Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Armchair Anonymous: Wedding II

Episode Date: October 17, 2025

Overview

In this installment of "Armchair Anonymous," Dax Shepard and Lily Padman invite listeners to share their wildest, weirdest, and most calamitous wedding stories. Building on a previous episode where someone was arrested at their own wedding, Dax and Lily tap into the vast well of matrimonial mishaps. The episode features genuine, vulnerable, and hilarious accounts—from allergic anaphylaxis and wedding scams to blizzards, family drama, and, yes, a whole lot of first-time wedding night awkwardness (and bodily fluids). The stories illuminate both the chaos and resilience that often accompany major life events, delivering laughs, sympathy, and a few jaw-drops along the way.

Key Discussion Points & Stories

1. Kelsey's Allergic Reaction Wedding Disaster

Time: 03:12–13:50

The Incident:

• Kelsey, from Rochester, NY, describes finally having her dream wedding planned in Charleston, SC.
• During the rehearsal dinner/welcome party, she suffers a massive anaphylactic reaction (likely to peanut oil in a salad).
• Her face swells up dramatically: "I look like Will Smith in that movie Hitch when he has an allergic reaction." (05:04, Kelsey)
• She’s rushed to the hospital, misses the entire pre-wedding party, and is observed until early morning.

Aftermath:

• Attempts to reduce swelling (frozen spoons, Pepcid, Benadryl) have little effect—the situation gets worse overnight.
• Kelsey receives an insensitive email from the venue asking for unpaid food fees on the morning of her wedding:
  "In all of the craziness that happened last night, I actually forgot to charge you for some of the food and you owe a full payment by end of day today." (10:15, Kelsey)
• Despite trauma and ruined photos, Kelsey pushes through: “At the end of the day, the most important thing, it's like, I married Trenton. I love him... All's well that ends well, but it was pretty traumatic.” (12:53, Kelsey)
• Dax and Lily are both sympathetic and find dark humor:
  “Despite you saying it's not funny, it was very funny on our end.” (13:34, Dax)

Notable Moments:

• Advice about EpiPens gets real: "If your body can do that at any moment, you 100% have to have it." (06:39, Lily Padman)
• Kelsey never quite buys the “someday you’ll laugh about this” line: "No, I won't. That is so rude.” (13:19, Kelsey)

2. Clara’s Wedding Scam & Bride Crimefighting Saga

Time: 14:07–27:55

The Setup:

• Clara, originally from Colombia but now in Charlotte, NC, describes booking a “perfect” all-inclusive venue, even paying extra up front ($30,000) for “upgrades.”
• Venue owner repeatedly reassures her with slick, charming lies about construction delays and new facilities.

The Unraveling:

• Weeks before the wedding, Clara receives a "dramatic email" from the owner:
  "I have tears in my eyes writing this... the venue was foreclosed in October.” (17:46, Clara)
• Owner cancels all weddings, promises (but never delivers) a repayment plan.

The Response:

• Clara and other scammed couples form a group chat and grow a sizable support network (eventually 25+ people).
• A sting operation: Clara and her husband trick the owner into meeting for a Facebook Marketplace “sale” of venue chairs, confronting him in person.
• Police eventually use the same ploy to arrest him; a large-scale investigation reveals over $1 million stolen and FBI involvement:
  "We found out that the thing was even bigger than we thought... The FBI got involved." (25:10, Clara)

Outcome:

• Clara recovers money via credit card dispute (not everyone is so lucky), reschedules her wedding, and even appears on local news:
  "It feels like justice." (26:38, Clara's husband, via news clip)
• Dax and Lily are scandalized but fascinated:
  “Real life con artist.” (25:10, Dax)
  “Netflix caller!” (22:12, Lily Padman)

3. The Snowstorm, Family Chaos, & Stolen Wishing Well

Time: 28:52–40:34

The Story:

• An unnamed Canadian bride (in a Blue Jays shirt) recounts her 1997 wedding, upended by a blizzard.
• Scrambles for new photo locations (ends up with pool hall-themed photos), veil gets stuck in church doorway, and groom is sobbing at the altar (not from joy):
  "I look over at my now ex-husband and sobbing. And I don't mean like sentimental sobbing, I mean, oh, sobbing." (31:19, Bride)
  • Minister whispers: "Should we continue?" (31:33, Bride)

The Reception:

• The bride’s mother, struggling with addiction, arrives intoxicated with her boyfriend (who is the ex-husband of a cousin also present), and his three delinquent, uninvited children.
• Those children are caught stealing from purses and coat pockets; later discovered to have stolen the entire wedding wishing well.
• The mother grabs the mic and loudly insults her daughter:
  “She marches up on stage, gets a hold of the mic, points at me and says, you are a—” (37:45, Bride)
• The maid of honor helps get the couple out; their getaway car is stopped at a police checkpoint.
• Their honeymoon begins with a car breakdown; the marriage ultimately lasts 20 years.

