Armchair Expert: Armchair Anonymous – Summer Camp

Podcast: Armchair Expert
Hosts: Dax Shepard & Monica Padman
Episode Date: August 15, 2025
Episode Theme: Listeners call in to share their wild, hilarious, and sometimes mortifying summer camp stories. Dax and Monica explore the messiness and growth that comes with formative camp experiences, with a healthy side of the show’s classic humor and camaraderie.

Episode Overview

This Armchair Anonymous installment is devoted to the quirks, calamities, and coming-of-age chaos of “Summer Camp.” Dax Shepard and Monica Padman welcome calls from listeners recounting memorable camp misadventures. From first crush catastrophes to steamy shower scandals, near-disasters with zip lines, and an actual manhunt at church camp—this episode is a celebration of what happens when kids (and counselors) are thrown together, away from parents, rules, and reality for a few sun-baked days.

Key Stories & Discussion Points

1. Erica’s Crush Catastrophe: Water Fight Gone Wrong (03:10–11:36)

• Location: Ontario, Canada
• Summary: Erica, a bookish kid reluctantly sent to sports camp, develops a major crush on a fellow camper. In an attempt to impress him during the end-of-week water fight, she accidentally knocks out his two adult front teeth with a giant bucket full of water.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Erica: “As a nine-year-old girl, I’m thinking the best way to show my crush that I like him is to absolutely demolish him.” (06:36)
  • Dax Shepard: "He'll like me more if I humiliate him. These are the dumb conclusions we make in our youth.” (06:39)
• Aftermath:
  • The camp cancels future water fights. Erica’s guilt follows her, especially after hearing a cousin of her crush brag about the incident at an end-of-summer barbecue, never realizing the culprit was nearby.
  • Humorous Note: Years later, Erica refuses to participate in another water dump (a firefighter graduation tradition), citing past trauma.

2. Arielle’s Scandal: Shower She-nanigans Exposed (13:07–25:21)

• Location: Northern Michigan
• Summary: As a 19-year-old “nanny” at camp, Arielle embarks on a steamy summer fling with “Liam,” a hot British counselor. With “camp goggles” (limited options make everyone look hotter), creativity is required for hookups. They choose a post-midnight shower in the boys’ communal bathhouse—but are caught mid-act by a notorious 12-year-old camper.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Dax Shepard: “There’s a couple of things we all think are going to be great and they’re terrible. Fing in a shower is terrible. Fing in a hot tub is terrible. And f***ing on an airplane is terrible.” (21:14)
  • Arielle: "At breakfast... I hear, 'Where there's a clock, you'll find an hour. Hey Arielle, meet you in the shower.'” (23:21)
• Aftermath:
  • The incident becomes camp legend, with chants commemorating the event echoing for years. Arielle returns later to find her reputation still intact—and even meets up with Liam years after in London, where sparks fly anew.

3. Sarah’s Near-Disaster: The Lifeguard, The Zipline, and the Pus (27:40–40:47)

• Location: Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
• Summary: During counselor training week (when no medical staff are present), a volunteer named Tony falls 30 feet from a zipline platform. He miraculously survives by grabbing a tree and sliding down—but fillets his hands and legs in the process.
• Key Moments:
  • Sarah: “He has the most unique wounds I think I’ve ever seen on his forearms and his legs. And he’s also pretty sure he’s broken his ankle...” (32:50)
  • As the only first-aid certified staffer, Sarah is tasked with cleaning Tony’s horrific wounds four times a day.
  • Monica’s burning question: “Is he hot?” (37:21) leading to banter about the strange intimacy of wound care.
• Aftermath:
  • Tony recovers, Sarah finds love with another counselor, and both return the next year (with fewer splinters and no more medical emergencies).

4. Brody’s Church Camp: Lice, Lawbreaking, and a Manhunt (41:20–51:22)

• Location: Rural Kansas
• Summary: Now a camp director, Brody recounts a summer plagued by lice, under-staffing, burnt counselors (firework mishaps), and ultimately, an armed fugitive crash-landing near the property in the midst of a police chase.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Brody: “One of my counselors comes up to me and says, ‘Hey, I just saw a high-speed chase go down our dirt road with about 20 state troopers following a car.’” (43:14)
  • Monica Padman (strategy): “I’m gonna make a lot of signs that say, ‘We have lice,’ and put them all over.” (45:30)
  • Dax Shepard: “It’s Friday the 13th. We’ve got a murderer in the woods!” (44:31)
• Aftermath:
  • The camp initiates a lockdown, forms an ad-hoc “militia” of dads (complete with at least one shirtless, bandanaed, and heavily bandaged veteran), and receives unhelpfully vague updates from local police.
  • The fugitive is captured the next day; Brody’s wife, Katie, leveraging her crisis PR expertise, helps craft careful communications to parents. The kids return home with stories of lice, chaos, and a not-so-latent Freddy Krueger reference.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Camp Crushes:

  • Dax: “Crushes make people do crazy stuff. Crushes make for bad decisions.” (11:06)
  • Monica: “It’s kind of one of those things—everyone has a crush. So, like, you gotta have a crush.” (05:24)

• On Camp Hookups:

  • Arielle: “Camp goggles… We adjust quickly as humans. Everybody looks hotter than they are in real life because these are your only options.” (15:42)

• On Emergencies:

  • Dax (re: zipline): “You wanna talk about splinters? His fingertips are gone!” (32:50)
  • Sarah: “The amount of pus I had to deal with in these wounds… Even if there was gonna be something romantic, the pus killed it.” (37:49)
  • Monica: “I just wish he went home and his mom could take care of him.” (38:06)

• On Crisis Management:

  • Dax: “None of the cops go, ‘Hey, we’ll come to you?’ I mean, this seems crazy.” (46:03)
  • Brody: “All the dads of this camp form a perimeter… I formed what I can call a camp militia.” (46:34)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:10 – Erica’s summer camp bucket disaster
• 13:07 – Arielle sets the scene for Michigan camp and her romance
• 21:09 – The infamous shower incident revealed
• 27:40 – Sarah’s account of the zipline accident
• 41:20 – Brody introduces church camp chaos
• 43:14 – The high-speed chase and manhunt at camp
• 47:42 – The “Freddy Krueger” counselor returns
• 49:34 – Brody’s wife Katie joins to discuss crisis PR

Episode Tone & Listener Takeaway

The tone is classic Armchair: honest, irreverent, deeply empathetic, and unafraid of the messy (sometimes oozy) truths of adolescence. Dax and Monica balance the absurdity of summer camp disasters with the recognition that these are the stories that stick with us, shaping our empathy, resilience, and (sometimes questionable) decision-making skills as adults.

Final Note:
Dax and Monica close the call-in session musing about their own camp experiences—and how the chaos, awkwardness, and camaraderie of camp can teach us all a few things about being human.

For Anyone Who Missed the Episode

If you love stories about unintended mayhem, first crushes, and the wild unpredictability of kids (and adults) left lightly unsupervised in the woods, this episode is for you. You'll come away with a new appreciation for crisis PR, a healthy fear of water fights and pine trees, and at least one camp chant stuck in your head:

“Where there’s a clock, you’ll find an hour—Hey Arielle, meet you in the shower!” (23:21)

Happy summer, armcherries!