Armchair Anonymous: Valet Driver

Summary

Armchair Expert: Armchair Anonymous – Valet Driver (September 26, 2025)

Podcast: Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Hosts: Dax Shepard & Monica Padman
Format: Listener call-in, story-based
Theme: Wild, funny, and sometimes harrowing stories of valets and valet parking gone awry

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Episode Overview

In this episode of Armchair Anonymous, Dax and Monica invite listeners to share their craziest, strangest, and most memorable experiences involving valet services—both as drivers and patrons. What seems like a mundane service unravels into misadventures featuring totaled cars, botched pranks, mistaken identity, and even near-heroic deeds. The stories range from lighthearted foibles to full-blown chaos, always reflecting Dax’s unvarnished love for the messy and unpredictable facets of being human.

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Key Stories & Discussion Points

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1. Maggie’s Totaled Kia Forte – Chaos in the Pacific Northwest

Timestamp: [03:11]–[12:53]
Caller: Maggie, Colorado-based outdoors enthusiast

• Setup:
  Maggie shares her “most chaotic summer,” working a seasonal job at a national park, quitting halfway, and embarking on a two-week camping road trip with a friend in her beloved Kia Forte.
• Valet Encounter:
  After days of roughing it, they splurge on a hotel with valet. Later, needing her phone charger, Maggie requests her car.
• Shocking Twist:
  The hotel calls: “Your car has been in an accident.” A drunk motorcyclist ran a red light and t-boned her car as the valet was pulling it up—total loss, both drivers hospitalized but okay.
• Aftermath:
  Maggie spends the night unloading camping gear into the hotel’s conference room. Insurance logistics ensue amid travel plans to Iceland. Hotel offers support (room comped, shipping belongings, arranging travel).
• Notable Quotes:
  • Maggie [07:26]: “They’re like, ‘We don’t know how to tell you this. Your car has been in an accident.’”
  • Dax [08:22]: "Maybe that’s why he didn’t die. It cushioned." (on the car being packed with gear)
  • Maggie [12:18]: “You can either be mad, or you can be like—it’s a great story. It sucked in the moment, but it’s funny now.”
• Tone: Resilient, humorous acceptance of adversity

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2. Anne & the Prank Gone Awry – Surprise in the Backseat

Timestamp: [13:00]–[26:26]
Caller: Anne, former hotel front desk manager

• Setup:
  Anne details her early-20s stint managing a Charleston hotel, supervising college-age valet drivers prone to pranks (e.g., hiding in closets, washing machines to jump out).
• Prank That Backfired:
  On a busy Sunday, a valet named George hides in an SUV, planning to jump out and scare Anne. But Anne is delayed; instead, a guest retrieves his own car.
• Escalation:
  George, trapped in the backseat, panics but stays hidden for two blocks before popping up and apologizing profusely to a shocked (and furious) guest. George invents a cover story about surprising another guest for a birthday. The guest drives him back to the hotel.
• Damage Control:
  The team comps the room and covers for one another. The incident never makes it to management.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Anne [20:43]: "George has thought it would be a wonderful idea to hide in the back of an SUV... but obviously, he noticed it was not me getting into the car."
  • Dax [23:55]: "That went without detection from your supervisors? They didn’t even realize you guys had comped the room?"
  • Dax [24:51]: “There’s not a time I don’t get in a car from a hotel valet that I don’t kind of look in the mirror thinking—‘Is somebody hiding in my car?’”
• Tone: Classic workplace mischief; lessons in unintended consequences

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3. Monica’s Family Vacation – The Great Car Swap

Timestamp: [27:57]–[41:18]
Caller: Monica, nurse practitioner

• Setup:
  In 2014, Monica and her family visit Lake Louise, Canada, renting a blue Chrysler minivan. Their youngest brother, Michael, is responsible for loading suitcases.
• The Mix-Up:
  After a week, the valet returns “their” car. The family packs in, only to later find the gas tank seems off, a suitcase doesn’t fit, and unfamiliar sunglasses are discovered.
• Revelation:
  Monica realizes: “If these sunglasses don’t belong to someone in this car, we have the wrong car.” They also discover the vehicle’s personal registration—it's a local’s car, not a rental.
• Resolution:
  The family calls the hotel; both parties (each driving the other’s car) agree to meet at a highway marker for an exchange. Suitcases fit perfectly in their real car.
• Aftermath:
  Flight is delayed, so all is well. The other family, meanwhile, is furious at the hotel over their missing car.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Monica [37:04]: “If these sunglasses do not belong to somebody in this car, we have the wrong car.”
  • Dax [41:10]: "So that's how we stole a car from the valet."
• Tone: Family comedy, classic case of mistaken identity

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4. Andrew the Valet – Stopping a Rogue Prius

Timestamp: [46:01]–[53:14]
Caller: Andrew, former valet at Baltimore Italian restaurant

• Setup:
  Describes the old textile mill setting now a restaurant. Valet pace picks up during dinner rush.
• Incident:
  A woman in a Prius fails to put the car in park; as more customers arrive, the Prius starts rolling downhill, gathering speed, headed toward the restaurant and the valet booth.
• Heroic Moment:
  Andrew, realizing what’s happening, steps in front of the car with his hands out, managing to stop it after it jumps a stone wall and loses some momentum.
• Aftermath:
  The driver, mortified, eventually re-parks her car (with help). She’s “very embarrassed” but regains composure enough to go enjoy her dinner. Andrew is rewarded with drinks and an above-average tip.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Andrew [48:06]: "All of a sudden I look up and I see the Prius coming right at the restaurant..."
  • Dax [48:31]: “You thought you could stop it.”
  • Andrew [48:44]: “It felt pretty cool. I got a few shift drinks for that.”
• Tone: Humorous, a bit of workplace heroism

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Memorable Quotes & Exchanges

• Maggie [12:18]: “It kind of sucked at the moment, but it’s funny now.”
• Dax [24:51]: “There’s not a time I don’t get in a car from a hotel valet that I don’t kind of look in the mirror thinking—‘Is somebody hiding in my car?’”
• Monica (about her dad) [37:10]: “My dad whips around, takes the sunglasses, puts them on his face, and he's like, ‘They're mine!’”
• Andrew [48:44]: “It felt pretty cool. I got a few shift drinks for that.”
• Monica (host) [41:03]: “If I was Michael, I'd be like, the youngest, and you fucking dumb dumbs, I told you so.”

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Host Banter & Running Jokes

• Dax repeatedly reveals his fascination with both the experience of being a valet and with car minutiae (especially Kias, Will Forte puns, and car models).
• Running commentary on the perils of having the name “Karen” in a post-meme world, with an AI-generated statistic deep-dive into baby naming trends.
  • Dax [43:38]: "These are so well written." (about AI answers)
• Light roasting of family organization, nerdiness, and how minor details (the gas gauge, sunglasses) can be crucial revealers of much bigger problems.

