Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card VII

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard: Armchair Anonymous - Wild Card VII

Release Date: March 7, 2025

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Introduction to Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card VII

In this riveting episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, titled "Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card VII," host Dax Shepard, alongside co-host Monica Padman and guest Buck Rogers, delve into a series of intense and life-altering personal stories. This installment features three compelling narratives from guests Taylor, Brennan, and Elizabeth, each sharing their unique experiences of adversity and resilience.

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1. Taylor's Battle with Necrotizing Fasciitis

Taylor begins by recounting a harrowing experience that began with a seemingly minor accident but escalated into a life-threatening situation.

• The Incident:
  [00:38 - 07:35]
  On March 7, 2012, while cleaning her stove, Taylor cut her thumb on a burner, leading to severe swelling and intense pain by Monday morning. After visiting the doctor, she received two shots: a TDAP and a flu vaccine. That night, Taylor felt unwell, and by the next morning, her arm was drastically swollen with red spots.

  Taylor (07:35): "I was in the hospital for 10 days because of my symptom and my fever."

• Diagnosis and Treatment:
  [08:25 - 13:24]
  Misdiagnosis initially suggested an allergic reaction, but subsequent MRI results revealed she had necrotizing fasciitis, a severe flesh-eating bacterial infection. Taylor underwent intense medical procedures, including the removal of infected tissue and the use of a wound vacuum device to aid healing.

  Dax Shepard (08:38): "Necrotizing fasciitis? That's terrifying."

• Recovery and Reflection:
  [14:05 - 15:13]
  Taylor spent over three months in recovery, grappling with physical pain and emotional trauma. Despite the severity of her condition, she maintains a positive outlook, emphasizing personal growth and strengthened relationships.

  Taylor (13:44): "It really makes you change your perspective on life."

• Insights and Conclusion:
  Taylor's story underscores the unpredictability of life and the importance of resilience. Her ability to find positivity amidst adversity serves as an inspiring testament to human strength.

  Monica Padman (14:16): "Jesus, this is horrifying."

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2. Brennan's Chaotic Honeymoon Rafting Adventure

Brennan shares a tumultuous honeymoon experience that combined adventure with unexpected dangers.

• Rafting Disaster:
  [15:24 - 23:05]
  In June 2014, Brennan and his wife embarked on a whitewater rafting trip in Montana's Yellowstone River. Amidst high waters and challenging rapids, their raft flipped, leading to a frantic struggle in the turbulent waters. Brennan describes the chaos as his friend Billy panicked, pushing him underwater and endangering their safety.

  Brennan (21:04): "So all five of us were in the water at this point. The raft's upside down and luckily we had fallen in close enough to the raft where we could grab hold of it."

• Bear Encounter and Rescue:
  [24:21 - 29:22]
  After escaping the immediate danger of the rafting accident, Brennan and his wife faced another peril when they encountered brown bears during a subsequent hiking trip. This compounded the trauma of the rafting incident, making their honeymoon an unforgettable ordeal.

  Dax Shepard (28:26): "How are you going to tell your brother I lost his son out on this river?"

• Impact on Relationships:
  [29:38 - 30:06]
  Despite the chaos, Brennan reflects on how these experiences tested and ultimately strengthened his relationship with his wife. Their shared adversity highlighted the importance of support and understanding in facing life's unexpected challenges.

  Brennan (30:10): "We're happily married, so. Thanks for letting us tell our story, guys."

• Insights and Conclusion:
  Brennan's story emphasizes the unpredictability of adventures and the profound impact such experiences can have on personal relationships. It serves as a reminder of the thin line between exhilaration and danger.

  Dax Shepard (30:16): "Honeymoon in hell."

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3. Elizabeth's Near-Death Experience in a Mining Accident

Elizabeth narrates a life-threatening incident that occurred when she was unexpectedly buried alive during a summer job at a sapphire mine.

• The Accident:
  [42:11 - 50:56]
  On August 29, 2001, Elizabeth was working at the Sapphire Mine in Phillipsburg, Montana. During her last day, a massive trench wall collapsed, burying her under two to three tons of dirt. Trapped and facing severe injuries, Elizabeth describes her near-death experience as a profound conversation with the universe, where she consciously chose to live.

  Elizabeth (43:50): "I have all the time in the world to decide whether I want to live or die."

• Rescue and Medical Treatment:
  [46:52 - 50:06]
  Rescuers arrived after approximately an hour, initiating an intense rescue operation despite the lack of immediate communication tools. Elizabeth was airlifted to a trauma center, where she underwent critical medical procedures, including emergency chest tubes and multiple blood transfusions. The severity of her injuries was astounding, with extensive fractures and internal damage.

  Elizabeth (50:06): "I was told I would never ski again. I walked at six weeks. I skied at Christmas."

• Recovery and Life After the Accident:
  [50:08 - 52:12]
  Miraculously, Elizabeth began walking again within six weeks and returned to skiing by Christmas of the same year. Her ordeal redirected her career path, leading her to social work and specializing in religious trauma therapy. Remarkably, she reports no lingering PTSD from the incident, viewing her experience as a story of survival rather than a traumatic event.

  Elizabeth (52:12): "I've never had any nightmares. There's been no PTSD about that. It's my story. I wouldn't change it."

• Insights and Conclusion:
  Elizabeth's near-death experience highlights the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity to find meaning and purpose in the aftermath of trauma. Her journey from a life-threatening accident to a fulfilling career in therapy underscores the transformative power of adversity.

  Monica Padman (51:46): "What a story."

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Final Thoughts and Reflections

Throughout Wild Card VII, Dax Shepard and Monica Padman guide listeners through narratives of extreme adversity, showcasing the strength and resilience inherent in the human condition. Each story—whether battling a lethal infection, surviving a chaotic adventure, or emerging from a near-fatal accident—illustrates the profound ways individuals navigate and grow from their most challenging moments.

Dax Shepard (53:00): "Life is a box of chocolates, as Forrest Gump said. I'm glad you're safe. I have a lot of gratitude for our safety."

The episode serves as a powerful reminder of the unpredictability of life and the incredible capacity for recovery and personal growth following significant trials.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Taylor on Her Diagnosis:
  [08:44]
  "It's flesh eating bacteria."

• Brennan on the Raft Flip:
  [17:37]
  "The boat did a wheelie. It went straight out."

• Elizabeth on Her Near-Death Experience:
  [44:18]
  "I am not my body. I am immediately just in the universe having a conversation."

• Monica on Elizabeth's Story:
  [51:46]
  "What a story."

• Dax on Resilience:
  [53:00]
  "Life is a box of chocolates... I'm glad you're safe."

---

Conclusion

"Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card VII" delivers an emotionally charged exploration of human resilience through the harrowing yet inspiring stories of Taylor, Brennan, and Elizabeth. Their experiences not only offer gripping narratives but also valuable insights into overcoming life's most daunting challenges.

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For more episodes of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, follow the podcast on the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now, join Wondri in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rothers. I'm joined by Buck Rogers.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Today is wild card. Dealer's choice, Chef's kiss. Pick your poison.

[Monica Padman]

Roll of Royal Casino Royale.

