Armchair Anonymous: Remodeling Disaster

Summary

Armchair Expert – Armchair Anonymous: Remodeling Disaster

Podcast: Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Date: March 13, 2026
Host(s): Dax Shepard, Monica Padman
Episode Theme: True tales of home remodeling disasters submitted by listeners—featuring plumbing mayhem, medical emergencies, run-ins with sketchy contractors, and fire.

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Episode Overview

This Armchair Anonymous episode dives deep into the chaos, confusion, and sometimes comedy that arises when home renovation dreams go drastically awry. Dax and Monica welcome callers from around the country, each recounting a "remodeling disaster"—from sewage explosions and uterine prolapse to fires and heroin-using handymen. With every story, themes of perseverance, humor in adversity, and lessons learned emerge, all captured with the show’s trademark empathy, self-deprecation, and laughter.

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1. Opening and Guest Introductions

[02:42]

• Dax and Monica set the stage, joking about the unpredictability of home remodels—“You would think remodeling disaster...You’re not thinking poop, drugs, fire. You’re gonna get it all in this episode.” (Dax, [00:17])
• Episodes feature multiple anonymous callers sharing their own harrowing or hilarious tales.

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2. Story 1: Elise – The Sewage Explosion

Guest: Elise, calling from Austin, TX
[02:42 – 13:59]

Discussion Flow and Details

• Elise and her husband, confident DIY’ers from handy families, buy a rat-infested fixer-upper as their first home ([03:59]).
• They gut and renovate themselves, including drywalling, flooring, and kitchen install. Right at the end, a forgotten water line floods the entire kitchen, ruining new hardwood floors and requiring them to redo major work ([05:24]).
• After completion, chronic kitchen and bathroom drain clogs begin. Elise’s husband, refusing to call a plumber, escalates his DIY efforts by using a high-pressure balloon device in the pipes ([07:25], [08:24]).
• Catastrophe strikes: the device causes an explosive backup. “Picture me standing there. It's already covered my entire lower body, and it's like a fire hydrant.” (Elise, [09:06])
• Dax swiftly clarifies: “It’s backed up. Waste.” ([09:24])
• Elise: "It takes me about one second to realize that it's sewage." ([09:28])
• They are left with several inches of raw sewage flooding the kitchen. “We're out in the backyard, we're wringing out sewage towels, just to bring them back in and scoop up more waste.” ([11:05])
• Adds, “We had to call friends and cancel dinner: Sorry, you can’t come, we just filled our entire house with shit.” ([11:34])
• Monica: “That’s so depressing.” ([11:45])
• The aftermath: their 1967 home’s cast iron pipes, deemed ‘okay’ by inspectors just months prior, had root incursions and failed catastrophically, costing $40,000 to fix ([13:06]).
• Elise sums up: “It was really, really sad and embarrassing...My husband’s input...we haven’t told this story to that many people...It was a crime scene.” ([11:46])
• Dax: “It’s being covered in shit from the outside in.” ([13:12])
• Despite everything, the couple stayed together, did two more homes, and “got better—no poop-filled rooms since.” ([13:54])

Notable Quotes

• “We can tackle anything. We’re plumbers.” — Elise ([13:44])

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3. Story 2: Callie – The Prolapse Remodel

Guest: “Callie” (pseudonym), Bismarck, North Dakota
[20:32 – 27:50]

Discussion Flow and Details

• Callie and husband attempt to replace bathroom flooring themselves; Callie spends a day and a half scraping glue, using strenuous effort ([21:45]).
• That night, she discovers “something dangling out of my vagina...I feel like I grew a third labia.” ([22:39])
• Turns out—due to extreme straining—she suffered a uterine prolapse: “Sure enough, my uterus prolapsed.” ([24:01])
• Doctor offers two options: a pessary (“a cup to keep it up, which is just leave it forever”) or hysterectomy. ([24:37])
• Family adds to the embarrassment; dad discusses medical devices, mom’s a nurse ([25:01]).
• To top it off, pros later say no one removes glued vinyl—most just layer new floors right on top: “They said, my guys don’t even do that. That’s so much work. We just lay the floor right on top.” ([25:39])
• A cautionary medical tale about the perils of “going hard” on DIY, leading to an unexpected life-changing surgery.

Notable Quotes

• “Getting old is so depressing.” — Callie ([25:03])
• Monica: “You should have been rewarded for your hard work! I don’t like this story.” ([25:47])

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4. Story 3: Megan – The Heroin-Painter Horror

Guest: Megan, Milwaukee, WI
[28:00 – 41:51]

Discussion Flow and Details

• Megan and fiancé hire a recommended small company to paint trim and replace doors ($4,500 labor) in their first house ([28:47]).
• Red flags emerge: poor craftsmanship, missing tools, a painter acting odd. "The painter in particular was kind of an odd guy...He started taking anti-anxiety medication...sometimes made him feel drunk." ([29:24])
• One day, while a roommate is home: “We suddenly hear strange noises coming from the bathroom...I thought maybe he was on the phone with his kid, but...” ([30:36])
• Megan RECORDS 10-minutes of babbling—“It sounds like a psychotic break.” (Dax, [31:14])
• Megan texts the owner, who’s unconcerned, then finds a syringe, one of her kitchen spoons, a lighter, and a makeshift tourniquet. “Shooting dope in the bathroom.” (Dax, [33:12])
• “Ben and I just trying to keep calm...but also saying, you should call someone to come pick you up, you clearly cannot drive.” ([32:08])
• The owner’s response: just sends a new painter. Megan begins receiving daily threats from the owner after refusing entry and pay, culminating in months of harassment, attempted liens, and even online attacks on her family ([35:49]).
• “A couple weeks later, our roommate was showering...stepped onto the bath mat...and he stepped on a needle that was embedded into the bath mat...There was like seven needle tips in there.” ([37:20])
• Police involvement is finally needed to end the harassment. The company’s credibility collapses; “I try to keep tabs...They’ve gotten other bad reviews—none like mine.” ([40:10])

Quotes/Moments

• “I didn’t inject anything!” — Heroin-using painter to police ([33:49])
• “In a lot of ways, it was [stalking]...the lengths certain people will go to was very eye opening.” — Megan ([41:04])
• Monica: “This almost turned into a stalking story.” ([41:04])

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5. Story 4: Jessica – The Garage Inferno

Guest: Jessica, Ohio
[43:16 – 50:49]

