Armchair Anonymous: Sports Event

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard – Episode Summary: Armchair Anonymous: Sports Event

Release Date: February 7, 2025

In this riveting episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, titled "Armchair Anonymous: Sports Event", host Dax Shepard and co-host Monica Padman delve into the chaotic and unpredictable world of sporting event disasters. Joined by guests Kaelin, Dan Rather, Emily, and Travis Kelsey, the episode is a tapestry of intense, humorous, and heart-wrenching stories that highlight the messy and human side of sports fandom. Below is a detailed summary of the key narratives, discussions, and insights shared throughout the episode.

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1. Introduction to Armchair Anonymous

Dax Shepard opens the episode by introducing the theme: "sporting event disasters." He and Monica Padman set the stage for a series of twisty, turbulence-filled stories that transcend typical sports mishaps, promising listeners unexpected turns and deep reflections.

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2. Kaelin's Winnipeg Jets Hockey Game Brawl

Setting the Scene (00:24 – 08:39)

Kaelin recounts her experience attending a Winnipeg Jets hockey game in late 2012. The story begins with her and her then-husband receiving corporate tickets to the game after a dealership mishap involving lost Super Bowl tickets. Excited for a night out before their baby’s arrival, Kaelin describes the electric atmosphere of the game.

Notable Quote:

Kaelin (05:35): "We had great seats and there were a couple of really strong looking men that were sitting behind us."

Escalation into Chaos (08:07 – 12:10)

As the game intensifies with the Jets trailing by a goal, tension mounts among the fans. Two younger men seated beside Kaelin become agitated, leading to aggressive exchanges with Leafs fans behind them. The situation spirals into a full-blown fight, with Kaelin’s husband stepping in to protect her as she is six months pregnant.

Notable Quote:

Dax Shepard (08:19): "For people who've not been in a lot of fights, this is the worst imaginable situation."

Aftermath and Legal Complications (12:10 – 13:19)

After the brawl is quelled by arriving police, Kaelin and her husband leave the arena without injury. However, Kaelin faces unexpected legal trouble when she is subpoenaed for her correspondence about the incident. The ordeal concludes with the case settling out of court, leaving Kaelin with lingering feelings of injustice.

Notable Quote:

Kaelin (12:59): "Ultimately, I did receive a phone call from the prosecutor who when they interviewed me and I said, I'm probably not your girl."

Reflection (13:19 – 14:25)

Kaelin expresses her gratitude towards the podcast, sharing that she and her now 11-year-old son are avid listeners, highlighting the episode's impact on their lives.

Notable Quote:

Kaelin (14:07): "He is a goalie, so he's delightfully weird. And we love listening to Armchair Expert."

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3. Dan Rather's Celtics Game Experience

A Night at the Celtics Game (18:03 – 24:41)

Dan Rather shares a personal story from a 2010 Celtics game in Boston. Amidst the excitement of watching a close match, Dan experiences sudden intense nausea, leading to a chaotic scene as he rushes to the bathroom to vomit. His father, a lifelong Celtics fan, struggles between assisting him and staying engaged with the game.

Notable Quote:

Dan Rather (20:03): "All we did was watch the Celtics, talk about the Celtics, learn about the Celtics."

Embarrassment and Family Dynamics (24:07 – 25:58)

After the incident, Dan reflects on the discomfort and embarrassment of the situation, compounded by his anxiety and the father's well-meaning but somewhat oblivious attempts to help. This experience subtly ties into his professional journey into addiction counseling, emphasizing personal struggles and growth.

Notable Quote:

Dan Rather (25:00): "Someone in my cohort had told me about armchair. I was commuting from the Eastern Shore to Williamsburg. So it's like, like almost three hours. I listened to you guys non stop. And the first episode I ever listened to was Day seven. And that was literally life changing."

Conclusion of Reflection (25:33 – 26:31)

Dan shares how his listening to Armchair Expert influenced his career path, ultimately leading him to establish his own practice in addiction and mental health counseling.

Notable Quote:

Dan Rather (26:22): "It was a great learning experience and it got me to what I'm doing now."

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4. Emily's Forced Rejection on the Kissing Cam

The Setup (28:30 – 34:00)

Emily narrates a hauntingly awkward experience at a Miami Heat game in 2005. She was persuaded by her boyfriend’s roommate, who managed the Jumbotron, to participate in a staged proposal rejection on the big screen. The plan was for her to dramatically refuse his proposal, complete with public humiliation.

Notable Quote:

Emily (29:00): "We're gonna have you guys come to a game. And we're gonna do, like, the kissing cam. You know, when the Jumbotron pans around."

The Event Unfolds (34:00 – 36:44)

When the moment arrives, Emily performs the planned rejection, but the audience's reaction is overwhelmingly negative. Instead of laughter, she is met with boos and shouts of "boo," causing her immense emotional distress. The situation escalates when she confronts the hostile crowd, leading to a public outburst and emotional breakdown.

Notable Quote:

Emily (34:19): "It was so awful. And thankfully, this was 2005, so there weren't cell phone videos like there are now, you know, So I never had to think about it again."

Resolution and Aftermath (36:44 – 38:06)

In the end, the event turns out to be a setup among friends, and Emily reconciles with the participants, albeit ending her relationship with the boyfriend involved. The incident remains a painful but formative memory, illustrating the complexities of public vulnerability and personal boundaries.

Notable Quote:

Emily (37:35): "I was giving them with my head. We go to the detention center area. I'm with my three friends, and it kind of gets serious."

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5. Travis Kelsey's UCLA Field Rush Fiasco

The Attempt and Immediate Consequences (39:13 – 41:24)

Travis Kelsey shares his audacious attempt to rush the field at a UCLA vs. USC football game held at the Rose Bowl. Motivated by the chant “rush the field,” Travis leads his three friends in an attempt to celebrate a predicted victory. However, the plan backfires when the SWAT team intervenes swiftly, resulting in Travis being physically tackled and detained.

Notable Quote:

Travis Kelsey (39:13): "I went to UCLA. This is at a UCLA football game. UCLA versus USC."

Legal Proceedings and Resolution (41:24 – 44:08)

Facing charges deemed more serious than anticipated, Travis navigates the legal system with the help of a public defender. The situation resolves with a creative plea bargain involving the sale of pamphlets, allowing him to avoid extended community service or fines.

Notable Quote:

Travis Kelsey (43:58): "So I go back the next day with a $120 check. He signs me off."