[Dax Shepard]

Roll of the dice. That's what Jess says all the time.

[Monica Padman]

Well, it was a thing we did at mess hall. You could roll the dice and they would bring you a drink and you wouldn't know what it was.

[Dax Shepard]

I love that.

[Monica Padman]

That was cool.

[Dax Shepard]

They should do it more like Russian roulette or you hold a toy pistol to your.

[Monica Padman]

No, I'm scared of guns.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm gonna be honest with everyone. This one leaned very medical. Very, very, very medical.

[Monica Padman]

And there's some intense ones.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, I think it's a skip. Yeah, I think it's a skip. This one's a skip, everybody. So skip it and we'll see you next week. We'll see you next week for a different one. I loved it, though.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, me too.

[Dax Shepard]

This was wild.

[Monica Padman]

Remember the.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, they put the wild and wild card.

[Jess]

All right.

[Dax Shepard]

Please enjoy. Wild card number seven.

[Jess]

Yep, we've done seven.

[Dax Shepard]

Holy. This is the seventh wild card.

[Jess]

I believe so. Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Can't be right, but I must be wrong.

[Monica Padman]

Lucky number seven.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by the all new Galaxy S25 Ultra from Samsung. This phone is a true AI companion that evolves with you to do more for you. Like handling multiple tasks with just one ask for. For example, you can tell it to find a restaurant nearby and text it to my friends or look up my favorite basketball team schedule and add it to my calendar. And it does it just like that. You just speak the request naturally and the new Galaxy S25 Ultra takes care of the rest. Okay, this is what AI was meant for. That is seamless plus. Now brief with Galaxy AI gives you personalized daily briefings that keep you a step ahead. It'll show you your appointments, the weather, your energy, score and more all in one place. Ready to let AI do more for you so you can do you then get your Galaxy S25 Ultra now at samsung.com compatible with select apps. Requires Google Gemini account. Results may vary based on input. Check responses for accuracy. Now Brief with Galaxy AI displays daily select information from select apps. May require Internet connection. Galaxy AI features by Samsung free through 2025 and require Samsung account login. We are supported by Ring you don't have to miss out on what's happening at home. With Ring cameras and doorbells, you can see and speak to who's there from anywhere with Ring's battery doorbell. Plus you can greet visitors, get notified about packages and see what's going on at your front door. And head to toe video lets you see more of what's happening up high and down low. Another great way to check in on home is Ring's Pan tilt indoor cam. You can control the camera from your phone and pan around to see what your pets are getting up to. And with two way talk, you can even say H. Oh, that's so cute.

[Monica Padman]

If I get my dog, I'm definitely gonna talk to him through with the Pan tilt indoor cam. I love Ivory doorbell and I really like it and it makes me feel very safe.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, they're fantastic. And they're so simple to install. With Ring, you can check on home from anywhere. Learn [e-mail] and go. Good times. Take them slow. My life I had. Remember one thing you gotta know I'mma keep on shining. Hello. Can you hear us?

[Taylor]

I can hear you. Can you hear me? Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

And we can see you too.

[Dax Shepard]

We can see you. You're in a tent.

[Taylor]

I'm in a tent. Slash closet. I like to follow rules like Monica.

[Monica Padman]

I love that.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't know how you guys do it. I just don't know how rules are followed. Okay, so we're calling you Taylor. That's very promising. And why did you pick Taylor as a code?

[Taylor]

There's two reasons. One, my eight year old daughter loves Taylor Swift.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. You could have just said 8 year old daughter and we would have known the rest.

[Monica Padman]

Or 37 year old daughter.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, also true.

[Taylor]

And then my best friend growing up and I, that would be our code name. If we went to a restaurant, we didn't want to say her name or if we met somebody who we didn't want to tell the truth to, we would use Taylor. It goes way back.

[Dax Shepard]

So you do break the rules.

[Monica Padman]

No, you and.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so Taylor, you have a wild card store.

[Taylor]

Okay, I'm gonna try and do this as best as possible and stick with the timeline.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I tell you, you will not be in trouble if you don't stick to the timeline.

[Taylor]

Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

Just so you know, there's no threat of trouble. Okay, now, yes, that's true.

[Taylor]

One Saturday in 2012, I was cleaning my stove. I cut my thumb on the metal piece of the burner. I'm trying to push through like it's fine. But it just kept really hurting me. By Monday morning, my thumb was very swollen. I had to go to the doctor. I was administered two shots. One is a TDAP shot and the other one was a flu vaccine. After I saw the doctor, I went to another room. I was in there with a nurse. And she got the TDAP shot all fixed up. But she didn't know that I needed this other vaccine. So I saw her look at the paper, then realize, oh, she's getting another one. She came back in with the other syringe. She administered both shots into my arm, and I went about my day. By that night, I was feeling really off. So the next morning, I wake up and I have no energy whatsoever. I push through my day at work, and I'm just not feeling good at all. So I call my mom because she's my best friend. And I say, I think I need to go to the emergency room. So she meets me at my house. She's helping me change out of my work clothes. And we notice that my arm, where I received the shots, was just so swollen and getting, like little red spots. So my mom's like, I wonder if it has to do with shots that you got. So we go to the emergency room. They take me in fairly fast because I had such a bad fever. They give me all the good drugs and I'm still uncomfortable. And they tried to say, you know, I think you'll be okay. I think it might just be allergic reaction. You should probably just go home. And I was like, no, I'm not going to go home. I stay the night. And so that was Tuesday night. The next morning, the nurse comes in to check my temperature and do my vitals. And she puts the thermometer to my ear and she looks at it and she has this face. She took the cap off and put a new one in. Put it in her ear to look, to make sure she was reading it properly. So then she drops the thermometer and just walks out the door in a really big hurry. My mom's a nurse. She went over and grabbed the thermometer, and she looked at it and showed me it was 105.8 o. This is why I'm not feeling good. I'm glad my symptoms are showing, the pain I'm in. They get three or four doctors in the room, so they're like, there has to be a pus pocket in your arm. Because my arm had grown so much bigger since just the day before.

[Dax Shepard]

A pee pee. A pus pocket.

[Taylor]

I know I'm not Sure. How far I should go with it?

[Dax Shepard]

All the way.

[Brennan]

All the way.

[Taylor]

So they pull out this needle and it is huge. They put that in my arm three to five times and it was excruciating.

[Dax Shepard]

And were they pulling out pus?

[Taylor]

No, there was no pus. They were looking, they didn't find anything. So they're all kind of like scratching their heads. And we knew one of the doctors, he was like, we're going to do all the tests for you. So I went into the mri. As soon as I get out of the mri, there is already somebody waiting to bring me up to my room. My mom, my dad and my best friend were waiting right by the door. I couldn't even hardly say hi because the pre op guy came to get me.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, fuck.

[Taylor]

So it's my mom, my dad and I in pre op. The doctor that we know came in and he was like, we read your MRI and it is glowing. You have necrotizing fasciitis.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, hold on. Necrotizing fasciitis?

[Monica Padman]

That means you're dying to chronic flesh.

