Armchair Anonymous: Summer Camp

Summary

Armchair Expert: Armchair Anonymous – Summer Camp

Podcast: Armchair Expert
Hosts: Dax Shepard & Monica Padman
Episode Date: August 15, 2025
Episode Theme: Listeners call in to share their wild, hilarious, and sometimes mortifying summer camp stories. Dax and Monica explore the messiness and growth that comes with formative camp experiences, with a healthy side of the show’s classic humor and camaraderie.

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Episode Overview

This Armchair Anonymous installment is devoted to the quirks, calamities, and coming-of-age chaos of “Summer Camp.” Dax Shepard and Monica Padman welcome calls from listeners recounting memorable camp misadventures. From first crush catastrophes to steamy shower scandals, near-disasters with zip lines, and an actual manhunt at church camp—this episode is a celebration of what happens when kids (and counselors) are thrown together, away from parents, rules, and reality for a few sun-baked days.

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Key Stories & Discussion Points

1. Erica’s Crush Catastrophe: Water Fight Gone Wrong (03:10–11:36)

• Location: Ontario, Canada
• Summary: Erica, a bookish kid reluctantly sent to sports camp, develops a major crush on a fellow camper. In an attempt to impress him during the end-of-week water fight, she accidentally knocks out his two adult front teeth with a giant bucket full of water.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Erica: “As a nine-year-old girl, I’m thinking the best way to show my crush that I like him is to absolutely demolish him.” (06:36)
  • Dax Shepard: "He'll like me more if I humiliate him. These are the dumb conclusions we make in our youth.” (06:39)
• Aftermath:
  • The camp cancels future water fights. Erica’s guilt follows her, especially after hearing a cousin of her crush brag about the incident at an end-of-summer barbecue, never realizing the culprit was nearby.
  • Humorous Note: Years later, Erica refuses to participate in another water dump (a firefighter graduation tradition), citing past trauma.

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2. Arielle’s Scandal: Shower She-nanigans Exposed (13:07–25:21)

• Location: Northern Michigan
• Summary: As a 19-year-old “nanny” at camp, Arielle embarks on a steamy summer fling with “Liam,” a hot British counselor. With “camp goggles” (limited options make everyone look hotter), creativity is required for hookups. They choose a post-midnight shower in the boys’ communal bathhouse—but are caught mid-act by a notorious 12-year-old camper.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Dax Shepard: “There’s a couple of things we all think are going to be great and they’re terrible. Fing in a shower is terrible. Fing in a hot tub is terrible. And f***ing on an airplane is terrible.” (21:14)
  • Arielle: "At breakfast... I hear, 'Where there's a clock, you'll find an hour. Hey Arielle, meet you in the shower.'” (23:21)
• Aftermath:
  • The incident becomes camp legend, with chants commemorating the event echoing for years. Arielle returns later to find her reputation still intact—and even meets up with Liam years after in London, where sparks fly anew.

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3. Sarah’s Near-Disaster: The Lifeguard, The Zipline, and the Pus (27:40–40:47)

• Location: Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
• Summary: During counselor training week (when no medical staff are present), a volunteer named Tony falls 30 feet from a zipline platform. He miraculously survives by grabbing a tree and sliding down—but fillets his hands and legs in the process.
• Key Moments:
  • Sarah: “He has the most unique wounds I think I’ve ever seen on his forearms and his legs. And he’s also pretty sure he’s broken his ankle...” (32:50)
  • As the only first-aid certified staffer, Sarah is tasked with cleaning Tony’s horrific wounds four times a day.
  • Monica’s burning question: “Is he hot?” (37:21) leading to banter about the strange intimacy of wound care.
• Aftermath:
  • Tony recovers, Sarah finds love with another counselor, and both return the next year (with fewer splinters and no more medical emergencies).

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4. Brody’s Church Camp: Lice, Lawbreaking, and a Manhunt (41:20–51:22)

• Location: Rural Kansas
• Summary: Now a camp director, Brody recounts a summer plagued by lice, under-staffing, burnt counselors (firework mishaps), and ultimately, an armed fugitive crash-landing near the property in the midst of a police chase.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Brody: “One of my counselors comes up to me and says, ‘Hey, I just saw a high-speed chase go down our dirt road with about 20 state troopers following a car.’” (43:14)
  • Monica Padman (strategy): “I’m gonna make a lot of signs that say, ‘We have lice,’ and put them all over.” (45:30)
  • Dax Shepard: “It’s Friday the 13th. We’ve got a murderer in the woods!” (44:31)
• Aftermath:
  • The camp initiates a lockdown, forms an ad-hoc “militia” of dads (complete with at least one shirtless, bandanaed, and heavily bandaged veteran), and receives unhelpfully vague updates from local police.
  • The fugitive is captured the next day; Brody’s wife, Katie, leveraging her crisis PR expertise, helps craft careful communications to parents. The kids return home with stories of lice, chaos, and a not-so-latent Freddy Krueger reference.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Camp Crushes:

  • Dax: “Crushes make people do crazy stuff. Crushes make for bad decisions.” (11:06)
  • Monica: “It’s kind of one of those things—everyone has a crush. So, like, you gotta have a crush.” (05:24)

• On Camp Hookups:

  • Arielle: “Camp goggles… We adjust quickly as humans. Everybody looks hotter than they are in real life because these are your only options.” (15:42)

• On Emergencies:

  • Dax (re: zipline): “You wanna talk about splinters? His fingertips are gone!” (32:50)
  • Sarah: “The amount of pus I had to deal with in these wounds… Even if there was gonna be something romantic, the pus killed it.” (37:49)
  • Monica: “I just wish he went home and his mom could take care of him.” (38:06)

• On Crisis Management:

  • Dax: “None of the cops go, ‘Hey, we’ll come to you?’ I mean, this seems crazy.” (46:03)
  • Brody: “All the dads of this camp form a perimeter… I formed what I can call a camp militia.” (46:34)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:10 – Erica’s summer camp bucket disaster
• 13:07 – Arielle sets the scene for Michigan camp and her romance
• 21:09 – The infamous shower incident revealed
• 27:40 – Sarah’s account of the zipline accident
• 41:20 – Brody introduces church camp chaos
• 43:14 – The high-speed chase and manhunt at camp
• 47:42 – The “Freddy Krueger” counselor returns
• 49:34 – Brody’s wife Katie joins to discuss crisis PR

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Episode Tone & Listener Takeaway

The tone is classic Armchair: honest, irreverent, deeply empathetic, and unafraid of the messy (sometimes oozy) truths of adolescence. Dax and Monica balance the absurdity of summer camp disasters with the recognition that these are the stories that stick with us, shaping our empathy, resilience, and (sometimes questionable) decision-making skills as adults.

