport the day that you're flying to San Francisco to move.
Dax Shepard
What?
Steph
It's wild. I don't understand why it works that way. It's a very emotional experience. It's very stressful. Just making sure all of this is good. You know, they've backfilled my previous Job. I've got this new job to look forward to. We've put down, you know, three months of security deposit on our new apartment in San Francisco that we've never seen before. And three months of security deposit in San Francisco is probably a year's worth of rent in Toronto.
Monica Padman
Yes.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy.
Steph
So there's so much on the line. We get to the airport about six hours early so that we have enough time to do this whole visa application process. But before you can get to the U.S. customs agents that are there that approve or deny you, you go through security. And so we've got two cats that we have to move with us. This is another thing I'm really stressed about. One of the cats is elderly, and she's docile and fine. And then the younger cat is part feral. He's an outdoor cat. We didn't choose to adopt him. He just showed up one. And we were slowly integrating him into our family. But he's missing a chunk of his ear. He's, like, really rambunctious. He scratches a lot. So I'm trying to figure out how to get this cat through security.
Dax Shepard
You have way too much on your plate. I just got to say he can't.
Steph
Go through with the carrier. You have to have the cat separate, and then the carrier goes through the X ray machine.
Dax Shepard
Oh, this is a bad idea. This is a very bad idea. There's a lot of bad ideas at the airport.
Steph
Yes. So I'm pre planning how to make this happen. So I've brought this, like, mesh laundry basket to, like, put the cat into so the carrier can go through. And then we, like, have to, like, switch the cat back and forth. I put an air tag on him so that if he runs away in the airport, like, maybe we can find him. Who knows what's going to happen?
Monica Padman
Oh, my God. My nightmare. To have a feral cat running loose in the airport.
Dax Shepard
Oh, it's like a Disney movie.
Monica Padman
Yeah, that's true. An adventure.
Steph
I didn't know this was going to happen. But they have this private room by security for these situations, so that was great. I didn't need to use the laundry basket. I think we ditched it somewhere along the way at the airport. So we go into the private room, let the cat out into the room. He's running around, around going crazy. They take the carrier out to scan the carrier. They bring it back, it's fine. We're good to go. I have to get him back in the carrier, which is really difficult. Scratches the hell out of my Arms.
Monica Padman
Oh, my.
Steph
At least he's not lost at this point. So we've made it through security with the cats. I'm, like, very relieved. I've been super worried about this leading up to this day. And then we get to the customs area, and so we go up to the agent and we give them the paperwork. It's like three inches of paper in this folder that we got from the lawyers that they have to look through. And then they're going to determine whether we're approved or not. So we wait in the waiting area for an hour and a half with these two cats that are, like, yowling. And you're not allowed to use your cell phones here. You just have to sit really patiently and quietly. And we're watching the agents flip through the pages very slowly, but they're not even looking at them. They're just chatting with each other about how their weekend was. They had some snacks at the area. I guess they flipped to the last one. Don't know how much they've read, but they call us up and they say, okay, you're approved. Go on in. Okay, we're past security. We're approved. Our visas are good. I'm, like, ecstatic. I think we go get a celebratory drink.
Dax Shepard
I think they just looked at you and they were like, they're white. So let's just go through this.
Monica Padman
I mean, probably let's pretend like we're looking at.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, but they're white.
Steph
Privilege is definitely working in our favor in this scenario. So we get to San Francisco. It's like 11pm at this point. Get to the car rental place, pick up our car. I am so grateful that neither cat has had an accident by this point because we're 11 hours into them being in carriers. Oh, yeah, no one's peed. No one's done anything because I was, like, braced for having to clean up cat pee on a plane.
Dax Shepard
Oh, do you give them, like, weed gummies or anything to get them to chill on the flight?
Steph
Yes, and we did give some to the feral cat, but it wears off pretty quickly. And then they get more scared because now they're no longer on drugs, but they're on the plane.
Dax Shepard
So they're coming off a drug.
Monica Padman
They're paranoid. Did it ever, like, jump up and down in the crate and cause a havoc?
Steph
Yes, the whole time. So my husband's behind with the fair line. He's going nuts for, like, the whole.
Dax Shepard
Flight, losing his mind sitting next to.