[Taylor]

It's flesh eating bacteria.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my God. I've heard of this on the news. I didn't think I'd ever meet anyone in real life. It's a Streptis bacteria, isn't it?

[Taylor]

I think it is because they thought it was like an airborne disease. Luckily it's not. So I got like a really good room. All the nurses that were coming in, you know, it looked like Et Mersa, they were completely covered.

[Monica Padman]

I thought you got that from going in the pond.

[Taylor]

Every time people see my arm and ask me the story because I'll tell anybody and they're like, oh my gosh, it's from the lake, isn't it?

[Brennan]

And I'm like, no, it's not.

[Taylor]

But now you're scaring me. I don't want to go in the lake now.

[Monica Padman]

In Georgia, you can't go in the pond or the lake.

[Taylor]

My mom, being the nurse, knew exactly what it was. And I'm looking at him and he's like, well, it's flesh eating bacteria. It was the scariest thing because just a few months before that there was a report in the news where a lady in Florida had lost all of her limbs with it. And I read so many stories of this poor woman and I. I just could not believe it. And then here I am in pre op, ready to go in because I have the same thing that this woman has.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. And can I ask, is the source of it your finger? You cut or the shot.

[Taylor]

It was the shot. I sent Emma pictures. I'm not sure if you wanna jump ahead.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, I do. It's that time. It's that whole pile. The whole pile. Oh, my Lord. Oh.

[Jess]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Holy America.

[Monica Padman]

This is horrible.

[Dax Shepard]

Guys, you have to imagine. This is one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, but you have a smile on your face. Guys, you need to know. It is virtually a football taken out of her upper arm. So they went in there and they cut that area out to get to all the bacteria.

[Taylor]

Yeah. When the doctor came in to talk to us about it, he was like, we are so lucky we caught it because it was only in your flesh. It did not get to your muscle yet, thank God. The next day, the pain was still so bad. As you saw, there's black foam in there. It's called a wound back, and it helps heal. I won't go into detail. It's a very cool machine, but it's really gross if you see the whole contraption working. I couldn't handle the wound back because my arm was still really painful.

[Dax Shepard]

You feel undermedicated throughout this whole story. I want to be their advocate. You need a massive Dilaudid. You need some Fentanyl.

[Taylor]

I was on Dilaudid, but my fever wasn't going down. And the pain medicine was probably helping, but it felt like I was burning from the inside out.

[Monica Padman]

Jesus, this is horrifying.

[Dax Shepard]

I bet you felt like I did in Mexico City, but for days.

[Monica Padman]

I think necrotic flesh is worse than what I found. I'm sorry to tell you, I don't.

[Dax Shepard]

Think you can feel worse than I felt for those eight hours.

[Monica Padman]

Let's hope you don't get this.

[Elizabeth]

Go.

[Monica Padman]

Don't go in any ponds.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm gonna live on a pond.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God. Those Southern ponds and lakes.

[Dax Shepard]

So how long was the recovery?

[Taylor]

I was in the hospital for 10 days because of my symptom and my fever. They were afraid that I was still gonna either, one, lose my arm, or two, it was gonna go to my heart because it was on my left side. I laugh now, but my boyfriend at the time looks at me and he's like, I can't come to the hospital room every day and see you. I have jobs lined up, and then I have a workout routine.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, sure.

[Monica Padman]

She's gotta stay fit at the time is important.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Monica Padman]

That guy sucks.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, hold on.

[Monica Padman]

No, don't.

[Dax Shepard]

No, no, don't. I'm only gonna ask. Were you 20 at the a 20 year old Dum Dum.

[Taylor]

No, we were 30.

[Jess]

Oh, jeez.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

Really bad.

[Dax Shepard]

That's rough.

[Taylor]

I was in the hospital for 10 days, and then I had that wound back in for another three months.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Taylor]

And it just slowly closes up and it has to heal from the inside out because if you have an infection, you can't just do stitches to cover it back up.

[Monica Padman]

So the needle.

[Taylor]

Yeah. The poor nurse, because I'm sure she didn't mean to do this, but in my heart, I feel like she got the TDAP ready, looked at the paperwork, and thought, oh, I got to go get that other vaccine. And then put the TDAP syringe on the tray and then went to go get the other syringe with the vaccine in it, and then came back and administered it in my arm. When my arm got swollen, you could actually see where the needle had gone in. So it was, like, opening up. I guess you could say it was.

[Dax Shepard]

Starting to eat right there.

[Taylor]

Exactly.

[Monica Padman]

So we think it just wasn't clean.

[Dax Shepard]

That may be on the tray.

[Taylor]

That's my guess because they did go through and do all the tests to make sure it wasn't the actual lot of those TDAPs. Nobody else in my area had contracted this. I was the lucky one in a million.

[Monica Padman]

Wowy wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, Taylor, sometimes life is just insanely unfair. You didn't even, like, do anything wrong while you cut your finger.

[Monica Padman]

Well, I picked a bad boyfriend.

[Taylor]

That's the good thing about this. It just showed me who was there for me and who I really should be spending my time with. It really makes you change your perspective on life.

[Monica Padman]

You're very positive. I like that.

[Dax Shepard]

A lot of silver linings here. Boy, that fucking sucks. I'm going to put that in the top five worst injuries I've ever seen. And I've seen, like, a guy's leg come completely off in a snowmobile accident.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, I think this is, like, the shark, the bear, whatever. The bear attack, and this. Yeah, these are the worst and the best.

[Dax Shepard]

Should we have a banquet for, like, the most injured armchairs?

[Taylor]

I will be there.

[Monica Padman]

Well, thank you so much.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, thanks, Taylor. That's incredible.

[Taylor]

Thank you. You guys have a good day, all right, you too.

[Dax Shepard]

Bye, Taylor.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, man, I'm sad that happened to her.

[Dax Shepard]

You can't even post that picture. No, you'd get kicked off Instagram.

[Monica Padman]

They could have done an episode of Magic School Bus where they go into.

[Dax Shepard]

The wound, explore it with, like, speed lunking tools. You could definitely rappel down into this gash. Wow. Oh, that sucks.

[Monica Padman]

I am never going out.

[Dax Shepard]

I hate when people get sick at the hospital. So fucking common. They say it's like the most dangerous, but there's so many bacterias, viruses, I mean.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Superbugs.

[Jess]

Hey, guys, how are you?

[Dax Shepard]

Is this Brennan?

[Jess]

It is.

[Dax Shepard]

That's a great name. I don't think I've ever met a Brennan.

[Jess]

I'm the first, I guess. Yeah, sometimes it's spelled with the a n and not an e. Okay.

[Dax Shepard]

So you've met other Brennan's?

[Jess]

Yes, but not the same spelling.

[Monica Padman]

Are you at a school?

[Jess]

I am actually at a school.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you a teacher?

[Jess]

I'm a student advocate at a high school.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Jess]

I work at an alternate high school. I help kids who are in rehab. Teen parents.

[Dax Shepard]

They earn weeklies of the world. He went to an alternative high school. You could smoke cigarettes in class and stuff. It was real loosey goosey sometimes with the teachers. Okay, so Brennan, you have a wild card story.