Final Note:
Dax and Monica close the call-in session musing about their own camp experiences—and how the chaos, awkwardness, and camaraderie of camp can teach us all a few things about being human.

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For Anyone Who Missed the Episode

If you love stories about unintended mayhem, first crushes, and the wild unpredictability of kids (and adults) left lightly unsupervised in the woods, this episode is for you. You'll come away with a new appreciation for crisis PR, a healthy fear of water fights and pine trees, and at least one camp chant stuck in your head:

“Where there’s a clock, you’ll find an hour—Hey Arielle, meet you in the shower!” (23:21)

Happy summer, armcherries!

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman and today is Summer Camp Stories. We have a summer theme going.

[Monica Padman]

It's so fun. I love summer.

[Dax Shepard]

We got fourth of July theme, we got summer themes.

[Monica Padman]

Sleepwalking.

[Dax Shepard]

Very summer, very summery thing to do. Too hot. Your body tells you to get up and explore and get into business.

[Monica Padman]

Oh camp. Just the vibes and the lice and oh wow.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm really grateful. I got to go to my one little eighth grade camp. I think it was probably four days, maybe it was three days. But I do wish I had gone to like a two week summer camp. Learned archery or something.

[Monica Padman]

The bunks.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, get in trouble, trouble twebble. Please enjoy summer camp stories. We are supported by Peacemaker Peacemaker is back in the new DCU. The action packed series follows Chris Smith, aka Peacemaker, a mercenary turned superhero, and the 11th Street Kids, a team of disgraced government agents. As they struggle to find their place in this world. Amidst mind bending twists and a powerful government agency on his tail, Chris finds himself tempted to leave this life behind for something new. From the director of Superman and Guardians of the Galaxy. The DC Studios series Peacemaker premieres August 21st at 9pm on HBO Max. And unpack all episodes of Peacemaker on DC Studios Showcase, the official podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts, we are supported by J.C. penney.

[Monica Padman]

Guys, do not sleep on J.C. penney. They've got stylish clothes for everyone in your life. Yourself, obviously, your parents, your kids, your friend's new baby. There's something for every age, everybody and every budget.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, the budget part is huge because scoring a great deal is one of the last socially acceptable forms of bragging.

[Monica Padman]

So true. Why does it feel so good when someone gives you an outfit compliment and then you drop that you paid less than they think. It's just really satisfying.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. And then you tell them where you got it. It's from JCPenney. Yes, JCPenney. It's so good. I just got a second pair of Levi's that are just blowing my mind. They had a wash on there I couldn't find anywhere else. And boy, God, I look. I just. I'm approach Beckham status with these slacks.

[Monica Padman]

Nice. So if you've been sleeping on JCPenney, wake up and check it out. They've got fashion worth bragging about.

[Dax Shepard]

And they've got a great reward system, too, that makes every shopping trip even more worth it. Shop jcpenney.com yes, JCPenney. Hard times come and go Good times take them slow My life, I had them both One thing you gotta know I'mma keep on shining Hello. What name do we want to go with?

[Erica]

We're going to go with Erica.

[Dax Shepard]

Is it a nod to a friend?

[Erica]

It's actually my middle name, so it still feels like me, but it's not really.

[Monica Padman]

Smart move, Erica.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you?

[Erica]

I'm in British Columbia, Canada right now.

[Dax Shepard]

About to embark on the most beautiful three months, I imagine, up there.

[Erica]

Absolutely. I'm not from here, so the mountains are still very exciting.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, that's fun. Where are you from?

[Erica]

I'm from Ontario.

[Dax Shepard]

Would I presume correctly, that this story about a summer camp happens in Ontario?

[Erica]

It sure does.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, let us have it.

[Erica]

I was about 9 or 10 years old during this story, and I was very lucky to have a stay at home mom. So summer camp wasn't necessary because she was home to do so many wonderful things with us. But she made me and my brother do two camps every year so we could be social and normal like every other child. They were usually like a church camp or a school camp, just something local in the community to get us out.

[Dax Shepard]

Of the house and for like a week or two.

[Erica]

Yeah, just like a Monday to Friday type of thing. So she decides that one of my family friends is doing a sports camp, so it would be great for me to do this sports camp with her at a local school. I do not want to go. The thought of being in a school during summertime, no air conditioning running around, is like, oh, no, thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Would sports camp be your first pick?

[Erica]

No. I was the type of kid that would stay up too late reading, and my mom would have to come turn off the lights and say, oh, what a bad.

[Monica Padman]

Bad.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you're a bad. You're a naughty person, Erica.

[Erica]

It was like pulling teeth the first day, dropping me off to get me to go. But I have a friend here. My mom is like, okay, go have fun. It's gonna be good. I walk in day one, I instantly see a boy where I'm like, okay, yep, I have a crush on you. This week is gonna go great.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful.

[Erica]

So I go home and I say to my parents, I love camp. Can I go back next week? Please sign me up, because 10 days of getting this guy to love me is much more doable.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. So already at 10. So I have a daughter that that would happen to. And then I have another that that wouldn't happen to.

[Erica]

This was the start of my boy crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, great.

[Monica Padman]

And was everyone doing it? It's kind of one of those things. It's like everyone has a crush. So, like, you gotta have a crush.

[Erica]

Totally. Especially because it was probably 70, 30 boys to girls at this camp. So it was like, okay, there's a good pick of men here.

[Dax Shepard]

The odds were in your favor. Yeah.

[Erica]

Yes. So I beg my parents, please sign me up for week two. They're like, this is really odd. You did not want to go, but sure, why not? We'll take another week off of not having you here. So they sign me up. I'm super excited. The rest of the week, it's basically like we're learning different sports. So this is perfect. When you have a crush, I have an opportunity to be picked on your team. I have an opportunity to ask questions, to show off, to like, be the MVP and get you to love me back. So at the end of the week, to reward us for being in the heat all week, our counselors let us have a water fight. Sexy, classic water fight. Water balloons, water guns, the hose with the sprayer on the end, like it's full on. So as a nine year old girl, I'm thinking the best way to show my crush that I like him is to absolutely demolish him.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, sure. These are the dumb conclusions we make in our youth. He'll like me more if I humiliate him.

[Erica]

Exactly. So I'm like, this is perfect.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I ask, Erica, how was the crush going up until this point? Was he responsive? Was there a connection?

[Erica]

Yeah, like he picked me on his team a few times. He passed the ball to me a few times. I was feeling like I had good odds here. I'm thinking the water balloons are not enough to make my mark. I don't really have good aim. The water gun not gonna get him wet enough. Everybody's fighting for the hose, so I'm not feeling like that's my best option. So I'm looking around and I'm thinking maybe the bucket that's filled with water, where all the water balloons are in or would be a great idea.

[Dax Shepard]

Like he just won the NCAA title or something. Over the head. Boys seem to love that. Yeah.