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Additional Insights

• Valet work, as described, is a cocktail of tedium, adrenaline, social unpredictability, and the possibility of being an unwitting participant in the most outrageous stories.
• Listeners’ stories highlight how quickly humor and hospitality can tip into chaos, with “adults having to apologize for things college kids did to amuse themselves.”
• The episode points out both the heroism and incompetence on display in everyday work life, and the resilience needed to navigate inevitable mishaps.

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Conclusion

The episode is a vibrant collection of stories that showcase the unpredictable intersections of customer service, bad luck, and the human capacity to laugh at disaster—especially in the world of valets. Whether cautionary tales, outright farce, or surprising moments of heroism, each story resonates with Dax and Monica’s appreciation for the messy, resilient ways people bumble and recover from life’s curveballs.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

This is a must-listen if you love candid storytelling, appreciate the comedy in disaster, and want to hear people at their most honest and vulnerable. Each segment is entertaining, with a generous dose of host banter and genuine admiration for callers’ resilience.

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Notable segments:

• [03:11] Maggie’s unlucky valet accident
• [13:00] Anne’s “valet prank gone wrong”
• [27:57] Monica’s “we stole a car from the valet”
• [46:01] Andrew’s heroic Prius stop

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Transcript

[A]

Wondry subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hi. Today we have crazy valette driver stories.

[B]

It's a harrowing profession, as it turns.

[A]

Out, both to park your car and to park the car.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

We have a Ms. Mat. A Ms. Hodgepodge. Hodgepodge mashup.

[B]

Mosh pit.

[A]

We have a mosh pit of different experiences dealing with valet drivers. Please enjoy valet drivers. We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking your phone's volume first before playing your morning playlist at full blast in the office break room is not smart. Or not checking if your gym shorts have a hole in them before doing squats in front of the mirror wall also not smart. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We are supported by quints. With quints, you can get luxury basics at prices that make sense. Get all the good stuff. High quality fabrics, classic fits and lightweight layers for warm weather without dropping a fortune. I just was staring at a box of quints that arrived yesterday. Kristin's been firing off orders. We all love everything that arrives.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Hello.

[A]

Hello. Now, are you a big outdoors person? You have, it seems like, camping gear or some kind of cold weather stuff behind you?

[C]

I am. This is my camping backpacking closet. I got all my sleeping bags and backpacks and anything I might need.

[A]

How many days a year are you out in the wilderness?

[C]

This year? I spent 30 nights outside this summer.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

This summer.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's admirable.

[C]

It is.

[B]

Now you're not scared of bears, then.

[C]

That's a different story. I am scared of bears. I worked a summer in Glacier national park and had a pretty intense bear encounter. But that's not what we're here for today.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Or are we? Did you pee your pants?

[C]

Luckily, no one peed their pants. Someone did scrape up their knees, started bleeding, and they're like, just keep going. We got to leave.

[B]

So I was like, okay, scary man.

[A]

This is what takes me out. I don't ever want to meet a grizzly bear. I already worked with one professionally, and that was enough.

[B]

You already did it once and got out alive.

[A]

Okay. So where are you?

[C]

I'm in Golden, Colorado. So just west of Denver.

[A]

Yes. And is that where they brew Coors beer?

[C]

It is, yeah.

[A]

Okay. You have a valet story?

[C]

I do. This is a story from the most chaotic summer of my life. But it's just a little snippet of it. It's not the whole thing.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Happened between my sophomore and junior year of college. I decided to work a seasonal job up in a national park in the pnw. So how the seasonal jobs work. I drove out there in my car, I brought all my stuff, loaded up my Kia Forte. After a series of unfortunate events, which is a whole nother story, I decided to quit midway and just travel for the rest of the summer before school started again.

[A]

You said P. Nw Pacific Northwest. Is that what you're saying?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Okay. You're speaking in codes.

[C]

Ok. Oregon, Washington area. So it just so happened that when I decided to quit, a friend who I met at the park invited me on a trip to Iceland in about two weeks. And I was like, I'm in. Quit my job, had two weeks off to travel the pnw. I was like, this is perfect. Me and another ex coworker loaded up all of our stuff for the summer in my Kia Forte. So it was packed, and we hit the road. We spent most of those two weeks hiking, camping, living it up, having the best time. After about a week and a half of camping, we decided to treat ourselves to a hotel. And we're like, this is gonna be so nice. We can sleep in a real bed. We can shower.

[A]

Can I tell you something so stupid? This entire story I'm framing in my mind that you were a valet driver, and I'm now realizing. And then you lovingly refer to the Kia Forte so many times. I was like, she really loves your car. And then I just like a dum dum put together, like, oh, you're gonna have valeted your car and it's gonna involve the Kia.

[B]

Did you think all of these were going to be like.

[A]

Well, just. She was saying, summer job. I'm like, okay, that's a great summer job. As a valet, you get tipped a lot of grease. I always wanted that job. But no. Okay, I've caught up now. So you're gonna go to a nice hotel.

[C]

This hotel had valet, and I was 20 at the time. I was like, I have never used ballet in my life.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I was so excited. Checked my car into the valet, we grabbed our overnight bags, went out, explored the city, and was just having the grandest old time. Come about 10pm we get back to the room, and I realize I left my phone charger in the car. I went down to the front desk. I was like, hey, can you pull the car around? It's the Kia Forte. Five minutes passed. Ten minutes passed, and I was like, dang, it must be a busy day for the valet. It's a Friday night. Maybe a lot of people want their car at 10pm so we headed back up to the room, and a few minutes later, the phone rang. I was like, oh, perfect. Car must be here. And my friend picked it up, and I will never get this sight out of my head. She picked it up and answered in the most joyous tone. Maggie and Danielle's room. How can I help you? And then I just saw her face drop. And she hands the phone over to me, and someone on the other end goes, is this the owner of the Kia Forte?

[A]

Okay. The proud owner of a Kia Forte.

[D]

First car.

[C]

I was so proud of him. I say yes. And they asked me to come down to the lobby.

[B]

They're making you go to them?

[A]

Maybe they wanted to see what's happening.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[C]

And they're like, we don't know how to tell you this. Your car has been in an accident.

[A]

It's been in an accident. I thought it was sleeping in the garage.

[C]

Yeah. So as they were pulling the car around, apparently a drunk motorcyclist ran a red light, t boned my car and totaled it.

[A]

Oh, my God. Did we lose the motorcyclist? If you t bone a car that bad.

[C]

I was so scared about that. I asked. I was like, is the valet driver and the motorcyclist okay? And they go, they're both in the hospital. Minor injuries. They're gonna be fine.

[A]

Oh, my Lord.

