Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card VIII

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Episode Summary: Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card VIII Release Date: June 27, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Armchair Expert," host Dax Shepard delves into a series of wild and personal stories shared by guests Monica Padman, Sharon Beasley, Jordan (Gabby), Kristen, and others. Titled "Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card VIII," the episode features a blend of humorous anecdotes, intense personal experiences, and insightful discussions about mental health and addiction. The episode is structured around the "Wild Card" theme, encouraging guests to share unexpected and unique stories from their lives.

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Jordan’s High School Mishap

Timestamp: 03:07 – 11:22

Jordan, introduced as Gabby’s husband from Indianapolis, kicks off the episode with a vivid recounting of a traumatic high school incident. As a 14-year-old freshman in a jewelry class, Jordan was working on a necklace project using a Dremel tool. Without a hair tie to secure her long hair, she encountered a frightening moment when the tool yanked a clump of her hair.

Jordan: "I instantly jerked the tool away from my head, and the Dremel took a clump of my hair with it." [05:17]

The abrupt loss of her hair created a palpable tension in the classroom, leading to a rushed trip to the nurse's office. Although the physical damage was minimal—just a bald spot about the size of her palm—Jordan faced significant emotional distress.

Jordan: "I want to say that I was holding it together pretty good up until that point, but when she started freaking out, I just started bawling." [06:35]

The incident left her with stunted hair growth for a couple of years and a lasting memory of vulnerability and resilience.

Monica Padman’s Neighborhood Stalker Story

Timestamp: 14:51 – 28:47

Monica Padman shares a harrowing story from her teenage years in Texas. In 2006, her father noticed a suspicious man approaching their driveway in the early morning hours. This man exhibited strange behavior, including turning towards Monica's bedroom window, suggesting he was spying on her.

Monica: "He turns on the light and the guy runs away. He tries to act like everything's normal." [20:00]

Determined to protect his family, Monica's father took drastic measures, including taking photographs of the suspect and installing security measures around the house. Despite these efforts, the police later identified the stalker as a neighbor who had been watching multiple girls in the neighborhood. The situation culminated when another girl bravely confronted the stalker, leading to his apprehension by the authorities.

Monica: "He has been watching me for a very long time." [22:00]

This intense experience highlighted the themes of safety, parental protection, and community vigilance.

Gabby’s Emergency Medical Services Encounter

Timestamp: 30:00 – 43:09

Gabby, a nurse working in the Level 2 Trauma Center, recounts a particularly bizarre and tragic EMS call involving a patient who claimed to have masturbated with a gun, resulting in a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the vagina.

Gabby: "The patient was saying she's masturbating with a gun and shot herself in the vagina." [35:55]

As the medical team navigated this confusing scenario, initial reports conflicted, shifting from statements of self-harm to stories of being on a trail shot by an unknown assailant. Upon examination, a bullet was discovered lodged in the patient's pelvis, leading to severe medical interventions, including a hysterectomy and colectomy. The case raised concerns about mental health, substance abuse, and the complexities medical professionals face in discerning truth from trauma-induced narratives.

Gabby: "Any tool that we have. Because as we know, there's not a lot of great options for people. Anything we can do to give people ammunition and finding sobriety is going to be awesome." [49:25]

Kristen’s Medical School Cadaver Incident

Timestamp: 44:29 – 50:02

Kristen, an addiction medicine doctor, shares a cringe-worthy and unforgettable moment from her medical school days. During a cadaver lab session in 2012 at Kirksville, Missouri, Kristen was scrubbing fat off a cadaver’s arm when a piece of fat accidentally flew into her open mouth. This unexpected and unsettling incident left her gagging and overwhelmed with disgust.

Kristen: "I was talking with my teammates, and a piece of fat, probably about the size of a kidney bean, flew off of the cadaver's arm into my open mouth." [45:35]
Kristen: "I rushed out of the anatomy lab room and just stood over the toilet gagging for several minutes." [47:05]

The episode highlights the often-overlooked challenges and unexpected moments faced by medical students, emphasizing the importance of resilience and professionalism in the face of discomfort and repulsion.

Discussions on Mental Health and Addiction Medicine

Timestamp: 49:43 – 50:02

The conversation transitions into discussing the promising role of GLP1 (Glucagon-Like Peptide-1) in addiction medicine, led by Kristen.

Dax Shepard: "Any tool that we have... finding sobriety is going to be awesome." [49:25]
Kristen: "I'm optimistic for the people who are currently struggling." [49:25]

Kristen emphasizes the potential of GLP1 as an innovative tool for aiding individuals in overcoming addiction, despite current limitations like insurance coverage and availability.

Conclusion and Reflections

The episode wraps up with heartfelt exchanges, where guests express their appreciation for the platform to share their stories. Gabby highlights how the podcast has become a valuable resource for her family, teaching her children about life's complexities in a relatable way.

Gabby: "She's either going to learn it on the playground, she's going to learn it from you guys." [43:09]

Dax Shepard closes the episode by reflecting on the importance of sharing vulnerable and honest stories, reinforcing the show's mission to explore the "messiness of being human."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Jordan: "I instantly jerked the tool away from my head, and the Dremel took a clump of my hair with it." [05:17]

• Monica: "He has been watching me for a very long time." [22:00]

• Gabby: "Any tool that we have... finding sobriety is going to be awesome." [49:25]

• Kristen: "I was talking with my teammates, and a piece of fat, probably about the size of a kidney bean, flew off of the cadaver's arm into my open mouth." [45:35]

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Key Insights:

1. Resilience in Adversity: Both Jordan and Monica's stories showcase the human capacity to endure and navigate through traumatic experiences, highlighting themes of resilience and family support.

2. Complexity of Trauma: Gabby's recounting of the EMS call underscores the intricate intersection between trauma, mental health, and substance abuse, emphasizing the need for comprehensive support systems in medical care.

3. Facing Professional Discomfort: Kristen's cadaver lab incident illustrates the often-hidden challenges faced by medical professionals, emphasizing the importance of emotional resilience in healthcare education.

4. Advancements in Addiction Medicine: The discussion on GLP1 reflects ongoing innovations in the field of addiction medicine, promising new avenues for treatment despite current barriers.

5. Importance of Sharing Stories: The episode reinforces the value of openly sharing personal and challenging experiences as a means of collective growth and understanding.

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Final Thoughts:

"Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card VIII" masterfully weaves together diverse and compelling narratives, each shedding light on different facets of the human experience. From high school accidents and neighborhood threats to complex medical emergencies and professional misadventures, the episode exemplifies the show's commitment to exploring vulnerability, honesty, and the journey toward personal growth. Through candid storytelling and insightful discussions, Dax Shepard and his guests offer listeners a profound reflection on what it means to be human.

Transcript

[Dax Shepard]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondri plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts, or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm with Monica Padman. Hi. And Sharon Beasley. Hello. Today is Wild Card. It's gonna get wild. Let's see. Yep, they all delivered again.

[Monica Padman]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Do we need a trigger? Pun intended? Warning.

[Sharon Beasley]

It is a trigger. Right. Because actually there might have been some abuse.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Sharon Beasley]

Potentially. And we talk about. We're not sure.

[Gabby]

So.

[Dax Shepard]

But anyway, I'll just say don't eat when you're listening to this one too, because the last story is nuts.