[Erica]

So it's not like a little gardening bucket. It's like one of those massive buckets that you have at school where the gym teacher puts all the balls in and pulls it out for Recess type of thing. Not super athletic, not super strong. So not really sure why I thought this was going to work out super well for me. I take out all the water balloons. I, like, struggle to pick it up. I waddle on over to him to try and catch him by surprise. And as I go to turn it and dump it on his head, drop it, it comes falling down on his face.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Erica]

The rim of the bucket hits him right in the mouth. Instant two front teeth knock him out.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no. You took out his front teeth?

[Erica]

Yes. And we're nine. These are adult teeth.

[Monica Padman]

These are not baby teeth.

[Dax Shepard]

Irreplaceable.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Dentures.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no.

[Dax Shepard]

In fourth grade.

[Erica]

Yeah. My first thought is, like, well, there goes my husband. I'm not coming back for week two. There's bl Everywhere. His teeth are missing. The camp counselors are running over, trying to, like, put pressure on his face. Like it was he like, why you do that? Yeah. He was so mad.

[Monica Padman]

You're so stupid.

[Erica]

Like, yelling. I'm feeling, like, so embarrassed. Let me crawl up and run away. His parents come to pick him up, and obviously he's not coming back for week two of camp because he's going to have to go get new surgery.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[Erica]

So I have to go to week two because my parents are like, you made this decision. We paid. You're going to have to go. I go back on week two. The camp counselors say this week, at the end of the week, I'm sorry, there's going to be no water fight due to an incident that happened last week. Everybody's looking at me like, gee, thanks a lot. You ruined this camp for us.

[Dax Shepard]

One of our campers got carried away.

[Erica]

Instead, we're going to be having a puzzle party. Like, what a comparison.

[Monica Padman]

This is disgusting.

[Dax Shepard]

Opposite of sexy. This is grandparenty.

[Erica]

So I'm responsible for the puzzle party. The week goes by. It's whatever. The summer goes on. I've probably found, like, a new love of my life at my next camp, probably church camp or something like that, and forgotten about it. I get to the end of the summer, and the same friend that came to the camp with me is having an end of summer barbecue. She went to a different school than me, lived in a different neighborhood, so I didn't really know any other families that were going to be invited. So me and my parents and my brother go, and all the kids are kind of talking about summer, you know, what was the exciting thing you did? They're all kind of comparing. Like, I went on this really cool trip. I saw this cool animal at the zoo. Really cool stuff. One little girl was so excited, she thought she had topped everybody. She felt her story was the best. So everybody's, like, huddled around to listen. And she is super excited to share that she got to see the inside of an ambulance, the inside of a hospital, stitches and fake teeth because her cousin had to get oral surgery from getting his two front teeth. Knock.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. And you were just sitting there anonymously listening as if you knew nothing about it.

[Erica]

And everybody's like, oh, my gosh, that's so crazy. And I'm sitting there, like, just white in the face.

[Dax Shepard]

You're kind of like when an arsonist sticks around to watch the building burn with the crowd.

[Sarah]

That's it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. It's twisted. And did we ever find out anything? As he got older, did he weather this storm and prevail?

[Erica]

To be honest, I wanted nothing to do with it, because I think I would never forgive myself I. If I found out that he did not recover from that.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, he recovered. He has two beautiful veneers. He's.

[Erica]

I really hope so.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, Erica, thank you for that. That's a real shameful event. I can only imagine.

[Monica Padman]

I hope it's a cautionary tale. It's like, we can't let these crushes run away with us.

[Dax Shepard]

Crushes make people do crazy stuff. Crushes make for bad decisions.

[Erica]

Yes. And the funny part is, it's a tradition in firefighting. When you finish out your recruit class, you get dumped with water. And later in life, I ended up dating a firefighter, and he was finishing up his time at the fire hall, and I got invited to come dump water on him to finish off his recruit class. And I politely said, I will film somebody else. Please do the dump.

[Dax Shepard]

You'll never trust yourself again.

[Monica Padman]

Good.

[Dax Shepard]

You could even imagine Erica standing, like, with a very solvable fire and unwilling to wield a bucket of water.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that's right.

[Dax Shepard]

She has to overcome her deepest scar to save the small town. We're always so grateful to have our neighbors to the north as armchairies. We love it. Well, it's lovely meeting you.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Erica]

Yeah, Lovely meeting you guys, too. Thank you so much.

[Dax Shepard]

I have a glorious summer up there.

[Erica]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Bye. All right. Bye. Ariel. Or Ariel nailed it on the first.

[Arielle]

Try, which is uncommon.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, we happen to have an Arielle in our life who's a good friend of ours. And so I'm practiced.

[Arielle]

It's the only way that people can get it, because I will straight up answer the phone. Hi. This is Arielle. Oh, hey, Ariel. I'm like, guys.

[Brody]

What?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, people don't like change.

[Arielle]

I'll be like, Sebastian kind of says it that way. And the Little Mermaid. I try and give all the help.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it is a tricky one when you're looking at it phonetically. In my mind, as a dyslexic, what I have to say to myself before I say Arielle's name out loud, I have to literally think R. Forget that it even has an A. This name starts with an R. E.

[Monica Padman]

L. You have so many tricks and tips.

[Dax Shepard]

I have to.

[Arielle]

I did have the nickname Rels growing up because I would have to say it's R E, L. And so that became Rel's.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, that's so cute.

[Dax Shepard]

See, I stumbled upon a good technique. Okay, so Arielle, where are you that you have a big walk in closet in a basement with training facility?

[Arielle]

So I'm actually in Oak Park, Michigan, and this is a makeshift closet. I had the clothing racks and I encased myself in.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah, smart.

[Arielle]

And I put a blanket over top.

[Monica Padman]

It is really working the amount of.

[Dax Shepard]

Time these poor armchairs put into constructing their studio. It's really sweet.

[Monica Padman]

It's really sweet. It's appreciated.

[Dax Shepard]

And you have to.

[Monica Padman]

And you do got to do it or your story just might not be.

[Erica]

Able to be aired.

[Arielle]

Thankfully, I already had it because they don't have closets in old houses and I had too many clothes to possibly go in one little tiny closet. So I already had the setup. We just condensed it.

[Monica Padman]

Nice.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. Okay, now tell me about summer camp. Because we didn't really do it where I grew up in Michigan, other than the junior high trip.

[Arielle]

The summer camp that I went to, and there are a couple different ones in Michigan. The one I went to is northern Michigan. I won't say exactly where, just to keep it.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Legal.

[Arielle]

We'll talk about it later in the story. I wouldn't give it like a one to one, wet hot American summer comparison, but like, dial down the horniness and irresponsibility five notches or so. You get kind of an idea. You know, there was the lake, there was water skiing, canoeing. We had arts and crafts. There was dance and drama hookups. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

In the woods. I hooked up on my trip to camp in eighth grade.