[C]

So they took me over to the accident, and they're like, we're gonna give you all the contact information. Talk to the police. At this point, it was like, 11. I was getting tired. A tow truck came and towed the car to the front of the hotel, and I unloaded everything from that car. I mean, I'm talking the whole collection of things for two people over the summer. Bedding, cool clothes, suitcases, backpacks, camping gear. That Kia Forte was packed.

[A]

Maybe that's why he didn't die. It cushioned.

[B]

Yeah, the padding. I was.

[A]

Yeah, like that. Stuffing inside, maybe ran into the sleeping.

[C]

Bags and the tents and just bounced right off.

[A]

As he was flying through the air, he went, oh, thank God. Then hit the ground, maybe even grab one of his. Wrapped himself in his sleeping bags.

[C]

I put everything in the hotel's conference room and went to bed the next morning. Spent all day talking with my insurance, the motorcyclist insurance, and the hotel's insurance because it wasn't my fault and still had to get everything that I brought for the summer back to my house back in Denver, and I was leaving the country in two days.

[A]

Oh, stressful.

[C]

The coworker I was with, I was dropping her off in another city. Supposed to be that day, but obviously that didn't happen a few hours away with all of her stuff. Thankfully, the hotel did everything they could to accommodate us. They shipped everything we needed back to our homes or to our next destinations. I was under 25 at the time, while still I'm under 25, but under 25 could have rent a car. And this was during 2021, so cars were hard to come by.

[A]

Oh, I got it. You couldn't even rent a car. Because I'm like, yeah, they got to rent you a car so you can drop your pal off and then head home and then turn it in there.

[C]

Yeah. Luckily, the hotel comped our rooms, and they also bought me A train ticket and all the Ubers and train rides and taxis. I needed to get to the airport, so I made it to the airport two days after this happened. I then went on my international trip and dealt with my car when I got back home.

[A]

Do you fly on a Sea Tac?

[C]

Yes, I did.

[A]

So you took that Silver Surfer train up. I think it's called the Silver Surf Line.

[C]

I. I don't.

[A]

What if you just go. I don't care. You stole Monica's words right out of her mouth. I don't care. I don't think anyone else cares either. What the branding of the train was. So was the car a total? Did it remain in the pnw or did they fix it and ship it home? What happened?

[C]

It was totaled. I never saw that car again. The last time I saw it was on the streets. Windshield cracked, airbags out.

[A]

Did you get enough money back to replace the Forte?

[C]

They didn't give me enough to replace the exact same, so I had to buy a new car and take out a little loan for that.

[A]

You know, I'm just thinking that Will Forte's in these VW commercials, right? Isn't he in them with Kristen Wiig and Hater? Isn't it the Three? No, he's not.

[B]

No, it is. It's the Californians.

[A]

It's our best dude. It's Fred Armisen. Because I was thinking, why doesn't Kia hire Will Forte for the Kia Forte?

[B]

Oh, funny.

[A]

Kia.

[B]

Will Forte really didn't understand till that last sentence.

[A]

Yeah, this is a missed opportunity.

[B]

You're right.

[C]

You're on to something.

[A]

I really have gotten something that's going to break through. But did you have a good rest of your trip? I hope.

[C]

As I said, this was the most chaotic summer of my life. And it just got even more chaotic after that.

[B]

Oh, boy. The planets were not aligned.

[C]

It was the best summer and the worst summer all wrapped in one.

[A]

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

[B]

Did you consider when the Kia Forte was in its accident that you're like, I'm not supposed to travel?

[A]

That's what Monica would have done. She would have said, the universe just told me I shouldn't get to my flight.

[B]

Maybe she wasn't supposed to be on that flight.

[A]

Did you get food poisoning on that trip?

[C]

I did not. I got baby held hostage.

[A]

Wait, Baby held hostage?

[C]

We were staying in an Airbnb, and the Airbnb lady trapped us in the Airbnb with a knife and wanted our passport.

[E]

So what?

[B]

You were not Supposed to go, you weren't listening.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Ignoring all the signs anyways.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

Was it Bjork?

[C]

It was crazy. It was chaotic.

[A]

Wow, wow, wow. Well, Maggie, it's a delight to meet you. You have the best attitude for this kind of hijinks. You've chosen the right path as an adventurer because it seems like anything can roll off your back.

[C]

Thank you. I've had enough of these random things come up in my life that I figured you can either take it and be sad or mad about it, or you can take it and be like, you know what? It's a great story. It kind of sucked at the moment, but it's funny now.

[A]

That's my ethos.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

It's so great to meet you guys. I've just recently become a fan. Two of my friends, Liza and Maggie, they wanted me to give them a shout out. They introduced me to the podcast and they're like, it's a great work podcast.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Thanks, Gails. Thanks for turning Maggie on to us.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

All right. Send them our love and good luck on all your travels. I think they'll be extensive.

[C]

Thank you. I appreciate it. And have a great rest of your day.

[A]

All right, bye. Bye. Hello.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

You immediately look like many people. Who are you? Told you. You look like most.

[D]

To be honest, not really anybody.

[A]

I'm going to hit you with one. Who's a personal friend. Malin Akerman. Oh, Christina Applegate. Oh, Christina. Are you watching the Hunting Wives?

[D]

Yes. It's a great compliment. I've never heard that before.

[A]

Okay, we'll take it.

[B]

When you first appeared, I got Poehler vibes.

[A]

Oh, Amy Poehler.

[D]

You guys are spoiling me. These are great.

[A]

Good company. Ann, where are you?

[D]

I am currently in Nashville, Tennessee.

[A]

God bless. We're neighbors.

[D]

I don't actually live here. I'm here for work.

[C]

Work.

[D]

I live in Asheville, North Carolina.

[B]

Ooh, we love it.

[C]

Thanks.

[A]

My other favorite places, you might know, Aaron and I are planning a motorcycle trip to Asheville.

[D]

Are you going to do the Blue Ridge Parkway? The Dragon's Tale. Is that what they refer to it as? That's like the Stretch.

[A]

Yeah. We're going to be based in Nashville and do rides every day out of it in different directions. I'm going to make them look at Looking Glass Fall and Sliding Rock and all the fun stuff.

[D]

Oh, fun.

[A]

Okay. So you have a valet story.

[D]

Yes. So before I got into training and development, a lifetime ago, I worked in hotels, so I used to live in Charleston, South Carolina. I went to college there. I managed the front desk at a hotel while I was in college, and so I oversaw anybody that you checked in at the front desk and the valet team that we had for the hotel.

[A]

Can I guess that that's a super fun job? Like, I'm so nosy, and I feel like I'd be getting a glimpse into all these people's lives, and I would really like it.

[D]

As an early 20 something, I think a really fun job because you're not taking things too seriously. I don't think they probably should have put me in charge.

[B]

Yeah. That's a lot of responsibility because a lot goes down in hotels.

[A]

Oh, absolutely. Murders, suicides. There's everything.