[Sharon Beasley]

Don't masturbate while you're listening to this one because it might make you go crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, okay. Okay. All right. Please enjoy Wild Card. We are supported by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like, you know, to check your flights on time first before heading to the airport. Like you know, to check your presentation is saved first before closing your laptop. That's one mistake I'll never make again. Checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We are supported by Domino's. You know, I have the app.

[Sharon Beasley]

Me too.

[Dax Shepard]

It's not talked about in this ad spot, but I do gotta give a shout out to the lava cakes.

[Sharon Beasley]

Mmm.

[Dax Shepard]

They're outrageous.

[Sharon Beasley]

I want it right now.

[Dax Shepard]

At long last, Domino's finally, finally has stuffed crust pizza. And not just stuffed crust. Parmesan stuffed crust.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, man, what are you waiting for?

[Dax Shepard]

Who doesn't love a little Parmesan? Nobody, that's who. It's hard to believe it's taking taken them this long to make a stuffed crust pizza, but let me tell you, this was worth the wait. They've taken their buttery flavored handmade pan pizza dough and stuffed it with melty cheese. And if that wasn't enough, they topped it with garlic seasoning and yes, real Parmesan.

[Sharon Beasley]

I can taste it.

[Dax Shepard]

I love mine smothered with pepperoni. The more the better. Okay, all this talk about Domino's has got me hungry. And I think I've got tonight's dinner plans on. All figured out. Order Domino's new Parmesan stuffed crust pizza on the Domino's app and use Code DAX to get any three topping Parmesan Stuffed Crust Pizza for 11.99. That's code DAX on the Domino's app. To try it today, price is higher in some locations. You must ask for this limited time offer. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may vary. Delivery orders subject to local stores. Delivery charge. Hard times come and go Good times take them sl my life I had them both shining. Hello.

[Jordan]

How are you guys?

[Dax Shepard]

Good. Is this Jordan?

[Jordan]

Jordan is my husband. I'm using his account. My name is Gabby.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful. I have a niece named Gabby and I love her. She's a real spitfire.

[Sharon Beasley]

Is it short for Gabrielle?

[Jordan]

Gabrielle with an a at the end.

[Dax Shepard]

And where are you?

[Jordan]

Indianapolis, Indiana.

[Dax Shepard]

You just had the Indy 500.

[Jordan]

We did.

[Dax Shepard]

And what happens in town when that show arrives? Can you feel it everywhere or only around the track?

[Jordan]

Only around the track. Maybe downtown, but out in the suburbs you're not really feeling too much because.

[Dax Shepard]

It'S an enormous group of people, right? I want to say like 500,000 people spectate that.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah, they were sold out this year.

[Dax Shepard]

How many people can that house rob will look it up.

[Jordan]

300,000. Is that way too much?

[Dax Shepard]

No, the Coca Cola 400. Well, it's not even called that anymore. But in North Carolina, that race I went to, they had 250,000 people. 350,000 attendees. 350. Wow. Yeah, okay. But do you go? You don't go?

[Jordan]

My parents go. They have the grandfathered tickets, but it's just not my thing. I think it's really cool that they go super fast left.

[Dax Shepard]

So you're wild cards. So anything could be on the table.

[Jordan]

My story takes place when I was about 14 years old. I was a freshman in high school and I was taking a jewelry class. On this particular day, we had a substitute teacher and I remember that she wasn't really like an art sub. So she came in, took attendance, and basically left us to our own devices. I had a necklace project to do within that week and I was almost finished. All I needed was some light buffing. So I head over to the Dremel tool station for a quick polish and I realized that I have forgotten the hair tie. And I have very long hair at the time, like almost touching my butt. The class had one major rule. If you had long hair, you had to tie your hair back. Cause we're using power tools, we're using fire. You know, safety first.

[Dax Shepard]

There's certain tools, like if you're using a belt sander and your hair gets Stuck. Not only is it gonna get your hair in there, it's gonna pull your face directly into the thing. That's dangerous.

[Jordan]

Yes. Definitely not that big. It was small Dremel tool. But I start buffing away, trying to be quick and careful, and someone in the class calls my name, and I whip my head around, and the next thing I know, I can feel the Dremel grip some of my hair and yank.

[Gabby]

Oh.

[Jordan]

So I instantly jerk the tool away from my head, and the Dremel takes a clump of my hair with it.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Jordan]

I'm sitting there stunned. And one of my classmates gasps. And the entire classroom looks at me. And the sub, who is probably in for way more than she bargained for, takes me straight to the nurse's office. Now, at this point, I haven't seen the damage. I haven't touched it. I'm still filled with adrenaline, so I'm not feeling any pain.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you even look at the Dremel to see how big of a chunk of hair was already around the Dremel?

[Jordan]

Honestly, I was just so like, is this even happening? That I don't really remember the nurse taking me to the office. I don't remember it actually happening. It was just such a blur until they gave me two Advils and an ice pack.

[Sharon Beasley]

Okay, okay.

[Jordan]

So the nurses call my sister to the office. Cause she was a junior at the time. And my mom, who worked just down the road. My sister shows up first, totally confused because she has no idea why she was even called. And the nurses tell her that there was a small accident and that I lost a chunk of hair about the size of a half dollar. And then sends her, not being adequately prepared for what she was about to witness. I lift the ice pack from my head, and there's a bald spot about the size of my palm.

[Sharon Beasley]

No way.

[Dax Shepard]

Ugh. The size of your palm?

[Jordan]

Yeah, right in the front.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, my gosh.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, right where you wouldn't want it.

[Jordan]

So I want to say that I was holding it together pretty good up until that point, but when she started freaking out, I mean, I lost it, and I just started bawling.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Was there not a ton of blood?

[Jordan]

There was not. So it was only kind of, like, prickly with blood from the individual hair plugs. But it wasn't filled with blood or anything.

[Dax Shepard]

Was lucky. You could imagine that you would tear off all the skin it was attached because there's so much hair.

[Jordan]

I will get to that.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay. Okay, great.

[Jordan]

So my mom arrives. She takes one, looks at me, and Has a very similar reaction. You know, like great poker faces in this family. Eventually, the assistant principal comes in and they tell me that I need to go home and that I need to stay home for a couple of days. If the spot turns purple or starts swelling, that means I have to go to the hospital immediately. It means that my scalp has disconnected from my skull and the empty space has started to fill up with blood and I would need immediate surgery.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Did they look that up on the computer?

[Sharon Beasley]

Maybe they knew this about these tools and the hair.

[Jordan]

I imagine they had this prepared because if they're telling us to bring hair ties, they understand the possibilities of what could be happening.

[Sharon Beasley]

I'm surprised they don't make you do a hair net.

[Jordan]

Maybe. Now, this was almost 15 years. Ish ago, but thankfully, none of that ever happened. I stayed home for two days and I went back to school and everything was fine.

[Dax Shepard]

Ish.

[Jordan]

Yes. My consolation prize was a handwritten laminated note that said I could wear a hat for the rest of the school year, which was very special.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, shit.

[Jordan]

Because hats were against my high school stress code.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, we had a protest at my school over hats.

[Sharon Beasley]

Really?

[Dax Shepard]

That is ridiculous. Like, welcome to the white suburbs. But yeah, there was a walkout that was scheduled and it was about hats.