[Jess]

I do. So it was June of 2014. We had just gotten married and our honeymoon was to Paradise Valley, Montana. We're going to go whitewater rafting on the Yellowstone. It was the second day we got there. It was kind of overcast, raining on and off. It's June in Montana, so it's not super warm yet. There was a lot of runoff still, so the water levels were pretty high and it was cold. We showed up the outfitter thinking that we were going to have like this big group of people to go river rafting with. And there was two other people and the guy. So it was my wife Nicole, myself, a guy named Billy, I'm going to say, and a guy named Jeff. Billy was probably in his late teens. I don't know if he was quite an adult yet. And then Jeff was in his mid-50s.

[Dax Shepard]

He was Billy's dad.

[Jess]

He was Billy's uncle.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Jess]

Which I kind of thought was weird at the time, but I mean, whatever.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Yeah, you never know.

[Jess]

So we showed up at this outfitter. The guide's like, hey, all you need is a life jacket and a wetsuit. Leave your keys, leave your phone. He's like, oh, if you want the real experience, you need to leave your shoes. I'm just barefoot. I think everybody else was like, nah, I'm wearing my shoes. Like, I want the real experience. I'm a river man.

[Dax Shepard]

He was challenging your masculinity.

[Jess]

He definitely was. On the way to the river drop, he starts explaining to us there's only really two spots that you have to be concerned about. The first spot is a Class 4 rapid at the very beginning. The second one is about a mile down that same river. It's called a hydraulic hole or what people call a washing machine rapid. And what can happen with that is if you get sucked in, it's hard to get out. It just kind of recycles you. So we get to the drop off area, get in a boat, and on both sides of this river are basically just cliffs. So one side of the river is the road we drove in. On the other side is like a Service Road. We're 20 miles from really anything. So there's Nicole and I are up front and behind Nicole is Jeff, and then behind me is Billy. The guide says, hey, when we get up to this rapid, this class four, you have to paddle super hard or there's a chance that, you know, the boat could flip. At this point is when he's like, oh, and by the way, if you fall in, make sure you hold onto the raft so we can kind of see this rapid coming up. He's like, all right, everybody needs to paddle as hard as they can. So we just dig in, dig in, dig in. I remember looking back and seeing Billy and he's frozen. He wasn't paddling. He wasn't doing anything.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, sure.

[Jess]

J was scary. I remember the last thing I saw was my feet in the sky.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, your bare feet?

[Jess]

My bare hairy hot ass feet. Then I just remember darkness and cold. The water was so cold.

[Dax Shepard]

So the boat did a wheelie. It went straight out.

[Jess]

Basically just flipped on its back.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, boy. We are supported by tropical smoothie cafe. Unwind and refresh at tropical smoothie cafe with freshly made smoothies and tropic bowls that instantly transport you to tropic time. One bite or one sip and you'll instantly feel like you're cabana side. Made with refreshing fruit and tropical flavors. Eating your fruit and veggies has never been this fun.

[Monica Padman]

We could make our own armchair tropic thyme smoothie. And it could have cherries in it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, oh. It could taste like our favorite ice cream with cherries.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah. So we would add cherries, maybe almond. Let's add some spinach in there for.

[Dax Shepard]

A little spring in your step.

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

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[Jess]

So all five of us were in the water at this point. The raft's upside down and luckily we had fallen in close enough to the raft where we could grab hold of it. So everybody's still hold of it. So there's me on one side with Billy, Jeff and Nicole on the other side and the guides on the back. He says, hey, I got to hop on top of this because on the top of the raft there's a rope that they can pull in case of a flip. So he's like, hey, I gotta pull this raft back over. You guys need to let go for a second. So he counts 1, 2, 3 and on 3, Billy lost his shit. He lets go and he jumps on top of me like on my head, pushes me under the.

[Monica Padman]

What?

[Dax Shepard]

He's panicked like he's gonna drown. So he's like trying to grab Onto something. This is why you don't rescue a drowning swimmer. By the way, have you guys seen.

[Jess]

That scene in the Guardian with elbows in? Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

That's the move is you got to knock the person out.

[Jess]

I should have elbowed it, but, yeah, he jumps on top of my ass and sends me and him down river. It was enough for us to push us away from the raft. We are moving at a much faster pace than the raft.

[Dax Shepard]

Did he get it over? Because that's its own challenge.

[Jess]

Yeah. He actually was able to pull Jeff and Nicole back in. Oh, wow. It's a crazy river. And I'm in and out, in and out, trying to catch my breath. And all the while I, like, go under. I come back up and I can hear, like. And I finally hear the guide. Get to the left side. Get to the left side. Washing machine.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Jess]

And in my head, I'm like. Like, oh, God. Nicole's other paddling. The guy's paddling. All Jeff is doing at this point is just scream. Crying for Billy.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, yeah. He's like, how am I gonna tell my brother I lost his son out on this river? This is a mess.

[Jess]

So I start swimming as hard as I can. I could just hear Billy screaming behind me, and I'm like, he's not even moving. He's sitting there with his hands on his life jacket just screaming bloody murder.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, fuck. Billy.

[Monica Padman]

Billy.

[Jess]

Part of me was like, do I do the selfish thing and just keep swimming and just let him go?

[Dax Shepard]

Let's relieve you of some guilt. You're doing a quick whether one of you can live or none of you can live. I think that's the right math to be doing at that time.

[Monica Padman]

Even think about Billy.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Billy's on his own.

[Monica Padman]

Billy is the reason you're in this situation.

[Dax Shepard]

You kind of want Billy to be punished a little bit.

[Jess]

That's diabolical. So I'm sitting in the river, and I'm like, okay, I got to go back and get Billy.

[Monica Padman]

Wow, you're nice on the river.

[Jess]

The right side as you go around is where the washing machine rapid is. The reason he was telling us get to the left is because if you got far enough to left of the river, you would miss it. I go back and I grab him with my right arm by the life jacket, and he's just, like, flailing. He's not doing anything. I'm trying to one arm myself and him to the left side of the river. I was exhausted at this point, but my adrenaline was going so I had enough strength to get to where I knew he was going to be okay. And I knew that if I didn't let him go, we were both going over. At that point. I was like, okay, I'm going to get to the short. I think I pulled him enough. I got to the side of the shore, got out and just like laid on a rock. And then Billy went over and I didn't see him go into the rapids. Like I couldn't see him at all the way the river was. And so I had no idea if I had helped him. But I do remember one specific moment of terror when I'm laying on this rock just exhausted. I remember looking back and seeing my newly wedded wife and the guide and this screaming middle aged man fly past me.

[Dax Shepard]

Me.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Jess]

How are they going to come get me? I'm in the wild by myself. Like, what the hell am I going to do? So I am now laying on this rock in the middle of the Yellowstone wilds basically with no shoes, no cell phone. All I have is my life jacket and my wetsuit.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're in bear country.

[Monica Padman]

Oh no.

[Jess]

So we were driving through Yellowstone the day before and had seen some black bears. That's all. It's in my mind. Like, oh no. Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

What's next is the bears. You feel so validated, right? To just avoid the n. Don't go there, don't go to nature.