[D]

A lot of chaos. Especially Charleston. Like party city in a lot of ways. So was a great job. Super fun.

[A]

Sorry. I'm sorry. Hold on. You get an emergency call? Like, someone destroyed the bathroom?

[D]

Not an emergency call, but we did have some Citadel cadets. The Citadel academy is down there. We had them party a little too hard and, like, really destroy a room. So we actually ended up calling their school to inform the commander, whoever it was above them, and they made them come back for a weekend and clean all of our rooms for us.

[C]

Oh, that's cool.

[D]

It worked out to our advantage in that way.

[A]

Yeah. If someone's gonna trash your place, you pray it's cadets.

[B]

He was looking for, like, a poop story. And it's okay that you don't have one.

[D]

I don't personally. I'm sure they happened. I'm sure maintenance got some crazy calls. I feel fortunate I wasn't on the receiving end of this.

[A]

They shielded you from that. The underbelly. Okay, okay, okay. So I'm back up to speed.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

As you can imagine, I wasn't the only college kid working there. Almost all of us were college stage, especially the valet drivers. Pretty young guys and eight hour shifts. You're just trying to kind of keep yourself entertained. How do you stay busy and enjoy yourself? So we had kind of ongoing prank systems with each other, each other, and wanting to keep things going, but try and keep guests out of it. And I jump really easily, so you can just walk around a corner and I'm going to be like, ah, I didn't see you coming. And so our valet drivers loved to make that the center. They would hide unexpecting places, really try to pop out and surprise me at any chance. They try to one up each other on finding the best place to do it. Hotel closets. One of them hid in one of the washing machines.

[B]

No.

[D]

So they were really in it for the win. On Sundays, as I'm sure you can imagine, hotels are very busy with checkouts. Valet gets very busy. And also because it's a bunch of college kids, somebody usually calls out because they were partying over the weekend. And so during kind of peak checkout, I would leave the front desk and go help bring cars around. Our lot was across the street, and on a particular Sunday, George, one of our valets, had really been thinking through, like, what is a great way that I could get her.

[A]

Every female has. This is their number one fear.

[D]

I know. Like, did it really think through that?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What it might be.

[A]

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[D]

Guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply to exclusions and details@t mobile.com so we had kind of a system of who would go get cars. You knew someone else is getting this car, I'll get this one when they get back. So someone was always around. And so I was waiting for the next valet driver to come back before I went to get a car. And during that time another long term guest of ours had come up and started chatting with me, was upset about something and it became obvious I was not going to be able to step away to go get this car that I had said I would pull around. So. And because I knew the guest whose car we were gonna pull around, I decided, hey, you can just go get your own car. I know you're in a rush if you wanna get it. He'd been staying there for a while.

[A]

Perfect.

[D]

Give you the keys, go get your own car. He says, great. He goes across the street to go get his car. He goes to get in his car. And meanwhile George has thought it would be a wonderful idea to hide in the back of an SUV where he could pop up and scare me. He really thought through it needs to be a bigger car where I'll see her coming, but I'll have room to pop up. He thought this was prime time, the best time. And so then obviously he noticed it was not me getting into the car.

[A]

Oh, well, first of all, that's a blessing. Cause I could see him going, like seeing you at the curb and going, oh, shit, it's happening. I gotta get down and hide and totally miss that. It wasn't even you.

[D]

I don't know that he saw it as a blessing. He kind of panicked in the moment, didn't know what to do, and so he just kept hiding.

[B]

I actually think that's the right thing.

[A]

No, no, no. You gotta get out before he gets to the car and you go, oh, my God, I'm in your car. I'm so sorry. I thought Anne was gonna be so fast. It is your panic.

[B]

Cause that guy is in a rush. So he just got in and drove.

[A]

But versus let me just model out, what could happen. You're in the backseat, the guy's driving, he takes a call. It's with a mistress. Now you're in the backseat, like, oh, my fucking God. I just learned something.

[B]

You can't pop up because he'll either murder you or get. So you have to wait till they get to their house. And then.

[A]

That's what I was arguing. Initiate the departure before the guy starts getting in the car.

[B]

I know. I just don't think there was time.

[A]

There wasn't time.

[D]

Also, it's not like he could then open the back door and like, roll out action film style or something. Like he kind of was trapped at that point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

George hid for about two blocks before I think it just occurred to him, like, I'm gonna have to get up. I have to do something.

[E]

I can't stand this person's.

[B]

No, no, you have to get to the destination.

[A]

How old was this guest?

[D]

Oh, he's probably 40s or 50s.

[A]

Oh, thank God it wasn't someone in jeopardy of a heart condition.

[B]

But he could have had a gun in the glove compartment.

[A]

Conceal and carry.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Also, he could have been driving to, like, Florida. When we say, you gotta wait till the destination, who knows where that is?

[B]

Then you say, excuse me, sir.

[D]

So that's kind of what George did. So he just kind of slowly raised his head over the back seat and was like, sorry, sorry, sir. And then immediately the guy slammed on.

[C]

His face, like, what the fuck?

[D]

Like, screaming. And he's like, I'm from the hotel. I'm from the hotel. Cause his first thought is, he's gonna think I was trying to rob him.

[B]

Yes, of course.

[D]

And I got caught in the car. Not that. This was something else. So he starts screaming, I'm from the hotel. I'm from the hotel. I'm so sorry. Gets out of the car, the guest is screaming at him. I will give George credit. He came up with a pretty good backstory. Oh, he didn't wanna go prank wise. He said, I'm so sorry, we have another guest whose birthday it is. And so we had told his wife that we would surprise him in the car. And then we were supposed to give him direct. And I got in the wrong car. And I just panicked when you got in.

[B]

This is an intricate lie.

[D]

I was like, in two blocks. You came up with a decent story, given the situation.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

My boss never found out about it. He didn't write bad reviews. We did comp the room and apologized. I mean, what else were we gonna do? There wasn't a really great way to.

[A]

Get out of this that went without detection from your supervisors. They didn't even realize you guys had comped the room. No.

[D]

For something like that, it wasn't common that they would get into it. Somebody was upset about a stay because we pranked so often on each other. When they came back to the hotel in the same vehicle and the guests got out to tell me the story, it was a quick pickup of yes. He was supposed to be surprising somebody so that everyone kind of jumped in and played along.

[B]

Wait, he drove him back?

[D]

Yes, he drove him back.

[A]

What a gentleman.

[D]

I mean, it was nice, but he was also wanting to come back and yell at me.

[B]

I wonder how that that car ride went on the way back. He's just sitting in the back seat.

[A]

Well, if he started getting up front in the passenger seat, this guy's like, stay back there.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Wow, that is.

[B]

That's hilarious. Really?

[A]

Talk about a bit gone bad.

[B]

That's hijinks. That's prank gone wrong. We've done that before.

