Armchair Anonymous: Sleepwalking II

Summary

Armchair Anonymous: Sleepwalking II – Detailed Summary

Released on July 11, 2025, "Armchair Anonymous: Sleepwalking II" is a compelling episode of the "Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard" podcast. Hosted by Dax Shepard and featuring Monica Padman, the episode delves deep into the perplexing and often unsettling phenomenon of sleepwalking. Through personal anecdotes, expert insights, and engaging dialogues, the hosts explore the complexities of nocturnal activities and their implications.

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Introduction to Sleepwalking

The episode kicks off with Dax Shepard introducing the topic of sleepwalking, setting the stage for an in-depth exploration of the subject. Monica Padman joins him, framing sleepwalking as more than just simple nocturnal activities but rather as intricate behaviors that can have significant consequences.

Dax Shepard [00:23]: "People are out and about in their sleep, in their slumber. They get busy nocturnally and it brought up a really interesting thought experiment like, can you be arrested for doing something bad while you sleep?"

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Personal Sleepwalking Experiences

Natalie's High School Sleepwalking Incident

Natalie shares a harrowing account from her teenage years, detailing a severe sleepwalking episode during her high school years in Salt Lake City, Utah. As a member of the competitive high school drill team, the pressure to perform was immense. The story unfolds with Natalie oversleeping for an early practice, leading to extreme stress and the onset of sleep issues.

Natalie [04:25]: "I remember waking up to a call from the captain of the team. I had slept through my alarm, and the adrenaline took me out of my house in under five minutes, only to find myself at school with no memory of the journey."

The episode escalates as Natalie recounts a night at age nine where she sleepwalked to her high school, fully dressed and prepared, only to wake up in her car at 12:30 AM with no recollection of the event.

Natalie [08:35]: "I woke up in my car in the high school parking lot, hair slicked back, full gear bag on the passenger seat. My car was running, and I had no memory of how I got there."

Monica and Dax express their astonishment, highlighting the dangers and psychological impact of such episodes.

Abby's Sleepwalking Mysteries

Abby discusses her own sleepwalking experiences, which were exacerbated by a chronic nerve condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) and heavy medication, including morphine and Ambien. These substances contributed to intense sleep disturbances and hallucinations.

Abby [27:24]: "I woke up the next morning to lift my nightgown and found no pubic hair—a mysterious and unsettling discovery that remains unresolved."

The group humorously speculates on the odd disappearance of her pubic hair during a sleepwalking episode, emphasizing the bizarre nature of sleepwalking behaviors.

Dax Shepard [36:10]: "You never found it? You had to have done it on the toilet and flush the toilet."

Monica Padman's Nocturnal Seizures

Monica shares her experiences with nocturnal seizures and sleepwalking, including incidents where she insulted someone in her sleep or performed unusual actions like swimming while dreaming.

Monica Padman [25:42]: "I have sleep seizures. Nocturnal seizures. Also, remember when I called that person a dumb bitch?"

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Discussion on the Risks and Implications of Sleepwalking

The hosts delve into the potential dangers associated with sleepwalking, such as accidents, legal liabilities, and the psychological toll it takes on individuals and their families. They discuss extreme cases where individuals have committed unlawful acts while sleepwalking, raising questions about responsibility and accountability.

Dax Shepard [13:03]: "So people have done wild shit because if you're having a nightmare that your neighbor's trying to kill you and you think it's self-defense, that's crazy, Natalie."

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Coping Strategies and Parental Concerns

The conversation shifts to strategies for managing sleepwalking, especially concerning parents worried about their children's safety during such episodes. The hosts and guests discuss practical measures like securing the home environment, monitoring sleep patterns, and seeking medical advice.

Monica Padman [24:13]: "We just had a device that records you in the middle of the night when you start talking."

Dax adds humorously disastrous solutions while also acknowledging the seriousness of ensuring safety.

Dax Shepard [23:36]: "What if you throw a huge bucket of water in her face as she runs by?"

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Anecdotes and Humor

Throughout the episode, humor interlaces with serious discussions, adding a relatable and engaging dynamic. The hosts share light-hearted moments, such as impersonating police officers or pilots, and playful banter about personal quirks and family stories.

Dax Shepard [40:03]: "You never found it? Like, if you're coming home late at night and you're an adult. Let's be clear. She's 22. You turn the Corner. And your lights illuminate a woman squatting in her driveway."

This blend of humor and personal storytelling keeps the narrative lively while addressing the underlying seriousness of sleepwalking.

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on the shared experiences, emphasizing the importance of understanding and compassion for those dealing with sleepwalking. They acknowledge the complexities of the condition and encourage listeners to seek help if they or their loved ones are affected.

Monica Padman [48:56]: "I know. Let's meet this hunk. What's his name?"

The episode concludes with a mix of heartfelt appreciation and light-hearted farewells, leaving listeners with both insights and smiles.

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Notable Quotes

• Natalie [08:35]: "I woke up in my car in the high school parking lot, hair slicked back in. My full gear bag was on my passenger seat. Car was running. I have no memory of how I got there."

• Abby [27:24]: "I woke up the next morning to lift my nightgown and found no pubic hair—a mysterious and unsettling discovery that remains unresolved."

• Dax Shepard [13:03]: "So people have done wild shit because if you're having a nightmare that your neighbor's trying to kill you and you think it's self-defense, that's crazy, Natalie."

• Monica Padman [24:13]: "We just had a device that records you in the middle of the night when you start talking."

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Key Takeaways

• Sleepwalking is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that can range from benign to dangerous, impacting individuals and their families profoundly.

• Personal experiences highlight the varied manifestations of sleepwalking, from simple oversleeping to engaging in elaborate and risky behaviors without consciousness.

• Medical conditions and medications can exacerbate sleepwalking, making it essential to seek professional help for management and mitigation.

• Humor and open dialogue around sensitive topics like sleepwalking can foster understanding and reduce stigma, encouraging those affected to share their stories and seek assistance.

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Armchair Anonymous: Sleepwalking II serves as a poignant reminder of the intricacies of human behavior, especially when our subconscious takes the reins. Through shared narratives and thoughtful discussion, Dax Shepard and Monica Padman offer listeners both empathy and enlightenment on the enigmatic world of sleepwalking.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome welcome welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard joined by Monica Padman. Hi hi. Today is sleepwalking part 2.

[Monica Padman]

People are out and about in their.

[Dax Shepard]

Sleep, in their slumber. They get busy nocturnally and it brought.

[Monica Padman]

Up a really interesting thought experiment like can you be arrested for doing something bad while you sleep?

[Dax Shepard]

Are you liable when you're unconscious?

[Natalie]

Yep.