[Jess]

Well, I don't anymore. So, okay, there's the two cliffs on each side. I had to make a decision. I'm like, all right, I'm going to climb up this cliff and go to the service road and maybe that's where the company van can come get me. And I'll just kind of wait there.

[Dax Shepard]

Because you're like, there's no way I'm getting back in the water. No.

[Monica Padman]

Hell no.

[Dax Shepard]

Float down to meet them.

[Jess]

Okay, that did cross my mind. Maybe I could walk along the river and they maybe have stopped, but I didn't know if they just kept going. I don't know. Billy had just kept going. So I'm like, they could be miles down the river. Who knows how long it would take? So I start climbing this cliff basically barefoot. My feet are bleeding. I get to the top and I kid you not. Do you know what goat heads are?

[Dax Shepard]

No.

[Jess]

They're like a thorn. They get like hard when they fall off and they're like really pokey and they get in bike tires and bike tires go flat all the time. There's a whole freaking field of them. So I Take off my life jacket, and I try to strap it to my feet, thinking, like, maybe I could, like, scooch across this field of go heads. Yeah, no, that didn't work. So I basically just had to, like, walk across this nasty. All the while, they had caught up to Billy. He had gotten out of the river, pulled the boat off. The guide was like, hey, I'm going to go up and take Billy back to the van. He's not going to want to keep going. All of them were like, we don't want to go. Nicole's like, I don't want to keep going. Like, where's my husband?

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, what the hell is going on?

[Jess]

And he goes, well, I'm going to go up and drop Billy off and look for Brennan. He's gone for 30 minutes, comes back without Billy, and tells Nicole, oh, I found Brennan. He's gonna go back in the van. He doesn't want to keep going.

[Monica Padman]

So he lied.

[Jess]

He lied. Told Nicole that I was okay and safe.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, hold on. Everyone's gonna hate this. Make an argument for him. No, look, everyone's fucked at this point. Let's just say no one's day's going as planned. So he's like, okay, I have this woman on board. Is it gonna be easier for her to continue thinking her husband's safe?

[Monica Padman]

Why do they need to continue? Why can't they do what he did?

[Dax Shepard]

I don't know that part.

[Jess]

They can only pull the raft out at a certain point in the Room river because it's so heavy, and they remember the cliffs. So there was like a side path that they walked up, but it wasn't wide enough for the raft. So they had to finish the boat.

[Monica Padman]

Boat. Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Expensive boat.

[Monica Padman]

The boat. Who gives a fuck? You get the people out.

[Jess]

I mean, I agree. He comes back, tells Nicole that I'm safe, that I didn't want to finish. I'm like, come on, man. I literally just got married to this woman. Please don't make it sound like some sort of weenie. He's like, hey, you got to finish the tour with us at that point. And it was probably, like, only another two hours or so. So they get back in, and the rest of the river is pretty calm for them. But all the while, I finally get to the road, but for some reason, I don't know if I got disoriented. I started walking in the wrong direction. And now when I think back, I'm like, I was so stupid, because I could have just looked at the river. So I take off the top of my wetsuit because now I'm just cold. So I'm half naked, basically, with just my life jacket in my hand, and I'm walking down the road for probably, like, 40 minutes or so, and this Prius starts coming down the road, and I'm like, I'm saved. Sweet. They can, like, call somebody. It's all good, right? There's a lot of tourists in Yellowstone, and I could not communicate with them. They spoke an entirely different language.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure, sure. They were on vacation, and all they.

[Jess]

Said was Yellowstone with a question mark. Like, Yellowstone. Where's Yellowstone?

[Dax Shepard]

They were looking for you to help them find Old Faithful.

[Jess]

Also, I'm bleeding. So they turn around and leave, and I'm like, okay, at least there's traffic.

[Monica Padman]

On this road, right?

[Jess]

So I keep walking, and I finally get to this, like, ranger shadow. I put my life jacket on the ground and just kind of lay down, and it starts to rain. All of a sudden, I just see the headlights and the van. So they had finally found me, and it was four hours or so later.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my God.

[Jess]

Billy had run up to Nicole after all this and was like, oh, my gosh. Your husband saved my life. Thank you so much. She's like, get away from me.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Jess]

After all this, we're back in the van, and the guide was like, hey, how would you like to come work with us next summer? You can get certified and come work on the river with us. And I'm like, yeah, that sounds awesome. Let's do it. My wife was like, absolutely. You are not getting back on that boat.

[Dax Shepard]

That guy is up and down. He's like, saying, you're not qualified. You get your quitter, and then he's offering you a job. I mean, he's really got to get his narrative straight.

[Jess]

I wouldn't be surprised if their river rafting business is no longer around.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. Whoa. Whoa.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, Brandon, have you ever gone rafting again?

[Jess]

No. I would, but the very next day, we actually went hiking and ran into some brown bears, and my wife took off running, left me for dead again.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, wow. This is.

[Dax Shepard]

You barely made it.

[Monica Padman]

Honeymoon.

[Jess]

It was great.

[Dax Shepard]

You're still together, though.

[Jess]

Yep, we're still together. She's. She's actually here.

[Dax Shepard]

Get her in here.

[Monica Padman]

Hi.

[Jess]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

Can you hear us?

[Brennan]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

That sounds like a terrible honeymoon.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Taylor]

Yeah.

[Brennan]

I was like, I'm gonna be a widow. And the guide was like, brennan's not finishing. And I'm like, I married a horrible person.

[Monica Padman]

I'm not following all the logistics of why he Couldn't just bring back up.

[Brennan]

I don't know either.

[Elizabeth]

Maybe he wanted to spend extra time.

[Taylor]

With me or something.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, maybe that was.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, he flipped it. He drove it straight into the jump. Flipped it. He's like, I'll be alone with her in no time.

[Monica Padman]

Exactly.

[Dax Shepard]

I get rid of this uncle, and.

[Monica Padman]

I'm gonna say, your husband is a wimp.

[Dax Shepard]

He went back to Utah. He told me he's getting this annulled. Well, it's nice meeting both of you. I'm sorry that was your honeymoon.

[Jess]

No, it's all good. We're happily married, so. Thanks for letting us tell our story, guys.

[Dax Shepard]

All right, take care. Wow.

[Monica Padman]

Honeymoon.

[Dax Shepard]

Honeymoon in hell.

[Monica Padman]

My honeymoon is going to be in a spa. Yeah, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Keep it nice and safe. But you might fall in love with your masseur.

[Monica Padman]

Well, you want a little risk? That's the kind of risk I'm willing to take.

[Dax Shepard]

That's the kind of risk you'll take on.

[Monica Padman]

You mean masseuse.

[Dax Shepard]

I said masseur.

[Monica Padman]

I know.

[Dax Shepard]

Man Mansour.

[Monica Padman]

Man Mansour.

[Dax Shepard]

Hello.

[Monica Padman]

Hey.

[Brennan]

How are y'all?

[Dax Shepard]

Wonderful. Is this Elizabeth?

[Brennan]

This is.

[Dax Shepard]

Where are you at, Elizabeth?

[Brennan]

I'm in South Carolina.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful. Okay, so you have a wild card story. So this could be anything. Could be a ghost story. We don't know.