[Monica Padman]

You just say you didn't have camp.

[Dax Shepard]

I said, other than the school camp.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, this is a school camp.

[Dax Shepard]

So I went to the school camp. Yeah. And I had a nice hookup in the woods. So fun.

[Arielle]

That plays into the story, for sure. I went to this camp from the time I was, like, 8 years old. You're a camper until you're, like, 15. And so I was a little late bloomer in the romance department, so I didn't have any fun hookup stories from when I was a camper. This story takes place in 2010. So I was actually a nanny at the camp. So I was camper there. And then instead of being a counselor, I was a nanny for the director because they're too young to be in camp. So it was pretty cush job because you get all the fun of camp without any of the rules that the counselors have to abide by.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

What age were you nannying there?

[Arielle]

2010. I was, like, 19 years old. So a lot of the staff is returning campers, but we also have international staff. We got Aussies, we got Kiwis, we got Brits. Nothing is hotter, right, Than some guys with accents. So it's pretty exciting at the start of camp. Some people have been there for pre camp, and there's already been hookups and things that have been established.

[Dax Shepard]

Camp's like a dating show. It's like one of these love islands.

[Arielle]

And you also think everyone's hotter than they are in real life because we call it Camp Goggles because that's your only option.

[Dax Shepard]

We adjust quickly as humans. It's kind of shocking.

[Arielle]

Oh, yeah. But no camp goggles were needed for me this summer because this guy, we're gonna call him Liam, I mean, he was just exactly what you would want for a summer fling. He's tall, handsome, ripped, plays guitar and British.

[Monica Padman]

Okay, okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Like a British Ken.

[Arielle]

Truly. You know, as you were saying, hookups in the woods, you don't really want that because there's mosquitoes. But we gotta get creative when we're trying to figure out where we're gonna be hooking up. So people have their cars. You could be upper parking lot in the car, but it's a little cramped in there. But you can make it work. You have days off, so that's always nice. You can go stay in a hotel in the local city. We had some in a canoe in the arts and crafts room.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yes, Romantic. That's almost like the T. Rex mouth. Similar size, obviously. No banging in the bunks. That's where you're gonna get busted, right?

[Arielle]

Correct. Because there's campers in there, and that would be wildly inappropriate. Yes, but that didn't exactly stop us from doing something else wildly inappropriate.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by Squarespace. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to create a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Our website functions beautifully, so seamless, like a Swiss made timepiece. And it was all designed on Squarespace by Wobby Wob and it was easy. The cutting edge design tools on Squarespace are a game changer. With Blueprint AI, their AI enhanced website builder, you can create a fully custom site in just a few steps. It generates premium content and personalized design recommendations based on your brand and goals. Plus their intuitive drag and drop editor makes it easy to fine tune everything to your liking. But Squarespace isn't just about looks. Their integrated SEO tools help you get discovered faster online. Every Squarespace site is optimized with meta descriptions and auto generation sitemap and more so you show up more often in search results and attract your ideal customers. Ready to claim your corner of the Internet? Go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com and promo code DAX to get started today. We are supported by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check your tent for holes first before discovering you're sharing it with every mosquito in the campground. Like you know to check your hiking boots still fit first before getting blisters halfway up the mountain. Like you know to check your picnic basket for utensils first before having to eat potato salad with your hands. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Firing Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois we are supported by Function Health. Function is the only health platform that gives you access to the kind of data most people never see and the insights to actually take action. Inside function you can test over 160 biomarkers from heart and hormones to toxins, inflammation and stress. You can also access multi region MRI and CT scans, all tracked in one secure place. Over time, It's a near 360 degree view to see what's happening in your body and since it's tracked over time, you can see how your health is evolving from one easy portal. It's designed to empower you to own your health through unbiased data. Getting all these stats could cost over $10,000 if you did it on your own. With function, you pay just 4.99 a year. That's $1.37 per day for cutting edge health insights. And when it comes down to it, what's more important than your health? Learn more and join using our link, visit www.functionhealth.com Dax.

[Arielle]

When I look back on this, I'm 19, I'm horny. It is what it is. After the campers go to sleep, there's counselors that have to be on night watch, but then everyone else can go off. There's a local bar that you can go up to, but you have to be back in time for the curfew, which was like midnight. Everyone has to be their cabins. So we figured this might be a safe option. Everyone's already in their cabins. It's like 1am we decide to meet in the Boys Bay SAC, which I'm sure you're not familiar with this term. I'm not sure if it was our camp thing or all the camps have it, but it's basically a large building that half of it is toilets and the other half is stalls of showers. That's located in back boys. So that's where all the older boy cabins, they didn't have toilets and stuff in their cabins. They had the base act that they all had to go to. So it's 1:00am I mean, everyone should be sleeping. Why not take a shower together? So romantic.

[Dax Shepard]

Sounds so fun.

[Arielle]

We're in the shower. We're trying to manage the intricacies of shower sex.

[Dax Shepard]

There's a couple of things we all think are going to be great and they're terrible. Fucking in a shower is terrible. Fucking in a hot tub is terrible. And fucking on an airplane is terrible.

[Monica Padman]

Did you wear flip flops?

[Arielle]

So I would love to tell you yes, me too.

[Monica Padman]

I'm glad you're being honest.

[Arielle]

We were just really excited. The mildewy, disgusting floor. We're not worried about it at this time. What we should have been worried about is what happened next. Because we're showering and we hear the door open. We freeze. It's fine. They're just gonna go to the bathroom and then we're gonna be quiet. And then they'll leave and then we can resume. It'll not be a problem.

[Dax Shepard]

If you're in there by yourself taking a shower, you're not thinking, well, they're gonna come into never.

[Arielle]

What we didn't factor in was that one of the other counselors knew what we were doing and he may have played a role in what happened next. So we hear footsteps. The toilets are in a different area. There should be nobody coming over here. And they're getting closer and closer. And the curtain whips open. I scream. I jump behind Liam. Like I can't even give you enough details of what happened at this time because it was a 12 year old camper. I knew who this camper was. He is the biggest shit talking little camper. The last person. Not that I would have wanted any of the male campers to see what was happening in the shower, but Liam like shoves him out of the shower. I couldn't tell you how I got back to my cabin that night. It was a blur. But all I knew was this isn't going to be the end of it. The humiliation will not be stopping at getting caught having sex in the shower by this 12 year old. I was not proven wrong because that morning you go to the mess hall, which is where you have meals and everything. And it's very common for different cabins to do little cheers. There's ones that all the camp knows about. Or you can do more specific ones. And of course, without fail, breakfast. We didn't even make it to lunch. I hear quiet, please. From this cabin where there's a clock, you'll find an hour. Hey, Arielle, meet you in the shower.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my. They already crafted around and it's only okay. Our shower. That's pretty good.