Notable Quote:

• "It was a great... Jesus. Makes for a great story.” (40:21, Bride)
• Dax: “It’s turning into an episode of Jerry Springer quickly.” (32:37)

4. Jake & Kelsey’s Wildly Memorable Mormon Wedding Night

Time: 40:36–50:14

The Background:

• Jake, a practicing Mormon from North Carolina, shares the story of his wedding day, which was meticulously planned (with temple, brunch, etc.)
• He and his wife are both virgins, intending to wait for the wedding night.

The Consummation:

• Plans are derailed by temptation during a post-brunch downtime at their Airbnb.
• The first attempt at sex is awkward and physically challenging: "We probably spent two to three minutes just trying to find the right angle that doesn’t hurt." (44:12, Jake)
• When climax arrives, awkwardness peaks:
  "The amount that came out I have never seen before or since... The first blast hits the headboard, probably a foot above her head..." (45:17, Jake)
  • Followed by "second blast hits her directly in the face and eyes, nose, mouth, hair." (45:40, Jake)
• Wife is left gagging, vomits repeatedly on bed, hallway, and bathroom floor; spends rest of the day recovering and repairing hair and makeup.
• Later at the reception: a friend notices, “Hey, you have something in your hair,” (48:03, Jake)— it’s a remnant of the incident.

Reflection:

• The couple now see humor in the chaos:
  "As disgusting as the story is, it's so wholesome." (49:50, Dax)
• The couple also reflect on their journey: "We started at rock bottom. You can't go much lower." (49:21, Jake)
• Lily: "Don't you think, though, a lot of the people at the wedding, they've been in your position...?" (49:37)
• Dax and Lily call the couple “adorable” and marvel at how relatable and sweetly awkward the whole scene was.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the universal messiness of weddings:
  "There's theft, there's allergies, there's too much semen. I mean, there's a lot." (00:30, Dax Shepard)

• Kelsey’s photo reveal reaction:
  "You just didn’t look like you at all." (08:31, Lily Padman)
  "It aged you somehow... You do look a little older with all this fluid in your face." (08:41, Dax Shepard)

• Clara’s mission statement:
  "If I don't get my money back, I'm at least going to make it my mission to destroy this man's reputation so he can't do this again." (22:36, Clara)

• Pure chaos, pure humanity:
  "That story shouldn't have made me horny, but it kind of did." (50:29, Dax Shepard)

• On wedding hype vs. reality:
  "So much expectation, so hard, and so much money spent. That weirdly gets to me a lot when I think about it." (12:15, Kelsey)

• On communication and first times:
  "Lack of communication, yeah..." (49:11, Jake & Lily Padman)
  "The anxiety before the first time... It's really cute. They're so cute." (51:06, Lily Padman)

Structure & Tone

The episode expertly balances empathy with humor, never shying away from the cringe or heartbreak, but always anchoring it with a sense of shared human foible. Dax’s improvisational asides, Lily’s grounded empathy, and the willingness of callers to share deeply personal (and often embarrassing) moments make this episode a stand-out for vulnerability and comedic catharsis.

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Kelsey's Allergy Story: 03:12–13:50
• Clara’s Wedding Scam: 14:07–27:55
• Canadian Bride’s Snowstorm: 28:52–40:34
• Jake & Kelsey’s Mormon Wedding Night: 40:36–50:14

Closing Thoughts

This episode of Armchair Anonymous showcases how weddings—expected to be perfect—are often hilariously, heartbreakingly, and unforgettably imperfect. Through wild mishaps and misadventures, each guest (and Dax and Lily themselves) remind us: what we survive, we often cherish—and what we bungle, we may someday (sort of) laugh about.