Personal Reflections and Relationships (44:08 – 47:55)

Travis reflects on the enduring impact of the incident, sharing how it became a humorous family lore. Interestingly, this story also plays a role in his personal life, as he later marries a woman who was initially critical of such fan behavior at games.

Notable Quote:

Travis Kelsey (44:57): "They say it's scary. I went to the hospital, I'm there for like five minutes."

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6. Closing Interactions and Listener Engagement

The episode concludes with heartfelt interactions between the hosts and their guests. Dan Rather shares how the podcast inspired his career path, while Kaelin, Emily, and Travis express their appreciation as dedicated listeners and Armchair Expert fans. The camaraderie and mutual respect underscore the show's community-focused spirit.

Notable Quote:

Dax Shepard (45:02): "This is kind of a peek behind the curtain. They planned this shit."

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Key Insights and Themes

1. Human Vulnerability in Public Spaces:

   • Each story underscores the vulnerability individuals can feel in high-stakes, public environments like sporting events. Whether it's dealing with pregnancy-related discomfort, staged public humiliation, or legal repercussions from impulsive actions, the narratives highlight the raw human emotions involved.

2. The Thin Line Between Fun and Chaos:

   • Sporting events are depicted as arenas where excitement can quickly devolve into chaos. The balance between passionate fandom and uncontrollable disorder is a recurring theme, illustrating how easily things can spiral out of control.

3. Impact of Peer Pressure and Social Expectations:

   • The guests’ stories emphasize how peer pressure and societal expectations can drive individuals to take drastic actions, often leading to unintended negative consequences.

4. Resilience and Personal Growth:

   • Despite facing traumatic and humiliating experiences, the guests demonstrate resilience. Their ability to reflect on these events and grow from them serves as a testament to the human spirit’s capacity to overcome adversity.

5. Community and Support Systems:

   • The supportive roles played by family, friends, and even passive listeners like fellow podcast fans highlight the importance of community in navigating personal crises.

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Conclusion

"Armchair Anonymous: Sports Event" is a compelling episode that weaves together intense personal anecdotes with broader reflections on human behavior, societal pressures, and resilience. Through the candid storytelling of Kaelin, Dan Rather, Emily, and Travis Kelsey, the episode offers listeners an unfiltered glimpse into the tumultuous and often unpredictable world of sports fandom. Dax Shepard and Monica Padman expertly guide the conversations, ensuring that each story is not only engaging but also rich with insights into the complexities of being human in the heat of the moment.

Whether you're a sports enthusiast or someone interested in the psychological and social dynamics of high-energy events, this episode provides valuable lessons wrapped in entertaining and relatable narratives.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Today we have sporting event disasters.

[Monica Padman]

They can go disastrous in a lot of ways. You can jinx them.

[Dax Shepard]

I can jinx them. As just happened. Yep, Carrying the burden of that, you'd been inclined to think maybe these are really only about sports, right? But these go in some turns. We have some twisty turvies by the end.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it's true. It's true. Or I guess I would think they're all fights that broke out.

[Dax Shepard]

We only have one fight for you.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah, but buckle up, buckle up.

[Dax Shepard]

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[Monica Padman]

Hello?

[Kaelin]

Are you able to hear me?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, beautifully. And what a lovely, inviting sweater you're wearing.

[Kaelin]

Thank you. It's very cozy.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you? It looks like there's files everywhere or lab results.

[Kaelin]

These are actually contact lens fit sets. I'm at work, so I'm tucked away in the back office.

[Monica Padman]

Are you an ophthalmologist?

[Kaelin]

I'm an optician, but I work in an optometric clinic where we have an optometrist.

[Dax Shepard]

Kaelin, can you tell us why there's so many names for this? There's an optometrist, an ophthalmologist, and what did you. Obstetrician. No. What did you just say?

[Monica Padman]

That's an ob.

[Dax Shepard]

That's an ob. Okay.

[Kaelin]

We all cover kind of different scopes within the same field, so obviously all eye related. The ophthalmologist is your medical doctor who specializes in ocular health. Optometrist is the eye doctor who does your eye health exams and refracts your prescription. And then the optician, I would compare it to, like, the pharmacist. So we will edge lenses or fit contact lenses.

[Dax Shepard]

And does the ophthalmologist. Would they perform a surgery on your eye?

[Kaelin]

An ophthalmologist would, yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Ophthalmologist. Is that what it is?

[Kaelin]

Ophthalmologist? Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

It's spelled with a th, but I usually drop the h. Yeah, yeah.

[Kaelin]

Maybe it's a Canadian American thing.

[Dax Shepard]

I know, you're right. I've heard it said that way, but it just was weird to me that everything's Opta.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

But then we go op. Fuh. Dax D'Alexis, you've heard me complain enough about the product. So you're obviously in Canada. And did this sport event take place in Canada? And now I regret not wearing my maple leaf sweatshirt that I wear quite often.

[Kaelin]

This did happen in Canada. The story took place late 2012. I'm in Manitoba, so. So if you follow hockey or know anything about the NHL. We earned back our NHL team, the Winnipeg jets, in 2011.

[Dax Shepard]

Why had you been booted?

[Kaelin]

In the late 90s, the jets were moved to Arizona. It's a small market here. It's tough to support the teams. So this all started when my husband at the time and I bought a new truck, and the dealership that we purchased it from had a promotion to be entered to win a trip to the Super Bowl. Not a huge football fan, but that sounded really cool. And depending who you ask, we were robbed of those tickets. Oh, I would describe it as there Was some shady going ons with the draw. But ultimately what happened was the dealership, as a. We're so sorry about that. Gave us two of their corporate tickets to a Winnipeg jets hockey game.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, that's weird.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, it's a little bit of a bait and switch, but it sounds like from your perspective, you'd rather go to a hockey game anyways.

[Kaelin]

Definitely.

[Monica Padman]

But the super bowl is a big deal.

[Dax Shepard]

It is a big deal. That's the thing with these dealership sweepstakes. Somebody's buddies can always win, I think.

[Kaelin]

I don't know what happened exactly, but there was a big to do about it. We get these tickets to go to a hockey game at that point. It was a very hot ticket. And I was about six or seven months pregnant at the time, so we were really excited for a night out before the baby comes. We had great seats and there were a couple of really strong looking men that were sitting behind us. Funny that you had mentioned the Leafs because it was Winnipeg versus Toronto. These three or four guys were in Leafs jerseys.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, is that a mean team?

[Dax Shepard]

There's no mean Canadians. This is on a sliding scale. I kind of feel like Canadians might think of the Maple Leafs as a lot of Americans think of the Yankees. They got too much money and they got too much upper hand. Is that fair?