[Arielle]

Everyone is in here. The directors, the camp owners. No, who I've known since I'm 8 years old because I've gone to this camp. They know my parents.

[Monica Padman]

You're also taking care of children. There's an added like I'm not being responsible.

[Dax Shepard]

You must be thinking I'm going to getting fired today.

[Arielle]

I was horrified. And of course the cheer was about me. It was not about the course. Why would he be involved in there? Catch any flack from that?

[Dax Shepard]

No. He's a hero.

[Arielle]

Of course, needless to say, I did not hear the end of it. I did not get fired because again, this is tame. I mean, there was kids who got kicked out for smoking weed. There was plenty of things happening. I think if I was a counselor, I may have gotten fired. But since I was the nanny.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Did they talk to you though? Like, look, here's the thing. We love the spirit. We all know camp's fun, but you can't.

[Monica Padman]

Camp is frisky.

[Dax Shepard]

You gotta stick to the cars in the upper parking lot out in the woods with the mosquitoes. Do it right.

[Arielle]

Yeah, I did not get away without a little bit of a lecture because it was somebody who was kind of like my camp mom.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, no one wants to hear that from your mom.

[Arielle]

It went on for the rest of the summer. And at the end of the summer, there's like a campfire where kind of skits are done. And the owners and directors did a skit where they and included a chant about this occasion as well.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. You were the head of the camp.

[Arielle]

I didn't go back the next summer, but I did return for one more summer. And of course, Those campers were 15 years old at that time. They were the oldest campers in camp. And day one cheer right back. They did not forget.

[Dax Shepard]

They're so excited you're back.

[Arielle]

I have gone down in Camp Laura as the girl who got caught having sex in the shower.

[Monica Padman]

Nice. That's pretty cool.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you stay in touch with the cute Brit? Did he move home and then you wrote left letters and then it piddled out.

[Arielle]

At some point we did stay in touch and it kind of piddled. And then we would say happy birthday. And I actually, eight years later, went to London for my first and only solo trip. And I told him I was coming. And we were able to use a bed this time.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, no.

[Monica Padman]

I love this. And was he still hot?

[Arielle]

Hot. Rode a motorcycle. He took me to see a play.

[Erica]

What?

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Wow. This is the dream.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. You're living a good life.

[Arielle]

We did it. We were horrified. I could find it funny at the time for the shower.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you going up north this summer?

[Arielle]

I don't have any plans to because I'm actually getting married in September. So all of our money and energy is going into the wedding and the honeymoon that makes.

[Monica Padman]

Does your betrothed know about Liam?

[Arielle]

He is a sweet and a real trooper because I practice telling the story.

[Monica Padman]

That's a good husband.

[Arielle]

He's a good boy.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's lovely to talk to you. I love our Michigander cherries.

[Arielle]

Yes. And if it's okay, my sister. Yes, this is Sam.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi, Sam.

[Arielle]

We have one more, but she's hard working right now. Shout out, Ryan, we love you.

[Dax Shepard]

One of you has got to work hard.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Arielle]

Okay. I am a pediatric nurse. Okay.

[Monica Padman]

Do you have any stories about up your butt?

[Arielle]

So I do not have any foreign objects in the rectum.

[Monica Padman]

Michigan.

[Arielle]

I do have stories I could write in about, but the peeds part of it makes it a little dicey of if I should share that. So glad I ended up here for this.

[Dax Shepard]

You made the right ethical decision. But I would want to hear at a dinner party. For sure.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Arielle]

Oh, I have one that you would really like.

[Dax Shepard]

I got a hunch that there's some Lincoln Logs in butts.

[Arielle]

Let me just say the term diaper snacks.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. Oh, well, it's great meeting you, Michiganders. We love you. Have a great summer.

[Monica Padman]

Thanks for listening.

[Arielle]

Bye.

[Dax Shepard]

Diaper snacks. Yummy.

[Monica Padman]

That sounds horrible. I'm a little consumed with my scab.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I've noticed.

[Monica Padman]

I think I might need to get a band aid and cover it up. Is it worse to see a scab or a band aid?

[Dax Shepard]

A band aid.

[Monica Padman]

It's worse.

[Dax Shepard]

Scabs are cool. Scabs and scars.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi.

[Sarah]

Can you guys hear me okay?

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, beautifully. First, I want to applaud your parents for spelling Sarah. S A, R, A. I was born.

[Sarah]

In Japan, and my mom was worried that if she put an H on the end of my name, the Japanese would pronounce the H at the end.

[Monica Padman]

That makes sense.

[Sarah]

So they just simplified it.

[Erica]

All right.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you, Sarah?

[Sarah]

I actually am in Berlin, Germany.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. You are a travel.

[Dax Shepard]

What's happening in Berlin, Germany?

[Sarah]

My husband and I moved here with our kids about two and a half years ago. We work for a local German church here. We're originally from Seattle, but we're just on an adventure over here, and it's been awesome.

[Dax Shepard]

I thought Germans were largely atheist.

[Sarah]

They are. So we actually have a lot of interesting conversations, but we've found Germans are really interested in having very open conversations. So even if they don't agree or we have different perspectives, it's a really cool place to just explore worldviews with people.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, they're interested instead of threatened, right?

[Sarah]

Yeah. And they're really comfortable with disagreeing, which we love. And also, one of the reasons I love your podcast is you guys really create space for conversations like that.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, thank you.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

You're really a world traveler. Born in Japan, now in Berlin.

[Monica Padman]

I wonder where this camp is.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, where the fuck is this? Camp Moscow.

[Sarah]

The camp is outside of Philadelphia in a small town called Schwanksville, Pennsylvania.

[Dax Shepard]

Ooh, that's horny Schwanksville. It sounds a little bit like schwing or something.

[Monica Padman]

Know your audience.

[Dax Shepard]

Know my audience? I think I do. I think they know I'm a pervert. Know your host.

[Sarah]

I know who I'm talking to, don't. I worked at this camp every summer that I was in college. They do a lot of really incredible programs with different organizations in Philadelphia serving inner city youth, getting them out of the city for the summer. It's so much fun. But this story takes place during a training week. So we didn't have any campers on the site, which is important because that means that we didn't have any medical staff.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay.

[Sarah]

When we were running programs, we always had a fully trained nursing staff, but during training weeks, just the. The full time staff was there, which consisted mostly of 18 to 22 year olds. This was back in 2012. I was 20 years old. This summer, I was the head lifeguard. So I was helping to train another team of lifeguards during this training week, which also meant that I and one other girl were the only first aid certified people. People are all over the property training in different activities, and we're doing a classroom training session for some new lifeguards. And a girl runs into the lodge that we're in and says, help, help. He fell from a tree.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Sarah]

We'll call him Tony. She says, tony fell from the high zip line platform.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Sarah]

Which is at least 30ft in the air.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. Oh, fuck. This could be career ending.