[Unknown]

Oof.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's find out. Please enjoy sleepwalking. We are supported by Audible from Scott Z. Burns, the writer of Contagion, with special guest appearances from director Steven Soderbergh, Laurence Fishburne and Jennifer L. Don't miss what Could Go Wrong, a deeply thoughtful, occasionally frightening and often hilarious Audible original podcast that delves head and heart first into today's burning question. Can humankind and AI actually work hand in hand? Follow Scott and an ever expanding cast of AI generated partners including Lexter, an extraordinarily gifted sharp tongued AI as they co write and pitch Hollywood execs the Contagion sequel. Listen to what Could Go Wrong. Not now on audible. Go to audible.com whatcouldgo wrong we are supported by Macy's. Okay, we've talked about Macy's for a while now and you know, we're big fans. It's a great place to go if you're looking for, well, a ton of stuff. Apparel, footwear, electronics, home goods, fragrance. They've got it all. But what you might not know about Macy's is that they have personal stylists on staff that can help you find pieces that are perfect for you. And it's free. Not all of us are style gurus, but lucky for us, Macy's found the people that are. It's like a style coach joining your team to help you look your best for your next big event. Their whole mo is to make you feel comfortable, look great, and have fun at the store. Their personal stylist will help you find pieces you might not have considered before so you can look your best. Getting a style revamp can really boost your confidence. Check it out now for yourself. Book an appointment with a Macy's personal stylist at no extra cost. And when you do, you'll get 20% off your first purchase on whatever whatever you decide to buy. Make an appointment@macy's.com personal stylist. You gotta know I'm gonna keep on shining okay.

[Natalie]

Did I do it?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yes. Now you sound glorious.

[Natalie]

Fantastic.

[Dax Shepard]

Natalie, what a head of hair you have.

[Natalie]

Oh, yeah. I've learned to love it over the years.

[Dax Shepard]

You could have been in Mani's mermaid commercial with her.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. It's very nice.

[Natalie]

Thank you. I actually just got done watching Lion King on Broadway, so I'm channeling in the main.

[Dax Shepard]

The main's powerful.

[Natalie]

Dax, I have to tell you something.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Natalie]

I quote two things from you frequently in my daily life. One of them is, my girl rocks. My girl does not rock.

[Dax Shepard]

From baby mama, Carl Loomis.

[Natalie]

Which, by the way, if you ever need to exit a playful argument, just always leave the room with, I'm gonna bang all your friends. Consider them all banged.

[Monica Padman]

Great. Which one's that from?

[Dax Shepard]

Also Carl Loomis.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I get mad at Babers.

[Monica Padman]

That's funny.

[Dax Shepard]

My girl rocks was not my line. That was in the script. But I'm gonna bang all your friends.

[Monica Padman]

That's it. Sounds like you.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you can feel the DNA.

[Natalie]

I bet it was a good one. And then I always have on my Instagram bio, I change quite frequently, but right now, and it has been. This is an 81 Honda. How dare you.

[Monica Padman]

That's also him, right?

[Dax Shepard]

That's me. That's employee.

[Monica Padman]

No, I mean, that is also Carl Lemonsburg. Oh, wow.

[Dax Shepard]

That's Vince. Vince Downey, maybe was his name. Check stand one. Vince Downey. Fastest hands in the West.

[Monica Padman]

Do you ever say, here's the hat your worship ordered?

[Dax Shepard]

That's Monica's one line in her early play.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that's my fifth grade play line.

[Natalie]

I'll use it now.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you. You'll find us time to use it.

[Dax Shepard]

That's going to be hard.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, I bet it'll come up more than you.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you have a sleepwalking story.

[Natalie]

I do. I'll set the scene for you a little bit. I'm based in Salt Lake City, Utah. This is in my hometown, Kaysville. It was 2006, 2007. I was 16 going on 17, so Junior in high school. And I had made the high school drill team, which in Utah is, I would argue, the equivalent to, like, making the football team in a southern state.

[Dax Shepard]

It's a big deal out here what happens on drill.

[Natalie]

So we are a dance team. We perform at the halftimes and do all that fun stuff. But we are super competitive, so we go to regionals, nationals, state. We all grow up dancing at studios together. And then you move into high school together. And so you've really danced with each other since you were in kindergarten. When you make the drill team in high school, that alone is a huge celebration and it comes with a lot of responsibility. It is, no pun intended, drilled into your head that you are now a role model to the younger crowd in your community.

[Dax Shepard]

Big burden.

[Natalie]

Yes. You kind of feel like your local celebrity status a little bit. And then just because you made the team doesn't mean you get to dance. You continually audition to be in individual routines. You have the risk of being removed from those throughout the school year. If your reputation falls apart, if you're not treating people well, if you don't make grades, if you're tardy more than a couple times, you're out. So there was a lot of stress that came with such a joyous adventure.

[Dax Shepard]

Would PDA in the hallway be penalized?

[Natalie]

Oh, yeah. Big no.

[Unknown]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I had a hunch any sort of.

[Natalie]

Rumor that you were doing any sort of extracurriculars with your partner was not okay. I was not raised in the Mormon faith. I was kind of the outcast. A lot of pressure to be on your best behavior. And in general, I was a good kid. I followed a lot of rules. I broke some. But to give you an example of the kind of people pleasing mentality I had, I woke my mom up one night and was like, can I sneak out?

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God, can I sneak out?

[Dax Shepard]

That's really great.

[Monica Padman]

That's so cute.

[Dax Shepard]

Did she say yes?

[Natalie]

Yeah, she did.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Good.

[Monica Padman]

If you.

[Dax Shepard]

You gotta honor that. You do. You're obligated to.

[Natalie]

Janet was pretty fun. She let me get away with some stuff. So when I made the team, you know, there's all this stress on you. And then we always had practice every other day before school at 6am so you had to be there at 5.45am if you were there at 6, you were late because they wanted you to start feet on the floor at 6. So one morning I wake up to a call from the captain of the team. And she's like, hey, Nat, where are you? I was like, oh, my God. I slept through my alarm. The amount of adrenaline I left my house in under five minutes. My school was five minutes from my house. And you have to take just Main street to get there. There's no speeding, there's no getting around things. There's five stoplights. You can't speed things up. But to my house from high school, five minutes. So I got there, 10 minutes left. And that kind of started this trajectory of me having a lot of sleep issues.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no.

[Natalie]

I was so terrified of it happening again. Because that's one demerit against me. I could be taken out of a routine. I could not be able to dance at the game on Friday.

[Monica Padman]

Your life's work.

[Natalie]

Yes. You get it, cheerleader. So I remember checking my clock more obsessively than I used to, even though I was up. Just make sure I'm on time. Make sure I'm on time.

[Dax Shepard]

The stress we put on kids.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Unknown]

Bonkers.

[Natalie]

I know. I look back now and I'm like, really? But the routine I always had every morning, which is important for the next portion of the story, is I would wake up, you had to have a slick back bun with a right part full black outfit. Then, yeah, have my dance shoes bag packed. Because right after practice, we'd go to school. So we had to get ready in the locker room. I kind of had this routine of getting everything ready, eating my cereal, and watching Saved by the Bell. And then I would get in my car and go to school. And one morning, I remember obsessively checking my clock to make sure I was on time. I vividly remember three or four times just staring at my alarm clock like, okay, I'm good. The next thing I remember, I woke up in my car in the high school parking lot, Hair slicked back in. My full gear bag was on my passenger seat. Car was running. I have no memory of how I got there.