[Kaelin]

Speaking for myself, I think that's very fair. I don't know that I'm quite comfortable speaking for all Canadians.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no, you should. You should.

[Monica Padman]

You're allowed.

[Dax Shepard]

This is your opportunity.

[Kaelin]

They were rowdy, they were having a really good time, had a couple drinks, but they were not bothering anybody. We also had noticed that sitting beside us were a couple of small, slender, really young guys. They just didn't really appear to be interested in the game at all. They spend a lot of time in their seats. They would come and go really frequently. Towards the end of the game, the jets are down by one goal and you can just feel that energy. So on the ice, the fans are really into the game. There was a lot of tension. The two younger guys that had been sitting beside us finally returned for probably the last five to 10 minutes of the game.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm dying to know what they were doing when they weren't in those seats.

[Monica Padman]

Sexual.

[Dax Shepard]

Were they powdering their nose in Canada? Exactly. It's a little hard to get that.

[Monica Padman]

Up there, but they don't do it there.

[Kaelin]

In the last couple of minutes, these two guys beside us would turn around and just were aggressively chirping at these big Maple Leaf fans standing behind us. Who would often say things like, we're just cheering for our team. They were very intentional about not provoking.

[Dax Shepard]

They were de. Escalating.

[Kaelin]

They were doing their best.

[Dax Shepard]

What noble men. Big, big noble men.

[Kaelin]

The tension kept building until the buzzer went. And. And within a couple of seconds, one of the younger guys sitting beside us pushed the closest guy to him that was in the row behind. So they pushed up.

[Dax Shepard]

For people who've not been in a lot of fights, this is the worst imaginable situation. You do not have high ground, you have low ground. Much easier to punch down with your weight on somebody than to punch up. Okay, so ill advised plan from the gap.

[Kaelin]

These guys sitting behind us, I don't think people typically pick fights with them. They weren't going to back down from that fight.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Kaelin]

At that point, all hell broke loose.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Kaelin]

There was pushing and shoving, which turned into fists and boots. One of the people beside us ended up getting drop kicked down the stadium seating.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, boy.

[Kaelin]

It was one of the most intense and violent scenes I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're pregnant and you're one foot away. What's your husband's reaction?

[Kaelin]

He was between me and them. He had his back to me. Something that I think is of note is that I am not a violent person. I'm a little bit smug in the fact that I've never been involved in a fist fight or physical altercation with a stranger or really anyone.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, you haven't lived yet.

[Kaelin]

No. He doesn't share that. The opportunity has literally landed in his lap.

[Dax Shepard]

He's gotta be kind of conflicted because common sense is you would go to the side of your team that you're both rooting for. But clearly the transients are assholes. You know, do I help the Maple Leafs guys who are my opponent or these knuckleheads who have started this?

[Monica Padman]

Right.

[Dax Shepard]

A bit of a moral conflict here.

[Monica Padman]

That's true.

[Kaelin]

This became a crowd brawl. There was probably over a dozen people.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Kaelin]

Against these three Leafs fans.

[Monica Padman]

Wait, they were all against? Oh, no.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, they have. Cause they're wearing the out group jersey.

[Monica Padman]

That is very bad.

[Kaelin]

They were holding their own.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Kaelin]

And so when I talked to my ex husband about this, he said, you know, I was prepared to jump in and help if they needed it. Think they needed it. One of them had lost their balance, fell forward onto our seats below them, and his arms were pinned under his body. And I watched this brute of a man wiggle out of his jersey with the agility of A gym.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Kaelin]

Stand up now, shirtless.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, perfect.

[Kaelin]

Continue throwing punches.

[Dax Shepard]

People always wonder when you watch a fight. Within seconds people have their shirts off. You know, they didn't stop to take it off. There is some bit of magic there.

[Monica Padman]

And where are the Mounties?

[Dax Shepard]

The Mounties are minutes away.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Kaelin]

Trodden over a brawl in this situation is really uncomfortable to me, and especially because I was pregnant. I felt really defenseless. I wasn't able to hold off a crowd of angry men who were fighting.

[Dax Shepard]

Or even make your way speedily out of the crowd.

[Kaelin]

So where we were sitting was in a section next to the entrance for the Zamboni gets onto the ice. There was only one way in and out of our section, which was through this brawl of people. I tried to remind my husband at the time, very gently by putting my hands on his arms. I'm still here. Please think of me and your unborn child in your decision making from here on out. And he showed a lot of great restraint. He ended up not throwing a single punch. Did not get involved. There was blood, there was people whose foreheads had gashes opened. It was really gruesome. Finally, a security officer arrives to our section and just goes, I don't have a radio. Yeah, I need help.

[Dax Shepard]

Can you imagine being that guy and stepping up to like 15 full grown men fighting, thinking, oh, my God, my job is to make peace right now.

[Kaelin]

I don't get paid enough for this.

[Monica Padman]

Yes, exactly.

[Kaelin]

Eventually, police arrived and broke up the fight. They hauled off the guys that they thought were responsible. We got out of there unscathed, which was really nothing short of a miracle. Like any true proud Canadian, when the adrenaline wore off, I wrote a strongly worded letter to the venue and I let them know that I just thought it had been mishandled. And I didn't hear a thing. I thought maybe I would get an apology or maybe I'd be lucky and get tickets to some other event.

[Dax Shepard]

Some free, maybe even some super bowl tickets I'm angling for. Yeah. But all came full circle.

[Kaelin]

A couple months later. I received a phone call from our local, local RCMP officer who just confirmed that I was home and let me know he was going to be paying me a visit that day. He served me with a subpoena. So my name got brought into this case because I had emailed.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, did you feel any responsibility to tell the police, hey, the two transients started this. Like, these three guys were kind of stand up dudes and they're on an unfortunate situation.

[Kaelin]

Before we left. We actually did pull aside some of the employees at the venue and said, you've got the wrong guys. So I wasn't thrilled to be subpoenaed in this trial. The Leafs fans in this case had been charged with assault.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Kaelin]

Ultimately, I did receive a phone call from the prosecutor who when they interviewed me and I said, I'm probably not your girl. So my understanding is that they did settle out of court, but I was not asked to show up.

[Dax Shepard]

So probably they reduced the charges.

[Monica Padman]

That feels unjust. Yeah, I don't like that. They're just trying to cheer, you know.

[Dax Shepard]

I got to be honest, in my many, many situations and crowded bars where this kind of thing happens, it's not your stereotype of who starts. It's not the big guy. It's the little motherfucker who's got to prove something. He and his buddy who feel little, they got to pop off.