[Sharon Beasley]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

And we were all outside and I joined just cause no one else was in school. I was kind of opposed to it.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, you were?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. It just seemed like a ridiculous thing to protest.

[Sharon Beasley]

But it's also autonomy, which you like.

[Dax Shepard]

I would have loved to have worn a hat. It just felt like this is what we're protesting over.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, okay.

[Dax Shepard]

So when I was out there and the big gaggle of people just after the 90210 episode had aired where they kicked out Tori Spelling from having drank at prom, they weren't gonna let her graduate. Donna Martin graduate.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yes, that's right.

[Dax Shepard]

So I started chanting, Donna Martin, graduate. And I will say almost everyone joined in. And that made the whole thing worthwhile.

[Jordan]

The best part of the whole thing was the original teacher came back, she put my clump of hair in a ziploc bag and thumbtacked it to the cork board in her classroom. Kind of like a weird, slightly horrifying cautionary tale for anybody with long hair.

[Dax Shepard]

That was the right move. Like, this is what no hair tie equals.

[Sharon Beasley]

This is a classic Final Destination plotline.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Sharon Beasley]

You know Final Destination?

[Dax Shepard]

I don't.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Totally out at sea right now. What does that mean?

[Sharon Beasley]

It's a movie series where basically all these people die in Crazy ways. Like the tanning bed closes on them and then they fries them.

[Kristen]

The lumber truck where all the wood falls off on the highway.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yes. Every time I'm behind anything where a truck has stuff hanging out, I move lanes immediately. Move your hair thing could have easily been a whole Final Destination.

[Dax Shepard]

Sucked her whole head off. Yeah.

[Jordan]

I feel like if I didn't pull it away, which essentially was pulling all of my hair out, it could have been way worse. Like if the dremel came towards my face.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it would have. It would have wound its way up to your skull and then that thing would have been spinning against your skull and ripping all the hair out. Yeah. I've been like a chainsaw.

[Jordan]

Perfect for a 14 year old to experience. Absolutely.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh Lord, I'm glad you got to wear hats.

[Dax Shepard]

How long did it take for that to grow back?

[Jordan]

I had some stunted hair growth for a couple of years. It would grow maybe an inch or two and then it would just stop.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, were you panicked at for life?

[Jordan]

Yes, but I also have a lot of hair, so I just parted my hair on the other side and it was pretty much fine.

[Dax Shepard]

What a good attitude.

[Sharon Beasley]

Great attitude.

[Dax Shepard]

Admirable attitude. You rarely hear nice toot, but that's a nice tude.

[Monica Padman]

It is.

[Jordan]

Lesson learned. Always put your hair back if you're.

[Dax Shepard]

Using absolutely anything in the audience that's about to use a dremel or any power tool. Also, being a substitute teacher has got to be one of the worst things ever. Cuz everyone's so disrespectful.

[Sharon Beasley]

That's a good prompt.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, substitute teacher. Write it down. Wob. Yeah. Cuz that could either be there was one or you are one.

[Kristen]

We had teachers written down, but I'll.

[Sharon Beasley]

Add substitute substitute specific because you don't know what you're doing.

[Dax Shepard]

I hate to say this to offend them, but you're a babysitter for the day because you don't know what the they're.

[Sharon Beasley]

You can't teach.

[Dax Shepard]

No.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I'm sure she thought she was just going to come, maybe put on her headphones, get a little bit of work done. And now she's taking this poor girl with a ball to button and she's probably like fudge.

[Dax Shepard]

I bet the normal teacher would have not allowed her. She probably took on that response.

[Sharon Beasley]

If you had Final Destination, she would have been feeling a lot of guilt.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Yes. Well, Gabby, it's delightful to meet you.

[Jordan]

Thank you so much. My husband is actually the one who introduced me to your show. Is it okay if I go grab him real quick.

[Dax Shepard]

Of course. Give him one of your ear pods so he can hear us.

[Jordan]

I will, absolutely.

[Dax Shepard]

Why can't I remember earbud?

[Sharon Beasley]

Because you want to say earbuds and.

[Dax Shepard]

That'S what it is. It's an airpod.

[Sharon Beasley]

Airpod.

[Dax Shepard]

Airpod or earbud. Yeah, And I'm mixing them.

[Sharon Beasley]

Or headphone.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm smashing. Conflating. No, not conflating.

[Sharon Beasley]

You're doing.

[Dax Shepard]

It's a mashup.

[Sharon Beasley]

Portmanteau.

[Dax Shepard]

Portmanteau.

[Sharon Beasley]

That's when two words come together, I think.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow. I love when you speak French.

[Sharon Beasley]

There's a baby.

[Dax Shepard]

There's a little baby in the mix.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, my God. Goodness, that's a cute one.

[Dax Shepard]

Lot of hair. No wonder this is in keeping.

[Jordan]

This is my husband Jordan, and my daughter Amelia.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi, Jordan, great to meet you. And you. Amelia. Is she about 10 months old?

[Jordan]

She's four.

[Dax Shepard]

Four months.

[Jordan]

Four months old.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, fuck, dude, I thought you were saying 4 years old and I was about to have a real panic.

[Sharon Beasley]

She is four months. She looks like when I started with Delta. She's that size.

[Dax Shepard]

Big cheeks. Jordan, what brought you to the podcast? It's not normal that the husband introduces the wife. I'm from Gary, Indiana originally and I have about a two and a half hour drive and my mother was going through cancer treatments and I stumbled across you guys and been listening ever since.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, that's.

[Dax Shepard]

So I've been to Gary many, many times. You must know Sturgis, Michigan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time you guys bring up Michigan, I'm like, yeah, the proper place up north. I'm technically from Indiana, but I like to try to pretend I'm from Michigan. Oh, good. We'd love to have you, Jordan.

[Gabby]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, it's so n meeting you and your family. Thanks so much. Yes, it's great. All right, tell Gabby we said thank you. Bye. Bye.

[Sharon Beasley]

I can't with Amelia. She was so cute.

[Dax Shepard]

She was. And she's just hanging out. When you're four months old, you just hang out wherever they lift you up and carry you. That's where you're at.

[Sharon Beasley]

You're just squish.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Gosh, you're pudding. Hi, is this Kristen?

[Monica Padman]

Yes.

[Dax Shepard]

You're in a little person's room.

[Monica Padman]

I have two little people, one's and one's three. They're both girls.

[Dax Shepard]

And does five year old sleep on the upper bunk there?

[Monica Padman]

No, actually she's kind of afraid of the top bunk. So her sister sleeps on the top and then the five year old sleeps on the bottom and she has a slide.

[Dax Shepard]

I was just gonna ask, does she depart every morning from bed by going down the slide?

[Monica Padman]

Yes. Or she jumps over. You see this chair right here?

[Dax Shepard]

Of course. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

She'll jump from there onto the chair.

[Dax Shepard]

She's my kind of gal. I'd love to start my day by sliding down a slide.

[Sharon Beasley]

That's so fun.

[Dax Shepard]

I should figure that out.

[Sharon Beasley]

Add a little playfulness to the chair. Start of the day, just a little.

[Dax Shepard]

Shot of adrenaline to wake you up. And what state are you in or.

[Monica Padman]

Country would you like to guess?

[Dax Shepard]

I feel like you're Midwest.