[A]

Hijinks.

[D]

I feel like that guest probably is a little bit scarred for life when he gets in his car. There's not a time I don't get in a car from a hotel valet that I don't kind of look in the mirror thinking somebody hiding in my car.

[A]

And I won't say the name of the actor, but there was an actor who had a weekend off from his television show to Joshua Tree here in California in the desert in an RV with friends and did shrooms all night. Crawled back into the rv, went to sleep, woke up because he heard. He heard like this. And he's like, oh, my God, they already started driving home. But what are we driving on? And he got up and he looked out the window and they were crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. He crawled into the wrong rv. Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And woke up crossing the Golden Gate Bridge and had to again go, excuse me. And then had to get himself from San Francisco with nothing. He was on shrooms the night before. I know the agent. This person called the agent collect, was like, I'm in San Francisco.

[B]

Is this person recognizable enough that the person driving was like, no, I don't think so.

[A]

Now, isn't that great?

[B]

Funny and crazy. Wow. But that is 100% my nightmare. Someone in my backseat.

[A]

Yeah, you would have maybe fucking crashed the car. That might be a blessing.

[D]

It was not a good call on his behalf. Early 20s, you know, but it worked out okay.

[A]

That's a great story, Anne. I really enjoyed it. Thank you.

[D]

It was the first time you guys had a prompt that I was like, oh, I might have something this fits for.

[A]

You certainly do. And it's abstract. It's like you didn't valet and you weren't a valet worker. And yet somehow it still all worked. Yeah.

[B]

That was great.

[A]

Well, lovely meeting you. Thanks for taking time out of your workday in Nashville.

[D]

Thank you, guys. Enjoy Asheville.

[A]

I will. I recommend you eat at Bricktops tonight.

[D]

There is a Bricktops right across the street from our office.

[A]

I cannot recommend it enough. Get the deviled eggs and candy bacon if they have it.

[D]

Okay. I love some candy bacon.

[A]

Oh, you're. It's the best I've ever had. Wonderful meeting you.

[B]

Bye. Bye. George and the other valets never saw that episode of Punky Brewster where she, I think, is playing hide and seek and she goes into, like, either the fridge or the washing machine or something and it ends bad.

[A]

That was one of the big moral panics of the 80s is everyone thought kids were getting trapped in fridge.

[B]

Punky was.

[A]

But what's crazy is I grew up and my mother was always like, don't. At some point, I finally got older. I was like, a human can't get in this fucking. What are they talking about?

[B]

Punky?

[A]

No. There's no room in a refrigerator for a human to get in. I don't know why there's such a huge fear. I mean, I don't want to recommend anything. I'm pretty sure you could open it from the inside. If you can open it from the outside, it does not hold at all.

[B]

Do not try it.

[A]

I'm going to do it as like a David Blaine thing. I'm going to put it on television. I'm going to get in a fridge and I'm going to walk right out. It's going to be like a two second special, and I'm going to go debunked.

[B]

No, you should say D Punked. And then like, you're using your.

[A]

You just got to punked. Here's Monica. Oh, which Monica will it be? Monica Lewinsky.

[B]

Hello. Hello.

[E]

Not Monica Lewinsky.

[A]

Not Monica. And not Monica Padman.

[E]

No, no.

[B]

And not Monica Geller, though you do kind of look like her. Courtney Cox.

[A]

Oh, Cece.

[E]

My mom's name is also Monica.

[A]

It is your second generation money. They don't do that with women. Right. You can't be a junior as a woman. Or can you?

[B]

You could, but they don't.

[E]

It's in my family. My grandmother's name is Maria. My mom's eldest sister is Maria. So then Monica. Monica.

[A]

Oh, no. Do you have the same middle name as Mom?

[E]

My mom does not have a middle name, and I have a midd.

[A]

And are you a nurse?

[E]

Yes, I'm actually a nurse practitioner.

[A]

You're our favorite group of people on planet Earth.

[B]

Yeah. Nothing but Monica's.

[A]

Monica's. And then additionally, nurses are our favorite.

[E]

Yes. Yeah, I do high risk obstetrics or high risk pregnancies at a clinic.

[A]

Oh, stressful. Stressful. Do you have, like, a higher arousal setting? Are you like, calm and shit hits the fan?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

Do you have a wild childhood or are you just genetically that way?

[E]

I think genetically, perhaps I can be calm during stress, but then afterwards I will kind of relive it in panic.

[A]

Delayed panic.

[B]

How's the name working out for you? Are you happy with it?

[E]

I love it because I can use my mom's id like going into the American Airlines Club. Don't tell American Airlines, but I can use her name and go in.

[B]

Nice.

[E]

So it's worked out very well in my life. I love having the same name as my mom.

[A]

That is a hack.

[B]

That is. That's good.

[A]

Okay, so you have a valet story.

[E]

Yes, I do have a valet story. I'm curious if you guys have heard valet driver stories or people who have used the valet.

[A]

Great question, because I had framed all this incorrectly. Our first caller, I'm like, oh, they're gonna tell me they worked as a valet? No, they had valeted their car. And then the second person was neither but was involved in a valet debacle. And where do you fall into this?

[E]

So we used the valet service. It was a family vacation in 2014. So my family, my mom, my dad, I'm the eldest. So in 2014. I was 21. My middle brother was 19. And then my youngest brother, Michael. So there's all M's. He was 16. So we flew to Calgary, Canada, and then we were going to rent a car and drive the two hours west to Lake Louise, a town outside of Banff. Gorgeous, Gorgeous. So we landed in Calgary. We rented the car. It was a blue Chrysler. Dax, I'm sorry, that's all I know about the car. I'm not a big car person. So we rented the car. My youngest brother Michael, 16, he is our suitcase loader. So he had to load our five checked bags, three backpacks, and then two carry ons. So he loads it into the trunk. We all drive on our merry way for two hours. Have a great week at Lake Louise. We're staying at the hotel right there. And so because they don't have a parking lot, you have to valet your car every time you come and go. So during the week we would call from the hotel room, my dad would order the car so that it would be ready by the time we came down.

[A]

Your dad's so type A. The whole family's so type A. I already know this. It's like the coordination of the names. The call ahead, that's me. They don't want to get down there.

[E]

And wait, wait in the room and we'll be ready. So there's, you know, the blue minivan. The day comes for us to leave, so we know it's a two hour drive and we have to arrive two hours at the airport before our flight. So we have it all calculated. So in the morning, we're all packing. My dad again calls a valet. Hey, let's get our blue minivan up, please. Okay, great. I'm the eldest. I walk down with my suitcases, followed by my brother, my other brother, and everybody eventually comes down. So I had walked up, there's our car, doors are open, trunk is open. I'm like, hey, valet guy, thanks so much for pulling up our car. This has been so great. You've been so great all week. He said, oh, no problem. Do you guys have your little valet ticket? I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, my dad has it. He'll be the last one down. He'll hand it to you.