[Monica Padman]

I'm scared. This is like a ghost story.

[Natalie]

It was 12:30 in the morning.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, 12:30am oh, my God. Am okay, that helps because I'm like, wait, you woke up, you saw it was five, but then you went back to sleep while you were getting ready. But no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, so 12:30am you got yourself all the way to school, ready with the part, but you were sleeping, and it was blackout.

[Natalie]

Had no memory of getting there. So I'm sitting there.

[Dax Shepard]

This is madness.

[Monica Padman]

This kind of feels like a seizure.

[Natalie]

I was convinced my friends had plucked me out of my bed, planted me in my car as a prank. I was like, how does this happen? And this is all, like, processing in a matter of seconds. I'm, like, surveying my situation. So I call my mom, and I'm at this point crying. I'm like, I'm in my car at school. I don't know how I got here. And she's like, what?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, you gotta worry now. My kid has a real issue. It's very abnormal behavior.

[Natalie]

Yeah, it scared her quite a bit when I talked to her about it to, like, remember everything she was like, yeah, this is not fun for me as a parent. She's a light sleeper. She has four daughters. It's not like I was her first rodeo. Anyways.

[Monica Padman]

No one in the house heard you?

[Natalie]

No one heard me.

[Dax Shepard]

Well that's late. You've just gone to sleep. Like if ever there was a time I feel like that would be the time everyone's like deep fucking asleep, they start rolling around.

[Natalie]

Yeah, I've thought about that too. Because my dad was an early riser, he worked construction and he was up at like 5, usually on his own. So had it been even in 4am Mark I think he would have heard me.

[Dax Shepard]

What time were you going to bed back then? How long do you think you had been asleep?

[Natalie]

I usually went between like 10, 10:30.

[Dax Shepard]

So you got an hour or two sleep and then got on the road, did your hair, parted it top bun.

[Monica Padman]

That's why I'm surprised no one heard. You're getting ready like that is loud. Kind of. You probably ate your cereal.

[Dax Shepard]

What if the one thing she left out is she goes, we did have a 13,000 square foot house.

[Abby]

I had my own wing, massive.

[Natalie]

I lived in a mansion up in the mountains, very low key area. But it was terrifying. And the thing that was the worst part, that kind of validated it all was as I'm on the phone with my mom, she's now walking through the house because she's like, what happened? And she goes, Natalie, your cereal bowls out. See, wow, you ate. The TV is on and you've turned out all the lights, you've gone through your full routine.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. But Saved by the Bell wasn't on. So I'm very curious what you were watching.

[Natalie]

Yeah, I don't know what I was watching.

[Unknown]

No.

[Dax Shepard]

Zack Morris and did it lead to. There's one version might be like that's a bottom and it fixed itself or now everything's even worse.

[Natalie]

It got worse for a minute. She caught me a couple more times at like 2am to 3ams trying to get ready and she was like, go to bed.

[Monica Padman]

This is scary.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, this is maniacal.

[Monica Padman]

Did you tell your coach, look what you've done to me?

[Dax Shepard]

No. Complaining's a demerit.

[Monica Padman]

See, remember when you said complaining's bad, Sometimes it's complicated. Good because like this needs to be called out.

[Dax Shepard]

You're permitted to self defend. That's what people got mixed up on the revenge episode. Revenge addiction. Some people are going off in the comments. Well what about, you know, and if I'm a victim and it's like, you're allowed to defend yourself.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

This is a different thing. Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys at least win state or anything?

[Natalie]

We won regionals. We were six agents that year.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. It was worth it.

[Natalie]

But. Yeah. There was no other times, like, in my adult life. I haven't. I've only had one weird experience, but I had set up a contraption around my front door when I lived alone. One time, I found my deadbolt unlocked, and I had again, like, a full ritual, so. I know. And it was undone. And I was like, I bet you I tried to get out of my apartment.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Monica Padman]

Ooh.

[Dax Shepard]

It's kind of exciting, too. It's like you go to sleep and you're like, hmm, I wonder where I'll wake up.

[Monica Padman]

You definitely shouldn't be driving while sleeping.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, she did a good job. She got to the parking lot.

[Monica Padman]

This is a bad tip. But if you were drinking and driving and you got pulled over, you could be like, oh, for the listener.

[Dax Shepard]

Monica just acted startled. I'm gonna be the cop.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Ma', am, do you know why I pulled you over?

[Monica Padman]

Where am I?

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it smells like you're in a bar, but you're not. You're behind the wheel of your car. You reek like alcohol.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God, Officer. I did drink and I ubered home. And I don't know how I got here. I must have slept.

[Dax Shepard]

But unfortunately, you still drove your car while intoxicated.

[Monica Padman]

I think I was sleeping.

[Dax Shepard]

We don't really have any loopholes, unfortunately.

[Natalie]

I have wondered, what would a cop have done?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. What if you killed some? Like, really?

[Natalie]

Oh, terrifying.

[Monica Padman]

Could they arrest you because you were sleeping?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I don't think you could use that as a defense. There has been these cases. I was watching another one of these lines, and a guy who had well documented night terrors killed his neighbor.

[Natalie]

See?

[Dax Shepard]

So people have done wild shit because if you're having a nightmare that your neighbor's trying to kill you and you think it's self defense, that's crazy, Natalie. Thank you for that. What a bizarre. Yeah.

[Natalie]

I have a quick question for you. I have two sisters that have turned me onto armchair, and they are the whole reason that I have entered prompts. Could they say who I am?

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Let us thank them.

[Natalie]

Let me grab them. Two seconds. We also deprived my niece of sleep because we wanted her to see you.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful.

[Monica Padman]

Okay. But you shouldn't deprive her of sleep because that's the story.

[Natalie]

My mom was like, do you think she really cares? I was like, no, but I do. She has to stay awake. We need this, Birdie.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, Birdie.

[Monica Padman]

We love that.

[Natalie]

Yeah, But I want to say we love you guys. Your open minded approach to everyone has softened my approach to the world.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Good. Well, we should all thank Laura Leau for that. Yeah, yeah, I'm just carrying on her approach.

[Monica Padman]

No, I'm not.

[Dax Shepard]

But I infected you. All right, well, nice meeting you guys.

[Natalie]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Bye. Abby.

[Natalie]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

You're one of our younger listeners. How old are you, Abby?

[Natalie]

I was worried you guys would be able to tell that right away. I'm 22.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay. But if you're here in LA as an actor, we could put you on a high school drama for sure. You could pull off, I'd say 10th grade and above.

[Unknown]

I'll take that.

[Dax Shepard]

But also, I'm 50,000 years old. So do your peers think you look young?

[Unknown]

I don't know. So I just graduated college and I'm in my first corporate job, so I'm the youngest in the office. I'm kind of bottom of the totem pole right now.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, you're not quite at the point where what we're saying is a compliment, even though it is.