[Sharon Beasley]

I feel like you're Southern.

[Gabby]

No, I'll give you a hint.

[Monica Padman]

I've met you before at Sprouts.

[Dax Shepard]

In Texas or in Tennessee?

[Monica Padman]

In Texas.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, okay, you're in Texas. So, Moni, you were right. Southern, right? Ish.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah. About 30 minutes outside of Dallas in a town called Lavon.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, wonderful. And that whole area has really exploded, right? The whole metropolitan Dallas area, yes.

[Monica Padman]

My husband works in Rockwall and it's crazy.

[Dax Shepard]

Do you hate it or love it? I'm sure it's brought in new restaurants and stuff.

[Monica Padman]

I love it because he's a barber and he owns his own business, so lots of hair that needs to be cut.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, tell him from barber to barber, I say hi. Yes. Okay, so you have a wild card story, which is our favorite.

[Monica Padman]

My dad is definitely the star of the story.

[Dax Shepard]

I love dads.

[Monica Padman]

Yes. He is amazing. His birthday is actually tomorrow.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wonderful.

[Monica Padman]

The story takes place in Rowlett, Texas. It's about two towns over from me. Now, the year is 2006. I am 16 years old, and our normal morning routine would be that my dad would wake up at six o' clock, his alarm clock would go off and it's so insanely loud. And it was always on 92.5, the classic rock station.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, good for him. I like him.

[Monica Padman]

So I would hear his alarm clock going off, but I would just stay asleep and he would come in and wake me up at about 6:30. I'd get ready, we'd be off to bed or off to school.

[Dax Shepard]

That's what Monica does. Wake up and then off to bed.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yeah, you love to paint a lazy picture.

[Dax Shepard]

I know. I just made that joke when we were looking at your house two seconds ago. I'm doing what I can with what I got.

[Monica Padman]

So on this one particular day, my dad woke up and he just had this weird feeling and he felt like he needed to go look out the front door. So it's 6:15 in the morning. And he goes and looks out the top of the door. We had like one of those little half windows. And he sees a man walking up our driveway in the dark.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Monica Padman]

It's completely pitch black.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by Liquid iv.

[Sharon Beasley]

You know how I feel about hydration. Mainly electrolytes.

[Dax Shepard]

It's your religion. And you know what? Tis the same cause. Summer is upon us and you gotta be extra careful about your hydration goals.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yeah, I'm going to Palm Springs this summer. Last time I went, it hit records like 120 degrees. We were busting out the Liquid IV and we're going to do it again.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, you just dump it right in the bottle and you're good to go.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, and they have a new flavor, Arctic raspberry, which I'm so excited to try.

[Dax Shepard]

Look. It's the perfect companion for hot summer days. Liquid IV has sugar free solutions powered by Liv Hydra Science for smart Hyd. I love Liquid IV because it's so simple for me to just add it to 16 ounces of water and get the hydration I need. Much better than water alone. With an optimized ration of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients, your water will transform from ordinary into extraordinary hydration. And it's always non gmo, vegan, gluten free, dairy free and soy free. No matter what your summer brings. Tear, pour, live more. Go to liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first order with code DAX at checkout. That's 20% off off your first order with code DAx liquid I.com we are supported by better help. You know, there's still a bit of surrounding stigma for men's health. I think it, I think so too still be challenging for men to admit they're struggling and seek help.

[Sharon Beasley]

I have a friend who just started therapy, a male friend and he loves it so much and. But yes, I think it's taken a little extra long because you're right, there is a stigma, but there really shouldn't be.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Men today face immense pressure to perform, to, to provide and keep it all together. So it's no wonder that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year. And it's often undiagnosed. If you're a man and you're feeling the weight of the world, talk to someone. A friend, a loved one, a therapist. I'm a man. I've benefited greatly from therapy and BetterHelp is a great option if you're looking to start therapy as the largest online therapy provider in the world. BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Armchairs get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com Dax that's BetterHelp. H E L p.com Dax we are supported by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Squarespace has been along for the ride with us as we've, you know, first just had a website, then started selling merch and it's grown with us and has helped us scale. If you're a fellow creator, Squarespace makes it easy to monetize your content easily. Sell access to online courses, blogs, videos and memberships. Start with a fully customizable website and earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set the price and choose whether to charge a one time fee or a subscription for access. This is why we love Squarespace. Setting up that kind of tech sounds hard, but they take all the guesswork out of it. You can get your site up and running quicker than you would have thought possible. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com and promo code DAX to get started today.

[Monica Padman]

So he's confused, like, what is this guy doing? And then about halfway up the driveway, the guy starts to turn and goes toward my bedroom window, which is in the front of the house. So I had just moved bedrooms into my sister's bedroom because my dad made these really cool shelves. So he turns on the light and the guy runs away. He then kind of tries to act like everything's normal. And he comes and he just wakes me up and I get ready for school.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I pause you for one second? I want to have a little debate with Monica. Okay, so. So I would definitely go outside and see what's happening. Yay or nay?

[Sharon Beasley]

You know, I'm gonna say nay.

[Dax Shepard]

You're gonna say nay.

[Sharon Beasley]

I understand why you should, but for me, maybe you took care of it by just scaring him.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yeah. So to add more chaos, like, why?

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, great.

[Monica Padman]

My dad is normally like, you, Dex. There have been times where there was a guy following my sister home and my sister called him and was like, what should I do? And my dad said, you need to come home.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, drive right here.

[Monica Padman]

People would tell you to, like, Dr. Police station, but no. So this guy's calling my sister. My dad is outside in his underwear with a shotgun.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, sure, sure. He built his own shelves. I get it.

[Monica Padman]

For some reason, he felt like you, Monica. Then I just go to school, and he didn't tell me anything. He didn't say anything. He waited until I got home from school. Him and my mom sat me down. And he's like, I really didn't want you to be distracted at school, so I didn't tell you this morning. Then he tells me what happened, and I. I am completely shocked. I am running through my head, has he seen me, like, dancing, getting ready for school? He's obviously some weirdo watching me get dressed. He's probably seen a lot of tank top layering at that time.

[Sharon Beasley]

So much tank top layering at that time, he says.

[Monica Padman]

Also, I've looked in the flower bed in front of our house, and there's, like, a part where grass is not growing. It's like a perfect size for two grown men's feet.

[Sharon Beasley]

Ooh, God.

[Monica Padman]

He has been watching me for a very long time.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, this is very you. The show. The show.

[Dax Shepard]

Can I make a request from now on in the order I want you to say, this is very much like the show. You.

[Sharon Beasley]

I can't promise that.

[Dax Shepard]

You. Then. The show.

[Sharon Beasley]

I can't promise it.

[Dax Shepard]

We were talking for quite a while before I realized, oh, there's a beagle on the ground behind her.

[Sharon Beasley]

Did you think it was a stuffed animal?

[Dax Shepard]

I thought it was a meat. And I thought, oh, what a calm beagle.

[Sharon Beasley]

I've seen him.

[Dax Shepard]

And then you moved your head enough, and I was like, oh, we got a second beagle on the bed back there.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you see that beagle?

[Sharon Beasley]

No, I did not see that.

[Dax Shepard]

I'm now, like, kind of expecting I'm gonna discover six or seven more beagles in this room.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, my God. It's like a magic eye and they start popping out.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, Where's Waldo?