[Monica Padman]

They just had sex in the bathroom.

[Dax Shepard]

They just did some blow in the bathroom themselves.

[Monica Padman]

Don't judge a book.

[Dax Shepard]

It's very messy situations. Well, I'm glad you got out of without catching an elbow or something.

[Kaelin]

Yeah, I feel very fortunate. That baby that was in my belly is now an 11 year old hockey loving kiddo. He is a goalie, so he's delightfully weird. And we love listening to Armchair Expert. We listen in the car when we're on long drives and I feel like I'm raising the next generation of armchairies.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, please do, please.

[Kaelin]

He told me last night, he goes, mom, can you tell them my favorite episode was with Mark Rober.

[Dax Shepard]

What's his name?

[Kaelin]

That's Arthur.

[Dax Shepard]

Arthur. Thank you for listening, Arthur. You must be a very bright boy. Well, Kaylin, thank you for that. That was a great story. It was wonderful meeting you.

[Kaelin]

You guys too. Thank you so much. I've appreciated this.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, take care. Opto.

[Monica Padman]

Optomologist.

[Dax Shepard]

No, but she was an obstetrician.

[Monica Padman]

Yep, she was an ob.

[Dax Shepard]

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[Monica Padman]

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[Dax Shepard]

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[Monica Padman]

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[Dax Shepard]

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[Dax Shepard]

Hello.

[Dan Rather]

Hello.

[Monica Padman]

Background Katie.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it feels like we're joining you on a set almost.

[Dan Rather]

This is my meditation slash creative closet.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it does look like you could definitely shoot a scene from that 70s show in there as well.

[Dan Rather]

That's kind of what I was going for.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, good, you nailed it.

[Dan Rather]

This was perfect timing because a couple weeks ago for the new year, I was working on a Vision board. And it kind of took a life of its own, and it became a wall and then became a whole closet.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. Awesome.

[Dax Shepard]

And then really quick, the curtain. It seems to be like James and the beanstalk type foliage.

[Monica Padman]

James and the giant peach.

[Dan Rather]

Just a tapestry. It has a bunch of mushrooms. Just a lot of imagery.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you had a sporting event story. Where are you at really quick?

[Dan Rather]

I'm on the eastern shore of Virginia. My story didn't take place here, but this is 2005. Ish. My parents get divorced, and I'm going back and forth between their houses.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I ask what age you are?

[Dan Rather]

10, 11. A perfect age for divorce. So going back and forth every weekend, two very different houses. At my dad's house, and he's a lifelong Celtics fan, just basketball fanatic in general, but specifically the Celtics. So he passes that on to me, and that's kind of our bonding thing. And so whenever I'm at his house over the weekend, all we're doing is watching the Celtics, talking about the Celtics, learning about the Celtics. He had these instructional tapes specific to Larry Bird. That's what an adolescent girl wants to do, right? Is like, watch these instructional DVDs of Larry Bird, like, talking into the camera. And if you want to imagine the house from Animal House, rugged frat house vibes meets Celtics fan meets, like, Deadhead sort of deal.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Dan Rather]

He has this big open dining room, and there's no dining room table. He's nailed a basketball net above a door frame.

[Dax Shepard]

You were 10 or 11, and he's what, 13 or 14?

[Monica Padman]

That's what I was.

[Dax Shepard]

Like, how young is this dad?

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, exactly. No, he acts like that. He would totally own that. He was, like, 40 when he had me. So he was the type of dad that's a lot older.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, so he's like my age now.

[Dan Rather]

Fast forward to 2010, and for Christmas, he's gotten us tickets to go see the Celtics.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. And Kevin Garnett is there now.

[Dan Rather]

Yes. This is the same team, essentially, as the 2008 championship team. So the big three. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce. And Shaq's on the team.

[Dax Shepard]

Wait, Shaq was on the Celtics?

[Dan Rather]

One season only.

[Monica Padman]

Wow, what a great window you got in there.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, you're dealing with three of the top 40 players of all time right there.

[Dan Rather]

This is a big deal. So we're flying to Boston. It's the night of the game. Typical boomer energy. Dad wants us to go to dinner before the game at the oldest restaurant in the Country. It's a seafood establishment.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, boy.

[Dan Rather]

So I actually decide to not get seafood. I get a burger.

[Dax Shepard]

Something tells me you're going to be grateful for that later in this story.

[Dan Rather]

I'm not sure about that. Maybe now for getting to tell you guys the story.

[Monica Padman]

But at the time, this was a bait and switch. We thought it was going to be a bad seafood, but it's a bad burger.

[Dax Shepard]

It might be a bad burger. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Dan Rather]

Flash forward again. It's the fourth quarter of the game. We're courtside, baby.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Dan Rather]

We're behind home bench. The energy is electric. It's a close game. It's everything you could ask for. And then I turn and look at my dad, and my face goes green and I'm like, dad, I think I got a puke.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no.

[Dan Rather]

Not great timing. And so something you don't think about with the closeness of the seats is that the bathroom proximity is going to be a major problem.

[Dax Shepard]

That's the trade off.

[Dan Rather]

Booking it. As soon as I say that, he's like, do what you need to do. So I just start, like, I'm sprinting up the stairs. All I can think about at that time is, oh, my gosh, my jumbotron debut is going to be me just projectile vomiting over all these people. But I made it. I'm going into the hallway of the bathroom and just kind of start spraying vomit down the mirrors, down the sink.

[Dax Shepard]

Boy, oh, boy, you really let it rip.

[Dan Rather]

I called my dad yesterday to get some more details. He was trailing behind me as I'm running up, and I'm sure he stopped and, like, wanted to check the scoreboard first before he took care of me. And he said that he could smell what was happening.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, boy.

[Dan Rather]

Before. Any vision.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no.

[Emily]

Oh, God.

[Dan Rather]

I asked because I felt like you guys would want the details. I'm like, what did it smell like?

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. I'm glad. I'm glad you got this detail.

[Dan Rather]

And he just said it was just out of this world. Oh, he can hear it. Women just screaming bloody murder. Just like something horrible.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah. And you're 15, so you've passed the threshold where you'd be a little kid that they'd feel bad for. You're a woman enough. It's just fucking disgusting.

[Dan Rather]

Yeah, I guess I haven't thought about that aspect of it. I didn't get as much sympathy as I would have.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, right. If you were 11, people have been like, oh, sweetie, are you. You know. But if you're pushing 5 foot 2, people are like this. This gross bitch.

[Dan Rather]

Exactly.

[Monica Padman]

She's probably Dr. Yeah.