[A]

Perfect.

[E]

So I leave my suitcase by the trunk. Here comes my youngest brother, Michael. And of course he's the loader. So there he goes, working on loading everybody's suitcases into the trunk. We're all buckled. Michael's still working. Poor guy. And he's taking a while and he's like, it's not fitting, you guys. It's not fitting. You're like, michael, you're so dumb. Like, just ratting on him because he's the youngest. Finally, my mom's like, we have to go. We have a two hour drive. We have a flight. So, Michael, we just take one of the suitcases and we put it into the middle passage row. We're leaving the hotel and on the street. Michael from the back row. Hey, dad, why is the gas meter lower than when we turned in the car yesterday?

[A]

Oh, he this family is on it. They all have designated roles and they're trustworthy because she was like, I'm going to leave it here. I would never trust a younger sibling to get my bag in a car. So I'd be like, fuck it, I'm putting it in. I don't care what the rule is.

[E]

I didn't want to do it.

[B]

Yeah, that's annoying.

[E]

Okay, so my dad answers, oh, it's at altitude and we don't know where the valet parked their car. Maybe they ran some errands with the car. Sure, dad, whatever. Let's just go to the airport.

[A]

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[B]

Even though we are a show called Armchair Expert, we understand, in fact, because we are a show, we understand that a professional is a professional. We talk about all kinds of things on here with each other. But it's different when you're talking to a therapist. Just they know more.

[A]

Yeah. It's so helpful to have someone outside of your little ring of emotions that can kind of objectively watch what's going on. That's why Better help has over 30,000 licensed professional therapists who are actually qualified to help with things like like relationships, anxiety and depression. They've been matching people with the right Therapists for over 10 years and they've got a 4.9 rating from 1.7 million client session reviews to prove it. Find the one with better help. Armchairs get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.comDAX that's better. H E L P.comDAX we are supported by ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruited and hiring new employees is like being stuck in the world's most confused, confusing game show. You're sitting there drowning in resumes, playing endless phone tag and wondering if anyone out there actually has the skills you need. But here's the thing. Hiring doesn't have to be this time consuming anymore. ZipRecruiter's latest tools and features help speed up finding the right person for your roles so you save valuable time. And now you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com Dax here's what makes them different. Their new advances let you find and connect with qualified candidates in minutes. See someone perfect for the role role. You can unlock their contact info instantly. Plus they add over 320,000 new resumes monthly, which means more potential hires to choose from. No wonder they're the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Use ZipRecruiter and save time. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And if you go to ZipRecruiter.com DAX right now, you can try it for free again. That's ziprecruiter.com Dax ZipRecruck the smartest way to hire.

[E]

So we're driving again. It's a two hour drive, so we're about halfway there.

[B]

Oh no.

[E]

I'm in the seat behind my dad and he's driving. So I look in the back seat pocket. I don't know why And I pull out these sunglasses, and I'm like, oh. All of a sudden, the suitcase is not fitting, the gas being different. And so I say, if these sunglasses do not belong to somebody in this car, we have the wrong car.

[B]

Oh, God.

[E]

So my dad whips around, takes the sunglasses, puts them on his face, and he's like, they're mine.

[D]

They're mine.

[E]

They're mine.

[B]

Oh.

[E]

And my mom looks at them. They're women's sunglasses. We're in the wrong car.

[A]

It's like a scene from a movie.

[C]

We're in the wrong car.

[B]

It's so Home Alone.

[A]

It is.

[B]

The thing is, your brain will be like, no, don't worry. They're definitely mine.

[A]

Was he sincere? I'm so confused now. I'm all over the map on your dad because when he writes off the gas thing, I'm thinking, well, that was his way of saying, I don't really trust that you monitored what the gas was. But now with this glasses thing, I'm like, recalculating what I think about the gas situation.

[E]

I don't know.

[B]

No, I know. As soon as it became clear, like, oh, fuck, we might be in the wrong car. We can't be. Nope, that cannot be an option.

[A]

Denial. The stages of grief denial.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[E]

We had a flight to catch. We are an hour away, both from the hotel and from the airport. So then in the car, we're all looking around for stuff. My mom, like, that's not my trash. And what's that?

[B]

Paper?

[E]

And my mom opens the glove box and pulls out the family's personal car insurance. So it was a personal vehicle. Not even a other rental car took someone's real car?

[A]

Yes. Well, if there was a bloody knife in the glove box. Well, he asked for the ticket.

[E]

It did come out that my dad never gave him the ticket. It was a trust thing of. We've been there for seven days. You've pulled up the same blue car. Is the family of five going to the same blue car?

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

See, this is why you think my knowledge of cars is extraneous and useless. But I would never end up in the wrong car.

[B]

I'll give you that.

[A]

This is about the only thing that's useful for, I suppose.

[B]

I think I would be sensitive enough to the smell, but not in a rental.

[A]

So what the fuck did you do?

[E]

So we pulled over, we called the hotel, and the hotel is freaking out because that family is livid that their personal vehicle is gone, of course. And the valet has no idea where it went. And they had ordered it the same way we had because they had an excursion to go to.

[A]

Oh.

[E]

So my dad and the valet talk. They agree, let's meet back at this exit marker on Trans Canada highway number one.

[A]

Smart.

[E]

So. So we pull around, we start driving away from the airport. So now we're like, we're gonna miss the flight. We're in the wrong car. We get to the mentioned exit number. We sit there. And I sent an email of a photo of the car, our suitcases, and the beautiful Canadian background.

[B]

Oh, no. Oh, my God. Just all your shit on the street.

[A]

Your dad and the guy decide, let's meet in the center of the median.

[E]

Literally.

[B]

I mean, literally.

[A]

Not in a car park.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So they brought our rental. We switched in the middle of the highway. When Michael went to load our suitcases into our car, he's like, hey, it fits.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

If I was Michael, I'd be like the youngest and you fucking dumb dumbs. I told you so.

[A]

Yeah, he had a big I told you so. Did your dad grease this valet? Like $100?

[E]

My dad is a very big tipper.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Well, that's not.

[E]

My dad never brought out the ticket either.

[B]

Yeah, but it is kind of also their fault because they did bring out the wrong car.

[A]

No, they brought up those people called too.

[B]

Everyone called it the same.

[A]

Yeah, theirs hadn't arrived yet. Oh.

[E]

It was the exact same make, model, car, everything.

[A]

Now, my hunch is you still made the flight.

[E]

They actually delayed the flight for some reason. And we made it with that.

[B]

Perfect. That's really.

[A]

That's kind of perfect because you get a good story out of it and then no one was inconvenience the other. The other family might have been fucked.

[C]

They were.

[B]

Can you imagine if another family was driving around your personal car?