Discussion Flow and Details

• Jessica’s husband, a classic spur-of-the-moment DIY’er, suddenly decides to refinish hardwood floors. They move everything to their (detached) garage ([44:21]).
• Jessica goes to work, upset, but is soothed by a picture from her husband of a romantic ‘garage date night’ set-up complete with candles ([45:28]).
• The date night backfires—literally. While eating Wendy’s, Jessica gets a voicemail: “Jessica, this is John from across the street. I don’t want to alarm you, but your garage is on fire.” ([47:00])
• They rush home to chaos: the neighbor screaming about saving dogs, firefighters hauling out gas cans, and authorities suspecting arson for insurance (“We moved everything except for our beloved pets into the garage and then lit it on fire,” — Jessica, [48:33]).
• “Luckily, I had the text messages...the fire marshal was like, oh, this isn’t arson. This is pathetic.” ([48:58])
• Ultimately, everything in the garage is destroyed, but the couple—after twelve years—remains together.
• Jessica concludes, “He’s my person...a little Mr. Bean in him, but the rest is solid.” ([49:28])

Notable Quotes

• “I’m not built for jail.” — Jessica ([48:35])
• Dax: “That was 12 years ago. They’re still together.” ([49:27])

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6. Reflection, Shout-Outs, and Closing

• Throughout, the hosts praise the resilience and humor of the callers, with Monica especially reeling from the Megan/painter story’s gross-out and stalker twists.
• Many shout-outs given: Elise shouts out the show’s coverage of foster care ([14:01]); Megan thanks her coworkers for introducing her to the podcast ([41:53]); Jessica to her niece and sister-in-law ([50:10]).
• The episode closes with typical Armchair warmth, laughter, gratitude, and Dax’s impromptu musical riff ([51:13]).

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Key Timestamps

• [02:42] Guest intros; Elise begins story #1 (sewage kitchen disaster)
• [09:04] The sewage explosion
• [13:06] $40k pipe repair
• [20:32] Callie opens story #2 (uterine prolapse)
• [24:01] Doctor reveals uterine prolapse
• [28:00] Megan starts story #3 (heroin-painter nightmare)
• [31:14] Dax: “Sounds like a psychotic break is happening.”
• [33:49] Painter to cops: “I didn’t inject anything!”
• [37:20] Roommate steps on needles in bath mat
• [43:16] Jessica begins story #4 (garage fire)
• [47:00] Garage fire voicemail
• [49:28] “He’s my person.”
• [51:13] Dax’s improv “theme song”

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Memorable Quotes

• “It takes me about one second to realize that it’s sewage.” — Elise ([09:28])
• “I feel like I grew a third labia.” — Callie ([22:39])
• “We suddenly hear strange noises coming from the bathroom...I start recording.” — Megan ([30:36])
• “I didn’t inject anything!” — Drug-using painter ([33:49])
• “I’m not built for jail.” — Jessica ([48:35])

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Themes and Takeaways

• Remodeling disasters often go beyond mere inconvenience—bringing medical, financial, and personal crises.
• DIY hubris and resourcefulness: Many guests attempt to “save” their remodels or money, often becoming “character builders” in the process (“It’s the closest we’ll ever feel to being Marines.”—Dax, [13:46]).
• Perseverance and humor: Despite overwhelming adversity, the spirit of laughter and growth persists.
• Boundaries and safety: The stories, especially Megan's, highlight the importance—and at times, the pitfalls—of trust when inviting contractors into your home.

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Tone and Language

The conversation balances candid, sometimes gross-out frankness with empathy and frequent jokes. Dax, Monica, and guests are open about embarrassment, mistakes, and lessons learned—making even the most disastrous experiences oddly uplifting.

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A whirlwind of leaky pipes, bodily fluids, emotional mayhem, and Midwestern decency—this episode is a must for anyone who’s ever thought, "How hard could it be?" about home improvement.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome, welcome. Welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Padman.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Today we have remodeling disaster.

[C]

It's this one hurt.

[D]

This one hurt me. Sometime in the middle of a remodel.

[A]

Too soon for you?

[D]

A little too soon.

[A]

You would think remodeling disaster. You're not thinking poop, drugs.

[E]

No.

[A]

Fire.

[E]

You're not.

[A]

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[D]

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[A]

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[A]

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[D]

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[A]

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[E]

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[C]

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[A]

Hard times come and go good times, I'm slow My life, I had them both you got to know I'mma keep on shining. Elise.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

What are mom and dad like? That feels Like a unique name. Are they unique people?

[E]

I would say so. Mom was a social worker. Dad's an artist. He's a potter.

[A]

There we go.

[D]

Love that. Great combo.

[A]

And where are you?

[E]

I'm in Austin. Maybe that also feels fitting.

[A]

Did you grow up there or did you move there?

[E]

No, I did. Born and raised and still live here today.

[A]

Okay, and you are pro or anti? The intense growth that's happened over the last decade.

[E]

I feel like a minority in this because I think everything that's happened has made Austin better. Traffic is worse. But also we have new restaurants and new people, and that kind of growth I love.

[A]

What a great attitude. Good, because I still like to visit Cornwall quite often. In fact, I'll be there at the end of next month. And I want to be welcomed. I don't want to be a part of the problem, you know?

[E]

Yeah, we've gotten a little bit mean about it. We're supposed to be nice. That's our thing. Right. We're supposed to be welcoming and weird, and we need to get back to that.

[A]

Okay, so you have a remodeling disaster story?

[E]

I do.

[A]

Oh, wonderful. Are you in the current location where this remodel occurred?

[E]

No, we have since moved, but we keep it as a rental. So I hope the current tenants aren't listening.

[D]

Maybe should have gone with the fake name.

[E]

That's great. Okay. So this started back in 2019. My husband and I had just gotten married. We later that year bought our first house. We bought a full fixer upper, which, looking back, was quite delusional, I think, but we were fully in it. We both come from really capable families. My dad has built a couple houses. My husband's dad owns properties and does renovations. So we were very like, we can do a whole home renovation, no problem. Confident this house was rat infested, had been vacant for nine months. We take on this project. So we move in with my parents for the majority of it, which in our first year of marriage is a choice. But we spend about the next eight months working on this house. So we had to gut it down to basically the studs. We tore down some wal walls and then building it back up towards the end. A couple of the last things that we're doing. One being drywall. So we've re drywalled the entire house. Then we are installing the kitchen. So kitchen and flooring are sort of our last two major steps. We have this gorgeous hardwood floor that we are laying down, and we've installed our base cabinets for our kitchen, which is kind of A tedious project if you haven't done it before. Once we get cabinets in, we don't even need the countertop. We slap some plywood on there, and then we're moving into the house.

[B]

So.