[Brennan]

Not a ghost story. When I was graduating college, I wanted to do something fun summer after, and my professor reached out and was like, I'm gonna climb Mount Kilimanjaro over the summer. And I was like, oh, seems like a great opportunity. Something I would never do, honestly. I love a shower at night. Love to sleep in my bed. Like, not a camping girl. But for some reason, I was like, this is great. This is exactly what I need. I taken some classes with her. She was great. And she was like, I'm taking students from my last institution. We get there, and she was like, oh, one more thing. After we hike, the next day, I really like to go and get a massage.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Brennan]

And I was like, oh, that's awesome. I can get on board with a massage.

[Dax Shepard]

Now she's speaking your language.

[Monica Padman]

We were just talking about.

[Dax Shepard]

About spas and Mansour.

[Brennan]

We climbed the mountain. Honestly, the climb itself wasn't awful.

[Dax Shepard]

How long did it take?

[Brennan]

Seven days up, two days down. So nine in total.

[Monica Padman]

Yuck. No wonder you get a massage after.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you camping, or are there lodges along the way?

[Brennan]

No, you're in a tent. I don't know why I wanted to do this. I would never do it again. I mean, I had a great experience.

[Dax Shepard]

And you're going pooty in the woods and stuff.

[Brennan]

The whole nine yards. Like, when we were at camp, they would set up these little tent porta potties. But if you had to go on the hikes during the day, you just had to find, like, a rock and.

[Dax Shepard]

Hope a lion didn't leap out.

[Monica Padman]

You wipe with the rock.

[Brennan]

I brought toilet paper. There's no way. But a lot of people really struggled with altitude, and so their stomachs were super messed up, and they were just having to find rocks and stuff. And the higher you get, the less rocks there are, so less things to really hide behind. And it was really more of just like a distance thing.

[Monica Padman]

Whenever you had to go, I'm not doing this.

[Brennan]

So that was interesting. But the hike itself was great. But the whole time I was really looking for the massage. Like, at night when I was cold in my tent, I was like, this is going to be worth it. I'm going to get this massage at the end. Or, like, when my shoulders or my feet were hurting, I was like, massage at the end. So we finish, and the next day I wake up and I was like, today is the day. They didn't have one big place for everyone to go, so they dropped us off around Tanzania to get these massages in pairs of two. And so I get dropped off in the strip mall with the girl that I shared a tent with. It looks spa like on the inside. They did tell me not to expect a massage. Like, I would get here. I was like, that's fair. I am here for the experience. I do enjoy traveling. Whatever is going on there, I'm good for. So I get into the room and I wait for the lady to leave, and she doesn't. And I was like, okay, cool. And she just starts undressing me.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow, she's undressing you.

[Brennan]

This is interesting. But again, going with it. And I turn around, and she's like, get on the table. Face down. And it's just a table.

[Dax Shepard]

And if you've gotten down. Okay, but hold on. Have you gotten fully nude?

[Brennan]

I was wearing leggings, so I wasn't wearing anything under the leggings. I was expecting some coverage, so there was just nothing there. Just on a table.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, also, yeah. Not comfy.

[Brennan]

So cool. Oh, my God. I'm laying face down, and I'm kind of taking in the room as she's getting things ready. And I'm looking at the walls because the lights didn't turn off either. It's like bright lights. There was no real relaxing no, like music playing.

[Monica Padman]

Surgery room.

[Brennan]

And I'm noticing oil all over the walls.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay.

[Brennan]

As I'm thinking, this is so weird. I hear like splurt. And then all over my back there's oil. Whatever, you're triple it. And that's probably how much. And so I'm laying on my stomach and she's massaging my back and I'm trying to like really enjoy it. I'm kind of relaxing. By the time we're done with being on my stomach and she's like, flip over. I flip over and I'm alarmed at how naked I am. The lights are all on and we make eye contact and she looks at my boobs and she goes, how old are you? I was like 22. And she was like, little girl. I don't have big boobs.

[Dax Shepard]

Wait, you made a pinching sign. Did she pinch your breasts?

[Brennan]

Yeah, she grabbed them. She said very flat chested.

[Monica Padman]

Oh my.

[Brennan]

I'm trying to recover from that. And she's like massaging my shoulders. She finds her way back to my boobs and just continues there for like 10 or 15 minutes.

[Monica Padman]

She likes that part. Maybe she thinks she'll make them bigger.

[Dax Shepard]

Elizabeth, what's your comfort level? Because again, we've talked about this in previous massage episodes. I can see myself succumbing to whatever I could lock into. Like, I'm going with this. You know, where were you at mentally when she was on minute eight of your breast massage?

[Brennan]

I was just kind of going with it. I was like, this is to be funny when I meet up with my friend that I share this tent with. And I was like, we're going to laugh about this. Cuz I bet she's getting the same treatment. This is how it is here. And I was like, this is really uncomfortable for me personally, but we're not going to say anything. I don't want to offend this nice lady.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by vital proteins. Have you heard of vital proteins? Collagen peptides. It's a supplement that has four benefits all in 1. Helping support healthy hair, skin, nails, bones and joints. Because after 30, our body's natural collagen production can start to decline by 1% a year. Aging it is coming for us all. The loss of collagen may lead to the appearance of fine lines, saggy skin, and your bones and joints not moving like they used to to. That's where vital proteins comes in. By taking collagen peptides daily, you can help support your hair, skin, nail, bone, and joint health. It's an Easy addition to your daily routine. And Vital Proteins is the number one brand of collagen peptides in the U.S.

[Monica Padman]

I'Ve been using this product for quite some time, way before it was a sponsor.

[Dax Shepard]

And your collagen's looking great. I've commented on it.

[Monica Padman]

You have? And I'm post 30. So it's time.

[Dax Shepard]

You are? Yes. Get 20% off by going to vitalproteins.com and entering promo code DAX at checkout. That's vital proteins proteins.com promo code DAX for 20 off. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. We are supported by Drunk Elephant. Looking for a holy grail moisturizer that actually delivers. Let me introduce you to Proteiny Polypeptide Cream by Drunk Elephant, the protein powerhouse your skin's been craving. You know how your body needs protein to stay strong, right? I'm addicted to protein. It's my religion. Your skin. Skin does, too. That's where proteini comes in. Packed with nine signal peptides and growth factors, this cream makes your skin visibly firmer. Think of protein in your Drunk Elephant routine, like adding a shot of protein to your smoothie. And unlike those heavy moisturizers that just sit on top of your skin, this lightweight gel cream sinks right in, delivering your daily dose of moisture without any greasy residue. That's my big pet peeve with moisturizers. I don't want to be greasy.

[Monica Padman]

You don't want it to be greasy? Yeah. I mean, I'm. I have loved Drunk Elephant for years and years and years, and I'm. I'm happy that you've gotten into it.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, it's great. It goes on so light and sinks right in. Try Drunk Elephants breakthrough moisturizer. Today discover Protini polypeptide cream at Ulta Beauty stores and also@ Ulta.com.

[Brennan]

So, I mean, she's, like, playing with my nipples the whole nine yards. She kept making eye contact with me every time I opened my eyes.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow, this is a nightmare.