[Sarah]

My stomach just dropped. Me and the other first aid girl grab our kit and we're running. We have to get in a golf cart because this platform is on the other side of the property. And we're asking this messenger questions, you know, is he conscious? What's going on? And she's like, I don't know.

[Monica Padman]

And Tony is another counselor.

[Sarah]

Yes. He was there also as a volunteer and he was training to run the zipline for campers. You know, I'm like, is Tony dead?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

Is his skull cracked open? Has he broken his back? And I've only been a lifeguard for like four weeks at this point.

[Erica]

This is crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my God. And I presume 911 has been called, but you guys are kind of far away from help.

[Sarah]

There was an urgent care down the road, but we're in the middle of the wilderness. So I honestly actually don't even remember if 911 was called. I think we were all just kind of panicking. So we have to kind of walk down into this path to get to where Tony is. And as we're approaching, I hear laughter. And I'm like, okay, that's probably a good sign. And Tony's laying on the ground, but he has his head propped up and he's talking with the people around him. So right away I'm like, okay, he's not dead. He's conscious. And clearly he has his wits about him. And he looks over at us kind of sheepishly. He's like, hey, guys. And we're like, what happened? Miraculously, when Tony fell, he wasn't clipped in properly, which is why he fell in the first place off of this platform. But he was agile and athletic enough that he grabbed onto the tree next to the one that he was in and essentially slid down it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. Oh. I'm worried about his hands.

[Sarah]

A fireman's pole.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my stomach just turned. I'd rather fall and hit my head open. Drag my hands down a pine tree.

[Monica Padman]

That's not good advice.

[Dax Shepard]

30Ft. Whoa.

[Monica Padman]

He has no skin.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, he's fucking. You want to talk about splinters?

[Sarah]

His fingertips are gone. And he has the most unique wounds I think I've ever seen on his forearms and his legs. And he's also pretty sure he's broken his ankle because again, he landed on his feet, but very hard.

[Dax Shepard]

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[Monica Padman]

This sounds up my alley. This sounds like a great summer. Listen, she needs to fit in and she's falling in love. And it's a hot boy, only a sister. Oh, this is exciting.

[Dax Shepard]

This summer, feel the yearn. Listen to Rich Girl Summer now on audible. Go to audible.com richgirlsomer we are supported by Liquid IV. Boy, have I been doubling up on Liquid IV because I am just sweating up a storm down south and I've got to have my electrolytes.

[Monica Padman]

When I was in New York, it was so hot, I was walking everywhere and I really needed to replen. You gotta carry em.

[Dax Shepard]

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[Sarah]

So we are trying to clean him up as best as we can. We ended up just putting him in someone's car to take him to the urgent care. So I guess 911 wasn't called.

[Dax Shepard]

I guess not.

[Monica Padman]

That was a mistake.

[Sarah]

Sorry, Monica.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I love a 911 call.

[Sarah]

I know. He ended up coming back to the property that night on crutches and bandaged up. He had broken his ankle. But he came back with aftercare instructions for these wounds. He needed these wounds cleaned, disinfected and re bandaged four times a day. Which sucks. Mostly for him, right? He's trying to be a good guy, serve at this camp. He's on crutches now.

[Monica Padman]

Is he hot?

[Sarah]

We were very like platonic good friends.

[Dax Shepard]

This is now Monica's. I was in trouble for being a perv earlier and now the real perv is energy chat.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I don't know. It's very intimate.

[Dax Shepard]

You had to dress his wounds.

[Sarah]

Even if there was going to be something romantic, the Amount of pus that I had to deal with in these wounds.

[Monica Padman]

I don't know.

[Sarah]

We were both shocked the first time I had to clean these. I don't know if it was just cause he had so much stuff from the tree. If his body was just getting rid of it.

[Dax Shepard]

Of course. So much foreign material.

[Monica Padman]

I just wish he went home and his mom could take care of him.

[Dax Shepard]

In your.

[Monica Padman]

Why did you have to do it?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

And I was smart.

[Dax Shepard]

Mommy. Monica.

[Sarah]

He was so laid back, but also so apologetic about this. He was like, I should just be doing this myself. I'm so sorry. And I'm like, you don't have fingertips. Like you can't. So I just pretended to be a nurse for a week before we got actual nursing staff and took care of the very pus filled wounds all over Tony.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. You're a hero.

[Sarah]

Made a full recovery. We both went back to the camp the next summer. No one fell out of a tree. The next summer. I did fall in love with a boy. And he's now my husband of 10 years and father of our three children.

[Monica Padman]

That was almost a me cue.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, next year.

[Sarah]

But yeah, that's the story of me pretending to be a medical professional. Good for you.

[Dax Shepard]

I guess my big question is, why aren't we sending Tony home? What the fuck is he gonna do other than be a drain on everyone? He has no business at this camp anymore.

[Sarah]

He was there for the vibes, and they're good vibes. This is a really fun place. And he is a tough guy. He was like, no, I can stick it out. I can be here. And then we. He just hobbled around on his crutches. But he had a great attitude.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, good for Tony.

[Monica Padman]

And good for you. You have a great attitude as well.

[Dax Shepard]

Good for you and Tony.

[Sarah]

I also have a little bit of a hero complex. Dax can relate to that. So it was fun for me to get to pretend that I knew how to take care of someone.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. And everyone knew there that you were doing the taking care of. That's lovely.

[Monica Padman]

Right?

[Sarah]

And they were like, wow. Come on, Sarah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You don't need an H on your name. They probably said that too.

[Monica Padman]

They were definitely thinking that.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, I'm very excited for you that you met that boy and you're married and you have three kids and you're in Berlin, Germany. What an adventure.

[Sarah]

Thank you. Yeah, it's been awesome. We love it here.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, well, Sarah, this was a delight.

[Sarah]

Thank you guys so much. I'm so grateful. I have to shout out my younger brother. He is the one that turned me onto this podcast in your first year. And. And Dax, I'm just always so moved by what an incredible dad you are and how much you delight in your daughters. I have such a great relationship with my dad and he's battling stage four cancer right now.

[Monica Padman]

I'm so sorry.

[Dax Shepard]

Sorry.

[Sarah]

He's the epitome of what a father should be. When I hear you talk about your girls and that relationship that you have with them, it's one of my favorite things about this whole thing that you guys do.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, well, thank you.

[Sarah]

You guys are awesome.

[Dax Shepard]

Give our love to your family.

[Sarah]

I will.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Sarah]

Thank you guys so much.