[E]

So we're super excited to be at the end. We've got all our cabinets in, all our hardwood floors down. We leave, we come back, and the second floor bathroom is right above the kitchen. We have left a water line open that has flooded down into the entire kitchen. It's created, like, a huge ring of water from the ceiling drywall, and it's flooded the whole kitchen.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, no. And the hardwood floors have recently been installed just days before. Holy.

[E]

We come into the water, we can see it streaming down like someone's running a hose from the second floor. We go and turn off the water. Then we're just trying to fix it so we get it all dried up, and we have to rip out all of the cabinets and rip out all of the floors. We were mostly just sad. More than anything. The floors are warped. The cabinets were fine. They just needed to be set out with fans and everything to dry them. Could have been worse. I think it bruised our egos more than anything. We just lay everything back down, put new floors down, finish the kitchen. Cut to a few months later, we have finished the entire kitchen. So we have this gorgeous white kitchen, white cabinets. We have these beautiful white quartz countertops. It's perfect. We're so proud. We move in pretty quickly. We start getting a clog in our drain so our kitchen sink isn't draining and our downstairs bathroom is not draining. So being the types of people that we are to do everything ourselves, and I don't know if I said that we did all of this work ourselves, with the exception of some electrical and

[A]

H vac work, but you mudded and taped the drywall and sanded and all that. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you guys.

[D]

That's so impressive.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

Before we get to the disaster, I imagine the pride you have when you sit in a house that you actually did all this shit to. It must be immense.

[E]

It is. And also, you are very aware of all the things that you messed up on.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

There's pros and cons to it. We've done two houses since this, and we're really bad about pointing things out to people. They're like, oh, this looks so gorgeous. Like, so impressive. And we're like, yeah, but do you see where we didn't mud that well? Do you see that? So we start getting this clog and being the people that we are that will never call for help or ask for help. My husband's like, I got this. I can unclog a drain. He's snaking the drain, trying to unclog it. You know, Drano doing all the things, and nothing's working. So we think, okay, we got to get a little bit more creative. This would have been a really, really good time to call a plumber. We said, no, no, no, it's cool. We're good. My husband buys, like, a balloon little thing that you insert into the pipes, and then once it's in the pipes, it inflates and then shoots a little line of water out that's supposed to do, like, a really strong pressure water that's supposed to clear out the clog. So he thinks this will do it. This is what the plumbers would do. So we can do this.

[A]

Well, really quick. The plumbers would have probably put a camera down there already to see what's happening.

[E]

Yeah, that would have been the right thing to do. So the way our kitchen is set up, our kitchen sink has a big window above it that looks out into the backyard. So we have that window open, and my husband's outside at the cleanout line, and he has me standing at the kitchen sink with the kitchen cabinet underneath the sink where all the pipes are open. And so he has me washing the pipes to make sure there's no leaks or anything, and then also checking the sink to see if he clears it, and it starts draining. He feeds this little balloon in, inflates it, and we have an explosion.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh.

[E]

Immediately, our pipes have burst under the kitchen sink, spewing water out. Picture, like, me standing there. It's already covered my entire lower body, and it's like a fire hydrant.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[E]

It's full pressure force. Liquid coming out.

[A]

It's backed up. Waste.

[B]

Ew.

[A]

That's what I'm gonna do.

[E]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. It takes me about one second to realize that it's sewage.

[B]

It's poop.

[D]

Wait, why in the kitchen?

[A]

Because the main line is clogged and it's all backed up.

[D]

You know, it's also disgusting to think about the fact that there's poop in your kitchen sink. Like, this is why we shouldn't be doing the work on your own house.

[A]

Well, there is too much. There isn't, though. Normally poop in your kitchen sink. Unless all of that mainline water is getting backed all the way up into the little pipes.

[D]

My God.

[E]

Yep. So I start screaming, bloody Murder. Within seconds, I'm covered. He comes running in, he's covered, and he goes back out to stop the water. But in that amount of time, the amount of water, sewage. I should really not be saying water.

[A]

Yeah, let's not you for myself, or

[E]

I should say shit water. There's probably three or four inches of standing sewage in our kitchen.

[D]

How does it smell so bad?

[A]

Oh, like a porta potty.

[E]

Like shit water would smell. Yeah. Oh, I have a pretty strong stomach and I was gagging. It was so, so gross. We got the water stopped, but then we just had to deal with the aftermath of it.

[D]

Basically just get some paper towels out, napkins.

[F]

That's what I would do.

[D]

I guess I'll start cleaning this up.

[E]

We just start grabbing every bath towel, beach towel that we have. But you think of. It's like putting something down, it immediately

[D]

soaks in a pool.

[E]

We're taking them out to our backyard and just slopping them on the ground full of shit water.

[A]

But the grass was gorgeous. Afterwards, though. You don't have a shop vac, I'm assuming.

[E]

Well, we do. We were able to shop vac up a lot of water, but within, not long at all, our towels are all soaked. So we're like, out in the backyard, we're wringing out sewage towels just to bring them back in and stuff, scoop up more waste.

[D]

Did you consider just burning the house down at that point?

[E]

Yeah, we sure did. We had friends that were about to come over for dinner that we had to call and say, hey, you can't come. We just filled our entire house with shit.

[D]

That's so depressing.

[E]

It was really, really sad and embarrassing. My husband's input mostly was like. We realized we haven't told this story to that many people a because we had just moved into this house. I'm like, if I tell everyone that this happened, everyone's going to come over and I'm going to be like, feeding them a meal, and all they're going to be able to think about is this entire kitchen covered in shit. It was a crime scene.

[A]

Did the floors make it?

[E]

Yes. We were able to, we hope, clean everything.

[D]

We really do hope your tenants are not listening here. They're like, that's what that smell is.

[E]

I know. Or everyone that's ever eaten at our house. And that first little bit, it was just like our kitchen went through it. What it turned into was we'd obviously had all of the inspections, plumbing inspections and everything. When we bought the house and started doing all this, the house was built in 67. So all of the pipes are cast iron. So the plumbing inspection, they even put the cameras down in there just a few months before. He was like, yeah, these are in great shape. Eventually you will have to replace them, but you've probably got a good seven, eight, nine years left in them. So we think, great. And that obviously not the case. There were like tree roots growing in and stuff. So this all culminated to a $40,000 bill to replace all of the pipes underneath the foundation.

[D]

Oh, my God. Oh, that's, you know, a different twist on an unauthorized evacuation.

[A]

It's being covered in shit from the outside in.