[A]

No. I would be like, I wanna meet the guy. Don't meet. Bring him back. I wanna meet this son of a bitch. What'd you do to my car?

[B]

You'd be checking every single thing in the car when it got back.

[A]

Also, this van came back on. This van came out on empty for sure. Cause it was already low on fuel, Right?

[E]

Yeah. So that's how we stole a car from the valet.

[A]

Well, lovely meeting you, Monica. Yes, likewise.

[E]

This was fun.

[A]

I'm happy you're doing what you do keep. Thanks.

[E]

I will.

[A]

All right, take care.

[B]

Bye. She's so cute. I love when Monicas are cute. Somehow I feel pride in that.

[A]

You should.

[B]

Should I?

[A]

Yeah. You'd like to think, like, If I met 12 other Daxes and they were all rad. I'd be like, oh good.

[B]

I know, but. But like that it's not. Has nothing to do with it.

[A]

It doesn't. But you go, oh, there's a pattern here. And presumably I'm part of it. I hope.

[B]

Oh, I see some like, if Monicas are cute, then I gotta be cute.

[A]

Yeah. If they don't make uncute Monicas.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That just makes me think of how bad I feel for everyone named Karen. Don't you?

[B]

I do.

[A]

It's unfair that your whole name was now used as a pejorative that I myself have used on people.

[B]

I know that's why you feel guilty cuz you've used it. I actually don't use it cuz I kind of forget about it.

[A]

We were trying to think what the male equivalent is. Is it a chad?

[B]

We said chad.

[A]

Yeah, that's what we said. That's what you said.

[B]

I said Chad. The thing is though, now if you name your kid Karen, I'm like, guys, don't.

[A]

There's no way anyone has a name that kid. In fact, that would be a fun stat to look up.

[B]

No.

[A]

I bet there's been zero Karen's born.

[B]

There's a hundred percent. Definitely some Karen's born.

[A]

Well, you got some time to kill him?

[B]

Okay, check.

[A]

Yeah. Let's see what AI says.

[B]

I think some people want to push back on that, so they're gonna reclaim it.

[A]

Has the rate of naming babies Karen fallen in recent years as a result of the popular term Karen to describe a terrible woman?

[B]

It's definitely fallen.

[A]

Maybe it'll give me some actual stats though. You're absolutely right to connect the drop in use of the name Karen as popular culture decline. But there's more to the story. Intriguing. The historical decline of Karen. Karen Peak popularity 1950s and 60s the name Karen was a top 10 favorite in the US between 1951 and 1968, reaching its highest point as the third most popular girl's name in 1965. Steady decline began before the meme Karen had already been falling out of fashion through the late 20th century. By 2020, it had plunged to rank 831 in the SSA list list, the lowest since 1927. The meme effect from name to punchline. These are so well written.

[B]

They are.

[A]

Memetic Backlash intensifies drop in 2020, the term Karen became a worldwide meme symbolizing an entitled, demanding and somewhat racist middle aged white woman. Example the Central Park Karen incident. Sharp declines in usage that year the name fell 171 spots on the SSA's popularity list from 660 to 831 in a year. 439 baby girls were named Karen in 2019. That dropped to 325 in 2020.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Articles all attribute the sharp decline to the meme based negativity. While so already by five and a half years ago, it had hit 325.

[B]

Okay, but that's not what the debate was.

[A]

I said none.

[B]

Yep. And my point is, some people out there are still doing this.

[A]

Some poor kid whose parents are so unaware of pop culture.

[B]

No, you wish. You wish.

[A]

What do you think it is?

[B]

Pushback.

[A]

I don't even think a Karen's proud of being a Karen. Like when you're a Karen, you don't think you're a Karen.

[B]

No, I know exactly the thought. Exactly. It's an anti woke. Like they think we're racist. Then let's show them.

[A]

But I think people on the right use Karen too. I don't really think it's so inextricably linked to racism. Andrew, do you have an opinion?

[F]

Dax, I didn't hear you on that one. What's going on?

[A]

We're talking about the name Karen. And first of all, so sad if you were named Karen and then this meme happens. But furthermore, does anybody name their kid Karen anymore? We then looked it up while we were waiting for you and we're down to 325 kids were named Karen in 2020. I had said. I bet nobody Monica said.

[B]

I said, some people say as a pushback. My reasoning is that I think some people are like, you guys are annoying. Calling racism Karen. So I'm gonna double down. I think some people want to double down.

[A]

Where do you land in this debate?

[F]

They really created a brand with the haircut.

[B]

I will say to some evidence the stock of American Eagle has.

[A]

Oh, it's a very successful campaign.

[B]

Exactly. So my point is just there's some doubling down that happens, and that's fine.

[A]

Where are you at, Andrew?

[F]

I am In Maryland, about 40 minutes north of Boston.

[A]

Oh, okay. And do you realize how blessed you are with your hair? Your beard is phenomenal and your hair is so thick and black. I'm very envious of the whole setup.

[F]

Hearing that from you means a lot.

[A]

So thank you. Okay, great. So, Andrew, you have a valet story. Did it take place in Maryland?

[F]

Yes, it did. It was right in Baltimore. Right in the city near Johns Hopkins University.

[A]

Oh, we love Johns Hopkins. I hate the name, but we love the institution.

[B]

Great institution.

[A]

We need to dump that ass. I know.

[B]

I'm fine with it. Only you are the one with the issues.

[A]

Do you like that we've got Johns Hopkins? That we have two plurals?

[F]

No, I actually used to do an announcing for D3 soccer and they used to play Johns Hopkins. And I said John Hopkins over the intercom and my boss screamed at me.

[A]

People are very sensitive to it.

[F]

I'm a proponent of dropping one of them.

[A]

Okay, so hit us with the valet story.

[F]

All right, so it's a few years ago. It was about four years into me, valet, and I work in an Italian restaurant. It's this old textile mill from like the 1800s that they repurposed. So with that textile mill, they turned it into really nice apartment. They've got business in there. And then they also have the restaurants. The restaurants in the boiler room next to the Jones Falls River. Beautiful place.

[A]

This sounds awesome. Nothing could be better than Italian food in like a brick warehouse kind of a sitch.

[F]

It's fantastic. It looks exactly probably what you're imagining. And five o' clock shift started up. Of course, happy hour comes through. I grabbed their keys, give them the claim check. They go ahead and they walk into the restaurant from about 5 to 7, somewhat steady. But then around 7 o', clock, of course, the dinner Rochester comes. So we start to get more and more cars coming in. And this lady drives down in a Prius and she starts coming down slowly. Of course, you can barely hear the car because it's a Prius. She stops the car. I'll put it that way. She stops the car. We do the whole little. Hi, welcome. Here's your claim check. Give me your keys. And I go ahead and let her walk into the restaurant. So I staged her car there. There's a few more cars coming in, but I noticed the 5pm people were coming out. When they came out, they gave me their claim check, said, hey, how is everything? I turn around to go go grab the keys out of the booth, and all of a sudden these people start running past me. I'm like, what's going on? It was so weird. It's like a group of four people. All of a sudden I look up and I see the Prius coming right at the restaurant. No, with the valet booth, myself in between. Zach's your car guy. You know, Priuses, you know, they'll idle and they'll kind of just sit for a little while. But then eventually they're going to start getting that momentum on a downhill. Oh, wasn't Crazy aggressive, you know, but it was enough to get some momentum going.