[Dan Rather]

And then he finally gets up there, and he sees women fleeing the scene out of the entrance and exit. Just like, mass exodus of the bathroom. While this chaos is happening, my dad thinks to go to the merch stand. Oh, she's probably going to need another Celtics sweatshirt. Because I'm, like, decked out.

[Dax Shepard]

This story is filled with twists and turns because even when he said, go, yeah, I thought, oh, he's going to hang back and watch the game. But no, he's behind her. And then he's like, fuck, I'm going to hit this merch stamp. No, that's to get her a shirt. You have a good dad.

[Dan Rather]

I do. He's thinking of me, but he's really thinking of himself because he's like, I need to get back to the fucking game.

[Dax Shepard]

Probably spent a lot of money on those scenes.

[Monica Padman]

He wants to be good so bad.

[Dax Shepard]

That's that tension.

[Dan Rather]

He's a great dad. So he gets me the sweatshirt. And it was funny him telling me yesterday. He was like, I felt so bad for you. You had been through so much. I got you the most expensive sweatshirt they had. So that was him, like, recapping it to me. The, like, demon exorcist moment was over. And he kind of peeks his head in, hands me the sweatshirt, and he's like, you know, we should probably get back to the game. It's a close one and there's only a few minutes left.

[Dax Shepard]

We should book it. Back to the seats as soon as you're changed out.

[Monica Padman]

You ready?

[Dan Rather]

New sweatshirt on. But I had really, really long hair at the time, and it's just cake. But, you know, that's not a priority right now. We have a basketball game back, too, so I do the walk of shame down all those steps at that age. I'm already really anxious and thinking everyone's looking at me and judging me all the time anyway. But I know that they were. I was acutely aware, walking down those steps, that everyone's like, that's the girl that was running to the bathroom and you can smell me. But we made it back. They did lose.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I think you got lucky because food poisoning. For me, it's certainly not just one trip.

[Dan Rather]

That was kind of what was weird about it.

[Dax Shepard]

That's what they have perfected over the time they've been in business. They know how to give you just a very cute.

[Monica Padman]

Just a quickie.

[Dan Rather]

So I don't really know what the lesson and all that is. Maybe get the Type of food that they specialize in.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, There you go. You should have gotten seafood.

[Dax Shepard]

I'll take that. I guess that's a lesson.

[Monica Padman]

Cautionary clutching at straws.

[Dax Shepard]

But sure.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, Katie, it's lovely meeting you.

[Dan Rather]

Yes. Can I just tell you guys really quick? I am a therapist and I started listening to you guys in 2020. I just started grad school at William and Mary. I was going there for clinical mental health counseling. And you have to kind of like pick a specialty when you start. And I had originally picked family there quickly lost interest in it. And I was like thinking about changing to addiction. I have a lot of family experience with that. I'm like, I think that's what I should do. But I was unsure. And someone in my cohort had told me about armchair. I was commuting from the Eastern Shore to Williamsburg. So it's like, like almost three hours. I listened to you guys non stop. And the first episode I ever listened to was Day seven. And that was literally life changing. A sign. I thought that I should specialize in addiction. And I did.

[Dax Shepard]

And how's that going? Do you like it? We're tough.

[Dan Rather]

That's the funny part. So I got out, I started working at a practice specifically for addiction. And it ended up being more prescription drug addiction, which is heavy, heavy stuff because it's usually co occurring with all the other substance use. So I will say, day, it was a little much for me.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not for everyone. Like, when you hear Gabor mate, you're like my man.

[Dan Rather]

Oh, my God, I love him. That family experience stuff was being activated. So needless to say, I did resign quickly from that. But I have my own practice now and I see everything and I do some substance use. I do a lot of eating disorder stuff too. So still in the addiction realm. But I just wanted to thank you guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that. Sorry. On behalf of all of us, Alex.

[Dan Rather]

It was a great learning experience and it got me to what I'm doing now.

[Yorgo]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Wonderful. All right, well, nice meeting you. Take care.

[Monica Padman]

What is the Beanstalk?

[Dax Shepard]

Jack and the Beanstalk.

[Monica Padman]

Jack and the Beanstalk. And James and the Giant Peach.

[Dax Shepard]

And James and the Giant Peach, do you know, was originally going to be James and the Giant Raspberry.

[Kaelin]

Really?

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

I just heard this. What's his name? A doll.

[Monica Padman]

Roald Dahl. You know, I have an original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

[Dax Shepard]

Did he write that?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

What a prolific. Oh, yeah, Mother scratcher. What an imagination.

[Monica Padman]

Very into him.

[Dax Shepard]

I wish I could remember the details.

[Monica Padman]

Of why he moved it to Pete.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Oh, it's in the Paradise Show.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, wow. That's why I know that a peach makes more sense. Because I don't know.

[Dax Shepard]

Because I grew up in Georgia.

[Monica Padman]

Because for me, it's more relevant.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. It should have been a cherry. Oh, it might have been it Michigan's cherry.

[Monica Padman]

You would have remembered if it was a cherry.

[Dax Shepard]

I think it was. No, now that I think about it.

[Emily]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi.

[Jason Kelsey]

What?

[Dax Shepard]

Your shirt says in my wonder Wonder Garden.

[Emily]

My family and I own a indoor playground.

[Dax Shepard]

Ah. Where at in the country is this?

[Emily]

I'm in South Florida.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, South Florida.

[Dax Shepard]

Didn't it, like, snow in Florida?

[Emily]

It did. I just saw that in North Florida they have 8 inches of snow already.

[Monica Padman]

That's wild. It snowed in Georgia.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. It's one thing to get, like, a dusting every 10 years, but to get 8 inches in Florida. I know.

[Monica Padman]

Not to say I have powers.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, go ahead.

[Monica Padman]

But when I got home for the Christmas, my dad picked me up from the airport, and I was like, I wish it would snow.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, you do.

[Monica Padman]

And it has not snowed there in so long. And he was like, yeah, that's not gonna happen. And then in his sim mind, he was like, oh, but I'm gonna do it as soon as you leave. So sorry. Or you're welcome.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, there's not a single snowplow in the whole state. That's what's funny. When it happens in these places, there's just nothing. You just have to sit there and wait for it to melt. Okay, so, Emily, please tell us about your sporting event story.

[Emily]

So this takes place in about 2005. I went to college down in Miami.

[Dax Shepard]

At the U. I did best 30 for 30 ever.

[Emily]

To be honest, I'm not a huge sporting person, which makes this even funnier. I started dating a bartender at one of the dive bars that we used to frequent all the time. The most fun part about dating him was his roommate worked for the Miami Heat. And his roommate was actually the guy who was in charge of the Jumbotron.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful.

