Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Episode: Armchair Anonymous: Pets

Date: January 23, 2026
Theme: Wild, hilarious, and occasionally heart-wrenching anonymous listener stories about pets and the messes, dangers, and love they bring.

Episode Overview

In this Armchair Anonymous installment, Dax Shepard and Monica Padman invite listeners to share their “Crazy Pet Stories”—unfiltered tales involving accidental injuries, animal mishaps, and the emotional rollercoaster of loving pets. This episode ranges from laugh-out-loud moments to shocking encounters, and even a bit of pet peril, all told with the trademark Armchair warmth, curiosity, and vulnerability. Dax and Monica riff with each storyteller, drawing parallels to their own lives and engaging in their signature, chemistry-laden banter.

Key Stories and Discussion Points

1. Beans and the Horse from Hell

Storyteller: Bean (San Diego, CA; originally Orange County)
Timestamps: [03:29] – [13:15]

• Childhood Horse Obsession: Bean moves at age 7 to horse country in Yorba Linda, begs for a horse, is initially told no because of “allergies.”
• The Hypoallergenic Solution: Parents discover the Bashkir Curly breed via the Rose Parade and purchase Hannah Banana, shipped cross-country.
• Cheerful Anticipation Turns to Chaos:
  • First bareback ride ends with Bean being bucked, dragged 50 yards by the calf ([07:10]).
  • Friend donkey-kicked in the ribs by Hannah Banana, ending up hospitalized ([08:11]).
• The Family Perseveres: Despite multiple buckings (Christmas Eve resulting in a bruised tailbone, mother and father both thrown and injured), they hire a trainer and try to make it work.
• Tragedy Strikes: Hannah Banana spooks, falls, and breaks her hip, leading to an on-site euthanasia in the backyard after just 1.5 years ([09:37]).
• Reflection and Guilt: Bean shares lingering guilt and how the family, despite pain and injury, didn’t “give up” on Hannah.
• Relatable Grief: Dax opens up about the neglected Newfoundland dog from his childhood, McKeever, expressing sadness and a desire for do-over ([11:07]).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “You expect to be bucked. You don’t expect to be donkey kicked... but it could happen.” – Bean ([10:34])
  • “I feel like I need to get a Newfie at some point in my life and really spoil it, to make up for the McKeever thing.” – Dax ([11:46])

2. Jill’s Alaskan Dog-napping High-Speed Chase

Storyteller: Jill (Alaska)
Timestamps: [14:02] – [26:12]

• Harley the One-of-a-Kind Dog: Husky mutt, prone to running free, but always returns.
• A Routine Escape Goes Sideways: Strangers find Harley, call Jill, then text: “My girlfriend and I have been looking for a dog ... we’d just be able to keep her. She is precious... if you do not have the time, we would love to take her.” ([17:41])
• Jill Panics, Strangers Disappear: Attempts to call go unanswered, panic sets in.
• Detective Work Leads to a Car Chase: Family sees Harley in a car, gives chase in a real-life dog heist, speeds up to 100mph through Anchorage ([21:55]).
• Police Intervention: Jill calls 911 mid-chase. Police order them to stop; Jill’s husband uses connections to trace the license plate.
• Confrontation: Husband leaves a threatening voicemail: “If you don’t give my wife her dog, I will hunt you down and kill you.” Jill: “Ryan! You can’t say that!” He replies: “I don’t care.” ([23:13])
• Happier Ending: Police retrieve Harley, who’d been listed as “malnourished” by the dog-nappers for being so skinny. Jill reaffirms: “She’s just athletic.”
• Lingering Emotions: Not only did Harley come home safely, but Jill still confronts the would-be thieves whenever she sees them in town ([25:26]).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “My husband calls and says, ‘Here’s the deal, motherfucker. I know where you live...’” – Jill ([23:13])
  • “The cop said, ‘She’s in the back of our squad car in the driveway.’” – Jill ([24:25])

3. Eric’s Family Reunion Dog Attack

Storyteller: Eric (NW Indiana)
Timestamps: [26:17] – [38:00]