[Dax Shepard]

Right.

[Monica Padman]

But I remember this and I'd be like, thanks.

[Dax Shepard]

Did people tell you you looked young?

[Monica Padman]

Yes, people still say it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, what? I don't know this about you.

[Monica Padman]

So young. You don't know that that when you.

[Dax Shepard]

Were 17 people didn't think you were 17? No, I don't know that part.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah. I would get Carter when I was like 28.

[Dax Shepard]

That might be because you're short.

[Monica Padman]

I think it's because I look young.

[Natalie]

Thank you.

[Unknown]

See, I get older sometimes because I'm kind of taller.

[Monica Padman]

So maybe that's it, but we can't tell.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

You're seated. And where are you at?

[Unknown]

I am in my closet, but I'm currently in Columbus, Ohio. I'm from Sandusky, Ohio. I wanted to tell you that. Dax.

[Dax Shepard]

Cedar Point, baby. Do you have a season pass? You go all the time?

[Unknown]

We did when I was younger, but not so much anymore. We're all moved out of the house.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you have a sleepwalking story.

[Unknown]

I do. So before we lived in Sandusky, we lived in another suburb of Cleveland. So that's where this story takes place. It happens when I was in the fourth grade. So about 2010, 2011, I joined my cross country team for the school. I didn't think I was that into it until this night happened. My family has kind of a history of Sleep shenanigans. Like the sleepwalking, sleep talking terrors, stuff like that. Especially me and my younger brother.

[Dax Shepard]

Really quick. I love that you call it sleep shenanigans, and I regret that that wasn't our prompt. Tell us about some sleep shenanigans.

[Unknown]

A lot goes on, so you kind of have to understand the shape of the house for this story. It's like an L. So my bedroom was down at the bottom of the L, and then the kitchen was up at the top with a big old island that my parents had installed. And so my parents had put us all to bed. I have three other siblings. So they're relaxing, the night's over. They're watching tv. And the living room is kind of connected to this hallway. Your back is to the hallway as you're sitting in the living room. And all of a sud. They're sitting there, it's like 11 midnight, and they're hearing this sudden boom, boom, boom, boom, boom down the hallway. They're like, what's going on? That must be the dog. They start to look around. No, the dog's sitting at the bottom of the couch with them.

[Dax Shepard]

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[Unknown]

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[Dax Shepard]

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[Unknown]

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[Dax Shepard]

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[Dax Shepard]

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[Dax Shepard]

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[Unknown]

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[Dax Shepard]

Power.Com awards we are supported by Smallwood Home. Smallwoodhome.com turns your favorite photos into gallery quality framed prints or wrapped canvases. All handcrafted in the usa, shipped in days and priced to make your whole home smile. Rob just got me the most gorgeous small wood framed photo of my Papa Bob which is now hanging in the Nashville studio and it turned out absolutely gorgeous. How many amazing pictures do you have just sitting on your phone, wasting away into the cloud? Take those memories and put them on display in the real world. Having something on the wall that's personal and not just a designy print you picked up at the store can make a space feel truly yours. And we love that. Small Wood Home is a small business that takes their time to craft every single piece right here in the US. No assembly lines or robots involved. Join the over 3 million happy customers who have made their house into a home with Smallwood Home right now. Get 30% off when you use code [e-mail] that's promo code DAX to get 30% off your first order at smallwoodhome.com Give your memories the showcase they deserve.

[Unknown]

They go to check it out and there I am, 10 year old me hauling ass down the hallway in my sleep, eyes wide open, just going. I'm whipped down the hallway like a racetrack and start doing laps around the kitchen island. Oh, training apparently. Which I'm like, I must have missed my calling. Yeah, this is nuts. They don't know what to do. I've sleepwalked before like a whole bunch. So this was kind of routine but.

[Dax Shepard]

Also not the athletics you didn't generally.

[Unknown]

This was something new. So when I had sleepwalked they would shake me, yell at me like abby, wake up, time to go to bed. But I think they were so bamboozled they didn't know what to do. And then at one point I ran into my older sister's room and flicked on the light switch, stood there for a second and then just left. Leaving them in the dark. Well in the Light panicking, like, what's happening? And run back down the L. The other. My parents are kind of like, they don't put this in the parenting handbook. Nobody tells you what to do. So they're trying to come up with a game plan, and all of a sudden they hear this loud thwack from the other end of the hallway, which they can't see because the bend. And my dad seems to think that I hit my head on one of the door handles or something. Because this was a couple minutes now of me just going back and forth, back and down the hallway doing laps. I must have been getting like my mile pace or something.

[Dax Shepard]

I mean, maybe chased by a wolf or something. And you're maybe.

[Unknown]

So I called them to kind of get the details on this, to figure out the rest of the story. Because I don't remember all of it. And they always said whenever I would sleepwalk or this, I would have like just a look of terror on my face.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, this is one of our daughters who does it. She's not in a good space.

[Unknown]

The next day I wake up in like the recliner of the living room, blanket over me. My dad's like interrogating me. Do you know what you were doing last night at breakfast? Like, are you okay? Looking back, I'm like, man, I wish I still did that. Like getting my cardio in in the night. I don't even remember it.

[Dax Shepard]

That would be the dream hack is. Yeah. In your sleep, you go and you lift weights for like 60 minutes. Wake up swole.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that'd be nice.

[Dax Shepard]

What did you hit? Do you know?

[Unknown]

We're all still thinking the door handle. Cause they had these double doors that led into a closet. And the handles were kind of like long and sticking out and stuff. And they think I hit my head, which, I mean, that would kind of explain a lot.

[Monica Padman]

But I'm surprised hitting didn't wake you up.

[Natalie]

Me too.

[Unknown]

I must have been in it.

[Dax Shepard]

Our daughter, who does it, you cannot wake her up. I mean, she didn't even do it anymore. But when it was happening, you couldn't wake her up.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I don't remember a lot of them waking me up. I think them like yelling my name and being like, Abby. Abby would often just pull me out enough for them to like put me back to bed. I'm concerned for my future kids. Cause if I was in my parents position, I would be like, they're getting clocked. I'm not asking questions. That's freaky.

[Dax Shepard]

You'd have to consider putting the Lock on the outside of the door.

[Monica Padman]

But fire. That's so scary.

[Dax Shepard]

Don't leave the window unlocked. Well, then they'll run in the yard.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that's intense. That is not something I would want to be dealing with as a parent. If they're not waking up. Also, what if they, like, grab a knife or something?

[Dax Shepard]

What if you throw a huge bucket of water in her face as she runs by?

[Monica Padman]

I'm trying.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And Abby, did that pass?

[Unknown]

The sleepwalking has passed. Two weeks ago, my fiance and I, we were sleeping, and he told me in the middle of the night. I sat up, asked if he had farted, and then just laid back down.

[Natalie]

Ah.

[Dax Shepard]

Had he? He probably had.

[Monica Padman]

He probably had. He was trying to blame it on you, like you did something weird. But really, no.

[Dax Shepard]

You woke yourself up with your own fart, Abby. Now go back to sleep.