[Monica Padman]

That is lady. And that's Ninja. There's only two of them.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Monica Padman]

You can probably hear this one snoring.

[Dax Shepard]

I could hear that a little bit. Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah, he snores really bad. They know that I'm nerdy, so they wouldn't let me in here by myself.

[Sharon Beasley]

That's so sweet.

[Dax Shepard]

So cute.

[Monica Padman]

So they sit me down, they tell me, this has been going on. It's kind of fuzzy a little bit from that point just because I was trying to absorb all of this information. So my dad's like, we're gonna call the police and we're gonna report this. So the police come. What I remember my dad asking the police officer is, can I put a bear trap in my front yard?

[Dax Shepard]

Literally, before you said that sentence, I was like, God, I wish it wasn' illegal to bury a bear trap under some mulch. Then you got them.

[Sharon Beasley]

How does it work? A bear trap?

[Dax Shepard]

You step on the center and then these jaws snap shut and they go into your leg. And then that's on a chain, so you can't go anywhere unless you want to cut your leg off.

[Sharon Beasley]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. That's crazy you just said that. That's exactly what I was thinking about.

[Monica Padman]

I kind of knew that you would be on the same page because you're so very much like my dad. The cop said, no, sorry. Unfortunately, you can't do that, because then all of the animals and children in the neighborhood are out. There was another, I'm not gonna go down this rabbit hole. But there was another time that he did booby trap the backyard.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, yeah.

[Monica Padman]

The police officer said, no, sorry, you can't do that. But can you give us a description? So my dad is giving the description, and it's a very, very short man, probably like 5:1. And he says he has the same facial hair as our next door neighbor. We need you to talk to him. So the police, police go and they talk to both of our neighbors on both sides. They come back and they say, that guy's really weird. He wouldn't look us in the eyes. His wife answered all the questions.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, no.

[Monica Padman]

And he was super shady. But without knowing exactly who he is, we can't just arrest him. They're like, we'll patrol your neighborhood every morning at this time. So my dad then takes me to Walmart to get bullets. Black curtains, because we had realized that there was an inch on the side of my blinds that you could see through. He also nailed every window in our house shut, Then put a fire bat next to each window just in case the house caught on fire, we could still get out.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, smart. Okay. I love this.

[Monica Padman]

About a month goes by, and the police call and they say, we caught him. Oh, we need you to come to the police station. My dad goes without me. I didn't want to go because I didn't want to see. Spoiler alert. It was the next door neighbor. He lived so close to us that we couldn't file a Restraining order in the state of Texas, though. You can have an order that basically says if you come on my property, I can do whatever.

[Dax Shepard]

Stand your ground law kind of thing. Yeah. How had they caught him? Did they catch him at your house or someone else's?

[Monica Padman]

So they tell my dad he was doing the same thing to a girl down the street. He's been watching her through her bathroom window. Window. And it's like one of those like frosted windows. So he thinks that she can't see him. And this girl who is in high school pretends not to see him, kind of walks close to the window and with her bare fist punches through the window.

[Dax Shepard]

What?

[Monica Padman]

And hits him in the face. He is bleeding.

[Sharon Beasley]

Good for her.

[Monica Padman]

Her dad comes out and apprehends him. They call the police, everything. It's insane.

[Dax Shepard]

Is she a long haul truck driver now?

[Monica Padman]

I don't know.

[Dax Shepard]

Diesel mechanic.

[Monica Padman]

My mom asked me, she was like, do you want to go meet her and like, be friends with her and.

[Dax Shepard]

Talk to her, form a support group?

[Monica Padman]

And I was like, I'm kind of.

[Sharon Beasley]

Scared of her, right?

[Monica Padman]

What if I get on her bad side and she beats me up or something? But that's how he got caught.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow.

[Sharon Beasley]

How old was he?

[Monica Padman]

He had to have been in his 30s.

[Sharon Beasley]

Okay, so not that old.

[Dax Shepard]

It's hard for you to know when you're that age.

[Monica Padman]

Yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

What happened to him?

[Monica Padman]

I know that he's on a registry. I think that he had to deal with some legal ramifications. We didn't have to really deal with him for much longer because the girl down the street, her family made it really hard for him to live there. They put a sign in his yard.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, boy.

[Dax Shepard]

Just a little vigilante justice happening.

[Monica Padman]

Sure. Yes. So he moved very quickly.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, his wife, she's been doing well.

[Sharon Beasley]

She has to defend him kind of. Oh, this is awful.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

Like what? Your husband is leaving at 6 o' clock every morning and then coming back and.

[Sharon Beasley]

Do you think she knows?

[Dax Shepard]

She was asleep. She was a heavy sleeper. He was sneaking out.

[Sharon Beasley]

I think she knew, but she didn't wanna know.

[Monica Padman]

I mean, I wonder even if he had like a schedule of the girls in the neighborhood. Like she wakes up at this time and she wakes up, you know.

[Dax Shepard]

Boy, Boy, oh boy. I'm sorry that that happened in your neighborhood.

[Gabby]

I'm sorry.

[Sharon Beasley]

I'm sorry that that happened. I wonder where he went and did he do it again to a new neighborhood.

[Dax Shepard]

What I would be thinking if I were you, from the second your parents told you that I would be so distracted with literally trying to go through every sing ever done in my bedroom.

[Monica Padman]

Oh, yeah.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Monica Padman]

That's all I could think. I think that that's for the long time why everything was so fuzzy is because that's all I could think of.

[Dax Shepard]

The innumerable weird things we do in our bedroom by ourselves. That's kind of universal, I think. Is that weird in your bedroom?

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, God.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, thank you for telling us that story.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you for listening.

[Dax Shepard]

It's wonderful to meet you a second time. And now to chat for much longer. And tell the Beagles they did a really good job. Job.

[Monica Padman]

Definitely. It's so good to see you guys. And it's really, really great to meet you, Monica. I love you so much.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, thank you. I might need to get a beagle now. You've really sold them.

[Monica Padman]

They're really pretty great. Lady can tell when you're nervous, sick or pregnant. Oh, she's predicted some pregnancies.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, Lola used to do that. Sit on Kristin's belly all the time.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yeah, they have powers.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh. All right. Well, much love to you and have a great summer.

[Monica Padman]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay, take care.

[Monica Padman]

Care.

[Dax Shepard]

Those dogs were so calm and nice. Those are not like my dogs.

[Sharon Beasley]

I know. I've been looking at dogs on the street, seeing which ones I like, which ones I don't.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Sharon Beasley]

There was one the other day I liked really fluffy.

[Dax Shepard]

So you're looking for something maybe more fluffy.

[Sharon Beasley]

Big fluffy, but can be mean.

[Dax Shepard]

You need a doodle.

[Sharon Beasley]

Soft. No, they're not mean enough.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, they bark like crazy. I know. Aaron's dogs, if you come to the door or they go bananas and that's really all you need.

[Sharon Beasley]

I guess that's true. I'm looking for more of a wolf type.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, husky.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yeah, I like husky.

[Dax Shepard]

Did you see Maru put up a sign with no animals allowed in?

[Sharon Beasley]

That's a big change. They used to be an animal establishment.

[Dax Shepard]

There's probably 100 fights.