• Family Vacation in Michigan, Summer 2021: Eric brings his 8-month-old dog. Multiple families and their pets converge.
• Disaster Strikes: While going to the bathroom, Eric sits to pet a relative’s mutt—immediately bitten in the face, nose almost detached ([28:31]).
• Chaos and Blood: Eric stumbles outside, attempts to call for help but is “choking on blood” and can’t speak ([29:49]).
• Emergency Room Drama: Gets rushed by his pregnant wife; unqualified ER doc says, “This is my first time doing something like this... it looks like hamburger meat.” ([31:58])
• 40+ Stitches and a Questionable Recovery: Difficulty with anesthesia, wife assists the doctor, but the nose ultimately heals surprisingly well.
• Awkward Aftermath: Tension with the dog’s owner is implied but not aired.
• Family Reflection: Dax and Monica discuss the risks of dogs, personal phobia of bites, and the odd threshold for “forgivable” accidents when you love a pet or hobby ([36:43], [37:49]).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Where’s my dog?” – Jill ([24:23])
  • “They start driving like they robbed a bank.” – Jill ([20:49])
  • “It looked like hamburger meat.” – ER doctor via Eric ([32:03])
  • “My nose was pretty much not attached to my face for a while.” – Eric ([34:15])

4. Rose and the Prolapsed Pup

Storyteller: “Rose” (pseudonym, LA, from Minnesota)
Timestamps: [38:02] – [50:20]

• On the Road to California (2020): Rose moves with dog Dawson and mom cross-country. In rural Wyoming, mid-trip, they stop for doggy bathroom break.
• The Clown’s Nose Emergency: Rose discovers “a red bulb the size of a miniature plum” emerging from Dawson’s rear—a vivid photo is produced ([41:58]).
• Vet to the Rescue—with Sugar: The rural vet summons “gloves and the sugar.” With methodical calm, sprinkles handfuls of sugar on the protrusion. It’s a rectal prolapse ([44:37]).
• Why Sugar?: Vet explains it reduces swelling so the tissue can retract on its own. “If it happens again, do the same thing—get gloves, grab sugar.” ([45:55])
• Repeat Performance: The issue recurs later on the trip in Nevada; the sugar remedy works again. Dawson’s new nickname: “Sugar Butt.”
• Heartfelt Family Shoutout: Rose credits her brother for turning her on to the podcast.
• Group Reflection: Dax and Monica riff on the wisdom of old-school vets and the virtues of teachers vs. nurses ([47:49], [48:29]).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “He just slowly puts the sugar onto her asshole.” – Rose ([45:07])
  • “It looked like a clown’s nose coming out of her butt.” – Rose’s mom ([43:11])
  • “You could just get gloves and a spoonful of sugar.” – Rose ([49:10])

Notable Banter, Dynamic Moments & Quotes

• Names, Nicknames, Parenting: Dax and Monica digress about giving children nicknames and the nostalgia of childhood stages ([03:32]–[04:18]).
• Philosophy of Risk: Dax draws parallels between the dangers of dogs, horses, and motorcycles—“If you love the outcome … it’s just part of it.” ([37:49])
• Dogs and Judgement: Monica voices her fear and dislike of dogs who bite, struggling with the owner’s justifications.
• The Power of Old-School Expertise: Group reverence for wizened rural vets, whose unconventional yet effective treatments have no equivalent in city life ([47:49]).

Timeline of Major Segments

• 00:00–03:29: Opening banter, nicknames, and moving into pet stories
• 03:29–13:15: Bean’s harrowing tale of horse ownership
• 14:02–26:12: Jill’s Alaskan high-speed dog-napping
• 26:17–38:00: Eric’s family reunion dog bite disaster
• 38:02–50:20: Rose’s prolapsed-pup sugar saga
• 50:22–51:00: Closing banter on teachers vs. nurses, episode wrap-up

Episode Tone

Conversational, self-deprecating, curious, and candid. Dax and Monica’s humor leavens even the most hair-raising or emotional moments. Stories are told with compassion and a generous spirit, even when recounting pain or loss.

Summary Takeaways

This “Pets” edition of Armchair Anonymous reminds listeners that pets can bring laughter, mayhem, and occasional heartbreak in equal measure. Through honest storytelling, Dax and Monica celebrate resilient animal lovers, explode a few myths, and bask in the absurd and heartfelt realities of life with animals.