[Unknown]

Exactly. And then a little bit ago as well, he said I started spitting on him like a llama. Oh, that's strange.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Unknown]

So the sleep shenanigans haven't exactly stopped, but I haven't. Sleep ran again.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

Knocking on wood.

[Dax Shepard]

That's good. Knocking on wood. We claim progress, not perfection.

[Monica Padman]

Well, in this case, we want perfection.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, but we're gonna try to have to be happy with progress, I guess. Well, Abby, it's delightful to meet you. You guys too. Take care. Have a great summer.

[Unknown]

You too.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, bye.

[Monica Padman]

I have sleep shenanigans.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, tell me. As you know, other than your sleep.

[Monica Padman]

Sleep seizures. Nocturnal seizures. Also, remember when I called that person a dumb bitch?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, when you were with Cali?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, in my sleep. Who knows what I'm doing at night because I'm alone.

[Dax Shepard]

We gotta get a camera in there. Motion activated camera, so you can review what you do in the night. They apparently have a device my friend was just telling us about that records you in the middle of the night when you start talking. Cause him and his wife have been yelling at each other in their sleep.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, interesting.

[Dax Shepard]

That's a bad idea, though. Cause you'd have to hear this argument you were in, and it might actually make you angry, even though you weren't. You know, I had a ton of sleep shenanigans. You've already heard about that. I woke up one night in the middle of the night with Carrie, screaming.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, right.

[Dax Shepard]

Put me down. Put me down. I was just holding her up in the air. Another time, I didn't wake up for this, but I just woke up and I rotated her 180 degrees so she was laying the opposite way. And then I woke up another time as a kid and my entire family was in my bedroom and I was standing in my bed bed banging on the walls as hard as I could. I go to my brother's room a lot. I peed in a trash can in my mom's room one night. Yeah, I was busy. Shenanigans, shenanigans.

[Monica Padman]

I also swam once in my dream. I did.

[Dax Shepard]

This is just about like dreams now.

[Monica Padman]

No, I was moving. I was in bed with my mom. And then in the morning she was like, you were moving from one side of the bed to the other and back and forward. And I was like, I was having a dream about swimming.

[Dax Shepard]

And that was before you were afraid of swimming or maybe you were working out that fear.

[Monica Padman]

That's when I knew how to swim. I've since lost the ability.

[Dax Shepard]

Hello, is this Allie?

[Abby]

This is.

[Dax Shepard]

And where in the country are you?

[Abby]

I'm in Salt Lake City. I'm in Utah.

[Dax Shepard]

Back to back Salt Lake.

[Monica Padman]

We've had a few double ups today.

[Dax Shepard]

It's really weird. These patterns just emerge. Like 4th of July had two Michiganders from the same place. And it's like, that's right. We fuck up 4th of July a lot. Michiganders. And then we're learning Salt Lake City's sleepwalk.

[Monica Padman]

Or it's just a sim. Wait till you hear an upcoming episode about the sim. You'll be convinced.

[Abby]

I can't wait. I was telling Steph it's the sim now because it was just my birthday and she just gave me the cookie boy shirt for my birthday.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God, it's so cute.

[Abby]

I love it. And then she told me as soon as the sleepwalking prompt came out, she was like, it's out. You got to submit. And I was like, this is sim. It's all happening at the same time.

[Dax Shepard]

That's usually when it rains and pours with the sim. I don't know if you noticed the subtle death stare that Monica gave me when she said, listen to the sim episode. I pushed back a little bit and that's what the death stare was.

[Monica Padman]

And he's wrong. Sim is real.

[Abby]

I didn't pick up on it, but I'll keep my eye out for it for sure.

[Dax Shepard]

I want to print a book of Monica's looks. Faces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They could even be shirts. I should draw a picture of your face and it should say, cut this or wrap this up.

[Abby]

I'd pre order that in a heartbeat.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you have a sleepwalking story.

[Abby]

I do. So this happened when I was, was about 21 and I was living at home with my parents. So it was about 16 years ago. And a little bit of backstory. I was diagnosed with a chronic pain issue when I was around 13 or 14.

[Dax Shepard]

Endometriosis?

[Abby]

No, I actually have this chronic nerve condition called crps. Complex regional pain Syndrome.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, it's nerve pain.

[Abby]

Yeah, Your nerves over react to normal sensations. Putting on a sock is painful. Wearing shoes is painful.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. Is there any upside to that condition? Forgive my perversion.

[Abby]

The fact that it brings me to you, that's probably the upside.

[Dax Shepard]

I would want more upside than that for you. Okay, so there's just no upside and there's pain. And then how do they treat nerve pain?

[Abby]

So I've done a ton of different types of treatments. I've had nerve blocks, oral pain medication. I had this really weird thing where they use capsaicin to like burn my feet physically to hope that it reset. Resets the nerve responses. And then I've had all sorts of devices implanted in me. So I've had a pump with cone snail venom in it.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Abby]

Really crazy stuff. I've done it all.

[Dax Shepard]

And does it concentrate in a certain area of your body?

[Abby]

Yeah. So it's in both my feet from the ankle down. I have genetic bunions. So it was the result of a bunionectomy that I had both feet done at the same time when I was in ninth grade. And when they pulled the pins out, it triggered it immediately.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Abby]

And my pain was always really horrible at night. I would have to really be heavily medicated at night. So around this time I was taking morphine and Ambien to sleep. Quite the combo, the two of them. I would have a lot of like hallucinations.

[Dax Shepard]

They also didn't know at that time that Ambien is twice as powerful in women than it is men. So all women were over prescribed their Ambien.

[Abby]

Exactly. And I was taking a really high dose and high dose of morphine. So I was living the dream.

[Dax Shepard]

I never thought I'd be jealous of nerve pain, but that sounds like a nice way to go to sleep.

[Abby]

Exactly. When it worked, it worked. So I would show up sometimes, like at the side of my parents bed in the middle of the night, staring at them. One time my sister came home from working at the bar one in the morning and I was just sitting on the toilet staring straight ahead. Very creepy zombie, like. Yeah. And I don't really have a ton of recollection of it. It would be a lot of Them telling me about it. And the thing that really happened around that time that I was like, oh, yeah, this is probably the biggest red flag was it was around Valentine's Day and my parents had given me a two pound box of chocolate. And I went to bed one night and I woke up the next morning to like this crunchy sound around me. And I had eaten the whole two pound box of chocolate. So there were just wrappers everywhere. But I didn't remember it at all.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Abby]

Which I honestly, for years have been thinking, you guys need to do a prompt about what I did on Ambien because there are some wild stories out there.

[Dax Shepard]

We should do an Ambien prop pumped Rob. I'll add it. Okay.

[Abby]

So the other thing that's kind of important for this backstory is my sister was a volleyball player growing up and she and I always kind of had this friendly teasing banter about pubic hair because she was always very clean shaven, very little hair because she had to wear those spandex shorts. And it always weirded me out. I was like, very natural, full bush.