[Sharon Beasley]

They hated the dogs in the line, remember?

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. I was eating at Mustard Seed yesterday at the end of my bike ride. And, yeah, this dude comes and he's got a pit bull. And then this chick comes with, like, a boxer pit bull fighting, and they're, like, barking at each other. And then the woman's dog literally are into the street. And I'm like, you can't have dog that you can't control. And I was just like, get them away from the door.

[Sharon Beasley]

See, this is how I feel.

[Dax Shepard]

Hi.

[Jordan]

Hi.

[Kristen]

Hi.

[Dax Shepard]

What name should we say for you?

[Gabby]

I'm gonna go with Taylor.

[Sharon Beasley]

Taylor. Because of Taylor Swift.

[Gabby]

You got it, Monica. I knew you would.

[Sharon Beasley]

I love it.

[Dax Shepard]

Taylor, where are you? In the country.

[Gabby]

I'm also going to keep that anonymous.

[Dax Shepard]

These are great starts. Fake name and fake location. And a wild card.

[Sharon Beasley]

Let us have a giveaway that you have great hair.

[Gabby]

O Monica. Thank you. These are heatless overnight curls. I've been telling everyone about it.

[Sharon Beasley]

I've been hearing about this, and this looks great. I'm gonna give it a whirl.

[Dax Shepard]

I like my curls with a little heat.

[Sharon Beasley]

You're like you to damage your hair a little bit.

[Gabby]

Okay. So I actually originally submitted my story to the foreign body in a rectum category.

[Sharon Beasley]

Hell, yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Beautiful.

[Gabby]

I was employing some artistic license, licensing. That's what I was going for. Yeah. But Emma's like, you know what? Let's just go ahead and do it on the wild card wonder. I am a nurse. I work in the emergency department.

[Sharon Beasley]

Wait, have you watched the Pit?

[Gabby]

Of course. Monica.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yes. Thank you. It's not actually. Of course, you'd be shocked that a lot of people haven't watched it yet.

[Dax Shepard]

In the medical community.

[Gabby]

I loved it. Such a good show. Very accurate on most accounts. All right, so I work in the Level 2 Trauma center in the emergency department. We get all the good stuff. So the traumas, strokes, stem is. If it's big deal, it's coming to us.

[Dax Shepard]

Remind us of the levels.

[Gabby]

Level one, two, three. I think there might be a four. One is the highest. You have to be like a teaching hospital to be level one. You have to have all the specialties, like hand surgeons. We don't have all that, so we're only a level 2, but we are the highest level in our city. This was a few years ago. It was a pretty chill morning. Not a whole lot going on. But we received a pulsera, which is a secure app where the medics kind of let us know what's coming in. And this was quite a surprise. All of our jaws dropped when we saw what was coming in.

[Dax Shepard]

We are supported by Michigan. Ding, ding, ding. Oh, I'm such a proud Michigander. I love Michigan. The people, the nature in summertime in Michigan. I'm telling you, I would put it up against any place in the world. It's such a beautiful state and it's a great place for everyone, especially kids, to experience all four seasons with beaches, trails, and snow a stone's throw away. What you may not know is Michigan is also a great place to work. You can have a quality lifestyle and a rewarding tech career. The fast growing and rapidly evolving automotive and clean energy industries offer opportunities for career advancement no matter what your skill level. Plus, Michigan offers accessible housing, exciting nightlife, and an inclusive community for all. It's really a one of a kind place. And do not forget the Lakes. Lakes, Lakes, Lakes, Lakes, Lakes. Live your best 9 to 5 and 5 to 9. You can in Michigan, Michigan. Go to themichiganlife.org to learn more. We are supported by Cachaba. My brother's visiting and boy, these days just unraveled quickly for us. I'm very blown away with his stamina.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh wow. Good for him.

[Dax Shepard]

Five years older than me, I got him to take a hike and then to my surprise, he pushed for the seven mile hike. Ooh. Then the second we got home, Lincoln was like, it's time to play volleyball. You guys promised you play volleyball. Second, that was over. You promised to play pickleball. Play pickleball. Then when that was over, Delta, you promised a motorcycle ride. So we found ourselves wall to wall. Six hours. And I'm telling you I needed a quick hit of nutrition. I didn't have time to sit down. And wherever the day takes you, you need nutrition that fuels your daily adventure. Like Cachava's whole body meal shake will keep your body and mind nourished all day long. Because Kachava has 25 grams of 100% plant based protein and comes in five indulgent flavors including chocolate, vanilla, chai matcha and coconut acai.

[Sharon Beasley]

I'm a chocolate gal.

[Dax Shepard]

The choc chocolate solid in the vanilla is also really good. I'm a sucker for vanilla.

[Sharon Beasley]

And then if you add, you can add like frozen fruit and a little peanut butter.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, then you got a full deal.

[Sharon Beasley]

You can mix it with your iced coffee. Lots of options.

[Dax Shepard]

Every two scoops of Cachava has 85 superfoods, nutrients and plant based ingredients. And there are no artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners. No gluten, no soy, no preservatives. You can feel good about adding it to your diet. And it's so easy. So when you have a chaotic busy day, whether that's managing work, family or an unexpected adventure, and you realize you need fuel fast. Kachava makes it easy to get something delicious in your belly. And unlike fast food, Kachava gives you the sustainable energy you need to power through the day. Fuel your daily adventures with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code DAX for 15% off your subscription for a limited time. That's Cachava. K A C H a v a.com code DAX for 15% off. We are supported by Skims.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yes, let's talk about skims. I have been raised raving about their ultimate bra collection. They sent me some new items which was very nice of them. I pretty much live in this bra. It's so comfortable. But it's also cute. You never know when your bra is going to need to be showing.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. You got to be prepared. You do for the best case scenario.

[Sharon Beasley]

And actually I really do believe this, that you kind of have to work from the outside in confidence wise.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Sharon Beasley]

And so when you get dressed in the morning, you want to put on a cute pair. You want to feel cute underwear and bra.

[Dax Shepard]

And the ultimate bra is the movement. It is Skims does it again. Check it out for yourself. Shop Skims ultimate bra collection and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

[Gabby]

The chief complaint for this patient was patient masturbating with a gun and shot herself in the vagina.

[Dax Shepard]

Holy fucking hell. Holy hell. I mean, I'm weirdly not shocked.

[Sharon Beasley]

And I'm shocked in the other ones. Based on what we heard. I was like, I'm surprised there's no gun ones.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, there's more than sexual components going on in these situations, it seems.

[Sharon Beasley]

But vagina, wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Gabby]

I mean, with a loaded gun, that's kind of a lot.

[Dax Shepard]

A rifle or a handgun.

[Gabby]

I was told it was a.38 revolver.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Sharon Beasley]

Also a loaded gun. You're obviously going to shoot it. When you're orgasm. Orgasming, like you're going to.

[Dax Shepard]

Do you think it's going to be on accident or you think it's going to push it that much higher?

[Sharon Beasley]

What do you mean?

[Dax Shepard]

Like you're about to orgasm and you're just like, you're going. And you're like, I'm fire this thing and really blast off.

[Sharon Beasley]

It's an accident. Mixed with that, like, who cares?

[Gabby]

So added on to the end of that, believe it or not, they said the patient has a psych history.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, shocking.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay.