[Dax Shepard]

All right. Take care. Care. That one got me worse than anything we've heard on here. No, I could feel it.

[Monica Padman]

Not worse than last time when you.

[Dax Shepard]

Worse than the skin? Yeah, worse.

[Monica Padman]

Worse than the pus on the leg?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I got a visceral. We just talked to someone who slid down a very tall tree and I could feel all the slivers in my hands as she was describing that.

[Monica Padman]

It was bad, but not as bad as eating skin off a corpse.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm going to start right away with. Does anyone ever tell you that you look like Jason Lee?

[Brody]

I have not heard that. A long time ago I got Luke Wilson.

[Monica Padman]

I can also kind of see that.

[Dax Shepard]

That's a wonderful thing to be told. He's so cute and charming. Where'd you grow up?

[Brody]

I grew up in middle of Kansas. We live in Oklahoma now.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, wonderful. And was camp something everyone did there?

[Brody]

All my friends, we went to the same church camp from the surrounding areas. And it was just a big one week where you saw everyone did everything.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you have like friends there that weren't in your school or was it generally also just kids from your school?

[Brody]

There wasn't that many kids from my school. It was mostly my church and surrounding churches.

[Dax Shepard]

And how do you think church camps differ from your regular secular camp?

[Brody]

Guard. Church camp was a time for kids to kind of be wild sometimes.

[Dax Shepard]

So. Okay.

[Brody]

I don't think there's much of a difference.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so hit us with your camp story.

[Brody]

This happens last year at the same church camp that I grew up going to. I go now as a counselor. My kid goes there. I'm also the kind of the co director of this camp.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Erica]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Position of power.

[Brody]

Yes. It's in the middle of nowhere, Kansas. You have to take like a lone dirt road to get to it. Even about 120 campers, 8 to 13 year olds and Usually it's a pretty easy week. This week we had a lot of things go wrong. We had a few counselors cancel on us last minute. We're already short staffed. We had one counselor get shot in the face with a firework the day before.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so camp starts on July 5th.

[Brody]

Yeah. He's covered in second degree burns all over his face.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Brody]

So he's not there.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, good.

[Monica Padman]

I mean, I have to say, little.

[Dax Shepard]

Intense for the campers.

[Monica Padman]

That's a lot.

[Brody]

We also had to send a couple counselors home because of code of conduct issues.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, drugs or sex?

[Brody]

Suspicion of drugs.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Strong smell wafting out of certain areas.

[Brody]

Right. There were a lot of dazed mornings and nights. We're already short staffed. This is towards the end of the week. And then we find out that a couple kids have lice.

[Monica Padman]

Oh God. I have an outsized fear of lice. I really find it like my fear.

[Dax Shepard]

Of sliding down a tree, I guess.

[Brody]

Yeah, it was pretty bad. So it's a boy and a girl. We went to all the neighboring CVS's, Walmarts and we bought all the lice shampoo we could find in the area, cleaned out the whole central Kansas and washed all the kids hair. We sent those kids home because it was too much. So understaffed. We just did the license. And then one of my counselors comes up to me and says, hey, I just saw a high speed chase go down our dirt road with about 20 state troopers following a car.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh wow.

[Brody]

And then we get a call basically saying, here's the deal. A guy in New Mexico, aggravated assault, stole a car, armed and dangerous, fled. Cops in New Mexico, they've tracked him to your county in Kansas in the middle of nowhere.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my God.

[Brody]

High speed chase happens. He turns down our one dirt road, crashes, gets out of the car. Police don't know where he's at.

[Dax Shepard]

He's on foot somewhere in the woods.

[Brody]

He is on foot now.

[Dax Shepard]

It's Friday the 13th.

[Monica Padman]

That's great.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. We've got a murderer in the woods. Because it gets escalated to a murderer immediately, we're freaking out.

[Brody]

Luckily all the kids, it was like dinner time or worship in the evening. So they were all in one spot. So we're trying to develop a plan. We can keep them safe, watch the exits. We, we get a call saying, hey, they caught him. And so we go back to normal at the fire, sing songs, trying to get to bed. We get another call. Turns out no, they did not catch him. He is still on the loose. A couple hours later. Oh, my God, the sun is going down.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no.

[Brody]

It turns out a farmer was calling everyone and being like, they caught him.

[Monica Padman]

These farmers are miraculous.

[Dax Shepard]

Rural game of telephone.

[Monica Padman]

What would you have done?

[Dax Shepard]

Done? Went out to try to find them.

[Monica Padman]

And leave all the kids by themselves.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, oh, oh. If I were Brody, yeah. I would get them in one spot, minimal exits and entrances, try to find out what building is the least permeable, and then I would stand guard.

[Monica Padman]

I am going to make a lot of signs that say, we have lice. And, like, put them all over.

[Dax Shepard]

And then to deter.

[Monica Padman]

Get a megaphone and just be screaming, we have lice. So he knows not to come.

[Dax Shepard]

We have biological agents.

[Brody]

I wish we thought of that. The lice angle. That would be.

[Dax Shepard]

Been good.

[Brody]

We decide to go on lockdown because we can lock all the kids in the cabin so no one can get in, but they can get out. We post a couple counselors here and there, and we form what I can call, you know, like a camp militia, basically.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Really quick. None of the cops go, hey, we'll come to you. I mean, this seems crazy. They haven't peeled off a couple officers.

[Monica Padman]

To stand for kids camp camp.

[Brody]

One cop did come, and I'm thinking to myself, he's gonna kind of ease the situation. They know where he's at. But this cop came in hot, and he was like, I mean, who knows? You know? We don't really know where he's at.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, geez. Okay. He was scared, too.

[Monica Padman]

He could be anywhere.

[Brody]

All the dads of this camp form a perimeter.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Brody]

Around the camp to just, I guess, watch out for this guy.

[Monica Padman]

Sure.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Because no one has any firearms at the camp or anything. Anything. Or do we?

[Monica Padman]

Well.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, Church camp.

[Monica Padman]

Let's go. Church camp.

[Dax Shepard]

Because someone's got one in their pickup truck. Yeah.

[Brody]

I mean, central Kansas. I personally don't have a weapon, but there are a couple of guys that it's like, I hoped but didn't want to know. Because at one end, it's like, oh, I hope you didn't come to church camp with a gun in your car.

[Dax Shepard]

Yep. But now I'm glad that you did if you did.

[Brody]

Exactly.

[Monica Padman]

Might come in handy.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brody]

I just went around the ATV TV with a flashlight, shining it in bushes, kind of thinking he's an animal, and, like, noise would scare him away.

[Monica Padman]

Right, right.

[Brody]

But the one guy that probably was armed, he was a veteran, and he was sitting on top of his truck on a lawn chair looking out over this field, and I Don't know what was in his lap.

[Monica Padman]

He's so excited right now.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's his time to shine.