[B]

So it just wasn't in park.

[A]

She hopped out a little prematurely, understandably.

[F]

It's out of her routine. She valet. I get it.

[A]

That's understanding really kind of you.

[F]

All of a sudden, that car is barreling down the hill, goes over maybe a two foot stone wall. The light probably about four or five feet tall, pretty thick. It took that thing right out. And the Prius is coming towards me, and I just stepped in front of it and put my hands out.

[A]

Oh, you thought you could stop it.

[F]

Luckily, it was a Prius, not a Chevy bolt. And it was all right. I stopped it.

[A]

You stopped it. So these other obstacles did scrub some of its speed and momentum.

[F]

I'll admit that.

[A]

Yes. Yes. Okay. Did you feel like a superhero? That's very superheroesque.

[F]

It felt pretty cool. I got a few shift drinks for that.

[B]

Wow. You really put yourself in harm's way. I mean, I could imagine you putting your hands up and they're just getting.

[A]

Run right over like a pancake.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Luckily, I did not. I lived it. To tell the tale, did someone have.

[A]

To run then and jump in the car and put it in park? Because you're probably holding it from going any further.

[F]

Of course, that lady was like, oh, what's going on? And she runs and goes ahead and presses park or turned it off. I don't know what she did.

[A]

Not the most trustworthy person to put it in park given what had just happened.

[B]

She accelerated.

[A]

She gets it and punches it. Help goes into the boiler room three flights down. What was her. I would kill myself. I mean, that's the ultimate level of embarrassment. If I lost control of my vehicle that. Like that in front of everybody, and I just fucked up everything in front. I mean, it would be so hard for me. How did she take it?

[F]

She was very embarrassed, of course, but it's not like she went and jumped in the river. But she was really sorry about it. Really embarrassed. Embarrassed.

[A]

Did someone have to back it now over this wall she had come careening through?

[F]

Yes, I took care of that.

[A]

Oh, what a hero. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

She's like, I'm just gonna go back in and eat now.

[A]

Did she continue on and eat?

[F]

She went right in the restaurant. She ate her dinner.

[B]

I bet she was on a first or second date. So she was nervous. So that's why she got out of the car. And she's like, I'm stressed.

[A]

That's DeGeneres. I thought maybe she was gonna have an unauthorized evacuation jump out of the car in a panic and then now that is on her plate. Did she tip you exorbitantly when you brought the car back around?

[F]

I'll say it was above the normal tip.

[A]

Double okay, double no. If someone catches your car from rolling into a restaurant, it's time for 100.

[B]

She might not have any money cuz she was on a date with someone and she just spent it on the date.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz she was so nervous. It was a bad date. And he's like, let's split this. You know, I have a handful of these jobs that I think are dream jobs for. For me, valet being one of them. I love driving cars. I love driving different cars. I feel like I could be charming in a way that I might garner a good tip. Did you love it and is it a great job as I think it is? I really did.

[F]

So I was in college, even when I'd get tired of it a little bit, I'd be like, you know what? I get paid to exercise and drive luxury cars. Really not that bad. When you frame it that way, you.

[A]

Make pretty good money.

[F]

It was good for being a college kid. I got my hard money and all that kind of stuff.

[A]

Yeah, I imagine you could be up in the $35 an hour situation when you factor in those tips, I would say.

[F]

But then again it's just like restaurants where they can make your wage like $3 and then the tips make up the difference.

[A]

Right. You're working for free. Yeah. Well, so often the valet is not even associated with the restaurant. Right. They just have the contract to do all the parking. That's what we were actually we have some photos. Am I allowed to look at them?

[F]

Absolutely.

[A]

Well, this is just a gorgeous M3 M4.

[F]

So that was an M4. Was that the Alpena?

[A]

I think it's gorgeous.

[B]

Cars you like?

[F]

No, those are the cars I've valet.

[A]

See what I'm talking about, Monica?

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

A GT2 RS. Oh, look at that. That's a $500,000 Porsche. Wow. And then a Ferrari Modena.

[B]

Oh, aren't you scared driving these? I'd be scared.

[F]

So that was the second Ferrari I drove. The first one, the guy rolls in and he's like, you how to drive this thing? I was like, yeah, yeah, I know how to drive that thing. Of course it has four wheels and a steering wheel.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I wouldn't even be able to drive your car as from one side of this driveway to the other.

[A]

You mean to panic?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh yes. This is exactly What? I thought it would be the job. Also, we're getting a taste of the brick, the environment. I gotta go here.

[B]

Yeah, that looks really nice.

[A]

How old was this textile factory?

[F]

I don't have the exact year, but I'd say, like, early to mid-1800s.

[B]

Wow. Cool.

[A]

So cool. Yeah. The bricks aren't even uniform.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

I love it. Well, Andrew, it's a delight to meet you. And what a hero. You're a real hero. That you call. Caught this Prius before anyone was injured.

[F]

I appreciate that.

[B]

What color Prius?

[F]

Was it silver gray Prius color?

[B]

No, I think they only had. Mine's a white.

[A]

Oh, you had a white, but you also had the weird hatchbacky one.

[B]

Yeah, I had a Prius C. You would have definitely been able to stop it because it was tiny.

[A]

You could have just picked it up. Yeah. Lifted it back out on the street, squatted it away. Well, lovely meeting. Thank you so much for telling us that story.

[F]

It was great to meet you as well. And I believe I may have sent a video in.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, we don't.

[A]

Rob doesn't have a video. What's in the video?

[B]

Check in with Emma and we'll look at it later. But what is it?

[F]

It is the video of the car coming towards the restaurant.

[A]

Oh, there's video of it.

[B]

Oh, do you mind if we post that?

[F]

That's not a problem at all.

[A]

Oh, that's not a problem at all.

[B]

Then we can do that.

[A]

Wonderful social. That'll be great. Well, I look forward to seeing this video.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

All right, well, take care, brother. Nice meeting you.

[B]

Bye. Valets. Things can go awry. Valets are heroes.

[A]

Heroes. Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them wear valet vests. Next time on Armchair Anonymous. Love you.

[B]

Love you.

[A]

Do you want to sing a tune or something? One of a theme song? Oh, okay, great. We don't have a song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armchairs, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme dish. On the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy. Follow armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the wonder app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.