[E]

I saw the prompts and I thought, this has a nice little twist that

[A]

you guys will like if it ever goes in that direction. We're delighted.

[D]

Ok, so you need a shop vacation,

[A]

you need a shop vac to get all that initial water out of there. And then you're going to donate all of your towels to this project. You're on a hose in the backyard and you're spraying the shit off the towels and the grass. Yeah.

[E]

Nightmare.

[A]

It's a character builder, though. When it's all done, you get a little surge of like, yeah, we did it. Man, that was tough.

[E]

We can tackle anything. We're plumbers.

[A]

It's the closest we'll ever feel to like being marines, probably.

[E]

I think it's the same.

[A]

Well, Elise, lovely meeting you. I presume you only got better at this over the next too.

[E]

Yes, I would say we've gotten better. Nothing catastrophic. No poop filled rooms at all.

[A]

That's a positive turn of events.

[E]

Well, thank you, guys. I just wanted to say I love the podcast. I am a social worker and so I really love. Just wanted to shout out your most recent episode on Foster Care with Claudia. I work in foster care. I have for the last 10 years since I've been out of school. And that's just a topic that doesn't get a lot of talking space on a major platform. And if it does, you're hearing only the really negative stories that hit the news. And while that happens and that's worth sharing, I feel like we're missing the opportunity to kind of say, okay, well, we know it's bad. What's the plan for reform? So I really appreciated that conversation. So I just wanted to say thank you for that.

[A]

I'm really glad because I did hear from a couple people that work in foster care that were kind of offended or felt judged by it. That was certainly not our intention as we. I think we're hopefully pointed out. It's like the system is not a good system. The people in the system are well intentioned and wonderful, but the system's producing a result. So we really got to rethink the system.

[E]

Yes. She focused so much heavier on the older kids aging out that kind of side. And my day to day is more with families fostering younger kids and kind of catching those earlier years leading to either adoption or reunification. So she did a couple nice shout outs of like, not all foster parents, you know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

You could do a whole other episode on a different side to it.

[A]

Perhaps we should to make it even. Well, thank you for doing the work you do and lovely meeting you and I hope I bump into you at Barton Springs.

[E]

I hope so. I'll keep my eyes peeled.

[A]

Okay, take care.

[E]

Thanks, y'.

[F]

All. Bye.

[A]

This episode has been brought to you by Anthropic. So I've been using this AI called Claude, and I have to tell you, I'm kind of obsessed. I use it for guest research, obviously, but also for working through bigger questions, like when I'm trying to understand patterns and how people think or why certain conversations land differently than others. I can spend time going back and forth with Claude, exploring different angles. It doesn't just give me some surface level answer. It asks me questions and pushes back on my assumptions. What I appreciate is that it feels like I'm expanding my thinking in every conversation and actually learning and anthropic. The company that makes Claude has committed to keeping it ad free. So when I'm in the middle of exploring something, my conversation stays mine. Claude's only job is to give me a helpful answer for anyone who likes to sit with a problem rather than just get the quick fix. Claude's been the thing for me. Try it free at Claude AI/armchairexpert and see why problem solvers choose Claude as their thinking partner. We are supported by Helix. We spend a third of our lives sleeping, so it makes sense to invest in a mattress that actually works for you. That's where Helix sleep comes in. Here's what I love about Helix. They don't just sell you a mattress and hope it works out. They have this sleep quiz which we've taken on their site that takes about two minutes. It's so easy and it matches you with the perfect mattress based on how you sleep. Side sleeper, Check. Hot sleeper. That's me. Got back pain again. They've got you covered. I got mine delivered to Nashville, got it out of the box, laid down on it and was like, get out of here. Did they nail it?

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Yeah.

[A]

And get this. A study found that 82% of Helix users experienced increased deep sleep cycles. That's not just marketing talk, that's real data. Plus, Helix has been recognized by Forbes and Wired as one of the best mattresses out there. They ship it to you for free. You get 120 night sleep trial to make sure it's right for you. And it comes with a lifetime Warran week. So go to helixsleep.comarmchair for 20% off your purchase today. That's helixsleep.com armchair for 20% off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com armchair this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So we're in March, which means it's a moment to celebrate women. And I want to take a second to acknowledge some incredible women in my life. My family, of course, and Monica, obviously, who I get to work with every day. The women on our team, the women in this industry who are constantly juggling a million things at once, they carry so much. They're managing work, relationships, family dynamics, and about a thousand invisible responsibilities that nobody sees or acknowledges. And here's what I've learned. Taking care of everyone else is exhausting. Setting boundaries, creating balance, making space for yourself that's not selfish, that's necessary. And therapy can be a really powerful tool for that. It's a space to work through the pressures, the expectations, the roles we all play. Betterhelp makes it easier to get started. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime. Your emotional well being matters, find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] DAX that's better. H E L P.com DAX we are supported by ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruited. Hiring people is one of those things that sounds straightforward until you actually have to do it. Like when we've needed to bring people onto the team. You post a job, you wait for resumes to roll in. You sort through a hundred applications, hoping someone's qualified. You try to track down contact info for people who might be a good fit but haven't applied yet. It eats up so much time. Well, the future of hiring looks much brighter because ZipRecruiter's latest tools and features help speed up finding the right person for your roles. So you save valuable time. And now you can try ZipRecruiter for [e-mail] Dax you can search for qualified candidates and connect with them in minutes. Over 320,000 new resumes are added every month, so you're reaching more potential hires faster. Use ZipRecruiter and save time hiring 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Go to ZipRecruiter.com Dax right now to try it for free again. That's ZipRecruiter.com DAX ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire. Sight unseen. I'm going to call her Kelly. Wait, you need a fake name, right?

[C]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Yeah. So I said sight unseen. I'm going to call her Cali.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Because I didn't want you to be influenced by. We see her first. It's a nod to Kelly.

[D]

That's nice.

[A]

And you have the cutest sweatshirt on.

[D]

Yes, you do. Robot. He is so cute.

[A]

He's a nice boy.

[B]

He is.

[A]

He's been gone for a while.

[D]

I know. I miss him.

[A]

So, Callie, where are you at?

[C]

I am in Bismarck, North Dakota, where caramel rolls are a breakfast delight and a car starter is a must.

[A]

Oh, our good friend Christina is from Bismarck. That's where we stayed on our trip. You're on the Missouri river there?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

It's beautiful. We were there in the summertime, and it was impossibly green.

[D]

Are you required to say that whole phrase after you say where you're from is that might be, like, a thing. I think, like, you guys have to say it, and I like it.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

So, Callie, you have a remodeling disaster.