Steph
Oh, my God, I've got the elderly cat and she's chill. She like pokes her little head out once in a while. She's looking around. We can't sit next to each other because they don't allow animals to be next to each other on a flight. We're picking up this rental car. It's taking forever to get the car. We're gonna stay in a hotel while our goods are being driven across the continent. And then when they arrive, we can move into the apartment we've secured. So we're at the hotel. It's taking forever to check into the hotel. And the first thing I need to do is create a litter box for the cats because they have been holding it for so long. So I had packed in my checked luggage a whole bunch of litter and a box. So I open it up to, like, set this up. And they had gone through my luggage, I guess checking things. And maybe the litter was a flag. They're like, what the heck is in this person's bag? And so they had broken the bag of litter that I had. And it was all.
Dax Shepard
Well, now you can just use your suitcase as a. As the box. The litter box.
Carly with a K
True.
Steph
But it's also everything that I have to live off of for the next four weeks. Yes.
Dax Shepard
Oh, you guys really took it on.
Monica Padman
I hope you like California animal parents are really.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, they're good folks.
Steph
We do a of lot for these, these cats. So we set up the litter box. I deal with my luggage at some point later and all of my belongings covered in this litter. And then we're kind of clocking that this hotel is not great. It's a pet friendly hotel, so it has a stink to it. It's kind of grungy. And we're like, oh my God, are we gonna be able to live here for the next like four weeks?
Monica Padman
Oh, that long? Oh, my God.
Steph
We're trying to make the most of it, but this place is not good. One night we're sleeping and it's like three in the morning, and I hear a noise and I feel something. I wake up and the elderly cat is in the middle of just peeing in between my husband and I.
Dax Shepard
Because you have so much litter on your pajamas from the.
Steph
I didn't even consider that.
Dax Shepard
It's all in the sheets.
Steph
We call down to the front desk, we let them know what's happened, and they say, okay, bring the laundry down. We'll give you some new sheets, but you have to clean this up and deal with it. My husband takes the sheets down. They take him into the back staff area. He has to put them into the commercial washing machine because they refuse to touch it. It's fine. Little weird. And then we get the new sheets, and then it's up to us to, like, clean and make our bed. So I'm already like, what has previously happened on this mattress that other people did or did not clean? We flip it and put the new sheets on. So at this point, I'm like, we can't stay here. The cats are unhappy. It's too small of a space for them. So I call my boss and I let her know what's going on, and she's like, okay, I get it. We'll help you out. So they order rental furniture for us, and they put it into the apartment that we've secured.
Dax Shepard
Great.
Steph
Yeah, perfect. So we're so happy. We do that for a few weeks, and then it's the day that our stuff is supposed to come. The rental furniture company comes in the morning to take all of the furniture out right before the delivery company comes with all of our own belongings. The company that's going to move us in is supposed to unpack the truck, unpack every single box, put everything away for us, rebuild our furniture that they disassembled in Toronto. The whole nine yards is done in this one day. And they're supposed to come at like 9am I'm so excited. Like, I can't just wait to be situated and be in my home home and, like, have my own bed sheets and all the things that I've missed. I've been through the most stressful time of my life. Like, international move. I'm starting a new job. I'm like, meeting all these new people. It's still the pandemic.
Dax Shepard
Kind of getting pissed on at night.
Monica Padman
Yeah, this is a lot.
Steph
They're supposed to come at 9. They don't show up at 9. It's 10, it's 11. They come just before lunchtime. And I'm like, already? You're not gonna get this work done. Like, you have so much to do in a single day. You're three hours, hours late. And then these two guys get out of the truck, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, there's only two people. Like, how do you think this is going to work? We also have in San Francisco, a lot of hills and stairs up to apartments. So we have these, like, massive flight of stairs to get to our front door. Just doing that alone, bringing this stuff up these stairs is going to kill these guys. I just have to trust the process, though. They've been hired to do this job. They understand the scope. They got to do it. So there's like this younger guy and this older guy. And the older guy kind of seems like he's in charge, but it's not super clear. And my husband and I clock that his face, fingers are super dirty. Like, it looks like he's been working on his truck in some capacity. Black and greasy. So they start to unload, and I'm like, do you guys have enough help to, like, get this done? They're like, oh, someone else is coming to help us. There's a third guy who's coming. He shows up, I guess, mid afternoon. They're going at it, but there's no process here. There's like no one set to do certain jobs. No game plan at all. It's like they've never moved anyone ever before. Like, they're randomly doing a couple of boxes, half unpacking something. Nothing's going into the proper room. No furniture rebuilding is being done. So, like, where are you going to put all the items that you're unpacking without the furniture in place? So my husband says to the older guy, like, hey, maybe could you start building the bed? We need a place to sleep tonight. And he's like, okay. Yep. Has a really hard time with it. A whole bunch of aesthetic damage is done. There's like a big scratch across the headboard. Like the screws are stripped. Somehow he puts it together. I don't know how stable it's going to be. And then he tries to do the wardrobe. Totally destroys the wardrobe. Unusable.