[Brody]

He didn't have a shirt on. He had a bandana on.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my. Okay.

[Brody]

And this is the same guy they got shot in the face with the fireworks?

[Monica Padman]

No, he's back.

[Brody]

He came to camp just on ibuprofen. He didn't want to take the heavy stuff. And he's like in this crow's nest. Second degree burns, watching over this field for us.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, he's the man for the job.

[Monica Padman]

He is scarier to me than the.

[Dax Shepard]

He's the man for the job.

[Monica Padman]

Just all those burns, that's enough to scare someone away. Maybe.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. He looks like Freddy at that point.

[Brody]

He did get a lot of Freddy comparisons.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brody]

Whenever he showed up halfway through the week.

[Dax Shepard]

Glad he did.

[Brody]

He's watched. Now we're making noise. We stay up all night. No update from the police.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my gosh.

[Brody]

So it's the last night at camp. We did all the lice. We're up all night and.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brody]

Sun comes up and we just pack and go home like it was nothing. They didn't catch them until the next day. They did catch them, though, because it.

[Dax Shepard]

Doesn'T sound like the most competent police department. I think they've sent you the dumbest one. They're like, we need the smart people looking for him. Send Mike over to the camp and he riles everyone up. He doesn't help at all.

[Brody]

They put out a press release saying we didn't want the public to know where he was at because we didn't want people showing up looking for him.

[Dax Shepard]

Right. The Dax Shepard types, that was maybe smart.

[Brody]

They weren't telling us where he was, so we just assumed he could be anywhere. I think he's still in jail in that local county.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're going back this year?

[Brody]

Going back this year in a few weeks.

[Dax Shepard]

There's no way that lice treatment worked. If you guys had hung out for another few days, I think everyone would have had it. Right.

[Brody]

There was another camp afterwards, so hopefully they pass on to those kids.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, let's. Fingers crossed.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, God.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, what an eventful. That's not what you're expecting when you sign up for church camp. It's not a manhunt. Oh, Brody, a delight to meet you. I think those people are lucky to have you as a co director of that place.

[Brody]

I appreciate it. Thank you guys so much for letting me tell my story. Do you mind if my wife says hi?

[Dax Shepard]

We'd love to meet her. Yeah.

[Brody]

Okay. Her name is Katie.

[Erica]

Hi, guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi, Katie. Hi, Katie.

[Monica Padman]

I like all your shoes. You got great shoes.

[Erica]

Thank you, Monica. Appreciate this. I do crisis PR for a living.

[Arielle]

Oh, wow.

[Erica]

Public relations agency. And so he calls me and he's like, okay, I need you to set your parent hat aside. Like, our son. Park. Park's fine. But I need you to help me craft a message to these parents. Like, what do I tell the parents?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, right. We got an active manhunt happening.

[Erica]

Yeah, they're gonna see this on Facebook from the Kingman County Sheriff's Office Facebook page. Like, we gotta tell these parents something. So I helped him write a message.

[Monica Padman]

Send it to the parents.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, by the way, there's nothing be said where you go, like, don't worry, there is a manhunt happening.

[Monica Padman]

You cloak it in the lice story. So it's mainly about lice. And then there's just one line about.

[Dax Shepard]

Right, like, terrible news to share. There has been a lice outbreak. We've sent the campers home, right. About six paragraphs on that. Hope they get bored at the end.

[Monica Padman]

Don't worry, we solved it. We shampooed. There is a killer on the loose now. When you get home, do another wash of hair.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Go back to it.

[Erica]

Hot water, Put it in a plastic bag. Oh, by the way, I think our main conundrum was, do we tell them we're on lockdown and don't come? That's when I put my parent hat back on. And I was like, you can't tell me not to come get my kid. So I said, brody, assure them they're safe. Tell them all the precautions you're taking. But also, if they want to come in the middle of the night and get their kid, they have to present an id. We will escort the kid out with all their stuff and, like, do a.

[Dax Shepard]

Safe handoff and they'll never be allowed in camp again. A little white threat.

[Erica]

Yeah. Yeah. I'll be to know how many kids.

[Dax Shepard]

Come back this year soon to find out.

[Monica Padman]

Well, you guys are just a delight.

[Dax Shepard]

I agree. It's so nice to meet both of you.

[Erica]

You too.

[Dax Shepard]

Bye. Bye.

[Monica Padman]

Bye. Oh, cute. I want to go to camp.

[Dax Shepard]

I guess I should have known that camps are largely church camps. No, I didn't put that together.

[Monica Padman]

There's so many kinds. I know a lot of people who went to, like, gymnastics camp. Camp. Like, it's all niche. I went to shielding camp, obviously.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, and what was that? Like, you just have to cheer the whole time.

[Monica Padman]

Well, it was camp, but really, it was like training.

[Dax Shepard]

That's my fear. So did you do any canoeing or marshmallows?

[Monica Padman]

We did marshmallows. We weren't allowed to eat them. Just kidding. We had to stay tiny.

[Dax Shepard]

Cheerleading joke.

[Monica Padman]

That was a really funny cheerleading joke.

[Dax Shepard]

No boys.

[Monica Padman]

Well, we have boys on our squad. Oh, people hook hooked up.

[Dax Shepard]

They did.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. People hooked up. Yep.

[Dax Shepard]

Anyone in the showers or probably fun times. Oh, I want to go to camp.

[Monica Padman]

Well, have a good summer, guys.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, enjoy your summer. Pretend you're at camp. I'm hosting camp this year, is what I'll say.

[Monica Padman]

Are you gonna have popsicles at your camp? Because I like that.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, whatever you want.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Sky is the limit.

[Monica Padman]

Great.

[Dax Shepard]

All right. Love you.

[Monica Padman]

Love you.

[Brody]

Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[Erica]

We don't have a theme song.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a them song for this new show, so here I go. Go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of arm cherries, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme dish on the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy. Follow armchair expert on the one driver app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.

[Sarah]

Hi, I'm Monica Lewinsky. Welcome to reclaiming. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you put possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. Miley Cyrus, welcome to reclaiming.

[Monica Padman]

My 2013 is your 1998. I lost everything during that time in my personal life because of the choices I was making professionally.

[Sarah]

Chelsea Handler, welcome to reclaiming.

[Monica Padman]

I did have a teacher who instilled in me that I was going to do something special, and she was like, you're going to have an impact.

[Sarah]

Sophia Bush, welcome to reclaiming.

[Erica]

You went all the way. You committed, and if it wasn't for you, you have the courage to tell the truth and get out. And I had to say that to women in my life, and I had to learn how to say it in the mirror to myself.

[Sarah]

This last decade for me has really been what I consider my own reclaiming, my own journey. My own reclaiming story is in the bones of this show. Please listen to reclaiming on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.