[Brennan]

It became a lot. And so she continues to move down my body, and I realize she's going down there. Finally said something. I was like, I can't. I was like, we're good here. And she was pretty offended. I felt bad. She's like, well, where would you like to spend this extra time? And I was like, I guess my feet, like, really hurt. I was like, I'm going to get anything out of this. My feet were hurting that whole nine days on that Mountain. So I'm going to need a little extra love there.

[Dax Shepard]

I don't want to dwell on your assault, but I am curious. Was she going to try to finger you?

[Brennan]

I think she was going for happy ending.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Brennan]

Right at the time, that was where my mind was. I was just so confused. Yeah, it went from, I'm just gonna let this slide on my boobs. So, like, this is a really weird situation.

[Monica Padman]

It went from this is cultural to now it's not.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, this is an erotic massage.

[Brennan]

So he finishes up on my feet. She did a great job down there. We're wrapping things up. And she's like, would you like to go to the shower with me? Me? And I was like, although my body is covered in all of this oil, I'm good. We're done. So I go to try to dress, and she again wants to dress me. The leggings and the oil, it was the longest.

[Dax Shepard]

This is worse than the high.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, it is.

[Brennan]

It really was.

[Dax Shepard]

And at any point were you going, oh, wow, my professor's a pervert. She likes an erotic.

[Monica Padman]

No, but she didn't know about this place.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's find out.

[Brennan]

I thought the boob part was normal. Honestly, I was just like, this is so weird. We're gonna laugh about this. I was just really trying to make this a funny sit. I guess. I don't know. I didn't want to think about it too hard. She finally dresses me. I used to wear, like, all these friendship bracelets. She's trying to get those back on. And I finally said, let me just put them in my pocket. So we get done, and I'm in the lobby and I pay. I meet up with my friend. And I was like, wow, that was like, a really weird massage. And she's like, what are you talking about? I was like, did they touch you? And she was like, touch me? Yeah, it was a massage. I was like, did they play with your boobs? She was like, no.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, no.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Monica Padman]

Wait.

[Brennan]

She's like, I think that lady was trying to give you a happy ending massage. And I was like, oh, that was the first time that it clicked.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my Lord. She might have just been a fucking perv. Did you talk to your professor about it?

[Brennan]

Yeah. She was like, you have the worst luck.

[Monica Padman]

So no one else had this? Wow, just me. Oh, I would be so freaked out with the hands starting to crawl down.

[Dax Shepard]

What would you have done on the breastplate part?

[Monica Padman]

I would have done the same thing. I would have thought the breast part.

[Brennan]

Was cultural, especially because they gave Me, the warning. I was just like, oh, this is just what they do. Because everything else, besides not having like a blanket or anything, was a very regular massage. A lot of extra oil, but just a regular massage.

[Dax Shepard]

An excessive amount of oil.

[Monica Padman]

Wow. So weird.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, that was great, Elizabeth. Yeah, Real twisty and turny.

[Monica Padman]

Massage Stories was our first Armchair Anonymous.

[Brennan]

I know. And I missed the prompt.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's what birthed the idea. I was getting a massage at hotel and I'd seen all these older men there on lovers weekends with their wives. And I thought, all these guys are on Viagra and Cialis. Are they becoming erect in these massages? That's what it started as. Don't you remember? Yes, that's 100% what I started thinking. What are all these guys who are all bumped up on C and Viagra for the weekend doing in these massages? Are they getting boners?

[Monica Padman]

I remember.

[Dax Shepard]

You don't remember that part.

[Brennan]

I remember that. I kind of remember it.

[Dax Shepard]

I think is everyone but Monica remembers it. You just scrubbed it from your memory.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, that's probably right. Oh, man. Well, thank you so much.

[Dax Shepard]

So nice meeting you. All right, bye. Bye.

[Monica Padman]

I wanted to tell her that she could go by Lilibet.

[Dax Shepard]

Help me through. Help me with the math of that.

[Monica Padman]

The Queen of England, her name was Elizabeth.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, Queen Elizabeth.

[Monica Padman]

And her husband and family called her Lilibet.

[Dax Shepard]

Lilibet. We learned that on the crowd.

[Monica Padman]

Yep.

[Dax Shepard]

Why'd I forget that part? Because I'm bad with names. Cassandra.

[Elizabeth]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Beautiful earrings. Very eye catchy.

[Elizabeth]

Thank you. They are by an indigenous artist named Joe Big Mountain. He did the quill work for Lily Gladstone's Oscar dress.

[Dax Shepard]

No way.

[Monica Padman]

Amazing.

[Dax Shepard]

Where do you live?

[Elizabeth]

So I am currently located in Salt Lake City.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. And are you from Utah?

[Elizabeth]

No, born and raised. Montana.

[Dax Shepard]

We just talked to an armchair that's from Salt Lake and their story took place in Montana.

[Monica Padman]

Very thin.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, so you have a wild card story.

[Elizabeth]

This takes place August 29, 2001. I am 19 at the time and I am supposed to be starting my freshman year of college in a week. I grew up in a rural town called Phillipsburg, Montana. And outside of town, there was a Sapphire Mine summer job. I worked at the Sapphire Mine.

[Brennan]

Two parts to it.

[Elizabeth]

You could, as a tourist, go pay for a five gallon bucket of dirt and sift it down. Or you could go up, up and dig your own dirt if you were more intense. And that's where I worked. Happened to be my last day on the job before I was done for this season. And at the beginning of the season for this particular fee dig site. A backhoe had gone in, created a pretty big trench about 20, 25ft wide. So these two walls that people could then dig into. Fast forward end of the season here. One of the walls got to be pretty, pretty tall. We're talking about 8 to 10ft. And a large overhang started to develop.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Elizabeth]

Oh, I'm sitting out away from this wall and I hear a crack. Everything goes black. I am completely buried.

[Monica Padman]

Buried alive.

[Dax Shepard]

Thick, heavy dirt.

[Elizabeth]

We're talking two to three tons just on me.

[Dax Shepard]

No. Oh my gosh. Wow. Are you by yourself?

[Elizabeth]

So there's customers up there. Sad part of this story is there was another customer, Rockhound from Idaho. Loved to spend his vacation time at their digging stones. And he was further underneath and he died on impact.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh my God. So this is a severe crushing amount of weight.

[Elizabeth]

Huge. Imagine 10ft tall, 15ft long, just falling down. It crashes down on me. I think, oh, this is going to be like an avalanche. Let me try and get my hands up to my face, create an air pocket. I try and turn away way and everything goes black. I am not my body. I am immediately just in the universe having a conversation. There is no sense of time. My body does not exist. I have all the time in the world to decide whether I want to live or die. It was just this really comforting place to be. There was no pan panic. There was just, oh, here's a decision I get to make.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Elizabeth]

And so I'm having this conversation with the universe. Other people talk about white lights and life reviews and their near death experiences. I didn't get any of that. It was just me saying, yeah, I don't think I'm quite done yet. I've got some things I'd like to do. There was one particular sentence that I said which was, I haven't been a judge yet. At the time I was political science, pre law. And the minute I said that sentence, sentence, I was back in my body and it was just like instantaneous. It felt like I was in that space for like 10, 15 minutes. In actuality, I was maybe a minute to a minute and a half. I can hear them saying my name. I'm aware what's happening. I'm aware I'm completely buried.