[C]

Yes. I grew up with a dad who fixed everything. I felt like he kind of empowered us to try. So our bathroom flooring, we needed to redo it, and I was like, okay, let's try the flooring that was on. There was a big vinyl sheet, and it's just tons of glue.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

My husband and I feel that a lot of our stuff is from Menards. I don't know if you guys know the hardware store.

[E]

Yep.

[B]

Oh, I know.

[C]

Saved big money at Menards. So I got to work with a box cutter and a putty knife. And I'm cutting and I'm just scraping. And there was a tool my dad gave me, but it just wasn't working like a motorized something. So it's coming off, like, little inches at a time. And then sometimes I get, like, A satisfying strip, but it's just laboring.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

This is a day and a half of me going at this floor. It was a workout. It was very straining. So that night, I'm in the shower and I'm scrubbing and I'm scrubbing, and I scrub it downstairs, and I'm horrified to feel something dangling out of my vagina.

[B]

What?

[A]

Oh, my goodness. What? Oh, wow.

[D]

I did not see this coming.

[A]

I didn't either.

[C]

I feel like I grew a third labia.

[B]

What?

[C]

I'm just not sure what's going on.

[D]

Oh, no.

[C]

I panic. I come out and I ask my husband to check it out, and he's. I lay down on the bed, and then I'm checking it, and I'm thinking, okay. I think maybe this is okay.

[D]

You want to keep it moving.

[A]

Are you using a mirror? Do you have, like, a little hand mirror? No.

[C]

So I think I'm also trying to talk myself. Like, we're fine.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Calm yourself down.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

I get up, I'm moving around, and I'm like, nope, this is not okay.

[D]

Does it hurt? What does it feel like?

[C]

Well, so there's no blood or anything, but there's, like, something there.

[A]

Yeah. It's uncomfortable.

[C]

Yes. And then it's cramping a little bit. Like, it's just not good. So then I. My chart. My doctor, she thankfully had a cancellation in a couple days. And I was so glad that it was at least that long because I felt like I was sitting on it, literally and figuratively, just nervous about what was going on. So I get there, and she does her exam, and she tells me that due to that straining and all that, sure enough, my uterus prolapsed.

[B]

Prolapse. Oh, my.

[A]

It was distended all the way through. Exiting.

[C]

Exiting.

[A]

Oh, wow. Ow.

[B]

Ah.

[C]

But, Monica, I've had three kids and one baby for my sister.

[A]

Oh, hold on.

[D]

That's beautiful.

[A]

Nice job. That's so sweet.

[E]

Thank you.

[C]

But I feel like she was holding on by a thread.

[D]

She was already fragile, so that kicked her out.

[C]

And the doctor did offer a mirror, but I was like, I have been avoiding looking down down there. And the other thing that shocked me was she told me some women come with their entire uterus between their legs.

[B]

What?

[C]

My options were a cup to keep it up, which is just leave it forever. Yes. Or a hysterectomy. So then a couple days later, my dad comes over, and my mom was a nurse forever. So he's telling me about this cup I could wear, and I'M just like, oh, my gosh. I'm so embarrassed. My dad's telling me about a cup to keep my parts up.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Getting old is so depressing.

[A]

Well, really quick, you did preface this by saying your dad could fix anything.

[D]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

He's like, oh, there's a tool. We can use this tool for this.

[C]

That is true. So the worst part is we go to the place to look at new flooring. You know, the flooring's off. We tell them the preparation and what I've done, and they look at me and my husband, and they go, you took off that flooring. And I was like, yeah. They said, my guys don't even do that. That's so much work. And we just lay the flooring on top of them.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. Or I think they even cut out the plywood underneath and just put new plywood down. You did the impossible. Oh, my God.

[E]

Well, yeah.

[D]

And you paid for it. This feels unfair. This feels like you should have been rewarded for your hard work. I don't like this story.

[C]

I know. I had to ask the doctor. Now that this was on the table. I was like, what are the odds? Your rectum prolapses.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Thankfully, she has only seen that once. She said, and that that's a lot of straining to go to the bathroom. Oh, I was glad that I have IBS at that moment.

[A]

We interviewed someone with a pet story, and it was that their dog's ass kept prolapsing. The veterinarian said, put tons of sugar on the rectum and pack it back in. And something about the sugar. So I've been on the toilet too long, and I've started to think, like, yeah, what if I prolapsed? Would I go get a bunch of sugar and try it myself? Before I dealt with a doctor of a prolapsed anus of the dog.

[D]

It was up here for a while.

[A]

Oh, the dog.

[D]

The dog's butthole hanging out or inside butt.

[A]

Yeah. So this is personal, but what option did you select?

[F]

Oh, yes.

[C]

So it was last spring. So you can't swim for six to seven weeks. We have a pontoon.

[A]

Yeah, you do.

[C]

It's that season. And so I was like, I'm gonna check what it's like just to hang out. And I couldn't do it because I like to exercise, I run. It felt like it was getting worse and worse. I chose in December to have a hysterectomy. But she was very knowledgeable. Like, kept the blood flow and the Ovaries and all that. So it did make me feel better.

[D]

Man, these are tough options. A hysterectomy or a cup up forever.

[A]

My mother had one very young, but I've since learned that your uterus is so integral in your hormones. Yeah. Has that been a thing where they were like, okay, well, now we got to monitor your hormones?

[C]

Yes. But also, she said that if my ovaries are still there, that that should help.

[D]

Okay, good. Wow, you really went through it for this remodel.

[A]

And unexpected in a great way. You're not thinking remodeling disaster is going to involve a hysterectomy?

[C]

It got me here, which is so exciting.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

We are very happy to talk to you.

[A]

Yes. So nice to meet you.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[A]

All right, take care.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

Hi, Megan. How are you?

[F]

I am so good.

[A]

Is that a sheet behind you or are you in a camping tent?

[D]

Oh, you did a beautiful sheet.

[F]

I don't have a walk in closet, so this is my makeshift fort. And so, like, taking a coat rack and a lamp from the other room. And. And this is what we got.

[A]

Did it bring back any childhood memories of fort building?

[F]

Yeah, but I feel like I remember it being so much better as a kid than doing it as an adult.

[A]

Yeah. And what part of the country are you in?

[F]

I am in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

[A]

Ooh, this is interesting. We just talked to Bismarck, North Dakota. So we're in that northern region. We don't get a ton of y'.

[E]

All.

[D]

That's true. It's nice to have you.

[A]

And are you from there, or did you move there?

[F]

Grew up and have always been from the greater Milwaukee area.