[Monica Padman]

Either way is good.

[Dax Shepard]

Both are great. I'd take either.

[Abby]

I think I'm the more rare breed nowadays. I think no hair is the trendy thing to do.

[Dax Shepard]

I think it's coming back. We've talked about it. It's on the rise.

[Monica Padman]

I think it's almost an age thing. The older you get, the more you're like, who cares?

[Abby]

I agree. And my mom's actually a nurse practitioner that does ob gyn, so she sees a lot. She was like, yeah, it just depends on the person and the age.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by cachava.

[Monica Padman]

I just had cachava this morning.

[Dax Shepard]

How was your cachava chocolate?

[Monica Padman]

I like the chocolate.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Chocolate can't be beat.

[Monica Padman]

It's so good. It has so much protein, which you know, I'm trying to get more of for my bone density and your muscle gains and my gains. It's such a great way to get all these nutrients and protein.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, life moves fast and finding real nutrition that keeps up can be a challenge. That's where cachava comes in. The whole body meal shake. And that actually delivers on taste and nutrition. Whether you're craving chocolate, vanilla chai matcha or coconut acai. Each shake packs 25 grams of plant based protein and over 85 superfoods into every serving. They've got all the good stuff your mind and body crave for. Whole body health. One of the best parts. It can pretty much go in anything. Blend it with frozen fruit for a morning smoothie or mix it into your iced coffee. Yes, that's meat. It's delicious.

[Monica Padman]

It's really nice and it is quick and easy.

[Dax Shepard]

Fuel your daily adventure with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code DAX for 15 off your next order. That's Kachava K A C H-A-V A.com code DAX for 15 off. We are supported by ZipRecruiter oh get recruit and typically you don't associate speed with quality. Like you're not expecting to get a gourmet meal from a fast food restaurant. Whether it's a lifeguard, a drama camp counselor, or a tennis instructor, seasonal businesses are in need of employees with specific skills and that's not always easy to find. Well, there is an exception to this unwritten rule. If you're hiring, you can find candidates fast who are extremely qualified for your job. Just use ZipRecruiter. With ZipRecruiter's advanced resume database, you can proactively find and connect with qualified candidates in minutes. So there's little want to meet with an outstanding candidate, you can unlock their contact info instantly. 320,000 new resumes are added monthly, which means you can reach more potential hires and fill roles sooner. Experience Hiring Speed and quality with ZipRecruiter, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And if you go to ZipRecruiter.com DAX right now you can try it for free. Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com Dax ZipRecruiter the smartest way to Hire we are supported by Michigan. Oh I'm such a proud Michigander. I love Michigan. The people, the nature in summertime in Michigan, I'm telling you, I would put it up against any place in the world. It's such a beautiful state and it's a great place for everyone, especially kids to experience all four seasons with beaches, trails and snow a stone's throw away. What you may not know is Michigan is also a great place to work. You can have a quality lifestyle and a rewarding tech career. The fast growing and rapidly evolving automotive and clean energy industries offer opportunities for career advancement no matter what your skill level. Plus, Michigan offers accessible housing, exciting nightlife and an inclusive community for all. It's really a one of a kind place. And do not forget the Lakes Lakes Lakes Lakes Lakes Lakes. Live your best 9 to 5 and 5 to 9. You can in Michigan go to themichiganlife.org to learn more.

[Abby]

So one night I went to bed, and I woke up the next morning to go to the bathroom, and I go to lift up my nightgown, and I look down, and I have absolutely no pubic hair.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Freshly shorn.

[Abby]

Everything is gone. There's not a single hair from labia to the crack. Like, there's absolutely nothing.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. You even got into the perineum.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Okay.

[Abby]

What it looked like in the middle of the night. I had gone to a waxing studio and just had everything removed. It was a really good job.

[Monica Padman]

In the night, you put a razor to your vagina?

[Abby]

Well, that's the thing, is, I don't know. So then I'm sitting on the toilet, and I immediately call for my sister, whose room is right there, and I was like, can you? And she comes running out, and I lift up my nightgown, and she just falls to the floor laughing. She thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever seen. My parents come down because they hear the commotion, and they're like, what's going on? So we explain slash show what happened to them and then start the hunt for where the pubic hair went.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, sure, sure.

[Abby]

And we looked in, like, the bathtub. We looked at the razor. We looked in the sink. We looked in the garbage. We looked everywhere. Even have this little deck attached to our bedrooms. So we went outside and checked for that, and there was absolutely no sign of it. There's no pubic hair to be found anywhere. So it's just been the missing pubic hair mystery, where we have no idea.

[Dax Shepard]

You never found it? No. You had to have done it on the toilet and flush the toilet.

[Monica Padman]

But it would have got. I mean, that is not an easy. That's not just like. And then it's done. Hair gets places.

[Natalie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

And when you have a natural bush, it's like, there's a lot.

[Monica Padman]

Right. And I'm surprised you didn't find the razor.

[Abby]

It was so strange. And the thing that's so funny now is it's like a cautionary tale for my mom's patients. Anyone that comes in and takes Ambien gets to hear the story about how I misplaced all my pubic hair in the middle of the night.

[Monica Padman]

Maybe you did wax.

[Dax Shepard]

No, that would be even easier to find. I hope you did it in the driveway.

[Abby]

Just in front of all the neighbors.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, if you're coming home late at night and you're an adult. Let's be clear. She's 22. You turn the Corner. And your lights illuminate a woman squatting in her driveway.

[Monica Padman]

Did your mom or dad, like, ask the neighbors? Hey, just wondering if you saw anything weird happening.

[Dax Shepard]

Allie's missing her pubic hair.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. Is that what all this hair is in our house? Like, what if you broke in somewhere and then did it there?

[Dax Shepard]

What if they put signs up on telephone poles all over the neighborhood, missing pubic hair, and it had either a picture or a drawing of the pubic hair?

[Abby]

Where were you guys when this happened? I should have done all the above.

[Dax Shepard]

God, we have so many good ideas.

[Monica Padman]

I mean, it is so hard to shave your vagina and get all the hair and have no blood. I'm shocked.

[Abby]

I have no recollection of what happened, so I felt a little violated.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes, you violated yourself.

[Monica Padman]

The biggest betrayals are what we do to ourselves.

[Dax Shepard]

That's what they say.

[Natalie]

Exactly.

[Abby]

So, yeah, that's the unsolved mystery of our time.

[Monica Padman]

If we figure it out, will you please let us know?

[Abby]

Absolutely. Or if I happen to go back on Ambien and morphine and repeating behavior, I'll reach out and let you know.

[Dax Shepard]

This is terribly personal, but how does one not get addicted to the morphine?

[Abby]

We talked about this a lot with my doctor. If it's a genetic thing, I just never had the gene for the addiction. I hated taking it. Even still to this day, I hate taking it. But now they have so much different kind of medication. Like, ketamine has been the game changer for me.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, really?

[Abby]

In high school, I had PICC lines of continuous ketamine infusions. I would unhook the line and go perform in the musical and then go backstage and my mom would flush the line. Then that be really up.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, we share that in common. A PICC line. Not everyone's had a PICC line.