[Dax Shepard]

And really quick. When you tried to move your hands up to your mouth to create that air pocket, could you move your body at all wall or you cemented in, Completely cemented in. This is the nightmare of all nightmares. As someone who's claustrophobic I mean, you're.

[Jess]

Having a hard time breathing, right?

[Elizabeth]

I'm trying to spit some dirt out of my mouth. And one of the guys who'd been up there a lot that summer, so I'd gotten to know him really well, he sees this little bit of dirt move and he starts to uncover my face. My eyes are just caked with dirt, so I actually can't see anything. And I wear contacts. I. I can't see anything. They start to get my body uncovered in the meantime. This is 2001, rural Montana. There's no cell phone service and our radios were not working. So one of the other customers jumped in their private vehicle and drove like the 15 minutes down the mountain back to the base to call 911 and say, we need help. There's been a cave in at the Sapphire Mine and people are buried.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, my gosh.

[Elizabeth]

As they're starting to get me uncovered, and they get my torso uncovered first and free up my arms, they get this pretty big boulder off my chest. And when they removed that weight, blood started moving everywhere. And I could tell that I was bleeding inside. I'm like spitting into my hand, asking one of the other customers up there, hey, like, hey, what color is this? I need to know. And he's like, well, why do you need to know? And I'm like, well, I need to know if I'm spitting up blood yet. And that kind of cued them into like, oh, she might know other things that's wrong with her. So I was like, yeah. My neck feels funny. My back feels funny. My pelvis feels funny. These are the areas that I can tell are probably broken. They continue getting me unburied. And there was a boulder that fell next to my head so close that it pinned my hair down. It was so big they couldn't move it, so they had to just cut my hair to get my head away from it. It took about an hour to dig me out. Volunteer ambulance shows up because that's what we have. The closest hospital that I need to get to is over 90 minutes away.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you optimistic during this? Are you starting to get concerned you're going to run out of time?

[Elizabeth]

This very comforting conversation that I just had with the universe was, nope, here's my new contract. I'm going to live and so pretty calm about the whole thing. I get loaded up on volunteer ambulance, ambulance backboard, neck brace. We're going down the mountain. I'm really starting to go into shock. Emergency life support from Missoula had gotten the call. They rushed out to Meet up with me, we do a transfer on the side of the road. They are working on me. They realize I got pretty much no blood in me. They tried IVs in my feet, my neck, nothing was sticking. They put a big stent into my left lung to get me some air. Finally, they load me up into that ambulance. We take off again. About 15 minutes later, a helicopter finally makes it to us. Transfer again on the side of the road. They're working on me again on the side of the road before they get me up in the air. The whole time, haven't lost consciousness, still there, still talking. Finally, we land at the hospital on top of the roof. And they get me out of the helicopter. I just see white coats everywhere and get me into the elevator. Those doors close and it was this very conscious, all right, I'm out. I pass out. I wake up in the emergency room to my mom and one of the nurses stitching up my hand. So they did emergency chest tubes and gave me a little over four units of blood. They stabilized me. And then the next day they flew me out to Seattle harbor because I was a trauma one and I needed massive teams of doctors. My pelvis was broken in four different spots and my left SI joint was totally hinged, open towards the back and then rolled back forward. So they thought they were going to have to put a rod like in and out of my pelvis area to stabilize it. They told my parents I'd be out in Harborview for four to six weeks. So I flew out there August 30, 2001, spent three days in the ICU, then got moved to my own room. About September 8, they removed the chest tubes and we said, okay, we're going to discharge on September 10th.

[Dax Shepard]

Not even two weeks.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. The only way for me to get home comfortably was by air. I was not going to do a 10 hour ambulance ride in my condition. So we chartered a flight to come to Seattle, pick me up, and fly me back to Montana. It's pretty late in the afternoon on September 10th. My pulmonologist is like, what's one more day? And my mom was like, we're getting home tonight. The flight is here, the plane's here, we're leaving. I don't care what time. So we land in Montana. It's still a little light out, but it's. Sun's starting to set. And then I get to a rehab facility. And then the next day, September 11th. Oh, and air traffic shuts down.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, my gosh. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Sim, Sim. Sim.

[Monica Padman]

Sim.

[Elizabeth]

Mom's intuition.

[Monica Padman]

That's why you can't say, what's one more day.

[Elizabeth]

So I started my freshman year of college in a neck brace, my left arm in a sling, a leg brace, and a wheelchair. I broke C7 and T1 at the spinous process. My third and fourth left rib, my left clavicle, both my lungs burst. My kidney and spleen bled out. Major trauma to my left thigh. It's still numb to this day. Major trauma to my right knee. Lots of broken teeth, fractures in my feet. Feet. I was told I would never ski again. I walked at six weeks. I skied at Christmas.

[Monica Padman]

Wow. That's amazing.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Monica Padman]

And are you a judge?

[Dax Shepard]

It's like you got hit by a train.

[Elizabeth]

Just about. I'm not a judge. Random life events led me into social work, and I am a therapist. I specialize in religious trauma.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, wow. My goodness. Buried alive.

[Dax Shepard]

That's the worst. I'm gonna have a nightmare tonight. Yeah, you can count on it. Has the rest of the life been a joke? Like. Well, I already been through the worst thing. I got that out of the way, honestly.

[Elizabeth]

It's interesting. I've never had any nightmares. There's been no PTSD about that. It's my story. I wouldn't change it.

[Monica Padman]

What a story.

[Dax Shepard]

What a story. Well, that delivered. Thank you so much.

[Elizabeth]

You're very welcome. Welcome. Side note, as a therapist, both of you, thank you for all the work you guys do with mental health. And, Dax, for being a vulnerable white man. That's really important to everyone.

[Dax Shepard]

Thank you.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Thank you so much. Great meeting you. Take care.

[Elizabeth]

Bye.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm starting to agree with you. I was against you, and now I don't ever want to leave the safety of my bedroom.

[Monica Padman]

Yep, these were scaly.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, they should have been. Been called scary cod. Trouble, trouble, trouble.

[Monica Padman]

Well, you know, life is.

[Dax Shepard]

Life is a box of chocolates is f. Gump said. I'm glad you're safe. I have a lot of gratitude for our safety.

[Monica Padman]

Me, too.

[Dax Shepard]

Lungs burst. How do your lungs burst when you carry on? What?

[Monica Padman]

Anyone listening? Just knock on wood right about now.

[Dax Shepard]

Give it a good knock, knock, and.

[Monica Padman]

We'Ll see you next week.

[Dax Shepard]

All right. Love you.

[Monica Padman]

Love you.

[Jess]

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song. Oh, okay, great.

[Dax Shepard]

We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of arm cherries, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme. Dish on the Fly Rhyme Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry App or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey at.

[Cassandra]

24 I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me, and the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up, they connected with the people that I'm talking to, and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.