[A]

Okay, so you have a remodeling disaster story.

[F]

Yes. To set the stage. So in 2019, my fiance, now husband, and I, we bought our first home. And it still had the original oak, 1960s, kind of like that orange yellow trim. And we wanted to give it a facelift. So our realtor recommended a small company he had used himself, and we were going to have the trim painted and install new doors. And the quote for it all was about 4,500 for labor. But we had bought the doors, we had bought the paint. So it was pretty much just the labor.

[A]

That sounds very fair. That wouldn't be the quote here in la.

[F]

Yeah. Or nowadays. So the project began, and it was pretty much two workers, one installing the doors and one guy painting. And early on, there were small issues like the doors not closing properly or they were just cut too short. They used our drill bits, but then Never return them or leave a garage door open overnight. And the painter in particular was kind of an odd guy. And one day he started acting very strange. I asked if he was okay, and he said that he got bad news at the doctor.

[A]

Oh, no.

[F]

And then he started taking anti anxiety medication. But then he made the comment that it sometimes made him feel drunk.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[F]

At this point, you know, there wasn't too much thought given to it. Nothing was alarming. I just thought he was kind of a weird guy, had some stuff going on.

[A]

How old was he?

[F]

If I had a guess, I would say like, 40.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

At the time, my husband's former roommate Bennett was temporarily living with us. And one day I come home while Bennett was there and the painter were there, and we suddenly hear strange noises coming from the bathroom.

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's a big umbrella. Strange noises.

[F]

Yeah. I have a clip if you want to hear.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[F]

Yes, of course I do. Y. Let me play it for you guys. I'll just play a quick snippet.

[A]

Understand that?

[E]

You know what I mean?

[A]

That.

[E]

That middle.

[A]

That middle. The middle.

[E]

The little.

[A]

The kid that we.

[E]

Kid that we wanted to come and say wanted something. So count.

[C]

Okay, this is.

[A]

And I gotta add.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

What I know is that it was going on long enough that eventually you were like, maybe I should record this. And then you did.

[F]

It was like 10 minutes.

[D]

That is very unnerving.

[A]

It sounds like a psychotic break is happening.

[F]

Yes. So we hear this going on. At first, I thought he was talking to someone, and I knew he had a young son. And at first I thought maybe he was on the phone with his kid, but. Yeah. So after about 10 minutes, I start recording, and I texted the owner of the company saying, hey, can you call me? Or can you call him? Something just feels wrong. And I said, you know, the past couple days he's been acting a little weird, and he's currently in our bathroom making these strange noises.

[A]

Speaking in tongues.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

So Ben and I were just kind of outside the door, and he eventually comes out. And again, he's saying that he started this new medication that was causing bad side effects, but he was barely able to stand and very incoherent. Bennett and I just trying to keep calm, just trying to talk with him, but also saying, you should call someone to come pick you up. You're not in a good state to work, and you clearly cannot drive. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's time to knock off early for the day.

[F]

While this was going on, I continued to text the owner. And I said, hey, I don't really want this guy back until he can kind of get his medication sorted out.

[D]

Until you're so nice. Oh, my God, this is gonna be a wrap on that guy coming to my house ever again. I hope he gets the help he needs. But, like, no.

[F]

So Wisconsin, maybe, Like, Midwestern niceness can be too nice. The owner responded. He's like, sure thing. I'll send a new painter in the morning. And this is when we noticed some items on the bathroom floor. A syringe. One of our kitchen spoons.

[B]

No.

[F]

A lighter.

[B]

Oh.

[F]

And a makeshift tourniquet made from Bennett's razor cord. Holy shit.

[E]

Oh.

[A]

Shooting dope in the bathroom.

[D]

This is really.

[A]

This is advanced stuff.

[F]

Up until this point, I believed it was, like, a medication thing. And I was like, I don't know. I know people can have all sorts of crazy side effects. That's scary.

[A]

Oh, God. He left all of his works behind,

[F]

so Bennett stayed with him inside. He's a very nonchalant guy, so he was just kind of chit chatting with him like nothing was wrong. And I don't think he realized that we noticed. And I just kind of went outside to call the police, and the officers arrived. And immediately, while I'm talking to the officer, the painter comes outside and yells, I didn't inject anything.

[A]

Oh, first sentence. The lady doth protest too much.

[F]

Yeah, yeah. Yes. So Bennett said that when he was inside with him and the painter saw the squad car outside, he ran into the bathroom, locked himself in there, and flushed everything down the toilet.

[D]

This is all happening in your home. This is so stressful.

[A]

It's kind of the opposite of when. Like a sage.

[D]

Yeah, when you clear the house cleansing,

[F]

it included flushing our spoon as well. Like the spoon we took out of our kitchen drawer.

[D]

And the cord thing.

[F]

That part was left, but. Syringe, spoon.

[D]

So now you have a plumbing issue on your hands.

[F]

The police are talking to him. They say you're clearly under the influence, but they couldn't find anything on him. And so they kind of just said, you can't drive, but you just need to leave. His car is parked outside our house, and we live in the suburbs, so he kind of just walked off. I don't know where he went. I keep the owner updated, so I'm, like, texting him. And again, he's like, I'll send someone new the next day. But. But I did not feel comfortable with anyone returning without me there at this point, especially because I guess the painter really Wanted to come back to the house because he kept saying that he left his stuff there.

[D]

This is upsetting. I don't like this.

[F]

So we were afraid that he still had his stash in the house. We had no idea. I did not know what to do. I was 23 at the time. I was a first time homeowner. This is my first time hiring any sort of handyman service. And so I decided to call our realtor who recommended the company. And he actually was mad when I told him because that same painter did work at his house while his wife was home and pregnant. And he was like, you need to fire this company immediately. So I put their tools at the end of the driveway and I left a voicemail for the owner saying, don't contact me again. Anyone from your company is not allowed on our property. This is the point where the owner becomes very hostile and things take a turn for the worse.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[F]

We had not paid anything yet. So we paid for the doors and the paint, but there was no down payment prior to them starting work. And the job was maybe 50% done, but also poorly done, I would think.

[D]

So this man is on heroin.

[F]

Yeah. When we took a closer look, the guy had spent a week doing what maybe should have been a day or two's work. And we realized they had not sanded anything prior. Nothing was primed. Like he just came in and started painting over what was there. We later got a quote that it was going to be 7,000 to fix the original $4,500 job. So then the owner began sending threatening texts about filing a lien on the house, suing for double damages, ruining my credit, saying it wasn't his fault his worker went crazy.

[D]

I think it is. You own the company.