[Abby]

Yeah, they're not my favorite thing, but, you know, they do work.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. If you have kids, they like flushing it and getting involved in playing nurse. I found. So that was the one upside.

[Abby]

I did have a horrible incident where the tubing got caught on a doorknob and I was home alone. And that was really special.

[Dax Shepard]

Monica went swimming with me in the ocean with the PICC line.

[Abby]

Did you? You Saran Wrap it?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I just kept my arm out of the water the whole time.

[Monica Padman]

It wasn't a good idea.

[Dax Shepard]

It wasn't. But I'm not flying all the way to Hawaii and not getting in the ocean.

[Monica Padman]

I think you did wrap it.

[Dax Shepard]

I probably did some stuff.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, but it wasn't Enough.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I died.

[Monica Padman]

He passed.

[Dax Shepard]

I passed.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta keep living.

[Dax Shepard]

Thankfully, we're in the sim and I woke up the next day after dying.

[Monica Padman]

Wow. What a story.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Ally, that's great. It's a comedic twist to it.

[Monica Padman]

I love a mystery. Mystery. Very Nancy Drew.

[Abby]

It's a humdinger.

[Dax Shepard]

I think it got flushed on the toilet. I'm gonna stand by that.

[Monica Padman]

It's not. You don't know, because where the hell.

[Dax Shepard]

Else is it disappeared.

[Abby]

Unless there's, like, a bird's nest somewhere.

[Dax Shepard]

Beautiful little hummingbird cashmere sweater. You could have contributed. I would feel a little weird about that. Maybe start a different cashmere.

[Monica Padman]

Is that where you draw the line?

[Dax Shepard]

I do. I don't want to intermix Delta's leg hair and an adult's vaginal hair. Okay. Okay. Well, Ally, thank you for that. That was delightful.

[Abby]

It really is such a pleasure to get to meet you guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Take care. Is your captain speaking?

[Monica Padman]

Who are you being?

[Dax Shepard]

I was being a captain of an airplane. Zach, can you hear us?

[Unknown]

I can. Can you guys hear me? Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Do you want to hear me be a captain of an airplane?

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. You ready? We are currently at our cruising altitude of 30,000ft. If you look out the starboard side of the aircraft, you can get a little peek of the Grand Canyon. Just a little. The southern border. I'll be back in about five minutes to disrupt your movie.

[Monica Padman]

It was pretty good.

[Dax Shepard]

I mean, it's on the fly usually.

[Unknown]

I can't hear the pilots quite as good as that.

[Dax Shepard]

It's one of my many stupid grievances I'm almost embarrassed to have. I have many grievances where I know I'm a piece of for having them, but I don't ever need the pilot to talk to me. Like, I'm never wondering what altitude we're at or what's out the window. I want to watch my thing and that's. That's it.

[Unknown]

I'm actually about to get on a plane in about three hours.

[Monica Padman]

Oh.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay. Well, maybe you'll get a chatty one and you'll go, he was right. You have a decadent mustache.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Thank you. Yeah. It's so full and dark. How long have you been wearing a stache?

[Unknown]

Probably about two years. I transitioned from the full beard to the mustache.

[Dax Shepard]

And what's been the effect of it? Are you attracting a different type of customer?

[Unknown]

Being a gay man? It's almost part of our uniform these days.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Is it this?

[Monica Padman]

This is so interesting. Jess, Has a mustache now, but I didn't realize it was like a thing. I thought he was just going through midlife crisis. Oh, his is very specific. And it's red. I also think midlife crisis is cool. Why not like do whatever you want? This is good information for me.

[Unknown]

It attracts the gays. That's quite popular.

[Dax Shepard]

I bet a lot are coming your way.

[Unknown]

Well, I'm happily married. Maybe you'll meet him at the end of this. But I've attracted a good one.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, that's a fun prize coming at the end of this. Where are you at, Zach?

[Unknown]

I'm in Quebec, Canada. In Montreal right now. I'm at my sister's house on route to the airport.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm embarrassed. I haven't been to Montreal because I hear nothing but glowing, wonderful reviews. Everyone says it's a very sexy city and it's very European.

[Unknown]

There's a lot of history, but also a lot of culture. I mean, the Quebec culture is a bit unique even within Canada. And some amazing food. I would say it's probably the culinary capital of Canada. So if you like food and it's the place to go, come.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I gotta go up there for the F1 race and eat my way through the city. Okay, so you have a sleepwalking story.

[Unknown]

I do. So my story takes place early 90s, probably around 1993. I don't remember exactly what year because I was relatively young. My parents were heading out for an early Christmas party at my aunt's house, probably about 20 minutes away from our house, and they left my 13 year old sister and her best friend in charge, babysitting my middle sister who was 11 and my sister myself, probably about nine at the time she was in charge. And as soon as my parents left, she ordered us some pizza and she put on some terrible rom com movie that I wasn't super interested in at that age. But there were some vanilla sex scenes that piqued my interest as a nine year old boy. But I eventually passed out on the couch. When the movie was over and it was time to go to bed, my sister woke me up and dragged me upstairs to bed. And I went easily to sleep. And then probably about two hours later, I would say around midnight, my sister and her best friend, they were downstairs in the basement in her room, chit chatting in bed bed. And I just showed up in her doorway. I was white as a ghost, drenched in sweat and hysterically crying.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh God.

[Unknown]

And saying that there was a man in my middle sister's bedroom upstairs.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Unknown]

At first they were like, he's playing some sort of a childish prank. But given how hysterical I was and my physical state, they immediately moved themselves into panic mode and started crying.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's a lot for a 13 year old babysitter.

[Unknown]

Yeah, exactly. Not what she signed up for. So she picked up her 1990s portable phone that she had in her room and called my aunt's house and tried to get out that there was some sort of an intruder in the house and in my sister's room. She was hyperventilating and having trouble to speak. But eventually it came out. My mom, who was on the other line, tried to stay calm and reassure her that everything's gonna be okay. But she asked us, can you go to the stairs that led up from the basement to see if you can hear anything upstairs? So we crept up the stairs to our kitchen. We couldn't hear anything. We were scared to go try and actually save my middle sister at the time. Probably the smart thing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, we don't need four kids.

[Monica Padman]

I know, but this is very force majeure.

[Dax Shepard]

It is.

[Unknown]

My eldest sister sent me to grab a butcher knife out of the block that was sitting on the kitchen counter because, you know, we have to have some sort of a weapon to defend ourselves at the same time. My dad and uncle who were at this party, immediately jumped in the car and started making their way over. Probably not really in any sort of state to drive.

[Dax Shepard]

The police weren't called at this point.

[Unknown]

There was not multiple. There were no cell phones or anything. So my mom was on the line, us, and they figured they could probably get there quicker than cops could because it was not even 15 minutes away. This is a pretty small town. I'd say maybe 35,000 people. So they take off down the main drag of our town and blow through every red light and eventually, unfortunately, attract the attention of police and get pulled over.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy.