[Emily]

Super cool. And we got to go to the games all the time. And I wasn't so much into it for the sporting of it, but really for the social aspect. So it was coming up on Valentine's Day, which is also my birthday. His roommate came home one day. We were at their apartment, and he was like, listen, I have this really cool idea. I wanted to see if you guys would be game for it. We're gonna have you guys come to A game. And we're gonna do, like, the kissing cam. You know, when the Jumbotron pans around.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah.

[Emily]

And lands on different couples and they kiss. And he's like, but when we land on you guys, Matt's going to propose, and you have to say no, but you have to do it, like, super dramatically. Slap him in the face.

[Monica Padman]

Slap.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my.

[Emily]

Yeah. He was like, really? Roll your eyes. Slap him in the face. And it'll be hilarious. And people will love it and everybody will laugh.

[Dax Shepard]

He has a terrible opinion on what the outcomes of these things will be.

[Monica Padman]

He doesn't understand, Laura.

[Emily]

Yeah, tell me about it.

[Dax Shepard]

People will cheer. They'll be delighted that a guy got turned down and slapped in public. It's gonna be a blast. Yeah.

[Emily]

You're foreshadowing this story.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Yorgo]

Behind the closed doors of government offices and military compounds, there are hidden stories and buried secrets from the darkest corners of history. From COVID experience, experiments pushing the boundaries of science, to operations so secretive they were barely whispered about. Each week on Redacted Declassified Mysteries, we pull back the curtain on These hidden histories, 100% true and verifiable stories that expose the shadowy underbelly of power. Consider Operation Paperclip, where former Nazi scientists were brought to America after World War II not as prisoners, but as assets to advance US intelligence during the Cold War. These aren't just old conspiracy theories. They're thoroughly investigated accounts that reveal the uncomfortable truths still shaping our world today. The stories are real. The secrets are shocking. Follow Declassified Mysteries on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to redacted early and ad free right now on Wondery.

[Katie]

Hey, everyone, it's your girl, Keke Palmer. Did you know I host a podcast called Baby hey, this is Keke Palmer, and you're not going to believe the conversations I've had. Like, is onlyfans only bad? How has dating changed in the digital age? What's the deal with Disney adults? I talked to John Stamos, the vp, Kamala Hearst, to Jordan Peele, Raven Simone, and yes, the one and only Jameela Jamil. And just wait until you hear our conversation. We talk Twitter drama, bad dates, and dance time. How the hell do you actually get sexy? Like, what the hell does that mean? Like, I know how to be funny. I know how to be like. You know what I'm saying? Exactly like. I don't really know how to be like. And take your clothes. I'm not robbing fucking givens. You know, it's like, how do people do that?

[Dax Shepard]

I've been in this situation too many times and not. Not felt any of those things. The diet, like, I've never been quiet a moment in my life.

[Emily]

Yes.

[Katie]

Um, baby, this is Keke Palmer. No topic is off limits. Follow. Baby, this is Keke Palmer. On the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

[Emily]

So I was young and stupid and I was like, sure, I'm game. That sounds so fun.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you're gonna be on tv.

[Emily]

That's what I was thinking.

[Monica Padman]

Might be on the news after this.

[Emily]

We even, like, went a few days early to lock the whole thing and meet with their AV team. They're like, okay, this is where you're gonna be seated, and this is the camera angle, so you guys have to play to the camera.

[Monica Padman]

This is kind of a peek behind the curtain. They planned this shit.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I think they knew on occasion.

[Emily]

Well, they certainly planned this.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Monica Padman]

Okay.

[Emily]

That morning, I'm getting all dolled up because I'm going to be on tv and I'm so excited. The game starts. At one point, the roommate, like, came over and kind of gave us a nod like, okay, it's going to happen soon, so be on the ready.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, are you nervous?

[Emily]

Strangely, I don't think I was, because I was young and stupid and I really saw this as your big break.

[Dax Shepard]

I would have been in the exact same state of mind. I couldn't wait for this to happen.

[Monica Padman]

This is my nightmare.

[Emily]

It comes up on the screen and they start kind of panning around to all these different couples, and they laugh and they kiss and everybody's cheering. And then it comes to us. And just as we rehearsed, he stood up and he got down on one knee and he even had, like, a fake ring box. And he, like, presents this ring to me. And I tapped into my high school drama club training and I really went for it. I made a choice that I was gonna go for, like, disgust, you know? So I'm looking at him and I'm like, no. And I'm rolling my eyes and ew.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yes.

[Emily]

What I wasn't prepared for was everyone in there to completely turn on me. They didn't just start booing. The place erupted in the loudest sea of boos. I don't know how many people fit in one of these arenas, but thousands upon thousands.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I think around 50,000, we could safely say.

[Emily]

All directed their hate at me, screaming, boo. Boo.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, fuck.

[Dax Shepard]

Not 1% of you had forecasted that this might happen. So you're completely ill prepared.

[Emily]

I thought I was going to be a.

[Monica Padman]

You were the hero. Yeah.

[Emily]

And I was the villain.

[Dax Shepard]

Then.

[Katie]

Were you like, they made me do it.

[Dax Shepard]

I'll marry him.

[Emily]

I thought it was over, but no. Throughout the rest of the game, they kept panning back to us.

[Dax Shepard]

No.

[Emily]

At least three or four other times. And every time all over again. It was like a running joke. The whole place was.

[Dax Shepard]

Boom, boom.

[Emily]

They hated me. I then went to the back bathroom at one point, and this group of old ladies, they were so mean to me.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no.

[Emily]

And they were like, what's wrong with you? Why won't you marry him? She was too good for you anyway.

[Dax Shepard]

Holy.

[Monica Padman]

Now I hate all.

[Emily]

Literally, I started hysterically crying.

[Monica Padman]

That's a lot of bad energy towards you.

[Emily]

It was so awful. And thankfully, this was 2005, so there weren't cell phone videos like there are now, you know, So I never had to think about it again. I never had to see it. I was begging them to leave. He was like, no, we can't leave. We have to stay. And then after the game, we meet up with the whole group and they're laughing and applauding us. And wasn't that great? Wasn't that the best? And I was like, did you guys just experience the same thing I experienced? Because he became the golden boy. Everyone in the place loved him. And the sweetheart who had his heart on his sleeve and got turned down by this bitch.

[Monica Padman]

It's very Munchausensy.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Every gal in that arena wanted to marry him all of a sudden. Ask me, ask me.