[A]

Minimally. Of the two people involved, one bared more respons than the other.

[F]

Essentially, he was trying to convince me that I was too young to ruin my financial situation over this.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[F]

So I was getting these messages and phone calls almost daily, and I just ignored them. I'm like, I'm not dealing with this. We're just gonna not respond. To make things worse. A couple weeks later, Bennett, our roommate, was showering, and he stepped onto the bath. Matt. And he stepped on a needle that was embedded into the bath mat.

[E]

No.

[F]

And it was embedded in his foot.

[A]

No. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

[D]

This got twists really wild. Didn't he have to get an HIV test?

[F]

Yeah. So we had one of those fluffy bath mats. And then when we really shook it out, there was like seven needle tips.

[B]

In there.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

That was where he was hiding them all.

[B]

Maybe.

[F]

They did a lot of work when we weren't home. So we had to deal with the painter. The owner was being threatening. And then now we were dealing with our roommate who had to get checked out for these things. Months of calls and texts from the owner go by and their harassment escalates to now anonymous numbers. They were ranging from attempting to make my husband. I believe we were cheating on each other. They were contacting my parents, saying, like, I know where they live.

[A]

Sounds like the owner might have had his own addiction too, too. And that the whole gang might party together.

[D]

That's why this owner's an idiot. Because clearly something very shady is going on. And if you're saying, like, we're on to you guys, all we're asking is for you to leave us alone. He needs to run with that.

[A]

Oh, sure. Any rational person would think I have potential liability on my hands, and if I have an option to walk away, I'm going to. Unless you two are fucked up.

[F]

Right? So that goes on and a lot of social media harassment. Like we would block all these numbers and accounts and new ones would come up. And I had waited until the window for him to file a lien had passed just so I didn't have to deal with that aspect of it. And then I was like, I'm gonna write Google reviews now, report this to agencies. And, you know, at that point, I just felt like there was not much more he could say outside of becoming physically threatening. And I was like, this guy sucks. I'm more mad that this is still going on. Here's my Google review.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

I knew things would probably get worse. And they did. It took a little bit, but we could tell when he finally saw them. Cause then insert all these Facebook messages and essentially was calling us every horrible name in the book. My husband and I saying, like, we cost his company over $100,000, essentially blaming his workers livelihoods on us. And then he actually was threatening his own life because of what we did.

[A]

I wonder if the guy in the bathroom was also the owner. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

Unfortunately, they were two different people. So then at that point, we contacted the police and we didn't go the restraining order. They said that might be difficult because we couldn't prove that different numbers and profiles were from him. But they did call the guy and kind of were like, you need to leave this couple alone. And it actually worked because we never heard from him again.

[A]

Oh, wow. This is the business still operational I don't think so.

[F]

I kind of try to keep keep tavs peripherally, but they've gotten some other bad reviews. None like mine. Oh, my God.

[D]

Needles.

[A]

I have a completely unrelated follow up question. I like to make predictions or make big guesses. Are you a big skier?

[F]

No.

[A]

Okay, nevermind.

[C]

What?

[B]

What?

[C]

Why?

[A]

Because her nose is so tan and I thought, oh, maybe she was wearing goggles and she was skiing recently.

[F]

I did come back from Punta Cana about two weeks ago. That's the tan.

[A]

I thought Wisconsin, maybe some skiing.

[D]

This story, it really got us rattled.

[A]

Yeah, you more than me because you just had a lot of workers and currently have a lot of workers in your house. So for you it's like really prescient.

[D]

Well, yeah, but also I just imagine like my home. It's such a violation. It really feels icky. I'm so sorry that happened. I'm glad it stopped. I mean, this almost turned into a stalking story.

[F]

I would say in a lot of ways it was, you know, it was a crazy time. But that's my sort of cautionary tale is that how much information people can find out about you pretty easily online. Like the things he would say and we would try to figure out, like, how does he know that? Like, how does he know where we work? The lengths certain people will go to was very eye opening. Oh, man.

[A]

Yeah. Well, and it's that like classic drinking poison, hoping your enemy dies. Like the amount of time he put into it that he could have been making money instead of chasing this money. In his mind, he lost, but just losing more because he's so distracted by this thing.

[D]

Well, as you said, he is not a rational person. He's probably on drugs.

[A]

I hope that's a better.

[D]

I hope too, if that's the way.

[A]

Exactly.

[F]

Oh, man.

[A]

Well, Megan, it's delightful to meet you.

[F]

Thank you so much. And just real quick, I want to shout out my two co workers, Kristen and Becca. They introduced me to your podcast. And. And on behalf of all radiology professionals out there, we would love to see more insert foreign body prompts. Because we have a lot of these stories.

[D]

Oh, great.

[E]

Us too.

[D]

We love that.

[A]

That wasn't on the list. We should put that in the batch, Rob. They deliver.

[F]

There's some good ones out there.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Well, Becca and Kristin, thank you for turning Megan onto it. Big shout out and lovely meeting you. Bye. Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[F]

Bye.

[D]

I'm glad I'm not addicted to heroin. I really am.

[A]

Sure some people are to be grateful for. Yeah. Hello, Jessica. Monica was just taking A moment of gratitude for not being addicted to heroin. I don't know if you want to join that.

[B]

Yeah, I'm right there with you.

[D]

Okay, good.

[B]

Although I hear that it's like a warm bath. I do like bath.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that sounds great.

[D]

Let's just stick with the bath.

[A]

It's funny because this reminds me of when people are selling me fish. Really hardcore. They're like, well, swordfish is just like a steak. And I go, yeah, but we have steak. If that's the sales point. Likewise, if you're in search of a warm bath, that's at your disposal.

[B]

I have a bathtub. I can do it anytime.

[D]

I just feel like when people are struggling with gratitude, they can go to that.

[A]

Yeah, like, I'm. I'm. I'm. Gratitude. I wasn't decapitated.

[B]

At least that would be quick. Oh, wow.

[D]

You're very glass half full.

[A]

Very, very glass half full. Jessica, where are you?

[B]

I am in Ohio.

[A]

Okay, keeping it consistent. We've had a lot of northern callers today. What part of Ohio?

[B]

I am in Norton, Ohio, an hour and a half away from Cedar Point.

[A]

O. Oh, in which direction?

[B]

Southeast. Cedar Point is exactly halfway between me and Detroit.

[A]

Oh, okay, great.

[D]

How often do you go?

[B]

I used to go, like, once a year, but not so much anymore. I have a lot of anxiety and stuff.

[A]

It's a lot of people.

[D]

It's hard.