Monica Padman
Oh, my God.
Steph
Absolute garbage. And then also, I'm noticing that these black, sticky fingerprints are on every single item that we own. My bed frame is covered in these black fingerprints. And I noticed the other two guys, the younger guys, also have these, like, black fingerprints on everything. I guess there's like, some newspaper that's been used to pack things, but no one's washing their hands. They're just, like, touching everything. And I think I cleaned off all my items for the following weeks. Like, I would find them on stuff. It's really stressing me out. And then I go to the washroom, and I notice there's urine all across the toilet seat. And I'm like, well, that's pretty gross, but okay.
Dax Shepard
Could have been your cat. She's got a bad track record.
Steph
But I look over, and not only is it on the toilet seat, there's a full puddle on the floor next to the toilet of urine.
Dax Shepard
Okay, so it was the older Guy that's a very older guy moves. It is.
Monica Padman
Maybe that one was the cat. At least on the floor.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, there's piss everywhere, so I clean it up.
Steph
I don't want to address it with them in the middle of this workday. That feels awkward. So I'm silently angry that now someone has peed on my floor. We keep going. And then I'm in the kitchen. My husband's in the kitchen. People are in the kitchen. I hear a clicking noise, and I'm like, don't know what that is. And then I turn around, and my husband is running from the stove to the sink with something that's on fire.
Dax Shepard
Oh.
Steph
I quickly realized that they have laid out the inventory paperwork on top of.
Dax Shepard
The gas stove, which has pot pilot lights lit.
Steph
And so someone leaned on the hob in front of the stove and lit the paperwork on fire. And so my husband's put it out, but now there's also melted plastic all over our stove because it was in plastic sheeting. I'm like, this is wild. So my husband says to the older guy, like, hey, your friend here just lit the paperwork on fire. And the older guy doesn't care. He's like, oh, yeah, right. And walks away. You can see the smoke in here. Like, what do you mean, yeah, right? So I've had enough. I'm, like, freaking out. I call my boss. I'm like, I can't do this. Like, I don't know what to do. All of these things are going wrong. I can't handle this. And she's like, just tell them to leave, Steph. And I'm like, oh, that's a good idea.
Monica Padman
Yeah, yeah.
Steph
And she's like, we'll figure something else out. We'll get another team in there to, like, help you with all the things. Like, just tell them to leave. I try to find a way to say this, but I'm so emotional.
Dax Shepard
You're so Canadian.
Steph
I want be polite, but I'm so out of 10. I'm so stressed, I want to cry and scream at the same time. I'm like, it's too much. So eventually I'd find the words to be like, okay, you guys need to go. And they don't understand why I'm asking.
Hannah
Just look at me.
Steph
Like, I'm crazy.
Monica Padman
Like, but we're not done yet.
Steph
Yeah, please just take everything out of the boxes. I want you to remove all the cardboard boxes, because I don't want to deal with that. And then just go, we got it from here. That's it. So they just start dumping everything out of the boxes onto the floor and take all the cardboard boxes. This takes them a couple more hours to do. So they're like, oh, my God, this.
Dax Shepard
Is as bad as it can go.
Monica Padman
How much was this service?
Dax Shepard
Yeah, yeah, it's probably a fortune.
Steph
So expensive.
Dax Shepard
Drive across the continent.
Michael
Oh, God.
Steph
It's dark when they finally leave and our stuff is just in piles on the floor surrounding us. And my husband didn't have a work permit, so he had a little bit of time in the coming days to like build the furniture. Furniture and put all the items back and everything. But it was a wild and stressful experience.
Dax Shepard
Was there any refunding that happened?
Steph
This is a good question. Yes, I was able to tell my company what they had damaged. Like, my wardrobe was broken. They bought us a new one and charged it back to the moving company. Is this Google?
Monica Padman
This is a good company.
Dax Shepard
Yeah.
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Dax Shepard
She's in Silicon Valley.
Hannah
Yeah.
Monica Padman
You're in that Airbnb. I like this. You deserve that.
Steph
I actually don't work in tech. I work in retail. And it's very unique that I got an offer like this.