[Monica Padman]

You should have been like, he abuses me.

[Dax Shepard]

He saved me with my sister. Yeah, I can totally see that. Being on the news at 05.

[Emily]

I didn't hear about it if it was.

[Dax Shepard]

Did the roommate expose himself? As always, knowing that was going to happen in his celebration of how great it went.

[Emily]

If they knew that I was going to be the butt of this joke the whole time, Nobody clued me in to it. I just completely taken aback. What do you mean? Everyone hates me. I'm supposed to be the star here. And at one point, I even tried to say, like, it's a joke. It's a joke. And they were like, no, no, no, you can't do that.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. It's a little bit of hubris. It's a little bit like you went in quite cocky and then you did get taken down. Tell me about it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's pretty Greek tragedy. Yeah. Oh, my God. Emily. How long did it take you to recover from that experience?

[Emily]

Thankfully, I was 19, so probably by that night I was fine.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, once you had 17 natural lights, you were right back in business.

[Emily]

I was fine. But I did break up with that guy afterwards. And then we lost our connection to go to the game.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, whatever. Fuck him. He was a bad guy.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't think it was safe for you to be at those games anymore.

[Emily]

To be honest, I don't think so either. I was like public enemy number one in Miami. Who knew?

[Dax Shepard]

I love that the grandmas were confronting.

[Monica Padman]

You in the bathroom.

[Emily]

They were the worst ones. They were so evil, I couldn't believe it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. What an experience.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that's really something.

[Dax Shepard]

Very memorable. Well, Emily, thank you.

[Emily]

Thank you so much. I've been like a day one armchair and my sister Eden and my best friend Esther. And I always kind of recap each of the episodes afterwards.

[Dax Shepard]

Shout out Eden. Shout out Esther.

[Monica Padman]

Two E's.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Three.

[Monica Padman]

I love that E. Cubed. Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, take care, Emily.

[Emily]

Love you guys. Thank you so, so much.

[Monica Padman]

Bye.

[Dax Shepard]

I think that happened to the best person imaginable.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Like you would have. I can't even imagine.

[Monica Padman]

Well, let's be clear.

[Dax Shepard]

You would have never been in that 100.

[Monica Padman]

I would never have said yes, but let's just assume. Oh, if a arena was booing me, I would still be under the covers. Like for real. I have to pee. That made me have to pee.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Made the impossible possible. Hello.

[Travis Kelsey]

How's it going?

[Dax Shepard]

Great. Do you want a fake name? Which I'm always excited about. Is your real name George or your fake name George?

[Travis Kelsey]

My fake name is George. Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. I might intermittently call you Yorgo, the Greek pronunciation of George. Just look for that. Where are you?

[Travis Kelsey]

I'm in la. I'm in Calabasas, Woodland Hills area.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. And you have avoided.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. You're all right over there?

[Travis Kelsey]

Yeah, we're okay. We were surrounded by the evacuation zones. Like, I've got 10 month old twins, so we evacuated for their air quality. That was our first time leaving with the baby, so it was intense. But other than that, we're safe, we're back home, everyone's happy, so it's good.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, good, good, good. Okay. So you attended a sporting event. I like to think you might be liable for something if you want a fake man. Me too.

[Travis Kelsey]

There's a criminal element, but luckily it's all okay in the end.

[Monica Padman]

All right, let's hear it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it hit us.

[Travis Kelsey]

I went to ucla. This is at a UCLA football game. UCLA versus usc.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, perfect. Game at the Coliseum or at the Rose Bowl.

[Travis Kelsey]

It was at the Rose Bowl. Okay, so the year before ucla lost to USC 50 0.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my.

[Travis Kelsey]

We usually always lose, but. So this year, this was our chance was at the Rose Bowl. So it's packed. So we're at the student section. Incredible game. It kind of goes down to the wire. Three minutes left. Like, it's getting clear we're going to win at the UCLA student section. There's no assigned seating. You can make your way to the front if you're there early. So I was front row with my three friends. And then everyone just starts chanting, of course. Rush the field. Oh, yeah, rush the field. So this is like, okay, the entire student section's about to rush. I'm front row, so it's my duty to go first.

[Monica Padman]

Do you have a painted body?

[Travis Kelsey]

I did not have a painted body. Just classic UCLA gear.

[Dax Shepard]

And did it cross your mind to take your shirt off before entering the field? Cause that seems customary as well.

[Travis Kelsey]

That did not cross my mind there. Okay, let's rush the field. Rush the field. But then two minutes before they line up the SWAT team, I swear they are, like, in riot gear lining up and. And signs start showing like, do not rush the field. But I'm like, you know, rush the. And everyone's chanting.

[Monica Padman]

You're balancing a lot here. What do you do?

[Travis Kelsey]

10 seconds. The clock's ticking. I make eye contact with one of these SWAT guys and he's just looking at me like, don't do it. I remember. I just look at him like, I am doing it. Three, two, one. We win. Everyone's about to follow. Here we go. We're rushing the field. I'm front row. We go. Nobody follows us. It's just me and my three friends.

[Yorgo]

Oh, no.

[Dax Shepard]

No one joins.

[Travis Kelsey]

UCLA's a little nerdy.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I was gonn. I can't even believe they were fucking shouting, brush the field. Cause when I went, it was a snooze fest. And I never went back.

[Travis Kelsey]

Yeah, USC versus UCLA kind of gets hyped up. So I was like, this is our moment. But no one goes. I make it about 3ft. I basically jump into the arms of the SWAT brigade. So I get tackled immediately to the ground, put into this crazy arm bar. There's a great picture. I think they sent you that. It was captured by the press.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my goodness. I can't wait to see. No, you're not joking. The man has you in a jiu jitsu arm bar. He's got his legs over your chin.

[Monica Padman]

You're screaming.

[Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

You're clearly in a ton of pain.

[Travis Kelsey]

So you could tell that this guy, like, wanted to be a member of this SWAT team. He's just the security guy.

[Dax Shepard]

This was his audition. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Travis Kelsey]

That was, like, found in Google results. Like, if you just googled, like, UCLA versus USC fan for years. This was a while ago.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. You are the rowdiest fan that's ever been at ucla.

[Travis Kelsey]

We get escorted to go to the Rose bowl detention center. But the game just ended, and there's no, like, secret tunnel here. So they escort us to this detention center. Basically, it's on the other side of the stadium. We're just walking through all of the fans leaving the game hyped up. We just won. I'm in handcuffs, and I look at the woman who's escorting me like, this is my moment. Please. I'm so sorry, but can I have five minutes, like, celebrating with people? She's like, sure.