[B]

A lot of people. The rides make me sick. I like Camp Snoopy,

[A]

but as a kid, boy, what could be better?

[B]

Even as a kid.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Wasn't for me.

[A]

Maybe it was. You suffered through Cedar Point?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so you have a remodeling disaster story.

[B]

I sure do. It takes place in 2014. First, you should know the dynamic between me and my husband is I have crippling anxiety. That's just who I am. My husband, on the other hand, if he gets an idea in his head, he's gotta roll with it, like, immediately. He cannot sleep until the thing is done.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So our house at the time, this was the first house we ever bought. The house itself, it was small. It was only like a thousand square feet. But our garage, we had a detached garage that was. Was very large. And he did real nice. But for this story in particular, he decided one day he just randomly wanted to redo our floors. We had hardwood floors. Beautiful. Through the whole thing. I've got dogs, so I didn't want carpet. This worked perfectly.

[A]

This was the original flooring. When was the house built?

[B]

50s.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

When we bought it, it had carpet in it. Pristine carpet, but I had a bunch of a big dog so it wasn't going to work. So we ripped it all up and the floors actually were fine. Like when we ripped the carpet up looked great. But we knew eventually we're going to have to refinish them one day randomly. He just decides this is the weekend we're doing it. Me don't like it, I have to work this day. Can't handle it emotionally. So we're in a fight immediately about this. He's like, no, no, it's fine. We're just going to move all of our stuff into the garage because we got room out there. And then I'll do it while you're at work.

[A]

O this sounds like a plan of mine. Yeah, I can relate. The whole thing will take me 45 minutes.

[B]

Yes, he is time blind. I am mad, but I go along and said I'm like, whatever, I'm just gonna move my stuff. It's fine. He can handle it while I'm at work. When I'm at work, I go on break, I get a message and he sent me a picture. He's got the whole garage set up for date night after work. Candle lit wine, the whole thing. He's trying to make me not mad at him.

[A]

Him also, it sounds very adhd. It's like he was starting to do the floors but he moved the shit out there and he's like, oh, I could arrange this now I'm going to have a thing now. I want to do a date night exactly. Like you can't even remember what the project was.

[B]

This is my struggle. But love him. So he's trying to make me happy at this point. So I'm just like, whatever, I guess I'm not mad. Then he comes to pick me up that night and at this point in time I was working retail. So it's like 10, 10:30 at night and I had to work in the morning, I had to open the next morning day. So I'm like, you know what, let's just pick up some Wendy's real quick, get some food and then we'll go home and relax at the date night thing they set up. So we get to Wendy's and as soon as I start opening up my spicy chicken sandwich, I get a voicemail and I know exactly what it says. To this day I'll never forget is my neighbor from across the street and he says, jessica, this is John from across the street. I don't want to alarm you, but your garage is on fire.

[D]

Oh no, no, Date night candles. Also, why did he light the candle so early?

[B]

His plan was to light it for the presentation and then get rid of it. But adhd, right?

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

He went to the big moment where the reveal happened, and that's where he stopped thinking about it.

[B]

Then it was back to the floor floors. So immediately I panic. My stomach just drops. You know, I'm just sick at this point. And I'm like, our garage is on fire. And he's like, what? And I kid you not, he takes another bite of his junior bacon cheeseburger like it's nothing. So we rush home. Longest drive of my life. And we get there, and it's immediate chaos. On scene. I get out of the car. The neighbor lady across the street, Michelle, she's just screaming like, there's dogs in there. Save the animal. But remember, our garage is not attached to our house. House. So as much as I appreciate that, I'm like, okay, calm down. I'm trying to get everybody else to calm down at this point. And then the firemen are running out of the garage with, like, gas cans, like, this is gonna blow. I go into complete anxiety meltdown. I'm like, oh, my gosh, if somebody dies here tonight. This is all because I was throwing a tantrum, you know, so much pressure. Then the fire marshal comes over, and it's immediately apparent this to them looks like arson for insurance fraud. We moved everything except for our beloved pets into the garage and then lit it on fire.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, this looks suspicious.

[B]

It looks so bad. But luckily, I had the text messages from him. He was like, oh, this is an arson. This is pathetic. Oh, no. So he just feels bad for me at this point, because in my mind, I'm like, I'm going to jail. I'm not built for jail. So everything that I own just went up in flames?

[A]

No, it was the garage shot.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Everything was gone.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

Oh, my God. Husband.

[A]

What was your husband's reaction? I mean, if he felt bad about earlier in the day, he's still embarrassed.

[B]

He doesn't know that I'm doing this.

[D]

But the marriage stood through that big, big, big dilemma.

[B]

He's got a little Mr. Bean in him, but the rest of him is solid.

[D]

That's so nice.

[A]

A little Mr. Beanie. Yeah. That was 12 years ago. They're still together.

[E]

I know.

[D]

I like that.

[B]

He's my person.

[A]

Well, Jessica, this was delightful. I mean, terrible for you, but, yeah.

[B]

Well, thank you. Before I go, though, I do need to say, Dax, thank you so much for creating both hit And Run and Chips. Cuz those are like my two favorites. They're my comfort movies. I rewatched them. Monica, you were great. And Chips also.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I love them so much.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

That's so sweet.

[B]

I can say that I was not a first day armchair because I was mad. I thought you were wasting your time. I wanted you to write more movies.

[A]

Oh, that's a wonderful reason.

[D]

But I am glad we got you eventually.

[B]

It didn't take long. I gotta get on board because it's. What are you doing now? Also I need to do two quick shout outs. One to my sister in law because she gave me confidence to do this. She's the best. And also my niece Olivia. She's an armchair and we're all obsessed with you guys.

[D]

How sweet. I love this shout out to both.

[A]

Okay, Jessica, you should try to get your hands on Brothers justice, which is the third movie I made which is much harder to find. But that's the first movie I ever made. Oh. And it's by far the craziest.

[D]

It's funny though.

[A]

It's really bonkers. Yes.

[B]

Literally tonight I'm going to try and track it down.

[A]

Please do. Okay, well, lovely meeting you. Thank you.

[F]

You too all have a great day. Bye. Bye.

[A]

Oh, that made me so happy.

[D]

Great group. That was a good f. Fun bunch. Really fun.

[A]

Marky Mark and the fun bunch.

[D]

All right, well I'm now going to run across the street to my house.

[A]

That's make sure no one shooting dope.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

Okay. All right. Love you.

[E]

Do you want to sing a tune or something with a theme song?

[A]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armchairies we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme dish. On the fly rhyme dish. Enjoy.