[Unknown]

They didn't want to start some sort of police chase at that point, so they pull over and tell the police what's happening, and they take it very seriously. So they turn the sirens on, take the address, and make their way to our house. My dad didn't know, but they obviously called for reinforcements on route. We're still sitting in the kitchen and all of a sudden we hear footsteps coming down the hallway towards our kitchen. And we have no idea if this is the man that is coming. And my middle sister turns the corner and sees us in complete hysterics. So she assumes something has gone wrong.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're holding a Butcher knife.

[Unknown]

Exactly. So she just breaks out in tears, throws herself into my sister's arms. We assume she's crying because she's been attacked.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Unknown]

Eventually, my eldest sister, the one in charge, finally asked my sister, are okay? Where is the man? And that's when my middle sister's face turns from panic to confusion because she's like, what man? And what are you talking about? I'm fine. What is happening? And it's at that point that we realize there was never a man in the house.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no.

[Unknown]

I had obviously imagined the whole situation. But at that same time, the police and my dad show up at the house. And we're not talking just one police cruiser. So they probably sent every police resource of our little town to the house, including police with pretty heavy duty equipment, ready for some sort of a standoff. I mean, they were told that there was a man assaulting a young child in a bedroom. So they come in. We're still pretty upset at this point because it's all very much happening as they entered the house. So they move us into the living room and do a full sweep of the house. So they want to make sure there's no actual intruder. So they proceed to ask us some questions. It's become very clear at this point that I had had a bad dream. I had slept, walked down to my sister intruder's bedroom, obviously started some sort of complete emergency, convinced everyone that there was an intruder in the house, and basically had the SWAT team arrive at the house once it was clear that the intruder was not ever there. The police were not very happy with the situation. They never told that to me at the time because I was pretty mortified as a child that all of this had happened.

[Dax Shepard]

This would scar me for life. If I up like this, I would punish myself like you can't imagine.

[Monica Padman]

I'd be like. I mean, I can't say for sure there wasn't.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I'd be like an idiot. All these people came.

[Unknown]

By the time I came out of my sleep induced state, my sister and her friend were already in full panic mode. So I was fully convinced that there was a man. That bridge between my sleep induced state and reality was a very fine line. We were all convinced that it was happening. So it was indeed a very chaotic situation. But by the time the police left, they did slap my uncle with a very hefty ticket for having blown all of the red lights. They weren't very, very sympathetic about that.

[Dax Shepard]

They shouldn't have done that. They didn't need to get retribution.

[Monica Padman]

That's not very Canadian.

[Dax Shepard]

You fucked up his party. They already paid a price. They were having a good time and then they were panicked and had a race through town. They didn't come out as winners in this either.

[Unknown]

I'm surprised my uncle didn't make my dad pay for the ticket or take it out of my allowance. Needless to say, I wasn't allowed to watch any movies that had any kind of adult content for a few years after that. Given that, perhaps that is what had set off the bad dream that led to this whole situation. But years later, obviously we laughed about the situation.

[Dax Shepard]

Have you been plagued with crazy night terror stuff since? Or. That was a one off.

[Unknown]

As a young child, like, I would say, probably all the way up to puberty, Like, I slept, walk quite frequently. And then once I became a teenager, it all stopped.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

So interesting.

[Dax Shepard]

It's very weird. I can't imagine. We understand a ton about this. Be kind of a hard thing to study.

[Monica Padman]

You have to catch them in the middle of one. They already have to be hooked up.

[Dax Shepard]

Up.

[Monica Padman]

And if they're hooked up, it's hard to walk.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And then it's a little guy sleeping in a lab, presumably.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Praying that he has one.

[Monica Padman]

God, that is so funny. I can also imagine you were sleepwalking and then you came to. It's like chaos.

[Unknown]

I completely bought into it. Same for my middle sister. When she turned the corner into the kitchen, she assumed that there was an actual situation happening within the house.

[Monica Padman]

So stupid is so stupid.

[Dax Shepard]

Four little kids panicking.

[Monica Padman]

If I am the friend, I'm force majeuring. I'm bolting out of that house and getting out.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, even Sam Harris, he's had security experts on. And you are supposed to leave, even if it's your kids or everything, because you've now changed the dynamic in a way that the intruder did not expect. And now, presumably, you're going to get help. So now there's a time clock, so it's counterintuitive, but you are supposed to leave. I would never. But you're to supposed. Supposed to.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's meet this hunk. What's his name?

[Unknown]

His name's Sean. And I also have my two best friends who were traveling to Italy together and they're actually the ones that introduced me to armchair expert a couple years ago. They're obsessed.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful. Where are you going in Italy?

[Unknown]

We're going to Tuscany. We rented a villa and we're just gonna hang out there and do some day trips and enjoy some food. And wine.

[Monica Padman]

Jealous.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, let's see this rowdy group.

[Unknown]

Husband, Sean, and my best friend Chad, and my best friend Meno, who introduced me to you guys.

[Monica Padman]

Hi, everyone.

[Dax Shepard]

We're so jealous you're going to Tuscany. I went three summers ago and it was just. You feel like you're in a fucking movie. Oh, it's impossibly beautiful.

[Abby]

It's so nice to meet you.

[Unknown]

Thank you so much for this opportunity. We're so excited.

[Dax Shepard]

We've been waiting by the door. You should have run in and said there was an intruder. Well, you guys have the greatest trip to Italy. So jealous.

[Monica Padman]

Have a great day.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Nice meeting all of you. Have fun. When's the last time you were in Italy?

[Monica Padman]

A long time.

[Dax Shepard]

I think I read an article that said, like, Italians are done with tourism. They're, like, sick of it.

[Monica Padman]

They wish. I'm going.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, well, maybe you could. You could talk like this and then say you're Italiano.

[Monica Padman]

I'm gonna wear a big American flag.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that's not gonna go well.

[Monica Padman]

Gonna own it.

[Dax Shepard]

All right.

[Monica Padman]

Love you.

[Dax Shepard]

Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[Natalie]

We know a theme song.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of Armchair's, we'll get some suggestions on the flyer. Rhyme dish on the fire. Rhyme, dish. Enjoy. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey survey.

[Nick and Jack]

This is Nick and this is Jack. We're best friends, ex finance guys, and resident 90s experts. And every week on our podcast, the best idea yet, we're bringing you the untold stories behind your favorite products. For instance, can you guess which billion dollar fashion company went viral thanks to a rhinestone covered tracksuit? Or which cartoon turned four turtles into a global toy empire by accident? It started as a joke. Last one. Which car cold beverage was so hated by Starbucks they actually ended up acquiring it? Spoiler. The frappuccino. Howard Schultz apparently thought cold coffee was super lame, and then he bought it. From Teenage Mutant ninja Turtles to Juicy Couture to the orange mocha Frappuccino, Join us every week to learn how your favorite things got made. Follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus Us. And if this podcast lasts longer than.

[Dax Shepard]

45 minutes, call your doctor.