[Dax Shepard]

What? Wow, this is mixed messages. Overly aggressive arm bar jiu jitsu move. And now they're gonna let you celebrate a little bit.

[Travis Kelsey]

This whole walk, I'm giving people high fives when I'm handcuffed. So I'm giving them with my head. We go to the detention center area. I'm with my three friends, and it kind of gets serious. Now we're in fake jail, but they're telling us, now you're going to real head honcho. He's like, no one's rushed my field in 20 years.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, well, that's just more feathers in your cap, if you ask me.

[Travis Kelsey]

Exactly. I didn't make it very far. But then I remember when I did get tackled, I got kind of hit in the stomach with a baton a little bit. So I realized that, and I start, like, screaming in pain like, I need to go to the hospital.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, good, you're smart.

[Travis Kelsey]

I feel bad. Cause my three friends also can't do this ruse. It bizarrely works. All of a sudden, I'm in an ambulance being taken to the hospital.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, you didn't have to walk back to your car. This is kind of working out perfectly. You got a police escort out of the stadium, and now you're getting a ride out of the game.

[Travis Kelsey]

I feel really bad, though, because my three friends, they spend the night in jail.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

They took them to jail for that?

[Travis Kelsey]

Yes. Scary big boy jail.

[Dax Shepard]

Pasadena jail.

[Travis Kelsey]

That's true. They said it was scary.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Travis Kelsey]

Well, I go to the hospital, I'm there For like five minutes. And my cousin picks me up. But I go to the after party and it's like, go to the after party.

[Dan Rather]

So great.

[Travis Kelsey]

Then like a couple weeks later, I get a notice in the mail that like, I have a court date. Pasadena Court House. I think it's going to be like a parking ticket, like there's some sort of fine. But I show up and they're like, you're being charged with inciting a riot. Here's your public defender.

[Dax Shepard]

No fucking way. Inciting a riot, that has to be a felony.

[Travis Kelsey]

Yeah, no, I don't think it was a felony, but it was a misdemeanor. I didn't end up getting charged with it. I meet the public defender, she's giving me the rundown. And then all of a sudden we're talking with the prosecutor. I'm like a 19 year old kid. Just like, I thought this was a parking ticket. They're debating my sentence, they're doing the plea bargain like right in front of me.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my goodness.

[Travis Kelsey]

The big debate is, should I do 100 hours of community service with the city or with UC? So my public defender gets it to UCLA and that's my punishment. 100 hours community service with UCLA. The next day I go to the UCLA community service office and I tell this guy my story. He was this really cool guy, almost like a hippie energy, and he just laughed it up and he said, that's ridiculous. If you sell 10 of these pamphlets, we're done here.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful.

[Travis Kelsey]

They're like 12 bucks each. So I go back the next day with $120 check. He signs me off.

[Dax Shepard]

And you just bought them yourself, I'm assuming?

[Travis Kelsey]

Yeah. You're not?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, he's absolutely zero hours of anything is what it sounds like. But still, probably a net time save. At any point, had you told your parents what was happening?

[Travis Kelsey]

Definitely at some point I called them. My parents are pretty relaxed. They thought it was funny. This story became kind of lore. So actually my future wife was at the game. She was a UCI student as well. And she was there with her father and her father, huge football fan. He was pissed. Why? No one rushed the field. So he was going on to my wife, like, why did anyone rush the field? Like, they should have done it, they should have done it. My wife, who I was friends with was like, I knew this one crazy guy that did and he thought that was so cool. And then years later when we started dating, he was fired up to learn that, like I was that guy.

[Monica Padman]

Oh yeah, Got some cray yeah, you.

[Dax Shepard]

Got kind of a red carpet into that.

[Monica Padman]

Nice. You're in a sim for sure. There's no questions. Oh, well, that's fantastic.

[Dax Shepard]

Yorgo. What a blast meeting you. Great story.

[Travis Kelsey]

Before we go, my wife and sister are the most die hard.

[Dax Shepard]

Get him in here.

[Travis Kelsey]

Here we go.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Emily]

Biggest fans ever.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my God, you have a 10. See your shirt.

[Dan Rather]

Thank you guys so much for what you do. We love you and we've been listening.

[Emily]

For years and years.

[Travis Kelsey]

They finish each other sentences about your episode. It's the weirdest thing. They're talking about it. They're not even finishing their thoughts. They're just like riffing back and forth their armchair language.

[Monica Padman]

That's very flattering.

[Dax Shepard]

Enormously flattering.

[Monica Padman]

You guys are all very beautiful.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, beautiful and smart. Well, like most armchairs, if I'm being honest.

[Monica Padman]

It's true.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, pretty consistent. We've just been dreaming. Well, very nice to meet all of y'all. And that Seeger shirt looks incredible on you. Don't ever take it off.

[Kaelin]

Okay, I will.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, take care.

[Monica Padman]

Bye.

[Dax Shepard]

What do you say?

[Monica Padman]

Are you tearing up?

[Dax Shepard]

He makes me think of your friend Robbie, even though I've never met him.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, well, Robbie doesn't look like him at all, but they're both smart and.

[Dax Shepard]

Sports fans and like great personalities.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, he looked like Rob McElhenny.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, sure. A little bit.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Dax Shepard]

A little bit. A little bit. Okay, well, that. Yeah, that finished strong.

[Monica Padman]

Sports, go sports, go sporting team.

[Dax Shepard]

Love you. Love you.

[Travis Kelsey]

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a feeling. So for this new show. So here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armchairies, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme dish. On the Fly rhyme dish. Enjoy. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.

[Jason Kelsey]

What's up everybody? It's Jason Kelsey and I'm here with my slightly famous little brother, Travis, AKA Big Yeti Kelsey.

[Dax Shepard]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we're here to bring you a next level entertainment experience with our show New Heights, where the lum baby reigns supreme. Scream.

[Jason Kelsey]

We're covering all the hardest hitting topics in order of importance. UFO sightings the ideal PB&J combo and Trav becoming a big time acting star.

[Dax Shepard]

Big time is a big stretch. We've got can't miss a list interviews though.

[Jason Kelsey]

That's right. And of course, next level access to life inside the NFL and in the booth. Just because I retired doesn't mean I'm out of the game.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I mean, the the old dad shoes suggest otherwise, but those are the I'm out the game shoes right there.

[Jason Kelsey]

Listen and watch New Heights wherever you get your podcasts. And if you want to listen to us first without any interruptions and get bonus content, join 1.3plus in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts or Spot.