[Gabby]

But also her vital signs were normal. You would expect someone to be like, tachycardic, hypotensive. Right. High heart rate, low blood pressure. It was totally normal. So we're like, geez, is this for real? Honestly, my first thought was, this is a psych patient. She's on her period and she made it the story in her head. The cramping is the pain and the bleeding you know, I shot myself.

[Sharon Beasley]

Great.

[Gabby]

Guess we're excited, right? This comes in, and we're all just like, this is what we do this for, right? To hear these crazy things.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah.

[Gabby]

On the medic side of things, the call was actually originally sent out as patient kicked a gun. Accidental discharge. The dispatch is constantly sending them notes.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Gabby]

Kind of updating them, what the patient's saying. Then the story totally changes, and it goes to, patient was on a trail and got shot. So the medic's kind of like, okay, another tidbit. Apparently, the SWAT team was deployed to this house about a week prior. Another note that the medic's getting. And she's just like, what is going on? Then it comes out, patient was masturbating with a gun, shot herself, the vagina. And then she's like, what is going on here?

[Dax Shepard]

So what will be the next update? You're seeing the pattern, the trajectory of this escalating. Yeah. You're like, what could be next?

[Gabby]

I got to give it up to our ems. Our medics. They're amazing. I can't imagine what they do every day going out to people's houses.

[Dax Shepard]

They're a medical professional mixed with a police officer, where it's like they're entering houses, and they don't know what's on the other side of the door.

[Gabby]

Yeah. So they're telling the medic, first she was bleeding. Now the patient's saying, she's not even bleeding. Then feels like there's someone in the background kind of feeding her a story. Then the patient's not talking at all. Then there's, like, whispering in the back. Who knows what you're heading into, Right? So she rolls up on scene. Apparently there is a boyfriend. He's hiding in the basement.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh.

[Gabby]

Police aren't seen, thank God. But when she goes to meet the patient, the police are like, well, we don't really know where the gun is yet. It might be under the blanket with the patient. Medic's like, okay. Rips off the blanket, no gun, but also no bleeding. Patient looks fine. She's pink, warm and dry. Starts getting the vital signs. They're all normal. She's. She's like, do I believe the story or not? She rolls the patient. There's nothing going on on her back. She's just like, this is crazy. The patient's not really acting like she's in a ton of pain, so it's just kind of a big mystery. There also happens to be some needles.

[Sharon Beasley]

Spread around, by the way.

[Dax Shepard]

I already know she's Shooting meth, not heroin. This sounds like a very methy psychosexual. Bizarre.

[Gabby]

Wouldn't be surprised. The only thing is, though, is she was very chill. So a lot of the times people on meth are kind of jazzed up.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, that's a good counter.

[Gabby]

So who knows? But she decides, you know what? I need to run this as a CO3 trauma. I can't prove that this woman didn't do what she said she did. So she loads up the patient, she's on her way. Constantly assessing the patient, looking for rigidity in the stomach, checking her vital signs, constantly rolling her over, checking her back. Still normal vital signs. And she's practically sleeping the whole way. They roll into the department, we're all just like, salivating, waiting, like, what's going to roll in the door here? Because we're excited to see, too. We're not finding any wounds. We're hooking her up to the monitor, we're taking her virus. Vitals, they're all normal. We're just kind of looking at each other like, ah, this whole thing was.

[Sharon Beasley]

Bs and is there a pelvic exam?

[Gabby]

That's where we go to. So we check everything else. And then the doc's like, I gotta do a pelvic exam. If you're telling me you shot yourself in the vagina, we gotta check out your vagina. So he starts to do a pelvic exam, and he did see some blood. What caught his attention, he saw what appeared to be some gunpowder.

[Sharon Beasley]

Stop it.

[Dax Shepard]

Gunpowder.

[Gabby]

So we're like, okay, we gotta get this lady to cat's scan. Sure as shit, there is a bullet lodged in her pelvis.

[Dax Shepard]

It went into her ilium or ischium. Her bone.

[Gabby]

I don't think it went into her bone. It was just kind of up in that pelvic region and definitely caused some damage up in there.

[Dax Shepard]

I would expect if you fired a.38 inside of a vagina, that it would exit out the back or the front. That's crazy.

[Sharon Beasley]

Just got collage in that squishy tissue.

[Gabby]

I know, but she did it. She unfortunately had to have a full hysterectomy. She had to have a colectomy. Oh, she did some damage, but as far as I know, she's alive. We had some major concerns for this patient that this maybe wasn't consensual.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Or I could even see it starting out as kinky. Sensual. Sensual? Consensual.

[Gabby]

That's a new word.

[Dax Shepard]

Well, sensual is within the word consent. I could see them like some Kinky thing. And he's putting his gun in her and then he accidentally shot her. And then he's like, you got to act like you were masturbating with this.

[Sharon Beasley]

This is horrible.

[Gabby]

It's so sad. I want to not make light.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sharon Beasley]

But still, this is a story.

[Gabby]

We've seen a lot of things. One of my favorites was like a DIY ring gone wrong. A lot of foreign bodies.

[Dax Shepard]

Tell me about the DIY ring. What was used?

[Gabby]

That was like a 16 ounce plastic soda bottle. Cut the top of the ring part off and multiple ones fit over the penis. But then the end of the penis got very edematous and he couldn't get them off.

[Dax Shepard]

Sure.

[Sharon Beasley]

It swelled kind of like my finger with my ring.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh my God. So she really did it or it happened?

[Gabby]

It happened.

[Sharon Beasley]

Wow.

[Dax Shepard]

Wow. Man, you gotta wonder how many times that's happened.

[Sharon Beasley]

No wonder she's on drugs.

[Dax Shepard]

Chicken or the egg situation. If you're sober, you might not end up in this situation.

[Gabby]

Yeah, well, I feel like it's mental health mixed with the drugs never leads to great situations.

[Sharon Beasley]

All this is bruh.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, wow.

[Sharon Beasley]

The idea of a gun going off in my body.

[Dax Shepard]

But now add it to while you're orgasming.

[Sharon Beasley]

I mean, that part seems interesting.

[Gabby]

Yeah, I mean, if she got there, who knows?

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh my God.

[Dax Shepard]

Whoa, Taylor. What a story.

[Gabby]

Is this a moment where I get to fangirl a little bit?

[Dax Shepard]

Sure. Yes, yes, yes.

[Gabby]

I have been listening to you guys for a very long time. I accidentally found you just on my phone's podcast. I just needed something else besides music to listen to with my kids. Another armchair. He put it as you're the soundtrack to their life. And I love that. That rang true.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, that's really nice.

[Gabby]

And I have to give a quick shout out to my children. They've become quite some big arm cherries. My 10 year old daughter, she's obsessed with Armchair Anonymous. Specifically. That's all she'll listen to in the car. Is it appropriate for a 10 year old? I don't know. But you know what? We're learning a lot about life together.

[Sharon Beasley]

That's right.

[Gabby]

And it's a lot of fun.

[Sharon Beasley]

Life is complicated. They need to learn.

[Jordan]

This is real life stuff.

[Gabby]

Right. She's either going to learn it on the playground, she's going to learn it from you guys.

[Dax Shepard]

They're learning about the world they live in and I don't think that can be a bad thing.

[Sharon Beasley]

Essentially a playground as well.