Dax Shepard
Oh, cool. Well, good. I think you deserve it. I was thinking seven different times, I would love to hire you. You're so meticulous and so forward thinking and so prepared.
Monica Padman
You have high standards.
Dax Shepard
You're not like those movers.
Steph
I appreciate that. I think my husband would agree with those sentiments. I'm a meticulous person.
Dax Shepard
Now, the way I sometimes get through situations similar to that one is I have to go, well, fuck, I don't want that job. I mean, that's the only way I can kind of get through. When I'm seeing abject incompetence and a lack of giving a F, I kind of go like, yeah, if I was changing oil here too, I might feel the same way.
Monica Padman
When you paid.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, but someone got the $15,000 and these guys got 200 bucks.
Steph
Yeah, that's true.
Dax Shepard
What a delight. Staff, do you like California?
Steph
It's been an experience of a lifetime. It's so interesting here. It's beautiful. It's very different than Toronto. It has made me appreciate Toronto in a lot of ways that I was taking for granted while I lived there. But San Francisco is amazing. I have incredible friends there. If I can shout out Peach, Adrian, Katie and my podcast club, they wonderful people.
Dax Shepard
You're in a podcast club?
Steph
Yes. It's like a book club, but it's based on a podcast and it was a health and wellness podcast, but a Bunch of us are armchairies. And so it has slowly turned into a lot of talk about.
Dax Shepard
We are so flattered to have infiltrated a health and wellness podcast club.
Monica Padman
Yeah.
Dax Shepard
Well, delightful meeting you, Steph. We're thrilled to have you here.
Steph
It's been amazing to meet you both.
Carly with a K
Thank you so much.
Dax Shepard
All right.
Carly with a K
Thank you.
Dax Shepard
Take care.
Monica Padman
That visa thing is kind of.
Dax Shepard
Well, I will say in our defense, I've had to do that to go to Canada to work, and it's very similar. They let you land there, but you can't leave the airport. And so the day I went there to work on a movie, it was also the day all the visa students were arriving from around the world. Oh. And it was absolutely nuts. I was there for, like, a day trying to get this work permit, and at one point, it's like, I'm just gonna say, I'm not working. It's so easy. I'm just gonna go in. Yeah, I'm here to sightsee.
Monica Padman
Yeah, exactly.
Dax Shepard
Deal with it. Oh, poor Steph.
Monica Padman
I mean, look, I respect it so much, but, man, just let that feral cat just be feral in the world.
Dax Shepard
It's fun. We're having comparable thoughts. Mine is like, just buy new when you get there. These, the moving costs. I'm sure that was at least 15 grand. Just go buy some them furniture.
Monica Padman
I know, but also, like. But you're special things.
Dax Shepard
Yeah, FedEx those.
Michael
All right.
Steph
Love you.
Monica Padman
I love you.
Michael
Do you want to sing a tune or something?
Carly with a K
When it was a theme song.
Dax Shepard
Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairs, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme dish on the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple. Couple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey@wondry.com survey.
Episode Date: October 10, 2025
Hosts: Dax Shepard, Monica Padman (with appearances from Steph and Carly with a K)
Theme: Wild and unpredictable moving stories—journeys that prove moving is always an adventure (and almost never goes as planned).
This episode of "Armchair Anonymous" features listeners calling in to share their craziest moving stories—ranging from comically disastrous rental van mishaps, to traumatic injuries, shady landlords, and cross-continental chaos. Dax and Monica provide their signature mix of empathy, banter, and sharp-eyed commentary as callers recount moments of panic, resilience, and questionable decisions. The stories underscore the universal truth: moving is messy, unpredictable, and, in hindsight, almost always hilarious.
[03:00–14:43]
[15:18–28:59]
[29:09–39:01]
[42:43–59:34]
True to "Armchair Expert," the episode balances empathy and genuine human connection with self-deprecating humor, candor, and close attention to the most absurd details. Dax peppers in off-the-cuff advice (“let the air out of the tires”), outrageous speculation, and gentle roasting, while Monica’s warmth and incredulity provide a perfect counterbalance.
This episode is a cautionary (and cathartic) journey through the nightmares and near-disasters that moving can inflict. Listeners will both shudder and laugh at the sheer unpredictability and universality of these tales. The episode is rich with both practical lessons and comedic gold, proving, as always, that there’s no such thing as a simple move—and that no matter how bad it gets, you’ll have one hell of a story.