[Dax Shepard]

You must understand, from our point of view, we Hear that so often. We don't ever hear that. Their kids want to listen to the other two shows that are educational and heartwarming. And my own kids are not interested in Monday or Wednesday at all. But they love.

[Sharon Beasley]

I get it. It's more fun.

[Dax Shepard]

Wait till I tell them someone shot their vagina tonight at dinner.

[Gabby]

Yeah, just wait. And my seven year old son, he enjoys it as well. He actually has a suggestion for a prompt. He's obsessed with anything and everything military. So I don't know if a military prompt be appropriate or not.

[Dax Shepard]

I think that'd be great.

[Gabby]

And a quick shout out to my friend Val. I turned her into an armchair. She's obsessed with Anonymous. She's almost through all of them. And then she's going to start over on just armchair expert, work her way through.

[Dax Shepard]

She's got her work cut out.

[Gabby]

She's loving it. Oh, people for us all the time. You guys are lovingly referred to as my podcast at home. Like if I'm talking to family and friends, it's just, oh, on my podcast, this and that.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, we appreciate you.

[Gabby]

Thank you too.

[Dax Shepard]

Take care. Hello, Mike. Hello. Your little screen that comes up first had the most amount of letters I've ever seen in someone's kind of description.

[Kristen]

Yeah, that was unintentional. Just stuck on there from past Zoom meetings.

[Dax Shepard]

Are you in the medical industry?

[Kristen]

I am, yes.

[Dax Shepard]

Okay. Because you have kind of a medical looking name badge on.

[Kristen]

I am a doctor. But first I'll tell the story and then we'll kind of go into a little bit about what kind of doctor I am.

[Sharon Beasley]

Man, what a day. This is the sixth time I get to ask, have you watched the Pit?

[Kristen]

Oh, I love the Pit.

[Dax Shepard]

Yes. Okay, hit us with this story and then we'll learn what kind of doctor you are.

[Kristen]

This story goes back to Medical School in 2012. First of all, I'm Colin from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, Marquette.

[Kristen]

Yep. But this story took place in Kirksville, Missouri, which is a little town. And that's where my medical school was. One of the great joys of medical school is cad. At our school, we got to start with a full human. Over the course of a year, we take that person from a fully formed person down to bones, nothing. Which is a really cool and really weird experience simultaneously, but it's just a lot of fun. They call it our first patient. And so you learn a lot from your first patient. But stuff does get a little wild in the cadaver lab. It's just an interesting, interesting place.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah, there's a corpse in front of you.

[Kristen]

In our room, there were 28 corpses. There's six medical students at each table. And so what we would do is, every day, we had basically an objective. We have to show x, y, or z, whether it's nerves or bones or muscles, that type of thing. So this day was probably about a month into medical school. We were working on the arms, and our team was scraping the fat off of the arm. We had an elderly gentleman who had quite a bit of subcutaneous fat. So it's like everything gets soaked, and it's kind of like an olive oil kind of feeling, and then you've got all the formaldehyde. And so we're in the process of doing this. I'm scraping this fat off, and I'm talking with my teammates, and a piece of fat, probably about the size of a kidney bean, flew off of the cadaver's arm into my open mouth.

[Dax Shepard]

No, no, no.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, my God. I gotta go. I gotta go.

[Kristen]

I immediately froze, and I just went and I ripped off my gloves, and literally everybody in my medical school class just turned and looked right at me. The room got dead silent, and I just yelled, I've gotta go to the bathroom.

[Sharon Beasley]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen]

I rushed out of the anatomy lab room and just stood over the toilet gagging for several minutes, you know, washed my mouth out with as much water as I could.

[Sharon Beasley]

Not enough water in the whole world, I'm telling you.

[Dax Shepard]

Nothing in this show has gotten me close to vomiting thus far. And we've heard some crazy stuff, but I was a little bit like, oh, my God. I mean, that's a horrifying thought. Bit of a corpse in your mouth. Fat.

[Sharon Beasley]

Not even.

[Dax Shepard]

I know. Mud. I ain't muscle.

[Kristen]

It's not pleasant. I came back in the room, and everybody's looking at me. One of our professors was like, did what we think just happened. Just happened. And I was like, yes, it did. You know, the rest of the day, having that taste in my mouth was not pleasant.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, fuck. Are you a pathologist?

[Kristen]

I'm actually an addiction medicine doctor.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, really?

[Sharon Beasley]

Love that.

[Kristen]

It's so great that I got to talk to you, because you guys played a big role in me choosing to go for my addiction medicine board certification. I was in the process of trying to chart my career at the beginning of the pandemic, and one of the things that I point to that had a big impact on me was the Seven days episode. I'm just so grateful to you guys for sharing that and your honesty. And whenever I Have residents or med students working with me. I give them a list of media. That episode is one of the things that I recommend to people.

[Dax Shepard]

Oh, thank you, brother.

[Sharon Beasley]

That's so nice.

[Jordan]

Thank you.

[Dax Shepard]

What do we think about GLP1s? Is that a conversation that's in the mix in your field right now? Is there any curiosity or excitement around that?

[Kristen]

I've heard a couple talks on it at the American Society of Addiction Medicine. There's a lot of promise simply because it's hard to get insurance to pay for it and there's been shortages and it would be off label. I'm not using it yet, but I do have some people who have diabetes and alcohol use that I'm using it for. It's definitely part of the conversation and I think it's going to be a great tool in our toolbox in the future.

[Dax Shepard]

It's kind of exciting. I'm optimistic and fingers crossed for people who are struggling and newly into it. Just to be very clear, I have no, no fantasies about going on a GLP1 and trying to resume drinking responsibly. Just to put everyone's potential fear at ease. But I am very excited for the people who are currently struggling.

[Kristen]

Yeah. Any tool that we have. Because as we know, there's not a lot of great options for people. Anything we can do to give people ammunition and finding sobriety is going to be awesome.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Well, listen, I'm so happy, Mike, that you've chosen this career. I think we need bright people that are passionate about it. And I'm really happy you found yourself your way there.

[Sharon Beasley]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Kristen]

Yeah. Thanks. Well, you guys have a wonderful day.

[Dax Shepard]

You too, brother. Take care. Thanks so much.

[Sharon Beasley]

Those were great.

[Dax Shepard]

Yeah. Boy. Piece of dead person.

[Kristen]

Fat.

[Sharon Beasley]

Dead fat.

[Dax Shepard]

Let's eat lunch. Ew. Love you.

[Kristen]

Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[Dax Shepard]

One of a theme song. Oh, okay, great. We don't have of a song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armchairs, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme dish. On the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wonder in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.

[Taylor]

This is Nick and this is Jack. We're best friends, ex finance guys and resident 90s experts and every week on our podcast the Best Idea yet, we're bringing you the untold stories behind your favorite products. For instance, can you guess which billion dollar fashion company went viral thanks to a rhinestone covered trip tracksuit? Or which cartoon turned four turtles into a global toy empire by accident? It started as a joke. Last one which cold beverage was so hated by Starbucks they actually ended up acquiring it? Spoiler the Frappuccino. Howard Schultz apparently thought cold coffee was super lame and then he bought it. From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Juicy Couture to the orange Mocha Frappuccino, Join us every week to learn how your favorite things got new made. Follow the Best Idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor.